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When you heal from an injury, that injury exists no more. The same can’t be said about grief. Grief never goes away. It never quite fully heals. I think it would be wrong if it did.
Grief doesn’t die because love doesn’t die. It’s as simple (and as complicated) as that.
In that regard, grief defies definition. It defies labels.
But we try. We try to define grief and put it in a box, because it’s neater that way and if we create an actual definition that includes the word “complicated,” what,
exactly, does that accomplish? I think nothing, other than to set a certain set of grieving people apart from others with a label that somehow makes their grief different or worse (which is isn’t). Or perhaps it labels them as less able deal with grief (which they aren’t). Worst of all, maybe they are just weaker during grief than the rest of us (absurd).
When you have complicated grief, you aren’t able to move on like a normal
grieving person. (What is a normal grieving person? What exactly is moving on?) You hang on to the memories and the life you lost. (Seriously, who doesn’t?)
And this makes you complicated because you experienced a love so deep that you just can’t get over it within the given timeline. (Who sets these timelines?)
Don’t let anyone fool you or guilt you into thinking you aren’t doing grief the right way. Don’t let people tell you your grief is more complicated – or simple – than anyone else’s. A person experiencing simple (or regular) grief did not love any less deeply than a person with complicated grief.
Grief is grief – whether it’s labeled as simple, normal,
regular or complicated. But, it doesn’t have to define you. You don’t have to become its definition. Don’t succumb to that rhetoric.
Your grief is your grief –nothing more, nothing less. It may be unending. It is likely infinitely deep. It may be with you every moment of every day. It’s probably complicated. But not in a definitive sense. It is complicated because grief, quite simply, is complicated. And that is okay. No, it isn’t okay, but it is okay that you and your life aren’t okay right now. It sucks. It hurts. It may even be devastating. It’s probably complicated. That’s okay, too.
Because life is complicated. Love is complicated. Choosing what to make for
I’ll admit, sometimes my heart just breaks when I think about all the suffering that has gone on in the world and the suffering that is taking place today. I look at everything going on out there from wars, famine, disasters, plagues, terrorists, to even something like children going to bed each night scared and even terrified by what they may have experienced from someone they once trusted and not knowing if and when it will happen again. There are those who may be homeless, addicted to drugs, suicidal, depressed, and full of anxiety. For many, there seems to be no hope or answers for their problem at all, and they just give up and live in complete pain and torment. They have no knowledge or understanding of God, and they even say that there couldn’t possibly even be a God.
I have to admit, all the suffering hurts my heart. I plead with God to please rescue those who are in such a struggle, and sometimes I wonder why He doesn’t just act swiftly and precisely to stop all the pain immediately. Since I know that He is a God of overwhelming love and compassion, how can it be loving and compassionate to allow this kind of worldwide suffering and struggle to impact so many people?
Again, sometimes all I can do is just plead with my
loving heavenly Father to give a little glimmer of hope to those who are in such pain. I ask Him to protect in ways that we may know nothing about, to send someone to these dark places and shine a little of the light of the love of God into that darkness by the power of His
Holy Spirit.
The best answer that I can give to people about all the suffering and God’s seemingly lack of action currently is that God has given His enemy, Lucifer, the Devil, limited power over this earth for the present. Lucifer rebelled against God because of his pride and arrogance long ago. Lucifer, also known as Satan, wanted to be greater than God Himself and when God booted him out of heaven, he corrupted mankind and led them into sin and rebellion against
God too. Thankfully, God’s power is far greater than the Devil’s and for those who put their faith in Christ, we know that Satan has no power over us whatsoever. However, there are scores of people who have indulged sin and pride, and this has led the world into a free fall of immorality, evil and some are filled with doubt and hatred of our creator Himself, Almighty God. This has led to the horrors of sin that have devastated the world. Through all the
See SUFFERING, Page 6
dinner tonight is complicated. And none of that makes you different, or slower than most. None of it means you are doing anything wrong.
It’s impossible to do grief wrong. Just like it’s impossible to cure grief.
I almost wish that weren’t true: that a label or pill or other simple solution could fix it. Could fix us. Then we could forget about grief and eat cotton candy for breakfast. Wouldn’t that be great?
But that isn’t real life. Real life is complicated. Losing someone is nothing, if it is not complex – and complicated.
And hard. And sad. And overwhelming. And lifechanging.
To survive grief is to say goodbye to the life of someone you loved and give birth to the life of a new you.
If that isn’t complicated, well, I guess I don’t understand what complicated is.
My message here is to not let anyone define you. We are quick to put labels
on whatever and whomever doesn’t fit a certain predefined box. Grief, like so many things in life, defies definition.
