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Friday, November 5, 2010

The Record The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School since 1960

Volume 41, Issue 9

Grinds My Gears Find out what grinds Mr. Jacob Martin’s gears! Mr. Jacob Martin, ’11

Weekly Editorial Writer

Well, here I am. I’ve made it to the front page of The Record at last. It is, therefore, with great pride that I write my article this week, the kind of pride that one only gets from making it to the front page of a high school newspaper or finally getting that monster out of my closet (yes, my closet. By one I don’t mean the everyman here. I mean that the monster in my closet is the most intense monster of all time and all other closet-monsters shudder in terror when they see it; I’m pretty sure it’s related to that locust from my second article). Anyway, I digress. Do you know, gentlemen, what it is that grinds my gears? The standards of The Record have fallen so far from where they used to be. It seems like just about anything can make it onto the front page these days; I mean More than a Miner Miracle? What? I write better puns than that in important and serious papers that really shouldn’t have any puns in them at all (e.g. my AP European History essays, Calculus homework, Statistics tests, the AP Statistics Exam, English tests, my Thesis, the AP Latin Exam, college application essays, and many, many more that I can’t even think of right now). I mean, the article itself was up to par, don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge fan

of Chileans, especially when they aren’t dying, and that article was simply full of undead Chileans. The mere fact that that pun made it past the editing-room kill floor (I highly recommend the guided tour, although it’s so shocking that you won’t read for weeks after you see how they edit articles in there) is

evidence enough of the horrible downturn of The Record’s standards. What does it take to get onto the front page? A bad pun and a picture of someone catching a pass? I remember the days when it was true writing talent, some sort of news, and/or a really attractive editor whose picture you can put next to the article. The pun was one thing. The other thing is that usually the cover is some sort of sports article. Now, I’m not against sports, but I’m totally not into those articles. I care so little about sports that they might as well be the opinions of others; I

disregard them because I don’t see the point and they have nothing to offer me (although when people start writing WRESTLING articles I’m going to read those, because that is so worth my time). Sports, to me, are like a child that I had, but didn’t know that I had, and then found out that I had had, and then continued to ignore. They’re my long-lost children of anonymity and I keep them that way. I don’t even know who plays what sport at this point. It’s a need-to-know thing for me since I’m in management. Plus, it’s not like I can’t just say, “Hey, who won the game on Friday? Was it awesome?” I mean, I already know it wasn’t awesome (unless it was wrestling) and score is usually all that matters to me, I just don’t see the point. To be perfectly honest, I really only read my own article and Lorem Ipsum, and that’s just for the entertainment value (sometimes I submit my article early, then I forget what I wrote about by the time The Record comes out, and I’m simply shocked by my own hilarity). Also, people need to stop mentioning my article from last week to me, as it’s bringing back way too many awful, awful memories. That just came to my mind. One thing I will say about The Record is that its cryptograms are always fantastic and those should remain unchanged. But really, just put me on the cover more, I’m most interesting.


Friday, November 5, 2010 Volume 41, Issue 9

The Record - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School

The Record Staff Editor in Chief: Kevin Hess ’11 Layout Editor: David Taiclet, ’11 Content Editor: Jon Gower, ’11 Sam Sagartz, ’11 Faculty Moderator: Mr. Matthew Barrett In this issue... Kevin Hess, ’11 Adam Still, ’11 Mr. Jacob Martin, ’11 Zach Weiss, ’11 John Cole, ’11 Luke Slabaugh ’12 Trevor Jin, ’12

Lorem Ipsum Zach Weiss, ’11 Staff Writer

An honest politician is hard to find these days, especially in the dog-eat-dog world of high school politics. We here at Priory, however, are lucky enough to have just such a politician on our side. I speak of course of Ray Bayer, who heads up LIC (Lunch Investigatory Committee), a subdivision of SAC (the Student Advisory Committee). I wish I could tell you all about Mr. Bayer’s triumphs, but alas, I cannot. Unfortunately, good, honest, simple folk like Ray are frequently trampled by the system. This article is not about Ray Bayer the conquering hero; it’s about Ray Bayer and the Bacon Betrayal. As chairman of LIC, Ray’s job is to meet with the cafeteria staff and discuss ways to improve the quality of our lunches. He’s the reason you haven’t eaten Hearty Beef Stew in a while. However, that shadowy crew of cafeteria workers with whom he is in dialogue doesn’t always play fair. Ray came out of his

last LIC session confidently proclaiming he had finally done it. Six pieces of bacon for everyone on Bacon Wrap Day! Sharing the AP United States history class with Ray, where he frequently declares his love for plentiful meat and, of course, America, I walked into that lunchroom expecting all that he promised. But did I get my six pieces of scrawny, floppy bacon? Was I given anything which reminded me of the California Chicken & Bacon Wraps that I had enjoyed as a wee seventh grader? NO! Gentlemen, the people on Cafeteria Hill have betrayed us, and not just in any betrayal. Oh no, this is a Bacon Betrayal. I know Ray Bayer will do everything in his power to get our bacon back, and that’s why he has Lorem Ipsum’s retroactive endorsement for the mid-term elections he didn’t have to run in because SAC and LIC members are elected for the entire year. In closing I leave you with the inspiring words of Ray himself: “You think down. You all think I'm defeated. Well, I'm not defeated. And I'm going to stay right here and fight for this lost cause even if the room gets filled with lies like these, and the Lunch Ladies and all their armies come marching into this place!”

