Cinderella (Maun)

Cinderella by David Maun

“The world’s favourite pantomime given a magical new lease of life.”

Cinderella

by David Maun © David Maun 2011. All Rights Reserved This e-script may not be copied or transcribed by any means electronic, optical or mechanical without the prior permission of the copyright owners or their agent. Photocopying this script without a suitable license is strictly prohibited.

This play is a work of fiction. The characters are entirely the product of the authors’ imaginations and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

‘Cinderella’ is fully protected under the international laws of copyright which are enacted in the UK as the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. The right of David Maun to be identified as the intellectual owner of the work has been asserted by him in accordance with the above Act. While every precaution has been taken in the preparation of this play, the publisher assumes no responsibility for errors or omissions, or for damages resulting from the use of the material contained herein.

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First Edition

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Rev A

Synopsis of Scenes The Prologue Act One Scene One Scene Two Scene Three Scene Four Scene Five Act Two Scene One Scene Two Scene Three Scene Four Scene Five Scene Six Scene Seven

The Fairy Godmother’s House

The Epilogue Walkdown

Somewhere in Betwixt and Between The Ballroom at the Palace

The Village Green A Corridor in “Hard-to-make-ends-meet Hall” A Woodland Glade The Ugly Sisters’ Boudoir The Kitchen of “Hard-to-make-ends-meet Hall” The Ballroom at the Palace The Palace Garden The Ballroom at the Palace A Road leading from the Palace The Village Police Station A Road in the Village The Ballroom at the Palace

Characters Fairy Godmother

A Kind and Gentle Woman

Sergeant Letsby-Avenue Comedy Policeman PC99

The Sergeants inept Son

Burglar Bill

A Notorious Cat Burglar

Buttons

Faithful Friend to Cinderella

Cinderella

Our Heroine

Ugly Sister 1

Cinderella’s Ugly and Spiteful Stepsister

Ugly Sister 2

Cinderella’s other Ugly and Spiteful Stepsister

Baroness Stoneybroke

Cinderella’s Wicked Stepmother

Baron Stoneybroke

Cinderella’s Kind and Gentle Father

Prince Charming

Our Hero

Dandini

The Prince’s Closest Friend

Chorus of Boys & Girls

Eight of which have small comedy speaking roles (easily doubled)

i

General Notes Staging:

This pantomime can be staged very elaborately or very simply depending on the size of the stage and the capacity for scene changes. It has been written in the format of alternate scenes being played in front of a set of secondary tab curtains, to allow for the main set changes to take place behind.

Lighting:

The script includes a number of lighting cues, together with very basic suggestions of the style of lighting. However, it is possible to add as many other cues as a Director deems necessary.

Pyrotechnics: The script includes a number of cues for pyrotechnic flashes. The number of flashes used, will no doubt depend on the budget available. In which case, choose the most appropriate, ie, at the transformation Sound Effects: There are only a few sound effects, and these should be easily available.

Music:

The songs should be chosen by the Director, Musical Director and Choreographer to suit the vision they have for the pantomime.

Costumes:

In general, ‘Cinderella’ should be costumed using the 18th Century style of dress…  The Baron should wear Frock coats, Waistcoats and Knee Breeches,  Cinderella should look very much like the story book character in rags. Her Ball gown and Wedding Dress can be as elaborate as the budget will allow.  Buttons needs to be dressed traditionally as possible. He could remove his ‘jacket’ to reveal a frilled cuffed shirt and put on a waistcoat when ‘working’.  The Prince and Dandini should be traditional ‘Principal Boys’. They should have as many changes as the budget allows.  The Ugly Sisters should be dressed as outrageously as possible. They could have a common theme, ie same dress but in different colours, or same material, but different styles. Their Brownie/Guide uniforms need to be as close in style to the current uniforms.  The Fairy Godmother could be a traditional silver, white and sparkling Fairy dressed appropriately for age of the actress playing the role. She could wear a long hooded cloak for Act One, Scene Three with Cinderella.  Burglar Bill should be dressed in as a child’s storybook burglar, ie striped jumper, black trousers and eye mask.  The Baroness needs to be dressed in very striking clothes. She should not be dressed as a Dame, but as a woman. However, she can be as elaborate and ‘over-the-top’ as the budget allows.  The Sergeant and PC99 should have Panto-style Police Uniforms. Colour to be decided

by Production Team. Like the Ugly Sisters, their Scout/Cub uniforms need to be close in style to current uniforms.  The Chorus should be as bright and colourful as possible. They should have as many changes of costume as the budget allows. In Act Two, Scene Five there is an opportunity for them all to have a version of a police uniform. This could be as simple as Breeches, White shirts, Ties and Helmets for the men and Skirts, White Blouses, Ties and Helmets for the ladies.

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The Prologue The Fairy Godmother's House. The curtains open to reveal a small inset scene. The Fairy Godmother is sitting at a desk that is piled high with books, parchments and any other ‘magic’ props! She is on the telephone.

F/Godmother Alright Aladdin, yes, I'll do my best Now you sit down and have a rest.

Yes, I know the cave is wet and damp But soon the Genie of the lamp Will come to you and you'll be free.

Now, call again, at half past three. (A cuckoo clock strikes three and she looks up).

Sorry about that - as you can see, My life is full and I'm very busy.

So much to do, so little time On top of that I must speak in rhyme.

Before we go on with the show For those of you who do not know.

I am a Fairy Godmother.

Always somewhere or another.

It's a job that must be done And sometimes it can be quite fun.

A happy ending is what's planned, But sometimes things get out of hand.

Now, take Snow White, it wasn't right.

She took the apple, had a bite.

Still, no harm done, I made her sleep Until the Prince arrived to keep His promise that he would not miss The chance to wake her with a kiss.

That was a wedding, oh tres bon!

I went in a gown made by Yves St Laurent!

I only hope I have the time To really watch this pantomime.

You see my diary's quite full With dates and fixtures all which pull Me, first this way and then another It's tiring work as a Fairy Godmother. (She picks up her diary and opens it).

I need to give the Prince a call, Remind him of the Royal Ball She turns her wand upside down and taps it as you would a barometer.

What! Oh no! The Ball's tomorrow.

Magic's low, I'll have to borrow.

I said I had too much to do, I nearly missed the Royal ‘do’.

I'm sorry, but I have to go.

So you sit back, enjoy the show.

Now I'll away and have a slumber While they perform the opening number.

She exits and the tabs open.

1

ACT ONE Scene One The Village Green

MUSIC #1 : A SONG FOR THE CHORUS At the end of the number the chorus laugh among themselves and begin to unpack a picnic hamper.

Chorus 1

(Looking into the wings). Look out everybody, here comes Sergeant Letsby-Avenue and

PC99.

Enter Sergeant Letsby-Avenue and PC99.

Sergeant Chorus Sergeant Chorus 2 PC99 Sergeant Chorus 2 Sergeant Chorus 2

Hello, hello, hello, what's going on 'ere? (This is accompanied by him bending his knees, with his hands behind his back. PC99 copies him).

(Copying the action). Evening all!

Now then, now then, now then. That's enough of that.

Have you come to join the picnic?

Yes please!

No, I’m sorry but we are on duty.

Oh go on, have a sandwich. They're especially made for policemen.

And why is that, why is that, why is that?

They've got truncheon meat in them!

The chorus laugh.

Sergeant

Chorus 3 PC99 Chorus 3

(Stepping forward and addressing the audience). Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. I suppose I should humour them. (To the Chorus). Very good, very droll. I’ll make a note of that one. (Takes out a notebook).

(To PC99). You could try one of these sandwiches.

(Taking one). And what's in these?

Traffic jam!

The chorus laugh.

Sergeant Chorus 4 Chorus 1 Sergeant Chorus 5 PC99 Chorus 5 PC99 Chorus 5 Sergeant Chorus 5 Sergeant

(To the audience). 'Ere we go again. (Makes note in notebook as before).

Is it true that if you want a police dog, you just dial canine, canine, canine?

Cor, that was really RUFF! Yes thank you, thank you, thank you. Now we're here to inform you that there is a notorious cat-burglar loose hereabouts.

Whereabouts?

Hereabouts or roundabouts.

Roundabouts?

Yes we lost him at the roundabout!

(To the audience). Bunch of layabouts!

(To him/her). I beg your pardon?

(Backing away). I said the burglar must be a layabout.

Yes and we have a poster of him. (Calling). PC99!

PC99 goes to a pre-arranged piece of scenery and unrolls the poster which has a hole cut out in the middle.

While he is in front of the poster a panel is removed from the piece of scenery and Burglar Bill sits side on to the audience in the centre of the panel. The Chorus group themselves around the poster, ensuring that the audience can still see it.

Chorus 1 PC99

Ooh, he does look mean and nasty.

That's his best side. You should see him face on.

2

Burglar Bill faces front.

Chorus 1 Chorus 6 Chorus 1 Chorus 7 Chorus 8 Sergeant

Cor, you're right.

What's a cat burglar?

Someone who steals cats, stupid!

Don't you call him/her stupid. (He/she pushes the other person away).

Oi! Watch who you're shoving. (He/she pushes them back and a free for all takes place).

(Taking out his whistle and blowing it). Order, order, order. (During this rumpus, Burglar Bill has moved away from the flat and the space is replaced with a full poster). Now then, that's enough of that. Now come on, all shake hands. (The Chorus and PC99 all stand facing the audience and shake their own hands up and down. Burglar Bill ‘sneaks’ onto the stage. Now to the audience). I don't know why I bother, I really don't. (To the Chorus). Now if you see Burglar Bill, I want you to let me know.

Wait for a reaction from the audience; if there is none, the Sergeant should encourage them to look out for him.

Eventually, PC99 sees him.

PC99 Sergeant

Look, Dad - there he is!

(Blowing whistle). Come on son, let's get after him.

The Sergeant and PC99 chase Burglar Bill out of the auditorium (if possible) followed by the Chorus. As the stage empties, the Prince and Dandini enter.

Prince Dandini Prince Dandini Prince Dandini Prince Dandini Prince Dandini Prince

Oh, Dandini; thank goodness this is the last village. My feet are killing me!

Never mind your Highness, you'll have plenty of time to rest before the Ball.

Please Dandini, promise me that you will not mention the Ball again.

But your Highness, the Ball...

(Turning on him). Dandini! ... the ‘dance’ promises to be the social event of the year.

It is no more than a grand and glorious ‘Blind Date’.

Well, look on the bright side. You may well find the girl of your dreams.

When I marry, it will be for love and not because my father has decreed it. Now, can we just deliver this proclamation and get back to the Palace?

(Looking around). But your Highness, there doesn't appear to be anyone around. Look, why don't we go back to the Palace and I will deliver the proclamation later?

