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THE RECORD Tutoria Update VOLUME XLIV ISSUE 4 SEPTEMBER 20, 2013 Editor In Chief Andrew Cammon ‘14 Layout Editor Lucas McGartland ‘14 Content Editors Michael Herman ‘14 William O’Brien ‘14 Eric Stange ‘14 Faculty Moderator Ms. Layton Contact 314.434.3690 ext. 221

By Will O’Brien ’14 Content Editor The year is now well under way, which also means that Tutoria has begun. With the new year, we have new leaders: myself, Louis Garvin, Tucker Hively, and, of course, the everhandsome Mr. Nickolai. We hope that the junior school has already felt our presence, but if those in the high-school want to be more involved, they are more than welcome. If you want to get involved, feel free to contact either the senior leaders or Mr. Nickolai. The program now has an official

office in the junior school, located where Mr. Mulvihill’s office used to be. Anyone, junior schooler or high schooler, can go there anytime they want. Tutoria is a very important aspect of the Priory education, and we are really hoping that it will be very special this year. In case you didn’t know, Priory’s Tutoria program is actually based off the Tutoria program in Chile. Every Tuesday morning high school tutors go to their junior school groups and participate in Lectio Divina, a slow reading of the Gospels, which allows for

prayer and meditation. Discussion is held afterwards , which lets the older students help the younger student (sometimes visa versa) with anything they might need. Also, it’s never too late to join the program, and we welcome everyone. Tutoria is also planning a retreat coming up, which would be a great time for any newcomers to be assimilated into the program. If you have any questions about any aspect of Tutoria feel free to contact me, or one of the other leaders. Laus Tibi Domine.

The Record Disclaimer

The Record is the official student publication of Saint Louis Priory School in St. Louis, Missouri. It is produced by students/staff members. Its purpose is to inform students of events in the community; to encourage discussion of local, national, and international issues; and to serve as a training ground for budding journalists, photographer s, and graphic designers. The Record accepts contributions from all members of the Priory community, including students, faculty, and alumni. The Record will not publish content considered legally unprotected speech, including but not limited to: libel, copyr ight infr ingement, unwarranted invasion of privacy, or material disruption of the educational process. Student editors apply professional standards to the production of the newspaper and are solely responsible for all content, both explicit and implicit. Letters to the Editors are always appreciated. Feedback not intended for publication is also welcome.

Two Priory Dads Make Oblate Promises By Br. Sixtus O.S.B. Director of Oblates The fathers of two current Priory students made their Promise of Oblation before Abbot Thomas and the monastic community on Sunday, September 8, in the monastery chapel following Solemn Vespers. Mr. John Russell and Mr. John O’Brien are the newest Oblates and join a small but growing group of lay people associated with the

Saint Louis Abbey who vow, to the best of their ability and circumstances, to live a Christian life according to the Rule of St. Benedict within the context of their family, work, and business lives. In addition, the Oblates participate in Lectio Divina, or Holy Reading, either in small groups or individually. Mr. Russell, far left in the photo, is the father of John, Form IV, and the family lives in Valley Park. Mr. O’Brien, far right, is the father of Patrick,


Form VI, and their family resides in Broadview Farms, allowing Patrick to walk to school most days. Following the short ceremony, the families were invited to join the monks for a celebratory supper in the Refectory. Congratulations from the entire Priory Family to these two men who have chosen to make this commitment to their faith and to support the monks in their daily work of intercessory prayer.

ST UC O Student Council Update: Part 1 By Taylor Dubray ’14 STUCO Secretary With Homecoming and Spirit Week approaching, STUCO has been very busy. These five extremely good-looking men have planned an exquisite week to create excitement for Homecoming. Why should you be getting excited for next weekend? It's simple: Do you like sledgehammers? What about smashing cars with sledgehammers? How about

s'mores, large fires, and Gussie Busch giving an inspirational speech? You can find al this at the BONFIRE from 7 to 9, Friday, Sept. 27. Do you like dressing up in ridiculous outfits? Do you like watching Priory's most kindhearted soul (Paul Deschler) attack opposing players like a hungry polar bear attacks a penguin? You can do all of this at the Homecoming FOOTBALL GAME against Westminster. Do you like "getting down"

3 XC Photos

on the dance floor? Do you like making a fool of yourself while you Dougie like none other? If you are cool and are in the high school, your presence is mandatory at the DANCE, Saturday night from 7:30 to 10:30. Find a STUCO member next week to get your ticket. You do not have a choice. Come to all of these events. Why? Because it is undoubtedly going to be the best Homecoming in history. Laus Tibi Domine.

