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F R I D AY APRIL 29, 2005 Vol. 126, No. 78

Rain 58° / 45° w w w. s t u d l i f e . c o m

INSIDE “Please do not expose yourself in the B stacks.” The editorial board welcomes community members to share Olin Library—given a few caveats.

PAGE 4

STUDENT LIFE T H E I N D E P E N D E N T N E W S PA P E R O F WA S H I N G T O N U N I V E R S I T Y I N S T. L O U I S S I N C E 1 8 7 8

Gupta promoted to B-school dean By Liz Neukirch Associate Editor The Olin School of Business plucked one of its own to take the school’s top post, naming Mahendra R. Gupta, a senior associate dean, as the new business school dean. The University announced his appointment yesterday. Gupta will replace Dean Stuart Greenbaum, who is stepping down after 10 years in the role on July 1. “I’m delighted that Mahendra has accepted the appointment as dean of the Olin School of Business,” Chancellor Mark Wrighton said in a statement. “His work as senior associate dean makes him a very knowledgeable successor for Stuart Greenbaum. I look forward to supporting his efforts as he continues strengthening Olin and its national and international programs.” The announcement ends a nationwide search that began almost immediately after Greenbaum announced his departure in September. The University employed the executive headhunting fi rm of Korn/ Ferry International to help in the search process, hoping lure a candidate in the mold of former President Bill Clinton or Jack Welch, the former chief executive officer of General Electric. The search committee eventually decided upon an internal candidate who they

could quickly integrate into the position. “If we had brought in somebody from the outside, it would take them almost a year to become intimately involved,” said Greenbaum. “The insider always has an advantage. The fact that he’ll be able to grapple with [all the challenges the school faces] is tremendous.” Student Union President David Ader, an Olin student and a member of the search committee, agreed. “You want someone to come in and know what the position demands of them,” he said. “A prestigious name can’t necessarily do that.” Greenbaum said that Gupta’s main challenges will be continuing faculty development and growth, expanding MBA and non-degree programs, adjusting to the increasing competition with other business programs and transforming the school’s career center into one of the best in the county. According to Greenbaum, Gupta is up for the challenge. “He’s an inspired choice. He knows the school inside and out and is uniquely equipped,” he said. Gupta, who has worked at Olin since 1990 and has served as senior associate dean for the last two years, is also the Geraldine J. and Robert L. Virgil Professor of Accounting and Management. He has also worked on development committees for many of the school’s

See NEW DEAN, page 3

Inventors put ideas on parade

THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM

With four wins in the past week, the Bears softball team has extended its incredible winning streak to 26 games—the 11th longest winning streak in D-III history. See Sports for more details.

By John Hewitt Staff Reporter

PAGE 5 DAVID BRODY | STUDENT LIFE

The Quad takes a breather Thursday night in between last week’s SWA occupation and today’s WILD. Robert Randolph and the Family Band will headline tonight’s main event, with Sister Hazel opening.

Outgoing editors Matt Simonton and Tyler Weaver deliver a classic (and classy) Cadenza feature. This is one night on the town that you won’t want to miss.

PAGE 10 WEATHER FORECAST Saturday High: 62° | Low: 40° Partly Cloudy

Sunday High: 66° | Low: 46° Isolated T-Storms

Monday High: 61º | Low: 45° Few Showers

INDEX 1-3 News 4 Forum 5 Sports 8 Classifieds Cadenza 6-7, 9-10

COURTESY OF WUSTL.EDU

Associate Dean Mahendra Gupta was selected as the new dean of the Olin School of Business.

Yesterday, the Skandalaris Entrepreneurship Program at the Olin School of Business launched “Idea Bounce,” a new opportunity that facilitates the sharing of creative and innovative ideas between members of the Washington University community. The project, which consists of a Web site and events, invites prospective entrepreneurs to bounce their business ideas off of one another. The Web site debuted last week, and the Skandalaris Center hosted its first event on April 28 in May Auditorium. “How do great ideas become reality? We wanted to provide a resource that would help people make connections,” said Chris Dornfeld, the entrepreneurship collaboration director at the Skandalaris Center. The first event had a total of 13 presenters with 14 ideas. The ideas presented ran the gamut from ‘Better for you Beef’ (beef mixed with tofu) and the ‘Pup Tub’ (a self-contained dog-washing apparatus) to ‘Washington University Press’ (a book press for the university). Each presenter was given two minutes

See IDEA BOUNCE, page 3

Secrecy surrounds “You Make Wash U” signs By Troy Rumans Contributing Reporter Students who attended the fi rst annual You Make Wash U ceremony on Wednesday evening came away disappointed when the people behind the campaign didn’t reveal themselves. The You Make Wash U ceremony represents the beginning of an initiative to change the daily life of the campus in fundamental ways. This particular event was the culmination of preceding weeks, during which enigmatic “I Make Wash U ___” signs cropped up throughout the campus. The attendees at the event ranged from students who applied via the website listed on the signs, notable members of the University student body and Bon Appetit employees. About twenty people convened at around 8:00 p.m. in Holmes Lounge with one thing

in common: total bewilderment. Before them stood a bountiful collection of food (none of it kosher for Passover, much to the chagrin of many), but little else. Not one person knew exactly why they were invited to attend, or who had organized the whole affair. Eventually, the ceremony itself began. The assembled body waited with anticipation to see who would step up to the podium. A familiar yet surprising face greeted them as Richard Poe, Bon Appétit employee and a regular sight at the Whispers café, came to the front to begin the presentation. “In recent years, I have become a good friend of a person, who wishes to remain nameless,” began Poe. “He asked that I present the awards.” The fi nalists, chosen from the online applicant pool, were recognized for how they felt they affected the community of the Uni-

See CEREMONY, page 3

RACHIT PATEL | STUDENT LIFE

Connie Fry presents her ideas for “Senior Ease” to a crowd of students at Idea Bounce’s first event in May Auditorium on Thursday afternoon.

Students survive the “sophomore slump” By Elizabeth Lewis Contributing Reporter By the time new freshmen set foot on campus, they have already been warned of the challenges of moving away from home, meeting new people and starting life in a different environment. But seldom do students hear about the challenges of the transition from freshman to sophomore. The push to declare a major, fi nd an internship and decide whether or not to apply to study abroad can lead second year students to fall into “the sophomore slump.” “Sometimes, sophomores can feel a bit ignored compared to the freshmen,” said Karin Levin-Coburn, vice chancellor for students and the author of

STUDENT LIFE

“Letting Go: A Parents’ Guide to Understanding the College Years.” Levin-Coburn continued, “There is an expectation that sophomores should know how things work.” In her book, Levin-Coburn addresses this secondary transition and the confusion that can sometimes ensue. One of the staff counselors in Counseling and Health Services, Sarah Shia, said such confusion can arise when sophomores start thinking about the many choices that lie ahead. “Sophomore year is a time when people make changes in ideas of what they would like to major in,” said Shia. “This time can interfere with a person’s identity. Prior to this time, things have been laid out. This is the fi rst time that [he/she] has had

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to make a major decision.” Sophomore Ashley Smith attested that the “sophomore slump” does exist, due in part to the increasing importance of the choices students make. “The initial excitement [of college] is gone, and you are trying to fi nd your way through coursework and majors.” The “sophomore slump” does not necessarily have to be bad, according to Levin-Coburn. She said it can serve as a learning experience and has many hidden positives. “The ‘sophomore slump’ is a period of certainty and uncertainty, and it is a time of growth,” said

Editor: editor@studlife.com News: news@studlife.com Calendar: calendar@studlife.com

See SOPHOMORE, page 3

Please Recycle


2 STUDENT LIFE | NEWS

News Editor / Sarah Kliff / news@studlife.com

NATIONAL

FRIDAY | APRIL 29, 2005

NATIONAL

Long-lost woodpecker found in Arkansas

the WUrld

In a remote region of Arkansas, bird experts rediscovered the ivory-billed woodpecker 60 years after it was believed to have been extinct. In 2004, several people sighted an ivory-billed woodpecker in a forest in eastern Arkansas. The visual analysis of a tape capturing an encounter with the bird in 2004 and 2005 has confi rmed the bird as indeed the lost woodpecker. The witnesses also confi rmed hearing the drumming sounds of the bird. Frank Gill, senior ornithologist at the Audobon Society characterized the discovery as like fi nding Elvis.

Compiled by Sarah Kliff and Helen Rhee

INTERNATIONAL Bush addresses nation on Social Security Last night, President George W. Bush delivered a prime-time television address, focusing on reforms of Social Security but also answering questions regarding his nominees and high gas prices. Bush stressed that Social Security needs to be reformed now or the cost of doing so will escalate as time goes on. He stated that he remained open to options of how to create such reforms. Following the written address, the President answered journalists’ questions pertaining to subjects ranging from the war in Iraq to the escalating gas prices. This address, given on the hundredth day of President Bush’s second term on office, was the fourth he has given on prime-time television.

Iraqi cabinet members approved After three months of deadlock, the Iraqi National Assembly approved 27 ministers and five acting ministers to the Iraqi cabinet by a show of hands. The list was selected by Prime Minister Ibrahim al-Jaafari and approved by the Assembly. The ministers were selected in large part according to the religious and ethnic balance in Iraq. There was a heated debate over whether or not ministers who had been associated with the Baath party should be allowed into the cabinet.

Minority student confesses to hate crime A minority student at Trinity International University has confessed to sending hate mail to other minority students, including one message that contained a gun threat, which caused the temporary evacuation of black and Latino students from campus. The student, Alicia Hardin, an African-American freshman from Chicago, admitted that she was trying to convince her parents that Trinity was an unsafe place for her. Her reason for sending the hate mail was that she did not want to attend Trinity, but her parents would not let her transfer to another college. Hardin spent Monday night in prison after being charged with disorderly conduct and was released on a $5,000 bail after it was decided that she was not a threat to the community. Hardin’s actions could result in repercussions ranging from probation to five years in prison.

Congress passes act tightening abortion restrictions On Wednesday, Congress passed the Child Interstate Abortion Act, making it a federal crime to transport an underage girl across state lines to have an abortion without the consent of her parents. The act, passed by a vote of 270 to 157, also requires doctors to comply with the state notification, sometimes necessitating direct contact with the girl’s parents. The act received the support of the Bush administration, which, in a press release, called it “consistent with the administration’s view that parents’ efforts to be involved in their children’s lives should be protected.”

