Jewish Shiva: Everything You Must Need to Know
Shiva, derived from the Hebrew word "shiv'ah" meaning "seven," is a seven-day period of intense mourning observed by Jews following the funeral of a loved one
This ancient practice offers a structured way for mourners to grieve, reflect, and receive support from their community In this blog, we explore the origins, customs, and significance of shiva, along with appropriate kosher gifts to bring when visiting a shiva house.
What is Sitting Shiva?
Sitting shiva is a ritual that allows mourners to reflect, grieve, and receive comfort from friends and family. It is a time of communal support and a structured way to process grief. The practice is grounded in Jewish law and tradition, providing a framework for the mourning process.
The practice of Shiva has deep roots in Jewish tradition, with references found in the Torah and the Talmud.
It allows the bereaved to express their sorrow and receive support from their community, formalizing the natural way an individual confronts and overcomes grief.
Historical and Religious Background
The tradition of shiva has its roots in biblical and Talmudic texts The concept of mourning for seven days is mentioned in the Torah, such as in Genesis 50:10, where Joseph mourns his father Jacob for seven days.
Over time, these practices were elaborated upon in the Talmud, providing a comprehensive framework for Jewish mourning customs that are still followed today.
Over time, these initial references were expanded upon in the Talmud, which provides detailed guidelines and customs for observing Shiva.
The Talmud elaborates on the practices and rituals that should be followed during this period, creating a comprehensive framework for Jewish mourning customs
These include staying at home, refraining from work, and receiving visitors who come to offer their condolences and support
Customs and Practices During Shiva
The customs of Shiva are designed to help the bereaved process their grief in a structured and supportive environment They emphasize the importance of community and remembrance,
allowing mourners to honor the memory of their loved one while receiving emotional and practical support from friends and family.
● The Shiva House: The mourning typically takes place in the home of the deceased or the primary mourner. This house is known as the "shiva house." The environment is made to reflect the solemnity of the occasion, often with covered mirrors, low seating, and dimmed lighting
● Covering Mirrors: Mirrors are covered to focus the mourners' attention on the loss rather than on personal vanity It also signifies the departure from normalcy and the introspective nature of the mourning period.
● Low Seating: Mourners often sit on low stools or even the floor, symbolizing their grief and the lowered state of their spirits This practice also reflects humility and the recognition of the cycle of life and death.
● Receiving Visitors: Friends, family, and community members visit the shiva house to offer condolences and support This is an essential aspect of shiva, providing a network of comfort and solidarity. Visitors often bring food, which helps to sustain the mourners who are not expected to cook or engage in regular activities
● Reciting Kaddish: The Kaddish, a prayer magnifying and sanctifying God's name, is recited by the mourners. It is a central part of Jewish mourning rituals and is said multiple times during shiva
● Daily Services: Prayer services, including the recitation of the Kaddish, are often held in the shiva house This brings the community together in a shared spiritual observance and offers additional support to the mourners
Thoughtful Gifts for Sitting Shiva
When visiting a shiva house, bringing a shiva gift can offer comfort and practical support to those in mourning It’s important to choose gifts that are respectful, practical, and appropriate for the somber nature of the occasion Here are some thoughtful gift ideas:
Food and Beverages
1. Kosher Meals and Snacks
● Prepared Meals: Provide ready-to-eat kosher meals that can help sustain the mourners who may not have the time or energy to cook
● Snack Baskets: Include items like nuts, dried fruits, crackers, and kosher chocolates Make sure all items are clearly labeled as kosher.
● Fruit Baskets: Fresh fruit baskets are a healthy and refreshing option Ensure the fruits are clean and ready to eat
2. Shiva Platters
● Deli Platters: Offer a variety of kosher deli meats, cheeses, and bread
● Bagels and Spreads: Include an assortment of bagels with kosher spreads like cream cheese, lox, and vegetable toppings.