Student Council Update: Part 2 By Chris Chivetta ’14 STUCO President Taylor cited the Big 3 this week on Homecoming, but I’m about to give you the nitty-gritty details concerning Spirit Week. Monday: Student Council Video. This is Part 1 of 2 (Part 2 will be out whenever we get the time. We are a little stressed at the moment). Tu e s d a y : Tw i n Tuesday. This day is the reason why I am writing the article. The brainchild of Connor Wright, the basic premise of Twin Tuesday is that you find a buddy or ten that you want to dress like and organize an effort to match. Maybe double Polos are your thing. Or tuxedos. Or mint-green button downs. Or like Eric. This has been met with scrutiny by those who have come across the theme early. For one, the Dow triplets feel underrepresented, and the Millsap twins find it offensive and stereotypical. Some football coaches

(who will remain anonymous) have called out the legitimacy of the day, claiming that students already dress the same. Instead of being Debbie Downers, I would challenge the football coaches to go all in on

this theme. I have a feeling that a Coach White-inspired Camo theme for all the coaches would be a fashionable, stylistic choice. Wednesday: Mass and D a n Wa t s o n We d n e s d a y. Named after the most fashionable student on campus, this day is As Fancy As

Possible (AFAP). Make an effort to dress up nicely on this day: Dan Watson will pick the outfit he deems most fashionable after his own. Thursday: A staple of any Priory Spirit Week, Hawaiian Shirt Thursday. While the Saint Louis has the most unpredictable weather within the United States, a tropical paradise will be present within the Priory Halls. Friday: Wear your Priory Gear. Get pumped for the Spirit Rally Last period. Speezy will be making an appearance (maybe) (and maybe with Kendall Jenner). Also, BONFIRE IS THAT N I G H T. AND A CARSMASH!!! BE THERE!!! Saturday: Football game and Dance. Along with the Bonfire, the football game and dance are the best events of fall term. If you are able to come out to both of these, you must. The more people that are there, the better the events will be. STUCO looks forward to seeing you then!


Forest Park Invitational Top: Charlie Lohmann Bottom: Thomas Lowell Check out the back page for this week’s sports articles, including: Cross Countr y, Soccer, and Football.



Sudokus: Hard, Hard, and Hard

Crossword Puzzle ACROSS 1. League members 6. Countertenor 10. Matured 14. Something of value 15. Back 16. Gritty-textured fruit 17. Become narrower 18. Mildew 19. Unrestrained revelry 20. Nourishment 22. A period of discounted prices 23. Dry riverbed 24. Somewhat 26. List of options 30. French for "Wine" 31. Knight's title 32. Not closed 33. Away from the wind

35. Drench 39. Make pure 41. Your new spouse's son 43. Toward the outside 44. Killer whale 46. Grasped 47. Downwind 49. Hearing organ 50. God of love 51. Humiliate 54. Whip 56. Distinctive flair 57. Illogical 63. Hue 64. Satyr 65. Poplar tree 66. Border 67. A ceremonial staff 68. Hangman's knot 69. Marsh plant 70. The products of

human creativity 71. Adult male singing voice DOWN 1. Makes lace 2. Brother of Jacob 3. Vipers 4. Encounter 5. Scatter 6. Armored nocturnal mammal 7. Strong and proud 8. After-bath powder 9. Commands 10. Punctuation mark 11. Hebrew unit of weight 12. American symbol 13. Clothesline alternative 21. Pertaining to the oceans 25. Assistant 26. Style

27. Sweeping story 28. Where a bird lives 29. Not gifted 34. Intensifies 36. End ___ 37. Alone 38. Terminates 40. Bright thought 42. Fortuneteller's card 45. Bend light 48. Conundrum 51. Discourage 52. Leave out 53. A skin disease 55. Goliath 58. Lion sound 59. Double-reed woodwind 60. A noble gas 61. As well 62. Lascivious look

Riddles Q: If I drink, I die. If i eat, I am fine. What am I?

