PR IC EL ES S
FALL | 2017
PUTTING FAMILY FIRST:
A Delicate Balance
5 Tips
TO BETTER DENTAL HEALTH
BENEFITS OF
Dance Speech Sound
DEVELOPMENT CHECKLIST HELPING YOUR CHILD STAY ORGANISED AND ON TASK
This School Year
A SMOOTH TRANSITION
for the Kids Teachers vs. Parents: WHOSE JOB IS IT TO TEACH OUR KIDS VALUES?
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FROM THE PUBLISHER Cover photo by: Julie Rock Photography.
NEW MEMBER PROMO
Hello Readers! I was going to start this with “where has the summer gone?” but I feel like we didn’t have a summer at all! With all the rain we’ve been having, and the landscape business being so busy, I feel as though our family has completely missed the summer altogether. I’m writing this while on the deck of a cottage we have rented for a week. It’s our first attempt this summer at getting away, and it’s rained four out of the five days we have been here. Whenever all the chairs dry up and we are ready to sit outside again, it starts to pour! How frustrating! If I do some deep soul searching though, I find it’s not the weather that’s got me down this week, it’s more the fact that my family of five has not been able to be together, all at once. With the kids getting older and having their own lives, we are finding this more and more challenging. This is the first time we have had the two older ones up at the cottage separately. Last year, we did everything together and I was well aware that it may have been the last summer for it; I soaked it all in and enjoyed every moment. This year has been different. I know it’s the “circle of life”, and I know it’s inevitable. So, I accept it. I don’t like it, but I accept it. Benefits of Dance.........................................2
CONTENTS
This fall I will sit with my calendar and will attempt to co-ordinate a family vacation for the winter. I will do this with an open mind, of course, and will accept that it may or may not be possible. Regardless, I promise to be grateful for whatever the outcome.
Susana Medeiros susana@familymattersmagazine.ca 647.407.5540
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Helping Your Child Stay Organized and On Task This School Year...................................4 Three True Horror Stories from the Child Car Seat Archives.........................................6 Defeating the Probate Tax of a Jointly Held Asset – Part I......................................8 Speech Sound Development Checklist........12 Teachers vs. Parents: Whose Job is it to Teach Our Kids Values? ............................14 A Smooth Transition for the Kids..................16 5 Tips to Better Dental Health........................18
Kendra Guidolin, Editor
Julie Rock, Photographer
Lynn Lockhart, Designer
All editorial content is the property of Family Matters in Milton Magazine and cannot be reprinted in part or in whole without the written permission of the Publisher. All rights reserved. The Publisher reserves the right to reuse content and may reuse content in other media forms for the purpose of promotion of the Magazine or the Advertisers. The Publisher does not necessarily endorse the products or services advertised. The publisher makes all efforts to ensure that information is current and accurate. However, the Publisher does not assume liability for errors or omissions. All content is meant for information purposes only. For medical advise, please see your medical professional.
How to Encourage Your Child to Participate in Therapy...................................22 COVER STORY Putting Family First: A Delicate Balance........24 Demerit Point and Insurance – What You Need to Know!..............................30 When Being a Mom is Not What You Expected: Postpartum Depression, More Than the ‘Baby Blues’................................................32
Benefits of Dance B Y TAY L O R D E G E E R M A C K E N Z I E
With its many benefits and challenges it poses, the ever growing world of dance remains as one of the most popular and valuable extracurricular activities for both youths and adults alike. Here are some of the many advantages of registering yourself or someone you love into a dance class: Memory and cognitive function
One comment that we hear often is “I don’t know how those dancers remember all those steps.” The secret is simple: practice, practice, practice. There have been many studies done on the positive effects that dance has on cognitive function.
Reduces stress
It is so easy to get lost in the music and steps during a dance class; this is exactly what the body and mind need after a tough day at school or work. Like any physical activity, dancing releases endorphins, which leaves you feeling happy and rejuvenated.
Confidence
Mastering new skills and performing on stage are amazing ways to build confidence. As dance instructors, we see this all the time with students as they grow.
Physicality
Probably the most obvious benefits of dance are the many physiological benefits. This includes increased heart and lung function, muscular strength, as well as endurance.
Flexibility
Flexibility is important for everyone, since more flexible joints require less energy to move. As dancers
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become more flexible, they can decrease their chance of injuries and increase their physicality.
Balance and coordination
As a dancer increases their ability to balance, they increase the control that they have over their bodies. Dancers are constantly coordinating their arms with their feet, while maintaining their balance, and do it gracefully.
71 James Snow Parkway , Unit #2, Milton, ON | www.enlightenlaserontario.ca
Self Expression
Dance is an emotional outlet, even if dancers are too young to realize.
Life Skills
Time management, determination, perseverance, and commitment- these are just a few of the many life skills dancers learn by attending dance classes.
Cross-Training
All of the above benefits easily cross over into other sports; It is not surprising the amount of professional athletes who credit their abilities to dance classes that they have taken. Dance is for Boys Too! Girls are not the only ones who gain the above benefits from dance. While dance is still predominately a female activity, here at The Dance Element Inc., we’ve seen a huge increase in boys dancing, especially in our All Boys Breakin’ classes.