● Pastry Assortments: Provide a selection of kosher pastries, cookies, and cakes
3. Beverages
● Tea and Coffee: Bring a selection of kosher teas and coffees along with sugar, honey, and milk or non-dairy creamers
● Kosher Wine: A bottle of kosher wine can be a comforting gesture, but be sure the family drinks wine and that it’s appropriate for the setting
● Juices and Soft Drinks: Include kosher-certified juices and soft drinks for variety
Practical Gifts
4. Memorial Candles
● Shiva candles, which burn for the entire seven days of mourning, symbolize the eternal soul and provide a comforting presence in the home
5. Comfort Items
● Soft Blankets or Shawls: These can provide physical comfort to the mourners during their time of grief
● Pillows: Cushions or pillows for the low seating can help make the physical experience of sitting shiva more comfortable.
6. Books on Grief and Mourning
● Jewish Grief Literature: Books like "The Jewish Way in Death and Mourning" by Maurice Lamm offer comfort and guidance.
● Pamphlets and Booklets: Shorter pamphlets that provide support and solace during mourning can also be helpful.
Thoughtful Gestures
7. Donation in Memory
Making a charitable donation in the name of the deceased can be a meaningful way to honor their memory and support a cause that was important to them
8. Personal Notes and Cards
A heartfelt note or card expressing your condolences and sharing memories of the deceased can provide emotional comfort to the mourners
9. Offering Help
● Household Assistance: Offer to help with household chores, such as cleaning or running errands, to relieve some of the burdens from the mourners
● Childcare: If the mourners have young children, offering to help with childcare can provide significant relief.
Frequently Asked Questions About Sitting Shiva (FAQs)
Can non-Jews sit shiva?
Yes, non-Jews can participate in sitting shiva to offer support and condolences to their Jewish friends or family members who are mourning. While the core customs and rituals of shiva are deeply rooted in Jewish tradition, the presence of non-Jewish friends and family can be a source of comfort and solidarity for the mourners
What is forbidden in shiva?
During shiva, certain activities are traditionally forbidden to help mourners focus on their grief and the memory of the deceased. These restrictions are meant to create a somber atmosphere and remind the mourners of the temporary suspension of normal life Here are the main prohibitions observed during shiva:
● Work and Business: Mourners are generally expected to refrain from work and business activities. The focus during shiva is on mourning, reflection, and receiving support from the community
● Bathing and Grooming: Bathing for pleasure, shaving, haircuts, and other grooming activities are typically avoided. This reflects the mourner's focus on their loss rather than personal appearance
● Wearing Leather Shoes: Leather shoes are traditionally avoided. Instead, mourners may wear slippers or non-leather footwear as a sign of humility and mourning
● Sexual Relations: Sexual relations are usually refrained from during shiva, acknowledging the mourner's focus on their grief and loss.
● Entertainment and Celebrations: Attending or participating in entertainment activities, such as movies, concerts, parties, and other joyous events, is forbidden The period of shiva is meant to be a time of mourning and reflection, not celebration.
● Leaving the Shiva House: Mourners are generally expected to stay within the shiva house for the duration of the shiva period, except for attending synagogue services if they are not held in the shiva house This helps maintain the environment of mourning and support
● Greeting Others: Traditional greetings, such as "hello" or "goodbye," are often avoided Instead, visitors may simply offer words of condolence or remain silent as a sign of respect
● Shaving and Haircuts: Mourners typically do not shave or cut their hair during shiva. This practice symbolizes the mourner's state of grief and departure from normal routines.
● Sitting on Regular Chairs: Mourners often sit on low stools or the floor instead of regular chairs, signifying their lowered state and humility. Visitors, however, are not expected to follow this custom
Exceptions and Variations
● Health and Hygiene: Basic hygiene and health needs are always important If certain grooming activities are necessary for health reasons, they may be permitted
● Necessity: If a mourner needs to leave the house for an essential reason, such as medical appointments, it is generally allowed
● Different Customs: Customs can vary among different Jewish communities and traditions. Some may have additional prohibitions or leniencies based on their specific practices
Conclusion
Shiva is a profound and compassionate practice that underscores the importance of community, tradition, and structured mourning in Judaism. It provides a sacred space for mourners to grieve, reflect, and receive support, ensuring that they are not alone in their sorrow
By understanding the customs and traditions of shiva, and by offering appropriate kosher gifts, friends and family can provide meaningful support to those in mourning and honor the memory of the deceased in a deeply respectful and traditional manner