Black&Gold issue 7 '14

Feature

the

For an indepth look into Trashion Fashion, a profile on a student’s artistic works and an inside look into Forrest Lewallen’s ‘14 internship at Traverse City Orthopedics, flip to page 3

&

April 29, 2014

Volume 93

Issue 7 Sports

Black Gold

Photo: A. Olson

2014 MIPA Spartan Award Winner

Traverse City Central High School 1150 Milliken Drive, Traverse City, Michigan 49686 Graphic: C. Hansen

Netbook damage accumulating

Turn to page 6 for a step-by-step look at sports plays, coverage of the Thunder Squirrels and a column on girls’ Tennis traditions

Annual Trojan Band Day

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As the date to return student netbooks approaches, TCAPS prepares for cost report

Note: Fees collected in one fiscal year are sometimes for damages repaired last year as many are assessed after collection in June. After collection this year, the amount absorbed by TCAPS will not be zero. TCAPS does NOT make money on repairs as is evidenced by previous years.

Graphic: courtesy of Todd Neibauer

Photo: M. Caldwell

them.”

Teachers are struggling daily with students who are not being responsible with Staff Reporter their netbooks.

“The problem that I see increasing is aculty are beginning to display the students not having their netbooks some frustration with students as charged and having to run and get batan influx of neglected, damaged teries,” history teacher Ben Ludka said. or uncharged computers flood the “I find it interesting that their phones are school, with more to come in May. More fully charged every day they walk into and more, some teachers who rely on class, but the actual device that they have netbooks in their classes have to count on to use in class is not.” many students not having their netbooks Ludka finds it tedious to work with due to unknowns, negligence or damage. unprepared students.

Repair and replace costs for the entire “This really becomes a distraction district have totaled $193,694 since the because when you have five or six people genesis of the program three years ago. in and out, it affects the people that are Out of that number, $75,694 was covered working and have charged netbooks,” by insurance. While a lot of the remaining Ludka said. “Students need to think ahead cost is paid by the students who damage with this, they need to charge their battertheir computers, the district has still taken ies at night. If they need a battery, get it a hit from the repairs. From 2011 to 2013, between classes, and if your netbook has TCAPS absorbed $48,950.94 of the costs, a problem, go down to Tech Central and which were paid for with monies from the get it fixed.” general fund.

Technician Wini Bell notes that the “From an insurance standpoint, we had constant battery replacement can have about $66,000 in 2011 and 2012, about detrimental effects. $97,000 in 2012 and 2013, and about “Netbook batteries are designed to $30,000 so far this year,” Supervisor of be able to be Bob Hicks said. removed for “Students who pick up net“I expect the the more damages books sign an acceptable use servicing netbook, not to to be reported be taken in and at the time of policy, and in that policy is out on a regular collection.” a statement of responsibilbasis,” Bell said.

However, “The more this year the ity for any damages. I don’t often a battery damages paid is removed or by the district think they read that part.” replaced in a have thus far computer, the been eliminated. - Central High Network chance Reductions Administrator Sophie Legault more there is to damin damage age either the costs can be battery or the netbook.” attributed to increased efficiency in the Other teachers like Paige Paul try to tech department, Central High Network avoid the trouble and frustration altogethAdministrator Sophie Legault said. er by having a cart of laptops in their class.

“We have done everything in our “A third or more of my students do not power,” Legault said. “We used to send them away and it would take months to get have netbooks, and up to half in some classes constantly have an issue with their that machine back to the student. Now we netbook,” Paul said. “I keep the cart in my are doing repairs in-house with our Tech room to avoid a major headache every day, Central students’ help.” because inevitably several students have Legault expects netbook users to take issues and claim that they cannot complete care of their free, privileged resource. an assignment otherwise.”

“Students who pick up netbooks sign Aide Lana Whetstine noticed a sigan acceptable use policy, and in that policy nificant increase students checking out a is a statement of responsibility for any damages,” Legault said. “I don’t think they laptops daily because they do not have a netbook. read that part.”

“Often times, laptops are unavailable so Legault finds most students do care students will work in the lab,” Whetstine for their computers, though a quorum of said. “Likely because the lab isn’t always students still neglect and abuse them.

“The kids come in to return these things monitored, the computers there are in pretty rough shape and often not returned and corners are missing pieces, keys have to the carts for recharging.” fallen off, they have dents in the lid, and it is obvious they aren’t taking care of continued, page 11

Aaron Smits

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F

Briefs

Photo: M. Caldwell

1.) From right to left, Fisher Diede ‘14, Noah Mitchell-Ward ‘14, David Stone ‘14, Dominic Farmer ‘15 and Cara Fergusen ‘16 mentor middle school students during the annual Band Day. 2.) Tyler Sepanik ’15 is pleased to let the middle school band students try something new. “The 8th graders got to experience something they might not have normally experienced,” he said. “I helped manage the low brass.” 3.)

Excited to meet the future band students, Ciera Dean and Betsy D’Aquila, both ‘15, lead by example. “After the high school performance, we broke off into sections, and I got to meet them,” D’Aquila said. “It was nice to see who’s going to be here when I’m gone. It’s definitely a good up-and-coming class.”

Students to appeal for 3D printer TCAPS schools have been given the opportunity to appeal for the special printer which will open doors to possibilities

David Reinke, Dylan Huey & George Madison Editor in Chief & Staff Reporters TCAPS has recently been given the opportunity to apply for a grant that would put a 3D printer into three of the district’s schools.

The printers will go to the schools that come up with the best plan to inculcate the printers into their curriculums. RJG Incorporated, partnered with Newton

classes help prepare students for a post-secondary setting.”

AP Literature teacher Kathryn Shelley-Barnes attributes a majority of Central’s excellence to the quality of the teachers and their knowledge of their subject. Last year, over four hundred AP tests were taken. Another reason is that Central makes college honor roll. Honor roll isn’t just on the number of people who take the tests, but also on the increased percentage of scores per subject. Shelley-Barnes trains AP teachers, both new and experienced.

Road, is offering the opportunity to TCAPS in an effort to “generate interest and awareness of STEM educational opportunities.”

Central is applying for a printer in order to give students an educational edge.

“Students will have an opportunity to design a product using traditional skills and then feed that information into the 3D printer to see their designs realized in a hands-on, physical product that can be used, touched, analyzed and applied to their understanding of traditional content and curriculum,” Assistant Principal and Sci-Ma-Tech Director, Toby Tisdale said.

Central’s appeal for a printer is student-led, and will stress the importance of not only its most obvious uses, but how it can be incorporated into non-STEM classes as well.

“The skills and products that result from 3D printers can be experienced in areas such as Art, Music, Science, Math, Business & Marketing, and beyond,” Tisdale said.

The application, which is due on April 30, is led by Jake Lesoski ‘14 and Zoe Gerstle ‘14 and consists of a question-and-answer worksheet, which inquires about statistics and demographics within

continued, page 11

Graphic: A. Korson

10K run raises money for TCAPS’ performing arts

Ranking nationally for academic rigor The Washington Post ranked Central as the twenty-third most challenging high school in the state and 1,338 in the nation. Only 9% of the more than 20,000 public high schools in the U.S. received the distinction. TCAPS’ high schools were the only area schools to make the list.

The rankings are decided by taking total number of students and the total number of students who took AP exams.

“To me it says students are willing to take a more rigorous caseload,” Head Principal Rick Vandermolen said. “Those

Photo: M. Caldwell

Graphic: courtesy of TCAPS

“It’s a validation of, not just AP teachers, but all teachers in the building, and that we want the best for students in our community,” Shelley-Barnes said. “It’s a prestigious award that helps to motivate us to do better and better, to both continue what we’re doing and to improve.”

Photo: E. Simon

The TCAPS Alumni Association recently sponsored the first annual CrossTown Campus 10K run, which was held on April 26. The purpose of the 10K was to raise money for the Fine and Performing Arts at both Central and West high schools.

“While I don’t have an exact number, we will have at least something to donate to the

programs,” Woody Smith, Treasurer of the Alumni Association and CrossTown Campus 10K initiator said. “We have at least 60 runners, and many others donating their time and money to the cause.”

The money will be donated via the TCAPS Partners In Education program (PIE). Choir teacher, Tami Grove has ideas for the potential donations.

“We could always use more money,” Grove said. “Trips are expensive, and with us traveling to other states, and even other countries and continents, we lose money quickly.”

Alumni Association Head Karen Nelson hopes to turn the run into a tradition.

“I want to see this expand,” Nelson said, “so we can help other programs and keep giving back to the district.”

2 Opinion

Traverse City Central High School Black & Gold April 29, 2014

Employ college athletes College athletes’ compensation has long been a controversial topic, and has recently been brought to the forefront by the Northwestern football team with their push to be paid to play

Graphic: B. Johnson

C

The Worst Generation Graphic: M. Caldwell

Attack of reality (TV) Ivy Baillie

EIC & Production Editor Three or four months ago I was lying on my couch, happily tuned into E! when my dad walks into the room—he is this huge, burly, lumberjack type guy with a voice manly enough to command our family of four—and sits down next to me, beer in hand.

We both stare at the 50 inch screen, transfixed, as a bronzed Kim Kardashian bats her false eyelashes and pouts her voluptuous lips at the two of us. After a few minutes my dad turns to me and sighs.

“This show is absolutely ridiculous.”

I glance at him, raise an arched eyebrow and turn back to the screen.

“This show...is so stupid,” he intones. “All of their little antics are just so obviously staged, I’m not that much of an idiot to not catch up on it.”

I nod.

“Look,” he continues, “there was this episode on whatever this show is, where the mom...Kris? Yeah, it’s Kris. Well, basically she tries to give the Jenner dude, her husband, you know?...a little blue pill. She puts it in this poor sacks cup of coffee because she said in the interview she wanted to spice things up, or something.”

“Hmm.” I continue to stare at the TV, watching as Kim casually weaves her way past the Range Rover, Ferrari and white Mercedes parked in her driveway.

“Well, so Kris’s son, Bob...Rob…? he drinks it instead of the husband, and ends up having some undesirable side effects. So stupid, Ivy. I can’t believe you watch this crap.”

I’m starting to realize that my 40-something dad seemed to be a whole lot more intune, well, engrossed is more apt, with the Kardashian clan than I was.

