MASKS OFF

Stories of resilience from university students living in Melbourne, Australia throughout the COVID-19 Pandemic.

References 1.

Gumede, W. (2020). The impact of coronavirus could compare to the Great Depression. Retrieved from https://www.aljazeera.com/opinions/2020/5/3/the-impact-of-coronavirus-could-compare-to-the-great-depression

2.

One Step Forward, Two Steps Backwards? Youth Are Facing an Uncertain Future. (2020). Governance For Youth, Trust And Intergenerational Justice: Fit For All Generations?, 1, Chapter 1. doi: 10.1787/c3e5cb8a-en

3.

Dodd, R. H., Dadaczynski, K., Okan, O., McCaffery, K. J., & Pickles, K. (2021). Psychological Wellbeing and Academic Experience of University Students in Australia during COVID-19 [Ebook] (1st ed.). International journal of environmental research and public health. Retrieved from https://www.mdpi.com/1660-4601/18/3/866

4.

4 Aug 2021 - More Australians than ever seeking crisis support. (2021). Retrieved from https://www.lifeline.org.au/resources/news-and-media-releases/media-releases/

FOREWORD University students have not had a platform to express themselves or share their stories of resilience throughout the isolating lockdowns in Melbourne, Australia.

Their voices have been drowned out and their well-being overlooked; omitted.

When the COVID-19 pandemic began, the worlds focus fell on our most vulnerable people, and for good reason, as they were the most susceptible to serious health complications and potential death. However, as the ongoing nature of the pandemic and associated lockdowns proceed, the world is now turning their attention to university students, with experts likening the disruption, stress, and uncertainty of the crisis to living through a war, or the Great Depression 1.

In June 2020, the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development released a report titled ‘One Step Forward, Two Steps Backwards? Youth Are Facing an Uncertain Future’, alongside a subsequent set of policies for global governments to implement within their COVID-19 recovery plans. Both the report, and key policies outline how the implications “such as confinement-related psychological distress and social distancing measures” 2 have specifically affected youth and disrupted all

04 | Foreword

aspects of daily life. The OECD states that the “pandemic has exposed young peoples vulnerability” 2, resulting in negative mental wellbeing, termination of jobs and a vast impact on future career trajectories that will wreak havoc on local economies.

In 2021, a peer reviewed article titled ‘Psychological Wellbeing and Academic Experience of University Students in Australia during COVID-19’ was published to the International journal of environmental research and public health. The results from the study found an alarming 86.8% of Australian university students felt that COVID-19 had vastly impacted their studies. Alongside this, 33.8% of students reported experiencing low well being, and 31.5% of students reported experiencing VERY low wellbeing 3.

On Wednesday the 4th of August, not-for-profit organisation Lifeline Australia reported that they received 3,345 calls for support, their highest recorded number since their inception 58 years ago 4. Lifeline has also reported that ongoing lockdowns are exacerbating loneliness, hardship and distress specifically among Victorian citizens - who have spent over 250 days in lockdown since 2020 4.

Now, more than ever the need for connection, expression and storytelling is clear. Masks Off provides university students an opportunity to express these feelings and share their collective stories of resilience.

To participate, follow along, or access relevent services, visit @MasksOff on Instagram or email masksoff@gmail.com.

CONTENTS 6

I still miss what I never had.

- MIK

26 Unhappiest I have ever been.

- MATT

8 I have never felt lonelier.

- RICHARD

28 Uncertainty as the new normal.

- HANNAH

10

30 Suffering from Zoom fatigue.

- BONNI

We will heal, we will rebuild.

- ASHLEIGH

12 I am caged but I am still free.

- KYLIE

32 The future is optimistic.

- OLIVIA

14 One very tired engineer.

- ZACK

34 A new decade on the horizon.

- INHYEOK ''SAMUEL"

16 After 245 days? I'm over it.

- LIV

36 My bed was my safest place.

- AMANDA

18 A Melbourne I saw was dead.

- LAUREN

38 Who it helped me become.

- BELLA

20 A future not promised.

- ISABELLE 22 Not what I wanted but what ........ . I needed.

- CAITLIN 24 Humans thrive on socialisation.

- CRISTIAN

Contents | 05

I STILL MISS WHAT I NEVER HAD. *

MIK | 20 | THEY/THEM

M school, since they are released from

ost queer people blossom after high

the restrictive cliques, structures, and pressures they once found themselves in.

They go out into the world, treat themselves to a scotch and dry at queer bars, enjoy on-campus queer spaces, spend time in inner-city coffee shops, and stroll galleries and parks.

