Building a The Mom C I don’t know about you, but I get serious anxiety whenever I have to travel somewhere unfamiliar. Even worse when I am the one navigating alone. It is fine when I know where I am going, or when I am familiar with the route. However, put a trip in front of me where I need a GPS and I have to do some serious self-talk and a lot of deep breathing and work through my anxiety.
We feel fear, anger, and emotions that seem to not hold a description or name. Well-meaning people reach out, but they cannot help us navigate this frightening, dark terrifying terrain. They have never been there before. And neither have you.
Imagine traveling along and suddenly you find yourself lost in an unfamiliar place. Then, you realize you do not have GPS, a map, directions or even a soul who can direct you. And then imagine that the vehicle you are traveling completely breaks down and now you are even more alone. Add to that this place you are in is dark, cold and there is no visible exit, anywhere. Imagine it being like a dark frightening tunnel. The only thing you know is that you are there. You do not know how or why, you just are. This is what grief can often feel like. We are sailing along in life and suddenly, in an instant, everything changes. The world we know and are familiar with changes. The usual sights, smells, sounds, tastes and sensations can change. We go to reach for something, or someone and it is no longer there. And so, we become very aware there is a huge void. We discover we are in very unfamiliar territory.
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No one has. It feels different and uncertain because it is. When we think about grief, we often hear about the stages, or phases. Wouldn’t it be great if grief were simple enough to go through a stage and check the box? Unfortunately, that is not how grief works. Grief is a developmental process in the human experience. What I mean by that is, grief changes who we are forever. It breaks down what we know and forces us to rebuild something, anything, just to survive. Stages are not a box we check,
