diary of a sista grrrl issue 003

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INTRODUCTION TO DIARY OF A~S~I~S~T~A~G~~.:.._:I~s~s~U~E~3 of the reasons the riot grrrl scene can feel so claustro phobic; so stifling ; so :.~ ·stuck-to me at least-is because no one really this movemen t failed in the first :·t :talks about why ~ . .. :>. ·: ,place. every time riot grrrl's first wave is 'brought up, there's always this air of "oh, that was then. this is ~6w" and it's just not true.

1there is a reason why there are little to no ! transfern rne people in the scene. black and brown creators get swept under the rug time and time ~ ~again-th is isn't a communi ty if not everyone feels safe here. sure, there are more queer people at the forefron t of the scene, but they're all white and transmis ogyny exempt. sometim es it feels like riot grrrl is gonna die again the way it did thirty years ago, because no one wants to talk about the issues, no one wants to have , difficu lt and weird and tough convers ations about what got us here. i'm ·not the first black person in the scene to say this; i'm not the first black person in the scene who says this and gets ignored, either. at a certain point, it just gets tiring to repeat this when no one else is listenin g. i just hope that, eventua lly, this zine and other zines by punk BIPOC creators will start up difficu lt and weird and tough -convers ations. but if it doesn't, whateve r. we'll

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i've gone by a lot of names (and nicknames, for that matter) in my.life. there's my deadname, a name that never made sense to-me even when i thought i _was cis; my nigerian name, that eve_:p-when i socially transitione d, always felt alive an9. buzzing with w~~_mth; and tobi, the name i fo:ged ~or myself arter mont~s ·o r-turmoil about my gender identity. tobi was the name -my mother was plann~ng on giving me if i was assigned male at birth. it took me a while to cqme around to -it, because i had always wanted a name that i ·could really call my own, that hadn~t been passed down or given to -me by somebody else. until i decidecl. on tobi, i had .· ,been cycling through dozens of names-dim inutive~ of my : · ._. deadna.me, names stolen from fictional characters _·i liked~ for this. as pret.ty as those names were, i landed .o·n the na~e i };lave now·_ror one reason; it felt the most like me.,i chose . this name, i claimed it, i took it for myself, and with it, became the person i always needed to be; the gendertree, Blacli artist lesbian that my younger self, who always wondered why they re1t··so different, would've been in awe or. _they would've wondered how we got here, and to be honest, i don't kno.w_myself. i'm just glad, that after years or dep~ession and confusion, i lived to make this zine. i'm glad i lived to be tobi. . · .

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~ nd kiss you r fingers~forevermore 'B~t, big spoon , you have so much to do And I have nothing ahead of me

You're the sun, you've nev er seen the night 1 r But you hea r its song from the morning birds Well, I'm not the moon, I'm not even a star But awake at night I'll. be singing to the birds Don 'fwa it for me, I can't come •

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me Your mother wouldn't approve of how my mother raised But I do, ,I-think I do And you're ' an all-American boy · I guess I co~ldn't help trying to be your best American girl You're the one You're all I ever wanted I think I'll regret this Your mother wouldn't approve of how my But I do, I finally do 1 And you're an all-American boy I gues~ I couldn't help trying to be the b

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y this pho to, of me and my dear frie nd fion a (fea ture d in dia:c arid of a sist a grrr l issu e 2! with an incr edib le babes in ioyl in retro spec tive !) was take n at a scho ol even t we did back vie' .. . march. for our scho ol's women's hist ory month conc ert, that cove red slea ter- kinn ey's i wanna be you r joey ramone.hear d it, song has stuc k with me for so long , ever sinc e i firs t way beca use i've alwa ys wan ted to poss ess stag e space in the exp ress ed in the song s, in tl\e way whi te punk s have done with ease for so long . joey ramone and kur t coba in and ness , kath leen han na-t hey 're on a stag e with such a fear less t alm ost a play fuln ess, that i can' t help but envy and can',- i've , help but look away from. sinc e the perf orm ance pict ured s up I gone to a lot of loca l hous e shows, where this envy show aga in and agai n, almo st like butt erf.l ies.·-a part of me love s the feel ing. it's like proo f that i'm aliv e, proo f thatting . ing and crea i'll nev er wan t to stop danc ing and sing ---- - - .

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A CONVERSATION WITH HONEYCHILD COLEMA

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J:N THE FOLLOWING INTERVIEW, I TALK TO ARTIST, MUSICIAN, AND OG SISTA GRRRL HONEYCHILD COLEMAN ABOUT HOW SHE .FOUND MUSIC, THE ORIGIN OF SISTA GRRRL RIOTS, AND ijER 1 EXPERIENCE AS A BLACK WOM~ ~N _ THE ARTS.....-•

SGZ: Starting off with an introduction_-who are you; how would you , describe yourself and your work?

