March 24, 2021

THE TIMES-DELPHIC The weekly student newspaper of Drake University Vol. 140 | No. 16 | March 24, 2021

FEATURES

SPORTS

COMMENTARY

A plaque honoring former Delta Gamma house mother Stephanie Markert was installed on a fence between the Delta Gamma sorority house and Trinity Lutheran Church.

After earning a spot in the NCAA March Madness tournament, the Drake Men’s Basketball team lost against University of Southern California, 56-72.

One writer laments the lack of Spring Break along with the other mishaps of March thus far.

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“I shouldn’t have to be afraid to walk home.”

Sarah Everard’s murder highlights culture of violence against women Maia Songer Contributing Writer maia.songer@drake.edu

Drake students and faculty share their thoughts on how to move forward with women’s safety in response to the tragic murder of Sarah Everard in the UK. Everard was walking home from her friend’s house late at night on March 3. In an effort to stay safe, Everard called her boyfriend as she walked and stayed solely in well-lit areas. Despite these safety precautions, Everard was kidnapped and murdered by Wayne Couzens, a Metropolitan police officer. Her body was eventually found on March 10.

“The fact that [Everard] was still attacked when she did everything right tells us that it’s not the woman’s fault,” Jennifer Konfrst, Drake University professor and state representative, said. “That right there should send a message that the woman wasn’t to blame in this instance. She never is, but the fact that she followed all the precautions and was still attacked shows you that there’s a problem with the man who attacked her and murdered her.”

Konfrst advocates for “a societal shift onto who is doing the attacking and how to stop the attacking from happening.”

Jenna Baker, a firstyear student majoring in environmental science, expressed frustration with the way the police handled Everard’s disappearance.

“I think that they should have made it known that this was happening instead of telling women to stay at home,” Baker said. “Women are already being hypervigilant because as women, we know that these situations happen and sadly they probably happen more frequently than they should.”

Student Tess Dorman expressed similar frustrations.

“I shouldn’t have to be afraid to walk home,” Dorman said. “I shouldn’t have to carry around pepper spray. I shouldn’t have to carry my keys between my fingers. It’s scary and it scares me that I can’t walk home at night. Every girl I know carries pepper spray around with them and every girl I know has thought about that scenario in their head where they may have to fight back against someone.”

Melisa Klimaszewski, director of the Women and Gender Studies Program at Drake, revealed the harm of police telling women in London to stay home and the danger behind naturalizing the experience which women endure.

“Every girl I know carries pepper spray around with them and every girl I know has thought about that scenario in their head where they may have to fight back against someone.”

“I think I really agree with the critiques that say that this response has been a problem because it has made women’s safety entirely the burden of the women,” Klimaszewski said. “That is doing nothing but reinforcing the norm of violent culture, of a culture that is violent against women, and it puts the responsibility on women as to putting the responsibility on the men who commit the acts of violence. It doesn’t emphasize the notion of freedom. If women are to live complete lives and if women are to live with complete freedom, women must be able to be outside at any hour of the night or day, by themselves.”

Carrie Dunham-LaGree, a professor at Drake, brought up the events from Everard’s vigil, where police suppressed the women’s protest.

“I think they were trying to do the right thing,” DunhamLaGree said. “But I don’t think they really were thinking about the reasons the women wanted to come and protest and have a vigil and honor that experience and so it was not intentionally terrible, but then it just escalated. There are ways to plan for safer vigils that I think should have been the goal because I think that’s really what made this story explode internationally. Just seeing the way that some of the women were treated at the protest was visually shocking, especially knowing that a police officer had been arrested for her murder.”

Dorman echoed these sentiments.

“I don’t think that they’ve handled it very well,” Dorman said. “I think honestly their response to the protests have been pretty hypocritical considering that these women are protesting feeling unsafe walking home and their protests have been met with responses that are exactly what women are afraid of. They’re attacking them and arresting them and tear gassing them and I don’t think that that’s right.

