Senior Year -- SAMPLE

the kid ... deep down ... that I could never act upon on my own ... I don't have a clue what to write in his yearbook tomorrow. I hope the right words come. And I hope that I'm not scratching out crap because that would be bad. lol. Today he saw me walking in the grass and did that double take like he always does whenever I'm far away. Kelli said, "I saw that!" and I shrugged it off with, "oh, he does it everytime" when he seriously does. Anyway...I am sure of what I'm thinking now. I will definitely miss seeing him around ... it will be hard next week to walk in the places where I always saw him -- it will be so weird withot him there. All I've ever known of being in this place has been with him, and without him there, it will seem super weird. And I will miss seeing that smile...

May 14: Yeah...ummm...definitely more scared than ever right now. Now that all of my friends have confirmed him "definitely liking me" ... it's almost ... well it IS scary. I might have gone too far today. Ha, oh well, I guessI'll find out. So he tells me today in my yearbook,"You and I should hang out over the summer and get to know each other better," along with his PHONENUMBER... dude. Not even happening. So of course I sign his and I am so not calling him, so I give him my number. After Monday, it is freaking up to him to make "this" work ... if there is anything at all. And maybe going to his house to give him his yearbook back was going a little too far, but hey ... it was kind of fun. I'm definitely scared right now.

Not too sure what's going on ... or if I want it to go on, but it's not in my control anymore, it is totally in God's hands. Whatever He wants, I want. So if He wants me to want him ... then I will?! Who knows.

Maybe I dug myself in deep and I'm just asking for it at this point ... but right now, I think it seems right. He seemsright I mean. For me. See,I am so out of my effin mind.

May 16: So...yeah. Tomorrow's the last day of school for the seniors. I'm pretty upset. I can't even believe I'm saying those words. I'm going to have to start believing it sooner or later I suppose. I am going to miss him a lot. All I've ever known of this school since day one has been with him. He was in my first period classon the very first day of school. I remember it ... and ever since then he has said hi to me in the halls and talked to me every single time. He has never failed to do it. It is truly amazing how he has pursued for me the past nine months and never has even thought about giving up. I will miss that. It's going to be so weird on Tuesday walking where I used to see him ... I'm going to be thinking that I will see him, but in reality I never will. I'm beginning to not only know this is right, but also ... I think I'm beginning to want him. I am almost positive he wants me. These are some of the scariest thoughts I've ever had... I'm not really that sure what to do at this point.

May 18: Wow...hard to believe they're gone. Hard to believe next year it will be me that's gone. I'm finally a senior ... I wish I could be as thrilled as everyone else, but I can't seem to find it ... wahoo, I'm finally on top of this high school. Too bad the most gorgeous guy in this school just left. Too bad it was only a year with him here. And all year I've been looking forward to the days when Mason is gone. Now, I can't believe I was even thinking that. Too bad it took me nine months to realize he's pursued me all year ... it took me nine months to see him in the light of more than just some random kid... it took me nine months to realize that everything I've ever wanted and demanded was all along right there in front of me. It took me nine months to feel something back for him. I can feel it more than ever right now. Now he's gone, after I realize all of this. Wow, I love my timing on everything. And now, I just realized, he will no longer pursue me after this. NOWthat I actually feel something. Wow, I'm not sure what to do ... then again there's not much I can do ... it's more like, "what is God going to do?"

I don't think I’ve ever had anyone pursue me like he has, and for as long as he has. Still, after nine months of talking to me and seeing me ... he still gets nervous when I talk to him. His eyes still get big