ISSUE 2 –DECEMBER 09
149 (Poole)
Squadron Newsletter December 09
Happy Christmas by the way, and a rather jolly new year and all
Compiled by Cdt R. Cure and edited by Cpl G. Holding
Aircraft Review – Grob 115E Tutor
Upcoming Events 1. Flying 13th Dec 2. Christmas Party 17th Dec 3. Squadron Rave Date TBA
Rip-off Direct – New Offers
Military Supplies • Pocket Nuke o
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DPM Underwear o
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Refillable Bottle, £250,000 Slightly Used, £2
Genuine Tank, £300
Cadets – Just a teenage dating service? Sunglass-Wearing Owl of the Month
Got any ideas for the newsletter? Come and see Cdt R. Cure or Cpl G. Holding and if its good, it will be inserted into later issues. You lucky thing. You could also contact
poolesquadronnewsletter@hotmail.com
Affordability A tutor costs around about £250,000. Therefore, if you have £250,000 to spend on a light aircraft, it is very affordable. If you have 50p, it isn’t really. I recommend that you spend it on a Crunchie, because they’re really nice, and I like the honeycomb. Speed The Tutor can go many speeds, but usually, it’s around about 0 knots, such as when it’s on the ground, being refuelled, stored etc. When it is moving, it can go about 185 knots, about 213 mph. This is quicker than walking, and running, and even sometimes cycling, but not if you’re going down a really big hill. But usually, you just blat about doing about 30, keeping to the speed limit, so the top speed doesn’t really matter. Powerplant As with all propeller driven aircraft, the tutor is powered by a small hamster called Gerald. As I’m sure it is familiar to many of you, what happens is Gerald spins around in his wheel really very quickly, and the prop moves, making you go forward. Other types of Powerplant include Turboprops, which are powered by guinea pigs called Jeremy, or Turbofans and Turbojets, which are basically hairdryers for people with big hair. Like Lionel Richie from the 80s. In this case, the Tutor’s Gerald is equivalent to 180 horses, which is really rather good. Well, I think so, and you should too, as you don’t want to hurt Gerald’s feelings. Maximum Ceiling The maximum height in the Tutor depends on what cushions they put in. I’m tall, so sometimes I get one blue one, and sometimes I don’t get one at all. Short people get red ones. But depending on how thick the cushion is, the less height there is for you to sit in the cockpit. Unless they don’t close the canopy. Then it’s fine. But it tends to get a bit draughty if that happens. But only when you’re moving. The highest the aircraft can go is 10,000 feet. Because if you go any higher, you go into space, honest. And then you explode. Unless of course you’re wearing a space suit, like that crazy pig off the moonpig adverts. Zany. Maximum G Load The maximum G Load of the Tutor is -3.0/+6.0. This means that it can stand six times the force of gravity going up, and three times in negative Gs. How nice. But it depends on how heavy the aircraft is. So don’t have a big lunch, and then you can go for all the mental tricks, whereas if you have lots of Fox’s Golden Creams, you can only do bad aerobatics. So don’t. Give all your Golden Creams to me, because they’re my favourite biscuit, and I deserve them. Colour The Tutors I’ve seen all come in White. It’s a bit boring really, even though it has some lovely roundels and a blue stripe on it. I think you should get one in black, gold and red. Mmm. You want to do that now don’t you? Or, do it all dotty like the one out of Come Outside. You know the programme with Auntie Mabel and Pippin the dog. Sometimes it has a spiral on the propeller, and sometimes it doesn’t. It’s confusing. I liked the one where she visited the toothpaste factory. It’s the only one I remember. Oh, and the one where she went to the brush factory. I loved that programme. Pilots To pilot this aircraft, you need to be able to fly an aircraft. It helps to have a pilot’s licence, and not be blind or mad. A modicum of common sense is also useful. Unless it’s an AEF and you’re a cadet, in which case there’s no need for any of the above. I like AEF. Why is it whenever I go flying, pilots always dive at the ground saying ‘DACKADACKADACKADACK’ like a machine gun? It’s happened twice now, once at Boscome Down, and once at Cranwell. I think it must be me, as no one else seems to have experienced this. If you have, I’d like to know. Send me an email if this happens to you.
149(Poole) Sqn ATC are in no way responsible for this. So don’t give them a hard time if you don’t like it, please. See R. Cure or G. Holding for any complaints or queries. But not the staff, since its not their fault. However, this also means that they don’t get the credit. Which is jolly bad luck for them, since its obviously great. That’s all, carry on chaps…