Volume XLIII, Issue 6

THE RECORD WEEKLY Volume XLIII, Issue 6

Soccer ends sadly, Football picks up banner and marches on

FOOTBALL SPOTLIGHTS KEY PLAYERS

Rides a 7 win streak into Wednesday’s game

P6-7

TROUBLE IN HOGWARTS

With Hermann’s Vexes P9

THE MYSTERY OFWho? IHSWhat? Why?

P11

THESIS SPOTLIGHT

Noddings never fails to show his genius P3

News The Record Staff

Ready to ROFL?

By Peter Cogan‘13

Editor in Chief: Peter J. Cogan Layout Editor: Jack M. Mueller Content Editor: Patrick C.Lindmark Editor at Large: Thomas S. Burton Faculty Moderator: Chris W. Bailes

The Record Disclaimer The Record is the official student publication of Saint Louis Priory School in St. Louis, Missouri.

It is produced by students/staff members. Its purpose is threefold: to inform students of events in the community; to encourage discussion of local, national, and international issues; and to serve as a training ground for budding journalists, photographers, and graphic designers. The Record accepts contributions from all members of the Priory community, including students, faculty, and alumni.

The Record will not publish content considered legally unprotected speech, including but not limited to: libel, copyright infringement, unwarranted invasion of privacy, or material disruption of the educational process. Student editors apply professional standards to the production of the newspaper and are solely responsible for all content, both explicit and implicit.

Letters to the Editors are always appreciated. Feedback not intended for publication is also welcome.

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What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?

A neck-tarine!

Why couldn’t the ghost see its mom and dad?

Because they were trans-parents!

What is a goblin’s favorite cheese?

Monster-ella!

What do you call a bat that does tricks?

An acro-bat!

Why do vampires need mouthwash?

Because they have bat breath!

What do you call a vampire that lives in a kitchen?

Count Spatula!

What tests do vampire teachers give?

Blood tests!

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?

No, they eat the fingers separately.

What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?

Spare ribs.

Soft Taco Spanish Rice Fresh Corn

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Baked Mostaciolli W/ Meat Sauce Steamed Broccoli

NOT

Buffalo Chicken Pita Lentils

29

Philly Steak Sandwich Not hot slaw

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LUNCH

D E T S I L Priory’s Special Penini (Revisited)

Toasted Rav’s with Sauce Steamed vegetables

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Sloppy Joe Fries

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Unlisted

submit your article to theprioryrecord@gmail.com

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Pizza! Pizza!

Pizza!

It’s pizza, trick!

Unlisted

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News Thesis Spotlight: Tchaikovsky and the Five

By Andrew Cammon ‘14

H

ow a the cultural conflict between East and West brought about the development of Russian classical music by Alex Noddings Alex Noddings’s love of classical music translated into a very interesting senior thesis. The first topic he picked was “nationalism and romanticism in nineteenth century Europe, and their influence on history, music, and art.”

“It would have been well over one hundred pages,” he remarked. He was extremely interested in the topic, but as he started researching, he realized that there simply wasn’t enough time in the summer for that thesis, especially since he was to spend six weeks at UMSL doing scientific research.

In an attempt to narrow down his topic, he came across a conflict between two groups of Russian composers. He was immediately interested, and a little more research on the topic sold him.

The conflict was between the Russian composer Tchaikovsky and a group know as “The Five.” Tchaikovsky embraced Western music, but also sought to give his pieces distinct Russian style. “The Five,” a group of Russian composers who met in St. Petersburg, on the other hand, wanted to do away with Western music entirely. In their eyes, the Western music got in the way of Russian nationalism in composing. Naturally there was animosity between the two groups, and history has treated

them as such, as two distinct groups. Alex Noddings may be the first person to disagree. His thesis argues that the two groups were both very Russian in their style, and had much of the same inspiration for their music. Despite their mutual dislike, “the two groups are more similar than history has viewed them to be,” Alex says.

When asked if he ever considered doing a nontraditional thesis, his response is “Yes.” In addition to listening to music, Alex is also an exceptional piano player. “I considered doing a performance thesis,” Alex said, “and I also considered performing pieces and arguing about them, a combination of a traditional and nontraditional thesis.” But time was a crucial factor, and there wasn’t enough time for him to prepare an entire performance.

