Shepherd Express - May 2024

MAY 2024

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MAY 29, 2024

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NEWS 06 Rails-to-Trails Conservancy 09 This Modern World 10 More Trump Judges Can Destroy Democracy Forever — Taking Liberties 12 The Best Option for I-94 is Still FIX at SIX — Issue of the Month 14 Sherrie Tussler's Legacy of Addressing Hunger in Milwaukee — Hero of the Month 16 Dawn Barnett of Running Rebels — MKE SPEAKS: Conversations with Milwaukeeans

FOOD & DRINK 20 Heaven's Table BBQ 22 Not Tonight, Vampires — Flash in the Pan 24 Craft Beer in America Today — Beverages

SPECIAL SECTION 26 Summer Festival Guide 46 2024 Farmers Market Guide 50 Humane Ways to Keep Critters Away From the Garden — Home & Garden

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52 Pet Sinus Problems: How To Help — Pets

CULTURE

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SPONSORED BY

56 Milwaukee's Locally Owned Record Stores 62 This Month in Milwaukee

LIFESTYLE 66 When Dividing Household Duties Become a Problem — Ask Ally 68 First, Be a Person — Out of my Mind

HEAR ME OUT

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70 Stopping Self Sabotage — Dear Ruthie 72 PrideFest 2024 Opens the Lakefront Festival Season — My LGBTQ POV

ART FOR ART'S SAKE 74 From the City that Always Sweeps

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20 AT SHEPHERD EXPRESS, WE ARE COMMITTED TO ENVIRONMENTAL SUSTAINABILITY AND RESPONSIBLE PRACTICES. OUR PUBLICATION IS PRINTED ON PAPER THAT IS CERTIFIED BY THE FOREST STEWARDSHIP COUNCIL (FSC), SUSTAINABLE FORESTRY INITIATIVE (SFI), AND THE AMERICAN TREE FARM SYSTEM (ASTFS), ENSURING IT COMES FROM RESPONSIBLY MANAGED FORESTS. IN ADDITION TO OUR ECO-FRIENDLY PAPER, WE UTILIZE INKS THAT INCORPORATE RENEWABLE RESOURCES SUCH AS SOYBEAN OIL, LINSEED OIL, CASTOR OIL, TALL OIL ROSIN, AND GUM ROSIN. THESE CHOICES REFLECT OUR DEDICATION TO REDUCING OUR ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACT AND PROMOTING A GREENER FUTURE. MOREOVER, OUR DEDICATION TO SUSTAINABILITY EXTENDS TO THE END OF THE PUBLICATION'S LIFECYCLE. OUR PRINTED MATERIALS ARE DESIGNED TO BE RECYCLABLE, ALLOWING READERS TO PARTICIPATE IN THE CIRCULAR ECONOMY AND PLAY A PART IN PRESERVING THE ENVIRONMENT.

COVER: Summer Festival Guide illustration by Tim Czerniakowski.

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06 PUBLISHER & EDITOR-IN-CHIEF: Louis Fortis (louis@shepex.com) MANAGING EDITOR: David Luhrssen (dluhrssen@shepex.com) BUSINESS MANAGER: Peggy (peggy@shepex.com) ASSISTANT TO THE BUSINESS MANAGER: Tanya Bielinski (tanya@shepex.com) EVENT COORDINATOR: Jourdain LaFrombois (jourdain@shepex.com) MEDIA CONSULTANTS: Julee Mitchell (julee@shepex.com) Tyler R. Klein (tyler@shepex.com)

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SENIOR MEDIA CONSULTANTS: Bridgette Ard (bridgette@shepex.com) Chuck Hill (chuck@shepex.com) MEDIA SALES MANAGER: Jackie Butzler (jackie@shepex.com) IN MEMORY OF DUSTI FERGUSON (OCTOBER 18, 1971 – NOVEMBER 20, 2007) WEBMASTER: Barry Houlehen (barry@shepex.com) DIGITAL STRATEGIST: Sophia Hamdan (sophia@shepex.com) STAFF WRITER & CIRCULATION COORDINATOR: Blaine Schultz (blaine@shepex.com) INTERN: Sabrina Rosler Layout and design by WaterStreet Creative.

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MAY 2024 | 5

NEWS

Photo courtesy of VISiT Milwaukee.

Rails-to-Trails Rails-to-Trails Conservancy Conservancy FORGING PATHS TO STRONGER COMMUNITIES

BY SUSAN HARPT GRIMES

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pring is finally here. The sun is out. Your bike is all tuned up and ready to go. But where are you going to ride? Luckily for folks in Southeastern Wisconsin, the Rails-to-Trails Conservancy has been busy converting former railroad tracks into usable routes for cyclists and pedestrians for years.

The Rails-to-Trails Conservancy is a national organization established in 1986. During the early years, the group took on individual projects to create a single standalone trail where there had once been a railbed. For the past 20 years or so, the Conservancy has been more focused on creating trail networks that function more like a system of roads for cyclists. For Southeast Wisconsin the goal is that in the future, a system of trails named the “Route of the Badger” will connect Washington and Ozaukee Counties north of Milwaukee, down to the south of Milwaukee to Racine and Kenosha Counties, and from Milwaukee west to Waukesha and Walworth Counties.

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If this seems like a pretty big deal to you, then you are not alone. Willie Karidis, project manager for the Rails-to-Trails Conservancy says, “The Route of the Badger will encompass the Oak Leaf Trail, the Hank Aaron State Trail, the Beer Line Trail, the Seven Waters Trail, and several other trails throughout the seven southeast counties.” This connectivity would bring more opportunities to avoid biking alongside cars, safer rides for families with young kids, and more places for pedestrians and dog-walkers to explore.

However, a project this big doesn’t simply happen. There is a lot of planning, cooperation, and patience that goes into it. A whole host of complications and issues may stand in the way of a proposed trail route. Communities have to agree to set aside land, maintain trails and make sure that they have the budget, staff and equipment to maintain said trails. Or, in some cases there aren’t any old rail lines where planners need the trail to go. “Sometimes when there haven’t been any pre-planned trails by a community, or when the rail lines are few and far between,” says Karidis, “we have to be creative.”

Bike wheel illustration by leonardo255/Getty Images.

MAY 2024 | 7

NEWS

Photo courtesy of VISiT Milwaukee.

FORMING PARTNERSHIPS One way the Rails-to-Trails Conservancy can “be creative” is by forming a partnership with utility companies. In Southeast Wisconsin, We Energies has miles and miles of overhead utility line corridors. The spaces underneath those lines make great trail routes. “We Energies is the leader in the entire country of providing easements to counties and cities to build trails,” says Karidis. It’s a great opportunity for a utility company to offer a service to their customers as well as providing additional uses for areas that can’t be used for much else but still have to be maintained.

A great example of this creativity at work is the new, aptly named Power Line Trail in Greenfield. The City of Greenfield worked with We Energies to develop this trail, which runs from the Oak Leaf Trail to 60th Street under the existing power lines. There are plans in the works now, with the cooperation of Greenfield, West Allis, Milwaukee and St. Francis, to extend the Power Line Trail all the way to the lakefront, ultimately becoming part of the Route of the Badger.

Another creative solution for the Conservancy is to identify rarely used Class-2 railways, where the speeds are capped at 20mph, and create a rail with a trail scenario. “We’ve been working on a project called the 30th Street Corridor trail that has been gaining lots of traction. But where do you put that?” commented Karidis, adding, “The 30th Street rail corridor is so seldomly used that over the past seven years that I've been giving tours of that area, I’ve never seen a rail car actually moving along the rail line.” The 30th Street Corridor is a perfect example of the rail with trail concept.

It could work well because the tracks are seldom used, and any trains that do come through are held to those low speeds. Building a trail alongside these tracks may be an excellent solution to connect an area that doesn’t currently have many bike trails connecting to bigger routes.

Often, even with creative thinking, there isn’t a way to avoid using some roads to connect one trail with another. “The Route of the Badger is divided into planned trails and planned on-street because we recognize that in some areas, it's just not possible to put a trail but it’s a really im8 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

portant connection,” says Karidis, “sometimes the only way to do that is on-street.” So, it is a good thing that the City of Milwaukee Department of Public Works has really been pushing hard to build more protected on-street facilities.

NEW BIKE LANES You’ve probably seen some of these new paths being added.

One of the first examples of where instead of cars being parked directly next to the curb, they are moved out and the bike lanes are on the inside was in Downtown Milwaukee on Kilbourn Avenue. More recently, some of these new bike lanes have the added safety of being raised to the level of the sidewalk, like on stretches of Walnut Street or adjacent to segments of North Avenue in Wauwatosa near Mayfair Mall. These new bike lanes should serve to raise rider’s comfort levels, and in the future when more protected lanes are added throughout our communities an on-street connection won’t be an issue. “We’re interested in facilities that you'd be comfortable having your own kids on,” says Karidis, “When you're biking with your family and all of a sudden, you come to this on-street connection, you don’t want to have to fear that things are going to be really death defying, you want your kids to be safe.”

In the end, all of these improved lanes, expanding trails, and planned routes will connect the city, Milwaukee County and surrounding counties in new and healthier ways. Each community may be working on their own part of the plans, but they know it’s part of something bigger. “That’s the greatest thing about the Route of the Badger. Communities are working together to build an entire network of trails,” says Kardis. “We all get to know each other and build one solid network plan, which I think is really cool.”

To learn more about the Rails to Trails Conservancy and the Route of the Badger visit railstotrails.org/trailnation/route-of-the-badger

Susan Harpt Grimes is a Milwaukee writer and longtime contributor to shepherdexpress.com

MAY 2024 | 9

NEWS TAKING LIBERTIES

More Trump Judges Can Destroy Democracy Forever

BY JOEL JOEL MCNALLY MCNALLY BY

Photo by LD/Getty Images.

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f Donald Trump wins the presidency again in November and Republicans regain control of the Senate, Trump will be free to appoint as many federal judges as it takes to destroy democracy forever. That is not a political exaggeration. Under Trump, Republicans are no longer a conservative political party supporting our constitutional democracy. Republicans have replaced traditional conservatism with a radical new ideology they publicly describe as opposition to diversity, equity and inclusion in America.

To anyone who knows the definition of those three words that means Republicans now oppose equal rights for the overwhelming majority of Americans who are not White male Christians. Rightwing Republican judges call that constitutional originalism. All the rest of us call it racism, misogyny, antisemitism and Islamophobia.

GIVING TRUMP FOUR MORE YEARS TO CONTINUE APPOINTING JUDGES TO DESTROY NATIONWIDE PROTECTION FOR EQUAL RIGHTS UNDER THE CONSTITUTION WILL MAKE DEMOCRACY AS WE HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN IT TOTALLY UNRECOGNIZABLE. Trump openly brags about appointing half of the rightwing Republican Supreme Court supermajority that destroyed a half-century of constitutional protection for the freedom of American women to make their own decisions about abortion based on their own life circumstances, health and religious beliefs.

Trump also appointed more than 230 other rightwing federal judges in district and appeals courts throughout America. Many are just as eager as Trump to roll back decades of legal and social progress that is finally chipping away at White male supremacy to create a multicultural democracy in our nation of immigrants with equal rights for all Americans regardless of race, gender or national origin.

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SABOTAGING JUSTICE Even worse, Trump appointees on the Supreme Court and a clearly unqualified federal judge he appointed are doing everything possible to sabotage Trump’s criminal prosecution for attempting to overthrow our democracy and for stealing top-secret government documents.

Trump knows all the damning evidence and testimony special prosecutor Jack Smith has to convict him for creating the violent mob insurrection that tried to overturn President Biden’s election and for hiding stolen secret government documents at Mar-a-Lago and lying about it.

But that hasn’t stopped Trump and Republican extremists from fantasizing that if he can just avoid being convicted for his crimes before the election, Trump can escape prosecution entirely by winning the presidency and ordering a corrupt attorney general to dismiss all his criminal indictments.