CAMPUS Professors elected to Academy of Arts and Sciences Three University professors were included in the Academy of Arts and Sciences Class of 2005. John Heuser, Henry Roediger III and Norman Schofield were among the 213 men and women selected this year to join the Academy. Heuser, a professor of cell biology and physiology, developed a technique that allows scientists to take detailed pictures of cell functions. Roediger, a member of the psychology faculty and past president of the American Psychology Association, has been involved in studying human learning and memory. An economics and political science professor, Schofield has worked in political constitutional theory and political economy. The three University professors are now among the Academy of Arts and Sciences’ 5,400 members, including 150 Nobel laureates and 54 Pulitzer Prize winners.

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News Editor / Sarah Kliff / news@studlife.com

FRIDAY | APRIL 29, 2005

STUDENT LIFE | NEWS

3

IDEA BOUNCE  FROM PAGE 1

NEW DEAN  FROM PAGE 1

to “bounce” an idea to the audience and a panel of five judges, which included community partners such as venture capital firms, incubators and other local entrepreneurs. Senior Brandon Heller, collaborating with fellow senior Ari Roisman, presented “Engineering Innovation for the Disabled Workforce.” Brandon said that their proposal is to make productivityenhancing devices for the disabled. “We came up with the idea in hopes of keeping jobs in the United States as opposed to outsourcing,” Heller said. “We propose to do this by making the disabled more able to perform simple jobs.” Of the ideas presented, five entrepreneurs will win $100 prizes and dinner with the judges of the contest. The winners will be selected by a set of three standards: the quality or value of the idea, the creativity of the idea and the quality of the presentation. Although not everyone wins the competition, junior Aarin Yu explained that Idea Bounce’s objective is to provide a forum for members of the Washington University community to share innovative ideas and learn how to start a business or patent an invention. “Idea Bounce is a stepping stone to helping you accomplish your goals,” Yu said. “Although everyone doesn’t win, RACHIT PATEL | STUDENT LIFE they still learn through the workshops, get exposure and form networks. If you A judge reviews a contestant’s plan during Idea Bounce’s first event in May Auditorium on can think of an idea, we can find a way Thursday afternoon. to help you. Ideabounce.com is open to anyone in the St. Louis area and entering the competition is free of cost. The interface is similar to that of a blog, but posting is open to the public. Contestants have posted 20 ideas on the website thus far. Prospective entrepreneurs post descriptions of their ideas along with what they need to make them into a reality.

degree programs. “Mahendra represents the best of Olin in teaching, research, community service and preparing tomorrow’s business leaders,” said Anjan Thakor, a professor of fi nance and a member of the search committee for a new dean. Gupta grew up in India and attended Bombay University for his undergraduate studies. He received his master’s degree in industrial management from Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh. After working in various managerial posts, he attended the Stanford University Graduate School of Business and in 1991 received his Ph.D. in fi nance. In 1991, he placed fi rst in the American Accounting Association’s competition for best doctoral dissertation in the field of managerial accounting. He has also been published in numerous leading academic journals, including The Accounting Review and The Journal of Management Research. “I’m very pleased and honored to have an opportunity to lead the school,” Gupta said in a statement. “We have the potential to make Olin one of the premier global institutions for business education and research. We have world-class faculty, talented staff and a bright and vibrant student body. Indeed, our path to future success will be defi ned by key roles played by faculty, students, alumni and our loyal supporters in the business community.”

-With additional reporting by News staff

CEREMONY  FROM PAGE 1 versity. Ideas ranged from the quirky “I make Wash U spunky” and “I make Wash U better looking than U of Chicago” to the more sober and poignant “I make Wash U nothing.” When asked, many of those present said they had decided to apply and attend the ceremony out of curiosity. “Coming into the night, I wasn’t really sure, but…some of the things said, they really made me think about why I’m here,” said senior Barry Cynamon. “One of the reasons I applied was because I didn’t know what it was.” The air of the congregation was one of optimism as well. After the ceremony had ended, Poe noted this ceremony was only the fi rst of many campus activities to come. He thought that this initial event was very well received by students, especially upon seeing the incredibly positive atmosphere at the close of the ceremony. “It was a good idea…it’s a way to get your opinion [about the University] out,” said Poe. “It keeps things on a more positive note like this, it gets students interested in what’s going on.” Sophomore Gina Anderson echoed the sentiments of those present. “It’s really funny…I’m not even sure why I applied,” said Anderson. The people behind the initiative have yet to reveal themselves, and their future plans still seem shrouded from the public. After the presentation of awards, the ceremony abruptly ended. Poe remained mum over who exactly started the program, and what would happen next. The evening ended with all in attendance even more perplexed than when it began, yet with an invigorated attitude towards the student community of the University, and how they each fit into the tapestry of this micro culture.

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Religious Directory

COURTESY OF YOU MAKE WASH U

You Make Wash U posted signs like this around campus soliciting students to submit applications for their awards, presented last night. Members of the You Make Wash U group did not reveal their identities at this week’s award ceremony.

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SOPHOMORE  FROM PAGE 1

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Levin-Coburn. “The slump can be compared to a shellfish that has lost its shell in order to grow, but it is vulnerable in between.” Smith said she had been dreading her sophomore year because she heard other people badmouthing it. But according to her, “sophomore year has been a learning experience. [You] are not quite an upperclassman, but you have a level of responsibility. Freshmen look up to you.” For students nervous about becoming sophomores, LevinCoburn said there are ways to survive. She recommends that students make use of the resources that are available. “Actively choose to talk to professors, engage with advisors and use the counseling services. Use the advantage of being a sophomore. You know what is around,” she said. Shia, in her meetings with students, also recommends that people take advantage of what Counseling and Health Services has to offer. She says that experiencing the “sophomore slump” is “normal.” “People should defi nitely use the resources at hand. You need to deal with the problem and know if you are overextending yourself,” she said. The problem may not be an inevitability, as some sophomores do not experience the slump at all. Sophomore Joe Thomas said he never felt lost during his second year. “I do not feel neglected,” Thomas said. “There is not as much hand-holding, but the school still bends over backwards for all of its undergraduates.” “Sophomore slump” survivor Smith concurred, and said that overcoming the transition is not a difficult thing to do. She told new sophomores to “be encouraged. Sophomore year is not as bad as people make it out to be. You can make it through.”

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4 STUDENT LIFE | FORUM

Forum Editor / Molly Antos / forum@studlife.com

FORUM

FRIDAY | APRIL 29, 2005

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS Write a letter to the editor letters@studlife.com or Campus Box 1039 Submit an opinion column forum@studlife.com or Campus Box 1039

STAFF EDITORIAL

Library patrons: learn to share N

ot long ago, there was a wall in the middle of campus. It showcased political graffiti and attempted to obscure the messy construction site behind it. Many moons later, a spaceship-esque building rose up in its stead, thus marking the birth of what Washington University students fondly refer to as “the library.” You may have also noticed that along with this vastly improved, albeit architecturally atrocious haven of books, came a multitude of visitors outside of the student/staff/faculty body. In Whisper’s Café, as you stand in line for three hours for a mocha, you may

or may not notice the influx of strangers making copious use of our library facilities. Although you may feel as though your private domain is being infringed upon, these friendly visitors from outside the bubble are actually a good thing. Barring sketchy pedophiles and old men searching for a place to masturbate, we should welcome community members into our library and allow them to use our facilities. Although we should not allow people who do not contribute to the academics here to print endless amounts of meaningless dribble on our precious paper, there is no reason why we should

keep our wide selection of books to ourselves. A college library is a precious commodity for many communities, and Olin should be no different. Visitors should be allowed to use the reference items as long as they don’t take anything home with them. We are lucky to attend a school that provides us with such a valuable resource for our studies. There is no reason to deny our surrounding community access to such a treasure. It is always a good idea to improve our school’s relationship with the outside world. In that same vein, though, we have

The next step

W

ith a trembling hand, Nietzsche declared God dead—and I, for one, agree with him. For Nietzsche, however, the realization was hardly a triumph: he envisioned the dissolution of the Western world, he shook with insecurity. Our world, according to Nietzsche, was recast as “a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.” In sum, man couldn’t continue without his myth, reason couldn’t maintain the State—and Nietzsche prepared for the unraveling. Cue fiery decline. But the State has stood; and it was modernism, not nihilism that emerged from the rubble of the old myths. We’ve taken careful steps towards the secular and the foundations of society have remained intact. What are the consequences for the future of our religious institutions? Assuming the nonexistence of God—and this is a point I won’t attempt to defend—can we expect a reimagining of the church? Does it alter our values? Change the way we raise our children? For me, the absence of anything above is empowering—you are free from fate and what you make of this world is your own doing, your own responsibility. More importantly, for our purposes, it presents the opportunity to reopen the debate in logical terms about the way we want to live. We can be free ourselves from the superstitions of past cultures and instead be a part of actively, guiltlessly shaping our values. Free from the threat of judgment and liberated from past dogmas we can discuss and debate what the “great truths” of our time, our history will be. Still, a godless world is not without its flaws: for me, the role of the church is difficult to let go. I spent my childhood in the arms of a comforting church and it’s something I regard as both valuable and formative. It was a place to grow up gently, a sense of grounding and security. But we can do better. We can recognize new realities and evolve away from the church—from religion entirely. Using perspective to our advantage we can take that which is advantageous and leave the undesirable. We can adapt the strong sense of community and fellowship that religion provides, without reproducing the reliance on mysticism. We can create an institution that imparts morality and educates our children without intellectual close-minded-

Zach Goodwin

ness. Religion has been outmoded and I propose “the Center” to take its place. My hypothetical “Center”—and I’ve been told there’s something like it somewhere in Chicago— would meld the indispensable qualities of the church with a progressive, modernist perspective. I imagine something like the following: The Center would meet weekly—preferably somewhere geographically “central” to the community it serves. The sanctuary of the church would be replaced by the lecture hall of the Center. As an important feature of the Center would be its role in imparting basic—though democratically determined—moral values, the Center would be for children as much as adults. The Center would strive to present models for children to aspire to. Each lecture would begin with a colorful biography of great figures in world or American history. Themes and morals would be highlighted—though interpretation would be flexible. Next, the children of the congregation would be presented with an “ethical dilemma of the week” which they would “solve” in small groups during the adult-oriented section of the lecture. Additionally, in order to foster cultured young men and women—and to facilitate the sense of community—music would be a regular part of the lecture. From Chopin to Bob Dylan, each lecture would feature a musical performance or offer an opportunity for the congregation to sing together. Having been presented a useful biography, a light lecture, a constructive ethical dilemma and some music, the children would leave the lecture to discuss together in groups arranged by age. With the children gone, the adult portion of the lecture would begin. Ideally, the lecture would be led by a different professor each week. The lectures would vary greatly from speaker to speaker: one might offer social criticism, another a review of a classic text; art history lectures and a review of recent progressions in the natural sciences would be equally common. The Center would aim to be a home for debates, book reviews, documentaries, politics— all things cultural. While the topics addressed would be wide-ranging, the mission of the Center would be simple: inform and engage the community in an attempt to refine our values. Now to be sure, my Center is just a hypothetical, a fiction; still, with a little work we could remake our religious institutions and find an agreeable, secular alternative. Zach is a junior in Arts & Sciences and a Forum editor. He can be reached via e-mail at forum@studlife.com.