Q: What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?

Q: What travels around the world but stays in one spot?

Q: What is at the end of a rainbow?

Q: What starts with the letter “t”, is filled with “t” and ends in “t”?

Q: What is so delicate that saying its name breaks it?




The Greatest Fruit Frenzy in the History of America By George Ahlering ’16 Staff Writer All the hype the past few weeks has been about Apple, however, the real fruits are feeling left out. As many of you know, the plum season is wrapping up. It’s that time of year again, where people, families, grandmas, small children, and Miley Cyrus stand outside of the plum store hoping, waiting to be one of the lucky, last people to sink their teeth into the juicy and ripe fruit of the goddess Neptune (a plum). As many people are wasting their weeks away by camping out in front of their local farmer’s market, or perhaps by the stand on the side of the highway out in the boonies, you can quench

your fruit cravings, and I’ll tell you how. It’s a misconception that honeydew melons go out of season on May 16th at 6:03pm. However, this is false. No need to fear, because the honeydew melon season is in full swing. Honeydew melons are a great alternative to plums (cousins in the fruit family tree). The local farmers have reported the best crop yields of the 21st century in these past few days. And I’m not talking about those fake, genetically-enhanced “honeydew melons,” I’m talking the real, 100% natural, farm fresh, juicy honeydew melons that most can’t help but dream about. To sweeten the deal, if it’s even possible, the honeydew melon prices have hit an all-

time low! Word is that there is a selfproclaimed “honeydew melon” connoisseur on the Priory campus. I, being the top reporter on the Fruit Season Article Advisory Team, set out on a mission to find this big shot fruit expert. Low and behold, I found myself, after a couple days of playing private investigator, at the door of one of our very own faculty members’ offices. I relentlessly called, emailed and talked to the “Honeydew Guru” asking for a rare interview. Mr. McNair said he would give the interview a shot, with one stipulation: that was that he would remain nameless and incognito so that his identity not be revealed. I promised Mr.

McNair that he would go under the pseudonym of “Honeydew Guru,” solely because it rhymes. He confessed that he has been spending his free time recently picking honeydew melons at his country estate and many of the local farms. His strategy is to build up enough honeydew melons to last him through the winter into next melon season. But need not worry, the Priory kitchen staff has been notified and the rumor is that honeydew melon will be the featured entrée at least 3 times in the coming weeks. That is all on the topic of honeydew melons, be sure to congratulate Mr. McNair if you see him around about his ambitious goal of hoarding honeydew melons!

How To Ask A Girl To Homecoming By Daniel De Simon ’14 With homecoming around the corner, many of you clowns have probably already invited your dates to the dance. Most likely, however, you were unsuccessful unless you employed one of the following methods. For all you big shots out there who have decided to wait until the last minute to ask your girl, well played. It is well known that efficiency is the name of the game so you want a combination of low time and money spent with high chance of success. The following methods are guaranteed to make her swoon and make you look like the big man on campus. 1. Text her: we all know that no female likes direct contact, so go with oldest move in the book. Just text her: “Do you want to go to homecoming with me?” Actually, that might be a little too much, so just go

with: “Homecoming?” Leave out the question mark for added emphasis. If you don’t have her n u m b e r, u s i n g F a c e b o o k message is even more of a power move, especially if you don’t even know the girl. Chicks these days really dig the creepy stalker move. 2. Have your friend ask her: This once again plays off of the effective move of limiting face to face contact to as little as possible. Having your friend ask her on your behalf will show her how much of an alpha male you really are. You’ve obviously got to be a straight baller if your friends are going around doing your dirty work for you. 3. Blackmail her: This is a personal favorite of mine. Make it known that if she refuses to go to homecoming with you, you will tell everyone that she’s mean and smells bad. Not only will this force her hand, but it will show that you have the

