Sex COLUMN
Tiny Ta Tas 710 Liq
By Dr. Sonjia Kenya
Sonjia@drsonjia.com
WHAT’S WRONG WITH AN A CUP? I should’ve stuffed my bra before riding down this road because my membership in the itty bitty tittie committee made people quite uncomfortable talking about breasts. Now, don’t get your bra-strap twisted. I’m proud of my petite perkiness and am in love my allnatural sexy self. But something stronger than mother nature’s mammary glands is encouraging everyone to augment their breasts and no one’s giving the background story. Buying boobs has become the most common cosmetic surgery in the U.S. and is even more popular in Holland, Sweden, and other parts of Europe, where national health plans actually subsidize the procedure! As usual, I pleaded with perfect strangers for honest answers. You’d think this would’ve been an easy assignment since South Beach is saturated with super-sized breasts. Wrong. Respondents took one look at my breasts (or in my case, chest), before racking their brain for a politically correct way to say, “Nothing’s wrong with an A cup.” Despite attempts to reassure people I was satisfied with my size, I could not get folks to elaborate on their issues with the A cup. I’m not the only smallbreasted woman who’s happy with herself but many don’t realize that the popularity of breast implants has repercussions for all women, and not in the most obvious ways. Last week, I received an email from a thirty-something woman who wondered, “Why, as an A cup, am I being forced to buy bras that make me look like a B or even C? The only bras that don’t have excessive amounts of “plumping” are either sports bras or looked like an old training bra. WTF? I’m ok with not having large tits but everyone else seems to not be. The idea of having to buy “bigger/better” ones is kind of insulting. How much does size really matter when it comes to tits?” Turns out it doesn’t matter that much to men. Since no one said this with a straight face, I resorted to researching the wealth of non-scientific smut published on the internet. Surveys said men love little boobs and big breasts alike, according to the highly reputable websites, Askmen.com and living-withsmall-A-cup-breasts.com (which, by the way, is a real website). Some guys even prefer women with small breasts. A special fella named Paul Kienitz loves the little ladies so much, he hosts a webpage called “48 reasons not to get a boob job.” Living-with-small-A-cup-breasts.com posts tons of letters from guys proclaiming love for little breastedladies, including celebrities like Kate Hudson and Keira Knightly. The October 2010 issue of Men’s Fitness magazine found the most desired female body part was the behind, not the boobs. Page 26 • Thursday, September 23, 2010 • SunPost Weekly • www.sunpostweekly.com
If men aren’t too concerned with breast size, who is? You guessed it. Women are the ones who changed the rules of the game and there’s no way to exaggerate just how much we’ve blown breasts out of their natural proportion. The esteemed house of data, Frederick’s of Hollywood, reported 34B as the average bra size in 1996 compared to the current average of 36C. Busts in the UK grew from 36B to 36C between 1997 and 1999. According to The Penguin Atlas of Human Sexual Behavior, breasts across Asia grew from 34A to 34C between 1980 and 2000. The average breast size is obviously increasing around the world but it’s not happening to everyone. There’s a very special type of woman who buys her breasts. You may think money impacts the decision, but most ladies who have cosmetic surgery in the U.S. earn less than $25,000 annually. Given their bleak prospects for an independently-funded future, it’s interesting that women with implants are more likely than the general population to be depressed, have undergone psychotherapy, have low self-esteem, and higher rates of suicide attempts, and mental illness. I get depressed just wondering how anyone can afford implants and therapy on such a tiny salary. The good news is that, after surgery, the majority of women report immediate improvements in their social life, self confidence, self esteem, physical health, and sexual function. The bad news is these improvements don’t usually last longer than a decade and several studies have shown an alarming association between breast implants, substance abuse, and suicide. A 2007 longitudinal study found women with implants in Sweden and the U.S. were three times more likely to commit suicide compared to non-enhanced women. No noticeable differences emerged during the first 10 years after surgery, but the risk for suicide was 4.5 times greater between 10-19 years post-surgery and six times greater 20 years after surgery. This study also found women with breast implants experienced death from alcohol and drug use three times more often than others. Many studies have observed similar outcomes and at least seven research trials connected breast implants to a higher rate of suicide. Do breast implants cause suicide? Of course not. Like every cosmetic procedure, breast augmentation may have unintended effects, but it’s not the surgeon’s fault. Complications are the responsibility of the patient. Researchers believe that breast implants do not cause the higher suicide rate, but women with an inclination towards psychological problems are more likely to get breast implants in the first place. See, you were already messed up when you went under the knife. How dare you blame your boobs? Speaking of problems, let’s quickly review the
Beer, Win smorgasbord of complications associated with breast augmentation. The procedure involves putting a nonnatural substance in your body and no one knows the long term effects until they go wrong. A new substance emerges every time we find major problems with the old one. Remember silicone implants? They were so popular until the boobs hardened, causing many to have mastectomies. After that, softer silicone appeared but this tended to leak and rupture more easily. Now we have saline implants, as well as a softer, improved version of silicone. Many have immediate complications and the National Institute of Medicine reports that 25 to 40 percent need to have another surgery to correct their first boob job. For others, implants can stay in place for decades, but all bought breasts will eventually fail. Silicone ruptures. Saline deflates. The new oil boobs being bought in Europe are not available in the U.S. yet, but already leaking around the world. Buying big breasts is still popular but those with natural nipples are starting to get noticed more often. In April, the NY times ran a story about Hollywood executives who rejected actors with plastic surgery. Shawn Levy, who produced and directed “Date Night,” said, “The era of ‘I look great because I did this to myself’ has passed.” The folks at Fox Broadcasting discussed recruiting more actors from Australia and other parts of the world because “the amply endowed crowd that shows up for auditions in Los Angeles suffers from too much sameness.” Marcia Shulman, who oversees casting at Fox said, “I think everyone either looks like a drag queen or a stripper.” The casting call for the next installment of Pirates of Caribbean specified that only women with real breasts need apply. Yeah!!! Can I get a Wha-Whhaaat from all the ladies on my itty bitty committee?!! So what’s wrong with an A cup? Well, in all honesty, it is more difficult to buy sexy bras. But that’s a teeny tiny price to pay when you consider it’s easier to run fast, exercise hard, and develop self-confidence through accepting ourselves as-is. At the end of the day, men may not care too much about boobs, but they do care if their woman has mental issues that could mess up the relationship. Depression, suicide, and substance abuse qualify as such, and are more common among women who buy boobs. This is an important consideration when selecting your next mate. I’m not telling guys out there to choose their dates based on breasts. I’m just saying, “Don’t overlook the A cup because the D cup may go A-WOL.”
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