One of my favorite writers, Chuck Klosterman once wrote (and I will paraphrase here) that the moment reality TV stopped reflecting youth culture, it started creating youth culture. But I have to disagree with Chuck.

Reality TV created youth culture when it covered the actual youth. MTV was tame ten years ago, captivating an audience just took some base, angry 20 year

hicago’s Northwestern University football team has 60 players, more than 50% of whom have full ride scholarships. Players spend 40-50 hours a week on football alone, and they also have their day jobs as students. Between sport and study time, players have time for little else, and to sustain that schedule, they must adhere to the strictest rules. They report for training in late June and if their team is good enough to make it into a bowl, players most likely won’t even spend important holidays with their families.

Last month, the Chicago district of the National Labor Relations Board (NLRB) ruled Northwestern football players qualify as “employees” of the school and can unionize. This position means that players could be compensated and even receive health insurance, depending on terms. By press time, the team will have voted on unionization.

Whichever way they vote, collegiate athletes’ compensation is not an argument that will dissipate any time soon. So far, the NLRB’s ruling only applies to private schools. However, if a precedent is set by prestigious Northwestern, with the added caché of its being a Big 10 Division One institution, and a large governing body like the NLRB, momentum could spill into public school unionization.

We at the Black & Gold believe college athletes should be considered employees and should be given the right to unionize and collectively bargain, especially when their name or image is used for the school’s benefit.

We admit there are a lot of unknowns here and that this ideology is not popular among colleges and conferences. Further, we understand that men’s football and basketball are the revenue generating sports that fund other programs and scholarships. Among the pantheon of sports, these two are unique, different from other sports.

Northwestern is opposed to unionization

David Reinke

EIC & News Editor My sister and I have this running joke about television. She, unlike me, has no qualms with reality TV (that I know of), while I find the only value it has is its laugh factor.

Let me take you back to a time many years ago, circa 2008. My sister has, again, forced me to watch The Hills with her, a show that I express extreme distaste in having to watch until, a whole six minutes in, I’m irrevocably captivated by Lauren Conrad’s constant fighting with friends and co-workers. There was a time when I would have demanded a thicker plotline than her nightlife, but Laguna Beach is way over by this point...

Sitting on the edge of my seat, hanging on to, like, every word, I realize that the producers and directors have elected to do a curious thing with their editing.

Between every dramatic screen transition there is extra time tacked onto the end of peoples’ conversation. In this additional time, viewers are treated to six baffling seconds of uncomfortably solemn staring, stirring of cocktails and other generally Bella Swan-esque expressions of seriously dramatic face pout. It is quite clear that we are meant to treat this current problem, hypothetically, the keying of poor Ms. Conrad’s Bentley, as if a family member has died of gout. I can barely keep from bursting—fake boob bursting—into laughter.

Several minutes later, they’re at it again. I tell my sister, and she’s stuck somewhere between mild amusement and fangirl defense-mode.

Fast forward several years and she’s onto bigger and better things—Jersey Shore—and I am watching for the second time in a week, Pawn Stars. While I am overjoyed they’ve finally given a reality TV show to someone uglier than a Survivor contestant, I can’t help but notice that this show sucks. It takes about six minutes until I realize that its success will depend upon customers of the swamp hermit-, garage-sale grandma- and *wears glasses at night-, variety. At no point am I expecting this horrible excuse of an idea

the Black & Gold

continued, page 11

Editors-in-Chief Ivy Baillie David Reinke

News Editor

David Reinke

Production Editor Ivy Baillie

Opinion Editor

Graphic: A. Korson

seven-on-seven drills, and film study are not included in the NCAA’s 20 hours per week limit of “countable athletically related activities” so, in addition to the demands of being a student, this pushes the outer threshold of reason. The travel alone eats up tons of time.

Study time during travel is monitored and limited.

While players are clocking 70-80 hour weeks, schools, athletic conferences and the NCAA are generating billions of dollars off of them. Billions, with a B. Yet, players don’t even receive a small royalty when their name or likeness is used in video games, on jerseys and other products licensed to the school,

“Student athletes should definitely not be paid for Photo: their sport.

Photo: A.Olson If you want to play a sport, it should be your choice and money should not be an incentive to play it.”

-Javane Clark ‘15

“They should be paid for their name being used on Photo: A.Olson products like shirts and video games. They deserve this because of the time they put in.”

-Emily Jenkins ‘16

Graphic: A. Korson

the conference and the NCAA. Heisman Trophy winning quarterback Johnny Manziel received a half game suspension for selling autographs. While the mishap was apparently inadvertent on Manziel’s part, his suspension reveals the depth of the NCAA’s control.

To say that their lives are highly controlled to maximize fans’ experience cannot be overstated. Clearly, players are treated much more like employees than students: sleep here, don’t study there, watch this, don’t go there.

There is precedent here: there are other campus programs where students are paid, such as school publications and lab assistants. Why should reporters, photographers and science students get paid, but not athletes who also work very hard and generate huge amounts of revenue for their school?

While many college athletes are in high academic standing, most Division I athletes are admitted for their athletic prowess, not their academic achievement.

Undoubtedly, some athletes believe scholarships are sufficient payment for their hard work, and being star athletes at a Division One school yields countless benefits and opportunities. Surely, it is heady stuff for a ninteen-year-old to be recognized in a sea of 40,000 students on campus, or Graphic: A. Korson to appear at packed press conferences, or even be interviewed on national television. However, as glamorous as this sounds, there’s more at play here. These benefits are just not adequate payment alone given the exhausting four year workload, and high risk of serious injury.

We at the Black & Gold believe the present model is that these collegiate players are first athletic icons of their schools who generate stratospheric revenues for their schools and conferences, and second that they are students. At a minimum, players should at least be able to negotiate when their name or image is used.

“Once students get paid, they will become greedy and want Photo: A.Olson more and more money. They will stop caring about academics and think they are pro.”

-Alex Hu ‘14

“Student athletes should be paid.

Those who have scholarPhoto: A.Olson ships worked hard to get them and they aren’t compensated enough.”

-Erin Kowal ’17

Imperative platform for all to stand upon

Brandeis University finds Ayaan Hirsi Ali’s values too extreme, cancels offered honorary degree

David Reinke

EIC & News Editor Somali-born women’s rights activist Ayaan Hirsi Ali will not be speaking at Massachusetts’ private and prestigious Brandeis University after the institution declared her values, specifically her reputably extreme views against the Muslim faith, inconcurrent with their own. This—despite offering her an honorary degree and then rescinding it based on the stated grounds. The Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) raised an overwhelming number of signatures for a petition that made the case against Ali’s past statements, and jumped to the defense of the University’s Muslim students who—they feared—would find offense in Ali’s very presence.

This sort of treatment would

A&E Editor

Fiona Muha

Sports Editor Erin Lipp

be warranted if, say, she had recently aided in an anti-islam extremist strike. Yes, I would say physical violence or treasonous action would excuse Brandeis’ decision to disinvite her, but instead Brandeis caved in to accusations that Ali is an “Islamophobe.”

Actually, Ali is a vital speaker and witness of genital mutilation and forced marriage, both things forced upon her by cultural practice in east Africa. Whether or not her opinion is too strong for your taste, there’s no point in arguing that she doesn’t have reason to feel the way she does. Awareness must be raised about these violations of humanity and that isn’t going happen until a credible speaker like Ali can freely express the horror women like her endure every day.

Photo Editors Meg Caldwell Scott Hardin

Graphics Editor

Focus Page Editor

Alex Korson

Leek Editors

Jeff Comerford Connor Hansen Margo Hoagg Dylan Huey Shaine Kearney Hunter Kelly

Allison Taphouse

Emma Caldwell

Scott Hardin Jake Myers

Feature Editor

Business Manager

Lia Williams

and said they will appeal the district NLRB ruling to the national level. The National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) and the Big Ten, as well as all other power conferences, also oppose the decision.

But we see a bit of bias here given that first tier TV revenues for Big Ten football is worth just over $1 billion, and that doesn’t even account second tier TV rights, select games and conference championship revenues.

Like employers have terms, colleges restrict players’ campus experience. Northwestern’s players are housed in a separate dormitory, and they must accept friend requests on social media from coaches so their posts can be monitored, and football alone exceeds the 40 hour work week of a 9-5 job. Training sessions, team meetings, travel,

Zach Egbert

Staff Reporters

The issue really isn’t that Ali has too-extreme views, though.

After all, the collegiate experience emphasizes an “interdisciplinary approach to knowledge and the solution of real-life problems.”

Graphic: A. Korson

At least according to Brandeis.

The issue isn’t even that the university rescinded their offer of an honorary degree, although it wouldn’t be a stretch to call

Grayson Lowe George Madison Maddi Miller John Minster Sean Monnier Matt Neumann Anders Olson Carl Rasmussen Fletcher Reyher Josie Robbins Hayley Rozema Aaron Smits Julia Vannatter Brianna Worthington

this sloppy; what’s really wrong with this situation is the questionable use of the “no platforming” tactic.

“No platforming” is bullying at its most desperate. The initial concept, conceived in the United

Kingdom by the National Union of Students (NUS), was an attempt to siphon out racism, fascism and other general hate speech in public forums, and has diluted down into quite literally hissing and booing, employing the old “na-na, I can’t hear you” philosophy of silencing the opposition.

There is hardly a way to stop the corruption of the “no platforming” tactic, to do so would be a violation of the freedom of speech. But don’t assume that the

continued, page 11

Send us an email at theblackandgold.opinion@ gmail.com or drop off a letter to the editor

Feature

Traverse City Central High School Black & Gold April 29, 2014

3

Graphic: C. Hansen

More than 50 students from eight area schools showcased their glamorous clothing creations—all assembled from recycled materials—in the 2014 “Trashion Fashion, version 7.0” show on April 12 at West Senior High School. Judges evaluated outfits based on creative design, craftsmanship and presentation, and innovative use of material. Clare Sorace and Ashley Smith, both ‘14 won the “Looks Good On You,” award and Joy Fowler ‘14 won first place overall

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Lia Williams

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Feature Editor

1.

Photo: E. Simon

Photo: S. Hardin

1. Joy Fowler ‘14 models her own paintbrush dress called “Brush Away the Blues.” “I wanted to make something that was bold and stood out,” Fowler said. “I had so many paintbrushes lying around, it inspired an art room goddess.” Fowler has entertained the idea for two years. “The hardest part was trying to get the idea out of my head and onto the dress,” Fowler said, “I didn’t know how I’d make my ideas look good on a model. I just kept coming up with ideas, I loved how it turned out in the end.”