Where’s our pride? By Emily Schlickman Op-ed Submission

I

t’s Saturday morning. All of the sudden, you feel an overwhelming urge to crack open your books. Astounded by this rare impulse, you decide to actually get some work done. As you walk over to the library, you begin to notice something you had never paid attention to before: the remnants of a Friday night carelessly strewn all over the South 40. Last year Washington University took part in a recycling competition with 16 other universities. The 10-week competition ranked each university by the amount of recyclable material each student could produce. Miami University succeeded in securing the number one position with 58.28 lbs/person. Washington University placed last with 3.87 lbs/person—15 times less than that of the leading schools. Now, before we start pointing fingers, we must realize that certain variables probably don’t help the situation, such as poorly labeled disposal containers, St. Louis city restrictions on recycling and the lack of adequate instruction. Yet, these factors alone cannot account for this massive discrepancy. Other universities must face some of the same recycling roadblocks that we encounter, but they are capable of instituting successful programs. With this, we must wonder if these uncontrollable variables constitute just a deceptive layer of excuses under which the true problem lies. Are we—the students, the faculty, the staff—at least somewhat responsible? We have all heard of the “Wash U. Bubble” where academia and partying take precedence over other priorities.

STUDENT LIFE Editor in Chief Associate Editor Managing Editor Senior News Editor Senior Forum Editor Senior Cadenza Editor Senior Scene Editor Senior Sports Editor

Margaret Bauer Liz Neukirch David Tabor Sarah Kliff Molly Antos Laura Vilines Sarah Baicker Justin Davidson

At one point or another we all have fallen into this trap of only seeing narrow bands of importance in our college lives. But this does not give us the right to renege on our personal responsibilities that we once took pride in claiming. It seems as though once thrown into the college scene, many of us (myself included) become so wrapped up in our own desires and aspirations that we refuse to respond to issues that once compelled us. Now, this troubling issue extends far beyond the realm of recycling programs. For example, many of us have lost touch with the rest of the world. Most of us grew up reading the newspaper and watching the news. We took pride in becoming informed of the events that shaped the environment around us. Yet now it seems as though our only concerns revolve around GPAs and the next place to get drunk. I am not trying to reprimand the Washington University community. Rather, I wish simply to expose a personal observation that has become more and more evident to me. So now we must pose this question to ourselves: Where did our pride go? Just because our atmosphere has changed doesn’t mean that our self-imposed duties can. In a recent survey, 97% of Wash U. students admitted that recycling could improve on campus. So, I beg of you, whether you are finishing up at the library and tossing your notes away, or cleaning up after a party and getting rid of a massive bag of beer cans—think twice about blindly lobbing them into the garbage. Emily is a freshman in Arts & Sciences. She can be reached via e-mail at eeschlic@artsci.wustl.edu.

Senior Photo Editor Senior Graphics Editor News Editors Contributing Editor Forum Editors

David Brody Brian Sotak Laura Geggel, Brad Nelson Mandy Silver Daniel Milstein, Zach Goodwin, Jeff Stepp, Brian Schroeder Cadenza Editors Adam Summerville, Jordan Deam Scene Editors Kristin McGrath, Sarah Klein Photo Editors Pam Buzzetta, Oliver Hulland, David Hartstein

several requests for the guests of Olin: please do not take anything home with you that you didn’t bring in. Please don’t expose yourself in the B stacks. Please don’t spill that deliciously overpriced coffee on any of our books. Please don’t answer your cell phone or cackle loudly while in a “quiet zone.” Please sit on the floor if you have to stay awhile, because finding desk/chair space is tough, particularly during reading week. Thanks. It’s been nice doing business with you.

Things I learned this week By Brian Schroeder Staff Columnist

T

his has been a pretty fun week, being the last week of classes and all. Despite the fact that I went out every night of the week, I’ve still made it to all my classes and managed to learn a few things in the process. I’ve decided to impart my wisdom upon you. On Monday I learned that the best way to impress your professors in ArtSci is to wear a suit to your presentations. I took business Spanish this semester with one of my friends and our final presentation was on Monday. We both dressed up in suits and ties, something that we’ve gotten quite used to over here in the preschool, and the effect was quite dramatic. Even outside of class the effect was noticeable. I received compliments from all sorts of random people and I had more than my fair share of girls longingly gazing in my direction. Some of the looks probably had to do with the fact that very few people have ever seen someone with a red faux-hawk wear a Donna Karen suit as well as I do. Either way, wearing a suit convinces people that you are a lot more professional than you actually are. This point was well illustrated the following morning. I had changed my shirt and tie to a more casual black dress shirt and no-tie look for $4 Martinis at Drunken Fish. It was there that I learned that you can make a great martini with sake and that a faux-hawk in a night club is an immediate invitation for conversation. I eventually passed out on Hiram’s couch, after hanging up my suit, of course, and woke up Tuesday morning with just enough time to get re-dressed and go to class. While sitting in the back of accounting class a friend of mine complimented me on how nice I looked. I was still kinda messed up after a night of pounding martinis so my response was “I know.” Lesson number four: never say that to a girl. If I hadn’t been sitting down I’m sure she would have kicked me in the junk. Later on that evening I watched “Blade: Trinity” with some friends and managed to learn some great things from that movie. Most importantly, I learned that, to vampires, fat people taste like Cheetos. After going to Wal-Mart Wednesday afternoon I soon learned why. Approximately 99.9% of Wal-Wart shelf space is devoted to other worldly engineered foods that contain not a damn thing that people should consume on a regular basis, yet the fat people in the store were stocking up like the stuff was going out of style. Listen people, even if the tapioca pudding is marked “6 grams total carbs low fat no sugar added,” it’s still not okay to eat them by the dozen. Slow down and have an apple or something. During lunch on Wednesday afternoon I learned that all the girls on campus really just want to go on dates with guys. I was talking with Slav’s girlfriend and her friends who, by the way, are totally sweet and super awesome, and we got on the subject of serious relationships in college. I told them that throughout my four years in college the longest relationship I had was the one morning I decided to actually walk a girl back to her dorm on the 40. I then told them that, while sleeping with random smelly pirate hookers was okay, I really missed going on dates with girls and doing things other than getting drunk and hooking up. The collective sigh that they emitted was only matched by the sigh that girls make when they see famous babies dressed up like flowers. They then proceeded to tell me that I’m the nicest guy ever and that it really made their day to hear me say that. I personally don’t think that any girls on campus want to go on dates, or maybe it’s just that no girls want to go on dates with me, but either way if any cute girls out there want to go on a date with me before school is out just send me an e-mail. Anyway, I’m getting ready to head out to $1 beer/$1 sake at Modai (it’s Wednesday), so I’m gonna stop right here. Enjoy WILD and if you run into me keep in mind that I’ve probably checked out for the night and that it’s really Mr. Hyde that you’re witnessing. Brian is a senior in the Olin School of Business. He can be reached via e-mail at schroederb@wustl.edu.

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Sports Editor / Justin Davidson / sports@studlife.com

FRIDAY | APRIL 29, 2005

PORTS S • COMPILED AND EDITED BY JUSTIN DAVIDSON AND HARRY KANG • DESIGNED BY CAMILA SALVISBERG

MEN’S TENNIS Last Meets: Wash U. 1, Kalamazoo College 5 and Wash U. 4, Coe College 1 Team Notes: Three Bears were named to the AllUniversity Athletic Association team. Juniors William McMahan, Eric Borden and Zack Fayne made the team. Also, freshman Charlie Howard was named the UAA Tennis Athlete of the Week. Next Meet: The Bears finished the regular season with a record of 13-5. National Ranking: 17 PAM BUZZETTA | STUDENT LIFE

WOMEN’S TENNIS Last Meet: Wash U. 9, Principia College 0 Team Notes: Six Bears were named to the All-University Athletic Association team. Senior Kacie Cook made the first team in singles. She has a combined singles and doubles record of 120-74 in her career at the University. Senior Sara Kabakoff, sophomore Erin Fleming, senior Erica Greenberg and senior Becky Rovner were also named to the team. Head coach Lynn Imergoot was awarded Coaching Staff of the Year honors. NEXT MEET: The Bears will get ready to participate in the NCAA Championships on May 7th and 8th. National Ranking: 16

TRACK AND FIELD Last Meet: Both the women’s squad and the men’s squad finished 3rd at North Central Quad. Team Notes: On the women’s side, freshman Megan Wille finished third in the 400-meter dash. Junior Laura Ehret and freshman Lisa Sudmeier finished first and second, respectively, in the 800-meter run. On the men’s side, sophomore Ryan Lester finished third in the 800-meter run. Junior Brennan Bonner finished second in the 1500-meter run.

