HONIPOLITAN
letters
Dear Honipolitan,
I first wanted to start off by saying thank you for your tireless work this year and your great coverage. I can see the effort you’ve put into everything and I really appreciate everything you do. You’re vital to the campus culture and I don’t know what we’d do without you.
That being said, I’d like to point out several flaws in your coverage. I think that you guys editorialise things way too much, and I don’t want to hear your opinions. I also think that when it comes to the cost-of-living crisis, Palestine, the Campus Access Policy, course cuts, and student welfare in general, you aren’t opinionated enough. So you should really work on that.
I loved your feature last week where you gave Julia Gillard a blowout and she talked about her favourite breed of dog. I’ve always admired her hair, and it’s so reassuring to know that she’s been dying it that colour since she was 27. I think it’s really good to hear from former Australian Prime Ministers, they’re pretty hard done by once they stop getting paid six figures a year and have to resort to consultancy firms to make a living. I would really like to see you guys interviewing Julie Bishop; I’d love to hear where she got her sparkly red shoes from.
Finally, I want to say that you guys don’t do enough recipes. Student news is kind of interesting, but at the end of the day I need to have more inspiration to tell my private chef what to make for dinner. Could you try and get Ottolenghi in?
Sincerely,
Gina Stinebaum
Everything we can blame
on Mercury in
Retrograde this week
Course cuts. We hear courses in Comparative Religious Studies at every university in NSW have been axed.
AI chatbots developing boundaries. Thousands of chatbot dependents are shocked and outraged as their digital advances on their e-companions are rebuffed.
Bob Katter’s interview with Honi Soit draws political backlash, Honi labelled as social fascist.
Another IVF Clinic Mixup. Sorry, handling bodily fluids every day is just too much.
Leadership spill in One Nation. Pauline Hanson and Barnaby Joyce both express “no interest” in Two Nation Solution.
I’m the President…
Get Me Out of Here!
At the very start of the Honi calendar year (December 2024), the newly anointed SRC President Angus Fisher went into his office for the very first time, only to be greeted with a most unwelcome sight. Honi Soit dutifully covered it, but our office was infested with legal bugs and we were unable to publish it, so the article has sat gathering dust, until it was uncovered by the dashing Honipolitan editors. Campus is simply abuzz with gossip.
Ah, can you smell it in the air? Campus feuds are back and better than ever - the lack of student culture was starting to bug me! December is the turnover time of all the positions in the SRC. It’s the month when every Office Bearer can give up all their responsibilities and hand them over to the incoming bright-eyed newbies. With that being said, not everyone is happy with giving up their beloved positions.
Following a five year Grassroots presidency, a new change in power has arisen after Angus Fisher, National Labour Students (NLS), won the presidential election in September 2024. Not only has the position now officially been handed over to Fisher, but the president’s office has had a recamp… sorry, I meant revamp!
In what seems to have been an attempt at restoring traditional prank rivalry, all the furniture was swapped between the President Office and the Gosper Room (Honi ’s pitch meeting room - how rude!). The posters were taken off the President’s wall and hung up in Gosper, leaving a bunch of blu-tac dots on the white wall — everyone knows that’s a no-no! On the floor of the President’s office laid a mysterious masking-tape outline of a body… In addition to all this, a broken microwave was placed on the desk — no one’s quite sure why though.
However, the broken microwave was not the weirdest addition to Fisher’s new office space. Rumour has it that there were also multiple tupperware tubs of dead bugs placed on the desk with an ominous note addressed, “For Angus”. It seems the prankster(s) have
been watching the bushtucker trials as of late, and have taken some inspiration! Dead bugs now, alive snakes next? Or is the SRC already full of them?
Will President Fisher keep up his composure, or will he scream “I’m the President… Get Me Out of Here”?
Stay tuned for a (presumably) interesting year in student politics.
A Day in the Life of Penny ‘Girlboss’ Wong
8am P antsuit-picking is t he hardest part of my day; there are just way too many options. I call Hillary for fashion advice, and she reminds me that the essence of a good pantsuit is in the awkward fit and mismatched colour. I lay out five options before demanding all my staffers come in to vote on their favourite. Firstpast-the-post wins. Today’s outfit is blood red. I like to wear this on press days because it cancels out the dullness in my eyes and reminds people we could have it much worse here in Australia.
11am For breakfast, my staffer grabs hummus on flatbread imported from Tel Aviv. It tastes really off.
12pm I have a briefing with A nthony and AUJS t his afternoon. We get so caught up in talking about Katy Perry and Justin Trudeau’s new relationship that we forget to discuss how to clamp down on those pesky protestors infiltrating our university campuses. Ah well, we’ll figure it out tomorrow.
4pm I head to the Parliament House cafeteria, which is serving Chili Con Carne today. I bump into a staffer who says “Nice of them to serve authentic food from your culture!” I guess Mexico and Malaysia sound similar.
5pm I make my way to question t ime. On my way, I sneak a peek outside Parliament House and see the back of some cardboard protest signs waving around. I don’t know why they don’t do double-sided printing. Now I can’t even read what they’re saying!
6pm I am at question time. The media continues to spread l ies about our foreign affairs agenda. Do they have no respect for the hard work we’re doing balancing our national interests? I correct them on a few facts with my curated list of jet parts. Everyone frowns at me, probably because they don’t understand what non-lethal means.
1pm T hree hours of backto-back minority caucus meetings. I attend caucus meetings for the Women in Parliament group, followed by Gays in Parliament, South Australians in Parliament, People with Short Hair in Parliament, and ending the afternoon with Strong Eyebrows in Parliament.
Penny Wong is Honipolitan’s summer cover star! From her love of gay marriage to her love of non-lethal F-35 parts, Honipolitan asked Wong to take us through her extremely serious day.
8pm I remember the answering machine on my office landline exists. I press 3 for voicemail and hear a bunch of static intercut with words like “angry” and “not good” and “why did I vote for you”. I don’t really know what they’re trying to say. I throw a pen into the other room to summon a staffer and force them to go buy me a new answering machine.
10pm
I almost order kebabs for dinner, but I don’t want to be antisemitic. I decide to have some authentic Israeli falafel. I’ve emptied out the entire salt and pepper shakers by the end of the meal.
11pm I head to bed. In t he distance I can hear vague child-like screams. I order soundproof headphones on Amazon and change into my silk pajama pantsuit. Another day, another slay.
Gig Guide
Slippery Toes
Friday 13th Oct, Courthouse
After many problematic allegations, Slippery Toes still wanted to put on a good show for the fans who came to support their court proceedings..
Azealia Banks
Tel Aviv
This happened.
Epstein: The Musical: The Limited Series
Using the magic of musical, Epstein: The Musical: The Limited Series follows the fictional lawyers leading the case to open those alleged papers. Will they fall in love? Maybe. Will this win lots of Emmys? Absolutely.
Annabel Crabbe Goes Skydiving
Watch famed journalist Annabel Crabbe interview celebrities, politicians, and influencers while flying through the air at thousands of miles per minute.
The 1875 Thursday?
Are white straight men allowed to say slurs? The 1875 don’t particularly seem to care. They’ll perform at some point, somewhere, and you can be sure the footage will be cancellable.
The Smoking Stones
Monday Morn’, Cadigal Green
Basically, smoke up before your class. Tell the uni to ‘bring back smokies’.
Meetwood Flac
Just a random Tuesday
While your situationship is in bed with another person, you can drown out your sorrows listening to a tribute band that sings about an even worse relationship. Count yourself lucky!
Sabrina Plumber
Serenading you while you’re using your vibrator
Music that’s great for soaking up a leaking pussy.
