Life with Teens Fall 2012

FALL 2012

THE MAGAZINE FOR PARENTS WITH TEENS

SUBSCR IBE NOW tee

nlife.co m/m IT’S FRE ag E!

PROTECTING YOUR CHILD FROM CYBERBULLYING

Parents & Teens

The Social Media Gap NOMINATE YOUR TEEN

PUBLISHED BY

TeenLife.com VOL. 1, ISSUE 2

10

SAFEST CARS FOR TEENS

Reserve your free subscription now.

SUBSCRIBE NOW

teenlife.com/m ag

IT’S FREE!

+

Are You a Helicopter Parent?

DIVORCE Parents, teen s, and experts weig h in.

PUBLISHED

TeenLife.co VOL. 1, ISSUE

BY

m

1

10

TIPS FOR TEEN ON THE ROAD S TO FINANCIAL SUCCESS

LOOK INSIDE

Go to TeenLife.com/mag to keep receiving Life with Teens in your mailbox!

1.

2.

3.

Plus, you’ll get:

award-winning website

Unlimited access to our featuring thousands of programs and opportunities for teens.

e-Newsletter and popular printed and digital guides.

Our information-packed

calendar of local events and volunteer opportunities for teens.

Access to our community

Sign Up Now at TeenLife.com/mag.

Welcome to

The Magazine for Parents with Teens! t’s back-to-school time! Like most parents, I was always happy when my kids headed back to school and my family could get back into a routine again. Although my two sons are not in high school anymore, they too are getting back into the swing of things. My husband and I just took one of my boys, Ben, back to college and I helped my other son, Eric, move into his new apartment in New York City where he started working. Trust me when I say, the teenage years fly by.

Not too long ago, I was in your shoes working hard to raise confident, capable young adults. That’s why our new magazine, Life with Teens, is so important to me.

As you turn the pages of our second issue, you’ll see that it is chock-full of relevant articles, personal stories, and expert advice on: • Teaching your teen to drive • Learning how to save on college tuition • Monitoring your teen’s social media use

Plus, if you turn to page 37, you can nominate a teen to be one of our TeenLife TeenLeaders. Two finalists will be selected for their leadership and outstanding community service work. The prize includes a $1,000 scholarship!

We hope you enjoy our fall issue! If you are not a member of TeenLife, sign up at TeenLife.com/mag so that you continue to receive your free digital subscription.

I welcome your feedback and comments, so please reach out to me. And pass our magazine along to other parents you know with teens!

Marie Schwartz, President & Founder, TeenLife Media, LLC, mschwartz@teenlife.com

P.S. Spread the word! Connect with TeenLife on Facebook (facebook.com/teenlife) and Twitter (@teenlifemedia). Invite family, friends, and coworkers to sub­scribe to Life with Teens at TeenLife.com/mag.

International.

Individual.

Inspirational.

British School of Boston Academically rigorous and internationally focused, featuring the International Baccalaureate Diploma.

Serving toddlers through High School students.

High School Merit Scholarships Available NEW Toddler Program from 18 months

Open Houses: Wednesday, October 17, 9:30 – 11:00 a.m.

Saturday, November 3, 1:00 – 3:00 p.m.

Wednesday, December 5, 9:30 – 11:00 a.m.

Tuesday, January 15, 9:30 – 11:00 a.m.

617.522.2261 admissionsbsb@wclschools.org • www.britishschoolofboston.org FALL 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS

1

omprehensive ollege ounseling Guiding students to become strong applicants and find the right schools.

TeenLife.com

PUBLISHER Marie Schwartz, President & Founder MA R K E TI N G Cara Ferragamo Murray Vice President of Marketing & Communications Camille Heidebrecht Director of Marketing & Managing Editor Jon Blumenfeld Associate Manager, Social Media & Member Marketing

• Assistance defining goals and needs • Information on colleges suited to individual academic and social needs and preferences • Advice on course selection, extra-curricular activities and testing • Help with all aspects of application process including essay writing Achieve your child’s goal with a minimum of stress.

Anne Weisholtz 201-568-9326

Member IECA, NACAC, NJACAC, HECA Visit my website at comprehensivecollegecounseling.com

2

LIFE WITH TEENS FALL 2012

A DV E RTI S I N G SA L E S Stefanie Magner Sales Manager, stefanie@teenlife.com Dina Creiger Account Director, dina@teenlife.com Mary Anne MacLean Account Director, mamaclean1@gmail.com O P E R ATI O N S Ellie Boynton, Vice President of Operations Maria Kieslich, Director of Operations Alice Vaught, Lesli Amos, Customer Service CO N TR I B U TI N G W R I TE R S Sarah Buttenwieser, Randi Mazella, Caroline Metcalf-Vera, Mary Michael Nibley, Kimberly Wolf, M.Ed. A RT & P R O D U C TI O N Kathryn Tilton, Designer

PUBLISHED BY Life with Teens, Volume 1, Issue 2 Fall 2012 is a quarterly publication of TeenLife Media, LLC. 1330 Beacon St., Suite 268, Brookline, MA 02446, (617) 277-5120, info@teenlife.com, www.teenlife.com LIMIT OF LIABILITY TeenLife Media, LLC (TL) does not verify claims or information appearing in any advertisements contained in this magazine. While advertising copy is reviewed, no endorsement of any product or service offered by any advertisement is intended or implied by publication in Life with Teens.

No part of this magazine’s editorial content may be reproduced without written consent by TeenLife.

TL is not responsible for the accuracy of any description, or for mistakes, errors, or omissions of any kind, or for any loss or damage caused by a user’s reliance on the information contained in this publication. Information is subject to change without notice, and readers are advised to confirm all information about an organization before making any commitments.

Trademarks: TeenLife Media, LLC and related trade dress are trademarks or registered trademarks of TeenLife and/or its affiliates in the United States and may not be used without written permission.

Copyright © 2012 by TeenLife Media, LLC Published by TeenLife Media, LLC, Brookline, MA

A Leading Progressive Conservatoire

BA (Hons) Music Leeds College of Music - the only English conservatoire with All-Steinway School status - offers an exciting and distinctive degree in Music with specialisms in Classical, Jazz, Popular Music, and Production.

Visit the Leeds College of Music stand at the New York City Performing and Visual Arts College Fair, Tuesday 16 October, 6.30pm - 9.30pm, Jacob K. Javits Convention Center, 655 West 34th Street, New York, NY 10001.

Discover more about Leeds at www.leedsliveitloveit.com

Course Enquiries +44 (0)113 222 3416 enquiries.assistant@lcm.ac.uk www.lcm.ac.uk Twitter: @LeedsMusic

FALL 2012

TeenLife.com

8

CAREER TRACK: Why Study STEM?

By Randi Mazzella

1 3

17

MONEY SENSE: Making College More Affordable

By Mary Michael Nibley

17

CAMPUS CONNECT: Putting Teens to the Test— A Well-Rounded Approach to SAT & ACT Prep

By Kimberly Wolf, M.Ed.

FEATURE: 20

Parents and Teens and the Social Media Gap

29

By Sarah Buttenwieser

VOLUNTEER SPOTLIGHT: 27 Does Your Teen “Do Something”?

By Lesli Amos

HEALTH & WELLNESS: 29 Demonstrate, Instruct, and Parent:

How to Be Your Teen’s Best Driving Coach

By Kimberly Wolf, M.Ed.

VIEWPOINTS: 32

Cyberbullying—

A Real Fear for Parents and Teens Today

By Sarah Buttenwieser

In Every Issue DID YOU KNOW? 6 New groundbreaking stats

See page 7.

FAVORITE FINDS: 7 Review the latest and greatest

43

2012 NATIONAL ASSOCIATION FOR COLLEGE ADMISSION COUNSELING (NACAC) NATIONAL COLLEGE FAIRS

44

2012 NATIONAL ASSOCIATION FOR COLLEGE ADMISSION COUNSELING (NACAC) PERFORMING & VISUAL ARTS COLLEGE FAIRS

STAY CONNECTED!

FALL 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS

5

DID YOU

KNOW?

Daily Deals Work!

68% of daily deal buyers returned to the establishment even without another discount offer.

ConsumerSearch.com and The About Group Research, June 2011

ERE BY 2016, TH WILL BE N MORE THA

NE SMARTPHO USERS. Statista 2102

4.4 million teens volunteered 377 million hours of service in one year.

Volunteering in America 2010

6

LIFE WITH TEENS FALL 2012

FAVORITE

FINDS Here are some of our favorite new sites. burst.it

SURE MAKE ECK TO CHHILD’S C YOUR INGS! T T SE

Tom K! / Shutterstock.com

Want a simple, safe, and smart way to share your photos and videos only with your closest family and friends— not the entire Internet? Sign up for Burst. It’s an easy way to share life’s moments without the need for privacy settings. A free Burst account includes the mobile app, secure storage and backup, and a personal media dashboard! www.burst.it.

Available for iPhone and Android devices.

ALMOST 13 MILLION FACEBOOK USERS SAY THEY HAVE NEVER SET, OR DID NOT KNOW ABOUT, FACEBOOK’S PRIVACY TOOLS, SUCH AS BLOCKING APPLICATIONS AND CONTROLLING WHO SEES THEIR PROFILE. Consumer Reports, 2012

lyst.com Lyst combines the best of social and shopping. Follow your favorite designers and bloggers and add the products you like to your personal “lyst.” Pinterest junkie? Link your account and the items you’ve pinned will also land on your lyst. When any of your items go on sale, you’ll get an alert! Go to www.lyst.com and sign up for future shopping bliss.

QR

barcode scans have increased 157% in the past year.

Scanlife 2012

dailyworth.com From impulse buying to saving for retirement to testimonials of entrepreneurial success, Daily Worth provides ongoing tips to help women manage money effectively. Their daily financial advice is definitely worth it! Learn more at www.dailyworth.com.

FALL 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS

7

CAREER

TRACK WHY STUDY

STEM? B Y R A N DI M A Z Z E LLA

ebekah Fraser, founder of the website Real World STEM (www.realworldstem. com), recalls an intense discussion she overheard between her middle school daughter and several friends about parasitic mites that live on human eyelashes.

Fraser was amazed that the girls were so knowledgeable about these creatures. She remarked, “I had no idea you girls were so interested in science!” Her daughter laughed and said, “Ugh! No, I hate science,” and her friend added, “Yeah, it’s so boring!” Fraser says, “The girls had a complete disconnect to the fact that while they may not like their science classes at school, they were fascinated and excited by scientific concepts.”

Fraser’s daughter and her friends are not alone in their thinking that subjects like math and science can be dull, difficult, and have no relevant application in their everyday lives. Students may even question if there is a need to learn these concepts at all.

But a solid foundation in STEM (the acronym commonly used for Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics) education will provide today’s teens with the foundation for a wide range of exciting and lucrative careers in the future.

Who should study STEM? A solid foundation in STEM education is important for all students. Judith Hallinen, an educator at Carnegie Mellon University says, “There is a misconception amongst some educators that STEM-related studies are meant for elite students.” David Cedrone, Executive Director, Governor’s STEM Advisory Council of Massachusetts adds, “STEM education is necessary at all levels from high school to vocational school to PhD programs.”

