November 2023

News Brief: LTVA gets strategic, p.22

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The San Bernardino bridge connecting to Tahoe Paradise Park in Meyers will be eligible for funding in the future.

This month we take a look at what's been funded by recreation

bond measures and what the future holds.

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Trish

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212 Elks Point Rd. Unit 332 / B 10785 Zephyr Cove, NV 89448

Mountain News 5

TriTthe

1502 Yakima Court Meyers hills 3 bedroom 2 1/2 bath. Backs to golf course. Large lot at end of cul-de-sac. Vaulted ceiling, newer roof, treehouse out back.

$779,000

2312 Oregon Avenue

3374 Janet Drive

Well-maintained 3-bedroom, 2-bath home. Many newer upgrades, recently-installed back deck, E-29 boat dock.

Call Joel 530.545.8827

$729,000

Mid-century modern 3-bedroom, 2-bath home. Timeless design; modern amenities. Vaulted ceilings. Vacant adjoining parcel available.

Call MIke 530.544.5395

$590,000

Call Karen 530.307.0604

576 Emerald Bay Road Desirable location steps from bike path and beaches. Over 1,300 sq. ft. of coverage. IPES score of 783. Great spot for your dream home.

$125,000

Call Brandie 775.901.2751

2262 Colorado Avenue

3370 Janet Drive

Contemporary 3-bedroom, 2-bath home. Updated throughout including the kitchen. Spacious living area; abundant natural light.

Vacant lot in the heart of South Lake Tahoe. Close to Heavenly and El Dorado Beach. Build here or purchase with 3374 Janet Drive.

. $649,000

1870 Minniconjou Drive Carefully mantained family 4-bedroom, 2-bath home. Original superior craftsmanship. Tiered landscaping; backyard with deck.

$759,000

Call MIke 530.544.5395

$160,000

Call Joel 530.545.8827

896 Lakeview Avenue

Cozy 2-bedroom, 1-bath centrally located cabin. Inviting fireplace, fenced backyard. Two structures in back for workshop or studio.

Welll maintained triplex! New metal roof, all units occupied. 2 bed/2 bath in each unit, two with lake views and steps from the water.

$1,395,000

Call Hailey 314.348.4023

POLITICS WITH PEGGY.................................................... 8 SINCE YOU ASKED.......................................................... 9

Call Brandie 775.901.2751

Heather Gould

COPY EDITOR Mike Filce

PRODUCTION

2675 Hank Monk

Joann Eisenbrandt

530 Wintoon Drive

Four bedroom, 3-bath county home. Kitchen has walk-in pantry and granite-topped island. Dining area with sitting nook.

Spacious flat, level Meyers lot; backs to Conservancy parcel.

Perfect area for a mountain retreat in the Upper Truckee area.

Call MIke 530.544.5395

$249,000

Call Ann 530.307.8300

CONTRIBUTORS M.C.Behm Gary Bell Peggy Bourland David Hamilton Eric Rasmussen Photography Kathryn Reed Trish Tomer Duane Wallace

The Tahoe Mountain News is a community newspaper serving Lake Tahoe’s South Shore. Distributed FREE everywhere in the community. One copy per person. No article may be reprinted without the permission of the publisher.

Send all submissions to: P.O. Box 8974, South Lake Tahoe, CA 96158.

(530) 208-7671 • mountainnews2@gmail.com www.mountainnews.net Copyright © 2023 Tahoe Mountain News

Ann Truscott CA 02136075 NV S.0194874

6 Mountain News

Brandie Griffith CA 01961472 NV BS.0145628

Connie Lopez CA 00964008

Hailey Fuller CA 02162964 NV S.0198544

Jarred Uppendahl Jim Mathews CA 01958463

CA 01225636 NV S.0053818

Joel Dameral

CA 01851946 NV BS.0145648

Duane Wallace writes the guest column, responding to a column of Peggy’s last month. I am thankful that our pages are a place where we can air our differences with only a few ink stains to show for it and that we live in a place where we face off with words and not bombs.

Recently, I was stopped at the stoplight on Rufus Allen Blvd, facing the lake. I wondered how many people have a view like this stopped at a random stoplight in their town. Sometimes, when I go on vacation, I look around and think I could never get tired of the scenery.

I decided to cultivate more gratitude and start looking up and around more at our scenery—the forest and the mountains and the sky—instead of having tunnel vision and getting caught in my own head. Of course, I don’t want to be looking around too much while driving.

If your little ones are antsy over the break, take them to the Optimist Club Turkey Trot at the Rec Center on November 18 at 9am. Best of all, it’s free!

Enough turkey talk from me.

-Heather

FROM HEATHER.............................................................. 7

PUBLISHER/PAPERGIRL

$1,179,000

• Dave—cinematic guidance. And don’t forget Teresa’s word in edgewise. Dave also holds the record for never missing a month or repeating a column in a quarter-century.

• Kathryn (Kae) Reed—our unfailing reporter who always help fill up our pages with a variety of interesting and informative topics as well as serving as an unpaid sounding board.

• Joann Eisenbrandt—she wrestles with all the various pieces of the paper and produces a sleek, aesthetic product every time.

Coming up with something new every time is a task, as I can attest to here and now as I attempt to craft this column.

This year, for the first time, I am hosting Thanksgiving at my place in Tahoe. Kids, significant others, siblings and parents will all be in attendance. I am greatly looking forward to gather in love and good cheer with all these people, but it will be a different mix than in the past and I am hoping things don’t get too bumpy around the table.

But this month’s Mountain News wouldn’t be a true Thanksgiving issue without a little conflict.

Call Karen 530.307.0604

1108 Juniper Avenue $675,000

“I’m already sick of pumpkin and it’s not even October,” said the store clerk. I had to agree. As we have all noticed, the holidays keep creeping back with Halloween making an appearance before Labor Day. When I was a kid, Christmas started after Thanksgiving. Now it starts before Halloween. Pretty soon, Christmas in July won’t be an off-season sale, but just the norm.

I’m sticking with the old timetable, so here’s what I’m thankful for. Our columnists and contributors. Every month, year in and year out, they contribute to this community institution and enrich not only the Mountain News, but the town.

• Peggy—always has something to say and she says it.

• Mike—droll observations on topics of all kinds.

• Trish—if you can stop laughing, just might have an a-ha moment.

• Tahoe Dad—parental inspiration and camaraderie • Spoke Junkie—don’t have to be a backcountry enthusiast to appreciate his take

Karen Grant CA 01970498 NV S.0184740

Michael Phillips CA 01369810 NV BS.0145615

Molly Jordan CA 02142804 NV S.0195715

LETTERS .................................................................9 & 10 HEARD AROUND TOWN................................................12 MIKE’S MUTTERINGS...................................................14 COVER STORY................................................................16 GUEST COLUMN............................................................20 NEWS BRIEFS...............................................................22 TAHOE TRISH.................................................................24 TAHOE DAD....................................................................25 Trolling our son

SPOKE JUNKIE..............................................................26 DAVE AT THE MOVIES...................................................28 Roald Dahl x 4

PARTING SHOT..............................................................31

Trish Hall

CA 00995140 NV B.0025568

Mountain News 7

“Why does Charter-Spectrum internet keep going out?”

For decades (going back to the 1970s) the TRPA allowed only one residential unit to be built on a parcel. Based on some version of irrational thinking, the TRPA believed this would deter growth. No duplexes, triplexes or apartments were allowed to be built. Any multiunit construction would have (according to the TRPA) been growth-inducing. New homes being built (no matter how large) were allowed only two bathrooms, again to discourage growth. Also, in the 1970s, the TRPA’s warnings to severely limit any building in the basin backfired and set off a building frenzy. El Dorado County alone was issuing 1,200 single family building permits a year in Tahoe.

