The Splendor of Aging

By Angela Miller

What comes to mind when you hear the word “aging?” Is it wisdom, experience, growth, and memories? Or is it wrinkles, gray hair, weight gain, mobility, and health issues? While most would agree with the former list, the latter probably enters the mind first. In a society that places beauty and youthfulness high on a pedestal, particularly for women, it’s hard not to succumb to the pressures of maintaining a youthful appearance. Although certain aging woes are quite bothersome, we often forget that with age comes joyful experiences, memories, and lessons that help us grow as individuals.

In my quest to reframe how many of us see “aging,” I interviewed four women of varying life stages to share their experiences with Taylored Living readers. These women opened their hearts and lives and shared some remarkable experiences further proving how much age gives us wisdom, confidence, and healing.

Raised in Tri-Cities, paralyzed at age 20, recently moved with her boyfriend to San Diego, member of the Rollettes Dance Team in LA. Energetic, positive, and fun-loving.

Throughout most of Danika’s life, she has been a “people pleaser.” Being in a horrific car accident in 2018, which left her paralyzed, helped her to reframe different aspects of her life—one of them being boundaries. She quickly realized some people in her life addressed her differently once she was in a wheelchair while others would try to be “too helpful” when she clearly expressed she did not need help with certain tasks.

The mental strain of adapting to her new life in a chair, combined with her lack of previous boundaries and people’s unwarranted “help,” she could feel her mental health declining. She reevaluated a lot of her relationships and realized there were a handful of friends who did not show her the respect she deserved, some of which even stemmed before her accident. Danika knew it was time to set boundaries; she quickly learned to communicate her needs clearly. Since then, she has largely let go of what people think of her and has started being more true to herself and her needs and goals.

Raised in Tri-Cities, mother of four, soon-to-be step-mother of two, engaged to fiancé, Josh, coparents with previous partners, strong focus on mental health and healing. Heartfelt, free spirited, and compassionate.

Chloe has moved gracefully through her 30s in a positive and healing manner. After struggling with an eating disorder in high school, being a young single mother in her 20s, and experiencing other traumas in her high school and college days, it was evident that she needed to take ownership of her own life and experiences. In her 20s with small children, Chloe felt a great sense of pressure to make her family look a certain way. She recalled that it was thinking she needed to follow someone else’s idea of what her family should look like that bothered and pressured her the most.

When she finally let go of this idea and got out of relationships that were not fitting for her, she was able to focus on her healing journey. Staying connected to herself has been one of the most valuable lessons on this journey. Putting in the hard work to help herself and heal past traumas has served Chloe well; she believes she can attribute her better parenting skills to this healing journey. She co-parents with all of her children’s fathers and although it is never an easy or flawless task, staying true to herself has helped her choose what’s best for her children.

Mexican immigrant, mother of four, grandmother, became a U.S. citizen, married for 30 years before her husband’s passing, passion for education, strong faith in the Lord, cancer survivor. Courageous, compassionate, and cheerful.

Janie has a background full of hardship and beauty, but the hardest for her may have been in her 50s when she lost her husband, the love of her life, due to a heart related illness. Three short years later Janie was diagnosed with stomach cancer. She had to undergo chemotherapy and surgery in order to finally land herself in remission. After her husband passed, she fell into a bit of depression and used the piano as a way to pull herself out from the shadows of her grief. She believes education is what keeps a person youthful, so learning a new skill seemed like the natural thing to do.

The love in Janie’s voice was palpable when she spoke of her husband, children, and grandchildren, an obvious motivating force behind her positivity. Despite the many tribulations she has faced, her outlook and positivity about life is astounding. During her time of chemotherapy treatments, she recalled pacing the hallways of her home after treatments reciting Psalm 23 in order to keep her mind off the nausea. Her strength to overcome difficulties was evident in the many stories she shared about hardships she has faced throughout her life. She said that she looks at adversity and says, “Okay, what can I learn from this?” There is a lesson within all struggles.

Born & raised in New York, moved to Tri-Cities in 1994, mother of five, grandmother, great-grandmother, married 47 years before her husband’s passing, Catholic. Independent, friendly, and helpful.

Having spent the majority of her life in New York, moving to Tri-Cities was a huge leap for Miss Arlene and her husband, Larry. With their children and grandchildren across the country from them, the two built a life here from 1997-2002 before Larry passed away from cancer. Despite having no family in the Pacific Northwest, Miss Arlene decided to stay in Washington, in a community she had grown to love. She actually quite enjoys her freedom of being “footloose and fancy free,” as she put it. She shared with me the great learning curve she experienced after her husband’s passing, having to figure out some things on her own that her husband would have previously handled—like figuring out car troubles or knowing how to best invest her money. But Miss Arlene believes that if people are able to, they will help you out. “It’s yes or no; and you don’t know until you ask,” she recalls. “If it’s a yes, you say thank you. If it’s a no, you say thank you.” She is a firm believer in treating people kindly, whether they receive that kindness in a positive way or not—always be kind.

Miss Arlene is an extremely social woman, attending birthdays for all ages, baptisms, quinceaneras, weddings, holiday parties, family gatherings, and more. When I asked her how she stays “young” she said, “I just do it!” She explained how she just goes out and lives life to the best of her ability. Despite not having family close by, she has enjoyed herself and has become a part of so many families across the Tri-Cities.

Our lives will take us each on a different journey, but no matter what we experience, there will always be life lessons and beautiful memories. Aging will eventually give us gray hairs or wrinkles from all the smiling we’ve done, badges of honor for all the joy, love, and probably stress that we’ve endured in our lives. Whether you choose to cover up the physical signs of aging or not, remember the most important things aging gives us are wisdom, knowledge, and, hopefully, happiness.

Please read more about each of these women and their stunning journeys on our blog this fall!

This article appears in our Community section which is generously sponsored by J. Bookwalter.