I think that these women have every right to be outraged and I think that they should have the freedom to protest.”

Klimaszewski proposed how to move forward in putting an end to this oppression of women’s rights and safety.

“It’s crucial not to naturalize a lack of freedom for women,” Klimaszewski said. “So, when you talk about the long history you have to make sure you do it in a way that does not naturalize it, because there is nothing inevitable about violence against women.”

Konfrst also has suggestions for where to go from here.

SARAH EVERARD’S murder has caused women from around the world have shared their own experiences with gender-based violence. PHOTO BY CHARLEIGH REINARDY | STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER

“I think it’s a cycle so language perpetuates attitudes and attitudes perpetuate language,” Konfrst said. “I really think it means we need to have more women in leadership, more women in media, more women in government.”

Beyond Klimaszewski and Konfrst’s insights, Baker admitted that this is “a man and women problem,” therefore everyone needs to be “educated collectively.” She said that these types of situations enforce a stereotype which is damaging to men as well.

“I feel like sometimes guys who are sympathetic or empathetic of women, who don’t treat women like they’re disposable, are labelled and cast in a really negative and critical way,” Baker said.

students prepare for production of

Madeline Cisneros Contributing Writer madeline.cisneros@drake.edu

Under the direction of Erin Horst, Drake University students hope to captivate audience members with their production of “Into the Woods” from April 1 to April 4.

“We are not stopping trying

to entertain people and tell relevant stories and teach lessons,” said Shane Scandurra, a senior who is majoring in musical theatre and plays the baker in the musical. “We’re not stopping that because we’re not barred from a virus, we’re just making sense of it.”

“Into the Woods” combines many popular fairytale stories,

said Horst. Each character is striving to achieve something and they go out into the woods to get what they need.

When each character gets their happily ever after, things take a turn for the worse.

“They all do things that have affected their person, their morals and so that takes a toll,” Horst said. “And so, they suffer

WATCH “INTO THE WOODS” on the live stream or in the studio theater. Viewing is currently open to members of the fine arts department. PHOTO BY CHARLEIGH REINARDY | STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER

Konfrst agreed with this notion of toxic masculinity.

“I think it implies that men can’t control themselves and that all men are murderers and when women are around, they just can’t help themselves,” Konfrst said. “That’s not true.”

Klimaszewski narrowed down all of the reactions and responses to Everard’s case into a succinct proposal for what must be done in order to ensure that women are advancing toward a future of equity and freedom.

“Challenge every person in every context who makes any excuse for women not being completely free,” Klimaszewski said.

“into the woods”

the consequences.”

Scandurra said the main lesson that audience members can learn from his character is how people “have to be able to accept the past in order to move forward into the future instead of clinging onto mistakes.”

Horst said that one of the reasons she decided to put on “Into the Woods” at Drake is to give students experience working with difficult music.

The musical score is written by Stephen Sondheim, a composer known for difficult and intricate music.

“You see these beautiful musical motifs and themes for each of the fairytale characters constantly being intertwined and mixed together,” Horst said.

“I really wanted the students to get the experience because if you don’t have experience with Sondheim, you’re lacking a big part of your musical theatre training.”

Originally Horst wanted to do the show in a black box theatre to create an immersive experience for the audience.

However, that is not possible due to the pandemic.

“We’re doing it in our big proscenium theatre, but we’re still doing it in an around style, and we’re doing it with four

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cameras,” Horst said. “We’ve placed the cameras around the whole set and so that’s been really complicated.”

The COVID-19 protocols have made it difficult for the cast to bond, said sophomore musical theatre major Rachel Kelsey, who plays Little Red Riding Hood in the show.

“The biggest thing I’ve noticed is that the students are missing connection between human beings,” Horst said. “I think that one of the biggest, most important parts of theatre and of acting is the connection you make with your fellow actors and the connection that you make with your audience.”