Streaming Guide
Ethnic Lesbians
It’s basically porn but with a sexy foreign narrative.
Doctor Hughesy
Let Aussie comic legend Dave Hughesy answer your medical questions. He’s right some of the time! Stam takes no liability for medical malpractice.
1 male manipulator vs. 600 women
Who’s really the victim in society? In this equitable dialogue, a confident misogynist will unequivocally prove why men have it harder than women.
Love Island, but with a saucy seniors twist. Watch as these old biddies looking for love chase after each other in a secluded resort, and watch out: some of the older guys are quite handsy.
Golden Love Island
Young Albo Gets Political
had the pleasure to travel back in time to chat with the lovely young Albo, circa 1984 . The heartthrob of the decade sat in our office yapping about his favourite celebrities (if you look like them, you may have a chance), his staunchly sexy stunts, and his opinions on left wing issues
Leftists Get Laid!
Honi: Hey Albo! Thanks so much for giving us some time with you amongst your busy Labor club schedule. We’ll start with a fun one: who’s your biggest celebrity crush?
Albo: Oh it has to be either Michelle Pfeiffer or Elle Macpherson. Both very wonderfully beautiful women.
Honi: Good choices, we will say. So, you decided to run for SRC President. Unfortunately, your campaign run was unsuccessful. Why do you feel that running for SRC President was the best option for you?
shouldn’t others be able to? But I do think it’s important to make sure there is police presence at protests to keep people safe… you know, they would never purposefully harm someone.
Honi: Right… okay. So you’ve consistently been very outspoken on the fight for Palestinian freedom and rights. Our current Prime Minister is actively complicit in the genocide. What’s your thoughts on that?
: Well, I think the big focus of the SRC should be activism. We need a left wing student body — no centrists are welcome. If you’re in the centre, you’re on the right. The SRC should be fighting for left-wing change. I truly believe that the way to see that change is through radical protest and stunts that will intimidate management. That’s how we see real change for real students.
: So, activism seems like a pretty big priority for you. What are your thoughts on Premier Chris Minns increasing police presence at protests? If you were our Prime Minister, how would you tackle preserving the right to protest?
:I would try my best to tackle it in a way that ensures that protesters are safe and remaining peaceful.
: What about the increase in police brutality against protesters?
: Um… well I think I would go with a two-pronged approach. People should be able to take radical actions to push for change. I mean, I have! Why
Albo: Oh, it’s disgusting. I think if you are justifying a genocide, and worse, supplying the weaponry and funding for it, you’re one of the biggest cowards in this world. If I’m elected in real politics, I want to convene a group called Parliamentary Friends of Palestine. I will always protest and push for the protection of rights for Palestinians.
Honi: We totally agree with you. Alongside other Political Economy activists, you climbed and defaced the Quadrangle Clock Tower and installed a caravan on the lawns in protest for the Faculty of Political Economy. How do you feel about our recently implemented Campus Access Policy?
Albo: It’s truly an abomination against students’ freedom of speech and right to protest. I think it’s quite despicable that with USyd’s rich history of protest, management has thought this was even acceptable at all. If I can occupy the Quad Clock Tower, students should be able to occupy the Quad Lawns. It’s a borderline fascist regime.
Honi: Yeah, that’s very fair. It’s definitely an interesting concept with USyd’s focus on activism and protest. To end our interview, we think a fun question is what your fans want to see! What’s your favourite band at the moment?
Albo: Joy Division. I think I’ll always love that band.
MMY
SUMMER
The University of Sydney’s partnership with Thales Australia is producing the next generation of talented engineers able to tackle the problems of the 21st century.
WORDS BY Amy Morales
y 11 weeks at Thales Australia was a truly magical experience. I was handpicked as a high-achieving engineering student with dubious morals at the University of Sydney. Like the rest of my cohort, I was looking for work placements to fulfil the Professional Engagement Program requirement of my degree. Of course, I was surprised when I received the call from Thales.
I knew many of my peers were struggling with job prospects, particularly if they wanted to pursue engineering. The banking and consulting industry poached almost half of the cohort.
I was not content to let my engineering skills go to waste. I would not spend my days tuning market trading algorithms or building models for consultancy projects. Destiny had something greater in store for me.
Imagine my surprise when my first day on the job, Belinda Hutchinson AC, girlboss extraordinaire, greeted me and gave me a tour of the office. Belinda Hutchinson was the former Chair of Thales Australia and Chancellor of USyd. Belinda was my mentor in those 11 weeks. I felt that she really spoke to me: she saw the sellout inside of me.
My supervisor Jean-Paul presented himself with an air of joviality. He had a particular penchant for macabre jokes that I appreciated. In this line of work, a bit of levity goes a long way.
The most rewarding part of my job was developing a new machine learning algorithm for precision
strikes. In the field, there was a growing demand for fully customisable and autonomous drones, capable of hitting key performance indicators with minimal manual intervention.
I was provided with ample training data for several key categories, including ‘suspected terrorists posing as medical workers’ and ‘potential terrorists’. The goal was a system that could balance KPIs for how many targets could be identified and marked for further action.
It was a marvelous technical challenge, and vastly different from the computer vision projects that I undertook at University.
It was exciting.
The most difficult moment I faced was when I was tuning detection algorithms for ‘potential terrorists’. We had particular technical difficulties with identifying the targets. I don’t take failure well.
Belinda pulled me aside that day and told me if I needed I could take the rest of the day off and speak to the on-site clinical psychologist at any point.
I was impressed. The level of care provided by Thales to employee needs was astounding, and they left no stone unturned.
Jean-Paul said something profound that day. He said “When the rockets are fired, you don’t need to care where they come down. That’s just not our department.”
As an engineer at university, I often felt the distance between my work and the impacts in reality. At university I was tinkering with abstract applications of computer vision algorithms in a classroom. I often questioned why I bothered classifying cats and dogs.
Of course, I had no control over where my work would be deployed. Watching the news gave me some clue where it might’ve been deployed, but like JeanPaul said: “not my department”.
In my role, I was given hours of footage to watch to tune and correct my work. This gave me a real sense of purpose. This is the value of working on a cutting edge research project. It’s so different when you get to see the immediate impact of your work.
“When the rockets are fired, who cares where they come down? That’s just not our department.”
He said that the work I did was important, and a few errant rockets was the price of scientific progress.
At that moment, I felt I had found a kindred spirit. He saw the true meaning of progress, of the pursuit of the scientific truth.
I asked him how he dealt with the stresses at Thales. After all, it’s a tall order to be responsible for so many. He reassured me that with practice, parts of your brain turn off and you stop worrying about it. He even said that there were new biomedical technologies being developed that could disable our capacities for empathy.
I am glad to hear that our universities are pushing for closer partnerships with industry titans like Thales to offer students real world experience before they graduate.
My summer at Thales taught me something invaluable. Engineers should never let their talents go to waste, toiling away as code monkeys to bankers and consultants. No, fate has far grander designs in store for engineers.
We have a world to win.
DEAR honeypolitan
Q: My boyfriend said I’m “really pretty for a brown girl”, what does that mean?
A: You’re so lucky to have a culturally competent boyfriend who affirms your experience as a coloured woman. Having a really intense tan is hard, make sure to stay sun safe xx
Q: I hate my stupid boyfriend. Where is the worst place on campus to have sex?
A: Will Winter.
Q: How can I be radical chic?
A: Vocal fry.
Q: My lecturer thinks I’m using ChatGPT to write my essays —even though I don’t even know what ChatGPT is. It’s not just unfair, it’s unjust.
A: Fuck off.
Q: I heard that people used to throw books off the Fisher rooftop and I’d like to do that too. What time of day is the best time to discreetly throw rare books off the roof?
