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The Story Matters

Calendar p.14 The Members of the hit TV Show So You Think You Can Dance Performs in Miami This Weekend.

Vol. XXV No. 36

September 23, 2010

Visit us at sunpostweekly.com

MUSICAL BEACH Premiere of Miami Beach – The Musical Set for October MAYHEM P.4

PROFILE P. 6

POLITICS P. 8

NEWS P. 8

CALENDAR P.14

FILM P. 18

411 P.20

GO! P. 2

SEE PAGE 10

FASHION P.23

SEX P. 26


Letters Overturned Ruling a Good Thing, Gays Should be Parents To the Editor: This is a very good ruling, and long, long overdue. There are so many children in Miami that need good homes, who are we to say that two men or two women cannot provide that loving and nurturing home? The realtity is, we have a high divorce rate and many children of divorced parents today are shuffled back and forth between parents, which is hardly a stable environment. I agree that a home with both a mother and father would be ideal, but that is not always possible. In many cases the prospective adoptive parents are already acting as the child's foster parent. So the state is saying that you can be responsible for the child temporarily, but not "fit" to be the permanent guardian? It makes no sense at all and quite frankly is ridiculous. As if forcing these children back to becoming wards of the state as opposed to allowing them to stay with their foster parents is really in the child's best interest. In my mind, people who want to take in children, give them a home and raise them, regardless of sexual orientation, are to be commended, not deprived of the ability to do so. Frankly, all potential parents should have to pass test....then we would have a lot less dysfunctional kids and probably a dramatic drop in child abuse. Way to go 3rd DCA. Barton Phillips Bay Harbor

Fix the Parking Situation in Miami the Right Way To the Editor: “Parking spots reborn for a day”, (Miami Herald, Sept 18, by Andres Viglucci) is another demonstration that Miami ranks dead last in park space and our position sank further during our recent building boom. Why? Because the last Mayor and Commission failed to charge the proper impact fees for parks on new residential units. Great cities have Comprehensive Plans that require the Commission to collect impact fees and invest them in new park land in proportion to at least the existing inventory/population ratio. Miami has added nearly no new park land with the meager impact fees collected so our park inventory has dropped from 135 square feet per person to 113 square feet, a 16 percent decline. But we can correct this injustice. Miami residents will have opportunities during meetings in October to tell the Mayor and Commission again that we need to raise our park land ratio and impact fees. Email or call 305 416 1400 to learn of a meeting near you to comment on the Evaluation & Appraisal Report, (EAR) so the park section of the Comprehensive Plan can be property updated. Only then, will current and future Commissions be required to add new parks as our population grows. Steve Hagen Parks & Public Space Committee of Miami Neighborhoods United Miami WE WELCOME LETTERS TO THE EDITOR FROM OUR READERS FOR PUBLICATION. IF YOUR LETTER IS PUBLISHED, PERSONAL INFORMATION IS FOR VERIFICATION PURPOSES ONLY. ONLY THE AUTHOR’S NAME AND HOMETOWN WILL BE PUBLISHED. PLEASE KEEP YOUR LETTER TO 300 WORDS OR LESS. EMAIL LETTERS TO: LETTERS@SUNPOSTWEEKLY.COM, GO ONLINE AT SUNPOSTWEEKLY.COM OR MAIL THEM TO P.O. BOX 191870, MIAMI BEACH, FL 33119 Page 2 • Thursday, September 23, 2010 • SunPost Weekly • www.sunpostweekly.com

EXECUTIVE EDITOR Kim Stark kim@sunpostweekly.com SOCIETY EDITOR Jeannette Stark jeannette@sunpostweekly.com COPY EDITOR Mary Louise English

PRESIDENT & PUBLISHER Kim Stark kim@sunpostweekly.com ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER Stuart Davidson stuart@sunpostweekly.com ACCOUNTING Sandie Friedman

CALENDAR EDITOR Jake Orsinni calendar@sunpostweekly.com

SALES DIRECTORS Jeannette Stark Manny Duran

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Jeffrey Bradley Charles Branham-Bailey Stuart Davidson Marguerite Gil Jennifer Fragoso John Hood Dr. Sonjia Kenya Joshua Malina Ruben Rosario Mary Jo Almeida-Shore Michael Sasser Kim Steiner

Gustavo Abdelnour FOUNDER Jeannette Stark PUBLISHER EMERITUS Felix Stark (1929-1995) WEB SITE sunpostweekly.com PRODUCTION Blue Studio

CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Stuart Davidson Jennifer Fragoso Marguerite Gil Ines Hegedus-Garcia Jipsy Mary Jo Almeida-Shore Mitchell Zachs

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www.miamisunpost.com • The SunPost • September 23, 2010 • Page 3


Tropical Mayhem BITS AND PIECES OF MIAMI LIFE

Miami through my iphone

Paint Miami Orange To celebrate the 2010 home season, the Miami Dolphins have launched the Orange Offensive, and are asking Fin fans to wear orange at a series of community pep rallies and the lighting of key landmarks throughout South Florida. “We want to celebrate with the community our 45th season and home opener,” said Mike Dee, Dolphins CEO. “We invite all Dolphins fans to become part of the Orange Offensive this week and wear their orange gear to the pep rallies and to Sunday’s home opener as we come together in front of a national television audience for South Florida’s Biggest Party.” As part of the Orange Offensive, several iconic landmarks throughout South Florida will be illuminated in orange. In Miami, the iconic Miami Tower in downtown Miami, will sport an orange glow to celebrate the start of the Dolphins’ 45th season. Sun Life Stadium will also have an orange glow starting today as the Orange Offensive makes its way to the stadium. The Orange Offensive reaches its crescendo on Sunday, September 26th at Sun Life Stadium when the Dolphins face the New York Jets and the Dolphins players will be wearing their orange jerseys and fans will receive an orange rally towel, courtesy of Budweiser. Fans are encouraged to wear orange to the game in support of the home team. This game marks the fourth time the Dolphins’ players will wear orange jerseys. For more on the rallies and the game go online to miamidolphins.com

CHOCOLATE NIRVANA by Ines Hegedus-Garcia - miamism.com - ines@miamism.com Miami is full of gourmet markets that lure you in with their sumptuous delicacies, but Epicure in South Beach gets the cake (literally). I have not once been able to walk out of that place without a pastry, bonbon, cake or something to stimulate my palate. This photo captures a very minuscule part of their ri-di-culous assortment, just looking at it makes anyone hungry.

MOOIES IS NOT JUST FOR ICE CREAM If you have yet to check out Mooies, the best ice cream store in Miami Shores then you need to head there right away. The ice cream is to die for. Sweet and delicious. But, Mooies is not only all about ice cream. They have an extensive delicious, fresh menu filled with mouth watering paninis, pizza, wraps and salads. Everything is made while you wait. All breads are baked in house every mornPage 4 • Thursday, September 23, 2010 • SunPost Weekly • www.sunpostweekly.com

ing. And just don’t get me started on the home-made desserts. Fabulous! So, bring the kids, sit them down for a game of Jenga, while you and your significant other have a mini date. You will love the food, the fun and the company and so will the kids. They all do Birthday Parties and Catering. Mooies, 9545 NE 2nd Ave., Miami Shores. For info: 305-754-3666 or mooiesicecream.com


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www.sunpostweekly.com • SunPost Weekly • Thursday, September 23, 2010 • Page 5


PHOTO: MAGICALPHOTOS.COM / MITCHELL ZACHS

PEOPLE IN THE COMMUNITY YOU SHOULD KNOW

Edward Beiner Trendsetter Compiled By Kim Steiner Who are you? Son, husband and father, eyewear designer and retailer. A man who loves his family and loves nature. Who finds peace in the sounds of the waves crashing against the shore and when the aspen leaves rustle in the mountains. A man who cherishes his time alone but also loves being with his family and a few dear friends for wonderful home cooked meals and fine wines. What do you do in real life? I work my business always trying to improve it and taking it to the next level while trying to enjoy it. I spend time with my friends and am involved in certain charitable organizations. How do you get creative? The world around me. I get creative from Nature, and unique and beautiful objects. What’s inspiring you now? Vintage Who are your current style icons or muses? The characters from the tv program Mad Men. They inspire me. Some of the older and more classical design houses that have remained true to thier manufacturing and design roots such as Hermes and Chanel.

What are the trends for Winter 2010 in glasses? Vintage style frames. Lots of round or square frames zyl (plastic) frames. These frames have key hole bridges which means they have a space in the top between the nose and top bar. Colors are clear, havana tortoise and black with possible red and white accents. Restyling of 1930’s rimless frames. The old is being made new. The materials that are available today are so much richer than they used to be allowing a greater flexibility in quality and design.

I loved speaking to the drivers and hearing about their challenges as they participated in this strenuous race. What do you like most about what you do? The majority of the time it is fun. I have a passion for eyewear and you have to love what you do. What do you do now, that you did not do 5 years ago? I have started to learn how to cook. I have developed a passion for hiking in the mountains.

How would you describe your personal style? Casually elegant. What dream have you had that you have accomplished? I always dreamed of having an optical design house that would both sell, design and manufacture eyewear. I wanted an optical that treated products almost as a petri dish for creative designs. I pride myself on having some very unique product. On the personal end, I always loved vintage cars and now own two- a 1957 and a 1969 Austin Healy. More than owning them is the appreciation of the unique designs and the chrome grills and lines in the cars. The design and the fine mechanics of a period long gone is what drove me to appreciate these cars. I always wanted to watch the cars at the start up of the Mille Miglia car race in Brescia, Italy where vintage cars from the early 1920’s to the late 1950’s race from Brecia to Rome and back and was there with my wife a few years ago.

Page 6 • Thursday, September 23, 2010 • SunPost Weekly • www.sunpostweekly.com

Something new that you have just discovered about yourself? I can be patient. exp: Oct 30/2010

What are your guilty pleasures? Chocolate. I would love to have a buffet table with nothing but different chocolates from around the world, white, dark, milk with a wonderful desert wine. I also love single malt scotch and different Eau de Vies such as a Grappa or Poire Williams. One luxury that you cannot live without? A nice watch. Three Words to describe you? Passionate, exuberant and sensitive.


