ISSUE #4 by swine

ISSUE 4 | FREE

2015

(Vinoth Chandar via flickr)

GET INVOLVED. swine@ssu.org

SWINE

No Surprises, Please.

A to Z:

Voluntary

Tony Abbott

Incarceration

Una Cita Mala ~

How To Vinyl

Exhibition:

The Bad Date

Robyn Strathearn

StalkerSpace

Reviews:

Fiction:

Invaders

The Mud

A Capsicum Is Like A Drum

Ode To The

Recipes:

One Piece

Fruit For Thought

Team

RHYS POPE EDITOR IN CHIEF

Rhys Pope is a third year journalism student. His bulging deltoids are the result of his exceptional swimming skill. Although he hates sand, he goes to the beach to eat soft serve and then goes home to watch Bobâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Burgers. 4

DANIELLE THOMPSON

NICHOLAs KENNEDY

EDITOR/SECRETARY

MANAGING EDITOR

Danielle Thompson is a third year journalism student. She will miss the mad bickering of the Swine team. She has never met a group of people less suited to spend time together. Hopefully there are members of the real world that are just as crazy sober.

Nicholas Kennedy is a third year journalism student, and is soon to become the 2015 Editor in Chief. Since attending the Tesselar Tulip Festival, he has developed an unhealthy obsession with frolicking amongst these beautiful flora.

SWINE

ELOISE RETALLICK

JONATHAN BOADLE

JANELLE JAMES

LEAD DESIGNER

DISTRIBUTION AND PROMOTION

ADVERTISING OFFICER

Eloise Retallick is a third year Communication Design and Marketing Student. Having recently been diagnosed with Vitamin D deficiency, she is determined to push through the sweat this summer and spend more time in the sun.

Jonathan Boadle is a second year Media and Communications student. He has a soft spot for lime milkshakes, but heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not so sure about lime spiders.

Janelle James studies Marketing at Swinburne and is our lovely advertising officer. She likes long walks on the beach and cocktails served in fruit; they are better than pina coladas.

Contributors

CONTRIBUTORS RHYS POPE NICHOLAS KENNEDY DANIELLE THOMPSON ELOISE RETALLICK JONATHAN BOADLE MATTHEW STONE JESSIE SPITERI HAMISH IKIN LEE TAUBE PEDRO COORAY VINCENT DWYER ROBYN STRATHEARN GEORGIA GILBERTSON JOSHUA FERNANDEZ

Hey all, Hope you’re tracking well with semester two, and hope you had a restful mid-semester break. The end’s pretty much approached for the semester, and this also means the end of the year for our hard-working student reps. This year’s been an interesting ride to say the least. The attacks on tertiary education by Christopher Pyne saw massive demonstrations around the country and students Activating as advocates for change. The impacts on student welfare and attacks on young people showing a Liberal government Hell-bent on disregarding the fact that our generation is not lazy, and that we are eager to work and learn but opportunities are not available. Outside of all this we have continued out breakfast services, and out bar nights are being well received. We love to work for you all, and your support for us and the many volunteers for this great organisation is what makes working for you worth it. Your democratic rights to vote in the student elections right after mid-semester was a great opportunity to find out about your Union, and I hope that you voted. Nothing but pure passion is what’s required for being a candidate, and I wish all candidates and victorious people do their best for Swinburne as an independent voice for students. As the last edition of Swine this is the last time I’ll be able to write as President, so I’d just like to say thank you all so much for your support throughout the year. There’s always a challenge around the corner. Whether it be from the Federal government, University or the community. I’ve enjoyed every single moment I’ve had to fight for the good students of Swinburne, people who understand the realities of everyday life, people who don’t ask for too much, but expect the best. Most importantly, people who the Union are happy to fight for.

F THE

E L OF TH PRESID EA

In unity,

TUDENT NE S U UR

INB TO EN

Joshua Fernandez ON NI

TH E

Editorial

ditorial

Thanks guys, it’s been real. I’ve really enjoyed working on Swine this year, despite the stress and the steep learning curve. I encourage you all to get involved in extra curricular activities on campus, you shouldn’t complain about lack of campus culture if you don’t participate. I’ll miss this, but hey change is always good. - Rhys Pope Prior to my starting university I had big goals. Who doesn’t want to be the next Alison Rees from Central NSW Prime News? However, I have discovered that entering the grown-up workforce is a pretty hideous prospect. Personally, I like getting up at ten in the morning, wearing whatever I like and openly swearing without being reprimanded. Despite my slight apprehension toward heights and breaking the law, I feel like climbing onto a roof for a cider at 3 PM is fractionally more appealing than climbing the corporate ladder. Not to mention the fact that I am not sure that I can really pull off the below the knee pencil skirt. My message to you then, as a reluctant graduate, is stay there. Sit in your classes and soak up everything, but maybe fail a few. Dye your hair pink, do high kicks and truly appreciate the fact that you live in a shitty Camberwell apartment with mould damage. - Danielle Thompson Working on the SWINE Magazine this year has honestly probably been the best decision I’ve made since leaving high school. An opportunity to actually create something that people will read and enjoy is hard to come by, and be able to do it alongside such fantastic people is what makes 2015, and stepping into the editor-inchief shoes, all the more exciting. Thanks for supporting SWINE this year. - Nicholas Kennedy

SWINE

No Surprises, Please. Words: Matthew Stone “Where does this comma come from,” she shouts, smacking the desk. “You didn’t proofread it at all. Fuck this. Fuck you.” A little upset shall we say? I don’t know who she’s talking to on the other end of the phone. Maybe it’s a group assignment. They often bring out altruism and goodwill in people. I wouldn’t consider myself the sort of person to start a screaming match in the library over sentence structure, but we each have our baggage to deal with. Grammar certainly is a point of contention from time to time. However, I never expected such elevated emotional tensions might stem from one’s stance on the Oxford Comma; yea or nay?