They can surround themselves with likeminded people and figure out their identity in the process. It is interesting to me how Neoliberalism convinces us we are responsible for our own happiness, when other people play such a vital role in our confidence, sense of self, and in feeling seen - which is more important than ever as queer people, just trying to navigate language that best describes us, and find the happiness within or without it.

"I’m mourning the loss of the most anticipated years of my life."

Figuring out my queer identity was harder and more isolating than it ever should have been.

It is difficult enough managing the emotion and confusion of self-discovery and acceptance - let alone doing it by myself, stuck inside during the height of the pandemic and unable to see my friends. Although I am forever grateful to the online communities who have been there for me, and my friends who have responded

06 | Student Stories

to every text message and Snapchat – but it is simply incomparable to real-life interaction.

Victorians have been rounding up lockdown to 2-years, which is hard for me to grapple with since I am soon to enter my third and final year of my undergraduate course. I do not want to graduate from my Art History degree having never touched an artwork from my universities’ collection, nor do I want to graduate from my Gender Studies degree having only connected with a few people I saw on campus in that glimmer of freedom between lockdown 5 and 6.

I am so lucky that a few of my classes were on campus and that I managed to make some true friendships.

Nevertheless, it reminds me of all I have missed: that ‘campus lifestyle’ sold to us all through high school and within the media.

I cannot go on student exchange to New York and see all the contemporary art galleries, nor participate in any art internships. Sure, there may be opportunities in the future, but by that time I’ll be moved out of home, needing to pay rent and maintain a certain income.

Queer people have always moved in time and space differently, stopping and starting at different points on the timeline, enjoying winding detours to make daisy chains – so I know it will be okay. But I still miss what I never had.

Student Stories | 07

I HAVE NEVER FELT LONELIER. *

RICHARD | 23 | HE/HIM

C considering each individual period of OVID-19 has honestly been a war

lockdown could be considered a battle itself.

The pandemic has tested my mentality, spirituality, and has exhausted me physically despite being less active.

There have been various moments where I have believed that a single trip up could send me spiralling towards what I could only believe is insanity. As a very social and extroverted person, even while around my family 24/7, I can vouch that I have never felt lonelier, I have struggled to compose myself over video calls or text messages because I rely on body language and tone to express my emotions.

I am not very vocal about my mental health, I believe it is my own burden to bear, and I wish to be the person that brings positive energy into other people’s lives. This current lockdown has tested me more than any other, I was removed from my master’s degree, and I have isolated for a longer period without seeing most of those I care about. Losing my chance to learn and push towards a sustainable future has hurt my moral, and with that upon hearing about other peoples’ success,

"I find myself experiencing bursts of jealousy and loss of self-worth."

I try my best to test my ability to problem solve through attempting puzzles or playing video

08 | Student Stories

games on harder difficulties, enough to ensure I am developing.

With the closure of gyms, my physical activity levels have dropped dramatically, and alongside the decrease of exercise comes the lack of commitment to eating healthy.

Losing my will to stay fit has hurt my pride as I used to carry my health as a badge of honour.

However, painting — specifically painting small Warhammer miniatures — has connected me to my fleeting creative side and has given me a love for art and colour, as well as tested my fortitude for strategy as I have been practicing my techniques daily through the Warhammer game itself.

With this, I can say that this pandemic has not completely torn at my soul. I hope that I can continue some of these hobbies as lockdown is eased, as well as catch up with those I never realised I could miss until I had not seen them.

I want to make my friends and family smile again, through parties, food, adventures and most of all jokes.

If I could tell myself something at the beginning of COVID-19, it would be enjoy Japan while I could because there won’t be any travelling for a long time, and also to not lose myself in all of the commotion, keep a steady resolve while cherishing what I have.

Student Stories | 09

WE WILL HEAL, WE WILL REBUILD. *

ASHLEIGH | 23 | SHE/HER

T point in my life. I was working in Dublin, he pandemic hit the world at a critical

Ireland and had just had my visa approved for another year. I was in the social peak of my life, involved in church and a part of various friendship groups. I had a crush on a guy. I was getting closer every day with a girl who I deemed to be my “platonic soul mate”. I was looking ahead. I was on top of the world.

"And then the world started to cave in, and I with it."

Within three days, I had received news of the seriousness of Covid-19, had been asked by my employer to return to Australia, had said a series of short and bleak goodbyes to a mere fraction of my friends, and was on a flight home to Melbourne. Over the course of the last 18 months, I’ve had to rethink all of my life goals amidst an unforeseen global tragedy.

"How do you plan a life again when nothing feels certain?"

