Never Split The Difference — Summary & Review (ANIMATED)

NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE

by Chris Voss

SUMMARY

BY KOSIO ANGELOV

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Animated Summary 05

Why The Old Ways Of Negotiating Don’t Work The Power Of Active Listening How To Use Mirroring To Win Someone Over How To Deploy “Tactical Empathy” Getting To “That’s Right” Using Calibrated Questions For The Win Your Turn 06

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About Me

THE BEAUTY OF EMPATHY IS THAT IT DOESN’T DEMAND THAT YOU AGREE WITH THE OTHER PERSON’S IDEAS. CHRIS VOSS SUCCESSFULBYDESIGN.COM | 3

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Why The Old Ways Of Negotiating Don’t Work Chris Voss teaches us that why most of the old-school negotiation tactics don’t work as well is because they ignore the actual human being doing the negotiating.

People are irrational, emotional and biased. It is what makes it human after all.

A successful negotiation is about being emotionally intelligent and empathetic to the other side.

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The Power Of Active Listening

A successful negotiation starts

Or, concentrating on formulating

with “active listening”.

your answer while the other person is still talking, thus

Before you can turn human

not really paying attention

emotions to your advantage, you need to make the other person feel HEARD and understood.

To do that, you need to become a master of “active listening”.

It is the act of muting your own internal commentary and focusing 100% of your attention to what the other person is saying.

This is radically different to what you are used to doing in every day life, which is “passive listening” — hearing what you want to hear and filtering out the rest..

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How To Use Mirroring To Win Someone Over To demonstrate your superb

By imitating their speech

listening skills, you make use of

patterns you are signalling (on an

a tactic called “mirroring” — you

emotional level) to the other

reply using the last 3 or 4 words

person that you are not only

of what the other person said.

hearing them, but you are similar to them.

For example, if they say “I cannot believe its going to be so

This creates trust.

unbelievably cold on Friday:, your reply starts with :Yeah,

Trust wins negotiations!

Friday is going to be unbelievably cold…” and then you continue with what you want to say.

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How To Deploy “Tactical Empathy” You have made the other person

with a neutral third-person phrase

feel heard, now it is time to

such as:

level-up and make them feel understood.

It seems like you…

You do that by employing

It looks like you…

“tactical empathy”.

It sounds like you…

It is understanding someone else’s perspective and then vocalizing it, in order to get what YOU want.

You do that by what the author calls “labeling” — you actively listen to the other person and then you vocalize their emotion

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Getting To “That’s Right” Your goal as a successful negotiator is to actively listen, employ tactical empathy and use mirroring and labeling to get the other side to the magical two words — “that’s right”.

When you have summarized the other person’s words and emotions and you’ve earned a “that’s right” from them, they are crediting you with seeing things their way. You have connected with them on an emotional level which totally transforms the negotiation environment.

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Using Calibrated Questions For The Win he next step is to use what the author calls “calibrated questions” These are open-ended “how” and “what” questions for when you inevitably hear something you don’t like.

“How am I supposed to do that?” or “What are we really trying to accomplish here?”

This type of questions prompts for a longer answer.

They put the other person to work helping you solve your problem (magical!).

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Your Turn Successful negotiations are all about understanding that the emotions of the other person play a much bigger role than facts and logic.

By making them feel heard and understood you can diffuse any situation.

Read the full blog post here.

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ABOUT ME

KOSIO ANGELOV

Kosio Angelov is the #1 Amazon bestselling author of the “Lean Email Simple System” and a master trainer in the art of “doing the right things, the right way”.

Extracting the top tactics and ideas from the best books in Business & Selfhelp so YOU can implement them faster!

For more amazing book summaries, subscribe to his “Successful By Design” show on YouTube and learn how to break the busyness bubble, achieve exponential productivity and live life by design, not by default.

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