September22WebEdition

Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

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Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com

MOBILE COMPUTER REPAIR AND SERVICE - Quality work performed in-shop, in office or in-home. Dependable, affordable! Over 17+ Years Experience. Proudly serving Carson Valley and Surrounding Communities. Call Nick at Technologic Computer Repair (775)450-7570 NEW HENRY RIFLE .45-70, BRAND NEW, STILL in box (831)345-6725 “A MOVING EXPERIENCE” - MOVE ASSISTANCE, 25+ years experience, Senior Discounts! Ken Jeter, kenjeter65@ gmail.com or (775)530-8932 STEEL WINCH BUMPER AND FRONT HITCH FOR 2008-2017 Jeep JK $275 (775)465-1185 ESTATE MOVING SALE, SATURDAY/SUNDAY, AUGUST 20TH/21ST, 8am-4pm, priced to sell, everything goes, nice furniture, refrigerator, 3 bedrooms plus more items, 2712 Clapham, Minden (off Johnson Lane) GARAGE SALE, SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 10TH, 8am4pm. Horse Stuff, Dog Stuff, Yard/Garden Stuff, People Stuff.

1734 Toni Court, Minden ACME BOAT & RV STORAGE – RESIDENT MANAGER, fenced, lighted, lowest rates around, Gardnerville (775)2654766

FOUND AT MINDEN PARK SUNDAY AUGUST 7TH, Sling puck family board game, must describe (775)720-7667 CASH PAID FOR OLD COSTUME JEWELRY: Rhinestones, Mexican and Indian Tourist Jewelry, Rings, Bracelets, Necklaces, Pins, Men’s Jewelry, Old Plastics, Silver, Copper, Glass Beads, Men’s and Women’s Old Wind Up Watches, Charm Bracelets, Lockets etc. Larger quantities preferred.

I drive to you. Call or text Joanne at (775)430-2352 The publisher does not assume any responsibility for the contents of any advertising herein, and all representation or warranties made in such advertising are those of the advertisers and not the publishers.

YARD SALE! SEPTEMBER 10TH-11TH, 8AM-2PM, Elliptical exercise bike, Neway juice extractor for canning, 8 place setting Old Country Rose china, sofa table, art and home decor, clothes, books, dog equipment, tableware, faucet, etc.

Free stereo, sewing machine & more, 37 Ash St., Yerington

Happy 66th Anniversary Mom and Dad!

As you begin yet another year of your lives together, may God’s blessings of health and happiness be with you today and forever more. XXOO Lisa

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Signs of true love

A group of women were at a seminar on ‘how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands’. The women were asked, “How many of you love your husband?” All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?”

Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn’t remember.

The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: “I love you, Sweetheart!” Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with one another and read aloud the text message they received in response to their message.

Below are 11 hilarious replies. If you have been married for a while, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love.

Who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?

1. Who the heck is this? 2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what? 3. Yeah, and I love you too. What’s wrong? 4.

What now? Did you wreck the car again? 5. I don’t understand what you mean? 6. What the heck did you do now? 7. Don’t beat around the bush, just tell me how much you need? 8. Am I dreaming? 9. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die. 10 I thought we agreed you wouldn’t drink during the day. 11 Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn’t she?

BRAND NEW, FULLY ASSEMBLED, BUT NEVER sat in, Power Lift Chair. You pick up. $800, Call (775)225-7492

And God looked down

Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things requiring them to bend, reach & stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise. God looked down and saw that it was good.

So if you find as you age that you are getting up and down more, remember it’s Gods will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.

PIANO, GUITAR, COMPOSITION LESSONS. ALL LEVELS and ages. Experienced teachers with music degrees.

Jim and Janet, Sunridge/Carson City (415)678-0504 2’X6’ CARRA QUARTZ SLABS, 9/16” THICK $175 (775)309-1898 MINOR TO MAJOR AUTOMOTIVE REPAIRS, Tires and More! ASE Certified Master Mechanic, 40+ years same location! Senior Discounts, Bobs Shell Service, Carson City (775)883-7919

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COLT, LAWMAN MKIII, 38/357 MAG, 6 SHOT revolver, 2” snub nose, very rare. Hurry, won’t last. $975, like new -- goes for $1,100 (775)720-6076 REMINGTON 12 GAUGE 870 EXPRESS MAGNUM with 28” ribbed barrel $350 (775)465-1185

The North Star, aka Polaris

The North Star, also known as Polaris, appears to stay fixed in our northern sky. It marks the location of the sky’s north pole, or the north celestial pole, the point around which the whole northern sky – full of stars – turns. That’s why you can always use Polaris to find the direction north.

So the North Star doesn’t appear to move. But it does move.

If you took its picture, you’d find that it makes its own little circle around the exact point of the north celestial pole every day.

That’s because the North Star is offset a little – by about 0.65 degrees – from celestial north. So Polaris makes a circle that’s 1.3 degrees in diameter each day. When it’s closest to the celestial pole in about 100 years, at a distance of only 0.45 degrees, it’ll make a daily circle of only 0.90 degrees.

Where does this movement – or in Polaris’ case, lack of movement – come from? It comes from Earth’s spin. Earth spins under the sky once a day, and our spin causes the sun in the daytime – and the stars at night – to rise in the east and set in the west. But the North Star is a special case. Because it lies almost exactly above Earth’s northern axis, it’s like the hub of a wheel. It doesn’t rise or set. Instead, it appears to stay put in the northern sky.

“What separates privilege from entitlement is gratitude.”

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PART TIME EMPLOYMENT, NON-PROFIT AGENCY; flexible hours working with seniors. Positions available in Topaz, Coleville, Walker and Bridgeport, California. Call for more information (530)495-2700 LAWN CARE SERVICE! AERATING, THATCHING, Mowing, Trimming, Pruning, Sprinklers/Repair, General Yard Clean Up, Free Estimates, 10+ Years Experience, Ruben (775)430-3585

Life never gets old

Your kids are becoming you…but your grandchildren are perfect! Going out is good… Coming home is better! You forget names…But it’s OK because other people forgot they even knew you! You realize you’re never going to be really good at anything…especially golf.

