Page 1


A message from our President P4


VanBree goes one on one with the Headmaster Himself P2


General Consensus: Lunch Is Awesome!



The Rebels Struck Down, But Return Stonger Than Ever P5

Priory Builds Up Steam, Gets Back Into The Groove






Priory Si n

ic s





Student Ne pa


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Volume XLIII, Issue 1




News An Interview with the Headmaster

The Record Staff Editor in Chief: Peter J. Cogan Layout Editor: Jack M. Mueller Content Editor: Patrick C.Lindmark Editor at Large: Thomas S. Burton Faculty Moderator: Chris W. Bailes

The Record Disclaimer The Record is the official student publication of Saint Louis Priory School in St. Louis, Missouri. It is produced by students/staff members. Its purpose is threefold: to inform students of events in the community; to encourage discussion of local, national, and international issues; and to serve as a training ground for budding journalists, photographers, and graphic designers. The Record accepts contributions from all members of the Priory community, including students, faculty, and alumni. The Record will not publish content considered legally unprotected speech, including but not limited to: libel, copyright infringement, unwarranted invasion of privacy, or material disruption of the educational process. Student editors apply professional standards to the production of the newspaper and are solely responsible for all content, both explicit and implicit. Letters to the Editors are always appreciated. Feedback not intended for publication is also welcome.


By Mitch Van Bree ‘13


n the first day of school, I walked in to the Headmaster’s office to greet Fr. Michael. But when I walked in, I found a remarkably tidy office and a strange new man sitting behind the desk. I was informed that this man was Fr. Linus, our new headmaster. Since I didn’t remember electing him as Headmaster, I was very worried. “What if he is evil?” “What if he intends to eliminate all fun and joy from Priory?” “What if he doesn’t throw out Starbursts!?” I was determined to get to the bottom of things and find out who this “Fr. Linus” really was. I sat down with him last Friday and did just that! Me: So first off, what gives!? Where are the Starbursts? Fr. Linus: Well, throwing Starbursts isn’t really my cup of tea. M: O… So it’s not because you don’t like us, you just don’t like throwing Starbursts? L: Right. It also creates litter in the halls. Maybe there will be another kind of treat. M: Alright, I guess that’s acceptable. Now you are Priory’s new headmaster, correct? L: Correct. M: And how did you become Headmaster? Did you best the other monks in hand-to-hand combat?

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L: No. It was months of campaigning. Actually, I was “appointed” as they say. I didn’t seek out the job. There was some give-andtake negotiation for well over a few months and in the end the abbot and I agreed this would be a good thing. I’m happy to do it, but we did have to make sure we were both thinking on the same wavelength so to speak. M: And on that note, why do you think Fr. Abbot chose you and not say… Fr. Augustine or Mr. Schake. L: Mr. Schake is about to retire! And Fr. Augustine: I am a bit older than him and I have some more background in the school scene. So maybe it’s an experience factor. However, he beats me on the popularity factor. With Fr. Augustine, it would be a snow day every day! M: I just want to clarify this because I’m a bit confused. I heard some seniors say that they run the school. So just to be clear, do you run the school or do seniors run the school? L: We run the school together. M: Ok so it’s like a co-running thing! L: Well, it isn’t “co” as in “equal!” But the upper-classmen definitely set a tone and have a position of leadership amongst the student


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body. It is very much their school. I certainly recognize their place in the school and I encourage the students to come to me with any ideas or issues. And I actually think pretty highly of the senior class. M: So you’ve got the first week under your belt. How has it been? Is it what you expected? L: No. It seems like every day there’s a surprise. Unplanned things happen. I like to plan everything and know exactly what’s going to happen every day and it’s just not like that in this office. Not a day goes by when someone doesn’t walk in my door and deliver a surprise. Sometimes it’s a welcome surprise but usually it’s not. Sometimes it means there’s a problem to solve. And that wrecks your whole day because you had things planned. This weekly summary was supposed to be done yesterday at midday and it’s still not done. M: You said being Headmaster is not an easy job, so what kind of training did you do to assume the position? L: Good question. I took judo lessons. I did go to a workshop this summer meant for new headmasters of small schools. I also interviewed a former colleague who has been a headmaster for years. I got a whole lot of good advice

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News and insight. I’ve been following that advice and some things work pretty well and some don’t. But I think all things considered, it’s been a good start. M: So they actually have a “New Small School Headmaster” seminar? L: O yes! With a whole notebook with articles and everything! Whenever the instructor was boring I would just read the articles and when he started talking about something interesting, I would listen. It was just like you guys do. M: So when they were talking about how to deal with girls, you’d just flip open the notebook? L: yes, exactly. M: Now I know you said that it’s a tough job, but what are the perks? L: This big, giant office. Also, I get to set my own deadlines. Plus, I have a budget! That’s’ kind of nice. I can spend money after all these years. M: You have a “Headmaster Budget?” L: Exactly. That’s actually what it’s called. I bought these prints. They’re very surreal. Some people like them, some people don’t. It turns out Mrs. Schafer doesn’t think they’re real art. She wants to put them way in a corner where nobody can see them. However, I find them to be fun to look at. M: Has Doc looked at them? L: He hasn’t been in here yet but I’m sure he’ll be by at some point. M: I’m sure he’ll give you an opinion. L: I bet he’s a harsh critic. M: He is. You’ve been spending all this time preparing to be headmaster. Do you even remember the atomic weight of ammonium?! L: I do! It’s 18. M: I have no idea what it is. I’ll verify later.

