SENIORYEAR May 5: Hummm. I'm beginning to see something in Mason...that I never noticed or even bothered to see before. It's hard to explain. I don't like the kid...that's not what I am saying at all. But I'm just beginning to see it, now that there's like seven days of school left. lol. I truly believe that he seessomething in me...and he's seen it since the day he saw me, and that he's pursued me ever since and he has not given up. And that's what I deserve. "Wait for the man who pursues you"...not that I'm settling for him just becausehe's pursued me, but becauseI'm suddenly seeing a lot more. Not that I'm even settling for him at all....gosh what am I saying?! I will miss seeing him around...becauseit's not like every guy treats me the way he does. He treats me so well. He holds doors open for me. He lets me go when he has the right of way. He slows down and lets me change lanes. His eyes get SObig when he seesme. Come on now, this kid values me. Seriously values me. And I think he deserves a friendship at the least. And frankly it's not up to me. I've had this whole situation under my control for the past nine months and it's not right. The control is with God now. Whatever He wants, as scary as it seems. Although I donâ€™t know how much He can do since there's less than a week left. May 7: So here it is...everything I've wanted and demanded. RIGHTHEREin front of me. So why do I get that quivering feeling in my stomach whenever I think about it?! Giving God the complete control wasn't that hard to do...but it's almost scary. What was I thinking?! That maybe God had a plan. And that He is in control. Yes, He does have a plan. And yes, He is in control, but for the past nine months, I've had complete control over this...and it's not right. I've stopped anything from going anywhere, on my own will. I've been through three jerk guy. And all the while I learn the most important lesson. Never settle for anything less. I want respect, and I want it now. So what's the problem? All I have to do is say it. I can't say it. Why? What the crap am I thinking?! I must be crazy. May 10: It took a long, long time. Like, nine months. I really don't know what I'm thinking. I have got to be out of my mind. This is too much! I'm thinking that God has told me that this is...right. I'm seriously thinking that He is telling me this, becauseI certainly would not have thought of this on my own. I gave my realtionship withhim to God, and in return, He gave me what I have been wanting for so long. Someone who pursues me, someone who likes me, someone who seesme as beautiful, someone who respects me, someone who doesn't use me, and someone that I deserve. Do I deserve him?! Is he what I've been waiting for?! I can't believe these are even thoughts in my head. This can't be happening! I don't even know what to do or say now. But it's different...I can't even say that I like him...it's more like, I feel like this is right. I feel like this is what God is telling me. And He knows what I truly desire. They always say that it's the person you'd least expect...and uhhh yeah...I'd say he is the person I would least expect. May 13: Waswhat I wanted right in front of me all along? I think I got the answer from God ... but I'm not sure when it's going to turn into something, ever. Right now, I'm thinking this is right. And it's becauseI could feel God telling me, becausedude, I would have NEVERin a million years thought that he would be right for me. I always kept my distance from him and was... well...mean to him behind his back. When now I see...I see something in him that I never even bothered to even look for before. I'm scared to death, I'll say that much. What if he is right, and then what if it's acted upon? I could be "what if"ing all day, but seriously. This is a scary thought. Now that this has happened and I sorta feel something for
