THE SELETAR GUZZLER - APRIL 2016

The Seletar Guzzler APRIL

FEB 2016

GRANDMASTER JOINT MASTER 1 JOINT MASTER 2 HONORARY SEC ASST. HON SEC HASH CASH ASST. HASH CASH THE WHIP INTERHASH SEC HASH BREW THE SWEEP HASH BARD EDITOR

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22 March 2016

Joo Seng Road

666th run

Thr 9 June 2016 $50 (part of proceeds go to Willing Hearts )

HORNBILL during TATR, described the run as an ' OPTION RUN '.

For example, you have an option to go for run or golf.

... And from the number of clubs, it looks like many members were still undecided

A more accurate description would be an 'OPT­OUT' run, as in many stages of the run, we were tempted to opt­out.

OPT­OUT # 1 : The hares instructed us to go across the bridge, hit a T­Check and turn back.

Out of the 40 who started, only 20% crossed the bridge (including FUKAWE), The rest OPTed­OUT. Practically all of the 20% (including FUKAWE) who crossed, continued on and did not turn back, They continued to the prawn farm pub for $18 jugs of beer. Only a tiny few like our GM followed the hares' instructions. So from the start, over 90% opted­out of doing the full run.

OK... for the first opt足out we will give a mulligan and excuse the golfers, goofers and kopitiams. We will assume 100% of the 30 odd runners left, followed the proper trail.

We turn right and went into virgin territory ... virgin because unlike past Halus runs, we turned right towards the sea instead of hashing left of the wetland.

The closer to home and the closer to the 7 pm arrival of Jason, the greater the temptation to opt足out.

Our drop out rate increased and we had only 20 odd runners at stage 4.

At this point, being so close to home, we had to resist the temptation to head home. Those who went onto the Halus tracks, came out to Lorong Halus after a short spell, only for the trail to lead them back in again.

This time, there was a steep drain obstacle, which required either a great ' leap of faith ' or help from Tongkat Bhai. Without assistance, some turned back.

Those who continued, soon hit a bigger obstacle.... a steam of what could be dangerous sump water.

Seeing so many warnings of the danger, most chickened out and opted out at OPT足OUT 6 For the handful that did crossed to the far bank, the trail goes up and down the Halus knoll. OPT足OUT 7, as there was also a short足cut to a bridge to cross back to the near bank, The Opt足Out 6s, that did not cross over, could continue on the near bank and rejoin the trail again at the bridge.

I stayed awile at #8, to take photos of FRBs and to tell them that there is no more Opt足Outs. As it was already 7.05 pm, I also wanted to cheer them on to beat the time limit.

Alas, DEEP HOLE when running past me, said he was not on paper. SLAPPER & PERUT BESAR also came, but I did not bother to check.

All the rest must have opted足 out and gone home, so I went back too.

We were served a chilled Bloody Mary and at 7.20 pm, HORNBILL, SOL and KREATAPI (the most complete opt足in runners) came back.

SCRIBE REPORT The name of this place brings back memory to some 30 years ago, when I set my run here with the late Han Solo. Back then, Lorong Halus was a dumping ground where the lorries would dump all the rubbish collected from all over the island. When we came to set the Run in the afternoon, my car would be filled with flies, the big black ones, within minutes. I remembered our GM then, Winne the Poon, couldn’t stand the stench from the rubbish dump, and vomited after walking barely 100 metres.

Naturally we were awarded the Smelliest Run of the Year at the D&D. Lorong Halus was shut in 1999, and that our landfills have since been moved offshore, to an island called Pulau Semakau. This is where we grow our vegetables, which you buy all the Chye Sim and Kailan from NTUC Fairprice.

Today Lorong Halus has turned from a Garbage Dump to an Eco Water Treatment Park.

The Runsite can be access from Pasir Ris and is at the end of Pasir Ris4 Farmway 3. The Run started by going towards the wooden bridge and turned right along Sungei Serangoon. We ran along the river towards Serangoon East Dam. I thought we will go across to Coney Island, but to my disappointment, the gate was closed, and we turned right along the shore towards Pasir Ris, and loop back to Pasir Ris Farmway 3.

We have to cross huge drain and go through lallang taller than the Fukewe bird and pond water blacker than Guinness. One by one, two third of the runners had dropped out and took the short cut home except me and a few others Die Hard Hashers. Eventually we reached home and the Hares prepared a pail of Bloody Mary to quench our thirst.

The view all along the whole run was very scenic and you would think that you are running in New Zealand. I spotted a school of otters swimming in the river and they were laughing a group of idiots running in the hot sun.

I think up to this week, it is one of the better run but I am sure next week Run would be the BEST run.