Then again, I don’t say anything either. Why is that? I just sit and keep on doing my thing like the rest, Radiohead playing on the side. No alarms and no surprises, please. Handshake of carbon monoxide. I’m pretty good with a comma. I even used a semi-colon up there. This isn’t really that kind of world though, is it? People will be scared of that sort of warmth. Possibly they have been burned before, and we shouldn’t judge that. These sorts of scars are a private thing after all.

Must we condemn sadness and confusion to a private arena too? Can’t we just go up and try to help somebody who needs it? Are we stuck at an impasse here? Is there no Smacks the desk again, louder this context where a stranger can extend time. “I trusted you,” she hisses down a hand of solidarity and say, “Hey, the phone. “This was important. I’m commas aren’t all that, bro? Maybe not smart. I’m not pretty. I don’t know it was a run-on sentence anyway. where the fuck I’m going.” One or Let’s just chop it off altogether. We two people sheepishly steal a glance don’t need it.” at her, but quickly resume whatever No surprises, please. A sound that they’re doing on their computers. could be a sigh, or a whimper, or Nobody approaches. Nobody whatever else, who knows? I look up helps. No gentle pat on the back; but she’s already stood up, walking “it’s not your fault, man. We’ll get away. I don’t go after her. I doubt through this comma thing together. anybody else will either. « I’m a literature major and everything, you’re in good hands.”

A - Z: Tony Abbott

A-Z Abortion

Beer Sculling

Images: Eloise Retallick

Abbott once described abortion as “the easy way out”.

Tabbs has not yet attempted to top Bob Hawke’s record beer scull; 1.4L in 11s. We look forward to this as a part of his next election campaign.

Catholic

Daddy’s Girls

Election

He describes himself as a Roman Catholic but says it doesn’t affect his politics.

Father to three girls who love him dearly, we’re sure.

Tony Abbott led the Coalition to a huge victory in 2013, handing Labor one of their worst defeats in decades.

Frances

Good Looking

Health Minister

Tony Abbott’s daughter was attacked in the media after winning a $60,000 one-off design scholarship.

Circa 1996. Google it and be amazed.

Tony was minister for Health and Ageing (2003 - 2007), kept the health system running through a doctor crisis due to insurance prices.

Words: Nicholas Kennedy, Rhys Pope

SWINE

Industrial relations

Julia

Kevin07

‘WorkChoices’; a policy spearheaded by Tony to reduce the collective bargaining powers of trade unions.

Julia Gillard blasted Abbott in 2012 in a “feminism tirade”, saying if he wants to know what a misogynist looks like, he should pick up a mirror.

A slogan that Tony has never been able to top.

Liberal

Maisie

NRL

Tony Abbott has been a member of the Liberal party since 1994.

The Abbott family dog, who is a spoodle. Her opinions on boat people are unknown.

Tony got booed the hell out of by a stadium at the NRL Grand Final (but which PM hasn’t that happened to?)

Outline

Pugnacious

Queenscliff Surf Lifesaving Club

We all feel a little too familiar with the outline of Tony’s junk.

CNN once described Tony as “Australia’s pugnacious new prime minister”, which means “eager or quick to argue, quarrel, or fight”.

Of which he is a life member.

A - Z: Tony Abbott

Refugees

Speedos

Terror

‘Boat People’; refugee rights have plagued Tony’s term as PM, currently the Coalition is sending them to Manus and Nauru Islands.

Tony loves to show off his hot bod in a pair of speedos, though now he’s PM he seems to have less time for it.

Following rising fears over ISIS, a state of heightened security was implemented by the PM, now he insists that we need to start a war too.

University of Sydney

Vaginas

Wives

Tony is a distinguished graduate of Sydney Uni, Rhodes Scholar, and holds a Masters in Arts from Oxford University in England.

Tony Abbott could only find room for one vagina in his cabinet.

In a visit to a dry-cleaning business, Mr Abbott said an emissions trading scheme would hit housewives who use electricity to iron.

Xenophobe

Youth

Zooper Dooper

Xenophobia is defined as “a fear of the unknown”, read into that what you will.

Only 23% of young people said they’d vote for Tabbs in 2013.

Tony’s favourite icy cold refreshment on a hot day, (we have no evidence of this fact, but surely it is true).

VOLUNTARY INCARCERATION Words: Jessie Spiteri Image: Rhys Pope

Feature: Voluntary Incarceration “Morning, Tony. Pass 329 and a small locker please.” Leaning over the bench, I meet Tony’s hand and collect the pass, clipping it to the lanyard hanging from my neck. The photo is unattractive; my eyes are scrunched and I’m baring my teeth in mid-laugh, but it’s an ID meant only for the prison, so it’s preferable if I look unappealing. Heading towards the locker, I stow away my phone, and remove my coat as I approach the x-ray machine. I smile at the officer, wedge my rigid, PVC bag into a tray, and push it onto the conveyor belt. The bag crumples, and I see my lunch topple as the machine kicks into motion. It used to sit flat but it can’t anymore; deep creases contort the plastic from where I’ve folded it to fit in my backpack. Incessant looks at the bizarre container on my commute make it clear; prison paraphernalia has no place among the public. The attendant stands waiting, then manipulates a metal detector across the front of my body. He instructs me to rotate, then follows the same procedure with increased observation, before directing me towards a door. The small area is already holding an officer and 14

another individual in plain clothes; both appear to be failing the mandatory iris scan. A red pass drapes around the neck of the timid individual, an accessory carried by those with unapproved access. I hated the red pass process, having to don the pennant in my first few months and call upon an officer to escort me around the building. Once approved, it was liberating walking to

“It’s hard to not be interested; what life did they have in the real world? Does it bother them that they’re in a prison?” the office alone, leaving the building when I was ready. How ironic to feel free within a prisons walls. Attempting another iris scan, success finally greets the officer. The guard manning the door releases the bolt, and our trio clambers through. Initiation stage; complete. I walk faster than the others, reaching the next checkpoint first. Like the first stages of a game, this door accepts no failures. Pass this iris scan, and the prison floors are yours. I open my eyes wide, and focus upon the mirrored lens.

