Stellar Day Magazine, September Issue, 2017

STELLAR DAY ISSUE 25 | SEPTEMBER 2017

The

September Issue

GIVING IT A VOICE Sharing your fears with the right people can bring such freedom. Read one writers encouragement.

FEAR

You aren't the only one coping with fear and trying to conquer it daily. Read about our Editor in Chief's struggle.

JOYFUL FAITH FOR MOM

Join us for an amazing bookclub through a devotional written to help moms find more joy.

Fear

Stellar Day Magazine

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08 35 10

03 06 08 10 14 17 23

Fear Coping & Conquering Fear & Courage Fear In Mourning Joyful Faith For Mom Fearless Memories Jewelry: Interview with Memarie Jobe Receive Giving It A Voice

06 26 27 33 35 37 39 47

Farewell Hope > Fear More Than Enough Pretty Sweet Peace Self Care Is Not A Luxury Editors Note

FEAR

Coping & Conquering

BY JESSICA WILLIAMS

STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 03

Most people wouldn't know that I

never happen. Fear, as it would be,

struggle with fear. They wouldn't

consumed me from a very young

know that as a child, I spent my

age. And while I was taught

days worrying, fearing, expecting

somewhat how to deal and live

the worst, and dwelling on things

with it, it has always been this ugly

that could go wrong. They wouldn't

monster looming there. As a

know that anxiety would pulse

Christian, we know we aren't

through my body and that while I

supposed to be afraid because we

had a seemingly safe and good

trust in Jesus. He says we have no

childhood, I spent a lot of that time

reason to fear, but somehow I can't

worried about things that might

seem to shake the unmistakable

emotion that Satan wants to leave

I can't pretend to sit here and say

me feeling guilty for.

that I don't struggle with fear anymore. That would be a lie and

The truth is, fear is an important

while it doesn't completely

emotion and state of being that we

consume my heart on most days, it

need to be able to navigate

is a battle I am going to have to

through life. It keeps us safe, it

always fight. When I feel the walls

warns us when something isn't

closing in around me and my

right, and it helps us fight when we

anxiety higher than normal, I often

are in dangerous situations. It's not

have to stop and practice

something to be ashamed or guilty

breathing exercises to remind

of. God tells us not to have any fear

myself who it is that I belong to.

so many times in the Bible because He knew we would struggle with it.

Fear can't have a place inside my

He knew we would feel it, that we

body because the one who died for

would have reasons to be afraid in

me has already conquered it. When

this world, and that a lot of us

it begins to creep in, I tell myself

would be so consumed by it.

that it doesn't belong here. That the tactics of the enemy aren't new

Many of us are afraid of things that

or creative and that filling me with

Jesus came to die for. He came to

fear does nothing but render me

this earth to conquer death and

useless.

eradicate that fear that we have and replace it with an ever trusting

And I don't want to be useless. I

Father who wants us to hand our

want to be used by a God who

fears over to Him.

wants to use imperfect people to let His glory shine. And shaking in

Struggling with anxiety can be

my boots I may be, but I am done

hard. People see me as confident,

allowing the enemy to convince me

ready for anything and not afraid

that I can't be used because I

when really, I'm usually shaking in

struggle with fear.

my boots and battling the anxiety that wants to take over my heart. It

Part of coping has been taking my

would be easy to let it, as there

thoughts captive instead of letting

were many lengths of time in my

them run rampant. Reminding

life where I succumbed to that and

myself what Jesus says about fear

allowed the weight of my anxiety

in the Bible, praying and trusting

to take me over.

that God would take over all of my fears and my anxieties.

Not anymore.

And He always does.

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self control.

2 Timothy 1:7

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Courage whispers “this is the moment, love now.”

Fear & Courage

BY RACHEL SCHROEDER

Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like to see you living in better conditions.

-Hafiz It’s a part of me. I don’t want to acknowledge it. I don’t like owning this part of my soul, this dysfunctional member of my family of thoughts. I would love to think that someday I’ll make decisions without its lumbering heavy pressure pushing down on top of me. I am making steps toward a fear-free life. I am moving towards speaking my

mind; resisting that pull to say yes when I mean no, choosing to hold my ground even when I’m there alone. These small moments of refusing to act out of fear feel true.

me that I should stay quiet. It tells me I don’t have anything to offer. Fear holds over my head the mistakes I’ve made; replaying those moments like a movie reel.

They say acknowledging is the first step. Something powerful lies in saying the monster’s name out loud so he knows I know he’s there. Does it make him smaller? I don’t know, but I feel stronger.

Fear is my enemy: a pernicious, calculating malevolence. It triumphs when I let my thoughts wander. Fear takes command when I focus on myself. Fear finds a foothold when I am tired and lonely.

Fear holds me back. It shouts to

But courage quietly reminds me

Courage makes room for everyone to do better, for anyone to move forward.

to be in the present where I still can speak up, especially for those without a voice. Courage whispers “this is the moment: love now.”