Dandini, that is an excellent idea.

The Prince and Dandini exit. Buttons enters from the other side carrying a watering can.

Buttons

(As he walks across). Hello boys and girls. (He stops, looks around and then peers offstage). I think they must have forgotten to open the front doors. (To the lighting box).

Hello, excuse me, but could I have the houselights up please? (The houselights come up and Buttons looks into the audience). Oh, there is someone out there. I'll try again. Hello boys and girls. (Hopefully there will be a response). Oh, that's better. Now I expect you all know who I am, don't you? (Either…) That's right, I'm Buttons. (Or…) No! Well I'd

better introduce myself. I bet you're all wondering why I'm carrying this watering can? It's for my special plant. (Walks over to a large flowerpot at the side of the stage).

When you water this plant it grows very quickly. Watch. (He waters the plant and it grows. As it does, a green bag, which looks like a leaf, appears. In the bag are sweets which are thrown into the audience). I tell you what, as you're the best audience we've had all

week, will you do me a favour? If anyone touches my plant, I want you to shout out ‘Buttons!’ as loudly as you can. Will you do that for me? You will, great! (He puts the watering can by side of the plant). Let's have a little practice? I'll pretend to be someone touching my plant and you shout for me. OK? Ready, here we go then. (He moves towards the plant and hopefully the audience will shout). That was great! Now you won't forget will you? (Await reaction).

3

Cinderella enters, hidden behind an enormous armful of packages.

Cinderella Buttons Cinderella Buttons Cinderella Buttons Cinderella Buttons

Cinderella Buttons Cinderella Buttons Cinderella Buttons Cinderella Baroness Cinderella Buttons

Buttons, Buttons. Can you help me please? (Buttons goes to her and helps her put the parcels down). Thank you. Now, what was all that shouting?

That was all my friends. Come on boys and girls, say hello to Cinderella. After three… one, two, three…

(After their response). Hello boys and girls.

Where did you get all these from?

My new Stepmother has been shopping.

But I thought your father was broke?

He is! Oh, I do wish that there was something that I could do. (Pause). Maybe I could get a part-time job?

When would you find the time? Since your Stepmother arrived and sacked all the servants except me, you've had to do all the cooking and cleaning as well as run about after your two Stepsisters.

It's Daddy I feel sorry for. He seems to get more and more forgetful every day.

If I was married to your Stepmother, I'd try and forget all about it!

Buttons, that's not like you.

Sorry. I just don't like anything that makes you unhappy.

Oh, Buttons. You are sweet, thank you. (She kisses him on the cheek).

What was that for?

For being the best friend a person could wish for.

(Offstage). Cinderella!!

(Looking offstage). Oh no, here comes my Stepmother. If she finds out I haven't put these things away, she'll be so angry.

Come on then. Let's get these boxes home. Now don't forget boys and girls, if anyone touches my plant, you shout for me, OK?

Buttons and Cinderella exit. The Baroness enters like a battleship in full sail and the Baron follows dolefully behind her.

Baroness Baron Baroness Baron Baroness

Cinderella! Cinderella! Where is that wretched girl? I could have sworn I heard her talking.

Now, now Gargantua. Don't upset yourself. I expect she's at home getting us a nice cup of tea.

She'd better be.

Come along. Let's go and see.

We'll go when I'm ready and not before. Now who left this plant here?

The Baroness moves over to the plant and touches it. There is (hopefully) audience reaction and Buttons enters.

Buttons Baroness Buttons Baron Buttons Baroness Buttons Baroness

Thanks boys and girls. Now… who's been fumbling with my foliage?

Don't be ridiculous. Who'd touch anything of yours?

Well someone did. Was it you, Baron?

(Startled). Eh! Oh no... it was... er...

(To audience). Who was it boys and girls? (Await reaction. Turning to the Baroness). So, it was you was it? (He walks slowly towards the Baroness).

Stop! One step closer and you'll be sorry.

Oh, yes?

Yes! (She takes out a whistle and blows it).

From either side of the stage come the Ugly Sisters. There is a short physical comedy routine between the Ugly Sisters and Buttons, after which they bundle Buttons offstage. The Ugly Sisters re-enter.

Ugly 1 & 2

Hello Mummy.

4

Baroness

Hello my darlings.

The Ugly Sisters go to either side of the Baron.

Ugly 1 & 2

Hello Stepdaddy.

One of them points up to the sky and shouts: “Look!� The Baron looks up and they stamp on his feet. He ends up sitting on the floor.

Baroness Baron Ugly 1 & 2

Now then my darlings, don't tease your Stepdaddy. (To Baron). Really Bertram, you mustn't play these rough games with the girls. Let's go home.

Yes dear.

Bye bye Mummy. Bye bye Stepdaddy.

The Baron and Baroness exit.

Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Ugly 1 Ugly 2

(Pushing Ugly 2 out of the way). Out of my way, you spotty faced turnip!

How dare you, you freckled face pumpkin!

Swede head!

Marrow features!

Look, if I had a face like yours, I'd stick it on a wall and throw a brick at it!

If I had a face like yours, I'd stick it on a brick and throw a wall at it!

I have hidden beauty.

So did Tutankhamun, but at least he wore a mask!

Ooh! You cat! (Hits her with a handbag).

Ouch! Take that! (Hits her with a handbag).

A short fight takes place. Enter Dandini.

Dandini Ugly 1 & 2

Ladies, ladies, please.

A Man!

Dandini looks behind him and suddenly realizes that they mean him! At the same time the two Ugly Sisters run to opposite sides of the stage and begin preening themselves.

Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Ugly 1

Hello, big boy.

Come up and see me some time.

(Walking seductively towards Dandini). What would it take for you to give me a little

kiss?

Dandini Ugly 2

(To audience). An anaesthetic!

(Walking seductively towards DANDINI). Ours could be a strange and wonderful

relationship.

Dandini Ugly 1 Dandini Ugly 2 Dandini Ugly 1 Dandini Ugly 2 Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Ugly 1

(To audience). I'd be wonderful and she'd be strange!

Ooh, you're incorrigible.

Believe me, I don't need any encouraging.

You seem so effervescent.

Have you ever seen me when I effervosn't?

To what do we owe this unexpected pleasure?

I bring a message from the Palace.

At last, at last. It's my CBE. CBE? Yes. Charmingly Beautiful of Everywhere!

Huh! It's more likely to be an OBE. OBE? Yes. Oversexed Bimbo of Everywhere!

The Ugly Sisters begin fighting very noisily. The Chorus enter.

5

Dandini

(Trying to prise them apart). Ladies, ladies. (To Chorus). Will someone please give me a hand? (The Chorus all start applauding). Oh very funny, very funny. (The Chorus pull the Ugly Sisters apart. Now brushing himself down and moving downstage). Next time the Prince can deliver his own proclamation. And what is this plant doing here? (He touches the plant).

Audience reaction. Buttons and Cinderella enter.

Buttons Dandini Cinderella Dandini

Ugly 1 Buttons

Thanks boys and girls. Now what's going on?

I am here to make a proclamation.

Then please, go ahead.

Thank you. (He clears his throat and unrolls a scroll). “His Majesty the King invites all the eligible young ladies of his kingdom to a Grand Ball at the Palace tomorrow evening”.

A Ball! How exciting. We must go and make ourselves beautiful.

The Ball's tomorrow, you don't have enough time!

Ugly 1 blows a whistle and Buttons receives the same short physical comedy routine as earlier, then the Ugly Sisters exit.

Cinderella Buttons Dandini

(Going over to Buttons). Are you alright?

I hate whistles!

Never mind, remember...

MUSIC #2 : FOR DANDINI, BUTTONS, CINDERELLA AND CHORUS.

Scene Two A corridor in ‘Hard-to-make-ends-meet Hall’. The baron enters on tip-toe.

Baroness Baron

(Offstage). Bertram! Bertram! Where are you?

(To the audience). Don't give me away, please. This is the first time I've been on my

own all day. Do you know my life hasn't been the same since I married the Baroness.

She didn't tell me that she had two daughters until they turned up at the church dressed as bridesmaids. Actually they looked more like a couple of bodyguards.

Before I realised what was happening, I was married and my whole life was turned upside down. The Baroness thought that I had a lot of money and when she found out that I was broke she flew into a terrible rage, sacked the servants and made Cinderella a servant in her own home. I decided to get a part-time job. I started off as a tailor, but found that I just wasn't cut out for it. Then I became a golfer, but I didn't have the drive. My next job was as a printer, but I was just not the type. I had the chance to become an astrologer, but I couldn't see any future in it. So then I tried the bakery business, but I couldn't seem to make any dough. Mind you, there's always plenty to do around the house. (Points to the plant). See what I mean. Well, I might as well make myself useful and water this plant.

He moves to the plant. Audience reaction. Enter Buttons.

Buttons Baron Buttons

Baron Buttons Baron

Thanks boys and girls. Hello Baron, what are you doing here?

I was keeping out of the Baroness’ way and thought I'd water this plant.

Tell you what, now that I'm here, I'll do it for you. (He goes to the watering can).

Now watch this.(As he waters the plant another green ‘leaf’ appears. He takes out the sweets and throws them to a different part of the audience).

That was clever. How did you do that?

That is my little secret. Now what exactly is the Baroness up to?

She's rushing around trying to find the right dress to wear to the Ball.

6

Buttons Baron Buttons Baron Buttons Baron Buttons Baron Buttons Baron Buttons Baroness Buttons Baroness Baron Baroness Buttons Baron

I think that the marquee that they use for the village fete is free. That should just about fit!

Buttons! How dare you speak about the Baroness like that. (Anxiously looking around). Besides, she might hear you!

Why don't you stand up to her. Tell her who's boss?

That wouldn't do any good.

Why not?

She knows she is!

There must be something that you can do.

It wasn't always like this. When we first met she was so different. We used to have fun.

Get away!

It’s true. We used to sit next to each other in front of the fire. I used to call her my little ‘choochy-face’ and she called me her little ‘teddy bear’.

(Moving away). Ugh! That is disgusting!

(Entering). What is disgusting?

Nothing, nothing at all… (pause) ‘choochy-face’! (He bursts into laughter).

What do you mean: ‘choochy-face’?

Now calm down Gargantua. I was just telling Buttons how we used to sit in front of the fire whispering sweet nothings.

Don't be ridiculous. I would never do that.

(To audience). That I can believe!

(Ushering Buttons offstage). Yes, thank you Buttons. I'm sure you have a lot of work to do.

Buttons exits.

Baroness Baron

Baroness

Bertram. How dare you talk about our private life in front of the servants.

