GRiEF
GROWING through by: Caroline Balick
Art By: Sophie Williams
My life now consists of two parts: before and after he passed. I had never experienced grief. I believed losing someone unexpectedly was simply something that happened to others, but not to me. But then it did. His passing imprinted a permanent mark; now I am bruised, hurting, and discouraged — but I am not broken or damaged. Grief has shifted my perspective, for better and for worse. Ironically, death woke me up. I view my experiences differently, but pessimism and I are still well acquainted. At times, I have the urge to scream into the sky and ask the universe, “How could you be so cruel? Why do you make bad things happen to the best people?” These questions will never be answered. His death will
“My grief has paved the way for self love.”
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always feel unfair. But grief has also brought me clarity, and now I am able to see what truly matters. While my everyday problems are valid, I frequently overthink and place unnecessary stress on myself. Before, I often left conversations with new acquaintances wondering if I said anything off-putting. I worried that I walked awkwardly. I never felt my grades were good enough. Now, in these situations, I ask myself: does this really matter? When I reflect, I identify what truly does and always will: the health and well-being of myself and those I love. Grief has shown me how defenseless I feel when these crucial values are not intact. My grief has paved the way for self-love. The days directly after his passing were intense battles. I could not avoid the difficulty of processing his death; I just had to do it. I found that being self-complementary helped to fight my pain. I would say to myself: You