2. Modeled by Jacqueline Ewing ‘14, Joy Fowler ‘14 received a $100 VISA gift card for her film strip dress called “Lights, Camera, Trash-on,” which won first place. “I love everything vintage, I feel like I was meant to live in the forties,” Fowler said. “I was inspired by the glamour and grace of movie stars in the forties. The dress looks like a star’s gown.” Per the judges’ suggestions, Fowler may enter her dress into a photoshoot and other competitions; one judge recommended she display it at the State Theatre. “I love all types of art, but I more enjoy ceramics and painting,” Fowler said. “I never thought I’d be designing dresses and winning.”

3. Kijlee Beehler ‘14 designed a white vintage wedding dress made out of tissue paper and duct tape, called “The White Chapel.” This is the most “themed” dress Beehler has designed in her four years participating in Trashion. “Because it was my last year, I went with the wedding dress to say farewell,” she said.

“My favorite part of Trashion would have to be the modeling, and hair and makeup, because I want to go into cosmetology as a career. I like putting things together and being a stylist.”

Photo: S. Hardin

3.

4. Sara Petersen ‘14 started drinking Coca-Cola in January to make her dress. “My dad started buying Coca-Cola bottles. I liked the caps so I started collecting them, Petersen said. “I still have the dress hanging in my closet. I could easily fix it for other contests.” Petersen also made the Pepsi suit modeled by Peter Pappas.

5. Constructed from Vogue magazine paper cranes, Celeste Anderson ‘17 was very proud, if not exhausted, from her final creation. “I could make a crane in two minutes,” Anderson said. “Now I’m sick of cranes. I worked on the dress for a month.”

6. Abby Caldwell modeled “Motorcycle Mama” for designer Olivia Favour ‘15. Rubber matting and foam circles covered the dress. “I didn’t have any idea what I was doing,” Favour said, “but it all came together. I created something unique.”

Photo: M. Hoagg

Photo: E. Simon

Finding a ‘Reason’ through her artwork Sara Reason’s ‘17 barriers of cognitive impairment—such as self expression, focus and creativity—are shattered with just one stroke of her brush

Maddi Miller

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Photo: S. Kearney

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Photo: S. Kearney

Photo: S. Kearney

Pictured above are Sara Reason’s ‘17 three entries from this year’s ArtPrize at Central.

1. Reason’s favorite piece of art is a drawing called “Prince Klaew Rama and Lady Caption.” It is inspired by Asian culture, which she studies in her free time. “I was inspired from an image I saw on the internet and I put my own spin on it,” Reason said.

2. Shown is Reason’s drawing called “Picture with a Face.” Besides shapes and lines, Reason also added a square of metal in the middle. “The metal is an original art design and gives the drawing more detail,” Reason said. “I painted the metal so the design continues coming off of it.” 3. Shown is Reason’s painting called “Eyes of the Flower.”

“The flower petals are eyes. I wanted to draw eyes because it makes me feel like I’m being watched,” Reason said. “Eyes see people, like my painting shows me.”

ity and focus.”

Washburn said Reason’s greatest struggle with her disability is “understanding her limitations. Like the fact that she will probably never drive a car or live on her own.” However, when it comes to art, those limitations are irrelevant. Reason will

Photo: E. Simon

TC Orthopedics internship prepares student for career

Sean Monnier Staff Reporter

3.

Staff Reporter

When communication restrains her, art gives Sara Reason ‘17 a voice.

“Without art, I wouldn’t know how to express what I feel and think,” Reason said. “I turn things I see in real life and in my head into fantasy. Then I put those ideas onto paper and turn it into art.”

Born cognitively impaired, Reason often struggles to understand meaning.

“Being cognitively impaired means that Sara is slower than other kids,” her mother, Becky Washburn said. “She will probably never understand things that another sixteen year-old would understand.”

For example, Reason has no sense of time, making it difficult to understand deadlines.

“To her, tomorrow means the same thing as two weeks from now,” Washburn said. “Her perspective is just different.

However, it doesn’t affect her ability to do art. It’s amazing to me, the things she does and how well she does them.”

Reason prefers drawing, especially nature, and creatures such as dragons.

However, she currently takes ceramics at school.

“I like trying all kinds of art,” Reason said. “You discover your skills by trying new things.”

Besides revealing Reason’s creativity, art has taught her important life lessons.

“When I make mistakes, I remember to think things through before I do them,” she said. “Art is a good mixture of creativ-

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take two NMC art classes this summer; her overall goal is to have a career in the field.

“I want to do digital art and cartoons, maybe also animation,” Reason said. “I will always do art for the people that matter to me, so I can show them how I feel, and also to make them happy.”

“Bet you weren’t expecting your morning to start like this,” an eighty year-old man joked, as he saw the startled look on Forest Lewallen’s ‘14 face when he opened the door to the man’s naked body.

“I walked into the room and the doctor was there,” Lewallen said. “He and I cracked up.

The doctor explained he was checking the patient’s hip incision, and invited me to check it with him.”

Lewallen spent 50 hours of his summer interning at Traverse City Orthopedics. He was able to witness a variety of procedures, but due to liability issues with the hospital, couldn’t see actual surgeries.

“I saw lots of ultrasound guided injections, movement tests, Osteopathic Manipulative Medicine, and general examinations,” Lewallen said.

“My personal favorite was seeing the needle inside the patient’s limbs in the ultrasound.

I was amazed how quickly doctors can treat a variety of injuries.”

As an intern, Lewallen not only observed procedures, but also interacted with a variety of patients—from young to elderly, athletes, to drug abusers.

Photo: S. Kearney

“One patient that sticks out is a man who had both knees replaced,” Lewallen said. “He had such good results that he insisted on crawling around on his knees. I ran and got a camera so we could document how well his fake joints were working.”

The experience Lewallen acquired while interning taught him a lot about himself.

“I learned how truly important it is to maintain a healthy lifestyle,” he said. “As an athlete myself, helping athletes recover and get back to their everyday life means a lot to me.”

Lewallen hopes to intern at Traverse City Orthopedics again this summer to prepare for his career in the medical field.

“I plan on doing something in orthopedic surgery,” he said. “I will attend Michigan State University’s Honors College. I applied for the Lyman Briggs science college and the osteopathic program.”

4 A&E

Traverse City Central High School Black & Gold April 29, 2014

Exploring the wall murals

Central’s art students discuss their inspiration and the in-depth aspects behind their murals, along with a three-step process on how to create a mural

Maddi Miller, Julia Vannatter & Matt Neumann

Graphic: A. Korson

Staff Reporters

Our resident music connoisseurs bring you the latest and greatest in this issue’s music

The mural painting process:

Aaron Smits

“Painting the mural took me about two weeks. I worked throughout my whole art class hour everyday. I painted The Old Guitarist by Pablo Picasso.

I don’t know much about the painting, but I thought it was beautiful and I was really inspired by his work. Within the painting, I liked the different types of blues. I found getting the right kind of blues very hard, but in the end I ended up getting the right shade of blue. I also thought blending the different blues together while painting was fun.” -Alma Bultsma ‘14

Staff Reporter

Photo: S. Hardin

Photo: M. Caldwell

Sketching the mural and getting the approval:

Feedback and reflections post mural completion:

“I had to draw mini sketches of ideas that I had. Then I told Mrs. Harper which one I wanted to go with, and she initialed it.

The next step was drawing that idea even bigger and nicer on a sheet of paper to see what it would look like when it was painted. We had to get that approved by Mr. Vandermolen, he wanted to make sure it didn’t promote drugs or anything like that.” -Ben Bradshaw ‘15

“I was pretty happy, but I guess at the same time it didn’t turn out how I planned. The reflections of the sun on the water are an ugly green instead of bright yellow. The people didn’t look as realistic as I hoped.

They were the hardest because I didn’t have a paint brush small enough to do the details. I was disappointed in that but overall, I was pretty happy. I did get comments saying ‘nice job,’ and ‘I like it a lot.’” -Ben Grams ‘16

Photo: A. Olson

How do you feel about others viewing your mural in the hallway?

Photo: M. Caldwell

“When I originally did the mural as a sophomore, I was worried about what people were going to think. But now I walk down the hall and say ‘hey guys, I did that’. I’ve gotten more used to seeing it there. It’s been two years since I’ve done it, and I have more confidence about it and just about my artwork in general. The patterns don’t really represent anything to me. When I was a sophomore, I was always afraid to show people my artwork. Now I still am, but I’m more willing to show people my artwork and put it out there. I am proud of having my mural there, and I feel good about having it there because it was one of the first in Central, I feel like I started something.” -Amelia Coggins ‘14

What was your mural of and what was the inspiration behind it?

How did you create it and how long did it take you to complete?

“My mural is a portrait of my dog with scenery behind it that represents me and my dog. I used a pond theme, which gives it a natural look. The scenery represents hunting which is something I do with my dog. I’m not a painter, but I do draw. I used a ruler, pencil and a couple different paint brushes. My techniques were different brush strokes and layering. I started with the water, then the grass, went over that, then the dog. The most difficult part was the black dog. It’s hard to get depth out of the dog because its all one color but you can use greys, but it’s still pretty hard. It took me probably a week-and-a-half to complete.” -Josh Endres ‘15

Photo: M. Caldwell

A student’s daily reflection through photography Joy Reist ‘14 reveals the inspiration behind her photos and her artistic process

Erin Lipp

Sports Editor On day 52 of her 365-day photography project, Joy Reist ‘14 carefully edits her repertoire of photos—some shots that she took today, others as long as a year ago—to find one that fits what she feels is just right.

Reist is doing the 365-day project with her older sister Anna, who lives in Schroon Lake, New York.

“We decided to do the project as a way to grow our photography skills,” Reist said. “It forces you to take a picture daily or reflect on a picture that was previously taken. It also allows us to connect photography with what is currently going on in the world and in our lives.”

The Reist sisters started a photography page on Facebook last July called “A Thousand Words Photography.”

“My sister and I had both been interested in photography for a while and just building an inventory,” Reist said. “We wanted to share our pictures with others and thought Facebook would be the best and easiest way to do that.”

Reist’s interest in photography was sparked years ago by a cousin in Florida.

