Volume 106, Issue 4 by The Stuyvesant Spectator

NEWSBEAT

conomics teacher Catherine McRoy-Mendell was named a Gold Star teacher for her student’s performance on the WISE (Working in Support of Education) Financial Literacy Certification Exam. Stuyvesant High School has been named a Blue Star School.

enior Tina Jiang was named a semi-finalist in the Siemens Competition in Math, Science, and Technology for her research project titled “Tissue-Specific CRISPR/Cas9-Mediated Editing of the Tbx1/10 Cardiopharyngeal Regulatory Element In A Simple Chordate Model.”

unior Yiqing Hu was named a finalist in the Northeast Council of Japanese Teachers speech contest.

he Stuyvesant Speech and Debate Team placed third at the New York City Invitational Tournament for Speech and Debate. Junior Asher Lasday was a semifinalist in Congressional Debate, junior Liam Elkind was a semifinalist in Dramatic Interpretation, junior Kate Johnston placed fourth in Humorous Interpretation, senior Danielle Hahami placed third in Prose & Poetry, and senior Rishika Jikaria placed first in Oratory.

he Stuyvesant Model United Nations team won the Outstanding Delegation award at the Horace Mann Model United Nations Conference on Saturday, October 24.

stuyspec.com

October 30, 2015

Behind the Transition from Daedalus to eSchoolData By Sharon Chao and Kimberly Ho The data management and communication software eSchoolData (eSD) replaced Daedalus School System and Communicator, or “Student Tools,” on Thursday, October 22. This switch took place because Daedalus’s creator and Chief Executive Officer (CEO), former Assistant Principal of Technology Stephen Kramer, retired from his position as CEO and decided to discontinue the software. Kramer, who worked at Stuyvesant from 1972 to 2002, left his Stuyvesant position to found his own company, called Daedalus Scientific Software. His two-person company then created the software Daedalus School System and Communicator, once used by more than 40 New York City public high schools. Because the software would soon be discontinued, in July 2015, Kramer notified all the schools that used Daedalus that they wouldn’t be able to use the program after their annual leases expired. Because his company only consisted of one other programmer and him, it would be a challenge to find someone new to learn the programs and take over after Kramer’s retirement from his position as CEO. “The software, as written, is not amenable to others taking over,” Kramer said in an email interview. Stuyvesant’s lease officially ended on August 31, 2015, but Kramer allowed Stuyvesant to continue using Daedalus free of charge until a new software was chosen. Stuyvesant chose eSD, a system currently used by 300 school districts in New York, Pennsylvania, and Virginia. “Daedalus is a very unique product and it contained features that are not typically part of a student management system. The primary

reason I think schools are choosing eSD has to do with a recommendation made by [Kramer] based on our commitment to develop many of the features that Daedalus had,” eSD co-founder and Executive Vice President Ann Savino said in an e-mail interview. Kramer helped to incorporate some features of Daedalus—such as teachers’ ability to send mass e-mails to their classes—in eSD’s latest version, 4.6. Still, this version of eSD only contains basic features. “Student schedules and transcripts are available on eSD right now, and [it] allows teachers to send mass e-mails and upload assignments,” Zhang said. The creators of eSD are still working on adding other aspects of Daedalus, such as systems to scan textbooks and assign lockers, without Kramer’s assistance. One major difference between Daedalus and eSD is that eSD uses students’ official school e-mails instead of personal ones. However, some students, including 300 freshmen, have not activated their school e-mails yet. Computer science teacher Topher Brown-Mykolyk is still resolving the issue. Another change is that college admission statistics will not be available on eSD, and students will have to access them through Naviance. Teachers were given access to eSD on Monday, October 5, so they could familiarize themselves with the system beforehand. “I often used Daedalus to send emails to my classes with attached science articles, so I’ll have to learn to do that [on eSD],” Biology teacher Marianna Reep said. Math teacher Ashvin Jaishankar commented on eSD’s interface. “[eSD’s] class roster

Choose Your Own Adventure: Stuy Edition

Vahn Williams / The Spectator

Volume 106  No. 4

By Lisa Shi This is no ordinary article. Instead, this is a game. When you have finished reading a passage, the end will give you options to choose where to go next, direct you to the next number, or tell you to “end game,” which means you can restart from the beginning. However, if you think you have finished all the different storylines, you can skim through each section and see if there is any part you didn’t get earlier. Happy Halloween! 1. Honestly, you kind of hate being a Big Sib. Sure, it looks nice on your college application, which was the main reason that you applied. And, according to Mom, it’s a display of your “leadership skills.” There’s also the added benefit of managing Little Sibs while dealing with college essays, interviews, and tests. It’s not really a benefit. “Hurry up! We need to get that book!” With a groan, you turn to your Little Sibs, Emilie and Richard. Emilie looks like she’s ready to face the world, equipped with a lumpy bookbag stuffed with who-knows-what and a lacrosse stick. Richard, on the other hand, looks nervous, adjusting his bag every few minutes. He deserves it—it’s his fault you’re here and trying to sneak into Stuyvesant at eleven at night after all. “You know, when I signed up to be a Big Sib, I thought it was just going to be a few minutes out of two days a week, and that’s all. I certainly never bothered my Big Sibs about retrieving my book for my very first English essay of the year, because unlike you two, I didn’t procrastinate.” That’s a lie and you know it, but they don’t. “That’s a lie and you know it,” Emilie responds. Scratch that. Emilie grins, pointing to the bridge entrance. “How are we getting in? Second or first floor?” You see lights illuminating the second floor entrance. That’s not a good idea… > > First floor entrance (page 2)

continued on page 2

Four-Digit IDs to be Discontinued Starting Next Year By Grace Cuenca and Anne George The use of Stuyvesant-assigned four-digit student identification (ID) numbers will be discontinued starting with the 2016-2017 school year. Instead, DOE-assigned nine-digit OSIS numbers will be used as students’ primary identification numbers. This is aligned with the implementation of eSchoolData (eSD), the data management and communication software that replaced Daedalus, or “Student Tools.” Concerns have arisen as to whether the use of OSIS numbers will be an efficient alternative after years of reliance on four-digit ID numbers to organize student records. Before four-digit IDs were created, computers were not yet used for data management. When former Assistant Principal of Technology Steve Kramer

created the Daedalus software, he instilled a customization that formed four-digit IDs with the program. Due to their short lengths and compatibility with Daedalus, four-digit ID numbers have provided a more convenient way of student identification and data management for Stuyvesant. Currently, four-digit IDs are used in the library to keep track of borrowed books, as well as for attendance and grading records. Despite this convenience, four-digit IDs have caused structural errors. In the past, four-digit IDs were re-assigned upon graduation. Occasionally, there would be duplicates or other mistakes in ID assignment. In order to avoid these mistakes, the class of 2019 was assigned four-digit ID numbers beginning with the number five instead of recycling last year’s seniors’ ID numbers, which began with the number one. “There was a consensus among

[the administration] that fourdigit IDs cause complications at times,” Principal Jie Zhang said. However, the decision to use OSIS numbers as the primary form of student identification was not a choice made by the administration. Kramer decided that he would discontinue Daedalus in July 2015. Hence, his decision forced Zhang to sign a new contract with eSD, a DOE system intended to work with students’ OSIS numbers. The potential inefficiency of OSIS numbers for conducting hands-on administrative tasks is a concern among the school community. “At an operational level, OSIS numbers are less efficient. However, eSchoolData does not have the function to support four-digit IDs. I like the four-digit, but moving forward, we cannot ask this vendor to modify their program specifically for us,” Zhang said.

Many student-run clubs and publications rely on four-digit IDs to keep track of their members’ activity. ARISTA, for example, uses four-digit IDs to keep track of members’ credits. “Our credit spreadsheet is public for all members of the organization, so we list credits with four-digit IDs instead of actual names to protect members’ privacy,” ARISTA President Ariel Levy said. A similar problem affects other large clubs like Red Cross, which also uses a public spreadsheet to keep track of members’ volunteer hours. “[A] possible solution would be to create our own ID number system,” Levy said. She also acknowledged that OSIS numbers could replace four-digit IDs. Despite the connection between OSIS numbers and the DOE, using them in such public spreadsheets does not pose a risk to student privacy. “OSIS numbers and four-digit IDs

are interchangeable. Knowing a student’s OSIS number does not mean you have access to their records,” Zhang said. Interaction with the DOE will be easier with the use of OSIS numbers. “We [the programming office] prefer that [eSD] uses OSIS numbers because when we work with students’ data, the Department of Education only recognizes OSIS numbers,” Programming Chairperson Joy Hsiao said. Before the predominant use of OSIS numbers, the programming office had to follow the procedure of individually merging four-digit ID numbers with OSIS numbers. The replacement of fourdigit IDs will change the organizational structure of Stuyvesant, which is something that both students and the staff will have to adjust to.

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The Spectator

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October 30, 2015

News Behind the Transition from Daedalus to eSchoolData continued from page 1

[display] is a bit disorganized. On Daedalus, the ‘My Classes’ option appeared as soon as I logged in, but maneuvering through eSD is more difficult,” Jaishankar said. Programming Chairperson Joy Hsiao mentioned that eSD may be used to program spring electives. Daedalus was officially dis-

“Student schedules and transcripts are available on eSD right now, and [eSD] allows teachers to send mass e-mails and upload assignments.” —Jie Zhang, Principal continued on Tuesday, October 20, but because of technical difficulties, students received their eSD account login information on Thursday, October 22. This two-day gap caused problems for some students. “My friend wanted to access his locker letter, but he did not know that [Daedalus] was discontinued. It’s pretty annoying because now my friend

has to take extra steps to get the letter,” junior Kevin Zhu said. Townsend Harris High School (THHS) has also transitioned from Daedalus to eSD. “We chose eSD because we felt that [Savino] and her development team would work with us to create the kind of services for our students, parents and faculty that we had become accustomed to with Daedalus,” THHS Assistant Principal of Math, Science, and Technology Susan Brustein said in an e-mail interview. “Period attendance is now taken exclusively on eSD […] report card grades will be submitted through eSD this year [as well], and then uploaded en masse to the [Department of Education (DOE)-affiliated Student Transcript Academic Record System (STARS)] system.” Zhang has not decided whether Stuyvesant will also use eSD for grade submission and online attendance, but these aspects of eSD can easily be turned off for Stuyvesant. “eSD is not ‘hard-coded’ for each school, but it is designed to be flexible. In other words, schools can choose to turn features on or off. As we work with other schools, we will continue to add additional options so the system will feel like it is designed specifically for each school,” Savino said. One alternative to eSD is PupilPath. Fiorello H. LaGuardia High School, which previously used Daedalus, will use PupilPath in the future. According to LaGuardia Assistant Principal of Administration John Sommers, in the past, LaGuardia used Naviance for college process, Jupiter Grades for grades, and Daedalus for administrative purposes. “This year, with the unfortunate demise of Daedalus, we have been relying on PupilPath both for its grade book capabilities as well as for administrative purposes, and we continue to use Naviance as well,” Som-

mers said in an e-mail interview. “We are working with PupilPath to hopefully incorporate some of those features into their software.” Though eSD is a change for

“As we work with other schools, we will continue to add additional options so [eSchoolData] will feel like it is designed specifically for each school.” —Anne Savino, eSchoolData co-founder and Executive Vice President

both students and teachers, its primary function is the same as Daedalus’s. “Our main goal is to be able to foster communication between home and school,” Brustein said. With this in mind, Stuyvesant has regarded eSD with an open mind. “[eSD is] out of my comfort level, but I’m willing to learn,” Reep said.

GLASS Reorganizes into Stuy Spectrum By Adam Rosen and Henry Walker As of this year, the Gay, Lesbian And Straight Spectrum (GLASS), has rebranded into Stuy Spectrum. The club’s new leaders, senior and president Annegail Moreland, senior and covice president Leah Woodbridge, and junior and co-vice president Rhys Suero, have refocused it to increase the amount of outreach to Stuyvesant’s queer community and the number of guest speakers and events, as well as creating inter-school Spectrum networks. Changes were made to strengthen the community aspects of the club by becoming more inclusive to all members of the queer spectrum. “Last year we had a lot of trouble with member retention just for the fact that a lot of people didn’t have time or just didn’t feel that the club was inclusive,” Moreland said. The name change is in this same vein. Whereas Gay, Lesbian, And Straight Spectrum connotes three distinct groups, Spectrum implies a broader range of sexual and gender identities. This accounts for groups such as gender-fluid or pansexual. The overall effect is to include more queer groups just from the name. “Queer” is a reclaimed term, formerly considered an insult, but now used as an umbrella term by Spectrum to include anybody who does not identify as cis-gendered, heteroromantic, or heterosexual. It includes various sexual orientations, gender identities, romantic orientations, and more. Most of Spectrum’s new ef-

forts center around retaining long-term members through initiative projects and creating a comfortable community for queer people at Stuyvesant. “More than anything this club intends to be a safe space for everyone,” Suero said. Spreading awareness of the issues faced by the queer community is one of Spectrum’s major goals. “I still meet people who don’t realize there is a GSA. Not necessarily a gay-straight alliance but more like gender/ sexuality alliance,” Woodbridge said. This past September, the club participated in Ally Week, a week-long initiative to spread awareness. The club set up a table near the second floor entrance to the bridge where they gave out stickers, pins, and rubber bracelets with rainbow flags and had a form for anyone who visited the table to sign that said that they stand against bullying. The club will also be conducting many more outreach initiatives throughout the school year for many different awareness events, such as Trans Awareness Month in November, World Health Day in December, the Day of Silence in April, and Pride Month in June. Spectrum is also trying to create a larger network of similar clubs. The leaders aim to launch a website where other clubs like Spectrum along the East Coast can register and create a community that spans multiple schools and regions. Their goal is to create a united community where people within the spectrum can feel that they are not alone and have people they can be open and comfortable with.

Radio Host “Shoboy” Sotelo Finds Receptive Audience at Stuyvesant By Sabrine Benzakour, and Ilona Cherepakhina “Haters aren’t the author of your life book. They’re simply characters,” Edgar “Shoboy” Sotelo told his listeners, reflecting on his own life. Sotelo, who hosts the Morning Radio Show on 92.3 AMP, came to Stuyvesant on Friday, October 16 to provide insight into the importance of determination and perseverance through the lens of his own experiences. Sotelo was invited to visit Stuyvesant by social studies teacher Michael Waxman. Waxman first met Sotelo about a year ago and was impressed with his communication skills. “I thought students would relate well to him and view him as a role model,” Waxman said in an e-mail interview. Since September 15 through October 15 is Hispanic Heritage Month, Waxman believed this was the perfect time to invite Sotelo to speak at Stuyvesant. Sotelo was born in Mexico and grew up as part of an immigrant family in Southern Cali-

fornia. He, his parents, and his two brothers all lived in Sotelo’s uncle’s garage where they “were poor, but rich in faith, family, love, and hope,” as Sotelo said in his lecture. Though Sotelo grew up

his past, seamlessly incorporating humor and empowering messages into them. While joking about how he once tied a cheerleader’s shoelaces to his desk to stop her from kicking

“I got to talk to [Sotelo] before the speech and I didn’t know he was the speaker. He was very humble and had the exact same personality [as] outside of public speaking.” —Eugene Thomas, sophomore

having to face bullying and racial prejudice, over time he learned to overcome these obstacles. Sotelo went on to speak about emotional moments from

his chair, Sotelo relayed to his audience a much more serious message: do not let anyone tell you what you can or cannot do. Towards the end of his lecture,

Sotelo emphasized the importance of pursuing one’s dreams. He acknowledged the pressure parents sometimes place on their children to go into certain fields; Sotelo’s family encouraged him to study politics, but instead, he chose radio broadcasting. Radio broadcasting allows Sotelo to bond with a variety of people on just one platform. “It’s a blessing to be able to wake up and hang out with millions of people all at once and be able to impact their life in a positive way,” Sotelo said. Though Sotelo stated that one of the most important things in life is to respect one’s parents, he believes that at the same time, a person has to navigate his or her own life. “[Parents] had the opportunity to make with their life what they made of it and now you have the opportunity to live your life,” Sotelo said. Over time, Sotelo’s parents grew supportive of his career in radio and are glad that he is pursuing his dream. After the event, the many audience members left feeling

inspired. “[The speech] had the perfect balance of comedy and heartfelt stories,” said sophomore Eugene Thomas, who attended the lecture with his Spanish class. “I got to talk to him before the speech and I didn’t know he was the speaker. He was very humble and had the exact same personality [as] outside of public speaking.” Furthermore, based on feedback Waxman received from his students and fellow teachers, the lecture went as well as he had hoped. “It is clear that [Sotelo] connected with the audience on many levels. I believe that it was a very successful program and am grateful that he took the time to visit with us.” Waxman said in an email interview. Sotelo enjoyed being able to share his story with Stuyvesant students and hopes that he inspired them. “Know you have the power of choice, remember to make decisions based on faith, not fear, and just go for it,” Sotelo said. “Whatever you want to do, go for it.”