the kid ... deep down ... that I could never act upon on my own ... I don't have a clue what to write in his yearbook tomorrow. I hope the right words come. And I hope that I'm not scratching out crap because that would be bad. lol. Today he saw me walking in the grass and did that double take like he always does whenever I'm far away. Kelli said, "I saw that!" and I shrugged it off with, "oh, he does it everytime" when he seriously does. Anyway...I am sure of what I'm thinking now. I will definitely miss seeing him around ... it will be hard next week to walk in the places where I always saw him -- it will be so weird withot him there. All I've ever known of being in this place has been with him, and without him there, it will seem super weird. And I will miss seeing that smile... May 14: Yeah...ummm...definitely more scared than ever right now. Now that all of my friends have confirmed him "definitely liking me" ... it's almost ... well it IS scary. I might have gone too far today. Ha, oh well, I guessI'll find out. So he tells me today in my yearbook,"You and I should hang out over the summer and get to know each other better," along with his PHONENUMBER... dude. Not even happening. So of course I sign his and I am so not calling him, so I give him my number. After Monday, it is freaking up to him to make "this" work ... if there is anything at all. And maybe going to his house to give him his yearbook back was going a little too far, but hey ... it was kind of fun. I'm definitely scared right now. Not too sure what's going on ... or if I want it to go on, but it's not in my control anymore, it is totally in God's hands. Whatever He wants, I want. So if He wants me to want him ... then I will?! Who knows. Maybe I dug myself in deep and I'm just asking for it at this point ... but right now, I think it seems right. He seemsright I mean. For me. See,I am so out of my effin mind. May 16: So...yeah. Tomorrow's the last day of school for the seniors. I'm pretty upset. I can't even believe I'm saying those words. I'm going to have to start believing it sooner or later I suppose. I am going to miss him a lot. All I've ever known of this school since day one has been with him. He was in my first period classon the very first day of school. I remember it ... and ever since then he has said hi to me in the halls and talked to me every single time. He has never failed to do it. It is truly amazing how he has pursued for me the past nine months and never has even thought about giving up. I will miss that. It's going to be so weird on Tuesday walking where I used to see him ... I'm going to be thinking that I will see him, but in reality I never will. I'm beginning to not only know this is right, but also ... I think I'm beginning to want him. I am almost positive he wants me. These are some of the scariest thoughts I've ever had... I'm not really that sure what to do at this point. May 18: Wow...hard to believe they're gone. Hard to believe next year it will be me that's gone. I'm finally a senior ... I wish I could be as thrilled as everyone else, but I can't seem to find it ... wahoo, I'm finally on top of this high school. Too bad the most gorgeous guy in this school just left. Too bad it was only a year with him here. And all year I've been looking forward to the days when Mason is gone. Now, I can't believe I was even thinking that. Too bad it took me nine months to realize he's pursued me all year ... it took me nine months to see him in the light of more than just some random kid... it took me nine months to realize that everything I've ever wanted and demanded was all along right there in front of me. It took me nine months to feel something back for him. I can feel it more than ever right now. Now he's gone, after I realize all of this. Wow, I love my timing on everything. And now, I just realized, he will no longer pursue me after this. NOWthat I actually feel something. Wow, I'm not sure what to do ... then again there's not much I can do ... it's more like, "what is God going to do?" I don't think Iâ€™ve ever had anyone pursue me like he has, and for as long as he has. Still, after nine months of talking to me and seeing me ... he still gets nervous when I talk to him. His eyes still get big
when he seesme. He still has that same smile on his face. I will miss that smile ... I will miss the big eyes and the nervousness.Why couldn’t I see it? Why couldn't feel it sooner? What does he see in me? Whatever it is, he's seen it since the fist day of school; gosh, it really does amaze me. Now, after nine months, my eyes started getting big and for the first time, I started getting nervous at the mere thought of seeing him. Wow, I think it took me long enough. May 24: I knew something was going to happen. I knew that God was telling me -- I could hear it. And uh yeah, yesterday, he called me. So I'm sitting in my room blasting Story of the Year and my cell phone rings -- and who is it? It's him. I was probably just as scared as he was -- or maybe not. He sounded pretty nervous -- like, dead nervous. I could barely hold the phone. This is so ridiculous ... I didn't