Teens and their parents may think there is no need to study engineering or technology beyond their typical science and math classes, unless they want a career in these fields. However, Megan Doherty, Associate Director, International and Service Learning Programs 8

LIFE WITH TEENS FALL 2012

at the University of Pennsylvania School of Engineering & Applied Science, which provides a number of teen summer programs says, “The study of engineering teaches students valuable skills such as problem solving, teamwork, and critical thinking. These skills are transferable to a wide array of careers including but not limited to actually being an engineer.”

Some students may feel they just aren’t math or science students and want to opt out these subjects. Joyce Plotkin, founder and chair of the DIGITS Project, a STEM education program, says, “Yes, math and science can be difficult but that doesn’t mean kids should give up; it means they should be encouraged to ask for help.” Parents can help too by urging their child not to give up on subjects they find challenging.

To increase teen interest in STEM subjects, Fraser says, “Educators need to illustrate how these subjects are relevant to their students ’ lives and find creative, interesting ways to teach these concepts so that kids want to learn more.”

What is a STEM career?

Christianne Corbett, a senior researcher at the American Association of University Women, adds, “There is a misconception that having STEM a career means working alone in a white lab coat or that the only jobs in technology are writing code.” The reality is that there are many different and exciting STEM careers.

Broadening public awareness of the many STEM opportunities available in the workplace is the goal of the Massachusetts based WOW campaign. The campaign highlights the careers of fifteen very different individuals including a video game designer, a meteorologist, and a baseball statistician.

The objective of the campaign truly illustrates how a STEM edu-

cation can open many doors for students. (See page 10 for more details.)

Corbett highlights careers in biomedical research, environmental engineering, software engineers, and network systems and data communication as “hot” STEM careers for the next decade.

Why pursue a STEM career?

According to Rodney C. Adkins, senior vice president of IBM’s Systems & Technology Group, “It is clear that to benefit our economy and society, our national priority should be on encouraging more students to study STEM. Unfortunately, the U.S. is trending in the opposite direction. When I graduated from college, about 40 percent of the world’s scientists and engineers resided in the U.S. Today that number

has shrunk to about 15 percent.”

President Obama has been very vocal on the need for STEM-based education and the importance that STEM-based careers will have on the future of the United States. The U.S. Department of Commerce’s Economics and Statistics Administration (ESA) released a report in 2011 that profiled U.S. employment in STEM fields. The report showed that over the past 10 years, growth in STEM jobs was three times greater than that of non-STEM jobs, and STEM jobs are expected to continue to grow at a faster rate than other jobs in the coming decade. In addition, STEM workers command a higher earning potential. They will earn 26 percent more than their non-STEM counterparts and are also less likely to experience unemployment.

How parents can foster an interest in STEM Encourage students to take as many math and science classes as they possibly can in high school.

The key is for students to have a good foundation in these subjects so that they can continue to build knowledge at a higher level of learning. Even if they don’t think they want a career in engineering or mathematics now, their career goals may change in the future. Without basic knowledge of STEM subjects, their potential for growth may be limited.

Eliminate negative learning myths.

Well-intended parental statements such as “I was never good at math and I turned out fine” send students the wrong message. Instead parents should encourage their child to take classes that may be difficult—and emphasize learning as a goal instead of always getting “the A.” Try positive reinforcement with statements like, “I believe in your abilities. I am proud of you for working so hard at something so challenging.”

Encourage students to pursue STEM subjects outside of the classroom.

Look into summer programs that offer fieldwork in STEM subjects and afterschool clubs such as FIRST robotics www.usfirst.org. FIRST robotics is a not-forprofit organization devoted to helping young people develop a passion for STEM subjects through hands- on robotics competitions.

Instill in your child a “growth mindset” instead of a “fixed mindset.”

Corbett explains that students with a fixed mindset believe their intelligence and talents are just fixed traits.

With a growth mindset students understand that their talents and abilities can be developed through effort, good teaching, and persistence. A growth mindset allows students to achieve much more because they believe they can.

Sean Amos, rising freshman at Worcester Polytechnic Institute, says that FIRST strengthened his resolve to pursue a career in the STEM field of robotics. “It gave me hands-on experience with designing, programming, and building—I loved it,” Amos remarks.

Treat girls and boys as equals in the world of learning.

Eliminate the idea that a career is just for boys or just for girls. Instead encourage all children to follow their passion.

Be your own child’s role model.

Rodney C. Adkins sums this up nicely, “My father encouraged me to deconstruct, analyze, and experiment with our home appliances. The insight I gained into how things work together opened my eyes to new possibilities and instilled in me a desire to create new technologies.”

FALL 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS

9

Meet the WOWsters Fifteen people with diverse occupations are spotlighted in the WOW Campaign, an initiative of the Massachusetts Governor’s STEM Advisory Council. Joyce Plotkin, Council Executive Committee Member and Co-Chair of the Public Awareness Committee that created the WOW Campaign, says, “This initiative is about identifying and shining a spotlight on professionals who exemplify the WOW of STEM. They are wonderful role models for our young people and they show the exciting work that STEM professionals do. My hope is that every state in the country will do a similar local campaign.”

Here are some of the “WOWsters” featured in the 2012 campaign: Bill James is a statistician for the Boston Red Sox. James provides senior management with research analysis on special projects and player contracts.

He has been writing about baseball since 1975 and is the author of more than 30 books.

Jim Toepel enjoys working on the cutting edge of technology as a video game designer.

He is currently on the software development team at Harmonix Music Systems where he is creating brand new experiences for gamers.

Mish Michaels is a meteorologist.

Michaels has a Masters in Education with a concentration in Technology and a B.S. in Meteorology/ Atmospheric Science. Michaels has worked on several weather programs including WBZ-TV in Boston and The Weather Channel’s Atmospheres.

Mikell Taylor is a Robotics Engineer who participated on the FIRST robotics team at her all-girls high school. Mikell currently works for Bluefin Robotics Corporation, a company that builds and designs underwater robots.

Daniel Pratt is a real life CSI. With a B.S. in biology, he collects, preserves, and analyzes physical evidence and supervises the Crime Scene Response Unit for the Massachusetts State Police.

Anna Mracek Dietrich is the Co-founder of Terrafugia, Inc., a company which is developing the Transition® Roadable Light Sport Aircraft—the first real-life “flying car”. Anna was named one of the Boston area’s top 15 Innovators by the Boston Globe in 2010.

Catherine Reyes was born and raised in Columbia, and came to the United States in 2000 as a tenth grade student. Reyes participated in the school science fair and received an honorable mention, which sparked her enthusiasm for science. Reyes attended the University of Massachusetts and has received a full scholarship to Harvard Medical School where she is currently a third year student pursuing family medicine.

Andrew J. Jackson is currently a chemist at Cubist Pharmaceuticals. Jackson’s story reminds students that although math and science may be challenging, to stick with it. To get to where he is today, Jackson enrolled in a community college first where he found a mentor in his chemistry professor. Jackson then received a degree in general chemistry at the University of California, San Diego.

For more information on the WOW campaign, or to order a poster or see the video, go to www.mass.edu.

10

LIFE WITH TEENS FALL 2012

Large corporations such as IBM are jumping on board as well, with strong initiatives in new grade 9-to-14 schools that focus on STEM education. These schools pair students with corporate mentors, who provide realworld insight into industry trends.

Students graduate with an Associate’s Degree and the skills needed to transition directly into jobs in the information technology industry.

Other STEM initiatives include organizations like CityScience (www.cityscience.org) in New York.

CityScience coordinates service-learning projects that employ and engage students with STEM professionals.

Together students and professionals tackle real world challenges in a students’ community. In CityScience programs, for example, high school students have studied the biodiversity of urban forests and used Geographic Information Systems (GIS) to model topography.

Teens in Tech Labs (www.teensintech.com) provides tools and resources that bring youth and technology together—and inspire young people to become early product entrepreneurs.

Rebecca Blank, Acting U.S. Commerce Secretary adds, “Students who pursue jobs in science, technology, engineering, and math are the next generation of creative entrepreneurs who will make sure we have the best, most skilled workers in the world so that the jobs and industries of tomorrow take root right here in America.”

Encouraging Girls and Minorities to Study STEM It is imperative that educators encourage girls and minority students to study and pursue STEM careers early on.

There are several reasons why girls may shy away from STEM studies and STEM careers. Corbett explains, “Some STEM disciplines have long been viewed as ‘male domains.’” But while little boys typically gravitate more toward

building toys and video games than their female peers, it is debatable whether this is a result of a natural inclination or a reinforced behavior based on societal stereotypes.

Corbett says, “Girls tend to underestimate their abilities in STEM subjects. But in fact, girls are just as successful.”

When it comes to career choices, Corbett points out that women tend to be more concerned with making a social contribution to the world versus men whose career choices are more likely to be motivated by social recognition and/or compensation. Corbett says, “The social contribution of a STEM-related career may not be as obvious. But STEM careers can have a very positive effect on the world, such as creating more drinkable water or finding a cure for a disease.”

Large corporations like Microsoft are jumping on the bandwagon

to promote girls and STEM. Their DigiGirlz Program teaches high school girls about careers in technology and provides hands-on computer and technology workshops.

There is also a disparity in terms of fostering STEM education among minorities. According to Adkins, of school-age children today, 43 percent are of African American, Latino, or Native American descent. Yet of all the engineering bachelor’s degrees in the U.S., less than 15 percent are awarded to underrepresented minorities. We need to reconcile these opposing trends so that the composition of our STEM education pipeline reflects America’s shifting demographics.

STEM education is paramount for all students. A background rich in STEM makes for flexible, logical minds, and increases the capacity for all youth to continue learning. LWT FALL 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS

11

SENSE

MAKING COLLEGE

More Affordable B Y M ARY M ICHAEL NIB LEY

he cost of college can cause a serious case of sticker shock. Luckily, there are ways to make earning a four-year degree more affordable. Some strategies take long-term advance preparation while others come into play once the application process begins. Every parent, even ones with very young children, should keep this in mind: it’s never too soon to start thinking about how to foot the college bill.

A married mother of two teens was pleasantly surprised by the generous aid package offered by the college her eldest daughter will attend this fall. After her daughter was accepted by Muhlenberg College in Allentown, PA, and also several other universities, she worked closely with financial aid officers to decipher what was the best financial scenario at each school. She was surprised to discover how schools compete over financial assistance.

“Muhlenberg’s offer beat the others and their financial aid staff was terrific to deal with,” the mother said.

Muhlenberg College’s “list” price—i.e., full cost without any aid—is about $54,000, which includes tuition, room and board, and some miscellaneous expenses. But through a combination of need-based grants, merit scholarships to recognize her daughter’s musical theater talents, subsidized loans, and a work-study job, the tab to attend Muhlenberg will be significantly less than the cost of sending her daughter to a larger state institution—another school at which she was accepted, at a price of roughly $24,000 a year for New Jersey residents.

What Constitutes a Financial Aid Package Customized aid packages assembled by colleges and universities can take many forms. They can consist of government-sponsored grants and/or loans contingent upon a family’s income and assets, work-study jobs, and merit-based scholarships bestowed for accomplishments (such as high GPAs, class rank, talent, athletic prowess, leadership, community service, and so on). Families can get feedback on whether they qualify for need-based financial aid by plugging some basic personal financial numbers into free online tools before tackling the government’s required Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA). Government websites have a wealth of reliable information (See www.studentaid.ed.gov).

