Shoka Magazine May 2023

May 1, 2023

Marty Callahan 8th Degree Black Belt

“Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and success of liberty.”

- John F Kennedy 35th President of the United States

Parents, families, students and friends,

Our April 1, 2023 Santa Rosa Invitational Karate Tournament was a great event The 32 students who chose to compete put their heart and soul into their performances and it showed. We are tremendously proud of all of them and feel honored to have them as students and to encourage them on their way to Black Belt. If you missed it, we live streamed it and saved it on our YouTube Channel. Just search for Shotokan Karate Leadership School.

I’m in Japan as I finish this edition of Shoka Magazine. I’ll have a full report for our June edition. I have been sightseeing with my friends and new friends from New Zealand and Canada. The training starts on Friday, April 14. There’s also a new group joining us from France. Traveling to train with other students is a valuable experience. We highly recommend it for anyone 7 years old and up and green belt and above. If you’re below green belt and want to go we’ll discuss with your family whether it’s a good idea. Our next trip will be to Calgary Canada about June 30 to July 2. The actual dates have not been finalized. We’ll let you know once we know. I’m going to do my best to create a video journal of my Japan trip that you’ll be able to check out on our YouTube Channel if you’re interested.

Don’t forget to look at the details of our Saturday, May 6th Award Ceremony at the Finley Center Auditorium. It will include on stage performances from all of our students... including your son, daughter or grandchild, a potluck dinner, and... drumroll!!!... A Samurai Sword Cake Cutting! Great fun will be had for all.

Here’s what’s in it this month’s Shoka Magazine:

• Shoka News (our newsletter)

• May Award Ceremony Announcement

• Results of the April 1st Santa Rosa Invitational Karate Tournament

• Fistslinger

• Who are you

• 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse

• Monster Truck Show

• Cognitive Behavior Therapy Self Defeating Rules 6 to 10 out of 14

• Mother’s Day Surprise

Yours truly,

Marty Callahan, 8th Degree Black Belt Founder, Chief Instructor, Author

Shotokan Karate Leadership School®

3082 Marlow Road B1, Santa Rosa, CA 95403 707-575-1681

Shoka News

Shotokan Karate Leadership School® Newsletter

May 1, 2023

A BIG Welcome to our newest students!

v Logan Purtill, Jovanni Garcia, Alejandro Rojas, Jacob Fertino, Riley Stanbro, Elliot Zapadinsky, Juliann Finn, Avery Finn, Liam Finn, Patrick Finn, Ed Estrada, Jagger Espy, Nolan Hettich, Daniel Fajardo, Lumen Ares, Aiden Gardiner, Apache Greenberg, Elijah Lawson, Erick Diaz, Noah Davis

Upcoming Events and Activities

Ø Wednesday Night Market – Starting May 3 for 15 weeks. We’ll be there. Stop by and see us. Spin the wheel, win prizes.

Ø Saturday, May 6th – Spring 2023 Award Ceremony and Potluck Dinner

Ø MONSTER TRUCK SHOW Friday and Saturday, May 12th and 13th See enclosed flyer for details. We’ll be there. Stop by and see us. Spin the wheel, win prizes.

Ø Saturday May 13th Human Race. Google Sonoma County Human Race for details. We’ll be there. Stop by and see us. Spin the wheel, win prizes.

Ø Saturday, May 13th Special Mother’s Day Class. All mothers train for free in May!

Ø Monday, May 29th Memorial Day – CLOSED

Santa Rosa Invitational Karate Tournament – Saturday, April 1, 2023

Congratulations to all competitors. If you learned something it was a valuable experience. Not everyone will want to compete but those who do generally progress faster through the ranks. We’re hoping to hold the next tournament in late September or early October.

Japan Trip – April 10 to 17, 2023

I travelled to Japan and joined our friends from Shotokan International Alliance to do some sightseeing and karate training. Aside from the students in Japan there were students and instructors from New Zealand, Canada, USA, and France I will have a full report next month

Spring 2023 Award Ceremony and Potluck Dinner, Saturday, May 6th from 5:30p to 8p. Our semi-annual Award Ceremony, Potluck Dinner and Samurai Sword Cake Cutting will be held at the Finley Center on Saturday May 6th

Shoka Magazine: We’re mailing it to your house. We hope you’re getting it. If not let us know. It’s also coming by email in an electronic format called Issuu. Check it out and let us know what you think... good or bad. And don’t worry, you won’t offend us. We’re probably more critical of our selves than you might be of us. We accepted a long time ago that we’re not perfect and that the way to get better is to recognize this and fix whatever we can when we can. We’ll teach your kids to do the same. This will serve them well the rest of their lives.

