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the state of byron nash

HOME RENOVATION: an introduction by chris mundie and prime lending

Steel This Magazine needs your help. Writers, Photographers, Salespeople... we need you! If you’re a creative, or if you simply have some good story ideas, please reach out to: John@SteelThisMag.com to get involved. Staff:

Publisher - John Dubosky Creative Director/Graphic Design - Kelli Koladish Editor - Susan Cunniff Photography - Brian Volinic and Timothy Cox Photography Contributing Writers - Amy Maurine Edwards, Alyse Horn of Storyburgh, Loretta Millender, Skipper Anderson, Sara Makin, Adriana E. Ramírez, Edward Banchs, Rich Kerstetter, Dana Colecchia Getz, Ian Mikrut, Randy Garcia, and Michael Thornman Crossword Puzzle - Daniel Finan

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PILLS AND WHAT COMES AFTER: how pa residents are dealing with the opioid epidemic

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By: Edward Banchs

Pittsburgh-based band, Byron Nash & PLANB, had an excellent 2017. The band’s eclectic and accessible mix of rock, blues, funk, and folk have allowed them to garner high profile shows since its formation three years ago. These include the Thanks Obama event at Mr. Smalls, a set at Thrival Festival, and a headlining slot at the annual First Night celebration in Downtown Pittsburgh. It is easy to see why frontman, Nash, 45, keeps his spirits high. Nash’s confidence is infectious. Steel This sat with him this past January at a Shadyside restaurant to share his thoughts on Pittsburgh’s music scene, his work ethic, and the value of failure. His answers arrived without hesitation, and his voice carried certainty throughout. Spending any amount of time with him is an offering of optimism. The respect Nash has garnered over the past decade as a fixture and champion of the local scene is uncanny SPRING 2018

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and was on display among the scatterings of the many, “Hey, Byron,” greetings as we sat for our discussion. It seems everyone wanted to get their face time with him. STM: How was First Night? Nash: So cold! It was great, but it was physically challenging. You don’t think about how cold your instrument’s going to be on top of your hands being cold. I mean, it was just part of it until I actually had to touch a cold guitar;it was kind of painful. I had to modify how I approached guitar [playing] because they had small heaters on the stage but they were only good for putting your hands near them. And as soon as you would take them away they would be frozen again. We were cringing inside. But there were a lot of people there. It was a great experience. I never had that happen before: my voice took in so much cold air.


STM: How was the, Thanks Obama, event? Nash: We had a nice crowd there. I feel that we were well received. That was the beginning of what our year would be. That led us to getting a different style of events, to a wider range of people. I like the variety. STM: Were you afraid of ostracizing potential fans when you played that event? Nash: If anyone knows me, that’s not something I push. I don’t push views on people. If anything, I push to be positive and work hard. I don’t push affiliations on anyone. If anything, we played that because of who was involved, the bands that were on it, the promoter, the venue. And if someone is going to be mad at me because I was playing a show thanking a politician and they don’t like me personally because of it, I can’t worry about that. My focus is on the gig and the music. All the other things really don’t matter to me. I wasn’t trying to offend anyone. We were just trying to play a good gig.

just trying to be good artists. We just wrote some random songs and [got bookings for] some random gigs and had good turnouts. We didn’t even have a name for the first gigs. [Notably, Nash’s band performed at the KAYA Fest in the Strip District.] STM: Tell me about your former band, Sporadic. Nash: That was my first band, and I’m the sort of person that just puts everything into it. The climate was much different in the club scene. A lot of the bands that did well were the more consistent rock band sounds, so it was really hard to penetrate that. We ended up doing that with our unique brand of playing because I started to understand the business side of booking gigs and talking to promoters, and the other things that musicians didn’t want to deal with since I was working at the Rock ‘n Roll Reporter at the time. That’s what taught me how to be in the music business instead of just being a musician.

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STM: Was Sporadic more of a learning experience, or a frustrating experience? Nash: That was more of a learning experience because I’d never done it before. I literally started playing out, [after] not playing out at all. I was terrible when I started. We did a lot of things wrong musically, but what we had was a certain STM: Your music is diverse. How do you describe hunger. We would rehearse all the time. We were going to be as tight as we could be. We what you do? Nash: Good music is good music, no matter what weren’t caught up in the popularity, and we [the genre]. Everyone in the band is well versed. I weren’t caught up in what people thought have a long history with different styles of music. about it. That is what put us on, the fact that My guitar player (Evan Thorsen) comes from a we were so unique. metal background, but he is very technical and efficient, and we communicate well because of that. There is a fear when something is coming I grew up listening to metal. My bass player (Philip to an end and you don’t know what’s Price), my drummer (George Barron), and my coming next. But at the same time, if it keyboard player, (Randraiz Wharton) are session weren’t for that, there’s no way I would have guys in the city. They can play with everyone and figured out all these other things. It’s not a anyone. Most of the original stuff that we play is frustration, because that’s not a project always going to have that multi-cultural, multi- that I think would have lasted until now sound thing. That is how I listen to music. If it’s a anyway, but it’s come full circle. Now, I feel I’m older and wiser. good song, then that’s what it is. STM: How did this come about? Nash: This really came from five years of me and my guitar player sitting in a room and playing music for fun. We were doing it as an escape. It was kind of leisure[ly], then it became every Monday. Instead of trying to be good guitarists, we were

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of being a single parent. When my kid was older, I came to a realization of how much time is in a day. The time is there, but what [are you] going to do with that time, and how are you going to make small goals for your destination? It became easier, certain things were harder, but it became easier because I understood if I dedicate everything to this thing, everything I do that is dedicated to music in some capacity will always be pushing it forward. So it is more of a lesson. I was thinking in a traditional band sense. I don’t think of it like that anymore. I still believe in the brotherhood of it, but I feel there’s a lot more opportunity to make music your life without feeling that there’s one way of doing it. Before you had to be kind, but you don’t have to be kind to be successful in music, and once you figure that out it opens all these other doors. That experience taught me how to be loyal to the people I was working with, and always, “I’m in it to win to it.” That was the ground floor for everything I do now. I wouldn’t be doing any of this now if it wasn’t for the Rock ‘n Roll Reporter and Sporadic. Nothing’s lost. I’m a workhorse. I don’t ask for a lot of time off. When I ask for time off, I actually get it. I know how to make the most of my time. I can’t afford to work 9-5 for the time, not the money. I’m still getting up at eight. Most people wait for the whole weekend, I don’t do that. I just pack every day, and what I can’t get accomplished in one day, I move it to the next. STM: Do you consider yourself a workaholic? Nash: Yeah! I thrive off of it. It is a matter of being hungry, whatever your goal is. It doesn’t have to be music. It doesn’t have to be art related. Whatever your goal is, you are not going to achieve it without focus. You are not going to achieve it without time. You are not going to achieve without hard work. Even if someone hooks you up, you are not going to be able to maintain that position because you didn’t earn it. I just believe in it. STM: When did you begin playing? Nash: I’ve been seriously playing since ‘92’93. I got a guitar when I was 15, but I was more into skateboarding. I wasn’t good, but I wasn’t embarrassed around other guitar

players. But I really didn’t start digging it until I got my first acoustic at 22. I always knew I loved music just by putting on my mom’s records when I was five. She had a great collection, so I got to hear that stuff early. Before I was playing music I was into Prince, Funkadelic, KISS, and then later it kind of came from hair metal and early ‘80s metal. It got me into heavier stuff like thrash. The guitar was always what I was into. It started with a soul and R&B background and then into rock. Iron Maiden, [Mötley] Crüe, Ratt, Metallica, Slayer, Coroner, Venom, all that stuff. I got heavier and heavier over time. STM: Do you still consider yourself a metal fan? Nash: I do, even though I don’t actively search out all the new stuff that is happening. Everything that I loved then, I still love. STM: Tell me about Pittsburgh. How do you see this city? Nash: Here, unlike Philly or New York, Baltimore, Austin, you can’t just walk outside and catch your music. You have to know where it is. You have to be involved a little bit more to know where the things are. I feel fortunate since the Rock n’ Roll Reporter days, or the late ‘90s, to feel somewhat involved. I could find out when a show was coming, or I could find what club was happening. I could find it out. I actively looked for it. We are still shifting because of what venues are here, but it’s better. We had a pretty bad dry spell for while, but I feel like this city is growing at a fast rate and it’s a great time for artists to be on their game. The first kind of big hit was Wiz Khalifa and Mac Miller a few years back. And that was great! That put us on the map for what we do. It feels like a city that you, if you are an artist or a dreamer—and someone has an idea—you can come. You can hone your craft and live affordably while you get your act together. And possibly make something happen. STM: What do you think has led to this? Nash: I think it has been a changing of the guard. There was a point where if you weren’t part of this certain, ‘thing’ or this, ‘group’ or, ‘clique’, you just could SPRING 2018

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not penetrate the powers that be. And the powers that be would be the people that ran the radio, or that were the ones booking the clubs. It was really hard. You had to become really business savvy to figure out how to do it. Now it’s different because everything is done on a little bit more of an independent scale, and there is just a lot more going on here than there was back then. The growth has allowed everything else to grow. STM: Was there more cynicism in the scene? Nash: There still is. If you are a musician that only plays in the rock element of the scene, you have no idea what is happening with the beat makers over in the East Side, you have no idea what is happening at Spirit on the jam nights when some of the best jazz players are coming through. Unless you are involved in all of it, your perceptions of what the scene is, is limited to what you are doing in it. I try to be in every part of it. I go to metal shows, to jazz shows, to folk nights. I don’t have anything bad to say. My experience has been fantastic! I built my whole music life off of what I’ve done here. STM: What does 2018 have in store? Nash: I have two agendas. One is [to] get more cool gigs for the band. I want to play more out of town. I like the uniqueness of the events we’ve been playing. I want to continue that, but I want to spread that out more. I want to write more. I want to record more and have more of a fire, more content to put out there. I’m also with an accelerated entrepreneurship program with the Pittsburgh Technology Council, and I’m using that as a platform to [become] more integrated with business. My other goal is to do music production for licensing and placement. I want to focus more on solo [acoustic] gigs, too. I’ll never pass up something if it looks like a hell of an opportunity. You are more wrong for not trying, so I’ll never not try.

Catch Byron Nash & PLANB Saturday, April 14th @the Stage at Karma, 8pm


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A Complicated, Deadly Predicament Reacting to the Opioid Crisis By: Michael Thornman When Rachel Shumaker died, she had prescriptions for opioids, barbiturates, and opioid reuptake inhibitors. Taken together, it was more than enough to kill someone, and all of it was legally prescribed to her. The medical examiner in DuBois attributed Shumaker’s death to opioid toxicity. What’s shocking about this overdose death is the sheer amount of drugs being continually prescribed to this patient.

Shumaker and her brother, both opioid addicts, overdosed. Dela Torre oversaw not only long-term opioid therapy, but also prescribed a cocktail of medications that allegedly resulted in a fatal scenario for Rachel Shumaker. As the apparently unending battle against drug addiction rages on in our country, people are left scratching their heads to find a solution. Local law firm, Romanow Law Group, is looking no further than the jury box.

Physician Henry Dela Torre was brought up on felony charges for allegedly violating the Controlled Substances Act and other healthcare laws and ethical guidelines after two of his patients,

“Shumaker was being treated for lower back pain. Dela Torre prescribed Oxycodone. He prescribed 20 mg. pills that she was to take up to four times a day. He had also prescribed When

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Rachel Shumaker died, she had prescriptions for opioids and benzodiazepines. Taken together, these drugs were more than enough to kill someone, and all of it was legally prescribed to her. The medical examiner in DuBois attributed Shumaker’s death to opioid toxicity. What’s shocking about this overdose death is the sheer amount of drugs that were being continually prescribed to this patient.

are meant for short-term acute pain management only. Any long-term pain is supposed to be managed with non-opioids. So, when you start giving people chronic opioid therapy, you basically give them the addiction, itself. Physical dependence can result in as short as four daysSome patients are on it for months, or worse, some patients are on it for years, and they become addicted to it,” said Yousef.

The prescribing physician, Dr. Henry Dela Torre, was brought up on felony charges for allegedly violating the Controlled Substances Act and other healthcare laws and ethical guidelines after two of his patients, Shumaker and her brother both overdosed on opioid medications prescribed by Dela Torre. Dela Torre oversaw not only long-term opioid therapy, but also prescribed a cocktail of medications that allegedly resulted in a fatal scenario for Rachel Shumaker. As the apparently unending battle against drug addiction rages on in our country, people are left scratching their heads to find a solution. Local law firm, Romanow Law Group, is looking no further than the jury box.