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Mon-Fri: 8am - 6pm • Sat: 8am - 4pm www.sunpostweekly.com • SunPost Weekly • Thursday, September 23 2010 • Page 7


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Can He Say That? COLUMN

2 Bored First Ladies = Catfight. MrrOWR! By Charles Branham-Bailey Our peripatetic secretary of state has been working her pants(uit) off in recent weeks, squiring Netanyahu and Abbas to the negotiating table to hash out their Middle East disagreements. A cakewalk when compared to the patch-up job that could be Hillary’s next: Thawing the ice between the American and French first ladies. I’m thinking Michelle Obama – right about now – is wishing the French president and his wife were on an official visit to Washington just so she could plant one of her stilettos into Carla Bruni-Sarkozy’s mouth. Or – with her foot propelling it – into some other anatomical region of Madame Sarkozy’s bodacious supermodel’s bod (the polite term here – why, it happens to be the French also, what a coincidence! – is derriere). Both first ladies are suffering the mutual embarrassment of Big Mouth Disorder. Here’s the 411: When, during a visit to the White House last spring, Carla asked Michelle how was life as wife of the president, Michelle’s Big Mouth prompted her to reply: “Don’t ask! It’s hell. I can’t stand it!” Thanks to Carla’s Big Mouth, this remark – accurate or not – ended up in a biography of Carla, “Carla et les Ambitieux” (Carla and the Ambitious), released last week. Uh-oh! Spa-ghet-ti-Os! Élysée Palace denies Michelle said it; the White House and French Embassy are also denying Michelle said it. Some suspect, however, that the quote did indeed slip from Michelle’s Big Mouth. The way her husband’s poll numbers are now, if he doesn’t stop tanking, voters might be only too willing, in two years, to relieve the beleaguered first lady of the duties about which she allegedly complained. A second biography of Carla appeared in French bookshops last week. Yet it’s not the unauthorized bio but rather the one that she allegedly cooperated in the writing of that’s creating migraines for madame. She’s denying having cooperated with its two authors, despite having given them a series of taped interviews over an 18month period. “The Nicolas-Carla love story has gripped our attention at every unlikely twist and turn,” blogged Elizabeth Day for the Guardian last Sunday. “And like all the best fictional lovers, their partnership has been defined by one overriding question: What is she doing with him? “...[W]hen they met at a dinner party in 2007, we are told the attraction was instant. After a string of lovers, including Mick Jagger, Eric Clapton […] Bruni had declared her intention to pursue a man of ‘nuclear power’. “Sarkozy had at his disposal more than 350 nuclear warheads. “It was a fusion made in heaven. Within a month, they were posing for Paris Match in the Élysée palace,

Page 8 • Thursday, September 23, 2010 • SunPost Weekly • www.sunpostweekly.com

complete with Rolex watches. Sarkozy, who had sailed into power with 53% of the vote and was cresting the wave of popular approval, seemed overly pleased with his newfound celebrity status. The press dubbed him ‘President Bling-Bling’.” And now, Madame Bling-Bling has possibly gone and done a ding-a-ling thing that is more than a mere faux pas. If things aren’t ironed out between the two women and soon, this has all the potential to become an international incident. Worse, the captivating Carla may not get invited back to the White House while the Obamas are still in residence. C’est inimaginable! The consumption of croissants, chocolate éclairs, camembert, and brie might become verboten. French actresses including Marion Cotillard and Juliette Binoche might be banned from Hollywood. Incroyable! The price of imported French wines might skyrocket. We may revert back to calling them “freedom fries”. Mon Dieu! A cultural war could be about to ignite. Will the French surrender this time? Again? Zut! Hillary, somebody, anybody: Get in there and separate the presidential wives! Of course, this all raises the delicate etiquette regarding when to open one’s Big Mouth and spill secrets and when to keep one’s Big Mouth shut, particularly in the realm of book publishing: When filling your autobiographical pen with poison ink and ambushing those you hate and detest, there are two ways to do it. One is to wait until the subject(s) of your ire is/are dead. Take, for example, Christina Crawford. She waited until after the welts from the wire hangers had subsided – and after the maternal witch/Hollywood-glamour-queen who had inflicted them on her was dead and buried – before infamously damning for all time her mommie dearest. The other (and easily more sinfully-delightful way) is to skewer your enemies while they’re still alive and able to read, fume over, and maybe even suffer an unfortunate cardiac episode from the nasty stuff you wrote about them on pages 24, 38, and 213 through 301. A notorious example of this poison-pen style came after Nancy Reagan implored her husband to fire his chief of staff, Donald Regan (who reportedly pissed off la prima dona by doing the unthinkable: hanging up the phone on her). After his dismissal, how did Regan get even? By trash-talking about his former boss’s wife in his published memoirs. Nancy with the Laughing Face – denied the last laugh – seethed. Or you could choose a third, but rarer, option – wait till you’re BOTH dead. And that is, indeed, the option that was taken with a book that the literary world is anxiously awaiting the November release of, a tell-all from one of the greatest wordsmiths of all time. Memoirs that all the

world has been anticipating for a century. Literally. Its author will not witness it as it rolls off the presses. There will be no autographed copies (and if you find one, WHAT a hoax!). No bookstore appearances. No guest spots on Oprah. You see, exactly 100 years ago, the author died. His memoirs have been locked in a vault for all that time, under his specified instructions not to be published until a century after his passing. It is now time for the University of California at Berkeley to flip the switch on its printing presses and the first copies to slide off the conveyor belts. Copies of the first volume of... The Autobiography of Mark Twain. Yep, that Mark Twain. The one and the same. America’s most acclaimed humorist and one of its greatest writers. Creator of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn. At long last, after keeping us waiting, the great Twain will now reveal all. What a master of publicity! Now, that’s publicity. Manage to keep ‘em talking about you a century after you took your final bow and made your final exit. Some scholars believe he wanted to keep the wraps on his memoirs for that long in order to not offend any mentioned friends and acquaintances. Others think he did so because he wanted to air religious and political opinions that might, if contemporaneously revealed, tarnish his public reputation. One section will reportedly detail his little-known, yet scandalous, relationship with the secretary who became his lover following his wife’s death, in his last decade. He recounts their ill-fated affair and his bitter charge that she had designs on securing the power of attorney over his estate. “Most people think [he] was a sort of genteel Victorian,” historian Laura Trombley told The Independent newspaper. “Well, [here] he calls her a slut and says she tried to seduce him. It’s completely at odds with the impression most people have of him. “There is a perception that Twain spent his final years basking in the adoration of fans. The [book] will perhaps show that it wasn’t such a happy time. He spent six months of the last year of his life writing a manuscript full of vitriol, saying things that he’d never said about anyone in print before. It really is 400 pages of bile.” But bile that people will race to their Barnes & Nobles to buy up. Just watch it climb the best seller lists. Watch avid book lovers request it on their Christmas wish lists. When I took an autobiography course in college years ago, I was not fortunate to have Samuel Langhorne Clemens’s memoirs to study as a template. But in a few weeks, we’re going to be treated to a lesson – especially those planning on penning their own memoirs – on how to really diss people, taught by a guy who’s been amoldering in the ground for the last 100 years. Payback is one mean bitch, ain’t she? Even from the grave.


Politics COLUMN

Summer Of Recovery ...or Winter of Discontent? By Jeffrey Bradley The same head-in-the-sand approach that President Obama displayed extolling the rights of Moslems to build a commemorative mosque at Ground Zero but in not defending the First Amendment rights of an American citizen forced underground for posting Draw Mohammed (may peace be upon him) Day online—perhaps he should put Moslems-only to work (paid union wage, of course) erecting a monument to freespeech on the spot where 3000 died to let Islamic fundamentalists know where we stand—mirrors his fizzled Recovery Summer campaign. In microcosm, some of that same flawed fiscal thinking is evident here on the Beach. When the City Manager recently recommended the Commission scrap a long-planned water-rate increase that august body seized on the idea with no doubt full expectation of blowing the Look What We’ve Done For You Lately tromp, loud and long, at the voters. So while the City should be congratulated on resolving what could have turned out a nasty mess with finesse—cobbling the upcoming operating budget, we mean—a few of the red banners run up the flagpole still flap ominously. That “excess” money Gabrielle Redfern discovered in Parking Department coffers will be used to plug a hole in the General Fund by reducing the taxrate hike, an offset far better spent addressing real transportation issues. (No, Gertrude; “transportation” DOESN’T mean taxicabs, cars or parking.) That kind of money could, for instance, pay a year of the South Beach Local operations. And, more of City’s “good news” could have downside, especially those expected stormwater, water and sewer rate increases that won’t be happening… proving again, <sigh> that short-sighted gain outweighs future consequence and political expediency trumps leadership. Why, even the veriest Condo Board, venal and devious, knows that socking away contingency cash for the aftermath of storms is politic. In the event, wouldn’t money banked for the express purpose of addressing our perennial drainage problems beat scrambling to issue bonds post-apocalyptic storm that turned all Alton into a giant wading pool? Then there’s the unions. With negotiations stalled and the City threatening to reduce fulltime employees to part-timers and expand outsourcing, CWA President Richard McKinnon—that stormy petrel of politics—didn’t appear at a recent budget hearing but delivered his diatribe by letter. Taking the commission to task for entertaining so heinous a notion as

laying off union workers, it included a demand to rehire posthaste persons recently fired (we’re shocked, shocked!), and ended with an ominous postscript of the City playing hardball with the wrong people. (We contend that if you can’t handle MiGs then don’t fly in MiG Alley.) Surprisingly, the City blew off this grumbling by noting that even more savings could be had by cutting deeper into employee costs. Left unsaid was that within the 75 percent, besides police and firemen salaries and pensions, lie embedded lucrative city administrator packages—not to mention the $70,000.00 paid yearly to the new county lobbyist (do municipalities actually do that?)—and other choice set-asides. Still, in ridding itself of the tentacle-clutch of the current CWA contract, the City stands to save 2.1 million dollars. But what are we saying? Here was a chance for the City to enact real across-the-board pension reform. Not the give-backs and financial tweaks that accomplish nothing and please nobody, but a method of derailing the buddy-system that gifts top-level unionistas and city administrators with golden parachutes. Putting aside the fact that these “tier one” types should be laboring on behalf of the common, not personal, welfare, we don’t see at all why they can’t be told, from now on, their salaries, pensions and perks will be automatically capped when they reach 1/3—not 3/4—of the operating budget. But the City not only won’t do that, but turns around and grants four unions “immunity” from layoffs for three whole years! That’s right, folks; immunity. That means no matter what—Citywide bankruptcy, wipeout by hurricane, stimulus failure, you name it—those four unions are guaranteed having every last financial contract demand fulfilled. See, politicians need unions to provide them with clout: mailings, financial support and voter-turnout (don’t forget those all important “endorsements”!); and unions need the City to legalize and make binding all their demands. In real life, we call this “thick as thieves”, but down at City Hall, they call it “just politics.” Absent union fulmination, the process was uncharacteristically mild. You might think residents would prove more antsy over a $237-million budget that includes a tax-hike and potentially severe service cuts. Sturm und drang aside, the gnashing of teeth and smiting of hip and thigh could indeed follow sooner rather than later as the chits the City deflected into the future fall due. Until then it’s probably good to understand the concept that making an omelet requires breaking a few eggs.