Our Covid Policy

Wear a mask if you are unvaccinated. Decide for yourself if you are vaccinated. We will never ask you to do anything that will put you or your family at risk. You always have the opportunity to opt-out of any activity or event that you deem is unsafe.

Award Ceremony

Finley Community Center

6 pm Saturday, May 6th 2023

Student Performances

Award Ceremony

Potluck Dinner

Samurai Sword Cake Cutting Family and Friends are Invited.

NOTE: All Shotokan Karate Leadership School® students are expected to attend. Attendance at this event will help your child achieve their goals and demonstrate the support they have for their dojo-mates and the school.

Your child will perform on stage. Please arrive by 5:30 pm to allow them time to prepare. This will be a great opportunity for your child to show you what they have learned and for you to let them know how proud you are of them. They will remember this event for many years to come.

Potluck: Please bring a dish of your choosing to share

Santa Rosa Invitational Karate Tournament

Saturday, April 1, 2023

Congratulations to the following Contestants

Kata

1st Sammy Gonzalez

2nd Dikshant KC

3rd Niko Ascencio

Kumite (1-Step Sparring)

1st Sammy Gonzalez

2nd Niko Ascencio

3rd Dikshant KC

Best Contestant

Sammy Gonzalez

The Fistslinger

Marty Callahan 8th Degree Black Belt

“Warriors are not what you think of as warriors. The warrior is not someone who fights, for no one has the right to take another life. The warrior, for us, is the one who sacrifices himself for the good of others. His task is to take care of the elderly, the defenseless, those who cannot provide for themselves, and above all, the children, the future of humanity.”

-Sitting Bull, Hunkpapa Lakota Indian Chief

There’s a guy who came to our door a few weeks ago. He wanted to challenge the master – me – to a fight Where exactly he got this idea, I don’t know, but you see this scenario played out in movies, particularly westerns, all the time. The young gunslinger wants to make a name for himself so he challenges an established gunslinger to a duel. What generally happens is that the young gunslinger ends up dead.

I started training in Southern California in 1970. Back then it was the wild, wild west for martial art schools Tough guys, or fistslingers as I call them, would go around and challenge the instructor s at other schools as a way to make a name for themselves. I was a member of the Japan Kar ate Association (JKA). JKA Instructors had a reputation of being some of the meanest, baddest fighters around. You didn’t mess with a JKA Instructor without paying a high price. One of my instructors at that time, Frank Smith, had been the U.S. Kumite (sparring) Champion for 5 years in a row. He was, to put it politely, a bad a__ . He told me that if anyone ever gave me any trouble to let him know and he would take care of things.

I moved up to Santa Rosa in the early 80’s and opened our school, a few years later a fistslinger showed up at our door. The class I had been teaching was winding down. Ed Salas, one of our instructors, was leading the 8 – 10 students in the class through warm-down exercises. It had been a long day. I was tired and ready to call it quits. The fistslinger was standing in the doorway puffing himself up for the fight. I swear to God that I could see steam coming out of his ears he was so hot. I was leaning up against the wall directly opposite him watching him out of the corner of my eye. No one else paid him any attention. After a minute or two he realized that we ignoring him. He wanted a reaction out of you, and since we were ignoring him, he didn’t know what to do.

This went on for another couple minutes and then Ed started to end the warm down exercises with deep breathing exercises. He stood and slowly brought his hands from down in front of his body up while taking a deep breath in. He then circled his arms back down while breathing out. When the fistslinger saw this, he threw up his arms in disgust, turned and stomped out the door. I think he came to the conclusion that we weren’t worth the trouble. I just smiled to myself and knew that sometimes the best defense is no defense.