L: Do you remember the charge on the ammonium ion? M: …Plus 1. L: very nice! M: That was not a guess. M: Now that you’re the boss of everybody, who do you enjoy bossing around the most? L: I don’t really think of it that way. M: It’s Mr. Finan, isn’t it? L: I don’t know. He’s a lot bigger than I am so I have to go easy there. It’s true that some people need to be bossed around but I’m not sure I get a thrill out of it. It can be kind of unpleasant. M: You mean you don’t like to throw the hammer down!? L: I like to throw the hammer down when it comes to establishing policy. And then I expect people to follow through with it, but that’s where I’m running into problems. M: I’m glad you mentioned that because I’ve overheard people complaining about policy changes. Personally, I haven’t noticed a thing. Did you change something? L: Yes. M: I heard some kids complaining about wearing their blazers all day. L: It makes you guys look really sharp if you’re actually wearing the coat and tie. Also, people were using the lost and found as a wardrobe. It was kind of ridiculous! It’s actually the norm that you wear coat and tie every day at most prestigious private schools in the country. For someone on the outside, we could look pretty raggedy sometimes. So I figure if it’s a coat and tie day, let’s just wear the coat and tie and look good. M: Also, athletes can no longer wear jerseys on gamedays? L: Right. If you can keep what you do in the classroom in the

classroom and what you do on the ball field on the ball field then you have the right frame of mind. That way when you’re in class, you aren’t thinking “I really want to be playing soccer right now.” And it’s not just you it’s your classmates, because they’re seeing the jersey. On the ball field you don’t dress like you’re in the classroom. So it really works both ways. And I do understand it’s really supposed to be a recognition thing. My recommendation is for the teams to wear coat and tie if they want recognition. It’s like the pros. They’re required to travel in coat and tie. That way they look like gentlemen and not a bunch of ruffians. M: I know this one only affects the seniors, is the “facial hair after Christmas” policy still in effect? L: It is not. But if guys want to come and talk to me about it, they should. I’ll consider it. Actually, Sam Bruns wrote me an email before school started. He pretended that he didn’t he didn’t know what the facial hair policy was. It was kind of funny. So I forwarded it to Mr. Finan and said, “you can answer this one.” M: Another big change is the elimination of the clubs period and the Tutoria time being moved to Tuesday morning. L: That’s a partial truth. It’s true that club period in the middle of the morning is gone, but I just shifted it back to how it was before the club period was introduced. Clubs can meet on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday X-periods. So in fact, clubs meet 3 days a week now. But the old club period was right smack-dab in the middle of the morning, which is when we’re supposed to be most productive. It seemed foolish to me. We’re supposed to have our number one priority be academics but we were stopping

in the middle of the morning to play. In addition, so many kids wanted to do study halls last year, that I couldn’t find enough teachers to proctor them all. The system wasn’t working well so I thought, “let’s just start over.” I will probably bring back some sort of club period but it won’t be in the middle of the morning. I’m working with the faculty to smooth out a new clubs plan. M: Last one, the teachers are all in coat and tie. L: That’s just so they look really professional. You guys know how serious and dedicated the faculty are, but we get a whole lot of visitors to this school (especially prospective students and their families) and we want to leave a good impression. In some parts of our society, the teaching profession isn’t looked upon that highly. It’s sometimes viewed as second-rate. But really good teachers are really true professionals. It isn’t easy to be a good teacher. I want the faculty to really look the part and make a good impression. I think the faculty are doing a very nice job with it. M: That’s a good point, but I have one issue with that policy. Basically you’ve raised the bar for all the teachers, but Mr. Heerlein already dressed like that! Shouldn’t you make him wear a tuxedo every day or something? L: You know, he is into music! Maybe he should dress up like a conductor in coat and tails. We should have him bring a top hat too. M: A monocle. L: O yes! M: Ok good. I just want to make sure it’s fair to all the other teachers. Because he didn’t have to change anything! Back to the topic at hand: so you’re telling me that contrary to popular belief, these changes

Remember to come in @ 8:05 on Thursday for STUCO donuts!

Continued P4


News weren’t just because you didn’t want us to have any fun? L: Correct. I’m all for having fun at the right time and place. M: All right, so you are the head honcho and I’m sure you want to leave your mark in the history books. How do you want to be remembered when you are no longer “Priory Headmaster?” What do you hope to accomplish? L: Basically, I would say that I want this administration to be remembered for simply keeping the school on course with its mission. M: What’s the best part of being headmaster?