2. First Floor Entrance “Guess we’re going to the first floor,” you answer. Emilie starts to leave before you finish, but Richard stays close. He’s staring at the door with furrowed eyebrows. “Richard? We’re going now.” The freshman jumps. Some part of you sympathizes with him, forgetting his book in his locker and all. But seeing that he apparently skipped half of the readings to the point where he doesn’t even remember the book title correctly, most of your pity fizzles out. “Guys! It’s open!” Thank God for Emilie. She pushes the metal door open with her lacrosse stick. Giving Richard a light shove, you enter the dark school building. “Alright, we’re in. Richard, what floor is your locker?” The boy gets even more nervous now. Oh no, please don’t say… “Tenth floor.” Of course. Well, there’s not much else to do. Or maybe we should check out the rest of the floor first? > You explore the first floor (left of page 13) >> No time to waste, head up to the escalators (page 3)

The Spectator ● October 30, 2015

Page 3

News Sports App Overtime Makes Athletics More Accessible Overtime, a new app by the makers of the popular app Draw Something, was recently introduced to Stuyvesant. The app, which covers both high school and professional-level sports, is used to share moments from Stuyvesant’s athletic teams’ games and practices through photos and short videos. Overtime, with a format relatively similar to the popular social app Instagram, consists of hundreds of different feeds that a user can scroll through to receive sports news. Users also have the option to respond to posts with comments or graphic interchange formats, colloquially known as “GIFs.” “Overtime makes getting immediate highlights incredibly easy, as well as uniquely being a

Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons and NASA

WORLDBEAT

ustin Trudeau, the young leader of Canada’s Liberal Party and son of former Prime Minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau, was elected Prime Minister on Monday, October 19, ending the nine-year rule of Stephen Harper and the Conservative Party. In the new House of Commons, Liberals hold 184 of the 338 seats, while Conservatives now hold 99 seats, a drop from last term’s 159 seats.

fter Secretary of State John Kerry met with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu on Thursday, October 22 and Jordan’s King Abdullah and Palestinian president Mahmoud Abbas the following Saturday, Israel has agreed to install cameras at the holy site in Jerusalem known to Jews as Temple Mount and Muslims as Haram al-Sharif. The meeting follows violent clashes over the site in recent weeks that have left both Israelis and Palestinians dead.

Chloe Delfau / The Spectator

By sophia heo and Blythe Zadrozny

Junior Tobias Lange and the Overtime application, on which he manages the Stuyvesant feed.

where kids can go on their iPhones

“The responses have been really great. I’ll get around 30 to 50 up-votes and people will post comments like ‘great shot!’ or ‘who’s winning?’” —Leila Storkamp, sophomore and Overtime sports writer

ast week, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton testified before the House’s Select Committee on Benghazi for more than eight hours. The GOP-led committee was created to investigate how and why the 2012 Benghazi attacks in Libya, which left four Americans dead, occurred. Democrats have called for the committee to be shut down, denouncing it as a rash, partisan interrogation.

place where Stuy students can go, and there, they see all the highlights from Stuy sports games,” said Overtime Editor-in-Chief and Head of Business Development Zack Weiner (’10) in an e-mail interview. Weiner directs the contents of the app and connects with other companies to share the app. Junior Tobias Lange created and manages the Stuyvesant feed, and 15 to 20 students currently participate as sports writers. These sports writers report to different school sports games around the city, record highlights and funny moments from the game, and upload them to the app. “I want to make it a place

he Obama administration announced on Saturday, October 24 that it would urge the nation’s public schools to reduce testing, acknowledging its own role in the influx of high-stakes exams around the country. As Congress discusses federal legislation regarding public elementary and secondary schools, the Obama administration has recommended that no student spend more than two percent of class time taking tests.

or on their computers and scroll through a feed in like two minutes and know all about the sports for the day,” Lange said. “[At Stuyvesant,] people are in […] [many] clubs, they have so much homework, and they don’t have time to go to sports games.” So far, Overtime, which was recently released on September 14, 2015, has received positive reviews. “We have a 5-star review on the App Store, and on the business/technology side we have been praised a lot by other companies and media outlets,” Weiner said. The sports writers are also optimistic about Overtime’s place

in Stuyvesant. “Overtime is really beneficial because it increases school spirit […] I felt that the students could be more connected with the sports teams of Stuy,” sophomore and sports writer Leila Storkamp said. “The responses have been really great. I’ll get around 30 to 50 up-votes and people will post comments like ‘great shot!’ or ‘who’s winning?’” Stuyvesant is the second high school to begin using Overtime, with John Jay High School in Westchester, New York being the first. The makers of the app are currently working to expand user-ship of the app all over the country. “Besides just Stuy, I’ve been working on getting four to five other high

schools involved in Overtime and creating feeds,” Lange said. The Stuyvesant feed is already beginning to gain popularity, with a video from the varsity football team’s game receiving over 400 views and counting. Those managing the Stuyvesant section of the app hope that these short videos will elevate school spirit and awareness of athletics. “We hope OT [Overtime] catches on at high schools around the country, and becomes a nationwide phenomenon. Stuy will have been the trendsetter,” Weiner said.

3. Second Floor Exploration Emilie illuminates the staircase with her keychain flashlight as the three of you make your way up. Stuyvesant is strangely gloomy in the dark; all signs of student life are absent in the shadows and silence. “Look!” It’s Richard who takes the initiative, jabbing a finger to the right. It’s the security guard, roaming around with a flashlight. She’s talking to someone, either on radio or in person. You can’t tell, but the sight of her makes you unsteady “Quick, let’s go.” You start to move toward the second-to-third-floor escalator, tugging along Richard, but Emilie starts for the second-to-fourth-floor escalator. Panic rises because that’s where the security guard is, and you do not want to get suspended as a senior. But Emilie is your Little Sib, and you’re supposed to protect her. >> Go after Emilie on the 2-4 (page. 6) >> Save yourself! Go to the 2-3 (page. 7)

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October 30, 2015

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October 30, 2015

Features

Courtesy of Zachary Weiner

Zack Weiner: The Dividend of the Sports Quotient

Stuyvesant alumnus Zachary Weiner (‘10) started a blog, “The Sports Quotient” along with several other alumni.

By KEVIN LI Overtime, a sports app recently introduced to Stuyvesant, is slowing gaining steam. While Stuyvesant is known to be a school lacking in spirit, especially in regards to sports, students post videos on the app multiple times a day, and each video receives hundreds of views within a few hours. While the app’s “Stuy feed” is managed by junior Tobias Lange, alumnus Zach Weiner (’10) takes credit for introducing the app to

his alma mater. Since graduating from the University of Pennsylvania in 2014, Weiner has created the sports-journalism site Sports Quotient and become the Business Developer and Editor-in-Chief of Overtime. Weiner’s passion for sports and journalism first took its roots during his time at Stuyvesant. He was an athlete on the basketball and bowling teams and “the chess team, if you consider that a sport,” he joked. He also developed his love for writing in high school, as a

writer for the Stuyvesant Standard, a former prominent newspaper at Stuyvesant. However, when he went to college, he did not believe that sports could provide him with a realistic profession, as good jobs in the sports industry are limited. “I knew that I loved sports and I loved to play them, but I just didn’t think it was feasible. I didn’t think you could make a career in sports; it just sounded too good to be true,” he said. Weiner began to pave a path for himself once he was in college, where he ran a radio show called “The Zone.” It was a weekly twohour show that allowed listeners to tune in and learn about what was going on in the sports world. His job as the radio show host gave him the opportunity to interview various athletes, most of them from New York. During the summer of his sophomore year, Sports Quotient was born. “I hired a friend to build a very lightweight blog for me and I got a couple of my closest friends [together],” Weiner said. Sports Quotient focuses on analyzing sports, rather than simply reporting on them. “Our specialty is diving into a specific player or a specific team and analyzing how they might perform [this] season or the things that they’re doing well or not doing well,” Weiner said. The blog,

which receives hundreds of thousands of views a month, has since welcomed 200 writers from 80 universities across the United States. A memorable moment for Weiner is the time he first professionally interviewed Muhammad Wilkerson, a defensive end for the Jets, while covering a New York Jets versus Philadelphia Eagles football game. Having grown up a Jets fan, the moment felt surreal to him. “That was really special. As a kid you really look up to athletes and you’re really intrigued as to who they are and if you can get an autograph that’s a big deal. I’m in the locker room talking to these guys, as a professional,” he said. “That was really cool, and to see that they would give me the time of the day because I’d established myself through the radio show and [Sports Quotient], that I was a journalist and I had something important to say.” Moments like those shaped Weiner’s interest in sports journalism. Soon enough, he realized that his originally infeasible dream had become a very real profession. As CEO of Sports Quotient, his primary responsibilities include leading, managing, and moving the site in the direction he sees fit. Weiner has since extended his expertise to Overtime. As the Business Developer, he works on part-

nerships with other enterprises. Recently, he has spoken to GoPro, a company dedicated to first-person sports videography, and Crossover, which finds high-skill employees for businesses like Overtime. He also seeks to increase app usership and develop a larger audience. After graduating from Stuyvesant, Weiner realized that high school sports teams do not get the coverage they deserve and this fact is part of the reason he works with Overtime; Weiner hopes to reach out to the high school athletic community. As an alumnus, he hopes that his outreach will change the way high schools use social media to encourage school spirit and share sports. “I want to get to the point where every single game is covered on Overtime and if my friends are on the volleyball team, I know that when I check out the app at night I can see the best highlights, I can see the interviews, the pregame speech,” he said. Weiner looks back at his time at Stuyvesant very positively, and firmly believes the environment has built him to be the entrepreneur he is today. “Stuy really teaches you how to have ambition and reach for your goals,” he said. “People talk about the competitiveness as a downside. But it’s really an opportunity to capitalize.”

A Look at Stuy’s Newest Classes Most teenagers don’t think too much about the websites they use to chat with their friends, look up pictures, or shop online. They also don’t consider what chemicals and how much of them are in the allergy medications they take every morning. And they most definitely don’t stop and contemplate the physics and origins of the music they listen to on the train. However, this year, Stuyvesant’s newest classes hope to change all of that. Three classes available to students—Web Design, Analytical Chemistry, and Physics of Music—hope to explore the obscure snippets and fragments that make up their daily lives. Web Design Initially a replacement for Video Production, Web Design, taught by Natasha Marcano Dillon, is one of the school’s newest technology classes. The course is evenly divided between coding and design aspects; students learn about websites and how to create them. Web Design students learn both HTML and CSS, which seem tough, but senior Venessa Tsang insists they aren’t so. “The class is really interesting. You don’t need to be really good at computer science […] HTML is light on work and memorization,” Tsang said. The class will also be working with Photoshop, hence the Design aspect. Students in Web Design will be “learning about what goes on behind the designs, and how to create [them],” Dillon said. Dillon also tries to use a very hands-on approach to teaching. For example, classes end with a fifteen-minute work period as students complete the night’s homework in that time, working alone or with nearby classmates. As a class that combines coding with art, Web Design is a course that should appeal to everyone

who is creative. Analytical Chemistry Lovers of chemistry have always had a limited number of options outside of the Advanced Placement and Regents-level courses. But this year Analytical Chemistry, taught by chemistry teacher Jeffrey Kivi, enlarges the department. “We’ve been wanting for a long time to have more electives. The biology department has had many electives, and we’ve always been envious of that and wanted to expand,” Kivi said. The idea of the Analytical Chemistry course had been floating around the department even before Kivi started teaching at Stuyvesant nine years ago. However, it wasn’t until this summer when a new teacher was hired that the chemistry department had room to create the elective. Like every new course, this one is still developing. “Traditionally it’s a college course. We had to modify it for a high school,” Kivi said. “We’re not going to cover the sheer amount of material. In a normal Analytical Chemistry class there are a lot of labs, but we’re limited because of the other labs going on, so we only have breaks in the schedule.” College-level Analytical Chemistry is divided between measurement and instrumental laboratory experiments, but with the limited budget present in a public high school, few instruments are available. This means the class will be mainly about theoretical work concerning “what it means to measure something,” Kivi said. There is also a split in the class itself. About half of the class has taken AP Chemistry, and the other half has not. “It’s a challenge because the half without AP Chemistry [is] having a hard time. I don’t know if we have to change the requirements in the future. Right now, I’m just watching over and

ensuring they don’t get lost,” Kivi said. To remedy this problem, Kivi has considered the idea of opening after-school tutoring to students, which is needed according to senior Nancy Li, one of the students who did not take AP Chemistry. “Though there’s not much homework, it’s really tough. It’s one period per problem,” Li said. According to Li, the course is great for those who are truly dedicated to chemistry. As the class is centered on gaining realistic experience in the laboratory, it would be a wonderful opportunity for anyone who is “going to be majoring in science for college,” Kivi said. Physics of Music Admit it: as a little kid, you’ve probably played with either a bottle or a cup and realized that funny sounds came out whenever you blew on it. It was pretty neat, right? Yet, you probably didn’t think much of it. In fact, the words “scale” and “wave” probably meant nothing to you either. However, the physics department’s newest class, Physics of Music, hopes to teach you all about those sounds from when you were little, and more. Taught by physics teacher Daisy Sharaf, the class isn’t an entirely new idea at Stuyvesant. “This course was originally on the curriculum years back, and was taught by a teacher who [isn’t] here anymore and a music teacher. Even though it has the same name now, it isn’t the same class,” Sharaf said. The notes of the original course are long gone, forcing Sharaf to spend the summer browsing university websites and picking out information that would best suit students with a background in Regents-level physics. Her work seems to have been successful. “I really liked Sharaf’s [Regents] physics class, and [I am] also really interested in music, so this seemed like a good way to

Yasmeen Roumie) / The Spectator

By LISA SHI

combine the two,” senior Hailey Gruenspan said. Like Gruenspan, senior Samantha Ng was interested in the class when she heard about Sharaf teaching it. “It’s easy to understand her, like all of our homework is based on stuff in class—it’s very fair,” Ng said. The homework tends to be a worksheet reflecting notes taken in class, or a few questions referring to a reading passage or pages in the textbook. Courtney Fu, the only sophomore in a class full of seniors, is one of the students with a background in music. “I used to play the piano for three to four years, and took a music theory test in middle school,” said Fu, regarding her interest in the class. However, the class is not only for those with musical backgrounds. Sharaf made sure to “pick what was appropriate for non-musicians.” The course itself may be named after music, but it’s more of “understanding what goes on in [the] music,” Ng said. For example, one of the first topics students

learned was about wavelengths and how they are related to scales in music. Since Physics of Music was adapted from a college course, several aspects of the independent learning in the college course remain in the Stuyvesant version. Independent study groups among students are also encouraged, contributing to a “college atmosphere,” according to Gruenspan. The study groups were in pairs that collaborated with their project, and unlike most teachers, Sharaf picks the groups but allows students to opt out of the pair if they felt that the workload wouldn’t be shared evenly. Unfortunately, for those planning to enter the class hoping to learn some amazing guitar skills, you are out of luck. “Taking this class will not make you a better musician—that I cannot guarantee,” Sharaf joked. But all is not lost—you’ll still leave the class with a newfound appreciation of the extraordinary sounds made possible by physics.