Now with the fistslinger who came to our door recently. He wanted me to get on the mat and prove myself to him. I told him sorry but I don’t do that. He told me that I was a poor example of a martial art instructor. I told him that I really didn’t care what he thought because I knew that if we did that one of us was going to the hospital and the other one was going to jail and I didn’t like either one of those outcomes. He ended up leaving, convince that I was a wimp, while I went back to doing what I had been doing. I don’t really care what other people think of me. Now it seems that he’s been coming to the school at night and watching us from his pickup. Jacob Richardson, our Student Services person, used to be a cop, and has suggested that we get his picture, a description of him, his vehicle, and his license plate. So, my plan is, if he comes back, to go out, take those pictures, ask him how he’s doing and suggest that he become a student. Guys like this are often misguided, and could benefit from having well-trained martial artists help them get their life in order. We’ll see what happens. Stay tuned.

Shotokan Karate Leadership School®

3082 Marlow Road B1, Santa Rosa, CA 95403

AskAboutKarate.com, 707-575-1681-ph. 707-861-0092-txt.

If we do this, one of us is going to jail, and the other one is going to the hospital.

Who are you?

Marty Callahan 8th Degree Black Belt

“Who are you? Who, who, who, who? Who are you? Who, who, who, who? Who are you? Who, who, who, who? Who are you? Who, who, who, who?”

- From the song Who are you, by Peter Townshend, songwriter for the Who

Who are you? Really... who are you?

Before we can lead, we must know who we are. If we don’t, we won’t ever be much of a leader. If we do know who we are, it will be the first step towards become an extraordinary leader, a leader who can have a huge impact on the quality of life for many, many people. The houses we have in our school were designed for this reason, to help our students understand themselves and understand others. That’s the next step after you understand yourself, to understand others.

Knowing yourself starts with knowing your personality. Psychologist consider their to be four major personality traits. We understand these traits through the four major elements of earth, water, fire and air that Miyamoto Musashi talks about in his tome, the Book of Five Rings. Musashi is considered to be the greatest swordsman of Japan. He was a swordsman, philosopher, strategist, and writer. He was born in 1584 died in 1645. The Book of Five Rings is still widely read by those who are interested in strategy.

House Terra represents earth and the personality traits of someone who is careful, methodical and structured in how they do things. This person is recognized as being grounded.

House Kraken represents water and the traits of someone who is amiable, fluid and social, someone who likes people, likes parties and likes to make people happy and can fit into any situation as water fits into any container it’s put into You may have heard Bruce Lee’s quote, “Be water, my friend.”

House Fire Dragon represents fire and the traits of someone who has lots of energy and can hardly wait to get started. Fire can be incredibly helpful to us but when out of control it becomes unbelievably destructive as we know here in Sonoma County.

House Sora represents air and the traits of someone who is studious and likes to think and analyze. This person may not even like most people. But don’t underestimate an air person or you will pay the price. Tornadoes and hurricanes are some of the most destructive forces on earth.

Most people are a mix of these different personality traits with one more dominant than the others. After we know ourselves and know others then we develop the ability to change our personality to adapt to new situations. When we can do this Musashi would say that we are in the void or place of emptiness, his fifth element. More on emptiness in the future.

Gichin Funakoshi’s fourth precept is to know yourself, then you can know others.

3082 Marlow Road B1, Santa Rosa, CA 95403 707-575-1681

4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse

Ellie Lisitsa Staff Writer for Gottman Institute

The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling

Being able to identify the Four Horsemen in your conflict discussions is a necessary first step to eliminating them and replacing them with healthy, productive communication patterns.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is a metaphor depicting the end of times in the New Testament. They describe conquest, war, hunger, and death respectively. We use this metaphor to describe communication styles that, according to our research, can predict the end of a relationship.

1 .C riticism

The first horseman is criticism. Criticizing your partner is different than offering a critique or voicing a complaint. The latter two are about specific issues, whereas the former is an ad hominem attack. It is an attack on your partner at the core of their character. In effect, you are dismantling their whole being when you criticize.

The important thing is to learn the difference between expressing a complaint and criticizing:

• Complaint: “I was scared when you were running late and didn’t call me. I thought we had agreed that we would do that for each other.”

• Criticism: “You never think about how your behavior is affecting other people. I don’t believe you are that forgetful, you’re just selfish. You never think of others! You never think of me!”

If you find that you and your partner are critical of each other, don’t assume your relationship is doomed to fail. The problem with criticism is that, when it becomes pervasive, it paves the way for the other, far deadlier horsemen to follow. It makes the victim feel assaulted, rejected, and hurt, and often causes the perpetrator and victim to fall into an escalating pattern where the first horseman reappears with greater and greater frequency and intensity, which eventually leads to contempt.