A friend of mine posed this situation to me as something exciting, “like finishing year 12 again and choosing a different path”. Somehow that made it feel more daunting. At the beginning of this year, I started studying in Melbourne for the first time. It’s been rough, not least because

10 | Student Stories

I’ve had to focus on planning a completely different career path during a time of trauma.

I’ve had days of intense “covid anxiety” travelling on public transport into my campus.

When I’ve come home at the end of day, I’ve felt tainted by the outside world, drenching my hands in sanitizer as soon as I’ve stepped through the door. It’s an odd thing to get hung up on, but I think it’s a good representation of my changing attitude towards “the outside”, brought on by studying and the obligation to leave the house after a year of being told it’s not safe.

This pandemic has had ripple effects on other students too. Prior to it, the economy, climate change, and general world peace laid heavy on the minds of young people. Now, we have one more thing to add to the list of reasons why our futures seem so unstable. And this constant anxiety brings fatigue. I feel so tired.

I used to clutch onto my Christian faith to bring me hope, but this pandemic has seen me step away from that. Now, what brings me hope is this: across millions of years of real threats to life, nature and humanity has persevered.

Against all odds, we’ve survived. What’s to say we won’t again?

I once thought I would be a youth worker in Dublin for the rest of my life. Yes, that dream is gone now and I have to find another one. But in the grand scheme of our timeline, that’s just a drop in the ocean. History tells me that we will heal, we will rebuild, and I will be okay.

Student Stories | 11

I AM CAGED BUT I AM STILL FREE. *

KYLIE | 49 | NO PRONOUNS

W forgotten, it’s all become a blur. Who hat day is it, month, year? I have

am I, where is my social identity? So much missing yet there’s been so much gained.

What have I lost? Socialising with family, friends, students, colleagues. At times may sanity when I feel like it’s ground hog day.

Rinse and repeat, weekdays blur into the weekend, I may as well work because there is not much else to do.

What have I lost, seeing my kids in social situations, interacting with their friends, and playing together. The movies, watching a great flick with my family, eating popcorn and Maltesers. Meeting friends out for dinner and catching up. All those social connections that a human needs, I’m missing the most. I’m missing traveling, going back home, seeing family, and diving into the aqua warm water or standing under a waterfall.

What have I gained, I’ve spent more time with my amazing husband, my kids and fur babies.

I’ve been busier with life more so than before, with a cup that is overflowing. Juggling kids, home-schooling, my own studies, teaching, learning, sharing, and making sure everyone around me is alright.

"Oh wait…I forgot to brush my hair…"

Oh well, I’ll just put on a hat and cover it up.

I’ve forgotten how to apply make-up; this is a

12 | Student Stories

good thing. I wear the same clothes for a week and can’t be bothered doing the washing.

Looking after so many, sometimes I forget to look after myself.

Are my kids OK, are they eating well, how’s their mental health? My kids have suffered the most, glued to their iPads, playing Minecraft with friends, feeling socially connected when they’re socially disconnected. How are they going with their learning?

"Home schooling is hard for them.

It’s hard for all of us, parents, teacher, and students."

I’m finding it hard to study or make time to study so I cram. On the weekends I close the studio door and work for two days, only coming out of an evening to eat and chill with the family, exhausted. My work and study have taken over my life and kept me busy, so I don’t think about what is happening to the world and how it is affecting me and my family.

Music is my saviour, turn it up and dance like no one is watching because no one is. On one hand I’m creatively free and the other hand I’m not. I miss people watching and getting inspired through exploration, gallery hopping and listening to live music. I can fly but only in a small space, I can spread my wings and not go anywhere. I am caged but I am still free and can escape through creativity.

Student Stories | 13

ONE VERY TIRED ENGINEER. *

ZACK | 24 | HE/HIM

I fast, I understand they were talked about t felt as if the lockdowns came hard and

on the news, but I still felt blindsided by them when they hit. Sounded fun at first, a cheeky excuse to day drink and do work in my own time, pick up a hobby and improve myself, or learn something new.

I was fortunate enough to have stable part time work to keep me going through university until I started hunting for a job better aligned with my degree. Then I started reading the news, and began seeing all the political hate posted online. “X could do better”, “wouldn’t be in this position if Y was in power”.

"Watching the world, and people around me start throwing shit like monkeys in a cage."

Crafting conspiracy theories about how we’re all being controlled, it was just painful.

I did everything I could to not buy into it or respond, and found the best way was to block or unfriend them. Sad to see them go but sweet, sweet peace on my feed.

Back to uni, I got distracted… at first everyone seemed excited to just roll out of bed and attend their lectures and tutorials online.

Sounds like fun after all, and cuts out the boring travel which saves everyone money.