“You have to look at it like a business. A lot of these physicians in rural town America want to get clients. What happens is, from the business owner’s perspective, when you write somebody a script for more than four days’ worth of an opioid, you know that you are now going to have a customer for life, because that’s how highly addictive it is. What the doctors do is say, ‘Alright, I’m going to give you a week-long script for Oxy, and I’m going to charge you $300 for an office visit.’ So now, every couple of weeks the people are returning and they’re bringing cash with them to pay for their office visit, but essentially they’re paying for the doctor to write them a script for Oxycontin. It’s legalized drug dealing. Depending on how many they fill, certain retail pharmacies, they markup these drugs up to 400%. If real change is going to happen, it’s going to have to come from the jury box..”

“Ms. Shumaker was being treated for lower back pain. Dela Torre prescribed Oxycodone. pills that she was to take up to four times a day. He also prescribed diazepam, a benzodiazepineThese drugs both independently have the ability to suppress the respiratory system. When combined, they can be recipe for fatal respiratory depression. That’s why we believe it was negligent. That combination exists, but I haven’t seen it at such high doses,” said Ismail Yousef, a Doctor of Pharmacy and attorney at Pittsburgh’s Romanow Law Group. The firm is representing the surviving Shumaker children in an upcoming lawsuit against Dela Torre and Punxsy Hometown Pharmacy which dispensed the prescriptions.

“I can tell you this, money talks. Real change isn’t gonna come from

Wa s h i n g t o n on this. The lobbyists are way too powerful, way too strong, and the DEA has essentially had its wings clipped. Even the case we have right now [Shumaker family], I’ll give you one guess where the law firm defending it is based out of: Harrisburg. That shows you the government ties. If major chain pharmacies keep getting hit with multi-million-dollar verdicts in opioid cases, they’re going to put some internal policies in place, guaranteed. My guess is that’s going to happen long before any type of legislative change is made. We need to strike while the iron is hot. Our law firm is focusing most of our resources on the opioid epidemic. We want to make a difference in the community. We feel that real change is going to come from verdicts that dissuade doctors, pharmacists, and distributors from fueling this epidemic,” said Attorney David Romanow of Romanow Law Group.

The death toll in America is still rising from the abuse of opioids, and the evidence shows that Shumaker isn’t alone in being prescribed potent medications for long-term pain management. “Dr. Henry Dela Torre is not the only one prescribing at these levels; there are hundreds of doctors doing the exact same thing. Here’s the problem, one of his patients died. We don’t have a proactive approach. It took an investigation by the Attorney General to arrest him and to bring charges.The problem started off when the entire medical profession re-couched the use of opioid medications into something that it was never intended for, the improper and unsafe use chronically. Opioids

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As lawyers battle away in court, others are looking for ways to handle the ever-growing list of casualties of the heroin and opioid abuse explosion our country is experiencing. “Education is also really important. Becoming more educated about what opiate addiction looks like, what that means, the changes it does to your brain and your body. It’s important to know those things to give us a better understanding, and then more people will be encouraging treatment and not think that you can just stop using drugs. A person that’s in active addiction, it’s not just affecting them, it’s affecting everyone around them; it’s a family disease. It’s affecting their job,” said Michelle Heins, Clinical Director of Freedom Healthcare Services. A local mother, Becky Beam, who lost her son, Adam, in 2014 to a heroin overdose, agrees that a change in public understanding could aid in the process of ending the spread of this epidemic. She has participated in community outreach seminars and spoke with us about her take on the victims of drug abuse.

know, people don’t talk about it, there’s such a stigma. People don’t understand it at all,” said Beam. “Part of the reason that’s true is the brain physically changes after becoming addicted for a long time. Pain receptors multiply, it takes more meds to decrease pain. The reward center of the brain is hijacked by pain receptors. The brain stops producing serotonin and dopamine on its own,and only does [so] with the drugs present in the system. Depression and unhappiness can be very hard to deal with without coping skills, but I do want to say that recovery is possible. People get better, and there is action that can be taken to heal that damage,” said Kira Lopresto, an Outreach Specialist with Greenbriar Treatment Center.

“A person that’s in active addiction, it’s not just affecting them, it’s affecting everyone around them; it’s a family disease.”

“I’m not just an attorney, I was a pharmacist in the past; I have a Doctor of Pharmacy degree. I’m very knowledgeable about the science of addiction, the molecular structure of these drugs, and how they really change a human being, how powerful they really are. Death resulting from opioid toxicity, that’s not just the real harm here. Very ambitious people suddenly are different just because they ingest these drugs for a few weeks. They start self-inflicting harm, injuring themselves just so they can go into an ER and get prescribed these medications. I know for a fact about people who you would never expect to behave in that way: jamming their hand inside the car door, smashing their hand so they can fracture their hand or break a bone and go to the ER and get these drugs prescribed. It’s a very, very strong addiction,” said Yousef.

-Michelle Heins, Clinical Director of Freedom Healthcare Services

“At this point, if you’re not involved somehow, you will be. It can happen to anyone, and it doesn’t have to be your kids. It could be your friend. Your husband could be pulled over to the side of the road before he gets home, getting high. It could be your wife sneaking off to the bathroom, or your kid in his bedroom. Maybe instead of criticizing, help.

“Adam, he’s not a statistic to me. He’s not. He was a good person on top of this. He always smiled. For as much pain as he had going on, he always smiled. And he always wanted to help people. When he was in these places, a shelter, or in jail, as soon as he started feeling good, he started trying to help people. At Family Links, a crisis center, he was a counselor, and he stayed there and helped them because he could relate to these people,” said Beam. Beam, and many parents like her, are cautioning people not to judge addicts so harshly. “These people are suffering, and they’re taking drugs to not feel like that anymore. Yes, they’re manipulative sometimes. Yes, they steal. But it’s a sickness. Once they get addicted to this stuff and that way of living, it’s really difficult. People don’t

“It’s not just about coming into treatment and getting off the drug. It’s about making the changes in your life so that you never pick up the drug again. You need a support system. We all need people - that’s not about being an addict, it’s a human thing,” said Heins. “I see people on Facebook say things like, ‘They shouldn’t be using Narcan [a brand name of naloxone, a drug used to reverse the effects of an opioid overdose] as much as they do.’ And it’s like, I understand that kind of mentality but, if it was your son, and it was his 20th time, wouldn’t you want someone to administer it? Maybe that’s the time he comes back and realizes how to make a change,” said Beam.



and You Anger h AN INTRODUCTION AND SOME SELF-HELP TIPS By Sara Makin, M.S.Ed.,LPC, NCC

I

Regrettably, some people have problems dealing with even slight disturbances that can push them over the edge of rational behavior. Trivial things like getting stuck in traffic on I-376 or dealing with the Pens losing an important game can trigger an intense and sometimes dangerous negative response. Anger, when it is uncontrolled, can become extremely problematic for your life, career, relationships, happiness, and health, and it can make your behavior abusive to those around you. Fortunately, there are a lot of simple techniques for recognizing and coping with feelings that can have huge impacts on our behavior and outlook long term. The key is understanding one’s emotions, taking a step back, and dealing with them in a healthy and productive way. Many times someone who struggles with anger will downplay how it affects their life, or not even realize how they are unintentionally being aggressive or abusive. Learning to pay more attention to your own behavior and judge it critically is a step in the right direction.

f you were in the vicinity of Western Pennsylvania after last November’s Steelers game against the Patriots, you probably saw it in some form. It’s there during your commute, too. Your parents and siblings may fall into the habit, and you yourself may explore the bounds of this often misinterpreted entity - anger. Rage, fury, exasperation, whatever it is you call it, anger is a powerful emotion. Anger is part of the human experience, and many times there are valid reasons why we get angry or feel frustration. Anger is our body’s physiological response to something we perceive as a threat. It sharpens us, makes us hyper-alert, and allows us to focus with great intensity on disturbances in any given situation. The fight or flight response helps prepare us to either fight, leave, or freeze in order to survive. When this response is activated, chemicals like adrenaline, cortisol, and noradrenaline are rushed into our bodies and create a series of changes like increased breathing and heart rate, muscle tension, even headaches. When angered, you’re accessing the reptilian cortex part of the brain, which regulates fear and aggression. Given our modern day lifestyle, we are now in a place where we can respond to a nasty email with the same part of our brain that would react to a lion chasing us. SPRING 2018

Learn to recognize your triggers. Lots of things can trigger people to become angry. Stress is often at the forefront of these stimuli. Stress is related to every aspect of life, and major sources of stress can include large scale stressors like your job, or financial

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problems. But even smaller stressors like arguments with our families and romantic partners, or overstimulation in the car, or being overheated in the summertime can lead some to an overwhelming feeling of anger. Everyone is familiar with outbursts of aggressive behavior or communication, like when someone experiences road rage, but many people don’t understand why they undergo these experiences. Oftentimes our lives are tugging at us in different directions, and when a pileup of conflicting options and tasks appears, some people tend to lash out in an effort to reduce the pressure building within them. Our modern day fast-paced schedules, combined with a multitude of technological distractions, do not help this.

Here are some tips you can use when you begin to feel anger. These can help you slow down and take stock of your situation. Giving yourself time to contemplate, analyze, and empathize can do a lot of good for your situation.

There is compelling data to suggest that a simple rewiring of our associations and behavior can create tremendous results for a person who wants to acknowledge their anger problem and deal with their feelings appropriately. Sometimes simply reducing the amount of stimuli one is experiencing can make a huge difference. For example, making sure that you aren’t using your phone while you’re driving a car can be helpful. Listening to music you enjoy, or reducing your caffeine consumption before entering a stress-filled situation can help calm you. Paul Santisi, the creator of some of the world’s best meditations shares that mind chatter consumes thoughts. Thoughts affect feelings. Feelings are what allow what you’re experiencing into your life. Breathe, focus, allow, become a better person with each breath.

EXPRESS YOURSELF MINDFULLY

When you are at your wit’s end, it is good to have a plan and some fallback options to calm yourself down. It’s best to recognize when you’re beginning to feel overwhelmed with anger and to exercise these suggestions proactively. Anger is much like a train; it’s easier and faster to stop a train when it’s going five miles per hour (slightly annoyed) than when it’s going seventy miles per hour (lashing out aggressively and inappropriately). Founded in 2017 , Makin Wellness is Pittsburgh’s premier therapy and coaching center, with locations in Downtown Pittsburgh and New Kensington. The company’s mission is to help people heal and become happy again. Makin Wellness specializes in mental health, addiction, anger management, and relationship counseling.

THINK BEFORE YOU ACT

It is extremely easy to say or do what you want while you are in the heat of the moment. It’s times like these when we say something that we, deep down, do not mean. Take some time and think about what you want to say. Practice taking some deep breaths or counting to ten. Be sure to give the person you are arguing with time to also do the same. When people lose control of their anger, they’ll often report feeling like they were on autopilot during an angry outburst, yelling out whatever words came into their head. Once you can slow yourself down a bit and get to the place where you are thinking more clearly, be sure to share your feelings of frustration using assertive communication, not aggressive communication. Share what you are concerned about and be direct. Be mindful of the tone of your voice.

GET SOME PHYSICAL EXERCISE

If you find yourself getting angry on a regular basis, take a look at how much physical activity you’re getting. Channeling your anger and getting it out through vigorous exercise can significantly reduce your stress. Find a physically challenging activity you enjoy, or go for a walk, or hit the gym. Not only does physical activity release pleasureinducing chemicals to your body, but it also provides a contemplative period of reflection that can provide a more rational vantage point on a recent argument, or frustrating situation you may be about to enter.

TAKE A BREAK

Your body is probably not getting enough rest: your cell phone is sending you alerts multiple times every hour, you have a busy work schedule, etc. Demands pile up throughout the day on all of us. Ignoring those stimuli and making time to do something just for yourself, even for a short period, can help you stay calm. Do this not just once, but several times

throughout the day. It’s amazing how taking breaks during the rough parts of the day can help you feel better prepared for the challenges ahead. Walking to get some water, chatting with some colleagues, or watching a funny video on your phone could all be great tiny breaks.