STUDENT LIFE | SPORTS

FEATURED STORY

No. 1 softball can’t be beat the team knocked out six home runs; the University had 12 hits, including two home runs, in the 7-1 win in game one. They followed that up with four home runs in a 9-1 win in five innings in the nightcap. The Bears will begin postseason play in the next two weeks. Softball playoffs have two rounds: Regionals and Nationals. Due to the incredible success of the squad this season, Regionals may take place at home at Francis Field. However, due

By Scott Kaufman-Ross Sports Reporter

With just one game left to play in the regular season, the Washington University softball team heads into the postseason red hot. After another four wins this week, the Bears extended their winning streak to an incredible 26 games, which is the 11th-longest winning streak in Division III history. Their overall record of 43-1 is tops in the nation and the Bears will conclude the regular season as the No. 1 ranked team. The team is just five wins shy of the Division III wins record or 48, held by The College of New Jersey in 1984, 1992, 1994 and 1995. On Sunday, Apr. 24, the squad edged out Wartburg College (238) in a 3-2, 7-6 sweep in Waverly, Iowa. The two games were some of the closest the Bears have seen all season. Heading into the fi nal inning, the Bears were looking at their second loss of the year until senior Jackie Burgdorf hit a twoout, two-run home run in the top of the seventh to give the Bears a 3-2 come-from-behind win. The home run for Burgdorf was the fi rst of her career. In the second game, the University didn’t go easy after the nailPAM BUZZETTA | STUDENT LIFE biter in the fi rst game. The squad pounded out 13 hits and held The No. 1-ranked softball team (43-1) off a late rally from Wartburg to huddles up in the infield and gets ready to post a 7-6 victory. Junior Amanda put on another spectacular show of skill Roberts went 3-for-3 on the day, and domination. The team has won 26 knocking in two RBI and adding straight games and is five wins shy of the three runs scored in the effort. Division III wins record. Following the sweep of Wartburg, the team took on Webster Uni- to the incredible strength of their versity (26-10) on Wednesday, Apr. region, teams may shift regions, so 27 in its last home stint of the regu- plans have yet to be fi nalized. The lar season. Coming off their WU winner of each regional competirecord 24-game winning streak, tion advances to Nationals for the the Lady Bears decided to put on a right to be crowned Division III hitting performance for the home National Champions. Regardless of where or who they crowd. During the double-header,

will be playing, the Bears are headed into the playoffs full speed ahead. The team has already demolished their previous record for wins in a season, and are showing no signs of slowing down. The Bears boast two starting pitching aces who are both fresh off fantastic seasons. Senior Victoria Ramsey, who recently became the Bears all-time winningest pitcher, heads into Friday’s fi nale with a 14-0 record and 0.53 ERA. Sophomore standout Laurel Sagartz, the UAA Player of the Year, topped the 20-win mark this week, bringing her season record to 21-1, with an ERA of just 0.72. Sophomore slugger Jamie Kressel has been making headlines of her own. With two home runs in Wednesday’s 9-1 win over Webster University, Kressel topped doubledigits in home runs and leads the team with 11 round-trippers. Senior Liz Swary has produced a successful farewell campaign, batting .445 with 7 HR and a staggering 51 RBI. Also wrapping up exceptional seasons at the plate are freshman Amy Vukovich and junior Monica Hanono. Vukovich leads the team with an outstanding .461 batting average and an on base percentage of .527, while Hanono fi nished with a .424 batting average to go along with 3 HR and 31 RBI. Head Coach Cindy Zelinski has pushed the girls hard all season, producing very apparent results. In her fifth year at the University, Coach Zelinsky pushed the girls to perform at the best of their ability and stressed the importance of teamwork and team unity. The unorthodox pre-game rituals of the team demonstrate the type of bond the girls have formed, which has translated into victories on the field and a promising postseason.

BASEBALL Last Game: Wash U. 16, Eureka College 0

Next Meet: Wash U. is set to host UAA Outdoor Championships on April 23rd and 24th. PAM BUZZETTA | STUDENT LIFE

Team Notes: Senior Dan Rieck hit his team-leading tenth home run of the season. The Bears amassed 16 runs on 21 hits. Sophomore pitcher Brent Buffa improved his season record to 9-1 by throwing a complete game four-hit shutout. He also struck out 11 batters.

Did You Know: The Bears are just two wins away from tying their single season record of 30 wins. Next Game: The Bears are scheduled to play against Illinois College on May 1st at 1 p.m.

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TOUCHSTONE PICTURES AND SPYGLASS ENTERTAINMENT PRESENT A BARBER/BIRNBAUM PRODUCTION A HAMMER AND TONGS PRODUCTION AN EVERYMAN PICTURES PRODUCTION “THE HITCHHIKER’SCO-GUIDE TO THE GALAXY” SAM ROCKWELL MOS DEF ZOOEY DESCHANEL MARTIEXECUTIVEN FREEMAN BILL NIGHY ANNA CHANCELLOR AND JOHN MALKOVICH MUSIC PRODUCERS TODD ARNOW CAROLINE HEWITT BY JOBY TALBOT EDITOR NIVEN HOWIE PRODUCERS DOUGLAS ADAMS ROBBIE STAMP DEREK EVANS BASED ON THE PRODUCED SCREENPLAY BY GARY BARBER ROGER BIRNBAUM NICK GOLDSMITH JAY ROACH JONATHAN GLICKMAN BOOK BY DOUGLAS ADAMS BY DOUGLAS ADAMS AND KAREY KIRKPATRICK DIRECTED BY GARTH JENNINGS

OPENS IN THEATRES APRIL 29

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6 STUDENT LIFE | CADENZA

Cadenza Editor / Laura Vilines / cadenza@studlife.com

FRIDAY | APRIL 29, 2005

THEATER PREVIEW

Sex and candy in drama By Robbie Gross Both students and faculty of the Performing Arts Department (PAD) get a twinkle in their eye when they talk about the A.E. Hotchner Playwriting Competition. It is at once a Golden Ticket and a Triumphal Arch: a lucky opportunity to realize a dream, and a celebration of a hardearned and much deserved accomplishment. Beginning this Thursday and running through Sunday is the premier of this year’s Hotchner production, Brian Golden’s “Six Seconds in Charlack.” The question posed every year remains: why is this Performing Arts Department production different from all other productions? Beyond the fact that the winner follows in a tradition of Wash U. playwriting competition participants that includes Hotchner and Tennessee Williams—a fourth place finisher once upon a time—is the reality that these are exceptional plays. Golden, who graduated in 2004, spent three years writing “Charlack.” The play has been through countless revisions. Written in the fall of 2002, the script was selected as a winner of the competition in the spring of 2003 as a 45-minute, two character play, and chosen to be produced the following year. Nearly three years after Golden started writing it in his introduction to playwriting class, the play now has four characters and runs close to two hours. “It’s been through so many makeovers,” Golden said. “There is only about one half of a page remaining from the first draft.” Golden’s play centers on the mid-20 -year-old characters Bard (Chauncy Thomas) and his girlfriend Penny (Lauren Dusek). Penny wants to set the two on a track to blissful bourgeois marriage complete with a job at her father’s law firm. Another girl in Bard’s life, Candy (Christena Doggrell), has different plans for him, however, and Bard must come to terms with her and his past. As Golden succinctly summarizes, “It’s a play about remem-

The Flipside of Pop Culture By Tyler Weaver

Tyler says “Bye” Richard Chapman. Pier Marton. Bill Paul. Jeff Smith. My gurus in the fi lm department. Tolerating me at my worst, accepting me at my usual, pushing (sometimes shoving) me toward my best. Anyone who dares mock me for spending my four Wash U. years studying—gasp!—fi lm is an idiot. I know volumes more now than when fi rst I stepped on campus, about what I love and what I’ll love to do. And Lori Turner, the glue that holds it all together? You’re every bit as essential as the rest of ‘em. You cats are awesome. Kathy Drury and Emily Fridlund. Curators of my fi rst love, the written word, and the teachers who constantly reminded me why fi rst love lasts forever. Frank Flinn, Dolores Pesce, Tom DuBois, Ross McNary. Yeah, a couple of you aren’t even here anymore. But the ones that really leave their mark merit mention. Which reminds me… All my professors from this past semester. You got to see me as the wheels came completely off the wagon. Sorry ‘bout that; it’s nothin’ personal. Ryan Adams, “Gold”; Leona Naess, “Leona Naess”; Over The Rhine, “Ohio”; Ted Leo and the Pharmacists, “Shake The Sheets.” Yeah, I said it. The albums that got me through college. This is the pop culture column—there’s gotta be some in here somewhere. All my fellow fi lm students, from Oppenheimer to Stadler to Molly to Brad and everyone whose name I’m now forgetting. Years from now, we’ll always have Brown 100 to make the local multiplex look fantastic. Kristin Balzer. My leading lady and drinking buddy, ever the girl for late-night reflection and last-minute reshoots. Cheers to our (relative) working relationship, our awesome friendship, and—of course—“Dawson’s Creek.” (Even if you do like Pacey and Joey.) Say what’s up to Mike; I’d better be invited to the wedding. Laura Vilines and Matt Simonton. My editor people right here at ol’ Cadenza. Creaky and forlorn she may occasionally be, but we pumped the weekly life into her. I’m gonna miss this fucking paper, but exponentially more I’ll miss you two. Keep up the (vaguely) countercultural legacy. And the sweet shindigs. Robbie Gross, Sharief Gaber, Susannah Cahalan, Laura McLean, Anna Dinndorf. My non-editor people up in this piece. For putting up with our often lackadaisical meetings, for getting shit in (well, generally) on time. And, y’know, for being fun and fantastic. My people all the way back at Koenig 3, ’01-’02. Y’all didn’t exactly see me at my fi nest, but it ain’t a thang. They’re tearing down our building now—blasphemy! Here’s one for snowball fights and late-night work and, y’know, that whole dealing-with-September-11th business. The best damn floor I could’ve ever hoped for. Laura Shapiro. You couldn’t sell me on Gavin DeGraw, but you managed to bring me around on a far more insidious demographic: Scene girls. We’ll always have, sweetly and dorkily, the facebook. Tell Amsterdam we’re jealous back here. Kaitlin Eckenroth. I owe you a lot, most prominently an explanation. Right now, I just want you to know I’ve missed ya. We’ve got time; we need to get coffee. Sam Caplan. The last girl standing from the North Rosebury disaster. I love me some Chesnut, Castro and Coleman, but come on—you’re our bone-dry geek-glasses Architecture cheerleader. Stewie misses you. Get your ass over and say hello. And thank your boyfriend for all his work on that damn project. Mel Langdon. So what am I supposed to do? If I say “my boy’s main girl,” you’ll get all relationship-conscious and smack me or something. If I say “thanks for making my deserving dawg incredibly happy,” you might literally kill me. If I say “you’re awesome for being awesome, for being hilarious, and being a friend,” well, tough shit. It’s true. All of it. Here’s a bold statement: you being from Omaha makes up for 311. Beth Leonhardt (aka Milwaukee’s Beth). The little Wisconsinian ball of fun fury. That sounds ridiculous, but apropos. From our contentious debates on the nature of love to our preposterous failures in the realm of matchmaking. If that dude back Milwaukee way doesn’t get his head on straight, some more deserving chap will. In the meantime, you can always bitch to me—‘cause I’ve NEVER got relationship nonsense to whine about. CTAMNDR. MWW. Robyn d’Avignon. You. Are. Incredible. I can’t really imagine anyone else, like, straight-up offering me food the moment I step into their apartment, let alone making it from scratch before my very damn eyes. That’s just the sort of little thing that makes you the coolest kind of good friend and person I aspire to be. I’m fucking serious, dude. (I can say “fuck” a lot in here because I ain’t comin’ back.) I still have your Band CD, and your Smiths, and your Billy Collins, and your “God Of Small Things.” I owe you those back, and incredible amounts more. And yes, all my shit’s getting done. Jessi Stein. Y’know, I feel really bad because it’s been one of those months and I haven’t seen you in forever. So yeah, I miss you. Thankfully there’s all those weeks between the end of work and the end of school, and so we’ll have our time to hang and chat and do all the things we’ve been doing since all the way back in our “Three’s Company” neighbor days. You’ve been one of the most loyal cats I’ve met since I came here, and you’re among the best friends I’ve got. And you with Lee Harvey Jeff? Glorious. Steve Schmidt. Endurer of the most difficult shit I can imagine (not to mention the most difficult girl), inspiration for some of the hardest laughs I’ve had. You’d better keep in touch, dude, but before that you better make your way over our apartment way. Joe Ran-DA, Joe-RanDA! Travis Petersen. Conor to my Ryan. Writer to my writer. Drinker to my drinker. Romantic (hidden) to my romantic (obvious). What else is there? Oh, yeah. My brother for life. This is starting to sound like a love letter, to which I say “Racism…” James Schmidt. Because, y’know, I don’t even need to describe. Everyone else. Thanks for reading. Keep reading Cadenza. I’ll see y’all at the Oscars. I’m out.