News

Miami Beach Wants You! (to pay higher taxes) Commission Approves Property Tax Hike By Joshua Malina Contributing Writer

Miami Beach residents should be prepared to reach a little deeper into their pockets for the city’s cut of their income. In an effort to fill a $29 million gap in next year’s operating budget, the Miami Beach City Commission narrowly approved a $0.56 property tax increase Monday night, with commissioners Deede Weithorn, Jonah Wolfson and Edward Tobin voting against the increase. The budget shortfall, which came as a result of pending pension payouts and depressed property values, will be offset in large part by the property tax hike, which will capture $10.1 million, City Manager Jorge Gonzalez said. It will cost the average homeowner, with a home value of $288,000, $220 annually, according to the city manager. Although the tax increase does present one way of balancing the city’s budget, some commissioners don’t think that it’s the best idea. “It’s the wrong time to be saddling the taxpay-

with the Communication Workers Alliance (CWA), which represents 425 city workers, including 911 dispatchers, ocean lifeguards, and pool guards, among others. The CWA and the city have been trying to negotiate a new contract for over a year. “I feel optimistic about reaching an agreement with the union,” said Commissioner Michael Góngora, who hopes to find common ground with the bargaining unit within the month. If an agreement cannot be reached, however, the commission must undertake certain “undesirable” alternatives if it is intent on balancing this year’s finances. Those alternatives could include transitioning some city employees from full-time to part-time status, closing pools or lifeguard stands, or lay offs. In the meantime, the commission passed a measure to increase the fee for filing appeals of special masters fines that target property infractions; reduce contributions to non-profits; and increase fees

“It’s the wrong time to be saddling the taxpayers with the city’s burden.” — Commissioner Jonah Wolfson ers with the city’s burden,” said Wolfson. “There were other ways to balance this budget, and over the last two years I’ve made numerous votes, that if they had gone my way, would have been enough,” he said, and pointed to further reductions in executive salary as well as millions of dollars of promotional money spent on marketing the city. The remaining shortfall will be filled by employee “give-backs” from city workers, surplus parking revenues, and increases in metered parking rates on South Beach. Currently, four out of the five unions that represent city workers have agreed to re-negotiate contracts, accepting 9-15 percent wage reductions in exchange for three years of immunity from lay-offs and further salary reductions. “This is probably the first time, in anybody’s history that’s sitting up here, that we’ve actually secured concessions from the unions,” Gonzalez said. The only loose end is a rogue $2 million, which may be captured if the city can reach an agreement

on sidewalk cafés. Some residents don’t think that goes far enough. “The economic reality is that we have a substantial downturn, and how that’s not commensurate with a shrinking government is wrong,” said resident Gabrielle Redfern. “And to put that on the back of taxpayers—that’s doubly wrong.” Redfern points to revenue enhancements, like un-metered parking in the city, which could be tapped for extra funds. Another resident, Debbie Leibowitz, who spoke at the meeting, encouraged commissioners to be creative in finding alternative sources of income. “I really wonder why we aren’t looking at other sources of revenue, looking at sponsorships and advertising dollars. I think there is a lot of money to be made in terms of advertising revenue in the city,” Leibowitz said.

www.sunpostweekly.com • SunPost Weekly • Thursday, September 23, 2010 • Page 9


THE CAST OF MIAMI BEACH- THE MUSICAL


COVER STORY

MUSICAL BEACH

Premiere of Miami Beach – The Musical Set for October Written by Michael W. Sasser Contributing Writer

It’s a ubiquitous memory of bad, family television from decades ago. The quirky family elects with utter insouciance to stage a big stage production in the third act of the script. “Let’s put on a show!” Hell, even Seinfeld mocked the 70s network television standard and its utter randomness in its final episode, and even that was now many years ago. But one can’t help but admire the spirit, however unlikely it is. After all, wouldn’t it be fun to grab some talented friends, write up an entirely original script, ask some differently-talented colleagues to craft original music, and then send up, say, one’s own hometown, in a stage spectacular complete with humor, color and even real human emotion?


Surprisingly and setting aside all cheese, that is exactly what a creative core of folks have done over at Miami Beach’s landmark St. Johns Catholic Church. In one of the most ambitious, original and creative flourishes to grace South Florida’s arts scene in recent memory, Arts at St. Johns will be premiering Miami Beach – The Musical on the first weekend in October. They’ve decided to put on a show over there, but leave the converted school buses and pigtails at home. Miami Beach – The Musical is no small accomplishment, and it just might be on its way to becoming a new local theatrical standard. “Miami Beach – The Musical was spurred by the incredible diversity of the people who have helped make Miami Beach,” said Carol Hoffman-Guzman, founding director of Arts at St. Johns. “It was sort of a group idea from several people. We realized that there had never been any [play] about the history of Miami Beach, even though there was always interest in the books written about it.” David Kingery, Arts at St. Johns artistic director and the show’s primary scriptwriter, said that in the initial meeting at which the idea was born, the organizers recognized that their most successful performances were musical reviews. “We also knew we wanted local sponsors and support, and someone said why not a musical that tells the history of Miami Beach,” Kingery said. Idea in hand, the subsequent months were a lot of hard work. Miami Beach – The Musical is based on historical facts about Miami Beach, as culled from many books and articles, plus dozens of stories and interviews from actual people who lived, worked and played here. “There is a lot of history in it, but we have also incorporated into it real stories of people who live here or who have lived here – although we aren’t using their names,” Hoffman-Guzman said. “I’m a Sociologist so I sent out an email blast to collect people’s real Miami Beach stories for research.” Stories of regular folks that might highlight aspects of the history of and life in Miami Beach are integrated into the play, along with real historical figures, incidents and events. And, although the production promises to entertain and inform in an uplifting fashion, the darker side of Miami Beach history is not omitted. “Even though we deal mostly with happy stuff, we do address some serious issues such as the discrimination against blacks and Jews, political corruption, etc.,” Hoffman-Guzman said. Over its hundred-plus year history, Miami Beach has, of course, attracted a grand mish-mash of dreamers, scoundrels, bigots, saints, politicians, and millionaires, along with many ordinary folks. In the musical, the audience meets the people, both past and present, that made this happen — people from many backgrounds, races and lifestyles. A team of writers, researchers, composers, along with a choreographer and lyricist, has worked on the project for over a year. Kingery then used his magic to weave fact

ABOVE: TWO CAST MEMBERS - ANNETTE NAVARRO AND MELVIN BOLINAS. RIGHT: MIMI JIMENEZ, CAST MEMBER WHO PLAYS "THE GENIE OF MIAMI BEACH" - SHE WASHED UP IN A BOTTLE TO HELP TELL THE HISTORY OF MIAMI BEACH.

and fiction into an uplifting and thought-provoking production. “We left no stone unturned for material,” Kingery said. “It just kept snowballing into a huge, in-depth project with a real social message.” Along with its original script tailored from the stories of both well known and everyday Miami Beach people, the production features some 16 entirely original songs. “I’ve worked in this area for 20 years so I knew a lot of lyricists and songwriters,” Kingery said. “All of the songs are 100 percent original and by local songwriters.” Although the play includes scores of parts, a cast of only nine was selected after a pair of open casting calls for the non-equity production. The musical drama tells about a fictional “Miami Beach Hall of Fame,” for which the cast must select the most deserving personalities. As the actors champion their favorites and argue over excluding others, the audience meets myriad Miami Beach characters — all portrayed in original song, dance, drama, comedy, and music. Hoffman-Guzman said that the original plans for the

“This is probably the biggest production we have ever done.” — Carol Hoffman-Guzman, founding director of Arts at St. Johns Page 12 • Thursday, September 23, 2010 • SunPost Weekly • www.sunpostweekly.com

production morphed quite a bit from the day it was conceptualized, through the year of preparation, to

today. “It was going to be a smaller production that we would premiere in April,” she said. “But we realized that this was such a unique project, with original songs – we felt we needed to do something bigger. “This is probably the biggest production we have ever done,” Hoffman-Guzman added. It is certainly the most expensive, with the price tag to date for the production being about four times that of most other Arts at St. Johns stage shows. Although the organization already receives funding from the city and from Miami-Dade County, Hoffman-Guzman said they successfully reached out to sponsors and supporters to help bring Miami Beach – The Musical, to fruition. But the effort goes on. “I’m still raising money for it!” Hoffman-Guzman said. Arts at St. Johns is already held in high regard by many arts, theater and music aficionados. “Personally I think they do a great job,” said Miami’s Ellen Weil. “I’ve seen a number of things there over the years and they have been impressive for a group of any size. I think they are one of several really under-exposed arts groups or programs in South Florida.” Miami writer and theater buff Jeffrey Perry is less familiar with Arts at St. Johns, but is excited about Miami Beach – The Musical. “Certainly I am sure it will be a lot of fun,” Perry said. “But what most interests me is that it is an all original and local production – local script, local talent, original songs.

