your heart freed from its nicolas cage harry saroff
You are Nicolas Cage’s biggest fan - and his secret admirer. You’ve managed to meet one-on-one with him - and this meeting is taking place in your living room. It doesn’t matter how this happened. It doesn’t matter why this happened. All you know is that it was destined to happen. You’re worried that Nicolas Cage, being the kind, responsible, and respectful star that he is, would refrain from making a pass at you because of his unfair position of power and privilege. Thankfully, you happen to have a lit neon sign over your head that reads “You are welcome to seduce me despite your position of power and privilege, Nicolas Cage.” He clearly understands the message, because you notice that Nicolas Cage has a comically large bulge in his pants; and he sees you looking at it. “So… are you interested in stealing my Declaration of Independence?” he slyly asks. You move closer and look deeply into his eyes, in awe at their pale blue beauty. They almost seem too magnificent to be called eyes; perhaps “orbs” would be a more fitting term. 7