Giving Trump four more years to continue appointing judges to destroy nationwide protection for equal rights under the Constitution will make democracy as we have always known it totally unrecognizable.

Exhibit A of the kind of lawless judicial appointees Trump wants to keep rewriting the Constitution in a second term is Florida federal Judge Aileen Cannon. She’s his appointee presiding over Trump’s trial for violating the Espionage Act by stealing highly classified documents including nuclear secrets and refusing to give them back. Legal experts have called Cannon’s pre-trial rulings in the case in which she goes out of her way to insult prosecutor Jack Smith “baffling” and “confounding.”

There’s nothing at all baffling about Cannon’s rulings. She’s either an ignorant, unfit judge who doesn’t understand the case assigned to her or Trump’s brazenly corrupt disciple openly auditioning in front of him for a promotion to the Supreme Court if he’s reelected.

Anyone who thinks the Supreme Court can’t get any worse than its 6-to-3 supermajority wiping out 50 years of constitutional rights for a majority of Americans is sadly mistaken. Trump himself is bitterly disappointed with what he considers his own wimpy Supreme Court appointees for failing to throw out the millions of American votes that elected Biden.

Trump’s problem with the courts is that many judges still support the Constitution. Even if Cannon does her best to sabotage his conviction for hiding secret documents in his bathroom, she could be overruled by the Atlanta Appeals Court that previously ordered her to disregard Trump’s fraudulent claim he had the power as president to reclassify secret documents as his personal property.

Even though his Supreme Court is doing everything it can to delay its ruling on Trump’s absurd claim that presidents should have total immunity to murder their opponents or commit treason without fear of prosecution, it’s unlikely any justices other than Clarence Thomas or Samuel Alito will be crazy enough to agree.

TRUMP OPENLY BRAGS ABOUT APPOINTING HALF OF THE RIGHTWING REPUBLICAN SUPREME COURT SUPERMAJORITY THAT DESTROYED A HALF-CENTURY OF CONSTITUTIONAL PROTECTION FOR THE FREEDOM OF AMERICAN WOMEN TO MAKE THEIR OWN DECISIONS ABOUT ABORTION BASED ON THEIR OWN LIFE CIRCUMSTANCES, HEALTH AND RELIGIOUS BELIEFS. DODGING PROSECUTION Most Trump justices aren’t willing to destroy their own legal reputations by supporting Trump’s nonsensical legal claims, but they appear to have no shame about helping him dodge criminal prosecution for as long as possible.

No one else is coming to save us from the damage to our court system and democracy by Trump’s corrupt presidency. The majority of Americans who want to continue repairing Trump’s destruction of our democracy have to do it ourselves just like we did the last time. The damage is even greater this time since the election is taking place after we’ve now lived through Trump’s violent attack on the Capitol trying to overturn our election of Biden and the court’s destruction of reproductive rights for women.

Conservatives who support our constitutional democracy need to create a new political party.

Joel McNally was a critic and columnist for the Milwaukee Journal for 27 years. He has written the weekly Taking Liberties column for the Shepherd Express since 1996.

For more McNally, visit shepherdexpress.com.

MAY 2024 | 11

NEWS ISSUE OF THE MONTH

The Best Option for I-94 is Still FIX at SIX

BY JOYCE ELLWANGER

Traffic cone photo by WendellandCarolyn/Getty Images.

Tar smear photo by bin kontan/Getty Images.

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fter months and years of pushing to get the I-94 expansion it wants for the span between the Marquette and Zoo Interchanges, the Wisconsin Department of Transportation (WISDOT) may be feeling pretty much ahead of the game given the decision that was just received from the U.S. Department of Transportation approving moving forward with this l.7 billion boondoggle.

But it isn’t over ‘till it’s over and the Coalition for More Responsible Transit and MICAH (Milwaukee Innercity Congregations Allied for Hope) may be surrounded by challenges, but we are not defeated. It may seem like a David and Goliath challenge but let’s remember who won that fight.

We have put forward a FIX at SIX option that would repave in place, taking into account safety issues around entrances and exits, which addresses the elephant in the room—the systemic racism that would once again put the desires of those who have fled the city to the suburbs and beyond ahead of the people of low income and of color who actually live around the freeway and are most affected by its pollution and noise. These are people who are most likely of any neighborhood to be without a car so there is the double whammy of added pollution—causing more asthma and other medical issues—and once again having their civil rights and basic needs ignored.

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Why would we want to encourage people to continue to move further and further from the city with perceived easier access time of a few minutes to all the city has to offer when they deny us housing and transportation access to their neighborhoods? A civil rights complaint is still waiting resolution at the federal level, and we are having legal assistance in wading through the thousands of pages of WISDOT documents to determine what might be an appropriate next step forward. Yes, we are still fighting and engaged. Want to join us? We will deliver a FIX at SIX yard sign to your door. Contact Cassie Steiner: cassie.steiner@ sierraclub.org. And your voice can still be heard and make a difference. Anger at the decision can be turned to action to defy it. Stay tuned!

Joyce Ellwanger is a member of MICAH’s Transportation Task Force.

Tire Treads by LongQuattro/Getty Images.

MAY 2024 | 13

NEWS HERO OF THE MONTH

Sherrie Tussler’s Legacy of Addressing Hunger in Milwaukee

BY SOPHIA HAMDAN AND DAVID LUHRSSEN

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unger remains a pervasive issue in America. Millions of Americans experience extreme levels of food insecurity with little access to an adequate and nutritious diet. Organizations such as Hunger Task Force work to combat hunger through food distribution centers, community outreach efforts, emergency food assistance, awareness and advocacy.

“We exist to feed people today and to end future hunger,” said Sherrie Tussler, CEO of Hunger Task Force. “Our core values are dignity, compassion, justice, equity and stewardship. We measure success by setting goals through our strategic plan and achieving them through hard work.”

According to Tussler, the mission of Hunger Task Force is twofold: to provide immediate assistance by feeding those in need today and to address the systemic issues that perpetuate hunger, with the aim of eradicating it for future generations. Success is measured not only by the number of meals distributed but also by the progress made in achieving long-term solutions through strategic planning and diligent efforts.

“Awareness of hunger in America is present,” Tussler said.

“Understanding its root cause is the issue. You can’t end hunger by giving food to charity. You can’t feed five children for a dollar. Hunger ends when people who can work earn a living wage, when farmers are paid a fair price for their goods and when children and adults and people living with disabilities are treated equitably.

Tussler reflected on food insecurity today compared to 25 years ago, when she began her work at Hunger Task Force. “When I started, Wisconsin was reforming welfare and illegally closed the FoodShare and healthcare cases of families,” she said. “The state is no longer so harsh with people and understands that FoodShare is a federal entitlement. Elected officials can budget public funding to purchase Wisconsin-produced foods and supply them to food banks. They can also create funding for produce incentive programs that give half off the purchase of healthy foods. They can provide farmer market vouchers to people on FoodShare and match the federal summer DEBT program (that supplies funding to families for children during summer months.)”

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Photo courtesy of Hunger Task Force.

She added, “There is no acceptable reason for people to have so little money that they can’t afford food for themselves and their children. People should vote and hold elected people, who budget our tax dollars, accountable with their vote and their opinion.”

SYSTEMIC CHANGE While challenges persist, Tussler’s efforts remind us to advocate for policies that ensure a living wage, fair prices for farmers and equitable treatment for all. Hunger is not just a matter of charity, but a call for systemic change. Elected officials play a vital role in addressing these challenges. By allocating public funds to purchase locally-sourced foods for distribution, supporting produce incentive programs and expanding access to farmer's markets, policymakers can make significant strides in combating food insecurity.

People must vote for leaders who prioritize addressing hunger and hold them accountable for their decisions regarding budget allocation and policy implementation.

Tussler will retire on her 65th birthday in June 2024. She will remain in service to Hunger Task Force in a part-time role as CEO Emeritus. As Tussler prepares to transition from her role as CEO, her dedication to combating hunger leaves a lasting legacy.

Sophia Hamdan is Digital Strategist for shepherdexpress.com and David Luhrssen is Managing Editor of the Shepherd Express.

MAY 2024 | 15

NEWS MKE SPEAKS: CONVERSATIONS WITH MILWAUKEEANS

Dawn Barnett of Running Rebels MENTORING TROUBLED YOUTH TO REALIZE THEIR POTENTIAL

BY TOM JENZ

Photo by Tom Jenz.

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ith her husband Victor, Dawn Barnett heads Running Rebels, a community organization that mentors hundreds of troubled youths throughout the Milwaukee area. A mentor can serve as a role model, teacher, counselor, advisor, sponsor, advocate, and ally to a less experienced person. It is a demanding but rewarding job.

She grew up in Germantown in the 1970s. Her mother died of breast cancer when she was three years old.

Her father, Lou Burrell, served on the Germantown school board. Her father was a priest, and both her birth mother and stepmother were nuns. Dawn’s family was one of only a couple minority families in the all-white Germantown schools, but she graduated from the public high school.

“Being one of the only Black children was beyond difficult,” she told me. “The Germantown School District did not know how to handle my complaints.

My family lived in a neighborhood with both kind and unkind families. We were sometimes bullied and harassed, and

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even had a cross burned on our lawn.”

But her father gave her some good advice, “Don’t let their attitude change you. Just smile and wave.”

What happened when you got out of high school?

I ran out of Germantown, and my parents moved to Milwaukee shortly after I left. I went to Alverno College and intended to study elementary education, but I got pregnant and married early.

After a few years, my first husband and I separated. In 1996, when I was 25 and living with my son near this very building on Second Street and Capitol, I saw a young kid dribbling a basketball between his legs. He was dressed in a Running Rebels uniform. I asked my neighbor about Running Rebels, and he told me about Victor Barnett and how Victor was mentoring youth in the community. I guess it sounds odd, but as soon as I heard Victor’s name, I knew I was supposed be married to him and involved with Running Rebels. Then, I met Victor and started being a mentor, and eventually we were married.

Once, Victor asked me if I knew of anyone else who would make a good mentor. I mentioned my ex-husband, Damon. Victor hired him, and Damon has been working at the agency ever since.

Where was Running Rebels located in 1996?

We had no building and no funding. We did our training in the city parks and at Atkinson Library. In 1998, we received our first grant-funded program from Milwaukee County. Our job was to work with young people who were first time juvenile offenders, mostly Black kids from the inner city. Our responsibility was to make sure the boys did their required community service. Milwaukee County was pleased with our work because we were linking these kids with mentors, which was beyond the scope of our assignment. The county paid us to do more, and we began working with serious crime offenders, firearm and burglar offenders, all in their teens, mostly boys. We tried to create trusting relationships with these young people, and our method was working.

Let me run this by you. I’ve spent a fair amount of time covering inner city residents and leaders.

One thing I’ve noticed, especially in single mom families, is that most of them live day to day, with little thought of the future or a long-term plan. This can be hard on children because they sometimes lose hope.

That’s right. We have a form called a Self Map where young people answer 10 questions. The questions are about their relationships: Who is important, What do they like about themselves, What do they want to accomplish, Who do they admire, What things give them anxiety or fear, and Who do they want to be. The goal is to get them thinking about themselves. Next, we go right into goal setting. If you or your family has no plan, then you may not know how to set up a goal.

I assume this kind of self-analysis and goal setting gives the youth some kind of hope for the future.

Absolutely. Too often, young people do things and don’t care about the consequences. They don’t see into their future.

I’ve encountered some boys who have been in and out of trouble and who think they might not make it past 19 because they will be killed.

We are here in your headquarters, this large old building on Second Street and Capitol. When did you move in here?

That is exactly right.

We purchased this building in December of 2016 and moved our administrative headquarters into the space in 2017. We leased classrooms and office areas to Nova Tech high school.

All those years of doing basketball, and we finally got our own gym, and it’s a big, beautiful gym. Impact100 awarded us a grant, and we added a new gym floor, bleachers and four additional basketball hoops. By 2019, a number of individuals and foundations helped us raise the money to successfully close our capital campaign.