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HC: rm a mixed disciplinary artist. I write, I do music, and I'm also··~".isual. ' artist. So multi-disciplined would be a good way [to describe me]. ,

SGZ: Who was the first person who inspired you to start all ofyour art

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trips, we __ · . . D. go~~o that was something that . o er s cousm. unn . . l ed for us. So m-person, .. . d this ,, I gr·ew up m the 80s, so . ent to her farm, and she p ay · · d lik "Oh I can o ' - ld late to artistically; as that started e stuck in the back of my mm l th t I felt I cou re . .

W~w and Annabella [Lwin], , there weren't a lot ofpeop e a - as also _ k._S~h~e- w m_o_h_a w ·. th a,:,.;;.. to happen, there's this band .c~ll~~ ~ow _ow . r._., B wn person I saw wt ·. uper into fashion and really db . : ~ho's Burmese, was the ui.,t ro s emg an to liked I t th · · f . h b d 1 was a fashion student, . making the kind o mu~~c . a d er an ' mto got I when t' . h h but she really just influence . expressive~Aromi d t e ime - · . , - Uy focused on -music so muc , . ~, · . lf . . so I wasn t, even rea ~ fe~~g more sec.ure about expressmg myse .

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~ GZ: Yeah, I get that feeling71 lot Like seeing ·a---person of Cf!/:,'i,~n-slage doing ~~you w~nt ~ do.

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·• HC: That w-as definitely a turning point of like "Oh, here's a punk who's not ' "6< \ . , white.....Okay, if~ cool ~or·me to . be this." .. . . . ·.

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SGZ: So, I guess that ties into what led-you to the punk'scene•• What w~.th'e initial response to Sista Grrrl Ri-:; and do you· have any memories or feelings associated with that first show? .

I· like prinlc · member m ''the plink scene." I di 't see myself there. Did active ..

I ban.~s ~d go to shows? Sure. But I didn.'t ti ve a punk community when I was ~ ypung, not until I met the Sista Grrrls.

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When we all met each other, it ju,_st ~eemed inevitable to start playing.together · · because all of our complaints were about the lack of creative control we bad \.vhen curating shows, with getting respect on stage, with getting venue respect.

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Coai~~on,,because they we~e already being big advocates to making sure -~~i, usi~~~s w~re getting paid, and w·e te getting into the venues that were .riot to;·us·before, rui:djust putting together the kind of bill that makes sense·,_~~ -

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With the Sista Grrrls ·specifically, Tamar-Kali [Brown].was the alchemist who · met l,JSeach one by one and said "Hey, ~~~~ _m inute, do -you know this sister?

Do y6u know this person? Let's all get t6gether·and have .t~a.t .A,ng -i n ~at frrSt get together talk, We' decided to do the riots. I don't think any hf us ·r~~.l!Y. co~d foresee the impact it would have because we :were just so excited to ·p'iay. For me, it was my first band; because I'd always just been playing solo up until :had that first riot, I'd never played with a drummer ruid other musicicl!ls playing music.I wrote, so that was just a ·huge leap. And then just to look out and see a mostly Black and Brown crowd was also pretty amazing, ·because none of.us had e':~~ had that as an audience before. It was pretty transformative, definit~ly.

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SGZ: What wo"uld you say to the person you( .were when you first starting Sista . . .

Grrrl Riot?

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HC: _! me~; we knew about Riot Grrrl---'--Oddly, most ofmy ~hite queer

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friends just thou~t "Oh, there are these bands, and it's called a riot, and we ·. think you would like it/ ' But I was not in college then, and ~ just felt like it was· kind;-,,r a white girl coijfg'e movement ~~ere no one talke<'.fabout th~ non-white people in it, or the non.:.white band meni;brs._That all came out like de~ades -later. But we liked the idea of the camaraderie, and we liked th~_ipea) 1fbuilding a ~ommunity that_~Qpported us as outsiders. So i:fthere wer~ f):i\iri~(irrrl · Rulebook\ maybe those _things -would ~e in it and that:s som~thing we definitely we also just wan~ ,opr own _version, so. tha!, really fueled could rela~ ~ -

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SGZ: 'What are some ofthe situations you've be'71'11ut int11., as a Black woman ·m~!dng ~ltern~tive music? Have those experiencet made their way into your art or in(o_.y our music? ·. ' . . ~ ..