Cheers and Jeers The Record Disclaimer The Record is the official student publication of Saint Louis Priory School in St. Louis, Missouri. It is produced by student editors/ staff members. Its purpose is threefold: to inform students of events in the community; to encourage discussion of local, national, and international issues; and to serve as a training ground for budding journalists, photographers, and graphic designers. The Record accepts contributions from all members of the Priory community, including students, faculty, and alumni. The Record will not publish content considered legally unprotected speech, including but not limited to: libel, copyright infringement, unwarranted invasion of privacy, or material disruption of the educational process. Student editors apply professional standards to the production of the newspaper and are solely responsible for all content, both explicit and implicit. Letters to the Editors are always appreciated. Feedback not intended for publication is also welcome.

Luke Slabaugh, ’12 Entertainment Writer

1. Cross country season concluded on Tuesday with the pizza meet. Besides being the only hunger-satisfying race on the schedule, it was also an opportunity for several runners to earn new PRs; freshman Andrew O’Sullivan, for example, merited a Varsity letter with his breathtaking time on the 5k course. Additionally, O’Sullivan took 1st place in the Priory Marathon, which happened last week. Medals were distributed Tuesday; because of a surplus of medals, the team generously gave one to junior David Fournie, who claims himself that he did not run a single step in the Marathon. Cheers to David. The kid had already run one heck of

a season, worked strenuously to no ends, and deserves ten medals of that grandeur. Fournie is also a nominee to win the True Grit Award at the sport’s assembly at the end of the term-albeit behind Peter Hilboldt, who recently earned a Varsity letter while fighting lower leg injuries and shin splints since August. 2. Speaking of the Fourn-dog, David also expressed his interest in attending the Priory hockey home opener on Saturday. However, on hearing that the Spirit Club had not yet decided on a theme, he broke out in a fury. It was obvious to him; the theme should be “Suit Up”. Slightly less classy than tuxedos, but still effective. Traditional suits, flight suits, penguin suits, birthday suits, any suit that suits the fan. So (Continued on Final Page)

Friday, November 5, 2010 Volume 41, Issue 9

Sports The Record - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School

Soccer Update: Rebels Kevin H Hess, ’11 Editor in Chief The top ranked Priory soccer team took to the turf Tuesday in their first district game versus the Clayton Greyhounds. From the start of the game, the Rebels knew that this game would be much different than the first time they played Clayton. The Greyhounds worked frenetically and pressured Priory, while managing to clog the midfield. However, the Rebels were not without their scoring chances. For one such opportunity, senior captain Jack Wegmann flicked a ball past the Greyhound defense and into the path of junior Andrew Rhodes; however, the Clayton keeper managed to reach the ball just as Rhodes did to make a magnificent save. Despite hard work by both teams, halftime arrived with a score line of 0-0. The second half brought more of the same for the Rebels. While they worked hard and pressed the Clayton defense, they struggled to force the ball through. With 20 minutes remaining, a cleared ball fell, bouncing, to a Clayton player who smashed a volley into the side-netting from 30 yards out. Now frantic, the Rebels scrambled to equalize. While they created several excellent scoring chances, in the end, the Greyhound defense fell strong, and Priory fell 1-0. Needless to say, this early boot from state contention was devastating to the team and soccer program as a whole. However, it cannot overshadow what was, by all means except the finish, a fantastic season for the team who finished 19-3 on the year. Senior captains Doug Brooking, Liam Ware, and Jack Wegmann led the team through the season, and Wegmann led the team in both goals and points with 12 and 32 respectively. Andrew Rhodes was also in the scoring chase, totaling 11 on the year. Priory was truly solid all over