Courage asks me to open my eyes to find what it is I can do, even if it is a tiny thing.

Courage inspires sacrificial community, instead of self-focused isolation.

Courage makes room for everyone to do better, for anyone to move forward. Where fear is paralyzing, courage motivates.

This motivation is the way to light up the fear-filled places in my heart; pushing out that monster until there’s just no room for him there.

Fear In Mourning

BY RENNAI HOEFER

“I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say

hearted proclamations of God’s plan. Others said

anything.”

nothing at all, not knowing what to say, because honestly, what can anyone say? No, really, what

Six days before Mother’s Day, my husband and I

can we say? Why aren’t we more open about these

found out the child I’d been carrying for 11 weeks

experiences? How had I not known so many

was gone. I was heartbroken, filled with pain,

people I care about had these experiences?

sorrow, questions, and more. We’d been trying for over a year when we finally conceived, and no part

I realized, questions circling, with a major resource

of our story until then would have made us think

in heartache just outside my reach, fear was to

we’d lose our child at that point in the pregnancy.

blame. Fear of saying the wrong thing, of causing

What happened next changed all my ideas about

pain, fear of sharing our hearts and not being

miscarriage and loss.

understood, fear of being judged, fear of feeling something in ourselves we don’t want to stir up.

Of the few people I had announced our pregnancy

But what is fear, if not the same old lie, the only

to, many shared with me their own experiences

lie, that God isn’t good, isn’t enough, doesn’t love

with miscarriage, women who I had no idea had

us completely? This fear leads us to separation

such losses. Some offered me condolences, some

when we need community, isolated in our time of

humor, and “at least” statements, followed by half

need, completely alone. How do we navigate loss

STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 08

"We conquer fear with love." of a loved one, or any difficult situation, when fear is standing in the way?

The answer is, we conquer fear with love.

We say, “my God is bigger, He is faithful, He is GOOD.” We share our stories, without worrying about how others will respond. We’ll share our stories so others will know who to go to if they need someone who knows their pain. Whether or not we’ve shared the same experience, we’ll say, “I’m sorry, I know this is hard, let me be here for you.

Let me serve you. Do you want to talk about it? Can I just sit with you, pray with you, listen to you? We don’t let our fear stand in the way of our love for each other, or allowing God’s grace and glory to shine in the hardest of situations.

I’ve been afraid; I never knew what to say. I was afraid to share my pregnancy, afraid to share the loss since I’d never shared about the pregnancy, and afraid to make others uncomfortable with my pain. But oh, how our children and how our God are glorified when we come together to “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”

Romans 12:15

Joyful Faith For Mom

By Sarah Humphrey

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Motherhood. It is the very essence of

seen funny mommy memes or videos

life and also the very cause of

with a comedic outlet for relief--yet

depletion. It can bring out the best in

also a bent of bitterness. I appreciate

us and also the worst. It exposes our

the funny yet can’t seem to agree

health, and it exposes our hurts. It is a

with that extra side of weight that

barometer for our present condition,

seems to make children out to be a

because without rest and peace,

burden. We all need to laugh, yes.

motherhood can be brutal and fear

And yet the deeper we look, we are

can run rampant.

all really searching for our joy!

I’ve seen a lot of mommy blogs with

We pass on what we have stewarded

suggestions on how to be a good

in our lives. We also pass on

mom including practical tips for

generational patterns and repetitions,

eating healthy or organizing our

whether good or bad, of safety and

homes or having all the proper

sanity. In this day in age, with media

outlets. I appreciate those! I’ve also

rampant and a lot of outlets for

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expression, what I do believe is that our kids are vulnerable. They are vulnerable to our leadership in a chaotic world, and what we most need to give them is our presence and our safety. When the world wants to pull us away with distraction after distraction, we need beautiful discipline more than ever and more joy to be birthed. With these two combined, fear seems to disappear over time.

This is why I wrote “40 Days to a Joyful Motherhood.”

After coming to the sober reality that it was my responsibility to steward presence, nurture, and safety for my kids, I knew there were patterns in my life I wanted to promote. I also knew there were patterns in my life that I wanted to change. And instead of being afraid of the work it took to give up the world and gain my soul, I decided to write everything in my heart down….every morning at 4:30 am before my kids woke up.

Fear seems to be a mother’s worst companion.

There are a lot of ways to squish it or express it or give it some breath, but it’s in the process of going through our fears instead of around them that we can find the peace we are looking for. And in that place of peace and joy, I believe the practical living, and the healthy food, and the rest just falls into place. When our lives are cluttered, we have to detox. And detox can easily look like a paper and a pencil. It costs us nothing but our presence and a little time.

If you find yourself desiring this deeper sense of joy, join me on September 9th as a group of moms walk together through an online book club for “40 Days to a Joyful Motherhood!” We will have community and camaraderie, a little bit over a month together where we focus on self-care for mom, and laughter to boot! It will be a time of refreshment, filling up, and letting go.