2. C ontempt

The second horseman is contempt. When we communicate in this state, we are truly mean — we treat others with disrespect, mock them with sarcasm, ridicule, call them names, and

mimic or use body language such as eye-rolling or scoffing. The target of contempt is made to feel despised and worthless.

Contempt goes far beyond criticism. While criticism attacks your partner’s character, contempt assumes a position of moral superiority over th em:

“You’re ‘tired?’ Cry me a river. I’ve been with the kids all day, running around like mad to keep this house going and all you do when you come home from work is flop down on that sofa like a child and play those idiotic video games. I don’t have time to deal with another kid. Could you be any more pathetic?”

Research even shows that couples that are contemptuous of each other are more likely to suffer from infectious illness (colds, the flu, etc.) than others due to weakened immune systems! Contempt is fueled by long -simmering negative thoughts about the partner which come to a head when the perpetrator attacks the accused from a position of relative superiority.

Most importantly, contempt is the single greatest predictor of divorce . It must be eliminated. Learn what to do when the destructive Four Horsemen enter your relationship.

The Gottman Relationship Advisor, the world’s first complete relationship wellness tool for couples takes the guesswork out of improving your relationship. Measure your relationship health with a research-based self-assessment, then receive a tailored digital relationship plan proven to heal and strengthen your connection.

How can you know you’re in a happy relationship that’s both good for your health and everyone around you? Can such a thing be measured? It can! Take this free quiz and find out how well you know your partner.

3. D efensiveness

Th e third horseman is defensiveness and it is typically a response to criticism. We’ve all been defensive, and this horseman is nearly omnipresent when relationships are on the rocks. When we feel unjustly accused, we fish for excuses and play the innocent victim so that our partner will back off.

Unfortunately, this strategy is almost never successful. Our excuses just tell our partner that we don’t take their concerns seriously and that we won’t take responsibility for our mistakes:

• Question: “Did you call Betty and Ralph to let them know that we’re not coming tonight as you promised this morning?”

• Defensive response: “I was just too darn busy today. As a matter of fact, you know just how busy my schedule was. Why didn’t you just do it?”

This partner not only responds defensively, but they reverse blame in an attempt to make it the other partner’s fault. Instead, a non -defensive response can express acceptance of responsibility, admission of fault, and understanding of your partner’s perspective:

“Oops, I forgot. I should have asked you this morning to do it because I knew my day would be packed. That’s my fault. Let me call them right now.”

Although it is perfectly understandable to defend yourself if you’re stressed out and feeling attacked, this approach will not have the desired effect. Defensiveness will only escalate the conflict if the critical spouse does not back down or apologize. Th is is because defensiveness is really a way of blaming your partner, and it won’t allow for healthy conflict management.

4. S tonewalling

The fourth horseman is stonewalling , which is usually a response to contempt. Stonewalling occurs when the listener withdraws from the interaction, shuts down, and simply stops responding to their partner. Rather than confronting the issues with their partner, people who stonewall can make evasive maneuvers such as tuning out, turning away, acting busy, or engaging in obsessive or distracting behaviors.

It takes time for the negativity created by the first three horsemen to become overwhelming enough that stonewalling becomes an understandable “out,” but when it does, it frequently becomes a bad habit. And unfortunately, stonewalling isn’t easy to stop. It is a result of feeling physiologically flooded, and when we stonewall, we may not even be in a physiological state where we can discuss things rationally.

If you feel like you’re stonewalling during a conflict, stop the discussion and ask your partner to take a break:

“Alright, I’m feeling too angry to keep talking about this. Can we please take a break and come back to it in a bit? It’ll be easier to work through this after I’ve calmed down.”

Then take 20 minutes to do something alone that soothes you read a book or magazine, take a walk, go for a run, really, just do anything that helps to stop feeling flooded and then return to the conversation once you feel ready.

The Antidotes to the Four Horsemen

Being able to identify the Four Horsemen in your conflict discussions is a necessary first step to eliminating them, but this knowledge is not enough. To drive away destructive communication and conflict patterns, you must replace them with healthy, productive ones. Fortunately, each horseman has a proven positive behavior that will counteract negativity. Click here to learn about the antidotes.

To be continued in next month’ s Shoka Magazine ... but if you can ’ t wait , check out the Gottman Institute at Gottman.com .

