TRU
“Surely this person we created is falling apart and I refuse to go down with it.”
Fuck the Fourth of July today is my independence day. Your love isn’t killing me softly but is in fact killing me deep. So deep it is like a venomous poison seeping into my veins, cutting off the life line that connects me to the person that I am. It has cast shadows over my spirit like it was the Wicked Witch of the West and I weep because I would give anything to go home again. It’s got my mind on some crazy shit. I’m like the James Bond of relationships running around on missions like you are a threat to national security and it’s up to me to stop you in order to save the world. I wish it were that intriguing but when it comes down to it you are just you and your love has me questioning my own abilities to use what I got to persuade you to be just that… loyal. I must be out of my fucking mind. Here I am a capable, competent human being who is totally able to hold my own and yet I find myself questioning myself so that I may feel better about your shortcomings. After all, it must be me…right? It has to be otherwise you would just be a damn fool who couldn’t even begin to understand what you have found. And I’m an even
bigger fool for not realizing what I have in myself and leaving your sorry ass before you and I ever became us. Your love is like a veil, blinding my heart from all that it desires and leaving me incomplete and unsatisfied. I work too hard to be either one. I’m tired. I’m tired of the excuses and the promises, not yours but my own. I’m tired of the promises that I make to myself to kick you, your baggage, and your shortcomings straight to the curb. I’m tired of the excuses that I make trying to see the things about you that just aren’t in you. Instead I made them up, I tried to create my happiness and I still haven’t found it in you or me and that’s the problem. I am so consumed with you that I’ve allowed your love to join us as one. So now your thoughts are my thoughts, your feelings are my feelings and slowly but surely this person we created is falling apart and I refuse to go down with it. Your love is like the sweet torture of dying a slow death while watching beauty in its rarest form. It’s not killing me softly, it’s murdering me deep and so I have to let it go. I have to declare today my independence. day.
Signed, TRU