The scanner has a female voice, and she asks me to move closer. I scoff, but follow the order, my stretched eyes beginning to sting. I had never heard of iris scanning, nor considered the possibility my eyes were unique. When my irises first entered the system, I felt accepted and sort of elite, like my eyes held a password so secure it was kept from me. The door still stares at us blankly, unaware no officer controls it’s core function, merely this girl with the difficult eyes. An artificial camera shutters, the door unclips from its vice; this is the final level. I dismiss the need for a duress alarm and head directly towards the door. Embarking through the final level doesn’t require preapproved eyes; this level is shared between prisoner and staff, and attendants control its doors. Through an archaic intercom system, I prod a ‘call’ button and a ring immediately sounds. Darting across the room, I collect a mound of medical papers, and tuck them under my arm. I dash back to the intercom as the call is dutifully answered; I push aside the door and an ascending stairwell greets me. I find the ascension quite interesting; its path carved

SWINE by the stairwell, is lined with windows exposing the yard. A swirl of men circle the area, most in pairs, some in groups and few who choose to be alone. This is the heart of the building, a concrete hub pumping with the flow of it’s ever changing recipients. The windows are mirrored, so nobody can see me looking. I’m a spectator in a gallery where people are the exhibition.

Conscious of his patience, I take the stairs two at a time, and reach the doorway hastily.

rhythm of work in a prison medical centre. «

‘No need to rush miss, I’ve got the door.’ His slim arm ushers me towards the final floor, the sleeve of his green sweater scrunched up to his elbow. I smile at his comment, and my heart begins to settle.

‘Thank you very much, kind sir,’ I say, stepping through I want to stop and watch. the doorframe. He offers I know there are cameras me a good day, then a around me, and know how content crooked smile, and odd it would look. It’s hard waits politely until I leave the to not be interested; what area. He nods respectfully life did they have in the real to the officer attending the world? Does it bother them door, then bounds down the that they’re in a prison? My stairwell, whistling a pleasant mind continues to wander but tune. decide to continue my trek; I wouldn’t like to be looked I’ve reached the medical at, and my shift is about to centre, a known impartial begin. refuge for those requiring its assistance. Upon my I step on the last set of stairs, presence, the familiar door and hear the final door swings open and I slip inside groan open. The officers discreetly. are relatively prompt, but it’s been opened to let another Awash with the reprieve a through. completed game bequeaths, I inhale deeply, ingesting the A prisoner stands by the stale air. Filing the papers entrance, his eyes locking I’d carried from level one, I with mine. He doesn’t make collect a current muster, and me afraid, but I feel my skim through the names on heart rate increasing. His the list. The listed incoming gaze doesn’t leave me, and prisoners create my day’s I can tell there’s a lot he’d to-do list; I compose my like to say. Small talk feels thoughts, tuck my ID into my inappropriate, so a silence waistband and settle into the fills the steps between us. 15

Feature: Una Cita Mala

SWINE

UNA CITA MALA ~ The BAD DATE

Words: Danielle Thompson Image: [Mexico Cantina] Oriana Elicaba via Flickr

Feature: Una Cita Mala Foreign romance is always hard. One must face the language barrier, the cultural divide, the knowledge that at some point someone is likely going to be heading home to their own country, dooming the relationship. Foreign romance paired with excessive tequila, bouncers and corrupt ‘policia’ is even harder.

tequila… and then went on this party bus.” The party bus was their ride to an exchange student ‘fiesta’ in centre of Mexico City. It was about eight or nine o’ clock and they jumped on this bus, which “was full of my mates and stuff”, lucky Annabelle.

and finished outside the club before they headed back in to relocate little Annabelle.

“On the walk back there was this little guy playing guitar…” Angus had recently bought a guitar, had been doing some classes and so, excitedly asked the busker if he could have a turn. After a brief attempt at solo mariachi, “I had met one of in passing the guitar back, [Annabelle’s] friends, earlier As stories often do, this one Angus dropped it, right in in the day, at the Apple store, starts with a girl; a “little, front of the Mexican street and she was telling me that petite Mexican” Apple store performer. “Guitar’s broken.” I had to be responsible and employee, who had our look after her… so I had this “It was just him and his guitar. protagonist scaling buildings. in mind the whole night.” We had to pay him back, I For six months, the tall, red had no money, no cards or The bus arrived at a pretty and handsome, Angus Evans anything.” Angus’ mate was high class Mexican bar. was spending exchange able to cover the cost of the “I was wearing a collared in the Mexican suburb of broken guitar. They went shirt; blue and white striped, Artizipan. It was here he to the ATM to extract some washed, probably not met Annabelle, to whom ‘dinero’ and came back with ironed.” On arrival, they had he strode up, to ask on a two thousand pesos, half of two hours of free drinks so, date in, no doubt, glowing which they gave to the 40 as you can imagine, more Spanish. year-old busker. “tequila, vodka and rum”. At this point there is On returning to the club, “Free drinks ran out so, something you should know Angus got Annabelle a drink shit what am I going to do about Angus. Angus is, at all from the bar and joined her now?” One of Angus’ friends times, the perfect combination on the dance floor for some remembered there had been of awkward, excited and “saucy, smashed salsa”. “I an Oxxo (Mexican 7/11 awesome. So, for him to didn’t drop her once.” equivalent) near the bar. Off have plucked up the strength they went. Suffering from some salsa to march into an Apple store exhaustion, Angus politely and lock in a night out with “I told Annabelle that I was excused himself from this little brunette, means just going to go for like a Annabelle again and headed Angus must have been under minute.” She seemed fine; to the back of the club for the influence of some serious he was only going to be “a a sit down. “I don’t know if foreign country courage. short while”. But then, “before I had a little sleep, but the she had time to react, I was Angus, being the romantic bouncer saw me… he kicked gone.” that he is, took Annabelle out me out.” for an intimate dinner. “We At the Oxxo another bottle Outside on the street went for tacos, drank some of vodka was purchased 18