6. Go After Emilie on the 2-4 “Emilie!” you hiss, beginning to run. The sound of your shoes against the ground is alarmingly loud in the silence of the school, and apparently the guard thinks so, too, because the flashlight in her hands quickly goes from the ground to your face. Oh God, that stings. Wait, what’s that on her face? “Hey!” Emilie screams. The flashlight suddenly jerks away. You’re so disoriented from that sudden flash that you can’t move fast enough to follow her voice. Then, a hand grabs yours, and oh God, you’re so going to get expelled. Actually, forget expelled, what’s with that security guard? She looks kinda… green. “Let’s go!” The hand is Richard’s, and he’s pulling you along now. You’re moving sluggishly up the escalator, but it’s hard to climb when it’s dark. You’re slowly moving up with only muscle-memory reminding you how wide each step is. As if answering your prayers, a light shines past you, illuminating the next few steps. You’re alarmed, but it’s only a very smug-looking Emilie poking Richard forward with the end of her lacrosse stick. The greenish-looking security guard is nowhere in sight. The light from Emilie’s small flashlight illuminates the rest of the steps. “Better?” she asks. At least you aren’t at risk of falling down in the darkness, so you nod begrudgingly. You’ve made it to the top of the escalator, finally. >> Explore the fourth floor (page 10)

The Spectator ● October 30, 2015

Page 7

Features

If You Could be Any Paranormal Creature, What Would You Be? Michael Zamansky, Computer Science Coordinator

JonAlf Dyrland-Weaver, Mathematics and Computer Science

NEIL Lam, Physics

“I guess [I would be] a ghost, you know, because it doesn’t seem like they can be killed, and they can fly and go through walls and things.”

Maura Dwyer, English

Dunitz would be a dragon. “Dragons are so cool! They’re often misrepresented as being very scary, but they blow fire, which is so cool, and they fly, and they have other magical powers. They oftentimes end up being sweet and endearing after they freak you out by blowing fire,” she said.

Zamansky would be Bigfoot because he likes large feet and has always greatly appreciated André the Giant, the famously gigantic French professional wrestler and actor.

Lam would be Santa Claus. “I want to be able to give others wonderful [students] just as Santa Claus does for me now,” Lam explained. “I [had] always hoped to be as generous as he is.”

“I’ve always wanted to go to Hogwarts, so [that] I’d be a witch and have powers.”

“[I would be] a ghost so that I could haunt my former students.”

Gary Rubinstein, Mathematics

Mikaela Dunitz, English

Di Wu, Guidance Counselor

Wu would be a figure of Chinese mythology named Zhong Kui. It is Zhong Kui’s job to control and hunt ghosts so they don’t haunt humans, and Wu feels his duty as guidance counselor of his homerooms is similar. “It is kind of like my job to protect my beloved As, Bs, and 3Hs from harm in any shape or form,” he said.

Steven Rothenberg, Technology

Gregor Winkel, Music

Winkel would be Spiderman because he likes Spiderman’s mode of transportation: swinging from spider webs.

Rothenberg would like to be a moose. “I like the size of the antlers,” he explained.

Robert Sandler, History

Sandler would be any creature that can time travel so that he could witness historical events and meet historical figures.

Alicia Pohan, English

“I would want to be a ghost, and I know that there’re a lot of things that would be very sad about being a ghost, but I like the idea that you could just sort of hold on for a bit longer. But I think being a ghost is more than the mortal world holding onto you and not letting you go, so I would like to be Casper the Friendly Ghost. I would be a very willing participant as a ghost. I wouldn’t be the kind of ghost that hangs around just to scare people. [I would do] practical jokes, maybe. Like, you know, move the mug from one side of the table to the other, and [hear people say,] ‘What happened to my mug?’ Silly stuff like that. I wouldn’t mind just watching people and seeing things happen.”

Frida Ambia, Spanish

“I would be a witch because [although] she wouldn’t be as powerful as a sorcerer, witches have healing powers. At least, I would like to be associated with the witches.”

Zachary Berman, Social Studies

Jennifer Huang / The Spectator

Berman would be a little green alien man because he wants to be a creature that is most similar to humans.

Anna Montserrat, Spanish

Montserrat would choose to be a dolphin because of her love of swimming and the ocean.

Matthew Polazzo, Social Studies

Polazzo would refuse to be any supernatural creature, because he believes that this would cause more problems than benefits, as even the least paranormal creature envies humans.

Robert Weldon, SPANISH

Yuxin Wu / The Spectator

Weldon would be a mix of various creatures: a flying vampire-like Spanish fighting bull. “I could have huge horns that I use to charge and attack my prey, but I could also swoop in like a bat on you. I could also bite you to make you immortal, like a vampire does,” he said.

Anthony Valentin, Social Studies

Valentin would be the character Slimer from the movie “Ghostbusters.” “He’s a green specter that happens to be hungry all the time. He goes through walls and leaves slime whenever he does, but never hurts anyone. The slimer is a green blob and he’s not a bad guy, although you’ll be scared because he looks scary. He just stuffs himself with food and leaves a trail of food behind because he’s not a physical being and everything he eats just goes through him,” he said.

Anna Markova, Health and Physical Education

Markova would prefer to be a tree nymph. “The nymphs, at least in my country, guide people through the woods. There are good nymphs, and there are bad nymphs. It depends on who they’re guiding. If it’s a bad person, the bad nymph would probably guide the person through the woods to put them in trouble, so he or she would get lost and come back. If it’s a good person who gets lost in the woods, the good nymphs would guide the person through the woods and he or she would make it out. It’s like when you’re in real life, and that’s why you should be nice to everybody, because if you do good, you will get good. If you do bad, you will get bad.”

Kim Manning, English

“[I would be] a sorcerer, so that I could weave spells and control the world.”

Eric Grossman, Assistant Principal of English

“I’d be an aleph. The aleph is not really a creature, but it’s like a point in a story by the writer Jorge Luis Borges called the Aleph, that if you look at the Aleph, it contains the entire world: past, present, and future within that point. [...] Because I contain multitudes, it just feels more dignified than all of a sudden sprouting hair on my back when the moon comes out. If I were an aleph, where would I be? Probably in my office, which is like some version of the truth because I feel like I’m here, and the whole world comes in and things happen, and I’m just like, ‘Alright,’ and then I’ll grade a paper.”

7. Save Yourself! Go to the 2-3 Forget this. Suspension is not your cup of tea, and with that in mind, you grab Richard by the arm and run up the second-to-third-floor escalator. There’s a sharp scream behind you and you can see the light from the flashlight moving around, but you’ve ducked into the escalator entrance before it closes. Richard peers over the edge of the escalator entrance frantically. You’re about to open your mouth to soothe him, but a very loud “yes!” interrupts you. Seems like whatever Emilie did was a success, because the loud thudding of her footsteps fills the quiet halls. “Maybe we should go up and meet Emilie on the fourth floor?” he asks. It’s not a bad idea, but there’s always a chance that the three-to-five escalator is working. And going down the stairs is so much easier than going up. But Richard is already incredibly nervous, and you’d rather not be stuck with him alone and unarmed, so maybe you should just suck it up and walk up the stairs to the fourth floor. >> Go to the fourth floor using the stairs (left of page 8) >> Head to the escalators and take the 3-5 (right of page 8)

The Spectator ● October 30, 2015

Page 8

Un-Fair Skin By KRISTEN CHANG Let me give you a visualization. With my thick, wavy hair and my golden brown skin, more brown than that of most Chinese girls, I am usually mistaken for: 1. Filipino 2. One of Hispanic descent 3. An island mix (My friends like to joke that I am the proof that there was an undocumented excursion to China by the Spaniards.) When I was a baby, my grandparents took care of me while my parents were at work. One night, when my mom came to the small apartment to pick me up, my grandma told her about what happened when she was giving me a bath. “I saw some dirt on her, so I kept washing and scrubbing her until I realized oh! It was just her skin.” Now, it has always been a fun-

ny story. But to this day, I never walk out of the house without putting on sunscreen. I prefer the shade, and I always keep a loofah in my shower, wondering if I’ll ever be able to scrub the dirt off. My physical features aren’t the only things that distinguish me from the typical Chinese girl. I avoid math while my friends are avid members of Math Team, sporting algebraic puns on their tshirts. I’ve been classically trained in vocals (not even a soprano, but a contralto), while others stuck to the violin, remarking that singing shouldn’t go beyond the shower. Additionally, I was the only Asian who played leads in my school’s theatre productions, while my friends’ parents scorned them for even joining tech crew. I lead volunteering events, focusing on ones that expand others artistically. To top it off, I am allergic to soy milk. So, if it weren’t enough that

I don’t look Chinese, sound Chinese, or partake in the stereotypical Chinese activities, my body is literally rejecting the Chinese culture. The thing about being an Asian-American is that people make you think that you have to be more of one than the other. Terms like “FOB” (Fresh off the Boat) and “ABC” (American Born Chinese) send subliminal messages to the public, giving us the impression that it’s nearly impossible to maintain a balance between both cultures. It also perpetuates the structural concept of what it means to be Chinese. Comparing myself to others of my race is like applying for college because I am constantly checking the requirements list. Do I qualify? From what I have seen and heard from others, Asian or not, being Chinese means that you are not only Chinese by blood, but also Chinese in your hair, your build, your talents, and a plethora

of other personal details. By those standards, I am lacking. And so, fearing rejection, I turned away from my Chinese heritage and toward the American side. My family, being very mainstream itself, upheld a weird mix of pride and quiet repulsion for Asians. We despised their tendency to hack up spit in public and their habit of taking advantage of free programs but never giving back. But we held the strong family values to the highest regard, happily, if not ignorantly, embracing our culture and eating dumplings with vinegar and noodles on birthdays. I thought I could choose when I wanted to celebrate my background. It was easy to fall into the idea of American superiority and believe that I was better than those who worked the streets of Chinatown, selling fish and screaming about the deals. I was above that. But that’s not true. Something inside of me reminds me of where

I am from, and anchors me. Years ago, I heard something shatter at my great-grandmother’s funeral. A clash amongst the cries. I was seven then, and my mom had told me that there were times, years ago, when my great-grandmother would take my grandmother and beg in the streets when they were in China. Crushed beneath the mourners’ feet was a beggar’s bowl, so that in heaven she would never be in need. There is no way to “whitewash” your family history. The idea that you cannot have two cultures equally contribute to your background and your personality is a falsehood. There is much fluidity in how I can present myself. I am not a “banana,” yellow on the outside and white on the inside. I am a person. Interested in getting a piece you wrote published? Send it in to voices@stuyspec.com!

8. Go to the Fourth Floor

8. Take the 3-5 Escalator

“Emilie,” you sigh. “Safety of Little Sibs comes first.” That must have been the right thing to say, because Richard’s eyes light up. This time there’s no need to grab anyone’s limbs, and the two of you go up together. Opening the door to the fourth floor is not a problem, but the light shining on your face is one. You hiss, flailing irritably as Emilie giggles a quiet “oops.” Yeah, right. In the meantime, Emilie seems to have concocted some sort of plan to explore the fourth floor.

“Let’s take the three-to-five. After all, Emilie might be faster and make it up before we do.” That’s not entirely incorrect, but Richard accepts the answer with a quick nod. Thank the Lord; you really don’t want to deal with a crying Little Sib at 11 p.m. “How did you even manage to forget your first essay of the year? Actually, it’s nearly two months into school—how in the world is this the first essay?” “It was an accident?” Richard grins sheepishly. “It was a Shakespeare book about tragedy? Um, I think there was some guy who got stabbed by his best friend at some point?” Realization hits. You turn furiously. “Julius Caesar. You’re reading Julius Caesar. I used that book for my SAT essay and got an eight! It sucked! But even I remembered the name!” Richard only rolls his shoulder uncomfortably, hitting you on your right side. In your irritation, you haven’t noticed that you’re nearing the end of the escalator. But that’s not the only thing you missed. There’re weird noises up the escalator, except you don’t see anyone up there. Richard gets close, peeking up the stairs. “Do you hear that? What’s that noise? You think it’s a ghost?” You snort. Ghosts don’t exist, obviously. But even so, you’re a little bit nervous as you take your first step. Maybe you should go to the fourth floor after all.

>> Explore the fourth floor (page 10)

>> Abort mission! Go to the fourth floor to find Emilie (left of page 8) >> Life is about risks, and ghosts are worth the risk (page 11)

WRITE. Creative Writing Classes. College Essay Coaching.

www.gothamwriters.com #storieseverywhere

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October 30, 2015

Editorials STAFF EDITORIAL

The Spectator The The Stuyvesant Stuyvesant High High School School Newspaper Newspaper

Let’s Bring Halloween Back to its Roots As the month of October rolls to a close, Halloween is in the air. Ricky’s Halloween pop-up stores grace every other block, pumpkins wear sunglasses, ninety percent of the girls you meet are raving about Pumpkin Spice Lattes, ninety percent of the guys you meet are raving about Pumpkin Spice Lattes - everybody regardless of gender really likes Pumpkin Spice for some reason. The neon orange skeleton decoration that festoons your neighbor’s door cackles pseudoevilly every time you walk by. Which is obnoxious, of course, especially when you’re going to school at six in the morning, but it’s also somewhat endearing if you love holidays as much as we do. However, despite all the spooky spirit this year, we couldn’t help but feel like, lately, Halloween just isn’t what it used to be. Not only is it over-commercialized, over-hyped, overdone and, quite frankly, over way too quickly, but Halloween has also completely abandoned its roots. And, truly, what’s a holiday without its origins? Christmas without a good old-fashioned manger scene? Channukah without a Menorah? Ramadan without a fast? Halloween without a bacchanal or two? We, as a school of (primarily) non-Wiccan Halloween observers, need to remember what this holiday truly means. We need to restore Halloween to its origins. The most obvious problem is the costumes. Sexy cats, catty nurses, flirty tissue boxes—the modern day Halloween seems to be a thinly-disguised excuse for dressing skimpily. It’s time for us to take Halloween back to its chaste past by using it as a thinly-disguised excuse for scaring the living daylights out of people. There are many tips we could be taking from the more wholesome traditions of our pagan ancestors. First of all, we shouldn’t be slaving away in class during All Hallows’ Eve; we need to devote our entire day (and night!) to worship. If we get a day off for some random European explorer who killed thousands and didn’t even actually discover America, there’s absolutely no reason why we shouldn’t be excused from school on the 31st. Of course, it will take some work to get the Department of Education on board with this schedule change, so for now, we’ll have to start with making some smaller-scale changes to the halls of Stuyvesant. The Pledge of Allegiance, long a point of contention, needs to change. Outdated phrases such as “republic” and “liberty” need to go, preferably replaced with more parts about God, or gods. We cannot stress enough how holy the Pledge is supposed to be. We should also do away with desks. All of them. They constrict our

learning by limiting adolescent freedom. Keep the doors open, or, better yet, ask the custodians to remove every single door, and let students sit on the floor, coming and going as they wish. In bygone days, parents used to let their children skip through the forest, naked, living off of berries and the joys of youth. While it might be distressing to see our peers and teachers in their natural state, we should wholeheartedly embrace the free-spirited energy that the Pagan lifestyle celebrated if we want to give Halloween the solemnity it deserves. Similarly, consuming raw animals to get in touch with the elements––a sacred pillar of Paganism––is a necessary step in taking our Halloween celebrations to the next level. In order to achieve this, we must become one with the animals we dissect in our Biology and Vertebrate Zoology courses. That earthworm you dissected on Wednesday? Brunch on Thursday. The nurse shark Dr. Tu has in the fridge for next week? Get your arms deep into its formaldehyde-filled belly, and get out a fork and knife. This may sound repulsive, but hey, the French eat frogs’ legs––why can’t you? Paganism is all well and good, but if we want to show a bit more cultural sensitivity, we have to also look to the ancient Aztec harvest festival of Tepeilhuitl, or the Mountain Feast. Said to be the ancient foundation of harvest celebration, the Aztecs celebrated the onset of a new harvest and the end of their Early Decision woes with good cheer, hospitality, and virgin sacrifice. We’d like to do so too — but instead of sacrificing virgins, we propose eating the hearts of the lowest 25th percentile in each class. This, of course, honors our lord Xochiquetzal, but there’s also the added benefit that it would raise our average scores high enough to bump us up a few places on the Great List of U.S. News and World Report. Embracing these seemingly anachronistic ideas can even have a beneficial effect on our college prospects. At midnight, when the time comes to sacrifice one of your classmates to the gods, why not splurge and sacrifice your smartest friend? You can even eat a bit of his brain! Not a lot. Don’t be greedy. Just enough to raise your SAT score by a couple hundred points. Hey, who knows? It might even be enough to get you into Harvard. And maybe during second term once you’re already in college, you can celebrate with a bonfire of your old tests with the friends you have left!