Sites sponsored by the College Board (www.collegeboard.org) as well as individual colleges and universities are also extremely helpful. “Anybody on the fence about seeking financial aid should pursue it,” advises Cristin Viebranz, college counselor, at University School of Nashville.

That’s especially important in light of the soaring cost of college. Department of Education statistics report that between 2000 and 2010, the cost of tuition, room and board—not to mention textbooks, supplies, and ancillary fees—rose 37 percent at public institutions and 25 percent at private schools, after adjustment for inflation.

Private calculations are even higher, with many economists estimating college costs running at about 2.5 times the inflation rate. The cost of earning a degree at a FALL 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS

13

private, four-year college is estimated to be $200,000.

Build Relationships with Prospective Colleges Viebranz also recommends utilizing the expertise of financial aid offices at prospective colleges. By establishing a relationship with the financial aid staff, families can have in-depth discussions about their individual needs. And the relationship should not end once a student selects a school and submits paperwork seeking financial aid. Sometimes financial aid packages can be adjusted if a family’s circumstances have changed since the original aid application was submitted. “Every year I see unique situations,” Viebranz notes.

Scott White, director of guidance at Montclair High School, Montclair, NJ, believes the most affordable way to finance college is to save over time by using 529 accounts or by borrowing against a secure asset, such as a home equity loan or a pension loan.

Named for a section of the Internal Revenue Service Code, 529 accounts are education savings plans.

“A 529 plan qualifies for federally tax exempt investment growth and, in some cases, additional state tax breaks. Other benefits include professionally managed investment portfolios, parental control, and flexibility to choose from a variety of investment

options and providers,” explains Jeff Weiner, Senior Vice President for CCO Investment Services.

According to White, these approaches are preferable to borrowing through government-sponsored financial aid programs that have relatively high interest rates. Rates on home equity loans currently hover in the 3% range while taking out an unsubsidized loan through the government’s Stafford Loan program, for example, has a far steeper rate of 6.8%. Rates on PLUS loans, another government education financing tool, are even higher—7.9%.

Money Saving Strategies for Receiving Financial Aid Stephanie Welder, a private counselor and founder of Access College and Career Consultants, reminds parents that there are things high school students can do before the college application process begins that will increase the odds of getting some form of financial assistance. Students should be active in the community and seek volunteer opportunities. They should maintain the highest possible grades and take the most rigorous course loads possible.

These factors can be a plus when applying for non-need based scholarships and grants. They can also help students stand out among their peers and attract the attention of community organizations that provide scholarship funds to deserving individuals.

Be sure to take advantage of federal and college-provided funds, which add up to about 90% of all aid.

• Nearly half of four-year college students attend a college with a sticker price of less than $9,936 a year—and thanks to financial aid, most of them pay even less than that.* • More than 6 out of 10 college students receive some sort of financial aid. The average student received a little over $12,400 last year to help pay for college.

• The federal government last year awarded more than $132 billion in grants, work-study funds, and low-interest loans.

Note: All statistics refer to undergraduate students. *Accounts for nonprofit colleges only.

Sources: The College Board’s Trends in Student Aid 2011 and Trends in College Pricing 2011 reports.

14

LIFE WITH TEENS FALL 2012

FINANCIAL AID COMES FROM MANY SOURCES

74% Federal government grants, loans and other aid

17% College grants/ scholarships

5% State government grants/scholarships

4% Private and employer grants/ scholarships

In some cases it’s possible for high school juniors and seniors to earn credits by taking courses at community colleges, which might shorten the time needed to remain in a four-year institution and thereby lower the price. Performing well on Advance Placement (AP) and International Baccalaureate (IB) tests can also earn students college credit.

Another money-saving approach is a bit more radical—and may not appeal to students who are eager for the full college experience. It involves having students enroll in comparatively inexpensive, local, two-year community colleges after high school and then transfer to a four-year school to complete a bachelor’s degree program.

Given that for many professions, employers want job applicants to have post-graduate degrees, the importance of where and how the undergraduate degree was accomplished is less important. When considering this approach, check whether the four-year institutions will accept the community-college credits where students hope to eventually go.

According to the New Jersey mom, one of the best pieces of advice she has heard about coping with college admissions came from a high school guidance counselor. The counselor always advises students and families to include a “financial safety school” in the list of places to apply. It should be a school that the student would actually want to attend but is more affordable than other first-choice schools.

For every family, finding a way to finance college that fits individual goals and needs will involve research and detailed discussions.

Welder offered this advice: “The most important thing to remember when applying for aid of any kind is that there are deadlines and every source of funds has a different cutoff point.” LWT

EarthConnect: A Costa Rican Adventure Summer Program for Teens

‘‘

Story after story came…

Spy hopping with the dolphins, kayaking in mangroves, meeting locals and traveling by bus. What became clear to me was how much Sam enjoyed being with authentic people from a foreign culture. When I asked him “Was it what you thought it would be?” His response was “Better, by far!” He was proud of the work he accomplished and all that he learned. He got more out of the program than I could have possibly expected.

’’

—EarthConnect 2011 Parent

Chill Expeditions

Costa Rican Adventures

Experiential Learning Adventures Since 1995

800.551.7887 Toll Free

requests@costaricanadventures.com www.costaricanadventures.com

FALL 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS

15

INTERVIEW WITH A COLLEGE FINANCIAL AID OFFICER TeenLife Intern Caroline Metcalf-Vera interviews her mother Melissa Metcalf, Associate Director of Financial Aid at Boston College.

Q: How do parents and students apply for financial aid?

Q: What are the financial aid deadlines?

A: Families must complete a Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA), a College Scholarship Services (CSS) Profile, and often submit a recently-signed copy of an IRS federal tax return (complete with schedules and W2s) for both parents and students. Many institutions require their own forms as well.

A: Deadlines can vary at each school, depending on whether you are applying through admissions as “early action”, “early decision”, or “regular decision”.

Most deadlines begin in November. These deadlines are critical to the overall amount of aid you receive.

Q: Is financial aid based on merit or need?

A: Financial aid can be based on merit, need, or a combination of both, depending on the school to which you apply. Merit-based aid takes a student’s academic or athletic achievements, special talents, or demographic characteristics into account. Needbased aid is the difference between the cost of attendance (COA) of that school and the estimated family contribution (EFC) determined for that year. The EFC is determined through using standard federal and institutional formulas. Every school differs in the way they award a student’s financial aid package so asking questions and understanding the process for each institution is important.

Q: Will a student’s chances of acceptance be diminished if they apply for aid?

A: Not always, some schools have a “need blind” admissions policy, which means that the admissions office evaluates each student’s academic credentials without knowledge of a family’s financial circumstances.

Again, it can vary from school to school.

Q: Do families need to apply every year? Will the financial aid be the same over the four years attend the college?

A: Yes, students who wish to be considered for financial aid must apply each year. Need-based financial aid awards are based on demonstrated financial need; therefore your need may change from year to year.

Significant changes such as increases or decreases in parent or student income, assets, tax liability, family size, or number of students attending college may impact your overall eligibility for financial aid. Your financial aid award will change accordingly.

16

LIFE WITH TEENS FALL 2012

Q: If parents are separated or divorced, do they both need to submit financial aid documents?

A: For institutions awarding federal student aid only, the custodial parent needs to submit the FAFSA and tax information for the custodial family.

For institutions awarding their own money, most colleges and universities require information from both parents. Need-based aid is based on the principle that both parents are responsible for paying for the cost of education. The custodial family should fill out the FAFSA and CSS Profile and the non-custodial parent should fill out the Non-Custodial Parent CSS Profile Statement.

Most schools will consider waiving the non-custodial requirement with documentation of special circumstances. Unwillingness is not usually a reason for waiving the requirement.

CONNECT

Putting Teens to the Test A Well-Rounded Approach to SAT & ACT Prep

BY K IM BERLY WO LF, M.E D.

n a time when the admissions process continues to get more competitive and the economy acts as a constant reminder that being successful in the workforce requires better preparation than ever, all aspects of college admissions can create a great deal of pressure for parents and their college-bound teens. Because they are much-hyped, arduous, and in many cases, required, the SATs and ACTs are significant drivers of this anxiety.

The good news is that parents and students can employ a variety of tools and strategies to ease the process and make it more manageable and rewarding. Putting the test in perspective, starting preparation early, identifying the best resources, scheduling the time to focus on practice, and supporting healthy habits can help inspire the confidence, skill, and clarity needed to succeed.

1. Put the test in perspective. While the SAT or ACT can play a significant role in a student’s college application, standardized tests make up just one part of the greater picture. As AcceptU’s Dr. Stephen Friedfeld, a former college admissions officer, notes, “Admissions is a holistic process and all parts of the application will have some importance.” While more selective universities will typically place more importance on scores in order to differentiate among many highly qualified applicants, Friedfeld continues, “Grades and rigor of curriculum are always the most important part of any application.”

Colleges also take into account a teen’s essays, extracurricular activities, and “leadership potential.”

Remember test scores only tell colleges one part of an applicant’s story.

FALL 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS

17

2. Start early. Sallie Oto, Director of Tutoring Services for ArborBridge, notes that the students who perform well on exams are those who have been studying for four to six months and “feel like the structure and content of the exam is ‘second nature.’”

Beginning preparation at the end of sophomore year will give your teen enough lead time to gain a sufficient level of comfort with test material.

For an added bonus, “starting to plan and study early (and during the summer lull),” Oto says, “results in higher scores and stress-free test-taking for all upcoming exams that fall in junior and senior year.”

3. Identify your resources.

When it comes to studying for standardized tests, look to free online resources and paid services to help produce desired scores. A huge industry exists around SAT and ACT prep, which means that there are tools available at a wide range of price points that can be tailored to students with a variety of needs and learning styles.

18

LIFE WITH TEENS FALL 2012

Start with the College Board (www. collegeboard.org) and the ACT (www.actstudent.org) websites to gain a baseline understanding of the tests. Here, you can find descriptions of test length, question type, and format, as well as free full-length practice tests, and tips for preparation. For the self-motivated student and families looking for the most affordable quality course options, these sites both offer online courses for under $100.

For added support, opt for a traditional class, in-person tutoring, or virtual programs. Test prep companies like The Princeton Review offer all three (www.princetonreview.com).

Of course, the options are many, but asking a few key questions will help you identify the highest quality services that best fit your teen.

Which teaching materials do you use?

Oto emphasizes that the best teachers and tutors will work “primarily with materials published by the test makers.”

For instance, Huntington Learning Centers (www.huntingtonlearning.com) use full-length practice SAT exams to measure a student’s progress.

How experienced are your tutors?

“Experienced tutors will know every single question in the book of 10 Real SATs, as well as the ten offered online,” Oto says. Whether your teen is taking the SAT, ACT, or other standardized tests, make sure prospective teachers have a deep and thorough understanding of the material.

How do you personalize your services?

Many SAT and ACT prep services will take your teen’s aptitude, learning style, schedule, and even personality into account when matching them to a course or tutor. Ask how they assess new clients, what options they offer for scheduling, and if they are tied to a location or able to conduct sessions virtually with the help of Skype or similar programs.