You have to realize that from a writer’s perspective, nothing seems quite as satisfying as that. You don’t see a lot of entirely local productions around, much less ones with more than a dozen original songs. “It would be amazing if this opened the floodgates to real, honest, entirely locally created theater,” Perry added. “Then Miami and Miami Beach would really be the arts destinations we’ve been pretending we are. I am really looking forward to seeing what they do at St. Johns.” If its creators have their way, Miami Beach – The Musical will not be a one-shot deal. “It’s not intended to go back on the shelf,” Kingery said. “We want to see how it goes and then we will decide what to do with it.” Hoffman-Guzman said that discussions are already tentatively underway with venues on both sides of the bay about bringing the show to other, bigger houses sometime in the future. “Or else it might be something we want to repeat every year as an annual event,” she said. Too much work and the dedication of numerous people have been invested in the yearlong project for it to fade after its premiere weekend. “A lot of people have been involved, our creative team has grown a lot and no one through this whole process has negated what it is we’re doing,” Kingery said. “We’re really optimistic that this is just a start.” If the quirky 70s television family is watching somewhere, this is how to put on a show. Tickets are now on sale for all three performances. Performances are Friday and Saturday, Oct. 1 and 2, at 8 pm; Sunday matinee, Oct. 3, at 3 pm. Advance sale


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www.sunpostweekly.com • SunPost Weekly • Thursday, September 23, 2010 • Page 13


Calendar WHAT TO DO IN MIAMI THIS WEEK

FERGIE

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September 23

September 24

MUSIC Annie Mac

BOOKS Carolina Garcia-Aguilera

Catch DJ Annie Mac when she returns to miami to play Electric Pickle this Thursday. Lineup includes Troy Kurtz, Pirate Stereo and Damaged Goods. $10. 10pm. Electric Pickle, 2826 N Miami Ave; Miami. For info: electricpicklemiami.com

Carolina Garcia-Aguilera is a unique figure in the mystery-writing world. In addition to being an awardwinning author, Garcia-Aguilera has taken on the roles of private investigator, historical researcher, wife and mother. She is the Cuban-born author of the popular Lupe Solano Series, featuring Lupe Solano, a wealthy, sultry and quick-witted Cuban-American private investigator who lives and works in Miami. Now, Garcia-Aguilera returns with Bloody Twist her highly-anticipated new book in the series. Garcia-Aguilera will read from and discuss her new book. 8pm. Books & Books, 265 Aragon Ave. Coral Gables. For info: Booksandbooks.com

September 23 FILM Heartbreakers Viewing Vizcaya, a Film Series held at Miami’s most famous manse, will explore both modern day films that have a fun connection to Vizcaya. The first is Heartbreakers, which was partially filmed at Vizcaya starring Sigourney Weaver, and Jennifer Love Hewitt. Enjoy movie night in the house’s main Courtyard. Complete the evening’s festivity with a themed cocktail or traditional movie fare available for purchase. $15. 7pm. Vizcaya museum and Gardens, 3251 S Miami Ave; Miami. For info: vizcayamuseum.com

September 23 BOOKS John D’Agata Essayist and poet, John D’Agata will read from his new book, About a Mountain, a lyric investigation into the Yucca Mountain nuclear waste disposal program and the suicide of Levi Presley, a Las Vegas teenager who jumped from the top of the Stratsophere Hotel and Casino in 2002. Extended Q&A and book signing. Locust Projects, 155 NE 38th Street, Miami. For info: UniversityofWynwood.org

September 24 FILM Banned Book Week Welcome Banned Book Week in style by catching the eye-opening film, Obscene: A Portrait of Barney Rosset and Grove Press. Obscene is the definitive biography of Barney Rosset, the influential publisher of Grove Press and SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE? the Evergreen Review. Beginning with the fledgling Grove Press in 1951, RosDANCER LULU MLANGNI sett embarked on a tumultuous career of publishing and political engagement that continues to inspire defenders of free expression today. Not only was he the first American publisher of acclaimed authors such as Samuel Beckett, Kenzaburo Oe, Tom Stoppard, Che Guevara, and Malcolm X, but he also battled the government in the highest courts to overrule the obscenity ban on groundbreaking works of fiction including Lady Chatterley’s Lover, Tropic of Cancer, and Naked Lunch. The film features music by Bob Dylan, The Doors, Warren Zevon, and Patti Smith, and never-before-seen footage. Free. The Wolfsonian, 1001 Washington Ave., Miami Beach. For info: 305.535.2680 or wolfsonian.org.

September 25

September 23

CHARITY Pink Car Wash

FILM Tournees Film Festival Playing at the Bill Cosford Cinema at U Of M is the Tournees Film Festival. What you will mostly see are some extreme French films with an edge, called the New French extreme. Playing are Bomber, Trash Humpers, Boarding Gate, Cairo Time and Sex & the City 2. Opening film is Boarding Gate. $8. 7pm. Bill Cosford Cinema, 1111 Memorial Dr; Coral Gables. For info: com.miami.edu/cosford

The Craig Zinn Automotive Group will host the Lexus Pink Car Wash for a Cure 2010 at Lexus of North Miami. The car wash is open the public with 100% of proceeds benefitting the American Cancer Society Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Campaign. Light refreshments and snacks as your car is cleaned. 10am - 1pm. Lexus of North Miami, 14100 Biscayne Blvd, North Miami. For info: 800-765-3987.

September 26

September 23

MUSIC Dolphins Concert

BOOKS Miami Architecture The book, Miami Architecture by Randall Robinson grew out of the Miami Architecture Project, a communitybased, nonprofit association that organized more than a dozen local forums to develop appreciation of architecture in the community. This authoritative guidebook provides a broad, accessible architectural overview of the notable buildings that can be found in the core of downtown Miami, Miami Beach, and Coconut Grove. Robinson will discuss and sign Miami Architecture this Thursday. 8pm. Books & Books, 265 Aragon Ave. Coral Gables. For info: Booksandbooks.com

To kick off the Dolphins Season opener against the Jets, Miami football fans are in for a rocking good time with a starstudded opening concert. Performing are Marc Anthony, Fergie, Enrique Iglesias and Alejandro Escovedo. You might even catch a glimpse of J-Lo. 8pm. SunLife Stadium, 2267 Dan Marino Blvd., Miami Gardens.

SAVE THE DATE:

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 19, 2010

September 24 FAMILY Family Day The 2nd Annual Miami Beach Family Day will be hosted this year at the Miami Beach Teen Club. Family Day is a national movement that encourages parents and caregivers to pledge to eating dinner with their children and teens at least 3-4 times per week. Motivational speakers, great games for families and entertainment. 5pm - 9pm. Miami Beach Teen Club, 2100 Washington Ave, Miami Beach.

DREAMGIRLS DIRECT FROM HARLEM’S WORLD FAMOUS APOLLO THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY, COMES THE TONY AND ACADEMY AWARD-WINNING MUSICAL, DREAMGIRLS. FULL OF ONSTAGE JOY AND BACKSTAGE DRAMA, DREAMGIRLS TELLS THE STORY OF AN UP-AND-COMING 1960S SINGING GIRL GROUP, AND THE TRIUMPHS AND TRIBULATIONS THAT COME WITH FAME AND FORTUNE, RESOUNDING WITH UNFORGETTABLE HITS INCLUDING: AND I AM TELLING YOU I’M NOT GOING, ONE NIGHT ONLY, AND LISTEN. 8PM. ZIFF BALLET OPERA HOUSE, www.sunpostweekly.com • SunPost Weekly • Thursday, September 23, 2010 • Page 15


Calendar WHAT TO DO IN MIAMI THIS WEEK

ANNIE MAC

September 26

September 29

ART Morker

DANCE So You Think You Can Dance?

Calix Gustav Gallery is running a new Exhibition Mörker, the works of Swede Johan Björkegren, Jennifer Basile and Ingrid Eliasson. Calix Gustav Gallery, 98 NW 29th St., Miami. For info: calixgustav.com

The best of the seventh season cast of So You Think You Can Dance, as well as all-stars from the show’s first six seasons are stopping in Miami. Featuring finalists Adechike, Ashley, Billy, Jose, Kent, Lauren and Robert. Along with all-stars Ade, Allison, Courtney, Dominic and Kathryn as well as last season's winner, Russell. They will hit us with Hip-Hop, Contemporary, Ballroom, Tango, Broadway, and Salsa. $49.20$68.25. 7:30pm. American Airlines Arena, 601 Biscayne Blvd; Miami. For info: aaa.com

September 26 ART Frank Paulin A gift of thirty photographs by American photographer Frank Paulin has been made to the Lowe Art Museum and is currently on view in a new exhibit, Frank Paulin: An American Documentarian. Paulin is recognized for uniquely documenting fleeting human moments of both humor and poetry, particularly against the backdrop of gritty urban scenes. The Michael and Judi Matus Focus Gallery at the Lowe Art, 1301 Stanford Dr; Coral Gables.

September 28 THEATRE Re-Trial of Al Capone History will repeat itself when Al Capone, stands trial in the Dade County Courthouse in a reenactment of the historic 1930 perjury trial. Capone, who hails from Chicago, is charged with perjury in this mock trial. If convicted, the Baron of Beer could be sentenced to the State Prison Farm at Raiford. The reenactment of Al Capone’s 1930 perjury trial is just one of several events planned to celebrate the Eleventh Judicial Circuit’s Centennial. The mock trial will be conducted with volunteer actors and will take place in Courtroom 6-1 the same courtroom in which prosecutors tried Capone nearly 80 years ago. Free. 9:15am. Dade County Courthouse, 73 W Flagler St; Miami. For info: circuit100.com

September 29 BOOKS The Boys of the Dark A story that garnered national attention is the heartbreaking story of two men who suffered abuse at a reform school in Florida in the 1950s and 60s, and who banded together fifty years later to confront their attackers. Michael O’McCarthy and Robert W. Straley were teens when they were ordered to attend the Florida School for Boys. They discovered that hidden behind the gates was a hell unlike any they could have imagined. The boys allegedly bore witness to assault, rape, and possibly even murder. Straley will discuss and read from the book. 8pm. Books & Books, 265 Aragon Ave. Coral Gables. For info: Booksandbooks.com.