However, as some teachers stopped putting in

14 | Student Stories

effort, and relied purely on PPT’s and YouTube videos to teach us, less people gave even the slightest effort of logging on to a zoom meeting each morning.

Watching my universities Vice chancellor step down purely because he wasn’t willing to take a pay cut to help those lower in the ladder, and instead asking them to ‘volunteer’ time to mark papers they were otherwise usually compensated for, was just the sick joke to top it all off.

The impact COVID had on my university was astounding, purely because it relied so heavily on gouging international students to make ends meet, so when that all crumbled, a lot of courses were cut, and many students were left feeling alienated.

I didn’t let lockdown and COVID knock me down when everything else was crumbling, I trudged on. I kept applying for jobs and did what I could for work whilst doing so.

I’m one very tired engineer. Lockdown fatigue is hitting me like a freight train.

I’m confident however, that Australia is finally on the right track to normality again, and we can kickstart our economy again, and go out and attempt to be social once more, seeing familiar faces and filling that emotional cup that is currently so depleted.

Student Stories | 15

AFTER 245 DAYS? I’M OVER IT. *

LIV | 23 | SHE/HER

I family and hearing of the first cases

remember watching the news with my

developing in Wuhan, China in late 2019; a world away is how I justified it to myself at the time. I remember attending Christmas events, Ney Year’s Eve parties and a music festival only one month later, in hindsight, I wish I savoured my time that little bit more.

When the first lockdown was issued in 2020, I was nervous, but also a little excited that it was finally acceptable to be an introvert and have a tangible excuse to enjoy the novelty of staying home and playing Animal Crossing all day.

After 245 days? I’m over it.

My relationship with my studies wasn’t great before the COVID-19 Pandemic hit. I had been studying online throughout most of my degree, only taking 1-2 units per trimester and the urge to drop out was playing heavy on my mind. These feelings were only exacerbated by my mental health issues at the time. Both my family, and my counsellor challenged me to make the change to on-campus learning to start fresh and try to reconnect.

"And then ANOTHER lockdown was called."

So, I took a break. I knew I needed the space to address these issues and re-evaluate what I wanted in my future and if studying was still the right pathway for me.

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At the time, reaching out for help felt like a milestone in itself, but I’m so proud of myself that I did.

I feel privileged to have been able to access a wide variety of support services throughout this time in my life. With the help of my support network and professionals, I decided to re-connect with my studies, set myself some personal goals and strive for a graduate design position to keep myself engaged.

Jumping forward a whole year and I am now in the final semester of my studies, starting work soon in a graduate service design position with Ford Australia and have made official my freelancing business Studio Elinora.

The novelty of lockdown has worn off and the challenges are ever present. I miss my family and friends, and the normality of day-day interactions. Studying online is still difficult and my mental health isn’t great, but I am lucky to be in a position where I feel my future aspirations have not been hindered

by COVID-19. I know many students who have not been so lucky. With less graduate programs and junior positions being offered due to remote working models, many soon to be graduates within my peer group are left wondering if their efforts have been worth it.

If I could travel back to 2020 and meet my past self, I would tell her to savour all those small moments that little bit more; you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.

Student Stories | 17

A MELBOURNE I

SAW WAS DEAD. *

LAUREN | 22 | SHE/HER

C watching everyone begin to work

In some senses, this made my desire to see Melbourne come back to life even stronger.

Hopeful to once again see the busy Christmas shoppers lining up outside the Myer Christmas windows and even dare I say it, struggling to fit into a way too packed train home. I just wanted ‘normal’ back even for its weird quirks.

This also led to a new fear.

Even so, I found it hard to want to study when I’d come home from work. The thought of having to think of something creative in this new world came hard to me.

"Did I want ‘normal’ back when I knew it was going to never be ‘normal’ again?"

ovid was a weird time. I found myself

from home whilst I continued my commute to work in the city every day – just in a new online department instead of my usual customer facing role. I felt like an outsider to the struggles as I found myself still having some form of ‘normality’, as normal as it could have been in the covid world.

"Especially considering I was expected to design an idealistic Melbourne, a Melbourne I saw was DEAD." I watched as my friends and I struggled with the fatigue of online learning. Doing urban planning, I always found site visits to be a vital part of gaining experience and a greater understanding, and with my inability to go out and see things, I felt lost, and it made me feel unsure if I was even doing the right thing.

Fortunately, I finished my Undergrad and had some time off before starting my Master’s and was able to reprogram myself to be more confident in my abilities again.

18 | Student Stories

I felt uncertain and that I needed to relearn how to be human again in some ways. I am hopeful, however. With the requirements of vaccinations, I feel a sense of protection. I feel that the world can slowly begin to reopen and I am constantly reminding myself that it is okay to be scared and excited at the same time.