4. Schedule the time.

According to Steve Elefson of Summit Education Group, “prep should continue right up to the target test date. We don’t want teens to make lots of progress over the summer and then do nothing until test day; instead, they should keep up the work during the school year.” Even if teens are starting prep months in advance, Elefson suggests planning for consistent weekly test practice right up to the exam. This can be easier said than done for today’s over-scheduled teens, but studying late at night or over the weekends can help students get needed practice hours.

“Some students aren’t ultraproductive by 9:00 p.m. at night,” Elefson says, “but others find that time works just fine.” If teens’ schedules don’t allow for weekly practice, it’s time to start making trade-offs.

5. Support healthy habits.

In the days and even moments before an important test, proper nutrition and a good night’s sleep can give students’ performance an extra boost. Dr. Alan Greene of Stanford Children’s Hospital and www.DrGreene.com discourages consumption of sugars, caffeine, energy drinks, and processed white flours before tests. These can contribute to anxiety and interfere with sleep. Instead, he says, teens should “stock up on proteins, fruits, some grains” and “lots of fiber [which can] even out hormonal swings.” To help teens get a good night’s sleep before the test, encourage exercise to help tire them out, and “keep living spaces cool and dark. This can affect serotonin levels, which reduces anxiety, helping students sleep better.”

Keeping all of these test-taking suggestions top-of-mind will lead your teen to SAT and ACT success. LWT

bfa dual degree with tufts university studio art diploma pre-college summer studio

school of the museum of fine arts, boston 230 The Fenway Boston, MA 02115 to schedule a visit, call 617-369-3626

a school for artists, by artists, since 1876

smfa.edu

Alleyoop

Give your teen the confidence they need.

Academic Life Coaching Ten one-on-one sessions tailored to the individual student. Increase academic confidence and reduce anxiety. Build personal confidence and self-awareness. Improve communications, relationships and leadership skills; for school, for life, for your child.

Gina Halsted Academic Life Coach gina@ALCteen.com 781•258•9085 www.ALCteen.com

FALL 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS

19

PARENTS & TEENS

AND THE

Social Media

Gap

The most important thing I realized as I researched this story about teens and social media is that the story is primarily about the parenting of adolescents.

And yes, it’s also about social media. I was surprised to find myself thinking about social media-related questions differently than I’d imagined.

by Sarah Buttenwieser

20

LIFE WITH TEENS FALL 2012

FALL 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS

21

Except, I’m not a teenager; I’m a writer and a blogger. Engagement in social media has become a fun—but occasionally timewasting—part of my work.

We all use social media to learn things and to connect with friends—and to do some goofing off, too. However active adults are online, though, it’s unclear to many of us whether our kids use these networks as we do. My daily computer habits differ greatly from my teens’. My more typical teenage user listens to Spotify (a digital music service) while he chats with three or four separate friends at the same time he is reading an article.

My less typical teenage user, my second son, makes a beeline for the computer Wednesday afternoons when he gets home from school in order to read the New York Times food section online. He keeps up with food blogs more faithfully than he does friends. I flip back and forth between work and social media, generally not while listening to music. While my son’s banter most often occurs on Facebook chat or through texting, mine is as likely to happen on Facebook or Twitter or (kind of old-fashioned) e-mail.

have two teens. As a parent, I’m focused on raising healthy, independent young adults (and I hope that we still like each other throughout the process)!

Social media is a flashpoint that reveals my parenting insecurities; my kids’ technological abilities are fundamentally different than mine. Our journey requires some dialogue, some struggle, some trust, some wonder, and a good deal of my letting go.

Nearly half of all teenagers in the United States check their social media several times per day. Facebook trumps Twitter for teens, with 68 percent reporting Facebook as their main social networking site compared to just 6 percent saying the same of Twitter. And Instagram and Pinterest creeping up. Now, by this calculation, I am totally a teenager.

22

LIFE WITH TEENS FALL 2012

THE AGE OF DIGITAL NATIVES Let’s face it: children like ours, the ones who grew up with chubby hands on a mouse, are part of the Internet Generation. These “digital natives” have almost constant access to the web.

According to researchers on the Digital Natives project at the Berkman Center for Internet and Society at Harvard University, digital natives are defined “by their experience growing up immersed in digital technology, and the impact of this upon how they interact with information technologies, information itself, one another, and other people and institutions.”

As parents, the concept of raising digital natives is certainly not to be taken lightly. We must open a strong “digital dialogue” with our kids about both the positives and negatives of social media.

Texting is another issue that should be on parents’ minds. We are concerned that our children are texting too much and not always appropriately. The research supports this—teens are nearly sending 3,000 texts a month compared to about 200 minutes used to talk on the phone, according to the Nielsen Company survey in 2009. Sending sexually explicit messages or “sexting” often goes handin-hand with texting. Only 12 percent of parents imagine these explicit and often illegal messages as a part of their teen’s life, but 43 percent of teens report that they have participated in sexting in a given week.

From discretion about the photos teens send to Facebook banter that could be visible to college admissions officers in the future, this plugged-in generation must consider their social activity across not only their teen years, but

also their entire adult lives. Issues like identity, privacy and safety, creativity, piracy and intellectual property, and information overload will take up greater prominence in our lives, and be fodder for academic research, legal resolution, and public policy.

TEENAGERS’ SOCIAL MEDIA USE: THE SAME OR DIFFERENT FROM OURS? Parents of teens note that their teenagers’ social inclinations are mirrored by their social media use.

One friend of mine, a parent to three teens and a tween, says, “The more social my kids are, the more they use Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. My eldest, who just turned 19, goes to the most parties and he spends hours after he finishes his homework chatting with friends, Skyping, and messaging.

My husband and I think of that sort of thing like our hour-long phone calls in high school.” She puts those calls and her son’s multifaceted communications in the same frame: “Even though we had seen someone all day, we still had so much more to say.”

Another friend, whose son is 14, notes, “All of his social media use ebbs and flows depending on who he is this week and who his friends are.”

Through his social media use, she’s very aware of the fact that the ground beneath teens often seems to shift without warning.

Jim Steyer, CEO of Common Sense Media, reflects: “Social media is the place where kids are becoming adults. Gender differences, hate speech, homophobia, and racism are all a part of teens’ lives.” We encounter these things as adults, and it is part of growing up to learn how to deal with these issues. Steyer continues, “The difference in the digital world, however, is the anonymity factor and the impulsive nature of mobile and online communications. Social media has the potential to exacerbate age-old anxieties and rites of passage in ways that yesterday’s communications did not.”

Steyer believes adults need to understand the huge impact that the Internet has on our lives: “The Internet is fundamental to the way we all communicate and interact now.

Teens are part of a generation that has never known life without 24/7-access to any information in the world. It’s changed the way teens communicate and there’s no going back.”

DO PARENTS REALLY KNOW HOW MUCH THEIR TEENS ARE ONLINE? It’s surprising to discover how parents’ perceptions of their teens’ Internet use diverges from teens’ actual use. Parents think teens are way less engaged online than they actually are—by about two hours per day.

While parents think their kids spend about three hours a day online, kids report spending more like five.

A snapshot comes courtesy of one recent study by the security company McAfee. The study polled about 1,000 teenagers (13 to 17-year-olds) and 1,000 parents. It notes that there has been a sharp increase in the percentage of teens who lie to their parents about Internet use. Nearly 70 percent of teens admitted that they hid their full Internet use from parents, a sharp rise from 45 percent since the company completed the same survey two years earlier. Pair teens’ lies or omissions with parents’ gullibility— nearly half of the parents surveyed reported that they are certain they know “everything” their kids are doing online—and the gap between perception and reality is readily apparent.

Truthfully, parents don’t know everything their kids do online, because how could they? 53 percent of teens report that they clear the browser history, and nearly half simply close or minimize windows when their parents walk into the room.

About one-third hide or delete instant messages or videos.

Cover-ups are not necessarily required: while about one-quarter of

A Note from a Teen “Growing up in the Digital Age, teens are a part of a generation of instant gratification—and keeping in contact 24/7 through text and social media is a part of that. From my point of view, I find that Facebook, the leader in social media, is fading out and Twitter is beginning to take the front seat. It is easier for teens to interact with each other there. A new social media haven is Instagram, which is a blog of your pictures. Together Twitter and Instagram seem to be taking the place of Facebook.

Personally, I don’t know where I would be without social media.

Going into high school I moved three towns away from my best friend. Along with texting, social media is how I stay connected with her and updated on her life.

When discussing with my mom a way to set boundaries on my Internet access, we came to the conclusion that the best way to monitor my time on the Internet and usage of social media was for my mom to be my Facebook friend, and follower on Twitter and Instagram. So even though she isn’t monitoring my computer usage all the time, she can stay on top of my activity.”

FALL 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS

23

teens report lying, the same percentage claim that they use computers their parents never check. That’s because most parents don’t seem terribly worried about their kids’ online practices. 78 percent believe their kids are hanging out with friends online; about half of the parents surveyed think kids go to Facebook or its equivalent “daily.” About 25 percent of parents say they don’t have time to monitor their children’s Internet use.

So, if we aren’t exactly in tune with the amount of time our kids spend online with social media, or they cover up their online activities, what should our strategy be? What is the best approach to getting closer to reality?

TIPS TO MONITORING YOUR CHILD AND SOCIAL MEDIA 1. Set “no technology” zones.

Designate the dinner table or family events as places where cell phones and technology are off limits.

2. Embrace technology.

Become your child’s friend on Facebook and follow them on Twitter and Instagram. It’s easier to observe their activity and stay connected personally.

3. Know your child’s passwords.

It’s perfectly reasonable to check your teen’s social media use, even text messages occasionally. Just make sure you’re monitoring, not snooping.

4. Configure privacy settings.

Teach your child how to establish privacy settings.

Social media posts should only be shared with close family and friends.

5. Discuss the rules of the Internet. Remind your teen that whatever they share online can be used against them down the line. Colleges and future employers may eventually look them up.

24

LIFE WITH TEENS FALL 2012

THINK ABOUT A SOFT APPROACH TO PARENTING SOCIAL MEDIA Dr. Lynn Clark, a media studies expert, did interview-based research with teens and parents focused on the topics of digital and mobile media use for her forthcoming book, The Parent App: Understanding Families in a Digital Age. She makes some valuable points: Parents must be well informed about social media.

Dr. Clark recommends parents be well informed about social media in general in order to be both credible and capable of asking good questions.

Librarian Linda Braun, who describes herself as formerly “anticomputer” hopped on the bandwagon once she noticed teens using the library’s old computers. She realized that she needed to become social media savvy. Braun says she believes parents are afraid in many ways, including many who are harboring a fear that their teens know more about technology than they do. The only solution, she believes, is to do some learning.

Braun believes parents should be reminded that “there are tools here that can change lives, because you can ask questions and find answers. Being able to access information that can help you to grow is a pretty amazing thing.”

Applying strict rules for social media use is not always the answer.

One parent, totally on top of social media for her own work, says her relatively newfound expertise required a sharp learning curve, and she wonders how people who are not versed in social media can make appropriate guidelines for teens. It goes beyond monitoring their use or imposing rules; it requires time navigating and using social content themselves on a regular basis.

“Experts who came to my kids’ high school suggested rather strict rules that were totally unrealistic,” she adds. “From what I can see, parents and even experts often don’t interact via the Internet to their own professional or personal networks beyond email and links to static websites.

That renders them social media illiterate. It is no surprise that the rules that parents lay down are so

easily circumvented.”