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HC: It's .~ ; _some ~f~~ ~ings p~o~le might say ~r ,r eact-t o, I th1hk l~ ~y~t ~ would .d<j~ 1,fl weren t pla~mg music Just because. ofthe way Black jpei.!: are trea~ed ui'-this country. For mstance, people expectmg me to ·l)_e mea:o..~ an ,. >

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eally tough and really _aggres sive'-- --or being ~g~ t, ~at d&li~itely tric~les into ~us~c. People have said "O~, you 're salty", You re diffic ul~ec ause I m standm g up for mysel f or advoca tmg for mys"elf.

But that definit ely also trickle s into relationships' with people and how they treat you~and things that people say. L1ke I wrote a song with [her band] The 1865 · called Behold en, and whene ver I play it live I always say "this is for everyoqe ~ _who's been told 'you're pretty for a Black girl"'. Becau se that's something that r-· _people still say. It just got to a point where I felt like 'wow, all these things ,t : _'a ffect my l~fe, I want to h~ve a creativ e wa! to h~ve th~se dialog ues' and t~at's _fl .not someth ing I see stoppnig. It's an on-gom g thing. With my band Bachsh der, we,.hav e a song called 'Identi fy', and.it' s about identit y and how women and ..femme and non-co nformi st people are treated , and how we want to be seen, an~ · how we j~st want respect. Those are things that have definit ely trickle d into my · . , music a n d ~

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What Yl!._U 're saying about your experiences, how as a Black person in a . predominantly white space, the second you set bound atjes you 're casted I think it.'s interesting how that's an ~perie nce that translates. out

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he ended up being HC: De~te ly. I remem ber a friend of mine, he's white my bass player later~ but he was comin g to shows all the timc- -and at one point he.'s like "So, do you just.. Not allow white people to be~ y~:ur band?"

And I'm like "you know, it wasn't really a consci ous agenda , it j~sf happen ed 1 that these are my friends, and we had these things in comm on and we played ."

But I do know people who don't want white people in their bands, and they're very vocal abQuf it. For me, at the end of the day, you want to be in a room with people you feel safe ~ound , that you can be yourse lf, that when you come to them you don't always have to be the strong Black person . You can be vulnerable. You can be human. And the color of their skin doesn' t inatter at the end of the day, as long as they unders tand what that's about, ~d they're willing

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That cari-'definit ely make things compl icated in the arts, becaus e people want to get all peace and love and "I don't see color" but in 2022, you gotta see color.

You.go tta acknow ledge, and you gotta acknow ledge what your role is in that

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SGZ: Yeah,' th~t's something I've found in the revival of riot grrrl too. .There's not a real_ acknowledgement of what made that original movement dissolve in , the first place, so I think it's· just the same stuff repeating. ~

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HC: I mean I don't know Kathleen Hanna, Ive never met he r.. She was recently _featured~'ril>Bs, because she has this t-shirt line [Tees 4 rogo] where she does different fund.raising for different causes. It's cool, it's a nice theory, I don't · want to hate on her ac_tivism and phil~nthropy, but this was a golden- moment for her to talk about what happened and·-t11en she didn't. She didn't mention anything. Not that I expect her to know about the Sista Grrrls, but it's like, come on, Riot Grrrl was not an white. And I was like· 'okay, ~ere's anoth~r thing where they're just gonna keep perpetuating the same myth and story'. And I was , . .. . s~ocked when.I.saw The Punk Singer [Kathleen Hanna's_2013 d<r,umen~ry] L and I saw Black p~ople in the background. '_Wait a minute, there wert?.Black ?{ people in this scene?' But th~y were never given. the mic, they were never talked . to, no one even said what their·role was. I'm tired ofth_e narrative of')ust be~ . . . happy that people talk abo?t this." ' ~ ,o-.n't Dask ~fo.r too much." "Don't push for too much." '

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SGZ: But we're not included,n the djscussion. ~

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HC: We're not ineluded in the narrative, we're not included in our contributions to the movement. There's no way you're gonna tell rµe there's °fqotage of a Riot Gnrl Meeting, and there are Black wonien in the roo"in.; and they weren't contributing. There is this ~d of, for lack of a better ~o~liberal-.

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SGZ: Whiteliberal/eminism?

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HC: But it's more than that, because it's not just women who do it. Where it's like, '~you're here, and we know you, and th~t's enough." It's enough for them, because they don'S have to do the work; they d~~'t have to do any more work"+ For us, we're always having to. do the work, every time we step outside. . ' ' ' .,.

Whenever someone,'s like "don't make waves" or "at..l~ast you this" I'm like woah. Wow. Wh~ I saw that segment, I couldn't even be excited, because I .•: really expected more of her at this point. ;There's·no way she doesn't know 3!1d '

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That's my personal beef; maybe someday I'll get to ~ lk to her in-person about it. It's really hard to see people rehash the old narrativ~ as if new.knowledge 1

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SGZ: What do.you want your audience to take out ofyour music and your work? Alternati~ely,-~h~t is your ideal audie~ce, and,·what's the audience you , think would take the most out ofyour work?