MAKE “I STATEMENTS”

When we look long and hard at our fight, or argument, or the outburst we’re having, it’s easy to blame others for our predicament. We make what I call, “You Statements.” For example, ‘You always piss me off!’ Or, ‘You never do your share of the housework!’ Using this pattern of communication is problematic because we’re essentially blaming our frustration on another person. Let’s be clear, your feelings are nobody else’s responsibility. Instead of projecting using the word, “You,” focus on yourself. Focus on your feelings and why you’re frustrated with the situation. The purpose for this is two-fold. It helps you analyze your situation and focus on your part in it, which is the first step in combating your anger. At the same time, it also allows you to communicate with another person about their behavior and what they could be doing that upsets you so much. Try using this structure, ‘I feel ___ when you do ___.’ Try coming from a place of empathy, and be extra careful to watch your tone and your body language when you are communicating. This practice not only helps to dissolve high aggression levels, it also creates dialogue that can increase the likelihood of good communication in the future. Be sure to also have an open body posture. Uncross your arms and lean toward the other person while they are talking to show you are interested.

NEED AN EXTRA BOOST?

If you are noticing that your anger is still out of control regardless of trying the previous anger management techniques, it could be time to get some help from a professional anger counselor. If you or someone you know are getting in trouble legally or hurting those around you, seeking counsel to fix that behavior is the best path of action. It’s a sign of strength when someone shows a willingness to get honest feedback from a therapist, so try to encourage that behavior in yourself and your friends.


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MISS LORETTA’S CORNER

AN ORAL HISTORY OF MID-CENTURY LAWRENCEVILLE THROUGH THE EYES OF LORETTA MILLENDER By: John Dubosky

, Welcome to our third installment of Miss Loretta s Corner.

Here, over the course of several , issues, (we re still not sure how many) Loretta Millender will speak to our readers and share her memories of Lawrenceville and the people and events in it that have shaped her life. Her experience as a woman of color in a pre-civil rights era Pittsburgh is a beautiful and at times shocking web of stories that culminate to make the person so many of us know simply as, Miss Loretta. Last issue, we had a misprint, accidentally cutting off the last sentence of the article. SPRING 2018

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When I listen back to my last interview with Millender, one of the first things you can hear over the sound of chicken and pork chops frying on her stove is, “John, so many people have told me that they couldn’t read the end of my last article.” So, we thought that would be a good starting point for this issue. In the last installment of her column, Millender told us about working after school for a local bookie in Lawrenceville. At only 12 years of age, with her red wagon and recycling route, she was discreet, commonplace, ordinary—the perfect number runner. An older bookmaker hired her to take bets from the sanitation workers at the incinerator in the Strip District. In and out she’d go, undetected by any police or other officials. She was the oldest of five children, and was trying to earn money for the family, in addition to her after school job housekeeping and babysitting. In the sentence we omitted, Millender had finished her work for the numbers man, and was reflecting on her time with him. The sentence closing the story that we omitted was: “I was making good grades in school, because they were always teaching me on the outside.” In this column, we’ll watch Millender from an unseasonable vantage point. This chapter takes place around Christmas in 1955, but the positivity and warmth that permeate this passage are welcome any time of year, particularly with the promise that comes with a new Spring. Here, she’s 14 years old, and finishing up work for the week at her job as the housekeeper for the Isaly family, famous for their contribution to the Pittsburgh culinary lexicon, chipped chopped ham.

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Miss Loretta Millender, in her own words: Arsenal school had found me a job in Squirrel Hill as a mother’s helper at the age of 13. I made $4.75 a week. It was three hours a day. If I worked on Saturdays, I got extra, but that was only if she was throwing a party, or I had to watch her two boys or take them to the park. I was working for the Isaly family that owned the factory and store right here on Butler Street, where Hambone’s and the card shop are now. Their big operation [factory] was out of town, this was a small department store. I knew of the family, but I didn’t know it was them when the school sent me there. Arsenal School had it set up so that all young girls who didn’t have a lot in their families, they would get you a job. You got an after school pass and SPRING 2018

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“And from that day on, I just wanted to give to people. I wanted God to shine and to see that I could help other people. And that’s all I ever wanted to do. Keep God inside of me to help other people.” a job. So I made $4.75 a week to work. Sometimes two and a half, three hours, sometimes four in the summertime because it would stay light out late enough that you could still catch the two buses that came through to East Liberty. Now, I’m working for the Isaly’s, and it’s Christmas, and my father was in the service. My mother says to me, “Loretta, we can’t have Christmas.” I said, “Why, Ma?” She said, “The checks are late, the army checks to the families.” I said, “Ma, something is gonna happen. God’ll make a way.” I just believed in God so much. And He made a way. I took my $4.75 and Mrs. Isaly gave me three dollars extra for Christmas presents and she said to me, “Loretta, you’ve been such a nice worker and a good person, here’s your Christmas gift.” And she gave me three dollars extra. And when she gave me the three dollars, I put it to work. The bus let you off on your way back from Squirrel Hill in East Liberty and there was a five and ten cent store as soon as you got off the bus. I went in that five and ten cent store and I bought my sister, the baby girl, a baby doll for ten cents. The arms had gum bands around them to hold the baby doll’s arms in. I found Fruit of the Loom underwear that was a pack of three for a dollar - I had two little brothers. I got my little sister that was right behind me a little pearl necklace, it was 15 cents. I bought my mother this beautiful silk scarf. When

I got through with everybody, I had a dollar and some cents left. I went out of the store, got on the bus, and left for home. I said, “Well, even if we don’t have a Christmas, the kids will have something.” When I got off the bus, it was right next to the OK Store, that was a grocery store we had. And I went in there and I talked to the man who owned the store, because he knew me. I got oranges. One orange for each member of the family. And he told me 20 cents for the oranges. I got five oranges. There was six of us in the family, six with my mother, but I had only gotten stuff for the kids and her. I got a bag of little gumballs, I got a bag of candy, and I went home with all this stuff to my mother. My mother said, “I’m going down the street to Miss Ada White’s. [This is the boarding house highlighted in the first installment of Miss Loretta’s Corner. White owned and operated a boarding house for black rail workers in the ‘50s and ‘60s where Millender and her mother would frequently work cooking meals and waiting on the rail workers.] They want me to cook there, and I’m gonna make some money. Maybe I can get a tree tonight.” And I said, “Yes, ma’am,” and she left. I was to watch the children. I kept thinking about Christmas, [and] the tree. Back in the day, we didn’t see artificial trees; they were all live trees that we knew of. Most of the kids were gone from the house that evening. I went out, the kids were all out playing; the younger one was with my mother. I said, “I’m gonna look and see, people get a tree real big and have to cut some of it, because the trees are too big to get into their houses. If I can find one of those small pieces, I can put it on a table and a table cloth around it and then we’ll decorate it.” I went to four empty lots, I looked and I looked, all down 29th, 28th, all back on Smallman Street, there were no trees. I said, “Oh my God, what are we gonna do for a tree?” Then I got to the fifth lot, way back on Smallman, next to the river. And there were great big pine needles everywhere. Someone had trimmed their tree, and it was six big branches. I dragged them six big branches from Smallman Street all the way over to our house on 29th Street. I SPRING 2018

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dragged them all the way up to the third floor. There were needles everywhere. I got them to the third floor, nobody was home. I said, “What am I gonna do with this?” I looked at the wall of the front room; it was all white. I took water and flower, made paste, and pasted the branches on the wall like a tree. Then I took green crayon and made a star up on top on the wall. And then I took the white table cloth my mother had and I put that at the bottom and waited for everybody to come in. My mother came in and said, “Oh, that is so pretty!” I said, “We’ve gotta put some decoration on it.” The kids came in and they were marveling at this tree. They were so happy.My mother and I got old jewelry beads she had, and draped them across the branches. We had the kids take colored paper and newspaper and make circles out of the paper and paste them together to make chains. They were clipped out of the funny pages, too. We put them on the tree. Then my mother went to the store and got a bag of popcorn; it came in a bag then. She popped the popcorn and strung it together with a needle and thread and we put it on the tree. It was the prettiest tree. And my mother said, “Take a bath, go to bed.” She was thinking, she had made 18 dollars and she was planning on going shopping. She didn’t know about the things I had purchased that day. I waited until the kids went to bed and I showed her my bag. We wrapped up all the gifts in newspaper, and we put them under the tree. If you could have seen those kids faces; they had million dollar gifts that cost no more than $4.00. They were so happy! I have pictures of my little sister wearing her pearls; she took them to school every day. She passed away in February, last year. But, that was our Christmas. We were so thankful we got everything we needed. After the children opened the presents, my mother asked, “Loretta, where’s your stuff?” And I thought, and when I realized I said, “I don’t have anything, Ma,” and she said, “Yes, you do. You’ve got God inside of you.” And from that day on, I just wanted to give to people. I wanted God to shine and to see that I could help other people. And that’s all I ever wanted to do. Keep God inside of me to help other people. And that’s what I’d done that Christmas.


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Each issue, as we put this magazine together, we spend time with our food sponsors, designing advertisements and other creative work for publication. Recently, we were chatting with Steve Salvi of the famed Cenacolo restaurant, and his newly minted and highly celebrated pizzeria, Dal Forno. The name Fiore Moletz came up, proprietor of Burghers, and Della Terra, and we all got to thinking about a new food column for the magazine. Why not teach our readers how to make something? Sometimes the most simple recipes are the best ones, and with the warm weather finally here, it’s time to do some entertaining.

By: Randy Garcia

Whether you’re having friends over in your postage-stamp backyard, or you’re trying out your culinary acumen on the new kitchen you just finished installing, these recipes will impress. They are easily modified for vegetarian or vegan diners, they take little preparation effort, and they focus on tastes of the season. We’ve thrown in some pictures so you don’t mess it up, and we’ve made sure to keep it simple.

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T HE B ACKYARD G RILL If you’ve been to Burghers in Harmony or Lawrenceville, you know what you’re getting. This is a no-nonsense restaurant. The menu isn’t loaded down with a million options; they don’t play around with hundreds of different cuisines. This is where you come for good burgers, fried chicken, and beer, all made by people who know what the hell they’re doing. They’re also champions of plant-based Impossible Burger, so your food conscious friends can dig in, too. Go to the thrift store, get yourself the biggest cast-iron skillet you can find, and a 4’’ and 6’’ spatula for smashing, head to the grill, and get it to high heat.

INGREDIENTS: -Martin’s Potato Rolls -¼ Lb. of PA Preferred Grass Fed Beef (per burger) -Accoutrements:

INSTRUCTIONS: You want to prepare your meat by rolling it into quarter-pound balls. Salt it, but don’t use any pepper yet, it will burn on the grill. Before you cook your burger, it’s a good idea to toast your buns a bit, and if you’re caramelizing onions, get that started, too.

Preferably, you want to make this seasonal. Find some local Amish cheese, or grab some from Goat Rodeo Farm and Dairy, anything from those guys is gonna be bomb on a burger. Fiore usually goes with a thick mayonnaise (He likes the brand, Duke’s,) preferably made with olive oil, tomatoes, some caramelized spring onions, and a really flavorful pickle with enough vinegar flavor to cut through the fat of the sandwich.

Toss your ball on the skillet or the grill top, and leave it there until it can slide around without sticking. Once it’s good to go, you want to smash it with your spatula; get it smashed until it’s the thickness of the bottom piece of your bun. As it cooks, you’ll see pockets of moisture move to the top of the meat. When the meat is changing from the raw pink color to slightly more cooked, flip it, and leave in on for a few seconds, then you’re done. You want some pink in your meat; don’t overcook it. Before you take it off the grill, you can season it again with salt and, now, the pepper.

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PRO TIPS: If you’re using lettuce, put it below the burger so it doesn’t get steamed. If you put the mayonnaise and the tomatoes together, you’ll get a nice juicy tomato flavored sauce. Fiore’s personal favorite method is, bottom to top, bun, burger, cheese, caramelized onions, pickle, tomato, mayo, bun, but hey, you do you. Pair it with your favorite beer - we had ours with Burgher’s Brewing’s, Hipster Tone. “It’s got the perfect amount of crispness to wash away the lingering fat in your mouth after each bite. It’s a great palate cleanser.” -Fiore Moletz.


The Best of Italy

T HE DI N N E R P ARTY Cenacolo doesn’t mess around. Stop in anytime, day or night, and you’ll find creations by owner, Steve Salvi, and Executive Chef, Josh Toney, being devoured by smiling diners. They specialize in pasta dishes, created daily by Salvi’s pasta company, Fede Artisan Pasta. We popped into their kitchen to learn how to make a dish synonymous with spring - pasta primavera. INGREDIENTS: -1 ½ to 2 Lbs. Tagliolini Pasta (can substitute any long-cut pasta) -2 Tsp. Extra-Virgin Olive Oil -8 Oz. Pancetta, Medium Diced (can substitute prosciutto, speck, or bacon) -4 Cloves Garlic, Sliced Thin -4 Cups Asparagus, Bitesized Pieces -4 Cups Grape Tomatoes, Sliced in Half -4 Tbsp. Butter -Black Pepper -Kosher Salt -½ Cup Parmesan Cheese, Grated -4 Oz. Stracciatella Cheese (can substitute burrata or fresh mozzarella) -2 Oz. Spring Onions, Sliced

INSTRUCTIONS: Bring a pot of salted water to a boil. Add the pasta, stirring occasionally to prevent sticking. Cook according to package directions. Before draining, reserve a ladle-full, or about 1 cup of pasta water. Add the olive oil and pancetta to a large saute pan over medium heat. Let the pancetta render and crisp. Add the garlic. Saute until brown. Quickly add the asparagus and tomatoes. Saute another 1-2 minutes. Pour a ladle of pasta water in the pan. Add the butter. Reduce to a saucelike consistency. Remove the pasta from the water and toss it in the sauce until completely coated. Salt and pepper to taste. Sprinkle in the cheese, reserving some for garnish.

