Bitter-Sweet
By Beatrice Bernhard
Twelve-year-old Holiday sat next to her window with her head propped up on her elbows. A light evening breeze ruffled her brown, shoulder-length hair as she gazed far up into the pink and orange sky She did this often, zoning out, thinking back to her earliest days.
Most of the other kids in the Pacific Northwest Orphanage (PNWO) where she, her brother and her sister lived could not remember things that far back in their life. People always said it wasn't possible to remember things as far back as birth, but Holiday seemed to have a particularly vivid memory even though she always had the feeling that something was missing.
Holiday turned around and looked across the room where there were three beds with white sheets sitting in a row; She and her siblings slept in this room together. She saw her sister, Ontario, who was 7 years old and quite small with long, tan hair. She was sitting on her bed reading while slurping a juice box. Her eyes wandered over to her brother Obsidian, who was about 10 years old and had bright green eyes and blond hair that went down to his chin but was shaved off on one side. It was technically messily cut off by Obsidian himself using his own scissors. He was currently rummaging in Holiday’s pale orange backpack where she kept several pieces of candy and gum. “Hey!” she screeched, walking across the room to where Obsidian had just pulled out a small lollipop and was looking at it with extreme love and hunger.
“Get your grubby mitts outa my stuff!” she said snatching the lollipop and flapping her arms to shoo him away
Ontario looked up, “I have some hard candy,” she said with a sweet smile. “There are three different flavors; you can have one Obsidian.” From her pocket she pulled out three differently colored candies and threw them in an arc across the room. Holiday ducked while Obsidian reached out and caught a red one in his left hand and a green one in his right hand but the yellow one slipped through his outstretched fingers and hit the floor with a light tap.
“Orange,” said Ontario as Obsidian went to pick up the candy. Holiday and Obsidian both looked at each other and shrugged.
Just then, Silo, from the room a few hallways away, came in while Obsidian shoved the red candy into his mouth and began to crunch it loudly.
“Have any of you guys seen that book I was reading yesterday I think it was called um. ”
“Oh, that one I read over your shoulder? That was called ‘The Journey’ and you left off on page 147, paragraph three. I saw it in your chair in the dining room.”
Silo looked at Holiday, flabbergasted “Oh wow, ok, thanks Holiday,” said Silo in a voice of disbelief and gratitude as she hurried from the room. Ontario and Obsidian were already used to the unbelievable fact of how well their sister could remember things, but from time to time, they could not help but ask how she managed to keep it all in her head.
“Doesn't your head hurt from all the things you keep inside it?” asked Ontario one day. “How do you remember stuff from when you were born, when I can hardly remember what I did last week?”
Just then, from a small speaker on the wall, came Mrs. Oakley’s voice. She was the person in charge of caring for all the kids in the orphanage.
“Everyone, please finish up...er...whatever you are currently doing and...um...make your way down to the dining room please Thank you.”
Mrs. Oakley was a squat little woman who was always a bit nervous and stuttered a lot, but overall, she was very kind.
Right when the message was broadcast to all the rooms in the orphanage, Obsidian immediately dropped the other candies he was holding and bolted from the room. Holiday picked them up and put them on Ontario’s bedside table then the two of them walked down the wooden spiral staircase to the colossal dining room.
The dining room had a giant table in the center of it with chairs parked all around it. From the staircase, Holiday could see a few of her friends including Seamus, Zen, and Silo who were already sitting in their chairs looking longingly at the food in the center of the table.
Obsidian had just sprinted down the spiral staircase and leaped into his chair with such force that it tipped over and landed on the ground with a crash that shook the entire room. Several people laughed out loud as Holiday entered the room and helped him uneasily to his feet while Ontario said, “Purple, green.
Just then Mrs. Oakley came in from the kitchen carrying another steaming dish of food and placed it in the center of the table She sat down herself and said with a slight quiver, “Dig in!”
There was a sudden rummaging from all sides of the table of people reaching across and clanking the serving spoons as they went.
“So,” said Seamus who was serving himself roasted potatoes, “another day bites the dust. None of us adopted yet and it's been a long time since someone has.”
“Yup,’” said Zen, “but it isn't so bad right? I mean, we have each other ”
“You know,” said Obsidian through a mouthful of garlic bread, “sometimes I just miss my own family. My siblings and I don’t remember meeting our mom or dad. It's not just getting adopted, it’s finding the right family.”