A classic example of unintended consequences.

Later, during the redevelopment era in the 1990s, mobile home parks and apartment buildings (read workforce housing) were being torn down to make room for tourism gentrification; and none of those demolished units were allowed to be replaced.

These failed TRPA policies may have seemed like a good idea at the time but ultimately they created more problems than they solved, and today beg the question, what was the TRPA even thinking?

Fast forward, and today the (pro-development) Prosperity Center is reporting that thousands of residential units are needed for employee and workforce housing. In response, the TRPA is proposing sweeping policy changes under the deceptive banner of “Housing and Community Revitalization” that would promote the urbanization of the Tahoe Basin. The new plan is shrouded in a web of confusing and overlapping land use regulations that defy environmental protection.

Here’s the problem: for decades, building sprawl was forced on the basin by the TRPA’s one lot, one dwelling rule, with no option to build multi-units for workforce housing. Now they are proposing to fix the problems they created by allowing five-story buildings, higher density and almost no parking requirements. All this without an environmental impact study.

This “build-baby-build” plan has

At the October 19 commissioners meeting, the lack of leadership was on full display as the VHR discussion relied on a speculative financial report that was hastily prepared and poorly presented. Using this flawed report, three commissioners (Gardner, Hales and Rice) seemed to agree that financial disaster is inevitable if VHRs were banned. The City of SLT, which fully phased out VHRs in residential neighborhoods in 2021, has not experienced financial disaster, but rather has seen an increase in their hotel tax collections along with a major uptick in home addition and improvement construction permits. This information was ignored by the three commissioners who chose to believe the sky will fall.

Extracting tourist occupancy taxes from residential neighborhoods should not be part of any city’s or county’s business plan.

Douglas County has plenty of commercial zones where tax revenue can be anticipated, and they should be looking to those areas to generate revenue for county services.

residents from all around of the lake voicing strong opposition.

IT’S ALWAYS ABOUT THE MONEY Whoever said you can’t fight city hall hasn’t met the thousands of Douglas County (DC) residents who are fed up with vacation rentals and signing petitions to put the issue before the voters next November. This initiative to ban VHRs is happening because residential zoning has become meaningless, neighborhoods have been invaded by strangers and waiting for the county commissioners to find a workable solution has been an exercise in futility. Citizen initiatives are a reminder to elected officials that they work for the people and if they can’t lead, they need to get out of the way.

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PARKING I$$UES The war on cars in Tahoe is the new (improve your bottom line) money grab for the Casinos.

This year Heavenly (Cal Base Lodge) will join the paid parking rip-off club. At the November 7 city council meeting, Face Rat Kenny (Skibum) Curtzwiler called Bull $hit on Heavenly for sticking it to the locals.

IT’S STILL A HOLE The “Hole” has been sitting there for so long that people who moved here in the last few years are starting to ask questions. One queried on Facebook, “What was this?” Doug Searby responded, “I can say that once it was a collection of family-owned businesses. Motels and restaurants, small retail locations. Then greed and short-sighted planning turned it into a hole in the ground. My family had a restaurant there way back when Tahoe was a community, rather than a destination.”

To be continued….

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– Disgruntled Residents Instead of answering one reader’s question this month, we are delving into an issue that has been generating noise on local Facebook pages and through the Nextdoor app.

People are complaining their internet is sporadic, wondering what can be done, and if there are other carriers besides Charter-Spectrum.

“We are not aware of any significant outages impacting the South Lake Tahoe area,” Danielle Dunn with Spectrum said.

When asked if the company has any data on complaints and outages, Dunn said, “I would not be able to share any data involving the requested information for competitive reasons.”

In August, Spectrum started offering “proactive maintenance” to customers in the Tahoe-Reno area. This means they will contact customers when they see a problem that may affect service.

People should still call when they have an issue.

Debbie McCarthy, who lives in Meyers, is one of the company’s customers who has been having intermittent service since early October. When watching YouTube TV, the icon at times just spins. When her husband works from home, it’s not a guarantee the internet will be available.

“I would call Charter and they would say they were working on the lines,” McCarthy said. “My neighbors were all having the same problem at the same time.”

Here are some comments posted on the private Knuckle Draggers of South Lake Tahoe Facebook page: • Oct. 29: We went and got a new modem from spectrum yesterday as they said ours was outdated, and it then worked most of the day but it’s gone out 2 more times in the middle of last night and just about an hour ago.

• Oct. 29: Been dealing with this for months now I have reset my modem 3-4

Spectrum technicians work on lines in South Lake Tahoe neighborhoods.

times a day sometimes it works for 30 minutes sometimes it works for all day but I still have to reset it three or four times a day I’ve changed out modems twice so I don’t know what the f*$k it’s starting to piss me off.

• Oct. 29: I called, spoke to billing, and they were able to see that I had thirty outages in one month, so I got a credit on my bill.

• Oct. 30: Yes - had so many outages with them I now trying Verizon. Not as fast but doesn’t go out.

• Oct. 31: I was having major problems everyday it would just go out and not come back on. I called got a new modem and it worked for 5 minutes and crashed right after!

The following are comments placed on Nextdoor in October: • Nothing but outages for months at our house in the State Streets.

• I have been having issues on and off for a year. Working remote and on zoom multiple times per day. It’s horrible. Tech came replaced a wire and better but not con-

sistent.

• We haven't had any trouble with Spectrum, over around Black Bart.

That’s the thing, not everyone is having problems.

“My office buildings are in the Round Hill area. I provide internet to several tenants and they are all happy with the speed and performance there. Spectrum has definitely responded when necessary and have made upgrades without requests,” Zephyr Cove resident Becky Darrow said. “As for my residential, they have also responded in a timely manner when I have had problems. The only negative thing I can say is that it was very disappointing when they lost ESPN during the U.S. Open. They ended up resolving that issue, but after the finals had already occurred. No refunds.”

Other local internet options include Verizon (which did not respond to interview requests), Starlink, and AT&T. AT&T has put in fiber optic lines in the Sierra Boulevard area as well as along Johnson Boulevard near the police station.

“Fiber optics is multiple times faster than regular broadband speeds. We have one gigabit up here in Tahoe,” explained the manager at the South Lake Tahoe AT&T store who did not give his name. “It is your own dedicated line compared to Spectrum, which is a shared line.”

He said a shared line will be impacted when the town is full because more people are using the same infrastructure.

The manager didn’t know when other areas of the South Shore would be retrofitted with the fiber optic cables.

Dunn said, “Spectrum’s high-bandwidth, low-latency network means residents have access to gigabit connections with Spectrum internet, which includes starting internet speeds of 300 Mbps (megabits per second) with no modem fees, data caps or contracts.”

When the Lake Tahoe Prosperity Plan was unveiled in 2010, one of the goals was to bring broadband to the entire basin.

“We are still working on increasing broadband service to the Tahoe basin.

We've been working regularly with the jurisdictions and relevant agencies throughout Tahoe to assist their individual broadband expansion efforts, as well as coordinating these folks to increase efficiency and work together regionally when possible,” Bill Chan, program manager with the Tahoe Prosperity Center, said. “Additionally, as the federal government is directing significant investment into broadband expansion, we are working closely with our partners in both state governments and federal agencies to prioritize needs in the basin.”

GOT A QUESTION? Email: mountainnews2@gmail.com Mail: P.O. Box 8974, South Lake Tahoe, CA 95618.