In the actual writing of his paper, Alex followed a cycle.

First he made a rough outline.

Then he researched and wrote along that outline. During the research and writing, he would find parts of the outline that didn’t work or had to be rearranged. Then he revised his outline, and researched and wrote more. His research was mainly for historical events and facts; he did not find any source that shared his argument. In the end, before writing the final paper, Alex had completed four to five rough drafts.

Alex’s thesis is both unique in its subject and in its argument. He took a stance all alone, and had to formulate his argument with no help from other scholars in history. He took a risk, and was able to pull off an incredible thesis.

Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky (top left) and The Five (counterclockwise from bottom left): Mily Balakirev, César Cui,Alexander Borodin, Modest Mussorgsky, and Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov.

“There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.”

-George Bernard Remember to come in @ 8:05 on Thursday for STUCO donuts!

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Sports Top 5 College Contenders 5. LSU Tigers Despite not having the star power that some LSU teams have had in the past, the Tigers are in a familiar position near the top of the polls. Despite losing to Florida several weeks ago, LSU can reenter the title picture with a win next week against top ranked Alabama. Although LSU does not have a dynamic offense, the Tigers’ defense is certainly elite. Led by pass rushers Barkevious Mingo and Sam Montgomery, the Tigers’ defense is strong enough to wreak havoc on any offense in the country.

4. Kansas State Wildcats Kansas State is a team that many people had low expectations for coming into the year. But through the first two thirds of the season, K-State is proving these doubters wrong by scoring three wins over ranked opponents. Senior quarterback Collin Klein, who has thrown for twelve touchdowns and rushed for sixteen, leads the

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Wildcats’ fifth ranked scoring offense. Their defense is no slouch either, allowing just seventeen points per game.

By Thomas Burton ‘13

3. Oregon Ducks Oregon and its high-flying offense have dominated every game they’ve been apart of this year, winning each game by at least seventeen points. The Ducks are averaging an intimidating 53 points per game—1st in the nation by a considerable margin.

Although their defense isn’t nearly as strong, Oregon has never really needed its defense to do much

of anything. The Ducks are led by running back Kenyon Barner and multipurpose back DeAnthony Thomas, who is among Oregon’s leaders in rushing, receiving, and kick return yards.

2. Notre Dame Fighting Irish Say what you will about Notre Dame, but this year, the Irish are for real.

After Notre Dame just beat its second top ten opponent on the road, it is obvious that the Irish defense is as good as anyone’s in the country (allowing the 2nd least points per game).

This stout unit is led by Heisman Candidate Manti Te’o (SR linebacker) and Stephon Tuitt (SO defensive

Exam week coming nov 12-16!

end). The Irish also have a tremendous three-pronged rushing attack led by Cierre Wood, Theo Riddick, and Geore Atkinson III. With three of its remaining four games essentially “gimmes,” Notre Dame could easily find itself in the National Championship this winter.

1. Alabama Crimson Tide The preseason number one in many polls, Alabama has simply stomped every opponent they have faced this year. Alabama, as usual, has a top-flight defense led by linebacker CJ Mosely. The Tide’s offense has also done extremely well this year, with a huge offensive line paving the way for running backs Eddie Lacy and TJ Yeldon. A difficult schedule remains, but there is no reason to doubt that Alabama can win out and find itself in position to win its second consecutive title.

Sports Priory Soccer Fights, But Falls 1-0

D

espite a rough season with only 8 victories, the Rebels were not ready to give up. Perhaps some of you saw the team running lap after lap on the track last week; they were committed to give it their all in the district semifinal. The Rebels faced off against Parkway Central (ranked 6 in the area) last afternoon at Westminster. They played Central earlier in the season and were beaten 4-0. The Rebels came out and played fiercely and confidently.

The game was very even and Pri-

By Peter Cogan ‘13

ory even had a handful of opportunities to score off of a free kick or corner kick. But late in the first half disaster struck the Rebels.

After dangling a Parkway Central midfielder, Sam Newman was taken down from behind. A foul was called, but Sam was sidelined for the remainder of the game with an ankle injury. The score at halftime was still 0-0, and Priory came and fought valiantly in the second half despite their best player on the sideline. Eventually, Parkway Central got a ball behind

the Priory defense and converted it for a goal. The game would stay at 1-0 until the final whistle.