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September 29 THEATRE Lights, Camera, Murder Mystery on the Menu is holding an interactive murder mystery play called Lights, Camera, Murder! A movie studio is shooting a movie and someone is going to be shot…. A one woman interactive murder mystery play with Barbara Fox. Audience members participate, share clues and help solve the crime. Tickets are $20 and include mystery, wine and chocolate. Advance reservations required. 7 to 10pm. Miami Beach Botanical Garden, 2000 Convention Center Drive, Miami Beach. For info: 305-864-2430 or mbgarden.org

ABOVE: FRANK PAULIN, GAS MASK LOWER EAST SIDE. MIDDLE: HEARTBREAKERS. BELOW: CAROLINE ROSENSTAM BY JOHAN BJORKEGREN AT THE LOWE ART.

FOR KIDS Saturday, September 25 Kids Day at Dorsch Gallery in Wynwood TO JUMP OFF FROM THE DORSCH GALLERY’S CURRENT EXHIBITION, BUBBLE RAFT, THEY ARE HOLDING A PLAYTIME AFTERNOON THAT’S ALL ABOUT BUBBLES! THERE WILL BE A TOUR OF THE EXHIBITION FOR PARENTS, WHILE THE KIDS GET TO PLAY IN THE GARDEN WITH FUN ACTIVITIES AND ART PROJECTS LED BY ASHLEY CUMBERLAND AND ANNA BLASH. PLAYTIME ACTIVITIES WILL BE GEARED FOR AGES 3-10, BUT ALL KIDS ARE WELCOME. CUMBERLAND AND BLASH HAVE WORKED WITH KIDS OF ALL AGES IN MANY MIAMI-BASED CREATIVE PROGRAMS, INCLUDING MIAMI CHILDREN’S THEATER AND ART STUDIO. FREE. 4-6PM. DORSCH GALLERY, 151 NW 24 ST., MIAMI. FOR INFO: 305-576-1278 OR DORSCHGALLERY.COM


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www.sunpostweekly.com • SunPost Weekly • Thursday, September 23, 2010 • Page 17


Cinema REVIEW

Diminishing Returns By Ruben Rosario (ruben@sunpostweekly.com) I may not be the most impartial person to review the further misadventures of Gordon Gekko. After all, I’ve held a grudge against the character ever since Michael Douglas beat out Robin Williams for the Best Actor Oscar back in 1988. This is not to imply, however, that I don’t appreciate how Oliver Stone was able to capture the zeitgeist of late-eighties corporate America, even if his slick cautionary tale had the adverse effect of turning Douglas’s seductive tycoon into a guru for upwardly mobile industrialists. The past two decades have given Stone plenty of story material to draw from, but what’s most surprising about Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (aka BAILOUT! The Movie) is how tame it is. Stone’s latest look at The Way We Live Now, one of three new films I’m reviewing this week, squanders an intriguing premise by turning Gekko into a (slightly) more cynical variation on the character Douglas played in Wonder Boys. The cold-hearted bastard who screwed up Charlie Sheen’s life has been replaced by a softie, a dinosaur who thinks he still gives good quote. When we first see him, he’s picking up his belongings after serving an eight-year jail sentence. The year is 2001, and as he leaves the prison, he realizes no one is waiting for him outside. The scene immediately raises a red flag about Stone’s ultimate agenda here. This isn’t really Gekko’s story, you see. It’s about wetbehind-the ears trader Jacob Moore (Shia LaBeouf), a career-driven idealist with big dreams of investing in green technology. Winnie, his live-in girlfriend (An Education’s Carey Mulligan) is an anti-establishment blogger who’s also – wait for it – Gekko’s daughter. (If there’s one cliché the film mines effectively, it’s how so many young women wind up dating their dads.) It is now 2008, and Stone zeroes in on Jacob’s disbelief as he glances at the million-dollar-plus check his boss and mentor (Frank

LEGEND OF THE GUARDIANS

Langella, fine as usual) gives him, all the while barely concealing a troubled expression. It soon becomes clear that Jacob’s company is in deep financial trouble, and the movie’s best scenes, besides a lucid economic-state-of-the-union speech Gekko ways one step ahead of the double-crosses Stone has in store for us, and the film risks becoming a cut-rate David Mamet knockoff before its insufferably maudlin conclusion. The Oscar-winning director wants to set the record straight: Greed is bad. And then he wants us all to join hands and sing Kumbaya. No sale. It has just been announced that Stone’s follow-up to this noble misfire will be the film version of the Tony Award-winning musical Memphis. I’m willing to bet he can make a better movie out of that ABOVE: WALL STREET: MONEY NEVER SLEEPS. ABOVE RIGHT: BRAN NUE DAE. Broadway show than this week’s indie regives during his book tour, dramatize the ensuing market lease, the festival sensation Bran Nue Dae. As an uncrash, what Warren Buffett calls “an economic Pearl Harapologetic show tunes freak, I was looking forward to this bor.” (Here comes some heavy handed tumbling-domino adaptation of the 1990 Australian stage musical about an imagery!) Aided by Rodrigo Prieto’s fluid camerawork Aboriginal Catholic school runaway and his journey of and Kristi Zea’s spot-on production design, Stone brings self-discovery circa 1969. Willie Johnson (newcomer the high-powered energy of the stock market to thrilling Rocky McKenzie) tells his devout mother he wants to belife. If only the film had stayed there longer. Too much come a priest, but he can’t get his mind off that pretty of Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps concerns itself with choir singer with the strong pipes. At school, he butts Gekko’s attempts to reconcile with his estranged daughheads with Father Benedictus (Geoffrey Rush, on the right ter, a drippy storyline screenwriters Allan Loeb and side of caricature), a strict disciplinarian. In the streets Stephen Schiff interweave haphazardly with Jacob’s burof Perth he meets “Uncle Tadpole,” a vagrant who offers geoning relationship with his would-be father-in-law. to take him back to his hometown, and away they go, with (Mulligan shows she can cry on cue, but her performthe stern priest hot on their trail. I was charmed by the ance is distressingly one-note.) wacked-out, disarmingly goofy tone director Rachel Can the kinder, gentler Gekko be trusted? We’re alPerkins sustains during the film’s first half hour, as well as the bouncy songs by John Chi, who based Bran Nue Dae on his own experiences coming of age in western Australia. Then the film wears out its welcome and, even at 81 minutes, becomes an endurance test. Blame Perkins’s scattershot direction, which is literally all over the map, as well as Lord of the Rings cinematographer Andrew Lesnie’s shooting style, which can charitably be called wide angle overkill. Perkins has cut the film to make it feel like a feature-length music video, which means she inserts bits of song-and-dance numbers in the middle of dialogue-driven scenes. The effect is headache-inducing, and re-

Page 18 • Thursday, September 23, 2010 • SunPost Weekly • www.sunpostweekly.com

minds me of Pauline Kael’s assessment Steven Spielberg’s 1941, which she likened to “having your head inside a pinball machine for two hours.” The people Willie and Uncle Tadpole meet along the way – the hippie couple driving a van, the lusty gas station owner played by Magda Szubanski (Mrs. Hoggett in the Babe movies) – are shrill stereotypes, and as a result, the film feels like an endless road trip, one you would do well to avoid. So who wins this weekend? Families do. I was pleasantly surprised to discover a heady narrative about the dangers of groupthink in an animated children’s film. The kicker? It was directed by 300’s Zack Snyder, and for once his slow-motion fetish, which marred his ambitious adaptation of Watchmen, did not annoy the hell out me. Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole, tells the story of Soren, an owlet (voiced quite capably by Across the Universe’s Jim Sturgess) forced to find the leader within after he and his brother are kidnapped by the Pure Ones, led by evil queen Nyra (Helen Mirren, deliciously wicked) and fearless leader Metal Beak (Joel Edgerton, working overtime this fall), who plan to raise an army of brainwashed owlets to destroy a fabled band of warrior owls and take over the kingdom. The parallels to Aryan youth register loud and clear. There may be few surprises storywise in Legend of the Guardians, which was adapted from Kathryn Lasky’s book series; the third act in particular feels excessively formulaic and, at times, rather impersonal. Visually, though, the film held me in thrall throughout; the opening shot recalls the beginning of Disney’s The Rescuers Down Under. Snyder’s gift for generating tension serves him well in the 3-D arena: Soren’s daring escape from the Pure Ones is more suspenseful than anything in most of the grown-up action movies I’ve seen this year. There’s also a wealth of information regarding owl lore: Stargazing and feeding habits feature prominently. It may not deliver the emotional high of DreamWorks Animation’s similarly themed How to Train Your Dragon, but the majesty of Snyder’s film still sweeps you up in its flight of fancy. Bran Nue Dae opens this weekend at the Regal South Beach Cinemas. Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps and Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole are currently in wide release.


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The 411

Sarah Jessica Parker and Rachel Bilson in the Star Lounge

Molly Sims in the Star Lounge

COLUMN

Hot New York Minute By Mary Jo Almeida-Shore maryjoshore@sunpostweekly.com

FALLING FOR SPRING FASHIONS Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week ushered in a new era this year with the historical move from Bryant Park to Lincoln Center and a major upgrade in technology: the addition of Fashion GPS-which streamlined communication and expedited check-in procedures. Mayor Michael Bloomberg showed his support for the move, declaring, that he thought Lincoln Center would be a “perfect place for a fashion show–fashion is art.” He went on to say, “New York City is fully committed to the health and growth of our fashion industry.” The consensus among organizers and industry insiders was that this inaugural season at Lincoln Center was a success. A common thread among designers for their spring collections was the presence of beige, which ruled the runways, alongside neighbors on the color palette, white and ivory-in sheer and non-sheer fabrics and the requisite spattering of black. Several designers showcased vintage designs, including Gottex and Betsey Johnson, with a throwback to the 80s and Marc Jacobs with his Studio 54 inspired 70s designs, complete with vintage accessories and big floppy hats. Despite having a mere 36 hours of non-stop fashion week bliss this season, which is akin to squeezing in all of Art Basel in one day or savoring South Beach Wine and Food Festival in a morning, we’ve put together a brief recap of the good, the great and the “we-couldn’t-make-this-up-if we-tried!”

