Spring 2022 | Aviv 5782
Rabbinate outlaws laughing at Purim Shpiels by Rabbi Jonathan Aaron Senior Rabbi, Temple Emanuel of Beverly Hills (This article is not true, and the names were made up to protect no one)
The rabbinic council of fuddy duddies announced today that due to the COVID 19 virus, there will be no laughing at this year’s purim festivities. The head of the council, Rabbi Imnot Oldyet, reported that excessive laughing could lead to excessive hugging, or induce coughing attacks that pose a threat to Purim celebrants. In addition, the rabbi showed photographs of people laughing with their head back, mouth open, and in one case, a person spitting up water they drank just before a very funny joke. “This is no laughing matter,” said Rabbi Oldyet, “the Purim Shpiel has traditionally been a tradition that has promoted laughter and frivolity. Since that presents a certain level of danger due to people not being able to control sounding raspberries with their lips, and/or spitting up water like The Three Stooges (he notes that The Three Stooges may have started out their careers writing Purim Shpiel scripts when they were teenagers, but he wasn’t sure). In order to reduce the fear of laughter, the council is calling upon all rabbis to produce extremely boring panel discussions (to induce sleep amongst the congregation), or really long documentaries about the Persian dynasties' policies regarding traffic laws and clothing etiquette. The only tradition the rabbis recommend to continue is the wearing of masks, albeit one that completely covers the face. “A full face covering mask accomplishes two goals,” said another rabbi on the council, Rabbi Imso Seerius, “one, we found that people were kind of sick of each other anyway, so putting on a full face mask means you don’t have to actually see anyone. Two, it offers full protection f rom the sun.” For those who love to laugh, the council assured the public that next year’s Purim festivities will allow chuckles and grins, to be followed by full guffaws and belly laughs in the years to come. Happy Serious Purim to you all.
Celebrate Purim with Temple Emanuel!
Wednesday, March 16
Friday, March 18
5:00pm
6:15pm Purim Shabbat & Debut of "The Clergy Office" Purim Shpiel
Purim Study Session & Megillah Reading in person at 300 N Clark Drive and via Zoom Email Events@tebh.org for the Zoom link
Friday, March 18 5:15pm
Purim, Puppies, PJs, and Pizza! * * for families with young children
Purim events are currently scheduled to be held in-person at Temple Emanuel as well as streamed online on Facebook and YouTube. These are subject to change due to COVID safety protocols. For updates, visit tebh.org.