She continues, “I opted for a different tactic; attempting to foster good habits and awareness of what an online community means. It seemed a much smarter preparation for adult life than simply imposing rules my kids could wiggle around.”

Develop a strategy around dialogue and trust.

Rather than a demand to be friends on Facebook, Dr. Clark believes that “Many parents seem to have better success when they ask their teen for a Facebook tour every once in a while, or ask a game player to teach them how to play a favorite game.” She continues, “Ask your teen to show you a favorite YouTube video. The reason is that each of these actions allows parents to demonstrate concern and interest and to learn about their teen’s world.” This easily opens up dialogue and trust.

Don’t blame the Internet for lack of privacy—educate yourself.

In a New York Times article, anthropologist and professor Dr. Danah Boyd frames adults’ fears about the Internet as just another example of the current era’s anxiety-fueled helicopter parenting. She asserts that the world isn’t nearly so dangerous as people fear, and says normal teenage “hanging out” has just moved online.

In the article, she explains, “We need to give kids the freedom to explore and experience things online that might actually help them. What scares me is that we don’t want to look at the things that make us uncomfortable. So rather than see what teenagers are showing us online about bullying and suicide and the problems they’re dealing with and using that information to help them, we’re making ourselves blind to it.”

Braun thinks that parental fear of strangers (bullies and pedophiles) reaching their children online is really just the same as their fears offline. “It’s really just like fears other generations had when the warnings children

received were all about not talking to strangers. Most bullying, most inappropriate behavior for that matter doesn’t occur online from strangers, however. Bullying isn’t better if the people bullying are friends or people you’re acquainted with, but all these worries about some far-off threat, it’s just not the concerning issue,” she says. “I think it’s easy to blame technology for what are really societal issues, like bullying. What’s on the Internet is really no different from anything offline.”

Rather than a demand to be friends on Facebook, Dr. Clark believes that “Many parents seem to have better success when they ask their teen for a Facebook tour every once in a while, or ask a game player to teach them how to play a favorite game.

So Braun’s advice to parents is pretty simple: it’s to be “willing to talk—and to listen—about everything.” She suggests parents have a real conversation with their teen, and realize that the work isn’t to teach them so much as to learn from them.

Then, she says, offer information and suggestions on very specific issues.

“Rather than try to teach them about privacy, what parents can and should be on top of are things like Facebook’s privacy settings, which require updating practically every week. Make sure your kids know how to update the settings. They are generally really open to changing them.”

NEW MEDIA AS A USEFUL TOOL As parents, we also need to be reminded that social media can be a good and practical tool in our teens’

everyday lives. Social media is not only just changing our relationships, but it is also changing the way teens access information in very positive ways.

Teens Build Relationships through Social Media The original purpose of social media can get lost with all the different features it has to offer. However, the most important feature—connecting and maintaining relationships—is still evident for teens. A Common Sense Media report based on surveys over a one-month period (February to March 2011) to 1,030 teens aged 13-17 years, says that the single largest effect teens report (29 percent) is that social media makes them feel less shy.

Half of teens report that social networking helps their relationships, especially friendships with people they can’t see on a regular basis. Teens believe social media helps them get to know schoolmates better and to connect with new people joined together around a shared interest.

While most social media use is positive, it is also worth noting that teens also report strife: one-third of those questioned say they’ve argued with friends online; one-fifth say they’ve lost friendships; under 10 percent have feared for their safety or gotten into physical fights over something that happened online. Onequarter of teens reported that they got into trouble in school due to online incidents. For all of this online engagement though, about half of teens questioned say social media comes in second to face-to-face conversation.

Impact in the classroom.

Social media is enhancing communication between educators and parents. From classroom and homework blogs to parent portals, educators have begun to use technologies so parents can be actively involved in their children’s education.

Dr. Clark confirms, “Social and mobile media are transforming learning spaces today. There are exciting ways that some educators FALL 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS

25

are incorporating game design, social media, and data analysis into their curriculum.” She observes that parental buy-in is easier when the learning value is clear.

For educators, Twitter may serve as a useful tool to assist with role-playing activities and to support development of concise storytelling skills.

Interviews with lecturers via Twitter or students’ tweeting during lectures to encourage commentary in real-time about the lecture are becoming some of the newer classroom modalities.

Some educators create a Facebook page—or have their students do so—about a curriculum topic such as theorems or literary characters.

As Calvin Stowell, Social Media Strategist for DoSomething.org notes, “Teens are super passionate, whether it be about a brand they care about or a cause. Social media was born as a means to communicate those passions, and because of that it’s not only easy, but also rewarding to engage with teens positively. It’s all about meeting a teen where they are and listening to what they have to say, not just telling them what we think.” Taking this perspective on teens into the classroom, many educators successfully boost student engagement, and fun.

Teens use the Internet and social media to gather information.

Take sex: teens go to the Internet for information about sexuality. 36 percent report that they have looked up information on STDs and pregnancy. A collaborative initiative of the Kaiser Family Foundation and MTV attempts to reach young people with information on pregnancy prevention and STDs. The partnership grew from a realization that the Internet could serve as a safe, judgment-free, go-to place for factual information young people want and need.

The initiative’s recent survey of 500 teens reveals that nearly half of the respondents reported behavior changes that they credited to the partnerships’ efforts. Nearly half who 26

LIFE WITH TEENS FALL 2012

say they have talked with a partner about safer sex and a quarter who report having visited a doctor or other health provider or gotten tested for HIV or other STDs did so because of the campaign. 28 percent of respondents under 18 reported that due to the campaign, they had a conversation with a parent or other adult regarding a sexual health issue.

Social media allows teens to foster change.

Social media has the capacity to give teenagers a powerful platform, one that might be harder to find without it. This past spring, 14 year-old Julia Bluhm took to the Internet with a petition drive aimed at glossy magazines’ unrealistic depictions of teen girls’ bodies. She lobbied for Seventeen Magazine to publish at least one image each issue that isn’t airbrushed. Three months and about 84,000 signatures later, the magazine has agreed to be more transparent about its images and has launched what it calls the Body Peace Project.

TAKE TIME TO UNPLUG It’s also worth noting that teens recognize an increasing reliance upon electronic gadgets for themselves,

their families, and their friends.

Around 40 percent of teens agree— somewhat strongly—that they’d like to unplug briefly. Although it’s common for parents to wish that their teens would detach from their devices, 21 percent of teens wish their parents spoke less on cell phones or were less frequently attached to electronic devices, too.

It’s probably no surprise that many teens are uncertain about the impact of social media upon their lives, positive or negative; they have little or no comparison to previous generations. However, it is clear that teens are surrounded by social media and technology that allows them to stay in contact with friends 24/7, and this is unlikely to change any time soon.

While parents should set boundaries that are appropriate for their teens, it’s more important that they communicate with their children about the positives and negatives of social media use. Of course, Facebook and Twitter have changed the way people communicate with one another, but the basics of parenting remain the same—stay informed and involved in your teen’s life, but give them room to grow up too. LWT

VOLUNTEER

SPOTLIGHT

Does Your Teen “Do Something”?

BY LESLI AM OS

ith its Celebrity sponsorhips, social media, and a mission statement that declares, “We love teens,” DoSomething.org’s edgy vibe and teen-targeted initiatives empower teens to take action.

Founded in 1993 by Melrose Place actor Andrew Shue, DoSomething.org’s innovative campaigns allow teens and young adults up to the age of 25 to do service work in areas they are passionate about. In 2003, Nancy Lublin became CEO (affectionately referred to as “Chief Old Person”) and moved the organization online after recognizing that teens are extremely Internet and tech savvy: surfing the web and texting is where teens connect. Today, DoSomething.org champions their causes by texting more than 500,000 teen members on a regular basis.

Dave DeLuca, the Head of Campaigns for the organization, comments, “Teens are wired, and so are we. We work hard to create engaging content on social media. In fact, we’re finishing up our first successful Facebook ‘cause campaign,’ The Bully Project, where over 120,000 teens took a survey encompassing the state of the problem in their schools and lobbied to host the documentary Speak Up in their school.” The survey results have yet to be published.

And while taking the survey may seem like a somewhat small contribution, DoSomething.org reminds students that every bit of activism counts. “People always believe that you have to become a hardcore activist to make change,” DeLuca notes. “And while those people are amazing and make a huge impact, small things can make a difference as well.”

Lending to its success, DoSomething.org makes teen participation extraordinarily easy. Teens can simply go to

Help teens get involved with DoSomething.org Encourage teens and their friends to: • • • •

Become a member Sign up for a current campaign Start a club Apply for scholarships

Ben Flajnik from ABC’s The Bachelor in a Times Square Aeropostale store this year.

the site, search the “action finder” for opportunities, and specify a particular time commitment—literally ranging from one minute to one year. Teens can also find their passion in any one of eleven categories, including bullying, the environment, human rights, and so forth, based on their specific service interest.

Of course, parental guidance is an important component of raising goal-oriented teens, but when it comes to actually participating at the ground level, DoSomething.org motivates teens to take over the reins.

Parents need “to believe in their kid, trust them—and get out of their way,” says Deluca. That is not to say parents and influential adults shouldn’t point them in the right direction—look at how their teen can become a member of DoSomething.org, or peruse the many grants or scholarships available.

Another part of DoSomething.org’s appeal is the celebrity factor. Many young actors and musicians support DoSomething.org’s viral creativity. A recent campaign against texting and driving, Thumb Wars, was FALL 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS

27

Substance Abuse Treatment for Teens n Clinical expertise in substance abuse

and psychiatric illness

n Strong support for parents n Peaceful residential setting near Boston

McLean Hospital is the largest psychiatric affiliate of Harvard Medical School and a member of Partners HealthCare.

www.mcleanlanding.org :: 877.412.3445 mcleanlanding@mclean.harvard.edu

promoted by Harry Shum Jr., best known for his role as Mike Chang on Glee. Teens ordered “thumb socks” to remind them of the fatal reality of texting and driving. Celebrities also rev up the teen crowd at the popular televised DoSomething.org Awards.

With the support of 1,000 stores, 12,000 schools, and more than 245,120 teens, students participating in its popular Teens for Jeans drive have collected and donated over 1 million pairs of jeans in four weeks to shelters.

The popularity of student volunteering among teens is certainly apparent. DoSomething.org continues to be one of the largest organizations in the U.S. for teen social change.

There are currently more than 4,000 student-run clubs nationwide. In 2011 alone, 2.4 million young people participated in their various social causes, putting DoSomething.org closer to its goal of acquiring 5 million active members by 2015.

One of DeLuca’s most recent encounters with a DoSomething. org volunteer involved a 13-year-old girl from New York. After she had been hospitalized for anorexia, she wanted to help others who struggled with body image, so she started a DoSomething.org club. “She told me that when you don’t have something in your life you can feel good about, all of your negative energy can get focused on how you look,” DeLuca recalls. “She helps young girls like her find hobbies and skills that they are passionate about. She doesn’t tell them to love their body—she helps them love themselves. This is just one of the hundreds of thousands of teens that we are lucky to have help out every day.”

As a parent, remind your teen that it’s never too late to “do something.” It couldn’t be easier for your teen, their friends, and classmates to sign up as members or start their own teen club. They can simply visit www.DoSomething.org to register.