bering who you are … something a lot of people my age are trying to do.” In addition to Doggrell, Thomas and Dusek, the play’s fourth actor is Dan Hirsch, who plays three different roles. The set, designed by Pushkar Sharma, is inspired by a typewriter, a strong theme in a metatheatrical play. Salina Greene designed the costumes, Derek Dohler the sound, and Matt Kitces the lighting. One characteristic of the Hotchner award is that it generates a good deal of admiration and praise amongst its participants. Jeffrey Matthews, the play’s director, is no exception. “The writing here is very strong and very poetic,” he said of “Charlack.” “It’s a very thoughtful play—very thoughtful and sexy and sad.” While a creative production of the play is critical to its success, Matthews emphasizes that the Hotchner award winner is more about the student than the PAD’s production. “The event’s really about Brian’s play and letting that happen for the student,” he added. “And he’s quite a craftsman. [The play] has got a little magic to it.” While the weekend may be about Golden, the playwright is quick to express his gratitude to those who have made it possible. “It’s such a ridiculous honor, and flattery, and opportunity … to have people say, ‘This is a play we want to commit a year to produce,’” he said. If Matthews is right, the Hotchner won’t be the last time people will make a commitment to Golden’s talent. “We’re going to be hearing from him again,” he said. When asked what the future holds in store for him, the overly humble Golden smiled: “Any way I can find to tell good stories— that would be great.” “Six Seconds in Charlack” will be performed Thursday, Friday and Saturday, April 28, 29 and 30 at 8 p.m.; and on Saturday and Sunday, April 30 and May 1, at 2 p.m.

CD REVIEW

Emperor X: slightly off-key but right on the mark By Jordan Deam For every talented, artistically inclined group of musicians recording onto a digital medium, there are a dozen more whose labels pay for the full ProTools treatment in the hopes of making their albums sound as generic as possible. While the former camp uses the format’s flexibility to create soundscapes that would have been inconceivable in the analog age, the latter use it as a instrument to destroy the evidence of their heinous crimes against music. The result is a singer who hits all the right notes and guitars that are perfectly quantized to the beat of the song and flawlessly placed in the mix. It’s easy to listen to these releases and be more impressed with the software than the actual songwriting. Chad Matheny, the man behind Emperor X, doesn’t fit into either of these categories. While not the most accomplished singer/instrumentalist ever set to tape, Matheny doesn’t hide his flaws behind software plug-ins. In “Central Hug,” he boldly places them front and center in the mix, impossible for even the least discerning listener to ignore. His voice slips in and out of tune, the drums occasionally stutter in their struggle to maintain a consistent beat, the analog synthesizers hiss and splutter, and the layers of rhythm guitar rarely mesh perfectly with one another. Far from ruining what could have been a perfectly passable album, however, Matheny’s stark imperfectionism helps create an album of surprising character. Upon fi rst listen, it’s

easy to classify “Central Hug” as “lo-fi” alongside the likes of Guided by Voices or the Microphones. In reality, the album is recorded quite well: the guitars vacillate between dirty overdrive and blissed-out clean delays, the drums have a satisfying, compressed pop and the synths are tastefully placed in the mix in most tracks. In Matheny’s case, it is the performances themselves that contain that feeling of sloppiness and spontaneity. What he lacks in technique he makes up for in sheer enthusiasm. Album opener “Right to the Rails” builds to a satisfying climax accompanied by pounding toms, chugging guitars and Matheny’s frantic shouting. While his voice occasionally slips into a stereotypically “emo” inflection, Matheny reigns it in with the kind of absurdly impressionistic lyrics that you’d expect from an album with its title. Of course, when an artist takes as many risks as Matheny does, there are bound to be more than a few missteps. The synth-pop beat of “Use Your Hands” begins to wear thin long before the song ends. Still, when a musician displays this much zeal for his art, it’s hard not to be captivated by the results, regardless of how amateur they come off.

Emperor X Central Hug/Friendarmy/Fractaldunes Discos Mariscos Grade: B For fans of: Pavement, Guided by Voices, Death Cab for Cutie Tracks to download: “Right to the Rails,” “Sfearion” Bottom line: Matheny’s weaknesses are more remarkable than most bands’ strengths.

MOVIE REVIEW

“House of D” gets a D By Adam Summerville “House of D” marks David Duchovny’s return to fi lm as well as his writing and directorial debut; despite it being an original story written by him, it is one of the least original fi lms ever conceived. Somehow, it manages to fit a multitude of the most sentimental movie clichés into one movie. “House of D” tells the story of a middle-aged artist (Duchovny) who relates his formative teenage years in 1970s New York to his family in order to regain their love. In this rites of passage tale we also have a sweet mildly mentally challenged man (Williams) who teaches us supposedly meaningful lessons about love and the hardships of pulling the plug on someone in a persistent vegetative state. How Duchovny ever believed that this horrible amalgamation of sentimentality would ever pass as a decent or believable plot is beyond all understanding. Some movies can get away with, or even thrive, with one of these clichés, but with all of them shoe-horned into one fi lm, it loses all credibility and the audience loses investment in the characters. However, the dialogue isn’t as horrible as the plot is, although it does have some of the purplest prose this side of Sin City. At times it feels as if it was written by a 13-year-old, given the horrible analogies and the overabundance of phallic references. Some lines of dialogue are genuinely believable, and some are even humorous on their own intentional merit, but when the movie tries its hardest to be serious and emotional, the lines just seem trite.

Anton Yelchin, who plays the lead role of Tommy, delivers a noteworthy performance, and, despite the rest of the movie, is genuinely likable in the role. He isn’t the greatest actor, but given the source material he has to work with, only so much can be expected. Unfortunately, his performance falls apart during the emotional climax of the movie, when it becomes, disappointingly, overacted and emotionally strained. Once again, Robin Williams puts in a horrible performance as the sweetly mentally challenged Pappas, the best friend of young Tommy. Supporting actress Tea Leoni delivers one of the only decent portrayals in the fi lm; however, after her performances in “House of D” and “Spanglish,” Tea Leoni seems to only be capable of portraying an overbearing, upset mother. Hopefully, for Duchovny’s sake at least, this is only an act and not an indicator of her real personality. The real acting gem of this fi lm comes from Erykah Badu as Lady, a woman who is in solitary confi nement at (title alert) the Women’s House of Detention. Hers is one of the only likable characters, and she plays the character with such vitality that she carries what little of the movie she is allowed to. Despite a few good performances, these few decent portrayals can’t hold together the mess that is “House of D.” The plot is just too sentimental and trite to have any impact or meaning. I applaud Duchovny for attempting a comeback after his quite unremarkable run over the last few years, but if he’s going to reclaim any fraction of the glory he once had as Fox Mulder, he is going to have to do better than this.