We were able to afford the building without any tenants.

Describe the evolution of Running Rebels and what, exactly, is Running Rebels?

My husband, Victor Barnett, was 19 when he started Running Rebels in 1980. He was using basketball as a tool to assist youth with engaging in something positive to deter them from joining gangs recruiting around that time.

He started with about 50 youth, and each summer the numbers kept growing. It wasn’t just about helping them succeed on the court, but he made sure they were also behaving at home, in the community and at school. When I came on in 1997, Running Rebels was recently incorporated into 501c3 nonprofit agency whose purpose was mentoring. Later that year, we obtained a small building off of Burleigh & Pierce. I had to learn how to do everything—development, grant writing, accounting, QuickBooks. As we grew, we were able to bring on an accountant, an office manager and program directors.

From what I’ve read, currently Running Rebels has two central city locations, and serves more than 1,000 youth, ages 12 to 19. Offerings include a catering service, robotics classes, literacy and job training, lunch programs and your gym for basketball.

I believe you even reward college scholarships.

MAY 2024 | 17

NEWS MKE SPEAKS: CONVERSATIONS WITH MILWAUKEEANS

We have a Higher Education and Learning Program where we support young people through their college journey. It includes arts and audio-visual programming, and leadership groups for both males and females.

As for catering, we started with our staff and kids cooking together, and then it evolved into us offering catering services for a while. We have a beautiful commercial kitchen where we teach cooking to young people. In our other location, we also have a commercial kitchen where the Gathering of Southeast Wisconsin prepares food for the homeless. The evolution of catering is similar to our successful basketball program. Overall, if we have young people who want to learn something, we will support them.

I get the sense you are not forcing young people into what you think they should do. Instead, you are finding out what interests them.

Correct. At the core of everything we do is mentoring, skill building with those we mentor. We hope we are helping young people to learn a skill set to navigate life. We help them to process events that affect them and teach them to control their reactions. For us, that falls under violence prevention.

I’ve also read that you have 100 employees. How many work full time, and are most of them mentors?

Eighty of the 100 are full time employees, and mentoring is what they do, regardless of their titles. They might be Youth Advisors who are mentoring in our partner schools, or Advocates working with youth involved in the juvenile justice system. In other words, we are all mentors.

How do you find mentors? Are some of them adults who have gone through your program when they were young?

Many have gone through our programs, and they are mentoring the next generation. Everyone is trained. We call it Guide from the Side. As a mentor, you do not want to tell the young person what he or she should do. Instead, you want them to understand the process and consequences of making choices. We try to be non-judgmental. For

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example, if a young person tells us four options of what he wants to do, and none of them are realistic, then you ask the youth if you can offer a suggestion.

As a mentor, it is important to listen. allow the youth to make a decision and own the consequences. This is especially important in our juvenile justice programming where we use transformative mentoring with youth who are incarcerated at Lincoln Hills, or at the Vel Phillips Justice Center. Our goal is to help them eventually transition back to the community.

The Running Rebels’ mentor program has catered mostly to boys, but for quite a while now, you have offered a program for girls. I believe about half the young people you work with in the seven MPS schools are female. What is the difference between working with a girl vs a boy?

All young people have walls. The challenge is how a mentor communicates to break down those walls.

Everyone is different, boy or girl, but girls don’t seem to respond as well in group interactions. Boys seem to like the team concept as with basketball.

Girls respond better in one-on-one interactions, and they open up more.

I try to create a safe space between me and the young ladies I mentor. At times, girls can be more volatile. For instance, a girl might explode temperamentally without warning. Very short fuse. It can just be a look, like somebody looking at her the wrong way, that sets her off. We are seeing this as a trend in recent times.

Do you help your young people get jobs or job training or internships?

We have a summer program that is a paid work experience. We create projects, for instance, gardening, cooking, photography, creating videos, doing supportive work in our summer basketball league. We train them and pay them through the process of their work experience. Unlike the outside world of work, we allow them to make mistakes and learn from those mistakes. Being a mentor takes a lot of patience.

I am reading from your website: “The Running Rebels engages the community, youth, and their families, prevents involvement in gangs, drugs, violence, and the juvenile justice system, intervenes and guides youth by assisting them with making positive choices, and coaches youth through their transition into adulthood.” Do you have a measurable success rate?

With our government funded programs, we have measurable results. For instance, 80% of our young people do not commit more crimes after completing our mentor programs. On a more intangible scale, can young people who have gone through our programs recognize their own triggers? Do they feel more connected to their community? Do they better impact their community? Here is the problem. Generally, it takes up to eight years to see a significant change in a young person. Yet, for years, many funders wanted to see changes in one year. But change is not a microwave effect. I think our funders are now more patient. Change and skill building is a long term process.

What is your annual budget and who are your biggest contributors including from the county and city?

Our budget is about $6 million. Our biggest contributor is Milwaukee County. We also have grants from the city of Milwaukee, the state of Wisconsin, and Milwaukee Public Schools.

Those four—county, city, state, and MPS—account for the majority of our budget in the form of work contracts.

Part of our responsibility is having our mentors working inside of seven Milwaukee Public Schools, and they help do conflict resolution. We get paid for a lot of the work we do, but not all of it. About 10% of our budget is from foundation grants.

Tom Jenz is a Milwaukee photographer and writer. His column, Central City Stories, is posted weekly at shepherdexpress.com.

MAY 2024 | 19

FOOD & DRINK

JASON ALSTON

Photos courtesy of Heavens Table BBQ MKE. Background Photo by Yevgeniy Sambulov/Getty Images

Heaven's Table BBQ

BY SUSAN HARPT GRIMES

E

xpertly smoked meats and perfectly prepared sides are what sets one barbecue place apart from another, and Heaven’s Table exceeds those expectations in every way. If you remember Heaven’s Table from the Farwell Avenue Crossroads Collective, you’ll be pleased to know that it is still around and opened a stand-alone location on North Avenue two years ago.

A steady carry-out business complements the limited window counter seating and outdoor summer table seating nicely, as many patrons seem to like to get their barbecue to-go. On a recent visit, service was fast and friendly.

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Fans of barbecue know, it’s not just about the meats. You need good sides to complement everything coming off the smoker. Heaven’s Table definitely has the sides well in hand, available a la carte in 8 or 16-ounce containers or included with platter and dinner orders. Standouts include the rich and creamy mac and cheese ($8/$16), the sweet, but not too sweet, house baked beans ($7/$14), and the Cajun spiced, but not too spicy dirty rice ($8/$16).

Other sides that weren’t tried but look quite good are a creamy coleslaw or potato salad (both $6/$12) and greens ($7/$14) which are available only on

the weekends. Heaven’s Table also makes their own cornbread, both regular and a zippy cheddar jalapeno version ($2 for one piece, $6 for six pieces) which is another perfect accompaniment for smoked meats.

The main event, of course, is still going to be the meat. At Heaven’s Table that means a 14-hour smoke for the “secret recipe” dry rub brisket, as well as, mouthwateringly tender smoked chicken, delicious St. Louis style pork ribs, sausages and turkey tips. The house barbeque sauce is nicely balanced between sweet and spicy and works

well with the smoky meats. A variety of platters ($40-$68) are available on any given day and can feed roughly four-eight people. But if you are looking to just feed yourself (and maybe one other person—these are generous portions) go with a BBQ Dinner ($21$28), which allows you to choose one, two, or three meats and come with two sides of your choice. Sandwiches ($12) served with chips, Bowls ($14) with one meat, served with dirty rice or fries, and “meats by the pound” ($14-$30) round out the menu.

If you visit on a weekend, be sure to check out the specials. Fridays feature an out-of-this-world smoked salmon, plus a side ($14), or the “Sheriff Lucas” platter which includes ribs, salmon, and rib tips plus baked beans and coleslaw ($30). Saturday’s star is a smoked or jerk turkey leg, plus a side ($23).

Family owned and operated Heaven’s Table is simply a wonderful spot to get your barbeque fix in any season.

HEAVEN'S TABLE BBQ 5507 W. North Ave. heavenstablebbqmke.com (414) 732-7109

Milwaukee writer Susan Harpt Grimes is a longtime contributor to shepherdexpress.com.

MAY 2024 | 21

FOOD & DRINK FLASH IN THE PAN

Not Tonight, Vampires IT’S TIME FOR GARLIC SALAD

BY ARI LEVAUX

Photo by Ari LeVaux.

T

“

he first time I tried your dad’s salad,” recalls my friend Terrie, “my eyes popped open and my mouth was burning and I was like, ‘What tha…’”

Her experience was far from unique. And like the rest of them, she came to love dad’s salad, garlic and all.

A simple mix of lettuce, tomato and onions dressed in a vinaigrette, and topped with olives and feta on the side, Howard’s Garlic Salad, as everyone called it, was widely celebrated among our family and circle of friends. Eating a bowl of it could be as cathartic as a sweat lodge. To those accustomed to raw garlic, it wasn’t a challenge but a thing of beauty the way it was absorbed and balanced by the other ingredients.

My cousin Sandy took that level of garlic completely in stride but couldn’t make it happen in her own kitchen. “I tried so hard to recreate your dad’s salad,” she complained, flabbergasted, the last time I saw her. “I added tons of garlic to the dressing, but it didn’t taste like his salad.”

This was not a lot of information but enough for me to diagnose the problem. You don’t add the garlic to the dressing.

You add it to the salad.

Garlic in salad dressing stands little chance of bonding to the leaves, where it belongs. Soaked in vinegar and lubed in oil, the garlic will slide past the leaves and collect in the bottom of the bowl, effectively impotent. And Howard’s garlic was anything but that.

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He would wash and dry the lettuce leaf by leaf, slipping with each leaf into a deeper meditative state. He would chop the prepped lettuce and add it to his oiled wooden salad bowl, which he didn’t use soap to wash and always smelled deeply of garlic. He would press the garlic, and add the puree to the leaves, along with salt, and gently toss it all together. The garlic entered the cut ends and broken creases in the leaves, marinating and fumigating and generally impregnating the foliage with its pungent funk. You couldn’t rinse it off if you wanted to. Hence, the garlic becomes integral to the salad, not on the salad but of the salad.

And while dad’s garlic technique was revolutionary, his use of salt was reliable, which is a trait that pitifully few salad makers can claim. If your salad is a pile of unwanted foliage weighted down by croutons, fried chicken and ranch dressing, this message is not for you. But if you prefer a simple salad that celebrates raw ingredients, you need a simple dressing of oil and some kind of acid. But those two alone won’t cut it. Too many salad makers are weak on salt.

To recap: 10X the garlic, rub it on the leaves, and don’t forget the salt.

For more guidance, here is the recipe for my dad’s garlic salad.

Howard’s Garlic Salad

T

his salad is meant to push your comfort zone in the garlic department. It will also absorb and neutralize more than you might expect. So don’t hold back. And don’t be shy. Unless you find yourself in close proximity to some pitiful soul who has not eaten Dad’s salad. In that case you might want to hold back and be a little shy.

Serves 4 • 1 large head of romaine, bottom sliced off, leaves separated, washed and dried • 1 head of leafy lettuce like Boston or green leaf or red leaf, bottom sliced off, leaves separated, washed and dried • ½ a sweet onion, chopped finely • 1 teaspoon salt + more to taste • 3 garlic cloves, peeled and pressed or grated • 2 cups quartered fresh tomatoes • ½ cup extra virgin olive oil (California Olive Ranch, if you don’t have a brand you like).

• 2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar • 2 tablespoons white balsamic vinegar • Feta and olives to serve it with

Holding several leaves at once, chop the lettuce crosswise into bite size chunks and add them to a good-sized salad bowl, preferably wooden. Add the garlic and salt and toss it into the leaves. Add the tomatoes and onions atop the garlic impregnated leaves. As soon as they hit, the smell of the salad begins to really carry.