SWINE Angus, concerned for poor Annabelle; who wasn’t aware that her charming date had been forced outside by the bar authority, became determined to get back in. He hadn’t forgotten that he had promised to look after her. Out the front of the bar on a bench, he formed a game plan. He walked around the car park of the club, figuring if he climbed onto the roof he could make his way in. He jumped on the wall and quickly discovered there was “an electric fence or something.” “I get zapped and I get knocked out.” Recovering hastily, he saw a corner of roof not protected by the fence. “I was the responsible guy, so I had to get back in there somehow.” Manoeuvring the “corner bit” he found himself on a neighbouring roof. Woozily sitting on the edge, Angus considered his next move. “All of a sudden I heard this ‘ahhhh’”. A frantic Mexican man yelled at Angus from the ground waving a broom at him. “I tried to hide from him… I am this big ginger, how can I hide from this little Mexican.” “Do I jump, do I go back down? What do I do?” Shockingly, the frantic

Mexican was shortly replaced by 6 riot police sporting “assault rifles, helmets and full body armour.” Turning white, Angus was taken downstairs and out the front of the house and directed towards the divvy van. Despite his shaky Spanish, Angus established that he was being arrested for trespassing. Now, heading back inside to the lovely Annabelle, who was left in the club with a horde of internationals she had most likely only met earlier that evening. Becoming more accustomed with the geography of the bar, which Angus never had time to investigate; a group of Angus’ friends were being kicked out for frolicking in the bar’s display pool.

Ironically, coming to Angus’ rescue, Annabelle, the only one who spoke Spanish, started negotiating with the police. Managing to strike a deal with the Mexican police, Angus’ friends paid the two thousand pesos to the police (about $200). Although bribing a policeman in Mexico is apparently pretty common, most get away with a couple of hundred pesos. Afterwards, feeling terrified everyone “went and ate pizza in silence”. And in terms of the girl, this date lacked a happy ending. The disappearance and near arrest that followed was pretty damaging to his love life. “I don’t think Annabelle ever spoke to me again.”«

They were shoved out onto the street to find scared Angus surrounded by navy clad riot police. 19

Feature: How To Vinyl

HOW TO VYNIL

(vinyl record player) 20

SWINE Words: Nichoals Kennedy

punk, jazz, electro, hip-hop, whatever. Regardless, you Illustration: Eloise Retallick run to your player that you might have dug out of your It starts perhaps, with a knock at the door. A delivery parent’s basement, or in the person wearing a nondescript old electronics section at an op-shop, lift the lid, set the LP uniform stands in your down, drop the needle, sit doorway holding a square back, and listen. thin box. You know what it is, or maybe you don’t; Congratulations, and you’ve ordered so many welcome to vinyl. online in the past months that they constantly trickle in, I want to get one thing out of delivered every few weeks in the way before we proceed. the same fashion, nameless Vinyl is a money suck. When until you pull them from their you can just stream all your packaging, but the high of favourite music online, have it that first knock at the door sound great, work every time, never leaves. and have it be free, why in the world would you bother You sign and happily thank with something as out-dated the delivery person, as and inconvenient as vinyl? though they are somehow entirely responsible for your Well, I can’t answer that current excitement. You go question for you; as with to the bedroom, the living all art, we need personal room, or heck, maybe you sit reasons for it to resonate with right there on the floor, and us, and if it doesn’t, it just begin your little adventure. doesn’t, and that’s fine. You break the outer seal However, I will make the of the cardboard, fumbling point that, in the years after inside for the feel of bubble it’s release, vinyl was a wrap and sticky-tape, pulling part of some of the most out your prize. Maybe some fundamental advancements kind of pamphlet falls onto in music technology, much the floor, a thank-you note like how the iPod changed from your chosen supplier, or the world of music listening a catalogue of more choices forever. Home listening in the future, but to be honest, exploded under the LP, and you’re not interested in that alongside it, development of right now. some of the most impressive Eventually, in your hands audio equipment ever is a 30cm x 25cm piece occurred. Today, vinyl of absolute art. It could be lives on as a symbol of the

music listening experience; the sound, the feel, and (if you’re weird) the smell. The psychical nature of vinyl means it actually occupies space in your life, and your collection grows before your eyes. When people sing the praises of books, they talk about the feel of the pages between their fingers, the wear they gain over time and excessive page turning; vinyl is a similar experience. However, unlike books, vinyl is not exactly ‘user-friendly’. What the fuck is a pre-amp? What bit of the record player is the cartridge? What does 33RPM mean? Calm down. Never fear. The How To: Vinyl guide is here.

G E T T I N G S TA R T E D : Basically, there are five things you need to listen to vinyl: 1. Turntable 2. Pre-amp 3. Speakers 4. Records (Vinyl) 5. Basic cables and wires Get these five things and you can make a basic setup that will play anything you like. Refer to page 42 for the basic idea.