L: It is kind of fun to be able to mill around the hallways without looking like you’re goofing off. It is important that I be around and stay in touch with people. But it’s nice to be able to just “be” in the halls. When I was teaching, if I was lingering in the hall, I wasn’t doing my job because I had to be somewhere. M: I have 3 more questions for you. I think the Priory students deserve to know the truth! What’s your favorite popsicle flavor!? L: Orange M: Is mayonnaise an instrument!? L: No

M: If bacon ran for president, would you vote for it!? L: I kind of like bacon… is bacon running? M: Unfortunately not. But if it was running, would you vote for it!? L: I don’t know. Are we talking about the real pork bacon? M: Of course. L: The fried, crispy kind or the soft, gushy kind? M: Which kind do you like? L: I like it crispy. M: Then the crispiest bacon you can get! We can even candy it if you like. L: Ew no that’s gross! M: Then we’re not gonna candy

it. Would you vote for crispy bacon!? L: I would say on the local level I’d vote for it. Probably not on the national level. M: Would you vote for Canadian bacon on the national level? L: Hmm… I don’t think I’d vote for any kind of bacon on the national level. M: Ok well Canadian bacon isn’t even eligible for U.S. presidency anyway so that’s a non-issue. Anything else you want to add? L: No I think that was actually a very good question set.

Obituary: Abalard the Magnificent By Thomas Burton ‘13


s some of you may know, a terrible tragedy struck the Priory community just two short weeks ago. A priory icon, Abalard the Swan, has passed away. This magnificent creature was mauled by a coyote, but I assure you, Abalard held his own in the fight. In the end, the coyote emerged victorious, signifying the first time Abalard failed to ward off one of his numerous past attackers. Eyewitnesses have stated that the swan has vanquished mighty opponents such as bears, ligers, and

even a dragon in the recent past. Needless to say, his loss has stricken the Priory community with distress. Said Senior Dan Jacob, choking back tears, “I didn’t know he died. I just thought he was taken somewhere else.” STUCO President Andrew Fogarty also expressed his dismay. Fogarty called this “a very sad event” and expressed how much former headmaster Father Michael cared for the swan. His funeral will be held at the Payless Shoe Source in Kirkwood

tonight at 11:30. Please stop by and pay your respects to this swan who touched all of our hearts so deeply.

Student Council Update


By President Andrew Fogarty ‘13

he first weeks have been very eventful for STUCO. Lately, we have been working hard at both Rebel Roundup, and the 7th grade orientation scavenger hunt. Over the summer, we also helped purchase new chairs in the library. In addition to our hard work, we have made some very important decisions at our meetings. This


year, we will be buying snow cone and popcorn machines for our concession stands. In addition, we have made the decision to take more requests at mixers, so junior schoolers! We will do our best to play the songs you write on the request sheet (within reason). This can be done because we are switching to an internet library to

play our music instead of iTunes. In other news, the homecoming logo contest ends today! So stay tuned to find out what the logo will be. I have heard some great ideas and can’t wait for you guys to see it. This week, I apologize for not posting the agenda on the board in advance, we will be using our entire meeting to choose

JS Mixer Oct. 5 7:00-9:30 tickets $10 on sale soon!

the homecoming logo. Our upcoming events include the first scheduled home football game this Saturday, the October 5th Junior School Mixer, and Spirit Week October 8th through 12th.

Sports Football Recap, Priory Looks To Oust Bombers By Jack Mueller ‘13


ey there Rebel Faithful. The football squad has been busy growing and training, taking hits and giving more. The past two weeks are a story of success and defeat. On August 25, the Rebels took on Alton Marquette at their stadium, The drive over was long but the Rebels hit the field with as much veracity and fearsomeness as the South hit the North (no political rebuttal please, it is our mascot’s namesake). The game started out with a score by the Alton Explorers which in no way set back the rebels. Offense came out and rammed it up the gut Rebel style with a QB run David Nogalski to even up the score. Defense came out and did their job the first half holding the explorers to 13 points. In the third quarter #4 Ford had a 68 yard run 2 min-

utes in. Raybuck answered with a 14 yard run and the conversion from a fire pass from Sophomore John Agnew to junior linebacker Gussie Busch with 2 minutes left. The Rebels entered the fourth with a 28-20 lead on the Explorers. The small rostered Explorers (34 on the roster) decided to pull out one more bag of tricks on the Rebels. The Power-I formation that finally broke the defense. #4 went on to the number one rushing yard leader in the state after the game because of his 5 fourth quarter TD’s. Raybuck scored with under a minute to go in the game but to no avail, the Explorers went on to score again with 34 seconds. The game ended 55-35. RUSHINGPriory, Nogalski 16-41, Raybuck 17-74, Boyce 2-14. PASSINGPriory, Nogalski 21-30-0-277.

RECEIVING-Priory, Rhodes 4-89, Raybuck 3-6, Watson 7-70, Fortmann 3-30, O’Brien 1-27, Walburn 2-44, Esparrago 1-11. The Rebels had a long ride home to do a gut check. Would this be

how their inaugural year in Class 4A football would trend? NO! The Rebels were in the weight room all week, had a strong week of practice and came out ready to exact revenge on Lutheran Continued Back Page

Ready To Play Fantasy Football?