When it’s time to eat salad, whisk together the oil and vinegar until completely blended and thickened, and immediately pour it over the salad. Toss it all together and serve, preferably into small wooden bowls that may smell of garlic.

Ari LeVaux has written about food for The Atlantic Online, Outside Online and Alternet.

MAY 2024 | 23

FOOD & DRINK BEVERAGES

Craft Beer in America Today

BY GAETANO MARANGELLI

Photo by WinzenT/Getty Images.

T

he Brewers Association for Small and Independent Brewers says the number of Wisconsin craft brewers expanded from 73 in 2011 to 249 in 2022. Which translates to 5.7 brewers for every 100,000 adults, thirteenth per capita in the country. Craft brewers emerged in the 1970s. They exploded in the 1990s. And until the past couple of years, they were still exploding.

MARTIN JOHNSON

The Brewers Association defines a craft brewer as a small, independent brewer. Which is to say, a brewer with an annual production of six million barrels or less, and with less than 25% of its ownership held by major brewing companies.

Craft brewers offer beer drinkers a variety of choices, flavors, and styles, which contrast with the common offerings from major brewing companies.

Where is craft beer at in America today? Is the rising tide of craft brewers turning into an ebb? For insights into the craft beer trade, I asked Martin Johnson, who writes about craft beer and jazz for the Wall Street Journal. For seven years, Martin ran New York City’s leading craft beer retail program.

Gaetano Marangelli: Where is craft beer at in America today?

Martin Johnson: Craft beer is in a complicated but inevitable moment. It's consolidating after a decade of mind-blowing growth. In the past 13 years or so, craft beer sales in America have boomed from $8.7 billion to well north of $30 billion today, and that $30 billion excludes about a dozen well established breweries who contributed to that $8.7

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Photo courtesy of Martin Johnson.

because they've sold a significant ownership stake to a multinational. We're in a society where people expect two results from business, up or down. Craft beer at this moment is likely flat or in slight decline, which is only natural. Yet people are eager to see trends fade and reverse. Often in the past five or six years I’ve approached editors about craft beer stories, since it marks a cultural change, only to be told that the story they’re looking for is that “craft beer is done.”

I’m sure such a story would garner many mouse clicks, but it would be an unsophisticated look at a complex matter. It’s true that craft beer is attracting fewer new drinkers as many young people are starting off with hard seltzers like White Claw and High Noon, but those drinkers often move to craft beer styles like hazy IPAs and sours in a few years.

GM: Which styles of craft beer are you excited about?

MJ: I’m delighted that the rise of legacy English styles, which I wrote about last year, (“Craft Brewers Cure Hop Fatigue by Embracing English-Style Ales,” Wine Enthusiast, May 2023) has continued. I've always been a lover of ESBs, and I’m happy to see them find a niche in the craft beer scene.

GM: Which styles of craft beer are you bored with?

MJ: None, really.

GM: Why are American beer consumers so crazy about hoppy IPAs? MJ: There is a much wider range of flavor. Fifteen years ago, the term “hops” really only referred to varietals like Amarillo, Centennial, Cascade and a few others that offered a small range of flavors with a dominant note of grapefruit pith in the finish that typically codes as bitter. Now brewers are employing a wide range of hops with more approachable overtones. There’s Citra (blood orange and tangerine), Strata (Cannabinoid), Idaho 7 (stone fruit), just to name a few. Last week, I had a beer with Anchovy hops, which tasted a bit like watermelon. The IPA boom was driven by an increased range of distinctive flavors and brewers showcased these flavors by creating “rotating” beers in which the same recipe was brewed repeatedly but with different hops. This increased drinkers’ knowledge and sophistication about beer.

GM: Which style of beer do you wish people would drink more of?

MJ: None, really. I think people should drink whatever makes them happy. I wish Dunkels and Altbiers were more popular but to hope that more people would drink them is to hope that more brewers would brew them.

GM: Which styles of beer do you like to drink while listening to jazz?

MJ: I typically don’t drink while listening to live jazz.

I don’t like to divide my focus.

If you’d like to explore the many and various styles of craft beer, including the legacy English styles Johnson refers to, look into the offerings at Discount Liquor.

Gaetano Marangelli is a sommelier and playwright. He was the managing director of a wine import and distribution company in New York and beverage director for restaurants and retailers in New York and Chicago before moving to Wauwatosa.

Illustration by Alina_Fedorova/Getty Images.

MAY 2024 | 25

SPECIAL SUMMER FESTIVAL GUIDE

MAY-SEPTEMBER 2024 SUMMER FESTIVALS ARE BACK IN MILWAUKEE. PLEASE SEND ANY UPDATES AND INFORMATION ON OTHER OUTDOOR EVENTS THIS SUMMER TO EDITOR@SHEPEX.COM. WE WILL CONTINUALLY UPDATE OUR SUMMER FESTIVAL GUIDE AS MORE EVENTS ARE ANNOUNCED. 26 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

Illustration by Tim Czerniakowski.

MAY 2024 | 27

SPECIAL SUMMER FESTIVAL GUIDE

MILWAUKEE MAKERS MARKET

Photo courtesy of Milwaukee Makers Market.

MAY THURSDAY BIKE NIGHT CONCERT SERIES Thursdays, May through September 26, 5-9 p.m.

Harley-Davidson Museum THE DEPOT BEER GARDEN–OLD FALLS VILLAGE Saturdays, May 18-September 28, noon-9 p.m.

Old Falls Village, Pilgrim Road and Hwy. Q, Menomonee Falls ARMED FORCES DAY & CELEBRATION May 18 Harley-Davidson Museum MILWAUKEE MAKERS MARKET May 19–December 15 Various locations BUDWEISER WEDNESDAY NIGHT LIVE Wednesdays May 31–August 30, 7 p.m.

Wisconsin State Fair Park DEER DISTRICT SUMMER CONCERT SERIES May 31-September 27 Deer District Beer Garden, Milwaukee 28 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

MAY 2024 | 29

SPECIAL SUMMER FESTIVAL GUIDE

JUNE

SISTER WATER BEER GARDEN

MILWAUKEE HIGHLAND GAMES June 1 Croatian Park, Franklin SISTER WATER BEER GARDEN June 1, 4- 8 p.m.

St. Joseph Center, Milwaukee PRIDEFEST June 6-8 Henry Maier Festival Park, Milwaukee Lakefront MUSIC & MORE CONCERT SERIES June 6–Aug. 8 First Presbyterian Church, Racine GREEN LAKE FESTIVAL OF MUSIC June 6-Aug. 16 Various locations in Green Lake, Ripon, Oshkosh and Fond du Lac Photo courtesy of School Sisters of St. Francis.

PRIDEFEST

Photo courtesy of VISIT Milwaukee.

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MAY 2024 | 31

SPECIAL SUMMER FESTIVAL GUIDE

JAZZ IN THE PARK

Photo courtesy of VISIT Milwaukee.

JAZZ IN THE PARK Thursdays, June 6–August 29, 5-9 p.m.

Cathedral Square Park, Downtown Milwaukee

ART64

ART 64 June 7-8 Village of Wauwatosa TOSA GREEK FEST June 7-9 SS. Constantine & Helen Greek Orthodox Church, 2160 N. Wauwatosa Ave., Wauwatosa MIDWEST FIRE FEST June 8-9 Westside Park, Cambridge (Dane County) PAINT CEDARBURG A PLEIN AIR PAINTING EVENT June 8–15 Downtown Cedarburg LOCUST STREET FESTIVAL OF MUSIC & ART June 9 Riverwest, Milwaukee

Photo courtesy of Discover Wauwatosa.

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Illustration by Tim Czerniakowski.

MAY 2024 | 33

SPECIAL SUMMER FESTIVAL GUIDE

CEDARBURG ART MUSEUM SUMMER BEER GARDEN

SUMMER SOULSTICE MUSIC FESTIVAL

June 13–October 5 Thursday Evenings, 5:30 – 9 p.m.

Saturday Afternoons, Noon - 4 p.m.

Cedarburg Art Museum

June 15 Milwaukee’s East Side

METRO JAM June 14-15 Washington Park, Manitowoc

JUNETEENTH JUBILEE PARADE & STREET FESTIVAL June 19 14th Street and Atkinson Avenue through Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Drive and Locust Street.

SUMMERFEST

POLISH FEST June 14-16 Henry Maier Festival Park, Milwaukee Lakefront

June 20-22, June 27-29 and July 4-6 Henry Maier Festival Park, Milwaukee Lakefront WIMMER COMMUNITIES CONCERTS IN THE GARDEN

GRANVILLE BLUES FESTIVAL June 14-16 8633 W. Brown Deer Road

Thursdays, June 20-Augst 29 Boerner Botanical Gardens, Milwaukee SACRED HEART PARISH FESTIVAL

LAKEFRONT FESTIVAL OF ART June 14–16 Milwaukee Art Museum

June 22 Sacred Heart Parish, 917 N. 49th St., Milwaukee WILD ONES VINTAGE MOTORCYCLE RALLY

BRADY STREET ART WALK June 15, Noon-4 p.m.

SUMMERFEST

Photo courtesy of Summerfest.

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June 22 Harley-Davidson Museum

MAY 2024 | 35

SPECIAL SUMMER FESTIVAL GUIDE

CHILL ON THE HILL

Photo by Brandon Evans. Courtesy Bay View Neighborhood Association.

SUMMER BREEZE FOOD & WINE EVENT

GREEK FEST

June 22, 6 p.m.

Washington Park, Milwaukee

June 24-26 Cannot confirm date Wisconsin State Fair Park, West Allis

BAYSHORE MAKERS MARKET June 22-23 5800 N. Bayshore Drive, Glendale

CHILL ON THE HILL June–August Humboldt Park Chalet, Milwaukee

STRAWBERRY FESTIVAL June 22–23 Historic Cedarburg RAINBOW SUMMER HIGHLIGHT July 23-27 Marcus Performing Arts Center

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SUMMER SOUNDS AT CEDAR CREEK PARK June–August Cedar Creek Park, Cedarburg

Illustration by Tim Czerniakowski.

MAY 2024 | 37

SPECIAL SUMMER FESTIVAL GUIDE

JULY BASTILLE DAYS

Photo courtesy of East Town Associateion, by Melissa Miller.

BRISTOL RENAISSANCE FAIRE

WHITEFISH BAY ART FEST

July 6–September 2: Saturdays, Sundays and Labor Day 12700 120th Ave., Kenosha

July 13-14, 10 a.m.-5 p.m.

Downtown Whitefish Bay along Silver Spring Drive

MUSICAL MONDAYS

RIVERWEST SECRET GARDEN TOUR

July 8-August 26, Mondays, 6:30-8 p.m.

Lakepark Summer Stage, Milwaukee

July 14, 11 a.m.–4 p.m.

Riverwest, Milwaukee

WASHINGTON PARK WEDNESDAYS

WAUKESHA COUNTY FAIR

July 10-August 28 Washington Park, Milwaukee

July 17-21 Waukesha County Expo Center, Waukesha

IOLA CAR SHOW

PORT FISH DAY

July 11-13 Iola, WI

July 18-20 Port Washington Lakefront

BASTILLE DAYS

BRADY STREET FESTIVAL

July 11-14 Cathedral Square Park, Downtown Milwaukee

July 20 Brady Street, Milwaukee’s East Side

GATHERING ON THE GREEN

MIDSUMMER FESTIVAL OF THE ARTS

July 12-13 Rotary Park, Mequon

July 20-21 John Michael Kohler Arts Center and Sheboygan's City Green

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MAY 2024 | 39

SPECIAL SUMMER FESTIVAL GUIDE

HARLEY-DAVIDSON HOMECOMINGTM FESTIVAL

Photo courtesy of Harley-Davidson.