I feel like I still have a long way to go in terms of finding a level of comfort in this new world but I do believe I am stronger than I think I am and that I’ll be able to be back to 100% in no time at all.

Honestly, I can’t wait for the city to be bustling again and I just believe if any city can do it, Melbourne can.

Student Stories | 19

A FUTURE NOT PROMISED. *

ISABELLE | 22 | SHE/HER

I when to write my timetables. I won’t go am a planner. I have a timetable for

out unless you give me a weeks notice and show me where I can park. I have the next 5 years of my life planned out. I plan on certainties and I’m at my happiest when all is predictable and seamless. I’m sure this stems from the need to ‘know’ that I believe we all experience to some extent. Knowing things calms us, makes us happy and feel safe.

Our brains consistently search for answers through fact, faith or “the greater good”. I, as many did, spent my time during the pandemic searching for answers and for purpose, and inevitably was left more confused, more scared, more lost, more upset, and as many students did, tried to bury myself in my studies.

in lockdown quickly crumbled. This is certainly where we become most vulnerable.

A lack of routine led to disconnect from my friends, disconnect from my professors, being behind on uni work, last minute assessments, loss of motivation and purpose and an overall feeling of just plain uselessness.

This progression was felt by most students and workers and it’s not a sustainable one.

Especially when our environment and circumstances did not change for two years.

In addition to the fall of students, teachers became less motivated and less able to cope with the stress, anxiety and hopelessness of students too.

After a particularly trialling semester in the latter half of 2019, I proclaimed 2020 would be my break to get away. Then, at the announcement of a state of emergency, I was forced to be confined to the walls I’d already lived in for the last 17 years.

"The collapsed support networks left everyone feeling alone at a time where we needed to be together."

Whilst a lockdown ruined the plans of a planner, I embraced the idea of being forced to do nothing. It’s way easier to control the goings-on of my own home.

I don’t blame the teachers, I don’t blame the students. None of this was ideal.

I stuck to the plan for a bit and stayed on top of everything. I kept in touch with my peers, organised online study sessions, kept dialogues with my professors and spent free time reading prescribed texts. But by June the novelty wore off. My plan to stick to my regime

20 | Student Stories

Scrambling to keep up with study that was meant to set me up for a future that wasn’t promised anymore was hard. I had no idea what was going on, I didn’t know when it’d end and it’s hard not knowing. But we continue.

Student Stories | 21

NOT WHAT I WANTED BUT WHAT I NEEDED. *

CAITLIN | 23 | SHE/HER

T most part, I have been OK. I have a

"Now I’m not sure if I’ll ever want to study in person again."

Do you know what the dream of someone with social anxiety is? Staying home. But the worst thing I can do for my mental health is to never face it. While it was great to have a few months to completely isolate myself from the world,

"I found myself completely overwhelmed with the idea of going back to ‘real life’."

If someone had told me two years ago that I would be spending the majority of my early 20’s not being able to go further than 5km’s from my home, I probably would have had a full mental breakdown. I have cancelled five holidays, one of which was to see my father who lives oversees, four of which was me being recklessly optimistic. I have had countless panic attacks, bouts of self-doubt and a constant fear of the world ending, BUT, I have finally found peace within myself.

Little did I know we would go back and forth between lockdowns a total of six times over two years, triggering my anxiety every time I had to readjust. Luckily, I have had the support of my psychologist and my university’s counsellor throughout it all.

The self-improvement I have made in the past year has been astronomical. I started antidepressant medication at the start of 2021, and it has changed my life. I finally found time to meditate, practice yoga, learn to ride a bike, read books, start drawing and build a stronger romantic relationship with my partner.

he pandemic has been weird. For the

long history of mental health issues and the one that impacts me most is social anxiety.

I started University at the start of 2020 with a vision of living a cool on campus lifestyle like you see in the movies. This quickly turned into online learning with barely any interaction.

Although this isn’t what I was expecting, it has allowed me generous amounts of time to really focus on my learning and this has led to me achieving highly in my course; in fact, the only semester I have spent on campus was the semester I performed the worst in.

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This pandemic has forced me to slow down and take a long hard look at myself. It has given me the space and time to do the ugly and painful work on my soul that I never wanted to do before.

This is not what I wanted, but when reflecting on it all, I think it is what I needed.

Student Stories | 23

HUMANS THRIVE ON SOCIALISATION. *

CRISTIAN | 24 | HE/HIM

T to terms with the incompetence of the he biggest hurdle for me was coming

federal government's handling of the whole situation. I felt like it undermined the hard work of Victorian's especially after learning Victoria received $3.75 Billion less than NSW which had shorter and less strict lockdowns.