But her interest began to wane until Anna showed her “Giving Tree Photography,” a photography page on Facebook. For Christmas two years ago, Reist asked for money towards buying a camera.

“I loved Giving Tree Photography’s work and was inspired to take my own pictures,” Reist said. “After I bought my camera, I fell in love with photography again and I have been taking pictures ever since.”

Reist enjoys candid shots. Her favorite subject: people. Especially when they are not posing for the camera.

“I think people are intriguing,” Reist said, “and I want to make them look as natural

as possible. To me, candid photography captures a moment in time.”

One of her favorite impromptu shots was of two of her good friends at a cross country meet this past fall.

“They were laughing really hard about something and happened to look at me,” Reist said. “The picture expresses their joy and happiness.”

Reist and her sister have been asked a couple times to photograph weddings but have not been available on the requested dates. They have done engagement shoots though, and have enjoyed them.

“As photographers, my sister and I are able to see the couples in love interact and see their personalities come out,” Reist said.

“The couples bring out the best in each other and it is so easy to photograph them.

They already enjoy spending time together, so we are just there to capture them together.”

Along with engagement shoots, Reist and her sister take senior photos. Because they are not on a time constraint, the sisters will travel around town to different places with their model to photograph them in places that hold meaning for them.

“Senior photos are fun because we get to focus on one person and bring out their personality,” Reist said.

Aside from photographing people, Reist enjoys capturing scenic views, small objects and anything that catches her eye. She especially likes soft-toned hues as a color palette, and soft light.

“I think muted colors look more natural,” Reist said “and I think it allows people to focus on what’s going on in the picture, instead of having high contrast and lots of colors, which can distract. I don’t hate contrast and lots of colors, but I normally prefer muted colors.”

Salad Days Funky guitarist and singer Mac Demarco’s Salad Days came out on April Fool’s Day, and it seems almost like a joke. Past efforts like his freshman Rock and Roll Night Club and his early releases under the zany pseudonym Makeout Videotape also seem sort of silly, with lewd album covers and throaty impersonations.

Thankfully, Salad Days marks a new era of maturity for Demarco. Vocals are devoid of the inexperienced hiccups and mutations that riddled Rock and Roll Night Club. Riffs and percussion are more polished, and everything seems to mesh together. Transitions are flawless, and Demarco’s knack for writing foot-tapping-good jams really shines. Salad Days stands as a logical sequel on Demarco’s continuum of groove mastery.

Sitting right in the middle of the tracklist, “Chamber of Reflection” opens with an sluggish, ominous synth line and a slack drum clatter. Mac’s high pitch and bassists Pierce McGarry’s slow groove elicit a beautiful juxtaposition, and Demarco truly portrays his musical mastery. Slow easy grooves like “Goodbye Weekend” sound like his album 2 playing at three quarter speed. Later, Demarco’s focus shifts to more psychedelic, layered arrangements in the likes of “Passing Out Pieces”.

Stylistically divergent tracks are a welcome detour from the well established Mac Demarco rock denomination. If nothing else, the changes will continue to manifest themselves into even better songs on a new album in the future.

Instrumental outro “Johnny’s Odyssey” ends with a personal thank you from Mac, and it leaves listeners chomping at the bit, clamoring for more.

Jake Myers Leek Editor

EIC & News Editor

In addition to light, color and contrast, Reist likes to experiment with depth of field—where either the background is blurred, which makes the foreground pop, or vise versa: the background is in focus and the foreground is blurred.

One of her favorite pictures, taken on a cloudy day right outside her house, was of a puddle on a gravel road with the reflection of a tree. Reist shot the photo two different ways: one with the puddle blurred and the surrounding gravel in focus, and the other with the puddle and tree reflection in focus and the surrounding gravel blurry.

“I like focusing on different things because it can take the same image and completely change what you see,” Reist said.

“To me, this picture makes the ordinary into something remarkable because although it I just a puddle, it also acted as a mirror reflecting the tree.”

Reist’s sister and business partner have applied for a summer internship with a photographer. Next year in college Reist plans to take some photography classes, although she is not sure if she would choose it as her major.

“My sister and I are planning on having our photography business on the side and see where it goes from there,” Reist said.

Avey Tare’s Slasher Flicks

Avey Tare, the frontEnter The man of ever-evolving Slasher experimental outfit House Animal Collective, is back after his main band’s 2012 release, Centipede Hz,—a noisy record with a dense mixture of effects and samples.

Avey Tare’s third solo/semi-solo album (Tare wrote all the songs) stirs up the formula with a new band, consisting of ex-Dirty Projectors member Angel Deradoorian on keys and backup vocals, and ex-Ponytail drummer Jeremy Hyman, under the moniker Avey Tare’s Slasher Flicks.

The first single “Little Fang” was a savory treat leading up to the release of Enter the Slasher House, a snappy pop tune that was one of the most straightforward songs Tare has ever released. It was a separation from Animal Collective’s orbit, giving Slasher Flicks an exciting new identity and a fresh take on Tare’s music with new musicians.

Unfortunately, Enter the Slasher House’ suffers from the same fate as Centipede Hz. The mix is cluttered, the hooks don’t hook, and many songs limp awkwardly from section to section, sometimes running into dead ends, leaving the listener confused.

At the heart of the album, lengthy should-be centerpiece songs “Roses On The Window” and “The Outlaw” fail to deliver, dragging on too long and getting drowned out by bubbly electronics. “The Outlaw” demonstrates the pitfalls of the album. Transitioning from a promising spooky synth line, the song moves frustratingly into a clumsy refrain. “The outlaw is the future!” Tare screams, only, where Tare’s shouting used to be a pleasing catharsis, it now drags obnoxiously on.

Enter The Slasher House does have its great moments. “A Sender,” “Little Fang,” “That It Won’t Grow,” and “Modern Days E” sound the least like any Animal Collective song Tare has penned, and are coincidentally the best tracks. Avey Tare’s music has always succeeded when he evolved his sound from previous attempts, but here he stagnates, and only reiterates what he has done before.

David Reinke

Photos: courtesy of Joy Reist

Mac Demarco

Thee Oh Sees

Drop Returning from an indefinite one-year hiatus, Thee Oh Sees don’t have much ground left to tread; their macabre catalogue of raunch-tastic rock satisfies fans and converts non-believers. So when the band announced the totally unexpected Drop, the collective sigh of apprehension was audible.

Though their music is most often marked as experimental and psychedelic (Drop delves into these genres more than ever before), on their latest collaboration, the band’s garage, punk and classic rock influences are just as pronounced in the beginning.

Opening track, “Penetrating Eye,” begins with some bubbly electronic bleeps, and then, as if to say, “just screwin’ with ya,” jarringly dissolves into pounding bass, coarsely textured guitar work and some sounds that I can only assume are the first-time-recorded screams of a banshee. The next few tracks follow the general trend of traditional rock music, grungy bass crawls by crashing cymbals and snares, defining the first half of the album as a rehash—a successful hash—of their old work.

Nearing the end, the album melds into their more psychedelic dealings, which in light of Drop and previous work, Floating Coffin’s “Minotaur,” are the moments where Thee Oh Sees truly find themselves floating feet from the groundwork. These more nasally tracks culminate in the newlyminted authoritative text on 60’s throw-back, “The Lens.”

Never before could components as individually dismal as droll brass horns, a flat string accompaniment and cringeworthy lyrics like, “Even though it’s gray today I could feel you near me dear,” come together to make such perfection.

Only time will tell if Thee Oh Sees will slip up. Not to say that they haven’t before, but Drop would be a tough act to follow for any contemporary rock band.

Social Media

Traverse City Central High School Black & Gold April 29, 2014

Like it, share it, favorite it

The Black & Gold polled 100 students about which social media application they prefer using and why they enjoy it TWITTER

FACEBOOK

TUMBLR

Twitter is currently one of the most popular apps, allowing users to connect with others while expressing thoughts and feelings.

Tumblr is an app that allows users to successfully manage and run their own blog. Tumblr bloggers can post anything to represent themselves— from videos, music, pictures or text.

Facebook is a free social media app that allows users to keep in touch with friends or family giving them the ability to chat and post photos.

“Twitter loads fast on my phone. It feels like Photo: A. Olson a convenient way to get constant updates from the people I enjoy following.”

-Brad Wozniak ‘14

“On Tumblr there aren’t all the social issues that there are on other sites. I’m not known so I don’t Photo: S. Kearney worry about what other people think about my posts.” -Mitchell Mosley ‘15

“I like Facebook because it has everything I like includPhoto: A. Olson ing pictures, notifications and seeing what’s going on with my friends.

Some other social media sites just don’t have it all. Facebook is all of my social media put in to one.” -Joyce Chupp ‘16

Tumblr has 1.68 million blogs and has about 120,000 news users signing up daily.

Katy Perry has the most Twitter followers with 52.5M followers.

27%

Twitter has 645.75 million active users with about 135,000 new members joining daily.

7%

24%

Facebook has 1.26 Billion active users with over.

10%

Mark Zuckerberg’s network is $25.3 billion.

%

13

INSTAGRAM

“I prefer to use Instagram over other social mePhoto: Photo:A.A.Olson Olson dia apps because I find there is not as much drama as the others. There’s not as many personal opinions on other peoples lives as much as on Facebook.”

-Emma Kosch ‘17 There are over 100 million users on Instagram through out the world.

19%

Instagram is a way to capture and share photos with other users. Filters are used to create a fresh and clean effect to any picture that is uploaded.

Graphic: C. Hansen

SNAPCHAT Snapchat is a social media app that allows you to not only look your worst but feel your best by sending funny and outrageous photos to your friends for as long as ten seconds.

“I prefer Snapchat because you don’t have to continuously carry on a conversation. You can just Photo: A. Olson send funny faces and add words if needed but, it’s a more exciting way of communicating rather than just texting back and forth.” -Madeline Kemp ‘15 Snapchat has over 4.6 million silly faced active users in the United States.

SOUNDCLOUD

Soundcloud is a music app that allows people to post their own music or to repost music from their favorite artist to a unique profile that describes them

“I like to use SoundCloud because I don’t have Photo: A. Olson to deal with other people and their stupid opinions. I just love the music on here and there’s always something new to discover.” -Hanna Helton ‘16 There are over 200 million listeners and 40 million users registered to be able to post their own music onto SoundCloud.