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Douglas residents mad as hell Dear Editor,

Call Joe at (530) 308-4764 (530) 577-5779

Those of us on the front lines gathering signatures for a ballot initiative to ban vacation rentals in Douglas County's residential neighborhoods have seen and heard from thousands of residents who are mad as hell and

want their neighborhoods back or live in the valley and don’t want them down there in the future. It has come to this because three Douglas County Commissioners think money is more important than their constituents’ peaceful enjoyment of their homes and neighborhoods. Residential zoning is being ignored to accommodate these

nightly rental businesses typically owned by out-of-town investors. Sign the petition. It’s time to take back our neighborhoods.

Linda Dengler, VHR petition lady Douglas County

52joe@sbcglobal.net

Mountain News 9

Agencies ignoring impacts to the environment This editorial is of the gravest importance for the future of Lake Tahoe and the region, which has been illegally mismanaged for decades. TRPA has tuned out the public, for example, by not assessing the significant cumulative environmental impacts of wireless technologies and towers, including fire risk.

TRPA has put Lake Tahoe at great risk of permanent gross contamination by microplastics (MPs) from the deteriorating plastic marinas and piers approved together with other agencies over decades. I’m a civil and environmental engineer with expertise in water quality and waste management and I sent an open letter to basin activists posted on TRPA’s website with my final legal motion in Miller v. TRPA (Item XIII, Oct. 2023 meeting). I encouraged others to engage TRPA as I have to address their issues. See reference links there, especially to my prior July summary judgment motion, its settlement offer Exhibit and attached report on MP issues at certain Lake Tahoe marinas, or contact me at syngineer1@gmail.com. Lahontan Water Board, like TRPA, has taken no action on the marina information.

Decades ago, TRPA illegally adopted amended regulations contrary to the TRPA Compact enacted by Congress that limits approval authority for project permits and variances to the 15-member TRPA Board, by vote at a noticed public meeting freely open to comment.

TRPA permits are legally invalid unless adopted by the Board, but tens of thousands have been approved by staff behind closed doors without public notice. Appealing a decision to the Board at a public meeting costs $1200, with most appeals denied. What they enacted violates the Compact and guaranteed public civil rights.

TRPA/Lahontan have known since early 2022 that fake-pine wireless macrotowers shed toxic MPs in the tons annually on the winds and to the waters, and dismissed water quality concerns with a “junk science” report from Verizon. Monopines are clad with the plastics (PVC) also used for marinas and piers. Massive “shorezone” structures approved by multiple agencies are breaking into MPs accumulating in Lake Tahoe. A ready solution involves replacing deteriorating plastic structures in the shorezone using only wood, stone and metal. Agency “approvers” should fund replacements. People aren’t at

Dear Editor, Well, another Labor Day has come, and it's déjà vu all over again.

For decades, the US Forest Service beaches at South Shore (e.g., Pope, Baldwin) were operated by the Forest Service, and open "from dawn until dusk" with few or no problems.

Then, the Forest Service invited a private, for-profit company to take over the beaches. As soon as Labor Day is over, every year, the company closes the beaches before sunset, and drives around honking

either the Forest Service or the concessionaire.

Why can't the Forest Service resolve this perennial problem by stipulating in its contract with the private company that the beaches must remain open at least long enough to allow visitors to watch the sunset and then have at least 20-30 minutes to comfortably pack up and leave (without being honked or yelled at)?

their horns and yelling at visitors to leave.

If you complain to the Forest Service, they tell you it's okay to stay after closing time, and that "closing time" means simply that nobody else can enter. It's a shell game, at best. The Forest Service says it's okay to stay and watch the sunset, but the concessionaire drives around 30-45 minutes before sunset honking horns and yelling that it's time to leave. It happens every year, and there seems to be no institutional memory at

fault for building what was allowed and I humbly ask their benevolence to prevent more harm or it’s “game over” for clarity and water quality and everyone loses.

Like sewering the basin, it will take a massive effort and years to reverse if begun now.

Since its May 2022 meeting , I’ve petitioned the Lahontan Water Board to enforce prohibitions against the monopine wastes, order cleanups, comply with the laws.

It has declined, continuing to illegally, silently, ignore most construction projects to avoid CA environmental review requirements and deprive the public of protected civil rights to ease its burdens. It has illegally waived all such requirements, AWOL, blindly relying improperly on TRPA. I invite all concerned to unite and stand together to demand compliance from our servants, our right and duty when government oppresses. Who will stop this criminality if not the people? We have the power.

Alan Miller, professional engineer South Lake Tahoe

Sarah Chisholm South Lake Tahoe

L Pop oc alUp RS ec d o h r op N R esaew lV nyli

Seeours c hedul eandl oc at i onsat

Make T ahoeRec d . osrc om 10 Mountain News

Mountain News 11

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Zachary Thomas has been named Director of Development Services for the city of South Lake Tahoe. He most recently served as the city’s housing manager. Thomas holds a master’s in planning from CalPoly and a bachelor’s in political science from Chico State.

The California Tahoe Conservancy, the Nevada Division of State Lands and the Tahoe Fund are teaming up for another year of their Plates for Powder program. Register for a special Tahoe license plate and receive a free lift ticket or trail pass to one of 14 participating ski areas. The registration cost goes to fund environmental projects in the Tahoe Basin. Visit https://tahoeplates. com/?utm_medium=email&utm_ source=govdelivery to purchase.

Barton Health is offering free blood pressure checks every first and third Wednesday at the Barton Center for Orthopedics and Wellness.

The Oakland Jazz Choir will be performing on November 18 at the Boathouse Theater at 6:30pm. These voices unite to share in their common love of jazz and to help promote the art form in new ways while respecting its cultural roots. Tickets available at valhallatahoe.com.

12 Mountain News

The annual Valhalla Holiday Faire opens Friday night, November 17, and continues November 18 and November 19 at the Valhalla Grand Hall. Over 30 local vendors, live music and Santa Claus.

The Lake Tahoe Lakers, the. South Lake Tahoe Ice Arena home team, is hosting a threegame series against the Fresno Monsters November 17 and November 18 (puck drop 7:30pm) and November 19 (puck drop noon). Sunday, all elementary school students get free admission.

Shantell Copsy, a registered nurse with Barton Health, has been awarded the DAISY award for excellence in her profession.

Copsy was nominated by a patient who wrote “Shantell went above and beyond to make me feel comfortable. She was very professional and caring. She could sense I was going through a tough time and when she asked about it, I knew she truly was interested and cared. I felt safe and in good hands in her presence. I will always remember this wonderful angel.” Originally from Colorado, she has lived in Tahoe since 2008.

Getmyboat just published its annual ranking of the most popular boating destinations in

the U.S. South Lake Tahoe ranked No. 12.

The US Forest Service is accepting applications for permanent seasonal jobs through November 22, including 307 positions in California for positions such as forestry technician and forestry aide. Positions may become full time in select instances based on needs and funding.

Visit https://www.fs.usda.gov/ working-with-us/careers/recruitment-events/permanent-seasonal-forestry-careers to apply.

Logan Lisle of South Lake Tahoe has turned his popular online "dad joke" videos into a book. Dock Tok Presents... The Good, the Dad, and the Punny: Jokes from the Water's Edge was released in October.

The Marcella Foundation Volunteer Network has come to South Lake Tahoe. Sign up and be notified of volunteer opportunities in the community as they arise.

This month, they are helping prep and distribute Kindles to second graders at Sierra House Elementary among other projects. Sign up at marcellafoundation.org.