Our kids follow us! I want to teach them how their mom lived a life of faith and courage and joy. I want

them to see how to do the hard work to make the impossible become possible in their lives. I want them to see that simple structure can lead to adventures galore. And that all of it starts with the presence of God with us.

I hope you’ll consider joining us if you’re a mom, too! Together we’ll walk through Identity, hopes and dreams, pain, expectations, grief, peace, generosity, forgiveness, and much more! To get more information, you can follow me on Instagram at @shumpdee or purchase a book on Amazon or at Michael’s Craft Stores!

WWW.STELLARDAYMAGAZINE.COM

Fear tricks us into living a boring life.

Donald Miller

STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 14

Fearless Memories Jewelry:

INTERVIEW WITH MEMARIE JOBE

Interview By Sarah Humphrey Who better to interview in this issue of Stellar Day Magazine than a woman who wears her faith over fear every day, Memarie Jobe. Memarie currently resides in Nashville and is an ovarian cancer survivor, a singer/songwriter, and the owner of her own jewelry company, Fearless Memories. We asked Memarie if we could sit down with her for a few minutes to ask her some questions about her creative and courageous life.

Q: Tell us a little bit about yourself. Where are you from originally? How did you land in Nashville?

A: I'm originally from Louisiana and I moved to Nashville with my parents when I was in middle school. They were chasing the dream of a music career. My mom had dreams of becoming a singer and my dad wanted to pursue songwriting and producing. You could say I followed in there footsteps musically. My mom eventually left the

music business and went back to school to become a nurse, which she loves. My dad made his life career in music as a songwriter, producer, and owner of a record label. He produced several albums of me resulting in three top 40 Billboard songs and music videos, and one #1 Christian Country song in the early 2000's. After two albums distributed through Sony, I produced and wrote two EP's independently.

Q: How and when did you start Fearless Memories Jewelry?

A: After many years of full-time music, I decided to leave the music business professionally in 2012. I was tired of running the race and chasing the dream. During the later part of my music career I began making jewelry for my stage shows and found a new love and creative outlet. As friends and family began asking me to make jewelry for them I started thinking about turning it into a business. I became obsessed and would stay up super late at night making jewelry. I bought materials and tools as I grew my business. Without an investor it made for a slower growth but much more fulfilling, knowing this was something I was building from the ground up.

Q: Tell us a little bit about your passion for music, faith, and philanthropy. We also know you are a survivor with great faith! Can you tell us a little bit about your story as an overcomer of ovarian cancer?

A: My jewelry is inspired by music, faith, and philanthropy. Music is still a huge part of my life because it is just in my DNA. I still write songs and I love making jewelry for other musicians and artists. Faith is what gets me through each day.

After being diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer in 2014 I had to slow down on my jewelry business and focus on my health. God walked me through it every step of the way. Major surgery, six months of chemotherapy, and one month of radiation. It was the hardest time of my life but also the closest to God I've ever felt. I feel that my jewelry line is a way for me to spread the message of God, which is simply love. Philanthropy is part of that. Doing for others and looking to Jesus as my guide lead me to start my ministry "Faith Over Fear." I do Jewelry workshops at a local abuse shelter for women each year, where I help them make "Faith Over Fear" bracelets and talk to them about the love of God. Faith Over Fear is my motto in life and I am only here because of the grace of God. With the

strength of God inside you fear is cast out. I also deliver bracelets to Vanderbilt hospital to women fighting Ovarian Cancer.

Q: How do you make your jewelry?

A: My favorite materials to work with are raw gemstones, leather, and various metals. I also love to make one of kind pieces incorporating vintage findings. I love shopping flea markets and thrift stores off the beaten path. you never know what you are going to find, so its so much fun. Its like a treasure hunt!

Q: What is your favorite music to listen to as you create?

A: I always listen to music while creating. Usually, contemporary Christian music is my go to but sometimes I will through in some good U2 or even Fleetwood Mac.

Q: What are some of your other creative passions?

A: Another creative passion for me is home decorating. I am very eclectic in my home decor!

You will see modern pieces, old pieces, farmhouse style, and everything in between. I just want my home to be cheery and unexpected.

Q: Nashville has so much to offer! What are you favorite go-to spots?

A: Nashville has grown so much since I moved here years ago. I am a bit of a foodie so I am loving all the new restaurants. One of my favorite newer restaurants is The Southern. My husband and I still love our staple, Virago for good sushi.

Q: What are some of your aspirations over the next few years?

A: My aspirations over the next few years is to

continue to run my business, but also keep it in balance with my life. My husband and I are currently trying to adopt a child so I want to be available as a mom and still keep running my business. I also want to finish a book that I've been working on slowly for the last year and a half and finish up my first Christian album. I'm letting God lead me on both of these projects without putting too much pressure on myself to rush through them. My goal is to complete them within a year.

Q: If you could give any advice to other women creatives/entrepreneurs, what would it be?