Additionally, the chancellor of my university receives upwards of $1 Million dollars annually, wither her possy of bureaucrats also receiving $500k annually while having the audacity to sack over 2000 university support staff, rather than perhaps taking a small pay cut or seeking JobKeeper support, all the while still forcing students to pay full course and amenity fees that deliver subpar educational benefits and less than appropriate support.

Remote learning is hard. It is difficult to force yourself into healthy working habits while your whole day is in your room. It's not like I can leave my room either because the rest of my family is working from home too. It really is a constant mental battle to force yourself to concentrate and keep ahead of your due dates and quizzes. Eventually you do find a rhythm, and a way to reward yourself for your small achievements. Not forgetting to go out for fresh air each day is probably my best piece of advice... and (shocking I know),

"Have a consistent sleep schedule!"

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Living at home is great but eventually your parents will drive you mad. Keeping in contact with those closest to you is the quickest way to ensure your sanity, making sure yourself, and your friends aren't going crazy. Or, hang out with your pets instead!

I am privileged to be able to still attend work in a Covid safe way, allowing me to socialise with my colleagues. My work also had a surprisingly decent response to ensure staff mental health is looked out for.

I definitely think that being able to drive from my house—albeit 10 minutes from my house—enabled me to break any negative cycles for myself during this time.

I’m no expert, but I know humans thrive on socialisation, and due to this, lockdown has taken a toll on people's resilience and their mental health.

"My best advice? Have a hobby."

I know this may be a controversial opinion, but socialising itself isn’t a hobby, which I personally believe is why some people have struggled throughout lockdown.

My group of friends and I are avid gamers, and we try and play together online most nights to make sure we are all in high spirits. My father and I have also taken a lot of time to work on our cars together to get out of the house and change up our days. Keep yourself occupied!

Student Stories | 25

UNHAPPIEST I HAVE EVER BEEN. *

MATT | 24 | HE/HIM

I would just be another media circus like n the beginning I thought that Covid

swine flu or Ebola. I was overseas in March of 2020 and coming back into quarantine was such a crazy experience.

Overall, it has been a bad time, especially this past year. Part of me feels so nostalgic for last year, which itself feels like it was both years ago and just yesterday. All of this was so novel and hopeful back then, and although things are getting better now it isn’t quite the same.

My mental health has always been on a steady decline, but these past two years have been the toughest. I am probably the unhealthiest, unfittest, and unhappiest I have ever been right now and that’s saying something. On the bright side I went back to therapy which has been helping quite a lot. It has really made me appreciate my friends though, despite losing many to unrelated issues. Covid has helped me realise who my real friends are, the ones who would do anything to help me and make me see a lot more beauty in the world.

"I can’t believe I’m still going with Uni at this point. How has everyone been able to study these past two years?"

I had deferred last year to go away and when I saw that this whole business wasn’t getting

26 | Student Stories

any better, I continued my deferral until 2021.

It was a good choice but now I wish I’d just finished off my degree last year. The online learning hasn’t nearly been as bad as I thought it would be, but it really is difficult not being able to go in and discuss my work with my teachers face to face.

"I have been so lost in terms of future aspirations and Covid has not helped the situation."

As the diameter of my awareness grows, the circumference of my potential options grows with it. This might sound nice but its actually terrible for someone like me. Perhaps I’m to be plagued by indecision and impostor syndrome for all time. At the very least I should learn how to write at some point.

As soon as restrictions ease and people are allowed to visit, I think I’ll go on a raging bender for a month or two. I’ve earned it after all.

I'm excited to hang out with people at their houses, have parties and sleepovers, see my parents and family, go for a holiday.

We’re so close and I can’t wait. It’s like there is light at the end of the tunnel. Finally.

Student Stories | 27

UNCERTAINTY AS

THE NEW NORMAL. *

HANNAH | 23 | SHE/HER

T changed many things since 2020, and he pandemic has fundamentally

time flies so quickly that it’s almost 2 years living with COVID-19. I can feel my life is rapidly being forced to adapt to this insanity, and I haven’t quite settled down to my life in Melbourne yet.

Suddenly having to go from in-person to virtual experiences, I questioned my journey while studying abroad many times. With high hopes coming to Melbourne, I didn’t quite expect the unexpected situation; therefore, I went through some serious self-reflection during isolation at home.

"I wanted to go home, yet I decided to stay."

Due to the pandemic, I am clueless about my life after graduation. After losing my hospitality job during the first lockdown, I was defeated.