MERCEDES-BENZ PRESENTS DESIGNER CAROLINA HERRERA The Mercedes-Benz Presents Designer’s runway show is one of the highlights of every Fashion Week. This season was no different, as the elegant and stylish, Carolina Herrera was chosen to receive this great honor. Herrera showcased her latest collection on September 13th and was recognized throughout the industry for her impeccable style and sophisticated designs- attributes that are also prevalent in the Mercedes- Benz brand, as evidenced by the motto emblazoned in the main lobby of Lincoln Center, as a backdrop for one of the two new Mercedes-Benz sleek vehicle displays: “The Best or Nothing.” The 2011 E550 Cabriolet and the new 2011 CL63 AMG were showcased throughout the week for guests to admire and desire. Our favorite space in Lincoln Center was the Mercedes-Benz Star Lounge, which was created through the collaboration between design consultant Carlos Mota and fashion icon IMAN, the first display of the new IMAN Home design collection. The lounge played host to dozens of celebrities and designers throughout the week. “Anyone who attended the inaugural season of Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week at Lincoln Center could feel the energy from the runway shows to the lobby — it could not have been more exciting,” expressed Lisa Holladay, Manager of Brand Experience Marketing for Mercedes-Benz USA. “Along with all of the volunteers and supporters, it was Page 20 • Thursday, September 23, 2010 • SunPost Weekly • www.sunpostweekly.com

Iman in the Star Lounge

Leighton Meester

Carolina Herrera in the Star Lounge

the designers who truly made it happen with a range of collections that engaged and inspired us all, throughout the entire week.”

MONIQUE LHUILLIER Monique Lhuillier’s spring 2011 collection was inspired by a dream, as models graced the runway in colors that ranged from pastels to candied apple reds. Perrey Reeves, aka Entourage’s “Mrs. Ari” commented on how Lhuillier’s creations make her feel like a princess and how she loves the femininity and gracefulness of each piece- which has its own unique presence. Celebrities in attendance included: 90210‘s Jessica Lowndes, Odette Yusman, Giada De Laurentiis, Lost‘s Maggie Grace, Emma Roberts, and Gilmore Girl Alexis Bledel.

BADGLEY MISCHKA The Badgley Mischka show transported guests back to the Great Gatsby era, and included models styled with soft flowing curls, beaded hats and romantic slip gowns. The designers created a chic collection featuring embellished day and evening wear and Oscar-worthy gowns. The front row included: Denise Richards, Kristin Cavallari, Gabrielle Union, Kelly Rowland, LaLa Vazquez, Kelly and Bensimon.

MICHAEL KORS “And I’ll say, it’s all right…” blared the Beatles’ classic, Here Comes the Sun, through the speakers for the entirety of the Michael Kors’ show, sending virtual rays of sunshine through the crowd. Can we say “insta-good mood” at 10:00 a.m. on a Wednesday? Inspired by summertime, long days and cook outs, Kors’ creations are a reflection of his upbringing on the beach. Shades of avocado greens, lilacs, bold fuchsia, and yellows were paired with fitted tees and leather camel trench coats. After the show, through some bizarre and fantastic twist of fate, as we were making our way through the ebb and flow of the dense crowd, observing Donald Trump as he exited, we happened upon none other than Dr. Ruth Westheimer (Vest-heimer), who shuffled us backstage right along with her, and shared her secret to happiness: “Finding something you love and sticking to it.” That explains why the good doctor is smiling after all these years! We caught up with Kors backstage who shared that his homes served as the inspiration for his collection- his garden in New York, house on the beach on a sunny day, barbecues and relaxing. Kors said he emphasized length, color and texture in this collection. “This is the first time I’ve ever done a collection without any black! I’m in a sunshine state of mind.” When asked about his favorite piece, he admitted that it has to be the double-faced leather trench coat because it’s something you can wear for more than 30 years. While we were talking with Kors, lucky guests had the opportunity to select their favorite pair of Michael Kors sunglasses as a parting gift. “Sun, sun, sun…here we come!”

VERA WANG Vera Wang took her east meets west influence and infused it throughout her collection. Wang, inspired by Quentin Tarantino’s classic Kill Bill, showcased the classic ethereal style with edge, channeling the exotic, strong, warrior within. Sculptured accents and bold jewels accentuated each look down the runway, worn by stoic, barefaced models, with really wild, wind-blown hair. Anna Wintour and Serena Williams shared a few laughs before the show and seemed to enjoy sitting cozily on the bench side-by-side, like old friends.


Gabrielle Union at Badgley Mischka Spring 2011

Katrina Bowden at Milly Spring 2011

NANETTE LEPORE Sexy singer, John Forte set the stage for Nanette Lepore’s show, serenading the audience with his sultry voice, alongside his live band. Models clad in Lepore’s creations sauntered the runway in classic chic ranging from brightly colored high waisted bikinis to cocktail attire for day and night in vibrant floral patterns- a refreshing break from the neutrals that dominated the majority of the other shows. The collection was a jet setter’s dream, providing an array of looks to compliment a tropical retreat at a moment’s notice. Lepore closed her show with a trip down the runway with one of her two daughters, both of whom took the day off from school to attend. Lepore’s audience included: Stanley Tucci, Lili Taylor, Kristin Chenoweth, Carol Kane, Talia Balsam and former Sopranos stars, Aida Turturro and Jamie Lynn Sigler.

BETSEY JOHNSON Far from being the most glamorous or elegant show during the week, Betsey Johnson brought the fun. Among the most original of the shows, Johnson projected a video montage of herself riding her bike all around New York as a backdrop while the corresponding looks appeared on the runway, Le Tour Betsey. At the end of the video, Johnson played a clip of Johnson family movies which culminated in her riding down the runway on her bicycle, being presented with a trophy by her daughter, Lulu and her granddaughters and doing a cartwheel as models waved racing flags and cheered her on. Check out the video at Miamisocialholic.com. Seen enjoying the show were Kelly Osbourne, Denise Richards, Rimah Fakin, Carmen Electra and Ciara. Later that night, Johnson joined friends and fans at the basement of the Hudson Hotel, and danced with the DJs in their booth above the main floor, to the amusement of the adoring crowd.

PARTIES! LAVO NYC OFFICIALLY OPENS No Fashion Week would be complete without a myriad of incredible parties and openings. One such party took place on Tuesday, September 14th, when A-list celebrities, athletes, notable New Yorkers and a few Miami locals celebrated the official grand opening of LAVO New York City, a Southern Italian bistro/state-of-the-art nightclub owned and operated by nightlife masterminds, Noah Tepperberg, Jason Strauss, Marc Packer, Jayma Cardosa and Rich Wolf, the hospitality impresarios behind LAVO Las Vegas, TAO, Avenue, Stanton Social, Rue 57, Goldbar and Avra. The space is stylish and gorgeous- think Prime 112 meets The Florida Room, with the former stacked atop the latter, and the food, service and atmosphere are top-notch. We had the distinct pleasure of sitting next to the “damn-some” (that’s short for damn handsome) Joe Manganiello, the hot werewolf from True Blood and girlfriend Audra Marie, who were canoodling in a booth in between bites (no pun intended). Manganiello was served a special low-carb dinner because he is on a strict diet for the show. The couple ventured downstairs to the club late in the evening and joined Ashley Greene and Xavier

Kimberly Guilfoyle and Natalie Morales at the Milly by Michelle Smith show

Samuels from Twilight. Manganiello laughed when someone made a comment about how competing werewolves/ vampires were taking over the party. Also seen enjoying the music downstairs: new “besties” Kristin Cavallari and Shantel VanSanten, who hit the Fashion Week circuit together; Lennox Lewis who tried unsuccessfully to get Russell Simmons’ attention, as Simmons was appealing to the doorman to let two models into the party; and Nicky Hilton, who danced on her banquette, swinging her arms and screaming out that she loved the DJ. Other VIP guests at the LAVO NYC opening, including Oliver Stone, Alessandra Ambrosio, Michelle Rodriguez, Ashley Greene, Kristin Cavallari, Samantha Ronson, Dylan McDermott, Stephanie Pratt and Lenny Kravitz enjoyed music by Solange Knowles, DJ Vice and Chuckie, along with surprise performances by Ciara and Swizz Beatz. We were excited to see some of our favorite Miami locals: Chris Bosh, Nicola Siervo, D. Ashlee Harrison, Seth Browarnik and Melissa Katz having a blast at the party. A couple of nights later, Jessica Simpson threw a birthday dinner for her boyfriend, Eric Johnson, at LAVO.

YOU WILL MEET A TALL DARK STRANGER PREMIERE Earlier on Tuesday night the Cinema Society’s screening of You Will Meet a Talk Dark Stranger at MOMA and after party at the elegant, newly re-opened, Lambs club brought out A-listers from all over the industry. The party was lauded as one of the most exclusive of the week, despite having nothing to do with Fashion Week. Granted, the film’s director, Woody Allen and his films have been in fashion for almost half a century. Guests at the screening and after party included Adrian Grenier, Adrian Brody, Michelle Rodriguez, Leelee Sobieski, Alec Baldwin, Martha Stewart, Ethan Hawke, Gemma Jones, Stanley Tucci, Patricia Clarkson, Deborah Harry, Mark Ruffalo, Oliver Stone, Brett Ratner, Juliette Lewis, Alan Cummings, Bobby Flay, Stephanie March, Kelsey Grammer, Denise Richards, and the film’s stars, Josh Brolin and Lucy Punch. All gathered upstairs at the Lambs Club to toast Allen with Grey Goose cocktails. From the moment he arrived, Adrian Grenier was on a mission to meet Woody Allen. After walking the red carpet, Grenier waited to introduce himself to Allen and was overheard saying “He’s one of my New York Legends.” Grenier spent the rest of the evening chatting with fellow party goers including Adrian Brody and Michelle Rodriguez.