I'm sorry Gargantua. (He begins to ‘snuggle’ up to her). Surely you remember the old days? (The Baroness shakes him off and moves away. He follows her and tries again. This time the Baroness becomes coy and giggly and starts behaving like a shy schoolgirl. He chucks her under the chin). My little ‘choochy-face’.

(Digging him in the ribs). My little ‘teddy bear’.

MUSIC #3 : FOR THE BARON AND BARONESS. At the end of the number the Baron moves away from the Baroness and then turns and smiles at her. He puckers his lips for a kiss, closes his eyes and holds out his arms. The Baroness walks slowly over to him and smacks him round the face.

Baroness

And don't think you can try any funny business with me. It will take more than that to get round me. (She begins to exit).

Baron (To the audience). It would take the whole of the M25 to get round her!

Baroness Bertram! What was that?

Baron Nothing my dear, nothing.

Baroness Then come along, we have work to do.

The Baroness exits stage left and the Baron slowly follows her. Fade to black.

Scene Three A Woodland Glade

MUSIC #4 : A UV ITEM FOR THE CHORUS At the end of the music the lights are brought up slowly to reveal a woodland glade. There is a small wooden bench or tree root seat. Enter Sergeant Letsby-Avenue and PC99.

7

PC99 Sergeant PC99 Sergeant PC99 Sergeant

'Ere, Dad. This place is a bit scary.

Nonsense. You're a policeman: brave and fearless.

Do we have to patrol the woods? You never know what might be lurking in the shadows.

That's why we must keep our eyes and ears open.

Shall I put up one of our posters?

Good idea, son.

PC99 repeats the action from Scene One.

PC99

Sergeant PC99 Sergeant PC99 Sergeant

These posters are so life-like, I could pinch his nose. (He does so, and Burglar Bill smacks PC99 on the face, unseen by the Sergeant). Ow! (Steps back from the poster, rubbing his face).

(Turning round). What's the matter?

He hit me! (Pointing to the poster).

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. I think you are letting your imagination run away with you.

But he did. Just after I pinched his nose.

OK, OK, OK. A joke's a joke. Come on, we've got work to do. (He starts to exit).

PC99 goes to the poster and pinches Burglar Bill's nose again. This time Burglar Bill is wearing a boxing glove and punches him on the nose.

PC99 Sergeant PC99 Sergeant

(Running after the Sergeant). Dad, Dad, Dad. This time he punched me on the nose.

And so will I if you don't stop this nonsense.

Well you try it. You pinch his nose and see what happens.

Alright, alright, alright. Anything to keep you quiet. (He goes to the poster and pinches Burglar Bill on the nose. There is no response). You see! (He walks away).

PC99 goes over to the poster and Burglar Bill sprays him in the face with a water pistol. He turns round with his back to the poster. Burglar Bill replaces his face with a poster, as in Scene One.

PC99 Sergeant

Oh, Dad. I'm a bit wet.

(Shaking his head and looking into the audience). He said it, not me! Come along, we've

got work to do.

Sergeant Letsby-Avenue takes PC99 by the ear and exits. The Ugly Sisters enter dressed as Girl Guides, carrying large butterfly nets and jars which contain butterflies.

Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Ugly 1 Ugly 1

(Looking into a jar). If only catching a man was this easy.

It would take more than a big net for you to catch one.

And what about you?

I just rely on natural beauty. (Burglar Bill pops his head around from behind a tree and holds out a stick with a large Red Admiral butterfly hanging from it. He hides and ‘flies’ the butterfly). Ooh, look, there's a Red Admiral.

Ugly 2 Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Ugly 1

Huh! What I need is a real admiral.

I say, Gwendoline, look out there. (Points to audience).

What, what? I can't see anything.

Can we have the houselights up?

Blackout.

Ugly 2 Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Ugly 1

I still can't see anything.

If the lights don't come up by the time I count three, I warn you, we'll start singing.

(The lights come up instantly). Thank you.

Oooh! I see what you mean. (Picking out a man). He's nice isn't he? I could fancy him.

A bit old for me. (Spots another man). Oh wait a minute, there's a man in uniform. I do so love a man in uniform.

8

Ugly 2 Ugly 1 Ugly 2

I prefer a man out of uniform, if you know what I mean? (Nudges and winks at Ugly 1).

Listen, I've had an idea. Instead of collecting butterflies we could collect men.

Ooh, yes. Come on, let's go.

The two Ugly Sisters go down into the audience and generally terrorise a few unsuspecting men. After a while Sergeant Letsby-Avenue and PC99 walk onto the stage.

Sergeant Ugly 1 Sergeant Ugly 1 Ugly 2 PC99 Ugly 2 PC99 Ugly 2 Ugly 1 Sergeant Ugly 1 Sergeant

Now then, now then, now then. What are you two ladies doing out here, all alone?

We’re collecting butterflies. I'm a lepidopterist!

I don't doubt it madam, but your private life is no concern of mine.

(Walking seductively to him). Oh, but it could be.

(Walking seductively to PC99). And you could be concerned about my private life, if you want.

(Backing away). No thank you madam.

(Dramatically). Would you leave an innocent, defenceless girl all alone in these nasty woods? Weren't you ever a Boy Scout?

Yes I was.

Then think of me as your good turn for the day.

It must be ‘Bobby-a-Job-Week’. (Laughs). You know, (with knee-bend actions), Bobby.

Policeman. Bobbies. ‘Bobby-a-Job’! Get it, get it?

(To audience). Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Here we go again.

Were you never a Boy Scout?

Madam. Watch this!

Sergeant Letsby-Avenue and PC99 remove their police uniforms to reveal scout uniforms.

MUSIC #5 : FOR SERGEANT, PC99, UGLY 1 AND UGLY 2 Sergeant

Yes, well I think that is quite enough of that! Now have either of you ladies seen this man? (Points to poster. While everyone looks at the poster, Burglar Bill creeps across the stage and joins the end of their line. Hopefully the audience will shout out, at which Bill hides behind a tree. If not, the Sergeant must ask the audience for their help). Have any of you seen Burglar Bill?

Burglar Bill crosses the stage behind them.

PC99

Sorry, what did you say?

There then follows a short sequence of ‘Behind You’ which ends up with all four of them in a heap on the floor and Burglar Bill escaping.

Sergeant

Quickly, he mustn't get away. After him.

Sergeant Letsby-Avenue, PC99 and the Ugly Sisters chase Bill and exit. Enter Fairy Godmother.

F/Godmother Welcome to this woodland glade, Where people come to find some shade.

I'll sprinkle magic in the air, And very soon a special pair, Will meet as strangers, leave as friends.

But that's not where the story ends.

I'm so excited, fit to burst.

I wonder who will be the first.

(Looks off). Wait, someone comes; I must disguise Myself before this person's eyes.

Enter Cinderella carrying a small bundle of sticks.

9

Cinderella Hello. What are you doing here alone in the woods?

F/Godmother I'm collecting wood for my fire and it's very tiring.

Cinderella You poor thing! Why don't you sit down and have a rest? (She helps her to the small seat or tree root).

F/Godmother Thank you my dear.

Cinderella You look exhausted. Haven't you got anyone to help you?

F/Godmother Alas, no.

Cinderella Well, you take these (handing over her small bundle of sticks), and I’ll go and collect some more. Then I'll help you carry them home.

F/Godmother You're very kind.

Cinderella Nonsense, that's what friends are for.

F/Godmother I won't forget your kindness my dear, and one day I shall repay you. Please take this silver star and whenever you look at it, think of me.

Cinderella Oh, thank you. It's beautiful. Now you stay here and I'll be back in a minute. (She exits).

F/Godmother (To the audience). I've seen enough, she's proved she's kind

A sweeter girl you couldn't find.

I must away, so much to do, Farewell for now, and toodle-oo.

Fairy Godmother exits, and the Prince and Dandini enter.

Prince Dandini Prince Dandini Prince Dandini Prince Dandini Prince Dandini Prince

Oh Dandini, it's so good to get away from the Palace and all that bowing and scraping.

(Bowing in a very exaggerated manner). Yes, your Highness.

(Laughing). Dandini, at least you understand.

Understand? Oh yes, I understand. What I'd give to be you for just a few hours?

Then so be it.

Pardon?

So be it. For the next few hours you shall be the prince, and I, Dandini.

Your Highness, I… Dandini… please?

Oh, very well. (They swap hats and cloaks).

(Bowing deeply). How do I look, Dandini? I mean, your Highness!

They both laugh.

Dandini Prince Cinderella Prince Cinderella Prince Cinderella Prince Cinderella

Let’s race back to the horses. And remember… the Prince has a head start.

Certainly, your Highness. I shall count to three and then follow. (Dandini exits. He begins to count). One… Two… (Enter Cinderella). Three…

I'm sorry, I was expecting someone else to be here.

I haven't seen anyone else. My name is… (pause)… Dandini.

And I am Cinderella.

What are you doing here?

Just collecting wood for the kitchen fire.

I've never collected wood. May I help you?

Of course, thank you.

They both begin collecting sticks from around the stage.

Prince Cinderella Prince Cinderella Prince

(Handing over a few small sticks). Is this enough?

(Laughing). No, it's not nearly enough.

Oh. I've a lot to learn haven't I? Not really. Do you walk in the forest a lot?

Quite often, why?

10

Cinderella Prince

Well, (moving away), if we happened to meet here again, then I could teach you how to collect wood.

Then I think that I will be walking in the forest quite a lot.

MUSIC #6 : FOR THE PRINCE AND CINDERELLA Prince Cinderella Prince Cinderella Prince Cinderella Prince Cinderella Prince Buttons Cinderella

I must go now, but hopefully we will see each other again.

How about tomorrow?

Tomorrow? … No. I would like to, but it is the Royal Ball and I must be on duty. (A sudden thought). That's it! I shall see you at the Ball.

(Turning away). Oh, I shan't be going to the Ball.

Why not?

The Ball is for eligible maidens and I am nothing but a serving girl.

Then you shall be my special guest. (He takes out a very bright, glittery invitation). Here, just for you.

Thank you; thank you very much.

Until tomorrow then. (He exits).

(Offstage). Cinderella, Cinderella. Where are you?

Here I am Buttons.

Buttons enters with the Chorus.

Buttons Cinderella Buttons Cinderella

We've been looking all over for you.

(Taking Buttons downstage). Buttons, I've got a secret to tell you.

What is it?

I've been given a special invitation to the Royal Ball tomorrow. (She shows him the invitation).

Buttons Cinderella Chorus

Cinders, that's great, but if I were you I wouldn't tell anyone else, especially your stepmother or stepsisters.

Alright Buttons. (She hides the invitation).

Come on you two.

MUSIC #7 : FOR BUTTONS, CINDERELLA AND CHORUS.

Scene Four The Boudoir of Gwendoline and Gwynneth. When the lights come up on the scene, the stage is empty except for a large, outrageously ‘pink’ window with shocking pink curtains. The two Ugly Sisters enter.

Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Ugly 1

Come along Gwendoline, we must get ready for the Ball.

Last one in the bathroom is a wet nellie!

You are so common! I shall undress slowly, like a lady. (To the Band). Hit it boys!

The music of ‘The Stripper’ begins and all the lights begin to flash. Ugly 1 goes over to the side of the stage, and, unseen by the audience, someone takes the end of a fake belt that is around her waist and holds it taut, offstage. Her outer garment is on velcro and she whips it off and begins to twirl, unravelling across the stage ending up with a washing line full of clothes. At the end she is standing only in frilly knickers and a camisole, both extremely tasteless.

Ugly 2

You call that a striptease? Watch this. (To Band). Hit it boys. (The music begins again, slower this time, and the strip is done correctly with a lot of pouting and teasing (ie proper burlesque), ending again with the knickers and camisole). That, is how to do a striptease!

Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Ugly 1 Ugly 2

It’s not what you do, but how you do it.

My way drives men wild.

The last time you drove a man wild was when you bumped into him and broke his white stick!

I tell you, I could get a man like that! (Tries to snap fingers, but cannot).

11

Ugly 1

Do you mean like this! (Snaps fingers). It takes more than a little pouting and teasing to get a man. You need to have a gimmick.

MUSIC #8A : A NUMBER FOR THE UGLY SISTERS Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Ugly 1

Come along, come along. We must get ready.

We'll need help. I know, let's get Buttons.

We can't let Buttons see us like this. He's a man!

He's not a man, he's Buttons.

Well I don't want him to see me like this. It might give him ideas.

While this is going on, Burglar Bill enters and begins looking through the pile of discarded clothes. He makes a noise and looks up, startled. The two Ugly Sisters turn.

Ugly 1 & 2

A Man!

Burglar Bill turns and looks behind him (as Dandini did earlier) and before he can exit, is grabbed by the Ugly Sisters.

Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Ugly 1 Ugly 2

He's mine.

Mine! I saw him first.

I am the eldest!

We can all see that, dear!

Mine! (Pulling Bill to her).

Mine! (Pulling Bill to her).

This is repeated until the Sergeant and PC99 enter.

Sergeant

Hello, hello, hello. What's going on 'ere, then?

The two Ugly Sisters push Burglar Bill behind them and Ugly 2 grabs a pre-arranged piece of clothing, ie a long frilly negligee and a frilly mop cap and dresses Burglar Bill in them. While this is going on Ugly 1 goes over to the Sergeant.

Ugly 1

(Seductively). Oh Sergeant. How lovely to see you again. You know, you are a naughty

Sergeant Ugly 1 PC99 Ugly 2 PC99 Sergeant Ugly 1 & 2 Sergeant Ugly 1 & 2

boy entering a lady's boudoir without knocking.

Sorry to disappoint you madam, but I'm on duty.

(Running her fingers up his tunic). That's alright, I love a man who always does his duty.

(To Ugly 2). We're looking for a man.

Aren't we all!

We thought we saw him come into this room. I must warn you he's desperate.

Coming in here, he must be!

And we know just how he feels!

So, have either of you two ladies seen him?

No, sorry.

PC99 has been looking through the clothes and finds Burglar Bill’s swag bag.

PC99 Ugly 2

Dad, look at this is. It must be his bag.

(Quickly). Oh no, impossible. That belongs to our maid.

Burglar Bill steps forward and begins acting all coy and giggly.

Sergeant Ugly 1 PC99 Ugly 2

(Pointing to the initials). Can you explain these?

Of course. Those are her initials.

Her initials?

Yes. They stand for ‘Sylvia, Wendy, Ann, Green’.

Burglar Bill nods enthusiastically and takes the bag from the Sergeant.

Sergeant

(To Burglar Bill). I see. Well, if I could take down your particulars?

12

Ugly 1

(Pushing Burglar Bill out of the way). Oh, Sergeant. Why don't you take down my

particulars instead?

Ugly 2

(Going over to PC99). Yes, and you can take down my particulars, you cheeky little

thing.

While this is happening Burglar Bill tiptoes off the stage.

Sergeant

No thank you madam. In fact I think it's time we were going. Sorry to have troubled you. Come along son, let's get out of here.

The Sergeant and PC99 exit hurriedly. The Ugly Sisters follow them to the side of the stage and wave goodbye.

Ugly 2 Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Ugly 1

Goodbye.

Goodbye. Call round anytime.

(Turning around). He's gone!

Who has?

Our maid.

What? You mean to tell me that for the first time in our lives we've had three men in here and let them go?

Yes. Then we need all the gimmicks we can get!

MUSIC #8B : A NUMBER FOR THE UGLY SISTERS [REPRISE] Blackout.

Scene Five The Kitchen of ‘Hard-To-Make-Ends-Meet’ Hall. As the curtains open, Cinderella is on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor. She is crying quietly.

Baroness

(Offstage). Cinderella! Cinderella!

The Baroness enters, dressed for the Ball.

Cinderella Baroness Cinderella Baroness

(Standing up). Yes, Stepmother. (Wiping her eyes).

Cinderella

Now I'll never be ready for the Ball. If only Buttons was here, he'd help. (She goes to the plant and touches it).

Have you been crying?

(Turning away). No, Stepmother.

(Reaching for Cinderella's face and turning it to her). Oh yes, you have, you wicked child.

Which means the floor will be wet. You'll just have to wash it again. (She pushes Cinderella to the ground and exits).

Audience response. Buttons enters.

Buttons Cinderella Buttons

Thanks boys and girls. Hello Cinders. Hey, what's the matter?

(Running to him and crying on his chest). Oh Buttons, I've got so much to do, I'll never be ready to go to the Ball.

There, there. Don't cry. (He gives her his handkerchief, which must be distinctive, ie, it has a large ‘B’ on it). Take this and dry your eyes while I water my plant. (He goes over to the plant, waters it and another ‘leaf’ appears. He throws the sweets to a different part of the audience). Now then. What have you got left to do?

Cinderella Buttons Cinderella Buttons

I've got to change the beds, wash the dishes, bring in the coal, do the ironing, clean the silver and polish the windows.

Is that all? I don't see what the problem is!

Buttons, please don't joke, not now.

I'm sorry. Look, close your eyes and I'll show you some magic.

13

Cinderella Buttons Cinderella

Buttons, I haven't got time to play games.

Go on, close your eyes and count to three.

Alright. One‌ (Buttons goes to one side of the stage and whistles. At the same time Burglar Bill appears from the other side and stealthily takes the handkerchief from her, without her noticing). Two‌ (The Chorus enter, from the side Buttons whistled from. They are all carrying mops, buckets and dusters etc. and they quickly begin work). Three. (She opens her eyes). Oh Buttons, this really is magic. Thank you. (She kisses him on the cheek).

MUSIC #9 : NUMBER FOR CINDERELLA, BUTTONS AND CHORUS. At the end of the number the Chorus exit via both sides.

Buttons Cinderella

I'd better go and help the Baron.

Alright Buttons, and thanks.

Buttons exits as the Ugly Sisters enter from the opposite side. Ugly 1 has a hairbrush, Ugly 2 has a clothes brush.

Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Ugly 1 Ugly 2

(Going down to stage left). Cinderella!

(Going down to stage right). Cinderella!

Help me with my hair.

Help me with my dress.

(Louder). Hair.

(Louder). Dress.

(Louder still). Hair!

(Louder still). Dress!

During this Cinderella has been running between them, not knowing what to do first. Finally she stops centre stage, covers her ears and shouts.

Cinderella

Stop it, stop it.

The Ugly Sisters move to be either side of her.

Ugly 1 Cinderella Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Cinderella Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Cinderella Ugly 1 Ugly 2

What's the matter with you?

I just don't know which to do first.

(Pulling Cinderella towards her). My hair of course.

(Pulling Cinderella towards her). No, my dress.

You're hurting me! Let me go.

We will hurt you in a minute if you don't watch your tongue.

Really, you can't get good servants these days.

(Pulling away). I'm not your servant and never will be.

We'll see about that.

We'll just have to teach you a lesson won't we?

The Ugly Sisters grab Cinderella, beat her with their brushes and then exit. Cinderella crawls to the fire, weeping softly. The Baron enters.

Baron Cinderella Baron Cinderella Baron Buttons

Now then Cinderella, why are you crying?

Oh Daddy, I met someone special in the forest who gave me an invitation to the Ball, but the Baroness says I can't go.

There, there. Dry your tears. I'll show the Baroness who's boss around here. You go and change into that nice party dress and meet me back here.

Oh, thank you Daddy. (She kisses him and runs off).

(To himself). Wouldn't let her go to the Ball indeed. I'll show her. (Enter Buttons).

Buttons, where are you going?

I was just going to see if there was anything that Miss Gwendoline and Miss Gwynneth want before they leave.

14

Baron

Buttons Baron Buttons Baron Buttons Baron Buttons Baron Baroness Baron Buttons Baroness Buttons Baron Baroness Baron

Anything they want? You amaze me, Buttons. The list of things my stepdaughters want is over six feet long. It begins with two husbands, each with a considerable fortune, and carries on through diamonds and furs, onto small inconsequential items such as the latest (name of current top ‘pop’ band) CD and a ticket for (name of current top show).

What I meant was, I was going to see if there was anything they wanted now.

I see. Well in future say exactly what you are thinking. Now have you seen them?

What did they look like?

Well sir, they looked awful.

What!

They looked like a natural disaster just before relief workers arrive.

Buttons, what is the meaning of this kind of talk?

Well sir, you did tell me to say exactly what I think.

Yes, I did. But keep your voice down. We don't want the Baroness to hear.

(Entering). Don't want the Baroness to hear what?

Nothing my dear, nothing at all. Now run long Buttons.

Yes sir. (He starts to exit).

Now Bertram, how do I look?

(Behind the Baron). Remember, say exactly what you think. (He exits).

You look… er… very… er…very… ready!

What do you mean: ‘ready’?

Er… ready… er… ready to go. Yes that's it. You look ready to go. Come along. (He begins to exit).

Baroness Baron Baroness

We can't go yet, my little darlings aren't here.

(To the audience). Oh yes, how could I forget.

I'll call them. (She blows her whistle and the Ugly Sisters enter from each side of the stage, ready for the Ball, and go through the same short physical comedy routine with the Baron as they did with Buttons earlier). Now, now. Save your energy for dancing with the Prince.

Baron Baroness Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Baron

Bertram! Get up and let's go.

(As he stands). We can't go yet, Cinderella isn't here.

Who! Cinderella. I said that she could come with us.

The Baroness and the Ugly Sisters are speechless, opening and closing their mouths like goldfish, as Cinderella enters wearing a pretty party dress and carrying her invitation.