It would be safe to say that Parkway Central felt lucky to escape their first round of districts. With Sam Newman out it was a completely different game. Unfortunately, Sam’s last game was spent on the sideline watching his team falter in the second half. Sam and the rest of the seniors will be greatly missed, as they each heavily contributed to the team. Joey Ciapciak stepped into a starting

role at center midfield and played the best game of his life against Parkway Central. Patrick Schafer stepped in at Sam’s spot the second half and played his role magnificently by creating attack. Peter Cogan played a great final game on defense and kept Parkway Central away from the goal. Even Joaquin Alarcon will be missed.

But even with losing these great seniors, the team will be loaded next year with juniors and seniors, each with plenty of varsity experience. The new season begins now.

Top 5 Scariest Teachers at Priory

By Will O’Brien ‘14

5. Mr. Finan- They put Mr. Finan in charge of Saturdays for a reason.

This ex-college football stud still keeps up his stature and is always ready to glower at any ne’er do well passing by. He is a constant reminder to all Priory students of the punishment that could ensue if one ventures outside the rules.

If he calls you into his office, a shiver will go down your spine.

Plus as a man who teaches, coaches, is a dean, is the administrator of the most reverend lunch, and holds many other jobs, he is able to find a way to gain leverage on every single student at the school.

4. “Flex” a.k.a. Mr. Schake- Many of the spookiest ghosts in history are told to inhabit one particular place; for example the room where they died, their old house, etc. Mr. Schake has haunted room 105 for what has to be a hundred years now, always in the doorway with a welcoming, or sometimes not so welcoming, remark. Plus his wardrobe of many different heavy sweaters

does little to obscure the bulging muscle that lies beneath. Another scary thing, he knows ALL your parents and in some cases actually taught them as well (I’m looking at you Michael and Louis Garvin.) He is not afraid to use this knowledge to gain leverage over any student. Again, let me draw attention to those huge muscles. They don’t call him Flex for nothing. If those bad boys don’t scare you I don’t know what does.

3. Dr. Greisbauer- When I entered Dr. Greisbauer’s class for the first time, I thought I was quite good at debating. So when I first engaged Dr. Greisbauer in verbal fisticuffs, I thought I would do well. I later walked out of the classroom dazed, and confused at the overall purpose of my existence.

Dr. Greisbauer is able to so beautifully string together an argument- the only word to describe it is scary. If tomorrow I wore a blue shirt, I’m fairly positive Dr. Greisbauer could successfully convince me it was actually a pair of fiery

red pants instead. The look on his face as he destroys your argument bit by bit haunts your mind for days. Any one who doubts me- I sincerely dare to try to argue with Dr. Greisbauer. When you get headaches for the next week, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

2. Mr. Combs- The figure of discipline to the rowdy junior-schoolers, no high school student ever seems to forget his place as their first priory dean. Mr. Combs was the first Priory employee I was scared of, and will probably be the last one I get over my fear of. The football coach with the booming voice exquisite posture, he refuses to ever let his junior schoolers act out of line. Whether it be mass, assemblies, or just the normal day he always looms near the junior schoolers, making them reconsider saying that joke with the mildly inappropriate punch line.

The dictionary describes fear as “a distressing emotion caused by impending danger, inconvenience, or pain.” Mr. Combs can cause

Football @ St. Claire, WEdnesday @ 7pm

fear in any student he so wishes.

1. Mrs. Hall- Mrs. Hall plays mental games with you. On the surface she seems polite and nice, but in reality she comes to dominate your life. One minute you’re thinking about turning your math work in on time, the next you’re fearing what she might do if you fail to do so. Your favorite subject becomes math, and you start to spend hours and hours on it. She even begins to haunt your dreams, similar to Freddie Krueger. And just like Freddie, can twist your nightmares any which way she chooses. I have yet to see her wearing a large claw on her left hand but yet I am still equally scared of her. To sum things up, as I write this article I am mortified at the very thought of what she might say to me after seeing this article. Will she be offended?

Does that mean I fail my next test?

I ask that any who wish to see me alive and continuing to write for the record send me their prayers.

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Sports

OMLINE RT

Senior Brian Vaporean 6’1” 220lb

RG

Senior Captain John Vitale 6’2” 280lb

“Go big, or go home!” Started 21 consecutive games.

