St. Anne's School's Parent Ed: How to Raise an Adult Key Takeaways Handout

sample set of life skills children must acquire

AGES 2 TO 3: SMALL CHORES AND BASIC GROOMING

This is the age when your child will start to learn basic life skills.

By the age of three, your child should be able to:

• Help put away their toys

• Dress themselves

• Put clothes in the hamper when they undress

• Clear plate after meals

• Assist in setting the table

• Brush teeth and wash face with assistance

AGES 4 TO 5: IMPORTANT NAMES AND NUMBERS

When you child reaches this age, safety skills are high on the list.

By age five, your child should:

• Know their full name, address, and phone number

• Know how to make an emergency call

• Your child should also be able to:

- Perform simple cleaning chores such as dusting in easy-to-reach places and clearing the table after meals

- Feed pets

- Identify monetary denominations and understand the very basic concept of how money is used

- Brush their teeth, comb their hair, and wash their face without assistance

- Help with basic laundry chores, such as putting their clothes away and bringing their dirty clothes to the laundry area

- Choose their own clothes to wear

AGES 6 TO 7: BASIC COOKING TECHNIQUES

Kids at this age can start to help with cooking meals and can learn to:

• Mix, stir, and cut with a dull knife

• Make a basic meal, such as a sandwich

• Help put the groceries away

• Wash the dishes

• Use basic household cleaners safely

• Straighten up the bathroom after using it

• Make their bed without assistance

• Bathe unsupervised

AGES 8 TO 9: PRIDE IN PERSONAL BELONGINGS

By this time, your child should take pride in their personal belongings and take care of them properly. This includes being able to:

• Fold their clothes

• Learn simple sewing

• Care for outdoor toys such as a bike or roller skates

• Take care of personal hygiene without being told to do so

• Use a broom and dustpan properly

• Read a recipe and prepare a simple meal

• Help create a grocery list

• Count and make change

• Take written phone messages

• Help with simple lawn duties such as watering and weeding flower beds

• Take out the trash

AGES 10 to 13: GAINING EXPERIENCE

Ten is about the age when your child can begin to perform many skills independently. They should know how to:

• Stay home alone

• Go to the store and make purchases by themselves

• Change their own bedsheets

• Use the washing machine and dryer

• Plan and prepare a meal with several ingredients

• Use the oven to broil or bake foods

• Read labels

• Iron clothes

• Learn to use basic hand tools

• Mow the lawn

• Look after younger siblings or neighbors

AGES 14 TO 18: MORE ADVANCED SKILLS ARE LEARNED

By the age of 14, your child should have a very good mastery of all of the previous skills.

On top of that, they should also be able to:

• Perform more sophisticated cleaning and maintenance chores, such as changing the vacuum cleaner bag, cleaning the stove, and unclogging drains

• Fill a car with gas, add air to and change a tire

• Read and understand medicine lables and dosages

• Interview for and get a job

• Prepare and cook meals

YOUNG ADULTS: PREPARING TO LIVE ON THEIR OWN

Your child will need to know how to support themselves when they go away to college or move out.

There are still a few skills they should know before venturing out on their own, including:

• Make regular doctor and dentist appointments and other important health-related appointments

• Have a basic understanding of finances, and be able to manage a bank account, balance a checkbook, pay a bill, and use a credit card

• Understand basic contracts, like an apartment or car lease

• Schedule oil changes and basic car maintenance

Lindsay Hurton, “I Did It All by Myself! An Age-by-Age Guide to Teaching Your Child Life Skills,” FamilyEducation.com

four steps to imparting life skills

1. First, you do the skill for your child.

2. Next, have your child do the skill with you.

3. Third, watch as your child does the skill on their own.

4. Finally, your child does the skill completely independently.

From Julie Lythcott-Haims’s How to Raise an Adult, Chapter 14 “Teach Life Skills”

using the “continual questioning approach” in conversation with children: sample dialogues

SAMPLE PRESCHOOL DIALOGUE

Child: A butterfly!

Parent: Oh! What’s the butterfly doing?

Child: It’s on that flower, and now it’s on another flower.

Parent: Why do you suppose it likes flowers?

Child: Because they’re pretty?

Parent: Maybe. Can you think of another reason? Etc.

SAMPLE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL DIALOGUE

Parent: How was school?

Child: Fine. But I forgot my backpack!

Parent: Oh no!

Child: What am I going to do?

Parent: I’m not sure. What do you think you can do about it?

Child: I don’t know. Will you drive me back to school to get it?

Parent: I’m sorry but I can’t. I’ve got other things to do this afternoon. What do you think you could do about it?

Child: I could call my friend and ask what the homework is.

Parent: Okay...

Child: But I might not have what I need if it’s in the backpack.

Parent: Hmm yeah.

Child: Or I could email my teacher, tell her I forgot it, and see what she says?

Parent: Those both sound like good ideas. Etc.

SAMPLE MIDDLE SCHOOL DIALOGUE

Parent: How was school today?

Child: Fine.

Parent: What did you enjoy most?

Child: Spanish.

Parent: Great! How come?

Child: It’s my favorite class.

Parent: How come?

Child: I always get really good scores on tests, homework is never hard, and I’m never lost. I raise my hand all the time and when she does call on me, especially when other people aren’t getting it, I feel, “Yay! I’ve got this. Let’s go!”

Parent: How can you tell you’re good at it?

Child: Well when my teacher is explaining something I can guess what she’s going to say because I already know how exactly it works. I know what’s coming next. I can explain it to my friend. Etc.

SAMPLE HIGH SCHOOL DIALOGUE

Parent: How was school today?

Child: Fine.

Parent: What did you enjoy most?

Child: Well, we’re reading Cyrano de Bergerac in English.

Parent: And why was that fun?

Child: Well, we were reading outloud and I got to be Cyrano.

Parent: How’d it go?

Child: It was really cool.

Parent: Why?

Child: Because I like Cyrano.

Parent: Why do you think you like Cyrano?

Child: I don’t know. Maybe because of all the things Cyrano does to aid Christian and Roxanne’s romance? Even though maybe he shouldn’t.

Parent: What do you mean? Why does he do that? Etc.

From Julie Lythcott-Haims’s How to Raise an Adult, Chapter 15 “Teach Them How to Think”

“The Case for Another Way”

From Julie Lythcott-Haims’s How to Raise

an Adult , Chapter 12

providing food, shelter, clothing

Can be unreliable with

home life

their child’s school and

at best ; uninvolved in

Neglectful Parents are “hands off”

Less Demanding

their child

without being engaged with

present in their child’s life,

Parents are often physically

wrong”

believe their child ”can do no

”give in” regularly. Parents

every need and emotion, and

Parents tend to their child’s

Permissive/ Indulgent

the hom e

Permissive/ Indulgent Neglectfu l

More Responsive Les s

Responsive

Authoritaria n

home and little choice/freedoms outside

responsibility inside the

Children have a lot of

control

order, discipline, and self -

Parents v alue achievement,

Authoritarian ”Because I said so”

Authoritative

More Demanding

their own choices

to explore, fail, and make

Children have the freedom

their child’s emotions.

warm and responsive to

Parents are emotionally

which are upheld with consequences

Parents set high standards, expectations and limits –

Demanding & Responsive

Authoritative