think I'd ever feel this way, ever. He asked me out for Friday. He's got me wanting him, so of course I said yes. I mean, God's got me wanting him ... becauseI sure didn't think of all this on my own. So we talked on the phone for like seven minutes, or so my phone said. Wow, I am so surprised. I truly think this is right though, it seemsright. He respects me so much, he treats me like a princesswhen I wouldn't even call us "friends.” He's everything I ever wanted and demanded in a guy since I was like 12. It seemsright; it has to be right. May 28: I knew something with happen with him. I felt it. I still feel it ... and it's so strong. Today I went on a date. Is that even a sentence?! It’s hard to believe. It's almost surreal, especially with him, of all people. I would have never thought this would happen. It went well... he is so respectful, I can't even believe it. He opened the car door for me! Man, he really is everything I've ever wanted. I can't believe it took me nine months to realize this. It's so weird though, I can't even say that I "like" him, I just know that he is everything I've ever wanted and demanded from a guy and I really feel like this is right. I feel like he is right. I can see us together, as weird as it seems, I can see it. I just have a hard time verbalizing and showing how I feel, especially in a situation like this. I can send mixed signals a lot of times, and I hope that's not what I'm doing here. Anyway, this feels so right. For once in my life, I've with a guy that feels right. I feel like God has told me this is right. Today, when he was standing in my house (I know -- NOT even a sentance either) and he saw me come out, his eyes got all big like he's never seen me before, or like he had just seen an angel. What is this?! He's seen me every day for the past nine months. I'm not complaining -- he wants me -- and I want him. Although, it is super scary to think of us like holding hands or even kissing. It could come soon. May 31: So today was date #2. It is still so totally surreal, I can't even believe it. Again, it went really well. We were a lot more comfortable I think. At least, I was. I didn’t feel quite as nervous or uptight; I was able to get sort of something that I wanted to get to eat, instead of something that just "wasn't messy.” So far, it’s all going well though -- I think that we could really work. I think that I really want him now, it's so weird, its hard to describe. Sometimes I can't even believe it's him. I mean, of all people, I never thought it would be him, but it is. I enjoy being with him. June 12:
I haven't seen Mason in almost two weeks. We were supposed to go to the movies on Thursday night, but he totally forgot that he had to work. It would have been a perfect night too -- coming home in the rain, dark sky, a light breeze -- wow what am I thinking. This is Mason I'm talking about. I am so out of my effin mind. June 30: We have now been on four dates. Four. I can't even believe it. I wish I knew what we were. I don't want to bring it up or anything, becauseit's not my job to do that. It's up to him to do everything in the beginning -- call, pay, drive, hold my hand, kiss, and bring up whether we're actually together or not. I am still out of my mind I think; I don't know what I'm thinking half the time. I really do feel like God has told me that he is right for me. He hasn't kissed me yet. I have a feeling it's coming soon though. When we went to the movies the other night, he walked me to the door, and he had that look in his eyes. I saw his eyes do exactly what they do in the movies right before they kiss someone. They look at the girls lips, then eyes, lips, eyes. When he took a step towards me, I was about to scream. Holy cow, I've never kissed anyone before. I am SOincredibly nervous. Thank goodnesshe hugged me twice that night instead of kissing me. This wouldn't be such a big deal if 1) I knew how to kiss 2) it wasn't him we were talking about and 3) we were actually officially together. But sadly, I don't have a clue how to kiss, we're not officially together, and this is Mason we're talking about. I want to kiss him, I really do (I think), but it's scary becauseI have no idea what to do. July 20: Great. So now we're officially together. Isn't this great. I'm supposed to be happy, right? Right. I've waited for this my entire life. But I can't seem to find happinessin this. Mason said to me, on the phone, "so we've been on like five dates now and I guesswhat I'm saying is ... would you consider us ... boyfriend and girlfriend?" My stomach dropped. Aren't I supposed to be happy?! All I could say was, "Would ... you?" He said, "Yeah." So I said, "Yeah." Great. So thrilled. But now I've lied. Last night, I felt like I shouldn't continue this any longer and I even said to God, "my relationship with him is ALL YOURS.Do whatever you want with it, it's not in my control. I would be fine if I never talked to him again." Itâ€™s true, I would have been perfectly fine with it. What happens not even 24 hours later? The complete opposite. Everything I felt for him like 2 months ago has drained out of me, I donâ€™t know what happened. But at the same time, I DID feel like God told me this was right. I guessit still is. So why do I feel so bad about it?! Perhaps becauseI lied, gosh. I liked things how they were, no pressure at all. Now there's pressure to 1) meet his family 2) hold hands and 3) KISS! Sorry, not doing it. This is the total opposite of how I thought I'd feel when this guy finally came into my life who would be my boyfriend. Perhaps becauseI feel like this isn't right anymore. Man, have I dug myself in deep. Way deeper than ever. So why am I not happy?! Something's seriously wrong. July 22: So now we've "officially" been together almost 48 hours. Rahhh, I don't like this. I don't like this one bit. I liked things the way they were before we decided on this whole boyfriend/girlfriend issue, thank
you VERYmuch. I liked having fun and going out withsomeone I enjoyed being with, without any pressures whatsoever. Now it's like, not only am I tied down, but I'm pressured like no other. I'm pressured to meet his family, to hold hands, and to kiss -- all of which I do NOT want to do. I feel horrible. I screwed myself over big time. Then I lied to Mason, saying that I considered him my boyfriend! Which I guesswasn’t too far from the truth...but still... I wish I had never gotten myself into this mess. I feel retched. That doesn't even describe how I feel -- I can't do this to him, it's not fair. I don't like being someone's girlfriend! Ahhhhh! This is too much, I think I'm just too young to handle this and way too inexperienced. I like being single much better thank you very much. August 26: I still have a boyfriend. Haha, can't believe I'm saying that. I don’t what to think. My philosophy teacher said the other day that when you kiss someone that you like so much, it's like a meteor shower in your brain. I started thinking about that and ... if I kiss Mason, I don't think I'd feel that meteor shower. I know that's bad, but honestly. He's not the type of person I go after and he's not the person I thought I'd be with! I say that coincidentally, not as an insult, but it's true. I like him enough, but I don’t know how much romance is in my feelings. There used to be, but I don’t know what happened. I know I feel something, becausewhen I see him it's like, I get that nervous feeling. A good nervous though, nothing bad. Today, I was going up the stairs at school and when I reached the top step, I totally ran into his sister. It didn't register with me until it was too late to say something. I should have said something though, but then again it would have been so weird. "Hi I'm your brother's girlfriend"???? Yeah right. Not a sentance out of my mouth. Not going to be either. Man I felt SOsick afterwards. I was so lightheaded, and that was the little feeling I have for him, I know it. So I know there's something, but dangit I want to kiss someone and feel the meteor shower. I will never know what he means! Then again I don’t know who I would feel it with. The point is, I don’t know what to do -- I'm not feeling like I used to and this could be bad. Especially since I know he's going to kiss me soon. I KNOWit and it's SO freaky. Most people look forward to this! Not me. August 31: Arggghhhh ... what am I doing. This isn't right. I know it isn't right ... well, almost. It doesn't feel right anymore. I'm scared, I'm nervous, and I'm just not feeling anything romantic with him at all. And now we're going out in like 20 minutes. What am I supposed to do? Act like I like him? Yeah, that'll go over well. I can't do this anymore ... but I don't have the heart or guts to tell him. September 19: I don't even know what I'm thinking. Must ... break up ... with Mason. I really need to becausethis is just getting worse and worse everyday. I can't stay with him! Not that there's other guys beating down my door to go out with me or whatever (ha, wouldn't that be hilarious) but I just DON'T like him anymore and our relationship has NOTHINGto it. He just wants the title, to be able to say that he has someone. Well sorry, I'm not just going to be someone he can show off to other people but behind all that not even talk to, ever. That's freaking ridiculous and I won't have it. I want high school to be over with and I want to experience something new, I want to be able to be free and have guys to choose to from -- I think I'm kind of limited here. October 7:
