Coversation- Exchange

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This booklet documents conversation between Claire Bula and Sohini Mukherjee Platform of choice was Google Docs 26th— 30th January 2021

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Claire Bula

What is a legacy? Does it matter? And if so (or even if not) what would you want your ‘legacy’ to be?

Claire Bula

I don’t know what a legacy is. I think about this a lot, probably too much. And I don’t even know if it matters. I think legacy, at least in American culture, is often tied to children or ground-breaking or historically significant achievements, but I have neither… so where does that leave me? I don’t fit in with that construct. I also don’t believe that either can be your legacy really - I feel it’s selfish to try and co-opt your children’s lives as ‘your legacy’, they should be their own people, not carry the burdens of their parents’ expectations. And even accomplishments are lost to history in a way, we can read about them in history books, but is that even really what happened or how it happened? And, do accomplishments make you a good person - not necessarily. I guess the only thing I really care about is trying to be a good person; kind, understanding, generous… Maybe how you live your life right now is the legacy.

Sohini Mukherjee

I agree with this. To me, my legacy is my role on earth, and the effects it leaves behind after you are gone. So in a way global warming is also a legacy of our ancestors!

Sohini Mukherjee

I know very well what legacy means. We Indian kids hear from our childhood about our expectations of us. On the paternal side of my family, everyone from my parent’s generation (which is a lot of people) are doctors or engineers. No one from my family ever knew what design meant or that it exists at all. Me and my cousins were taught to sing, dance, draw, act, elocute, play sports but as co-curricular activities, to bring in a sense of culture in our upbringing, they were never meant to be real professions. But, I am grateful to my mother because she thought otherwise. My maternal grandmother was an artist by hobby who loved to paint Indian mythological figures. She was a Sanskrit and Bengali teacher by profession, and had this wonderful creative world of hers comprising murals and textiles. Every bit of her humble room was adorned with a display of exquisite brushstrokes and craftsmanship. The little bit I remember of her was that she was tender, open-minded, wise and had razor sharp instincts. She predicted that I would be an artist when I grew up because I would keep pestering her to teach me how to draw and help her with her embroidery. Having grown up seeing that, my mother believed I should do what I want to do and success will eventually come. She wished my grandmother got noticed as an artist for the work she did and hence didn’t want my creativity to go unnoticed.

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I found out about design after giving an exam for architecture where I scored surprisingly well given that I had never prepared for it. I liked the design part of it, but didn’t want to do the maths involved with architecture. I researched and came to know of this alternative, and soon the decision was made. My whole family got enraged and non-declaratively disowned me. Now, years later, maybe they have gotten used to the idea of what I do, but I will still always be the black sheep of the family. I am ok with that! After all Lady Gaga said, ‘There can be 100 people in a room and 99 of them don’t believe in you but all it takes is one’. xD As long as I have my mother’s support, I will strive to create my own legacy, in whichever capacity. cb

I think it’s SO funny that we have similar mindsets about legacy, but each had an opposite gut reaction to the question, haha.

SM

Hahahaha it’s almost like oh I knowww what that means because am tired of hearing it! But I think I haven’t seen creatives who really think of legacy in an egoistic manner, we simply do what we love.

Maybe how you live your life right now is the legacy.

— Claire Bula

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CB

If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, would you want to know? And if yes, what would you want to know?

CB

I don’t know. I think no, I don’t want to know anything. It would just increase my fear, anticipating something negative that you can’t do anything about. My dad probably had his brain tumor for a long time before it was actually detected and once it was detected there was basically nothing medicine could do for him, so once we knew, it was like there was always this undercurrent of sadness surrounding everything, even though he was still with us. It’s like we were straddling his death and couldn’t live in the moment anymore, just waiting for a terrible end. I also feel like life is infinitely changeable and even when devastating things happen, parameters change that allow you to find new pathways. Sometimes you might wish you didn’t have to, you’re not ready to let go of the old path to pursue the new one. But there are opportunities you never could’ve imagined, so I’d rather just enjoy what I have when I have it and deal with the rest as it comes.

SM

I love this statement and agree with it whole heartedly.

Life has a weird way of abruptly changing its course. It is almost like Darwin’s statement of evolution, ‘The survival of the fittest’. We have to constantly keep evolving and adapting, and get stronger, ‘fitter’ in the process.