Cadenza Editor / Laura Vilines / cadenza@studlife.com

FRIDAY | APRIL 29, 2005

Sonic Reduction By Matt Simonton

Now I face the final curtain It crossed my mind that I should write an apocalyptic rant for my fi nal column, prophesying the decline of musical culture and calling us all hell-bound heathens, hopelessly tuned in to mainstream FM radio and listening to people like Gavin DeGraw. But then I realized that I actually like Gavin DeGraw, so perhaps any elitist ire would be out of place. Still, there’s an ominous, doomsaying voice crying out in my soul (kind of like a cross between Nick Cave and the dude from Interpol, so you know it’s serious), and I need to put it into words. So here it goes: Your musical taste is under attack. Even as I type there are forces at work bent on telling, nay, dictating to you what is cool. Unfortunately, their identity is no longer so clear. You used to be able to round up the usual suspects with ease: “TRL,” Clear Channel radio, Now That’s What I Call Music volume 67. As long as you had your favorite independent record store and a subscription to CMJ, you could rise above such conformity of taste. Not so anymore. In fact, I don’t even know if such a condition ever really existed in the fi rst place. It’s probably a myth. But the fact remains that now there are two very dangerous trends that threaten the sanctity of your taste, and they both revolve around what’s always been called “indie.” I’d even go so far as to say that the rise of “indie” music is probably the greatest threat to truly independent-minded music fans today. The fi rst is a double-edged sword: the reception of formerly underground bands into the major label scene. I’d just bore you if I took the time once again to illustrate the ascent of Modest Mouse, Franz Ferdinand, and a host of others who have slowly infi ltrated TV commercials, movie soundtracks, and frat party Winamp mixes. There are obviously a lot of positive aspects to this “selling out”: the fact that I can walk into Old Navy and hear some decent music on the PA being one example. But then there’s what I’d like to call “the great ‘O.C.’ hijacking”: the deliberate selling of a distinct “indie” look, a skinny, Lacoste’d Seth Cohen look with Death Cab for Cutie on the side. They’ve figured out that indie rock is marketable, and they’re using the image, however faked, to sell records. Hence the Killers. (Can anyone honestly tell me the difference between “Mr. Brightside” and Jimmy Eat World’s “The Middle”? What are the Killers anyway, except mall-punk done up in designer clothes and eyeliner?) The second factor at work is even more insidious, because you can always count on the corporate rock scene to be crafty and profiteering. I don’t really hold it against them. What’s really shameful is the traditional indie community. The iron grasp it holds on the lives of music listeners everywhere is just painful, especially since I see it every day, and most of all because I see it

in myself. I’m talking about the powerful nexus of Pitchfork Media, countless webzines and the supposedly “alternative” press, who never fail to ape each other in one big echo chamber. If anyone should doubt that their word is sacrosanct among the hipster community, take the example of the Fiery Furnaces, who were just recently at our very own Gargoyle. When their “Blueberry Boat” record came out, I waited patiently for a reviewer who would have the nerve to call it out on what it was, namely a hookless, off-key exercise in pretentious wankery. Among all the glowing perfect scores, it took the somewhat conservative reviewing hand of Rolling Stone to call a spade a spade. I had sold my copy back long before. The same goes for similar Pitchfork favorites Animal Collective (tuneless faux-folkers who probably weren’t even on drugs when they recorded their abortive record) and Bloc Party (an average band riding high on the incredible power of “post-” words). To be sure, this dull smiling and head-nodding on the part of the underground community has invaded my own writing in Cadenza: my new purchases are more or less perfectly in line with the rest of the Converse-sporting set. So do as I say, not as I do. Before you leave thinking I hate everything, you should know that it’s perfectly okay if the Fiery Furnaces are your favorite band of all time. More power to you. But don’t ever capitulate to the dictators, the ones who question how anyone could ever *possibly* dislike their picks of the week. Just like whatever the hell you like, and be ready to share your own honest opinion. That’s what I’ve loved about Cadenza—former editor Travis Petersen’s passion for both black metal and Prince, Dan Carlin’s record club meetings, Jess Minnen’s jam band faves and Tyler Weaver’s partiality to cute, piano-playing songstresses (not to mention his outright contempt for critical darlings Wilco). These people have introduced me to countless great bands, and I can only hope that I was able to do the same. And they’ve successfully avoided the indie vacuum, where nothing original is ever uttered. So, any last parting thoughts...? Well, of course—if I can allow myself a bit of blatant partisanship (which I’ve always been pretty good about avoiding). Cadenza is the best part of the paper, and hopefully always will be. It’s been sad to see it wither into a three-page-a-week shell of its former self, but there’s no changing that now. What’s important is that you’re still reading, and perhaps one day writing. It’s true that no one’s going to steal 200 copies of the paper over a movie review or band interview, but you could share with someone a bit of music that meant the world to you, and I know personally that that’s a victory in itself. And that’s sonic reduction.

STUDENT LIFE | CADENZA

7

Nintendo: the road to E3 By Adam Summerville Under the surface of a J. Crew/Ugg bootsporting student body, there is a video game nerd contingent lurking at Wash U. Hell, if our sports page can do a feature on Halo 2, there can be no doubt. Well, for those of you hiding in the shadows, you might be aware that the biggest event in the industry, E3, is occurring in two weeks. At this convention all major developers, a large number of small developers and even a couple crazy video game inventors come out and show all of their coming products for the next year. I was allowed an early spin at some of the coming Nintendo games that will be released in the next year, so here’s a look at the new class of Nintendo games that will put Master Chief to shame. Killer 7: How anyone could claim that Nintendo is a company based around “kiddy” games after hearing even the title of this game is baffl ing. The game centers on a 75-year-old wheelchair-bound psychic assassin with multiple personalities that hunts down demons and absorbs their blood for power, making it one of the most confusing and David Lynch-esque games ever conceived. I am restricted from saying anything specific about game-play, but from what I played fans of old-school adventure games or light gun games will be pleased. And while semiautomatic rifles and riddle-based quests rarely cross paths, surprisingly, they mesh together quite well. Geist: This is yet another attempt by Nintendo to change their image, albeit a less successful exercise than Killer 7. In Geist, you play a (people familiar with Deutsch should have already guessed) ghost who is trying to gain revenge on the evil corporation that ripped his soul from his body. The game-play is that of a standard fi rst-person shooter, but with a couple of twists; as a ghost, you have very little power over the physical world and must use your powers of possession to interact with it. However, to possess an animal of higher mental orders (i.e. dog or human) you must fi rst sufficiently spook the animal into believing that you exist before you can take control. The concept of the game is great, but the execution is less than stellar. The graphics look reminiscent of very early generation PlayStation 2 visuals, which is inexcusable this late into the development cycle. In addition, the controls are a bit too stiff and hinder play. I was assured that this is a development version that still has a few months of work left, so hopefully these problems will be solved by the time the game is released later this year.

Donkey Konga 2: Some people out there might still be under the impression that the standard six-button controller is the only way to play games. However, in the last year there have been a flood (since flood now means three) of drum-based games released. Donkey Konga 2 is a sequel to one such game, the obviously titled Donkey Konga. The controller is a pair of bongo drums that have sensors for left drum, right drum and clapping. The game is a veritable laugh riot when played with a group of people, but becomes a sad charade when played alone at 3 a.m. after a long night out on the town. While the fi rst game suffered from very poor song selection (very few college students are willing to bongo drum along with Bingo), Donkey Konga 2 seems to fi x this blatant fl aw. The song selection includes some classics, a fair mix of modern hip-hop/rap, and one of my favorite bands, REM. Last week I suggested enjoying Kentucky Fried Movie with some friends and beers, but your time and beer money would be better spent with Donkey Konga 2. Once it is released that is. Nintendogs: The fact that this was my favorite game is somewhat embarrassing. The game is for the Nintendo DS, which people might remember from the cryptic “Touching is Good” ads that ran when it fi rst came out. For those not in the know, the system is Gameboy-esque, but it also has a touch screen and a microphone, and is Wi-Fi ready. In Nintendogs the player picks out their favorite breed and gives them the most adorable non-real puppies ever created on a digital screen. The player can select to play with their puppy, pet the puppy or train it using the microphone. The game was amazing in its sheer adorability, with the puppies running around, fetching balls, fi ghting other puppies for said balls and running up to you to throw again. I almost cried from the overwhelming cuteness. This is a game for fans of the Sims who are tired of looking after a boring person and would rather play with a couple of endearing little dogs.

Catch up! Get ahead! Graduate early! Attending summer school will stimulate your mind and help you get ahead in your course work. You might even be able to graduate early! Interested on finding out more?

www.slu.edu/summer Call: (314) 977-7234


8 STUDENT LIFE | CLASSIFIEDS

FRIDAY | APRIL 29, 2005

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NOTICE --SUMMER HELP -Apartment leasing/ clerical, or maintenance/ clean-up/fix-up for W.U. area apartment management company. 725 -5757. ADVERTISING SALES: STAYING in St. Louis this summer? Looking for a great part or full-time job? Join the “Arch City Chronicle” newspaper’s growing Advertising Sales Dept.! We cover the people and politics of St. Louis. Earn a generous commission based on your sales. Previous business, sales or retail experience a plus, but not required. Send your cover letter & resume to Claralyn Bollinger, ACC Ad Manager, 3415 Humphrey St., St. Louis, MO 63118 or email them to CLARALYN @ ArchCityChronicle.com GET PAID FOR YOUR OPINIONS! Earn $15 -125 and more per survey! w w w.money for sur veys .com INTERESTED IN GRAPHIC design? Want to get paid to publish your work? Design for Scene, Student Life’s weekly features section. For more information, email Sarah at sbaicker@wustl.edu. NOW HIRING CAMPUS managers. Ready for the UReps challenge? UReps is looking for the most outgoing, enthusiastic leaders for our Campus Manager position for the Fall 2005 semester! Work 10 hours per week, gain valuable business experience and earn while you build your resume. $100 weekly salary plus bonuses. To learn more and apply, visit www.UReps.com READY FOR EXCITING opportunity? Great locations, great concept. Join San Sai Japanese Grill for position in sushi, grill or cashier. Full and part time available. Flexible to fit your schedule. Webster, Kirkwood, Clayton locations. Please call 314821-1221 for information. SALES. LOCAL AGENT all wireless phone providers seeks part time associate. $1,000/month 10 hours per week. marketingteam@sbc global.net

LIVE ABOVE KALDIS! Studios, 1&2BR apartments available. Charming, air-conditioned. Call Suzanne 503- 6103.

