1836

THE SELETAR GUZZLER Registered Address: 400 Balestier Road #02-1 8 Balestier Plaza ( S329802 )

The Muddy Dick Committee 2014

Grand Master First Joint Master Second Joint Master Honorary Secretary Asst. Honorary Secretary Treasurer Asst. Treasurer Interhash Secretary The Whip Hash Brew The Sweep Hash Bard

A WEEKLY NEWSLETTER STRICTLY FOR SELETAR HASH HOUSE MEMBERS ONLY

Muddy Dick 96668077 Putin Pussy 97731 408 Brown Eye 91 070793 Pink Pussy 97332061 Anwar Arsehole Bandit 91 91 7046 The Opener 9733591 7 Dirty Old Man 96996798 Forget Me Not 601 9-7530078 Popeye 93870445 Perut Besar 96848376 Woodstock 9751 4824 Ichibawasan 96790201

larry@kcb.com.sg andreas.traub@dhl.com patrick.ong@vivovista.com steven.oal@gmail.com billyteo64@yahoo.com.sg collinckg@hotmail.com hychuadom@yahoo.com bernard@central.com.my silvarajoom@gmail.com indigosam1 @hotmail.com woodstock_ho@yahoo.com.sg yen.eddie@gmail.com

ISSUE 1836

US$10 IF ORDER IN BULK Don't keep yourself in the dark !!! ... Contact : PINK PUSSY / NEVER COME

NEXT WEEK’S RUN #1 837

Date Hares Runsite Scribe

: : : :

Tuesday, 1 8 March 201 4 6.00 pm Fukawe & Shoeless Gymkhana Avenue (off Mt. Pleasant Road) Babi Hutan

NEXT NEXT WEEK’S RUN #1 838 Date Hares Runsite Scribe

: Tuesday, 25 March 201 4 6.00 pm : Babi Hutan & Lolli Dick : Lorong Tawas, Jurong : Cock Raiser

INTERHASH EVENTS & NEWS FROM INTERHASH SEC FORGET ME NOT :

August 30/31 201 4 TRIANGULAR RUN, somewhere in Johor Bahru

CURRENT HASH SHIT HOLDERS NUTS & FUCKING NEW GUY Run #1 835 4 Mar 201 4 26 Brompton Rd, Seletar Camp

Hares were no where in sight at Chestnut as this was a " LIVE HARE RUN ".

They ran off at 1 740 for a 20 minutes head start.

I arrived at the run site looking forward to a lot of exercise and a Ball Breaker of a run from the hares.

However, they had already departed 30 minutes early and I was faced with the outstanding figure of Banana Man shouting “F**k the Hares and F**k the Whip”!

Putin Pussy set the run off in a predictable direction saying “ F**k off this way”

the hares, 500 metres into the run.

I lost the plot and followed paper to the Helicopter Pad shouting ”On On” and no stupid cunt followed me…….

I did a U turn land found paper leading to the Wood Peckers trail and followed it until it went back down towards the reservoir.

There, I found a huge circle check unbroken…..

I went back to the mountain bike practice area and I did not seeor hear any Sole, Kretapi, Kopi-Tian or FRB’s and headed down to the BKE thinking I would find paper….

Off course I would find paper, why ever not?

Front running bastard “Shoeless” powered his way in front of the two cock’s, “Lost Cock and Auto Cock” and then tripped over a role of toilet paper left by

I followed pink paper all the way home which was “set by the Pussy hash last year”.

I came back in 1 hour and 1 4 minutes and as mentioned in the circle.“First runner back Deep Hole in 1 hour and 44 minutes.”

Off course, there is no chance that “Hash Shit” can be given out 3 weeks in a row,or can it?

SKINNY came back a half hour later with his map showing a different run.

As there is evidence that he caught the hare, his run was probably more accurate (at least the first part).

CIRCLE REPORT RUN # 1 836 11 Mar 201 4 Chestnut Ave

JM1 CALLED THE CIRCLE TO ORDER Attendance - 34 members & 2 guests, including ex-member BANANAMAN. 1 st Runner - The Hare DEEP HOLE in 1 hour 31 minutes.

Distance - 5 km (short-cutters), 7 km (SWEEP with back markers), 9 km (hare), 1 2.5 km (FRBs) and MINI ME ran a Half Marathon.

Attendance was affected by the fact that many regulars were away for INTERHASH 201 4, held in Hainan CHINA. Nevertheless, we still had 36 in the Circle. Ex-member BANAMAN brought a friend, Christian.

LOAs CUNNI LICK HER and FLORIAN came today.

We allowed guest Christian to be the first to talk.

home or at least ... a drink stop.