courage to place yourself as the driving force behind a potential relationship (even though we all know you players have no time for that “relationship" stuff). 4. Only ask girls who are already in relationships with other guys: talk about a power move. Having the courage to ask a girl to homecoming who is going out with someone else will effectively place you as the alpha male. To be honest he can’t even be mad. Ultimate respect right there. 5. Break in: This one is a doozie. Drive over to her house wearing all black Then, set up a ladder outside her bedroom window, climb the ladder and come crashing through the glass. At this point, she's going to scream in horror, but fear is the ultimate aphrodisiac, so it’s the perfect time to pop the question. Worst case scenario, you get arrested for breaking and entering. Best case scenario, they only get you on


trespassing. Worth it. 6. Burn it into her yard: Here’s the grand finale of methods. You know those tryhards who spell out “Homecoming?” with candles on the girl’s yard? So overdone – I say it’s time to one-up this b a d b o y. C a r e f u l l y p o u r kerosene on her front lawn, making sure to spell out “Homecoming?,” then light a match and get out of there as fast as you can. Did you just commit arson or did you just get a homecoming date? Most likely both. Again, worth it. So there you have it – the top six ways to ask your honey to homecoming. If any of you are still unsuccessful in asking your dream girl, there’s always plan Z. Simply go up to allAmerican self-proclaimed role player Jack Herr and ask him to take her down for you. Give him five minutes with her and you’re in. I guarantee it.



Michael Blogs: Writing Because Big Dog Is Sick By Ramzi Haddad ’16 Staff Writer ​ Hello Priory faithful. I realize that you’re reading this in the back of class, that you are bored out of your mind, and that I could type the lyrics to “What does the fox say?” and you would still read it, but I want to let you enjoy your time not paying attention, so I am going to deliver an article like no other. Yes you guessed it, we are talking about things that are just simply ridiculous and need to be stopped immediately. I, for one, want to be able to have my backpack in the library. I understand that Priory students were known to smuggle saffron into the library so that they could indulge in the spice of Crocus sativus flower, but if

you don’t want stray threads of this aromatic spice on the floor of your library you better allow backpacks to be in there to help dispose of them in a different place. Let me tell you, we don’t want a bad situation erupting at Priory, so I say we let the junkies do what they do while we look the other direction. Secondly I think the whole lunch setup is a sham. When I walk down the rows in lunch I feel obligated to get both of the choices, and not let the other one feel left out. When I see the weird beef next to the breakfast with lunch I know the two don’t mix at all, but I had to get the meat and it messed up my whole lunch vibe. The syrup was getting everywhere, and, needless to say, it was a disaster. The only thing that kept me going in this state of


A Fickle Review of iOS 7

The Record is looking for staff writers, photographers, and artists. It has been shown through c a re f u l s t u d i e s t h a t i f yo u contribute to the Record on at least bi-weekly basis, you are more likely to become better looking. You may notice some severe side effects of being super successful in life and becoming a chick magnet. Colleges also may start throwing cash at you. If you want to write, send us an email at, talk to any of the five senior editors, or talk to Ms. Layton.

By Andrew Cammon ’14 Editor-in-Chief

Tutoria Tutoria is working on a retreat, and if anyone has any suggestions for a location for said retreat, please contact a Tutoria leader. Thanks!

Maybe I've been talking Chris Ahlering too much, but I find myself a little annoyed with the release of iOS7. Granted, most of the reviews will be positive. Many will mention the fact that the Apple mobile operating system no longer looks stale, that this was a welcome refresh. Some may talk about the interface. They might say it looks beautiful. They might say that the actions and animations are harmonious. Some may mention the new features. They may rave about the extra functionality of the control center, how you can access so many features that are completely unlike free apps that you could have downloaded two years ago. They write home

panic and desperation was that wonderful cookie ice cream sandwich. Another thing I don’t understand is the semi-circle orange beam in the middle of the lunchroom. I’m all for Feng Shui, but this just seems a little excessive. I inquired about this to the lunch construction committee president who redesigned the whole lunchroom, and they said there are big plans for this orange sideways half pipe. Flat screen TV’s will be placed inside featuring ESPN, with particular attention to ESPN First Takes’ Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith. This news center will give the Priory students all the information they need about current events. So stay tuned as to how the Orange Bowl turns into the bowl of knowledge.