The people around him went quiet for a moment at the close of Obsidian’s short speech
A few people nodded, and Fuchsia said, “You’re right. I guess I never really thought about which family I get put into as long as I get put into a family.”
Then, Silo spoke up “I heard there is a way.” she said. Her friends listened intently. “What do you mean? A way for what?” asked Zen.
“What I mean is,” said Silo slyly, with a suspicious smile, “there’s a way to figure out who your family and parents are. There’s a way to find out your beginning, who you are, and where you belong There’s a way a way that I know ”
This speech made Seamus choke on his bite of broccoli, Zen dropped her fork onto the ground, Obsidian fell out of his chair again and Ontario said, “Turquoise, orange.”
Disbelieving what she had just heard, Holiday asked questioningly “How do you know? Where are you getting this information?”
“I know,” said Silo, her eyes narrowed with the same sly smile, “because I have found out for myself. I have been there and seen who my family is.”
Holiday stared, stunned at Silo’s words. “I can tell you if you’d like.”
“Yes, please!” Holiday blurted out before she could stop herself. “Well,” said Silo “I can tell you how to go to the place with the information, but I cannot go with you. A friend who was once at the orphanage but has been adopted showed me how to get there. It is a room deep within the building You must go down the hall and out of the back door to the roof. Go through the second door to the left and down the first staircase. There will be another long hallway and then a door that says, ‘Restricted area.’ The answer is through that door. You must be so quiet because you would be caught with the slightest sounds or movement It’s an obstacle course and is impossible to access at any time, especially at night.”
Holiday ran off excitedly from the dinner table and sprinted down the hall. She nearly collided with Ashen, the night watch guard on duty every night to look around every corner for night wanderers. Ashen was a bad-tempered, rude man who had greasy grey hair and uneven yellowish teeth. All the kids hated him, but even more so, Mrs. Nino, his watchful pet parrot always perched on his shoulder.
“Hey, watch it! No running in the hallway!” he snarled as Holiday barely stopped herself in time to avoid the collision.
“Sorry,” said Holiday and she set off once again more slowly as she heard Ashen say, “Lights out in ten minutes! Stop what you're doing and get ready!”
Back in their room, Holiday, Obsidian, and Ontario lay in their dark beds Holiday’s mind was spinning trying to decide whether to play it safe and stay put or risk getting in trouble for the opportunity of a lifetime. Her whole life she had daydreamed about her parents and hoped for someone to come and take her away from the orphanage.
Holiday sat up “I’m going,” she said through the darkness, “and if any of you want to come too... this might be your only opportunity.”
Ontario was only too clearly waiting for Holiday to make the first move because she blurted out, “I’ll come too!”
“Same,” said Obsidian from the corner. They all pulled on their bathrobes and Holiday grabbed her pale orange, floppy backpack. She liked to take it everywhere she went. It was said to belong to her mom and that was the only thing she had remaining of her parents, but a backpack can't tell a person much about their past.
They didn't bring flashlights because it would have been too much of a giveaway in the dark, especially to the watchful Ms. Nino. Holiday opened the door and led the way down the hall Every movement seemed to startle them and the shape of the doors on the walls looked like creepy shadows. Holiday kept repeating Silo’s words in her head: Down the hall, out the back door, onto the roof, second door to the left, first staircase, door with ‘restricted area’ sign. Together, the three of them slipped silently down the hall noticing for the first time that there were small laser beams in several places such as exits to outside. Holiday knew what that was all about. She had read about them and knew that if a person walked through one, a deafening alarm would sound They were mostly used for robbers but in this case, it was so the kids couldn't wander out of the building in the dead of night.
They crept down the hall, which kept turning, lined with the countless doors of bedrooms, some of which were half hidden in stickers and others which had been drawn on with permanent marker. They went around yet another bend and then were facing a large door with a sign that said “roof ”
“Well,” said Holiday “This is it.”
Together, they pushed it open and, careful to step over the lasers, walked out onto a vast rooftop There were what looked like radio antennas sticking out of the roof. Holiday looked around and saw three doors on the side of the building from where they were standing.
Holiday walked up to them and thought: second door to the left. She reached for the handle of the middle door and pulled it open.
It revealed a long, steep staircase sloping into the darkness Holiday, eager to see what lay at the bottom, started down the stairs but then Obsidian reached out his arm to stop her.
“What?” she said through gritted teeth, “What could be so important that you have to stop us when we’re this close?!”
