Domestic abuse. Help is out there. 1
Our Story. We are the Prince’s Trust Team 42 and for our community project we have chosen domestic abuse because we would like to raise awareness for people being abused. We have found it shocking that so many people don’t know the signs of domestic abuse.
Our Team's Thoughts “We wanted to do this project because we wanted people to know what is going on behind closed doors and for those affected to be able to seek help.” “I feel that domestic abuse is a personal issue to me, as my father was abusive and violent towards my mother; he was also very abusive towards my brother. I feel that it is a very serious and important issue currently in society.” “I would like this booklet of facts, stories and quotes to inform the nation of domestic abuse.“ “I think abuse is a very important thing for people to be aware of. And that’s why we have chosen this subject to help people be aware of this.” “I think domestic abuse is bad because it not only affects the victim but everyone, that includes their kids, family members and close friends. It is important to make people aware of domestic abuse.”
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Contents. Introduction - p.4 Power and Control - p.5 One Woman’s Experience - p.6 Torment - p.8 Word Search - p.9 Helpful Links - p.10
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Are you suffering from domestic abuse? Domestic violence and abuse can affect anyone, both women and men regardless of their age, religion or where they are from. We believe there needs to be a wider understanding in health and social care, as well as in society, of how help and support can be accessed by those in need.
Controlling behavior can make a person become subordinate or dependent. This may be a result of the abuser isolating the victim from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacity for personal gain, regulating their everyday behavior and limiting their possibility to escape.
If you feel you may be a victim of domestic violence or abuse then we want to say right now that help is out there. You may be in an abusive relationship and not even be aware of it. Domestic abuse isn’t always physical — it can also be psychological, like being manipulated, controlled or being made to feel worthless.
Although physical assaults may occur only once or occasionally, they instil the threat of future violent attacks, which allows the abuser to take control of the victim’s life and circumstances.
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If you recognise any of these signs of domestic abuse please take action.
Coercion + Threats
Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt or harm them; Threatening or carrying out reports to welfare
Intimidation
Smashing things; Giving them dirty looks, actions or gestures; Destroying their property; Abusing pets; Displaying weapons
Male/Female Privilege Treating them like a servant: making the big decisions; Acting like the “Master of the Castle�
Economic Abuse
Preventing them from getting or keeping a job; Restricting and controlling finance
Emotional Abuse
Power + Control
Putting them down; Making them feel bad about themselves; Playing mind games; Humiliating them purposely
Isolation
Controlling what they do; Limiting their outside involvement; Using jealousy to justify actions
Using Children
Making them feel guilty about the children; Using children to relay the messages; Using visitation to harass them; Threatening to take the children away
Minimising, Denying and Blaming Making light of the abuse and not taking concerns about it seriously; Saying the abuse didn’t happen; Saying they caused it
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One Woman’s Experience. When most people think about Domestic Abuse, they think of physical abuse. I wonder if it is because physical abuse is obvious pain. It’s visible. You can see a black eye or broken limb you can’t argue against the impact of physical abuse. Even though, the impact of most other types of domestic abuse are more hidden, they can be just as harmful and should be taken just as seriously. Here is just a little information from first hand experience, that it is possible to undergo abuse for years and not even realise it. I was married and living with my husband for 4 years, and dated him for a year before that. It wasn’t until he decided to end the relationship and we were living apart and going through the divorce process (which took a further 10months) that I realised I had been a victim of