LWT

28

LIFE WITH TEENS FALL 2012

HEALTH &

WELLNESS

Demonstrate, Instruct, and Parent:

How to Be Your Teen’s Best Driving Coach

BY K IM BERLY WO LF, M . ED.

f you are a parent with a driving-age teen, you are probably terrified at the thought of your child behind the wheel. Maybe you’ve read the statistics. Had some frightening conversations with other parents. Or the mere experience of having your teen back the car out of your driveway was enough to scare you.

Don’t fret! The good news is that studies show— and driving safety experts agree—that parents can play a significant role in ensuring their teens’ safety on the road.

Of course, driving instructors can certainly play a key role in teaching teens to drive, but according to Kelly Fisher of Toyota’s Teen Driving Program (www.toyotateendriver. com), “Parents cannot be underestimated in the amount of influence they have. They can be instrumental in helping teens make responsible decisions.”

First, start by modeling ideal habits for your teens.

As Michael Pollock of the National Safety Council says, “Parents need to set the example. Drive safely; your teens are watching you.” If you want your teen to pick up effective driving habits, it can be as easy as demonstrating good

technique through your own behavior.

Second, educate your teen about the full range of risky behaviors associated with driving. Dr. Ray Bingham of University of Michigan’s Transportation Research Institute articulates, “Parents should be focusing on any behavior that results in one or both hands being off the wheel and the teen’s eyes being off the road.”

Bingham emphasizes these “distracted driving” concerns: Interacting with navigation systems while driving.

Encourage your teens to set their navigation system before they leave for their destination. If they need to reset directions during their trip, instruct them to pull over.

Reaching for objects that are out of reach while driving.

Teach your teens to keep their cars clean and free of objects that could accidentally fall under the driver’s seat. Discourage them from reaching into their backpacks or handbags while driving. Again, tell them to pull over if they desperately need something.

FALL 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS

29

Distraction by peer passengers.

Studies show that the more teen passengers a teen driver has in the car at a given time, the higher the risk for an accident. “When it comes to you as a parent riding in the passenger seat, you are relatively safe,” Dr. Bingham states. Believe it or not, during the first phase of licensing (when teens are riding with their parents), there are hardly any accidents. The crash rate is very low.

It’s when parents exit and other teens enter the car that accidents are more likely to occur.

Texting and driving. Probably the most dangerous combination is texting and driving. It is actually a crime in 38 states—and authorities are cracking down. Massachusetts teen Aaron Deveau, 18, was recently sentenced to two years in prison and loss of his license for 15 years after

being convicted of motor vehicle homicide while texting. It is imperative that you emphasize and overemphasize that your teen should not text and drive, even when it comes to returning your texts.

Fortunately, there are a plethora of apps such as T-Mobile’s DriveSmart Plus and Key2SafeDriving that you may want to consider.

They sense when your teen is driving, usually by GPS measuring speed, and disable most or all of a phone’s functionality once a predetermined speed is reached.

Third, and perhaps most importantly, ensure that your teen has plenty of experience driving with you in the car before you let him or her drive without you in the passenger seat. The American Automobile Association (AAA) recommends your teen complete at least 100

hours of supervised practice before being allowed to drive alone (www. teendriving.aaa.com).

Pollock notes that many parents “think their kids are ready to drive after getting their licenses.”

But even the most capable, responsible students, and those who passed their tests with no problem, need coaching and experience behind the wheel, particularly in difficult or stressful conditions.

“A straight-A student,” Pollock continues, “is just as much at risk as an average student.”

To round out your teen’s driving experience, make sure they have ample practice in the following areas with you by their side: • Nighttime driving • Freeway driving • Driving at rush hour • Driving on slippery roads or in bad weather

A small college prep high school engaging bright students who learn differently since 1964

The Nora School Grades 9-12

955 Sligo Avenue Silver Spring MD 20910 301-495-6672

“a program that is magical for the non-traditional thinker”

-Middle States Association of Colleges and Schools

30

LIFE WITH TEENS FALL 2012

Visit us at www.nora-school.org

Kelley Blue Book’s

10

SAFE NEW CARS FOR TEENS Thinking about getting a new car that will be safe for your teen to drive? With so many to choose from, finding the safest, best fit for your family can be an involved process. To make it easier, Kelley Blue Book (www.KBB.com) compiled the following list of options just for us here at Life with Teens.

How did they decide? They used their comprehensive data bank and knowledge of affordable cars along with information from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) and the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (IIHS). This list should

While your teen may be reaching a new stage of independence and you may feel a loss of control, it’s important that you continue to parent, set rules for the road, and keep your teens accountable for their driving safety.

come in handy as you begin your auto search!

2012 Hyundai Elantra 2012 Ford Focus 2012 Chevrolet Sonic 2012 Volkswagen Jetta 2012 Honda Civic 2012 Kia Optima 2012 Subaru Impreza 2012 Kia Soul 2012 Honda Fit 2012 Scion tC For more information, visit Kelley Blue Book online at www.KBB.com.

Here are a few other suggestions: Share a car. For the first year your teen has his or her license, State Farm Insurance suggests sharing a family car. This will allow you to keep control of the keys and monitor your teen’s driving ability more closely.

Enroll your teen in driving school.

Professional driver education can be an effective way to become a more experienced, safe driver without the parent/teen tension often associated with learning to drive. In many states it is actually required.

Create a driving agreement signed by you and your teen. Outline important rules as well as a reward system

that allows for additional driving privileges. Your teens may be subject to restrictions by law, but you can address additional topics, including communication (as Dr. Bingham suggests, “Know where they are going, why they are going, who they are going with, and when they are coming back”), driving safety, and the milestones teens must hit (i.e., a certain number of hours behind the wheel) before driving without a supervising adult.

You can write your own contract or you can find templates on sites including www.cdc.gov, www.saferdrivingforteens.org, or www.toyotateendriver.com.

The thought of having your teen behind the wheel can be scary, but fortunately you are in a position to make your teen a safe and responsible driver. By taking steps to ensure that your child receives the best coaching and proper experience, you can lessen your teen’s risk and your own worry. LWT FALL 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS

31

VIEW POINTS

CYBERBULLYING A Real Fear for Parents and Teens Today ou might remember these names: Phoebe Prince. Tyler Clementi.

Both children were victims of cyberbullying and both ended their own lives. You may know a teen who has participated in or been a victim of a joke or an intentionally cruel incident that evolved into cyberbullying.

According to the national organization Stop Cyberbullying (www.stopcyberbullying.org),

cyberbullying is harassment, embarrassment, humiliation, or torment between peers that occurs online through digital technologies or phones.

Each of the teens and parents profiled in this story are still ensconced in the hurt of their situations; there was no sense of resolve. It’s clear that cyberbullying is something that will continue to affect these teens, and their parents, for a very long time.

BY S A R A H BUT T EN WIESER

32

LIFE WITH TEENS FALL 2012

In their own words

TEENS TELL THEIR PERSONAL STORIES CLAUDIA, 13, currently in 8th grade This story shows how drastic measures may have to be taken to protect your child.

When I came into seventh grade I had a friend with an older sister, so we were friends with lots of eighth graders. That was good until one friend got jealous of me and sent a text calling me a bad name. The text came out of nowhere. She made up things about me and wanted all the girls to hate me.

Things got worse when I was asked to drink and I refused. I had to block three girls’ phone numbers because of the messages and texts I was getting. People who weren’t involved felt entitled to jump in; even friends who wanted to stay friends with me got caught in the middle. One friend tried to stay friends with me in private but felt like

she had to agree when in the groups. Everyone seemed to think that it was okay to just ruin my reputation.

So many apps let you hide that you’re doing something mean. Even the fact that you can list yourself as a private caller on the mobile phone means you can secretly make crank calls. People texted me, saying things like, “I wish you were dead.” No one would dare say those things to my face.

Besides blocking those numbers, I deleted my Facebook account for a while so that no one could post on my page or send me messages or anything like that. I didn’t put it back up until recently.

I went to the guidance counselor and she was really good at talking about the situation, but she couldn’t change it or fix it. In our school everyone has to be in this weekly meeting about what’s happening in school called “The Forum.” The seventh grade teachers led it for our grade,

Get Life with Teens on Your Tablet for free!

FALL 2012

TEENS WITH RENTS FOR PA GAZINE THE MA

ACCESS on your iPad®, Kindle Fire, Nook Tablet™, and on Android™ tablets via NEXT ISSUE™

+

SUBSCRIBE NOW teenlife.com/mag

IT’S FREE! CTING PROTE FROM G CHILD YOUR ERBULLYIN CYB

s & Teen Parents cial

The SoGap Media

go to:

www.teenlife.com/app

ATE NOMIN TEEN YOUR

10

PU BL

ISHED

TeenLif VOL .

CARS SAFEST S EN FOR TE

BY

iPad is a trademark of Apple Inc., registered in the U.S. and other countries. Kindle and Kindle Fire are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. NOOK is a registered mark of Barnes & Noble Inc. NOOK Tablet and NOOK Color are trademarks of Barnes & Noble Inc. Life with Teens is a trademark of TeenLife Media, LLC, registered in the U.S.

e.com

1, ISS UE

2

FALL 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS

33

but in order for anything to be done, I’d have to tell on the people doing all of this to me. I didn’t feel like it would help. I didn’t feel like there was anyone on my side, really.

The texting got so bad that I couldn’t go to school. I missed three weeks. I felt worried about being teased all the time.

As a result, I have moved in with my dad and have started at a new school. One of my former friends said that I was taking the easy way out by moving, but I don’t think I had another choice. I needed a fresh start.

Tatiana, 14, in 9th grade This ninth grader has decided to start the school year off with a fresh perspective.

What happens a lot online is that groups of girls write mean Facebook statuses. The pettiness is kind of coded—not directly mean, but written to make everyone wonder about the person being mentioned. Girls pile on comments or “Like” a status and when people ask, the person posting gives hints or responds that they can chat online.

Soon, everyone’s chatting and the name gets around and the post gets tons more “Likes” and comments. I was that person who got named. As hurtful as it is, there is not much you can do.

Sometimes, people post an

34

LIFE WITH TEENS FALL 2012

embarrassing photo of you. Then, they tag the photo and write really nasty comments. A photo was taken of me getting out of the shower at a sleepover. At the time, I’d thought these girls were my friends, but I later learned they’d pretended for months, in order to turn on me. That was their plan all along.

After the Facebook problems, things got worse. I was doing a school project with a friend, or someone I thought was my friend, when she asked for my email password. We were working together, so I gave it to her. She hacked into my Facebook account and wrote awful things under my name. I had to delete my Facebook account right away.

Things continued to spiral. There was also a whole website made about me. Photos and mean comments were posted. Tumblr and Twitter both allow people to hide their real identities and make anonymous comments. You can no longer do this on Facebook.

When this first happened, my mom tried to contact the police. She was told nothing the girls were posting was illegal, because there wasn’t any violence. The school’s principal didn’t help, either. She didn’t believe me, maybe because the girls doing the bullying babysit for her daughter. She told me at my eighth grade graduation she was surprised I made it through.

Her way of thinking seemed to be that whatever the majority of girls were

saying must be true.

At this point, I feel very alone. A new school year has started. What I am trying to do is rise above everything and be the bigger person.