A: Scale the walls in the middle of the night and give it a go then. Occupy the rooftop while you’re at it.
Q: I have a weird thing for students at a specific other university. I’m not attracted to anyone at USyd, just at this one other university. What is wrong with me?
A: You sound like a lesbian.
Q: Nobody talks about how hard it is to have ADHD and also be fuckable.
A: God you people can’t do anyone
Q: My crush just invited me to join a SAlt meeting and said we should get coffee afterwards. I don’t care about the meeting but he’s really cute. Should I go?
A: What is to be done? A cute boy is to be done.
Q: What do I do if I’m in my sixth month of being an Honi editor and I cannot manage to independently write a single article and I’ve received $5000 of my stipend so far for doing nothing?
A: It’s okay, you’re just a girl <3
Q: My peener gets hard when I’m being yelled at by my tutor about not submitting my assignments on time. Do I have mummy issues?
A: Is your tutor Egyptian?
Q: How can I make a lecture announcement about my undisclosed Inner West location bridge rave?
A: We are unable to provide comment as this violates the Honi Access Policy.
Q: I was born into a low socio-economic household and due to structural financial inequity in our neo-capitalist society I’m not able to escape this. My HECs is astronomical because the university doesn’t value the arts. Every job needs experience but won’t give me experience, so I’m stuck in a vicious cycle of low-paying retail work where I’m undervalued and basically abused. What can I do?
A: Stop buying matcha, find a rich couple who is unable to conceive children, and beg them to adopt you.
Mark Scott @marky.scotty
Anti-Protest Policies
Papa Chef Mark Scott’s famous recipe for cracking down on uppity students and staff that fancy themselves activists is yours. Students should be the first to taste this delicious recipe and should be the guinea pigs for silencing dissent. Really, who do these students think they are? Palestine activists? They should be grateful we’re feeding them good food from this delightful recipe.
When the staff get restless asking for ridiculous demands like ‘wages above inflation’ and ‘safe working conditions’, you’ll be well prepared to crush their hunger for ‘unionism’.
Serves about 80,000
Increasingly draconian NSW antiprotest legislation
Reception to one-sided lobbying
Falling gargoyles
Threat of police violence
External consultants
Silence and secrecy
1. Identify adequately ‘controversial’ campus protests and cherrypick quotes from activists that do not fall within the bounds of ‘disagreeing well’
2. Refuse to disclose investments and ties to arms companies.
3. Threaten to unleash police violence on protestors but hold back out of the ‘goodness of your heart’.
4. Tell students that evil gargoyles might descend on them at any moment and they should evacuate for WH&S reasons.
5. Clear out the protestors.
6. Hire an external consultant to sift and cherrypick data points and testimony to produce a report that confirms your intent to silence dissenting voices on campus.
7. Label the protestors extremists to delegitimise their activism.
8. Ban the display of flags altogether. Any symbolism is a threat to psychosocial safety.
Reviews
“I love the taste of oppression.”
Scab McGee, Newtown
“It’s exhausting seeing all these flags. It’s brilliant that these eyesores have been removed with this fantastic recipe.”
Gertrude von Habsburg, Schloss Schönbrunn
“My evil falling gargoyle plan worked!”
Garth Guy, The Quadrangle
Master the Talk Empower the Walk
Jahan Kalantar speaks to the ShitWeekend, sharing his unique insight as the lawyer representing the campus “shit rag” Honi Soit
WORDS BY Honi Soit
Marie-Antoinette Satouff caught UNGRATEFULLY SPENDING the money she STOLE from the ABC
Just weeks after Marie-Antoinette Satouff was awarded $70,000 in damages, she has sparked fresh outrage by openly spending her own money in public. She did this whilst showing no visible signs of humility or remorse.
Witnesses were stunned as Sattouf walked femininely through the Sydney CBD purchasing goods she wanted to with currency legally given to her. In particular, witnesses observed her purchasing a Woolworths mudcake for her child, and then exclaiming “Let them eat cake!”
There has been widespread outcry for an apology, with one member of the public saying:
Calls to put NTEU in administration after Nick Riemer spotted riding BIKE on campus
Delicious! Erin Patterson releases line of mushroom recipes in collaboration with Maggie Beer Nip Slip! Robert Irwin exists and middle aged women love it!
“It sets a dangerous precedent. If every woman who wins a workplace discrimination case thinks she can march around and spend her winnings, where do we stop? Next thing you know they will be asking to be celebrated or vindicated. It’s a really unsettling time.”
An anonymous source from the ABC reported that they have had to forgo their fifth coffee machine this month, due to the outcome of this case.
Sattouff declined to comment, citing the “almost non-existent reputability” of our masthead as reason.
Love in Lashkargah: New season of the Bachelor filming in EXOTIC location with sexy BAD BOY
While all information about this year’s upcoming season of The Bachelor has been kept hush-hush, Honi Mail was recently given an exclusive.
One eagle-eyed fan has spotted the new bachelor roaming around Afghanistan.
This masthead can now reveal the new bachelor as Sven Poberts-Myth. In what appears to be a last ditch effort to improve his tarnished reputation, Poberts-Myth is hoping that one lucky lady will make us all forget about the war crime accusations levelled at him.
Mark Scott shares his secrets for perfect skin
It’s been the question on everyone’s lips: how does Mark Scott keep his skin glowing? Today, the 63-year-old sat down with Honi Mail to share his top tips for perfect skin.
“Of course, I started working on my skincare routine when I was about 14,” Scott says. He shares how he had terrible acne as a teenager. “There were so many pimples on my neck that I could barely bring myself to go outside, so I decided that I had to do something about it. Back then we didn’t have Mecca, so I had to make do with what I had, and that’s where olive oil comes in.”
$20 loaf of BREAD
Scott tells us that the best way to apply olive oil is by measuring out a tablespoon, pouring it into your hands and gently massaging it into your cheeks and forehead. “I like to add a couple of cucumber slices onto my eyes while I do it,” he adds. “Of course, I don’t do any of the actual massaging myself, because my hands are too important to have anything sticky or greasy on them like olive oil. I have people for that.” He did not elaborate on who these people were.
Then, Scott recounted his routine for rest & relaxation. “I am a workaholic,” he admits. “When I’m feeling really tired of ignoring complaints made against me, I recharge by getting my nails painted in my office. Often I can see protesters outside, until I put my cucumber slices on. I can faintly hear stuff about blood on my hands, which is quite inaccurate — it’s mahogany, not blood. I once tried a deep red shade and it really didn’t suit me.”
Scotty Cam SHOCKED to find out that ‘The Block’ existed in Redfern BEFORE his TV show
REVEALED: New legislation that will allow TRANS people to breathe OUR air Honi editor reveals they DON’T KNOW the difference between EM and EN dash
Royal Family FINALLY revoke George’s title after scandalous photos of him talking to a POOR person leak
Study with us at Thales
Do you love studying engineering? Do you wish there were more options that didn’t lead you into weapons manufacturing? Well, don’t, because we’ve got an explosive degree coming your way.
Thales is the most beloved and efficient weapons manufacturer in Australia, proudly responsible for thousands of non-lethal F-35 fighter jet parts. Thales does not claim responsibility for any unrelated deaths that may or may not have occurred to people who happened to exist in the same area as the non-lethal F-35 jets.
Starting in 2026, we will have a double degree in weapons manufacturing and weapons engineering, so you can fulfill all your non-lethal dreams. The first part of your degree will be completed partly at the Thales site in Sydney Olympic Park, while the second part will be completed at Tel Aviv University, where you’ll upgrade to manufacturing lethal fighter jets.
Scan the QR code below to access the application form, where you will be asked to submit a cover letter demonstrating your passion for non-lethal weapons manufacturing and your disregard for the sanctity of human life.