ARMENIAN FEST

WASHINGTON COUNTY FAIR

July 21 St. John the Baptist Armenian Orthodox Church, 7825 W. Layton Ave., Greenfield

July 23-28 Washington County Fair Park, West Bend PRAIRIE DOG BLUES FEST

SOUTH MILWAUKEE HERITAGE DAYS July 21-28

July 25-27 St. Feriole Island, Prairie du Chien

EAA AIRVENTURE

HARLEY-DAVIDSON HOMECOMING™ FESTIVAL

July 22-28 Wittman Regional Airport, Oshkosh

July 25-28 H-D Museum and Veterans Park, Milwaukee

MILWAUKEE BREWFEST

TASTE OF WISCONSIN

July 27 McKinley Park

July 26-28 Celebration Place at Kenosha’s Harbor GERMAN FEST

ARMENIAN FEST

July 26-28 Henry Maier Festival Park, Milwaukee Lakefront SCENIC SHORE RIDE FOR A CURE July 27-28 Lake Michigan Shoreline from Mequon to Sturgeon Bay MILWAUKEE AIR AND WATER SHOW July 27-28 Milwaukee Lakefront from Bradford Beach to Veterans Park OZAUKEE COUNTY FAIR July 31-August 4 W67 N866 Washington Ave., Cedarburg

Photo by Don Rask.

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Illustration by Tim Czerniakowski.

MAY 2024 | 41

SPECIAL SUMMER FESTIVAL GUIDE

AUGUST WISCONSIN STATE FAIR

Photo courtesy of Wisconsin State Fair.

WISCONSIN STATE FAIR

LUXEMBOURG FEST

August 1-11 Wisconsin State Fair Park, West Allis

August 8-11, 11 a.m.–4 p.m.

Belgium Community Park, Belgium (Ozaukee County)

RACINE STARVING ARTIST FAIR

MKE BLACK THEATRE FESTIVAL

August 4 DeKoven Center, Racine

August 8-25 Wilson Theater at Vogel Hall in the Marcus Performing Arts Center, Milwaukee

PENINSULA MUSIC FESTIVAL August 6-24 Door Community Auditorium, Fish Creek Kress Pavilion, Egg Harbor

WAUKESHA ROTARY BLUESFEST August 9-10 Naga-Waukee Park, Delafield HANK AARON STATE TRAIL 5K RUN/WALK

MORNING GLORY ART FAIR

August 10, 8:30-11:30 a.m.

MILWAUKEE DRAGON BOAT FESTIVAL August 10 Lakeshore State Park, Milwaukee Lakefront MORNING GLORY ART FAIR August 10-11, 10 a.m.-5 p.m.

Fiserv Forum Plaza, Downtown Milwaukee MILWAUKEE IRISH FEST August 15-18 Henry Maier Festival Park, Milwaukee Lakefront

Photo courtesy of Wisconsin Craft.

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MAY 2024 | 43

SPECIAL SUMMER FESTIVAL GUIDE

SEPTEMBER

MINERAL POINT BLUES & ROOTS FESTIVAL August 16-17 Orchard Lawn, 234 Madison St., Mineral Point WEST ALLIS CATHOLIC FESTIVAL

LABORFEST

August 16-18 St. Rita Catholic Church, 2318 S. 61st St., West Allis

September 2 Henry Maier Festival Park, Milwaukee Lakefront

CENTER STREET DAZE FESTIVAL

TOSAFEST

August 17 East Center Street between Holton Street and Humboldt Boulevard

September 6-7 Hart Park, Wauwatosa WALK FOR WISHES

MOWA ART AND CHALK FEST August 17-18 Museum of Wisconsin Art, West Bend

September 7 Henry Maier Festival Park, Milwaukee Lakefront OKTOBERFEST

COUNTRY IN THE BURG August 23-24 Cedar Creek Park, Cedarburg

September 14 St. Joseph Center, Milwaukee FROMM PETFEST

TASTE OF EGYPT August 23-25, 11 a.m.-7 p.m.

Saints Mary and Antonius Coptic Orthodox Church, 1521 W. Drexel Ave., Oak Creek

September 21, 10 a.m.-6 p.m.

Henry Maier Festival Park CEDARBURG WINE AND HARVEST FESTIVAL

MEXICAN FIESTA

September 21-22 Downtown Cedarburg

August 23-25 Henry Maier Festival Park, Milwaukee Lakefront

CASA GUADALUPE FIESTA LATINA

ST. MATTHIAS PARISH FESTIVAL

September 21-22, 11:30 a.m.–8:30 p.m.

Regner Park, West Bend

August 25-27 St. Matthias Catholic Church, 9306 W. Beloit Road, Milwaukee ST. JOE’S BIERGARTEN

DOORS OPEN MILWAUKEE September 28-29 Various locations

August 29 St. Joseph Parish, 12130 W. Center St., Wauwatosa OAK CREEK LIONSFEST Labor Day Weekend August 30 – September 2 American Legion Post 434, Oak Creek WISCONSIN HIGHLAND GAMES August 30-September 1 Waukesha Expo Center, Waukesha THIRD WARD ART FESTIVAL August 30-September 1 North Broadway, Milwaukee’s Third Ward

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Illustration by Tim Czerniakowski.

MAY 2024 | 45

SPECIAL FARMERS MARKET GUIDE Photo by Juniper_Berry/Getty Images.

2024

FARMERS MARKET GUIDE

BY BARRY HOULEHEN

BROOKFIELD FARMERS MARKET

DELAFIELD FARMERS MARKET

Saturdays, May 4-Oct. 26, 7:30 a.m.-noon Brookfield Central High School, 16900 W. Gebhardt Road brookfieldfarmersmarket.com

Saturdays, May 4-Oct. 26, 8 a.m.-1 p.m.

Fish Hatchery Sports Complex lot, 417 Main St. delafieldfarmersmarket.com

BROWN DEER FARMERS MARKET

ENDERIS PARK FARMERS MARKET

Wednesdays, June 26- Oct. 23, 10 a.m.-3 p.m.

Village Park and Pond, 4920 W. Green Brook Drive browndeerwi.org/482/Brown-Deer-Farmers-Market

Sundays, June 16-Sept. 15 Enderis Park, 72nd & Locust St., Milwaukee enderispark.org/enderis-park-farmer-s-market

BURLINGTON FARMERS MARKET

FONDY FARMERS MARKET

Thursdays, May 2-Oct. 31, 3-7 p.m. (Oct. 3, 6 p.m.)

Wehmhoff Square, Corner of Washington and Pine Streets burlingtonwifarmersmarket.com

(Early Season) Saturdays, May 11-June 29, 9 a.m.-noon (Regular Season) Thursdays, Saturdays and Sundays, July 6-Oct. 31 (Late Season) Saturdays, Nov. 2-Nov. 16, 9 a.m.-noon 2200 W. Fond du Lac Ave., Milwaukee fondymke.org/fondy-farmers-market

CATHEDRAL SQUARE MARKET June 2-30, July 21-28, Aug. 4-25, and Sept. 8-29 9 a.m.-1 p.m.

Cathedral Square Park, 520 E. Wells St., Milwaukee easttown.com/cathedral-square-market CEDARBURG FARMERS MARKET Saturdays, Aug. 3-24, 9 a.m.-1 p.m.

Redeemer Evangelical Lutheran Church, W76 N627 Wauwatosa Road redeemercedarburg.com/general-info

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FOX POINT FARMER'S MARKET Saturdays, June 15-Oct. 12, 8 a.m.-noon North Shore Congregational Church lot, 7330 N. Santa Monica Blvd. foxpointfarmersmarket.com

MAY 2024 | 47

SPECIAL FARMERS MARKET GUIDE

GERMANTOWN FARMERS MARKET

NEW BERLIN FARMERS MARKET

Saturdays, May through October, 8 a.m.-noon Germantown Village Hall, N112 W17001 Mequon Road germantownwi.gov/373/Farmers-Market

TBD 15055 W. National Ave. in the City Center newberlinchamber.org/Farmers_Market

GREENDALE DOWNTOWN MARKET

OAK CREEK FARMERS MARKET

Saturdays, June 15-Sept. 28 (except Aug. 10), 8 a.m.-noon Broad Street (Between Northway & Schoolway) greendale.org/our_community/downtown_market.php

Saturdays, May 11-Oct. 19, 9 a.m.-1 p.m.

Drexel Town Square, 361 W. Town Square Way oakcreekwi.gov/visitor/events/farmers-market

GREENFIELD FARMERS MARKET

OCONOMOWOC FARMERS MARKET

Sundays, May through October (except May 26), 10 a.m.-2 p.m.

Makers Market first Sunday each month Konkel Park, 5151 W. Layton Ave.

Saturdays, May through October, 8 a.m.-noon Bank Five Nine Campus Lot, 155 W. Wisconsin Ave. oconomowoc.org/events/oacc-signature-events/ summer-farmers-market

HARTUNG PARK FARMERS MARKET

PEWAUKEE FARMERS MARKET

TBD hartungpark.com

Wednesdays, May 15-Oct. 16, 3-6:30 p.m.

Galilee Lutheran Church, N24W26430 Crestview Drive galileelc.org/farmers-market-2024

HIGHWAY 11 OUTDOOR MARKET Mondays, June 3–Nov. 4, 9 a.m.-1 p.m.

Fountain Banquet Hall, 8505 Durand Ave., Sturtevant facebook.com/SouthshoreEssentialMarkets

PORT WASHINGTON FARMERS MARKET Saturdays, June 15-Oct. 26, 8:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m.

Main Street downtown downtownport.com/farmers_market

KENOSHA FARMERS MARKET Saturdays, May 1-Oct. 26, 8:30 a.m.-2 p.m.

Kenosha Municipal Building & Veterans Park, 625 52nd St. kenoshapublicmarket.com JACKSON PARK FARMERS MARKET Thursdays, June 13 through October, 3-6:30 p.m.

3500 W. Forest Home Ave., Milwaukee jacksonpark.us/farmers-market MENOMONEE FALLS FARMERS MARKET Wednesdays, June 5 through Oct. 16 (except July 3), 2-6 p.m.

Sundays, July 14 through Sept. 15, 10 a.m.-1 p.m.

Village Park, N87 W16749 Garfield Drive fallsfarmersmarket.org MILAEGER’S GREAT LAKES FARMERS MARKET Sundays, Through-Sept. 7, 10 a.m.-2 p.m.

4838 Douglas Ave., Racine milaegers.com/info/farmers-market MUKWONAGO FARMERS MARKET Wednesdays, May 15-Oct. 9, 2-6 p.m.

Field Park, 933 N Rochester St., Corner of Hwy 83 & NN mukwonagochamber.org/farmers-market

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RACINE HARBOR MARKET May 30, June 13 & 27, July 11 & 25, and Aug. 8 & 22, 4-7 p.m.

Monument Square, Downtown Racine racineharbormarket.com RIVERWEST GARDENERS MARKET Sundays, June 2-Oct. 20 10 a.m.-3 p.m.

2700 N. Pierce St., Milwaukee riverwestmarket.com SAUKVILLE FARMERS MARKET Sundays, June 16-Oct. 13, 8 a.m.-noon Saukville American Legion Post 470, 601 W. Dekora St. (Hwy 33) village.saukville.wi.us/343/Farmers-Market SHOREWOOD FARMERS MARKET Sundays, June 16-Oct. 27, 9:30 a.m.-1 p.m.

Estabrook Park, 4100 Estabrook Parkway shorewoodfarmersmarket.com SOUTH MILWAUKEE DOWNTOWN MARKET Thursdays, May 30-Oct. 3, 3-7 p.m.

Bucyrus Commons, 1101 Milwaukee Ave. smmarket.org

SOUTH SHORE FARMERS MARKET Saturdays June 15 through Oct. 25, 8 a.m.-noon South Shore Park, 2900 S. Superior St., Milwaukee southshorefarmersmarket.com THIENSVILLE VILLAGE MARKET Tuesdays, June 18-Oct. 8, 9 a.m.-2 p.m.