Brian “Vapo” Vaporean returned after “All season most of a 4 game hiatus due the praise of the footto a high ankle sprain ball team centered with as much of an around the offense. impact as can be had This past week it from the line. Domi- was our defense that nating the defense’s won the game for us. stud end and blockLook for us to return ing for the powerful to form as we light Raybuck-Nogalski up the scoreboard rush combo makes Wednesday night him a vital part of the against St. Claire.”

Rebel team overall.

A man of few words, John is a major expect him to raise mover on the offense a few Rebel yells line and has proved tonight when he his mettle against disrupts the St. Claire formidable oppobackfield. nents (Burrough’s Solo). John is sure to impress again.

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C

Senior Captain John Houser 6’2” 205lb

LG

Senior Captain Sam Bruns 6’1” 220lb

LT

Senior Ed Houser 6’3” 215lb

IQ: 145 ACT: 35 “The results are in the Greatest Asset: “My Brain.” effort.”

Irony: Uses the Lshaped hand rule to And certainly Sam remember Right from Characterized by his has put in the efLeft. distinctive gruntle fort. With this years noises while blockrushing track record, Edward is undoubtedly ing. you know everyone on the line is moving the brightest mind on this line (which is sayJohn is a leader by ex- some bodies. ing something because ample. He has tireless as Coach Combs will work ethic and rarely Sam boasts the largtell you, these are the misses his block. He est circumference smartest guys on the has a steady snap, biceps on the o-line. team. In’t that right a focused outlook And the nicest flow.

PIGGIES!). But when it of the game, and is comes to blocking, Ed looked up to by the thinks not. He simply whole team. drives. And success follows.

Varisty starter since Sophomore year.

The most experienced member of our squad.

Hair Length: 7.5”

Great Season to the Varsity Rebels Soccer

Sports Not Just the Dave and Tom Show

By Jack Mueller ‘13

Junior Dan Watson 6’2” 180lb

“I wanted to see what we’d do. And we didn’t disappoint. We beat four ranked teams. Then we beat Union without our leading scorer.

Even to a guy like me that’s good.Those writers want to go back to the way things were. But I know the truth. We’ve changed things... forever.”

Senior Sam Friedman 5’10” 190lb “Proud of all the guys that have stepped up on defense. I think we have one of the best defenses the area has had in the last few years, and same goes for offense.

We are a championship worthy team.”

*Currently on the DL, return uncertain

Junior Gussie Busch 5’10” 190lb “Pancakes? 11 for breakfast! 30 in the game.” Gussie will be welcoming his new compliment at ILB Connor Flavin tonight. We expect huge games from both.

Thanks all, For t he signed ball, for t he pray ers and good wis hes.

I am et ernally grat eful.

The ball means more t han y ou know t o me.

Sam

Junior Paul Deschler 5’10” 180lb Extremely humble and soft spoken, “Paullie D” doesn’t need words to prove his value to the team. Close your eyes, hear the boom... that was Paullie.

IMPACT Junior Steven Clark 6’0” 205lb

Steve is the team’s firey, hard to stop nose tackle that relentlessly pursues quarterbacks, running backs, and the occasional interception. Steve stepped up big this year, keep an eye on him in the future.

Like the Record Facebook Page!

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Opinion & Enterta “What does the poor man do at the rich man’s door, the sick man in the presence of his physician, the thirsty man at a limpid stream?

What they do, I do before the Eucharistic God. I pray. I adore. I love.”

-St. Francis of Assisi

Ralph’s Rages

By Fr. Ralph Wright O.S.B.

P

erot fell into his lap. He liked Glendon at first glance.

Flunk persuaded the Supreme Court to say “YES!” and before you could say ‘George” it was Election Minus Five. Eight p.m. Five channels.

This was how the conversations went: Tom: Well, Professor Glendon, or may I call you Presidential Candidate Glendon? what reasons have you to give our viewers that would make them change their vote at this late stage and vote for you as the next President of the United States, the one to issue in the millennial?

Glendon: Thankyou, Tom, I’m glad you asked me that question. Frankly I believe that 80% of the country are bored out of their arboreal branches with the current menu and have been waiting for a presidential candidate that has some kind of vision that will motivate every man woman and child in this country. I believe I have such a vision.