330 Bronte St S, Milton, ON L9T 7Y5 Tel : (905) 693.8113 | email: info@thedanceelement.ca www.thedanceelement.ca
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HELPING YOUR CHILD STAY ORGANIZED AND ON TASK
This School Year B Y D R . VICKY T I MMERMA NIS, P h.D., C. P sych .
W
hen kids head back to school, we often think about the classes they will take and the information they will learn; for example, math, science, and history. It’s also important to think about other skills that are required for learning and accomplishing tasks in daily life.
“Executive functioning” is a term used to describe skills such as planning, staying on task, organizing, and monitoring if you are doing a task correctly. On your child’s report card, these are often called “learning skills”. Executive functioning skills are important for success in school, on the job, and in everyday life. With the support of caregivers and teachers, children are developing these skills throughout their lives.
Skills
Preschool/ Kindergarten
Grade 1-3
Grade 6-8
Planning
- Is able to follow a routine or plan developed by someone else (with an example or demonstration)
- Can carry out 2-3 step projects that they create (e.g., art, building with blocks) - Can do 2-3 step homework assignments with adult support (e.g., reading response)
- Can carry out long term projects for school with little support from adults - Can make good decisions with time (e.g., come home from school to finish project due tomorrow rather than play with friends).
Controlling Attention/ Staying on task
- Can sit through “circle time” (15-20 minutes) - Can listen to one or two stories in a sitting
- Can sit through a family meal - Can spend 20-30 minutes on homework
- Can spend 60 or more minutes on homework (may need breaks)
Organization
- Hangs up coat in appropriate place (may need reminder) - Puts toys in proper locations (with reminders)
- Does not lose permission slips, notices from school - Puts sports equipment, coats, boots, backpack in proper locations (may need reminder)
- Does not lose sports equipment/personal electronics - Can organize notebooks and handouts as needed for school
Children with executive functioning difficulties often have trouble getting started and getting things done at school and at home. They often get distracted or stop a task partway through; they may forget they have homework, leave materials at school or forget to turn in completed work. Teenagers may struggle with 4
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• Do homework in a regular location that is quiet and has few distractions. Create a homework routine or plan including when to start, how many breaks to take, and what to work on. • Adults can think aloud to help children learn strategies to manage their attention – “It seems you are having difficulty focusing, I think it might be easier to focus if you take a quick walk/ put your phone away for 20 minutes”. • Instead of verbal reminders, consider using checklists to cue your child about what needs to be done. This could include a packing list for school (e.g., lunch bag, gym clothes, homework, agenda), a morning routine list (e.g., get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth) or a chore list. • Help your child learn to break long-term projects into manageable chunks. Encourage your child to regularly refer back to the instructions, and help them estimate how much time each step will take in order to develop a timeline. Encourage them to get started
sooner rather than later. This will help their planning skills and make the task seem less overwhelming. • After your child completes an assignment, encourage them to reflect on how long they thought it would take compared to how long it actually took. • You may be concerned that your child has executive functioning difficulties that are getting in the way at school or home. In that case you may wish to talk to your child’s teacher, school support team, family doctor or a child psychologist. Dr. Vicky Timmermanis, Ph.D., C. Psych. School and Clinical Child Psychologist Halton Psychologists, 14A Martin Street, Milton, L9T 2P9 References (and great resources for parents!): Dawson, P. & Guare, R. (2009). Smart but Scattered: The Revolutionary “Executive Skills” Approach to Helping Kids Reach Their Potential. Guildford Press, New York, NY. National Centre for Learning Disabilities Editorial Team. (2013). Executive Function 101.
longer-term projects, breaking assignments down and prioritizing what needs to be done first. They may approach larger assignments in a haphazard manner. The following strategies can help children plan, organize, stay focused, and complete tasks:
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Three True Horror Stories
• • • • •
FROM THE CHILD CAR SEAT ARCHIVES
Recreational Teams Competitive Teams Tumbling Classes Specialty Camps Birthday Parties
B Y B A R RY KORY
B
eware! In this issue of Family Matters, you are about to read about some of the things folks do with their children’s car seats. Protect your children by ensuring these mistakes don’t happen to you, too!
Strap Disaster
A few years ago, a father driving north on the Don Valley Parkway took an off-ramp to his destination with his two and a half year old toddler in the rear, in a forward facing car seat. As the vehicle made a turn, the rear door opened with the centrifugal force of the turn, sending the toddler and car seat tumbling out onto the shoulder. The father had only harnessed the child into the car seat, then placed both onto the back seat of the vehicle, and drove off. No UAS nor top tether straps were used, as is mandatory, nor had he engaged the childproof door locks. A two and a half year old can easily jiggle with the door handle and, voila! The door swings open during the turn. Luckily the toddler wasn’t injured; the seat took the brunt of the force.
Reducing Flying Objects
Is your vehicle full of stuff? Consider the couple involved in a rollover collision with their infant in the car with them, all safely belted into their seats. A paramedic colleague of mine was dispatched to the scene to find the infant bleeding badly from a gash to her head. A Baby On Board sign- very commonly used by parentshad been placed on the rear window with a suction cup attachment, and had ripped loose during the rollover. It
had flown through the interior of the vehicle like a ninja star and struck the infant on the head causing a bleed requiring 10 stitches. So, never keep loose objects in the car that can become airborne during a collision.