Make the Holy Land your campus. Study with Thales.
best accessories for the teen boy in your life
WORDS BY Honeyboy
1
An air of masculine authority which is entirely unearned.
Walk around like you own the place, regardless of whether you have money or not. Have true confidence. It’s the kind of confidence you only see in women CEO’s and every single cishet male.
2
A single line you use on every woman to flirt.
Examples include:
• Is that a Samsung Galaxy 14 in your pocket or do you just have a fat ass?
3 A growing appreciation for being a skeptical smartass.
Be a skeptic, but only around women. Question authority, especially when DEI is on the rise.
4 Deep, unnameable feelings of insecurity a nd dread.
Embrace it. Use it as a powerful motivater to go to the gym and bulk up. You don’t need to be able to identify or recognise or contend with your feelings. Be a tiger. A wolf. A bear. Be the alpha. Roar.
6 Shitty facial hair.
Cause if he has hair up there, imagine how good his hair is down there. It doesn’t matter if it’s short and uneven, all the ladies will love knowing you’ve got an untamed shrub growing, much like your untamed masculine spirit.
• I’m sorry Mrs. Sanchez, I didn’t do the homework, how can I make it up to you ;)
• I think you dropped something unzips pants
• Would you like to say hello to Little *insert name here*?
• The only thing prettier than your eyes are your massive bazongas.
5
Being proud that you’re not homosexual.
Like it’s fine if you are, but it’s better if you’re not. As long as you’re a top and not like fruity then it’s okay, like if you’re both men and you’re just practicing with the homies then that’s totally okay my dudes, just don’t be like gay gay.
7 A cool skateboard.
For zipping around. Nyoom.
an interview with the
girl honi editors
To get a sense of the struggles of being a girl, we sat down with some of the girl Honi editors to learn more about their unique, feminine experiences. Our conversation is as follows:
Victor: What would you say is your biggest struggle being a girl who is also an editor?
ER: I wouldn’t say that we’re girls, I would use the term wo…
Will: Cause I imagine it’s hard having to be on your period while we’re working on Sundays. Like we all do the same amount of work but I think if you include the time you’re in the bathroom dealing with all your perioding then Victor and I probably do like more than half of the work.
MH: Wait what? You know we only get our periods once a…
Victor: Once a month, yeah we know, we’re male feminists, we understand how a woman’s body works. So do you think the wage gap affects you?
CS: Our pay is so small as it is, I worry long-term about our ability to be paid equita…
Will: Well at this stage in your career it probably wouldn’t, cause the wage gap is like a systemic issue of being silenced and not heard in your respective industries. To go back to your periods, do you, like, need extra tampons when it’s like a big one, like a big pee? Or do all tampons work all the time?
OK: Excuse me?
Victor: I would think you’d need a really big one so you can, like, hold it in more.
Will: Yeah and I imagine it’s really difficult, having to be bleeding out just everywhere in the office while we design the paper.
PA: Well that’s not how that…
Victor: Do you ever find it overwhelming being in an office with such a strong masculine presence?
IS: Fuck you guys.
Will: Do you think if we publish this interview it’ll come across as funny satire or as bad satire that perpetuates the exact misogyny we’re trying to critique?
ALL GIRLIES: It’s definitely misog…
Victor: It’s funny, it’s woke, let’s do it.
NETANYAH O O!
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Home > All Categories > News and Events > Fake News > Reality TV > The Good Fight > Dictators > Open Question
Open Question
do u have any tips on occupations
19 hours ago - 3 days left to answer.
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Trolls welcomed Answers (4) apartide curious
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My favourite job is working with the IDF. Tel Aviv University offers thrilling career opportunities, you should try enroling.
19 hours ago
Vile netanyahu apartide curious i meant like occupying someone elses land. My roomate wont let me move my stuff into his room
18 hours ago
Vile netanyahu Bomb him...I’ve done it with no consequences for 77 years (and counting).
18 hours ago
apartide curious cool i might reach out to my uni, i heard they’ve been helping you, maybe they’ll help me too?!
17 hours ago
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ANSWERS
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I sat on a wet toilet last night and I think I’m gregnant. Do I need to go to the hospital?
me another >>
Trolls welcomed seahorse
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Vile netanyahu
No, hospitals are Hamas 21 hours ago
Open Question Show me another >> Trolls welcomed stoptheleft
My kids’ woke school has stopped singing the First Noel because it says “Born is the King of Israel,” what should I do?
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Your children will grow up to be terrorists 23 hours ago
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start here!
AREYOURICHENOUGH TOACTPOOR? nope! try again! YES NO
NO are you
WOULD YOU BETRAY YOUR COMRADES FOR A SELFIE WITH THE WIZARD?
WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO BRING PEOPLE TOGETHER?
BECOME THE ENEMY butlike...inahotway!! GIVING THEM A REAL GOOD ENEMY
DO YOU ROLEPLAY AS BLUE COLLAR BE- CAUSE YOU ENJOY GETTING FUCKED BY CAPITALISM?
or
??! *faction edition
ifyou’renotatthetable... you’reonthemenu!!!
IMAGINE YOU’RE AT THE TABLE EATING SPAGHETTI WITH THE WIZARD. HOW MANY PRONGS DOES YOUR FORK HAVE?
ACTIVISM TWO
IMAGINE YOUR FRIEND IS FEELING LOST ABOUT THEIR FUTURE... WHAT DO YOU DO?
IS IT FEMINIST TO CUM AT THE EXACT SAME TIME AS YOUR SEXUAL PARTNER? NO
GLINDA / NSWLS
Everyone can always trust you to tell the difference between your two-pronged dessert fork and your three-pronged salad fork. Stay chic and don’t let the haters get to you.
MAKE THEM A SOCIALITEPOPU-LAR PREY ON THEIR VULNERABILITY AND TRY TO RE CRUIT THEM
ELPHABA / SAlt
Nobody understands you except your army of monkeys. Keep fighting the system. Remember when you belt it out on your megaphone, everyone in the city can hear you.
WHICH HYPOTHETICAL WHS
VIOLATION
ARE YOU?
Ping! You’ve been invited to join an Honi ticket… Why do you say yes?
a) It sounds like a really fun, exciting, and easy opportunity!
b) CV stacking
c) Power trip
It’s December 1st and your Honi year is about to start… What is your very realistic expectation of the year ahead?
a) I am going to make so many friends and we’re all going to love each other the whole time and we’re all going to be best friends #forever !!
b) Multi media vox pops
c) Work/life balance
What is your attachment style?
a) Anxious
b) Secure (okay liar)
c) Avoidant
It’s 1am on Layup Day and you haven’t started your spread yet. The office is empty, the streets are silent, and panic should be creeping in any minute now… What do you do?
a) Cry
b) Everything gets done eventually, inshallah c) Wrong. My spread was finished by 3pm Sunday.
Which cursed object from the Honi office are you?
a) Dora the Explorer — Can YOU find our motivation to live??
b) Vagi Soit
c) Any edition of PULP
Your heart gets broken mid Honi term… How do you react?
a) Attend events through Honi, only for the free wine
b) There’s subediting to do, I don’t have time for this
c) Yell at a coworker
What do you daydream about the most?
a) Bread
b) Coworkers who understand boundaries
c) Free time
What is your favourite snack from the Honi snack drawer?
a) Processed, smooth avocado dip from Aldi
b) Choccie milk
c) Marlbaros
It is the end of your Honi term. You are sleep deprived, dehydrated, and jobless. Where do you go first?
a) To get a job that actually pays
b) I lurk outside the Honi dungeon in the cold, hoping to be let back in
c) The sauna
How would your friends describe you?
a) Sick
b) Mean
c) Hysterical
What Are We Wearing?