Thiensville Village Park, 251 Elm St. downtownthiensville.com/thiensville-village-market TOSA FARMERS MARKET Saturdays, June 1-Oct. 12, 8 a.m.-noon 7720 Harwood Ave., Wauwatosa tosafarmersmarket.com WAUKESHA FARMERS MARKET Saturdays, May 4-Oct. 26, 8 a.m.-noon Waukesha State Bank lot, 125 W. St. Paul Ave. waukeshadba.com/farmers-market VILLAGE OF WATERFORD MARKET Mondays, June 3-Aug. 26, 5-8 p.m.

Ten Club Park, 101 S. 1st. St. burlingtonwifarmersmarket.com WEST ALLIS FARMERS MARKET May 4 through Nov. 30 Tuesdays & Thursdays noon-6 p.m. (closed July 4 and Thanksgiving) Saturdays 1-6 p.m.

6501 W. National Ave. thatswhywestallis.com/farmers-market WEST BEND FARMERS MARKET Saturdays, May 18-October 26, 7:30-11 a.m.

120 N. Main St. westbendfarmersmarket.com WHITEFISH BAY FARMERS MARKET Saturdays, June 15-Oct. 26, 9 a.m.-1 p.m.

Aurora Health Center lot, 325 E. Silver Spring Drive whitefishbayfarmersmarket.com

MAY 2024 | 49

SPECIAL HOME & GARDEN SPONSORED BY VERLO MATTRESS

Humane Ways to Keep Critters Away from the Garden

BY SHEILA JULSON

Photo by L Feddes/Getty Images.

A

s humans and wildlife become more intertwined in urban areas, it’s more likely that rabbits, squirrels, foxes and deer will show up in your yard and start snacking on your garden bounty.

Humanely protect the fruits of your labor from these beautiful creatures with a few simple preventative measures.

Start by carefully planning where you will place your vegetable plants. Joey Baird, who with his wife, Holly, founded The Wisconsin Vegetable Gardener (thewisconsinvegetablegardener.com), says that rabbits are typically attracted to smaller plants, seedlings or anything lower to the ground.

“Deer will eat anything they can reach. Try planting the ‘good’ items like tomatoes and peppers closer to the middle of the garden and hope the deer will eat whatever you plant around the perimeter,” he adds. “Squirrels don’t usually eat garden plants, but they will dig in the soil if there’s a possibility for food.”

Most typical garden vegetables and fruits are attractive to wild animals in some way, adds Brittni Vermiglio, director of wildlife rehabilitation at the Wisconsin Humane Society (WHS).

“Certainly, the path of least resistance is tolerance. If you can plant enough to share with your local wildlife, go for it!”

If you want to keep wildlife out of your garden, wildlife rehabbers from WHS’s Wildlife Rehabilitation Center recommend checking what else in your yard might attract wildlife and to remove it. Those include food sources such as bird feeders, bags of grass seed and dog/cat food, as well as water access, shelter from wood piles and unsecure outbuildings, and junk piles/garbage.

SHELTERING GARDENS Fencing or protective barriers can be effective ways to shelter gardens from 50 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

animals. Any type of fencing two feet tall will keep the rabbits away, Joey advises. Fencing eight feet tall will keep out deer. Joey recommends wire or metal materials. “Chicken wire works well for fencing. Plastic can be used, but it may break down faster than a metal fence.”

Installing a chicken wire-style fence can be easy and cost-effective. “Place posts every four to six feet, and wrap the chicken wire around the garden,” Joey explains. “You can use zip ties or twine to secure the fence to the post.

You can often find portions of chicken wire-style fencing on the side on trash day, especially in spring when people are often cleaning out their garages, sheds or basements. A lot of the items we use in the garden have been found free around the trash.”

Vermiglio notes that perimeter fences can be effective, but animals can dig around or climb over them, depending on the species. In addition to breaking down, plastic fences can easily be chewed through by mammals.

“Plastic netting can be very dangerous to wildlife, and we have seen many animals entangled in the material,”

MAY 2024 | 51

SPECIAL HOME & GARDEN SPONSORED BY VERLO MATTRESS

Vermiglio cautions. “If you are trying to dissuade digging mammals, its often recommended to dig a trench and bury the fence underground.”

NONTOXIC ANIMAL REPELLANTS HELP, BUT FENCING IS BEST Non-toxic animal repellant sprays are available online or at local garden centers. Joey advises that

many of these have to be reapplied after the rain. He recommends Deer Defeat (deerdefeat.com).

Some gardeners try deterrents such as planting marigolds around a garden perimeter, or hanging objects that make noise will keep animals away, but Joey observes that can be ineffective.

“If an animal is hungry enough, they don’t care. Fencing is what works best.

It may be an initial investment, but it is worth the cost over time.”

Spicy taste repellent sprays may be effective for preventing mammals from eating specific garden items but will not deter digging. The WHS staff reiterates that long-term solutions to wildlife conflicts, without lethal means, will go much farther. Animals are attracted to a resource. If that still exists and is accessible, removing one animal will just lead to another animal coming to utilize those resources. “Long-term solutions will be more effective for you and overall, less effort and energy in the long run.”

Photo by Anne Coatesy/Getty Images.

52 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

Joey and Holly Baird host “Gardening with Joey and Holly Radio Show” on Joy 1340 AM and 98.7 FM in Milwaukee from March through October on Saturday mornings from 7-8 a.m. and replay 7-8 p.m. Their radio show is also heard on 16 other radio station across the country. Readers can email them at gardentalkradio@gmail.com with more gardening questions.

Wisconsin Humane Society has additional resources on its website to humanely protect your yard from unwanted guests. For more information, visit wihumane.org/wildlife.

Milwaukee writer Sheila Julson is a regular contributor to shepherdexpress.com.

MAY 2024 | 53

SPECIAL PETS | SPONSORED BY TAILS N' TRAILS PETS LLC

Pet Sinus Problems: How To Help

A

BY CARRIE MARBLE, OWNER, BARK N’ SCRATCH OUTPOST

bout two weeks ago our cat, Sir Lancelot, started to sneeze. First it was one sneeze a couple of times a day.

Then it turned into 3 to 4 sneezes in a row every couple of minutes. My first thought was to make a vet appointment so Sir Lancelot could get the help he needs. Then I remembered that during the wildfires last year, Babebelle, our other cat, started sneezing.

At that time, we made an appointment for Babebelle right away with her veterinarian. The veterinarian informed us that several animals have come into the clinic experiencing sneezing issues from the smoke in the air from the wildfires. “Go home and keep the windows closed” was the recommendation. We were thankful to hear there was nothing serious going on.

So this time we thought let’s see what Bark N’ Scratch Outpost may have to offer.

Photo by Tunatura/Getty Images.

Anna, a store associate, was very helpful. After listening to what was happening, she recommended HomeoPet Nose Relief, a safe, gentle pet respiratory medication that is made from natural ingredients that may help provide temporary relief from a runny nose, watery eyes, sneezing and congestion. This fast-acting liquid is simple and easy to use. You can put the Nose Relief drops directly into the mouth of your pet, in their water, or a dose at meal or snack time as per pack instructions.

VETERINARY FORMULATED Daniel H. Farrington and his veterinarian brother, Thomas Farrington, created HomeoPet to bring high-quality, safe, natural and affordable treatments and supplements to pets and pet parents worldwide. HomeoPet products are simple, safe and pure with no known side effects and have been safely used long term. HomeoPet has many formulations to help with numerous issues pets may be experiencing like anxiety, digestive upset or UTI issues. HomeoPet is also safe for small animals like birds and bunnies.

Sir Lancelot's symptoms resolved in about a week with no added stressors like an unnecessary trip to the veterinarian office. If you have more questions stop in at Bark N’ Scratch outpost.

At Bark N’ Scratch Outpost we think outside the bag.

Content sponsored by Bark N’ Scratch Outpost. Locally owned since 2006, Carrie, Michael and staff are dedicated to educating pet owners about healthy options for their pets. Bark n’ Scratch is located at 5835 W. Bluemound Road, Milwaukee, WI 53213. www.milwaukeepetfood.com 54 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

MAY 2024 | 55

Illustration by cienpies/Getty Images.

CULTURE

Milwaukee’s Locally Owned Record Stores

BY BLAINE SCHULTZ

F

or some of us, every day is Record Store Day. In Milwaukee we are fortunate to have several vinyl-centric shops that cater to that particular addiction. Each record store has its own personality.

The honor roll of defunct shops includes Radio Doctors, Flipville, Atomic Records, Ludwig Van Ear, Earwaves, The Exclusive Company, Great Lakes, Dirty Jack’s, Spin Dizzy, Lotus Land and more.

Here’s a look at what’s what today. Once again there is change in the air with Bullseye Records closing shop and Irving Place Records taking its place.

BULLSEYE RECORDS AND IRVING PLACE RECORDS (1627 E. IRVING PLACE) Luke Lavin has been behind the counter of record stores most of his adult life. Beginning at Mainstream Music at the corner of Farwell and Brady, he moved to Second Hand Tunes. When he heard that Earwaves was going out of business he decided to open Farwell Music in 1996 next to the Oriental Theatre.

Ten years later a new enterprise bought the building and doubled his rent. It was time to move. “I looked around and found this space was open. It was next to Comet Café which I loved and at the time I lived across the street on Farwell, so it was perfect—just roll out of bed and roll into work,” Lavin says of Bullseye’s location.

Recently Lavin decided to retire but still plans to do pop up events selling records. He turned the shop over to Terry Hackbarth, a familiar face behind the counter at Bullseye.

Along with Don Kurtz, Hackbarth will give the store a facelift and a new name, Irving Place Records.

store buying and selling records. I think these guys have it figured out that you have an office guy and a record guy with some overlap … and records are heavy,” he laughs.

Kurtz’s lifelong music passion and financial experience paired with Hackbarth’s knowledge was equally important as their 30-year friendship. And they want to encourage people to keep playing physical music. Kurtz recalls as a teenager taking his purchase up to the counter and getting a disapproving look. “I don’t want that to happen here,” he laughs.

What will Lavin miss most? “Having record collections walk in. The thrill of someone bringing in three boxes of records and you never know what will be in there.” And importantly, he said he will miss the social hub aspect and interaction with the cast of characters who come in the door.

BULLSEYE RECORDS / IRIVING PLACE RECORDS

Hackbarth began working for The Exclusive Company in 1998 at the Brown Deer and East Side locations, where he eventually became manager. Hackbarth was already a regular customer when he was hired at Bullseye. Kurtz also worked at Exclusive Company’s Brown Deer and East Side locations. Both have played in local bands as well, adding that piece to the record store puzzle.

Of his decision to close, Lavin says the bookkeeping and filling out forms for the IRS was never anything he wanted to do. “Owning a record store is much less stressful than owning any other business but I just wanted to be in a record 56 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

Terry Hackbarth, Lucke Lavin and Don Kurtz

Photo by Blaine Schultz.

MAY 2024 | 57

CULTURE

RECORD HEAD (7045 W. GREENFIELD AVE., WEST ALLIS)

RECORDHEAD

The Record Head name has called out to vinyl devotees for five decades. Once there were three Record Heads in Milwaukee and the West Allis location remains. Owner Scott Heifetz has seen a lot. He recalls traveling to Minnesota to purchase stock from stores moving from vinyl to CDs—import and prog rock releases that would command today way more than the bargain prices the stores asked for to get to old stock gone.

Today Heifetz and longtime employee Aletamarie Kelliher oversee record sales that surpass the format’s heyday in the ‘70s. With new and used vinyl, stereo gear and musical equipment available for by, sell or trade the store’s legendary history also includes being a place of employment for members of The Ghostly Trio, Violent Femmes, Couch Flambeau, The Shivvers, The Exotics and many others.

Aletamarie Kelliher and Scott Heifetz

LILLIPUT RECORDS

Tanner Musgrove and Brian Kirk

Photo by Blaine Schultz.

Photo by Blaine Schultz.

VOLTA RECORDS

Jennifer Young

Photo by Blaine Schultz.

LILLIPUT RECORDS (1669 N. FARWELL AVE.)