Megan, now 15, in 10th Grade Megan’s guidance counselor was extremely supportive in helping her cope with the daily bullying.

When I was in 7th grade I was bullied. One girl who wanted me to lie to our coach for her started it. I didn’t feel comfortable lying for her, so I just told him that she couldn’t make it to practice. Somehow the coach found out that she went to the movies instead. She was so mad; she came into the cafeteria during lunch and absolutely lost it. After that, she just turned our whole group of friends against me. I felt very alone.

A few months later a rumor was started by one of the girls in the group. She said that I got pregnant.

The rumor was totally unrealistic. But, we were in seventh grade so people were gullible. No one would talk to me, but they could surely text me with their mean accusations. To everyone else, I was disgusting. I went to the guidance counselor’s office everyday.

She was the only person who would talk to me.

Eventually, another rumor was started about someone else, which I know is not right, but then mine was forgotten. But I still sat at the lunch table by myself. Then out of the blue one day, a girl I didn’t know started a conversation with me. Pretty soon we became best friends. She helped me through the rough times when I thought I had no options left. But I got through it. Time passed and no one cared anymore. I moved on to better things. Bullies are mean, but my advice to other teens is—don’t let them ruin your life. It just isn’t worth it.

AMG Educational

Consultants

Admissions • Motivation • Guidance Worried about your child’s college or private school admissions process? AMG Eductational Consultants will advise you and your student while easing the stress and anxiety associated with the process.

www.findingcolleges.com Contact Andrea Glovsky for a consultation.

In their own words

PARENTS TELL THEIR PERSONAL STORIES Jennifer, mother of a 17-year-old son Although girls are generally bullied more frequently than boys, boys are often still victims.

My story with bullying began the day my 17-year-old son had his locker broken into at school. We don’t know whether one kid or more than one kid broke in. The person (or people) took his phone and then snapped a photo of a very graphic pornographic picture, one that was most likely being displayed on someone else’s phone.

Then, this kid or these kids uploaded the image along with a vulgar comment to Facebook. They put the phone back and left the scene.

One thing that is still so astonishing to me is that it took very little time for them to hijack his persona.

Phones aren’t allowed to be on during school and they’d turned his

phone back off before they returned it, so my son went through the day unsuspecting.

Fortunately, I’m my son’s Facebook friend and I caught the pornographic image within 10 minutes.

Immediately, I removed the image, so very few people saw the Facebook post, and then I notified the school.

Later, my son turned the phone back on and saw the photo. He was upset and called me. I told him what I’d done to address the situation.

The school officials were very sympathetic. They did try to find out who had done this. They were unable to discover the kids’ identities.

Because the perpetrators remained unidentified, I think the worst part of our story is that we could not determine whether my son was specifically targeted or if the offenders just tried random lockers until they were able to get into one. We are very lucky noth-

 amg@findingcolleges.com  978.526.7809 $200 off signed contract if you mention this ad.

To find local events in your area, check out the TeenLife.com/ calendar.

FALL 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS

35

ing else happened.

Before this, I wasn’t terribly worried about cyberbullying. It seemed very far from our lives. I guess I figured there might be obvious reasons someone would be targeted, although I’m not sure what a likely target really looked like in my mind.

It’s my understanding there are more girl than boy cyberbully victims.

Most incidences of cyberbullying I had read about involved cyberbullies picking on what they perceived to be weak targets, kids that might be called “underdogs,” the less popular, shy kids, the disabled, the kids who were somehow considered a little bit “different.” That’s not my kid.

I felt confident my son was safe because he’s athletic, smart, and well liked. I imagine his popularity protected him from being vulnerable to more bullying—of any sort.

Given that he plays sports and is very close to his teammates, it would be ridiculous for any bullies to attack him in real life, where they’d likely have ten very athletic guys pile on within seconds!

I was approached to participate in a study conducted by Trend Micro called The Digital Joneses. I jumped at the chance to learn how to better protect my children and our entire family. I have made a lot of changes to our digital procedures.

One simple thing to do is to password protect your child’s phone at the very least.

They need to be told to keep their passwords secret, even from their closest friends: one fight, one break-up, and that person has the ability to do a lot of damage.

My kids also play video games.

There are parental controls on video

game consoles. Insist that your children use the available safety measures.

Kids should not share too much information.

I’ve also instructed my kids not “check-in” to locations or Instagram their location without asking me. It’s not always a wise idea to say whom they are with and where they are.

Parent, mother of Claudia, the 13-year-old girl The mother of Claudia actually received bullying texts in reference to her daughter too.

My daughter is very tall and pretty. Seventh grade started out just fine. She was popular. Some of the ninth graders wanted to hang out with her and all was well until a boy had a crush on her at the same time that

CONFUSED ABOUT COLLEGE?

What H.S. courses? What activities?

Crucial timelines! How to pay for it?

You have questions.

We know the answers.

Contact 301.834.6888 or www.cklaar.com.

36

LIFE WITH TEENS FALL 2012

We also work with students via Skype!

ANNOUNCING THE TEENLIFE

TeenLeader Contest Do you know a teen who has made a difference in his or her community?

Our mission at TeenLife is to “bring out the best in teens.” So we invite parents, teachers, and advisors to nominate an outstanding TeenLeader from their community.

TO ENTER Go to www.teenlife.com/teenleader and tell us how the teen you have nominated is an outstanding role model for their peers.

Deadline: December 31st JUDGING 10 finalists will be selected by TeenLife and showcased on TeenLife.com for final judging by our members.

GRAND PRIZE Two winners will receive: · A profile in the March 2012 issue of Life with Teens. · A $1,000 Scholarship from the TeenLife Foundation.

Find contest rules at www.teenlife.com/teenleader

NEARLY 49 MILLION STRUGGLE WITH HUNGER. DON’T LET THEM GO UNNOTICED. SPEAK OUT AGAINST HUNGER THIS SEPTEMBER

TOGETHER WE’RE

Visit FeedingAmerica.org/HungerActionMonth

a ninth grade girl had a crush on the boy. My daughter wasn’t going to date him: she was 12 and I wouldn’t have let her. The other girl didn’t know that. Jealous, she went on the offense.

These “friends” started to send texts with nasty words and a whole Facebook page went up with her photo and a fake name and repeated mean, ugly comments. My daughter’s feelings were understandably very hurt.

It took ten days for the fake page to be taken down. In the meantime, people could—and did—continue to post on it. Even though Facebook requires you to be 13, sixth graders are on it.

You certainly wouldn’t say these things to somebody’s face. Lashing out like this is very aggressive. The reason cyberbullying is so disturbing is that it’s invisible. Kids can’t defend themselves.

It wasn’t just my daughter; I received bullying texts, too. One was made to seem as if it came from my daughter’s number. The message was: “Mom, I’m pregnant and I don’t know how to tell you.” While I knew it wasn’t true, I was shocked at people’s cruelty.

I really believe the ability to text and put up videos on YouTube and to post on Facebook—and the spoof card program on Twitter that lets you send text messages as if from a different number—are all things that encourage kids to be cruel and cowardly.

This attitude is entrenched.

It doesn’t help that parents don’t communicate with each other. When the cyberbullying started, I couldn’t contact the parents of the kids involved, because so many people have given up their landlines. You can’t find them easily.

Even though we are very close, my daughter didn’t really tell me how upset she was. Finally, I got a call from her friend’s father that his daughter was worried my daughter had been cutting herself. I was

stunned. The school responded. She went to the school counselor regularly and the nurse. The vice-principal got involved and was kind to us too, but the school couldn’t fix the situation.

My daughter has moved in with her dad where she’ll be in a much smaller school that goes from kindergarten through 12th grade. The small community leaves no room for meanness. The move was my daughter’s idea. It’s hard to let go, and yet I know it’s the best way to start anew.

Molly, mother of Megan, the 15-year-old girl This parent made the decision to send her teenager to a much smaller private school closeby.

I read what my daughter Megan wrote, and truthfully it was a lot more devastating than she lets on. When the rumor that she was pregnant started, she had been out of school sick for 2 days, only 2 days. One of her “friends” called her on her cell phone to ask her if it was true? Of course it was not. That night, the mean texting started. I immediately called the school. I was infuriated. I wanted to call every mother of her “so-called friends” that I knew, but her guidance counselor told me that it probably wouldn’t help. The school

did take action however and relentlessly tried to track down the source.

I actually think they may have.

But getting the school involved just caused the problem to get bigger.

Girls were telling Megan to call off the investigation. She told them it was me that was pushing it. It was after this that I believe she started to think about suicide; she had no one to sit with at lunch. That is extremely tough on a young girl or anyone for that matter.

Unfortunately, these were girls she had been “friends” with since kindergarten. I couldn’t believe how awfully they treated her and how many terrible text messages and emails she received. These incidents in 7th grade colored her 8th grade experiences as well.

By the end of the school year, I had her in therapy, which helped tremendously. The therapist really helped her figure out the best way to deal with bullies and the friendships that had gone sour. The therapist encouraged her to be the better person and persevere.

We had already been considering private school when Megan was in middle school, but this solidified our decision to enroll her in a local parochial school. She has blossomed, made new friends, and joined the volleyball and hockey team. I am so happy that she has found her place. LWT FALL 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS

39

ADVICE FROM OUR EXPERT Expert, educator, and author, Dr. David M. Hall, weighs in.

The number one reason that teens are cyberbullied is due to their sexual orientation, gender identity, or expression of these things. In short, the teens most likely to be bullied are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender.

Heterosexual females are the second most likely targets.

2. Track correspondence. Parents should engage with their child on a daily basis and track all correspondence or acts of cyberbullying. Monitoring your teen’s social media use and occasionally checking text messages is perfectly reasonable.

There is no one “hotspot” for cyberbullying. It can include hurtful comments, unwanted remarks, or harassing texts on various social networking sites.

3. Identify the best steps for intervention. Is cyberbullying occurring during the school day? If so, document the problem and make the school aware. They may be hesitant to intercede in cases of cyberbullying, but if it occurs from kids’ phones or computers during the school day, they have a responsibility to intervene and try to find the source or sources of the problem.

Sometimes cyberbullying is extremely dangerous; there are many reported cases that involved death threats and situations that led to violence. Other cases may involve sexually inappropriate content. In cases like these, obviously, authorities should be contacted.

There must be zero tolerance for violence or the threat of violence.

Here are some recommendations for parents and students regarding cyberbullying.

Teach your child to be a good digital citizen online.

It is not enough to let kids figure out the rules of Internet conduct for themselves without parental guidance.

Parents must educate their children on how to conduct themselves online.

Treating others the way you want to be treated is a really smart golden rule—even in the technology world.

Basically, all teens need a code of conduct and they need to adhere to it. It starts with you as a parent.

Rather than just handing your teen a smart phone and telling them to be responsible, parents need to explain to their child that having a cell phone and a social media account is a privilege—to be used to connect and build positive relationships with peers.

Parents should also be prepared to encounter and react to incidents of cyberbullying, as well as be prepared to set ground rules with consequences, if their child is ever inappropriate online.

What should you do if your child is experiencing cyberbullying?

1. Talk to your child. These incidents are particularly challenging when children have to manage them on their own. You need to gather information first. What is the incidence of bullying? Where or who is it coming from?

Does your child need professional help and support?

Keep checking in; it cannot be a onetime conversation.