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Transfer the pasta to a bowl. Garnish with remaining parmesan and stracciatella cheese. Sprinkle the spring onions over the top and serve immediately.

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Pair with a white wine.

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It’ll Take More Than A MACK TRUCK To Stop FRANK FUNARO. A decade ago, en route to Texas to open a new restaurant, not even the 18-wheeler that rearended Frank and spread his car’s debris for over a mile slowed him down. Frank’s next move? He jumped out of his car, off of the bridge on which he was stuck into a swamp below. Frank spent a night in a hospital and with nothing more than the shirt on his back jumped on a bus the next day to finish his journey and get his shop opened on time. The South Hills born entrepreneur and overall kitchen master, Frank is the brains behind Olive Oil’s Pizzeria in Bethel Park. The name Olive Oil’s is a nod to the Popeye’s Chicken franchise, whose original location was also used as the inaugural location for Frank’s first pizza parlor. Since 1984 Frank has been running shops like this all over the country. Frank’s drive to succeed in business is paralleled by his culinary styling behind the oven. Through his career he has learned the importance of fresh ingredients and quality cooking. House-made dough, freshly-baked bread… even his salad dressing is made on the spot. That means a lot to local patrons who have come to expect a level of quality from Olive Oil’s Pizzeria that isn’t always easy to find this side of New York City. This season marks the Grand Opening of his new shop in Brookline on Brookline Blvd. The sister store of his original Pennsylvania shop in Canonsburg is now pumping out pies like nobody’s business. Cheese steaks, salads, and calzones of the highest standard can be found at this establishment. Frank is there and waiting the next time you need your fix of Italian comfort food. Throwing a party? They also cater parties of 10-200 people. What more do you need to hear? Get on the phone with Olive Oil’s and let Frank know you’re ready for him to send his fastest driver. advertorial

REAL FOOD. REAL ITALIAN. Voted Best Pizza in Canonsburg by Trib Total Media Voted Best Pizza by Dallas Morning News.

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For a full list of salads,visit: oliveoilspizzeria.com

Grilled Chicken Salad - $7.99 Italian Salad - Small $3.75 Large $6.99 Grilled Chicken Caesar Salad - $7.99 Antipasto Salad - $7.99 Steak Salad - $7.99 Buffalo Chicken Salad - $7.99

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“Pittsburgh is _______.” Depends on who you ask. By Adriana E. Ramírez

AS PART OF OUR COMMITMENT TO HIGHLIGHT LOCAL VOICES AND PROMOTE JOURNALISM, STEEL THIS MAGAZINE HAS PARTNERED WITH PUBLICSOURCE, A NONPARTISAN, NONPROFIT, DIGITAL-FIRST MEDIA ORGANIZATION, DEDICATED TO SERVING PITTSBURGH AND THE REGION. PUBLICSOURCE TELLS STORIES FOR A BETTER PITTSBURGH AT PUBLICSOURCE.ORG.

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PUBLIC Source

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be from a “good place.” When I was a kid, my dad would take the family out on weekend drives through nearby posh neighborhoods and upcoming developments. Sometimes we’d get out of the car and take advantage of an open house to explore the interiors. It’s as if we were trying on upward mobility like an overpriced dress at the mall—we knew we couldn’t afford it, but we also wanted to see how well it fit, how good it looked. We lived a comfortable, middle-class life. My parents, Latin American immigrants and small-business owners, had carved out a good, enviable space for themselves. Yet, the longing still remained. There we’d be, most weekends, looking at houses we’d never possess (fancy houses in upscale neighborhoods, mansions with private security at the gates, Downtown lofts with indoor swimming pools). No matter how comfortable we were, there was more and better to be had. There are certain things that are objectively better than others. We can all admit this. Heated bathroom floors are far superior to regular bathroom floors. I know this because I’ve tried the former while possessing the latter—in Pittsburgh, in winter. On the heated floor, my toes melted back into human form, and I felt momentarily delirious with joy. On my regular floor, I feel nothing. Clearly, joy is better than nothingness. But here’s the thing—I don’t need a heated floor. My parents didn’t need to do the real estate equivalent of window shopping. We didn’t need “good” or “better.” What we had was, and what I have is, enough. Yet, within us exists the longing for that “good.” Sometimes to the detriment of others.


In the neighborhood to the south of my own, a property owner is raising the rent. New and interesting shops have opened up nearby, hipster restaurants and fun bars speak to a population with more disposable income. The property owner takes advantage of the people who want to move into the neighborhood. The property owner wants more. More is good. More is better. For the property owner. For the person who can no longer afford their rent, the situation is not better. The situation is not good. *** Pittsburgh is in love with its own comeback story. I love this about my city. I love that we see ourselves as survivors. I love the working-class roots. I love the Steelers. I love Polish food and good beer. Pittsburgh looks good to me. But Pittsburgh also has a dark past (and present). The gentrification is real. The displacement of black people is real. The invisibility of the Latino community is real. The general racism is real. Pittsburgh is the city where people ask me, over and over again, “Where are you really from?” Pittsburgh is the city where someone once told me to “Go back to Mexico.” Pittsburgh is the city where I was once called a “spic.” The bad side exists and cannot be denied. Pittsburgh is also the city of Pamela’s and Primanti’s, of art crawls and affordable opera, of culture and museums. Pittsburgh is a city that has given me so much, so many opportunities for which I am grateful. My friends live in Pittsburgh. My children will be born here. Pittsburgh is a city of good people. People who mean well. And want more. I was raised in a country that subscribed to the power of wanting more, of wanting better. These have been the dreams of my compatriots as well. The gilded mansion, a bathtub full of diamonds, the preferred parking spots at the stadium.

“Better” and “good” signify accomplishment, wealth, class and privilege. But most importantly, these terms point to luxury. Extravagance, or good for the sake of good. Pittsburgh has new buildings that tout “luxury apartments!” with “private parking!” and “full gyms!” with “complimentary snacks!” awaiting in the lobby. They’ve replaced early 20thcentury Victorian multifamily units, structures that were poorly maintained, dilapidated, no good. I once attended a talk where the speaker asked the audience to fill in a blank: “Pittsburgh is ________.” The answers I heard from the audience spoke to all the contradictions inside this city. “Racist,” “diverse,” “livable,” “lovable,” “tough,” “blue collar” and (my favorite) “reinventing itself daily.” *** A city can never be one thing. By virtue of the people who inhabit it, a city is everchanging. My notion of Pittsburgh is not my neighbor’s. The depiction of Pittsburgh on Anthony Bourdain’s “Parts Unknown” show crystallized just how varied our experiences of a place can be. The episode SPRING 2018

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showed a complex city struggling with poverty and privilege. My neighbor said, “It’s like they’ve never been in my city!” Her city has good restaurants with happy people, street festivals and bike lanes, progressive politics and social welfare programs. All of which exist here. They do. But she couldn’t get her head around the fact that there was another city, hiding in the shadows of the city she described. “Yes,” I said to her, “but what about…” And those “what abouts” got difficult. So did defining “progress.” Finally, frustrated with everything I had to say, she said, “But you have to admit this is a good place, right?” “Oh, yes,” I said, “it’s the best.”

Adriana E. Ramírez is an awardwinning nonfiction writer, poet and critic. She can be reached at aeramirez.com or @zadri on Twitter. This story is part of the series called, ‘Let’s Talk about Race,’ produced by PublicSource. FOR MORE STORIES LIKE THIS, SIGN UP FOR THE PUBLICSOURCE NEWSLETTER AT PUBLICSOURCE.ORG.


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CROSSWORD

THE “IN” CROWD Across 1 Like a G.I. relegated to washing dishes

By: Daniel Finan 35 Genesis figure elated upon meeting Adam? 40 “Pizza face” condition

5 Slightly open

41 -2 on the links

9 STL or ARI squad

42 Pool location

14 Han ___

46 Cattle call

15 Ward of Hollywood

47 Half of Bennifer

16 “___ is never finished, only abandoned”: Paul Valery

50 Revolutionary Guevara cracking up?

17 Author Silverstein described with just a few words?

52 You can ford it

54 19 Common namesake for pizza 55 joints 57 20 Gambino family boss 58 21 Frank of the Mothers of 60 Invention

Abbr. for like things Makes cryptic Jack of “The Great Dictator” Style of jacket 50’s prez winning in a landslide election?

23 With 30-Down, treat with chocolate and wafers

62 Sketchy character

24 It’s working when it’s breaking down

64 Wiesel who wrote “Night”

63 Basso Pinza 3 Always tripping, say

33 Who must be obeyed?

65 English exam, sometimes

4 ___ mouth

35 Disperses

26 Magazine tycoon making a personal appearance?

66 Cravings

5 Gray matter?

36 Adds nutrients to, as flour

28 Boca burger ingredient

67 Winter wonderland conveyance

6 “Aw, c’mon, man!”

29 Rub the wrong way 31 ___ Pie

7 ___ once (suddenly)

Down

32 “WANTED” sign name

1 Siouan speakers

8 California supermarket in “The Big Lebowski”

34 Suffix with “decor”

2 Pound-the-table denial

9 Wine container 10 Mil. address 11 Famed New York kicker 12 Call

Presented By:

13 Overwhelm (with), as affection 18 Happy as a clam, but not a happy camper 22 Church bench 25 Andrews of ESPN 27 Bounce

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37 Theatrical showoff 38 I problems? 39 Many 40 What a role call uncovers 43 ___ Wall Street (2011 movement) 44 Cry of surprise 45 Swim meet event 47 Hyde’s alter ego 48 Actress Kazan of “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” 49 Foreshadowed 51 Confiscate 53 Wheezing sounds 56 Largest human organ

30 See 23-Across

59 Stephen of “The Crying Game”

32 Turn away

61 Dawn deity

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Theme Answers The circled names are in their respective entries, so, for example, Author Silverstein described with just a few words would be SHEL in A NUTSHELL.

THE “IN” CROWD ANSWERS Chipotle Burger Smoked Beef Brisket Mac ‘N’ Cheese

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How to Stop Wasting Time AND GET THE HOME OF YOUR DREAMS

ADVICE FROM KELLER WILLIAMS AGENT, CHRIS MUNDIE, AND JEFF PHILIBIN & MICHEL WRIGHT WHO SPECIALIZE IN RENOVATION FINANCING AND ARE BETTER KNOWN AS TeamReno FROM PrimeLending

BEFORE & AFTER

vation Photos of the reno of Caryn e project at the hom d by Chris and Chris C., realize no at Mundie and TeamRe PrimeLending.

“I’ve seen people pass up homes with amazing opportunity just to save $40 or $50 a month on a mortgage. They’re missing out on all kinds of possibilities because they’re not equipped with the proper team to guide them through the process expeditiously,” Chris Mundie, Keller Williams, Shadyside.

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Looking for the perfect house in Pittsburgh? You may have already toured it and turned it down. The three bedroom in Millvale had the perfect yard, but the kitchen was straight out of the 70’s. The view from the rowhouse in Lawrenceville was breathtaking, but it only had one bathroom and it’s on the first floor. These scenarios are all too common for shoppers looking for housing in an old city experiencing a renaissance like Pittsburgh. Every week a new headline touting our town as the most livable city in the world highlights that we are in the heart of one of the most attractive real estate markets in the country. It’s a big opportunity for first time homebuyers to transition from renters to homeowners, but as prices explode and interest rates increase, many potential buyers find themselves empty-handed after months of scouring Zillow postings and neighborhood open house showings. “You can have a good income and money in the bank and still struggle in this market. People are competing over properties. In some cases sellers are getting ten percent over the asking price on a house,” said Jeff Philibin, Branch Manager - NMLS #408773 at PrimeLending. Even in a booming market, the perfect house is hard to find, because many times, it simply doesn’t exist. Up against less-thanperfect home options, and possessing little knowledge of the funds available to them, first time homebuyers are finding themselves on a merry-go-round, touring houses but never closing, desperately searching for new listings while property values climb. It can be frustrating. The good news is that Chris Mundie, one of Pittsburgh’s most popular realtors, with the help of TeamReno at PrimeLending, can change the properties you’re passing on into the dream home you couldn’t quite envision on your own. Things move quickly in a hot market. It’s important to think creatively and have as many tools in your toolbox as possible. “Something that happens frequently when I show clients several homes that just aren’t cutting it for them, if location is a priority, I’ll suggest looking into a home renovation loan. It narrows our search, and it makes their goals much more accessible,” said Keller Williams Agent, Chris Mundie.