The city of South Lake Tahoe will be hosting a United Against Hate walk on November 16 as part of a week against hatred, discrimination and prej-

udice. The event starts at 5pm at the Lake Tahoe Unified School District offices on Al Tahoe Blvd and continues to Champions Plaza where Mayor Cristi Creegan will speak before heading back.

The Lake Tahoe Unified School District Elementary Choirs Holiday Extravaganza will be held December 5 at Bally’s Tahoe at 7pm.

Friends of the Library will be hosting a special holiday season event at the South Lake Tahoe Library on December 2 from 1pm to 3pm. Robert Max, Gary Thomas Edwards and Lisa Michelle will be highlighting their mysteries and thrillers with readings, Q&A, book sales and signing. Free and open to the public. .

South Tahoe High School will be hosting a community Winter Fest December 1-2 from 5pm to 8pm. Admission is free.

The Lake Tahoe Educational Foundation recently awarded $45,000 in grants for performning arts, special ed, STEAM and experiential learning. These “extras” are actually essential for providing a broad well-rounded experience for students. Consider donating at www.ltedf.org.

The Optimist Club is hosting a Turkey Trot for kids on Nov. 18. Registration for the free

event starts at 9am at the Rec Center or online at: https:///forms.gle/ WmwX74T6scQW6Rfy9. Free.

Bread and Broth will be hosting a free, community Thanksgiving dinner on November 20 from 4pm to 6pm. Grace Hall, St. Theresa’s Church.

The city of South Lake Tahoe will be hosting a Festival of Winter Lights on December 8 and December 9 at the city History Museum, 4pm to 8pm. Sleigh Rides, talk to Santa, local vendors, hot food and drink and more.

Kahle Community Center offers Quigong and Tai Chi Mondays at 4:15 pm. These practices enhance students’ balance, coordination, flow and transition. Wear comfortable clothing and bring a mat to class. Drop in cost, $5. All abilities welcome.

Hilary Roverud has been promoted from director of Development Services for South Lake Tahoe to assistant city manager.

The photo on Page 23 of the October Mountain News accompanying the Upper Truckee River story should have been credited to Chris Carney.

Have a community item for Heard Around Town? Email mountainnews2@gmail.com, subject line “Heard.”

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Christmas Tree Lot Opens Thanksgiving Weekend!

Ready or not, here it comes—winter . . . and with its approach, the usual challenges and reflections: Are the tires good enough? Do you have enough wood? Is the roof ready for another massive load? Do you know where your boots are?

Your gloves? Does the snowblower need a tune-up? Do the skis need a tune-up? Do the quads and cardio need a tuneup? And for us . . . how to approach the annual shrub-treestaking foolishness.

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Canada reds and dogwoods, we made pole teepees wrapped in burlap—and then were tempted to wrap them in Christmas lights. This time around, we’re thinking maybe just the twopost version, pulling the branches into a flatter profile to protect them from the blast of the county auger plows.

And in between wrestling with these stumpy trees and putting Christmas lights up (not at the same time), I came across a broken washing machine drainpipe, which is at least a fun diversion from the other tasks. Except when it comes to removing the plumber’s cement from your hands.

In the usual fashion, I also don’t have the kindling bins filled yet—in denial, probably.

Doesn’t mean I won’t be excited when the first real snow comes.

I’m thinking Nov. 16 for the first four inches to five inches. Feel free to email your guess and we’ll shout out whoever wins the title of Snow-stradamus.

I think I speak for many of us when I say I hope for a winter that doesn’t cause quite as much havoc as last year’s. I mean, snow days are great, but it got a little ridiculous, didn’t it?

Speaking of snow . . .

After a few years’ hiatus, we’re considering getting back

on the mountains this winter, though not at Heavenly. Why? If you’re a couple, as we are, not only do you have to pay $600 with blackout dates, but another $20 to park every time—oh, and you must make a reservation for the privilege of paying your $20 as well. Tip for locals: stand out on Ski Run Blvd. and flag down cars that need a fourth.

A sight for sore eyes We’re in for a round of eye procedures for Anne—with me as her driver on these adventures that may include cornea replacements, but hopefully not. But given that one of her dreams is to see Mr. Rushmore, it’s important to have working eyeballs. I know what you’re thinking because I am, too. Of all the sites—or sights—you could have on your bucket list . . . Mt. Rushmore? But I guess we should go see it since, apparently, the Democrats are long overdue to blow it up? I don’t really follow the news, so maybe they already did. I don’t know what these people are smokin’, but it must have mildewed before drying.

But it raises important questions, such as, where do the Democrats purchase their stockpile of explosives, and where is their ordnance depot? Is it under San Francisco’s City Hall?

Inside Seattle’s Space Needle?

And how many Democrats would it take to blow up Mt. Rushmore? Would it take the same number of Republicans?

Where would one place the explosives to blow up stone faces?

In the nostrils? The mouth? So many things to work out. At any rate, we should try to get there before they add Obama, right?

A General Apology . . .

It’s Halloween. Anne and I are driving through town, having just left the high school after a long day of “professional development.” For her, the day was a bit more drama-filled, so she’s relating some of the day’s action, using her hands and arms to emphasize various points in the story—as you do. Meanwhile, I’m pushing the envelope a little to make a dinner reservation and doing a bit of “traffic frogger”— as I do. Wouldn’t you know it, but as I move around cars to go past, Anne times her hand flying up against the window just perfectly to look like a “how-doyou-do” or worse to the driver we’re passing. This earned some borderline glares in return—understandably, which would have been the end of it . . . until she did it again, moments later, to another driver—again, at just the right moment.

So, this is me apologizing to any of you who thought you got the “bird” or the “move aside” hand-flip from an obnoxious driver (though, to be fair, the passenger). Now I need to get Anne to sign off on this part of the column so that I don’t get the hand-flip myself.

As always . . . feel free to email MikesMutterings@gmail.com

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Mountain News 15

M OUNTAIN N EWS C OVER S TORY

M OUNTAIN N EWS C OVER S TORY

•

Bike trail maintenance— $384,250 in South Lake Tahoe, $587,500 in El Dorado County • 2 playfields near LTCC —$500,000 • Bike trails—$887,500.

The original measure called for the ice rink and four ball fields to be built, along with Tahoe Paradise Resort Improvement District receiving $50,000 a year. It also allocated $5,000 per mile for maintenance of newly constructed Class 1 bike trails in the JPA boundaries for up to 25 miles.

Only one field was built under Measure S. With the slow pace of new bike trails, that pot of cash kept growing.

Measure R reworked how the dollars got allocated, with $500,000 earmarked for fields, plus $50,000 a year for maintenance.

The half million went to building the two fields along Al Tahoe Boulevard, improvements at some of Lake Tahoe Unified’s fields that are used by community groups, and upgrading the baseball-softball fields near South Tahoe Middle School.

As for regulating the use and upkeep

El Dorado County is the lead agency on the San Bernardino bridge that cyclists and walkers this fall may use to cross the Upper Truckee River leading to/from Tahoe Paradise Park.

Eighteen dollars a year has funded a multitude of recreation needs and wants on the South Shore. But what happens if that money were to go away?

“The real world effect would be no statutory funding for bike trail maintenance, there would be no money going to Tahoe Paradise Park to supplement their budget, and no ball or play field money,” said Bruce Eisner, who manages the South Shore recreation JPA. The South Lake Tahoe Recreation

Measure S was first approved in 2000. The biggest chunk of cash ($4.3 million) paid for the South Lake Tahoe Ice Arena. Another $1.3 million funded the soccer field at Lake Tahoe Community College, which is actually a community play field.