“It just seems so easy. I mean- we didn’t even run into Ashen or anything ”
“Who cares? We came this far, so let’s not go back!” “Holiday wait!” Obsidian grabbed her arm.
“Get off Obsidian!” “No!”
Holiday tripped backward and barely managed to grab hold of the railing. Fuming, she glared back up at Obsidian but was suddenly confused when she did Both of her siblings were looking down at her feet, a look of utter horror on their faces. She looked down and saw with a burst of fear, a tiny red laser gleaming exactly where her foot was.
Then, without warning, a deafening siren split the silence. Without even thinking, Holiday turned and sprinted down the stairs with her sibling on her tail. They ran down several long dark hallways. They turned sharply around a corner and then Holiday saw it: a large iron door with red letters on it reading ‘Restricted Area ’ The siren was so loud it was hard to think. “In here!” she shouted to her siblings. The three of them wildly put all of their hands on the doorknob in a panic to get inside and slammed the door behind them. Holiday leaned against the wall breathing heavily.
Just then, they heard heavy footsteps outside the room. They heard a man’s voice speaking to someone else. “Strange how the alarm randomly went off. I bet a squirrel got in or something. You didn’t leave the door ajar again did you?” The footsteps died away Holiday stopped pretending to be part of the wall and looked into the darkness. They could barely make out what was in the room from the dim light in the outside hall
It was a dark room with a small work table and a lot of cabinets with drawers and a big machine with a lot of small flashing lights and buttons. When they had started moving, the lights immediately clicked on. Holiday jumped; Obsidian fell over from being startled and Ontario screamed loudly, but it was just motion-activated lights.
“This doesn't look like a secret room that holds private information about our parents,” said Ontario
“Why are people keeping this secret from us anyway? It is about our family ” Obsidian added.
“Well, it's not over yet.” said Holiday “We should look around. It’s probably hidden or disguised.”
The three of them spread out and examined every corner of the room. Obsidian filed through the drawers of the many cabinets but all he could find was different colored construction paper. Weird. Why would somebody put colorful paper in a private, restricted area?
Ontario examined the worktable. There were jars of scissors, pencils, pens, rulers, and markers.
Holiday was getting nervous. She looked at the big machine. She pushed all the buttons, but it only slid out a blank piece of paper Holiday stared It was a copy machine
Then, without warning, everything in the room began to light up and levitate a bit including Holiday, Ontario, and Obsidian. There was a distant sound of howling wind and the entire room seemed to dissolve in a whirl of color and shadow. Then, it all stopped. Everything came down with a slight crash. They looked around again. The room was different. There was no copy machine or art supplies but there did seem to be colored paper. In fact, there was lots of vibrant paper coating the walls. There were pictures of two people in most of the frames A man and a woman The woman had bright green eyes and long chestnut hair.
The man standing next to her with his arm around her had shoulder-length hair and watery blue eyes.
Holiday walked over and put her hand on the frame She had never felt more love and sadness in her life, yet she vaguely remembered the loving look in her mom and dad’s eyes. She had her forehead pressed up against the glass of the picture, hoping she would fall through and reach them. At that moment she could sort of see into her mom’s memory. She saw Obsidian when he was about three years old at the park. A few other kids were playing a silly version of baseball and Obsidian joined. Holiday saw the amazed look on the other kids’ faces as he swung the bat with his left hand, then caught the ball with his right, then threw it back with his left hand. It was pretty impressive!
Everything seemed to change because next, Holiday saw Ontario who was about two. She was sitting on a cushion next to a tall window and gazing up into the stormy, cloudstrewn sky. By the sound of it, she was just learning how to talk because every time there was a rumble of thunder, she would say “owange” or “puple”. Her mom was standing nearby and by the look on her face, she knew her baby had her special ability of synesthesia. Finally, the scene changed again and Holiday saw herself no older than four or five
She was in bright yellow pajamas, peering into a room where both of her parents were at a desk talking. “You can’t remember where we would’ve had the rings?
Or the photos of them?” her mom was saying. They were talking about losing their grandparents’ wedding rings
Holiday walked into the room and tugged lightly on her mom’s robe. “Hey mama, I think I saw the rings in a blue box when we cleaned out the attic last year.” Her mom’s expression changed from anxious to delighted faster than a traffic light. “Oh my goodness, Holiday thank you! I’ll go check right now!” The strange vision suddenly stopped and Holiday felt herself back in the present.