“We’re taking houses in Pittsburgh that aren’t always the nicest or most exciting on the block, and transforming them. This program let’s us rebuild the city one house at a time. It couldn’t be more exciting,” said Michel Wright, Associate Loan Originator - NMLS #742833 at PrimeLending. “People think that buying a home and renovating it is something other people do. No. It’s something you can do, you just haven’t because you don’t know how. You just need a good team of dedicated professionals who specialize in this type of home renovation program,” said Philibin. The fact is, most people shopping for homes don’t even consider renovation as a possibility for their budget. “I’ve seen people pass up homes with amazing opportunity just to save $40 or $50 a month on a mortgage. They’re missing out on all kinds of possibilities because they’re not equipped with the proper team to guide them through the process expeditiously and safely,” said Mundie. “Two things generally happen when people run into a few imperfections in a house: they turn around and go on to the next showing, or they say, “I’ll get the house now and fix it later.” I’m here to tell you, later is expensive. You may have to borrow off of the equity on your loan, or come up with 30 or 40 thousand dollars, which is not easy to come by for a lot of people. A home renovation loan is the only loan that considers what your home will be worth in the future. A construction loan is a whole different ball game. And that’s why our team is here, because you have limits, financing has limits, and if financing can bridge that gap, instead of two years of home renovation, you may be looking at 60 days. There’s a defined process. SPRING 2018

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It’s doable, not rife with financial risk, and instead of doing it yourself over the course of years, it’s done in a matter of weeks,” said Philibin. What sets the Keller Williams agent and PrimeLending Loan Officers apart from others is experience. Over the years, Chris Mundie has mastered the Pittsburgh real estate market. He’s put hundreds of Pittsburghers into homes throughout Allegheny County. He knows what to look for in a house, and how much to pay for it. Chris has an eye for community, he can guide someone away or toward options of which they were not aware. On the back end, TeamReno at PrimeLending has budgeted and financed hundreds of jobs, and they’ve streamlined the process from application to the end of construction.



“If I could impress one thing on your readers, it’s that this is going to be a fun process. I promise you, it’s way more fun than you think it’s going to be. And at the end, it’s going to be your new home that you helped design,” said Mundie. To see an example of their work in action, we sat down with Caryn A., a local homeowner who used the services provided by TeamReno at PrimeLending and Mundie to finance a project on an old house in East Liberty. An historic home purchased by Caryn and Chris A., this property was totally gutted and needed a lot of work. “We hadn’t considered renovating until Chris Mundie, our realtor, asked us to trust him enough to walk through a gutted historic home in East Liberty. It took us no time at all to get on board and we never looked back. From day one, we had a great team of people around us. Our realtor, (Chris Mundie,) our contractors, and our mortgage lender (PrimeLending), were all fantastic and gave us so much confidence that renovating was a smart decision, so, we weren’t nervous, just very very excited!

The time it took for renovation to be completed was some of the most fun and exciting months of our lives. We loved the entire process. Chris Mundie found the house for us before we knew anything about renovation loans. We learned quickly, though, and in the end, our renovation loan made it possible for us to own a home we could have never otherwise afforded in a neighborhood we loved. Absolutely. Yes. 100%. It was an incredible experience for us and a very smart financial decision. My husband and I love to design and create, and we almost always have a very similar aesthetic. It was a very cool experience to dream something up together and with the help of our contractors and then watch it come to life. My advice is, surround yourself with a team of people who are not only good at their jobs, but who are also just good people. We cannot say enough about each of the people who helped make our renovation a reality.”

Chris Mundie,

YOUR FRIEND WITH A REAL ESTATE LICENSE

Call Today! 412.608.6019

PrimeLending and Keller Williams are not affiliated. All loans subject to credit approval. Rates and fees subject to change. ©2018 PrimeLending, a PlainsCapital Company. (NMLS: 13649) Equal Housing Lender. PrimeLending is a wholly owned subsidiary of a state-chartered bank and is an exempt lender in PA. v010918

“Our renovation loan made it possible for us to own a home we could have never otherwise afforded in a neighborhood we loved. Absolutely. Yes. 100%. It was an incredible experience for us and a very smart financial decision,” Caryn A., homeowner and customer of Chris Mundie and TeamReno at PrimeLending. 2516 Jane Street, Suite 201 Pittsburgh, PA 15203 412.690.7155 Visit us online @ www.TeamRenoPittsburgh.com SPRING 2018

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By: John Dubosky

Yo ur F r i e n dly N eiig hbo rh o o d Su p e rh e ro i nes ghbo B a ttle I n ju st iice ce Acro ss t hhee Ci t y “I am Serpenta, I’m not sssssscared of your cat costume!” “It’s more than just a costume, snake lady. I am Savanna, and more than a match for your scaly self.” “Then I will freeze you in your tracks like a cobra, kitty cat!” Cue fight scene. And with that, Serpenta quickly sneaks behind Savanna, envelopes her in her arms, and violently squeezes like a constrictor. The scene unfolding before me is taking place at a table read at Manny Theiner’s Lawrenceville home. Director and creator of Heroineburgh, Theiner’s first floor is more like a production office than a living room. Mic stands, camera equipment, and stacks of graphic novels and comics flank the long table at which the cast sits. As the actors conduct their first readthrough, Theiner, cast, and crew members pepper in commentary, trimming the fat off the script and honing dialogue. Heroineburgh is a fantastical reimagining of Pittsburgh after a passing meteor has bestowed special powers to some of the city’s inhabitants. “We’re not using a fake world like Gotham or Metropolis, this is real Pittsburgh, but just happens to have superpowers. It’s all science-based, there isn’t any magic. The premise is a bunch of women got powers on a night when a meteor exploded above the city, imbuing dark energy over the city, and these powers manifested themselves on the XX chromosome, so almost all the people that get them are women,” said Theiner.

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Finding local acting and production talent has been easy for Theiner. Heroineburgh is a project that has benefited greatly from his connections in Pittsburgh’s music scene. As a concert promoter and sound technician for local clubs, Theiner has been able to tap into a pool of artists eager to lend a hand with the project. Each episode of Heroineburgh features local music, and many of the actors are staples of the Pittsburgh music scene. Serpenta and her alter ego, Sarah Pentini, are played by local musician Sarah Ellis of the band, Boiled Denim. She’s far from the only musical talent in the production. As Theiner and I looked through cast and crew photos one afternoon, he

rattled off a veritable rolodex of Pittsburgh performers. “Laurie Kudis is the lead singer and keyboardist for the jam band, Charm & Chain, and she plays Gardenia. Two actors in episode one are from the goth scene: Nikki was the lead singer of an industrial band called, Pr0metheus Burning, Red Gina, that’s Jessica, is a suspension artist, she hangs from hooks she performs with that band Only Flesh, doing live suspension and fire breathing. This person, Mary Bielich, is the ultimate rock and roll warrior queen. She’s an underground metal guitarist who’s been in a ton of bands in Pittsburgh. She’s also well known in the international metal scene, they call her Metal

Mary. I asked her if she wanted to be a Slavic warrior goddess. She said she was Serbian, so we named her Devana, a mythological huntress god,” said Theiner. In this episode, the ninth in the series, which includes the origin stories of both Serpenta and Savanna, a local development firm called Beechnut Capital (think, Walnut Capital) is looking to expand its operation, gentrifying another Pittsburgh neighborhood. Headed by a man named, Mr. Brick, Beechnut Capital is using the super villainess, Serpenta, to scare away homeowners from their properties,


allowing Brick to purchase them for pennies on the dollar. In the fight scene that we just overheard, Serpenta’s busy scaring protesters in East Liberty, voicing their concerns over the expansion of Brick’s real estate empire. Lucky for them, local scientist, Anna Sauvage, with the help of a powerful amulet, transforms into Savanna, the catinspired superheroine, just in time. “Now I feel at ease, I’m more powerful with the amulet increasing my strength and speed. It’s unlocked new abilities like tracking and stealth and night vision. I truly have all the powers of cats, and I love this new costume I’ve created. I am Savanna. Now to get to work using these powers for good.” As in all episodes of Heroineburgh, the heroes and the bad guys are modeled off of modern day Pittsburghers. In this episode, both Serpenta and Savanna’s alter egos worked as scientists at the Pittsburgh Zoo. “Heroineburgh is super knee-deep in Pittsburgh. It’s a reflection of Pittsburgh as a whole. There’s a lot of STEM professions in there, geneticists, physicists, veterinarian scientists, things like that. We’re representing neighborhoods, ethnicities, sexual orientations, and professions, ‘I work at the zoo, I work at Carnegie Mellon,’ and we’re keeping it smart and sciencey, we wuvs the science,” said Theiner.

The local issues tackled in these episodes aren’t lost on the cast members. “She’s [Savanna] playing this great cat that is going to save Homewood, and I live there. We’re desperately in need of a hero, so to speak, so I feel a parallel with what’s really going on right now in all of our neighborhoods. We have, you know, a bad guy in one neighborhood like every neighborhood in Pittsburgh, we have a good guy in every neighborhood, it’s just timely. You see the kids out there protesting the very things we’re protesting in East Liberty with Google taking over my part of Homewood, I’m right there flush with East Liberty, they’re coming in and we’re scared. We’re talking about developers. These are things that people are really dealing with,” said Tracey D. Turner, a Pittsburgh-based actor who plays Thomasina Sauvage, Anna’s mother.

DAVIS DEMOLITION & dismantlement

For Janéka Johnson, the actor who plays Anna and her alter ego, Savanna, this project has a deeper meaning. Her father has been a fan of comics his whole life, but tragedy struck as he was beginning to realize his lifelong goals of becoming an inker and comic creator. “My dad was born in the 50’s and he has pretty much just been collecting comic books since he was a small child. He still does. He’s really a big comic book nerd. He had originally intended on getting a position with, I believe it was Marvel, as an inker, and they sent him these panels to ink and try to figure out what he could possibly do for them. He was also working on a series of comic books with my mom who was going to be writing the story line. Just before he received the grant to start his comic book, he had a stroke on Valentine’s Day in 2008. That prevented him from being able to walk or pretty much do any simple tasks. And I think the most frustrating thing for him was that he couldn’t draw or write. So, just to be able to do something like this has been really interesting. I talked to him about it and he was so excited. It was like the most excited I’ve seen him in such a long time,” said Johnson.