“The Pulse of the Student Body” E D I TO R S

C HIEF

Emma Bernstein* Ariella Kahan* N EWS

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Sonia Epstein Tina Jiang* Ariel Levy F EATURE S

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Kachun Leung Johnathan Rafailov* O PI NI O NS

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PHOTO GRAPHY E D I TO RS

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A Note to Our Readers: The Spectator will now accept unsolicited Op-Ed pieces written by outside students, faculty, and alumni. These columns, if selected, will be published in The Spectator’s Opinions section. Recommended length is 700 words. Articles should address school related topics or items of student interest. Columns can be e-mailed to opinions@stuyspec.com

Do you want to reflect on an article? Or speak your mind? Write a letter to the editor and e-mail it to opinions@stuyspec.com or drop it in The Spectator box in the second-floor mail room.

VOICES Would you like to share a personal narrative with the school? Whether it’s an essay you’ve written for class, or a piece you’ve been working on by yourself, if it’s in first-person and it is nonfiction it could get published in The Spectator’s issue-ly Voices column! Send your stories into voices@stuyspec.com, or email us with any questions or concerns you have.

10. Fifth Floor Ghost Party? “I just realized it now, but we should totally explore the school before midnight. Take some selfies, you know. It would be so cool on Instagram!” Emilie says. “We don’t have time!” Richard protests, scribbling in his planner. “We need to get to my locker before 11:30. And we’ve already wasted ten minutes. Let’s just go as soon as possible. I even brought my laptop to work on it here!” Emilie rolls her eyes, batting Richard lightly with her lacrosse stick. “Don’t be lame. I didn’t agree to come searching for your book just to sit around and wait for you to finish. I came here for an adventure.” Something dangerous flashes in Emilie’s eyes, and she grins toothily at you. “Guess what? I heard the fifth floor is haunted or something. I keep hearing stuff upstairs but no footsteps. We need to see if ghosts are real.” “Absolutely not,” Richard frowns. “Ghosts don’t exist and even if they did, we would not be going. But you can do that after I get my book.” The two continue to argue with each other. It’s almost amusing, except you really want to go home and sleep. “You’re the Big Sib here, what do you think we should do?” Richard asks you. Well, since you came here for Richard’s dumb book, you might as well get it. But on the other hand, seeing ghosts up close would be kind of cool. And it’s not like you have to write the essay, so Richard can go on his own if he really wants to. >> Go see if there’re actually ghosts (page 11) >> Go get that dumb book (left of page 12)

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Page 11

Opinions Temporary Privileges By ADRIAN ABOYOUN It seems simple enough. You go to the iTunes store, click “buy,” and the song is yours. Except that it isn’t because you haven’t really bought it, at least in the traditional sense of the word. You have leased it, and the terms of your lease are complex: in its latest iteration, the iTunes User Agreement ran to 80 pages. Today digital content is not bought and sold like the CDs, DVDs, and books that came before it, but is leased and licensed in complicated arrangements that grant the corporations that produce and distribute it vast power, at the expense of consumers. In July 2013 the US Department of Justice successfully sued Apple for fixing the price of ebooks in violation of the Sherman Antitrust Act. Apple had been colluding with five major book publishers to set the price of ebooks at $12.99 in order to avoid competing with Amazon, which had been selling them at $9.99. In the case, Apple claimed to have 20 percent of the e-book market, whereas Amazon has 65 percent of the market, according to Forbes. Despite its victory, the ebook market remains in the hands of two corporations, a disaster for

consumers. Compounding this disaster is that Apple and Amazon do not directly compete against each other. Amazon sells e-books for Kindles and Apple sells e-books for iPhones and iPads. The two file formats are not compatible. Kindle books can only be viewed on an Apple device with a special app, and Apple books cannot be viewed on a Kindle. This issue is not limited to e-books either. The three big tech companies in the content business—Apple, Amazon, and Google—have been steadily creating walled gardens for their consumers. They work very hard to ensure that content is easily shared among their devices, but is nearly impossible to use on a competitor’s device. Apple does this by using more obscure file formats, such as the .m4a, as its defaults, which are often incompatible with non-Apple devices. The result of these walled gardens is that consumers are captive to whatever device they own. Their options are restricted to whatever content is compatible with that device, giving the providers of that content control

over prices. Streamed content is even more firmly under the control of content providers. “Buying” something to stream is not really buying it at all. The content remains on the servers of the corporation it was purchased from. The only thing that has been bought is the right to use the content for a specific period of time, a right that is non-transferable. Apple, Google, and Amazon operate under this policy. Streaming a song is closer to going to a concert than listening to a CD. If you

Jarett Lee / The Spectator

want to go to a concert more than once, you have to buy another ticket. Similarly, if you want to stream something another time you have to buy it again. The end result is you, the consumer, being ripped off. All of this amounts to a radical shift of what it means to own something in the digital world. We use the words “buy” and “sell” to describe the sale of digital content, but those words do not accurately describe the exchange that is taking place. When you buy a CD or a book, you can do almost whatever you want with it afterwards, as long as it doesn’t involve piracy. Owning digital content comes with far fewer privileges. Digital content cannot be resold and is difficult to give away, and the amount of times you can use it depends on the user agreement. It belongs to the corporations that we lease it from. There are workarounds that restore a degree of ownership, such as sharing passwords or burning content onto CDs, but these actions are illegal. In an interview with The Guardian, digital media lawyer Jas Pure-

wal said, “I can’t think of any digital content providers who freely and openly allow the passage of ownership from one person to another.” This position is enforced with Digital Rights Management, a software that prevents unauthorized downloading, copying, or viewing of digital media. With ownership comes power. In ceding the ownership of our content to large tech companies, we have also ceded our control over prices and choices. At the benevolence of these corporations, prices for e-books, digital music, and movies have remained low, and choices have remained abundant. However, that is not to say that they will stay nice. The system they have created, of walled gardens and leased content, gives them undue influence over prices, power that we should have as consumers. There is nothing better for the customer than a free market, a market with competition. Buying a song on iTunes or an e-book on Amazon is convenient, but that convenience comes at the expense of market competition, an expense that we will eventually pay for dearly unless we demand a more open marketplace like those of yesteryear.

By ZORA ARUM At the beginning of this school year, the Stuyvesant administration decided to discontinue the double math program for incoming students who did poorly on their math placement exams. This change, implemented starting with the class of 2019, will place freshmen with insufficient math skills into Algebra I, rather than having them take two math courses—Algebra I and Geometry—at once, as the old policy had done. When asked, Principal Jie Zhang said in an interview with the Spectator that she and the other members of the administration “just didn’t think [double Algebra-Geometry] worked.” But it worked for me. When I arrived at Stuyvesant for the first part of Camp Stuy, I was sweating buckets and playing nervously with my oversized hoop earrings. Coming from a

school so humanities-oriented that its math assignments were written essays explaining mathematical concepts, I felt wholly unprepared to take the math placement test. I was terrified to see my inadequate middle school preparation manifest itself on the scantron in front of me. I walked into my exam room, sat down in my worn desk that was covered with hastily scribbled doodles, and began to crack my knuckles. I stared unblinkingly at the proctor, as if she held my fate in her freckled hands. I failed the test. I knew before the proctor called time, and far before I received my schedule in the fall. I completed less than fifty percent of it—I found the rest virtually incomprehensible—and, of the fifty percent of the bubbles I filled in with my number two pencil, half were educated guesses, at best. But when I got my schedule on the first day of school, despite being unsurprised to see that I had been enrolled in both Algebra I and Geometry, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of disappointment at seeing it printed so officially, on crisp white copy paper. Over the next semester, I learned to avoid talking about math with my acquaintances in order to avoid being labeled “stupid” by my peers. When people in my Geometry class laughed about how they wished they were taking Algebra I for an easy 100, I chuckled along like I agreed. In reality, I was struggling to succeed in both Algebra and Geometry. Day after day, I sat in class, stared intently at the board as Ms. Fenyves buzzed through problems like a whirling dervish,

and, by the end of the period, managed to understand about as many of them as I had on my placement exam. But I was determined to get onto the same level as my peers. I failed math tests, but I didn’t stop raising my hand in class to ask questions. I got half of the problems wrong on every homework assignment, but I went to tutoring almost every week so that I could work to bring my Geometry grade above an N. So, when I got to sophomore year, I was in the same class as everyone else. I didn’t feel like I had to pretend that I was taking a higher-level math course, or joke about how my math course was an easy 100, or lie and say that I just “had a bad test day” on the day of my placement exams. I didn’t feel like I had been left behind. And, to my surprise, when I looked at Mr. Jaye buzzing through problems on the board, just like Ms. Fenyves had the year before, I actually understood the majority of what he was saying. I didn’t feel lost, or embarrassed by my ineptitude. When I raised my hand in class, it was often to give an answer, rather than to ask how in the world he had gotten a three-digit number as his solution when I had gotten the variable “x.” Doubling up on math my freshman year gave me confidence that I was capable of being just as strong a student as my peers. It made me feel like Stuyvesant was a place where I could fit in—a place where, even if I came from a less advanced math program than my friends had, my teachers and administrators would work to help me

catch up. Stuyvesant’s math policies helped me combat my struggles by giving me an opportunity to work hard and rise above the restrictions that were placed on me. By attempting to level the playing field so that people who were inadequately prepared were able to succeed in mathematical areas, Stuyvesant provided me with the motivation I needed to push myself. This is why I have trouble understanding the administration’s recent decision to eliminate the double math requirement for underperforming freshmen. The change, by placing students who do poorly on the placement test solely into Algebra I, will put students who are behind when they are admitted to Stuyvesant on track to graduate without taking Calculus. A student’s level of mathematical proficiency in middle school should not determine their course of study for the rest

of their high school career, nor cause them to feel inferior to their classmates. Stuyvesant’s old math policy gave me the opportunity to study math-based subjects in college by setting me up to take Calculus during my senior year. It taught me that being humanities-focused doesn’t mean that I am incapable of understanding logic, or numbers, and, most importantly, it pushed me to be a confident, hardworking, and passionate individual. In graduating from one of the top high schools in New York City, Stuyvesant students—no matter where they come from—deserve the chance to take the highestlevel math course of which they are capable. Stuyvesant claims to work toward the goal of creating exceptional math students with remarkable intellectual capabilities. By eliminating the required double math curriculum, the Stuyvesant administration is jeopardizing that mission.

11. Fifth Floor Ghost Party? “Ghosts don’t exist,” you insist. But there is definitely music upstairs, and a lack of footsteps accompanying the voices, and now you can’t stop thinking of ghosts. They don’t exist. Ghosts don’t exist. Ghosts don’t exist. Ghosts do not— “Oh! Came to join the party?” The speaker isn’t visible. In fact, there is no speaker at all. There are glittering lights, and a lighted disco ball on the ceiling and you can still hear the voices around you, but there is no speaker. You immediately scrunch backward, moving your hand to where you think Richard is, except there is no backward when you can’t see who you’re speaking to. “Um, sorry, my mistake, please excuse us!” you squeak. You take another step back, about to sprint away, when a voice pierces the music. “Help!” It’s Emilie, wriggling on the ground. The lacrosse stick she was holding is now pressed against her, with the bent metal wrapping around her body. Her voice is contorted in pain, hands clutching at the lacrosse stick, and suddenly she’s screaming. “You have come to join the party, haven’t you?” the mysterious voice screams out. >> No shame in running! (page 18) >> Save your Little Sib! (page 21)

Yujie Fu / The Spectator

Jensen Foerster / The Spectator

An Algebraic Advantage

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Opinions

Danielle Eisenman / The Spectator

The Real PC

By NALANDA SHARADJAYA You can’t say that—it’s offensive. It’s insensitive to [insert name of oppressed group] and the centuries of systemic oppression they have endured. It perpetuates a harmful stereotype of an already disenfranchised community. It’s racist, it’s homophobic, or it’s sexist. Don’t say it—use this euphemism instead. When it comes to political correctness, people tend to fall into two main camps: they’re either feel-good liberals trying to destroy meaningful discourse through unnecessary hand-holding, or they’re cold-hearted conservatives who would rather hold onto their archaic vocabulary than show basic respect for the

structurally oppressed. It’s either one or the other. Both fronts have valid concerns. The idea that politically incorrect language can or should be used simply because of one’s right to free speech is incredibly harmful to those who experience structural oppression, but there also comes a point at which dwelling on semantics draws focus from real issues. Literally speaking, political correctness aims to protect the systemically oppressed from targeted pejoratives and slurs in order to create a more welcoming environment. In a discussion about race, it may be important to refrain from using certain racially charged epithets, even if the word itself is being uttered from an analytical point of view. Many argue that such restrictions violate our First Amendment rights, and perhaps in some way they are right. Political correctness is largely a movement of censorship, in which people from marginalized groups dare to point out and reclaim vocabulary that has been used violently against them in the past. To those who have not experienced oppression, it can seem as though the act of making certain vocabulary socially unacceptable violates our right to speak and express ourselves without impositions. The problem with this mentality is that political correctness

isn’t, ultimately, an imposition— it’s a suggestion, a guideline for respectful, responsible speech. Legally, people are free to say whatever they please. But if asserting your right to free speech is more important than avoiding certain words or phrases with an offensive connotation—if you think that having the ability to say things is a good enough justification for actually saying them—then you need to take more time to empathize with the oppressed and study the effects of politically incorrect language on disenfranchised groups. Speech categorized as microaggressions, in which someone says something that may be intended or phrased as a compliment, but nonetheless perpetuates some offensive stereotype (e.g. “You’re pretty for a black girl”), has been demonstrated to have adverse psychological effects on marginalized groups. Kevin L. Nadal, a professor at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice, has done extensive research into the effects of un-policed language on various ethnic and religious groups. Many of his studies indicate that microaggressions have been so seamlessly integrated into colloquial rhetoric that they don’t seem at all offensive or out of the ordinary. But the stereotypes they enforce leave the people they target with poor self-esteem and self-confidence, and often more serious mental

health concerns like depression and anxiety. The larger goal of politically correct speech, moreover, is to fundamentally change the way we approach potentially offensive language in conversation. Yes, it is important to refrain from using the “n-word” if you are not black. But political correctness aims to move beyond that by addressing other, subtler forms of offensiveness—like the microaggression—in order to conduce a more inclusive environment. Sometimes, this can go too far. In a New York Times editorial from earlier this year called “In College and Hiding From Scary Ideas,” Judith Shulevitz describes how college students get so caught up with objecting to politically insensitive material that they actually limit their own exposure to certain ideas, which in turn limits their ability to deal with “opinions they’ve learned to shrink from,” when the time comes. She argues that ideas can only grow if they are challenged, and that requires a level of comfort with hearing other points of view. If certain ideas can’t even be addressed (in one instance, Shulevitz describes how a debate on abortion at Christ Church college in Oxford University was canceled because neither debater was female), political correctness has left sensibility behind and taken root in the land of moral

righteousness. Here, being right (using the right lingo, having the right opinion) is valued over the discussions themselves. People become so afraid of saying the wrong thing that they forget to say what they really believe. The flaw here is that political correctness isn’t (or, at least, it shouldn’t be) a set of hard and fast rules that need to be followed to the letter. It’s the construction of a space in which those who are not directly affected by oppressive speech can become aware of what constitutes offensiveness and what doesn’t. It’s not about being right and being wrong, it’s about fostering a culture of collective consciousness. Slip-ups are harmful, but as long as the offender in question acknowledges where he or she went wrong, and resolves to be more mindful in the future, rhetoric as a whole becomes safer and easier to manage. The idea is to make sure political correctness doesn’t forestall discourse while ensuring that it calls attention to oppressive mindsets. If the very idea of being politically correct overshadows the right to make a mistake, then political correctness has lost its meaning. So no, you can’t say that—it’s offensive. It perpetuates a harmful stereotype. Use a euphemism instead. But don’t be afraid to follow up, to ask why. That is how rhetoric is changed: not in the rule, but in the analysis.