Tom: This is very interesting, Miss Glendon, that you, a Harvard law professor with minimal knowledge of the outside world and a Catholic to boot consider

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that you have a better vision than politicians who have been, so to speak, in the trade of guiding our citizens for many many years. How would you articulate this special vision as you call it?

question

please..

Glendon:I believe seriously and firmly, without equivocation based on lobby strength or dollarage or vote count, that every single human being, myself and yourself included, have had since the moment we were conceived rights to life liberty and the pursuit of happiness that are protected by our country’s constitution. I believe that each person from the moment that he or she is conceived is endowed by God with these rights and that we are called to organize and regulate our whole political structure on the basis of these rights. Their protection; their promotion; and , where they do not yet exist, their creation.will be my primary aim. This is my platform, this is my vision, this is the vision that should bring every American into the new millennium with a renewed sense of purpose for himself and for his country and, since I believe that people across the world share these rights, a new purpose for the world for the 2000 + years. Thankyou next

Tom: Well , candidate Glendon, what do you offer the people?

Tom: Yes, but Mary Ann, if l may call you Mary Ann ?

Glendon:

You

may

not.

Glendon: I offer them an end to shilly shallying, an end to woolly political jargonspeak and technospeak that talks around the truth and says nothing. Let’s get people’s rights on the table and then work to see how we can start protecting them and furthering them. Little by little but a little more each day and each month and each year. That’s what government’s gotta be about.

Tom: Ah, but Professor Glen don, our Economists show that any movement in such a direction would be sure to bankrupt the nation.

Glendon: Phooey! We’re bankrupt already if you’re gonna go by the deficit, so what’s new. Bankrupt the economists no doubt.— and some politicians! Let’s get programs that help parents raise families. Let’s get programs that

Have a Glorious all saints day!

help schools provide quality education for their students. Let’s teach ethics. Let’s welcome religion into our schools. No body’s the worse off for religion if its taught well and leads people to the good and the true. If you don’t lead them in those directions in schools then whose gonna lead them there in this culture where the family is a wilderness?

Tom: Well that’s all we’ve got time for tonight but I’m certainly glad you took the time to come. Viewers, we hope to have you back with us tomorrow night Election Minus Four when Candidate Glendon will be talking about War, Peace and the Economy. Good night.” \ With that the television convention went dark for the evening and Flunk, Tom and Diana congratulated Mary Ann for a great first throw of the presidential dice. Flunk took off and flashed on his monitor screen the following verse: YOU were unborn,/ without a name,/people cared for YOU,please do the same.

FCVP Election ‘96. ©Ralph

Wright

o.s.b.

Opinion & Enterta Michael’s Vexations Blog: The Chamber of Secrets Reopened

By Michael Herman ‘14

O

n Monday morning as the entire school returned from the Monday morning assembly we were surprised by a sight that strikes fear into the very soul of every mudblood within a 50-mile radius of the school. In front of Professor Linus’ office was hung a Canada goose with a message explaining that the Chamber of Secrets had indeed been reopened and that all mudbloods were in danger. Being from a family with some of the purest blood in the school I had utterly nothing to fear. However a portion of the school knew was in great danger. This personally vexed me like an unannounced Hippogriff attack because I am quite fond of some of our mudbloods.

Concern arose in the school until finally a little boy had been taken into the chamber. I decided it was time to take matters into

my own hands. I devised a plan to locate the chamber and bring back Kevin Schilling’s body from the murky depths of the chamber.

I met with the classical language department to see if they could help me master Parseltongue before I was to enter into the lair of the basilisk. The concerned teachers explained to me that Parseltongue was an extremely complex language that died off over two thousand years ago. The teachers told me that there was no way that I would be able learn to speak Parseltongue before the night was out based on my track record in their classes. Professor Miller told me that he had done a search on the school when it had been first been opened and that with such little time it would be impossible to find. A certain Latin teacher (who is best known for winning the Record weekly’s best

smile contest 12 weeks running) then told me that he had narrowed down the location of the Chamber to one of two places. He had not revealed this to me in front of the other teachers because he was suspect of their motives. He told me it was either directly under the elevator shaft next to the bookstore or under the girl’s lavatory near the library. When considering the second location, it seemed like the perfect spot to conceal a Chamber filled to the brim with secrets.