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How Vatican II Cost Me Money, Forced Me to Speak Publicly,

and Gave Me a Ringside Seat

as My Father Was Brought to Justice By: Skipper Anderson Photos By: Leepaxton at en.wikipedia


INSPECTION • CONTROL • PREVENTION

The Second Vatican Council, begun under the papacy of John XXIII and concluded by Pope Paul VI, brought radical reform to the Roman Catholic Church. To most Catholics, of highest import were changes in the liturgy. The priest, or celebrant, would now face the congregation during Mass. The most striking revision for many was the change from Latin to the vernacular (this seemed especially hard for older parishioners). There would also be the reading of more scripture. Included in this last revision, as might a codicil to a contract printed in tiny, tiny letters, was the addition of a lector to read, perhaps, a letter from Saint Paul to the Ephesians, or some timely message from Timothy to whomever Timothy needed to message. This last addition would bar me from a source of income, but would also provide a front row seat to my father’s public humiliation. Vatican II concluded in December 1965 while I was a junior at the Assumption of Mary High School. I was also an altar boy at my home parish, Saint Anthony’s. Altar boys (girl servers were still a few years distant) went through an apprenticeship. At St. Anthony’s, this began in the summer between fourth and fifth grades. We were taught by a seminarian who was home on vacation from his priestly studies. Two days a week we would meet with him and be instructed in the intricacies of the Mass. This meant what to do, when to do it, and most importantly, learning responses to the priest – in Latin. When you were seen fit to don a cassock and surplice, a rookie server might attend at 6:30 am Mass on Sunday (there were four Masses: 6:30, 8:30, 10:00, and 12:00). As with much in life, when you honed your craft, opportunities presented themselves. By the time you were a junior or senior in high school, you were serving at weddings and funerals. The unvarnished truth is that avarice was rewarded. In most instances a server received $5 or, praise Jesus, a $10 tip for his Godly work at joyous nuptials or somber funeral Masses. Alas, as I just entered the financial promised land, liturgical upgrades reared their rotten red-hatted pates. SPRING 2018

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In the spring of 1966, our parish pastor, the Right Reverend Robert McAlvany, (as mean an Irish SOB as was ever raised here because of the damn potato famine), called the junior and senior boys into a meeting at our high school. Without the niceties, he informed us that our days of suckling at the teat of Holy Mother Church were over. We would surrender our server garb and become lectors, or he would cut off our funding for school. This was a time when a catholic education was free. The diocese and the parish covered the costs. Big Bob, as he was known without affection, called checkmate while we thought we were playing checkers. Adieu blessed shekels! Lectoring demands little training. Compared to the education of an altar boy, it is unskilled, menial labor. You simply stand at the lectern and voice the epistle and a few sayings and responses. Therein lies the rub. I was terrified of speaking in public. I would blush, begin to perspire and might even stammer. Unfortunately, I was caught in an ecclesiastical bear trap. A good friend provided me with the key to dealing with my fear of speaking. It was quite simple. Find the epistle for the next Sunday and practice reading it aloud. So, I did, repeatedly. Along with preparation, a providential break was that my first performance was at 6:30. This first and earliest Sunday Mass was usually attended by the elderly, and the occasional youngster whose devotion might, in a few years, drive him or her to a seminary or convent. I stepped to the lectern and began, “A reading from St Whatshisname to the Whomitmayconcern “. Nailed it! Elation washed over me. I was overcome with admiration of myself. It was time to move up to the 8:30 Mass. Throughout the next year I would walk to the lectern, look down on the great unwashed in their pews, and bless them with my dulcet voice, showering their unworthy lives with the word of the Lord. People stopped my mom and told her how wonderful I was. Most mothers, of any religion, would be proud to the extreme. Not Jean Anderson. One day she caught me practicing and preening for my next appearance at St. A’s. She said simply, “I love me; who do you love?” Thus ended my cult of me!

were the two times he was hospitalized. He was a kind and loving father, and very bright. After supper and the Huntley-Brinkley Report, it was not uncommon for him to visit a local taproom. During the week, he would return under his own steam, perhaps a tad loaded, kiss the kids goodnight, go to bed and wake the next morning around 5:45. On Saturdays, he would occasionally leave the reservation. Translated, he would go to his favorite watering hole and spend, perhaps, more time than he ought. Then my mom would send me to fetch the old boy home. I resented her for making me do this, and hated interrupting my dad’s time with his friends. In the door I’d walk and he would tell the barkeep, “Give my young lad a soda”. I’d sit at the bar with my dad and his pals, finish the soda, and home we’d go. My mom would warn him, “This will catch up to you some day.” And, sure enough, it did! One Sunday, at the close of my senior year and nearing the end of my lectoring days, I was at the pulpit for 12:00 Mass. It was almost a full house. Standing in the back were my father and about a dozen other men. They were waiting for the consecration, when the bread and wine become the body and blood of Christ. At that point they had officially attended Mass. They would then bolt from the church as eagerly as three-year-old’s leave the gate at Churchill Downs. As I finished the epistle, I gave way for Big Bob to read the gospel. I do not remember the tract he read. I’d like to think it was the story of the return of the prodigal son. It is of little consequence, for the good Father was in high dudgeon. He began by condemning the evil of drink and its devil-driven effect on the faithful (the old villain went through several bottles of the Irish every month). Then he cast his gaze at the boys in the back. Pointing a wicked finger, he shouted, “Here we have some lads whose need for the drink prevent them from spending five more minutes in the house of the Lord! Not today, men. Up front the lot of you. O’Brian’s and Narowski’s will still be open after the final prayer.”

Up front they came, heads down, sheep-like, docile and beaten. My heart went out to the old man as he endured this march of shame and took his seat amongst his fellow brigands in the front pew. Then I saw my mom about five rows behind the convicted. I could see she was struggling to avoid a smile, but no effort could Which brings us to my dad. He was an easy-going guy. He worked erase her smirk. for Alcoa Aluminum for 35 years, and the only days he ever missed SPRING 2018

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Every journey has its own story...

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Mother’s O N E W O MA N ’ S S T O RY OF A D O P T I V E B RE A S T F E E DING By Dana Colecchia Getz


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HAS SHARED WITH US, MOTHER’S MILK, ONE WOMAN’S STORY OF ADOPTIVE BREASTFEEDING. WE STRIVE TO ELEVATE THE VOICES OF PITTSBURGHERS WE FIND INTRIGUING, AND THIS STORY IS RIGHT IN LINE WITH OUR MISSION STATEMENT. Bethany Schad’s 2-year-old daughter climbs upon her lap, asking in a tiny voice, “Boob?” It is her simple way to request breastfeeding—something that is mostly only for comfort now. She pulls her daughter in close, replying softly, “Not right now.” Moments later, the child wriggles down, scurrying off to play. This now common, casual exchange resulted from a much more complex journey. After a diagnosis of, “unexplained infertility” in 2013, Schad and her husband decided to adopt. They already had a 3-yearold son, to whom Schad had given birth and breastfed. She believed in the health benefits of breastfeeding and enjoyed its intimacy. So, when the couple began the adoption process, Schad researched how she might re-lactate in order to offer those same benefits to her adopted child. After learning in 2015 that they were matched with a health-challenged baby whose symptoms might be lessened by breastfeeding, Schad became more determined to try. Induced lactation has slowly grown in popularity for adoptive mothers, as well as for the non-birth mothers of samesex couples, and mothers who have used

gestational carriers. Breast milk induction is possible, but not simple. The most common method for non-birthing mothers to produce milk is by following the Newman-Goldfarb protocols. This method, published by a Canadian physician in 2000, involves birth control hormones, frequent breast pumping, and the medication domperidone. Since Schad had breastfed before, she was able to omit the birth control hormones and focus primarily on pumping and domperidone (as well as herbal teas and supplements). She initially reached out to her doctors, but quickly hit a dead end. Her primary care physician had never heard of lactating without a pregnancy, which is not a particularly uncommon response. In the article, “Nursing the Adopted Infant,” Family Practice specialist, Dr. Cathy A. Bryant, explained that, “Both the American Academy of Family Physicians and the American Academy of Pediatrics have policy statements on breastfeeding that include assisting or encouraging adoptive mothers to induce lactation for adoptive nursing. That said, there is very little in the medical literature on how to help an adoptive mother in her endeavor to induce lactation. Probably most physicians and adoptive parents are unaware of this potential opportunity.” SPRING 2018

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Contacting her obstetrician’s office was even less helpful as they refused to give her an appointment to discuss it. The obstetric nurse told her—in what Schad interpreted as a “disgusted” tone—that they, “Absolutely would not endorse this.” Schad was saddened, but not surprised. “I knew that was going to be a reaction that we would receive for years to come. It’s prevalent in the adoption community that some people think that it’s not right to breastfeed another birth mom’s baby. They think it’s unnatural. I knew that there would be people that would find it disturbing and not approve of it.” Beyond this ongoing ethical debate, the use of domperidone—a drug not approved by the FDA—remains controversial. This anti-nausea medication is used offlabel to help women produce prolactin, a hormone necessary for breastfeeding. In 2004, the FDA warned against the use of domperidone for lactation induction over concerns of possible cardiac arrhythmias and, “unknown risks” to the infant when excreted in breastmilk. Undeterred, Schad reached out to MageeWomen’s Hospital of UPMC’s Lactation Department. According to Schad, although they were aware of the Newman-Goldfarb protocols, they’d never had a breastfeeding adoptive mother as a patient, and had no idea how one would access domperidone. Schad then connected to online adoptive breastfeeding communities where she learned that domperidone is regularly prescribed in Canada and Europe to induce lactation. She eventually ordered domperidone from overseas. Schad was honest about the weight gain and heart palpitation side effects she experienced, but felt that while pumping alone would have produced some milk, she would not have achieved a full supply without the domperidone. It was an “educated risk” that she was willing to take in order to provide the benefits of breastfeeding for her child. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding due to, “The unequivocal evidence that breastfeeding protects against a variety of diseases and conditions in the infant.” But with an adopted child, the psychosocial effects of breastfeeding may play an even more

beneficial role in their development. Schad explained that for adopted babies who no longer hear the same voices that they heard in the womb, “Their story starts with a loss. That doesn’t go away and that has to be dealt with.” During their open adoption process, Schad discussed her desire to breastfeed with her daughter’s birth mother, whose approval only strengthened her resolve. But when her daughter was born and immediately rushed to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU), Schad found that her birth mother’s approval would not be enough. There is a two-day waiting period after birth before legal guardianship transfers to the adoptive parents. Within that time, regardless of their birth mother’s preference, the hospital would not allow Schad to breastfeed. They considered her a milk “donor,” and donor milk must be pasteurized. Once the couple had legal guardianship, she was finally allowed to give her baby pumped breast milk by bottle. After five days, Schad and her daughter transferred together to The Children’s Home of Pittsburgh where her baby’s medical needs could be monitored in a more homelike environment. Schad felt supported there as they offered her lactation resources and encouraged her breastfeeding attempts before transitioning home. Although Schad’s body was producing milk, the first four months included consistent, unsuccessful attempts to get her daughter to latch. In the meantime, Schad continued pumping and bottle-feeding breast milk. She described “dark days” watching her daughter, often inconsolable, struggle through health issues. Then one morning, after over four months of diligent attempts, her daughter suddenly began latching. “She finally had something that would soothe her,” explained Schad, describing the relief and joy she felt that day. “She never really attached to anything—lovies, pacifiers, SPRING 2018

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nothing to soothe her—except breastfeeding. And when that happened I felt like I gave her something to comfort her.” Schad acknowledges that her path is not for every adoptive mother, but she stands by her decisions. She hopes that as more people know about adoptive breastfeeding, social acceptance may change and domperidone, “Will become approved, or they will find something better, so it will become accessible and normal.” For Schad, breastfeeding is only one part of what will be a lifelong attempt to give her daughter every possible opportunity. Over four years after beginning this journey, she still gets emotional reflecting on the awesome responsibility she feels as an adoptive mother. “(The birth mother) chose me, and it could have been anybody. She saw something in me that said she’s going to be a great mom, and she’s going to give my daughter more than I ever could.”


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PAP’S PLACE

memories left inside By Ian Mikrut

C

an a physical place hold memories? Can it recall stories about passersby and the way things used to be? Think about all of the old homes in Pittsburgh. The ones still standing since the height of the steel industry. The ones that survived the waves of people coming and going, whole neighborhoods shifting and adapting, just waiting for the brighter days that have come around again. Do you have a specific place in mind? For me it’s my grandparents’ home, a small row house on South 15th Street just off East Carson in the South Side. I can see the small concrete steps that blend in with the sidewalk and the wrought iron handrails leading up to the stoop. The gray bricks on the front bleed into a dull yellow siding that squares off perfectly at the top into a flat roof. There are still metal overhangs above each window, painted white with green stripes on either side.


SPECIALS: Daily: 8-10pm MONDAYS 50¢ Tacos TUESDAY $2 Burgers WEDNESDAYS 15¢ Pierogis THURSDAYS 25¢ Wings The left side of the house is literally touching its neighbor, creating a partially roofed alleyway that leads to another entrance and reveals a true city backyard: more concrete, bricked gardening space and the intrusive view of another house on the next street over. Inside the hallways and stairwells are tight. Standing at a certain height means ducking most of the doorways and entrances. Some of the remodeling, renovations and general shifts help modernize the house and make it feel up to date. But there are still giveaways that offer up glimpses of the past. The land line with the spinning dial. The rows of Duquesne Brewery bar signs and mugs in the basement. The wall of high school portraits of my dad and uncles that move like a timeline into photo collages of my cousins, brother and I as children.

If I close my eyes and really think about it, images of the South Side are some of my earliest memories of Pittsburgh in general. I remember being in the car and crossing “Mook” Bridge (10th Street), knowing that meant I was almost at my grandparents’ home. Christmas Eves were spent piling in that tight basement with all of my cousins, going around one by one saying what we were thankful for before we were allowed to open presents. Weekend breakfast trips to the Strip were always predicated by a stop at South 15th. Most of all I remember hearing all of the stories about the unique experience of growing up there passed between my dad and uncles, wishing I could recreate something similar. And having grown up just outside of the city, I always saw South Side as a way to inherit Pittsburgh as home. Even though everyone

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from the general, Greater Pittsburgh Area just says they’re from Pittsburgh, sometimes it feels like particular areas carry a little more weight than others. And I coveted that authenticity, even if it was secondhand. The house itself was built in 1900. My grandmother grew up there. My grandfather lived on neighboring South 16th Street. When they married they moved into the house on 15th and raised five children while also housing another family member. That’s over 100 years of family history in one, small place.