By Thomas Burton ‘13

t last it is finally September—school is swinging into session, the weather is beginning to get cooler, and most importantly, September signifies the beginning of fantasy football season. Fantasy football, for those of you not familiar with the game, is a usually online based game where people pick NFL players and get rewarded with points based on how well these players do in the actual games. While knowledge of the NFL obviously helps, anyone can play fantasy football and have a realistic shot at winning. Although most people have already completed their

draft, I am about to share with you some players whom I would target or avoid on draft day. This column can also be beneficial to those of you who have already drafted. The players listed are guys who I would trade for (or

For a decade, wide receivers Marvin Harrison and Reggie Wayne repeatedly had 1000 yard seasons in Indianapolis while catching balls from Peyton Manning. Although Manning, now with the Broncos, is recovering from sur-

ball player. However, the Jets will be forced to run the ball a lot this year since Mark Sanchez is their quarterback. With no other good running backs to threaten him for carries, look for Greene to become a steal as a late round pick and become a top 20 running back.

“Never draft a kicker before the last round. Ever.” away). And if you already have several of the players on my list, then give yourself a pat on the back, because you’re well on the way to winning your league.

gery, he is still Peyton Manning. Thomas and Decker seem to be the two main beneficiaries from Peyton’s move to Denver, and both will have breakout years in 2012.

Studs Demaryius Thomas and Eric Decker, WR, Denver Broncos

Shonn Greene, RB New York Jets Firstly, let me clarify something: Shonn Greene is a terrible foot-

Percy Harvin, WR, Minnesota Vikings Adrian Peterson and Harvin are the Vikings’ only two offensive players who are not completely inept; and with Peterson hampered with an ACL injury, the Vikings will be looking Harvin’s way. A lot. Harvin’s speed and versatility will allow him to

Continued Page 6 Football @ John Burroughs Today @ 4:30pm


Sports catch 90-100 passes this year, as well as occasionally running the ball from the backfield.

Duds -Kickers -Robert Griffin III, QB, Washington Redskins- Just because RGIII is fast, people are hailing him as the next Cam Newton: a rookie,

dual-threat quarterback sensation. However, people do not realize that Griffin isn’t a particularly skilled runner, as his college stats for Baylor will show. Griffin is simply a pocket passer who hap-

pens to be fast. RG3 will struggle mightily this year, as rookie quarterbacks almost always do.

The Legend of the Running Warriors


By Brian Steiner ‘13

he first day of school never fails to produce a litany of surprises and challenges, and this year was no different, as the class of ‘13, scientifically proven the greatest in Priory history, occupied the central circle with their beach chairs and stereos in tow. The last bells could be greeted with relief by most as the temporary end of the day’s tribulations, yet for the members of the elite band of athletes known as the Running Rebels, the day’s work had hardly begun, as they descended upon Quail Ridge Park in Wentzville to take on their first cross country meet of the season. The weather was hot and humid, yet the JV runners took their starting box unfazed. The gun went off, sending the teams off onto a very flat, fast 2 mile course. Freshman Alex Lowell led the team, with fellow classmate Jake Drysdale close behind and sophomore William Whaley following. Seniors Tommy Weissert and Charlie Welsh were packed right behind them by the mile mark. Pressing through the field, the JV’s top runners made their moves, as Drysdale caught and passed Lowell to move into 10th, while Charlie began to pass other runners in droves. Drysdale finished strong in 11th, a phenomenal first-ever high school race, with Charlie’s big finish driving him to the 21st slot. Lowell hung on


to take 26th, and freshman Kyle Flores and Whaley rounded out scoring to boost the team to an impressive 3rd place performance. An hour later, the heroes of the team, the varsity squad, toed the line. The field was composed of some of the best runners the team would likely see all year, including state-ranked #4 team Marquette and #10 Eureka. In fact, every team there was from a school massively outnumbering Priory yet this did not frighten the bold red-and-blue-clad warriors. From the start, the race was driven by Marquette’s ace, the fastest ranked boy in Missouri, Noah Kauppila, with his teammate Adam Roderique right behind him. The Running Rebels meanwhile began to sort themselves out over the first mile, as juniors Tim Avery, Andrew O’Sullivan, and Danny Martin ran with each other to hit the mile marker under 5:30. Senior Ryan Donlin, junior Andrew Cammon, and senior Brian Steiner were strung out not far behind them, with Charlie Lohmann hunting them down. As the lead runners stretched the field, the Priory team responded, as they slowly gained positions. The real battle awaited them as they approached the finish line. Giving it all, Martin hit the line first for the team in 11:28, good for 33rd, with O’Sullivan and Avery barely 4 seconds behind him to pro-