2 BEDROOM IN THE LOOP, living room, big eat-in kitchen. Central AC, washer/ dryer provided free, beautiful hardwood floors, great off-street parking. Water, sewer and trash included. $625/mo. 314-567-9992 or seanrosen@aol.com. 5316 PERSHING THE CONGRESS West. Large 1 BR apartment, secured entry, offstreet parking. balconies, laundry, equipped kitchen, near Wash U, Hospitals, Park. 383- 6656. CLAYTON, U. CITY LOOP, CWE and Dogtown. Beautiful studios, 1, 2 bedrooms. Quiet buildings. $350 -$750. Call 725 -5757. HOUSE FOR RENT. Must see! 3 bedroom, 2 bath in Dogtown. 1/2 mile from campus. Hardwood floors, gorgeous kitchen, private garage. $1550/month. 314308-1799. HOUSE FOR RENT. Newly rehabbed, 3 bedroom, 1.5 bath. 1 block from U. City Lopp. Private 2 car garage. Lots of character! $1150/month. 314-308-1799. MASSIVE 3-BEDROOM LUXURY apartment. 1500 sq ft. Condo quality. Apartment in the Delmar Loop. New kitchen, new bath, washer and dryer in the actual unit. Dishwasher also. $1200/ month. 314-941-5856. NEWLY RENOVATED SPACIOUS 1-BDRM apartments. Central air, washer/dryer, dishwasher, hardwood floors, storage area. No pets. Non-smokers. 3 still available. $600/mo. Special offer if lease signed by end of May. 369-1016. STUDIOS, ONE & TWO Bedroom apartments for rent from $375, $475, and $595 respectively. Ten minutes from Washington University. Free heat, hot water and cooking gas. Apartments include 24 hour laundry, covered parking, elevator, ample closets, dishwasher, A/C, and W/W carpeting. Short term lease and furnished units available. One block from metro, bus-line, restaurants and shopping. Please call (314)421-5511.

SPACIOUS 3-BED KINGSBURY apt. 1.5 bath, walking distance from campus and loop, balcony, central air, price negotiable, call 310 - 480 -8464.

I AM IN NEED of an apartment for the summer, preferred availability midMay to mid-August. Preferably south/east of campus in a safe neighborhood, with laundry, A/C, cable and high speed internet. Some furnishings needed. ~$400/month price range, email shelvick@wustl.edu if you have an open room!

SUMMER SUBLET. SOUTHWOOD/DEMUN 3BR apt. (avl. June 1st mid August) 1-2 subletters needed. Central Air (big plus for summer). Dishwasher. Furnished. Rent $475/month. On Red Shuttle line. Contact Andy at fousta@olin.wustl.edu

JUNE 1 - MID AUGUST. 3 bed2 bath apartment, 3 blocks from campus. Free laundry/parking. Pay only small portion of rent. Email ahfeldma@artsci.wustl.edu.

FEMALE ROOMMATE WANTED for 3 bedroom 2 bath apartment on Waterman (near Kayaks). Approximately $400 per month (negotiable) and all utilities except electric included, free laundry, and walking distance fom campus. Contact Lara at 404-805 - 0701 or lebenben @artsci.wustl.edu

ONE BEDROOM IN 2-bedroom apt. Close to campus! Big Bend & Forsyth corner. Parking, washer/dryer, A/C. End of May to midAugust (negotiable). Email nwylie@wustl.edu or 314862-2873. ROOM FOR SUMMER sublet: master bed/bath in huge 3 bedroom apt. Free laundry/ parking. Great location at Forsyth/Big Bend. $485/mo. Contact afgoldst@artsci.w ustl.edu SPRING 2006 SUBLET: 1 BEDROOM in a nice 3 person apartment on Pershing. Close to campus, furnished, AC, washer/dryer. $350/month OBO. malabadi@wustl.edu. SPRING 2006 SUBLET: PERSHING. Only $295/month. 1 bedroom in a 4 bedroom house. Perfect for a student going abroad next fall. Fully furnished, utilities included, washer/dryer, huge bedrooms. Available January through May 2006. Contact 314- 401- 6332 or mrostrov@ wustl.edu SUBLET MID-MAY TO MID- August. 3 bedrooms, furnished, parking. $1050/ month most utilities included. Southwood Drive, 1 mile from campus, on red line. ambrooks@artsci.wustl.edu or 314- 440 -5368. SUBLET/ROOM NEEDED for fall semester. I’m looking for a sublet, apt or room for the fall period only, moving in end of August. Furnished and close to WU would be awesome. Contact me at mv zundert@wulaw.wustl.edu SUMMER SUBLET! ONE bedroom in a two bedroom apartment. Central Air. Dishwasher. Available late May to early August. Female preerred. Walk to campus and the loop! $455/month + utilities. 6659 Kingsbury, 1E. Contact Hannat at Hannah4478@aol.com

ONE BEDROOM IN duplex on Amherst Ave. Close to Schnucks and shuttle stop. One year lease starting June 1st. H/W floor, central air. $325 + half of utilities. Female grad student only. dhe@ wueconc.wustl.edu or 617-519-8699.

NEED POINTS? I HAVE extra points and would be willing to sell them for a portion of their original cost. Buy as many as you need. Email elshane@artsci.wustl.edu

ADULT NOVELTIES, TOYS, cards, ballons, more. Host a Toy Party. Call for details. Heffalumps, 387 N. Euclid 63108. Phone: 314-3610544, Fax: 314-361-2911.

NEW BELKIN WIRELESS router for sale. Never been used! $55 OBO. email tkbrown@wustl.edu or call 5 -1462 and leave message.

EXPERIENCE HYPNOSIS FOR Free Improve test results, memory and recall. Break or create any habit. Or just for BIG FUN. Call for details 1-877-876 -9334.

RACQUEBALL RACKET WITH 2 balls and Tennis racket with 6 balls. Each $14 and $15. kimy@wustl.edu or 314935 -3591. SEALY POSTURE PREMIER twin mattress. 2 years old, great condition. Millbrook 2. $125 OBO bought for $325. Interested? Make an offer to cpfowler@wustl.edu. TWO DUNLOP 300G TENNIS racquets, excellent condition, 4.5 in. grip. Sell new for $170, asking $10 each or both for $17. Call Glenn @ 314435 -7993.

GREAT HOTEL SPACE for Graduation, Parent’s Weekend & all other times. St. Louis Wash. U. Travel Agent Joe Lang. 1-800 -737-1900 ext. 121.

ANNOUNCING WIN $100 SAINT LOUIS Galleria gift certificate. Tell us what you think about Student Life in our readership survey. Go to www.studlife.com and click on our survey button.

Our last publication of the year will be May 2, 2005.

All classifieds to be included in this final edition must be placed by 9am on Friday, April 29. Publication for the 2005-2006 academic year will resume on August 26, 2005.

AUTOS WEBSTER HOME FOR sale. Nice 3 bedroom, 1.5 bath, farage, fenced yard, easy access to campuses, $219,900. Call Sue Williams, Coldwell Banker Gundaker, (314) 843-1600.

APARTMENT FURNITURE FOR SALE. 1 bedroom set, tv and tv stand, couch, storage units, extra desk and dresser, curtains, for sale from $5 $200. contact egbasch@ artsci.wustl.edu. BRAND NEW DELL 19” LCD monitor (E193FP) for sale. $399 plus tax on dell.com, asking for only $299. Email huilulu@yahoo.com. GREAT BIKES FOR CHEAP. Miyata 21-speed mountain bike; mens 10 speed racing bike; Trek 15 -speed mountain bike. Perfect for use on or off campus! $35 $80 OBO. Contact Jeff at jmbank@wustl.edu or 314258- 0641. JUNKTIQUE, SAT., APRIL 30, 9am-2pm, Something for everyone: furniture, housewares, food, etc. Grace Church, Skinker at Waterman. MOVING SALE! BED, desk lamps, bookshelf, TV/DVD/VCR, and more. w w w.geocities.com /belles 383/index.htlm

1998 VW JETTA GLX (Black). 86,xxx miles, 2.8L V6, automatic, gray leather, AC, sun/moonroof, BOSE soundsystem. $4,900 OBO. Call (917) 568-2304 or email mrippon@wustl.edu 1999 ACURA 3.2 TL, EXTREMELY low miles, metallic gray, fully loaded leather interior, great cond., Bose audio, new tires, 67700 miles. $12,000 OBO. Contact Yong (314) 359-9115 or gohy@wustl.edu 2001 AUDI S4 (pearl white): V6., biturbo engine, 6 -speed manual, Quattro, black leather interior, Bose audi. System, new tires, excellent condition, Audi Certiifed, 61, XXX miles, $19,500 OBO. Call: (314) 583-8688 or leejp@wustl.edu. 2003 MITSUBISHI LANCER ES. Only 17,xxx miles! Silver, CD player, power lock/ windows, excellent condition. $8,999 OBO. Call (787) 464- 6039 or email eaagrait@ artsci.wustl.edu RELIABLE AND AFFORDABLE 2001 Dodge Neon. Only 48,000 miles, sunroof, 4 disc CD changer, runs great! MUST SELL. Asking $3900. Contact Corey email cmintz@art.wustl.edu or (314) 276 - 4553.

Your Horoscope for Friday, April 29, 2005 By Linda C. Black, Tribune Media Services Today’s Birthday (04-29-05). Career demands require you to plan your time very carefully this year. Do it, for the money. You’ll be able to goof off later.

Cancer (June 22-July 22) Today is a 7. Your knowledge and expertise are tested, and won’t be found wanting. Don’t be intimidated; let others in on what you know.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Today is a 6. It’s a balancing act, figuring out what to spend and what to save. Can you afford a special reward? Sure, like paying off all your bills. That’s an awesome feeling.

To get the advantage, check the day’s rating: 10 is the easiest day, 0 the most challenging.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) Today is a 7. Perseverance is your secret to success for the next day or two. It seems you’re progressing slowly, but you’re progressing. That’s the thing.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Today is a 9. A little competition is good, as you well know. It’s even more interesting when it comes from someone you love and admire. Enjoy playing together.

Aries (March 21-April 19) Today is a 6. Ask for more and you’ll get it. Offer more, they’ll accept. You’re a good decision maker, so work your way up to the top. They need you there.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Today is a 9. Friends would love to see you, and you might like to see them, but family is most important. Ask them what they’d rather do.

Taurus (April 20-May 20) Today is an 8. The next day or two, you’ll be tempted to dump your responsibilities. You’ll want to race off to be wild and free. Don’t forget to pack a lunch.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Today is a 5. People who think they’re very important want more of your time. To you, the most important folks are the ones back home, and you’re right.