The production will be streamed in real time and shown in the studio theatre where the audience will be watching it on a screen. It is currently open to students and faculty in the fine arts department, but Horst is working on getting approval to open it up to the general public.

“It’s extra important now that our world is really lacking empathy and so I think theatre teaches empathy,” Horst said.

“It connects us as a society, it bonds us as a society, it helps us understand other people’s perspectives.”

FEATURES

Features

March 24, 2021 | Page 2

Plaque honors Delta Gamma ‘house mother’

Church installs tribute to Stephanie Markert, killed in a hit-and-run Andrew Kennard Staff Writer andrew.kennard@drake.edu

Trinity Lutheran Church has hung a plaque on a gate between its property and the Delta Gamma sorority house on 34th Street to remember house director Stephanie Markert, who passed away from injuries sustained in a hit-and-run car accident last year.

“I think it’s a way to honor Stephanie for her loyal service to the Drake community and specifically to the Delta Gamma house,” John Schneller, a trustee at Trinity Lutheran Church said.

Schneller mentioned two goals for putting up the plaque.

“I thought it would be a good way to keep her in mind of the students, and also to remind people to drive safely, because Stephanie should be alive today, except for carelessness,” Schneller said.

“I think it’s a way to honor Stephanie for her loyal service to the Drake community and specifically to the Delta Gamma house.”

Schneller said that Trinity Lutheran has previously provided fraternities and sororities with a location to hold initiations, and he said he proposed the idea of hanging up a plaque to the church council.

The plaque was placed on a gate that connects the back of the Delta Gamma house with Trinity Lutheran’s parking lot.

Glenda DePenning, the current house director, said Delta Gamma members use this path frequently.

“Well, they could go up three houses and use the Drake sidewalk, but it’s just easier just to come through the [gate] by our garage,” Schneller said. “It’s been going on that way for forty years. Maybe fifty years.”

“I thought it would be a good way to keep her in mind of the students, and also to remind people to drive safely, because Stephanie should be alive today, except for carelessness.”

According to DePenning, the responsibilities of a house director include house maintenance and procuring products such as light bulbs and batteries. DePenning also said that her position can be a “mom-type role.”

“A lot of the girls will, you know, just come and chat. You know, lean on you a little bit for advice,” DePenning said. “I love it, yeah. We’ve got a great group of girls.”

Members of the Delta Gamma house declined to comment.

Delta Gamma released the following press release in response to Markert’s death: “The Delta Gamma sisters at Drake University are heartbroken to share the news of the passing of our House Director Stephanie Markert.

She filled our house with her vibrant energy and light and held all of our Delta Gamma sisters close to her heart. Our thoughts are with her family as they grieve, and we are grateful for the support we have received from the Drake community and those who knew her. Steph’s lively personality and caring nature was felt by all and she

TRINITY LUTHERAN CHURCH installed a plaque to honor Delta Gamma House Director Stephanie Markert, who was killed in a hit-and-run accident last year. PHOTO BY ANDREW KENNARD

will be dearly missed.”

The Des Moines Register quoted a statement from Markett’s family and reported that a man was sentenced to five years in prison for the hitand-run.

“So many friends and thousands of sorority

‘daughters’ across the country join Stephanie’s children, grandchildren and family in mourning the loss of our mom,” Markett’s family said, according to the Register.

Schneller said he hopes that students who see the plaque will remember “how fragile a

person’s life can be.”

“And to be careful,” Schneller added. “Whether you’re driving, whether you’re a pedestrian, whether you’re running, or any endeavor.”

Alumna Spotlight: Sarah Grossman Offers advice to be bold with time and opportunities

Charleigh Reinardy Staff Writer charleigh.reinardy@drake.edu

Sarah Grossman, a 2016 Drake University Alumna, knew from her first step on campus that Drake was the right fit for her.

Grossman is from Shawnee, Kansas, right outside of Kansas City, where she graduated from Shawnee Mission Northwest High School.