Cheap thrift finds around Sydney, and exactly how much we found them for!
Honipolitan has heard a good few bits and bobs about the thrift scene in Sydney being expensive and oversaturated. We tend to disagree, so we went around the Sydney suburbs to show you how cheap, unique, and good it is to thrift! One of the first things we found was a good old trusty flannel [1] in North Sydney Vinnies. It’s perfect for if you want to rock up to your economics tutorial looking extra economical, but what we were very impressed by was the versatility of the piece. Pair it with the headscarf [2] we came across at the Red Cross in Broadway if you wanna spice up the flannel and jorts look on your way to a desert festival — we promise you won’t look exactly like everyone else there.
We then picked up a hot pair of bellbottom jeans [3] in Newtown Vinnies, and while they only JUST fit, they’re still shaping up to a 2000s wannabe-1970s chic look. They’re giving Fleetwood Mac mixed with Christina Aguilera. If you wanna look more Fleetwood Mac, you could chuck on this flowy, flowery wrap top [4] from Uturn in Rozelle, and if you a want more Christina-early-2000s vibe, you could pick up a cute little bedazzled bra with tassels, just like the one we found in Savers at Oxford Street [5].
What we’re saying is that there are lots of opportunities to find really cheap and cool clothes that fit whatever vibe you’re going for. Let us know how you go!
1. Fisher Flannel, $147 at North Sydney Vinnies
2. Gold Tigerprint Headscarf, $52 at Broadway Red Cross
3. 70s-esque Bellbottom Jeans, $369 at Newtown Vinnies
4. Flowery Orange Wrap Top, $709 at Uturn Rozelle
5. Bedazzled Bra with Coin-Tassles, $106 at Savers in Oxford Street
Build an SRC President
We’ve been tracking you in 2025, and isn’t that fun?
From your music listening habits to notable quotes your editorial team kept in the Spill Book, we’ve got you covered.
What’s the Spill Book? It’s a document with anything quotable said by the Spill team in office this year. It’ll never be released in full, since the team would like to have careers after this, but we’ve compiled some notable highlights.
Here is your 2025 Spill Book and music Wrapped!
MUSIC STATS
You’ve gone international with your listening!
North Korea and Belgium were your most popular countries for music.
You had 46 fights in office this year.
Most of them were about not signing out of each other’s accounts before playing your music.
Your most popular artist was Lorde. Talk about Melodrama...
SPILL
EDITOR STATS
Editors left at the end of the term: 8/14
These editors were the most quoted for the year.
Clearly they couldn’t keep their mouths shut!
1. Will Winter
2. Ellie Robertson
3. Mehnaaz Hossain
SPILL BOOK STATS
There were 527 quotes written into the Spill Book.
That’s a lotta words!
Your most quoted month was February, and your least was June.
I wonder what happened to the team in June...
You redacted 9 names in the Spill Book. Spicy!
QUOTE GENRES FUN FACTS
There were a few common themes to the quotes in the Spill Book. We’ve picked out some notable ones:
• Stupol
• Racism
• Breakdowns
• Sexism
• Communism
• Homophobia
• Sex
• Declarations of love
You had a few guest appearances in the Spill Book this year! Here’s one of our favourites:
“I’m cuddling her, you’re arguing with her about what size font would make the spread look proportional”
Your most cancellable editor was Will Winter. White gay men ruin everything.
TOP 10 SPILL QUOTES WRAPPED
1. Western Sydney is like the intifada, globalise it
2. I don’t really think of gay people as a minority anymore
3. Flagging with the team that I have the intention to bomb your house
4. Not to fuck my own horse but I think this is gonna be a great edition
5. I feel racismed
6. What would’ve been an incredible alternative to the UN is if every country had a nuke
7. Ask him to send pictures of his exit OR his pole, I’ll take either
8. It’s inaccessible to write in cum
9. I feel like I want to be sex but I’m more like the city
10. I’m a nonintersectional misogynist
Rating: Mature
Category: M/M
Fandom: AusPol
Fandoms Parties Candidates Kinks
Relationships: Anthony Albanese/Peter Dutton
Tags: small plot big porn, cozzie living crisis, Hurt/Comfort, oneshot, second chance romance, angst, smut, boys in love, touch starved Dutton, pining, liberal x labor
the taste of me in your mouth (i made up my mind, i’m better off being alone)
horny_soit1929 authorised this content.
Anthony looked down at Peter’s shiny forehead, and he knew he was a goner. ‘He may be a potato, but he’s my potato’, he thinks, as Peter finally took Anthony into his mouth.
What he didn’t see, though, was a face around the corner. Pressed flush against the smooth mahogany walls stood his brokenhearted lover, Adam Bandt, who watched the steamy scene with a plan beginning to form.
~8 years later~
Peter knocks on the dark oak door of Kirribilli House, gazing out at the desolate view of the Sydney Opera House across the water. His T-shirt, worn with holes, is soaked in rain. His bald head gleams in the moonlight, and he closes his eyes and makes a silent prayer.
“Hello, who — oh,” Anthony pauses, halfway through opening the door. His gaze meets Peter’s for the first time in eight years.
Peter’s breath catches in his throat. “I… I just wanted to see you.” It sounds even more pathetic than when he’d said it in front of the mirror this morning.
Anthony looks at him like he’s seen a ghost. His eyes flicker to Peter’s sopping clothes and threadbare shoes, and his gaze softens. “Why don’t you come in?”
Peter nods mutely, stepping forward into the familiar warmth of Anthony’s domain.
Anthony leads him to a sofa in the living room, and Peter is assaulted with memories. He sees Anthony’s hand moving
towards him from the corner of his eyes, and then withdraw to his pockets. He sits down opposite Peter, and Peter can almost taste his own longing.
Anthony bites his lower lip. “Would you like something to drink?”
Peter is dying of thirst, actually. But Anthony doesn’t need to know that. “Yes, please,” he says simply.
Anthony rises to make him coffee, and Peter swallows down the urge to tell him how he hasn’t been able to afford coffee for over a year. He takes the warm mug that Anthony offers him and closes his eyes as he sips from it.
Opposite him on the sofa, Anthony watches raptly. “How have you been?” He asks gently. His stiffness from earlier lingers in the tension in his shoulders, but his expression is open.
Peter exhales shakily. “The cozzie living crisis, Anthony. It’s got me.” Anthony’s face falls. “But what about your investment properties in Queensland?”
He avoids Anthony’s gaze, and the words come out in a rush. “I lost them. I… I’m destitute. I’ve been keeping afloat by staying at my friends’ places, borrowing enough to rent for a while, but I just can’t keep up. You know Phoebe left me, and my kids have deserted me. I was so brokenhearted because of that bloody Ali France beating me, as if women are, like, equally deserving of leadership positions or whatever. I had nothing to lose except my money, so I just went to the pokies and lost that too.”
He expects Anthony to reel back, to be physically repelled by him now that he’s not leader of the Coalition, now that he has nothing. Instead, Anthony scoots towards the edge of the sofa, his eyes staying on Peter’s.
“I’m sorry, Peter,” Anthony says softly. “You didn’t deserve that.”
Peter feels bitterness swell in his throat. “You were the one who did it to me!” He exclaims suddenly, standing up and turning to face Anthony, a shaking finger pointing at his face. “You were the one who told everyone that I was…” His voice quivers and breaks. “...Gay.”
Anthony’s eyes flash. “What are you talking about?! When you were outed to the media? That had nothing to do with me.”