James Young / The Spectator

Bring Back the Nuts

By STEPHEN NYARKO Last month, my family got uncharacteristically mad at peanuts. Now, to be clear, we have nothing against peanuts specifically; there are no allergies in the family, or even any feelings of general dislike. What we found ridiculous was the way that my sister’s school went about regulating peanuts: with an all-encompassing ban. According to the United Nations International School’s email to my mom, the school’s administration is now “allergy aware,” meaning that they ask that no food containing nuts or traces of nuts be brought into the school building. This ban is the continuation of a larger trend across American elementary and middle schools to remove nuts

from schools, in order to create a safer learning environment. However, this ban has limited effects and fails to address the core issue: a lack of responsibility. While nut allergies are on the rise, and do pose a serious risk to allergic children, banning or severely restricting nut consumption is a gross overreaction, according to the British Medical Journal. It cites that just 2,000 of the 30 million hospitalizations in the U.S. each year are due to food allergies, even though, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, around one in 20 children in the U.S. have a food allergy. For comparison, a New York Times article states that “about 10,000 children are hospitalized annually with traumatic brain injuries from sports, 2,000 children drown each year, and about 1,300 die in gun accidents.” But perhaps the most worrying aspect of this issue is that it assigns responsibility for the safety and well-being of our children to the wrong people. Schools should undeniably be a safe space for children; however, school also aims to prepare us for life, both in the social and academic realms. And, socially, those with peanut allergies need to take more responsibility for their own health. In elementary school, these policies make sense, because we can’t expect all five and six-year-olds to know how to check food for peanuts. By middle school, ten and eleven-year-olds should be well-versed in their own needs

enough to avoid things that cause them harm. According to a 2013 study from the Asthma and Allergy Proceedings, the smell alone of peanuts cannot cause an allergic reaction, so there is no reason a total peanut ban should be enacted if children are aware of their surroundings. Further, parents should educate their children on how to function in the real world, where peanuts exist and are prevalent. Creating a nut-free zone only hampers children’s ability to take responsibility for themselves and their own health. While the school may enact these policies in order to limit their liability, since there are so few hospitalizations due to allergies, a push from parents of allergic students is likely the driving force. Thus, if parents un-

Vivian Ma / The Spectator

derstand that a nut ban is more of a hindrance than a help to both their children and other students, nut bans are more likely to be repealed or loosened. The sheltering of those with special needs, whether they are dietary or emotional, is a growing trend that threatens the next generation—our generation—by making it more difficult for us to function in the real world. And, in fact, this issue is cropping up on college campuses as well, but concerning a much more prevalent issue for the general public: rape. A recent article in The Atlantic notes that a Harvard professor complained to the administration after students asked his fellow professors “not to teach rape law” for fear of emotionally traumatizing sexual assault victims. This event is not isolated, either, as more and more college students push for screening sensitive material in order to avoid upsetting sensitive individuals. The issue of censoring rape may seem like a strange link to peanut bans, but both issues are based on the same fundamentally flawed principle—that aspects of the real world should be avoided in schools in order to

protect the emotional and physical well-being of students, even if it hampers student development. As we Millennials grow up, we need to bear in mind that the world doesn’t revolve around us. Even if we are allergic to peanuts, or uncomfortable talking about rape, that doesn’t mean that people shouldn’t eat peanuts or talk about rape. The burden of accommodation needs to be switched— we have to make a concerted effort to improve our situation, not just rely on other people to make life easier for us. It is unproductive to avoid talking about important issues because of individual biases and feelings, or to force people’s parents to search for “may contain nut products” on each item of food they put in their child’s lunch because one student is allergic to peanuts and doesn’t have the courtesy to take care of him or herself. Further, if we do not expose students to problems they will have in the “real world,” we will be allowing schools to abandon one of their most important missions—to help us function in life. By letting individuals choose ignorance over understanding, we are setting them up to be incapable adults.

12. Go Get that Dumb Book. Escalator from 4-6

12. Go Get that Dumb Stick

“We’re going to get that dumb book,” you mutter. Richard cheers, Emilie groans, and for a moment you’re satisfied with the idea of sneaking into your high school at midnight. “Hey, if we’re going to go to the sixth, why don’t you just print out your essay using the library computers? The book you want should be in the library, right?” Emilie asks. That’s a great idea, and both you and Richard know it. “Yeah, let’s do it!”

“Fine, we’re going to get that dumb stick,” you mutter. Emilie gives you a grateful smile as you prop the door open just enough that the two of you manage to sneak out. Just as Emilie’s hands hook around the lacrosse stick, the door to the theater slams shut. The two of you jump, turning to the culprit. It’s the security guard, looking awfully green. Something like bile rises up when you register the odor wafting around the form. It smells rotten. “Emilie! What do we do?” you hiss, backing up. You don’t really want to fight a security guard, especially not a zombie-looking one, but she’s blocking the entrance to the theater. Just as you’re about to recommend going up the stairs, Emilie charges forward with her lacrosse stick.

>> Sixth Floor Exploration (left of page 25)

>> Attack the zombies (page 19)

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Opinions Candy Cornography: Sinful Indulgence By MUNAWAR S. RAHMAN and SAMIA SIDDIQI At the turn of the century, the Goelitz Company christened their cursed confectionary “Chicken Feed.” Points for accuracy. These insatiable fragments of technicolored wax that soccer moms shovel into our innocent goodie bags ought to be the sustenance for our nation’s poultry, not for our progeny. No poorcostumed child should be subjected to the injury of a dessert that is neither candy nor corn, but rather an offense to both. O Muse, recall to us those sweet, sweet Halloween memories of raiding adults’ houses for their CVS-bought goods and flipping the bird to dentists everywhere as we indulged ourselves in personal gingivitis production. Why, then, have pantheons of deities and pious prophets rel-

egated us to consuming one of mankind’s worst creations, topping New Coke and Asbestos on the charts? Bear with us, the enmity toward Agent Orange, Yellow, and White is not baseless or ungrounded in reality. In an exclusive interview with the Huffington Post, American Dental Association spokesperson and pediatric dentist Dr. Jonathan Shenkin cites candy corn as literally “putting a cavity-inducing injection into your teeth.” In a rigorous, longitudinal study with multivariable regression analysis, ceteris paribus, pro scientia, excelsior, et al., et cetera, it was affirmed that the

amount of sugar in just a little bit more than twenty pieces of Brach’s candy corn exceeds that in one whole can of Coca-Cola. Twenty pieces of candy corn

Christine Jegarl / The Spectator

equivalent to one can of capitalist juice? Twenty pieces don’t even account for two percent of the amount of satanic candle fragments that innocent children consume during All Hallows’ Eve. If we’re going to advocate for feeding American children chicken feed, we might as well forcefully pour carbonated beverages down their skinny gullets. Do Michelle Obama’s pleas and tears mean nothing to us? For shame, America. Dr. Shenkin also notes that the sugar from candy corn lingers on your teeth longer than the duration of those awkward memo-

ries of middle school crushes and “accidentally” tripping your grandma on one New Year’s Eve. This means that even after those rousing Halloween discos and costume contests, even after you’ve burned off the calories from Reese’s Pieces and pumpkin spice lattes, the remnants of candy corn still remain on the enamel, eating away your pearly whites. And what a perfect metaphor for the state of candy corn in our society today, like everlasting gobstoppers, except neither cute nor delicious. It is merely an example of our cultural indulgence in these confectionaries that slowly kill us and serve as a constant act of structural violence toward our youth, making our Halloween days and nights more frightening than ever. Don’t even get us started on the Christmas-themed ones…

By OLIVIA KUSIO Every Halloween high school students reminisce about the last time they went trick-or-treating, and wish they could go back to a time when they could grab some Nerds from their next-door neighbor’s house without feeling awkward about it. I a junior in high school, have no such shame. Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. It is full of excitement and energy, and I love dressing up, seeing various

monsters and movie characters roaming the streets of my neighborhood, binge-watching all the Halloween Town movies, and, most importantly, collecting enough free candy to last me through the year. But, after entering middle school, it started to feel like I wasn’t supposed to celebrate Halloween with the same vigor that I had previously. Last year, after ringing just a few doorbells, my friends and I got more unfriendly stares and “What do you want?” comments than we ever had before. I can understand why it might feel weird giving candy to a bunch of high schoolers dressed up as characters from Winnie the Pooh, but setting a limit to the trick-or-treating age completely contradicts the spirit of Halloween! Halloween should be about creativity and spontaneity, and, most importantly, having fun. Why judge teens for wanting a little bit of childish excitement in our lives? Just because I am sixteen years old doesn’t mean I don’t like running up and down the halls of my apartment building, or carving jack-o’-lanterns with my friends., And yes, I may do adult things, but I still get a thrill out of

finally finding an apartment with a bright orange sign, inviting me to take a sweet, chocolate Kit-Kat from the bowl outside. I’m not going to deny that my friends and I often feel like weirdos ringing strangers’ doorbells, standing next to a bunch of kindergarteners in superhero costumes, but the reason that we have been trick- o r treating for so long is because we see H a l l ow e e n a s a chance to tap into our younger selves and relive the memories that we made together on previous Halloweens. Once in awhile, it is important to do something silly and childish, like collecting free candy from strangers. Participating in Halloween traditions has taught me to never be afraid to

do something because I feel “too old” for it, or because I don’t want to risk judgment. We shouldn’t try to suck the excitement out of Halloween by judging people

when they put themselves out there and get excited about the holiday. It might just be “witchful” thinking, but when it comes to trick-or-treating, it shouldn’t matter how old you are—as long as you’re willing to be spend a night (or two!) acting like a child.

Vivian Lin / The Spectator

Nancy Cao / The Spectator

To Treat or Not To Treat

ART ART CREDIT (left to right

Yuxin Wu Jiaqi Gao Rachel Zhang Carrie Ou Zhixing Che Ida Wang Zovinar Khrimian Minseo Kim

13. First Floor Exploration

13. Not a Normal Guard…

“We should explore from the bottom up, starting with the first floor!” Emilie grins. Well, really, you should be getting Richard’s book. The report is due at midnight, and it’s already past eleven, so you’re cutting it close if you want to play around. But the temptation is too strong. “Fine,” Richard frowns sourly, pulling away from you and Emilie. “Go have fun. I have an essay to write.” You open your mouth to protest, but Emilie is dragging you away and Richard is moving too fast for you to catch up. “Yes! Let’s have some fun!” Emilie tugs at your arm, and it’s only now that you realize that maybe taking the elevator up from the first floor would have been a better idea than separating from Richard. You jump when you see a security guard’s flashlight in the distance. “Emilie, security guard!” you hiss. She jerks, eyeing the guard warily, before shifting closer. “Stay close. That’s not a normal security guard.”

“That’s not just a security guard, y’know,” Emilie states calmly, holding her lacrosse stick perpendicular to her body. She takes a wary step forward. “What?” you hiss back. Of course it’s just a guard! What else could it be? It’s only a tired guard who’s groaning a bit… and slightly green, but that’s just how the guards are when they’re working the midnight shift! There’s nothing wrong with that. “Follow my lead. We’re going to take that thing down,” Emilie responds, waving the lacrosse stick threateningly. You don’t have anything on hand that can do any damage, but you have your fists. Should you fight?

>> Yeah it is. Hide in the theater. (page 6) >> What do you mean not a normal guard? (right of page 13)

>> Fight the zombie! (page 19) >> Not a Zombie fighter? Go back to the number that sent you here. First Floor Exploration (left of page 13) Eighth Floor Exploration (page 27)

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By MATTEO WONG I love walking to the Halal cart—the smell of succulent lamb slowly growing stronger, leading up to a bite of tender, juicy meat. However, consuming of large amounts of meat, no matter how tasty, contributes to pollution just as much as the Manhattan traffic. Beef, pork, and chicken are central to many Americans’ diets. In fact, in 2007, the United States Department of Agriculture estimated that the average U.S. citizen consumes over 202 pounds of meat per year, more than any other country’s citizens worldwide. These beloved staples have such a destructive effect on the environment because raising livestock requires massive amounts of water and the growth and transport of these animals releases massive amounts of carbon dioxide, methane, and nitrous ox-

ides into the atmosphere. In 2013, the United Nations Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO) reported that livestock accounts for 14.5 percent of all greenhouse gas emissions, while National Geographic recently reported that producing a pound of beef requires 1,800 gallons of water. But even though meat endangers the environment, it is also central to the world’s economy. Time Magazine reports that livestock provides income for over 1.3 billion people worldwide. We can’t just stop eating meat; it would send our global community—both economically and socially—into turmoil. At the same time, our world is plagued by climate change, rising sea levels, and species extinction, and that, too, cannot be safely ignored. The New York City Panel on Climate Change reports that sea levels around the city have risen by a foot since 1900, and could rise by six more in the next century. We must, therefore, find a balance between the well-being of the planet and the well-being of that planet’s people. Cattle and other animals require a minimum number of resources to survive. However, current farming practices use more resources, and produce far more waste than is necessary. These days, most meat production comes from “concentrated animal feeding operations.” In these factory farms, hundreds of animals are crowded into confined spaces where they are force-fed unnatural diets in order to be fattened as rapidly as possible.

Cattle, for instance, are fed a mixture of corn, wheat, and other grains instead of their natural diet of grass. Cows have four digestion chambers, which are designed specially to digest grass and legumes. Corn upsets their digestive tracts and raises their levels of acidity, causing cows to release more harmful gases like methane into the air. Another problem with feeding cows corn or grain deals with the resources required to grow the feed itself. These crops are grown on fields that are irrigated with ground water, and according to National Geographic, require over 100 gallons of water per pound to produce. Moreover, this land is often fertilized with nitrogen-based materials. Making these fertilizers requires hydrogen, which is mainly obtained from burning fossil fuels that release pollution, in the form of nitrous oxides, into the air. Thus, even the embraced process of fertilizing cattle’s food sources causes the carbon footprint of meat production to balloon outwards. These practices allow industrial farms to produce fully-grown cows at low costs, but at the expense of the environment’s wellbeing. This doesn’t have to be the case. Allowing cattle to graze on fields and pastures, which they are well-adapted to do, would greatly mitigate their environmental impact. Since cows’ natural diets are made up of grass and legumes, giving them more grazing time, or at least replacing some of the corn

in cattle feed with legumes, would ease their digestion. In turn, the amount of methane cattle produce would be reduced drastically. Plus, grass only requires rain water to grow, so irrigation and fertilizers wouldn’t be necessary. This is feasible on smallerscale, non-industrial farms where cattle could be rotated through a series of pastures, where grass would act as an alternative to corn. Grass is both easily digestible and less resource-intensive than corn, and constant rotation between grazing fields would give the grass on those fields recovery time, during which the carbon cycle could occur. In addition,

smaller farms would have fewer cows per plot of land, so they wouldn’t completely ravage every patch of land they used. At the same time, rotation would continue to allow a large number of cows to be raised, causing little change to the average American’s lifestyle. Allowing cows to eat grass won’t have much of an impact on the meat industry, but it will give a helping hand to the environment. A simple change in agricultural techniques may save Stuyvesant from being submerged by six feet of water in the next hundred years, as the NYC Climate Change Panel predicts.

Miranda Luong / The Spectator

JJessica Wu / The Spectator

Grazing on Grass; Gazing into the Future

ART Teacher Jack-O-Lanterns

MR. HANNA

Dr. LI

DR. WINKEL

MR. COCOROS

Ms. Bernstein

Vivian Lin / The Spectator

Yasmeen Roumie / The Spectator

Mr. Brown

The Spectator

●

October 31, 2015

Page 15

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In Other Words

Page 16

The Spectator ● October 30, 2015

Arts and Entertainment Four Great Halloween Specials By Danielle Eisenman The best way to celebrate Halloween—or any holiday, for that matter, as long as you’re not terribly religious—is to bask in nostalgia-inducing pop culture comfort food. While some people may look upon re-watching TV with disdain and have even less respect for episodes filled with more saccharine holiday spirit and corny plastic decorations than most regular people can afford, re-watching my favorite Halloween specials as the holiday approaches brings me more joy than I’d be comfortable confessing. Watching these shows not only reminds me of the first time I saw each one, but also of every last day of October that I’ve ever cherished. Check these out if you’d like to immerse yourself in the (to be honest, not incredibly) spooky spirit of All Hallows’ Eve.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 4, Episode 4: “Fear, Itself” Way to watch: Netflix (with paid subscription) Spookiness level: Technically “scary”: it’s like a satirized horror movie. Best costume: Some UC Sunnydale student in a disturbingly realistic lobster costume Best line: “Halloween’s not about thrills, chills, and scary costumes. It’s about getting laid.” —Random Frat Boy Sunny Chen / The Spectator

“Buffy the Vampire Slayer” may seem Halloweenish enough—the main character patrols graveyards looking for vampires to stake, her best friend is a witch who dates a werewolf, and demons make appearances in almost every episode. How could Joss Whedon, the writer, director, and creator of the show, possibly be able to make an already spooky show even spookier? With a haunted house, of course! Buffy (Sarah Michelle Gellar) and her friends are invited to a Haunted House Halloween party at a frat house. While decorating for the party, one of the members of Alpha-Delta unknowingly paints a cursed pentagram on the ground that turns every plastic bat, tarantula, and knife-wielding skeleton into the real deal. This episode is crawling with horror movie tropes, like chainsaws and jump scares, not as an attempt to frighten viewers but ultimately to parody the horror movie genre that “Buffy” is loosely aligned with. When we encounter these familiar images—a girl walks down a haunted corridor, but she is too pretty to be aware of the imminent danger—we feel somewhat nostalgic. But, when Whedon cleverly turns these images upside down—this “naive” little girl is actually stronger than most male body builders—we feel refreshed.