Shock Absorption Seating
A rear-facing child car seat, when properly installed, should move laterally across the rear car seat a maximum of 1-1 ½ inches when you hand test it. When I install car seats, I like to tighten it so the whole vehicle rocks back and forth when I test for snugness. There will be some vertical movement with the seat which many parents think is being “too loose”. Not so! This has to happen to some extent; it is a safety valve of sorts. Think of the analogy of someone throwing you a raw egg. How do you catch it? Your hands give, protecting the egg from being damaged. In a front end vehicle collision, that up and down motion works in the same way, displacing the force of the collision along the frame of the child car seat, and not on the child’s spine or neck. One driver had actually drilled a hole in the leading edge of the child’s car seat, installed a cable down through the floor of his vehicle and tightly bolted it in place! Should the car have gotten into an accident, there would not have been the necessary shock absorption through the seat, causing potentially fatal damage to the child’s neck and spine. So parents, do your homework, read the manuals and call for assistance when in doubt. Keep those little ones safe!
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DEFEATING THE PROBATE TAX OF A
Jointly Held Asset – Part I BY GARY D. INDECH
As our parents become elderly, and very often become incapable of managing their finances, often one child, and sometimes more than one, is appointed as a Power of Attorney over the parent’s financial affairs. In the process, the parent sometimes will add this child to their bank accounts as a joint account holder. The question becomes: is this a good strategy from all sides?
O
bviously, from a financial management perspective, while the parent is alive, having a child whom the elderly and often infirm parent trusts completely added to accounts is a good strategy. Someone has to manage the finances, pay bills, and have access to the elderly parent’s accounts. Yes, there is tremendous potential for financial abuse, but the purpose of this article is to discuss a completely different issue. The issue I want to focus on is what happens to the proceeds in the account once the elderly parent dies, if one child is a joint account holder. You would think that as a joint account, the account would pass directly to the other joint account holder and no probate of the account (and more specifically, its contents), would occur. This is standard survivorship rules when an asset is held jointly, like a joint account, and also property held as joint tenancy. Again, if the account is held jointly, the assets in the account pass directly to the joint account holder, and do not go into probate. Therefore, adding child to an elderly parent’s account as a joint account holder sounds like a good strategy to avoid probate of the deceased parent’s bank account. However, the Supreme Court of Canada, the highest court of our country, held differently, when they were presented with this legal question. In the
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case of Pecore v. Pecore, the mother added her daughter as a joint account holder to her bank account for management purposes. When she died, the daughter, as the joint account holder with survivorship, felt that the account with all its money was hers, and hers alone; she did not wish to share the proceeds with her siblings. Her siblings objected, saying that is not what their mom intended. A lawsuit was launched, and it was eventually heard at the Supreme Court of Canada. The Justices of the Supreme Court of Canada ruled that as there was no written intention that the monies in the bank account should flow to the daughter upon the mother’s death. The daughter, in effect, became a trustee to the mother’s account, with the account becoming a Resulting Trust. The daughter had no ownership rights by survivorship to the money in the account, as she became the trustee to the account, as a Resulting Trust, when the mother died. The consequences were two-fold. First, the Court required the daughter to share the proceeds of the bank account/trust with her siblings, the beneficiaries under the mother’s will. But more significantly, because the bank account became a trust, it fell into the estate of the deceased mother and its contents were required to be probated. The upshot: adding a child to a parent’s bank
account or anything else held jointly by law, such as a home held as joint-tenancy, does not avoid probate of that asset. Once a Resulting Trust is created, the contents of the trust fall into probate. Although the child can manage the parent’s asset during his or her lifetime, upon death, the asset falls into the estate, is probated with a probate tax and is eventually distributed amongst all beneficiaries under a will. The important point is that if parents believe that by
adding a child to a joint asset, they can defeat the probate tax, the Supreme Court of Canada has held otherwise. However, there is a strategy available in Ontario only that can defeat the probate tax under this scenario. Stay tuned to the next Family Matters in Milton article for Part II on this issue. If you wish to have more information about wills and estate planning, contact Gary D. Indech at 905-636-8890 or 416-271-4908, or send him an email at gary@indechlawchambers.com.
Gary D. Indech, B.Sc., M.A., LL.B., J.D. Barrister, Solicitor & Notary
5255 Yonge Street, Suite 1300, Toronto, Ontario M2N 6P4 905.636.8890 Ext. 201
www.indechlawchambers.com
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Back to school is not always easy for some families Will they manage on the bus? Which friends will be in their class? Do they have the right supplies? This can be a stressful time for parents as we prepare our children for their return to school. Thankfully most of us don’t have the added worry of whether their children will have enough to eat. We don’t need to think about whether our child’s hunger will mean skipped classes, inability to concentrate or constant headaches.
Food4Kids is there for families who have these worries. We deliver bags of healthy food to school offices on Fridays so children can take them home and eat over the weekends. Each bag contains about 12 items, 4 of which are pieces of fresh fruit. These children are all referred directly to us by their schools when the staff notice a child who is not fulfilling their potential due to weekend hunger. During the summer Food4Kids delivers boxes of food containing fruit, vegetables, meat, dairy and pantry staples directly to families’ homes. This summer The Optimist Club of Milton members packed and delivered bins of food to 13 families in Milton. We are most thankful for their continued support of Food4Kids. Want to help the hungry children in our community? Come and help us pack the children’s food bags (it’s a great team building event for colleagues) or run a food drive and collect much needed items to be given to the children. If you want more information please go to our website www.food4kidshalton.ca or call 905-469- 3113.
