nion & Entertainment Mitch’s Mysterious Madness By Mitch Van Bree ‘13
The Mystery of the Strange IHS Symbol
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ecently, Students and faculty around Priory have been noticing this strange symbol around the school. The symbol contains the letters “I-H-S.” After inquiring with other classmates, I realized that nobody knew what this symbol was for, or why it was placed all over the school. When I was informed that both Sherlock Holmes and Scooby-Doo were unavailable, I took it upon myself to get to the bottom of this mystery. I asked around the school to see if anybody knew anything.
something to do with the 7th grader disappearances. Has anybody else noticed this!? Issac Grant, Noah Onder, Timmy Ullman, or Sam … ah what’s his last name!? I don’t remember his last name, but seriously, I haven’t seen those guys in weeks.
ably putting them up. Unless it stands for “Injure Hank Schake,” in which case he definitely isn’t. Or maybe it’s “I smoked here.” Hank Schake: (Mr. Schake was unavailable for comment, as he was on the phone with AARP).
Ed Houser: I think it’s a ransom note! The letters stand for “I have the swan.” Abelard isn’t dead! He’s been kidnapped – maybe by a secret society or something! It’s a conspiracy man! Peter Krewet: I don’t know what it means, but I’m pretty sure the Jesuits are behind it … or Opus Dei. Alex Haueisen: Mitch! I don’t care what it is! These symbols are driving me crazy! It’s so rude and inconsiderate to just put them all over the school like that! It really grinds my gears! John Houser:
I think it has
resources to the investigation of this issue. As a result of this extensive research, I have concluded that the mysterious signs must stand for “I hate s’mores.” I think someone on campus in engaged in a s’more smearing campaign. In fact, I suspect there is a secret s’more smearing society. Perhaps, several secret salacious s’more smearing societies. In response, I have allocated a considerable portion of our chaplaincy budget to the implementation and propagation of s’more sensitivity sessions and s’more swallowing symposia. If they are effective, I am considering adding some more s’more sessions. In any case, surely nothing justifies the disruptive disregard of school protocol and the disfigurement, desecration, and defilement of our pristine school walls. If you have any information on the true meaning of the symbol and/or who is placing the symbol around school, please call 1-800-4466887.
Joaquin Alarcon: I think the letters stand for “Immortal Hank Schake,” so Mr. Schake is prob-
Fr. Augustine: As a major administrator, I have devoted considerable time, energy, and chaplaincy
Our beloved Fr. Michael Returns to campus!
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