Ugly Betty

Season 1, Episode 9: “Halloween”

Way to watch: Hulu (no subscription necessary) Spookiness level: Very haunting: no blood is spilled, but the sequence of ghostly events is uncomfortably cryptic. Best costume: Danielle Chase as her big sister and Angela Chase, the protagonist of the show. Best line: “When I was little, I, like, worshipped Halloween. And, truthfully, part of me still does. ‘Cause it’s your one chance all year to be someone else.” —Angela Chase “My So-Called Life” is a glimpse into what it was like to be a confused teenager in the mid-nineties (although I wouldn’t know). So, as it is to be expected, there is a whole lot of oversized flannel, and, in this episode, photographs of the recently deceased Kurt Cobain. Identity is a big theme in the show, as it is in growing up. Protagonist Angela Chase (Claire Danes) asserts that identities are malleable, that “who you are” isn’t a “definite thing, like a toaster or something.” And, in this episode, the characters’ Halloween costumes reveal aspects of their own identities that they were previously unaware of—aspects that feel dissonant, like they shouldn’t fit into their defined characterizations. Angela is initially afraid to dress up for Halloween, but her best friend Rayanne Graff (AJ Langer) demands that Angela dresses up and even provides her with an outfit that belonged to a family friend when she was a teenager in the early sixties. She begins to see apparitions of the boy, Nicky Driscoll, with whom the sixties girl was involved, in the place of her own crush, Jordan Catalano (Jared Leto). Nicky resembles Jordan in a lot of ways—so much so that Angela unconsciously refers to Nicky as “Nicky Catalano.” They are both bad boys and slackers who live their teenaged lives as if they do not have futures ahead of them, and legend has it that Nicky ended up not having a future. He died young, like Angela worries Jordan might. Angela’s 40-minutelong phantom-induced trance and the haunting soundtrack that enhances her interactions with the dead boy set the special apart from the other 18 episodes of “My So-Called Life” but make the episode a unique ghost story, free of the overdone tropes we’re used to seeing.

Season 1, Episode 5: “The Lyin’, the Watch and the Wardrobe” Sunny Chen / The Spectator

Christine Jegarl / The Spectator

My So-Called Life

Way to watch: Hulu (no subscription necessary) Spookiness level: Perfect for wimps: not much scarier than your typical soap opera. Best costume: The titular character’s tormentor and coworker, Marc, as “Betty Suarez” Best line: “Don’t forget the candy! Make sure you get the good stuff this year. I don’t want to be the ‘raisin house’ again. You’re asking to be egged.” —Ignacio, the titular character’s father “Ugly Betty” is a cross between a telenovela and an American romantic comedy that tells the story of Betty Suarez (America Ferrera), a woman of Mexican descent from Queens who, despite her lack of knowledge in fashion, lands her first job at a high-profile fashion magazine in Manhattan. Her first Halloween on the job, Betty is told by her co-workers to dress up, so she shows up to work as a butterfly, only to find out that she’s the only one in a costume (Marc swaps his “Betty” costume for his usual jewel-toned dress shirt and pressed pants before she arrives). While most butterflies are delicate and graceful, Betty is anything but that, especially in comparison to all the emaciated models who stride around the office. When Betty tries to push herself— along with her giant wings of wire and plastic tulle—down a city street packed with businessmen, the combination of embarrassment she feels, countered with her pride in her spunky individuality, resonates with anyone who has to deal with commuting to school in a full costume amongst a sea of stares from disapproving strangers.

Freaks and Geeks Season 1, Episode 3: “Tricks and Treats”

Two social groups dominate “Freaks and Geeks”—the freaks, who smoke pot, listen to classic rock and wear lots of denim, and the geeks, who like Star Wars and whose goofy little bodies have yet to fully develop. Lindsay Weir (Linda Cardellini) used to be a geek, like her brother Sam (John Francis Daley) is now. However, she has decided to trade in her cardigans for her father’s army jacket and hang out with friends who spend their free time destroying mailboxes instead of going to church. Although her friends may have experience cutting class and ingesting illicit substances, Lindsay has a hard time transitioning from the perfect mathlete to someone who doesn’t feel nervous about smelling like cigarettes; it forces her to question her values. For instance, on Halloween, she needs to decide how much her family means to her. She plans to dress up with her mother and hand out candies to trick-or-treaters, but, then again, her new friends will be out smashing pumpkins. This is probably one of the funniest yet most upsetting episodes of “Freaks and Geeks”—one of the funniest yet most upsetting shows I’ve ever seen—and is worth checking out not only because of Lindsay’s moral dilemma, but also because her brother and his troupe of high school trick-ortreaters are quite possibly the strangest, most adorably hilarious people ever portrayed on TV.

Miranda Luong / The Spectator

Way to watch: Netflix (with paid subscription) Spookiness level: Mildly disconcerting: it’s only disappointing if you’re a bad big sister and you feel guilty about it. Best costume: Geek Bill Haverchuck as the Bionic Woman Best line: “And bring pillowcases. No plastic grocery bags. If your bag rips, you’re on your own.” —Geek Sam Weir

The Spectator ● October 30, 2015

Page 17

Arts and Entertainment EVENT By Sophie Feng Our wagon is pulled by a tractor into a canopied tent where we face a stage and wait expectantly. The lights suddenly shut off, leaving our wagon in complete darkness for only a few moments before blindingly bright strobe lights begin to flash, illuminating the painted faces of clowns who had, unbeknownst to us, surrounded our wagon. They wield butcher knives and bang them against the sides of the wagon as loud rock and roll music blasts from unseen speakers. Such is the nature of the scares at the New York Haunted Hayride, a new import from California that runs through the end of October. Like your typical haunted hayride, it consists of a wagon journey through the woods, making stops along the way to view frightening scenes. However, the nature of these scenes is the true distinction between the New York Haunted Hayride and its counterparts. If you come expecting a spectacle that is primarily observed, you will be seriously surprised. The ride emphasizes audience interaction,

Ride and/or Die an aspect that seems minimal because the rules state that the actors are not allowed to touch you. I wrongly assumed that actors would not jump over the sides of the wagon, holding knives inches from our faces. Unfortunately, this was a common occurrence on the hayride. One particularly frightening moment occurred as we, sitting in the motionless wagon, watched zombie farmers advance steadily closer to us. The anticipation and suspense built as we collectively wondered about what would happen once they reached us; our question was answered when they reached the wagon and began trying to clamber over the sides, eliciting screams from me and the majority of the people surrounding me. On the rare occasion a moment seemed kitschy, such as when a man with a generic mask got too close to my face and whispered, “I like your skin,” leaving me more unnerved by the proximity of the man than by his comment. At another point, our wagon drove through a laughably portrayed burnt-down orphanage, complete with actors playing the

roles of smoldering children running about. Yet the majority of the haunted hayride was an intermediate between tacky and bizarre, resulting in scenes that were intense and well put-together. Many memorable moments employed the use of jump scares and exploited our inability to move from the wagon as we watched costumed actors get closer and closer. However, although it did get terrifying at points, the creators did an excellent job of spacing out the horrors, allowing participants sufficient time to calm their nerves. One factor that particularly added to the terror of the hayride was its excellent production value. The landscapes were well thought out and each prop fit in well, efficiently setting the mood of each area. My personal favorite was a crashed, smoke-filled school bus, complete with a person’s face smacking against one of the windows, a detail that proved to be particularly unsettling. Furthermore, the creators did not rely on excessive gore to drum up fear, rather the psychologically unnerving characters, such as hordes of red-eyed people or sadistic nuns.

The actors were highly expressive and most of the time very terrifying, carrying each scene forward with impressive costuming and makeup as well as manipulation of their voices, facial expressions, and movements to portray unique and realistic characters. They were truly as terrifying as monsters you might see in a horror film, yet without the use of CGI and multiple takes. However, one fault in my experience was that while the first ten minutes were very terrifying, my expectations had been set too high, resulting in the remaining twenty minutes or so never quite reaching that standard. I am unsure if the first bit was intentionally more frightening than the rest in order to get people in the mood, but I found it ineffective and left me wanting more. Similarly, I expected the hayride to go out with some sort of intense, pee-your-pants-horrifying bang, but the last scene of the ride proved to be mostly unmemorable. However, this was not a make-orbreak choice on the creators’ part; the ride as a whole was genuinely worth it. The truly fearsome aspects of the hayride almost made up for

the horror of the line for it. Our tickets were for nine o’clock; our group arrived and got in line at 8:40. The torture of waiting in line in the cold, at night, was slightly alleviated by the presence of friends, but still managed to be incredibly brain-numbing. We were in disbelief when we finally reached the front of the line at 11:30. We had waited in line for almost three hours. That, and the difficulty of making one’s way all the way to Randall’s Island, where the ride is located, is certainly a good deterrent not to go to the event. If you missed a chance to see the New York Haunted Hayride this October, fear not. The ride will return next year. I suggest the addition of a scene that I suspect many Stuyvesant students would find the most bloodcurdling, spine-tingling, and hair-raising of them all: your wagon pulls to a stop and your favorite teacher walks toward you, brandishing a graded scantron with your name on it. They hand the paper to you, on which you observe a 75 written on top in blood-red ink. You scream as the lights fade into darkness.

Candy Haul(oween)

crossword

‘Tis the season to rot your teeth! Since Halloween is just a disfiguration of what used to be a Celtic harvest festival, it makes sense to celebrate it by eating ourselves sick. If you’re eagerly anticipating your colossal confection consumption (or trying to recover), check out this crossword!

ACROSS Zovinar Khrimian/ The Spectator

2. Scandinavian country whose fish are apparently red and gelatinous 3. Popular candy storage container 4. A way of describing Stuy students; pellets of powder that taste awful, like medicine 7. The feeling of ecstasy that results from ingesting chocolate, coconut flakes, and almonds at once 8. _____-shaped Reese’s cups; a brown lump of peanut butter and chocolate that is supposed to look like a cultivar of the squash plant 9. Cadbury _____ Egg; like the Easter delicacy, but with green goo 11. Not candy, but frequently distributed by Halloween patrons in festive packaging 12. Sour _____; sour candy straws 14. Half-suppressed laughs 17. The reddish planet and candy company 18. _____ Bubba; the company whose electric green candy-apple-flavored gum tastes like an apple-cinnamon-scented Yankee Candle

DOWN 1. Not Redvines 4. A way of tasting the rainbow, although we aren’t sure which rainbow 5. Square-shaped chewy candy distributed by Halloween patrons in yellow and red packets of two each 6. Nerds _____ 10. An affectionate application of pressure from one person’s lips onto another’s; a glob of chocolate 13. The chocolate dude 15. Onomatopoeically-named candy bar 16. An incorrectly-spelled version of the synonym for “feline”; the second syllable of the name of a chocolate-covered wafer

Answers for Issue 2 1. SING! 2. EDUCATION 3. DAMESEK 4. AP 5. CAFFEINE 6. SAT 7. FRESHMEN

8. FITNESSGRAM 9. STC 10. MUJI 11. MIRACLE 12. BRIDGE 13. RAFIQI’S 14. PROGRAM

15. ESCALATORS 16. HEALTH 17. LACK 18. SPECTATOR 19. REAL 20. ELEVENTH Carrie Ou / The Spectator

17. Into the Theater! “We can’t get caught by security now! Let’s go,” you charge, gripping Emilie’s hand as you pull her into the theater. Her lacrosse stick slips out of her other hand as you do so, and when the metal hits the ground, the security guard’s light goes frantic. Panic grips you, and you make sure that the theater doors are closed tightly. “Safe,” you breathe. Now that the doors are closed, you can think again. You and Emilie should be safe in the little rectangle between the locked auditorium doors, but just as you’re about to settle in, Emilie jerks upwards. “No, I don’t have a good feeling about this. I need my lacrosse stick!” she says, pulling at your arm. The next thing you know is that she’s opening the door.

>> Go out to get the stick (right of page 12 )

Page 18

The Spectator ● October 30, 2015

Arts and Entertainment Scream Queens’ Genre-Blending Success

Emily Wu / The Spectator

By Zovinar Khrimian From the very first moments of the pilot, “Scream Queens” explodes with the same energy that made Ryan Murphy’s earlier works such as “Glee” and “American Horror Story” so captivating. Combining the edge-of-your-seat thrills of “American Horror Story” and all the whimsical humor of “Glee,” “Scream Queens” aims to appeal to existing fans of its predecessors. “Scream Queens” certainly offers something new to the table, with satirical ridiculousness and a comical serial killer known as the Red Devil. The show checks off all the boxes for cringe-worthy, capitalizing on over-the-top superficial characters whose nauseating personalities somehow induce fits

of laughter when superimposed against the horror spoof genre. In the midst of all this chaos, “Scream Queens” is a balanced tribute to the conflicting worlds of satire, gore, and young adult drama. The series begins with a backstory involving a college-aged mother who gives birth in a bathtub while her sorority sisters party the night away. Before the show transitions into the modern day, the basic elements have already surfaced: superficial young women, humorous tragedy, and an abundance of cultural references. “Scream Queens” is a bloodbath of laughable cartoon violence and equally artificial privileged college girls of the sorority Kappa Kappa Tau (KKT), whose life goals consist purely of becoming network news

Thinkpiece By Karen Chen

ter layer of comical conflict. There is little time for rest between accidental killings at the hands of the Kappa sisters and murders by a red devil-suited serial killer that seemingly appears out of nowhere to bring to life the horror element

In the midst of all this chaos, ‘Scream Queens’ is a balanced tribute to the conflicting worlds of satire, gore and young adult drama.

of the show. The Red Devil’s halfterrifying, half-humorous appearances often end in gruesome confrontation and the death of one of Scream Queens’ numerous quirky characters. Much of the show is a mass of seemingly uncoordinated events, but within them are cleverly composed moments of snappy dialogue and cheeky innuendos.

While it’s clear that the intricate plot lines that pervade the four seasons of “American Horror Story” are virtually nonexistent, “Scream Queens” can uphold its fort with elements that do transcend pure silliness. Grounded protagonist Grace Gardner and her sleuthing barista friend Adam may be able to blend comedy while still propelling the plot forward, as they are more concerned with finding answers concerning the Red Devil and staying alive than any of the other characters. “Scream Queens” deals with a number of genres and concepts to balance out in a single television show, and it needs to be careful maintaining this balance without knocking itself over the edge. When it comes to “Scream Queens,” appeal ultimately comes from taste. From the wacky plot elements to Chanel’s cutthroat oneliners, “Scream Queens” is hitting bizarre notes, some which may render a viewer uncomfortable or simply disgusted. But for others, “Scream Queens” is a refreshing take on television, blending genres and poking fun at its creator’s own work. It is undeniable that fans of Ryan Murphy will fall in love with the satirical comedy, regardless of its numerous quirks. “Scream Queens” is creating something fresh, entertaining, and relevant. It’s an explosion of pop culture that commands attention from beyond the world of “American Horror Story” and “Glee,” and isn’t afraid to take television to a new and exciting place.

