December 2010

Page 24

Spritz | This & That

An Ounce of Prevention, A Fifth of Cure By Lauren Hammack Photo by K.O. Rinearson


K, we know the best prevention for a post-holiday hangover is complete abstinence. We also know that a good many fools (this fool included) will over-imbibe this holiday season, knowing the miserable, physical toll of this kind of ill-advised revelry and drinking to it anyway. As a service to you, we’ve put several folkloric hangover remedies to the test. We don’t recommend allowing yourself to reach the point of needing them, but we can all agree that good intentions and good judgment are usually the first to leave the party. THE TUMS COCKTAIL How it works: Before bedtime, chew six to eight Tums to neutralize the acid that will churn in your gut ALL. NIGHT. LONG. Wash the tablets down with plenty of water, along with a few aspirin or Ibuprofen, like Advil (not acetaminophen, like Tylenol, which is loaded with bad juju for the drunken metabolism). Reliability: Ehhhhh. Can’t hurt. THE GATORADE CHUG How it works: Hydration is essential to any method of minimizing a hang22

slice | december 2010

over. Try to drink one glass of water for each alcoholic beverage you consume. Take the recommended dose of Advil with a full glass of water before bedtime. Upon waking, immediately chug gallons of Gatorade or Pedialyte to rehydrate. Next, add Mexican food. (See below.) Reliability: Quenching hangover cottonmouth – above average. Improving your next-day game – ehhhhh. THE GREASY CHEESEBURGER How it works: Eating before and during the evening is key. Eating afterwards is important, too, but forget the dry crackers. Get thee to your favorite burger joint (via taxi or designated driver, natch). Order a greasy cheeseburger – the kind with a name like “The Roto Rooter.” Eat with abandon. And with fries. The grease will inhibit your body’s absorption of alcohol into the bloodstream. Wash it down with plenty of water. Go home, brush/floss, crawl into bed and pray for mercy. Reliability: Pretty damn good. Please, please, please don’t drink and drive. Enjoy responsibly.

And winner is: the greasy cheeseburger. It’s a whole lot tastier than Tums or Gatorade, too.


Liquor before beer, never fear? Not exactly. It’s not the order of your drinks but rather the amount of alcohol you consume that really matters. The order, however, may affect how much you imbibe . Start with a mixed drink and then switch to beer for the rest of the evening and you slow down your alcohol intake. Start with beer and switch to shots, you accelerate your alcohol intake. The most sensible path? Moderation. Always moderation.

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