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FALL 2017
Speech Sound
Change with the season.
DEVELOPMENT CHECKLIST BY YVONNE OLIVEIRA
Individual speech sounds develop gradually, and there is a hierarchy of sounds where some sounds develop earlier than others. The following is a guideline for approximate ages for specific sound development: By age 3 - 4:
By age 6:
By age 7:
By age 8-9:
p, b, m, h, w f, k, g y (as in yes), ng
s, z, sh (as in ‘shoe’) ch (as in chair), j (as in jump), v l (lamp)
Consistency with /l/ and l-blends (as in ‘flower’ and ‘slide’) zh (as in ‘azure’) ‘th’ (think, mother) /r/ and r-blends (as in ‘frog’)
All speech sounds should be produced correctly (adult-like speech production for all sounds)
You may have heard the term ‘lisp’; what is a “lisp”? A very common error is the production of /s/. There are two types of ‘lisps’ where the /s/ (and often the /z/) will sound slushy and unclear. A lateral lisp is an incorrect production of /s/ or /z/ whereby the child allows air to escape over the sides of their tongue, resulting in a “slushy” sounding /s/ or /z/. An interdental lisp occurs when the child protrudes their tongue past and between the front teeth which results in a /th/ sound substitution (e.g. “thing” for “sing”). It is recommended that a child producing either
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type of lisp be assessed by a Speech-Language Pathologist. This speech error will often persist long past the age of eight, and will become more difficult to treat the longer it goes unaddressed. If at any time you have a question or concern surrounding your child’s speech and/or language development, please call the HearSay Speech and Hearing Centre at 905-875-3345 to speak with one of our qualified clinicians and staff. Reference: A. Pena-Brooks and M. Hedge, in Assessment and Treatment of Articulation and Phonological Disorders in Children, 2000, Austin TX: PRO-ED.
6941 Derry Road West, Milton, ON L9T 7H5 905.875.3345 www.hearsay.ca
Contact us today to find out how! @airikkapassmore
345 Steeles Ave E, Suite 300 Milton ON L9T 3G6 P (905) 693-8269 airikkapassmore.com
home during a regular day, many parents argue that schools hold a major responsibility to teach children good values. Teachers are also considered by many to be one of the biggest role models in a child’s life, and hold a significant amount of influence.
Teachers vs. Parents: WHOSE JOB IS IT TO TEACH OUR KIDS VALUES? B Y C H E R Y L V R K L J A N , O C T, M . S c .
As a teacher and a mom of three small kids, I love a good discussion about values. The issue of whose responsibility it is to teach a child core values is complicated, and definitely not one that is easy to define.
T
he teachers I work with constantly talk about the importance of teaching values in the classroom, and with the students they tutor. They also discuss the difficulties and risks associated with teaching values to their students. In recent years, research in education has taken more of an interest in this area, and there have been more and more studies that discuss the importance of teaching values in the classroom. Our government has strongly suggested that teachers do it; the revised Ontario curriculum
has incorporated more and more values-based expectations. Some parents specifically ask teachers to help instill values in their child. However, school administrators, and teaching staff often disagree with this notion, and believe that parents should be responsible for teaching their children values.
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The answer is definitely not black and white. Since children often spend as much, if not, more time in the school environment than they do at
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As a parent, I also understand the importance of instilling core values in our children before
So, whose job is it?
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Is it then, too much to ask a classroom teacher to teach students to be kind, helpful, fair, polite, tolerant, respectful, and careful while learning about recycling, caring for the environment, and respecting others and the world around them? If not, how does a teacher then balance the specialized learning needs of different students, various mental health issues, personal needs, and still effectively teach the curriculum? In an educational system that so heavily stresses the importance of standardized testing and academic achievement, many teachers believe that it just can’t be done.
they start school and consistently along the way. For most kids, a parent is the single biggest influence in their life. Instilling values such as honesty, compassion, generosity, courage, kindness, respect, dependability, and empathy lays a basic foundation for a child to become a good person, and a productive member of society. For parents, particularly of young children, it’s crucial to remember that our children are watching our every move. They are learning important lessons about how the world works by what they see, hear, and experience at home. It is crucial for parents to have important conversations with their kids about morals, and take the responsibility for helping them learn important life values. The bottom line is that both teachers and parents have a vital role to play in teaching kids values. Together they have a wonderful opportunity to help shape a child’s perspective, and help them develop a deep commitment and respect for their own moral values.
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A SMOOTH TRANSITION
for the Kids BY TANYA VAKIL FERNANDES
Moving is a stressful time - especially for kids. Here are five easy ways to help them feel like part of the process, and relieve built up stress during this time of transition. Take the kids house hunting.
Involving your kids in the house hunting process might seem a bit hectic (and in truth, it can be), however bringing them with you will go a long way in helping them feel excited about their new home. Go one step further and let them choose their bedroom, or playroom, so they will begin to visualize themselves living in the new space.
Design and Decorate.
Plan a shopping trip with your kids to pick out paint colours or new bedding and decor just for them. Letting your children pick their own colours and giving them a say in how they decorate their new room will make them feel right at home.