5

A platter of apps

Some apps really have what it takes in this demanding world.

Others, however, just can’t cut it Note: All reviews rated on 5 “stars”

Hunter Kelly & Josie Robbins Staff Reporters

Pinterest Pinterest is a visual discovery app that allows people to group or “pin” items based off of their interests. It’s like a blog that’s organized kinda encyclopedia style, by category. Pinterest is one of the newest and best tools if you are looking for vacation and travel information, helpful hints Graphic: I. Baillie to repurpose a room or remodel your home, or even how to cook, say, gourmet macaroni and cheese. You can share your pins on Facebook to stir up some good conversation. Though the app does freeze on occasion, it is still one of the best in social media. If you are interested in receiving or giving helpful tips with someone who shares your interests, Pinterest is a must have app.

Find my iPhone While the adult world might not believe it, teens are always misplacing their phones. From the second we get up in the morning to the moment we go to bed, our phones are omnipresent. Until they’re not.

PANIC! OMG! WHERE IS MY LIFE? Well, unless you accidentally dropped your phone in the drink, Graphic: I. Baillie panic no more. Assuming you can find another iOS device, you can activate Track My iPhone. It works like some new-fangled triangulation off satellites’ GPS. Bing. The app tracks your phone, revealing geographical coordinates. Well, location, as in streets and terrain. Track My iPhone emits a loud and obnoxious beep that runs continuously until your lost lifeline is retrieved and unlocked. We say the only drawback is Apple needs to figure out how to make Track My iPhone work when your phone is powered off. If your phone is off or dead, sayonara.

Skin of the Day Skin of the Day is a new iPhone app where a new and unique skin is introduced everyday at noon.

The skins come in different styles, making them appealing to vast array of smartphone users. You gotta give up your personal contact info, but once you fill out the required fields, you select that day’s skin, and Graphic: I. Baillie Skin of the Day zips off your new skin for free. The graphics are hot, hot, hot; your fellow hipsters will be ever so jelly. Our fave is the Ben and Jerry’s, which is feted with the company’s logo in a grass-green, to sky blue backdrop. Drawbacks are that sometimes the app takes a while to load, most skins are in limited supply and go fast, and skins are sent via snail mail, with an almost two-week turnaround, but it’s worth the wait. After all, who doesn’t need to cover up their backside now and again?

Slader We, as teenagers, always wish our “homework could be done for us,” well, now it can! Slader is one of the easiest escapes out of doing your science and math homework.

Slader mimics Wikipedia in the sense that people can add their work and correct answers to the app. It’s simple, find the book that Graphic: I. Baillie matches yours found under some dirty close in your room, look up page 57, question twelve and boom...your AB Calc. homework is finished. Answers are added by college and high school students and are meant for college and high school students.

Although this app does sound like peaches and cream, it’s going to suck when you flunk. Use at your own risk.

Information: courtesy of CNBC and Wikipedia

Redefining the uses for smartphone applications

Students throughout the school are using social media in new and unique ways Hunter Kelly & Josie Robbins Staff Reporters

Graphic: H. Kelly

We cut our teeth on social media; we grew up keeping in touch with friends and family, but Sarah Berry ‘17 and Graham BeVier ‘14, have innovated the digital mode of our generation.

Berry started off her Student Senate campaign by reaching out to her peers on Twitter; her username is @Sarah4senate. Bailey Versluis and Erin Kowal, both ‘17 run Berry’s Twitter because they know her well, and understand her campaign goals. They try to capture Berry’s humorous charm by tweeting photos of her cropped into berries or famous landmarks, or cropped next to political figures. Berry’s catchy and humorous slogans feature captions like: “The Berry best choice for Senate.”

“Humor attracts more students,” Kowal said. “We’re just trying to make students laugh. Everyone knows that Sarah is super funny already, and that’s just her personality.

So the Twitter account shows who she is and what kind of senator she will be.”

Aside from getting herself elected, another goal of Berry’s Twitter campaign is to create buzz around campus for the election as a whole, for everyone who is running.

“As a senator, I want to introduce others to things that may be out of their comfort zone, such as dances or even

participating in Spirit Week,” Berry said. “Senate is a class that has helped me create relationships with people I would not otherwise have. It has gotten me involved in various events and activities. Twitter seems to be a great way to communicate with students, because almost everyone here has an account.”

But Twitter is not the only social media app being used creatively.

BeVier and his band, Mount Elsewhere, also use social media to update fans. They use SoundCloud as a way to upload their music to the public. There, group posts their songs in vari-

ous genres.

“We like to explore around with the types of music we make,” BeVier said. “We do have one or two Dubstep songs that we have posted, but for the most part, we just like to play around and see what we come up with.”

SoundCloud helps Mount Elsewhere know what genres of music fans prefer, and which songs are getting the most plays. The site allows people to like and comment on their work, and even reblog to expand their fanbase.

“SoundCloud has been a really great tool.

Without it we would be spending a lot more trying to get our music out,” BeVier said. “The expenses to distribute our music would be too high for us. Plus, the app is easily accessible and easy to use. It has been a fantastic support system for the band.”

Page Credit: Hunter Kelly and Josie Robbins

6 Sports Three steps into spring sports

Traverse City Central High School Black & Gold April 29, 2014

Aside from Central’s tradition of being successful, each team has their own traditions that continue off the competitive field. Here coaches and players discuss their traditions

Erin Lipp

Sports Editor The first order of business after the Trojan girls Varsity Tennis team has been established: choosing secret sisters for the season.

Secret sisters are kept throughout the entire season and they deliver presents about every other match.

“I think the secret part of this fun tradition really helps us bond because we really try to listen whenever our secret sister is talking about what she likes,” Paige Cooley ‘15, a three year varsity player and a co-captain, said. “I’ve given many gifts that I had no idea if my secret sister would like it or not, but for some of them she said, ‘These are my favorite!’ So it just helps us get to know everyone’s personality.”

Cooley has been on varsity since her freshman year and being able to learn about all of her older teammates really helped her feel like a part of the team.

“It was really welcoming because my secret sister was a senior, so I really had to try to get to know her,” Cooley said. “Coming on some teams as a freshman might be kind of scary but the secret sister tradition really helps all of us bond together.”

The team captain in 2006, Erin Chadwell, who was also a state champion, started this tradition nine years ago.

“This tradition is really fun to watch throughout the season and it does help build relationships,” Head Coach Larry Nykerk said.

As the season progresses and the girls become closer, the gifts become more personalized, and many start daring gag gifts.

“Everyone on the team says I’m scary when I play, even though I don’t really know why,” Cooley said. “So I got a Frankenstein mask. Molly Whiting always sleeps in the car on the way to and from tournaments no matter what’s going on, so she got a pillow.

They’re funny because they fit our personalities perfect.”

As their season comes close to an end, before States, the girls get their secret sister a bigger gift. Cooley received a sweatshirt and some Cherry Republic delicious treats. When banquet time comes around, the secret sisters have the big reveal.

“We go around the table and try to guess who our secret sister was,” Cooley said.

“Some people are really secretive so it can be hard to guess. But all the time spent learning about each other helps us work as a team.”

1. State Performance D1

-23 Regional titles, ranked top 10 in state for 33 years, top 5 18 times

2. Number of Players -39 total, 12 on Varsity

3. Average Practice Time -2 hours a day

Here we explore an aspect of four different spring sports to learn the intricate technique that is hidden by TC Central’s skilled athletes

“

Rugby

Photos: A. Olson

When the ball goes out of bounds, players execute a line-out by creating a tower to catch the ball and re-start the game. Gonzalo Osorio ‘14 signals that he is ready to receive the ball.

“

Everything comes together when the first steps, the run and take-off, are good. Taking the vault one step at a time and knowing how each step affects the other steps is the most important aspect of pole vaulting.

-Graceanne Tarsa ‘14

Golf

”

Once the players gain possession of the ball, Osorio stands by to receive it.

The ball must remain in possession of Osorio’s team, otherwise they will lose the advantage of a successful line-out.

Upon receiving the ball, Osorio must decide whether to run with it or pass it. Unlike football, there are no stops between plays, so he must trust his reflexes and make a quick decision.

“

Pitching is a lot more complicated than it appears to be from looking at a picture. It looks like you jump off the mound and the ball just flies, but your timing and your rhythm have to be so in sync and put together.

-Ryan Schiller ‘14

”

”

Pole Vault

Photos: courtesy of T. Moreno

After building up speed on the runway, Graceanne Tarsa ‘15 plants her pole and drives her knee, which will launch her off the ground. Her arms are extended in preparation for the rest of the vault.

Planting the pole properly creates an arc, which Tarsa uses to swing her body up. She uses the momentum created by her previous actions to pull herself above the bar.

Photos: S. Hardin

In his backswing, Danny Brott ‘15 makes sure to set up a good swing on an even plane. He keeps his grip firm, but not hard. Brott rotates his hips with the club as it comes back.

Speed, agility, and intelligence can be more useful than strength. Rugby isn’t like football where the coach tells you what to do. You have to know the game and make fast, automatic decisions without thinking about it.

-Gonzalo Osorio ‘14

At initial contact, Brott hits the ball in the center of the clubface with maximum speed on impact. His wrists snap closed and his hands have to turn over slightly as he proceeds out of contact.

Brott transfers his weight during his follow-through, as he stays in balance with his chest pointed at the target. Brott’s eyes remain fixed on the ground until three-fourths of his swing is complete.

Softball

Photos: M. Caldwell

Using her legs as a solid foundation, Ryan Schiller ‘14 begins her underhand pitch by winding her arm to prepare.

This step is needed to gain the momentum necessary to complete the pitch.

By driving her left leg up and launching herself off the pitcher’s mound, Schiller creates enough power to hurl the ball to the catcher faster. Pitchers who use their legs are less likely to become fatigued.

Tarsa will then twist her body over the bar and throw the pole, which prevents the pole from falling back on the bar.

If the pole does fall back, the jump is counted as a scratch during a meet.

“

The mental game of golf is by far the hardest aspect. It’s so hard to keep your composure at times. My favorite part about it is that you don’t know how every shot will end up or when you’ll hit the perfect shot.

-Danny Brott ‘15

”

The type of pitch Schiller is planning on completing will determine where she releases the ball. Most of the time, she will release at her hip and then snap her wrist like she’s slamming a door.