duce an amazing packing effort. Donlin likewise put the hammer down to take 49th, and Steiner and Cammon hit the tape about ten seconds later. The 36 second spread certainly promised to be an asset for future competition. The next race was scheduled for Friday, yet the remnants of Hurricane Isaac swirling through the skies from the south delayed the inevitable bloodshed that was the Lutheran South Invite. When the team reconvened on Tuesday at Jefferson Barracks, conditions were much like last week, with sickening mix of heat and humidity. This time, the varsity did the honors, as they started the races. Prowling at the starting line beside them was a lethal squad from MICDS, along with a reborn Potosi team and the always-strong Oakville. The gun went off, sending the Running Rebels up the first hills after the pack. Once again, O’Sullivan, Avery, and Martin quickly teamed up in a pack between places 15 and 20, while Steiner, Cammon, Donlin, and Lohmann were cutting through the runners behind them. The rough course and hot weather had slowed the pace somewhat, yet like last year, Amos Bartelsmeyer of MICDS was leading, with an Oakville harrier in pursuit. The 5K course’s hills stretched out the field, yet the Rebel’s top trio were still right with each other, while

Donlin had pulled past Steiner to take the fourth position on team. Once again, the team hit the finish line closely together, with O’Sullivan, Avery, and Martin all medaling; Donlin, Steiner, Cammon, and Lohmann were scattered further back. Strong finishes once again allowed the team to outdistance much of the field by over than 100 points. While the varsity team went off to rescue damsels in distress, the JV team prepared to race, knowing full well their tradition of dominance in this race. Just as in previous years, the Red Sea drowned the other runners, as junior Dan Stein dominated to win the race comfortably in 20:05, a time which would have placed him right behind Danny Martin in the varsity race. Drysdale fared well likewise, as in his first career high school 5K he took third with a varsitycaliber time. Behind their efforts, the rest of the team stormed away with the team title, as junior Chris Chivetta, who practically emitted swag with every step, and the Lowell twins (Alex and Thomas) completed the top 5. On Saturday, the warriors of the red-and-blue will compete against some of the best squads of the Midwest at Forest Park, so be there or whatever.

Soccer ST. dominic Tournament vs. Ft. Zumwalt West Tomorrow @ 2:00

inion & Entertainment Apple’s New Operating System


f you haven’t heard recently, mountain lions are now the kings of the jungle. Well, at least they are in terms of Apple Macintosh operating systems. This summer, Apple released their successor to OS X Lion (10.7), aptly called OS X Mountain Lion (10.8). Mountain Lion builds on the unification of features between Apple’s mobile and desktop operating systems that started with Lion. A lot of things that iPhone and iPad users are used to are finally making the transition to the desktop. From installation to iCloud here is a rundown of all the good (and bad) things to look for in Mountain Lion. First off, installing the operating system is a breeze. As long as you’re running OS X 10.6.8 or above installing Mountain Lion is as simple as running an application. The installer is only available digitally through the Mac App Store, and costs $19.99, although if you bought a Mac during the summer, you may be eligible for a free upgrade. After buying and downloading the installer application, all you need to do is run the installer app and voila, within about half an hour you’re running Mountain Lion. The installer

By Luke McGartland ‘14

keeps all of your data, so you don’t have to worry about losing your applications, photos, music, etc. Once Mountain Lion is installed, you will be asked to setup iCloud. It’s not necessary, but definitely a huge benefit, especially for owners of multiple devices in the Apple ecosystem. Automatically, iCloud will sync your emails, messages, photos, calendars, documents, notes and reminders, all through your Apple ID. One of the best of these iCloud integrated features is the new Messages app. Messages is a completely revamped iChat, but with the benefit of iMessage. iMessage is Apple’s instant messaging platform for all their devices. Anyone who has an iPhone, iPad, iPod touch, or a Mac, can send messages to each other through their Apple ID or iPhone phone number. All your conversations synchronize between devices, and the notifications for what messages you haven’t read are too. You can even create group conversations, send pictures and files, or start a FaceTime session. The best part is about Messages though is it’s speed. Messages send almost instantaneously,

and it works faster than email. Notification Center is also a huge improvement. Before it, applications had to create their own form of notifications and no two were implemented the same way. Now when a user gets a notification, a small banner appears in the corner of the screen before sliding away. Then to view the whole list of notifications, all a user has to do is click the notification center button on the menu bar or slide two fingers left from the right edge of their trackpad, and the whole screen will slide over, revealing all the notifications. These can be emails, reminders, instant messages, app updates, calendar events, and more. The list of applications that support this feature is only growing. And say you don’t want to be bothered for a while, you can easily turn notifications off. Next up is iCloud. Right out of the box, all of your email, notes, reminders, calendar events, contacts, and documents can be synced via iCloud. Create a keynote on your iPad? Finish it on your iMac. Create a grocery list at home using Reminders, get it at the store on your iPhone. Take

a photo on your iPhone, and it automatically shows up in iPhoto (Requires iPhoto ’11). Buy a song, book, or app in iTunes on your Mac, go to your iPod touch and see that it’s already there. These are just a few of the things that you can do with iCloud. Mountain Lion also includes quite a few under the hood and simple useful features that most users don’t notice right away. For instance, on newer Macs, you can mirror your display to an HDTV through an Apple tv using AirPlay. Autosave is still present, as well as the ability to browse through the past revisions of a document. Plus, to the joy of many, “save as” is back in the form of “duplicate.” Just a little thing like being able to rename a document through the title bar speeds up workflow. Overall, OS X Mountain Lion is a solid upgrade, especially if you are still running Snow Leopard or below. It brings the best of the iPhone and iPad to the Mac using the power of the cloud, while still improving the desktop experience. Apple has really let the cat out of the bag on this one.