Create a memory book.
To make the transition from one house to another easier, build a memory scrapbook capturing all the special places and moments, experienced in your current home. To fill the pages, paste old pictures, gather leaves from a favourite tree, and write a poem, or draw a picture to celebrate the last day of school in this neighbourhood. To invite in the new
neighbourhood, leave a couple of pages blank and document new memories afterwards.
Donation Box.
In preparation for packing, place old toys and clothes into a box to be delivered to a local charity. This exercise will give the kids a project to occupy their mind, and make them feel good as they are helping families in need.
Create a kid-focused garden in the new backyard.
Section off a corner of the backyard and let your kids choose the plants and flowers that go in that space. You can also turn this space into a mini dinosaur park, or Barbie campground - get creative! This space will help with the transition, as they will have a new play area, that is all their own. The most important thing to remember is to involve your kids in the transition. Make them feel like part of the process to encourage them to love the new home and neighbourhood. To discuss your home, or any real estate related topics, please contact me anytime, I am happy to help.
Tanya Vakil Fernandes | Sales Representative 475 Main St E., Milton, ON L9T 1R1 Tel : 905-878-8101 | Fax: 905-878-8188
905.878.8101
Warning Signs
5 Tips
TO BETTER DENTAL HEALTH BY DR. GRAZYNA WOLF
Are You Aware of Acid Wear?
Oral Malodour
Scared of bad breath? 50 percent of North Americans report worrying about their bad breath at one point, but what is the source? Oral malodour can occur through the accumulation of degrading gram negative bacteria. This can be a result of food impaction, tongue coat, and throat infection. Avoid all of this with proper oral hygiene. Brushing and flossing after each meal will ensure minimized food impaction across the mouth while removing excess digestive aids which can lead to bad breath. Regular use of daily mouthwash will take you the extra mile towards having fresh breath and a healthy smile.
General Health and Dental Health
The New Year comes with new beginnings and fresh starts for many. Whether you’ve signed up with a gym membership, or made a lifestyle choice towards healthy eating, we all know it is anything but easy or cheap to do so. The oral health benefits that an active lifestyle and clean diet can give your teeth are not always advertised. Your mouth is a major site where foreign bacteria can accumulate, causing potential oral health risks. A healthy diet is the best way to maintain optimal oral health while reducing susceptibility 18
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Your body knows best when something is wrong, and you can bet it will be sending you a message. Look out for these warning signals about your oral health: are brushing and flossing not removing your bad breath? Smoking, drinking, medicine, and gum disease can cause constant bad breath despite your efforts to remove it. Are you having issues with dry mouth? Menopause and medication are often the cause. Dry mouth can cause rapid growth of oral health issues. Are you experiencing unexplained bleeding, open sores, discoloration, or numbness in your mouth? These are all potential signs of oral cancer. Please visit your dental professional if any of these warning signs are noticed.
FALL 2017
to decay and gum disease. Sugar is the main cause of premature tooth decay and gum disease, but it can be avoided easily. Try sugar free snacks, fresh fruit juices, mixed nuts, vegetables, as well as sugarless coffee and tea. Remember to give your pearly whites a good brush after any sugary snack! If you’re not able to brush, a quick rinse with water or snacking on a fibrous fruit/vegetable will help reduce the negative effects of sugar on your teeth.
Having a highly acidic diet can cause a serious
threat to your enamel. As little as four acidic encounters with your teeth per day can cause serious erosion. Acidic foods are everywhere around us, whether we realize it or not. Some of the healthiest fruit, fruit juices, salad dressings, and even lemon water are an acidic danger for your teeth. Keep an eye on your teeth and look for the common signs of enamel erosion such as transparent edges, a yellow coloration, or a matte finish. Talk to your dental professional about the right options to keep your teeth protected without compromising the foods you love.
How well do you know your teeth?
The teeth are one of the most important parts of the body as they are responsible for breaking down food allowing for optimal absorption and minimal waste.
1030 Kennedy Circle, Milton, Ontario L9T 0J9 905.693.8929 www.escarpmentviewdental.com/
Flossing & Brushing
Are you brushing and flossing efficiently, maybe not at all or to simply say you did? Many people use improper techniques in their oral health routine that actually causes more harm than good. Excessive force and aggressive movements with your brush and floss can cause gum recession and premature breakdown of enamel. Brushing and flossing daily with proper technique allows you to remove plaque and bacteria that build up on your teeth while maintaining and promoting healthy gums. Without removal, plaque hardens into tartar and calculus which can only be removed by trained dental professionals. Check with your dental professional to get the tips and tricks on how to improve your oral health techniques and help you spend less time in the dental office. 1040 Kennedy Circle (at Thompson) 905-878-5888 www.crockadoodle.com/milton
HAUNTED HOUSE
Brian Penman (MDHF Board Chair), Laura Steiner, Rick Di Lorenzo (organizer), Tiger Jeet Singh Jr, David Coulter and Kelly Esselmont.