Rahhh ... I am in such a weird mood. Perhaps becauseI'm being influenced by a WEIRDGUY! Man, sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me. Why do I bother with guys at all?! They're not worth it! Okay ... I'll admit it. I'm really attracted to Austin, which is totally weird becausehe's not the type of person I normally go for. I go for quiet types. Austin is super weird. And now he's all like, blaming me for crap when he was the one that was like all over me on Tuesday. Wow, what a good day that was. Anyway, so I guessI'm falling victim to his tactics -- tactics that seem to be very similar to that of a player, which scares me. Why do I always fall for it?! I wish they would all just grow up and stop picking me to be their prey. Honestly. So I guessAustin and I are “talking” now ... we'll see how far this goes ... I give him until maybe ...oh ... next Monday. Since Sunday will be one week. They're always done with me within a week... October 8: Yeah so, no interaction with anyone today. That's good I think. I'm trying to forget about Austin and convince myself it's not right to even be considering him as an option, but he's...I don’t know. I'm so much more attracted to him, specifically becausehe's not the type I go for. Ughhh, why do I even bother with him, or anyone else?! I'm trying to forget about him and move on, but it's SOhard! Why did I even look into his eyes in the first place?! That's what got me into this whole messand what got the initial attraction in the first place. Now he's not even talking to me. Wow, I totally knew it. I gave him until Monday and he was already done with me in less than a week, a new record for these psychotic freaks with no brain cells. October 10: I need to STOPTHIS... He obviously does not like me, so why do I continue to think about him all the time?! October 12: Holy freaking crap. What a weird day! I was in such a good mood this morning, which is surprising since I've been getting like six hours of sleep maximum for the past week. This morning Mason was definitely driving right behind me. So weird. Man I am so glad that I ended it with him. I have no feelings for him at ALL. This morning, I was awakened becauseI had a really clear and vivid dream that seemed so real. Austin asked for my phone number. In the dream I said, "I'll give it to you after class" and then in my mind it seemed so weird that I woke up thinking, "Whoa! He asked for my number!" Then I realized that it was just a dream. Anyway, so he walked into classand high fives me and I'm said, "Did you bring the CD?" He threw his books down and said, "Dangit! Here! I'm going to give you my number and you are going to call me to remind me so I can put it in my car." So I said, "Okay," and I punch it into my cell phone -- then I realized the dream. Totally freaky! That concludes my boy update for today. Join me next time. October 20: I am in such a weird mood. Today was just plain weird ... everything about it. I walked into Philosophy and this girl was sitting in my seat, and before I could even realize it, Austin was barking at me over the
cd. So I wound up sitting next to him...he clenched my arm, told me that I was mad at the world becausemy mom through my cereal bowl of Lucky Charms against the wall this morning. Then during lunch Shawn came over and sat down at our table, and we were talking, and then before long, Austin came over and sat down next to me. He took my water and drank it. Then we started fighting about something, which was actually funny -- he was calling me names, I was calling him names, I was slapping him and he was saying how weird I was acting. Excuseme but, I'M THEWEIRDONE?!I guess everyone at the table was just watching us (all three of them) becauseapparently Shawn leaned over and said to one of the girls, "They'd make such a perfect couple." That is too funny. October 24: Okay ... what the heck is going on? SERIOUSLY.This just gets weirder and weirder by the day. So last