The measure was restructured in 2011 as Measure R to redefine how money was spent on fields and bike trails. The same expiration date of 2030 remained.

While 2030 might seem like eons from now, it’s a blink Community Play Consortium Fields of an eye when it comes to planning a political campaign to ask people for money.

That’s why the JPA board at its last meeting, which was in August, discussed “what next?” for the first time. The board is made up of reps from El Dorado County (Supervisor Brooke Laine), Tahoe Paradise Park’s board (Judy Clot), and the city of South Lake Tahoe (Councilman Scott Robbins) and The three ball fields were built with money meets once or twice a from Measure S/R. year.

Facilities Joint Powers Authority, as it’s Laine was a co-chair for the original formally known, oversees the funds col- Measure S campaign and has been a JPA lected from the voter-approved Measures member for the city and county. Clot has S/R. been on the park’s board and JPA for years.

Property owners within the boundar- Robbins is the newcomer, joining shortly ies of Lake Tahoe Unified School District after his election in 2022. pay for these recreation measures, an av“A couple things we are working on erage of $18 a year, via their property tax that have not been decided are should it bill. be an extension versus a new ballot meaTheatre & Art Building

FIELD 2

University Center

FIELD 1

Main Building

Library & Art Gallery Building

SYNTHETIC TURF FIELD

Physical Education Building

This map is for location proximity purposes and is not to scale. The main parking entrance for the play fields is located at 1300 Al Tahoe Blvd., South Lake Tahoe, CA. Lake Tahoe Community College is accessible through the paths and walkways around the fields.

16 Mountain News

sure? Do we want to have CPI (Consumer Price Index) or tiered rates? And if we do go for a new ballot measure, can it be more broad? Are there other outdoor needs that we could put this big umbrella over?”

Laine said.

She also wonders whether a transportation component would be logical, say for park and rides, or for the U.S. Forest Service to enhance its parking at trailheads.

About $650,000 is collected from taxpayers every year. However, about half of it goes to pay the debt on the original $5.815 million bond.

“I think there is an argument to be made to keep it at the current rate of $18 because all of the debt for the bonds goes away,” Laine said. “If you get rid of the debt payments, that $18 covers a lot.”

Clot isn’t sure how Tahoe Paradise Park would survive without the guaranteed annual $50,000 it receives through Measures S/R. This is where the majority of the park’s maintenance funds come from.

“I’ve been on this park board forever.

It is not going to survive without funding like this or some sort of tax for recreation,” Clot said.

Measures S/R have funded these Tahoe Paradise Park projects: • Pavement rehabilitation • Playground equipment • Lake Baron water drain repair • Tennis court rehabilitations • Purchase of loader for snow removal and grounds maintenance • Roof and natural gas installation to manager’s home • Natural gas installation for the recreation room.

While the City Council has not discussed the future of Measure R/S as a

group, Robbins sees the need for an extension or something similar to take its place.

“It is very important to have that sort of dedicated funding. But it’s a challenge also because the nature of these funding sources do not keep up with inflation,” he said. “So, the real value of the funding has decreased since it was originally passed.”

At the summer meeting, Eisner provided financials about where taxpayer dollars have gone through June 2023 in addi-

of the three ball fields, LTCC President Jeff DeFranco, explained, “The Community

Play Consortium, which is a partnership of LTCC and the city of South Lake Tahoe,

The 0.3-mile San Bernardino bridge in the Meyers area will be eligible for Measure S-R dollars in the future.

owns and maintains the fields within a joint powers authority. The city/LTCC property line literally bifurcates all the turf and grass fields so no one field is on anyone’s individual property. It is all shared via the JPA.” A big change was that bike trail maintenance dollars can now be used for existing trails.

An expansion of the definition of maintenance includes plowing bike paths, with $12,000 annually going to trails in the city and $22,000 for those in the county.

“Over the course of the next year or more discussions will ramp up and the JPA will need to decide what its strategy is for going forward,” Eisner said. “Nothing was decided other than there is a desire on the part of the JPA members that pursuing an extension seems like a very worthwhile proposition. Exactly how that would be structured is to be determined.”

Possible ballot dates for an extension include June 2026, March 2028 and June 2030.

NYPD Detective Dan Crane is looking forward to retiring in Nevada to be closer to Jay, his only brother.

When Jay, a radar scientist employed by a major defense contractor, is murdered in his secure laboratory compound, Dan will cross the country, shredding the Department’s policy that stops a cop from working a case WHEN IT’S PERSONAL.

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El Dorado County Supervisor Brooke Laine and her dog, Chica, last winter walk along the South Tahoe Greenway Shared Use Trail that is plowed with Measure S-R dollars.

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tion to the previously mentioned projects: • Tahoe Paradise Park maintenance — $1,020,000 • Community playfield maintenance — $850,000

Mountain News 17

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Mountain News 19

M OUNTAIN N EWS G UEST C OLUMN

This month's guest column is by Duane Wallace of the South Tahoe Chamber of Commerce Every year around Christmas, our family watches the Christmas Story movie with the little boy who wants a Red Rider BB gun with a compass on the side and a thing that tells time.

Every day, Scott Farkas, the bully, and his minion friend chase the boy and his friends until he stands up to the bully and whips him.

The bully cries like a victim. That is the way of the bullies we have all known in our lives and was my own experience as a young boy.

When I was 10, our family moved to Columbia, California. There was a game the boys

played called “tripping” where you grabbed onto each other and attempted to trip each other to the ground. I somehow ended up matched with the school champion, a seventh-grader, who was easily twice my weight. By some miracle, I tripped him not once but twice, which was the schoolyard equivalent to a triple dog dare to a fistfight.

After school, I walked down a path through the woods. I found myself surrounded by the Bully and about 30 of his minions. I was very scared. We squared off and he beat me up. My father told

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me that unless I stood up for myself, I would suffer future beatings from other bullies. Much to my mother’s dismay, Dad taught me a few things about fisticuffs and wrestling. The next day I was surrounded again. This time I got in a few good licks, and I could see the surprise on his face. But I was still beaten badly. By this time, my mother was distraught and wanted to call the authorities.

My father just took me outside and taught me some more ways to protect myself and how to fight back. He told me to go up to the Bully at school and challenge him to fight again and to do it in front of all his minions. I could tell the Bully was surprised and the split lip and black eye that I had somehow managed to give him were very evident. We fought again with my father's tutelage paying off. Still, I got the worst of it.

By this time, my mother was about to take out divorce papers because my father told me to launch a surprise attack at school.

I walked up

to the Bully, tapped him on the shoulder, and when he turned around, I punched that already swollen sore nose as hard as my little body could muster. Teachers were called, and whistles were blown. I found myself writing, “I will not fight in school” 100 times on the blackboard. I skipped one between 85 and 90, figuring they would not count each one. I had read Tom Sawyer and had a little bit of him in me as a result. Or was it Huck Finn? By then I had two black eyes, sore ribs, and cuts and scrapes in places I didn’t know I had. But so did the Bully. We fought again. I saw a little reluctance in his eyes as he beat me, but just barely. I made sure to poke that nose again with my tiny fist.

Mom was hysterical as Dad told me the secret information about a well-placed kick to a sensitive place. It was Friday and my last chance. I tapped him on the shoulder, this time out of sight of the whistleblowers and when he turned, I delivered the coup de grace, field goal style, and challenged him to meet me after school as he writhed on the ground. His minions with mouths agape gave me wide berth as I walked past them. The Bully never showed up that Friday after school. No one ever bothered me again. I have taught our five children to stand up for themselves

and others to the Scott Farkas in their lives with equivalent results.

My father's advice about human nature has held me in good stead.