4. Approach schools from a strengths-based perspective. Too often parents leap into attack mode when they are frightened, which can cause officials to become defensive. Instead, approach school officials with the perspective that bullying is intolerable—and no one wants it to occur. Suggest that your school, teachers, parents, and students work collaboratively to be proactive against cyberbullying.

5. Practice bystander intervention. One of the most effective responses to bullying is bystander intervention. The critical work for adults—and adolescents focused on this issue—is to make it clear that bystanders do have a responsibility to intervene and report any acts of bullying.

6. Find other activities and creative outlets for your child. Engaging your teen in other activities or areas of interest can boost your child’s self-esteem and sense of personal strength: music, athletics, theater, community service, etc.

7. Contact the police. If the bullying has reached a criminal level, police involvement may be necessary.

8. Learn more about cyberbullying. There is plenty of valuable information readily available online. Two extremely informative sites are www.stopbullying.gov and www.cyberbullying.us.

Unfortunately cyberbullying is a reality today. Parents, schools, and teens must not only educate themselves about the topic and its consequences, but must also learn how to take action when needed. Fortunately, more and more people are taking the problem seriously.

If we are merely reactive, cyberbullying will only get worse. If we are proactive, we can significantly reduce the degree to which it occurs.

Dr. David M. Hall has been a teacher for the past 15 years and has been an advisor for the Gay Straight Alliance (GSA) for the past 10 years. He is the author of three books and currently has the app BullyShield for parents and teens. He and his partner have 3 kids and live in Bucks County, PA.

40

LIFE WITH TEENS FALL 2012

TeenLife.com. The “go-to” source for families with teens.

FRES H D ESI GN • I MPRO VE D SE A R C H • U PDAT E D C O NT E NT

Check out the new TeenLife.com.

S P E C I A L P R O M OT I O N

Is your teen interested in hosting their own TV show?

Students can learn the exciting world of broadcast with the Emmy award-winning New England Cable News sportscaster and founder of YBA Studios, Jimmy Young!

As a veteran television and radio broadcaster with more than 35 years of experience, Jimmy Young is the founder of YBA Studios (www.YBATV.com) where he teaches young students not only how to communicate in front of the camera, but also how to effectively communicate in everyday life.

“When I started YBA Studios, I recognized that there are four key skills for voice projection and oral communication often not taught in schools today— inflection, pronunciation, intonation, and enunciation.

YBA uses workshops and hands-on experience to hone these important skills,” says Young.

YBA’s Building Confident Communicators Program and realistic LIVE TV studio provides students with the opportunity to host their own shows, meet with media experts, interview local sports and music celebrities, and build confidence while learning the broadcast field—all in a fun “learn by doing” environment. Students create news, sports, weather, and music programming that is streamed live on the web!

Young adds, “It’s amazing how putting students on both sides of the camera develops their interpersonal communication skills and boosts their self-esteem.”

“My experience at YBA helped me reach my ultimate goal of becoming a sportscaster. But it also helped me grow as a person and become more articulate.”

–Chris Dugan, University of Connecticut

“YBA has changed my child’s life. He is now confident, articulate, and I can actually understand what he is saying!”

–Linda, Holliston, MA FALL 2012

THE MAG AZINE FOR

PARENT S WIT H TEEN S

SUBS CRIB

Life with Teens Comes to Life!

teenli NOW E fe.

IT’S com/mag FREE !

YOUR PROTECTIN G CHI CYBERBLD FROM ULLYIN G

Parent s&

The SoTeens Media cial Gap PUBLISHED

TeenL VOL.

BY

ife.com

1, ISSUE

2

This fall YBA Studios will be hosting the first-ever Life with Teens show.

Check out interviews with our Founder and CEO, Marie Schwartz, and other experts to find out what every parent needs to know.

NOMIN YOUR ATE TEEN

10

SAFEST FOR TEE CARS NS

www.youtube.com/teenlifemedia

YBA Communications is a digital media production company that teaches the world of broadcast through the development of oral communication skills.

For more information on YBA’s programs, email info@ybatv.com or call 508-650-2000.

YBA Studios, 81 Speen Street, Natick, MA 01760 www.ybatv.com

42

LIFE WITH TEENS FALL 2012

2012 National Association for College Admission Counseling (NACAC) National College Fairs Already looking at schools? Attend one of NACAC’s National College Fairs where you and your teen can discuss admission and financial aid requirements, majors, and campus life with representatives from a wide range of colleges.

September BIRMINGHAM, AL Sunday, September 16 1:00 p.m. - 4:00p.m.

Birmingham-Jefferson Convention Complex CHICAGO, IL Saturday, September 29 11:00 a.m. - 3:00 p.m.

Navy Pier LONG ISLAND, NY Sunday, September 30 11:00 a.m. - 3:00 p.m.

Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum MILWAUKEE, WI Sunday, September 30 12:00 p.m. - 3:30 p.m.

Frontier Airlines Center October INDIANAPOLIS, IN Tuesday, October 2 9:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m.

6:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.

Indiana Convention Center DENVER, CO Sunday, October 7 1:00 p.m. - 4:00 p.m.

Colorado Convention Center NEW ORLEANS, LA Tuesday, October 9 9:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m.

6:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.

Ernest N. Morial Convention Center MINNEAPOLIS, MN Tuesday, October 9 9:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m.

4:30 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.

Wednesday, October 10 9:00 a.m. - 12: 00 p.m.

Minneapolis Convention Center

BATON ROUGE, LA Wednesday, October 10 9:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m.

6:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.

Baton Rouge River Center JACKSONVILLE, FL Saturday, October 13 9:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m.

Prime F. Osborn III Convention Center CINCINNATI, OH Sunday, October 14 1:00 p.m. - 4:00 p.m.

Duke Energy Center PHOENIX, AZ Sunday, October 14 11:00 a.m. - 3:00 p.m.

Phoenix Convention Center ST. LOUIS, MO Sunday, October 21 12:00 p.m. - 3:00 p.m.

Saint Louis University – Simon Recreation Center PORTLAND, OR Friday, October 26 9:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m.

Saturday, October 27 1:00 p.m. - 5:00 p.m.

Oregon Convention Center BALTIMORE, MD Monday, October 29 10:00 a.m. - 1:00 p.m.

5:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.

Tuesday, October 30 10:00 a.m. - 1:00 p.m.

Baltimore Convention Center BOISE, ID Tuesday, October 30 9:00 a.m. - 2:00 p.m.

6:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.

Boise Centre

November ATLANTIC CITY, NJ Thursday, November 1 9:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m.

6:00 p.m. - 8:30 p.m.

Atlantic City Convention Center FT. LAUDERDALE, FL Thursday, November 1 9:00 a.m. - 1:00 p.m.

5:00 p.m. - 8:30 p.m.

Ft. Lauderdale/Broward County Convention Center SEATTLE, WA Friday, November 2 9:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m.

Saturday, November 3 12:00 p.m. - 4:00 p.m.

Washington State Convention & Trade Center PHILADELPHIA, PA Sunday, November 4 11:00 a.m. - 3:00 p.m.

Pennsylvania Convention Center SPOKANE, WA Tuesday, November 6 9:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m.

6:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.

Spokane Convention Center WASHINGTON, DC Wednesday, November 7 9:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m.

6:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.

Walter E. Washington Convention Center REGISTER FOR A FAIR! WWW.GOTOMYNCF.COM

To scan the QR code, you must download a QR scanner App. The QR code links to www.gotomyncf.com FALL 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS

43

2012 National Association for College Admission Counseling (NACAC) Performing & Visual Arts College Fairs The NACAC Performing & Visual Arts College Fairs are designed for students interested in pursuing undergraduate and graduate degrees in music, dance, theater, visual arts, graphic design, and other arts-related disciplines. Held each fall, parents and students can learn more about entrance requirements, auditions and portfolio days, financial aid, and other specialized arts programs at exhibiting schools.

Many fairs include valuable attendee workshops.

October ATLANTA, GA Monday, October 1 7:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m.

Cobb County Center for the Excellence in the Performing Arts TAMPA, FL Tuesday, October 2 7:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m.

University of South Florida workshop: Choosing the Right College 5:45 p.m. - 6:30 p.m.

INTERLOCHEN, MI Sunday, October 7 1:00 p.m. - 3:00 p.m.

Interlochen Center for the Arts workshop: Navigating the Arts Placement Process 11:45 a.m. - 12:30 p.m.

DENVER, CO Monday, October 8 The Denver Center for the Performing Arts 6:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.

CINCINNATI, OH Tuesday, October 9 University of Cincinnati, Tangeman University Center 7:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. workshop: The FIT Factor 5:45 p.m. - 6:30 p.m.

MINNEAPOLIS, MN Thursday, October 11 7:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m.

University of Minnesota, Twin Cities Coffman Memorial Union

NEW ORLEANS, LA Saturday, October 13 1:00 p.m. - 3:00 p.m.

Pontchartrain Convention & Civic Center workshop: Navigating the Performing and Visual Arts College Fair 11:45 a.m. - 12:30 p.m.

CHICAGO, IL Sunday, October 14 1:00 p.m. - 3:30 p.m.

ChiArts, Chicago High School for the Arts NEW YORK, NY Tuesday, October 16 6:30 p.m. - 9:00 p.m.

Jacob K. Javits Convention Center workshop: Navigating the Performing and Visual Arts College Fair 5:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m.

DALLAS, TX Wednesday, October 17 7:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m.

Owen Fine Arts Center, Southern Methodist University workshop: Navigating the Performing and Visual Arts College Fair 5:45 p.m. - 6:30 p.m.

HOUSTON, TX Thursday, October 18 7:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m.

Rice University Alice Pratt Brown Hall workshop: Navigating the Performing and Visual Arts College Fair 5:45 p.m. - 6:30 p.m.

LOS ANGELES, CA Saturday, October 20 1:00 p.m. - 3:30 p.m.

University of California, Los Angeles-Ackerman Union workshop: College Choices in the Visual and Performing Arts 11:00 a.m. - 12:15 p.m.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA Sunday, October 21 12:00 p.m. - 2:30 p.m.

Nob Hill Masonic Center PORTLAND, OR Monday, October 22 6:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.

Portland Art Museum workshop: Navigating the Performing and Visual Arts College Fair 4:45 p.m. - 5:30 p.m.

SEATTLE, WA Tuesday, October 23 7:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m.

Fisher Pavilion at Seattle Center LAS VEGAS, NV Wednesday, October 24 7:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m.

Las Vegas Academy of International Studies, Performing & Visual Arts workshop: College Admissions 101 for the Performing and Visual Artist 5:45 p.m. - 6:30 p.m.

WASHINGTON DC Sunday, October 28 1:00 p.m. - 3:00 p.m.

Walter E. Washington Convention Center workshop: Navigating the Performing and Visual Arts College Fair 11:45 a.m. - 12:30 p.m.

November BOSTON, MA Thursday, November 1 6:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.

Boston Center for the Arts, Cyclorama

PHILADELPHIA, PA Monday, November 5 7:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m.

National Museum of Jewish American History workshop: Preparing for Auditions 5:45 p.m. - 6:30 p.m.

To scan the QR code, you must download a QR scanner App. The QR code links to www.gotomypvafair.com REGISTER FOR A FAIR! WWW.GOTOMYPVAFAIR.COM