A: My number one advice is to believe in yourself and your creativity. This sounds cliche but it is easier said than done. Work on your craft and hone it to a point where you truly believe in it, so you cant let anyone sway you or change you as an artist. One mistake I made at the beginning was making some designs that really didn't mesh with my brand. Boutiques would request me to make things I personally didn't really care for. I have found its better to create what you love and what you truly believe in and then find the clients for it.

Now when clients request me to make something that doesn’t jive with what I do, I decline.

Otherwise you are always jumping through hoops for others and not really being true to yourself as an artist.

Q: How can we learn more or shop?

A: You can shop my line and learn more about my jewelry and ministry on my website Fearlessmemories.com.

Thank you for sharing with us, Memarie! We are inspired by your heart, gifts, and the faith you share! To learn more about Memarie, ovarian cancer awareness, or to shop her jewelry line, you can visit www.fearlessmemories.com.

RECEIVE

By Kelly Clubb I went through a season of life where waking up

whether I believed it yet or not. He said it. He

was hard. My stomach was in knots before my eyes

believed it. I would freely receive it.

were even open and intrusive thoughts would invade my mind. I was trapped as these thoughts

If you have ever felt paralyzed with fear, I suggest

spiraled into fears and played out the worst-case

reminding yourself of these simple yet powerful

scenarios. The “what ifs” would start firing off

truths and speaking them out loud:

around 5am while my husband slept peacefully next to me and my children were asleep in their

1.) You are LOVED: God’s perfect love for you

own beds. By the time the alarm clock started to go

washes away all fear, no matter how deeply it is

off and everyone began to get ready for their day, I

rooted. The sooner you believe and receive that he

had already been awake for an hour. I would be

really, truly does love you, the faster those roots of

calming myself down from the fight or flight alarm

fear will give way and you will begin to see yourself

that was waking me up daily. This was such an

as rooted in His love for you.

exhausting season of life. But with that season came the biggest learning curve in prayer and

2.) You are FORGIVEN: You do not need to punish

understanding scripture. What the enemy had

yourself. What Jesus did on the cross was out of

intended for evil, God took and used to strengthen,

love for you and it was enough. Allow yourself to

bless and protect me.

be rescued and to receive grace. Jesus cried out “it is finished!” not “you better finish it.”

Before my feet hit the floor, I would declare truth over myself and my day. It wasn’t about having a

3.) You are the RIGHTEOUSNESS of Christ: When

routine or practicing a religious act but it was out

someone dies, they often leave an inheritance for

of necessity for surviving the fearful attack on my

those they love. When Christ died, He left an

mind. I spoke out what Jesus said to be true,

inheritance of His righteousness for you so that STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 17

God’s perfect love for you washes away all fear, no matter how deeply it is rooted. when God sees you, He sees you the same way He saw Jesus; holy, perfect, flawless, without sin and sickness. This righteousness is not something you can earn but rather something to receive.

4.) You are FAVORED: Once you realize that you are righteousness of Christ, you begin to see and experience God’s favor in your life. Look for and expect it everyday.

You are His favorite. You are His beloved.

Allow yourself to be treated as so and receive the blessings and protection He has planned for you.

There is a theme that is repeated in the steps listed about: RECEIVE. Start each day with your hands open and your palms facing up, ready to receive from Jesus. When this happens during a moment or season of fear, it is a physical way to declare that you are letting go of fear and opening yourself up to receive his love, forgiveness, righteousness, and favor. Where these exist, fear cannot.

NOMADIC

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I want to be a woman who overcomes

obstacles by tackling them in faith

instead of tiptoeing around them

IN FEAR. RENEE SWOPE

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STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 23

GIVING IT A VOICE

By Sarah Costa

I don’t really like to voice or write down what fears I have. There is this feeling inside me that if I do, somehow those fears will become a reality, and that’s the absolute last thing I want to have happen. Isn’t it a little silly how our brains work? That feeling inside me at voicing my fears is fear, too. But giving my fear a voice, letting it be heard and carried by my close friends and family, is the very thing that makes it smaller, more manageable, liveable. So, here it goes, and this is just as scary for me as my actual fear.

I am terrified of being wrong.

It invades most every part of life and manifests itself differently, but underneath it all, I just want to be right. It’s like there is this thing hanging over my head that will drop and crush me if I get something wrong, an incredible weight of having to get things right or know things or already have learned them.

And writing it down does diminish the fear NOMADIC

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quite a lot. It would be impossible to know everything! But that little voice creeps into situations because I know the truth, I have huge gaps of knowledge missing, I haven’t studied nearly as much as I could, I don’t prioritize my time well, and here is the most detrimental of them all: others already know this stuff, I should, too.

Your fear might look different than mine, but I bet you feel it just as intensely as I do. It doesn’t matter if it is a child who is afraid of the dark or a parent who is worried about where their next meal will come from, fear grips our heart and whispers lies deep into it until we feel we have no hope and start to believe that those fears define us. But there is hope!