The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don’t care to do them anymore.

You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than in bed. It’s called “pre-sleep”. You miss the days when everything worked with just an “ON” and “OFF” switch.. You tend to use more 4 letter words … “what?”…”when?”… ?? Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it’s not safe to wear it anywhere.

You notice everything they sell in stores is “sleeveless”? What used to be freckles are now liver spots. Everybody whispers. You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet…. 2 of which you will never wear. But “old” is good in some things: Old Songs, Old movies, and best of all, OLD FRIENDS!!

THOMAS J. BARTELS, HOROLOGIST, CLOCKS old and new repaired and restored. Authorized agent for Howard Miller, Ridgeway, and Sleigh, all work guaranteed! tomjbartels@gmail.com or (775)265-5541 or (775)901-1848

The day the child...

realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise. - Alden Nowlan FOR SALE! 1946 AND 1954 MAYTAG WASHERS and rinse tub $300 (775)465-2173

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Kitchen Refinishing Services

BY ‘CABINET GUARD’ PRODUCTS (pat. pending)

Don’t re-face w/ new doors & water borne paint or replace your cabinets until you evaluate our refurbishing / refinishing services! (we are 80% less costly).

We utilize exclusive Products & Processes by ‘CABINET GUARD’ (pat. pending) w/ 40 + years of development by founder & master craftsman Dana Ayler: “I will wind back the clock on your Cabinets”.

We blend over, ‘Refurbishing’ your original cabinet finish, so there is no stripping or sanding down mess! We are completely dustless! Starting w/ a thorough cleaning, then rejuvenate & feed the wood’s grain for its contribution, then lightly custom color (tint) to enhance and block yellowing from the original finish, w/ 100% UV protection.

Final topcoats, durable for decades, strong enough for hardwood flooring, absolutely superior; high moisture resistance, 100 % UV-Protection, non-yellowing, extreme ware protection! * Easier to clean & maintain * Spray-less & EPA – Non -Toxic * No need to empty out Cabinets * You do not lose daily function of your kitchen * Good for environment, no tree cutting * Door Sampling * Written local Client Testimonials & References.

Workdays: 9:00a.m. to 4:30p.m. Returning your kitchen back to you until 9:00 a.m. the next morning! I Dana, perform all work on job site.

Questions: www.danadesignnv@hotmail.com or call: Dana, Cabinets Etc. @ (775)781-7462 or Kathy @ (775)782-7821. NV. Lic. #18331, Ca. Lic. #310071

PERFECTO GARDENING SERVICES, SERVING Carson Valley over 20 Years! Tree and Bush trimming, lawn care, competitive rates and all work guaranteed (775)265-7081 TOO HOT? 10K BTU LG Window Air Conditioner (Used 3 Seasons) $150; Indoor Honeywell Evaporator Cooler (New) $100 775-463-2990

Custodian Job Opening

Douglas County School District is currently accepting applications for Custodian; Jacks Valley & Scarselli Elementary (30 hours per week), Gardnerville Elementary & George Whittell High (40 hours per week) Starting Salary: $17.25/hr. or up to 5 years of experience; Full benefits; medical, dental, vision & life insurance. Paid sick leave, vacation & holidays. NV PERS retirement.

For more information, please contact Bill Blumenthal, Facilities Supervisor at wblument@dcsd.k12.nv. us or visit our website at dcsd.k12.nv.us/employment to complete an application.

PREMIUM FIREWOOD, DOUGLAS FIR, LOW ASH, first come first served $445 cord (775)291-9805 16” FORD ALUMINUM WHEELS AND ONE SET of center caps from 1996 F250 4WD $225 (775)465-1185 “It may never be as good as it was but it can certainly be better than it is!”

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CABELAS DELUXE CAMP KITCHEN KIT IN CARRYING bag, “everything included, even the kitchen sink” $75 (775)309-1898 FOUR 26570R18 GOODYEAR $250 OBO; 1996 INTERNATIONAL DT466 dump truck, 20,000 original miles, fully loaded, air brakes, asking $35,000 OBO (775)720-1627 MIGUEL’S GARDEN SERVICE, FULL LAWN MAINTENANCE, clean up, fertilizing, dead shrubs and trees pulled out, excellent references, great rates, serving Carson Valley 27+ years! (775)265-0501 1920’S DODGE GRAHAM TRUCK, hydraulic ramp on dump bed, all original, tires all hold air, best offer (775)4651812

Douglas County Republican Women...

will be meeting on September 7th, 2022 at 11:30am at Valley Christian Fellowship, Minden NV. Candidate for Attorney General, Sigal Chattah will be speaking. We will also have, Jim Marchant, Secretary of State Candidate. Hope you can join us.

For reservations please contact Linda at lrcal1@aol.com or 775782-5338.

HANDYMAN SERVICES, WOOD DECK repair, replace, resurface and remove, trash removal, Honey-Do’s, etc. Serving Carson Valley (775)315-2235 HOME REPAIR PRO, MR. FIX IT, ANY OUTSIDE/INSIDE repairs, big or small, flat rate $40 per hour (775)691-5119

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The Hmuan Mnid

Such a cdonition is arppoiately cllaed Typoglycemia.

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and yuo awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt.

So now how do you feel about yuor own mnid?

(Hrad to blveiee taht yuo cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht yuo wehr rdanieg). Isn’t God amazing.

RAT ROD: 1939 FORD PICKUP CAB, BED, FRAME, front axle, transmission, center differential housing, rear axle tubes $1,000; 1937 Ford Pickup minus engine $1,000 (775)315-9949 CARSON VALLEY ATV - JOIN US FOR ADVENTURES of a lifetime! Visit us at www.facebook.com/groups/carsonvalleyatv

Making a difference

As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to “make a difference” in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other seniors who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither.

George is such a person. He told us, ‘I’ve often been asked, ‘What do you do now that you’re retired?’

