Mental Health Matters

Mental Health Matters B Breaking free from self-sabotage

By Derran Heney

“In the battle of life, you are the enemy and you are the warrior.” – Chin-Ning Chu

Self-sabotage is when we have ideas, or set goals for ourselves to make our dreams and desires come true, yet somehow always find ways to avoid reaching them. Often making excuses that we are never good enough! Some good examples include wanting to eat healthier, yet buying junk foods or over eating; trying to save yet spending money on things we don’t need. We may want to do well on the exam yet don’t spend the time required to study by distracting ourselves. In other words, talking ourselves out of the goals we create for ourselves. We’ve all been there; even the most successful people on the planet can sabotage their finest efforts! Other sabotaging behaviours include procrastinating, people pleasing, blaming others and not taking responsibility for our own actions, negative self-talk, obsessing about perfection, feeling undeserving of good things in life, being afraid of taking healthy risks, or refusing to ask for help.

“In other words, talking ourselves out of the goals we create for ourselves.”

Some behaviour can be generally destructive or interfere heavily with leading a healthy functional life.

“Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn’t happen.” - Alyce Coryn-Selby

So, what purpose does sabotage have? What’s really in it for us? Sabotage keeps us in our comfort zone and in tight control of our current circumstances. However, this is not the healthiest or most successful way to move forward and be happy in life. Sabotaging comes at the great expense of not making any real progress forward. It’s timewasting, frustrating and limits the way we see ourselves. So, why do we engage in behaviours against our true desires? What often underlies all of our behaviours are our core beliefs. Sometimes we hold beliefs that we are undeserving of anything positive, such as success or happiness in our lives. While we would probably argue that’s not the reason, it must be timing, poor motivation or some other reason, and that may also be true - it is worth challenging those thoughts. It may be that it’s driven by the subconscious part of our brain that might say, “Hey, you don’t deserve this.”

“All self-sabotage, lack of belief in ourselves, low selfesteem, judgments, criticisms, and demands for perfection are forms of self-abuse in which we destroy the very essence of our vitality.” - Deborah Adele

Mostly, we are not aware we are doing this. The subconscious is the part of our brain that operates in the background of everything we do yet we remain unaware of its processes. It holds all our automatic thoughts and reactions.

“…we need to stop and take a moment to think about what sabotage we may be engaging in.”

This is not to say we cannot become more aware and make the subconscious, conscious. If we are regularly overriding our good intentions, what can we do about it? When we notice we are repeatedly putting things off or behaving in the opposite way towards our needs, wants or desires in life, we need to stop and take a moment to think about what sabotage we may be engaging in. In what circumstances does this occur? Here are some tips: •Interrupt and challenge unrealistic or negative thinking. Sometimes these are automatic and connected to our programming, so become more aware of what thoughts are preventing you from reaching your targets. •Turn negative thoughts to be more constructive and encouraging, even if you have to use the ‘fake it until you make it’ mindset. •Tell someone your goals and help them to make you accountable and to regularly encourage you. •Repeatedly challenge selfdefeating behaviours when you catch them operating automatically and trying to steal your dreams. •Define your dreams every day! Make a smart plan to go for them, take small achievable steps in the right direction. Keep moving forward. •Consider, what is one small change you could make in your life? How could you be your own hero right now?

“Tell someone your goals and help them to make you accountable and to regularly encourage you.”

“What would you do if you weren’t afraid or weren’t limited by circumstances? Courage is not the absence of fear but the triumph over it.” - Nelson Mandela

Reminders like these are great to keep the momentum going.

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and starting on the first one.” - Mark Twain.

Learn about 50 habits of highly successful people HERE:

If you need further assistance or are worried about someone, Make a call!

Lifeline 13 11 14 Kids Helpline 1800 551 800

Derran is available for massage thereapy, Reiki and mental health support and counselling.

Photo Credit: Pixabay