I’ve read many authors who tote the line and mantra of “believe in yourself!” as a way to overcome your fear. They offer the hope that what

"Your fear may look different than mine, but I bet you feel it just as intensely as I do." we have inside us is good, and we should believe we are capable of anything and so overcome our fear by trusting that we can. The “do it anyway” and you will be stronger for it and better equipped the next time fear raises its head.

But I just don’t buy into that. The older I get, the more I see myself clearly, flawed, and selfish. I know what is deep in my heart, and it is not good.

It does not desire good for others. It thinks of me first even under those good-intentions I have. I want to be happy. So, it’s not particularly hopeful for me when someone says, “You have it in you to overcome that fear!” - I know I truly don’t. I’ve tried, but the same fear keeps whispering to me and holding me captive. My soul craves freedom from this, and the only place I find it is in Jesus. I am not good. I don’t know everything. I don’t want to

admit the areas in which I lack because I don’t want others to see me as weak. But there it is, I am weak and completely limited in what I do know.

How can I even share this with you? I am not a courageous person. But I am confident in who Jesus is. I’m walking through my fear with Him. I’m learning to open up my heart and share because He asks me. I’m trusting that you won’t hold my fear against me, and even if you do, I am enough, even limited and weak, because He loves

me. He is enough. He takes this fear I have and says “I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” And I trust what He says because He is good. It still feels uncomfortable (hello, I’m bawling my eyes out over here). But walking with Jesus through my fear also has a raw joy to it. And THAT is what it feels like to truly live, in my opinion: joyful, trusting, a little uncomfortable, but always with the one who loves me just as I am.

Farewell!

BY CHRISTINE

CRAM

Dear Old Friend, It’s been a few days since I last hung out with you, and let me tell you, I do not miss you. The last few days I have had some time to reflect on my life, from where I’ve been, and the choices I have made along the way and I realized something. I have let you dictate my life for way too long. I honestly do not know why I have let you hang around for decades upon decades. You bring nothing but lies to my life. You try and feed my mind with horrible “what if’s." You had made me believe the worst about myself. I have let you influence my life in ways I never thought I would ever let anything influence me. You had a hold on me for such a long time. What kind of friend does that? What kind of friend is as toxic as you?

I have to say, and you’re going to be mad but I’m done. We are through being friends. I am done relying on you for truth, for comfort, for safety. You are none of those things to me anymore. I have made new friends. Friends that give me hope, and joy. Ones that let me be me, and dream with me and encourage me and lift me up. They help me fill whole again.

They point me to Jesus over and over again. You never did that. You always made me think that I didn’t need Christ.

There is no room for you in my life anymore. I’m moving on.

And no matter how hard you will try and keep trying to come back in my life, I won’t let you. My new friends won’t have it.

There’s no room for you anymore. I am better without you. I’m me and that is an amazing thing. I will never let you try and let me forget who I am.

Deuces.

STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 26

HOPE > FEAR

BY SARAH TRAPP

Fear is something I battle daily. I’ve recently transitioned into a new stage of life. I’m no longer a student and I have entered the workforce as a therapist at a residential treatment center. My clients come from situations that are at times terrifying, not to mention can get themselves into situations that are downright scary. I’ve had to learn how to file warrants and I’ve called the police more in the past few months than I have in my entire lifetime. I have to have the difficult conversations with families that my schooling never really trained me for.

My business is handling people’s lives, so obviously fear can breed itself in my job.

Fear is a feeling that makes me feel sick

inside, makes me feel weak, and makes me feel like I can accomplish nothing.

Fear does me no good.

It comes in through uncertainty, mates with inexperience, and spreads like wildfire until I am a shell of a therapist and a puddle of anxiety on the floor. I’m still learning how to do this job and manage the many different hats that it requires, but in no way do I want to work out of fear. My role as a therapist is to provide hope to the hopeless, and plant the seeds for my clients to better themselves and eventually receive the justice they so desperately need from those who have deeply hurt them.

STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 27

WORKING OUT OF FEAR KILLS THE VERY HOPE THAT I AM TRYING TO GROW. Working out of fear kills the very hope that I am trying to grow.

But if I’ve learned anything, it’s that the smallest glimmer of hope completely washes out fear. It obliterates it, destroys it, demolishes it, takes it away.

Giving a client hope in their dim situation eases the fears of their past. Hope anchors them on a new path where they can thrive, far from the fears of their past.

I want to be a person of hope, not a person of fear. Fear can determine what I wear, how I interact with my clients, and even how I present myself in my marriage

and to my family. But hope? Oh man.

Hope lets me help. Hope lets me love.

Hope gives me freedom. Hope outweighs fear on all fronts, even in my weakest moments. Hallelujah.

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.

Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you.