‘Well...I’m fortunate to have a chemical engineering background and one of the things I enjoy most is converting beer, wine and whisky into urine. It’s rewarding, uplifting, satisfying and fulfilling. I do it every day and I really enjoy it.’

LONG LASTING RELIEF FROM MUSCLE SORNENESS, Nerve Pain, Inflammation, Skin Irritation - EMU Oil Salve, 1500mg CBD, No THC, Good Vibes Salves, visit www.

GVSALVE.com or call (775)309-9136 KENNY AND COLLEEN’S STUMP GRINDING services, K&C stump grinding services, Call (917)362-3181 or (410)739-4052

Thank you Carson Valley Medical Center

I broke my hip in May on Friday the 13th (!) and spent 15 days in Carson Valley Medical Center for surgery and recuperation. Never have I enjoyed a hospital visit as much as I did in this small, cheerful, first rate hospital!

A lot of credit should go to the person(s) in charge! It is obvious that great care has been taken to hire and train the staff.

Everyone who worked with me, who advised me and encouraged me, treated me with dignity and respect as if I were part of their own family. That couldn’t have been easy since I am blind and deaf and was immobile. The staff took extra steps to ensure my safety and comfort, which included moving my bed close to the natural light so I could “see” better. I can’t thank the staff enough!

Thank you for your care and compassion! Kathleen Bergmann (Gardnerville) 1946 CJ2A JEEP, V-8 CHEVEROLET MOTOR, new brakes and rebuilt transmission, seats need redoing, has not run for about 30 years $4,200 (775)315-9949

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

The Physical

An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination the same day, so they could travel together.

After the examination, the doctor then said to the elderly man “You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?”

“In fact, I do”, said the man. “After romance with my wife for the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I romance with my wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly.”

“This is very interesting”, replied the doctor. “Let me do some research and get back to you.”

After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said “Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?”

The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.

The doctor then said, “Your husband had an unusual concern.

He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after romance the first time with you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?”

“Oh that old buzzard!” she replied. “That’s because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December!!!”

“Oh that old buzzard!” she replied. “That’s because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December!!!”

“When proven wrong, the wise man will correct himself and the ignorant will keep arguing.”

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CHÉ WHITE BOOKKEEPING & PAYROLL Services, Specializing in Small Business, Corporation, Not-for-Profit, and Personal Finance. Located in Carson Valley, 25+ years experience. CheWhiteBooks@gmail.com or (844)343-0343

What do you believe in?

A German Shepherd, Doberman and a cat have died. All three are faced with God who wants to know what they believe in.

The German shepherd says: “I believe in discipline training and loyalty to my master.” “Good,” says God. “Then sit down on my right side. Doberman, what do you believe in?”

The Doberman answers: “I believe in the love, care and protection of my master.” Ah,” said God. “You may sit to my left.”

Then he looks at the cat and asks, “And what do you believe in?” The cat answers: “I believe you’re sitting in my seat.”

AMMUNITION, NEW IN BOX, PISTOL CALIBERS. Call for prices (775)720-6076 MEN’S XL SPORT SHIRTS. GOOD QUALITY, excellent condition. $5 each. Call (775)265-6798 ITEMS FOR SALE: PANASONIC 6 PHONE SYSTEM $20; Racquetball racket, used twice - $15; Sharp 15” TV $75; Bose Accoustamass speaker system - $150; Vizio speaker system - $50; Toshiba DVD player - $50; Locksmith Safe, one hour fire protected, 15”x17” - $75; Old wood drill, antique - $10’ Large electric/propane outdoor fogger for mosquitoes $100, Pat (775)781-2273

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Sitting in Church

An elderly couple is sitting in church one morning, listening to the sermon, when the wife whispers to her husband, “I just let out a silent fart, what should I do?”

Her husband leaned over to her and whispers back to her, “Well, the first thing you should do when you get home is put a new battery in your hearing aid!”

PORSCHES WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE! OLD Porsches 1950 to 1973, looking for a Porsche 356, 911 or 912, running or not, with or without engine or transmission, also interested in parts. Will pay cash! Have trailer will travel (775)291-6827 D R LANDSCAPING, DEFENSIBLE SPACE, TREE work and yard cleanups, sprinkler repairs and weed abatement, house and garage clean ups, Dave (775)671-0808

In a hurry!

A man and wife rushed into a dentist’s office. The wife said, “I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want gas or numbing cream or anything because I’m in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.”

“You’re a brave woman,” said the dentist. “Now, show me which tooth it is.”

“The wife turns to her husband and says, “Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear.”

September 5th - Labor Day

1937 ONE BUTTON MEN’S PARLOR COAT, ASKING $50 (775)843-0477 HYDRAULIC CYLINDER REPAIR AND REBUILD, All makes models and year, Commercial Equipment, Tractors, Fork Lifts, Log splitters, Farm equipment, Dump Trucks and Trailers, Boats and RVs, Welding and Machining, Ramco Fabrication, shawn@ramcofab.com or (775)267-7358

Memories II

At the beginning of the appointment, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall.

“Big breaths,” I instructed. “Yes, they used to be,” remorsed the patient.

HELP! I AM IN SEARCH OF SPECIALS FROM 1950-60’s American and/or European powered cars. Maybe steel, aluminum, fiberglass or combination. Cars created by enthusiast for pleasure or racing, contact (775)291-6827 HANDYMAN PROS - RAPID RESPONSE, Professionally Designed Blue Prints, All Phases of Construction, New, Repair, Roofs, Bath, Kitchen, Painting, Custom, Carpentry, Landscaping, Electrical, Concrete, Plumbing, Tile, Granite & more (775)400-6822 9MM BRASS PROCESSED READY TO LOAD, 2- 1000 bags of brass for $65 each, Contact Bill (775)220-0492

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Raising kids in 1950s/60’s households vs. today’s

FOR A NEW AND INNOVATIVE HAIR STYLE call Cathy Hallifax at Déjà vu Salon in Minden, mention this ad for $5 off any hair service (530)518-1166 or (775)782-8776 WANTED! OLD BOAT TRAILER WITH TITLE, GARDNERVILLE (831)345-6725

Fine Art Classes

East Fork Gallery, 1512 Hwy. 395, Suite 4, Gardnerville. For more details email eastforkartists@gmail.com or call (775)7827629 SAVE THE DATES - October 1 - Scarecrow Festival, Heritage Park 9am-3pm: November 5 - Open House SALE* 12pm-3pm: December 4 - Christmas Reception 11am-3pm.... *SALE: 20% off one $50 item. Wine walks May-October on third Thursday of each month.