“If I close my eyes and really think about it, images of the South Side are some of my earliest memories of Pittsburgh in general.” Sometimes old age comes with the unfortunate necessity for unwanted change. Recently for my grandfather that’s meant moving out of his house and out of the city altogether. A whole lifetime of memories and experiences left in that one, small place. In my mind that house and neighborhood are so closely tied to the image of who my grandfather is, but the stories and old memories never really leave. Instead they help illustrate the marvels the house has grasped over the years. For five kids growing up in South Side, it was paradise. Its doors were never locked and children never inside unless absolutely necessary. South 15th Street was the hangout for the youths of every neighboring block because of the endless possibilities of the old St. Adalbert Schoolyard that became the vessel for every

sport and activity. The house gazed on at basketball, whiffle ball (where everyone was required to bat left handed due to the lot’s layout), acclaimed 500-lap bike races and attempted Evel Knievel stunts. The basement played host to Steeler Sundays, where family, friends and neighbors gathered to watch the great teams of the 70s. Half time always left room for a quick game of “slow motion tackle,” a variation on traditional football since every game was played on concrete. Though it was meant to improve safety, the gray definition of what constitutes slow motion meant that every game inevitably went full speed after the first possession or two. If winter left enough snow on the street, hockey sticks and nets unsurprisingly made an appearance, only to be moved with each passing car. As for the cars, most families only had one. Learning to drive meant navigating the tight streets to the only grocery store in the area: the small mom and pop place that everyone went to on 14th Street. And the parking chair was not only legal, but widely respected. Mornings before school, the house watched as my dad and his brothers lined up one by one so my grandmother could comb their hair. School was an easy walk across the street or down a few blocks and over the bridge. Back at home limited rooms were shared using triple bunkbeds and dividing lines. And prior to updated ductwork, its walls did their best to keep in the heat through cold winter nights. In the kitchen, multiple variations on meals were made to ensure everyone was satisfied. Families managed by working multiple jobs, and kids never wanted anything more because everything was provided. A left off the stoop and up the hill sat an apple factory at the end of the street where my dad held his first job, loading and unloading trucks for delivery to Pittsburgh area restaurants. Behind the factory, train tracks run near wooded areas. Only in Pittsburgh can you be in the thick of the city but find a way to walk along trails and build tree forts. Train hopping became a means to travel several blocks at a time, taking my dad and his brothers towards Ormsby or the opposite direction to get to 12th Street. But no matter how far they SPRING 2018

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strayed, the trains always brought them back to that house on S. 15th. The house stood and watched as the kids outside grew up while the steel industry faded. The old timers who could gather their pensions stayed. But for the young people who had just started working in the mills, believing it would be there for the rest of their lives, new plans were made. People moved away, learned new trades and chased new opportunities, but the house was still there. It stood through the dark, quiet years, before new change came to the surrounding streets. A hotel at the foot of the bridge. New shopping centers and local businesses. The local watering holes turned into allnight clubs, cocktail bars and sit-down restaurants. A new generation of people working in the city and an influx of college students saw some of the house’s neighbors bought, sold, rebuilt and torn down. Shiny new apartments line the riverfront and directions were no longer given based on where old structures used to be, but where people used to live. For my grandfather the change was challenging. It was no longer his neighborhood. Many of the faces he’d known had moved on or left the area. And the 24hour party on Carson brought undesired elements to his end of South Side. I empathize with the frustration he must have felt, quietly watching while the winds of change battered his surroundings for better and worse. I’m not sure what will happen to the house now. Maybe it’ll stay in the family and its stories will continue, until the next wave carries it up again. Maybe it’ll adapt and find a way to fit in South Side’s new world order. Maybe more young families will begin their lives there, starting a whole new chapter in the little house on 15th’s book. I know for my grandpa, my dad and uncles, my cousins and brother, and even me, that house will always represent some aspect of home. A slice of personal history and nostalgia in the middle of a city ripe for a new future. It’s said that home is where the heart is, but that doesn’t give enough credit to the places that carry the weight of memories and stand tall through the incessant march of time. These days it’s hard to come across a place with so much heart of its own.


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THE BLACK UNICORN PROJECT A Conversation with Radical Librarian Bekezela Mguni

Mguni’s website asserts that, “The Black Unicorn is a beacon of inspiration fueled by the genius of Black women’s stories, queer and transgender herstories, a love of libraries, reading, and Audre Lorde.” Audre Lorde was an early proponent of what is now referred to as intersectionality. Her, “Theory of Difference,” explored the viewpoint that the binary opposition between men and women is overly simplistic. To learn more, I sat down with Mguni at the Archives on a blustery Friday afternoon, during their open hours. Our conversation went as follows:

By: Amy Maurine Edwards

How does your archive collaborate with, or compliment, local libraries in Pittsburgh?

Photos: Excerpts from, the Activist Print Project, a partnership between the Black Unicorn Project, the Andy Warhol Project, and Artist Image Resource. SPRING 2018

In Allentown, at 732 E Warrington, sits The Black Unicorn Library and Archives, a mobile library project and now physical reading space envisioned and actualized through Bekezela Mguni. Born in Trinidad, she emigrated to New York when she was 11, and came of age in the Caribbean neighborhoods of Brooklyn and Queens. She is a radical librarian, activist, artist, and a graduate of the University of Pittsburgh’s Library and Information Science Masters program. In addition, she was selected as an Emerging Artist in the 2016 Three Rivers Arts Festival. Her project, “[The Black Unicorn], exists because there are not enough spaces to celebrate our beauty, to seek refuge from the world’s brutality, and for education that feeds us,” Mguni said.

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The Black Unicorn Library and Archive Project has a partnership with the Carnegie Library East Liberty Branch through the LYNCS Department, and the Braddock Public Library. Through our Braddock partnership we are growing the representation of black women and queer authors in the catalogue by increasing the amount of materials available in the collection to patrons around Allegheny County. We are a functioning library pop-up: folks are welcome to use our WiFi, sign up for a library card, check out/ request/return materials, etc. This is also a cultural intervention, and we are working to create collections where marginalized communities can see ourselves and our stories. It is a space for unapologetic blackness, and to appreciate black femme and queer expression. The Pgh POC Zine Distro, currently features an archival collection of zines from people of color from across the country housed at the Black Unicorn Project, as well. Is Black Unicorn a physical archival library space or an ongoing project of liberation and education? Both. It is violent to be made to feel invisible by the dominance of white supremacist culture. Black people were the only group of people in this country who were specifically forbidden to become literate, but despite this, we have created a vast canon of literature, art, and music, and it should be celebrated. We risked our lives to learn how to read because we knew there was more

for us. There is a relationship between literacy and liberation. Being able to “read the world”, as Freire says, allows us to both understand it and ultimately shape it. Audre Lorde was an early proponent of what is now referred to as intersectionality. Do you have any Lorde recommendations that communicate/articulate intersectionality? Or any other writers? Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches by Audre Lorde. But also everything she writes [laughs]. She’s often quoted for saying, “There is no thing as a single-issue struggle because we do not live single-issue lives.” I think this is a good example to demonstrate the concept of intersectionality and the importance of seeing ourselves as multidimensional. Striving in our personal and collective work to be seen as whole people, and build[ing] movements that challenge various forms of oppression that keep us from self-determination and autonomy. Kimberle Crenshaw is the person who coined the term,so it would be appropriate to look to her work first to learn more, Mapping the Margins: Intersectionality, Identity Politics, and Violence Against Women of Color. Also, an important foundational text for intersectionality is, All the Women are White, All the Blacks are Men, But Some of Us are Brave: Black Women’s Studies, edited by Gloria T. Hull, Patricia Bell-Scott, Barbara Smith, which is the first comprehensive collection of black feminist scholarship. [It] SPRING 2018

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features the, “A Black Feminist Statement”, by the Combahee River Collective. We all need to read it and learn about the folks who were contributing to the development of these concepts. Does the library/archive exist concurrently or complementary to modern trends in Fourth-Wave/Digital Feminism? Critiques of fourth-wave feminism center around its dependence on technology in that this may be exclusionary or classist to those who do not have access to such devices. We are creating so much media because of the digital nature of fourth-wave feminism. My response is not a full examination/

“What’s a wave, baby? This a tsunami,” - Janelle Monae, Django Jane

critique of fourth-wave feminism. I think the way people understand and practice feminism is not monolithic. I am a traditional book lover, now audiobook lover as well, and for me there is nothing like sitting in a circle with people and having real time discussions with them in order to share ideas and learn from each other. That’s an age-old practice, and I think still one of the best ways of sharing information. I use the internet as [an] organizing tool to bring people together on and offline. I think that many of the most powerful experiences are when folks use these digital tools to organize and mobilize in real time. I also see the value of access to electronic media, including e-readers and audiobooks, for folks with disabilities, and [for] the various types of readers/learners [that] there are. However, many of us take access to computers/internet/digital technology for granted, and forget that there are a number of people who still do not have that type of accessibility. There is still a wide gap in digital and computer literacy skills in our communities. While working in the public library I saw how this affected people of all ages, however, elders and people with limited access to computers/ smartphones were impacted significantly, so there are valid critiques about class, access and representation, and whose voice gets heard and who is able to participate in society. This is why libraries, spaces and programs

where folks can learn to use these tools and express themselves are important. All forms of literacy are important, and when more people are able to participate in fuller ways, then they are able to navigate the conversations on their own terms and engage ideas critically. What is powerful about the digital space, though, is that people who are not traditionally welcome in academic, social justice and nonprofit spaces can and are using the internet to break down so many barriers and create their own platforms whether its via memes, digital art, blogs, Tumblr, YouTube videos, FB Lives, Instagram stories, podcasts, or Twitter. D.S Kinsel’s, #hashtagsarethenewprotestsigns, is a commentary on how hashtag activism has been very successful in creating social movements and changing the landscape of activism from #BlackLivesMatter to #meToo. I also think that the internet has opened up much more space for marginalized people/ voices so that we can find each other and be heard by larger audiences, as well as lift the importance of topics that we have to collectively wrestle with in order to create the type of world we want to live in. For example, our conversations around toxic masculinity, rape culture, police brutality and white supremacy are amplified by the internet. The digital space has allowed more people to have these conversations, learn from and challenge each other. The main thing to remember is [to]apply the lessons we learn in real life. What book(s) are you currently reading, and what is on your shelf to read next? The Other Side of Paradise: A Memoir, by Staceyann Chin, which is a part of the Queer Caribbean Literature Series that is going on right now at Black Unicorn, Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Changing Worlds, by Adrienne Maree Brown. I’m interested in reading, The Body is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love, by Sonya Renee Taylor, M Archive: After the End of the World, by Alexis Pauline Gumbs, and Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower, by Dr. Brittney Cooper. Would you like to name or highlight any local Pittsburgh writers, artists, or organizers of color that are doing work that you admire or think is important? Blak Rapp MADUSA, Tamanika

Howze, Carl Redwood, Ada Gay-Griffin, Anqwenique Wingfield, D.S. Kinsel, Thomas Agnew, Joy KMT, Michael David Battle, Lorena Amos, Ginger Brooks Takahashi, Latika Sewell, Ashley Chan, Veronica Milliner, Sheba Gittens, Adil Mansoor, LaKeisha Wolf, Sister Frankie, Ngozi Walker Tibbs, Amber Edmunds, Robin Pitts Simmons, Njaimeh Njie, Nisha Blackwell, Allie Rose, TJ Hurt, Breydon Prioleau, Kandice Germany, Danielle Robinson, Jayla Patton, Naomi Chambers, Darnell Chambers, Takara Canty, Sarah Huny Young, Liana Maneese, Mario Quinn, Jason Mendez, Dr. Kimberly Ellis, Maria Kent, Alisha Wormsley, Celeste Smith, Erin Perry, Justin Laing, Heather Manning, Erika Turner, Christiane D., Medina Jackson, Aisha White, Christina Springer, Yona Harvey, Cecile Shellman, Asia Bey, Black Femme Excellence Co., Tara Fay Coleman, Denele Biggs, Bonita Lee Penn, Mary Parker, Leatra Tate, Kendra Ross, Sister IAsia, Malcolm Minnekh Thomas, Mary Martin, Marica Jackson, Charlotte Ka, Brother Mobutu… so many people. What are the hours of the reading room in Allentown (732 Warrington)? Friday, 1pm-6pm, and by appointment. 412-254-4689 Do you have any special events coming up? The Queer Caribbean Literature Series, which runs through June Queer Caribbean Literature Series presents Staceyann Chin, Saturday, April 7th 6-8pm How can people find out more, or donate money/materials to the space? What is needed/wanted? New Sun Rising C/O Black Unicorn Project 112 E Sherman St, Millvale, PA 15209 or via paypal at www.bekezelamguni.com Anything else that you would like to add? Feel free to donate and support us! Come visit us, check out a book, and recommend books and art to us -- we love any recommendations and are interested in what folks want to see in the collection. If you are a storyteller/author/artist, connect with us at blackunicornproject@gmail.com!