SM

I totally agree with Claire, sometimes it’s better to not know. But I have an interesting question in mind which I ponder about often. [1] Which role would I be the most successful at? Employee?

Daughter? Friend? Lover? Daughter-in-law? Wife? Mother? Makes me wonder, sometimes I put my career as the centre of my universe, [2] but there is so much more to life.. often taken for granted.

[1]

cb

I ponder questions often too, but I think if I KNEW, I would stop trying because I would feel like the outcome would be determined and so there would be no point. But yes, I come back to the same questions over and over...

[1]

SM

I wonder how our actions would change or not change if we got the answer!

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[2]

cb

Maybe this is your season for that... life has many paths and trajectories, even in one existence.

[2]

SM

That makes so much more sense. Yes, that is absolutely true. During the tragic death of my aunt who was almost like my mother, I remember for 6 months to a year, my centre of universe was the idea that I didn’t get to spend time with her during her last few days.

When you speak about your father, I relate to it so well.

I know how hard it is to move on, I am guessing the anticipation is hard, and compared to that tragedy is quick and less painful but very hard to come in terms with. I guess dealing with loss in any form is in general very hard.

[2]

cb

Both are bad choices - the long goodbye or no goodbye at all and the shock of loss. Despite the hardship, I’m glad I was able to say and do everything I wanted and needed to.

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CB

If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

CB

I’d keep my mind hands down. I’ve seen what happens when the brain deteriorates and it’s horrific.

SM

I would take mind as well. I want to become a wisecrack old lady who weave tapestry! Ahhhh that would be the dreammm.

SM

What does comfort mean to you?

CB

Having people you trust and love who also trust and love you. Knowing you will never have to be alone.

CB

I have been working hard to detach people from my idea of comfort, especially after the pandemic hit.

My love language is quality time and I am not good with virtual communication. It is really difficult to change this notion. I try to self soothe, create my own little world, doing what I love, spending time by myself. But as humans we tend to crave the human touch so much. cb

Awwww, why? That makes me sad. I agree being with people is DEFINITELY my comfort and I STRUGGLE when I’m not near those I love, but that doesn’t mean you need to detach from that as a priority... I do think it’s smart to think about other strategies to feel comfortable.

When my dad died part of me wondered I hadn’t loved him and involved him so in my daily life, maybe I wouldn’t feel so devastated, but then, why would I want to give up all the joy we had. I would never want to miss that...

SM

You know how they say to find peace you need to detach your happiness from the material world and people? I know am getting very philosophical LOL. But, I think it is true. Especially because I have moved so much and it is difficult to keep in touch with people because everyone is busy with their own lives.

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SM

I have lost a lot of friends but gained a lot of friends too! But at the core of my happiness I try to keep the time I spend with my self, it’s like the idea that your body is your home, if you feel comfortable with where your body is, you can be at home everywhere on earth.

As humans we tend to crave the human touch so much. — Sohini Mukherjee

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SM

Do you ever feel out of place? What do you do to cope with it?

CB

Yes, I definitely have times where I feel out of place, quite often honestly… Too old, too young, not this, not that, not an expert, not a local… I’ve probably created this construct for myself because I’ve always wanted to try new things and told myself to just go for it. I’ve moved to new places, switched careers, tried tons of hobbies and pastimes. So, all of this often makes me feel uncomfortable and out of place. But it’s in those uncomfortable places that I’ve found the most growth, sense of accomplishment, and joy. In terms of coping, the first thing I do when I feel out of place is try to listen and learn get a sense of what’s going on and how things work. I also use positive self talk, in other words, psych myself up. I tell myself I can do whatever it is I need to or that I can figure it out. I try not to let my inner critic get the better of me. I ask myself, ‘what would I tell a friend right now?’ - and the answer is always that I would tell them they can do it and they’re gonna be great. Another thing I do is just try to find some small comforting thing that makes me feel like me - it could be music or making tea or just wearing something that makes me feel confident or comfortable. Most often it’s doing something physical - pilates or running - they not only make me feel accomplished, but they help my brain relax. I also remind myself that everyone feels this way on the inside, no matter what they’re showing on the outside.