I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

ISAIAH 41:10

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MORE THAN ENOUGH SHED THE EXPECTATIONS

By Christine Kirby We are reminded that God made us wonderfully and beautifully with a purpose; yet, as women we fear greatly. We fear that we aren’t enough, that we aren't the best mother or the best wife or the best..period. We set standards for ourselves completely born of messaging that is separate and unaware of our individual strengths and, yes, weaknesses. It breeds a culture of shame and I'm convinced that shame we allow ourselves to buy into is the root of our worst fears. I know it is often the root of mine.

STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 33

If I have learned anything in my 55 year journey that I want to share with younger women just starting their families and careers, it is this… Life is about accepting that failing is going to happen in order to learn and grow. If you are occasionally failing, you are making opportunities for growth.

Unfortunately, we humans often learn the most from painful lessons as long as we are open to not judging them but examining them. And yet, as woman we set an expectation that we are not allowed to let ourselves or anyone else fall. It is our job to keep everyone upright. But, how often does that actually work? We are left feeling the shame of not having propped everything up and been

enough in control.

Even as I write this, I wonder "why would anyone care what I have to say?". We live in a culture based on "scarcity" as Dr. Brene Brown has discussed in her work. She speaks to me because I realized that many of the fears I and my, now adult, children face are based on the comparisons that are born in that culture of "not enough."

I have a past family "culture" of scarcity and comparison that is now, thankfully, in a rear view mirror and easier to examine. It has become abundantly clear that it had great effects on myself and my children at

the time. I am in a different "culture" now in my second marriage…it is one of open gratitude and acceptance. It creates a different vantage point. In my previous culture, I can see now that there was immense comparison of performance, subtle judging, and it didn't always come in an obvious package. Sometimes it even looked a bit like accolades but it served to offer up examples that you are to compare yourself to others to judge your value. It often was more in how it was said, not exactly that praise or feedback was presented.

When intention isn't in alignment with reinforcement, words can be chosen to covertly judge.

In that ability to look back in a rear view mirror and start with accepting that the past is the past and can't be changed, I can let go of guilt and begin the process of learning how to change culture. This has led to one simple guiding practice….lead with gratitude. The reflection on my past lessons has brought me to the realization of the power of gratitude and how it can create a resilience against fear.

The fear that is born in this culture of "not enough" kills creativity, growth, and connection. I hope that being aware of that helps us all to find opportunities to not allow that to creep in and opens new avenues for that life blood of real connection and open ourselves to vulnerability that enriches us and strengthens our creativity and connection.

In recognizing that the past can't be changed but it offers lessons, I have come to these mantras against fear: 1. Change the expectations…maybe the goal isn't perfection. The goal is to show up and simply offer the best you have at the moment.

2. Actively practice gratitude every day even if that is gratitude for the lessons that came from failing or imperfection in the day.

3. Be authentic…be true to your own boundaries and your own needs.

I hope each of us finds resilience and ability to dare to simply show up and enjoy knowing we are wonderfully made and always just what we need to be in this very moment!

STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 35

PRETTY

BY JENNIFER STAMPS "It's so pretty, momma."

Our daughter, who is two, is full of life. Like most, if not all, two year olds - she loves to sing, dance, color, and play with stickers. She is innocent. And the things she says are honest and pure.

As we walked La Rambla in Barcelona, she was in awe of the people. And the the memorials. In her eyes, it was "so pretty."

Adorned with stuffed animals, letters, flowers, and candles - she looked on. Singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" she smiled as we walked passed thousands of people with heavy hearts.

Little did she know that just a few days earlier, while we were in London, we read the headline no one ever wants to read. A terror attack struck Barcelona - a city we were scheduled to visit later that week.

When I read the news, I cried. I felt ill. And my husband and I legitimately contemplated changing our plans.

Should we just stay in London? Should we fly to Madrid as planned and finish our vacation there

"Little did she know that just a few days earlier, while we were in London, we read the headline no one ever wants to read."

There is more love than hate.

There is more beauty than fear.

And there is more light than darkness. instead of road-tripping to Barcelona? Should we just go straight home? I started reading Bible verses on fear and protection.

The first one I read stuck with me. I repeated it over and over. And prayed. Until I fell asleep.

John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

We decided to be smart, but not live in fear. The U.S. didn't raise threat levels nor did they advise citizens to not travel to the region. We knew police and military presence would be high. So we decided to move forward with our plans.

The day we arrived in Barcelona, we walked La Rambla. And again I cried. Strangers hugged and smiled at one another. People held hands. They wrote letters of love and peace. They laid flowers to rest next to lit candles. And immediately I was reminded, there is still love in this world.

There is more love than hate. There is more beauty than fear. And there is more light than darkness.

And I would have to agree with my daughter.

It is so pretty.