Drake University’s campus felt welcoming, and Grossman loved the beautiful and promising atmosphere around the university.

Grossman also had family that attended Drake in the past, including her greatgrandfather.

The School of Journalism served as Grossman’s home when she first attended Drake.

Grossman then changed to the School of Business and later back to an SJMC major.

In 2016, Grossman graduated from Drake with a degree in public relations, a general business minor in the College of Business and Public Administration and a psychology minor in the School of Arts and Sciences.

While at Drake, Grossman participated in Alpha Kappa Psi, a business fraternity on campus. Grossman was a member of Drake’s Gamma

Theta chapter of Kappa Kappa Gamma. Grossman was also a News Editor for The Times Delphic and took advantage of the study abroad program in Florence, Italy.

“Drake prepared me in a way to challenge me, to question myself, figure who I was as a person and how I need to prepare for the future.

It taught me to work hard, study hard and to have fun.”

Grossman held five different internships in her time at Drake and shared how much the university stresses their importance.

“Some of the internships I got off the school website,” Grossman said. “A lot of them I talked to my counselor about.”

Grossman had the opportunity to work with a start-up company, AARP and Iowa Ortho in human resources to name a few.

“I got to work in a lot of different areas, and I use pretty much everything that they taught me,” Grossman said. “They built a really great

foundation.”

One of Grossman’s favorite memories she made while at Drake is that the campus was the place where she met her fiance, and they have been together five years now.

“Meeting him, and we are really good friends with some of the people we went to school with, creating those friendships, was great,” Grossman said.

Drake prepared Grossman to start making big life decisions and taught her how to work hard while still planning for the future..

“At 18-22, you are so young.

You are still trying to figure out how to be yourself and how to be an adult,” Grossman said.

“Drake prepared me in a way to challenge me, to question myself, figure who I was as a person and how I need to prepare for the future. It taught me to work hard, study hard and to have fun. To make good friendships and to be a little less selfish in those relationships.”

Grossman encourages current and future Drake students to be bold in all that they do with their short amount of time they have on campus.

“Take this time to be bold and to be selfish and to learn about yourself,” Grossman said.

“Those years are very impactful, but you will never experience this level of opportunity and freedom to explore your insecurities or any issues in

DRAKE ALUMNA SARAH GROSSMAN encourages current students to use college as a time to figure out who they are and what they want out of the future. PHOTO COURTESY OF SARAH GROSSMAN

your life from mental health to your physical well-being.”

After a last-minute decision in her final year at Drake, Grossman decided to become a lawyer.

She said that she loves her job as an attorney with Lake of

the Ozarks.

“Drake had pushed me to make a hard choice, to pursue a career that I never saw for myself,” Grossman said. “And now, I love it.

SPORTS

Sports

March 24, 2021 | Page 3

Drake University’s March Madness run Darinka Stepan Staff Writer darinka.stepan@drake.edu

Drake men’s basketball earned a spot in March Madness.

This was the first time in thirteen years that Drake University has made an appearance in the tournament.

The Bulldogs won eighteen straight games this season despite the team postponing their season due to some positive test results. After being in quarantine, they were able to come back and get some more wins contributing towards their 18-0 wins. Drake went into the Missouri Valley conference as the 2nd seed in the tournament.

Drake was first supposed to play University of Northern Iowa, but due to a positive Covid result from UNI, Drake advanced to the next round of the tournament. The Bulldogs then took on Missouri State in the next round where they won that game 71-69, allowing them to move into the finals of the tournament. Drake faced Loyola University in the finals.

After a tough fight, Drake lost 75-65.

Since the Bulldogs did not win the tournament, they did not receive a secure spot in the NCAA. Instead, they had to wait about a week to see if they would get a bid for the tournament. On March 14 Drake found out that they did get a play in spot into

the tournament.

After thirteen years without a tournament entry, Drake would take on Wichita State on March 18.