CELEBRITY SIGHTINGS MERCEDES BENZ FASHION WEEK While this list is far from exhaustive, celebrities spotted front row to lend their support for their favorite designers included: Milla Jovovich, Sarah Jessica Parker, Leighton Meester, Serena Williams, Ed Westwick, Rashida Jones, Kanye West, Jason Lewis, Kristin Cavallari, Coco

Tinsley Mortimer backstage at Milly by Michelle Smith

Karolina Kurkova backstage at the Michael Kors Spring 2011 Show

Rocha, Rachel Bilson, Ashlee Simpson, Kelly Osbourne, Nicky Hilton, Courtney Love, Kimora, Samantha Ronson, Jay Sean, Amanda Hearst, Robert Verdi, Molly Sims, Omarion, Andy Cohen, Elisa Sednaoui, Deborah Cox, Eric McCormack, Iman, Veronica Webb, Katrina Bowden, Kelly Rowland, Debora Cox, Angela and Vanessa Simmons, Mel B, Solange Knowles, Nastia Lukin, Julia Jones, Rachel Zoe, Claire Danes, Olivia Palermo, Jessica Simpson, Heidi Klum, Tyson Beckford, Perrey Reeves, Poppy Delevingne, Jamie-Lynn Sigler, Michelle Trachtenberg, Carmen Electra, Cassie, Jessica Szohr, Alison Brie, Alexis Bledel, Leigh Lezark, Gabrielle Union, Jordin Sparks, Brandy, Denise Richards, Kelly Bensimon, Melissa George, Lauren Bush, Sarah Wynter, Jay Alexander, Michael Urie, Tessa Thompson, Keisha Wittaker, Diddy, Kendra Wilkinson, Shannon Elizabeth, Kerry Washington, Rebecca Romijn, Greta Gerwig, Marin Ireland, Mickey Sumner, Katie Lee, Nigel Barker, Aisha Taylor, Perry Farrell, Alan Cumming, Jay Manuel, Kristin Chenoweth, Stanley Tucci, Peaches Geldof, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Natalie Morales, Marsha Thomason, Noel Marin, Sherri Baum, Marcia Gay Harden, and Camilla Romestrand.

CELEBRITY SIGHTINGS MIAMI The Burn Notice season wrap party took place at The Forge on Wednesday night. Attendees included: Jeffrey Donovan, Gabrielle Anwar, Bruce Campbell and Sharon Gless who celebrated in the newly renovated Library while Dennis Rodman strolled in for a late dinner at the Wine Bar. Saturday night Rick Ross and DJ Khaled enjoyed a business dinner with two other guests and spoke about how they loved The Forge’s new look. On Thursday night, the members of Kings of Leon dined in the private dining room of Miami hotspot, Zuma with a group of 16 people. Eva Longoria recently dined at Sugarcane raw bar grill with a group of about 15 who arrived in 3 limos. Longoria and company sat in the lounge and enjoyed a selection of different tapas from the menu. The hot “Housewife” was in town to kick-off the Rally Against Cancer, which is being co-hosted for the second year in a row by JR and Loren Ridinger and will take place during the weekend of November 12-13 (more on this in an upcoming column). At La Fee Verte’s Stiletto Mafia party on Saturday, model Ines Rivero was seen with an entourage of dancing queens who could not stop raving about burlesque diva Nicole Soden’s performance. Front Management’s malemodel-of-the-moment, Branden Haley celebrated his 21st birthday at the party where he was seen dirty dancing with Bravo reality star, Cristina Rice (who’s been recently spotted with Jamie Foxx). Also on Saturday, Grey Goose Entertainment Rising Icon Jay Sean performed at the Opium Hard Rock. Recording artist Drake celebrated his father’s birthday with a group of 6 people at Philippe on Sunday.

www.sunpostweekly.com • SunPost Weekly • Thursday, September 23, 2010 • Page 21


411

Lavo New York Opening Photos By Seth Browarnik/WorldRedEye.com Ciara

Alessandra Ambrosio, Samantha Ronson & Swizz Beatz

Nicky Hilton & Brandon Davis

Carol Alt, Marcus Sheneknberg & Victoria Silvstadt

Shantel VanSanten & Kristin Cavallari

Joe Manganiello & Audra Marie

Page 22 • Thursday, September 23, 2010 • SunPost Weekly • www.sunpostweekly.com

Tinsley Mortimer & Brian Mazza

Swizz Beatz & Solange Knowles


GO! UPCOMING SOCIAL EVENTS

Art & Charity By Mary jo Almeida-Shore maryjoshore@sunpostweekly.com

CAFEINA LAUNCHES WYNWOOD ART CENTER

Kelly Osbourne at the Betsey Johnson Spring 2011 Show

Brad Goreski and Maryanne Salvat at the Monique Lhullier Spring 2011 Show

More Fashion Week

As if we needed yet another incentive to head to Cafeina, Wynwood’s trendiest lounge/resto/gallery introduces Art Industry Thursdays, catered to the artists, aficionados and curators who help paint the portrait of the Magic City, along with the unveiling of the Wynwood Exhibition Center at Cafeina (WEC), formerly Cafeina’s 1,000 foot art gallery. Beginning Thursday, September 23, members of Miami’s art communities will receive WEC Perk Cards granting them a 25 percent discount on food and drink purchases from 8 p.m. to 3 a.m. in addition to a 15 percent discount on nonArt Industry nights (offer not valid during happy hour). Guests attending the launch party will be treated to complimentary cocktails from 8 to 9 p.m. and music by DJ Bhakti Baxter. Cafeina’s owner Ivette Naranjo says, “The launch of WEC, Art Industry and the perk cards are a nod to our neighbors who are working together in making Wynwood Art District a success. I want our exhibition space to be a compliment to the Wynwood Art District as opposed to a competitor in it. My goal is to create a place where Miami’s artistic minds gather to enjoy, discuss and display the work that drives them.” If you ask us, Cafeina’s been achieving that since day one. Guests are asked to RSVP to cafeina@taraink.com with their art affiliation.

DENIM AND DIAMONDS

Mary Jo Shore, Dr. Ruth Westheimer, and Maryanne Salvat backstage at Michael Kors

Robert Verdi at Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week

LaLa Vazquez and Kelly Rowland at the Badgley Mischka Spring 2011 Show

Nina Garcia and Maryanne Salvat at Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Spring 2011

Udonis Haslem and other Miami Heat players will be doubling down, rolling dice, picking their lucky numbers and going all-in to raise money for the Udonis Haslem Children’s Foundation during the 6th annual Denim & Diamonds fundraising event, which takes place on Saturday, September 25, form 7-11 p.m. at the Grand Ballroom at Fairmont Turnberry Isle (19999 West Country Club Drive in Aventura). DJ Irie will serve as emcee and several celebs and sports figures will be on-hand to try their luck at roulette, craps, poker, blackjack and slots. Expect delicious passed fare from Fairmont Turnberry Isle’s talented chefs, live music and entertainment, cash bars and an impressive array of raffle and silent auction items. All proceeds from the event will benefit the Udonis Haslem Children’s Foundation, a non-profit organization designed to help at-risk youth reach their full potential both in the classroom and as individuals. General admission tickets cost $125 per ticket in advance/ $150 at the door. VIP tickets are priced at $500 each and include exclusive benefits such as the opportunity to play poker alongside the Miami Heat players. Seating is limited. Tickets may be purchased by calling Barbara Wooten at 954-854-9496. A Different Kind of Clubbing For the seventh year in a row, the Junior League of Miami will host a golf tournament to raise funds to support the organization’s ongoing efforts to promote volunteerism and to benefit its community projects. The scramble-style tournament will begin with a shotgun start at 1 p.m. at the famed Blue Monster golf course at Doral Golf Resort & Spa (4400 N.W. 87th Avenue). The entry fee is $250 per person; $900 for a foursome. Not a golfer? Don’t fret— you can still participate in the post-tournament cocktail reception, which kicks off at 5:30 p.m. The celebratory evening will feature live music, a silent auction and raffle with fantastic prizes, and delicious cuisine. To register or purchase tickets, visit the Junior League website: jlmiami.org

Angela Simmons at Betsey Johnson Spring 2011

Jessica Lowndes at the Monique Lhullier Spring 2011 Show

www.sunpostweekly.com • SunPost Weekly • Thursday, September 23, 2010 • Page 23


Style FASHION

Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Spring/Summer 2011 Ready-To-Wear Wrap Up: Au Revoir Lincoln Center By Jennifer Fragoso (jennifer@sunpostweekly.com)

REFINEMENT AT RUFFIAN Ruffian gave us Prêt-à-Porter, a collection inspired by the extraordinary achievements of women on or around the Frontline, in particularly, Susan Tavers, the only woman to officially serve in the French Foreign Legion. The collection was comprised of separates in soft silks balanced by structured jackets, pants and skirts. Military elements combined with crisp cotton canvas and duchess satin round out the refinement of this timeless collection. Virtually each piece could find a home in any woman’s closet and breathe life into her already existing separates. Think “The English Patient” without the gore of battle and you have arrived.

I LEFT MY HEART AT PORTS 1961 Designer Fiona Cibani drew inspiration from the topography of the continent of Africa to shape Ports 1961 collection for S/S 2011. Finding a delicate balance between the fluidity of the country’s often-arid landscape to the geometric angles of its ridges and bluffs. Evidence to support the aforementioned can be seen in the asymmetric draping of dresses, skirts and tops. This haphazard precision is why nearly everyone left the show in awe. Ports 1961 stole my heart with the subtlety of the silhouettes and the bold infusion of colors like amethyst, emerald, sapphire and mica; stones that come to life when cut to perfection just as the pieces in this collection.

LONG LIVE CYNTHIA ROWLEY The crowds smiled throughout the Cynthia Rowley show. The perforation and color banding of this collection drew viewers in editorially while the impeccable fit and construction of each of every piece all but guarantees commercial appeal. Additionally a special award could be handed out for best LBD of Fashion Week for the Andie. Noted as a black hole dress the light seemed to explode and dance off this little number. It was both dazzling and delightful to watch go down the runway.

EVERYONE LOVES A LITTLE L.A.M.B. The crowds came to the tents on the final night amidst a rainy forecast and were met with one hell of a show. L.A.M.B. swept the audience up in a frenzy of plaid and African prints. Even amongst the star power of Gavin Rossdale, Russell Simmons and Tony Kanal the clothes truly stole the show. Ruffles and ruching seemed to rule the runway whether they were swathed in mixed media prints or seasonal favorite gingham check. This collection is more then on trend it is unmistakably—Gwen.

SERIOUSLY SIRIANO Christian Siriano gave us forty major looks to choose from for S/S 2011. The cohesive collection dares to be decadent and playful while retaining the skilled refinement we have come to cherish from Christian Siriano. The final two gowns may very well find themselves in the Costume Institute archives after gracing a red carpet or two this coming award season. Christian Siriano designed all the shoes and handbags found on the runway with the help of his Payless team. Inspired by Africa and the Orient the shoes were designed in juxtaposition to the soft femininity of the collection. Run into a Payless near you to see what Christian has lined up for fall. payless.com to peruse the collection and locate a store near you.