But I believe that everything does happen for a reason – and it did! I gained more appreciation and bonded with my family.

"We went through the hard times together."

I got a new job doing what I love, working with the most amazing people, while figuring out my future plans.

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COVID-19 has caused me different issues related to my mental and physical health, but I’m slowly accepting this uncertainty as the new normal, and encouraging myself to become stronger. In surprising ways, the COVID-19 Pandemic has reunited us and urged us to appreciate life more consciously.

I learned to look after myself, and the people around me more. Disconnection between society had bonded us together against this world’s crisis.

The major constraint with lockdown is not having the ability to travel or meet your overseas loved ones. After borders are re-opened to international travel, I’ll reward myself with a getaway to…ANYWHERE! Anywhere outside of the city. To anywhere people would take me to, and I definitely couldn’t pass a trip home to visit my family.

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SUFFERING FROM ZOOM FATIGUE. *

BONNI | 21 | SHE/HER

T many big ways. I have found myself

he covid pandemic has affected me in

suffering from zoom fatigue with all my social groups and interviews being online.

I also have found that I am having a major withdrawal from not working, and having that social opportunity taken away.

My relationship with learning and school has changed and has unfortunately suffered as the zoom anxiety also decreases my motivation and effort.

"Covid has altered my future plans in ways I never could have imagined."

I was pushed by my frustration at Australia’s situation and the way covid had been handled so I booked myself a 6 month trip to France.

I was also frustrated at how little understanding and support was offered by teachers who couldn’t seem to understand how exhausting class is through a computer.

When restrictions are eased the first thing I really want to do is go out to a bar and have a cocktail. I have missed having social drinks with friends.

If I could go back to the start of the covid pandemic in Australia I would tell myself this: “This will be a strange and frustrating time.

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Things will change regularly and every day the news changes from good to bad. Treasure all moments of silence and find happiness in the smallest of things. Don’t watch the news everyday, it just makes you upset but you have this big exciting trip away to look forward to.

Throw yourself into planning and embrace that excitement. It will help you through. You are so strong and you will find your own way of making it through” In the future when I look back at this year with my kids, I will tell them of the sacrifices their family had to make in order to get through.

I will tell them of the fear we faced, the moments that showed the best of humanity, the people who ensured that we stayed safe, the people who sacrificed seeing their families to keep us safe, what the health care workers have done for us and so much more. But what I want them to learn is they can be strong in times of overwhelming fear and sadness.

I am so excited to return back to campus to continue my studies. When I begin in November I will be apart of the first set of classes to return to campus. This will be my first uni class so I am very excited to have the uni experience that everyone before me had.

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THE FUTURE IS OPTIMISTIC. *

OLIVIA | 18 | SHE/HER

T multiple facets. While everyone has

he pandemic has impacted my life in

been impacted by the changing conditions over the last two years, not everyone gets to say they lived year twelve and their first year of university in this situation.

Missing all the great things planned during year twelve like camps, formal, 18th birthdays and graduation. Being told it was a privilege to have these experiences at all, or at least the ones we did get.

I enjoy remote learning and online study as it allows me to take my time to get through the work while breaking it up into sections, which allows me to listen to a podcast to learn outside of the textbook learning of university.

I can listen to music and jam out as I get through my to-do list. Although I do enjoy my study environment at home,

"I do miss the interaction with my peers at university."

Especially as it’s an opportunity to meet new people face to face.

The future is optimistic to me because at the beginning of the pandemic I saw someone post and discuss how WWI and WWII changed how women were perceived. They could choose to work and be the sole providers of the family if they chose.

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"The changes that the Pandemic has caused has changed life as we know it forever."

Hopefully for the better, with an emphasis on health and avoiding burnout.

I have many future aspirations! Sometimes I catch myself living the next thirty years of my life mentally, in hopes I will have achieved or at least made progress towards my goals. I want to write stories and share them with others.

Not just one style of writing, but anything from comedy to novels to screenplays and anything in between.

My future aspirations also include utilizing my degree to support other people and further develop my communication skills. I have a fantastical version of my life I live out mentally, but at the end of the day I know things may change and I don’t really know what I want to be doing. That’s okay too!

This situation was never how I thought I’d be introduced to the adult world, yet here I am.

I’m grateful to have this time in my life to learn and to express my feelings in healthy ways.

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A NEW DECADE ON THE HORIZON. *

INHYEOK "SAMUEL" | 22 | NO PRONOUNS

I COVID-19 lockdown, staying home for

much, meeting people with similar interests in and out of design was probably the best delight that has happened for a while. I never really like chatting online either unless I have to, even if I am a subpar communicator.