Feature: How To Vinyl

W H AT T O L O O K F O R Basically, you want a heavy platter so that the mechanism I N A T U R N TA B L E : driving its rotation has a It’s pretty difficult to tell if a record player is good just on face value. After all, it’s the smaller elements of the player that tend to decide whether it’s good or not, but there are always a few things to look for that are a good start when making a purchase. Tone-arm Counterbalance The counterbalance is connected to the tone arm; the tone-arm is connected to the cartridge, and the cartridge houses the needle, the most important part of your listening experience. If your counterbalance is too light, that needle is going to bounce around every which way, and your records are gonna skip like crazy; too heavy, and your needle will dig into the grooves on your record, eventually ruining it. So basically, you want a counterbalance that you can alter, to find that sweet spot (usually something around 2.5 grams). The counterbalance usually looks like a dial with numbers on it, sitting at the far end of the tone arm.

consistent speed. To check the platter, just spin in and see how it feels, if it feels too light, make note. A Rubber Mat Basic, but you want a cover on the platter so your records are protected from scratches when playing. These can be made from either rubber or some kind of fabric. Most new players come with these included, so only when buying second hand does this become an issue. A Lid or Dust Cover Do you want your records to become all dusty and shit? No way! Make sure you have a lid on your player to stop dust settling on the platter and making its way onto your records. 33 RPM / 45 RPM Buttons Okay, so, big vinyl spins at 331/3 Revolutions Per Minute, and baby vinyl spins at 45 Revolutions Per Minute.

That’s what RPM means, and if you play a record at the wrong speed, it’ll sound like you’re slowly descending into hell, while also ruining your records, even if it’s really funny sounding. On a player you want the ability to play both speeds, so make sure your player has a button or dial to change the RPM. Play Before You Buy Such simple advice, but very important; listen before you buy! You don’t buy a car without taking it for a test drive, so you shouldn’t buy a record player without hearing it play. Side note: It can be beneficial to listen with headphones, especially if you intend on using them at home. Turntables Worth Your Time I don’t want to go all salesman on you here, but to set you on the right track, here is a list of brands which manufacture quality turntables:

A Heavy Platter We aren’t talking about antipasto here; we’re talking about the thing on which your record will actually sit. 22

(cartridge)

(counterbalance)

SWINE

(preamp) •

Technics

great, but ultimately, these players sacrifice quality for, • Pioneer well, not a whole lot to be honest. Having your pre-amp • Rega and speakers built into the • Pro-ject turntable basically just means that if they’re shit, there’s not This isn’t to say that every a whole lot you can do about turntable made by these it, and if one of them breaks companies is gold, but (which they will if its an ‘Allthey’ve got a pretty good track record when it comes to In-One’) you might as well throw out the whole thing. audio equipment. Avoid this shit.

W H AT T O AV O I D I N A T U R N TA B L E :

No Counterbalance As I mentioned before, the counterbalance is one of the most important parts of your turntable, so if yours doesn’t even have one, it doesn’t bode well. You’re either going to get loads of skipping, or trash your records. ‘All-In-One’ Setups ‘All-In-One’ might seem super convenient and

Cheap = Caution I said before that vinyl is a money suck, and it wasn’t lying. Honestly, this is one of those hobbies that you don’t want to do on the cheap. Technics turntables easily break the $1000 mark. I’m not saying you’ll need to spend that much to have a decent set-up, but anything under $100 and you’re probably wasting your time. Basically, be smart, if the turntable is made entirely out of plastic and looks like a flimsy piece of shit, chances

are it is. Aesthetics Can Be Deceptive Turntables look cool enough as it is, but some companies take the design of their players a step too far and end up designing weirdo turntables that end up breaking and generally being a bad time for everyone involved (including your vinyl). Brands like Crosley are built on the cheap without any regard for actually being any good, so don’t waste your time with those guys. Besides, if you want a vintage looking player, just go hunting in op-shops, don’t be a poser that buys them from Myer or whatever, you dickhead. USB? More like Useless Stupid Bullshit. There’s not much point in buying a USB turntable. Recording your vinyl digitally is pretty easy to do even without a USB interface. 23

Feature: How To Vinyl

O T H E R I M P O R TA N T on a turntable is usually not too bad, it’ll work, but you’re THINGS: going to want to replace it Pre-amps / Phono-amps Other than turntables, speakers and vinyl, the other most important piece of equipment you’ll need is a pre-amp. Since the needle on your turntable picks up vibrations at a very low frequency, you’ll need a pre-amp to take that signal and, you guessed it, amplify it. These can range from $15 up into the thousands, and unlike other equipment, buying cheap can actually get you a totally decent preamp. I should know, mine is $15 from Jaycar Electronics. Replace Stock Cartridges and Styluses. The stuff that comes standard

if you want to get some real good quality sound out of your turntable. Going to Ground

If you plug your equipment together and notice a humming noise (even a quiet hum), chances are there are some interference frequencies messing with your shit. Fixing any kind of interference is as simple as using some copper wiring to make a small connection between the ‘ground’ screw on your turn table, and the ‘ground’ screw on your pre-amp. This creates a loop that the frequency can endlessly run along so it doesn’t make it’s way to your speakers, and voila, no more humming! «

(basic setup)

EXHIBITION ROBYN STRATHEARN 25

Untitled Robyn Strathearn Photography

Title Page: Untitled Robyn Strathearn Photography Untitled Robyn Strathearn Photography

Robyn Strathearn is a Communication Design student. Born in South Africa, she moved to Canada, and then to Melbourne. Her favorite media are painting and photography, and she has recently been combining the two into one medium. She draws influence from her cultural background.