GAGA FOR GOTTEX Gottex is a name synonymous with swimwear. For S/S 2011 designer Molly Grad gave us a harmonious pairing of luxury and technology. Edgy looks you’ll want to wear to The Standard pool on a Sunday funday afternoon then Page 24 • Thursday, September 23, 2010 • SunPost Weekly • www.sunpostweekly.com

shoot over to Sundance at Set with the addition of one of the many stunning Caftans to easily make the transition from day to night. “Wet” look swimsuits were a favorite from this high voltage show.

ETHEREAL EVENING WEAR: Naeem Kahn gave us a little bit of heaven with his collection of eveningwear. Wearable works of art. Each creation is a virtual masterpiece. A harmonious pairing of sequins and beads. Breathtaking bursts of color, floral inspired detailing with killer caftans that allude to the 70’s trend going into S/S 2011. Monique Lhuillier invited spectators into a garden created in her dreams. From watercolor blues and greens to Technicolor red pops of chiffon Monique Lhuillier’s S/S 2011 collection left onlookers in a dreamlike state of euphoria. A favorite from the collection was a rose printed strapless gown with an exaggerated hand bustled skirt that was feminine, timeless and modern all at the same time. Binetti presented an exquisite collection. Shimmer and shine on silk organza in soft hues of sand, ivory and beige encrusted with shells and beads. The feel of the collection is both luxurious and nomadic at the same time. Refined, delicate and layered. A fantastic fusion of silk, tulle, brocade, embroidery and crystals that results in beauty you never imagined you could behold.

GROUP SHOWS: ARGENTINA GROUP SHOW Anyone who has spent time in Miami knows that South Americans, Argentineans in particular have a distinctive sense of style. Perhaps the melding of cultures peppers the people and the designers that emerge from this famed land. La Dolfina’s collection was fueled by the spirit of Polo and resulted in some of the finest equestrian clothing to grace the catwalk. Appointed in rich caramel colored leather the collection is both fashion forward and functional. Laura Valenzela created a very special collection. From tulle gown and dress to elegant and edgy leather pants her collection was a definite standout. Evangelina Bomparola hit some of the S/S 2011 trends subtly while presenting us with a well-rounded collection of pale pink, white and black. Marcelo Senra gave us woven detailing, feathers, raffia and fringe. Influenced by native traditions in North Argentina Marcelo seemed to celebrate the spirit of his country in a fresh and exciting way hitting high notes with his use of pattern, texture and color. Maria Pryor gave us a plethora of separates. Great fitting jackets, pants and shorts with hints fringe and even a bit of chain mail in a predominantly white pallet. Pablo Ramirez showed his designs grandly. A powerful black and white collection made from silk linen, raffia and taffeta. Concept Korea consisted of three designers and resulted in one hell of a show. Pucca by Kwack Hynn Joo played with proportion and pattern followed by Resurrection by Juyoung, which showcased a dark and intense mens’s collection. All anchored by Lee Jean Youn who gave us meringue like chiffon confections and exaggerated fringe clutches that resulted in a conceptual femininity that was very appealing to the audience.

HERVE LEGER


CARLOS MIELE

MONIQUE LHUILLIER

LELA ROSE

www.sunpostweekly.com • SunPost Weekly • Thursday, September 23, 2010 • Page 25


Sex COLUMN

Tiny Ta Tas 710 Liq

By Dr. Sonjia Kenya

Sonjia@drsonjia.com

WHAT’S WRONG WITH AN A CUP? I should’ve stuffed my bra before riding down this road because my membership in the itty bitty tittie committee made people quite uncomfortable talking about breasts. Now, don’t get your bra-strap twisted. I’m proud of my petite perkiness and am in love my allnatural sexy self. But something stronger than mother nature’s mammary glands is encouraging everyone to augment their breasts and no one’s giving the background story. Buying boobs has become the most common cosmetic surgery in the U.S. and is even more popular in Holland, Sweden, and other parts of Europe, where national health plans actually subsidize the procedure! As usual, I pleaded with perfect strangers for honest answers. You’d think this would’ve been an easy assignment since South Beach is saturated with super-sized breasts. Wrong. Respondents took one look at my breasts (or in my case, chest), before racking their brain for a politically correct way to say, “Nothing’s wrong with an A cup.” Despite attempts to reassure people I was satisfied with my size, I could not get folks to elaborate on their issues with the A cup. I’m not the only smallbreasted woman who’s happy with herself but many don’t realize that the popularity of breast implants has repercussions for all women, and not in the most obvious ways. Last week, I received an email from a thirty-something woman who wondered, “Why, as an A cup, am I being forced to buy bras that make me look like a B or even C? The only bras that don’t have excessive amounts of “plumping” are either sports bras or looked like an old training bra. WTF? I’m ok with not having large tits but everyone else seems to not be. The idea of having to buy “bigger/better” ones is kind of insulting. How much does size really matter when it comes to tits?” Turns out it doesn’t matter that much to men. Since no one said this with a straight face, I resorted to researching the wealth of non-scientific smut published on the internet. Surveys said men love little boobs and big breasts alike, according to the highly reputable websites, Askmen.com and living-withsmall-A-cup-breasts.com (which, by the way, is a real website). Some guys even prefer women with small breasts. A special fella named Paul Kienitz loves the little ladies so much, he hosts a webpage called “48 reasons not to get a boob job.” Living-with-small-A-cup-breasts.com posts tons of letters from guys proclaiming love for little breastedladies, including celebrities like Kate Hudson and Keira Knightly. The October 2010 issue of Men’s Fitness magazine found the most desired female body part was the behind, not the boobs. Page 26 • Thursday, September 23, 2010 • SunPost Weekly • www.sunpostweekly.com

If men aren’t too concerned with breast size, who is? You guessed it. Women are the ones who changed the rules of the game and there’s no way to exaggerate just how much we’ve blown breasts out of their natural proportion. The esteemed house of data, Frederick’s of Hollywood, reported 34B as the average bra size in 1996 compared to the current average of 36C. Busts in the UK grew from 36B to 36C between 1997 and 1999. According to The Penguin Atlas of Human Sexual Behavior, breasts across Asia grew from 34A to 34C between 1980 and 2000. The average breast size is obviously increasing around the world but it’s not happening to everyone. There’s a very special type of woman who buys her breasts. You may think money impacts the decision, but most ladies who have cosmetic surgery in the U.S. earn less than $25,000 annually. Given their bleak prospects for an independently-funded future, it’s interesting that women with implants are more likely than the general population to be depressed, have undergone psychotherapy, have low self-esteem, and higher rates of suicide attempts, and mental illness. I get depressed just wondering how anyone can afford implants and therapy on such a tiny salary. The good news is that, after surgery, the majority of women report immediate improvements in their social life, self confidence, self esteem, physical health, and sexual function. The bad news is these improvements don’t usually last longer than a decade and several studies have shown an alarming association between breast implants, substance abuse, and suicide. A 2007 longitudinal study found women with implants in Sweden and the U.S. were three times more likely to commit suicide compared to non-enhanced women. No noticeable differences emerged during the first 10 years after surgery, but the risk for suicide was 4.5 times greater between 10-19 years post-surgery and six times greater 20 years after surgery. This study also found women with breast implants experienced death from alcohol and drug use three times more often than others. Many studies have observed similar outcomes and at least seven research trials connected breast implants to a higher rate of suicide. Do breast implants cause suicide? Of course not. Like every cosmetic procedure, breast augmentation may have unintended effects, but it’s not the surgeon’s fault. Complications are the responsibility of the patient. Researchers believe that breast implants do not cause the higher suicide rate, but women with an inclination towards psychological problems are more likely to get breast implants in the first place. See, you were already messed up when you went under the knife. How dare you blame your boobs? Speaking of problems, let’s quickly review the

Beer, Win smorgasbord of complications associated with breast augmentation. The procedure involves putting a nonnatural substance in your body and no one knows the long term effects until they go wrong. A new substance emerges every time we find major problems with the old one. Remember silicone implants? They were so popular until the boobs hardened, causing many to have mastectomies. After that, softer silicone appeared but this tended to leak and rupture more easily. Now we have saline implants, as well as a softer, improved version of silicone. Many have immediate complications and the National Institute of Medicine reports that 25 to 40 percent need to have another surgery to correct their first boob job. For others, implants can stay in place for decades, but all bought breasts will eventually fail. Silicone ruptures. Saline deflates. The new oil boobs being bought in Europe are not available in the U.S. yet, but already leaking around the world. Buying big breasts is still popular but those with natural nipples are starting to get noticed more often. In April, the NY times ran a story about Hollywood executives who rejected actors with plastic surgery. Shawn Levy, who produced and directed “Date Night,” said, “The era of ‘I look great because I did this to myself’ has passed.” The folks at Fox Broadcasting discussed recruiting more actors from Australia and other parts of the world because “the amply endowed crowd that shows up for auditions in Los Angeles suffers from too much sameness.” Marcia Shulman, who oversees casting at Fox said, “I think everyone either looks like a drag queen or a stripper.” The casting call for the next installment of Pirates of Caribbean specified that only women with real breasts need apply. Yeah!!! Can I get a Wha-Whhaaat from all the ladies on my itty bitty committee?!! So what’s wrong with an A cup? Well, in all honesty, it is more difficult to buy sexy bras. But that’s a teeny tiny price to pay when you consider it’s easier to run fast, exercise hard, and develop self-confidence through accepting ourselves as-is. At the end of the day, men may not care too much about boobs, but they do care if their woman has mental issues that could mess up the relationship. Depression, suicide, and substance abuse qualify as such, and are more common among women who buy boobs. This is an important consideration when selecting your next mate. I’m not telling guys out there to choose their dates based on breasts. I’m just saying, “Don’t overlook the A cup because the D cup may go A-WOL.”

W


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www.sunpostweekly.com • SunPost Weekly • Thursday, September 23, 2010 • Page 27


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Vol. XXV No. 38 September 23rd, 2010 "MUSICAL BEACH"

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