Cinderella Baroness Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Ugly 1 Ugly 2

Here I am Father, all ready with my special invitation.

What makes you think I would allow you to come with us dressed in clothes fit only for floor cloths?

(Going to one side of Cinderella). This sleeve seems a little caught up. (She pulls it and it comes away).

(Going to the other side of Cinderella). Oh dear, Gwynneth, what have you done? Never mind, I'll soon put that right. (She pulls the other sleeve off).

And this hem doesn't look very straight to me. (She pulls at the hem and it rips).

Well, you won't be needing this now, will you? (She takes the invitation and tears it into four pieces).

Cinderella has reacted with horror at each ‘rip’ and finally exits in floods of tears.

Baroness

Oh dear, what a pity. Now come along Bertram, we must be going.

The Baroness and the Ugly Sisters exit in high spirits and the Baron goes to where Cinderella exited and calls off in a quiet voice.

15

Baron

Cinderella, I'm so very, very sorry.

The Baron exits shaking his head very sadly. When he has gone Burglar Bill enters, look around and goes over to the fireplace and picks up the torn invitation and puts it in his sack. He exits. Enter Buttons.

Buttons Cinderella Buttons Cinderella Buttons

Hello boys and girls. Have you seen Cinderella anywhere? (Enter Cinderella). Where have you been? Why aren't you ready?

I'm not going. They ripped my dress and my invitation.

What you need is cheering up. Now come on what is the nicest thing you can think of?

Christmas!

Christmas it is. Let's get out all the Christmas decorations and have another Christmas now.

MUSIC #10 : ‘WE NEED A LITTLE CHRISTMAS’ [BUTTONS & CINDERELLA] During the number, Buttons and Cinderella dress a Christmas tree and as the number finishes, all that is left to add is a star at the top.

Cinderella

And to finish it off, the star that the old lady gave me in the forest. (As she goes to the tree there is a flash and a blackout. The tree revolves and is replaced by the Fairy Godmother standing in exactly the same place. Lights up). Who are you?

F/Godmother A woodland glade is where we met, I'm here now to repay my debt.

That star you hold should give a clue, It was a gift from me to you.

Cinderella You're the old lady that I met in the forest. But you look so different!

F/Godmother I am your Fairy Godmother.

My task, in one way or another, To make your dearest wish come true.

Come, help me, there is much to do.

Cinderella The only thing I really wish is to go to the Royal Ball.

F/Godmother Hold fast to dreams, whate'er befall.

Tonight, you shall go to the Ball!

(To the audience). Oh, I do so love saying that line!

I need some props, now let me see, A pumpkin, Cinders, bring to me. (Cinderella exits).

A rat, two lizards and some mice, Go fetch them Buttons, in a trice. (Buttons exits).

This room is far too clear and bright.

So would you please reduce the light.

(The lights fade leaving a pool of light around the Fairy Godmother and a very low light across the rest of the stage. Into this comes Buttons with the rats, lizards and mice and a stand-in Cinderella with the pumpkin. These are all placed in front of the fireplace).

Let me the sceptic world confound, And prove love makes the world go round.

The power of love is strong and good, As witnessed earlier in the wood.

Transform this pumpkin to a coach, And let the lizards then approach.

Before I can count up to ten Transmogrify them into men.

16

The humble rat, your task is great, To drive the coach is now your fate.

The mice will grow into fine horses, And all together will join forces, To take you to the Palace gate, Where what happens next is up to fate.

Glow-worms spinning day and night, Produce a thread so fine, so light.

Fairies take this magic thread, And make a dress to turn the head.

Around your neck the crystals glow Proclaim your name for all to know.

One final change then you're complete, Shoes made of crystal on your feet.

You will become for all to see, The Princess Crystal, believe you me.

Now close your eyes and keep quite still, While I recite the spell that will, Allow this magic to take place.

So darkness now must fill this space.

(The lights fade to black leaving just a small spot on the Fairy Godmother).

Allakazam and tweedle dee Harem, scarem, fiddle de dee Hocus, pocus, riddle me ree Effect this change, now; one, two, three!

Blackout. Two flashes and if possible some strong white lights to shine into the audience temporarily blinding them. At the same time the back wall revolves revealing the coach and the side wall revolves revealing Cinderella dressed for the Ball. Lights up.

Cinderella Oh, Fairy Godmother, how can I ever thank you?

F/Godmother By my magic in a trance You have been given this one chance But take good care, it won't last long.

Dance on until the midnight gong Begins to chime. Then, if you stay, All you have will fade away.

You'll be in rags, for all to see, Your disguise gone, no mystery But enough of all this, be on your way, The Ball has started, don't delay.

Cinderella Thank you so much for all you've done.

Buttons Take care Cinders, and watch the clock.

F/Godmother Now into the coach, it's time to fly.

You must go and so must I. Buttons helps Cinderella into the coach. Once the door is closed there is a flash and a blackout. The back wall revolves to reveal the original set and the Fairy Godmother disappears. The Chorus come running on.

Chorus 1 Chorus 2 Chorus 3

Buttons, what's happening?

Why did all the lights go out?

Is it a power cut?

17

Buttons Chorus 4 Buttons Chorus 5 Buttons

One at a time, one at a time.

Where's Cinderella?

Well, she isn't quite herself at the moment.

Oh, we were going to suggest that we had a party of our own.

Well, let's get on with it. Cinders can join in when she gets back.

MUSIC #11 : ACT ONE CLOSER [BUTTONS AND CHORUS]

END OF ACT ONE. INTERVAL ACT TWO Scene One The Ballroom at the Palace. The curtains open on a Gavotte performed by the Chorus, Sergeant, PC99 and Burglar Bill, all of whom are wearing small masks.

MUSIC #12 : DANCE NUMBER FOR CHORUS, SERGEANT, PC99 AND BURGLAR BILL At the end of the number the Chorus and Burglar Bill bow/curtsey to each other and leave the stage. The Sergeant and PC99 go to the top of a short flight of stairs. The Prince and Dandini enter, talking. They, too, are both wearing masks.

Prince Dandini Prince Sergeant Prince Dandini Prince

Oh, Dandini; where can she be? I was sure she would be here.

Your Highness, it is still early, there is yet time.

Are there guests still arriving, Sergeant?

Yes, your Highness.

Then let us hope that she is among them.

I really do think that your Highness should spend a little time with your other guests.

(Crossly). Very well, Dandini; if only to please you!

The Prince exits. After a brief pause, the Baroness, Baron and the Ugly Sisters appear at the top of the stairs.

The Baron and Baroness are wearing masks, the Ugly Sisters are not.

PC99 Dandini Baroness Baron Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Ugly 1 Baroness Baron Baroness Baron Baroness

The Baron and Baroness Borassic-Lint and their two daughters Gwynneth and Gwendoline.

(To audience). That's all we need! I think that it is time to find the Prince. (He exits).

(Looking around). Not bad, not bad. I've seen better palaces of course.

(Aside). I expect this palace has seen better Baronesses.

(Looking around the stage). Where is he then?

Who? Princey-poo's Don't worry, my dears. We'll find him and tell him that his search for a bride is over.

Is it? I thought he was still looking.

He is! But once he's met my two angels, he'll be bound to choose one of them.

(To audience). He'll need to be bound and gagged to choose one of them.

Come along, come along. (To Sergeant and PC99). Now take me to the Prince.

The Baroness propels the Sergeant in front of her and PC99 follows them. They exit with the Baron following slowly behind.

18

Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Ugly 2 Ugly 1 Ugly 2

I wonder if there's any other royal crumpet here?

Like a Duke or an Earl.

Or a Marquis or a Lord.

Or a Count or a Knight.

Do you know that once a man proves himself in battle, he's made a knight, and once a knight, always a knight.

Well, once a knight should be enough for anyone.

Speak for yourself, dear.

Sergeant Letsby-Avenue and PC99 hastily appear at the top of the stairs.

Sergeant Prince Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Prince Ugly 1 Prince Ugly 2 Prince

His Royal Highness, Prince Charming.

(As if in mid sentence). … so I said to him, if that is how you feel, there is nothing more to be said.

(Rushing forward and attempting a clumsy curtsey). Your Royal Highness.

(Rushing forward and attempting a clumsy curtsey). Your Royal Thighness.

(To Dandini). And just when I thought things couldn't get any worse!

Let me be the girl of your dreams.

Dandini, remind me to never to go to sleep again.

Let us make beautiful music together.

Madam, I'm afraid I'm tone deaf.

During this, Dandini moves uptage to Sergeant and whispers in his ear.

Sergeant

Ladies and Gentlemen. Please take your partners for a waltz.

MUSIC #13 : A SLOW WALTZ The Chorus, Baron and Baroness, enter and begin dancing. Ugly 1 grabs the Prince and Ugly 2 looks around and goes after Dandini. During this number Cinderella appears at the top of the stairs and waits. At a prearranged point in the music the couples gradually become aware of her, stop dancing and move to the side of the stage. Dandini goes to Cinderella, takes her hand and brings her down towards the Prince.

Dandini Cinderella Prince Cinderella Prince Cinderella Prince

Allow me to introduce you to his Royal Highness, Prince Charming.

(Shocked). The Prince… (pause)… surely you mean… (she tails off).

(Bowing). It is an honour to meet you.

(Curtseying). Your Highness.

(Taking her hand). Will you allow me the honour of this dance?

With pleasure.

(To all). Music, please. Come, let us dance.

The Prince and Cinderella begin a slow waltz. All around the stage, the couples look at each other, whispering: “Who is she?”, “Where did she come from?” etc, but gradually they begin to join in the dance. At a prearranged point the Prince and Cinderella leave the stage hand in hand, and go off towards the garden. The dance continues as the tabs close.

Scene Two The Palace Garden. A swing is dropped from above the stage with flowers entwined up the ropes. The Prince and Cinderella enter).

Prince Cinderella Prince Cinderella Prince

I am sorry, but I did not hear your name when it was announced.

Your Highness, I did not give one.

Then tell me now, dearest Princess.

Oh, but I'm not… not… (she falters).

Please do not be shy or nervous. You know it is strange, but I feel as if we have met before.

19

Cinderella Prince Cinderella Prince Cinderella Prince Cinderella Prince Cinderella Prince Cinderella Prince Cinderella Prince Cinderella Prince Cinderella Prince

I don't think you could have met me. I did once meet someone like you, but he wasn't a prince.

And did you like him?

Yes, very much.

Then let us hope that you will get to like me too. Come, let us not waste any more time. Please, tell me your name.

I would prefer not to. You see for tonight, I have promised to keep my identity a secret.

An unknown lady. Very well. But I must call you something. I have it. For tonight you shall be the Princess Crystal.