This was sophomore DJ Wilkins’ first time competing in the tournament and he was ready for the opportunity.

“This is my first time playing in the NCAA tournament and it is a dream come true. Playing in this tournament is something that you always thought about. It is extra special that we are able to compete in the tournament because we play at Drake,” Wilkins said. “Since Drake is a smaller school, it makes it a little harder to be able to get in. Since we have the chance, we are going to try and make the most of our time at the tournament and create the best opportunity possible.”

Drake took on Wichita State Thursday in a close game. After being down several times in the game Drake managed to get a lead towards the end of the second half, and pull out a win 53-52, allowing the Bulldogs to advance into the first round of the tournament.

Students on campus were excited for the basketball team to be in the first round of the NCAA tournament.

First-year Mac Pursell was excited to see the team play.

“I think they’ve built up a certain confidence and momentum that will fuel the energy needed against

DRAKE’S BASKETBALL TEAM HAD A HISTORIC SEASON AND A MARCH MADNESS BID ONLY ADDED TO THEIR IMPRESSIVE TEAM. The men on Drake’s basketball team successfully won a spot in the March Madness Tournament after a season of highs and lows. PHOTO COURTESY OF DRAKE ATHLETICS

USC,” Pursell said prior to the matchup. “Although the team feels extremely confident at the moment, it’s important to continue to respect the competition and to not underestimate the Trojans going into the next game so they maintain focus and execution.”

Sophomore Kendall Hunt

is proud of Drake for getting into the tournament and was looking forward to everything they accomplish.

“I am beyond excited that Drake made it to the tournament,” Hunt said. “It is such a huge accomplishment, and I’m rooting for them to go all the way.”

The Bulldogs continued in the tournament and took on USC on Saturday, where they lost 72-56 and their run came to an end. Though it was short lived, the team and its surrounding community had a remarkable season and look to continue their successes in future seasons.

Football returns after yearlong hiatus Kyle Keegan Beat Writer kyle.keegan@drake.edu

476 days. It had been 476 days since members of the Drake football team were able to play the game they loved.

Senior captain Cross Robinson articulated the feelings of the team.

“Honestly, man, it felt so surreal. I don’t think anybody really believed that we were going to play a game until we came out right before the National Anthem,” Robinson said. “Just to see another opponent on the field. I think everybody was so excited. Like little school children.”

Drake football was one of the many things canceled by the ongoing pandemic in 2020. The team lost valuable starters from the senior class and the hopes of having any chance to compete in the Pioneer Football League were coupled by the challenges of combating COVID-19, adjusting to a new offensive scheme, and developing an inexperienced group of players.

Seven year coach Todd Stepsis said he appreciated the opportunity he and the team had to practice during the fall and spring seasons, where the Bulldogs were able to focus on their strengths and weaknesses as a young group.

“I think that time in the fall was super critical and extremely valuable,” Stepsis said. “And now, looking at the last six weeks that we’ve been preparing for this season, we feel we’ve taken a lot of that inexperience that we have at several positions and at least caught them up...Iron sharpens iron around here.”

When talks about a spring season for the PFL were on the table, Stepsis admitted he shared some skepticism with the idea.

“Number one: we’re in the midwest, so playing in February and March, I wondered how it was going to work,” Stepsis said. “As we’ve gotten closer

and it’s become a reality, what an incredible opportunity for our program, our school, and the community in general.”

The PFL is among 11 out of the 13 FCS conferences that are competing this spring for a chance to qualify for the FCS playoffs and potentially play for the championship in Frisco, Texas on May 15. From what Stepsis said, this gives Drake football the opportunity to showcase their program to the Drake community and football enthusiasts nationwide.

“Last time I checked, there aren’t any games in Ames or Iowa City going on,” Stepsis said. “Coming into a year in a pandemic and not being able to do something social, to all of the sudden have the opportunity to do so and be safe about it? It just feels like a bunch of wins.”