DO YOU NEED TO REPLACE YOUR WORN out concrete driveway, patio, or walkway? We also install new patios, driveways, monolithic garage slabs, retaining walls, footings, and stemwalls. K&C Construction, NV LIC # 79034, 79237, 81038, 86464. To get a free quote call at (775)691-6462 SUTRO LANDSCAPING, ONE CALL DOES IT all; lawn care, aerating and thatching, sprinkler systems, sod installation and planting, clean-ups and much more, Free Estimates, Operated by owner, NV#50048 (775)246-4871 or (775)2913095

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When I was a child, back in the Parenting Stone Age (a.k.a. the Parentocentric Era), your parents were the most important people in the family. They paid the bills, bought your clothes, prepared the food you ate, took care of you when you were sick, drove you to where you needed to be, tucked you in, and kissed you good night. They were essential.

Your parents acted like they were bigger than you were too, like they knew what they were doing and didn’t need your help making decisions. In fact, your opinion really didn’t matter much.

When they spoke to you, they didn’t bend down, grab their knees, and ask for your cooperation in a wheedling tone. They spoke in no uncertain terms, and they thought you were smart, so they only said anything once. The rule was very simple: They told you what to do, and you did it, because they said so.

Your mom and dad paid more attention to one another than they paid to you. You didn’t think about that at all. It was just the way it was. But looking back, you sure are glad you weren’t the center of the family universe. You were a satellite, orbiting around their solid presence. They even told you, on occasion, that you were just a little fish in a big pond. You didn’t understand what that meant, of course, until you got out in the big pond and began to realize that putting oneself into proper perspective greatly improves one’s life and the lives of those around him.

They bought you very little, so you appreciated everything you had. And you took care of it. When your bike broke, you figured out how to fix it. Or your dad fixed it. In either case, you understood you weren’t getting a new one, not any time soon.

You loved your mom and dad, but you left home as early as possible because you were absolutely certain you could make a better life for yourself than they were willing to make for you. And you were right!

Back then, elementary school classes often held more than 40 children, most of whom came to first grade not knowing their ABCs. Back then, your mother didn’t give you much, if any, help with your homework. Yet at the end of first grade, and every subsequent grade in fact, those kids were outperforming today’s kids in every subject, and today’s moms think good moms help with homework.

Today’s parents still pay the bills, buy the clothes, prepare the food, and so on, but by some strange twist, they treat their children as if they are the most important people in the family.

Parents don’t act bigger any more either. When they talk to their children, they get down to their level, like they’re petitioning the king, and they whine, as in, “Do you think you can stop what you’re doing for a minute and help Mommy carry in the groceries?” The rule seems very simple: Parents ask children to do things, and children take their requests under consideration.

Today’s typical mom and dad pay a lot more attention to the children than they do to one another. They also talk more to them, do more for them, and take more interest in them. It would seem that today’s parents are the satellites, orbiting around the children, who are obviously big fish and getting bigger all the time. And so, today’s kids leave home later, and many of them come back home (the so-called “boomerang child”) because they never learned certain fundamentals, as in don’t spend more than you earn.

Sometimes people accuse me of what’s called “Golden Age” thinking. I “idealize” the 1950s, they say. I disagree. I only say

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what is statistically verifiable: The 1950s was a better time for kids. According to mental health statistics, we were happier than today’s kids, by far. In that regard, the latest research finds that obedient children are much happier than disobedient children.

The latest research also finds that kids from homes where their parents’ marriages are strong do better in school, regardless of IQ. There I go again - idealizing common sense. (by J. Rosemond) MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN CARSON VALLEY! Be our guest for coffee and fellowship on Fridays 7am COD Casino.

CARSONVALLEYSERTOMA.ORG

EIGHT PLACE SETTING, ROYAL ALBERT OLD Country Rose, made in England, includes soup bowls and large serving platter, excellent condition $400 775-848-7482 Writing the Editor - We welcome all articles, letters, jokes and comments on Sierra Scoop, local issues, community news and free private party ads, published as space provides.

These articles, letters, comments do not necessarily reflect our opinion. All public input is welcome. sierrascoop@charter.net, (775)782-4520

September 11th - Grandparents Day

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

ALPINE TREE SERVICE - TRIMMING, REMOVAL, grinding and lot clearing, no job too small, Licensed, Insured and over 35+ years experience (775)721-2880 HUSKY TIE DOWNS 2” WIDE BY 26’ LONG $10 each; ACE Hardware Style Popcorn Machine with popcorn $550 (408)270-4028

ACT 2 Offers U...

Good buys on gently used furniture, some antiques, nice men and women’s clothing, and various household items. Come visit us at 607 S. Main St. Yerington. Hours are flexible. Pat riley 408804-4010 and/or Toni Harrison 775-781-6487 PIONEER GLASS PLUS, RESIDENTIAL, COMMERCIAL, emergency services, fair prices, dependable quick service, quality work, 45 years experience, Frank Boudreau, owner NV#7876 (775)720-2373 WHITE’S GOLDMASTER METAL DETECTOR, ASKING $350; Dahon compact foldable 5 speed bikes, fold into compact units, have two for you, $200 each, Gardnerville (805)423-8543 STANDARD FLAG GRAVEL, R&J TRUCKING delivers, 25 years experience, call Roger (775)233-7337

HOT TUB SERVICE, WEEKLY AND BI WEEKLY service, reasonable rates, private homes and vacation rentals, hot tub cover sales, call Tahoe Sierra Hot Tubs (775)267-2490 GET FAST INTERNET! UP TO 40 MBPS, WIRELESS! (not satellite, not DSL). Great in rural areas, www.rural-internet. us or call Patrick (775)297-4777

When the Voice of God Whispers

How do you hear the voice of God? How does God talk with people? Boldly? Perhaps for some. Through his Word, other people, circumstances? Sure, more likely. And what if He is a gentleman, and speaks through a whispered word. What then?