Untitled Robyn Strathearn Photograph

Feature: StalkerSpace Invaders

StalkerSpace Invaders

Words: Lee Taube

flat out deny that they are being homophobic and/ If you thought that bullying or transphobic. Other times ended with high school, they try to brush off the person you’re wrong. Cyber bullying that they are targeting by and trolling consistently occur, insisting, “you’re being too even at our university. The sensitive”; used as some kind Swinburne StalkerSpace of weak excuse to justify their page is often filled with hurtful behaviour and invalidate the homophobic, transphobic feelings of others. and sexist comments. When those who make these Despite never disclosing my comments are confronted, sexuality, I have been called they often proceed with their on Swinburne StalkerSpace comments and are sometimes “a fagg*ot”, “a fagboy”, “an egged on. However, rarely it”, “a freak”, “not human” others are brave enough to and told “you obviously take a stand. take a lot of dick”. Their assumptions were wrong! I When those that cyber bully am not a gay man, not an are outnumbered (which “it” or a “freak” and I am is rare) they tend to make a human! I’ve even had excuses like, “I’m entitled my physical appearance to an opinion” or they just criticised by a group of 30

people when I posted a message for R U OK? DAY. One person demanded to know the gender on my passport. “I don’t have a passport,” I responded. I was told to get one so I could “leave the country”. I was told that I deserved it, that I asked for it. Is it really that hard to just apologise for hurting another’s feelings? Are these people simply incapable of empathy and do they really not care about the wellbeing of other human beings? The impacts of cyber bullying and trolling are known to cause mental health issues and unfortunately have triggered people into suicide, which is far more permanent

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and irreversible than mere personal opinions. Why do people take the time to hurt others? And just as importantly, why are we not standing up for one another? Next time you see out of line personal comments made, I encourage you to do what you feel is the right thing to do. It may be saying something publically in response to let them know they aren’t being cool, sending those targeted a private message to see if they are okay and letting them know that you care and/or taking a screen shot of the comments and sending them to the moderator of the page as evidence to ban them.

If most of us are brave enough to stand up for one another, people who troll and cyber bully will see that others don’t support them and will hopefully stop. “If not me then who? If not now than when?”«

“People don’t realise how badly verbal harrassment and cyber bullying affects you. I wish they had hit me in the face and gotten it over with.” - Demi Lovato

Reviews

the mud

THe Skeleton twins CRAIG JOHNSON KRISTEN WIGG, BILL HADER

DRACULA UNTOLD GARY SHORE, LUKE EVANS, DOMINIC COOPER

BOYHOOD RICHARD LINKLATER ELLAR COLTRANE, PATRICIA ARQUETTE, ETHAN HAWKE

After ten years apart, two siblings reunite under strenuous circumstances. Despite starring Saturday Night Live veterans Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader, viewers expecting a traditional comedy may be turned off by the confronting subject matter: this film is an examination of mental health, and its effect and importance on one’s life. Nonetheless, Wiig and Hader are impressive throughout, excelling equally in the comedic and more earnest aspects of the film. Assisting them is a genuinely funny screenplay that also tackles heavy topics such as depression and suicide in a way that is frank, but ultimately uplifting.

One of the blandest movies of the year, this new origin story for Count Dracula turns him into a sympathetic king, forced into vampirism to defend his homeland. The story is a minefield of plot holes, peppered with terrible dialogue, boring special effects and repetitive action sequences. The only highlight of the film is star Luke Evans’s admirable attempt to salvage the horrendous script. Still, the film made back twice its budget, and a possible sequel is already in the works. Welcome to Hollywood. Pardon me for making the obvious joke, but Dracula Untold should have stayed untold.

More a series of vignettes than a cohesive story, the course of a young boy’s adolescence is explored in heartwarming, and at times, painstaking detail. Similar in scope to Linklater’s Before Sunset trilogy, filming took place over eleven years with the same actors, which helps form an instant bond with young Mason and his family. While the viciously slow pace and nearly 3-hour runtime might discourage some, the premise alone should be enough reason to watch the film. But along with fantastic performances, particularly by Ellar Coltrane and Patricia Arquette, it’ll be hard to forget Boyhood after you watch it.

- Words by Pedro Cooray

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LIFE AFTER DEATH DAMIEN ECHOLS

Palo ALTo JAMES FRANCO

Damien Echols was wrongfully jailed for murder in 1994, at age 18, and was released in 2011. Echols used his time in prison to reflect on his life. His book gives a real insight into prison life, mainly the characters and feelings of being behind bars. Echols’ prose jumps from situation to situation in the way his thought would. This can make reading confusing at times, but the insight it gives into his mind is compelling. Echols says in his introduction that he does not want to be treated as a curiosity he manages to explain his complex ideas.

One of the main characters is driving the wrong way down a highway. This is how I feel as I read Part 1; like driving the wrong direction in Mario Kart, a neon sign flashing - “Why am I still reading this novel?!” Part 1 sets the scene, a series of dark short stories about teens. I can’t keep track of who’s who. The writing style is bland. The emotional disconnection leaves me depressed and uncomfortable. Part 2 begins the redemption. Franco writes full characters and extended stories. I reach the end, still unsure whether it was worth it, but willing to pass it on to a friend, for the sake of further discussion.v

-Words by Rhys Pope

- Words by Eloise Retallick

PRESENT SHOCK DOUGLAS RUSHKOF Renowned media theorist Douglas Rushkoff beats the ‘but I don’t hate Facebook’ drum once more in Present Shock, an at times incredibly dense critique on how information technology now controls everything. Rushkoff does a good job of laying out his ideas with narrative before diving into the thick of it, and this is probably why Present Shock manages to avoid being just another old bloke who loves messenger pigeons telling the youth of today to get of their iEverythings and smell the roses. Interesting ideas told from a personal perspective is what makes Present Shock relatable rather than insufferable. - Words by Nicholas Kennedy