Crystal! How strange? How could you know, unless...?

Unless what?

Nothing. I am just being foolish. Very well for now I shall be the Princess Crystal.

And for tonight, I shall be the Prince Crystal.

(Moving across to the swing and sitting on it). And we live in a Palace made of crystal.

Drinking champagne from crystal glasses.

Gazing out through crystal windows across our kingdom.

Our kingdom?

(Getting carried along with all). Yes, our kingdom.

And where is this kingdom?

Oh, it doesn't really exist. It's only in our imagination.

I see. It is a secret kingdom.

MUSIC #14 : A NUMBER FOR PRINCE AND CINDERELLA. Prince

Come, your Highness. We should return to the Ballroom.

The Prince helps Cinderella down from the swing and they exit. As they leave, the Fairy Godmother enters from the opposite side, watches them off and then speaks to the audience.

F/Godmother I found I had a moment free And thought I would just come and see How things were going. All seems well But with young love, it's hard to tell.

As Godmother, I watched her grow, I nursed her well. She did not know This time would come and she would be, A princess for the world to see.

I only wish the spell could be Extended, so that she could spend, More time, and stay right to the end.

But that is quite beyond my power.

And midnight is the witching hour.

She must leave soon and so must I. I'll see you soon. For now, goodbye.

The Fairy Godmother waves her wand and there is a blackout.

Scene Three The Ballroom at the Palace. When the tabs open the Chorus, Sergeant, PC99, Burglar Bill, and Dandini are all draped around the stage in various stages of boredom! Some are actually asleep, some are looking glassy eyed, etc. The only people who are alert are the Baroness and the Baron. The Baron, however, is only awake because the Baroness keeps nudging him. The two Ugly Sisters are centre stage ‘keeping the guests amused’.

20

Ugly 2

… and now for my impersonation of the dying swan. (She begins a wild balletic-style dance).

Chorus 3 Baron

I wish someone would put that swan out of its misery.

Oh so do I, so do I.

The Baron is cuffed around the head by the Baroness and Ugly 2 stops dancing.

Ugly 2 Ugly 1

(To Ugly 1). Now it's your turn to do something with grace and style.

Very well. Ladies and Gentleman, I will now perform an aria from Madam Butterfly.

(She begins).

The Prince enters with Cinderella. He immediately covers his ears and calls to Dandini.

Prince

Dandini. Dandini. What on earth is going on?

Dandini staggers to his feet and goes to the Prince. The Chorus, Sergeant, PC99, and Burglar Bill also get to their feet.

Dandini

(Bowing). Your Highness. These two… er… ladies have been entertaining us in your

absence.

Baroness

(Crossing to the Prince). Such an important quality in a (with heavy emphasis) wife… the

Prince Ugly 1 Ugly 2

ability to entertain.

Entertain, yes. Torture, no!

Anyway, now you're back, you can dance with me.

No he can't. He's going to dance with me.

The two Ugly Sisters begin squabbling again.

Prince Ugly 1 & 2

Ladies, ladies, please! It is almost midnight and time to remove your masks.

(With indignation). We're not wearing masks!

The Ugly Sisters walk very purposefully downstage onto the apron and sulk. The chimes of midnight begin.

Prince

(Turning to Dandini). It is nearly midnight. (He moves to the side of the stage, leaving Cinderella). Ladies and Gentlemen, on the last chime, everyone must remove their

masks.

Cinderella Prince

(Moving to the stairs). If your Highness will excuse me? (She exits hurriedly up the steps).

Wait. Please, come back. (He follows her up the stairs and looks off). Dandini, quickly, after her. See if she is alright. (Dandini goes up the stairs and exits. Meanwhile the Chorus remove their masks and talk quietly. The Baron and Baroness move down to the Ugly Sisters.

Sergeant and PC99 move to the bottom of the stairs and Burglar Bill leaves the stage very exaggeratedly on tip-toe, unable to take off his mask. The Prince continues to look offstage in the direction that Dandini and Cinderella went. Dandini appears at the top of the stairs carrying a crystal slipper). Well, Dandini? Is she alright?

Dandini

Alas Sire, I cannot tell. She seems to have vanished. All I could find was this tiny crystal slipper. (He hands the Prince the slipper).

(Taking the slipper). Vanished?

Yes Sire.

Prince Dandini

Everyone on stage is silent and looking at the Prince, who slowly walks downstage carrying the slipper.

Prince Dandini Prince Dandini

Dandini.

Yes, Sire.

The Ball is over. Please ask all the guests to leave.

At once, Sire. (Addressing the guests). Ladies and Gentlemen. His Highness the Prince requests that you all leave immediately.

The Chorus begin talking as they leave via the nearest exit. The Baroness moves over to the Prince.

Baroness

Forget her, your Highness. Feast your eyes on my two daughters and make your choice.

21

Prince Baroness Prince Baron Baroness

Madam, you have been asked to leave and I suggest that you do so immediately.

This is disgraceful! I have never been treated like this before.

Madam, you amaze me! Now please leave, or I will have you thrown out bodily.

(Crossing to her). Come along my dear. Let us leave with dignity.

(Storming off). Come along my darlings.

The Baroness, Baron and Ugly Sisters leave.

Prince Sergeant Prince

Dandini Prince Sergeant

Sergeant Letsby-Avenue.

(Moving down). Yes, your Highness.

I want you to search the Kingdom for the owner of this crystal slipper. Every lady must have the opportunity to try it. Dandini? (Dandini moves down to the other side of the Prince). Prepare a proclamation. Whomsoever the slipper fits, will, if she consents, become my wife.

Yes, your Highness. (He bows and exits).

Sergeant, collect as many volunteers as you can and begin the search.

(Saluting). At once, your Highness. Come along, son.

Sergeant and PC99 exit, leaving the Prince.

Prince

Dearest Princess. We spent but a brief time together and yet I feel as if we had known each other for a lifetime. Fate has a strange way of working, for I have now lost my heart not once, but twice.

MUSIC #15A : A NUMBER FOR THE PRINCE & CINDERELLA [PRINCE SINGS FIRST VERSE]

Scene Four A road leading from the Palace. Cinderella enters carrying the second crystal slipper and sings the second verse of the song.

MUSIC #15B : A NUMBER FOR THE PRINCE & CINDERELLA [CINDERELLA SINGS SECOND VERSE] At the end of the verse she holds out the slipper and looks at it. Burglar Bill enters, takes it and runs off.

Cinderella takes a moment to realise and then sets off after him. Just as she is about to exit Buttons enters and she runs into him.

Buttons Cinderella

Hey, where's the fire?

Oh, Buttons. (She breaks down and cries on his chest).

Buttons puts his arm around her and leads her back to centre stage.

Buttons Cinderella Buttons Cinderella Buttons Cinderella Buttons Cinderella Buttons Cinderella Buttons

There, there. Tell me what's the matter.

Oh Buttons, I was having such a wonderful time that I forgot to leave before midnight.

(Alarmed). Did anyone see you?

No, I left just before everything disappeared. Everything that is except my crystal slippers. One fell off as I ran down the castle steps and the other was stolen.

Stolen?

Yes, just now. I think it was that notorious cat burglar.

(Looking around him). I didn't see anyone.

Never mind. It serves me right for not leaving on time. Anyway, what are you doing here?

(Embarrassed). Me? Yes, you. Why are you waiting outside the Palace?

(Thinking long and hard and then saying very quickly). I thought I'd take the dog for a walk.

22

Cinderella Buttons Cinderella Buttons

(Laughing). But you haven't got a dog. Come on what are you doing here?

(Squirming). I, er… I, er… just wanted to see if you were having a good time.

Oh, Buttons, that was sweet of you. Thank you. (She kisses him on the cheek).

(Very embarrassed). Yes, well, I really should water my plant now I'm here.

Buttons waters the plant and another ‘leaf’ appears. He throws the sweets to another part of the audience.

Sergeant

(Offstage). Come along you 'orrible shower, follow me.

The Sergeant enters followed by some of the Chorus in their costumes from the Ballroom scene, but wearing police helmets and carrying truncheons. PC99 brings up the rear. They ‘run’ across the stage in a choreographed manner. Buttons and Cinderella hide on the apron, unseen. PC99 drops his truncheon and it falls into the orchestra pit. While he is looking for it the Chorus and Sergeant exit, along with Buttons and Cinderella.

PC99

Dad, Dad, Dad. Wait for me. (Looking off. He takes out his whistle and blows it three times).

Sergeant PC99

(Offstage). Halt! About turn. (He and the Chorus enter in the same choreographed manner). Now then, now then, now then. What's the matter with you?

I've lost me truncheon! One minute it was in me ‘and, the next it ‘ad gone.

The Chorus snigger.

Sergeant

How many times must I tell you. There is a right way and a wrong way to hold your truncheon. Let me remind you. (He goes though a short ‘military type’ routine with his truncheon and then turns to face the Chorus). Right, trainee police constables. On the count of three, let truncheon drill commence. Are you ready? One, two three. (The Chorus go through the same drill routine with the Sergeant giving counted orders. PC99 watches). Well done. Now then PC99, if brand new recruits can remember, I don't

PC99 Sergeant

imagine you should have any problems. OK? OK, Dad. Right. (PC99 is handed his truncheon, goes and stands in the middle of the Chorus and the routine is repeated with him getting it completely wrong). No, no, no. Let's try it again.

(The routine is repeated and, again, PC99 gets it wrong). That's it, that's it, that's it. I've had enough. I don't want to see you again until you can get the drill right. (Turning back to the Chorus). Come along.

The Sergeant and Chorus exit in the same choreographed manner leaving PC99 alone on stage.

PC99

(To audience). It's not fair. If only I could catch Burglar Bill. That would show him.

Burglar Bill appears and tries to sneak past PC99. Hopefully, the audience will react. If not PC99 must prompt them. When PC99 sees him he chases Burglar Bill up the aisle. The Baroness, Baron and Ugly Sisters enter.

They are carrying cutlery, crockery, goblets, etc, stolen from the Palace.

Baron Baroness Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Ugly 1 Baroness Ugly 2 Baron Baroness Ugly 1 Baroness

I don't think we should have taken these from the Palace.

Nonsense! They've got far too many. Besides we need new cutlery.

And it serves the Prince right for not choosing me.

You weren't even close. He was obviously going to choose me until that fat, ugly trollop arrived.

I wonder who she was?

It's funny, but I thought I had seen her somewhere before.

Well, I thought she looked a bit like Cinderella.

Oh no, it couldn't have been Cinderella.

And why not? Do you know, you may be right.

Impossible. We left her with a long list of jobs to do.

We thought we had. Quickly let's get home.