When God whispers - The man whispered, “God, speak to me,” and a meadowlark sang. But the man did not hear. So the man yelled, “God, speak to me,” and the thunder rolled across the sky. But the man did not listen. The man looked around and said, “God, let me see you.” And a star shined brightly. But the man did not see. And the man shouted, “God, show me a miracle.”

And a life was born. But the man did not notice. So, the man cried out in despair, “Touch me, God, and let me know you are here.”

Whereupon, God reached down and touched the man. But the man brushed the butterfly away and walked on.

12 GAUGE BROWNING, MADE FOR REMINGTON, 3” chamber, 30” barrel ribbed, excellent condition, asking $650, Roy (209)769-1832 OAK CHINA CABINET! Leaded glass top portion, 4 cabinets, 3 drawers bottom portion, top 5’9” long, bottom 6’1” long, excellent condition, paid $1,500, asking $100 OBO, Minden (775)267-9391 AFFORDABLE NEVADA CCW CLASSES $50, tac-aimfirearmsinstruction.com or (775)360-5214 KING SIZE ADJUSTABLE (Electric) BED WITH mattresses and frames, with extras. plus two 7 pos. remote controls. barely used, almost brand new not even a year old! $3,000 (775)265-7898

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BATH TUBS REPAIRED, RESURFACED, AND re-colored, Acrylic, Fiberglass and Porcelain, Call The Tub Doctor (775)233- 5297

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13

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Colonoscopy Journal

ALLERGIES AND DUST A PROBLEM? WHOLE house air duct cleaning special $599, all vents, returns, heater and ac cleaned and sanitized, dryer vent cleaning $129, call Peake Air, NV#260831 (775)392-0994

Out of shape

A woman on the phone to her friend: “I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising…. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.”

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Day R. Williams, Attorney at Law, 1601 Fairview Drive, Suite C, Carson City, NV. Call Day today! (775)885-8398 SEMI-RETIRED FINISH CARPENTER Door install/repairs, security screens, deadbolts, shelving, moldings, barn/ wood plank-shiplap-beadboard wall covering and cabinet installation. Call Mark (775)782-6198 or (775)790-5927

September 23rd - First Day of Autumn 14

This is very funny, but important to remember this test can be a life saver, and that makes it well worth the awful prep involved.

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.

A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.

I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn’t really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, ‘HE’S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR A#@.

I left Andy’s office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called ‘MoviPrep,’ which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America’s enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn’t eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.

Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, ‘a loose, watery bowel movement may result.’

This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don’t want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle.

There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt.

You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.

The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage.

I was thinking, ‘What if I spurt on Andy?’ How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very

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good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.

At first I was ticked off that I hadn’t thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.

Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.

There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was ‘Dancing Queen’ by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, ‘Dancing Queen’ had to be the least appropriate.

‘You want me to turn it up?’ said Andy, from somewhere behind me.

‘Ha ha,’ I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling ‘Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,’ and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.

Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt

excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that IT was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies: 1. ‘Take it easy, Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before!’

2. ‘Find Amelia Earhart yet?’ 3. ‘Can you hear me NOW?’ 4.

‘Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?’ 5. ‘Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?’ 6. ‘You put your left hand in; you take your left hand out...’ 7. ‘Hey! Now I know how a

15

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

16

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17

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Conversation between husband and wife

WIFE: “What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?” HUSBAND: “Definitely not!”

WIFE: “Why not - don’t you like being married?” HUSBAND: “Of course I do.”

WIFE: “Then why wouldn’t you remarry?” HUSBAND: “Okay, I’d get married again.”

WIFE: “You would? (with a hurtful look on her face). HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

WIFE: “Would you live in our house?” HUSBAND: “Sure, it’s a great house.”

WIFE: “Would you sleep with her in our bed?” HUSBAND: “Where else would we sleep?”

WIFE: “Would you let her drive my car?” HUSBAND: “Probably, it is almost new.”

WIFE: “Would you replace my pictures with hers?” HUSBAND: “That would seem like the proper thing to do.”

WIFE: “Would she use my golf clubs?” HUSBAND: “No, she’s left-handed.”

WIFE: - - - silence - - HUSBAND: “Crap” HOME IN NEED OF IMPROVEMENT? ADDITIONS, remodels, garages, we do it all! Free estimates, 25+ years experience, Carson Valley Construction Company LLC, NV#0074855 (775)291-1453 LITTLE GIANT LADDER SYSTEM, SKYSCRAPPER M17, 9’-17’ Stepladder, aluminum, 300 lb. capacity, like new $500. 32’ heavy duty aluminum extension ladder, like new $300, Both for $750 (330)651-4948 Muppet feels!’

8. ‘If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!’ 9. ‘Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.’ 10. ‘You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?’ And the best one of all: 11. ‘Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not there.. (by Dave Barry, Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist) “YOUR HOMETOWN JUNK HAULER SINCE 1996!”

Junk and Trash, etc, Carson Valley/Carson City, $299 a load plus dump fee, J.R.’s Hauling (775)265-6813 AMISH 4 SEAT BUGGY 5TH WHEEL, HYDROLIC brakes, single drive, good condition, asking $1,200 (775)220-1812

Join us for FISH’s 2nd annual Flea Market!