about the beefed up notifications center and spotlight search. They may be walking down the street creepily talking into their phones, reveling in the newfound speed of the female voice assistant. Come on, that quirky green robot has been waving around these features for years. But that isn't the worst of it. Apple has slowed its game, literally. Opening a folder now takes .53 more nanoseconds than before (this was confirmed by an intern at Apple who had recently been let go from Asiana Airlines). Sure, the action is more beautiful, but speed is paramount. They have comprised the raw power of the phone elsewhere as well. The time that the phone takes going from lock screen to the home


Finally I would like to talk about what I know you are all thinking, which is, why wasn’t there a huge birthday bash for Mr. Schake’s 200th birthday. This man has been a staple in America since the Civil War. How could we as a school not embrace this American tradition, and sing a very offkey happy birthday for this man? So I urge the student council representatives to have us sing happy birthday to him this upcoming Monday in commemoration of a true American hero. If you think some of my vexations were right on, go talk to Fr. Linus about change, I’m sure he will love that. Finally, we here at Michael Blogs wish a speedy recovery to the Big Dog himself, who vexingly was not able to blog this week.

screen has also increased .14 nanoseconds (this figure was confirmed by the same intern). These changes are unacceptable. I, like most teenagers and smartphone users, use my phone solely as a productivity tool. Like others I am sure, Facebook, Twitter, and Snapchat lie tucked away for the most part as I respond to teacher emails and check off my homework assignments. This slightly perceptible lack of snappiness impedes this productivity. And come on, making the background images move when you tilt the device? Apple was just showing off. As I write this on my Apple device running iOS7, I, unfortunately, have run out of annoyances. And what’s more, I am starting to enjoy it.


Editor’s Picks

K-Money Music Incorporated By Austin Krueger ’14 Staff Writer My first song recommendation for this week is “Beast” by the alt-rock band Nico Vega. This power-packed anthem is about standing up for what you believe in, taking care of yourself and others, and living free from oppression, so basically the “American Dream.” Driven by powerful guitar riffs and a strong, energetic drum beat, “Beast” is sure to get you clapping your hands and stomping your feet.

The band preaches a humble yet profound message, saying that the way to end oppression is, “ love your neighbor, love your neighbor, and let your neighbor love you back!” This song is off of Nico Vega’s most recent EP “Fury Oh Fury” and is also featured on their debut, self-titled album. The band is set to release their second studio album later this year. The second song for this week

is not as new as the other songs I have reviewed thus far, but it has been one of my favorites for years. “100 Years” is by singer-songwriter and multiinstrumentalist John Ondrasik, who goes by the stage name Five For Fighting, and was released about a decade ago.


artful synth intro followed by a drum beat that will blow you away.


2 Contact Daft Punk

3 Pompeii Bastille

It’s a song about how time really does fly and how you need to make the most of it. The melodic piano and brilliant, poetic lyrics take you on a journey through the phases of a man’s life, from adolescence to the century mark. When you are young, you feel as if you have all the time in the world, but as you grow older you realize that you don’t have as much time left as you once thought. In “100 Years,” time is only fleeting and what really counts is what you do with it and who you spend it with. Last, but certainly not least, is “Monster,” the new single released yesterday by Imagine Dragons. Where to start? The song features an

The lyrics, much like those of “Night Visions,” have a darker, contemplative quality to them that speak of a man torn apart by inner turmoil. The backing vocals really pull the song together to give it that extra little something. And you all know what a new single means: a new album. Get excited for what is just around the corner from the band that took the world by storm last winter. These are my music selections for the week. I hope you enjoy them. As always, I am happy to give further suggestion if you want to find me in the hall or email me at, and I am open to new music from all of you. Please don’t hesitate to talk to me any time. If you have a media review, please send it to us at

Imagine Dragons Concert


San Francisco The Mowgli’s

5 Promiscuous Nelly Furtado

6 Atlas Coldplay

7Up and Away Can’t Stop Won’t Stop

8 Rise Above 1 Reeve Carney

9 Fitzpleasure ∆

10 Entertainment Phoenix





Soccer Update

By Daniel Martin ’14 Cross Country Captain

By Eric Stange ’14 Content Editor

Over the weekend, the Running Rebels gathered at Forest Park for the region's absolute most important race, save the state championships. The JV team set the stage, with Luke McGartland placing 9th with an 18:37. William Whaley, Kyle Flores, Tim Avery, and Andrew Latuda rounded out a third place finishing team, behind only Francis Howell North and Parkway North. At such a competitive meet, this was impressive to say the least. The Varsity squad was not to be bested by the JV though. By the end of the race, Priory had four runners under 18 minutes and the final three right behind in the low 18s. The team managed to take third place, narrowly missing second by four points. In doing so, they handily beat MICDS by well over 60 points, and smashed John Burroughs and Sullivan, the other district rivals. Who knows what is in store for the next month as the team continues to improve upon a great performance.