Cross Country Districts John Cole, ’11 State Qualifier

Weekly Calendar Friday, 11/5/2010

After winning the ABC League, the varsity team knew that Districts would be tough this year with Ladue and Westminster both looking strong. During the week, both Doug Brooking and Nick D’Orazio missed school due Saturday, 11/6/2010 to illnesses. As Saturday approached, Doug looked well enough to run, but Nick still felt sick and decided not to run. The conditions were wonderful for the race with cool temperatures and lots of sun. The team marked the Westminster and Ladue runners, so as to know whom to beat. At the mile mark, Spencer King was leading the Priory pack with John Cole and Kyle Hill right behind, Monday, 11/8/2010 running together. Doug was slightly behind John and Kyle. Zach LaVallee and Ryan Donlin were running side by side not far behind Doug. After the first mile mark, John and Kyle caught Spencer, all three running in the top Tuesday, 11/9/2010 15, while Doug moved up as well. Nearing the end, both Spencer and John pushed ahead, having left Westminster’s third man behind. Zach pushed hard and continued to pass people, with Ryan trying to catch him. John and Spencer opened it up coming down the final hill and around the Wednesday, 11/10/2010 telephone pole. Kyle was right with Westminster’s fourth man. John sprinted ahead of Ladue’s 3rd man and came across the line in 7th place with a PR of 17:32. Spencer beat out MICDS’ 2nd man for 9th place and a PR of 17:35. Kyle, giving it everything he had, just missed the top 15 who qualify for State, finishing in 16th place with a time of 17:49. Doug, hurting but heroic to the finish, crossed the line in 18:11 for Thursday, 11/11/2010 18 th place. Zach finished close behind Westminster’s 4th and 5th man in 24th place with • Veterans’ Day a new PR of 18:38. Ryan was close behind in 26th place with a time of 18:46. Brian Steiner raced it home in 35th place with a PR of 19:12. Fr. Paul and Coach Muench goofed, missing Westminster’s 4th man, and put us ahead

Puzzles The Record - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School

Friday, November 5, 2010 Volume 41, Issue 9

Crossword Puzzle


Word Search



WORDBANK become blend capture

insult lens nits

spore spread stag

carry climb

plain plunder

stampede stretch trace

covert descend drove elapse

refine remnant rotate

transport traverse uproar

encounter enter

rote ruse

vast wicker

fugitive hasten

scamper seer


-Chris Farley (Beverly Hills Ninja)

Friday, November 5, 2010 Volume 41, Issue 9

Sports & Entertainment The Record - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School

Varsity Football Adam Still, ’11 Sports Writer

The Post-Dispatch said it the best, “Priory stalled the John Burroughs offensive machine on Saturday and caused it to spit and sputter”. Anyone who was at the game on Saturday knows what that means. The Bombers finally had met a team that knows how to play football, the Rebels. With mediocre schedule strength in both team’s previous district games, this was going to be a sure fire game from the get go. The Rebs won the toss and received. The opening offensive drive for Priory sent out feelers for the Bomber defense and was able to move the chains. But it wasn’t enough and still too early in the game to unleash all of our secrets. The Rebs punted and it was time for defense. The Rebs held the Bombers from the end zone for the first quarter. Peter Jochens noted that one Bomber was crying because they hadn’t scored yet. But, alas the Bombers had a 80-yard scoring drive with a eight-yard plunge to make it 7-0 with 11:24 left to play in the half. The Bombers went up 14-0 when they went 25 yards for a touchdown with 48.5 seconds left in the first half. In the third quarter the Rebs came out fired up, with a chip on everyone’s shoulder, and decide it was time to call up the ambulance and start inflicting pain. The D held the Bombers after receiving, and Priory started to warm up the bakery. Keating unleashed the war cry for some pancakes. The Rebs marched down the field and David Taiclet passed to Mulqueeny for a TD. But the Bombers answered with another TD of their own making it 21-6. Rebel enthusiasm began to fade. But there are those who choose to fight, instead of to die. And those are the Rebels. The Legend himself, Adam Still scored a 37 yard TD and made it 21-12. After which David Taiclet almost dropped gloves and fought a Bomber. But the Bombers returned the kickoff for at TD. The final score was 28-12. The Rebs want a re-match, some new referees, and a new chain gang. The Rebs season ended way to early on Wednesday night. Cardinal Ritter came in and stuck it to the Rebs offense in the first half. However, the Rebs defense also would not let Ritter gain a yard. The score at half was 0-0 with both teams failing to come anywhere near the end zone. However, the Lions would score 12 points in the third quarter. The rebels offense came out with fired up with their season on the line and their prayers were answered when David and Jack Taiclet connected for a 73 yard touchdown. Ritter scored on their next drive to make it 18-7 with just under 5 minutes left. This proved to be too much for the Rebels as they lost by a final score of 18-10. We all believe that the better team did not win that night. If the Rebs and Lions had played 10 times we would have won 9 of those times. But that is the sad truth about playoff football. The seniors had a great run and seemed to prove a lot of people wrong by how well they played all year. Look for the Rebs next year as they try to first team since 1973 to win the State Championship.