Gemini (May 21-June 21) Today is a 6. Proceed with caution any time you’re faced with purchasing decisions. The odds are high that you’ll spend too much, and get less than you bargained for.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) Today is an 8. Somebody you trust and admire can teach you a wonderful trick. It takes practice, but it’ll be worth the effort. You have natural talent.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Today is a 5. Watch out for changes in your assignment, or distractions that knock you off schedule. It’s good to have a routine, but also maintain flexibility. Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) Today is an 8. If you’re going to be late for dinner or another engagement, call. Don’t take anybody for granted; assume they all care where you are at all times. They’ll love you for it. (c) 2005, TRIBUNE MEDIA SERVICES INC. Distributed by Knight Ridder-Tribune Information Services.


FRIDAY | APRIL 29, 2005

Cadenza Editor / Laura Vilines / cadenza@studlife.com

STUDENT LIFE | CADENZA

NIGHT OUT  FROM PAGE 10

Monday night The Attire: Matt: Blue button-down shirt, blazer, tie, khakis, brown leather Alfani slip-ons. Tyler: Striped, vaguely Italian button-down, sports coat, wool khakis, dark slip-ons.

The Story: We’re annoying young executives who talk about golf and order expensive drinks. There is a strong possibility of getting our asses kicked.

We’ve searched long and hard for a place like this. (Our fi rst choice—the gaudy, karaoke-centric Talayna’s—was closed.) The walls are covered with sports memorabilia, the jukebox is playing Robert Plant backed by the Black Crowes. Perfect. The half dozen barfl ies there aren’t interested in much more than the beer in front of them or their game of coin-op poker. We try to make ourselves noticeable, bantering about sales trips to Indianapolis (a “trash city,” as Tyler recounted, where he hooked up with a hotel bartender named “Joy”), lauding Rod Stewart’s three “Great American Songbooks,” making next-day plans for nine holes, and later-tonight plans for some coke-snorting. The only reaction, though, is a bemused look from the bartender. Looking to ramp things up, we start a game of billiards and keep up the smarmy repartee, proceeding to play what is plainly the worst game of pool ever. The patrons look up only when Tyler skims the cueball off the table and into a nearby wall. We are obviously silly asses. On our way out, one guy steps back and makes way for Matt. “Go ahead,” he says, and another at the bar gives him a knowing look—stupid fucking snobs.

George’s Route 66 Bar and Grill on Watson The Drinks: Jack and Coke, Rolling Rock

McLain’s Corner on Big Bend The Drinks: 2 Bud Lights

You would be quite right if you thought McLain’s Corner is the mother of all dive bars. This tiny hole in the wall has little more than a friendly middle-aged waitress and a TV tuned to the “Late Late Show.” (They don’t care, either, underclassmen.) The only other people at the bar when we enter are a septuagenarian couple drinking hard liquor. This isn’t going to be easy. We’ve already expressed some frustration at our inability to play convincing assholes, and this quest grows ever harder once the old lady next to us begins to describe her cat “Coco” in adorable detail. “She’s got all this fur around her back legs, like a pair ‘a pantaloons—y’know, those Civil War pantaloons?” Tyler is sunk by this, cooing in response to the cuteness and sharing details about Stewie, his own pet feline. Matt chimes in with the very sad tale of his childhood cat’s demise—hit by a car—and any pretense of arrogance fl ies immediately out the window. For the rest of our stay, we talk TV with the bartender, mock “Late Late” guest Suzanne Somers’ obvious plastic surgery and generally keep our yuppie tails tucked snugly between our overdressed legs. Things are falling apart; we just can’t be mean to good people. Only one option for mockery remains: that’s right—hipsters.

The Upstairs Lounge on S. Grand The Drinks: 7 & 7, Bud Light

We like the Upstairs Lounge. On Monday night, they play some great music and the floor brims with happy dancers. It’s full of trendy idiots, yes, but the venue’s hard to knock. Nursing our drinks, we stand awkwardly at the edge of the bar and wait for people to stare. They do, thankfully, and we assure ourselves that the experiment is paying off. “Dude, check it out, I think that girl’s taking our picture!” “Aw, man, we’re SO out of place here.” We are, but there is little confrontation to be had. No free drinks, either; we retire to a booth with fresh rounds and watch grotesque anime while the Lounge clears gradually around us. The lesson of our quest is becoming apparent: it’s no fun to be stodgy at bars of ill repute. Better to dress like trash: personal comfort, bystander discomfort and shots on the house.

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9


10 STUDENT LIFE | CADENZA

Cadenza Editor / Laura Vilines / cadenza@studlife.com

CADEN Z A

FRIDAY | APRIL 29, 2005

n. a technically brilliant, sometimes improvised solo passage toward the close of a concerto, an exceptionally brilliant part of an artistic work

arts & entertainment

A night on the town Well, actually two nights...

Outgoing editors do their best to do their worst By Matt Simonton and Tyler Weaver

They say that the clothes make the man. But what sorts of clothes? What’s proper attire for a swanky bar might not fly at a sleazy dive, and vice versa. We decided to see just how people at the local watering hole would react to a smarmy, suit-wearing corporate type, and likewise how classy young socialites would respond to an unkempt dude in a Bengals jersey. So we, departing editors Matt Simonton and Tyler Weaver, dug through our drawers for the appropriate uniforms and set out to solve this question. We hit up three hip oases and three decidedly lower maintenance taverns and collected our data, facing disdainful looks, outright rejection and even the threat of violence. Here’s the story.

Saturday night The Attire: The Story:

Matt: A tight-fitting blue canvas jacket, a green Special Olympics t-shirt with holes in the armpits, a wrinkled pair of khaki shorts, calf-length patterned socks and beat-up Chuck Ts. Tyler: Baggier jeans than any proper socialite might wear, a backwards t-shirt, worn inside-out (tag visible), authentic #85 Cincinnati Bengals jersey, unzipped hooded sweatshirt. Water-resistant duck boots.

The Ritz-Carlton in Clayton The Drinks: 2 Budweisers, 2 Bud Lights, 2 indeterminate pink shots

We immediately make ourselves conspicuous by walking to the end of a dead-end corridor before sauntering into the bar area, strolling past the manager without a word. Taking our places at the bar, we nod to the tanned, Rolex-sporting young people and cigar-smoking over-50 set around us. The bartender is immediately friendly: “How you guys doing tonight?” We return his greeting and tuck into our Budweisers, loudly chomping on the salty bar mixture before us. Tyler explains, in a very exaggerated Southern accent, his job: to show Matt a good time. “Yeah, he’s havin’ some lady troubles, man.” The bartender is sympathetic, but adds some curious advice: “Hey, you guys should check out Blueberry Hill down on Delmar. I’ve never gone home hungry from there, even if the kitchen’s closed, if you know what I’m sayin’.” This is our fi rst subliminal message telling us to get the hell out. “Yeah, there are always other fish in the sea,” Tyler adds. “Yeah, maybe even out there,” Matt observes, pointing to the wedding party assembled on the dance floor. This likely qualifies as cause for alarm, since shortly afterwards two suits emerge from the back and level a close eye in our direction. Would these ruffians in their establishment attempt to mingle with their well-paying guests? To our surprise, the bartender produces two free mixed drinks along with another thinly veiled suggestion: “Here you go, fellas. To help you on your journey.” What a surprise: nice places will actually pay you to leave! This is indispensable information for the future. After downing the mysterious pink liquid, we settle up—one of our drinks completely absent from the tab (the things they will do to bribe you to get going!)—and hit the road. The night is off to a good start.

We’re two drawling rural types out for a night on the town. One is on a mission to pick up the other’s spirits after his girlfriend dumped him.

Cafe Eau at the Chase Park Plaza The Drinks: 2 Bud Lights Unfortunately, we only arrive in time to see some sort of white-funk band wrapping up their set. This place is full of the same yuppy trendsters as before; we may as well be a pair of flamboyant gays happening upon a Focus on the Family conference. The bar is closing at one (a scant few minutes away), so we have precious little time to work our backwoods magic. The bartender—“Joe” as we shall call him—takes interest in Tyler’s Cincinnati Bengals jersey: “Hey, is that a Bengals jersey, man? You know I was the best man at [long snapper] Brad St. Louis’ wedding!” Tyler, having momentarily adopted the lovelorn role, drawls about the coolness of this coincidence: “Aw, man, that’s awesome. This guy right here? The man. Right there.” “The man” is immediately pulled aside by Tyler for a picture. (It is, of course, the only good thing for him on such a night of “heartbreak.”) The police start ushering people out, so we have to act fast; when asked where we should go for the rest of the evening, the bartenders offer up as suggestions East St. Louis and its strip clubs. Matt lifts one hairy leg up on the bar stool. “Do you think they’ll let me in with my shorts?” “Uh, I don’t see why not,” responds a curious barkeep. “Except the Cheshire. They have a strict dress code there.” There it is—our next destination.

The Cheshire Inn The Drinks: Too mixed and many to recount

Unfortunately, the Cheshire, that English tavern to our south on Clayton, isn’t enforcing tonight—we get in without a second glance. As the night progresses, however, inebriated patrons take on the cause of proper decorum and, accordingly, become quite vocal in their disdain. “Sweet shorts, man.” “All right, nice attire...” Sneers and stares flow freely. Such criticism, though, quickly becomes the least of our troubles. Having picked up a female friend (dressed, appropriately, like trash) on our way to the Inn, it’s not 20 minutes before we’re subjected to the rather unsettling come-ons of a balding, 40-something Woody Harrelson lookalike. “Hey, man,” Tyler offers in Woody’s direction, “she’s got a boyfriend.” It’s at this point that our new friend sticks his hand out over the table and pronounces that he, in fact, has a wife. Tyler, taken aback by such a bald promotion of adultery, musters up all the Method fervor he can and suggests, “Well, why don’t you go fucking hang out with her?” This idea, predictably, goes over about as well as our outfits. “Well, looks like I got a couple pieces of [excrement] to step on with my shoe,” observes Woody, and the vulgar jawing continues until the older man’s wife (mistress? daughter?) steps in and ushers his belligerent ass away. We can take a hint from fate; our remaining drinks are immediately downed and out the door we go. The fi rst part of the experiment is over.

See NIGHT OUT, page 9


F R I D AY APRIL 29, 2005