23

Baron Baroness

But my little pumpkin. The Princess arrived in a golden coach, wearing a glittering dress. Where would Cinderella have got those from?

I don't know. But you look very nervous and shifty and that makes me nervous. Now come along and if she's not there…

The Baroness exits follows by the others. The lights fade to black.

Scene Five The Village Police Station. Upstage is a counter with a telephone on it. When the tabs open the Chorus are all around the stage trying out various different ‘police type’ activities, ie: trying on handcuffs, looking at things through a magnifying glass, practising armed combat with a truncheon, practising ‘knees bent, hands behind the back’ etc. There is a blue light flashing and the music from ‘The Bill’ is playing. Enter the Sergeant.

Sergeant

Chorus 4 Sergeant Chorus 4 Sergeant

Come along, come along, come along. Now settle down. Right you 'orrible shower, get in a straight line. (The Chorus do so. He walks down the line, inspecting them). So, you're the volunteers that are going to help me find the mysterious Princess are you?

Well then. It may be dangerous, which is why you have all been issued with your police helmets and your truncheons, at the rank of trainee police constable. Does anyone here know anything about Judo?

(Stepping forward). I was the local champion, sir.

Excellent!

Yes, I've even got my own counters and I give the dice a jolly good shake and…

I said Judo, not Ludo!

The Chorus steps back into line as PC99 runs on.

PC99

Dad, Dad, Dad. I've learnt it. Watch this.

PC99 goes through the truncheon drill without making a mistake. The Chorus applaud.

Sergeant

Very good son. Now take your place in the line. (PC99 does so). Now then, as I was saying. You are all trainee police constables with a job to do. Go now and do your duty. If you see anything suspicious, report back here immediately.

MUSIC #16 : ‘WHEN THE FOEMAN BARES HIS STEEL (TARANTARA)’ [SERGEANT, PC99 & CHORUS] At the end of the number the Chorus exit in the same choreographed manner as before. The Sergeant goes behind the counter and PC99 stands in front of it. The telephone rings).

PC99 Sergeant

Hello, hello, Police Headquarters. Oh dear. Just a minute. Dad this man says his wig has been stolen.

(Taking the telephone). Rest assured sir, we will soon be combing the area. (He puts the telephone down).

The telephone rings again.

PC99

Hello, hello. Police Headquarters. Oh dear. Just a minute. Dad this man says that all his pedigree dogs have been stolen and he wants to know if we have any leads.

There is a fanfare and the Prince and Dandini enter. Dandini is carrying the slipper.

Prince Sergeant Prince

Have you located the missing princess?

Alas, your Highness, I am afraid not. Did you bring the crystal slipper?

Of course. Dandini.

Dandini hands over the crystal slipper.

PC99 Dandini Prince

Do you think it's worth checking for fingerprints?

I would have thought it better to check it for footprints.

Dandini please. I am in no mood for your jokes.

24

Chorus 5 Policeman enters with a Woman Villager.

Chorus 5 Sergeant Woman Prince Woman Prince Woman All Woman All Woman Prince Woman Sergeant Woman Prince Woman Prince Dandini Prince

Sergeant. This person has some vital evidence concerning the missing princess.

Good morning madam. Please proceed.

Well, I was walking along the road outside the Palace at about midnight.

Midnight?

Yes. I know it was midnight because I heard the chimes from the Palace.

Go on, go on.

Well I saw a coach and horses coming towards me at great speed.

(Facing the audience). Strange!

Before I knew what had happened, the whole sky was filled with a blinding flash of light. When I opened my eyes, the coach and horses had disappeared.

(Facing the audience). Strange!

I stood there rubbing my eyes in disbelief when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a pumpkin.

A pumpkin?

Surrounded by four white mice.

White mice?

And two lizards.

Did you see anybody in the coach?

No, your Highness. The only person I saw was a girl dressed in rags running down the street.

Dandini, I wonder if it could have been the same girl that I met in the woods.

Sire, the chances are a million to one.

Yet it is possible. Quickly, we must go to the forest. We may find her in the same clearing.

The Prince and Dandini exit.

Sergeant

Thank you madam, you've been very helpful. Trainee Police Constable number Five, take this lady for a cup of tea.

Chorus 5 and the Woman exit. As they do so, Chorus 6 policeman enters with a Fish Fryer.

Chorus 6 Sergeant Chorus 6 Sergeant Chorus 6 Sergeant

Sergeant, I've arrested this fish and chip shop owner.

What's the charge?

Oh, it won't cost you anything.

I mean, what has he done wrong.

Oh, I see what you mean. He's been battering the fish.

Follow me. We'll lock him in the cells overnight. PC99 you are now in charge.

The Sergeant, Chorus 6 and the Fish Fryer exit. PC99 goes behind the counter. Chorus 1 policeman enters with Suspect 1.

Chorus 1 PC99 Suspect 1 PC99 Suspect 1 PC99 Suspect 1 PC99

PC99, I arrested this man inside a jeweller's shop in the High Street.

Name?

Fingers Smith.

Occupation?

Locksmith.

What were you doing inside the jewellers when this policeman found you?

I was making a bolt for the door.

Take him away and lock him in the cells.

Chorus 1 and Suspect 1 exit to the cells. Chorus 2 policeman enters with Suspect 2.

Chorus 2

PC99. This woman stole a calendar. What do you think she's likely to get?

25

PC99

Probably twelve months.

Chorus 2 and Suspect 2 exit to the cells. The Sergeant enters.

Sergeant

It's getting pretty full down in the cells. I hope we don't have many more.

Chorus 3 policeman enters with the bag that the Baroness was carrying in scene four which contains the stolen crockery. He is followed by the Baroness and the Baron.

Chorus 3 Baroness Chorus 3

Sergeant, I found this old bag outside.

How dare you!

No, wait. I meant this old bag‌ (holding up the handbag) not that old bag. (Pointing to the Baroness).

Baron

Too late. The damage has been done.

The Baroness blows her whistle and the two Ugly Sisters enter from either side of the stage and Chorus 3 Policeman ends up getting the same short physical comedy routine as Buttons and the Baron did earlier.

Baroness Sergeant

Now let me have my bag back. (She takes the bag).

Just a minute Madam. Do you mind if I take a look?

The Sergeant takes hold of the bag.

Baroness

Yes I do! It's private. (She tries to pull the bag away).

The Sergeant and the Baroness continue to pull in opposite directions and eventually the contents spill out onto the floor. As it does so the Baroness, the Baron and the Ugly Sisters look up into the roof, as if to say: "Where did they come from?".

Sergeant

Madam. Can you explain this?

The rest of the Chorus police enter with Burglar Bill.

Chorus 5

Sergeant, Sergeant. We've got him. Burglar Bill.

All the Chorus cheer.

Sergeant

PC99

Well done, well done, well done. This is indeed good news. (To Burglar Bill). By the time we've finished with you they'll be locking you in a cell and throwing away the key. Now who's got the key to the cells?

Search me.

Burglar Bill frisks PC99 and then makes his escape.

Sergeant

Quickly, get after him. He mustn't escape.

MUSIC #17 : CHASE SEQUENCE Towards the end of the chase the Fairy Godmother enters, waves her wand and everyone freezes, making sure that they are behind the tabs. She steps forward and addresses the audience.

F/Godmother Oh dear, oh dear, this will not do.

We've reached the time, when in Act Two It's time for these up here to rest, And put your voices to the test.

To bring on Buttons is my plan, I'll bring him on as best I can.

My plan is simple, not too much.

I only have his plant to touch.

And he'll appear without a doubt.

Remember, don't forget to shout.

Make sure it's loud, so he will hear.

I'll touch the plant, then disappear.

26

The Fairy Godmother touches the plant then steps back behind the tabs as they close and the audience shouts for Buttons.

Scene Six A Road in the Village. Enter Buttons.

Buttons

Thanks boys and girls. There's no-one here. Are you sure someone touched my plant?

Who was it? (Hopefully the audience will tell him). Really? The Fairy Godmother. No, you're pulling my leg. Are you sure? Well, now I'm here I might as well water my plant. (He goes to the plant and waters it. As he does, another ‘leaf’ appears containing sweets, which he throws into the audience). Now, I think it's time you lot did some work.

He is given the song board. He sings the song through once. During this PC99 and the Chorus (still dressed as trainee police constables) enter at the back of the auditorium. The Sergeant enters.

Sergeant Buttons Sergeant

Hello, hello, hello. What's going on 'ere?

Good evening Sergeant. What can I do for you?

We are still looking for the notorious cat burglar, Bill and we have reason to believe that could be in this vicinity. (To lighting box). Could I have the houselights up please?

(They do so). Thank you. Right, trainee police constables. It is now your duty to bring up here anyone who looks like a cat burglar in disguise. (The Chorus ‘arrest’ a small number of boys and girls and bring them on to the stage. When the children are on stage, the Sergeant opens a poster and walks along the line up comparing the children with the poster.

During this the Ugly Sisters enter the back of the auditorium). No, no, no. None of these

Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Sergeant

look like him.

Coo'ee, sergeant.

Hello PC99, my little bobby-wobby.

Oh no, that's all we need. Come on, let's go. At the double, left, right, left, right, left, right.

The Sergeant, PC99 and the Chorus exit. The Ugly Sisters come up onto the stage and assist Buttons.

MUSIC #18 : A NUMBER FOR BUTTONS, UGLY SISTERS AND THE AUDIENCE At the end, the children return to their seats and Cinderella enters.

Cinderella Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Buttons

Gwendoline… Gwynneth… Your mother says it’s time to go to the Palace and try on the slipper.

At last, at last. Out of my way, peasant. (She pushes past Cinderella).

The Prince is mine. I saw him first. (She pushes past Cinderella).

(When they are alone). Cinders, come over here. I want to talk to you. (They sit on the edge of the stage. As they do so, the Baroness enters a little way onstage and stands listening). This crystal slipper. It is yours, isn't it?

Cinderella Buttons

Yes Buttons, it is.

(Turning away). So I suppose you'll be marrying the Prince now?

Exit the Baroness.

Cinderella Buttons Cinderella

Buttons

Yes, I hope so. Oh Buttons, I'm so happy. I never dreamed anything like this could happen to me.

(Stands up and walks away). I see.

(Looking into the audience, as if in a dream). I shall have fine clothes, servants and enough money to pay off all Daddy's debts and… (she looks across at Buttons). Buttons, what's the matter?

I'm going. (He starts to leave).

27

Cinderella Buttons Cinderella Buttons Cinderella

But why?

Well you won't want me any more, now that you've got the Prince.

(To him). No Buttons. Don't leave me now. Not when I'm so happy.

Bye, Cinders. (He runs off, trying not to cry).

(Calling after him). Buttons, Buttons. Come back. Please come back.