The three of them stared at the picture of their parents. They looked around the room and saw that there were more pictures of Mom and Dad In some, one of them held a baby who was one or two years old. One of the pictures in the corner had both parents including not one, but three kids, and one of them looked older than the other two. There was a basket under a desk full of worn and loved stuffed animals. On the desk were a pair of vibrant, pink kid scissors next to a paper craft, clearly made by a child
The door was no longer made of heavy iron; it was wood-painted to be white and had stickers all over it. This was clearly a room where children play. Could it be their room from when they were younger?
There was a cabinet in a corner of the room that had three drawers. One of the drawers was labeled ‘Holiday’ one ‘Ontario’ and another ‘Obsidian’. Holiday walked over to them and wrenched the one labeled ‘Holiday’ open. There was a piece of paper that was titled ‘Knowing If You Have
A Photographic Memory. After that, was a paragraph about having a photographic memory:
A photographic memory is a rare ability a person can be born with. It is when a person ’ s memory acts as a camera, giving the person the ability to remember incidents from very far back in their life.
Holiday stared at the writing, barely believing what she had just read. A photographic memory is what she had! This was the answer to why she could remember everything so vividly…except her parents. The pain of their absence must have blocked that part from her memory.
Ontario pulled open the drawer labeled with her name. There was also a paper in the drawer that said ‘Detecting Synesthesia’ including another paragraph:
Synesthesia causes sensory crossovers like seeing colors when certain feelings or sounds take place It is like a sixth sense of the brain causing two or more senses to activate at the same time when there is only a reason for one sense to activate.
Ontario’s eyes went wide She stared at the paper and then at her siblings and back again. This was the reason she said colors at random times. But to Ontario, it wasn't random. She would say the colors usually when there was a loud noise or strong emotion. She could see and feel the colors.
Obsidian pulled open the last drawer with his name on it and he too stared at what was written on it It was titled ‘Writing with Both of Your Hands’ Ambidextrous is the rare ability allowing a person to do things like writing, catching objects, and swinging a bat with both hands. It comes from the Latin word ‘ambidexter’, which means ‘right-handed on both sides’. It was as if someone had clicked a light on in their minds This was the answer! This was why Holiday could vividly recall anything that she experienced, why Ontario was always saying colors when she heard a sound, and why Obsidian could always do things with both his hands so well. But why did they have these unique abilities? Where did they come from?
Obsidian answered that by finding another drawer labeled ‘Mom and Dad’. He pulled it open and the three of them huddled close to read it. It looked like some sort of results paper from genetic testing for their mom
Genetic testing shows you have sound-color synesthesia and photographic memory. There is a 70% chance that you will pass on these traits to your offspring.
Behind this paper was a newspaper clipping. But this was not nearly as exciting as the others. The three of them stared at it lost for words. It explained that there was a fire in the building where their mom and dad were working together They were studying people with extra special abilities like theirs.
It explained that one of the wires in the electrical system was prone to sparking and demolished half the building one afternoon killing them and many others. So, this was why they were in an orphanage. Their parents had died in a fire and then the three of them had nowhere else to go. They hadn't been given up because they weren’t loved, there was no choice
This truth was a total punch in the gut. Their parents were dead and there was nothing they could do about it. Their one goal was to find them and here was the answer; the worst possible answer there could be. But no, their parents weren't truly gone. They were with them wherever they went together. Holiday had her mom’s memory. With her wonderful memory, she could remember her loving eyes and laughing smile. Ontario had the sensitive and touching ability to feel colors and sounds from emotion Obsidian could do whatever he pleased with both of his hands. Their parents were in their hearts no matter what happened and would be there forever.
Everything had seemed so twisted up, but now, impossible as it seemed, a random copy room in an orphanage in Washington held what seemed like magical powers to reveal the secrets of their past. The three of them didn't know how long they had stayed in the room. They had felt the truth sweep over them like a hot bath and at the same time, a horrible pain. They wanted to stay with their parents forever even though they knew they couldn’t. Finally, finally, they took in the last of their parents and left the room, their hearts as light as their hands. Going forward, Holiday, Ontario, and Obsidian don’t spend their time wishing for their parents' return even though they miss them very much They enjoy what they have and feel grateful knowing the truth. They enjoy living at the orphanage with all their friends and allies. And they each now think of life as a box-less puzzle full of unpredictable turns that are mostly bitter-sweet.