Reviews

Syro APHEX TWIN

OUR LOVE CARIBOU

EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT IN THE END WEEZER

In the 90’s, British producer Aphex Twin was the be-all and end-all of the electronic music scene. The sporadic bleeps of 1999’s Windowlicker would have had Kurt Cobain’s sorryass spazzing out like a teenager who just discovered cider. Yet despite being 13 years in the making, SYRO exhibits enough ingenuity in both production and structure to reconfirm Aphex Twin’s ability to continuously progress and recreate his own inimitable style. SYRO is suitable for both the old-school diehards, and the post-MCR-phase youngsters who need the glitchy and unhinged beats of “XMAS_ EVET10 [120]” to help cope with the questionable flexibility of their new smart phone.

The latest record from Canadian musician/producer, Caribou, is a silky-smooth transition from start to finish. However, though the harmonious beats and lush production are pleasant enough, +41 minutes of this overworked formula can be taxing on any unassuming listener (except of course if the majority of them are routine tokers which, by the looks of the album cover, seems highly plausible). There’s no doubting that Caribou can mix with both hands tied behind his back. Hell, even tracks like “Silver” parade enough exuberance to gentrify any close-minded ruffian. Still, a more daring record here wouldn’t have hurt.

Anybody who’s familiar with the atrocious past 10 years of this band has every right to be skeptical. Weezer went from being self-deprecating, geekchic pioneers in the 90’s to a group of excessively-saccharine, power-pop dunderheads. However, as the title suggests, Rivers Cuomo and the gang have one last trick up their sleeve in the form of thirteen new, yet sweetly-retrospective songs. Though there’s nothing particularly original about their latest outing, tracks like “Lonely Girl” and “Da Vinci” will have any old-school Weezer buff desperately holding back tears of joy. If 90’s alt-rock-revivalism is your thing - look no further.

-Words by Vincent Dwyer

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A CAPSICUM IS LIKE A DRUM by Hamish Ikin

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‘I bloody love capsicum.’ said Dad, completely out of the blue, and on to his fourth glass of scotch. Mum and I looked at each other across the table and smiled. Dinner was about to kick off. ‘Let me count the ways!’ said Dad, raising his eyebrows like he always did to let us know it’s time to listen up, ‘One; they’re bright red. Or green.’ ‘Or yellow.’ I pointed out, and stuck another piece of schnitzel on my fork. ‘Or a mixture.’ he continued, ‘Rainbow capsicum. Without blue and pink and stuff.’ Mum giggled briefly, covering her mouth with her hand while there was still food in there. ‘Two; they look tough on the outside, but the flesh is quite soft. But not too soft, you still get a good crunch out of capsicum... Three; a capsicum is like a drum.’ I put my cutlery down to give Dad my undivided attention. He shoved another slice of the vegetable in his mouth and munched it slowly. ‘Y’know,’ he said, although we didn’t at all, ‘It’s hollow. Like a drum.’ I nodded respectfully. ‘Four; the seeds. It’s like a party in there. Other vegetables, like this carrot, are all business. But open up a capsicum and you find a very frivolous scene.’ ‘And all those seeds can make more capsicums.’ I said, trying to encourage him. ‘All the seeds, exactly right. Even though capsicum plants only get this big.’ Dad held his hand around knee height to signify. ‘Hang on,’ Mum began, ‘I’ve seen capsicum plants up to here.’ and she held her hand at shoulder height. Dad looked bewildered. ‘Well that’s not right.’ ‘Dad the horticultural expert.’ ‘Now listen here,’ he pointed at me, pretending to be firm, ‘I’ve grown capsicum at least… twice in my life.’ Dad got up from the table and grabbed the bottle of scotch from the kitchen bench as Mum and I chuckled softly. He shuffled back and topped up his glass before

Fiction: A Capsicum is Like a Drum

continuing, ‘Um, five, right?’ he paused, lost in thought. ‘They’re bright red!’ exclaimed Mum, throwing her head back and laughing at her own joke. Dad sat back down, and stared at the last piece of capsicum sitting on his plate. He lifted his fork and dragged it across the thin layer of skin draped loosely over the final fried slice, peeling it off the softer flesh. ‘Five! You can peel the skin off. Like a burns victim.’ ‘What? You can’t say that.’ Mum exclaimed through teary eyes. ‘Sorry,’ said Dad with a cheeky look on his face, ‘I’ve had a few drinks.’ I realised how strange the conversation had now become. I giggled at Dad’s expression, and slapped him on the back for making the meal so fun. He had to wait for Mum to settle a bit, gently sipping the scotch before explaining himself. ‘I mean it though. Having worked in the burns unit-’ ‘Oh stop it.’ ‘Having worked in the burns unit of a major hospital,’ Dad said loudly, ‘It’s very, very similar.’ He looked at us both, and we all erupted. Mum crumpled over the table, knocking her plate and nearly sending food flying everywhere. Dad leaned back and sighed, looking pretty pleased with himself. He picked up the last slice of capsicum with his fingers and held it in the air to study it affectionately. ‘Yeah. It’s not a member of the typical vegetable family, is it? It’s not the brother vegetable or the sister vegetable or anything like that. And it’s not the neighbour, or even the girlfriend.’ I looked up at Dad, trying to hush myself so I would hear the next line. He smiled, raising the last slice to his lips. ‘Capsicum is the one night stand of vegetables.’ I fell right off my chair. Mum tried to say something but it didn’t come out. We couldn’t contain ourselves. Whenever we tried to calm down it took one glance at each other to start us up again. Dad’s drunken speeches were the best. ‘I know what it is!’ He announced, still chewing, ‘Capsicum is the foreign exchange student of the vegetable world. You know it’s not gonna last, but boy is it delicious while it’s there!’ «