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POETR Y ’S L I CEN SE The second edition of our partnership with Word Association Publishers brings us an excerpt from Dr. Sam Hazo. Hazo, a retired professor of more than four decades in the English department at Duquesne University, is a poet and novelist that our sta has quite enjoyed reading, we hope you savor this read as much as we have.

Dr. Samuel Hazo


W

hy isn’t poetry a central presence in our public life? If poetry is human utterance in its most perfect form—felt thought feelingly expressed—, why is it marginalized or overlooked entirely in public speech? The answers to both questions vary in their wrong-ness. Some say that poetry is acceptable as long as it is “pleasant,” which is like saying that poetry should have the same relation-ship that Muzak has to music— tolerable as long as it stays soothingly in the background. Others say that poetry should remain at the Hallmark level—the detritus of emotional cliché. Still others point to weddings, funerals and certain honorific events and claim that poetry is often given a place in such proceedings. And this is true. But what passes for poetry then has usually been “written for the occasion.” Having heard many of these, I felt that they had been willed (and not inspired) into existence, proving repeatedly that true poems are rarely if ever created on demand. To cite similar examples in the public domain, consider those times when poets were invited to recite at the presidential inaugurations of Kennedy, Carter, Clinton and Obama—Robert Frost, James Dickey, Maya Angelou, Miller Williams and Elizabeth Al-exander. It was fortunate in retrospect that Frost was unable to read the versified treatise he had written for Kennedy’s

inauguration because the January sun prevented him from seeing the text. Instead (and quite appropriately) he spoke from memory a previously written and infinitely better poem called “The Gift Outright.” Dickey and Williams, who are genuine poets by any standard, recited sincerely felt lines that were not in any way comparable to their best work. Maya Angelou simply rhapsodized, and what Elizabeth Alexander recited is best left without comment. SPRING 2018

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Leaving inaugurations aside, why is it that audiences for “poetry hearings” are spare when compared to those for plays, oper-as, stand-up comedians or the elaborate noise of rock concerts? Is it because we are a prose-and-screen oriented people who are so inundated daily with advertising copy, journalism, the propaganda of political jargon and gossip that we have no eye or ear for poetry? Is it because noise has hidden poetic values that some of us are


missing? Is it simply due to the fact that many poets who read well on the page do not recite well on the stage? Or is it because we have weak attention spans that are not up to what poetry demands? Is this the case in countries other than our own? Decades ago I was just completing a State Department-sponsored lecture tour to Lebanon, Jordan, Egypt and Greece. In Greece, I met the Nobel poet George Seferis (Georgios Seferiadis) before his appearance in the Greek Hellenic Union in Athens. Having served the government for much of his life out of Greece, Seferis faced a packed auditorium of people primed to hear their national poet for the first time in his own country. Loudspeakers were set up so that hundreds of people outside the Union could hear him, and thousands heard him in simultaneous broadcast throughout Greece. Such events do not happen in the United States. But in Greece, the Arab countries and throughout Europe there is a built-in respect for poetic tradition, and this has conse-quences. Greece is a nation of eleven and half million people, but it has had two Nobel awardees, Seferis and Odysseus Elytis. Ireland, a country of four and a half million, has had three: William Butler Yeats, Samuel Beckett and Seamus Heaney. The United States with a population of three hundred million has had three—T. S. Eliot, Joseph Brodsky and Czeslaw Milosz. Each was a sig-nificant poet, although I have retained doubts about Brodsky, but Eliot, though born in St. Louis, emigrated, became an Anglicized American and lived in England all his life. Brodsky and Milosz came from Russia and Poland/Lithuania respectively and wrote in Russian and Polish while here (their work appeared in translation by various hands.) Whatever their merit as poets, none of the three wrote in the American idiom. Allowing for politics on the Nobel committee, were committee members influenced by our in-difference to our poets in making their final selections? Why were Robert Frost, Archibald MacLeish, Marianne Moore, Richard Wilbur and Robert Lowell, among others, never considered or chosen?

Perhaps Americans are indifferent to their poets because poets are genuine seers; they write and say what exists beneath appearances without verbiage or deceit. Like the Hebrew prophets they do not write to please. I am speaking here of poets in fact and not in name, not versifiers, tiddlyrhymers, networkers or charlatans. Jo McDougall’s “When the Buck or Two Steakhouse Changed Hands” is so accurate a description of a typical change when something “home-owned” is “franchised” that it deserves to be quoted in its brief entirety: “They put plastic on the menus./ They told the waitresses to wear white shoes./They fired Rita./They threw out the unclaimed keys/and the pelican with a toothbrush/that bowed as you left.” And what about William Stafford’s inserted couplet in “Religion Back Home” that makes us smile before we see all wars from Troy to our present tragic and illegal adventurism in Stafford’s semi-playful words: “Our Father Who Art in Heaven/ Can lick their Father Who Art in Heaven.” And finally there is an indicting couplet by e. e. cummings that is not without merit: “A politician is an arse upon/ which everyone has sat except a man.” These are only a handful of examples I have selected to demonstrate the constant relevance of poetry to public life and public speech. The books from which they are drawn are out there and available. And there are thousands of others throughout the world from the time of the Sumerians to right now. If we refuse to read and share them, who can deny that we will be the poorer for it?

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Requiem for Sneeze Snyder

1954-2011 By: Rich Kerstetter November 14, 2011 at 3:23pm Introduction By: John Dubosky

nitially, I saw this memorium on Facebook. One of my friends from high school told me to look for it. My rural hometown of Millheim housed many inebriates, but we had only one official town drunk. The man worked hard to earn that title. People called him, Sneeze. You could sometimes catch him in the middle of the day taking a nap on the steps across the street from the bank, or shuffling to and fro between the gas station and the bar.

I

He had passed away a few years before I read this obituary of sorts. But when I finally saw it a few months back, it really struck me. It made me feel terrible, if I’m being honest with you. I had judged Sneeze so harshly as a kid. I’d look at him and ask myself, “Why can’t he just pull it together?” There were rumors about how he had come to find himself in such disrepair: he was a rich man who lost it all gambling, he had a beautiful wife who passed away when they were young and he couldn’t bear the pain, on and on. My friends and I passed these stories along just as haphazardly as we’d received them. His was a cautionary tale of what could happen when a person let themself go. Shame on me. Reading this piece gave me a new vantage point on the man, and I’m thankful for it. A journalist from my hometown who actually knew him, Rich Kerstetter, put it best when he said about Sneeze’s lifestyle choices, “Who are we to argue?” After all, one man’s drunk is another’s, “charming, ageless, raconteur,” as my colleague so eloquently put it. Hear, hear. So, without further ado, here’s a tribute to Sneeze written by Kerstetter, a retired journalist who worked most recently as the Opinions Editor for the Centre Daily Times, my hometown paper. An open mind and a reservation of judgement could do just about all of us some good. I certainly found it refreshing.


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Some say it happened years ago; some say more than once. But he outlived many of them and even won at least one pool based on the date it would ultimately occur. Nevertheless, the record will show that Don “Sneezy” Snyder finally died on Thursday (Nov. 10, 2011) at the age of 57 years, 6 months and 18 days, or thereabouts. He wanted to make it to New Year’s Day, if only because a doctor told him he wouldn’t. But he just wasn’t able to prove people wrong, as he had done so often, one more time. The spirit was willing–more than willing–but the body, at long last, simply gave out. We all live by the choices we make, of course. We die by them, too. Sneeze knew that and accepted it almost matter-of-factly. He faced the inevitable end with fewer regrets, perhaps, than anyone with whom I ever discussed philosophy... and that there. Sneeze, until the very end, was Sneeze. His obituary stated that he liked fast cars, hunting, and fishing. As we all know, Sneeze liked other things, too–tobacco and alcohol, among them–and while the official cause of death may have been lung or liver failure, it was his love of smoking and drinking that fueled his life ... and ultimately claimed it. We know that. He knew that. And he accepted it. He wasn’t about to argue. Don was a good man. Some may have seen him as little more than a drunk. He was an alcoholic, almost certainly, but a good man, nonetheless. I never knew him to hurt anyone deliberately, never heard him talk mean-spiritedly about anyone. He even treated the entertainers at Heartbreaker’s, when he was that establishment’s unofficial vice president of talent procurement, with what seemed to me to be kindness and respect. That’s something else Don appreciated: the fairer sex. And he fancied himself to be something of a ladies’ man, even late in his life when others could no longer recognize that younger, more dashing aspect of his broken-down self. But Sneeze embraced it–until a coughing spasm or other manifestation of the physical here-and-now betrayed him. Other than that self-delusion–and perhaps we were the deluded ones, after all–Sneeze knew what he was, and he knew what he wasn’t. “Don’t you have one shred of decency left?” I once asked him, half-jokingly, after one of his many all-too-true confessions– referring to society’s standard, which, to his credit or not, Don never quite accepted. “Nope,” he said. “It was shredded.” Shredded, it should be stated, by a hard life, but a life hardened by the choices he, himself, made. And who are we,


if those choices affected only the one making them, to judge? Other than his love for adult beverages, Don’s flaw–if you could call it that, more of a character irritation, actually–was his utter lack of selfconsciousness in asking for things. A quarter for another beer, a lift to Burkholder’s, help with taking a few garbage bags of aluminum cans to the salvage shop, a ride to the hospital or to rehab. But then, Sneeze never asked for something he would not willingly give to you, if it were in his power to do so. And I think he truly appreciated what he was given. Once, when I visited him at the hospital expecting to see a living corpse, a rather invigorated Don was sitting on the edge of his bed, subjecting his roommate (who was trying desperately to focus his attention on the television) to his somewhat embellished life story. “How long are you going to be in here?” I asked Sneeze, as his roommate was almost certainly wondering the same thing. “Well, they said I could go home tomorrow morning, but I want to see what they’re having for lunch,” he said. “I could really get used to this food.” He loved good food. And put a glass of beer in front of him, sit down on the next stool and listen to his stories, and Sneeze was a contented man. And he had stories. Harmless stories. Incredible stories. I mean to tell you... he saw the biggest buck, set a record in a track event that didn’t exist, saw a ghost, wrestled with the devil, maybe even God... And that there. Sneeze seemed actually to believe the stories he told, and after a while, despite knowing better, you could find yourself believing them, too. He didn’t fall down crossing Main Street after closing time; someone jumped him from behind. And the story got better with every retelling. “I tried to give him my right... that’s my good hand,” I heard him tell someone who had just met the charming, ageless raconteur for the first time. Finally, however, even Sneeze had to own up, if sheepishly, to the truth. And to his mortality.

But he never gave up on himself. Even in his most recent weakened condition, he still clung to his dream of fixing up the old homestead–perhaps jacking it up and putting in a basement (“I can work 15 minutes at a time and then rest for a half-hour or so,” he told me) and opening a bed and breakfast. And he wanted to establish a health club in Millheim. “There’s no place for people to work out and exercise in Penns Valley,” he’d say.

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Sneeze was years ahead on the Ram Center concept. He even talked about running a youth center–of all places in the old church after Heartbreaker’s closed–where he could warn kids about the dangers of drugs.

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Really. He was always just one break away from getting his tools back, paying off his fines, regaining his driving privileges and living the good life he envisioned for himself.

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We’ll all remember, “Sneeze, at the bar,” as he has already been described on the Internet: Sneeze drinking, smoking, coughing, telling outrageous stories. But I hope we remember, too, that despite appearances and the ease with which others could have given up on him, Sneeze never gave up on himself. Nor did he give up on any of us. If we didn’t have a quarter now or couldn’t give him a ride today, that’s OK. Maybe next time. And somehow, we thought there would always be a next time.

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stig·ma /`stiɡmə/ noun

1. a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person. "the stigma of addiction" "the stigma of treatment" "the stigma of recovery"

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