Nowadays it is done with words on social media. It is not as fun, but with fewer bruises and sore ribs.

The point of this story is not to make me look good but to point out that the one political bully on our city council, our Scott Farkas, and his minions cannot be appeased as they attack tourism, our main industry, without any plan as to how the jobs our locals will lose as a result will be replaced, or any knowledge of how local economies work in regard to the long list of taxes he proposes. He was elected with only 15 percent of the vote, meaning 85 percent did not want him on the council.

Now that he is in the position, delusions of grandeur have taken over with endless assaults on lodging, homeowners, and small business owners. He has implied that the other council members are corrupt and has bullied and demeaned the professional city staff. When others and I have punched back with facts exposing the untruths and false facts on social media, he cried like a victim.

It is time our community stood up to this bully because appeasing him only makes him worse.

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Mountain News 21

SKI RUN CENTER Lake Tahoe Visitors Authority wants to alter its message to those visiting the South Shore.

Seventy-three. That’s how many times the word “local” appears in the Lake Tahoe Visitors Authority’s strategic plan that was approved by the board this fall.

That’s newsworthy because until now, locals were not relevant to the South Shore tourism agency unless they had a role in providing a service to tourists.

Until the recent onslaught of negative national media attention about the greater Lake Tahoe area, tourism officials didn’t acknowledge overtourism as a real thing. No attention was given to the environmental damage.

Locals who for decades voiced a contrarian view to LTVA’s touristfirst mentality were chastised and dismissed.

Bringing in as many people as possible and amassing more money were always the primary objectives of LTVA. “To see the words ‘leave no trace’—that was never in

there. It was all about heads in beds,” acknowledged South Lake Tahoe City Councilman Cody Bass, who represents the city on LTVA’s board. “I feel like some shifts are happening with LTVA that are good. We can shift more money into management and not just marketing; to use some of our funds to deal with tourists when they are here and not just getting them here.” (The city does not contribute to LTVA’s budget.)

One of the nine action steps in the plan says, “Promote community involvement: Add additional opportunities for the local community by creating arts and culture and outdoor recreation/stewardship committees. Also, use more community feedback and input processes. Consider adding a community liaison staff position to provide bottom-up input to the LTVA.” Cash in coffers is still important; after all tourism is

still the No. 1 industry here. But now the focus is on “attracting visitors that align with the values and offerings of the destination, and maximizing the economic benefits of tourism while minimizing its negative impacts.”

What that looks like in practice remains to be seen.

The prior strategic plan was created in 2018.

“The last one we did was not as comprehensive and was pre-Covid, which means it wasn't relevant to our contemporary world,” LTVA Executive Director Carol Chaplin said in an email.

The 2018 document was 18 pages, while the 2023 one is 48.

Chaplin was leaving on vacation and said she had no time to be interviewed by the Mountain News. Board Chairman Jerry Bindel did not return multiple calls.

Bass said in many ways there is no comparison between the 2018 and 2023 documents.

The earlier one is all about marketing, while the new one speaks of stewardship.

In fact, many components

South Lake Tahoe City Councilman Cody Bass, who is on the LTVA board, believes the strategic plan is good for the South Shore.

of the latest strategic plan read like they were lifted from the larger Lake Tahoe Destination Stewardship Plan that came out last summer. That document,

which the Mountain News highlighted in the October issue, is a plan developed by 17 entities to better manage the user experience and the natural resources.

SMG Consulting of South Lake Tahoe produced the LTVA document and had a role in the larger destination plan.

Bass is confident the plan won’t just collect dust, acknowledging it will be up to the board to ensure action is taken to have “better messaging around sustainable, responsible tourism.”

He and Wes Rice from Douglas County are the only elected officials on the LTVA board. Others represent Vail, Stateline casinos and South Shore hotels.

“If it didn’t have the support of the board, it would not be happening,” Bass said of the strategic plan. “I think it is a good plan if we put it into action.”

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The U.S. Forest Service is still deciding who will operate Camp Richardson Resort for the next 20 or 30 years.

Bob and Tammy Hassett, who have run the resort for the last 23 years, in August appealed the decision to award the contract to Advenco, a Kansas-based company.

The regional office denied the appeal, but also bumped the issue up to the main office in Washington, D.C.

22 Mountain News

“The Washington office was sent a copy of the appeal decision on Oct. 25, 2023, and the reviewing officer has 30 days from that date to determine whether a discretionary review will be conducted.

If the decision is made to conduct a discretionary review, the reviewing officer has 30 days to conduct the discretionary review,” Daniel Cressy, public services staff officer in South Lake Tahoe, said.

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The Hassetts said they were given a two-week extension and are “operating as normal.” Bob Hassett chose not to comment further on the situation.

Cressy said, “The permit issued to Camp Richardson Resort Inc. has been extended while the appeal process continues, and the resort is operating as normal per the special use permit provisions.”

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Mountain News 23

You know how some people are always late to the party? Despite the persistent rumors, that is not me. I’m almost never late to anything. So, when I don’t show up, it isn’t because I’ve forgotten to check my fail-safe refrigerator reminder notes or that I’m trying to be “fashionably late” (which is code for too tipsy to tell time).

The simple fact is, I never have any intention of going to a party.

I didn’t go to my junior prom party. Okay, I wasn’t invited. At that point in puberty, I was still tamping down my urge to beat up boys who made unsolicited comments about female body parts, or my lack of them. Because in high school, it’s the only thing boys have on their minds. Perhaps that’s too judgmental. In fairness, they do think of other things. Like football. And food.

I didn’t go to my senior prom either . . . although, I was invit-

24 Mountain News

ed by a kid in my neighborhood.

He couldn’t find anyone else last minute and his mother loved me.

But any chance of attraction was doomed from the start. Everyone knows a mother’s approval will completely dissolve an entire bucket of testosterone in under three minutes.

Threatened with an increase in my weekly tithing from ten cents to a quarter, I did not attend the celebration of my induction into the church. Then, somewhere along the way, I developed a fear of balloons, so refused all birthday party invitations. I declined to go to weddings, suspecting they might be contagious. And, by the ripe old age of 23, began to view dating as a subversive plot.

So basically, not a lot of partying going on unless I was at work and getting paid for it.

Therefore, it shouldn’t be a surprise when the pandemic hit

(remember the Covid “don’t shake hands or hug” thing?) and the pressure to do outdoor activities rose to cave-man, hunter-gatherer levels, and I, once again, missed the party.

Which party is this? Why pickleball, of course! It became the darling of the pandemic because it offered non-contact socialization—something seniors are great at. I read all about it in 2020 and promptly acquired the necessary equipment: a paddle, a ball, a net, a court and an old person’s refusal to believe in the reality of aging.

My husband set up the net at the end of our street and invited the neighbors to join us. Who, in typical pickleball fashion,

asked a group of their friends to join us. A party was beginning to form, so naturally, I grew suspicious. And sure enough, I got hitched to the self-anointed pickleball queen. Which was terrible for me, but, thankfully, worse for her. Because I spent the afternoon zooming around the court like a deranged Labrador, chasing and retrieving balls. And my partner found this very upsetting even though, most of the time, I used my hands and not my mouth.

However, she, too, dipped into doggie territory when she began barking instructions: “Keep your eye on the ball!”

“Which eye?”

“Hit harder!”

“Maybe if you bend over, I can practice on you.”

Then she started growling and, recognizing the signs of rabid behavior, I knew a biting incident was looming. That very day I quit the sport. But not before I made sure we lost every game.