It was frustrating though seeing my on-campus and social life being halted and adjusting to what would soon become the new normal.

I don't think I'll get employed straight away in the design industry. As much as our lecturers tell us our results don't matter, it's a competitive field. I probably need to freelance more for friends, family and neighbours, or look for alternative pathways where my design skills could come in handy.

nitially during the early stages of the

me - unlike many others - was manageable, especially working in an industry where I knew I wasn't going to lose my job.

"I haven't talked to a mental health expert, even though my wellbeing has been crushed."

What can they even do to help you when it's a Pandemic? I've talked to hotlines before and would again if I felt the urge, but not because of Pandemic and lockdown related measures we can't do anything about.

"My biggest frustration is that 2020 was the year that I was looking forward to the most."

With a new decade on the horizon, I found myself a job and was preparing for what could have been my final year on-campus completing my degree.

I'd rather go back to campus, no matter how far the travel is. While I was never achieving

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I'm a little on the optimistic side when it comes to the future both for myself and the industry.

As long as future restrictions are minimal, I think we can make it.

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MY BED WAS MY SAFEST PLACE. *

AMANDA | 23 | SHE/HER

W of years, what stands out to me the hen I look back over the last couple

most is how much time I have spent in bed.

It is admittedly an unhealthy amount of hours. To be fair, I spent quite a lot of time in bed before I had ever heard about covid-19.

I slept there, studied there, hid from my responsibilities there. Like for most people, my bed was my safest place.

My time in bed was spent glued to my phone screen, desperately trying to drown out the sound of my own anxious thoughts.

Anything to distract myself from what was happening in the world and the fear of what my future would look like. I was stagnating and I hated myself for it. I had lost all motivation, confidence and concentration.

I’m still struggling to get them back.

"However somewhere along the way it has become my prison."

When the pandemic started and university went ‘online’, my bed became my classroom.

An unhealthy habit I know, but it had worked for my high school homework, kind of.

"When online learning became too overwhelming, I gave up but stayed in bed."

There was nothing else to do. I went for the occasional walk, moved to the couch, had dinner and then went back to bed. When my partner and I could fly to Queensland in February we were exposed to covid-19 at the airport and had to isolate in our hotel room for two weeks. I spent most of that time in bed.

“She must be well rested.” I was rarely sleeping.

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So many of my friends have graduated now and while I’m thrilled for them it also makes me sad. I’m disappointed in myself for not being able to just suck it up and soldier on like so many others can. As much as I know being back on campus is what I’ve been longing for, my situation has changed and I’m not even really sure how that will work for me now.

All I know is that things are a bit of a mess and somehow I have to pick up the pieces and continue on. The next step is regaining some control over my life, which for me means getting out of bed.

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WHO IT HELPED ME BECOME. *

BELLA | 22 | SHE/HER

T seriously negative impact on my life. he COVID-19 pandemic has had a

As someone who has struggled significantly pre-pandemic with severe depression and anxiety, I was terrified the periods of isolation would send me into another downward spiral.

My semester abroad was cancelled, my travel plans postponed, and my work was placed on a permanent hiatus… two years in a row.

I was in an awkward position where I was distancing myself from school friends and making great new friends at uni but I hadn’t established myself in either position yet, leaving me feeling lonely and afraid.

"My mental health was a bit of a rollercoaster which eventually ended with being prescribed antianxiety medication."

At the same time, it has been the most creatively fulfilling and reaffirming period I’ve ever gone through. My sense of expression, creativity, and passion for what I do as a designer has exploded. I feel sure of my design sense, my style, and the direction I want to take my career. I’ve created strong relationships with many of my tutors, received recognition from Swinburne’s Vice-Chancellor for my consistently high grades and completed an overseas virtual internship. Personally, I know

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who I am, and I will no longer apologise for it, or try to hide myself away in case I am “too much” for someone.

I have hobbies now - video games, hand embroidery, sewing. I know what I stand for and what behaviours I will or will not accept.

I created this artwork in the height of the Melbourne lockdowns. I used my home printer to scan my face pressed up against the glass, representing the feeling of being trapped, but also the expression and experimentation that being stuck at home has encouraged.

I’m so excited to see Melbourne lockdowns pass me by. I never want to hear the words ‘exposure’, ‘close contact’ or ‘locally acquired’ ever again. If I could hit refresh on the last two years, I would certainly leave out the bit where we couldn’t leave the house for 255 days and millions of people died worldwide - but in a weird, twisted little way I would also say thank you to this time, and who it helped me become.

Thanks, COVID… now let’s move onto the next chapter. (Quickly, please).

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