How many times have you actually ever seen anyone go in there?

I thought about under the bookstore as well and how the monster could’ve easily been snacking on Rice-Krispy treats all these years and only needed to quench its thirst for mudblood every so often. It was do or die time and we needed to make a decision about which way we were going to go.

This teacher who has mastered the Parseltongue language decided it was best to go to the lavatory.

On a sprint we went over to the girl’s lavatory where the professor poked around and said some incoherent snake noises under his breath. The sink transformed itself into a slide and, knowing Kevin’s time was short, we immediately plunged into the bowels of the school to save him. Upon entering the layer we found stacks upon stacks of Otis Spunkmeyer muffin wrappers. We approached Kevin who was ice cold with muffin crumbs lying all around him.

In front of us stood a teenage boy who looked like he would fit in quite well with the priory crowd.

He explained to us he was the great heir of the Switzer house. He told us that we had abused our muffin privileges for long enough and told us that Kevin had learned his

Taken 2 Review

By Tripp Miller ‘16

T

aken 2 is the follow up to the epic action movie Taken, and while it retains some of the excitement, the movie lacks the brutal edge of the first, and feels like a lazy effort to re-create it’s predecessor.

Liam Neeson delivers a decent performance in a so-so movie.

The basic plot is the same as in the first: people kidnap Liam Neeson’s family, Liam seeks revenge. It makes one wonder why his family doesn’t take the hint and stop vacationing abroad. The sequel takes place in Istanbul, which makes for some cool scenery in the backdrop of

all the killing, but is otherwise irrelevant. In this one, the relatives of the people Liam killed to save his daughter seek revenge on Liam by kidnapping his family. His daughter is hurling grenades, racing through streets in a cab, and playing a much more active role. Played by Maggie Grace, the character is a long way from her near-helpless role in the first one. It’s a bit disconcerting.

The movie plays out at a decent pace, with only a few plot holes. It is without the famous phone monologue (“I have a very specific set of skills”),

which is a bit of a bummer.

It also sets itself up for a sequel, which is irritating.

This film is a bit bland,an average action flick, with a seemingly never-ending car chase, gunfights, and explosions.

It’s watchable though, and is a decent way to spend an hour and a half. It’s not going to win the Palm d’Or, but it’s not really trying to. A standard-issue action film that doesn’t quite live up to the first, but is alright none the less.

Check out how the varsity teams fare on stlhighschoolsports.com

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Puzzles Across

1. Mob 5. Stockpile 10. Information 14. Region 15. Follow as a result 16. Auspices 17. Russian emperor 18. Rancor 20. Preachings 22. Hypodermic 23. Upon (prefix) 24. Express audibly 25. Ad-lib 32. Trousers 33. Awry 34. Damp 37. Circle fragments

Across

1. Value 6. Prospector’s find 10. What a person is called 14. 3-banded armadillo 15. Colored part of an eye 16. Is endebted to 17. Discourage 18. Air force heroes 19. Mountain pool 20. Sow 22. Small island 23. Egg cells 24. Specialty 26. Full of complexities 30. Parental brother 32. Product of bees 33. Self-employed person

Down

38. Filched 1. Handguns 39. Have the 2. Backside nerve 3. Close 40. Born as 4. Clothes 41. Hockey foot- 5. Rupture in wear smooth muscle 42. Marsh plant tissue 43. Curse 6. 1 1 1 1 45. Mix together 7. Donkey 49. Blemish 8. Regrets 50. Extra 9. Declare untrue 53. Pixies 10. To yield or 57. Temple submit 59. Cultivate 11. Go-between 60. Bright 12. Slight color thought 13. Daisylike bloom 61. Bitter 19. A framework of 62. Two-toed beams sloth 21. Chooses 63. Sensed 25. Extent 64. Culinary herb 26. Cut back 65. Dispatched 27. A single time 28. Area of South Africa

37. Rectum 38. Operatic solos 39. Tiny sphere 40. Part of the Bible 42. African antelope 43. Mountain crest 44. Record player 45. Reject 47. Comes after Mi and Fah 48. Box 49. Loyalty 56. Bluefin 57. Rude person 58. Transparent 59. Portent 60. Not short 61. Ancient Greek marketplace 62. Whip mark 63. Type of sword 64. Territories

Down

1. Dry riverbed 2. Not closed 3. Rodents 4. Tall woody plant 5. Congruity 6. Tropical vine 7. Killer whale 8. Weight loss plan 9. Colognes 10. Pronounced 11. Flooded 12. European blackbird 13. Feudal worker 21. Old World vine 25. Sick 26. Not this 27. Sharpen 28. Burden 29. Diner 30. Pee 31. Tidy 33. Fuss

Next Issue: Friday, novermber 9 the end of term 1!