Seemingly Drab, But Also Fab: The Fashion of Halloween Media one another but meshing as one— like a spookier Destiny’s Child. The witches are supposed to be from the 1690s, but with their cartoonlike nature and timeless pieces, the trio’s looks allow room for interpretation; simply draw from Sarah’s classic plum lips or Mary’s gothic eye shadow to maintain the witch essence. For a brighter look, the best friends of “Teen Witch,” Louise and Polly, are the epitome of the “girl next door.” With striped polos and colorful cargos, they pair their outfits with an essential basket bike, canvas shoes, or Mary Janes, and, of course, a signature pink bucket hat—which Urban Outfitters has clearly taken notes from. Even the funky style of Rhet, Polly’s longtime crush, remains trendy with his typical Hawaiian shirt paired with loosely distressed jeans. In “Sabrina the Teenage Witch,” Sabrina rocks velvet ensembles and ribbed turtlenecks, pieces American Apparel sells frequently. In fact, it wouldn’t be shocking if the store introduced other items Sabrina often wore, such as feathered necklines or open shouldered lace tops,

as part of a new autumnal look book. While Salem, Sabrina’s bold and feisty cat, may insult some of Sabrina’s choices, she certainly sets trends, especially with her multitude of hair clips, scrunchies and plastic chokers. And though we can’t change our outfits with a tap of the shoulder like Sabrina can, we can certainly take cues from her ‘90s flair. The secret style icons of the ‘90s are hidden in the Halloween media. Their

clothes are not just an inspiration for All Hallows’ Eve, but they can also be applied to whatever occasion. Remember the faint figures with creepy cackles and speaking cats; the mayhem they may have brought to our sleep as children now prevents us from the even more horrid chaos of fashion dilemmas. These strange characters’ killer senses of eternal style allow them to keep ahead of the vogue while staying in the past.

Zovinar Zhrimian / The Spectator

The dark makeup, dramatic hair, and, of course, caliginous clothes—a re-watch of the classic, ‘90s Halloween films and television shows reveals not just brilliant one-liners, but also obscured clothing details that fashion today has picked up on. From the gloomy patterns of the “Addams Family” to the more lighthearted look of “Teen Witch,” each particular style can be found in the current trends, and these icons deserve recognition on our fashion drawing boards. The creepy and kooky, mysterious and spooky Addams family wears clothes that embody their personalities, and you can find inspiration from their dark, yet snazzy styles. Wednesday often sports a classic Peter Pan collared dress— effortlessly chic, and perfect in its simplicity and “homicidal maniac” vibe. Alongside her often stands Morticia in her draping, ink-lace, fitted maxi dress, always elegant in posture and attire. A more business-oriented look, Gomez’s pinstriped suit helps in both visually increasing his height and casting

a professional shadow due to its sooty color. Uncle Fester’s oversized and trench-like signature coat screams fall, and can be found in multiple popular retailers, like Zara or Topshop as a seasonal staple. Even Cousin Itt, portrayed as a body of hair, has a style that can be replicated by a long fur jacket. With two snaps, the Addams family distinguishes itself as one of the most influential style icons from the ‘90s. The Sanderson witches’ fashion from “Hocus Pocus” is the embodiment of the coma we fall into after gorging on our treasury of trick-ortreat candy. Sarah Sanderson describes a “land of enchantment,” a lightless but magical place, as she flies in a maroon, lace dress with a deep purple, velvet cloak flowing behind—a fitting outfit of opaque colors with a perfect touch of zest. Mary and her eccentric, colored hair pair well with her bright red cape and lips, and Winifred’s green and purple cloak is the perfect shade for the hazy witch look she must maintain. The three represent the endless variations to the gothic style, each unique among

anchors. Their fabulous wealth is emphasized through an array of stereotypical anecdotes, not all of which are fresh, but amusing nevertheless. When the pilot enters the present in the same sorority 20 years later, a cast of familiar faces introduces the inner workings of KKT. Chanel Oberlin, portrayed by veteran mean girl Emma Roberts, is the dominating figure in the house, so much that the other members of KKT are referred to as Chanel #2, Chanel #3 and Chanel #5 (Chanel #4 died of meningitis). Chanel insists on calling her maid, Ms. Bean “White Mammy,” and storms out of coffee shops when her 210º Pumpkin Spice Latte has burnt milk. Chanel goes so far as to attempt a prank that proves fatal for Ms. Bean, then proceeds to hide her body in a basement freezer. While uncomfortable, to say the least, Chanel’s attitude is so beyond the sphere of normality that her oftentimes offensive outbursts are among the most entertaining moments of the show. The cast of characters extends beyond the Chanels of KKT, fulfilling a number of stereotypes, from golf-playing preps to a collection of geeky outcasts. When the Chanels are punished by the university’s director for their inappropriate conduct such as mistreatment of students and staff and generally destructive behavior, they cease to exist as an exclusive group, and instead are forced to accept any students who wish to join as pledges to the Kappa House. From this unfolds layer af-

18. Run For Your Life! “I can’t do this!” you yell, scrambling away from where you think the voice is. Fear courses through your veins, stealing all the air in your lungs and forcing you to wheeze as you move. But the tight breathing is more than just an impression, and you look down to see an arm sticking out of your stomach. It’s your arm, you realize absentmindedly. “Wha—? What?” you sputter, staring at the growing redness staining your shirt. There’s no pain. No sensation of anything in your stomach. All you’re doing is locking eyes with the ghost, a lovely lady who smiles softly at you. “Come and stay for our party, yes?” You can’t. You need to go. You need to run away because Richard needs his book to write his essay, and because you just can’t do this. You can’t face ghosts. They don’t exist. “Stay?” she repeats, putting her hand against your other arm that’s not lodged in your stomach. Except oh, you can move that arm again. You can move everything again. There is no pain. You’re a ghost.

~ END GAME: Bad Ghost Story Try again? Return to 1 ~

The Spectator ● October 30, 2015

Page 19

Arts and Entertainment A Murder, A Mystery, and Some Red Clay

YuchenJin / The Spectator

Film

By TJ Westfall A young woman is taking a bath when a dog runs up to her with a red ball in its mouth. The woman retrieves the ball and throws it out of the bathroom, breathing the word, “Fetch” as the dog runs out. But, much to the woman’s horror, the dog doesn’t return. “Crimson Peak,” a film directed by Guillermo Del Toro, is an interesting dive into the for-

gotten realm of gothic romance. “Crimson Peak” hits as many bases as it plays, successfully weaving aspects of horror, comedy and mystery together into a chilling, overarching mystery. Combining this many genres into two hours of film may seem difficult, but Del Toro does it seamlessly through the effective use of music and lighting. In the film, Edith Cushing (Mia Wasikowska), a young writer and the daughter of wealthy

Event By Shaikh Zareen Mahsheeat Down on 163 Varick St, not too far from Stuy, is “Blood Manor”—a household name for horror fanatics in the city. Though “Blood Manor” is only a doorway on the street, the neon color splashes and ghoulish faces on the walls make you regret your nonrefundable death fee. And all the courage you’ve mustered up will evaporate as you navigate through the manor’s two floors and one line. Insanity begins before the actual thrill even starts. After spending suspenseful moments in the corridors, an announcer springs in to condition you for what’s ahead. With lime

industrialist Carter Cushing (Jim Beaver), is continually haunted by the ghost of her mother, who died when Edith was a child. The first portion of the film takes place in 20th century Buffalo, New York, where Edith meets Sir Thomas Sharpe (Tom Hiddleston), an investorseeking inventor who Carter Cushing distrusts. After suddenly going broke in Buffalo, however, Edith decides to move to a deteriorating mansion in England with Sharpe and his sister Lucille (Jessica Chastain). The house’s beauty is mystifying, but its aesthetic wonders only serve to conceal its bloody past. Del Toro brings his best to the gothic genre with an impressively fitting setting. The mansion, formally known as Allerdale Hall, proves to be the perfect place for the film’s dark plot to unfold. In the middle of nowhere, far from any source of help, the mansion’s huge gothic corridors and grand staircases shroud the mansion in a smooth blanket of mystery. Together with the eerie, blood-red clay that plagues every crack in the estate, Del Toro hits the nail on the head with the film’s setting, as it perfectly sets the stage for the plot. Del Toro’s meticulous attention to detail gives the film the feel of an old-fashioned mystery. In essence, the viewer is a detective who is given the task of piecing together what will happen next. When Edith meets Sir Thomas Sharpe in New York, the ancient but expensive-looking clothes he wears were not simply chosen by a costume designer with a fat pocketbook. They—along with other details Edith comes across in England—are instrumental in solv-

ing the mystery of the haunted mansion. However, Del Toro’s way of tying genres together sometimes had unintended comedic effects. The scene in which Edith views Sir Thomas’s mother’s portrait is a prime example of

ing example of this is around the middle of the film, when a character is taken by the head and repeatedly smashed against the edge of a sink. The abundance of these scenes feels gratuitous as the film comes to a close, and it would have been better if

Set in the middle of nowhere, far from any source of help, the mansion’s huge gothic corridors and grand staircases shroud the mansion in a smooth blanket of mystery.

an inter-genre blunder. Placed on a wall in the mansion, the portrait displays an old woman with a face resembling that of Voldemort. Upon seeing this portrait, the audience, myself included, burst out laughing at how absurd she looked. It’s clear that Del Toro didn’t intend this scene to have a comedic effect, but it gave the audience some relief from the constant pressure of any horror/mystery film. One thing that Del Toro went too far with, however, was the amount of blood, gore, and violence that was displayed during the film. Though it’s an R-rated movie, there were an overwhelming number of scenes that made the audience cringe in shock and disgust. A disturb-

Del Toro had used less of them. Overusing these scenes detracted from the plot, as it distracted the viewers from the more important aspects of the film. Viewing the trailer or release poster of “Crimson Peak” may make the film seem like a simple horror movie; however, the film is anything but that. With a captivating and immersive plot lined with mystery and violence, “Crimson Peak” tells a tale unlike anything else done by Del Toro. In addition to a flawless setting and integration of genres, “Crimson Peak” creates a colorful world that stands out as a spectacular revival of gothic romance, which sets the bar high for future films of the genre to come.

Enter If You Dare green hair and an ashy face that is accented with bright colors, he may seem like a joke, but it doesn’t take much to see the crazy flickering behind the humor. Upon entering, you are barraged by quick and indistinguishable figures, leaving you in shock and afraid of the deeper unknown. A sort of art lies behind this strategic mindplay. In every wisp of cobwebbed hair and every patch of dried blood on the ghoul blocking your path, you can see beauty—in the sense that these realistic haunting features are brought to life by artists’ painstaking hands. But then again, you probably won’t notice these things

as you sprint to catch up with your heartbeat. Each room seems to venture into a different dark, twisted corner of the human imagina-

mansion due to its dusty and run-down aesthetic; another contains bloody bodies hanging from the ceilings by their extremities, swaying with your

Each room seems to venture into a different dark, twisted corner of the human imagination.

tion. One room is reminiscent of the stereotypical haunted

nauseated mind. Mad scientists dig into the living patients who

struggle against their metal straps while dysfunctional children run around in their own insanity. The manor’s flickering lights allow you to see very little, driving you into a constant state of paranoia. Blood Manor is an essential experience for the horror enthusiast, but it is not the safest space for the faint of heart. Saying it rises above the rest of New York City’s Halloween attractions is debatable, but it definitely takes the typical haunted house to a new level. The tickets are rather pricey for such a short experience, so unless you’re dying out of curiosity for what lies beyond the long line and neon walls, it may not be worth it.

19. Attack of the Zombie! “Charge!” you scream, raising your fists to sock the zombie in the face. Emilie is a step ahead, jabbing her lacrosse stick into the security guard’s gut. The flashlight goes flying, but you catch it and flash it into the guard’s face before it falls to the ground. It’s not a guard. It definitely has green skin, flaky and coming off its head, and your blood runs cold when it gives you a toothy grin with bloody lips. Oh God. “Charge!” Emilie screams, raising her lacrosse stick to smack the zombie. Despite the size difference between the two, Emilie is wasting no time in getting the strongest hits in. Something like courage sparks in you, and you rush forward to try to punch again. But fate seems to dislike you, because while you smack the zombie in the face, your fist gets lodged between its bloody lips. Terror strikes. You’re pulling at the arm now, desperate to get it out, but in your haste you end up tearing the skin right off your knuckles. Blood spills onto the floor. “Are you okay?” Emilie yells at you. You hope it’s Emilie, anyway. Wouldn’t want Richard to get caught up in this. The poor kid probably wouldn’t be able to handle it. Yeah, poor him. The zombie comes rushing in again, and this time you don’t dare raise your fists to hit back. But it probably would have been better than nothing, because even as Emilie gets her net into that zombie’s mouth, and gets her flashlight into its eye, the zombie is still coming down. Your shoulder is bleeding. “Hey? Hey!” Emilie shouts. You think you hear the sound of metal hitting flesh. Is that Emilie yelling or the zombie? You can’t tell. The only thing that matters is the dizzying pain in your shoulder, and then, your world goes dark.

~ END GAME: Zombie Security Guard Try again? Return to 1 ~

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The Spectator â&#x2014;? October 30, 2015

The Spectator ● October 30, 2015

Page 21

Arts and Entertainment A Real Life Horror Movie to Call Your Own

Are you tired of living an anticlimactic life? Do you ever wish that your daily chores could be as exciting as, say, being stabbed to death while taking a shower? Would you like to enhance your monotonous existence with orchestral swells and banging drums? Whether or not you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, it is absolutely certain that this playlist is for you. When you find yourself performing the tasks listed below, be sure to enhance them with the soundtracks we have recommended!

Mornings Don’t Have to Be Boring Brush Your Teeth to the “Bride of Frankenstein” Soundtrack (1935) by Franz Waxman Get Dressed to the “Gojira” (1956) Soundtrack by Akira Ifukube Put on Makeup to the “Paranormal Activity 3” (2011) Soundtrack by Jack Dolgen Take the Subway to the “Tucker & Dale vs. Evil” Soundtrack by Michael Shields and Andrew Kaiser

Thinkpiece By Zarif Mahmud Boo! Did I scare you? Probably not. Jump scares aren’t as powerful as they were, let’s say, 20 years ago. Audiences in the 21st century expect to have nightmares for weeks, to ponder the Hobbesian-nature

fears. But what made filmmakers think that scaring their viewers would be a good idea? The root of the answer may lie in the old adage that art imitates life. The 20th century was the bloodiest period in all of human history, and the impact of this violence on the psyches of

The 20th century was the bloodiest period of time in all of human history, and its impacts on the psyches of people and cultures around the world almost certainly led to the creation of the horror genre. of humankind, or—at the very least—to check their locks twice after getting home. The movies that would’ve been considered obscene ten years ago have come to be called “softcore.” Now, “torture porn” like “Hostel” (2004) and “The Human Centipede” (2009), are the new name of the game. However, gore isn’t for everyone, and a lot of people want to get their adrenaline fix without filling their popcorn bucket with vomit. For this reason, horror movies with little to no violence, like the supernatural horror film “Insidious” (2010), are currently popular. Though it hasn’t even existed for a hundred years, the horror film industry has been doing extremely well—it’s one of the most profitable in the movie business, grossing hundreds of millions of dollars every year in the U.S. alone. It has managed to branch out into countless sub-genres, catering to all different types of

people around the world led to the creation of the horror genre. It’s no coincidence that the first genre of horror, German Expressionism, started in a country that had just been ravaged by World War I. The first horror film ever made, “The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari” (1920), tells the story of a hypnotist who uses a sleep walker to commit murders at night. Another pioneer film, “Nosferatu” (1922), an unauthorized adaptation of Bram Stoker’s 1897 novel, “Dracula,” was one of the most influential films of the era. However, because of a restriction the Weimer Republic placed on electricity, dramatic lighting was not available to create shadows, so they needed to be painted in. As a result, the use of angular, distorted “light” became a hallmark of the German Expressionists. But eventually, because of export restrictions placed on German films by the Allies in

School Can Be Cool Do Homework to the “Dead Zone” (1983) Soundtrack by Michael Kamen

Cleaning Is Never Demeaning Vacuum to the “Vertigo” (1958) Soundtrack by Elmer Bernstein