Story Credits: Brianna Worthington & Zach Egbert

The Thunder squirrels flex their muscles early this season

Fourteen seniors lead their experianced team to an early 3-0 record as well as building recognition throughout the community. The Thunder Squirrels battle for the top spot in the NMLC and reveal their talent with many players moving ahead

Zach Egbert

Business Manager Last Friday the Thunder Squirrels trampled the Saint Francis Crusaders with a dominating performance of 11-1. Chris Bennett ‘14 finished with five goals, alongside his fellow senior Brett Spanski ‘14 with three clutch assists. The four year Varsity Squirrels led their squad to an undefeated 3-0 on the season.

Before the team digs into their opponent on the field, Captain Jacob Gerstner ‘14 huddles the team and begins a low humming battle cry. The hum soon turns into yelling and finally the team breaks with a “1, 2, 3 KABOOM!” The Thunder Squirrels are ready for war.

“We have a great senior class,” Head Coach Liberty Provost said. “I just expect them to work hard every day and elevate their game. Effort and improvement is what I wanna see. The guys that really love it, just do it.”

Provost is assisted by Junior Varsity Head Coach Tim Kearney and Defensive Coordinator Greg Graetz. The team dresses a 38 man roster that fills both Varsity and J.V. units.

“We take each practice as a tryout,” Gerstner said. “If one guy’s working harder than another, then he’s gonna get the start. Miss a few practices and your spot is up for grabs.”

The Thunder Squirrels compete in the Northern Michigan Lacrosse Conference (NMLC) with seven other club organizations around the area. Currently ranked second below the Petoskey Northmen, the Squirrels have strong goals for the season.

“For years they have been a step under us as a team,” Gerstner said. “But recently they are right with us and have taken the league cup the past two years. This year we are taking it back.”

Looking ahead into the season, the Thunder Squirrels also play four to five Varsity teams a year. With a power rating (rating based on margin of victory calculations) of 78.95 overall and a 92.4 in the league, they are viable contenders for the league championship. The number of players taking their skills to the collegiate level this fall indicates the team’s incredible talent. Spanski signed to play Division I at Detroit Mercy University last Wednesday, and Gerstner intends to play defense for Western Washington University’s club team. Additionally, Joe Videki ‘14 will possibly play club lacrosse at Grand Valley State University.

Photo: A. Olson

“I try to focus on whatever responsibilities I have on the field and try to execute them,” Joe Videki ‘14 said. “This year means a lot to the team and we all want to live up to our potential.”

Even though the game is tense, choice words permeate and the penalties fly with no remorse; the Squirrels always find room for fun.

“When Chris and I score a goal,” Spanski said, “we will fake like we’re gonna chest bump and then salute each other. Jack Brewer [‘15] always does a bow and arrow impression after he scores and Yani Beeker [‘14] just goes absolutely ballistic. It’s just good fun and little bit to show off too.”

But off the field, the team’s status as a club sport, and not school-funded, has its drawbacks. The team has lost substantial field time due to crowded practice facilities this year. From working the Bayshore Marathon in the spring and the Ice Man in the fall, everyone helps volunteer throughout the year to raise money for the Squirrels.

“We can’t go downstate all the time (during the regular season) because we just don’t have enough funds for that,” Provost said.

“But we do pretty well when we go down there and I feel like our guys can hold our own against pretty much everyone in the state.”

The club program advantages include year-round practice and summer tournaments. This substantially improves team chemistry and camaraderie amongst the group. Some of the most memorable moments with Coach Provost are during the long road trips to Detroit blasting oldies rock music.

“It’s just a lot of old, weird, music that I don’t know and nobody really likes it, but it’s always pretty funny,” Spanksi said.

Looking ahead for the future of the program, some players want the chance to face the best competition in the state.

“To be able to be apart of the MHSAA bracket would be a dream come true for the program,” Gerstner said. ”We would get to make an impact in the Michigan lax scene, we would grow as a program and make a name for Thunder Lacrosse.”

Magazine

Traverse City Central High School Black & Gold April 29, 2014

Track & Field

Photo: A. Olson

Photo: A. Olson

Photo: A. Olson

Photo: S. Hardin

Photo: A. Olson

2.

Photo: S. Hardin

Photo: A. Olson

Photo: S. Hardin

7

Photo: S. Hardin

3.

4.

1.

1.) Max Knoblock ‘14 (upper left), Adam Foster ‘14 (upper right), Ciera Dean ‘15 (bottom left) and John Piatek ‘14 (bottom right) all throw discus at the April 16 home meet against Gaylord. Piatek took first with an impressive 153 feet. 2.)

Gracie Failor and Shaylee McAuliffe, both ‘17, celebrate after Failor achieved a new personal record in the 1600 meter race. “It was challenging but also rewarding,” Failor said. “We do a lot of hard workouts to prepare for meets so that made me feel ready.” 3.)

Receiving the baton from Devante Walker ‘17 in the 4x200 meter relay, Terrell Solberg ‘17 breaks away immediately after the hand off. Walker and Solberg’s team came in second during the meet against Gaylord, right behind another team from Central. 4.) In the 100 meter hurdle race, Scarlett Zerafa ‘16, Ashley Smith, Maddy Weatherholt, and Brianna Worthington, all ‘14, jump over the final hurdle. “It’s important to keep your step right,” Weatherholt said. “If I don’t, the whole race gets messed up for me. I’m better at the hundred, the three hundred takes a lot more out of you.” 5.) Taran Lutes, Justin Roy, both ‘15, and James Brumfield ‘17 all launch upwards and outwards in the long jump.

“That was my first time long jumping,” Brumfield said.

“The hardest part is getting the steps right.”

Photo: S. Hardin

5.

8 Magazine

Traverse City Central High School Black & Gold April 29, 2014

Artists in their natural habitat Page Layout: Ivy Baille, Margo Hoagg, Shaine Kearney, & Meg Caldwell

I’m a-MUSE-d Muse: (noun) inspiration, something that appeals on a deeper level

Photo: M. Caldwell

Photo: I. Baillie

1.

“We were focusing on surrealism. My piece evolved into Photo: M. Caldwell kind of a pessimistic view about people and what people in TC and Michigan do with their lives.”-Emily Andreasson ’17

Photo: M. Hoagg

Photo: M. Hoagg

Photo: I. Baillie

3.

“I look around and see something Photo: M. Caldwell that I can use as a design. I examine shapes around me and then when I’m in class, I try to copy the lines and textures that I’ve seen.”Marine Caldarola ’14

2.

Photo: K. Yantz

Photo: M. Caldwell

1.) Andrew Machelski ‘14, adds the finishing touches to his latest coil pot in Ceramics.

“It’s my favorite type of pot to make because it is the easiest,” Machelski said. “This is my second time taking Ceramics.” 2.)

Colin Reece ’16 works on a pendent in Metals and Jewelry. “I like using the torches, it can apply to careers in the future,” Reese Photo: I Ballie said. “Overall, I just like to be creative.

I like the metals and how some of them will change colors when they’re lit with the torch.” 3.) Susie Ness ’15 paints a gradation scale.

“I like using colors to try and portray something. I like how I can kind of change a little bit of reality, so whatever I’m painting doesn’t have to look the same as it does in real life.” 4.) Kat Huff ‘15 draws Paxton Anderson ’14. “People in particular are challenging because you see them all the time but you don’t see them realistically,” Huff said. “I find it rewarding to be able to draw someone and make it look realistic.” 5.) Brianne Munch ’14 works on a card during her focus on pairs. “I was doing the sun and the moon paired together. I would rather draw than paint. With drawing, you have more control of shading.” 6.) “I like using the wheel. It’s almost like working in a machine shop,” Nathan Olson ‘16 said. “I like that I can just carve it up because I like to make shapes that are smooth, but funky.”

4.

“My favorite picture is one of an owl that I took up Photo: S. Kearney in Canada. Nature is beautiful. It’s rare to come across such a cool moment in wildlife so just always keep your eye open.” -Kaitlyn Yantz ’15

5.

Photo: M. Caldwell

Photo: I. Baille

6.

“I’m making a Photo: M. Caldwell panda sculpture. I like animals, and all my ceramics go to people. I give them away because other people want them and I like to give them to people.” -Tabitha Burris ’14

Traverse City Central High School Black & Gold April 29, 2014

Your sibling’s favorite...

Brothers and sisters are put to the test as they try to guess their counterparts’ answers to questions posed by the Black & Gold

...Color?

...Movie?

er

ss

answ

gue

Molly Peregrine ‘14

uess

g

Kelly Peregrine ‘16

r

g

Delaney Miller ‘14

ss

gue

Anthony Miller ‘14

er answ

Alexis Walter ‘14

Rachel Walter ‘15

...Video Game?

r

As kids, we fought with our brothers and sisters, pulling their hair, and chasing them around the house. As more mature young adults...well...it’s the same story

Hayley Rozema Staff Reporter

...Drink?

...TV Show?

r

ss

e answ

Love & hate

Liam Simon ‘17

Emma Simon ‘16

ss gue

e answ

9

Megan & Amanda Eshelman

...Ice Cream? uess

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e answ

Siblings

e answ

gue

Photo: courtesy of Megan & Amanda Eshelman

Megan ‘15 and Amanda ‘17 Eshlman know the hair-pulling fights and hair-braiding memories associated with sisterhood.

“She’s always there if I need something,” Amanda said.

“Whether it is homework, or someone to talk to. I broke my leg last year and she did pretty much did everything for me until I got better.”

And like many who share a blood bond, Megan and Amanda’s experiences together began as babes.

“When we were younger we had pink little Barbie cars,” Amanda said. “We would always drive them around the front yard and bump into each other.”

However, sharing more than memories can be difficult for siblings, especially when it comes to school.

“I don’t like her being friends with my friends and me being friends with her friends,” Megan said. “When she went to the middle school I never really had to deal with that, because she was at her school and I was at mine.”

Amanda agrees.

“When she talks to my friends I think it’s weird,” Amanda said. “I’m always like, ‘What are you doing?’ We all know the same people and she tries to get in my business.”

Even though the sisters try to respect each other’s social circles, there is one thing that seems to universally get girls in trouble: the wardrobe.

“I hate how she steals all of my clothes,” Megan said.

“She’ll go downstairs and take like ten things, and then I’ll be left with just a sweatshirt.”

Although the sisters have their ups and downs, at the end of the day they’re very thankful for each other.