Set up a table at our Gardnerville office to rehome your treasures or come and browse! Local agencies welcome to set up info tables. $20 donation requested from vendors to hold a spot. Tables/chairs provided. Lunch is provided; raffles will be won! 4th Saturday in August; 7am to noon. Information (775)265-3474 LOVELY VICTORIAN SETTEE WITH 2 CHAIRS. Fantastic early l900’s telephone and radio both in excellent condition and function (775)392-1836 WILL TEAR DOWN AND BUY OLD WOODEN Barns and Barn Wood! Insured and bonded (775)782-9192

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FIBERFORM 16½ FOOT BOAT, VERY NICE CONDITION, low hours with 85 HP Mercury outboard engine.

Trailer included. $3,400 OBO, Bridgeport/Twin Lakes (760)709-1461 DEAD TREES FOR FIREWOOD AND CORD WOOD for sale; four white doves free (775)450-3787 COMPLETE LANDSCAPING, RESIDENTIAL and commercial, weekly maintenance, tree trimming, emergency repairs, sprinklers/drip, pavers, patios, retaining walls, Davenport Landscape and Design, NV Lic.#0074827, davenportlandscape.com or (775)265-1491 or (775)721-8439 WASHER AND DRYER, UPRIGHT REGRIGERATOR/ FREEZER, older garden furniture and tools, Jade for jewelry rock hounds, large selection of floral items, 2 pianos - 1 smaller upright, 1 antique brand, light automotive tools, 2 8’ aluminum ladders, aluminum framed glass for outdoor enclosures, luggage, chrome and glass display stands, chrome and glass showcase, 4 travel trunks, metal business file cabinets, make offers, Watch for our upcoming yard sale, infocourthouseproducts@charter. (775)265-1480 FOR SALE: XL DOG CRATE LIKE NEW, $60; LG dog crate, $30; Elenker Adjustable bed step w/grab bars extra wide like new, $40; Sunny Fitness Under Desk Elliptical, $30; Soclean2 CPAP Cleaner, $75 Genoa (775)782-8789

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19

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

Excess weight

“Now, what are you planning to do about that excess weight you’re carrying around?” the doctor asked the patient. “I just can’t seem to lose the weight,” the patient said. “Must be an overactive thyroid.”

“The tests show your thyroid is perfectly normal,” the doctor said. “If anything is overactive, it’s your fork.”

1994 HARLEY DAVIDSON ‘SPRINGER’, LOTS OF chrome, ‘Screaming Eagle’ electronics, 3,500 original miles, asking $7,500 (775)843-0477

VFW Breakfast

Topaz VFW Post 3630 is again hosting a monthly breakfast 8:00am-9:30am at the TRE Community Center, 3939 Carter Way on the 4th Saturday of each month. The breakfast is to rally support for the TRE Veterans by bringing together families and friends for a fun event. $5 Adults, $3 Children under 10.

The VFW Post 3630 has a regular meeting at 4:00pm on the 3rd Wednesday of each month. New members are always welcome!.

C-THRU WINDOW CLEANING, “WINDOW CLEANING at its finest”, Call Casey (775)350-8021 “I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting station, through which God speaks to us every hour, if we will only tune in.”

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Bus Drivers & Substitute Bus Drivers Wanted

Douglas County School District is currently accepting applications for: Contracted School Bus Drivers & Substitute School Bus Drivers, Starting Salary: $15.95/hour or based on up to 5 years of bus driving experience. Varied Hours up to 40 hours a week. Contracted positions for permanent routes include; Full benefits; medical, dental, vision & life insurance. Paid sick leave & holidays. NV PERS retirement. Apply online: dcsd.k12.nv.us/ employment to complete an application.

FENCE PAINTING, SEMI RETIRED, EXPERIENCED, seasonal discounts (775)901-2940 TIRED OF BEING DULL? I SHARPEN CHEFS knives, scissors of all types, TJ’S Sharpening (775)841-1079

Happy September Birthdays!

A wish for you on your birthday, whatever you ask may you receive, whatever you seek may you find, whatever you wish may it be fulfilled on your birthday and always. Happy birthday!

USA DRYWALL LLC, REMODELS AND REPAIRS, Hanging, Taping, any texture, Additions, No Job too small, Insured and Bonded, NV#8894 (775)247-2539 WANTED! COMIC BOOKS AND/OR SPORTS CARDS, I can come to you (562)706-4224

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Precious moments

My three year old granddaughter, Emma, spent the night with me last night. When we awoke this morning, all snuggled together, she playfully pointed to my stomach and asked,” What’s that Mamaw?” I said, “My fat belly.”

Again she pointed and questioned me. “What’s that Mamaw?”

I answered,” That’s Mamaw’s belly button. Do you have a belly button?”

Emma proudly pulled her shirt up and told me, “There’s my belly button Mamaw! Just like yours!”

She then pointed one last time, this time to my chest.” You have boobs Mamaw. Mine are all gone.” I explained and assured her that her chest would grow as she grew.

She then informed me, “Well Mamaw, I want purple ones!”

Dear Lord don’t let me get Alzheimers! I want to remember this precious moment!

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The month with no holidays

The month of August is often a calm and quiet time of year and the light list of celebrations reflects that stillness. It’s a time to relax before the school year starts.

The name of the month was originally a Latin word, Sextilis.

In 8th century BC, during the early Medieval period, the month was renamed to August in honor of Augustus Caesar, the first Roman emperor.