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domestic abuse virtually since day one of our relationship. I didn’t suffer any physical abuse, but there was definitely psychological and emotional abuse in our relationship and although to a lesser degree financial and sexual abuse too. My husbands love for me was conditional, it wasn’t based on who I was, but on what I did and how I looked. If I worked out enough times during the week, if I turned down foods that he didn’t want me to eat, if I allowed him to spend money on everything he wanted, even if I knew we couldn’t afford it and it would push us into debt. If I did those things, then our relationship was ‘good’ and I felt ‘happy’ – but good and happy are relative terms and they were surface feelings they didn’t run deep for me, I never felt good enough for my husband, I never felt accepted for just being me and
I never felt truly loved. I was constantly put down and criticised (if I cooked food, I did it wrong, If I spent time getting ready to go out he would criticise my outfit, makeup or hair), if we were going to eat something he thought was fattening he would make me exercise before I ate it. It was a huge deal if I wanted to spend money on anything that he didn’t see as important (eg.a birthday card to send to my mum – I was living abroad at the time), I was controlled (I remember one instance of him telling me how much toothpaste I should use!). These are just some examples which may not even seem like much. But to live under such criticism and scrutiny is soul destroying. During the time I was married, I slowly but surely became a different person. I lost my self-confidence, I became very insecure about my appearance, was constantly critical of myself, I felt like I had nothing to
offer, I wasn’t happy. I also had thoughts of self-harm, although thankfully I never did harm myself. When I talk about it now, it seems obvious that our relationship wasn’t right, that he treated me badly. If a friend came to me and confided in me about the things I experienced I would tell them to walk away. But I couldn’t see it, and I was determined that one day it would get better, one day he would love me. I write all this, just to hopefully help you think outside the box a little on this topic. To help you realise that the signs of abuse are sometimes way more subtle than you would imagine. To help you look out for warning signs in your own relationships and relationships you see around you. I hope it is helpful.
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Emotional abuse kills sisters of three. Physical violence hurts me… PAIN, LOVE, HOPE! No longer than one year together Another five years? How will I cope? Call a real friend. They can help you through this twisted bend. SUPPORT, STRENGTH, POWER! Do not let the devil win, Scream louder! Twisted brains and cursed souls. The devils set out plans for their twisted goals. CUTS, BRUISES, CONTROL… Waiting underneath, breathing heavily. Their hearts are as cold as the North Pole! Behold! Many centuries ago Women did not know, the abuse did not show. As from today we will fight! Use this poem as a clear insight. That we are NOT victims, nor devils… We are human beings with human rights! By Paris Margaret Marceau
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Domestic Abuse Wordsearch. G
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DOMESTIC EMOTIONAL ISOLATED REFUGE SUPPORT VIOLENCE
ECONOMICAL HELP PHYSICAL SEXUAL VICTIM
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Helpful Links. Women’s Aid Information on how to keep yourself safe and cover your tracks online can be found at www.womensaid.org.uk
Tel: 08082000247 Email: info@womensaid.org.uk Broken Rainbow UK (LGBT) Tel: 08009995428 Email: help@brokenrainbow.org.uk SOS Domestic Abuse Projects - Dove Project Tel (Women): 01702 302333 Tel (Men): 01702 343868 Tel (Children and Families): 01702 343868 NSPCC Helpline: 0808 800 5000 Under 18: 0800 1111 Email: help@nspcc.org.uk Support for Children and Young People Childline: 0800 1111 www.childline.org.uk Get Connected (16-25 years old) 0808 808 4994 www.getconnected.org.uk Legal Support Community Legal Service Direct: 0845 345 4345 www.clsdirect.org.uk
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click on this link on their website to start covering yo ur tracks
Refuge - General Support Samaritans: 0845 790 9090 www.sammaritains.org.uk Rape Crisis: www.rapecrisis.org.uk Shelter: 0808 800 4444 www.shelter.org.uk Victim Support: 0845 303 0900 www.victimsupport.org.uk Crimestoppers: 0800 555 111 www.crimestoppers-uk.org Rights for Women Tel: 020 7251 6577 www.rightsforwomen.org.uk National Centre for Domestic Violence Tel: 0844 804 4999 www.ncdv.org.uk Elder Abuse - Anonymous helpline over 60s Tel: 0800 032 7644 Silver Line - Free helpline for over 60s Tel: 0800 470 8090 Honour Based Violence (HBV) Karma Nirvana Tel: 0800 599 9247 24hr Safer Places Tel: 08450177668
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This booklet was created by Prince’s Trust Team 42: Ben Roberts Charlotte Martin James Reid Joe Paffey Kayley Burns Lee Dillon Paris Marceau Tom Nixon Tony Hollington
Southend YMCA
@Southend YMCA
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