“ I think Oprah is far more powerful than a Vice President.” -Barack Hussein Obama

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Opinion & Enterta “We pray on our own time, but the answers come in God’s time.” -Fr. Cavanaugh from the movie Rudy

Ralph’s Rages


HE RETURN OF FLUNK THE FLYING MONK AND HIS SIDE-KICK DEACONNESS GLORIA DORNE. U-POD CONGRESS #1 Did you notice, Flunk,” said Deaconess Dawn(Glory to her friends) excitedly one morning as she was enjoying a coffee and cinnamon roll with him at the Bread Company in Creve Coeur, “Did you notice how President Obama quoted the Golden Rule in his Nobel Peace prize address last December in Oslo?” “What did he say?” asked Flunk beginning to show real interest as he unravelled part of his roll, broke it off and dipped it into his coffee. “ ..the one rule that lies at the heart of every major religion is that we do unto others as we would have them do unto us” said Dawn. “If you remember that the Geneva convention insisted that this includes the child in the womb then you have here a radical Pro-Life statement!” “You’re right, Glory, but how easily statements like that get overlooked by the media. They edit them away before the text hits the web and you have to google “Whole Text” if you want to get at the full speech and the’unspun ‘ message.” “You know,” went on Flunk “that reminds me of something one of the Priory students


By Fr. Ralph Wright O.S.B. wrote the other day and which has been brewing in my mind ever since someone showed it to me. I think it might be the focus of our next congress.” “Spit it out,Flunk,” said Dawn encouragingly, “We’ve not had a good congress since the ERIN project at Cairo, Egypt two years ago brought all those solar operated desalination plants to the north african coast.” “Well, to paraphrase what the student wrote when asked how he would go about restoring legal protection in our country to our unborn kids, he wrote: ‘When 3D color ultrasound cameras are available cheap and every home has one the problem will take care of itself!” “Wow!,” said Gloria, clearly beginning to bubble with excitement. “So what’s your take on this?” “Well, G, (Flunk called her G when he was thinking fast to save time and space.) I’m all for calling a world congress in Seattle, bringing the various ‘-pod’ gurus together to set up think tanks on this challenge.””Seattle?” asked Dawn “O yes of course, Microsoft HQ. Go on.” “We’ll call it” continued Flunk, “the U- pod congress. We’ll bill it as a kind of ‘moon-race-challenge’ and we’ll see if these brilliant non-robotic minds can hatch a U-pod.” “What on earth is a U-pod?” asked Dawn

fearing that the flying monk had finally lost it. “It’s the “Ultra-pod”, G, “ replied Flunk mischievously. “It’ll be a kind of cell-phone/blackberry and 3D-ultrasound camera all built into one. The owner will be able to take ultrasound pictures as simply as taking snapshots at a party.” “But what on earth would he or she want ultra-sound pictures for?” asked the deaconness patiently. “Don’t you see, G? With her upod a woman once pregnant will be able to watch from square one her child growing in her womb. Eac h day she will be able to monitor its growth watch its progress and begin to bond with her baby as a person.” “That sounds interesting but how will that help to re-introduce legal protection to her child? Seems to me it will make her even more able to snuff it out, have it aborted in the earliest stages of its existence.” “Well, of course,” replied Flunk, slowing down and selecting his words with care. “To begin with people will certainly have the opportunity to do that. But don’t forget a woman does not realize that she has conceived until she misses her period. By that time her child will already be almost four weeks old— measusring his or her life from conception. But, putting this aside ...this reminds me. Way

Have a Glorious weekend

back in the 80s a very eloquent woman, wife of a pediatrician in Boston who had been tragically killed in an automobile accident, his widow, told a group of Priory students that the biggest difference between a born and an unborn child was ‘charm’. She said that if a mother had a window in her womb and could watch her child developing chances are she would be ‘charmed’ by the child and would decide to care for it and bring it to term. The ‘U-pod’ will be her window in the womb.” “Wow,” said Dawn “you’ve certainly got something brewing there, Flunk! Let’s get weaving on the SEATTLE U-POD CONGRESS” With that they both downed the remainder of their coffee and left The Bread Company.