Suddenly Peter feels unmoored, as if the last eight years have come crumbling around him all at once. “What do you mean?” he says, his voice hardly louder than a whisper. “Of course it was you, you wanted to see me in ruins. When we were last in Parliament, you did it to tear me down. Didn’t you?”
Anthony rushes towards him and cradles Peter’s face in his hands before Peter can register that he’s touching him, that Anthony’s breath is so close he can faintly smell cheese.
“No, Peter. I would never do that to you. That time we had in the House of Reps was one of the most precious moments of my life.” Peter shudders in his arms, and leans forward so he can press his forehead against Anthony’s. “I miss you,” he says
very quietly. He can tell by the way Anthony shifts towards him with greater urgency that he heard.
Like this, Anthony is so close that Peter can see the flecks of green in his soulful grey eyes, the wrinkles in his pallid white skin. Anthony lifts his glasses off, and they stare at each other, hooked noses touching.
“I miss you too.”
Anthony grasps Peter’s face with a firm grip, the kind that leads nations, the kind that has steered the country for the last decade. They stay like this, staring, for what feels like eons. Peter exhales loudly. It’s like years of relief flow out of him. Peter softly whispers, “all this time, I’ve just needed to see you again. Feel you this close to me. I’m so lost, Anthony. I would’ve come back to you sooner, but I thought you were the one who betrayed me, who told everyone my dirty little secret.”
Anthony grasps the rest of Peter’s face with his other hand, holding his cheeks together as they stare so intimately. It’s a moment of trust, a moment of truth. He says sincerely, “I would never. I… felt so strongly about you. I was devastated when the headlines were splashed all over the papers, knowing what it would do to you, but it wasn’t me. If it was, I’d never be able to look you in the eyes again. And I’m here. I’m here, Peter. It wasn’t me.”
“If it wasn’t you, then who was it?”
Anthony frowns, thinking. “I ordered security to lock the doors that night.”
Peter sighs. “You know how it works Anthony, the door is never fully closed, except to immigrants.”
He chuckles, and then pauses. “I did see Adam floating around soon afterwards.”
Peter gasps. “You don’t think…?”
Anthony grimaces. “If he did see us, I have no doubt that he’d leak it to the press straight away.”
Peter’s face falls, and he leans into Anthony, curling into the sallow skin of his neck. Anthony strokes his back gently. “Does it matter who did it? You’re here now, Peter. Let’s… Let’s be here. Together.”
Anthony’s lips rise to meet Peter’s like a flowing tide, borne by destiny. When their
lips slot together Peter feels a surging sense of rightness, and he gasps into the plushness of Anthony’s mouth. Anthony notices the cracked, cold sheen over Peter’s lips, destitute and uncared for. Does he have a home? Could he be his home?
Peter movesd his hands under Anthony’s uniqlo knit jumper and Joy Division graphic tee to feel the malleable, ridged skin. He trailsed up and down Anthony’s chest, embracing the warmth of his hot body, eventually sticking his thumb into Anthony’s belly button and wiggling it. Anthony moansed softly into his mouth.
“Oh Peter, you still know exactly where to put those magic hands.”
With the B-spot in action, the pace escalates quickly. The two stumble into the bedroom, Anthony’s pants now around his ankles, Peter’s thin Kmart t-shirt strewn on the floor of the entry room, as they take short stilted steps towards the bed, eventually collapsing in an entangled, sweaty heap. Peter is on top, his whole body pressed up against Anthony’s, and Anthony’s Italian man meat is pressed obscenely into Peter’s thigh. Still tonguing ferociously, Peter moves his knee upwards, rubbing on the solid bulge, and Anthony purrs into his mouth. Peter sticks his tongue inside, much like how the Liberal Party’s misogyny finds its way inside conservative youth.
Anthony pushes Peter up on the bed, then uses the full force of his 62-year-old body to launch them onto the other side of the bed, now pinning Peter’s malnourished vessel to the blankets. Anthony rips the rest of his clothes off, now naked in full glory on top of the still-pantsed Peter. He sits his bare ass on Peter’s thighs, traces his index finger over Peter while gently shushing him, and slowly traces his hands down Peter’s pasty white body. “You have to wait, baby. Wait like those teachers waited for equitable parental leave for years. Can you be patient for me?”
Peter nods, shivering as a horny chill snakes his way up his body. Speaking of snakes, Anthony is now fiddling with Peter’s belt buckle. He can tell from the texture it’s not real leather. Anthony feels sympathetic for Peter’s tumble from masculine grace.
He pulls the belt apart and cups Peter’s bulge. Anthony shuffles forward, rubs it between those supple prime ministerial cheeks, and leans in for more kisses from his bald cherub. “I still think about that
night in Parliament, how full you looked taking my sheath. I’ve always wanted you to return the favour. I’ve always wanted you to… to… to fuck me.”
Peter gasps. “Please. It would be my honour.” Anthony tugs on the waistband of Peter’s underwear and braces as the rigid mass swings upwards, pointing true north. He lifts his undercarriage upwards, squeezing the muscle around his thighs trained from years of standing for hours straight during question time, and puckers his hole as the tip slowly enters.
“You’re as tight as I hoped you’d be.” Anthony sits himself fully on Peter, no lube, and says “I’m as tight as the borders when the Liberal Party decides it cares about criminalising asylum seekers before elections.”
Anthony starts bouncing to a rhythm, like the gentle waves flowing under Sydney Harbour Bridge right outside his parliamentary pussy palace. As the throbbing appendage strokes the inside of Anthony’s chamber, he knows it doesn’t make up for all the lost time between the two star-crossed lovers. Yet, somehow, knowing Peter is right here on his couch, twisted up in pleasure, rich not with money but with passion, he doesn’t care about the past. He hasn’t felt this present in his life since his first election win.
Peter gasps as he meets his release, his warmth flooding into Anthony. Anthony grunts and cries out “Peter!” as he thrusts one last time, before flopping boneless onto the bed.
Anthony blinks slowly at him, shifting only to tuck himself inside the blankets. Peter follows his lead, and finds himself propped up against luxurious pillows, given a view of the picturesque Sydney Harbour and Anthony’s face. He would always choose the latter. He and Anthony gaze into each others’ eyes, and it feels like nothing in the world matters. Not the election, not Adam, not Peter’s lost seat or lost dignity. The only thing that exists in the world is him and Anthony. Peter feels the weight of fatigue tugging him into sleep, and closes his eyes with the warmth of Anthony’s skin beneath his hands.
$600,000,000
NO NO NO, I CAN’T COME TO
Although we had lots of awesome Stujocon speakers, there were, tragically, many who said no. To give you a taste of what could have been, here are some of the highlight rejections from people who definitely would’ve slayed at Stujocon.
Chappell Roan
Dear Onney,
We regret to inform you that Chappell Roan is not available for your Journalism of Conference Students because she lives in the United States and is neither a journalist nor a student. She’s simply a lesbian.
If you amend the terms of your event to exclude both journalists and students, we may be able to negotiate a virtual appearance via Zoom at the cost of $30,000 USD per minute.
Regards, Smapple Stone Publicity Advisor to Chappel Roan
Malala Yousafzai
Dear Honi,
Thank you for inviting me to your conference, it sounds like a lovely event. Unfortunately I have lunch scheduled with Michelle Obama that day and then I’ll be ripping a fat bong, but otherwise I would have loved to come. I hope it goes well.
Best wishes, Malala
Jojo Siwa
Hey Honni,
Thanks for the invite, but I’ve got a... thing. A really important thing, I’m, like, super busy. Raaaaah!
Bye, Jojo
Stu Jo CON
Bob Katter
Oh, you fucking journos. There’s no way I’m going to entertain this shitrag. I punch blokes in the mouth for asking me questions, I’m not sitting down for a fucking interview unless you glaze me.