Jack@ss 3D Review Trevor Jin, ’10

Entertainment Writer

First off I would like to say that most of these scenes could easily be seen on Youtube or on TV. Except the movie Jack@ss 3D is all in a row with a bit of 3D. I feel like I paid 10+ bucks to watch America’s Funniest Home Videos with extra pain and vomit, probably because I did. Obviously there wasn’t even a hint at having a story or purpose other than to be tortured for your pleasure, but then again there shouldn’t be. Jack@ss with a story would pain me more than Steve O getting hit in a bad place with a bad ball off a bad bat. However, it’s not like any of the acts were poorly performed or unimaginative, emphasis on their type of creativity. I have to admit I laughed and cringed the whole way through, but I’d just wait to catch this on HBO. If you have nothing to do though, this is a good movie to kill time with. Plus you get to see a guy’s tooth get ripped off by a Lamborghini, a jet plane shooting out a football into a man’s crotch, and Santa dropping from a huge tree into the snow below. Merry Christmas!

The Social Network Review Trevor Jin, ’10

Entertainment Writer

When we saw the first ad for The Social Network we all thought how in the world that would even work. Then as we thought about it more, we wondered why it hadn’t happened sooner, considering how Facebook has single handedly conquered the world. Strangely, the story is awesome and compelling, giving out two morals: Facebook came from shockingly humble beginnings and Mark Zuckerberg is an awful and annoying person. Sometimes I wonder if he even had any say on how he was portrayed, but nonetheless the movie captures it perfectly. Another surprise, Justin Timberlake isn’t even awful at playing the guy who made Napster. The movie succeeds in so many places, but of course, it has its flaws. For instance, the majority of the awesomeness is at the beginning and then ends with a fizzle, sort of like most of our school papers. Plus, it’s about a story that is still being told as you’re reading this. It really didn’t help that we already know who wins in the end, because we give him success every single day on the internet. He earned it.

Friday, November 5, 2010 Volume 41, Issue 9

The Record Weekly The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School


Cheers and Jeers

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the field. This can be shown offensively, as seven players had 10 or more points, but also defensively as the Rebels allowed only 15 goals in 22 games. The Rebels’ midfield was dominant this year and will look for the likes of Jeffy Hopson, Sam Newman, and Kyle Collins to step up and bear the weight that will be vacated by seniors like Liam Ware, Doug Brooking, and Brendan Kelly. Priory’s defense, as was mentioned, was a wall all year. Junior Kyle Martin was the anchor of an extremely talented backfield which included the likes of juniors Andy Kopfensteiner and Nico Stillman, as well as senior Kevin Hess. While the varsity soccer season ended disappointedly for all involved, the team will return many starters next year and look to defend their ABC League title.

cheers to suits, and hopefully the Rebel fan base will sport them Saturday. 3. Jeers to the student body for not organizing a day devoted entirely to Mr. Heerlein. Several students have tried their own independent tributes, but it does not beat the prospect of each class in Room 411 dressing up in painstakingly classy clothes. Some day of the week, preferably a Thursday, fans young and old must go all out: put on ties that match your outfit, wear pink shirts and still look like 120% of a man, and purchase $75 fountain pens for your leisure, all in the effort to honor Mr. H.   4. Jeers to that preying mantis-like figure who hangs around the stained glass windows in the Lobby around 8:30 every morning except Thursday. Rather

nonchalantly, he urges students to pick up their belongings and throw them virtually anywhere except that small room. The whole process has become a buzz kill. The first week of school, Big Tone announced that the room was “not a hangout area.” Well, see for yourself that nothing could be further from the truth. The area is decked with two benches, three chairs, and unmatched standing room. The only reason anyone started hanging out there was because the place was virtually vacant and none of the other nooks and crannies (sans the Commons, which doesn’t even have chairs half the year) were open. The place just radiates socialization. The argument presented was that the stained-glass area is the first thing people see on entering the school. Again, false. The lobby has always been squeaky clean. The stained-glass area is a place for students, and therefore for students’ belongings. Fire hazard? Hardly.

XC (continued from page 3) of the Westminster team. A quick recount, confirmed by the results of the electronic timing, had us in 3rd behind Westminster and Ladue. Westminster had received a phenomenal effort from their 4th and 5th runners, pushing past Priory to qualify for State as a team. John and Spencer, both AllDistrict runners, will be heading to Jefferson City for the State Meet on Saturday. It has been a great season, marked by both the Varsity and the JV teams which turned adversity into great success through disciplined hard work and determination. They all deserve to be congratulated!

THE RECORD - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School 500 S. Mason Road, Creve Coeur, MO 63141 314.434.3690 ext. 221 Editor in Chief: Kevin H Hess, ’11 Layout Editor: David Taiclet, ’11 Content Editors: Jon Gower, ’11 Sam Sagartz, ’11 Moderator: MatthewL Barrett

Friday, November 5, 2010  

Friday, November 5, 2010

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