Opinion & Enterta Opinion Mustto Watch TV TV Shows You Need See By Chris Hammer ‘13 if you somehow have no homework


s a Priory student, you

involvement of legendary co- not entirely willing to give up White Collar,his Crime Drama Chevy Chase is quesconman past and is often SCRIPTOR HEBDOMADALIS # White collar is an interesting twisttheft of freeHAMMERC@STLPRIORYSCHOOL.ORG time on an average school tionable. Community returns involved with elaborate the typical crime drama. It follows the night. You, being the great for its fourth and potentially plots. The show is nearing the investigations of an FBI agent in the white student you are, slaveyou away 19th . end of its fourth season and As a Priory student, likelylast don’tseason, have a October collar crime division. The FBI agent onlot homework up on to 5anhours Met your mother renewed forforger, a 5th seaof free time averageHow schoolI night. ultimately pareswill up be with a master art a night. Between the you are, slave son likely to had air input thebehind spring. You, being the this greatand student thief and conman that he sports youupsimawayrequirement on homework to 5 hours a night. bars four years earlier. TheExtras combination of andtothe sports you yourthe plyBetween have nothis time waste on requirement How I Met Mother Crime Dramatwo createsSherlockan interesting dynamic and haveshows. no time to waste on badin itsoften comedic Adialogue the two ofsolve badsimply television You will, is a comedy 8th season modernas retelling the television shows. to You will, that however, be the countless casesSherlock for the FBI. The Masterex-con however, be pleased know follows social and Holmes pleased to know that I have wasted is not fully entirelywritten willing to his that I have wasted ridiculous romantic lives of however five friends bygive theup legridiculous amounts of time watching TV for conman past and is often involved with amounts of time watching in New York. The show takes endary Steven Moffat. you and now write to present you with three elaborate theft plots. The show is nearing TVshows for you and now write to place in the context of one Doctor Who – Sci-FiA (along with several extras) that stood the end of its fourth season and will be present youthe with three shows of the five friendsrenewed telling the show doesn’t last 33 seaout from rest. for a 5th season likely to air in the (along with several extras) stories to his kidsspring. in the year son’s and 12 TV movies Community, Comedy that from show the rest. 2030.running, Presumably the stories over 50 years for being ok. ! stood My out favorite currently leadunlike up to, of Here course, of ThronesFantaCommunity has established a will blend arehow a few Game other shows you may enjoy: anything else on TV. Community is mother. a Sherlock, he met their The showCrime sy- Drama an adaption of the game comedy about 7 people who have all entering been one A of modern of Sherlock Holmes. Community is likely its last retelling of thrones book series, the thrust into the world of community college Produced by BBC, Sherlock will blow you My favorite show currently two seasons as they have re- show is masterfully directed from different societycertain and events away. (Itwill is alsotoLuke McGartland’s favorite running, Communityplaces has es-in vealed that convey the many convergultimately form a study group. The show show and he highly recommends it) tablished a blend unlike any- begin to bring the series to a ing and diverging story lines. then follows the study group on their Doctor Who, Sci-Fi thing else onthrough TV. Community Theand show enters its 8th The League- Comedy- A journey community close. college A show doesn’t last 33 season’s and 12 TV is their a comedy people season September 24th .over The 50 unique growthabout as a 7“community” as they are movies years for mixture being ok. of fantasy who have all been thrust shows first seven Game seasonsofareThrones, footballFantasy and Adult comcontinuously thrust intointo unlikely scenarios. episodes are usually drawing theThe world of community col-themed available on NetflixAn instant and ofedy that ofsimply adaption the game thrones works. book from pop-culture fromdeserve a lege fromclassic different places inranging definitely your time. Theis NewsroomDrama- toA series, the show masterfully directed Godfather style mafia society and ultimately form movie a (but with story of a news trying convey the many converging andteam diverging chicken strips) to westerns and “law and story lines. study group. The show then to create an unbiased and fact order”. The future of the show, however, is The League, Comedy follows the study group on White Collar orientated news broadcast. in doubt after creator and director Dan A unique mixture of fantasy football anda their journey through comWhite collar is an interestMisfitsDrama/comedyHarmon was sacked by NBC and the future Adult comedy that simply works. munity collegeof legendary and theircomedian ing twist of the typical crime British series about a group involvement Chevy Drama delinquents who growth “community”Community as drama.returns It followsThe the Newsroom, inves- of juvenile Chaseasis aquestionable. A story of a news team trying to create an they thrust tigations of an FBI agent in obtain powers through a freak for are its continuously fourth and potentially last season, unbiased and fact orientated news October 19thscenarios. . into unlikely The the white collar broadcast. crime divi- storm and their adventures. How I are Metusually Your Mother, episodes themed Comedy sion. The FBI agent ultimately Castle, Crime Drama # How I Metclassic Your Mother a comedy in a master forger, drawing from pop- ispares up with Best-selling mystery writer Richard Castle its 8th seasonfrom that afollows culture ranging God- the art social thief and and conman kills off that his main character, and looking for romantic lives of five friends in New York.behind bars four father style mafia movie (but he had put inspiration, turns to NYPD detective Kate The show takes place in the context of one to form the background for his new with chicken strips) to west- years earlier. TheBeckett combinaof the five friends telling the stories to his book series. erns and and2030. order”.Presumably The tionthe of stories the two creates an in-New season starts September 24 kids in “law the year ABC. future of the dynamiconand often will lead up show, to, of however, course, howteresting he met their Misfits, Drama/Comedy is mother. in doubtThe aftershow creator and entering comedic as the two is likely onedialogue of A British series about a group of juvenile director Harmonas was solve revealed countless cases for the its last Dan two seasons they have delinquents who obtain powers through a certain eventsand that begin FBI. to bring sacked by NBC thewill future The the ex-con freak however is storm and their adventures. ! BYlikely CHRISTOPHER ’14 don’t have aHAMMER lot of median

series to a close. The show enters its 8th season September 24th . The shows first seven seasons are available on Netflix instant and definitely deserve your time.