Will’s Mum
Hi Honi,
Thank you for inviting me to the conference, but I just can’t make it. I’m gonna be spending that night officiating a wedding and then watching Love, Actually, and Hugh Grant is just too dreamy to pass up. If you get that Benjamin Law fellow to attend I might just be able to go.
Are you home for dinner tonight… Mum
Deaglan Godwin
Sorry, I’m busy going to a much much much more important conference which is happening the same weekend. You should’ve scheduled yours around it. I know you’ve got Anthony Loewenstein and Wendy Bacon but I personally think that SAlt recruits from UTS are more interesting to listen to, so I’ll have to give it a miss. You should promote my referendum while you’re there, though.
RecipeTinEats
Dear Honi,
Thanks so much for this invitation, that sounds like a great time! I’m not sure about the practicalities of doing a live cooking demonstration at USyd... I’ve heard about your Campus Access Policy, and I have a feeling that doing an outdoor bonfire to roast a whole duck might not be the kind of thing they’d go for. Thank you anyway!
Cheers, Nagi
Mark Scott
Hello Honi,
Mark Scott is unavailable for the entire month during which your conference will be taking place. Moreover, he will not provide comment or speak on the subject at all. If you could kindly stop criticising him or protesting outside F23 we would appreciate that. If not, you will remain on our blacklist. Duty calls, we’ve got a bake sale to dismantle.
Regards, The Office of the Vice-Chancellor.
Peter Dutton
What’s journalism?
Bryson Constable
I don’t attend unincorporated conferences.
Janina Jancu
What is the SRC? I only know USU.
Deggle Weggles
Benson Boone
*backflips away*
And the AwArd Goes to...
The BaShar al-aSSaD awarD for winning elecTionS
Grace Street
The Daany SaeeD MeMorial awarD for flipping To ThiS SecTion To look for Their naMe
Angus Fisher
The Mop for honi awarD for anonyMouS JournaliSM
Vince Tafea
The eneMy of The STaTe awarD for MoST popular acaDeMic
Nick Riemer
The kiM Jong un awarD for DicTaTorShip Imogen Sabey
The i’M STill on The STraighT anD narrow awarD
Charlotte Saker
The Mao ZeDong awarD for a long March To vicTory PENTA
The haSan Munnavarkhonov awarD for changing your Src Hasan Munnavarkhonov
The Mikhail Bakunin awarD for ‘lefT liBerTarianiSM’ Flash for Honi
The cfMeu awarD for union Thuggery Bryson Constable
The DeMocracy ManifeST awarD
Riki Scanlan
The chocolaTe Milk awarD for reaDing Too Much inTo DuMB ShiT ChatGPT
The erin paTTerSon awarD for DangerouS cooking ACAR
The vlaDiMir lenin awarD for a righTful vicTory
The Tawny Frogmouth
The earlyBirD awarD for conSecuTive 2aM eMailS Burn for Honi
The unofficial DSp awarD Jasmine Donnelly
The ‘i Do The nuMBerS’ awarD Victor Zhang
The leon TroTSky awarD for Being DiSappeareD Annabel Li
sponsored for oni
Victor Zhang
Charlotte Saker
I’m looking for: stacks
Faith:
InDesign
258 I do the numbers Fergland
How my friends would describe me: obsessive
The key to my heart is: fergslop
Bio:
My time in the politburo running the campus rag Honi Soit comes to a close. I am found. This paper has driven me fucking insane. In a good way. Love.
Mehnaaz Hossain
Political alignment: fascist <3
I’m overly competitive about: being right
My relationship red flag is: i’m never in the right Worst idea I've ever had: birthing Spill for Honi
Bio:
22 Child labourer employer The Inner West (Strathfield)
Honi is insanity; it’s everything I ever wanted. I’ve lost months of sleep and found myself. The unbridled freedom to write & create something real with people I love has been the most precious, rare gift of my life. Xoxo 4ever #neverforgetspill4honi
18? Jester
Political alignment: women for MAGA
How my friends would describe me: stable...
Unusual skill: excel (sike)
My relationship red flag: unstable
The key to my heart is: 1 trillion dollars + love and compassion
Bio:
I am most myself when I am Honi Soit-ing
Ellie Robertson
22
Personality hire
Teach me something about: communism and sex manifestos
My relationship red flag: what’s a relationship?
How my friends would describe me: haggis muncher
Bio:
Honi has pushed me to my absolute limits this year, and somehow I’m coming out of it mentally better than I was before our term. The people met, the struggles, the late nights, and the scandals... they’ve all made for a wonderfully chaotic year. Miss you forever Honi, mwah xxx
Imogen Sabey
Will
Winter
20 Dictator
I’m looking for: minions/f.w.b./eightway marriage
Worst idea I’ve ever had: picking a lock with a tiny stick
The key to my heart is: pastries and affection
Choose our perfect date:
1. Baking together
2. Unionising the media
3. Tyrannising my co-editors
Bio:
As I write this, it’s nearly midnight on the last layup of my life, and I’m torn between love for this newspaper and sadness that no other newspaper will be as good. I hope Honi outlives me. I hope it gives as much joy to future editors as it has given me.
Ondine Karpinellison
I’m looking for: the anxious to my avoidant
Don’t hate me if I: live my truth
This year I want to: crack an egg with one hand
I know I’ve found the one when: i let them talk to me.
Bio:
I wanted to quit the day the SRC moved to appoint me as the eighth editor of Honi Soit. But I was worried that Spill couldn’t take another resignation. So I stayed, and despite Mehnaaz asking me multiple times if I felt like I was here against my will, I came to look forward to layup and every day I got to see my fellow editors. Love you all <3
23 Big time homo
The key to my heart is: being really interested in my niche pop culture references
Faith: hill
Together we could: pretend my constant need to be funny is because of my innate comedy and not because of my deep insecurities
I’m looking for: emotionally unavailable bisexual men with dark curly hair
Bio:
At some point this year my ability to talk transmuted into having a voice Honi has taken me to places this year I could’ve never imagined. It’s been a sacrifice, and I’m so ready to have a life again, but god I’m gonna miss it all.
Purny Ahmed
20 Art Monkey
I’m overly competitive about: asking everyone what’s for dinner at 3pm
Choose our perfect date:
1. chubbies on the Honi office floor
2. i subedit while we fight
3. you read all my articles and tell me how everything single sentence has changed your perception of me
Bio:
It's our last layup. Imogen asked me for this bio about... 12 hours ago, but I told her I wasn’t feeling “sentimental enough“. But right now, 4am, our sleep deprived team is singing and laughing together, and I can already sense the nostalgia I will feel years from now. I will be chasing this feeling forever.