The first test for Drake this season came in the form of 2019 PFL champion San Diego. Last season, the Bulldogs fell to the Toreros 49-7. However, this season’s home matchup proved to be more of a close defensive game, with Drake falling 13-10.

The highlights of that game came mostly from Drake’s defense, where they intercepted two throws from Toreros quarterback Mason Randall and had two fumble recoveries.

Defensive lineman Max Johnson, who helped spark the defense with his interception in the third quarter, said he couldn’t wait to see how the defense was going to perform throughout the season.

“We were like, ‘Hey, let’s go out there and do our job,’” Johnson said. “For a long time now without a game, we got to go out there and execute what we’ve been practicing.”

However, the Bulldog’s offense had two turnovers of their own and was only able to put up 25 total yards. Along with that, starting sophomore quarterback Ian Corwin was injured late in the second half while scrambling for a first down.

Robinson addressed what he

AFTER OVER A YEAR WITHOUT FOOTBALL, DRAKE IS READY TO GET BACK ON THE FIELD. Because of COVID-19, Drake’s football team has been unable to compete. Now that they have the opportunity to start playing again, they’re looking to start the season off with a bang.

PHOTO COURTESY OF MICHAEL CUMMINGS

said to Corwin the next day.

“That’s one of the first guys I try to interact with just to see what was going on with him,” Robinson said. “Again, just crack some jokes with him.

You know, make this situation lighter and just keep everything in perspective.”

Heading into their first road game against Valparaiso University, the Bulldogs looked to gain their first conference win and their 17th consecutive win against Valpo. With a new quarterback under center in redshirt senior Ben Nienhaus and sophomore running back Caden Meis returning from injury, the team planned to turn things around offensively. And they did.

Drake amassed 220 yards, with 173 of it coming from the run game. Meis and Robinson spit their carries, with Meis running for 98 yards and a touchdown and Robinson running for 57 yards and a touchdown. Coach Stepsis congratulated the two on a great game.

“If you look at [Meis] and

Cross,” Stepsis said. “Cross is more of a power back that will move the pile while Caden will move away from it. A nice onetwo punch there.”

Meis gave credit to his offensive line for opening holes during the game.

“If you don’t have those big boys up front, you’re not going anywhere,” Meis said.

On the defensive side of the ball, Drake excelled once again.

Drake was able to shut down Valpo star running back Robert Washington to 27 yards and intercept quarterback Chris Duncan twice.

Junior linebacker Declan Carr was one of the Bulldogs responsible for the interception.

Carr emphasized how his individual accomplishments were due to a strong team effort.

“It’s never an individual performance that’s lights out,” Carr said. “If I’m making the play, there’s ten other guys who are doing their job. That’s what’s great about defense. I was fortunate enough to go out there and make some plays.”

Now sitting at 1-1 in

conference play, Drake looks to put the loss against San Diego behind them and continue their winning streak in the Pioneer League.

Their next stop? Stetson University in Deland, Florida.

Although Stetson sits at 0-2 currently, Coach Stepsis mentioned the talented depth chart of the Hatters and the tough, humid environment of their stadium.

“Any time the quarterback has some elusiveness, that makes you nervous,” Stepsis said.

“Their defense is aggressive and will force you to make the tough plays. On top of it, we’re going to be flying down to Florida, and I have a feeling it’s going to be hot.”

Stepsis and his players will be facing off against Stetson this Saturday on March 27 at 12 p.m. The game can be streamed live on ESPN +. Additionally, you can tune in to a radio broadcast of the game online at myam1230.com, along with a live play-by-play stat sheet at StetsonStats.com

COMMENTARY

Commentary

March 24, 2021 | Page 4

Spring Fake March continues to put the madness in March Madness

Colin Frier Commentary Editor colin.frier@drake.edu

Daylight savings time, Pi Day, St. Patrick’s Day, March Madness, apocalyptic weather… what’s not to like about March?