Debate to the “Descent” (2007) Soundtrack by Alex Moulton

Rake Leaves to the “Rosemary’s Baby” (1968) Soundtrack by Krzysztof Komeda

Study to the “Psycho” (1960) Soundtrack by Bernard Herrmann

Dust to the “Don’t Look Now” (1973) Soundtrack by Pino Donaggio

Ride Escalators to the “Room 237” (2013) Soundtrack by Wendy Carlos and Rachel Elkind

Polish to the “Poltergeist” (1982) Theme by Jerry Goldsmith

These Chores Are Not Bores Drain Pipes to the “Drag Me to Hell” (2009) Soundtrack by Christopher Young Exercise to the “Exorcist” (1973) Soundtrack by Mike Olefield Iron to the “Insidious” (2010) Soundtrack by Joseph Bishara Sew to the “Saw” (2004) Soundtrack by Charlie Clouser

No Guts, No Gory: The History of Horror Movies

1925, most independent German studios went bankrupt or were bought by American companies, effectively killing off the German Expressionist genre. At that point, Hollywood dominated the industry. At this time, the U.S. was churning out monster movies based on old myths, legends, and books, like “Dracula” (1931), “Frankenstein” (1931), and “King Kong” (1933). But, as is the case with most horror genre phases, the directors milked the content until it was dry, producing sequel after sequel, and after they ran out of ideas, they made crossovers like “Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman” (1943). This cycle of popularity, overuse and decline, defines every horror fad. First, there’s a novel film that blows audiences away and becomes a hit at the box office. After witnessing the success of this first movie, film executives smell dollar signs in the air and commission more films, sequels, copies, and crossovers. This starts a whole sub-genre around that original film. What separates the subgenres from each other are the tropes, or overused plot devices, which are unique to each one. Copycat films want to do what made the pioneer films—in their respective sub-genres—so successful. And so, they try to emulate them as much as possible. This is what compels the unlucky and unarmed teens of slasher movies to go into dark, spooky houses. It’s also why people in zombie movies have never heard of zombies before they witness a zombie apocalypse. The tropes in these films are so familiar that filmmakers unknowingly parody their own films when they make use of the clichéd images. In fact, tropes are so easily recognizable that their utiliza-

Rachel Zhang / The Spectator

playlist

tion makes for successful satire films. A genre that was once popular but got bloated past its hey-

After seeing the initial movie’s success, film executives smell dollar signs in the air, and start commissioning more of films, sequels, copies, and crossovers. day is the shark attack genre. The shark attack tropes had become

so ubiquitous in mainstream media that although a “Jaws” (1975) remake wouldn’t do well today, movies like “Sharknado” (2013) are hilarious. Despite the prevalence of carbon copies and parodies, however, horror movies aren’t close to getting stale. New genres like found-footage, started by “The Blair Witch Project” (1999), continue to pump fresh content into theaters around the world. In addition, international movies, like the Spanish film, “[Rec]” (2007), are gaining viewers around the world. The infusion of different cultures and values is going to change horror movies of the future. Although the birth of horror films was a result of divisions of the world causing wars and suffering, it seems like the genre is, at least in some communities, creating a multicultural world connected by a common love for high-pitched screams and chocolate-syrup blood splatters.

21. Saving Emilie You yell, running toward Emilie. The lights flicker, and the voices around you groan. Loud screeching erupts and you wince. Your hands itch to cover your ears, but you keep them steady to hold the twisted pole around her waist. The lacrosse stick budges with surprising ease, and you nearly topple over when it slides back into its original shape. “How dare YOU!” the voice calls out, and you hiss when you feel something barrel into your back, falling onto Emilie. You’re going to die. “Stop!” The world spins around and you’re reeling, kicking your upward as you topple. But it’s not the ghost who is yelling. It’s Richard, gasping with one hand in Emilie’s bag and holding in another hand a medallion in the air. “Come on!” You manage to rush toward the open door to the staircase in front of the cafeteria. Richard grips Emilie and hauls her upward, keeps holding the medallion, and follows you. “Crash another party!” the voice behind you screeches. This is all too ridiculous. Ghosts inside of Stuy? Let’s just get out of here. “Hey, do you think the library might have what Richard needs?” Emilie asks. “Good question. Let’s go see,” you reply. >> Head up to the next floor (left of page 25)

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The Spectator ● October 30, 2015

Humor These articles are works of fiction. All quotes are libel and slander.

Student Unaware His Voice Has Dropped Too Low to Go Trick-or-Treating

Signs of Bad Luck: Where Did They Come From? By Winton YeE

Yuchen Jin / The Spectator

We’ve all heard to be wary of black cats and broken mirrors, but where did these superstitions come from? In honor of All Hallow’s Eve’s Eve, here are the histories of some of the old myths we still tell.

By Laszlo Sandler Much to the dismay of his close friends and peers, freshman Kevin Mitchell has reportedly yet to realize that his voice has dropped too low for him to go trick-or-treating this Halloween. With Mitchell unaware that puberty caused his voice to drop from Spongebob Squarepants to Barack Obama over the past 12 months, Mitchell’s friends say they fear reactions from potential candygivers will give him a harsh and sudden awakening. “It’s unfortunate, but [Mitchell’s] voice has really got-

ten to that stage where they’ll stare at you for a moment, and then decide to give you a funsize Twix instead of a full size,” said freshman Joseph Lee, who, like Mitchell, is also oblivious to his voice’s recent drop from Dora the Explorer to Ice-T. “I figured he would have taken the hint when Ms. Hall told him his voice was changing and to come back in three months, but remarkably he still hasn’t noticed.” According to physical education teacher Philip Fisher— who has taught at Stuyvesant for the past hundred years—this is an all-too-common occur-

rence among freshman males. “Halloween is always tough for freshmen,” Fisher said. “Their voices usually sound either too deep to trick-or-treat, or too high to be trick-or-treating without a parent.” Other teachers, such as English teacher Philip Mott, say they aren’t sure what all the fuss is about. “What’s wrong with a low voice?” asked Mott, who informed The Spectator that he would indeed be trick-or-treating tomorrow night, as he does every year. “Who cares if they look at you funny? Free candy is free candy.”

Badgley Dresses Up as Sexy Cat to Demonstrate American Halloween Values By Laszlo Sandler Global history teacher Perry Badgley dressed up as a sexy cat on Friday, October 30, in order to give his students an example of the true American meaning of Halloween. Citing a lack of jingoism in students’ costumes, Badgley said the cat costume narrowly edged out other American classics such as sexy nurse, sexy police officer, and sexy AP of Safety, Security, and Student Affairs, Brian Moran. “Year after year I see students come in dressed up as things like a bald eagle, with wings they clearly made themselves, or as a red, white, and blue flag with hand-painted stars that they’ve clearly labored over for hours,” said Badgley, when asked to describe the reasoning behind his choice of costume. “But where is the store-bought aspect? Where is the American lack-of-effort? I feel it is my duty as a patriot to teach these students the true meaning of the holiday: seeing

how revealing one’s costume can be. ” According to some students, Badgley’s costume, bought at Party City for $7.99, is a bit too risqué to be worn in school. “It really depends on location,” said sophomore Sophia Gunluk, who

The most embarrassing moment of the day, however, occurred during seventh period, when Badgley’s costume clashed with that of sophomore Isaac Segal—also dressed up as a sexy cat—causing students to question whether Badgley was

“I feel it is my duty as a patriot to teach these students the true meaning of the holiday: seeing how revealing one’s costume can be without being asked to change. ” —Perry Badgley, history teacher has Badgley third period. “Is this acceptable now? Probably not. Would it be acceptable where I’ll be in a few hours? Probably.” Gunluk clarified that the Halloween party she planned to attend later was, in no way whatsoever, affiliated with Stuyvesant.

preaching to the choir. “Who cares if I didn’t impact the way students decide to dress up for Halloween?” Badgley asked. “At the end of the day, I wore it better, and when it comes to American Halloween values, that’s what matters most anyways.”

Walking under a ladder: This superstition actually stems back thousands of years to the first civilization in Sumer. Even back in Sumer, we were dealing with leaky roofs. One Sumerian family was particularly known for how leaky their roof was. Every time there was a large rainfall, the father, Hazi, would set the ladder against the house and climb up onto the roof to fix it. Though Hazi was not a very good roof-fixer, spe-

Though Hazi was not a very good roof-fixer, specialization of labor had not been invented yet, so he couldn’t just call the local roof-fixer.

cialization of labor had not been invented yet, so he couldn’t just call the local roof-fixer. Every time the ladder was out, Hazi’s only child, Malah, would run around under the ladder. His mother, Gashan, would shout at him, “Malah! Stop running around under the ladder. That’s dangerous. Go sit with the other children in the field until we invent education.” But Malah would never listen, and would keep running back and forth under the later, and since Gashan had a soft spot for him, she could not bring herself to stop him.

Sometimes, the ladder would give out from Malah’s feet’s incessant pounding on the ground, and fall on top on him. However, Malah appeared to be unscathed every time. A neighbor named Hurin, though, informed the family that there were risks of long-term neurocognitive conditions related to repeated head impacts and multiple concussions. Both Hazi and Malah ignored Hurin. Two years later, Malah passed away in his sleep. His cause of death was unknown. Remember: wear a helmet. Black cats: Perhaps the most famous of all the bad luck symbols, this tradition goes back to old England, right when King Henry VIII split from the Roman Catholic Church. After Henry’s annulment from his wife, Catherine of Aragon, the two had a nasty legal battle over who would retain custody of their black cat, Habspurrg. When Catherine won custody and moved to a small isle in Scotland (where she lived in a cottage with six dozen cats), Henry spiraled into a deep depression in which he gained weight, became ill-tempered, and executed many of his top advisors. Also, Catherine died after being struck by lightning. Actually, two lightning strikes. Don’t go near black cats. Opening an umbrella indoors: People didn’t always hesitate to open umbrellas indoors—in fact, until very recently, people did it all the time. It makes a lot of sense. Why would you wait to open your umbrella until you’re outside, when you’re already in the rain? That’s stupid. This myth started in the early 1960s, when psychologists were starting to do that thing where they saw everything as a phallic symbol. And what’s more phallus-y than some dude busting an oblong object open in one quick explosive motion? There was outrage that people were doing this in their homes, and so people started to bust their umbrellas open outside, lest they face the wrath of a newly-minted women’s studies major. Wow! Who knew that the superstitions we carry have such interesting histories? Well, now you do. So the next time you come across the number 13, just think to yourself: “Did 13 people die somewhere? 130? 13,000? Maybe they died on January 3, 1300? I’m gonna look this up on Wikipedia.”

24a. Echo Answer

24b. Mind Answer

“It is echo,” you state, eyes fixated on the creature ahead of you. “You can’t see an echo, but you can hear one, and it repeats only what is said.” The creature eyes you warily before moving to the side. The door to the library opens, but before you can go in...

“It is mind,” you state, eyes fixated on the creature ahead of you. “Your mind can repeat your words, cannot be seen, and follows your thoughts!” The Sphinx eyes you warily before pouncing on you and everything goes dark.

>> Move past the sphinx (page 28)

~ END GAME: Bad Ghost Story Try again? Return to 1 ~

The Spectator ● October 30, 2015

Page 25

Humor These articles are works of fiction. All quotes are libel and slander.

Spooky Horoscopes By Winton Yee Aries: Life is about to shower you with rewards—avoid industrial waste factories.

lish essay and serial killer may do a number on you. Libra: Patience is a virtue. Remember that struggling while

Sagittarius: The planets warn of trouble in your love life. Delete those pictures on your computer immediately.

Taurus: Though we make many assumptions throughout our daily lives, things are not always as they appear. Be sure to say the names of all your friends backwards tomorrow.

Yuchen Jin / The Spectator

Gemini: Black cats are signs of bad luck and witchcraft. There are going to be, like, a thousand black cats walking across your path this week, bro. Cancer: They say that time heals all wounds, but a hollow-point bullet causes extreme pain. Avoid hooded figures.

Though we make many assumptions throughout our daily lives, things are not always as they appear. Be sure to say the names of all your friends backwards tomorrow.

Leo: Ghost sightings often stem from an attachment to the deceased. That makes your haunting later this week particularly strange, as many have testified that you do not have to ability to form emotional relationships. Virgo: Many obstacles will impede you in the coming weeks, but you will emerge unscathed. After that, however, that Eng-

feeding. Scorpio: Demons often prey on the weak and vulnerable. Make sure you eat breakfast tomorrow.

Patience is a virtue. Remember that struggling while pinned down often causes beasts of the night to enter into an even more frenzied feeding.

pinned down often causes beasts of the night to enter into an even more frenzied

Capricorn: Though you make mistakes, your heart is always in the right place. That may change soon, however, as those who sell organs in the black market are becoming increasingly desperate. Aquarius: The appearance of Venus in your sign suggests that you may be particularly forgetful this week. However, do not forget the Pagan incantation for protection. Pisces: Family is one of the most valuable aspects of life. Remember, however, that once your sister dies and comes back to life as a zombie, she is no longer your sister or even a human, and so the court of law will not be able to hold you accountable.

By Jordan Hodder According to a new study, students in the lusted-after elective Western Political Thought

“Believe me, you have NO idea how much I want to mark kidnapping as wrong,” —Nicole Rosengurt, senior perform terribly in other subjects. The study placed a group of randomly selected students in the philosophical, discussion-oriented class taught by Matthew Polazzo. After an hour of philosophizing, the students were quizzed on facts in various

subjects. Surprisingly, the Western Political Thought students performed horribly, failing to answer even the most basic questions. Instead, the majority of participants spent the duration of the test tearing their hair out, grimacing in pain, staring skyward as they cried, or burying their heads in their arms. When asked about the anguish they appeared to be in, students readily bared their internal dilemmas. “We haven’t even decided whether addition is real!” said senior Aristedes Hazimemitiziosios, “For all we know, two plus two is six! How the hell am I supposed to do derivatives?” Basic chemistry proved to be equally as difficult. “Covalent bonding?? The chemical makeup of WATER???? Why bother? Reality is dark and cold, and everything we know is sliding inexorably towards destruction. Everything is nothing,” said senior Rose Cytryn. Moral questions, though seemingly the easiest to answer, were perhaps the most elusive. “Believe me, you have NO idea how much I want to mark kid-

napping as wrong,” said Senior Nicole Rosengurt. “But you just can’t. You can’t. Right? Because clearly to some people it’s permissible, or at least provides them the most pleasure, which is really justice anyway when you get down to it. I know I sound like a horrible person but trust me, if you were alone with Matt for 30 minutes you’d be saying Stalin was a hero for standing by his beliefs.” Still other students were perplexed by the nature of the test itself. Seniors Zoe Leaf and Alice Rabkin spent the first 15 minutes staring suspiciously at the examination, turning it over and examining it in various lights. Rabkin then spent the remaining half hour looking at her hand and touching various parts of her desk, her expression betraying increasing consternation. Leaf reportedly entered a trance-like state when asked whether she completed the exam. “Completeness? What is adequacy? Do I trust my intuitive sense of ‘good enough’? What is intuition? What is thinking? Nothing is real,” Leaf said upon awakening.

25a. Sixth Floor Exploration “We made it,” you heave as you take the final step. Sixth floor. More than halfway there. “Richard, the library! Look!” Emilie hisses, gripping both you and Richard tightly. The three of you gaze at the library doors. There, standing proudly in front, is a creature with demonic wings and a lion face. A sphinx. “Oh geez,” you groan. >> Confront the sphinx (right of page 25) >> To the eighth floor, away! (page 27)

Yuchen Jin / The Spectator

Western Political Thought Students Fail Other Classes Due to Existential Angst

Surprisingly, the vast majority of students claim to appreciate the class. “It’s an amazing experience,” said senior Mariya Kulyk, “I wake up every morning excited, knowing

that I have existential agony, a pervasive sense of inadequacy, and intellectualized teen angst ahead of me in Western Political Thought.”

25b. Confront the Sphinx The three of you walk slowly over to the front of the library. The sphinx moves, eyeing the three of you. Nerves tug at you—sphinxes are known for eating those who give the wrong answer to their riddles. It’s not too late to walk away. But something must be right, because without prompting, it begins to speak. “Many have heard me, But no one has seen me. And I will not speak back, Unless spoken to. What am I?” >> It is a four-letter word that begins with an “e.” (left of page 24) >> It is a four-letter word that begins with an “m.” (right of page 24)

The Spectator ● October 30, 2015

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