Check out how the varsity teams fare on Real Artists Ship




Puzzles Puzzles Crossword

ACROSS 1. Not more 5. Run away to wed 10. Box 14. Savvy about 15. 9 9 9 9 16. Ripped 17. Stubbornly unyielding 19. If not 20. An uncle 21. Visitor 22. Sorrow 23. Laggard 25. Serf 27. Dawn goddess 28. Ethics 31. Oblivion 34. Pile 35. Spy agency 36. Adjoin 37. Utilize again 38. Hesitate 39. Lair 40. Handbag

Word Search

41. Slays 42. Urgent situation 44. Animal doctor 45. Stop 46. Kitchen set 50. Cogitate 52. Clamorous 54. Carpet 55. Awestruck 56. Bias 58. Egg-shaped 59. Muse of love poetry 60. At the peak of 61. Expunge 62. Man-made ďŹ ber 63. Flippant DOWN 1. Bounded along 2. Colonic 3. Scatter 4. Mayday 5. Results



37. Flows 38. Chomp 40. Pinnacle 41. East African country 43. A kindly or tender nature 44. The ability to see 46. Repeat 47. Hackneyed 48. Coach 49. Country of the Nile 50. Stepped 51. Possess 53. By mouth 56. A writing implement 57. One time around

6. About a US quart 7. 1 1 1 1 8. Luxury apartment 9. Eastern Standard Time 10. Unsaturated alcohol 11. Governmental 12. Backside 13. Coral barrier 18. Snow house 22. Happy 24. Money owed 26. Sea eagle 28. Quiet and timid 29. Cultivate 30. Wild Tibetan oxen 31. Stow, as cargo 32. Wild goat 33. Civic 34. Soldier of fortune


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Looking for Comic Strip Writers/Artists â&#x2014;? If Interested Email

LAUS TIBI North for last year’s homecoming embarrassment . And revenge was had. The Rebels had a dominating victory that ended 51-7 at half. That half alone put two Rebels in the state’s top 10 rushers (Thomas Raybuck, and Dave


Football, Continued

Nogalski). Priory Rushing (Rush, Yds, Avg.): David Nogalski (8, 229, 28.6); Thomas Raybuck (12, 183, 15.3); Dominic Coppola (10, 75, 7.5); Taylor Boyce (5, 18, 3.6); Andrew Rund (2, 6, 3.0). Priory Defense: 2 fumble re-

coveries: Stephen Clark, Brian Vaporean; 1 sack: Sam Friedman; 42-15 tackle-assists. The Rebels look to keep up the trend of smash-mouth, no-regret football this afternoon at the Burroughs Bomber’s field at 4:30pm.

And again next Saturday versus MICDS who the Rebels haven’t beat since 2006. Rebel Faithful, I ask you this, where will you be when victory strikes?

A New Direction for Priory Lunches By Antonio Petralia ‘14


ver half a decade ago, when I first toured Priory, one of the things that struck me about the school in comparison to mine (which had recently adopted a new “Healthy Choice” menu) was the quality of school lunch. Although it was not quite restaurant quality food, for a school lunch it was great. But I think it’s safe to say that for the past few years, Priory’s school lunches have been on a steady decline. Hamburgers became blotchy hunks of brown and pink meat, somewhere along

the line the “meat” in BBQ riblets turned orange, and may God bless the brave soul who dared to try the soup, which was always strikingly similar to the hot lunch of the day before. However, with a new year comes a new beginning, and this is especially true for Priory’s cafeteria. Many students have noticed that while we lack the dessert bar, we now have fresh fruit and vegetables, which are actually very good. And in case you somehow haven’t noticed the difference, Chef Gill

has confirmed that we are in fact using better quality meat. “I love the change!” he says, and I think most of Priory will support him on that. Father Augustine states that we really do eat better than most schools, and Tristan Hellmuth, Junior, has too said that the lunches this year are “much better” than those in years past. I think everyone’s looking forward to the return of Bosco sticks as a Friday lunch, and so far, the new “flame grilled” menu (in which everything is actually grilled by

May the odds be ever in your favor.... ?

our own Chef Gill outside the cafeteria) has not failed to disappoint. However, as good as this may seem, not everyone is totally pleased. We have taken a healthier turn, and in addition to new menu options, many meals have been given better, healthier, and even more delicious ingredients. However, some lunches such as clams and country fried steak were beyond repair, and just didn’t make the cut. Are you going to miss the old lunches, or the new ones worth the sacrifice?


Volume XLIII, Issue 1  

Volume XLIII, Issue 1

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