Ex-member BANANAMAN was dismayed that he had returned, after 1 0 long years, to what turned out to be a 'Hash Shit Run'. For that the hares deserved a slvvsr w.

KRETAPI reminded the circle that the hares are FRBs, known for their Ironman exploits.

He declared the run to be bagus (Malay for good), until they lost the trail and it became a nightmare (English for mimpi ngeri).

FLORIAN took over and agreed that it was good for the first 75 to 90 minutes. Then it became too long and he started missing

Yet, they took off 20 minutes in advance for the LIVE HARE RUN. This timing would be more suited if members like WOODSTOCK was the hare.

As FRBs, the should need only a 1 0 minute head start.

Like last week's run, when the hares were screwed-up by U-Turns, this week it was because of excess paper which were laid by other hash chapters (Monday's HHHS).

TODDY MAMA stressed that the key to setting a LIVE HARE RUN was not speed, but good planning.

Here, the speedy rabbit was caught !

TODDY found himself going on and on, even as it was getting dark ... too long run.

Hence, after a short week, the HASH SHIT moved from "FUCKING NUTS" to "DEEP BROWN HOLE".

For getting caught, Live Hares are usually charged one crate.

DEEP BROWN HOLES pledged

2 WHITES. THANKS !!

Despite doing a Half Marathon, MINI ME claimed he enjoyed the scenic run along some lakes and only agreed that the run was 'fucked-up', after being made to cool down.

Another member forced to 'cool down' was HARSHMAN. HARSHMAN was allowed to do some sales on behalf of 'Our Lady of Lourdes Catholic Church'.

They are raising funds for a Foreign Workers' Shelter with the sale of $20 mugs.

After making his sales pitch, HARSMAN continued selling during the circle, despite being told to do so only during dinner time.

He was successful selling one mug after another, until spotted by the Whip and made to sit on ice.

Here are some candid shots taken by PINK HOLE NINJA. CUNNI LICK HER was tonight's photographer. THANKS !

The Hares were given a Down Down for requesting from POPEYE the "Dos and Don'ts" when they set the run.

Lots of Military tape were found by POPEYE, but the hares assured the whip that it was not used by them.

TIGHT ARSE was next as he kept using the song " F#@* Off " to potential new member Christian.

He should just stick to his usual 'Bring Back The Old Committee'.

The Whip then iced FRBs LOST COCK, WTL and SKINNY, for their usual emphasis on racing instead of breaking checks properly.

For today's complicated run, they should wait for mid runners, like him.

Our JM1 , also a FRB, joined them.

Afterwhich, NUTS, BANANAMAN & AUTOCOCK came forward because of the noise made by helicopters hovering over us ... should be out looking for you know what.

BANANAMAN took over as Mystery Whip and his first obvious move was to ice our Whip, followed closely by senior members KRETAPI, TODDY MAMA and TIGHT ARSE. BROWN EYE, extra noisy this evening, was made to join them.

The charge was the difficulty he faced getting through to us by email

BANANAMAN then charged the entire SHHH 201 4 "BANANA" Committee.

BANANAMAN insisted that he owns both the image & title rights to it and we need to seek his approval first.

POPEYE took back whip and called KRETAPI & SOL for the finale.

It was a continuation of last week's "Illegal Copulation" charge as SOL still did not learn his lesson and was extra lethargic tonight.

More papadum please

What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger

SPOT THE ANIMALS ( contributed by NEVER COME )

G I R A F F E

O W L W O L F

P I K A R A B B I T

D E E R

SOCIALISM You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbor……or the state takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk FASCISM You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk NAZISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds. You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION You have 2 cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want 3 cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive...

SINGAPORE also have two cows COW PEI & COW BU Thst's why we always complain

I Just Realized Something:

My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.

He has his food prepared for him, and his meals are provided at no cost to him.

He visits his Doctor once a year for his checkup; and again during the year, if any medical needs arise.

For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.

He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any of its upkeep.

If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.

He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep. He receives these accommodations absolutely free.

He lives like a king and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.

He really doesn't do any work, of any kind.

All of his expenses are picked up by others who earn a living.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a tonof bricks ~

My dog is a PARLIAMENTARIAN!!!

A FINAL ONE FROM FUKAWE : A widowed lady, still in good shape, was sunbathing on a totally deserted beach at Ft. Myers.

She looked up and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers and began reading a book.

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him."How are you today?"

"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.

"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.

"First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago," he replied and turned back to his book.

"I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away three years ago and it is very lonely," she countered. "Do you live around here?" She asked.

Yes, I live over in Cape Coral ", he answered, and again he resumed reading.

Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted, "Do you like pussy cats?"

With that, the man dropped his book, came over to her blanket, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate lovemaking of her life.

When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"

The man replied,

" How did you know my name was Katz? "