One significant event which did occur was The 19th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution granting American women the right to vote, a right known as women’s suffrage, and was ratified on August 18, 1920, ending almost a century of protest. Women’s Suffrage - During America’s early history, women were denied some of the basic rights enjoyed by male citizens. For example, married women couldn’t own property and had no legal claim to any money they might earn, and no female had the right to vote. Women were expected to focus on housework and motherhood, not politics. Despite the passage of the amendment and the decades-long contributions of Black women to achieve suffrage, poll taxes, local laws and other restrictions continued to block women of color from voting. Black men and women also faced intimidation and often violent opposition at the polls or when attempting to register to vote. It would take more than 40 years for all women to achieve voting equality. (History.com) QUALITY HAND TOOLS AT LOW PRICES, Micrometers one inch to sixteen inches, depth mikes, calipers, etc. Call Kim (775)265-7259

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” WINE MAKING EQUIPMENT, USED – VERY GOOD, Crusher-destemmer, #45 grape press, Teel pump, floor corker, bottle spritzer and drying tree, 5 gallon carboys (10), 6 gallon carboys (1), 20 gallon SS pressure tank, 30 gallon SS pressure tank, CO2 tank and regulator, several 50 gallon fermentation drums, fermentation blankets, 5 gallon soda pressure tanks (5), barrel stands (2), miscellaneous tubing, miscellaneous SS tri-clover and plastic fittings, burette, all for $1,900 (775)265-9159 MONUMENTS UNLIMITED, HEADSTONES, curbing, granite and concrete, all colors available, quality work (775)720-1627 1958 FORD RANCHERO PROJECT CAR, 422 CID motor, was running when parked, call for more details, $6,500 OBO, Paul (775)450-2983

Funny jokes for kids

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Forgive your enemies

The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used “Forgive Your Enemies” as his subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies.

About half held up their hands. Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question. This time he received a response of about 80 percent.

Still unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question. With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear.

“Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?” “I don’t have any.”

“Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?” “Ninety three.”

“Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world.”

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said: “It’s easy, I just outlived them.”

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What did the policeman say to his belly button? You’re under a vest! What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta. What do call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer! Where do pencils go for vacation?

Pencil-vania. What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!!!!!!! Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck! What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I’m coming down with something! Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired!

What did the triangle say to the circle? You’re pointless! What is an astronaut’s favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was “out standing” in his field. Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn’t invented yet. What did one hat say to another? You stay here, I’ll go on a head. Why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrrrr. Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock? Because it’s a little meteor. What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor. What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison. Why do ducks make great police officers? Because they always quack the case. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it! Have you seen the movie “Constipated”? No, it hasn’t come out yet!

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Fast Immediate Sale By Owner

23

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

$200 OFF ANY COMPLETE ROOFING JOB, NEW roof, re-roof, repairs, 10% off for repairs, $100 maximum, must present ad for discount, over 25 years experience, Licensed, Bonded and Insured, Tom Goldston Roofing, “Where Quality is Remembered Long After the Price is Forgotten” NV Lic#58203 (775)790-2461 WANTED: LICENSE PLATES, OLD MOTORCYCLE Helmets, Old Pre-1970’s Levi’s, Musical instruments, Old Watches and Old Lighters, John (775)315-4930 THE CHICKS HAVE ARRIVED AT BENSON FEED; we also carry wood stove pellets, cleanest burning, highest heat output, out performs all others, ½ cord almond firewood, bensonfeed.com, Carson City (775)882-3999 TRUCKING, DUMP TRUCK, BOBCAT/LOADER, Excavation and Water Truck Services, call Wade Draper - EMS Transport at (775)690-1671 SUGAR PLUM HOUSEKEEPING, LICENSED, Bonded and insured with references, Free estimates, great cleaning, fair prices, Samantha (775)220-4252 16 FOOT BOAT TRAILER... OR PUT WOOD ON for utility trailer, have title $400 (775)266-4140 “Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.”

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The Wonderful Husband

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man answers the phone, puts it on speaker, and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: “Hello” WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?” MAN: “Yes.” WOMAN: “I’m at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”

MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”

WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2016 models. I saw one I really liked.” MAN: “How much?” WOMAN: “$65,000.” MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options’ WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000.”

MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000.” WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you!” MAN: “Bye, I love you, too.”

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he smiles and asks: “Anyone know whose phone this is?”

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25

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Gonna be a Bear

In this life I’m a woman. In my next life, I’d like to come back as a bear. When you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid.

I could deal with that too.

When you’re a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you’re sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you’re mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you’re mama bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. Yup, gonna be a bear! (Author unknown) NDM-86 DRAGONOV COMPLETE, PLUS EXTRAS and a full case of 7N1 ammunition, Asking $11,000 or make offer, contact Pete at (775)315-4285 PAINTER, SEMI-RETIRED WITH 40 YEARS experience in Nevada, Save Money, Get Seasonal Discount Now, inside or out, Fences (775)901-1912

Time for the wedding

Ponderings

Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries. Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. When you’re swimming in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, that’s a moray! A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats. The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.

“BLAST FROM THE PAST” VINTAGE 1977 MASTERCRAFT tow boat with numerous world records, very rare, rebuilt inside and out, showroom condition, less than 25 hours on Ford 351 marine engine, many extras, power glide tranny with reverse, ‘for the professional in you or because it was the best tow boat ever designed’ used at Marine World, Sea World and at pro events nationwide in the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s, all brand new accessories; ropes, vests, hydro slide and 3 man tube, dual batteries, dual speedos, killer sound system, 2 boat covers $23,000, Call Joe (775)846-9308 ALMOST LIKE NEW 2017 1685 LANCE TRAVEL TRAILER, FULLY LOADED, excellent condition, never used kitchen, never used commode/shower, heat and air condition, television, 1 big slide out, lots of storage and so much more!

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26

A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say,” “And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding...

He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.” “Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”

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Glazed Over

A cop pulls over a guy. “Your eyes are awfully red. Have you been drinking?”

“Gee, officer,” the man says. “Your eyes are awfully glazed -- have you been eating doughnuts?”

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27

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

SWIMMING POOL SERVICE, WEEKLY or Bi-Monthly, Mountain Pool & Spa Licensed and Insured Tahoepoolboy@ gmail.com or (530)318-1698

Wonderful News!

A woman called a local hospital . . . . “Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information about patients? I’d like to find out if a patient is getting better, doing as expected or getting worse.”

The voice on the other end said, “What is the patient’s name and room number?”

“Sarah Finkel, room 302.”

“I’ll connect you with the nursing station . . . .”

“3-A Nursing Station. How can I help you?”

“I’d like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in room 302.”

“Just a moment. Let me look at her records. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she’s had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, she is to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and, if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday at noon.”