“I like how she’s kind of a best friend to me,” Megan said. “She’s always there for me when I need someone to talk to. I tell her a lot of things and I can trust she won’t tell anyone.”

Hannah & Michael Fink

Katy Zimmerman ‘14

Maddy Zimmerman ‘17

Nate Reicha ‘14

John Reicha ‘17 All Cutouts: C. Hansen & A. Korson

All Content: Ivy Baillie, Jeff Comerford, Hayley Rozema

Seeing in double vision: twin sisters While Brooke and Paige MacKinnon, both ‘14, may look alike, their personalities defy stereotypes and are anything but the same

Allison Taphouse Focus Page Editor

Even on the first day of kindergarten, Brooke and Paige Mackinnon, both ‘14, already had an acquaintance, unlike the rest of their new classmates.

They had each other—fraternal twins, fraternal friends.

“It’s nice having that best friend wherever you go,” Paige said. “But growing up, a lot of twin stereotypes were made about us.

We aren’t the same person, we don’t do everything together—we are two different people.”

Figuratively connected at the hip, the girls easily made friends together. This closeness gave them the strength and confidence to break out of their shells.

“We sometimes have the same friends that we have met together,” Brooke said. “But when we don’t, I always want to involve her with my other friendships and often times we will become friends with each other’s friends.”

But the pair doesn’t always mix their relationships because they enjoy being individuals.

“I have my own friend group in choir,” Paige said. “It’s nice to have that group where I’m known for me, as myself.”

Even though their genetic makeup is similar, their skills are not.

“Paige is a lot better at school than me,” Brooke said. “But she doesn’t make me feel bad about it, but rather, she helps me with a lot of my homework.”

However, Paige’s weaknesses is Brooke’s strength: social interactions.

“Brooke is more social than me,” Paige said. “She’s always on the phone talking to all of her friends

Photo: S. Hardin

and making plans. I just have my job and school.”

Both the girls are continuing their education next year. They’ve only ever been a part for a week, so the split will be a challenge.

“Paige is going to Grand Valley and I’ll be here at NMC,” Brooke said. “So we will definitely be FaceTiming a lot, and I’ll probably have to go visit her as much as I can.”

Although apprehensive about being away from her mirror image, Paige can’t wait to become more independent and have new experiences on her own. Despite the oncoming separation, she knows she’ll survive, maybe even flourish.

“It’s going to be weird because we’ve never been a part,” Paige said. “But I think it will bring us closer together, and our relationship will grow when we aren’t seeing each other all the same. The distance will help.”

Brooke shares the same optimism.

“She’s simply my bestfriend,” Brooke said.

“When I need to talk, she’s always there and I know I can trust her. I never feel alone, because I have her, always.”

Photo: courtesy of MacKinnon family

Photo: S. Hardin

Brother and sister Hannah ‘15 and Michael ‘16 Fink have, well, what is known as rather a love-hate relationship.

“Michael has given me a black eye before,” Hannah said.

“One time I was on the computer and he was behind me.

He tapped on my shoulder and I turned around and he punched me in the face for no reason.”

Even though Michael has done some pretty wretched things to Hannah, she has always gotten her payback.

“One time I did something really bad and she found out,” Michael said. “She kept it a secret for a while but when she got mad at me, she went to our parents and told them what I did. I was grounded for a really long time.”

The fact that Hannah is a grade above Michael works to his advantage; he gets the campus downlow straightaway.

“I like how she knows a lot of people so I know her friends,” Michael said. “She knows a lot of teachers so she’ll tell me what to expect.”

Throughout their careers, Hannah has loved having Michael at the same schools, especially these last few years since Michael has played hockey because she rarely gets a chance to see him at home.

“Our schedules are so different,” Hannah said. “I’m usually with friends and he’s always doing hockey things, and right now he’s in drivers training, so it’s even harder to spend time with him.”

Some of the best memories that Hannah and Michael share are back when they were younger.

“When we went to middle school together, we had classes together and he would always get in trouble. It was the funniest thing,” Hannah said.

Michael is very appreciative of the things Hannah does for him.

“She’ll always drive me places when my parents can’t,” Michael said. “She cooks me food and basically does whatever I tell her to do.”

Even though Hannah and Michael have their occasional face-punches, taunts, ups and downs, still, they appreciate each other and their shared childhood.

“It’s fun having someone at your house all the time that you can hang out with,” Hannah said. “I was really happy when I found out I was going to have a little brother.”

10 Ads

Traverse City Central High School Black & Gold April 29, 2014

The Black & Gold thanks our donors Laura Reyher, Todd Muha, and The Worthingtons

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Traverse City Central High School Black & Gold April 29, 2014

11

Ivy Baillie’s Reality TV Column Continued from second page olds and the promise of some hair pulling and name calling.

Their audience got used to it, grew up, and demanded more. I am jaded to the extreme opulence that the Kardashians live in, it is normal to me. It is so normal that I can make these people, who I will never meet and never know, as real as you reading this. When Kanye West proposed to Kim, I watched from my couch the roman candles going off on the baseball diamond and the full string orchestra playing for them. I cried. I cried because I was strangely happy for Kim. My dad would never cry over the Kardashians. His generation can only lose themselves in reality TV, captivated by just how appalling everything is.

As an adolescent I am already so accustomed to the falsification of the media surrounding me that I don’t find escape in Keeping up with the Kardashians. It’s funny and it’s entertaining, but I’m 17.

Which means, that, I’m often so en-

grossed in my culture, my surroundings, and my persona that my very essence feels detached from reality to some point.

My peers and I live in the same state that reality TV is filmed in--one of constant disbelief and detachment. But my dad, and those other mid-lifers grasp onto the glamorized, even alien paradox of falsifying the truth to make a show feel and look more...real, truthful.

For a while I kept on wondering why the History Channel, Discovery, Animal Planet, even National Geographic made the move from informative, dare I say sometimes boring, shows to Ice Road Truckers, American Pickers and Storage Wars. The majority of their audiences aren’t those invested in youth culture, scrambling for a piece of this falsified pie. They are adults, like my dad.

Maybe this is the break from reality that our elders need. Let’s give them their space.

David Reinke’s Reality TV Column Continued from second page to pawn its way into a second season.

Fast forward another few years, and that show has more knock-offs than a Target resale-rack. You’ve got your American Pickers, the show about nothing that has more viewers than Seinfeld ever did, your Dancing With The Stars, on its 50th season with an all Food Network Chefs celebrity cast and your The Vanilla Ice Project’s whose entire audience consists of 90’s rap fanatics. My threshold for plotline is pretty low already, but on a scale of interest that goes from one to ten, these shows get a combined score of negative six.

Now many of you will vehemently disagree with me, but that’s only because you’ve never listened to an argument about mindless junk without the Honey Boo Boo subtitles, before. At this rate, the future of television is not looking too great when Cake Boss is looking like The Godfather of TV. But who knows. Maybe... just maybe...this new show, The Safecrackers, which as the title slyly suggests is about cracking safes, will pave the way for some really truly edgy shows. Perhaps we’ll get to see a pilot for the Shamwow Guy’s jail-time meets Keeping Up With the Kardashians project, after all.

“No platforming” strikes again Continued from second page the issue is one of censorship, for it is within an individual’s and an organization’s right to pressure venues to disallow the inclusion of opposing viewpoints, even if that allows CAIR to petition against Ali, like it did.

Instead, the task of quashing and preventing “no platform” tactics will fall on the backbone of

the forum itself. In the case of Brandeis, the lack of resolve is evident, but CAIR’s argument that Ali’s opinions would have been detrimental to students’ education is unfounded.

God forbid we hear something contrary to our beliefs.

These actions just go to show that people still can’t distinguish between hear-

Application deadline for 3D printer appeal draws near.

Continued from front page

say and heresy. I urge all to open up their minds to the possibility that their faiths (or lack thereof) may not be entirely correct. The only way satisfactory truths can be concluded is through healthy debate, and while “no platforming” tactics continue, that’s simply not a possibility.

the school as well as planned uses for the printer.

“The basic strategy behind our application was really to be creative because it was a requirement for the written out application,” Jake Lesoski said. “We really branched out with the ideas we brought.”

Applying schools must

Students continue to hike up netbook damage Continued from front page Tech teacher Nick Jeffrey finds netbooks to be critical to success in some of his classes. Like Paul, Jeffrey also has a permanent cart in his classroom.

“Sometimes it is challenging to help a student access and progress in the curriculum if they don’t have the proper tools,” Jeffrey said.

“Lesson plans can rely heavily on the students using netbooks to access and interact with new material and explore new content or new concepts.”

Many of Jeffrey’s students claim they cannot afford the repair fees, so they cannot get their damaged machines back. According to Principal Toby Tisdale, a select few actually work to pay off fees.

“If a family has difficulty paying it, we can usually work out a

also create a 90-second video to further convey their intentions as to the 3D printer’s uses.

“We have a lot of teacher support and I think it really shows it in the video,” Lesoski said.

Although Central’s application has not yet been submitted, some teachers have considered the pos-

financing plan,” Tisdale said. “If that is not possible, we can make an exception, and we look at them doing some work to get rid of the fine.”

Tisdale tends to see this as a last resort as it does not really cover the monetary loss the school has to take on to repair the damages.

“All it really does is hold the student responsible, which is still important,” Tisdale said.

Presently, Principal Bryan Burns says he has about 40 students who need to work off netbook repairs.

“It gets complicated, because I have to organize their after school work or community service, and it also has to be supervised.”

Burns added that most students either pay their fines or are pretty good about coming to him to work

sible uses of the technology in their curriculum.

“The printer has enormous potential in, essentially, all disciplines,” Physics teacher Keith Forton said.

“It will depend a lot on the creativity of the students and of the teachers.”

Science and Technology teacher Troy Elenbaas said that in some of the labs he

out the problem.

“You know, it’s just really hard for kids to come to you and say, ‘I just can’t afford to pay my fine.’ It’s not like they will willingly seek you out and say that.”

Head Principal Rick Vandermolen believes there is still work to do on the current system.

“To really evaluate and assess properly, I think we should get the right people together to brainstorm and generate solutions that help the program move forward and become better,” Vandermolen. “Critical people for that work should be teachers and students working together to ensure improvement in the initiative occurs.”

runs materials are limited and require gathering lots of separate elements, such as boxes, pipe cleaners and and bottles.