The Baroness enters behind Cinderella and grabs her arm.

Baroness

So, you were the mysterious Princess at the Ball. (Menacingly). But that doesn't matter now, because you won't be marrying the Prince. (She blows her whistle and the two Ugly Sisters come on and grab Cinderella). Take her away and lock her in the cellar. (The two Ugly Sisters drag Cinderella away struggling. Now to the audience). That will put a stop to her little game. Now I must think how to get the Prince to choose one of my two lovely daughters instead. It won't be easy, as they are both well past their sell-by date, but I'll think of a way.

The two Ugly Sisters enter laughing, and carrying a large key.

Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Baroness

Here you are, Mummy. (Hands over the key).

She won't escape from there.

(Putting the key in a large open bag). Now then run along and get ready. We have an important appointment at the Palace. (The two Ugly Sisters exit. Now to the audience).

There you are. With Cinderella out of the way the Prince will have to choose one of my two daughters, won't he?

Hopefully the audience will react negatively and there can then follow a short sequence of: “Oh yes he will� etc. During this, the Baroness puts down her bag at which Burglar Bill enters and steals the key. The Baroness eventually laughs at the audience and exits laughing. Blackout.

Scene Seven The Ballroom at the Palace. When the tabs open the Chorus are grouped around the stage. There is a small seat upstage right. A Chorus girl is trying on the slipper. The Prince stands watching.

Dandini

(To the Chorus girl). I'm sorry. (He takes back the slipper).

The Chorus girl joins a group.

Prince Dandini Prince

I can't help thinking that the mysterious princess and the girl in the forest are the same person.

But Sire, you said yourself the girl in the forest looked as though she came from a poor family.

I know. It's as if it were all a dream and that one day I will wake up and find her standing next to me.

During this speech the Prince moves over to the stage left entrance. As he reaches the last word he puts out his hand to indicate where the princess will be. As he does so the Baroness enters, takes his hand and curtsies. The Prince turns and is startled when he realises who is holding his hand.

Baroness

(Rising from her curtsey). Your Highness. Your search is over. Prepare to meet your

bride.

She gestures very dramatically to the down stage entrance. They all turn and stare at the entrance as the Baron enters. He realises that everyone is looking at him and he turns and looks at the entrance, then back to the Baroness.

Baron

Good afternoon, everyone. Are you well?

The Chorus laugh and exit. The Baroness pushes the Baron out of the way and blows her whistle. The two Ugly Sisters enter.

28

Ugly 1 Prince Ugly 2 Dandini Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Dandini Ugly 1 Ugly 2

(To Dandini). What are you doing with my slipper?

(Anxiously). Your slipper?

Ignore her, your Highness. It's plain that such a delicate slipper must belong to me.

Perhaps we could settle the argument by letting you try it on.

She's always trying it on!

Oh shut your face!

Ladies, please. (To Ugly 2). Will you please sit down here. (Gesturing to the chair).

Be careful. They're only designed to take up to half a ton.

Ignore her. When I'm Princess I shall have her drowned at birth. Now come along.

I haven't got all day.

Dandini kneels and tries to fit the slipper. The Baroness moves to stand upstage of the chair.

Baroness Ugly 2 Ugly 1

Come along my darling, push, push.

No, it's no use. It must have shrunk.

Move over, make way for the future Mrs Prince. (Ugly 1 pulls Ugly 2 off the chair who makes a production number of falling and then getting up again. This enables Ugly 1 to sit on the chair and for a false leg to be passed to her. Dandini tries to fit the slipper). It fits!

Prince

It fits! Sound the trumpets.

Fits? But it can't. It isn't possible.

There is general consternation from all on stage.

Baron Prince Baroness

Wait a minute. There's something not right here. (The Baron goes over to Ugly 1, tugs at the leg, and it comes away). I thought so.

(Wiping his brow). Thank goodness for that. (He shakes the Baron's hand). I am forever in your debt sir!

(Pushing the Baron downstage). Idiot! Moron!

There is a fanfare and Sergeant and PC99 enter with Burglar Bill.

Sergeant Prince Dandini Prince PC99 Sergeant

Your Highness, good news. We have captured the notorious cat burglar, Bill.

Congratulations, Sergeant. Let us hope you have as much luck in finding the missing princess.

Perhaps Burglar Bill has stolen her.

Dandini, please. This is no time for silly remarks.

Anyway she'd be too big to fit into his sack.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Now then son, let's see what he's really got in his sack.

PC99 opens Burglar Bill's sack and takes out the contents.

PC99

Nothing much. Just a few bits and pieces.

He takes out Buttons’ handkerchief, the torn invitation, the second crystal slipper and the cellar key.

Prince

(Looking at them). This slipper is identical to the one dropped by the princess. And this

Sergeant Baron

is the invitation I gave to the girl in the forest.

I wonder if there's a connection between these items?

Your Highness, if I may‌

The Baroness puts her hand over his mouth.

Prince Baroness

Sergeant

(To him). Yes.

It was nothing, your Highness. The Baron was just saying how much he would like to see the gardens. (She keeps her hand over his mouth and pushes him offstage. The Ugly Sisters follow them).

It certainly is a mystery, your Highness.

29

Prince

There must be someone who knows the link between these items.

The Fairy Godmother appears and waves her wand and everyone on stage freezes or falls asleep. A spotlight appears on her and the lights fade slightly over the rest of the stage.

F/Godmother The easy thing for me to do Is tell the Prince just who is who.

But I can help to make amends And reunite two lifelong friends.

I'll use my magic, after three It's Buttons that I wish to see.

She waves her wand. The lights fade out, except for the spot on her and another that appears. Into this steps Buttons. He looks into the audience.

Buttons

What do I care if Cinders wants to marry the Prince. I bet he won't be as nice to her as I was. You mark my words, one day she'll come up to me and say…

F/Godmother Buttons!

Buttons That's right. She'll say: “Buttons…”

F/Godmother I need your help.

Buttons …“I need your help”. And I'll say…

F/Godmother Buttons!

Buttons (Puzzled). No I won't… (He sees the Fairy Godmother). Oh, it's you again.

F/Godmother Buttons. You must go home at once. Cinderella is in trouble and needs your help.

Buttons She doesn't need me. She's got the rotten old Prince to look after her.

F/Godmother She has been locked in the cellar. Unless you let her out, she won't get the chance to marry the Prince.

Buttons Good, then perhaps she'll marry me.

F/Godmother Buttons. If you are half the man I think you are, you'll realise that nothing should stand in the way of true friendship.

Buttons That's not fair. You shouldn't ask me to do it.

F/Godmother It is destined that she shall love another but that you two should remain close friends.

Her future happiness is in your hands.

Buttons Is she really in trouble?

F/Godmother Yes. Buttons Alright then, for Cinders, I'll do it.

F/Godmother Then be on your way. (She waves her wand and the spot goes off. Buttons exits).

I'll take the key, and cast a spell.

Turn back the clock, all will be well.

The lights return to normal and the Fairy Godmother moves onto the stage apron.

Prince There must be someone who knows the link between these items.

Enter Buttons.

Buttons Prince Buttons

(Bowing). Your Highness. There is one person who has not yet tried the slipper.

And who is that?

Cinderella, the Baron's daughter.

Cinderella enters and curtsies to the Prince.

Prince

(To Dandini). It's her! The girl in the forest. Why didn't you tell me you were the

Cinderella

Baron's daughter?

And why didn't you tell me that you were a Prince?

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Dandini Prince

Your Highness, she must try the slipper.

Of course.

The Prince takes Cinderella over to the seat and tries on the slipper. When it fits, the Prince hands her the second slipper. There is a loud fanfare and everyone enters.

Dandini Baroness Buttons Prince Baroness Cinderella Baron Cinderella Prince

Ladies and Gentleman. You are all invited to the wedding of His Highness Prince Charming and Cinderella.

What? How? Impossible! I mean…

Your little plan of locking Cinders in the cellar didn't work.

Is this true?

Your Highness, I'm sorry, I don't mean to be nasty. Oh Cinderella, I'm so very, very sorry. (She starts to cry).

Never mind, Stepmother.

Pardon?

Daddy. I will gladly forgive her. I cannot bear to see others unhappy when I am so happy myself.

And what shall we do with these two? (Indicating the Ugly Sisters).

The two Ugly Sisters rush forward and drop to their knees in front of Cinderella.

Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Cinderella Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Ugly 1 Cinderella Ugly 1 Ugly 2 Cinderella Ugly 2 Baron Baroness Cinderella Buttons

Have mercy on us, mercy.

Please forgive us.

In my happiness, I forgive you.

Please don't let them beat us.

Or throw us in the dungeon… … and throw away the key.

Of course not, I forgive you.

Don't let them banish us to another kingdom.

Or have us sent to a holiday camp.

(Louder). I said I forgive you.

We heard you the first time. But this is our last chance to pick up an award for best supporting actress.

So everything's worked out all right. My little Cinderella is no longer going to be the daughter of a poor Baron, but the wife of Prince Charming.

As a punishment, my daughters and I will wash up after the wedding.

And Buttons, my dearest friend, you shall be my special page and anything you wish shall be yours.

Thanks Cinders, I mean, Your Highness.

Everyone laughs.

F/Godmother So dear Godchild, my final gift is that of eternal happiness with your Prince. From now on the story of your love will last forever in legend and your names will be remembered for ever.

All here bear witness, we have found.

It's true, love makes the world go round.

MUSIC #19 : A NUMBER FOR ALL The lights fade as the song ends.

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Epilogue Somewhere in betwixt and between. The Fairy Godmother steps into a spotlight at the side of the stage in front of the secondary tabs.

F/Godmother And so, dear friends, it is now time To mark the end of pantomime.

There's time for me to tell you all Just what has happened since the Ball.

The Baron and the Baroness, As parents of the new Princess, Live at the Palace, in a suite.

With all their debts paid as my treat!

The Ugly Sisters, I'm afraid, Are still not married, but get paid To travel far, to seek a mate.

Their outcome now is up to fate!

The Sergeant and his erstwhile son Have gained promotion and begun To work for ITV's ‘The Bill’, Somewhere, I think, that's called Sun Hill.

Dandini still works for the Prince, Cracking jokes that make him wince, And Buttons, faithful to the end, Remains as Cinder's closest friend.

The Prince, at last, has found a bride, Who'll stay forever by his side.

And to my Godchild, now I grant One final wish, from me, her aunt.

Eternal love and happiness Are hers, I wish her great success.

Last but not least, my friends, to you, I wish you well in all you do.

So come with me, we must away.

It's time for Cinder's wedding day.

The Fairy Godmother leaves the stage and the tabs open for the walkdown.

MUSIC #20 : WALKDOWN & CALLS MUSIC #21: PLAYOUT

THE END

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