Raises Spooktacular Funds for MDHF On August 18, 2017, the Milton District Hospital Foundation was pleased to receive a cheque for $11,327 from the Haunted House Committee who raised vital funds for the hospital by organizing the 7th Annual Haunted House at Milton Mall last October. The two-day, weekend event brought in thousands of Milton locals, who enjoyed the frightfully fun festivities featuring strategically placed animatronics, props and lighting to create the spooky atmosphere. In lieu of an admission fee, the Haunted House asked for donations to benefit the Milton District Hospital Foundation. “We’re delighted to accept this donation from the Milton Haunted House”, said Andrea Cayer, Development Manager for the Milton Hospital Foundation. “The event was a great success and we thank the committee for organizing such an exciting way for the community to support our hospital.” Some of the props used for the Haunted House came from chief organizer, Rick Di Lorenzo’s 20
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personal collection amassed from years of accumulating for his own Haunted House, a popular neighborhood attraction each year. In search of a bigger venue, Di Lorenzo brought the Haunted House to the Milton Mall’s generously donated unoccupied retail space, and thus, the Milton Haunted House was born! Milton Haunted House organizers wish to thank the members of the community who volunteered their time to help make this year’s event a success. A special thank you to the Haunted House sponsors, the Canadian Champion, Mattamy Homes, Fieldgate Commercial Properties, Milton Mall, Milton Hydro and the Tiger Jeet Singh Foundation. The committee is already hard at work planning this years Haunted House, which will take place at Milton Mall October 28-29th, 2017.
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simply giving them a few days warning of an appointment may be sufficient to allow them time to express any questions or concerns. Teens may require more time. Continue to revisit the topic when it feels natural, particularly when they are specifically asking for suggestions as to how to improve their circumstances.
HOW TO ENCOURAGE YOUR CHILD TO
Participate in Therapy B Y D R . S H E R R Y V A N B LY D E R V E E N
It is not uncommon for adults to consider seeking therapy long before they schedule their first therapy session due to a variety of anxieties and concerns. Common concerns include embarrassment and shame in regards to needing help, anxieties about being judged, fear of not finding a good match in a therapist, and uncertainty as to how any resulting changes will impact their life. Children and youth have many of the same concerns when their parents encourage them to participate in therapy.
I
f you believe that your child would benefit from therapy, you will need to consider how best to approach the subject to increase the likelihood that your child will not only agree to attend the therapy session, but to also participate once they arrive. The following are some key strategies to consider.
Set the Stage
Start by explaining how therapy works. For younger children, you may want to explain that therapy is a place where people can talk about anything they want, including worries and other feelings, without getting in trouble. Emphasize that sessions are fun, with opportunities to play games, and that the person they are meeting with is nice. This description will distinguish therapy from medical appointments. For teens, you will want to emphasize that therapy is a resource, allowing for private conversations with an adult other than yourself. 22
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Negotiate
If you believe your child’s objections to therapy are primarily due to anxiety and misperceptions, suggest that they at least try therapy by attending a few sessions. You may need to reinforce your child’s bravery to try therapy at first through praise and/or any other reinforcement you would commonly use in your home (e.g. getting a treat after the session). Any therapist who works with children and youth will have had experience addressing common anxieties about treatment and will have strategies to improve engagement once your child arrives at the first session.
Reduce Shaming
Once your child has agreed to attend therapy, be mindful of your communications with your child’s therapist. If you wish to express your concerns about your child, it may be helpful to communicate this information when your child is not in the room, either at the beginning of a session or prior to a session by email or phone.
Alternatives
If you have attempted each of the suggestions above, and your child refuses to attend therapy, you do have some alternatives. In many cases, parent therapy can be equally as effective as child therapy. Such sessions typically include coaching on how to respond to your child’s behaviors in a manner that supports growth and development. A therapist can also work with you to identify ideal times and ways in which to revisit the topic of therapy and ways to refine the strategies listed above for your child.
This article was written by Dr. Sherry Van Blyderveen, Clinical and Counselling Psychologist with New Leaf Psychology Centre. www.newleafpsychology.ca Also on Facebook and Twitter
Watch Your Language
Be mindful not to use language that is judgmental or blaming, and do not imply that you view your child as needing to be “fixed”. Younger children can interpret appointments with professionals as implying that they are in trouble or have been “bad”, and teens interpretations can be self-critical. Instead of focusing on difficulties or deficits in your conversation, focus on the opportunities and potential for growth.
Understand and Validate Your Child’s Concerns
If your child has objections to therapy, clarify what the objections are and then validate the related emotions. If your child feels you understand them they will be more likely to comply with your wishes.
Give It Time
Don’t get discouraged if your child objects to attending therapy initially. For children,
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COVER STORY
PUTTING FAMILY FIRST:
A Delicate Balance BY SUSANA MEDEIROS
Phil and Cheryl Vrkljan are slowly becoming recognized as one of Milton’s most successful power couples. As a united front, they have taken on the challenges of building a family, and running a businesses together, all while making it look easy! The two of them run two successful business, are raising three wellrounded, active children, and are heavily involved our community. Although they make it all look effortless, the work-life balance they have come to achieve has not always come easily.