First, the annual “Spring Forward” time change has got everyone milling around like drunken somnambulists, eye bags so dark that the raccoons have taken them as one of their own.

Many understandably miss the spring forward memo each year and have to deal with the nightmarish consequences, but think about Doctor Who. That man takes one ride on an elevator, soon he doesn’t know what the hell o’clock it is. And with the time change, he could accidentally miss his show, and, to his horror, find that the time slot had been replaced by Dr. Phil.

Pi Day was March 14.

Back in 8th grade, I won a Pi Day contest. Memorized one hundred digits or thereabouts.

But let’s not stroke my ego, here— it was a fraudulent win. I wrote the digits on the inside of my eyelids.

Then again, I can confidently say that I know more pi digits than clean politicians. Which, speaking of unscrupulous politicians, if Joe Biden were to partake in the pi digit memorization challenge, he’d probably end up reciting the digits to “E.” So the infamous groundhog Punxsutawney Phil saw his

shadow this year, which means six more weeks of winter. Last year, though, it was said off the record that Phil had visions of Lucifer and the world going up in a ball of flames.

What’s more, nowhere last year in 2020 were four leaf clovers to be found. In fact, the otherwise picturesque rolling hills and breathtaking greens of the midwest countryside were littered with blackened, withering clovers (presumably the survivors of a fiery rainstorm) akin to the landscape in the Fields of Asphodel.

The drab, monochromatic weather of this March hasn’t been too much kinder. Rumor has it that a category six Sharknado is looming on the horizon. Fittingly, Ted Cruz will be away on vacay in Ireland.

The tradition for St. Patrick’s Day is to wear green. So if you’re not Hulk, you’re eligible for a hard pinch. Bad day to be a Smurf, I’ll reckon. Papa Smurf and the gang probably have to paint lamb blood on the frame of their door like in the Book of Exodus just to avoid getting pinched.

Kermit the Frog or not, a pot of gold awaits you on the other end of the rainbow, or so the tale goes. To mimic the objective journalism of The New York Times, I’d presume that Joe Biden’s at the other end of the rainbow. Yes, Joe Biden, the bringer of light, the crusader of truth, Captain Unity in the flesh, sent by Gaia herself, will be found there.

So you find him, crouched over, shivering, mile-long

THE LACK OF SPRING BREAK ISN’T THE ONLY THING GOING WILD as March brings upsets in March Madness, weird weather and Pi Day memories. GRAPHIC BY RACHEL JAMES | EDITOR- IN - CHIEF

goatee protruding from his face, like the Bridge Troll in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

He chuckles, his cheekbones moving lethargically like magma: “You really thought here, I mean, there… where?

You really thought gold was over here? C’mon man! If you don’t know that, you ain’t Irish! But… um… while I have a friend, and no one loves kids more than me, why not a song?

‘SomeWHERRE over the… the… the... you know… the thing…’”

Of course, Lucky Charms is invariably paired with St. Patrick’s day. You get to the end of the bowl, the milk is all green

like Joker’s vat of acid… you think to yourself, “Either this was the doing of a green cow, or Lucky the Leprechaun deceived me with that ‘heart healthy’ tag on the box…”

Which, speaking of “heart healthy,” McDonald’s Shamrock Shake is back for its yearly Alexander the Great campaign.

Thing is, I used to down that minty monstrosity like it was water, but as of a few years ago, I’ve vanquished my vice. And a good thing, too— I’m convinced that the seasonal tonic has enough sugar and additives to kill a blue whale.

Hell, it’s a better sedative than Propofol. The

neurosurgeon could have you down an XL shake five minutes before the brain operation and you’d be out cold, no problem.

To close, March Madness has just begun. No one really knows what the hell they’re doing with these brackets, even if they claim they do.

We’re like Candy Land strategists playing chess for the first time. “Sixteen seed against a one? Oh yeah, I like those odds. And hey, while I’m busy with this bracket-majig, you mind moving my queen to that space diagonally across from your little… what is it? Pawn?”