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Ode To The

One

Piece Words: Eloise Retallick Images: Eloise Retallick 39

Photo Story: Ode to the One Piece

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I’m thinking about Pamela Anderson’s high cut red one piece on Baywatch. Bo Derek’s nearly-not-there tan one piece and beaded braids. Farrah Fawcett’s pre Charlie’s Angels red swimsuit, so iconic it presently calls the Smithsonian home. Some of the sexiest women in history have embraced the one piece on beaches the world over. Less is more - and I don’t mean less fabric. Australian beach bums’ right to bare skin has become like the Americans’ right to bare arms; it’s all fun and fanfare until JFK is assassinated and innocents at Bondi are blindsided by breasts with a reveal more than you conceal policy. The term ‘bikini body’ imposes the idea that the bikini is the only option for our summer beachwear. This could not be further from the truth. It is apparent that society cannot grasp how very few bodies look sexy chopped in three. The gods of fashion history recognised long ago that drawing attention to a woman’s waist is more flattering than their hips. So why is it that when the sun comes out to play we lose our minds and our senses of style? I’m not saying women everywhere need to cover their kneecaps. Honestly, I’m as big a fan of showing

some sneaky cleavage as the next girl; but sometimes it’s nice to leave a little to the imagination. The one piece affords us the freedom to enjoy swimming without fear of losing your skinny dipping virginity. How many women out there have experienced the earth-shattering realisation that their bikini top rode the last wave out to sea and they’re standing topless at shore? I confess I have spent long days at uni holding my folder with one hand and my too short skirt down with the other. This is, I imagine, how the girl who her clutches her string bikini clad boobs feels as she takes the plunge into the local pool. Witnesses to this folly are left looking for and playing with the nearest inanimate object in an attempt to disguise their discomfort. The moral of the story is that we look our best (and have more fun) when we’re comfortable. Not everyone fits into the triangle shaped box that is the bikini. I urge all beach goers this summer to explore the swimwear options available to you, so that you too might have the opportunity to experience the love affair with the swimsuit that, unlike the bikini, loves you back. «

Photo Story: Ode to the One Piece

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Recipes: Fruit for Thought

COP IT ON THE GIN MATE (Makes 1 drink)

This one is a great ice breaker when you’re drinking with your friends-cousins-aunties-brothers-sister-in-law.

Ingredients:

1 cucumber 15ml pineapple juice

30ml gin 15ml cranberry juice

Fresh lime

Method: Slice bottom side of cucumber so it will sit upright and cut it in half. Use fruit scoop or small spoon to hollow out the cucumber to create a cumbery 60ml shot glass. First put the 30ml’s of gin, now add the pineapple and cranberry juice, squeeze some fresh lime in the top and get ready for the ride of your life. If the person you put this shot in front of isn’t shocked and amazed then next time triple the dosage of gin and try and find if they have a sense of humor, because this shot is grape, sub-lime, should leave them s-peach-less and make them go bananas.

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BREAKFAST SMOOTHIE (Makes 1 thick as glass)

If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re feeling pretty berried and canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t pear the thought of a solid meal give this one a twirl in the blender.

Ingredients:

1 handful frozen berries 100g yoghurt 1 heaped tsp of Honey

10g rolled oats 1 banana A dash of milk

Method: The process of making this smoothie is pretty simple, just put the ingredients in a blender and blend until creamy. It is the process of consuming the drink that is difficult. As it is morning what I usually do is knock on all my roommates doors, tell them that there has been an accident with one of their family members and someone is in the lounge room to talk to them. When they all come rushing out of their rooms turn The Circle of Life from the Lion king on, take some of the smoothie and use it to put a cross on their head then get up on your dining table, hold the blender above your head and sing The Circle of Life as loud as you can.

Recipes: Fruit for Thought

MELONING OUT (Makes 8-10 drinks)

Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.

Ingredients:

1 largish watermelon 600ml ginger ale 1/2 bunch of fresh mint ice cubes

200ml vodka 2 tbsp fine sugar 8-10 dashes of bitters 3 tbsp fresh lemon juice

Method: Hollow out the watermelon and puree the excess chunks in a food processor, if you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have a food processor put the chunks in a plastic bag and attach it to a clothesline, hit with cricket bat until mixture is smooth. Fill hollow watermelon half way with ice cubes. Slap half the mint with the sugar and gently caress the this mixture over the ice, looking the watermelon directly in the eye will help overcome both your and its nerves during this process. Now mix in the puree, lemon juice, vodka, ginger ale and bitters muddle together after every addition. Garnish with fresh non-slapped mint, put some straws in it, and Bobâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s your uncle.

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PASSIONFRUIT OF THE CHRIST (Makes 1 collins glass)

I wanted to put a joke about passionfruit here but I was having trouble picking it.

Ingredients: 45ml passionfruit Vodka

45ml cranberry juice

45ml pineapple juice

100ml lemon lime & bitters

ice cubes

Method: Fill a tall glass 2/3’s of the way with ice cubes. Add the passionfruit vodka, cranberry and pineapple juice and finish by slowly dazzling the lemon lime and bitters. Don’t dazzle it too much though because it would be horrible with dates. Like dates, like the fruit, there inlays the joke… haha.

Words: Jonathan Boadle Illustrations: Eloise Retallick, Georgia Gilbertson

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