“But with the printer I wouldn’t be as restricted to what we can actually design and build, and the students would be able to manipulate what they create,” Elenbaas said. “The

biggest thing I would be excited about is the projects that we would be able to do in my class. We could do bridges, little cars, and even airplanes.”

12 The Leek

Traverse City Central High School Black & Gold April 29, 2014 real stories, real people

Disclaimer: The Leek is satire and not to be taken too seriously.

George Bush Declares War on Art, With Art

George W. Bush has taken the spotlight once again, putting down his mighty pen and wrathful sword, and picking up the painter’s brush and palette instead, displaying his work for the first time to the public

George Bush

“Honestly zis is zee best ov all of them, I admire hiz use of the brush, but he could have done better with hiz foot I feel. Iz it staring at me? I feel like it iz, like he haz cameras een my tiny tiny apartment. It thrills me.”

Silvio Berlusconi

Angela Merkel

“A deeviation from zee rest of hiz portraits, zeis painting of a black hole is eenterestink, as he decided to surround it with the face the Italian Prime Minister, ze black hole ees certainly ze focal point. A bold move for sure.”

“The use ov perspktive in zeis one, eet iz almost like he managed to use two deeferent perspectives in the same portrait. Like the left side iz dissagreeing with zee right. I take eet as a metaphore for her time een office.”

Grayson Lowe Staff Reporter

T

he art world is all astir over the unveiling of President George W. Bush’s debut as a portraitist at the Musee du Louvre in Paris last month. The former defender of the Free World has wasted little time after exiting the White House, now seeking to become a master in the art world.

Distinguished guests of Paris Match, Leek Paris Bureau Chief Grayson Lowe and Black & Gold Publisher Rick Vandermolen were on hand at the swanky black tie fete chronicling the historic event on many a cocktail napkin. The French were anxious to compare Bush’s portraits to Dutch master van Gogh and American pop culturist Andy Warhol and other well established figures in the art world.

“No, zee focal point ees all wrong,” French artist Paul Cézanne said. “Eees entirely too much face.”

The president said critics “misunderestimated” his talent.

“You know, it’s ah, portrait of someone’s face,” Bush said. “I think my paintings are neat-o. I’ve looked at lots of pictures of faces--stuff they sent me up there from Langley--and I think I’ve got it down.

“I spent a whole lotta time across the table from those people and I remember what they look like, that part was pretty hard, rememberin’ them,” Bush said, “while pointing to his head. Which was appropriate, as his collection is comprised of heads of state

like Vladimir V. Putin of Russia, whom Bush captured with a particularly ruthless look.

“Ol Valad? I captured him, no doubt,” Bush said. “It’s in the eyes, see. He’s got shifty ones, that’s why they’re diffrent shapes.

It’s a metaform.”

Some other world leaders’ portraits featured were of Britain’s Tony Blair, the Saudi King Abdullah, Germany’s Angela Merkel, Hamid Karzai of Afghanistan, Ehud Olmert of Israel and the Dali Lama.

“The Lama’s always relaxed. All that Zen-Confucianism-Taoism stuff,” Bush said. “I tried to paint Merkel looking sorta optimistic.

Ya know, she’s gotta keep givin’ all those Euros to France and Spain and them Italians and all the rest. I tried to tell her, you know, ya gotta keep that deutsche mark. It sounds so cool. But no, those folks called her a Nazi and that was that. Euros all the way.”

Notwithstanding the French critics’ laughter and scathing reviews, the rest of the art world unanimously agreed that each of Bush’s glorious strokes were executed with absolute, laser guided precision.

Sans the French, many of whom echoed “Mon Dieu!” throughout the exhibition, the world over has showered praise on the the president’s entire collection of world leaders as “on target,” and “preemptive,” and “more beautiful than a well oiled occupational force who grossly overstayed their welcome;” one even hailed the collection as “a resplendent display of linear accuracy.”

The French hosted the unveiling because, as President François

Carl Rasmussen

They were summoned to a private meeting with the pear of anguish later that night.

“We need to set an example,” Townsend said. “Imagine if we were to let underclassmen out to lunch… Chaos.”

Townsend also condemned students who violate sacred parking edicts to be made examples of with the dark arts, threatening them with the ancient curse deemed “that arcane orange sticker that I swear is made out of adamantium or something.”

Seniors and juniors found to be either harboring or abetting escaping underclassmen will be entered into the “violators arena,” where only the strong survive. The convicts will join together in an attempt to navigate the labyrinth below (also know as the tunnels). Pitted against bears, eagles and a rather large chimera, those who do surmount the labyrinth will face the final challenge, Townsend himself. Staff has also set up militarized checkpoints and blockades in and out of each parking lot.

“Our youth doesn’t understand how dangerous it is on the outside,” Townsend said .

“Our days since the last ‘incident’ are at, well, infinity, but that’s just a risk we are not willing to take.”

Global Perspetives Spoiler Alert!

In an effort to prove their military superiority, a Russian warplane repeatedly buzzed a US Naval destroyer a dozen times. The USS Donald Cook was on maneuvers in the Black Sea where the Ukraine and Russia are at odds. What do you think?

“Do you even know how much C02 that is, man? How much jet fuel that is? Think about the polar bears, man.”

Runs with Wolves Granola-Jockey

“Do you get it now Obama? Or do they have to buzz the White House?”

Dick Cheny Republican “Those dam Ruskies are just askin’ for another Cold War.”

Marty McFly Retired Pilot

“Well why don’t we, like, take out jet thingies, and then just fly them over their jets?

Like three or four.

Yeah, that would show-em.”

Nancy Menkins Soccer Mom

Photos: Courtesy of Reuters

“Eet iz a good representation of the of zee Russian peoples, meeshapeen and square.

Hiz ability to stereotype, to deestill the essence of the brutal jaw, and asymmetrical bone structure, makes me tremble.”

Gérard Georges Nicolas Hollande, noted, “Vee love great irony.”

Hollande added that he is too busy with a bill in parliament about Roquefort Cheese taxes for a portraiture sitting.Hollande did drop by to deliver Bush an honorary beret and painting smock. Bush was thrilled with the venue, if not the French reviews.

“Even the Frenchies agreed to empty their Loover to make room for my paintings, which is a pretty good accomplishment,” Bush said. “In fact, I’d say ‘mission accomplished.’ I had my people take that Mona Lisa and moved her on down the hall. Way down the hall. I say, out with the old and in with the new.”

Other critics of Bush’s new contribution to the art world was his old nemesis and Leek sister publication, the New York Times.

Said one Times reviewer who shall not be named: “Mr. Bush has an uncanny ability to translate photographs into more awkward images that are quasi charming, yet also closed and opaque, enlivened by distortions and slightly ham-handed brushwork. His skill is disconcerting for people who love painting. If Mr. Bush’s portrait of Mr. Putin were an anonymous find in a thrift shop, most of us would happily snap it up to throw darts at. Now, knowing that these works are by Mr. Bush makes them even more complicated, and useful as another lens with which to examine the personality and legacy of a man who may remain the greatest known unknown of his own presidency.”

The Leek asked the president to respond.

“Ham handed, huh? Greatest known unknown?” the president chuckled. “And they call me complicated? I told ya they could never get the words right.”

Central “gets frisky” with Stop and Frisk

said. “Mhmmm, I sure do love code red...”

With Townsend seeing red, we triedto steer our interview in other directions.

“Ha! That ‘required’ pledge time?” Townsend said. “It is simply one of our many ways to isolate those who wish to conspire. We have eyes everywhere. . . that is, when the cameras are turned on.”

After last week’s major bust Graphic: C. Rasmussen of over two kilograms of pure Colombian coffee, staff has set up additional cautionary parameters, including retina scans and random blood Staff Reporter samplings.

Townsend has also hinted that hall monitor In light of the recent proliferation of positions will be opening in the near future. absences and tardies in the freshman and Students will be excused from class to roam sophomore classes, the higher powers have the halls in an effort to prevent students from decided to reinstitute the “Stop and Frisk” roaming the halls. procedure at Central. The ancient practice “We have recently aquired an inside man,” entitles authorized personnel to “stop” suspicious students and then permits a “frisk” in a Townsend said. “He’s a slippery one.”

Two sophomore students were caught last search for any sort of contraband. week trying to evade campus border patrol by “We are in a ‘code red’ lockdown,” Commander and Chief Dick “Steelfist” Townsend hiding in large barrels of fresh picked leeks.

Vladmir Putin

-Hank Dies -Walt Dies -Dumbledore Dies -Tris Dies -Travis Dies -Rita Dies -Joffery Dies -Peter Russo Dies -Hershel Dies -Lizzie Dies -Dan Humphrey is the Gossip Girl

Real Photo: Courtesy of Reuters

The Leek gets sensitive

Photo: J. Myers

Grayson Lowe Staff Reporter

We here at The Leek have recently run into issues concerning political correctness, so we decided to seek out the most politically correct source we could find. We sent reporters to Oryana and asked around. We were then directed to a “being” who called himself/herself/ itself/themselves “X” and was more than happy to be interviewed about his/her/its/their lifestyle.

“I wake up to the sound of my non-gender specific free range rooster every morning,” X said. “Not that I own it, nobody owns anything, but I think that it is a perfect way to start my ‘awake-cycle.’ I refuse to use the term ‘day’ because that would be insensitive to all the beings of the world who don’t get the same access to sunshine that I do. Just think of all those poor owls, who, by no choice of their own, are unfortunate enough to be biologically trapped in the body of a nocturnal being. This life they did not choose.

Really, nor do they like being where they are on the non-food chain. But that’s not nice. After I wake up,

“I wake up to the sound of my non-gender specific free range rooster every morning. Not that I own it—nobody owns anything—but I think that it is a perfect way to start my awake-cycle.”

I eat a healthy meal of free range and locally sourced rocks--for high calcium and because I find any form of consumption of living material ‘selectivist.’ The very thought of selective consumption is so prejudicial.

On the whole, I find the whole concept of ‘choices’ to be prejudicial really, it means that no matter what, some sentient being is being forced to do something, to which I say, ‘what if they don’t want to do anything?

One should have a choice in all things.’”

When we at The Leek asked X about his/hers/its/ their views on the Theory of Gravity he/she/it/they gesticulated wildly: “Look at the violence inherent in the system!”