“I Care a Lot”: the inner conflict rooting for an antihero Madeleine Bonnallie Advertising Manager madeleine.bonnallie@drake.edu

If you’ve been on Netflix in the last few weeks, you’ve probably spotted one of their latest originals, “I Care A Lot.” Maybe you debated checking it out or passed it up as another Netflix original clogging up your streaming feed.

But if you’re someone who’s interested but found yourself turned off by the trailer’s portrayal of a corrupt courtappointed guardian preying on the innocent elderly, I promise there’s so much more to it.

The film follows Marla Greyson, played by Golden Globe winner Rosamund Pike, a court appointed guardian who has created an intricate legal scam to pay herself.

Greyson preys on older people with solid finances and

could questionably be found unfit to care for themselves.

Through bribing medical professionals to diagnose current patients as unfit to live alone and convincing gullible judges to place them in her care, Greyson acquires the perfect “cash cows” out of her wards, placing them in nursing homes, isolating them from their family members, and liquidating their assets to profit off of their life savings.

Marla can be described as scrappy street fighter meets business badass, dressed in bold suits, a sharp blond bob, and her ever present vape pen (which some say is a nod to her former vape business). She loves the finer things in life, as seen in her expensive cars and lavish living style. Greyson, along with business partner and lover Fran, Eliza Gonzalez, make for the perfect power couple.

Their life seems to be

THE TIMES-DELPHIC The student newspaper for Drake University since 1884 RACHEL JAMES, Editor-in-Chief rachel.james@drake.edu JEFF INMAN, Faculty Advisor jeffrey.inman@drake.edu

TARYN RIPPLE, Managing Editor taryn.ripple@drake.edu

EMMA BRUSTKERN, News Editor emma.brustkern@drake.edu

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GRACE ALTENHOFEN, Features Editor grace.altenhofen@drake.edu

MAX BROWN, Digital Editor max.brown@drake.edu

EMILY GODSEY, Sports Editor emily.godsey@drake.edu

OLIVIA HECKER, Media Manager olivia.hecker@drake.edu

COLIN FRIER, Commentary Editor colin.frier@drake.edu

TRISH RICHARDS, Copy Editor patricia.richards@drake.edu

EMILY HANNA, Business Manager emily.hanna@drake.edu

SARAH BOGAARDS, Breaking News sarah.bogaards@drake.edu

untouchable, especially when a morally questionable doctor, Alicia Watt, presents Marla with a “cherry” to take the place of one of Marla’s wards who unexpectedly died.

This “cherry” is a woman with no family and extremely deep pockets, someone Marla has to have. Within weeks, Marla has obtained guardianship of Jennifer, Dianne Wiest, sold all of her belongs, and gained access to her safety deposit box, where Marla finds a carefully hidden, and legally uninsured, bag of diamonds. It seems Marla and Fran have stumbled onto an even greater gold mine.

Of course, things tend to spiral fairly quickly when Jennifer misses a visit with her son, a powerful crime boss, Roman Lunyov , Peter Dinklage.

From there the movie shifts from a story about the carefully crafted life Marla has created to how she could quickly lose it all in her fight for Jennifer against

I CARE A LOT is streaming Netflix now and will leave the viewer feeling conflicted after. PHOTO BY TARYN RIPPLE | MANAGING EDITOR

Jennifer’s powerful allies.

This movie is more than just one about a woman’s journey to fortune on the backs of the weak (her wards).

It becomes a battle for power between two heads of immoral financial empires, a battle of evil-against-evil.

It leave the viewer struggling with who to root for: Marla, the underdog who fails to be bullied

or the dangerous and violent Russian mafia leader who just wants his mother back.

Blakeson crafts a compelling dark comedy that keeps viewers laughing at the insanity of it, questioning the morality of the world we live in, and maybe hating themselves for hoping that both of these characters get the happy ending they don’t deserve.

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