SWEET Peace

BY MARIA DERMINIO

The first few months of my

imagination. It was a thief or a

his head. My sweet baby,

marriage passed smoothly while

murderer. I ran to the kitchen,

helpless, feverish, and

my husband and I worked and

grabbed the largest butcher

whimpering, looked so small as

continued our education. My

knife in the drawer, and put it

he lay in the middle of the cold,

emotional tank contained

under my pillow. I called my

gray hospital crib. With my

happiness, excitement,

husband and he patiently tried

husband at my side, speechless,

exhaustion, and occasionally

to calm my fears. After a

and tears falling down our

frustration and anger. It was

lengthy discussion, mostly on my

faces, we gazed at our son.

marital bliss and then... my

part, and with no further noises

husband informed me of his

nor rattling of doors or windows,

I heard the monitors beep, the

upcoming overnight business

my husband said good night. He

movement of the nurses, and the

trip. Until that time, I had never

was certain it was a cat who

muffled sound of the staff in the

been home alone at night. When

had continued on his nightly

hall as they discussed our case.

he left a deep and

prowl. However, I remained

Their conclusion- spinal

overwhelming fear rocked my

anxious and awake.

meningitis.

The hours passed slowly. I

Fear froze me: fear of the

world and took over my emotions.

called my parents, my in-laws,

unknown, fear of the

Dictionary.com defines fear as

my two sisters, and my sister-in-

uncontrollable, and fear of the

"a distressing emotion aroused

law (all lived 3,000 miles from

future. My mind flooded with

by impending danger, evil, pain,

me). Finally, dawn arrived and

questions. Some I verbalized

etc., whether the threat is real

the lightness of day lifted the

and some I internalized. New in

or imagined; the feeling or

fear of night.

my faith as a Christian, many of

condition of being afraid." I was deeply afraid.

my questions were to God. A few years later fear again

“Why?”

gripped my heart when I knew Every scary story I heard at a

my seven-week old infant had a

Word spread to our friends.

slumber party, in my college

seriously high fever. Within an

Soon an older couple from our

dorm, or on the news quickly

hour, we visited the pediatrician,

church arrived at the hospital.

filled my thoughts. Hours passed

the emergency room, and

They talked with us, prayed with

while I sat awake in my bed and

admitted him to the hospital.

us, sat quietly beside us, and

visions of terror grew in my

Before me in a stark and sterile

taught us how to trust God in all

mind.

room, tubes crossed over my

situations.

baby’s tiny body. Monitors Suddenly, a startling noise

flashed his vitals and an IV bag

That evening my husband went

outside, probably from the

dripped necessary fluids into him

home to be with our 16 month

neighbor's cat, spurred my

through a catheter at the top of

old daughter. In the sterile, cold

STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 37

19

room, unable to hold my child due to all the tubes, I

understanding, will guard your hearts and your

touched his sweet little hand and prayed. In the

minds." Being a mother often brings anxiety, but

stillness of the night, God spoke to my heart. His love

meditating on this verse replaces fear with a sweet

for my child was immeasurably more than mine. I

peace. In the book of Psalms I have found comfort in

could trust him with the unknown and with the future.

these verses: “I will fear no evil for you are with me"

I began to read scripture and truly understand it. The

and "The Lord is my light and my salvation- whom

words King David used in the Psalms comforted my

shall I fear?" "I will lie down and sleep in peace, for

anxious heart. I felt a peace over my mind, body, and

you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety." And a

soul. Four long days later tests confirmed the illness

challenge "If you faint in the day of adversity, your

was viral and not bacterial. We were able to bring

strength is small."

him home.

Do you have fears of the unknown or of the future?

Since then many situations: auto accidents, medical

Are you fearful for your children? Maybe you are

crises, financial instability, and willful children have

frozen in past fears and it affects you in the

risen and fear again tries to rear its ugly head. After

present? We serve a God who is mightier than our

the meningitis scare, I learned the tools to stop the

fears. He will "watch over the way of the righteous"

fear before it had a foothold in my emotions. Prayer,

and "will give relief from distress and hear your

reading and meditating on scripture, working with

prayers."

the trial, and looking for lessons to learn all helped me face the struggles of my life.

My children are grown and living on their own. My husband travels often and I am alone at night with

Numerous Bible verses comfort and help me

absolutely no fears (except for snakes- still working

overcome my fears. Phillipians 4:6 "Do not be

on this one!). I have learned to trust in God who is

anxious about anything but in everything by prayer

"our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in

and thanksgiving, let your requests be made known

trouble." It is a total trust for myself, my husband,

to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all

and my family, for each day and each situation. It truly is a peace that surpasses all understanding.

STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 41

SELF CARE IS NOT A LUXURY

BY COURTNEY BAREMAN I was raised in a family of strong women. We are not scared to work, in fact, we welcome the opportunity. We fiercely love each other and will do whatever it takes to provide and love others well. This is who we are. We, like so many women, have been taught how to care for others so well, that occasionally we can lose track of ourselves. The voices and needs of others seem louder and more important than our own voices and needs. We can easily drown while getting someone we love out of deep water.