Since last Friday, the Priory soccer team has played two g a m e s , S a i n t M a r y ’s o n Monday and CBC on Tuesday. The Rebels came away with a 4-2 win over Saint Mary’s, a notable team in Class 2 with a couple of State titles to their name. However, this Saint Mary’s team was not as skilled as the Rebels, while possibly more physical. While combining early for a few early goals, the game looked to be well in hand. However, after forfeiting a confusing penalty and another dangerous restart, St. Mary’s equalized in a fury of excitement. Dejected, the Rebels came into half tied with an inferior team. In the second half, we did not let them back into the game after finding two goals. Ryan Mulqueeny had his third two-goal game of the season, and Danny DeSimon had a wonderful shot that found the top corner. John Klaesner added the insurance goal late in the second half. Also of note from this game was the goalie

Calendar situation. Injured in pre-game warm-ups with a rotator cuff issue, impact goalie Tristan Hellmuth was forced to miss the game and is still out for an undetermined amount of time. Tommy Maune performed well in the spot start. The following night, a ragged team from Priory faced off with dignified CBC on a rain-soaked turf pitch. Similar to the Saint Dominic game last week, the Cadets from CBC are defending state championships, and return an incredibly strong lineup. Featuring that strong lineup, CBC eventually proved too much for the Rebels, scoring four goals and surrendering none. However, the Rebels possessed the ball well, and played solid defense. Four goals may seem like a lot, but this game was fairly well matched. The Rebels play next week, facing Westminster on Tuesday at Westminster, and come back home on Wednesday to square off against MICDS. It’s been great having you fans out at the games, your presence is meaningful, so keep on coming out.

We Wear Big Helmets Part IV By Stephen Clark ‘14 Football Captain Last Thursday, September 13, the Priory Rebel Football team took on the John Burroughs Bombers in a battle of the undefeated for the outright lead in the Metro League. The Bombers, ranked number 1 in small schools in the Metro Area, came in favored over your Rebels, who were ranked seventh at the time of the game. Both teams had scored a plethora of points in their first

two games but were thoroughly shocked by the stoutness of the opposing defenses. The Rebels looked strong all game and held the Bombers to 21 points. This is a season low so far for Burroughs. The Bombers only capitalized on a few mistakes by the Rebels, who otherwise held fast against the Bomber attack. The offense, however, sputtered. The Rebels moved the ball, but there was always something that didn’t allow the offense to finish and score.

With five turnovers, the Rebels beat themselves; despite this the offense was still able to move the ball well and showed that with hard work they will be more than capable of dominating their future opponents. This week the Rebels take on Metro League rival, MICDS at MICDS this Saturday the 21st at 2:00. Look for the Rebels to rebound well and beat MICDS two years in a row.

A-hee-ahee ha-hee!

Saturday, September 21 8:30PM   ACT with Writing 2:00PM    V Football @MICDS Sunday, September 22 Monday, September 23 4:15PM    JV Football v MICDS 5:00PM    Holy Cross Alumni Interviews Tuesday, September 24 4:15PM    JV Soccer @ MICDS 4:15PM    V Soccer V MICDS Wednesday. September 25 8:15AM   School Mass 11:45AM Form VI Interview Workshop 4:15PM   JV Soccer V Westminster 4:15PM   Varsity Soccer @ Westminster Thursday. September 26 11:45AM  Form VI Interview Workshop Friday, September 27 8:15AM   All School Mass 4:15PM   C Football @ Westminster 7:30PM   BONFIRE and Carsmash Saturday, September 28 9:00AM Cross Country Hancock Invitational 11:30AM  Homecoming BBQ 1:00PM   Varsity Football V Westminster 7:30PM   High School Dance

Volume XLIV - Issue 4