However, the pickleball party has persisted and my need for social interaction and public humiliation has increased over the years. So, at the very senior age of

71, I have enrolled in a pickleball class at the college. Along with everyone else in town who meets the prerequisites of sprouting gray hair in both upper and nether regions, though nobody bothers to check.

Lake Tahoe Community College offers great instructors who have managed to retain their sanity while repeating the pickleball rules over 10,000 times a day, sometimes to the same person.

Our instructor loves the game and has survived teaching all skill levels, including players who think they are better than they really are. Normally that would be men, as women are modest and refined and well-mannered. But since we’re all senior citizens now, our testosterone levels are about the same.

So, game on.

Pickleball is the perfect way for seniors to challenge themselves and bond without the need of additional prescription drugs.

And cognitive function is sharpened as we constantly change teammates and have to learn their names.

This takes the entire class time, and we forget them before we leave the court. But, on the bright side, it always feels like you’re meeting new people. Also, there’s no need to fret over a pickleball outfit because, in the end, we’re all wearing the same thing—Bengay and a knee brace. And it’s fun to hang with people who have the same interest, which is basically trying to cheat death another day.

Now, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but come join the pickle party.

Shorts-Eating Snow Trolls “Sorry Buddy, the snow took your shorts.”

“Aw, Dad.” “Yeah, you’ll have to wait until spring when all the snow melts.”

“Okay.” Sniff… sniff.

Michael, our fouryear-old, loves wearing shorts, specifically, “soft shorts.” It is generally a battle royale to get him to wear anything else. The line that Wifey and I have developed is that the snow came and took his shorts away. Deceitful? Maybe.

Effective? Most certainly.

When a big storm arrives sometime in November that promises to drop accumulation at lake level, we plan it out.

“Is tonight the night?”

Wifey asks.

“We should get it over with. Where do you want to stash

them this year?”

And once Michael is down for the count, we sneak in and pilfer his entire wardrobe of shorts, realizing that if we miss even one pair, those will be the ones he wants to wear every single day for the rest of the winter.

If we’re not the Tooth Fairy, I guess we’re the ShortsEating Snow Trolls.

It would be preferable, of course, if this wasn’t a covert zerodark-30-past-bedtime operation.

And I do have some reservations about making up these little white lies. But like other childrearing myths and duplicities such as the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, and Tahoe Tessie, it’s endemic in our culture and ultimately furthers the greater peace and stability of our household.

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Sure, I’d like to be honest and open with my kid. I’d like to engage him in an intellectual discourse about the hypotheticals of snow and bare legs, but this has historically resulted in his unwavering assertion that “I’m not cold” and that “no, I don’t have bumpy geese.” Maybe this year he will understand that the amount of time he spends with large swaths of his bare skin exposed to the elements is in direct proportion to the likelihood that he will get sick. Maybe he will get it. Maybe Wifey and I can start treating our-soonto-be five-year-old with some independence and dignity instead of manipulation.

Wishful thinking.

I also don’t want to fall into the “because I said so” trap.

“Michael, buddy, it’s just too cold for shorts right now.”

“But Dad, I’m not cold.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just not the right time of year, there’s snow on the ground and you could get frostbite or sick or all sorts of bad things.”

“But Dad, I’m not cold.”

“Look son, no more shorts.”

“But Dad, I want to wear shorts.”

“No shorts.”

“Yes shorts.”

“No.” “Yes.” Ultimately this devolves into me taking his shorts as an ultimatum with the rationale that “I said so.” This isn’t good for either of us. And being a ShortsEating Snow Troll just saves us both from needing to have this conversation in the first place.

In the back of my mind, though, is a concern that our present deception will result in a teenage shorts rebellion. I’ve seen it. On street corners, waiting stoic and frigid at 7a.m., they stand there, defiant, brave, and most certainly freezing cold; teenage boys in shorts, with jackets stashed in bushes, waiting for the school bus in the dead of winter. I think to myself, “Yeah, his parents must have taken his shorts away when he was a kid.”

NOTE: Now that Michael is a teenager, I’m pleased to report that even though he definitely still enjoys soft shorts, he is perfectly amenable to wearing pants when the temperature and season dictate it.

When and where to be honest with children? What did Socrates call it: a lie in the service of the truth? In this case, the greater truth, being household tranquility and the lie is such a small one: “The snow took your shorts.” But, at what point do I decide to treat Michael with some independence and the ability

to weigh the pros and cons of a situation on his own? Isn’t that ultimately what all of us parents are striving for, to raise children who can evaluate the merits of a certain course of action and make a decision based on a careful measurement of possible outcomes.

“Hey Dad!” “Yes, Michael.”

“Can I take Cinder for a walk?”

“Maybe,” I look up from the computer to find Michael, clad in naught but loose rope tangled around various parts of his naked frame with that rope also twisted around our 13-year-old dog’s collar and his hand on the door knob. Meanwhile Cinder, always eager to go outside, looks at me with an expression that says, “What could go wrong?”

“Whoa, there buddy, let’s get some clothes on you and talk about how to hook up a leash.”

Yeah, maybe the ShortsEating Snow Trolls will hang around for one more year.

M.C. Behm is a full-time resident of South Lake Tahoe and author of “Once Upon a Quarantine” and “The Elixir of Yosemite.” To learn more or respond to columns visit www.behmbooks.com or email mcbehmbooks@gmail.com.

Mountain News 25

THE EL DORADO COUNTY AIR QUALITY MANAGEMENT DISTRICT OFFERS INCENTIVE PROGRAMS TO RESIDENTS OF EL DORADO COUNTY TO IMPROVE LOCAL AIR QUALITY.

Snow day!

I have this bike that I like to call “The Bike.” I’ve had this bike for maybe 18 or 19 years, yet I have never ridden it, not even a few pedal strokes, which is weird because if there’s a bike, I always want to give it a ride.

The Bike is a road bike that someone gave me because they no longer rode it and wanted it gone but didn’t want to take it to the dump, which is a hassle anyway, and I hate to see a bike put in the trash; you know, “One man’s trash is another man’s ride.” So of course I said yes.

This bike is probably a �60s era road bike, a nice bike in its day, and has some nice old parts on it, but the red frame and all the lettering has faded, so there are no identifying marks left. There is a small amount of rust here and there but not too bad, which is amazing when you get to understand more of the story of The Bike.

At one time, I’m sure it was a pretty nice, probably European race bike. Somewhere along the

road, though, once the gear on it became outdated—you know us fickle bike geeks, wanting newer, fancier, better, lighter, faster, shinier stuff— it got transformed. It changed from the hot red, I’m guessing Italian race machine, to someone’s “grocery getter.” Surely, a sad moment in the life of a badass race ride, but inevitable and better than being buried in a landfill.

The toe clips were removed, then those sweet, fast, road-race handlebars were turned up. I know you have all seen this, and maybe somewhere along the way you’ve even done this to a road bike, the bottom of the handlebar now at the top, pointing straight forward, the brake levers pointing skyward.

Definitely not cool, but for many folks out there, much more comfortable. I have always despised this, and over my many years in bike shops have gone so far as

telling people it was unsafe.

Ah, but then the coup de grace . . . at some point, a metal basket was added to the front of The Bike—ouch.

The Bike was repurposed and really, if you had to have a grocery getter, I guess it was maybe kinda cool, retro, classy . . . uh, never mind. I don’t know how long it spent running around town in its new lifestyle, but I would guess it was still a happy, functioning bike and helped spread that happiness to its rider. Finally, I suppose, it lost its usefulness as a grocery getter, and that is when it came to me.