29. Overact 30. Lubricated 31. Utilize 34. Dry riverbed 35. Therefore 36. Adolescent 38. Calypso offshoot 39. Waste 41. Besmirch 42. Stigma 44. Hinder 45. Recurring theme 46. Avoid 47. Renegade 48. Extraordinary 51. Annoying insect 52. Every single one 53. Slender 54. Prong 55. Distinctive flair 56. A promiscuous woman 58. Weep

34. Close 35. Walking stick 36. Cocoyam 38. Willing to comply 41. Arrive (abbrev.)

42. Honorable 44. Soak 45. Foam 46. Discussion group 47. Twilled fabric 48. Put away 50. Coil 51. Solitary 52. Aquatic plant 53. A noble gas 54. Credit or playing 55. Historical periods

nion & Entertainment Mitch’s Mysterious Madness

By Mitch Van Bree ‘13

The Mystery of the Strange IHS Symbol

R

ecently, Students and faculty around Priory have been noticing this strange symbol around the school. The symbol contains the letters “I-H-S.” After inquiring with other classmates, I realized that nobody knew what this symbol was for, or why it was placed all over the school. When I was informed that both Sherlock Holmes and Scooby-Doo were unavailable, I took it upon myself to get to the bottom of this mystery. I asked around the school to see if anybody knew anything.

something to do with the 7th grader disappearances.

Has anybody else noticed this!? Issac Grant, Noah Onder, Timmy Ullman, or Sam … ah what’s his last name!? I don’t remember his last name, but seriously, I haven’t seen those guys in weeks.

ably putting them up. Unless it stands for “Injure Hank Schake,” in which case he definitely isn’t.

Or maybe it’s “I smoked here.”

Hank Schake: (Mr. Schake was unavailable for comment, as he was on the phone with AARP).

Ed Houser: I think it’s a ransom note! The letters stand for “I have the swan.” Abelard isn’t dead! He’s been kidnapped – maybe by a secret society or something! It’s a conspiracy man!

Peter Krewet: I don’t know what it means, but I’m pretty sure the Jesuits are behind it … or Opus Dei. Alex Haueisen: Mitch! I don’t care what it is! These symbols are driving me crazy! It’s so rude and inconsiderate to just put them all over the school like that! It really grinds my gears!

John Houser:

I think it has

resources to the investigation of this issue. As a result of this extensive research, I have concluded that the mysterious signs must stand for “I hate s’mores.” I think someone on campus in engaged in a s’more smearing campaign.

In fact, I suspect there is a secret s’more smearing society. Perhaps, several secret salacious s’more smearing societies. In response, I have allocated a considerable portion of our chaplaincy budget to the implementation and propagation of s’more sensitivity sessions and s’more swallowing symposia.

If they are effective, I am considering adding some more s’more sessions. In any case, surely nothing justifies the disruptive disregard of school protocol and the disfigurement, desecration, and defilement of our pristine school walls.

If you have any information on the true meaning of the symbol and/or who is placing the symbol around school, please call 1-800-4466887.

Joaquin Alarcon: I think the letters stand for “Immortal Hank Schake,” so Mr. Schake is prob-

Fr. Augustine: As a major administrator, I have devoted considerable time, energy, and chaplaincy

Our beloved Fr. Michael Returns to campus!

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LAUS TIBI

DOMINE Vexes, Cont.

lesson for bogarting the school’s muffin supply. We returned to the top of the school where Kevin was able to breathe and walk again.

The scare that took place in the chamber should serve as a warning to all that Magical Muffin Wednesday should not be

taken lightly and if another person takes the last muffin again without me getting one I will personally take them into the

Oogitty boogitty boo!

chamber where they shall lay forever never again eating a muffin.

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