night, Kelli, Scott, and I went to movies and to Quizno's for dinner. We were supposed to be meeting three other people, but two of them decided to go to an earlier show of the movie, so it was just me, Scott and Kelli. The other person we were supposed to meet? Austin. Yep. We got into the movie and there were literally no seats, so we're thinking we have to split up two and two ... and obviously it was going to be me and him and Kelli and Scott. We just stood there trying to figure out what to do, and then this worker guy came up to us and asked us how many people were in our party, then Scott told me and Austin to sit down. Turns out that they left me and Austin in the theater alone. After the movie got out, Austin called Scott to see where they were, and they were at Scott's house. So it was just me and Austin. We talked during the movie, a little. It was kind of weird, actually. He told me that I had to come over to watch “Fight Club” sometime. When we were walking out of the theater, somehow I was like, "So I guessthis is it." He put his arm around me and said, "No, unless you wanted to hang out." So I put my arm around him and we walked a little as I said nothing. Then I finally said, "Me and you?" And he goes, “…And Kelli and Scott.” I panicked and all I could say was, "Oh, well I just told my parents I was on my way home..." Argh. I told him that I didn't want to walk to my car alone, so he walked me there. We stood outside of my car for a bit, and he was telling me a story about how one time he was walking by his car and the trunk just flew open ... and he was acting out the story as he was telling it. So I pressed the trunk button on my keys and the trunk flew open, he was SOscared. It was so funny. So then I drove him to his car ... which was way far away and on the way there we blasted the CDhe gave me. Then, as he was getting out of my car, he shook my hand and said, "Have a good night, Ms.Tillman.” Kelli called me this morning to tell me what happened last night at Scott's house. Turns out everyone there was saying how Austin and I should get together and blah blah. Also turns out that Austin went to Scott's house last night and they were all telling HIM that. Oh gosh. Apparently he didn't object to it, so who knows. Interesting how they said that though… October 26: OH MY GOSH. So I'm lying in bed watching a movie and my cell phone rings. And whose name does it flash on the outside? "CALL FROM:
AUSTIN" ! HOLYCRAP!This is getting weirder by the day, but I love it. I wish he'd say something soon OMG! October 27: Today is the greatest day I've ever known ... I want to turn you on. [The Smashing Pumpkins]
Wow ... today was a little weird, I must say. Truth be told: I like him a lot, and I'm glad that there weren’t any other seats on Saturday night becauseI can't think of anyone else I would have rather been at that movie with. October 30: When I say that this whole thing with Austin gets weirder by the day, I don't lie. It really, seriously does. Yesterday I was brave ... almost too brave. I don't know how I did this, but I sat at Austin’s lunch table for about five minutes. I'm definitely never doing that again. Then, after sixth period I passedAustin in the hallway. I said, "I'm meeting you at your car after school right?" He said, "Oh uh yeah, meet me by the glassdoors.” Then we're just standing there in silence and out of NOWHEREhe's like, "you should wear your hair like you did yesterday more often" and he motioned around his head. So I said, "You mean down?" “Yeah.” All I could say was, "Oh..." And his response was, "Becauseyou look really hot like that.” My mouth DROPPEDon the ground. Austin just told me I was hot?! DUDE. Again, all I could say was, "oh ... I thought it looked bad but I guessnot.Thanks.” WHAT IS THIS?! Holy CRAP.Everything with him is SOWEIRD!And so it gets weirder... Last night, Kelli and I went to Chili's after work. Austin was not there, but his little crowd was, to include this kid, Ryan who was with his new girlfriend (they were supposed to see the movie with us last weekend, but saw an earlier showing instead). And oh yes, this is the wonderful kid who suggested to Austin that we "get together" or whatever at Scott's house last Saturday. The little mastermind was there last night, and I sat across from him. The second I sat down he goes, "How are you?" I said, "Fine ... how are you?" I've never spoken to this kid except for when he said "who the hell are you" a few weeks ago. He said, "Great." “Good.”