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· HC: I do~'t h~v.e an ideal· audience at all. I feel like I'm always pleasantly

-surprised·at who some ofmy fans are, and that's cool. What I really hope--1 -~~pe that anyone who feels scared or lik~ they can't be the!11-selves feels · encouraged. Because that's not an easy thing. Especially if you live in a community or a city where no one around you is into what you 're into, or no one's supportiu.gyour idec\~, or they say you~re weird, or wbatevet. KUt( I hope that so·meort~ pan say "Hey, you know what, I'm gonna try." And they feel good about it; even~l f they end up not wanting to do that crazy thing. And as a young person, that's some~hing I wish I would've had. I probably went deeper into nerdo~ to create that community in my mind, through music, through painting.

Ifs ei sier for people to find each other now thanks to technology, which is /.

V',..great; but it doesn't replace having friends in real life or real commuruties. A lot ~ of people's music still inspires me to have conversations and meet people I · f . norm.a lly wouldn't talk to so I hope that's what some ofmy art can do. ~

SGZ: What th!. yo_u love most about creating and performing?

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HC: Creating ._ I was thinking about this today because I was sketching--! love th~·process a httle too much sometimes. Because it's hard to finish it. Even when I rri.ake videos? that's like a whole other thing, because sketching . storyboards, and I'm thinking of stories, and I love every step ofit.

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With I?erforming .. If I'm alone, it's about connecting to· the audience and figur~ng out what captivates people. I'm not really someone who creates music with the· idea of"oh, I know people are gonna like this" but there's something really'exciting about trying a new-idea and there's no weird expectation~ n you.

When I go tQ so~e venues in America, people are like "oh,:you must be sin R&B sing~r'' or "oh, you're gonna do X, Y, and Z" so to be able to surprise your ~ audienc~ an~ catch them off-guard to me is super exciting. In a band situa~ , I ·.'feel a few thmgs. One, I can't stress enough, camaraderie. Because you have ,

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that artisti c chemi stry.. It's like~ family.·_ Tha~-trans lates on stage often. Two, it when you put in that hard work, and you 're playin g togeth er ~s a unit, but You ·doesn 't feel like work, you just feel lost in the music ; that I t~tally love. fes,! stressed, you 're not worri ed about things. ·Even if every thing goes I wrong , :l\oo ~~sou play the first song, it's al_l gone. ~llat's somet hing my ' alway~ Io~~:J3Ptard to with shows . But surpri sing the audie nce is proba bly taking favori te,_favorifu thing and that'_s alway s gonna be there becau se it's still Roll. peopl e a Jong time to grapp le WJth the fact that Black peopl e play Rock & So many times peopl e· are like ''wow , I didn't really expec t that It),fo or "oh, you really know how to play that instru ment" out of you" ij •voice to- .c ome ' ~ 1. like, "no, I just like to carry heavy gear aroun d. Just for entert ainme nt." , I'm ari!"

1 -~ Catch ing ~eople off-gu ard is definiteJy exciti ng. It's not neces sa~ly what it's like an added bonus . It's somet hing that I look I mouv aied me .to

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C: I'm gonna sol].Ild like I'm plagia rizing Nina Simon e a little, but

._ of our lives as peopl e of color, wome n, I.J ~arlessness. Because so much ~uc~ fear is_~ut on_us ~at it squas h~s our p~ten tial J

l:disenfranchis~~ people; so

. , .-1 ◄ two. '/ . . fearle ss doesn 't neces sarily mean being reckless; peopl e often confu se the· ~ough to try things, and keep learni ng, and keep_,A. !But jui:t 4.>eing .~

l;to fully be_wh<?!~ peopl e and to dream bigg er~~-our surrou ndmg s. Bemg

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,.,. of 1~ HC: I am wri~ing a long short story for a book that James Spoon er [direc tor , 2003 docum entary Afro- Punk] is curati ng with his dear friend and co-author.

Teiy. It's ~alled ~ _l ack ~ Now, ~d-it is a c~lmi nation of poetry , :-> i◄ 1865 is : _ stone s, and 1ll~strahons. Its due to be releas ed m 2023. Other wise, The th~- · 1◄ rectrd ing a new album , and my other b~nd Bachs lider is gofng back I ,~ studio for the first time in 7 years. I'm also worki ng on a Sista Grrrl Riot book. sijii: -I ~ have a bun~h ;of nerdy book proje?-.ts go· on, but there seems to be intere -.-.that one, so. (

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~tl ~etwork ot abort ion funds - abortionfunds,o;,~ I socia l justic e organ izatio n that aims to remove econo mic_barri ers to abort ion acces s

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