Anyway I enjoyed the run very much. But it would be a better if the Hares were to bring us across the wooden bridge and turn left towards Punggol Promenade, where they can arranged the drinks stops at the pubs served by beautiful girls.

Dinner was the famous Chicken Rice catered from Mr Hoe from American International School.

Thanks to the Hares for an enjoyable Run and On On!

Hash Shit holder HARSHMAN have been absent for recent runs and had been using our seat for his toilet.

41 members came today, compared to last week's eat足out run attendance of 48.

HARSHMAN finally got a replacement for his home, so he came and handed over our seat to the new proper (temporary) owner.

HORNBILL explaining his OPTIONS After listening to HORNBILL's 'OPTIONS', KRETAPI criticized SHHH members (including the Whip) for being sissy and not taking the water crossing option.

TIGHT ARSE, praised the hares for their commendable effort, despite the potential risk of toxic poisoning at the crossing. As with usual runs he enjoyed, he threatened to resign if HS is awarded.

GM as a result, chickened out and chose the option to award Pisspot instead of Hash Shit.

MR. BEAN 足 After Bean got his name, he stopped coming for runs.

Today he showed up and enquired on the degree of difficulty of today's run..... ' Got hills or not ? '. Bean is afraid of hills in flat Halus.

ANWAR AB 足 Was Vehicle Commander in THREESOME's (as usual left early) car.

When parking, he showed no respect to the Whip's car and almost hit the car, as he thought the Whip wasn't around.

NUTS was iced a total of 4 times ( could be a Seletar record ). # 1 足 He left a plastic bag of toilet rolls on the trail. # 2 足 Wearing the NParks hat, he was mistaken as a Halus Wetland gardener and as a result, many of us could not find the hare to leave our car keys before the run. # 3 足 Like TIGHT ARSE, he has the bad habit of threatening to quit the club if unhappy with run verdicts.

Despite the threats, he invariably turns up the following week, even if decision goes against his wishes. # 4 足 He made himself even more difficult to recognise by shaving off his moustache. For this face hair charge, CHAMP and ICHIBALLS joined him on ice.

ON ON TO THE MAKAN !!!

On the weekend before their run, the hares trespassed onto our "SHHH Official Use Only" WhatsApp chat group, to post photographs promoting their run.

On Tuesday, while laying their run, the hares again broke rules ... they trespassed onto Private Property. Unfortunately they were caught and forced to remove the paper they laid. As the show must go on, they hastily relaid a new trail and arrived back just in time to start off their run.

The hares warned us that there were lots of 'old' paper and if we went off trail, we would do much more then their 6+ km short run.

Actually, the old paper were ones that they failed to remove, when they relaid the run.

As a result, the first part of the run was disjointed and confusing.

Everytime we went into the bushes, there was a T足Check to turn us back and we had to go out again.

The FRBs were getting frustrated and the pack was kept together for over half an hour, running in and out around Buangkok E Drive, all the way to the Serangoon River.

GM reminded members not to post in our official SHHH WhatsApp Chat Group. Use Seletar Guzzler group or go through Hon Sec for official announcements.

Jonnie was also invited by SLAPPER ...THANKS

GM's VERDICT Awarded the run a PISSPOT (GM fond of the PISSPOT) " Could have been a good run, but for unforeseen (did not see jaga) circumstances that marred their planned route. " Hares pledge: 1 white & 1 black. ... + whisky and sang a song to the tune of "My bonnie lies over the ocean"

When the whip was GM in 2002足2003, he gave SAYETING OK to start Thirsdae HHH. Now LUN SUMMOR returns to promote their 666 run in Mandarin.... since when do we have a Mandarin hash chapter in Singapore ?

HAWKEYE introduced to us a new song (TUNE : If you're happy and you know it ... )

If your girlfriend tastes like shit, turn 'er over If your girlfriend tastes like shit, turn 'er over If your girlfriend tastes like shit, Then you're not eating clit If your girlfriend tastes like shit, turn 'er over

After Koon Te, the co足hare fell asleep in a drunken stupor, all the animals escaped from the farm by jumping over the fence.

BAPAK AYAM, with both eyes closed, allowed all to go free. FRBs, forgetting the tenet of Animalism that " All Animals Are Equal ", forged ahead of the pack.

THE HEN REBELLION

We exited the 'Greenway' to the Henderson / Lower Delta Industrial Slaughter House. Here, Animal Farm took a dark turn. The hens refused to give up their eggs and Napoleon starved them ( NO DRINK STOP ).

With a goose, and several sheep joining the rebellion, at the end there was a pile of corpses at Napoleon's feet.

Some simply gave up and returned to Manor Farm.

Fortunately, there were some smart animals who avoided the dark tunnel.

They took a short cut and caught up with the pack as the trail led back to Henderson Road. ( point # 3 on the run map ).