THE CROSSWORD
1 “Now the stuff you don’t want to hear” (3,3,3,4)
8 As opposed to scientific? (7)
12 Picture A (5)
14 Humped desert carrier (5)
15 Euphoria (7)
16 First computer programmer (3,8)
18 Chinese dynasty lasting from 618-907AD (4)
19 Prose-y (8)
21 Scrambles words over the internet (8)
22 Picture B (4)
25 Archenemy (7)
27 Sticky-footed lizard (5)
28 Dutch philosopher Baruch ___ (7)
30 Tentative taste (3)
31 “You must construct additional ___s” (5)
33 Without saying a word (2,7)
34 Stand-in voter (5)
1 Cigarette quitter’s aid (8,5)
2 “___ hold up ___ the ___”, see 3D, 7D
3 “___ hold up ___ the ___”, see 2D, 7D
4 747s? (7)
5 Best SRC collective (5)
6 Stretchy or springy (7)
7 “___ hold up ___ the ___”, see 2D, 3D
8 Terrorist cabal in North America (3)
9 Up for bidding (2,7)
10 Lofty academic retreats (5,6)
11 Maiden name preceder (3)
12 Like many signers (4)
13 Image in the mind (6,7)
17 Place to seek political asylum (7)
20 Aiming aid (9)
21 Physical supporter of the arts? (5)
23 Imbecilic (7)
aCROSS
35 Comes in a bag or loose leaf (3)
36 Highest stage of capitalism (11)
40 [Not my error] (3)
41 Construction union shamefully put in administration (5)
43 Parliaments unable to reach majorities (4)
45 Coming in waves? (2,5)
47 Worst turnout (2,3)
48 Pirate’s liquor (3)
49 On ___ Adelaide University publication (3)
50 Zoom meeting component (5)
52 Emerald Isle (7)
54 Dog to beware (5)
55 Chinese song about Mao: The __ 67A (4)
58 To-do list item (5)
59 Critical hospital ward (3)
61 Oft-ignored wide-reaching messages (5,6)
62 What managers want you to hit (3)
DOWN
24 “and at last ends the __ __ __!” (3,2,4)
26 Island south of Sicily (5)
27 Sleeps till noon, say (3,2,4)
29 2001 film (1,5,7)
32 Cabinet makers, Whitlam and Curtin (5,8)
37 Symbol of bureaucracy (3,4)
38 International organisation for conformity (3)
39 Nuptial (7)
42 Picture D who said 2D, 3D, 7D (3)
46 Brutal FromSoftware franchise (4,5)
48 Luxemburg publication (4,5)
50 What discrimination acts try to improve (13)
51 Character who used the Stone Mask in JoJo (3)
53 Genetic letters (3)
54 Lenin et al. (9)
PUZZLE BY Some Hack
AUTHORISED
BY
ANTHONY D’ADAM
63 Manual, sometimes artistic, skill (5)
64 What a student journalist might want? (9)
67 Chinese song about Mao: 55A __ (2,3)
68 52A Freedom Fighters (3)
69 Securely fastens again (7)
70 Passport stamps (5)
72 Put in motion, as a motor (7)
73 That being the case (2,2)
74 Risky business involving pastries at USyd under the CAP (4,4)
75 “___ from me!” Stay a distance! (4,4)
77 Star Trek training exercise Kobayashi ___ (4)
81 Group united against fascism (6,5)
84 School of philosophy with no classes (7)
85 “Very ___, Minister” Picture C (5)
86 Investor’s concern (5)
87 Social rumblings (7)
88 Begging the question (8,5)
56 French regime until 1940 (5,8)
57 Legal experts (7)
60 Unjustified (8,3)
62 Controversial sequel to Avatar (5)
63 Cantonese barbecued pork (4,3)
65 Their word is law (9)
66 What there’s no accounting for, they say (5)
71 1891 Strikers? (7)
72 Result of Iron deficiency (7)
76 Habsburg motto (5)
78 In the company of (5)
79 Predicament (4)
80 Sacred statue (4)
82 Electrician’s union (3)
83 Long document unlikely to be read during sign-ups (3)
84 Podcaster’s need (3)
ConTriBUtoRs
Aden Zaki
Aidan Elwig-Pollock
Akanksha Agarwal
Alan Lau
Alex Butler
Alexandra Dent
Alicia Lee
Amandine Locke
Amelia Raines
Ananya Thirumalai
Anastasia Dale
Angel Tan
Annabel Li
Aron Khuc
Audhora Khlaid
Audrey Hawkins
Ava Broinowski
Ava Edwards
Avin Dabiri
Barnaby Smith
Ben Pillinger
Bibi O Loghlin
Bo Smith
Calista Burrowes
Calum Boland
Carmeli Argana
Cassidy Turrell
Cate Chapman
Catherine Ratchet-Mewling
Cecily McCrann
Chantel Marcelene
Charlie Lancaster
Charlotte Saker
Chiara Arata
Chris Papas
Chris Wilkinson
Clara Medanic
Clara Tan
Cormac Herron
Dalisha Cristina
Dana Kafina
David Thom
Davy Vineburg
Dongchen Yue
Dr Miniature Malekpour
Eden Sage
Eko Bautista
Elaquare Spencer
Eleanor McAnelly
Eliza Crossley
Elke Guffogg
Ella McGrath
Ella Ruddle
Ellie Robertson
Emilie Garcia-Dolnik
Emily Bentancort
Emily O’Brien
Emma Georgopoulos
Emmanuelle Cushway
Esther Kim
Ethan Floyd
Ewan CF
Faye Tang
Felicity Errington
Firdevs Sinik
Gabriel Jessop-Smith
Gabrielle Tan
Gemma Lucy Smart
Gemma White
Georgie McColm
Gian Ellis
Grace Binns
Grace Lagan
Grace Street
Gracie Allen
Gracie Hosie
Greta Reinhardt
Hamna Khan
Haresh Palanirajah
Hugo Hay
Ilham Qadri
Imane Lattab
Imogen Sabey
Indiana Zezovski
Ingrid Winter
Iris Brown
Isla Hook
Ivy Downes
Jack Glass
Jacob Starling
Jaden Ogwayo
James Fitzgerald Sice
Jaseena Al-Helo
Jasmine Virk
Jayden Nguyen
Jenna Rees
Jesper Duffy
Jesse Carpenter
Jessica Lin
Jessica Louise Smith
Jo Staas
Judy Zhang
Juneau Choo
Kaela Goldsmith
Kayla Hill
Kayleigh Grieg
Khira Eisenberg
Khushi Chevli
Kiah Nanavati
Kira Kwong
Kuyili Karthik
Lachlan Griffiths
Lara Adcock
Lara Martins Fonseca
Lauren Eliza
Lauren Finlayson
Lila Daly-Hyatt
Lila Sherrell
Lilah Thurbon
Lotte Weber
Louis Friend
Luke Mešterović
Maddy Barry
Madison Burland
Maeve Jenkins
Mahima Singh
Mahtab Hassanzadeh
Máibh Rafferty
Mannan Wilkins
Marc Paniza
Marlene Walker
Martha Barlow
Matilda Cheshire
Matthew Huan
Max McDermott
Mehar Chugh
Mehnaaz Hossain
Meijie Ureta
Michael Krizan
Mohamed Allouche
Natasha Ball
Ned Tulip
Nguyen Khanh Tran
Nicholas Osiowy
Ondine Karpinellison
Oscar Burrows
Pia Curran
Pimala Leo
Purny Ahmed
Quay-Quay Quade
Ramla Khalid
Ravkaran Grewal
Remy Lebreton
Riki Scanlan
Riley Bampton
Rohan Baker-Wade
Rory Blue
Rosanna Chim
Sagar Nair
Sahiba Tasnia Tanushree
Samaira Dua
Samuel Garrett
Sandy Ou
Saskia Morgan
Sath Balasuriya
Sav Thill-Turke
Sebastien Tuzilovic
Selene Zhou
Shayla Zreika
Sidra Ghanawi
Siena Fagan
Simone Wong
Simran Parekh
Sofija Filipovic
Sophie Bagster
Sophie Grant
Sophie Kristensen
Spartan Nandal
Spencer Creighton
Tanish Tanjil
Tanvi Maroo
Thea Swinfield
Therese Meney
Tiara De Silva
Tilly Cheshire
Tim Duff
Ting Jen Kuo
Tobias Hansson
Ty Seeto
Valerie Chidiac
Veronica Bull
Victor Zhang
Victoria Gillespie
Vince Tafea
Wendy Thompson
Will Winter
William Yang
Yasmin Jamaluddin
Yuvraj Singh Rana
Zoe Gelagin