It took me a while to realize this and to understand there is a difference between selfishness and self-care. That loving myself and taking care of my body/mind/soul, is not a luxury, but ultimately it makes me a better person for the people in my life. I am able to give grace more freely and have more patience when I am not completely wiped out from doing all the things. I remember watching Oprah when I was younger and Elizabeth Gilbert was on and she mentioned how another language had two words for “selfish,” one being harmful and the other being totally acceptable and healthy. This blew my mind and it hit me somewhere down deep, I knew I needed to hear it.

As a mom and a wife, I want to be healthy- this seems like a simple and easy task. But, to really try and take care of myself while we raise three young kids is not simple or easy. For me, it is often uncomfortable and humbling. Having to admit I need help, am running out of steam, or just need a break. Waving the white flag does not come naturally to me. Instead I would rather run myself into the ground, full of good intention, but nonetheless, ending up a mess. I am a work in progress.

For my daughters, I want them to see it is not only OK, but that it is necessary to care for themselves. To learn about and discover what makes them come alive and then be brave enough to do it. To not apologize or feel even one ounce of guilt for taking care of themselves. I am trying to model this for them, taking time to pull away and write. To listen to music or podcasts, to work out or be with friends. Even a shower where no one is interrupting is a gift at this season in life. I want my girls to know they are loved beyond measure as my children, of course, but I also

want to parent them as the women they will become. I want for them to be strong and healthy. Able to love both others and themselves well, not shortchanging anyone along the way. I give myself permission and pray that this is not lost on them. We have conversations about all the ways we take care of ourselves, about how it is so much more than washing hands and brushing teeth. I tell them about how God created them so beautifully, and uniquely and that wonderfully, that they need to respect and understand their greatness. And to not comprise that, instead to lean into it. To fully discover all the gifts, talents, and passions that they possess. I want them to become the best version of themselves as they bring their most alive and healthiest self to this world they can change it.

The world needs people who are fully alive. Not just existing. Not white-knuckling it or clinging on by sheer strength, but people who live in the world and make it a better place, just by being fully who God created them to be.

Fear kills more dreams than failure ever will.

Sarah Costa BEACHBODY COACH & FITNESS ENCOURAGEMENT

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To The Writers I understand the fear of having a word inside your heart that just needs to come out. All of the fear inside you, begs to keep it in there. It keeps you afraid of sharing it with the world and it declares isolation on your ideas, thoughts, and heart cries. It would be so easy to sit within those walls of fear, to allow those boundaries to set up camp around your heart, and to never let anyone know the beauty that is within your soul, dying to leap out.

That would be easier.

But I am so thankful that this isn't you. I am thankful that you are brave, dangerous, endearing, loving, and that you care enough to set aside your own fears and insecurities to encourage another. I see the obstacles that you face. I see the internal struggle. I know where you are. I know how it feels to watch something you've written be published and to standby and feel like someone else is sharing your heart while you sit sidelined and watched. Please know, that I cherish each and every word that you give to Stellar Day, and I am so thankful for every single one of you who has courage to write. It is a really big deal.

xo Jess

We Honor You. And are thankful for your bravery.

Jessica Williams, Editor in Chief Jennifer Stamps, Associate Editor Nicole Thompson, Publicity Sarah Humphrey, Creative Consultant

Contributing Writers In This Issue Cassidy Rich Christine Cram Christine Kirby Courtney Bareman Jennifer Stamps Jessica Williams Kelly Clubb Maria Derminio Memarie Jobe Rachel Schroeder Rennai Hoefer Sarah Costa Sarah Humphrey Sarah Trapp

Special Thanks AFC Chiropractic Dani Homemaker Honeybook Jay & Jess Photography Nine Retreat Nu Skin Sarah Costa, Beachbody Coach STAMPS & Co.

EDITORIAL OFFICES Located in sunny Scottsdale, AZ Stellar Day Magazine is published by Issuu and created in Canva. www.stellardaymagazine.com

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Dani Homemaker Young Living Consultant

EDITOR'S NOTE Fear. It's so real, isn't it?

Have you had days where you couldn't even imagine getting out of bed? Days where leaving the house feel impossible? Shopping trips where you only shop from the outer edges of the store because you know where all of the emergency exits are?

I have experienced all of those things.

I grew up as a really fearful kid. I think the enemy knew very early on that he would need to hit me hard and he did from as young as I can remember. Growing up with hidden anxiety and dealing with it for most of your adult life is something that is really hard to over come. And the truth? I haven't overcome it. Although confidence might seem like something I have in abundance, I am always relying on the Lord to take away my fear.

Always.

I'm sharing this here because I want every single one of you to know and realize that you are not alone in your fears. I was reminded recently though, that while our fears may seem huge, a lot of the time they are just like a shadow being projected onto the wall. The shadow seems big and disfigured, but really it's coming from something small and powerless. I believe in Jesus and I believe that He is bigger than all of my fears. I lean into Him to get me through the anxieties that surround me. For when I am weak, then I am strong in Him. And there is NOTHING that is bigger or greater than He is.

Even my fears. He is big enough to take them all.

Jessica Williams Editor-in-chief