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Robert Ellis’ FOURTEEN SELF-DEFEATING RULES

Robert Ellis argued that a small number of core beliefs underlie most unhelpful emotions and behaviors. Core beliefs are underlying rules or code which guides how we react to the events and circumstances in our lives. Over the thirty -five years Ellis worked on this cognitive level, Ellis identified a trend that all dysfunctional behavior and attitudes functioned out of one (or more) of these self-defeating rules. Here are the next 5 of his self-defeating rules compliments of Udemy. The remaining 4 rules will be found in future editions of Shoka Magazine

6.PEOPLE WHO DO NOT MAKE ME HAPPY SHOULD BE PUNISHED

Many people feel an urge for vengeance when they’ve been wronged: they hope someone who hurt them feels hurt sometime soon or they hope the person who stole from them gets robbed to see how they like it. Whilst that may be a natural inclination to feel this way in extreme circumstances, it’s never a healthy way to respond and it’s even unhealthier when this desire for vindictiveness enters our everyday realm onto those who haven’t even wronged us, but merely didn’t appease us. There’s an extreme level of self-importance which comes with the idea that our displeasure is worthy of trial and punishment to the source which caused it (in fact, it’s somewhat reminiscent of evil kings and queens from fairytales). Your happiness and pleasure isn’t the responsibility of anyone else, and it’s not any more important than other people’s happiness.

7.THINGS MUST WORK OUT THE WAY I WANT THEM TO

Whilst it’s healthy to have grounded and positive expectations for yourself, having expectations can be deadly when too much weight is put on them. People with this mindset believe things should be the way they want things to be: their career should be x, their partner should look like x, people should give them the responses they expect from them, the food should taste exactly how they imagined it to, etc. Because they put so much weight on how they want things to be, they fail to appreciate how things are. We would be much happier if we cut out all expectations we have of processes, people, life paths, careers, experiences and things.

8.MY EMOTIONS ARE ILLNESSES WHICH I CANNOT CONTROL

People can easily get drawn into the idea that their mental health defines them, and that the only power they have in controlling the state of their mind is through drugs or therapy. Whilst in very severe cases drugs may be absolutely essential, and therapy is something everyone should be encouraged to take from time to time, your mental health label is not your life sentence. It doesn’t define you and it doesn’t limit you to be this way forever: out of all the illnesses we can have in our lifetime, it’s the one we have the most power over. Whilst drugs and therapy can help, you are the definitive power between yourself and

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

mental wellbeing. Therapy won’t do the work for you, only you can do that work, and even in cases where it’s necessary when it comes to mental health, drugs can’t do all the work and make it all go away either. Until we take responsibility for the part that we’re playing and the power we have over our minds, we can never be the conduits of change, as we will remain disempowered and dependent upon external sources.

9.I CAN FEEL HAPPY IN LIFE WITHOUT CONTRIBUTING BACK IN SOME WAY

We’re all creative people in some form. Whether our creativity is artistic, linguistic, scientific or mechanical, we are all capable of producing new things. However, our beliefs are what limit our creative power. Sometimes, people live life trying to get more stuff in order to feel more fulfilled rather than produce more stuff. Unless you focus on giving back in life and giving yourself out into the world, you’ll only ever seek to feed an ever-hungry consumption which will never leave you feeling happy or satisfied in the long term. Consumers are generally complainers, but contributors don’t expect anything: they live by a standard that they want to leave something in this world which wasn’t there when they entered.

10.EVERYONE NEEDS TO RELY ON SOMEONE STRONGER THAN THEM

Most of us can pinpoint someone as the ‘cause’ of our emotional and mental anguish and issues: father abandoned me; therefore, I am this way; mother criticized me too much, therefore I am this way; my teacher humiliated me when I was five, therefore I am this way, etc. Pointing blame helps us avoid taking responsibility for ourselves and the role we play in perpetuating our unhelpful behaviors and attitudes.

Reflective Exercise:

Take 5-10 minutes to reflect on each of the irrational beliefs that Ellis highlighted. and identify any that may be particularly relevant to you. Consider the following questions in relation to each of these rules:

1. In what areas or situations do you recognize any of these rules in your life?

2. Can you identify how these rules may have developed? Did you choose them or have their underlying beliefs developed from the influence of your family/friends as you were growing up?

3. How have these rules prevented you or limited you in terms of achieving the things you really want in life?

4. What changes can you start making today to start building these new beliefs into your life?

Mom, are these your kids? Happy Mother’s Day!