VOLTA (5026 S. 74TH ST. GREENFIELD)

Rising from the ashes of The Exclusive Company location on Milwaukee’s East Side, former store managers Tanner Musgrove and Brian Kirk continued the long tradition while adding a distinct facet to the shop’s personality. The back of the store now includes a stage for DJ sets and live performances, effectively making it an all-ages venue for special events. The Brady Street neighborhood anchor features a mind-boggling selection of box sets, a wall full of 45s priced at $1, stereo gear DVDs and more.

Like Lilliput, Volta Records also picked up where an Exclusive Company location left off. Jennifer Young and crew are still ground zero for metal with the Metal Haus located inside the shop. And this is still the free-range store it has long been known as—pick a genre and you can find it here. Young says the store’s regular clientele complimented the upgrades and new music geeks stop in all the time.

58 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

MAY 2024 | 59

CULTURE

ACME RECORDS & MUSIC EMPORIUM (2341 S. KINNICKINNIC AVE.)

ACME RECORDS & MUSIC EMPORIUM

Ken Chrisien cut his teeth behind the counter at the nowdefunct Farwell Music and Bullseye before heading south to Bayview where he opened Acme Records & Music Emporium.

The shop’s unique interior is made up of reclaimed materials; a pipe organ guards the stage that hosts in-store shows.

An old soul, Chrisien and his canine sidekick Gertie offer a selection of some of the finest, weird music in town. Plans for upcoming in-store performances include free improv masters Dire Wolves to coincide with Milwaukee Psych Fest.

RUSH-MOR RECORDS Gertie and Ken Chrisien

Photo by Blaine Schultz.

The knowledge base of the folks who run this small Riverwest shop, We Buy Records (904 E. Center St.), has more information than the internet can provide. For those record hounds afraid to venture into Thiensville after dark, Stardust Records (106 S. Main St., Thiensville) keeps it simple with shop hours Friday and Saturday afternoons. This corner store offers a human encyclopedia behind the counter named Rocky. Well organized, a great budget section and the occasional gem for Reitman’s personal stash.

Dan DuChaine and Dillion Hallen

Photo by Blaine Schultz.

RUSH MOR RECORDS (2635 S. KINNICKINNIC AVE.) When is a record store more than a record store? When it is Rush Mor. The tiny corner shop continues the tradition of record store as trading post, information source and neighborhood hub selling punk, prog, jazz, reggae, zines and more. Looking for that rarest of rare LP by Earl Hooker?

Check with Dan DuChaine or Bill Rouleau. Rush Mor is also good neighbor hosting pop up events for local makers, a stage for the Bayview Bash as well as connections to the Pumpkin Pavilion, bicycling events and the occasionally concert promotion at local clubs.

DuChaine sums up the mission statement: “We to try and be there for people, to know it's not always about you—it’s very humbling … We’re very lucky to be able to do this for a living and offer a place for individuals to find a connection to themselves. Music is so powerful. Like a mirror, the store is a reflection of everyone who visits us. People need music, and we will do this for as long as we’re needed.”

60 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

Musical Memories (833 E. Kilbourn Ave.) is a long-running, well-organized subterranean shop calls to mind Greenwich Village. Omen Alternative Music and Media (1310 Milwaukee AVE, South Milwaukee Ave.) mixes used and new industrial dark wave, horror themed. Celebrating the dark side of music and pop culture they celebrate their first anniversary on Record Store Day.

THE OUTLIERS If your radar is good, there are also places that may not come to mind as first call but may yield gems. Bay View Books and Music (2653 S. Kinnickinnic Ave.) stocks used LPs, CDs, DVDs and VHS tapes. Half Price Books (5032 S. 74th St. Greenfield and 17145 W. Bluemound Road) includes music among the books as does Downtown Books (624 N. Broadway) and Friends’ Bookseller located inside the Central Library (814 W. Wisconsin Ave.) Rockhaus Guitars and Drums (820 E. Locust St.) has a finely curated section of recorded music with an emphasis on local artists.

And don’t forget antique malls including Clocktower Antiques (1134 S. 1st St.) and thrift stores like Value Village, St. Vincent de Paul, Goodwill, the Salvation Army.

Butcher covers, Paramount 78s and TV Eye Live have all been found lurking in the dust.

Blaine Schultz is a veteran Milwaukee musician and Staff Writer for the Shepherd Express.

MAY 2024 | 61

CULTURE

This Month in Milwaukee

NINE THINGS TO DO IN MAY

BY ELIZABETH LINTONEN, DAVID LUHRSSEN, SHANE MCADAMS, AND BLAINE SCHULTZ

Hock E Aye Vi Edgar Heap of Birds (Cheyenne and Arapaho Nation, b. 1954), Neuf from Mexico Sea #4, 2019. Acrylic on panel.

12 × 16 in. (30.5 × 40.6 cm). Courtesy of the artist. Image: Courtesy of the artist.

THROUGH MAY 4

THROUGH MAY 31

“Oscar Gruber: 400 Portraits from the Art Students League/Matthew Gruber: The First Automatons” q Portrait Society Gallery Oscar Gruber made some 400 portraits while studying with the Art Students League in New York during the ‘50s, the era of Pollock, Rothko and the global cultural preeminence of the City that Never Sleeps. His son Matthew handmade “talking automatons” in his spare time. Oscar is 100 years old, living in Milwaukee and having this work displayed in a gallery for the first time.

t “Women’s Work”

Graphic courtesy of Stephanie Bartz.

THROUGH MAY 5 From Here to Eternity Skylight Music Theatre “I don’t think you’ll see two people rolling around in the waves,” said Artist Director Michael Unger when asked to compare Skylight Music Theatre’s From Here to Eternity with the movie. “It’s not based on the movie. It’s based on the book,” he added. Unger described From Here to Eternity as “a pop musical with a great score and phenomenal songs in a wide range of styles that feel authentic to the period. Some of the melodies are so hooky. And you don’t often have that many men’s voices in harmony.”

Oscar Gruber, untitled (Girl with colorful shirt), 1952-1964.

Oil on unstretched canvas, 24 x 20 inches. Photo by Daniel McCullough, courtesy of Portrait Society Gallery.

62 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

Gallery 2622 Local artists Ann Baer, Stephanie Bartz, Blanche Brown, Dara Larson and Roxane Mayeur will exhibit their responses to the theme of “women’s work” in a group show. Baer explores women working at homemaking vs. working at creating in their “spare time.”

Bartz photographs dynamic women in historically traditionally male-dominated vocations. Brown’s fiber arts explore the significance of African American women’s continued work on improving their mental health. Larson’s scratchboards explore women and handcraft. Mayeur’s twodimensional encaustic paintings examine the “work of being a woman.”

THROUGH JUNE 23

“50 Paintings” p Milwaukee Art Museum So, what can be said of such a diverse cross-section of 50 unrelated contemporary paintings? A lot, actually.

Namely that all cross-sections have their own particular angle-of-entry. The works in “50 Paintings” are indeed diverse in form, strategy, and style; the curators have a good read on the attitudes that are bubbling in contemporary art studios, as well as the histories from which they’ve sprung.

MAY 2024 | 63

CULTURE

MARCHFOURTH

Photo by Andrew Wyatt. Courtesy of MarchFourth.

MAY 4

MAY 5

MAY 9

Janet Skeslien u Charles Woman’s Club of Wisconsin The Woman’s Club of Wisconsin (813 E. Kilbourn Ave.) offers a perfect, enticing latespring afternoon of literary fun paired with a lunch. In collaboration with Boswell Book Company and Alliance Francaise de Milwaukee, WCW presents Janet Skeslien Charles whose latest book, Miss Morgan’s Book Brigade, follows the true story of Jessie Carson, an American librarian who changed the literary landscape of France; and Ann Morgan, who founded the Literary Committee for Devastated France. Charles’ book is a tribute to the resilience and humanity of these women who changed the world through books. 11:30 a.m. reception, 12 p.m. lunch and talk.

MarchFourth p Shank Hall MarchFourth is a kaleidoscope of musical and visual energy that inspires dancing and an atmosphere of celebration. With costumes inspired by band camp-meetscircus, the group consists of electric bass, guitar, four-piece percussion corps, a seven-part brass section, dancers, acrobatics and stilt-walkers. Far from a marching band in any traditional sense, they have been known to swagger down Main Street playing a few tunes before taking the stage.

Molly Tuttle & Golden Highway's Down the Rabbit Hole Tour Pabst Theater To characterize Molly Tuttle as a bluegrass guitarist is only a start.

While she can pick with the best of them—she was the first woman to win the International Bluegrass Music Association's Guitar Player of the Year award—Tuttle gives the impression of an old soul. But just when you think you have her pegged, Tuttle and Golden Highway explode expectations with an appropriately imaginative take on Jefferson Airplane’s “White Rabbit.”

64 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

MAY 7 Todd Day Wait w/ Long Mama Cactus Club Todd Day Wait returns to the Cactus Club with his western and country sounds.

Last time, Wait’s lean combo turned the Bayview corner joint into a midweek honky-tonk. Written partly in Alaska and partly in Wisconsin, Long Mama’s debut album Poor Pretender is a 10-song trek through genre and emotional ups and downs, sometimes told through the perspective of songwriter Kat Wodtke, other times lived through the eyes of fictional characters based on her travels.

MAY 25 Djunah w/ Flooding, Sleepersound and Spoy X-Ray Arcade Chicago-based noise rock project Djunah spotlights the talents of Donna Diane, who pulls triple duty, simultaneously playing guitar, singing and pulverizing a Moog bass organ with her foot—a feat some have described as “mind-blowing.”

Known for a massive, intense live sound, Djunah is fueled as much by big emotions as it is by love of gear. Dianne is a selfdescribed gearhead who learned to build footswitches to make simultaneously playing both instruments possible.

MAY 2024 | 65

LIFESTYLE ASK ALLY

Dear Ally,

Hoping that some outside perspective will shed light on the issue I’ve been facing with my partner since 2022 …

My partner and I have lived together for years and had our own routine down pat when it came to fair division of household duties. When Covid hit, we settled into the WFH (work from home) lifestyle, setting up our own office spaces throughout the house and tackled our respective household tasks between meetings and after the workday was finished.

Fast-forward to mid-2022 and my partner's company comes out with an RTO (return to office) mandate

and they're now working five days a week in office. Since this change, I’ve slowly begun to take on most of the household duties. Dishes, laundry, basic tidying, vacuuming, yard work, etc. At first this didn’t bother me because it was so new, but a year and a half later the resentment is at a level that isn’t tolerable.

Like a muscle that’s atrophied, he has stopped cleaning or tidying up at all. It’s like he thinks that if he just leaves the mess long enough, it will be magically cleaned up by the time he returns from work. It would be so much easier if he would just pick up after himself.

We’ve had conversations about this before and things improve for a short time, but we always fall back into our old routines. My resentment grows.

This may sound like a mundane, cliché problem but it feels so disrespectful to me and my time. We both work during

Dear Disgruntled,

You’re right. This issue is so much more than dirty dishes. Your partner is not seeing or hearing you. There’s a gazillion scientific studies that prove your point (just a few are below), but they are useless when your needs are invisible to the one person on earth who needs to hear them.

Be vulnerable. This gives him permission to also share from his heart.

You can do this. This is real courage.

Wait. Give him time to answer and space for his heart to express itself.

Stay silent.

I’m so sorry.

Let us know how it goes.

The good news is that he’s done it before during Covid.

A new report from Gallop shows that even Millennial men, who embrace equity in relationships and the workplace, fall into traditional “male” roles like car maintenance and yardwork.

Remind him that he succeeded once before.

You need to sit down with him, away from home and distractions and have this difficult conversation.

Put your heart in your hands. Let your partner know that you do not feel seen or heard. You need help. Ask him if he remembers what it was like during Covid. Tell him that it would mean the world to you if you could return to the household sharing that you did back then.

66 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

The New York Times reported that after a birth, women’s total work: childcare and housework increased 21 hours, while a men’s increased by 12.6 hours.