The woman said, “What a relief! Oh, that’s fantastic . . . that’s wonderful news!”

The nurse said, “From your enthusiasm, I take it you are a close family member or a very close friend!”

“Neither! I AM Sarah Finkel in 302! Nobody here tells me poop!

V-8 TIMES MAGAZINES: MOSTLY COMPLETE 2000 to 2014, 6 per year $40 (775)315-9949

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HARLEY DAVIDSON ENGINE REBUILDING, 30+ years experience, quick turn-around! Free pick–up and delivery, parts in one day! californiafritz.com or (530)694-2521 CASH PAID FOR VINTAGE COSTUME JEWELRY. All Types Including: Bracelets, Necklaces, Pins, Rings, Silver, Copper, Pot Metal, Rhinestones, Lockets, Charm Bracelets, Men’s Jewelry, Old Watches, Military Jewelry, Old Mexican and Indian Tourist Jewelry. Larger Quantities Preferred.

Please leave phone number and clear message on my phone. I return all calls. Call or text Joanne at (775)430-2352

The Douglas County Democrats Central Committee...

August meeting will be held on Thursday, September 22, at 6:30 PM. For in person attendance, we will be following Covid 19 guidelines. Please bring proof of vaccination. Please check our website at www.douglasdems.org for further information and to register to join the meeting on Zoom.

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3 good arguments

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Italian: He talked with His hands. He had wine with His meals. He used olive oil.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish: He went into His Father’s business. He lived at home until he was 33. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian: He never cut His hair. He walked around barefoot all the time. He started a new religion.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian: He was at peace with nature. He ate a lot of fish. He talked about the Great Spirit.

But then there were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black: He called everyone brother. He liked Gospel. He didn’t get a fair trial.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish: He never got married. He was always telling stories. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all – 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman: He fed a crowd at a moment’s notice when there was virtually no food. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn’t get it. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do. (truthbook. com) 1940 FORD CAB FOR A RAT ROD; 1953 DODGE M37, APART; 1999 Ford F250 Super Duty 2WD, AT, smokes, Al (775)434-7452 PSA AR15, 5.56/.223, IRON SIGHTS, NEW, 1 MAG - $675.

FN HiPower, 9mm, 2 mags, $900. Walther P22, 22LR, new, 2 mags, $425. Ruger American Rifle, bolt, 6.5 Creedmore, bipod, $500. PSA AR10, .308, 2 mags, iron sights, new, $1,300 (775)720-6076 JUNIPER, TREE & STUMP REMOVAL, Defensible Space, Fire Breaks, Excavating, Sprinkler Repair, Earth, Turf & Timber Landscape Maintenance (775)450-1955

Come join us at Johnson Lane Baptist Church

Bible Believing, Gospel Preaching, Christ Loving Church, Sunday, 9:45am Sunday School, 11am Sunday Service, 4pm Evening Service, 1581 Johnson Lane, Minden (775)267-9590 PLUMBING, LEAKY PIPES, SERVICE AND REPAIR, remodels, new construction, residential and commercial, since 1997, bonded and insured, guaranteed, NV#47214, CA#513872, Call Robert (775)690-1441 LIKE NEW, 2009 YAMAHA SCOOTER, LOW MILEAGE $1,000; Carrier air conditioner 9000 BTU’s $175; Westinghouse air conditioner 5000 BTU’s $75; Delta Miter 45 and a Makita 65 $65, (323)351-7767 SPECIALIZING IN GARAGES, ADDITIONS, REMODELS, decks, patio covers, free estimates, NV#0080432, Redline Construction Inc. (775)781-3955

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” A time to believe

To believe is to know that every day is a new beginning. Is to trust that miracles happen, and dreams really do come true.

To believe is to see angels dancing among the clouds, To know the wonder of a stardust sky and the wisdom of the man in the moon.

To believe is to know the value of a nurturing heart, The innocence of a child’s eyes and the beauty of an aging hand, for it is through their teachings we learn to love.

To believe is to find the strength and courage that lies within us When it’s time to pick up the pieces and begin again.

To believe is to know we are not alone, That life is a gift and this is our time to cherish it.

To believe is to know that wonderful surprises are just waiting to happen, And all our hopes and dreams are within reach. If only we believe. (by B.J. Morbitzer) FREE! DRIVEWAY GATE 11’4”X3’3”, man gate 4’x3’11”; 2 8’ poles for Remington chain saws; indoor/outdoor carpet, approximately 11”6”x4’9”; stair nosing 11’6”x4’9”; 72” Stair nosing, ask for Barb (775)782-5645 PAINTING BY ART - STAINING AND PAINTING done at affordable rates, personal service with 20 years experience, call for free estimate, Gardnerville (775)392-3997 SET OF 4 USED DUNLOP A/T RADIAL ROVER TIRES 31X10.50R15LT-109RM&S make offer (775)720-7667

Family Means Different Things

Family means different things to different people. To some, family means mom, dad and the kids. To others, family means single parents doing the job of two to make a home. To some, family means living with grandparents too. To others, family is the aunt or uncle who has stepped up to fill in for parents. To some, family means two moms or two dads growing a family together. To others, family means two people multiplying their love through adoption. To some, family is limited to blood relations.

To others, family includes friends who are there through thick and thin. To some, family is all about the people in their lives. To others, pets are considered family members too.

Yes, family means different things to different people, But every family has one thing in common, and that’s love. (By K. Roper) PAINTING BY ART - STAINING AND PAINTING done at affordable rates, personal service with 20 years experience, call for free estimate, Gardnerville (775)392-3997 G & J LANDSCAPING MAINTENANCE, TRIM, prune, fertilize, aerate, sprinklers, General clean-up, Free Estimates, Victor (775)291-1672 1985 19’ WELLCRAFT 4.3L V-6 MERCURY I/O Tahoe ready, One owner, Clean, 2 axle trailer $5,000 OBO (775)7819891

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September 26th - Rosh Hashanah

Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

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