"And how's Austin?" He said immediately. I stammered, "Um fine? I don't know..." He goes, "Ah. And how are you and Austin?” So I looked at him ... looked away ... looked at him ... looked away ... and said, "Um, there is no me and Austin." And he goes, "Oh yes. But there should be." “Um…” "Don't you agree?" “I don’t know.” He said, "Do you like him?" or something ... and I knew I couldn't say no, becausethen he'd tell Austin ... but then again if I said yes, he'd tell Austin so I said, "Well, I know that anything and everything I say to you is going to get back to him in about five seconds." "Not necessarily. It doesn't have to. So do you?" "Well yeah..." and I said, "but I don't know if want him knowing this." He said, "Well I don't have to tell him anything." "So you just dreamt up this idea of me and him one day and decided it was a good idea?" "No, you guys dreamt it up and I'm agreeing that it should happen." So I left it with him as, "I'm trusting you with this, don't make this worse than it already is ... I don't even know you," becauseseriously, all it takes is for him to say something stupid. Worst casescenario: he tells Austin that I said I like him. Almost better, becausethen I don't have be trying to figure out ways to like tell him or whatever. I don’t know what's going to happen. This better not take a turn for the worse becauseif it does, I PROMISEI will kill that kid and all his little pals one by one. I need to stop mind racing. I keep worrying about this and I don't know why. This is insane! I literally have nothing to worry about. Why? BecauseRyan obviously would like to see this happen, and he got what he needed from me -- that I wanted it too. And what did he get from Austin? The exact same response. So unless he's some sick pervert psychopath who loves to messup people's lives then I guess I don't need to be worrying. November 2: This is bothering me so much! Ryan talked to Austin yesterday ... and I had a feeling that maybe things would turn out bad, but apparently not. He said today that he was like, "What's going on with you and Taylor? You guys would look cute together." Austin's answer? "I don't know." Then last night Scott IM’d me and tried to get me to say stuff to him, but I was scared becauseI don't want other people involved in this. CAN'T AUSTIN JUSTMAKEUP HIS FRICKIN MIND?! HE HAS NOTHINGTO LOOSE,SOWHY DOESN'THE JUSTSAYIT?! ARGH.It's making me so incredibly
frusterated! So apparently Scott talked to Austin last night about it ... and Austin said he "was open to the idea" so I don’t know. IF HE'SOPENTO IT, WHY DOESN'THE JUSTTAKEA CHANCE?! Gosh guys are so dumb I can't even believe it. I have no clue if anything's going to happen. I think that if something was going to happen, it would have happened already, so I don’t know. I have always thought nothing would happen, and I guessI'm starting to think that again. I don't know what else to do ... I can't try to make something happen. But, truth be told: I really like him, I have for a while now. Sucks for me if he doesn't feel the same way, but if he does, I wish he'd say something. I sat at his table today at lunch. That was interesting enough. Kelli and Amanda had some meeting so I had nowhere else to sit, since I don’t anyone else with our same lunch, so I had to sit at their table. Of course Austin was whispering about me with some other kid, and then says to me, "Would you date Jean?" My response?"NO I WOULDN'T DATEJEAN,IT'S YOUTHAT I WANT!" If only I could say how I really feel. All I said was, "No..." What is this? We got into another punching fight. He wouldn't let me win since "I'm bony" and "bony people always win.” Then the school administrator saw us and told us to quit it. WHY IS EVERYTHINGSOCONFUSING?MAYBEI'M JUSTOUT OFMY MIND. [Avril Lavigne]
November 4: It gets weirder by the day with Austin? How about, it gets WORSEby the day with Austin? This is going down a slippery slope and I'm almost afraid to see what happens by the end of the tomorrow. Today I saw him in the hall and I looked him and just kept going, and he walked passedme and said something mumbled like, "blah blah Taylor," I don’t know. So all I could as I was passing him was, "Mmm" and just keep going. Well apparently he was mad becausehe came into Philosophy saying, "I said hi to you 20 times and you never said anything!" OH! he actually CAREDabout that?! So I played dumb said, "Ohhh ... when?" lol I seriously didn't hear him say any actual words, just my name. The best is yet to come. During lunch, he came up to borrow a chair from our table and I screamed, "GO AWAY!" The best part about this is that he thought I was kidding. After lunch, he goes, "Give me the freakin’ CDTaylor, and after that I'm never talking to you again!” "FINE!" I really hope he wasn't serious ... but something tells me he was. So then I met up with him in the hall and I stood there with my hands on my hips and he was screams, "YOU'REPISSINGME OFF!" and slammed the locker with his fist. I said, "WELL YOU'REPISSINGME OFF!" and he slammed the locker shut. "I SAIDHI TO YOUAND YOU SAID NOTHING! NOTHING!"
"WHEN ARETHESEINSTANCES?!RECALLTHEM! RECALL!" He stood there for a second saying nothing and then screamed, "THAT'S IT, I'VE HAD ENOUGH!" and walked off.