It would be so much easier it this weren’t true. It we could simply slap a label on it. But life isn’t simple. Grief isn’t simple. None of it is simple. None of us is simple. But there is beauty in that, if you are willing to see it. There is newness. There are possibilities – albeit ones you never saw coming and never really wanted – before. But they are possibilities nonetheless.
Embrace them. Even when it is difficult. Even when grief feels all-encompassing, and dare I say, complicated.
Easier days will come.
Simpler days are on the horizon.
I promise. I hope.
Jill Pertler is an awardwinning syndicated columnist, published playwright and author. Don’t miss a slice; follow the Slices of Life page on Facebook.
Like puzzles? Then you’ll love sudoku. This mind-bending puzzle will have you hooked from the moment you square off, so sharpen your pencil and put your sudoku savvy to the test! Here’s How It Works: Sudoku puzzles are formatted as a 9x9 grid, broken down into nine 3x3 boxes. To solve a sudoku, the numbers 1 through 9 must fill each row, column and box. Each number can appear only once in each row, column and box. You can figure out the order in which the numbers will appear by using the numeric clues already provided in the boxes. The more numbers you name, the easier it gets to solve the puzzle!
CLUES ACROSS
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4. Ooze
9. A set of eight
14. Obstruction
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22. Gangs
23. Alternative name
24. Acumen
28. Cathode-ray tube
29. Tantalum
30. Soluble ribonucleic acid
31. Humiliate
33. Earthy pigment
37. Air Force
38. Adult males
39. Stiff untanned leather
41. Before
42. Atomic #18
43. Beer mug
44. Nostrils
46. Type of chef
49. Midway between north and east
50. They __
51. Splits
55. Walk in a timid manner
58. Preserved animal skin with hair
59. Popular donut shop item
60. You smear it on bagels
64. Don’t know when yet 65. Equal to 10 amperes
66. Synthetic acrylic fiber
67. One point south of due east
68. Of mixed ancestry
69. Home of the Pyramids
70. A way to change color
CLUES DOWN
1. Excessive fluid accumulation in tissues
2. Untangle
3. One from the U.S.
4. Academic terms
5. San __ Obispo, in California
6. Not healthy
7. Self-assessment questionnaire (abbr.)
8. Arugula genus 9. VIII 10. Makes a monarch
Tormentor 12. Commercials 13. Sprinkle 19. Make a mistake 21. Freshwater fishes 24. Vermont town
25. Man-made device
26. Entrap
27. Places to store important things
31. Accumulate 32. Greek mythological nymph 34. Gregory __, American dancer
35. Denotes past
36. Becoming popular again
40. Indicates position
41. Came before
45. An extra seed-covering
47. Cheerful
48. Deli sandwich staple
52. Skateboarders love them
53. Mandela’s party
54. Sierra lake
56. Nickname for Elizabeth
57. Remove from record
59. Employee stock ownership plan
60. Former NFLer Newton
61. Relative biological effectiveness (abbr.)
62. Work unit
63. Town in Cambridgeshire
Riddle: A cowboy rode into town on Friday. They stayed for three nights and rode out on Friday. How is this possible?
Answer: The horse’s name is Friday.
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(Continued from page 3)
suffering God is always at work leading people to the only source of comfort and hope there is. He calls out to them in their struggle to reach out to Him and He will protect and care for them in every way.
Could God stop all the suffering in our world? The answer is yes, of course He can, and the Bible tells us that He will. When the time is right, He is going to make everything right and wipe away every tear from our eyes.
That day is coming, but it’s not here yet. We must keep trusting, fighting against the horrors of sin and suffering and doing everything in our power to stand against evil, to help those who are suffering, to be the hands and
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feet of our all-loving and allcompassionate Savior of the world. He has allowed freewill to all of mankind because that is the only way to achieve true love between God and man. The God of the universe who we trust and believe in, and who we pursue with all our hearts has proven to believers how powerfully loving and compassionate He is. He has proved His love by saving our souls from the condemnation of sin that the devil and all his followers are
under. We have been saved, redeemed, rescued, restored, and renewed by the one who loves us so. I urge you not to give in to the lie of the devil that God is a tyrant and that He cannot be loving because of all the suffering in the world. Instead, run to the Savior because He is our only hope for salvation. He is the source of true love that took the creator of the universe to the cross of Calvary to die in our place that through believing in Christ as Savior
and Lord we might receive salvation and a hope that is above everything this world has to offer.
Until next week, give your doubts to Jesus and let Him come alive in your life. One final thing – happy Mother’s Day to all you moms, grandmas, and great-grandmas out there. We owe you so much. We love you and are so thankful God put you into our lives.
Thanks for reading and God bless.
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