T Kimberly Singh
Kimberly Singh Mortgage Agent Mortgage Agent
he couple met in 1997, on a bus while studying at Queen’s University, where they both played basketball. After university, Cheryl went on to complete her teaching degree in London, Ontario, and became an elementary school teacher. Phil was working towards his four year optometry degree in the US. Upon completing his studies and board exams, Phil began practicing as an Associate Optometrist in Ancaster, and Cheryl started work for the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health in Hamilton. After the birth of their first child, Marcus, the couple started to look at the bigger picture in business and life. They were intrigued with the thought of
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moving their home and business to Milton, due to its growth and influx of young families. They played with the idea of renting versus buying a location for a new optometry practice for several years, but decided to purchase a building when they were introduced to the innovative Live/ Work units that were planned for the corner of Derry and Thompson in Milton. The thought of having their home-life and worklife separated by two flights of stairs seemed appealing. The couple was already expecting their second child, and the convenience sounded like Continued on page 26 FA M I LY M AT T E R S | S P R I N G 2 0 1 7
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I wasn’t even leaving the building made it justifiable”.
Phil
The most challenging days were the ones when the family would decide to take time off together, but chose to stay with the family at home, rather than go away. These days were particularly tough for Dr. Vrkljan. Although, he had advised the staff that he would be “on holidays” and would not be in the office, it became very difficult for him to make the separation. Knowing patients were coming in and needing to speak with him created guilt and anxiety for Dr. Vrkljan. Afterall, he was just upstairs and could easily come down to answer questions or concerns the staff or patients would have. Eventually, the family stopped taking days off at home, and felt the need to physically leave the property all together, to ease the guilt. After the first couple of stress-filled years of starting a new business, Cheryl and Phil also began to feel the heaviness of the things they were missing as a couple. “Looking back, I think we were working so hard trying to build the business and raise our children, that we forgot about us! We are a great team, and always have been, but we were forgetting to stop and enjoy the small things in life, and each other”.
Cheryl a dream! Cheryl gave birth to their son Carson during the same week as the planned grandopening of Milton Optometry. Life got extremely busy, and during this time, it was nice to have Phil “home”, otherwise known as downstairs at the office. However, before long, the close proximity of the office and their space started to weigh on the family. The many things that were once considered to be convenient, now were just a nuisance. Cheryl remembers the shared entryway for her home and the office staff: “sometimes you just want to come home with your groceries, and not run into anyone in your doorway”. There were many nights when Dr. Vrkljan felt the need to just go downstairs and tackle loose ends at the office after dinner, because there was so much work to get done, and it was so conveniently located. He admits, “had my office been further from our residence, I would not have been so inclined, and would have spent the evening with my family instead. The fact that 26
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It was during a visit to Grandma’s house when the Vrkljans knew they needed change. Grandma’s place had a backyard and grass, with squirrels running about. There was a sense of peace and calmness, and freedom from the pull of the office. It also made the couple stop and remember what it was like to spend time with each other as a family, unimpeded by work pressures. By this time, the couple had three children, including a new daughter Ellianna, who were all now thriving in this environment. They mentioned how much they loved playing in the backyard, and wished they had one, too. “We were still active all the time. We took regular trips to the community parks, and went for daily walks, of course, but it wasn’t the Continued on page 28
Marcus
Carson Ellianna
same thing” says Cheryl. There was something missing, and it was affecting our family. It was during this trip that the family decided it was time to sell their beloved Live/Work property at Thompson Square. Milton Optometry then moved to Kennedy Circle in the Metro Plaza. “It’s a great space,” said Dr. Vrkljan. “We are just in the process of finishing a renovation that will better reflect the personality of the practice, and allow us to better serve our patients - and they are definitely happier with the ample parking,” he adds with relief. The family has moved into a rural home with a backyard just like the kids had hoped for. Having the two spaces separated is exactly what the family needed. “We have a much needed structure now, and a space to be us,” says Cheryl. Phil admits, “when I’m off, I’m off. That’s it. I now set my schedule to suit what our kids need, and what our family needs”. After the move, Cheryl decided to pursue her dreams, and has ventured into business, herself. She is the hard-working owner of Beyond the Classroom Milton. This in-home tutoring service is dedicated to helping children thrive academically, 28
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but also focuses on the “whole child”. Beyond the Classroom Milton works with experienced, certified teachers that come into your home and work one-on-one with your child. The teaching is always custom, according to your child’s learning needs, and personality. “I am so passionate about supporting children, and believe that each and every child is special and capable of learning. My goal for every child in Milton is to foster a love of learning, and offer a fun and positive learning experience.” Cheryl’s genuine enthusiasm is contagious! The couple’s days are filled with business related responsibilities as well as trying to balance a family of five. Marcus, is now eight, and loves soccer and hockey. Five year-old Carson is very creative, and is a ball of energy; Ellianna is only three, but is very independent, and very proud of being able to dress herself. Phil and Cheryl work well as a team. With a giant calendar on the wall to keep them organized, Phil takes the time to be at all the kids’ games and practices he can. “I’m just happy to be there to round up the pucks, or do whatever I can to help. I just want all my kids to know that I love them, and am there for them along the way. Both Phil and Cheryl, like all parents, are always striving for the work/ life balance their family needs. They both agree that despite the craziness of being busy entrepreneurs, “it’s crucial to be there to make memories with your kids while they are young. And that will never change for the rest of our lives. They come first. They both admit that the Live/Work units they once owned are an extremely appealing concept that works for many families and entrepreneurs. They have many friends who wouldn’t have it any other way. For the Vrkljans though, having that balance meant they had to physically separate the two. Even with two businesses and three young kids, life is much simpler now. The commute to work is still close, but removed from their home. Their new rule is no business talk on the upper level of their home. Best of all, when it’s family time, they can just be home.