SM

This is a really good strategy! Often times we are so kind to others but so harsh with ourselves. I will try this one! :) SM

I have always felt out of place. [1] I am just a weird person, I don’t know what box I fit in! It had taken a big toll on me during my childhood and teenage years. I had a lifelong fight with perfection. Nothing about me is standard or normal let alone perfect. I am not a morning person like the rest of the world. I have always had an interest in fashion and dressed and styled other people but never thought it was for someone like me. Like I said before, my family practically disowned me, and since my childhood I never understood their need and obsession to memorise all the logical details like bus routes, numbers or locations. The only person I could relate to in my childhood was my maternal grandmother, but she died very early on in her life. However, when I went to my undergraduate college the tables turned. I completely fit into an art school setting. I immediately felt like I belonged there.

[2] There were so many people just like me but who were also very inspiring, expressive, talented and intelligent. I started owning up my weirdness and letting it be who I was. Being unique has its ups 12

and downs. You learn how to be comfortable in your own skin, but it is also a very lonely place to be in because a lot of people. You learn how to be comfortable in your own skin, but it is also a very lonely place to be in because a lot of people don’t understand you and some are very harsh about it [3] But, I wouldn’t go back to pretending to be anyone else ever again. Authenticity suits me, [4] gives me what little confidence I have. Now I am in a different continent, and am again out of place, it’s a different culture all together. But now, I am more at ease with who I am, and more clear about who I need to be.

[1]

cb

Maybe everyone feels a little out of place...

[2]

cb

I guess everyone is weird, or feels weird, until they find their niche and their people.

[2]

SM

I totally agree.

[3]

cb

Those that matter don’t mind and those that mind don’t matter.

[4]

cb

Own it!

I ask myself, ‘what would I tell a friend right now?’

- and the answer is always that I would tell them they can do it and they’re gonna be great.

— Claire Bula

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SM

If there was one thing you could change about your life what would you change?

CB

It’s hard to say. I guess I would want my dad back. He died two-and-a-half years ago and it left a hole in my heart that will never be filled, even though I have plenty of people that love me, it’s just never going to be the same. We had a really special and close relationship that is nearly indescribable in words and there are still times it hurts as badly as it ever did, like my heart will just implode with pain, though the spaces between those times seems to grow longer. But the question says ‘you could change’, so bringing someone back from the dead isn’t something I could change anyway… If it needs to be something I have control to change - I think I did that when I decided to come to BU and pursue graphic design. In the process of my dad’s illness and death, I realized I wasn’t living a life that made me happy and I decided to change that. I wouldn’t say I’m ‘happy’ every minute of every day, but I’m happier with my life overall now than I was before. I just wish I didn’t have to lose my dad in the process.

SM

This makes me so sad. You are so strong! Very few people can convert pain into progress. I like the idea of a Phoenix rising from the ashes. I think your father would be extremely proud of your progress and the person you have become today.

Happiness is a choice.

— Sohini Mukherjee

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SM

I don’t think there is anything specific I would like to change about my life because the experiences good and bad made me who I am today. I am a more empathetic person [1], you never know what someone else is going though and I understand that it is easier to jump to conclusions, but wiser to think it through. When I was younger I lived by the notion of ‘no regrets [2]’, but now I am always second guessing and thinking consciously how my non- regretful actions affect others. I don’t know if I am proud of who I am [3] because there is a lot of work to be done, but I am definitely stronger and know how to keep my head high despite the challenges that life throws at me. I would like to change many things about myself and as I grow older I am understanding how important those changes are. I believe that I will be a work in progress [4] and strive to be healthier and make more conscious decisions that instills more positivity in my life, which in turn will help me keep me and my loved ones happy. Happiness is a choice. [5] [1]

[1]

cb

The ‘bad’ things you go through make you think more about other people and what they might be experiencing, don’t they?

SM

They do. In a way we need to go through pain to be more understanding. It is a double edged sword!

[2]

[2]

cb

That’s funny, because I’m the opposite, I’m trying to live that ‘no regrets’ life now - not in a reckless way, but in a ‘take every opportunity way’

SM

Hahahaha almost seems like the great wheel of style, but in this case there comes a season of extreme sense and control and a season of “no-regrets” and they keep interchanging! :D [3]

[3]

cb

I think you should be proud of yourself - look at all you’ve done, how far you’ve come. Knowing there is work to do tells me you’ve already done some and you should be proud.

SM

Yes! This is another part of the work hahaha. Being less harsh on myself.

[4]

cb

We all are!

[5]

cb

Agree 15

Sohini Mukherjee Spring 2021 Boston University 16