Here, we survived bashing through the treacherous jungle terrain of Telok Blangah Hill Park ( suffered some giant ant bites ) and tricky checks kept the pack together.

THE FINAL FEAST (of the run) We emerged from the forest and avoiding Pilkington's HQ (CMPB), it was an easy walk back home to Manor farm.

Here, we were rewarded with Finger Food

ALL RUNS ARE EQUAL BUT SOME RUNS ARE MORE EQUAL THAN OTHERS

Alas it had to happen and it did on 19 Apr 2016 when Seletar’s very own mad scientist, the 4’ 10” Joint Master 1, succeeded in his evil experiment at attempting to cross breed two mammalian species – one 4 legged Sleepy Pig and a 2 legged Chicken. He craftily arranged this on the rooftop of his secret lair at 119 Bukit Merah Central so that unsuspecting neighbours would not hear the ecstatic squawking and squealing of the 2 animals engaged in their wild orgy.

By the time word got out and the pack arrived at the rooftop scene the Sleepy one Another version of the Animal Farm Run was no where to be found and the Chicken was wondering around aimlessly in a daze with eyes half­closed. However, just before 6 pm the GM showed up and swiftly took charge of the circus. He shouted something that sent the pack out searching for the 4 legged one.

The pack ran along a green corridor for a couple of hundred yards and then side tracked along a drain into Henderson Industrial Estate thinking they will find a mud pit with the hunted one rolling in it, but shit...no such luck! The pack trotted along a short bit of Lower Delta and into another drain that went into a long dark tunnel under the AYE. And here’s where the pack split up with many taking the overpass and losing the rest of the trail. Those who went under the AYE landed up in Telok Blangah Estate, then crossing an overpass across Henderson Road and ending up at the Telok Blangah Green Park.

From there the scent of the missing one was picked by the more persistent ones who did not want to give up and followed their noses along the slopes of Mt Faber Ridge until we came up behind the CMPB. Crossing Depot Road and another overpass over the AYE brought everyone back to the beginning of the hunt, and that’s where to everyone’s surprise the Chicken and missing Pig were found frolicking together around a yellow trough of swill. Seeing his experiment had turned out to be such a success, our mad scientist was beside himself and was seen hoping around with glee on his short stubby legs. Not sure what he has in store for us in the coming weeks but always be prepared for the unexpected with him being around.

In closing, I like to leave you with something that I was told a long time ago: Arguing with your boss is like wrestling with a pig in mud because after a while you realise he is the one who is enjoying it.

Ex Hon Secs, plus their GM, were iced for setting bad examples ....

Unauthorized postings in SHHH's Official WhatsApp Chat Group.

Squealers, clever pigs who (as the animals say) "could turn black into white."

The Ministry of Propaganda worked full time and praised the run, such that the verdict was ' GOOD RUN ".

The only exception was KRETAPI, who without SOL ( taken by Napoleon to be raised as guard dogs for the farm ), got lost.

The 'Animal Farm' donated ONE BLACK & ONE WHITE.

Seletar members became animals in Hainan and disgraced the club.

They should have participated in healthy and manly activities like 'Boat Races'.

Instead, we looked like sissies.

" If your girlfriend tastes like shit, turn 'er over If your girlfriend tastes like shit, turn 'er over If your girlfriend tastes like shit, Then you're not eating clit If your girlfriend tastes like shit, turn 'er over "

NURSE FUCKER brought a guest (HOPELESS), but did not ensure he was properly attired (no hash T足Shirt).

FRBs joined him.

Flour found at an unbroken check

The WOODSTOCK CAR POOL. However, leader is missing !!!

UP YOURS impersonated FORGET ME NOT, just to get free food and drinks at FOOD&HOTEL ASIA (FHA 2016)

BHAIs in The run started at 6 pm as usual and trespassed into the SLA compound (former golf driving range). SH3 held more than ten runs in this premises including Celebration, Eat Out runs etc.

Here there was a difficult Circle Check for us to break.

This was an anticlockwise orientation run with two T & three CIRCLE checks. The Hare made used of the terrain very well ...

At Dempsey Hill, we found a cow that escaped from Animal Farm, last week.

Alas, after being milked dry by the pigs, she met her end in Bhai Wonderland

... except the drink stop was almost home.

The dinner was a very well arranged home cook food, without doubt the best eat足in of the year.

Although we had many runs in this area, this run was well planned as we were kept away from main roads surrounding this small area. There were also many clever checks which kept the pack together.

There were shiggy too. The only criticism was that the Drink Stop was located too close to home. A potential Run Of The Year.

2 months after AGM, all records still reflect the Old Committee ... so technically we are still under the Kwailoh Committee.