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DEMERIT POINTS AND INSURANCE –
what you need to know! B Y: S H E L D O N D . W I L L I A M S
Oh, the dreaded demerit point- the countdown to license suspension. The Ministry of Transportation of Ontario (MTO) tracks the amount of points related to your conviction, and when they hit a certain threshold, your license is suspended. But how do demerit points affect your insurance?
T
he quick answer is: not at all! That’s right, demerit points do not affect your insurance premium. You have probably been told that if you fight your ticket to reduce your points, it will help your insurance rate. However, there are some details that make this untrue. As I said, demerit points are related to your conviction. Therefore, the more serious the conviction, the more demerit points you will gain. With that said, demerit points- in an indirect way- do affect your insurance. The most important thing to know about insurance is whether the conviction is minor, major, serious, or criminal in nature. These categories are how insurance companies rate you for your conviction. Certain minor convictions carry no demerit points. Many people assume that no points means no impact to insurance rates, but as long as one is pulled over
by an officer and is issued a ticket of any sort, it will affect their insurance. Because of this, many insurers nowadays have added a coverage plan called ‘conviction protection’. This is similar to ‘accident forgiveness’, as it allows the insured to not be affected by the first conviction they acquire while insured. Insurers also understand the traffic court system. They know that the majority of tickets being fought get reduced. That does not excuse the fact that a driver was acting carelessly while operating their vehicle. Therefore, any conviction is ratable. So, the next time that an officer says they reduced your charge to avoid your insurance from going up, you now know this is not the case. Maybe you can skip that day in court, and save that personal day off from work. Drive safely, my friends!
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a lost sense of self with significant changes in sleep and nutritional patterns. It is common that PPD develops when a baby is between 4 to 6 weeks old, but it is worth noting that it can also develop months and, in rarer cases, years after giving birth.
WHEN BEING A MOM IS NOT WHAT YOU EXPECTED:
Postpartum Depression, MORE THAN THE ‘BABY BLUES’ BY NICOL FRASER, RSW, TITC-CT
Being pregnant and giving birth is thought to be an immensely joyous milestone for new moms. The thought that they should be glowing and gushing over the new additions to their families is a belief that most people envision and expect. But what if the experience is not at all what you expected? What if you are not as happy about your baby as your family and friends? What if you are having a hard time bonding and feeling love and affection for your baby? What if the lifestyle and body changes are causing feelings of regret, guilt, and despair? You are not alone.
W
hat is PPD? In Canada, it is estimated that anywhere between and 8 and 13 percent of moms experience Postpartum Depression (PPD). PPD is a diagnosis that differs significantly from the typical ‘baby blues’ we often hear about, and you may wonder how, and even, why? Baby blues are commonly described as feelings of tiredness, tension, and episodes of crying within the first few days after giving birth- symptoms that ultimately subside. Anything beyond this is when the new mom, partner, family, or friends should become more aware, observant, and concerned that something more may be happening.
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What to do: Consulting a physician and seeking therapeutic services from a psychologist, social worker, or other mental health care provider during this difficult time has been proven to be beneficial. There are also some things to keep in mind when at home: be honest with your feelings, ask for what you need from those around you, get as much rest and exercise as you can, pay attention to your nutritional needs, and socialize with other moms. There is no better way to normalize your experience than to hear of similar experiences from those going through it in real time! Being a new parent can lead to feelings of bliss and despondence all at the same time. The importance of self-forgiveness, self-care, and openness to growth is paramount. There is no such thing as a perfect mom, so don’t strive for that stature. What
References & Related Sites: https://www.babycenter.ca/a557236/postpartumdepression-ppd http://www.camh.ca/en/hospital/ health_information/a_z_mental_health_and_addiction_ information/Postpartum- depression/Pages/default. aspx https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/ publications/healthy-living/pregnancy-women-mentalhealth- canada.html This article was written by Nicol Fraser, RSW, TITC-CT, therapist with del Rosario Psychology & Psychotherapy Group in Milton and Kitchener, Ontario. del Rosario Group provides personalized assessment and therapy for children, adolescents, adults and couples. www.delRosarioPsych.com www.facebook.com/DrKerris | Twitter: @DrKerris
A s s e s s m e n t and T h e r a p y with compassion and expertise for Adults, Couples, Children and Adolescents
Who is at risk? Postpartum depression is real, and it can happen to anyone. Having said that, there are pre-existing factors that might indicate a woman is more susceptible to PPD than others: a pre-existing mental illness, lack of sleep, isolation, unmet expectations of herself and/or partner, lack of social supports, and social inequalities, such as poor housing and low income. If you or someone you know has experienced prolonged feelings of hopelessness, guilt, and loneliness following a pregnancy, you may want to take note. A mom experiencing postpartum depression might also feel trapped, and have
matters is that you are at your best- mentally and emotionally- so you can give the best part of you to your baby. Talking about your struggles will only help to spread awareness of such a widespread experience. Taking time for yourself does not make you a bad mom, it makes you a strong and present mom. Forgiving yourself is an acknowledgment that you are human (not that something unfathomable happened), and growth means that everyday you gave it all you could.
Dr. Kerris del Rosario CLINIC OWNER & DIRECTOR
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