When I took The Bike, I didn’t have a use for it, and I didn’t really want to ride it as it was. I thought about restoring it but didn’t really see the need to do that right away, so I stuck it in my back yard. Yes, a bike just out in the yard, not covered, not even under an eave of the roof; this is something I never do and is sure death to a bike. But there it sat, a week, two weeks, all summer, next winter, and in the spring, weeds started to grow around it, they died, snow fell, and I didn’t even touch it.

On some level, I felt guilt over my mistreatment of The Bike, but there was something comfortable about it at the same time. Then one day, I guess I gave in. I put a flower pot in the front basket and The Bike became garden art. It looked happier again; it wasn’t just sitting against the fence anymore, it was holding a pretty plant, and I felt much better about my treatment of this once glorious machine.

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The season rolls on, (The Bike doesn’t), the plant in the basket goes dormant and The Bike goes back to its sad, nobody-cares look. Then, one midwinter day, I step outside to see snow up to the bottom bracket of The Bike. Wow, it looks cold, but somehow is saying something to me. On one hand, it is sitting there stuck in the snow, which just isn’t healthy for a bike, but there is a strange beauty to it.

I go back inside without understanding what it is trying to say.

A few days later, I pass by again and this time the snow is nearly to the top of the wheels. I hear it loud and clear this time: “I am going to be your new snow gauge!” Oh, this is excellent and fun. The Bike has been repurposed again.

It is a bit strange to think this bike will probably never function again as a bike. It sits there in the yard as we ride by it on all the other bikes. It sits out in the worst bike-killing conditions, and somehow I am at peace with The Bike wasting away in my backyard because it brings a whole new kind of joy. It isn’t bringing that pushing-the-pedals endorphin and adrenaline, zipping-along-laughing-and-sweating joy that a bike brings us. It has somehow bridged a gap between the life and death of a bike, and between the seasons.

And it is bringing a joy that says it is time to go play in the snow.

What other bike can say that?

Enjoy Earth!

The Chimney Smoke RIP offers $899 to $2,000* to replace a non-EPA certified woodstove with a new efficient, cleaner burning, eligible EPA certified device. *$2,000 incentive available to low-income residents or residents of designated low-income communities

The Clean Lawnmower Incentive Program (CLIP) offers up to $200 to replace a gas powered lawnmower with a zeroemission cordless electric mower.

COMING SOON: Incentives for residential electric weed eaters, blowers, trimmers, ride-on mowers, etc!

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FOR DETAILS, CALL OR VISIT: (530) 621-7501 Mountain News 27

Benedict Cumberbatch features in Roald Dahl adaptations.

Roald Dahl’s stories have been featured in numerous films before like James and the Giant Peach, The BFG, Matilda or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Willy Wonka). His stories are quirky and fantastical with warm sentiment, often juxtaposed with grotesque, darkly comic and occasionally violent scenarios, and they are perfectly suited to Wes Anderson. Anderson has taken four of Dahl’s short stories and crafted them into short films, all playing on Netflix. The four films are The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar (37 minutes), The Ratcatcher, The Swan, and Poison (17 minutes each).

All the films have the Anderson touches—the art piece settings with a great amount of designed and balanced detail, the dry comic overtones and the fantastical sense of the story. The settings use a mix of realistic, though meticulously stylized, pieces with obvious nonrealistic pieces that are like stage sets. They have visible stage hands who bring on props or move pieces and who will often look directly at the camera, acknowledging that we see them. In fact, pretty much all the characters will look at the camera with the narrators focused completely on us as they lay out the story. The artificial quality of each is how Anderson supplies much of the comic effect, though there are

28 Mountain News

other comic touches that will keep them energized. Each story is in full narration, mostly in Dahl’s actual words, and his words are those of a master storyteller and give a poetry to the events even as they are all narrated by the actors in Anderson’s trademark deadpan style.

There’s almost a hypnotic quality that pulls you in.

As a visual artist, Anderson likes to play with a film’s aspect ratio (the ratio of width to height of the screen). Often, he will use a tighter aspect ratio for films that have an older setting. For these four films, The Swan, The Ratcatcher and Henry Sugar use the old silent film ratio of 1.33:1, making the screen look almost square, whereas he goes full widescreen with a 2.39:1 for Poison.

In The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar, a rich man learns

in Anderson’s dry, quick, staccato style. The film has Benedict Cumberbatch, Ben Kingsley, Ralph Fiennes and Dev Patel, all playing multiple parts. Fiennes will appear in all four films as Dahl, sitting in his writer’s loft, finishing each story’s narration. All of them also appear in Poison.

At 37 minutes, Henry Sugar is a perfect length to capture the story without dragging it out. It has a quick, nonstop pace with the dry comedy flowing fully as the film leads to its satisfying conclusion.

The Rat Catcher finds a garage mechanic’s shop next to a small newspaper office set in what looks like a small town in the '20s or '30s. The mechanic has called a ratcatcher to eliminate a problem with rats across the way who have taken up residence in a hayrick.

The ratcatcher (Ralph Fiennes) is

All the films have the Anderson touches—the art piece settings with a great amount of designed and balanced detail, the dry comic overtones and the fantastical sense of the story. about a guru who can see without using his eyes. He sets out to master the skill in order to cheat at gambling but ends up realizing he would rather do something else.

The whole thing is upbeat and fun even as Dahl’s words are narrated

very much like his quarry and as the story progresses, it definitely falls down the rabbit hole, or in this case the rat hole.

This film uses more realistic storefronts for the setting. Many props are mimed or with obvious

stage fakes, which for this film is a good thing as the story elements tend to get a bit gross. One of those fake props, a rat, also shifts to become animated (with Anderson’s trademark stop motion) and with another Anderson touch, it will speak the ratcatcher’s lines at times, still having Ralph Fiennes’ voice. The film has a slightly darker turn with creepy violence toward the end (remember, it is Roald Dahl).

The Swan is also much darker in tone. It is about a small boy, Peter Watson, who is terrorized by two bullies. It is narrated by Peter’s older self, played by Rupert Friend and uses a lot of stagehands (dressed like characters in the film) to provide props and create the action. Friend’s deadpan narration still carries a sense of urgency as the story unfolds. The only other character we see in the story is young Peter Watson who mostly serves as a visual prop and Ralph Fiennes appears at the end to finish the narration as Dahl. The story is rather cruel and doesn’t resolve at the end.

The film uses the mostly artificial settings mixed with a bit of realism, including a long path between two tall hedges that have various doors that magically appear. Though the tone is serious and a bit violent, there are bits of humor, again carried out by how the story is staged, which keep it

from becoming too depressing.

Poison finds Cumberbatch playing Harry, a British man living in India in what appears to be around the 1940s. When his roommate Woods (Patel) comes home one night, he finds Harry lying perfectly still in bed, extensively sweating. In a whisper, Harry informs his roommate that under his blanket, sleeping on his stomach, is a highly poisonous krait snake.

Knowing the snake could awaken at any moment and kill him with one bite, Harry tells Woods to have the local physician (Kingsley), come quickly, and bring a dose of antivenom, just in case.

From there, they try to relieve Harry of his problem.

Poison makes use of the movable set pieces, (similar to Anderson’s Asteroid City) such as when the narrator steps into a house from the outside, the entire outside lifts, showing him now on the inside.

Overall, all four films are a perfect way to look at the full Wes Anderson style in smaller doses.

For those who like Anderson, they are great little shorts; for those who are unfamiliar, it’s a nice introduction without having to experience a full two hours. Even if Dahl’s stories are not appealing, Anderson’s way of telling them can be engaging. Teresa loved Henry Sugar but didn’t see the others.

Mountain News 29

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