The Pew Research Center cites that even as women’s salaries increase, their burden at home increases as well.

But the most interesting study is one that cites that “men and women are trained by society for different possibilities to take action.”

the day, why am I solely responsible for keeping up the house? How do I get him to understand that this is so much deeper than dirty dishes?

Disgruntled “A woman looks at a dirty kitchen surface and immediately is pulled into action to wipe it clean. A man sees the same surface and it doesn’t even register”. (Amanda Singh, The Swaddle, exploring the intersection of environment, gender and health.)

If you choose to share the above studies with your partner, you will need to teach your partner again to “see” the dirt. He must have seen at least some of it during COVID. Congratulations to those mothers who have taught their sons about the importance of household chores. You did the right thing!

Ally

Send your questions to AskAlly@shepex.com.

MAY 2024 | 67

LIFESTYLE OUT OF MY MIND

First, Be a Person

BY PHILIP CHARD Photo by niwate bunlue/ Getty Images

T

he physician all but burst into the exam room without so much as glancing in my general direction.

“How can I help you?” he asked in stark monotone, his eyes rapidly scanning my chart.

“For starters, you could introduce yourself,” I replied, extending my hand.

He blurted out his official title, never pausing from his perusal of my records to make eye contact, let alone reciprocate with a handshake.

“I’m Philip,” I said, finally lowering my hand, which I doubt he ever saw.

“It says here . . .” he began, reading from the chart.

“Never mind what it says there,” I interrupted. “The way things are going here, I won’t be needing your services.”

That managed to rivet his attention to me rather than my medical record or his admittedly packed patient schedule. The surprised look on the man’s face suggested it was the first time someone called him to task on his bedside manner.

“Is there a problem?”

“Yes, doctor, there is a problem. And it’s not the same one you’re reading about in my chart,” I insisted.

A bit brash on my part? Clearly. While no excuse, having taught in medical school and family practice residencies, my comfort level in asserting myself with physicians exceeds that of most patients. And, ironically, most of the teaching I did with doctors in training focused on effective patient interaction skills, which this fellow clearly lacked or elected to set aside.

68 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

Nonetheless, the majority of us, faced with similar circumstances, would simply put up with such behavior and complain about it later.

HUMAN-FOCUSED SERVICE Granted, many professionals, particularly in health and human services, are overworked and frequently exposed to patients or clients who are demanding and difficult. And our corporate health care system breeds burnout and moral injury among its best and brightest.

But, as a professional provider myself, that’s just not sufficient cause to morph into a cold automaton.

Doctors, lawyers, counselors, nurses, ministers—just about any highly trained and skilled provider of humanfocused services—sometimes forget they have one job that precedes all others. And that is, first and foremost, to be a person.

Hospitals, clinics, courtrooms and professional offices can be sufficiently dehumanizing and psychologically intimidating on their own, often leaving one feeling like a spot on the wall.

Robotic providers add insult to this injury. When we seek the ministrations of health care professionals, in particular, we commonly do so from a posture of emotional vulnerability and dependence. The last thing we need is someone who acts more like a toad, albeit a technically skilled one, than a Homo sapiens.

When feeling sick or troubled and needing assistance, it isn’t easy to assert one’s self and risk alienating the professional you depend on for sensitive and competent care.

This added burden only amplifies the normal anxieties associated with being ill or having personal problems.

Nor does it help when one is labeled as one’s malady, such as being referred to as a “diabetic” or a “depressive.”

People are far more than what ails them. Persons have diabetes or suffer from depression, but those conditions do not define who they are in total.

Petty distinction? Well, being treated like an object or a disease rather than a person is more than dehumanizing.

There is strong research evidence that the emotional tone of the professionalpatient relationship directly influences treatment or intervention outcomes.

As one physician educator noted, the one “drug” that all doctors use in their medical practice is themselves, their humanity (or lack of it).

Whether a professional is probing a person’s body, mind, spirit or legal affairs, the right to enter does not come from having a lot of letters after one’s name. It needs to be earned.

And, at a minimum, the entry fee should be to treat that individual with common human decency.

As for the physician I saw, to his credit, he came around after our tense exchange, made a sincere effort to connect with me as a person, and even apologized for being on cruise control.

He became a person first and a doctor second. And that’s the correct order.

For more, visit philipchard.com.

Philip Chard is a psychotherapist and author with a focus on lasting behavior change, emotional healing and adaptation to health challenges.

For more, visit philipchard.com.

MAY 2024 | 69

HEAR ME OUT DEAR RUTHIE | SPONSORED BY UW CREDIT UNION

STOPPING SELF SABOTAGE DEAR RUTHIE, I’ve been sabotaging my success, and it’s pissing me off! It’s been happening with my work, my friendships and, most recently, a relationship. Just when things are going well, I screw it up almost on purpose. Why do I keep doing this to myself?

HELP,

Anxious Amy DEAR AMY, Lots of people sabotage their success, and they do so for a variety of reasons. Some fear the responsibilities that come with success while others can’t deal with the anxiety tied to change. Still others may not have coped with past trauma.

Start a gratitude journal, acknowledging positive changes in your life. Next, create a few life-improving goals and stick to them. You might also want to see a therapist to talk through damaging habits, forgive yourself for previous sabotaging and deal with any previous trauma. You’re already on the right path, doll-face! Stick with it and relish the success heading your way.

XXOO

Ruthie

Have a question for Ruthie? Want to share an event with her? Contact Ruthie at dearruthie@shepex.com.

Follow her on social media, too!

Facebook: Dear Ruthie | Instagram: RuthieKeester | Twitter: @DearRuthie

70 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

DEAR RUTHIE BROUGHT TO YOU BY

Ruthie's Social Calendar MAY 4

MAY 14

KENTUCKY DERBY DAY AT SAINT KATE THE ARTS HOTEL (139 E. KILBOURN AVE.): Live music, a big-screen showing the race, a savory appetizer menu, raffle prizes and drink specials make this a run for the roses to remember. Enter the Best Dressed or Best Hat contests, and you might walk away a winner!

OPENING NIGHT MOULIN ROUGE! THE MUSICAL AT MARCUS PERFORMING ARTS CENTER (929 N. WATER ST.): The show Milwaukee has been waiting for can-cans into Cream City for a twoweek run. See the revolutionary film come to life during this jaw-dropping production. Experience the glitz and glamor when you nab seats via www.marcuscenter.org.

MAY 10 THROUGH MAY 12 FLORAL REFLECTIONS: IKEBANA AT THE PABST MANSION (2000 W. WISCONSIN AVE.): Experience the beauty of Japanese floral artistry when more than 20 arrangements are strategically placed throughout the popular mansion. All tours are self-guided but see www. book.peek.com to reserve a time slot and obtain passes.

MAY 18 MUFFY PROM AT THE FITZGERALD (1119 N. MARSHALL ST.): The team at Awkward Nerds Events hosts another wild bash with this nod to everyone’s favorite vampire slayer. Wear your finest prom attire with a Buffy twist and dance the night away after reserving tickets at www.awkwardnerdevents.com.

MAY 11 MILMAIDS BOWLING TOURNAMENT AT CLASSIC LANES OF GREENFIELD (5404 S. LAYTON AVE.): One of the city’s longest running LGBTQ+ bowling tournaments is back! Bowling, raffles, cocktails, a buffet and an awards banquet make for one heck of a day. See www.sites.google.com/ view/milmaids/home for registration, schedules and more.

EUROVISION: LIVE WATCH PARTY AT WOODY’S (1579 S. SECOND ST.): Watch the world’s largest music competition live when you stop by the city’s LGBTQ+ sports bar. Not familiar with Eurovision? This party is a great way to check it out! The doors open at 1 p.m. with the broadcast airing at 2 p.m.

MAY 12 COMMUNITY DRAG BRUNCH: MOTHER’S DAY CELEBRATION AT GOODMAN COMMUNITY CENTER (149 WAUBESA ST., MADISON): Honor mom with a day she’ll never forget. In addition to a hearty buffet, you can treat mom to an all-ages drag show at 11 a.m. Save some money by purchasing tickets in advance at www.eventbrite.com.

MAY 21 GOLDEN GIRLS TRIVIA AT COUNTY CLARE IRISH PUB (1234 N. ASTOR ST.): Put your ‘80s knowledge to the test with this trivia night that’s dedicated to the country’s favorite foursome. Get a team together and try your luck at the 8:30 p.m. game.

MAY 25 & 26 THE ODDITIES & CURIOSITIES EXPO 2024 AT THE BAIRD CENTER (400 W. WISCONSIN AVE.): Don’t miss this marketplace of artists and collectors who focus on the odd.

From jewelry and vintage clothing to funeral collectibles and antiquated medical devices, there’s a curiosity for everyone. Swing by www.showpass.com for details.

MAY 31 PRIDE POP-UP SHOW AT ART*BAR (722 E. BURLEIGH ST.): Get a jump start on pride month with this 7 p.m. reception, kicking off the art exhibit “A Look Back in Time.” In addition to the historic photographs spotlighting the city’s pride movement, you’ll enjoy live music and drink specials.

MAY 2024 | 71

HEAR ME OUT | SPONSORED BY UW CREDIT UNION

BY

BY PAUL PAUL MASTERSON MASTERSON Photo courtesy of VISIT Milwaukee.

O

n June 6, 7 and 8, Milwaukee’s LGBTQ community convenes once again to celebrate PrideFest. The annual event celebrates its 37th year and its 27th on the lakefront at the Henry Meier Festival Park (aka Summerfest grounds).

Founded in 1987 by community activist Bill Meunier, whose efforts also brought the festival to the lakefront, PrideFest has evolved over its near two decade-long history. Beginning as a grass roots gathering of a few hundred attendees with the political mission of achieving queer equality, it now pursues a much broader and ambitious role as the all-inclusive face of the city’s LGBTQ+ community. With audience attendance breaking 40,000 in recent years, PrideFest presents international, national and regional talent, focusing on Milwaukee’s and Southeastern Wisconsin’s rich tapestry of entertainers, visual and performing artists, healthcare providers, youth and senior organizations, businesses, politicians and the ever-expanding spectrum of LGBTQ+ life.

Entertainment, however, is key, of course. Announced as the greatest line-up in PrideFest history, this year’s SKYY Vodka Mainstage features headliners Ada Vox, Envy Peru, Violet Chachki, Alaska 5000, MKX, Bell Bastien, Reyna, up-and coming country sensation Dixon Dallas, American Idol 72 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

and Masked Singer David Archuleta, Murray’s Misfits, Cupcakke, Swedish syth-pop duo Icona Pop and Mya among many others. The line-up includes not only the up-and-coming but also a slate of veteran artists like singer/dancer Benjamin Koll. Jerry Grillo, Milwaukee’s WAMI winning jazz crooner, appears as well. Grillo performed at the very first PrideFest at Henry Meier Festival Park back in the day. This time, his reprise show features the songs that made the pantheon of legendary vocal divas famous (he is generally a Sinatra/Bennett singer) including Barbra Streisand, Judy Garland, Liza Minnelli, Bette Midler, Melissa Manchester and even Julie Andrews.

The stage also welcomes groundbreaking drag performers who launched Milwaukee wondrous world of drag we know today. On Thursday, in partnership with House of History MKE, PrideFest presents “The Black Legends Show” focusing on Black drag and trans performers. According to the HoH, the show “reaches back, pulling some of Milwaukee’s finest entertainers out of retirement!” On Friday, hosted by the glorious Dita Von, the “Legends of Drag” show offers the ultimate tribute showcasing Miss B.J. Daniels, Shannon Dupree, DuWanna Moore, Christina Chase, Karen Valentine and Maya Douglas.

DANCE PAVILION With Milwaukee drag personality Melee as MC throughout the weekend, the Dance Pavilion promises a lineup of regionally and nationally recognized talent as well as a record-breaking number of local DJs and performers.

Among them are DJ Minx from Detroit, 88.9 radio’s DJ Perez, DJ Shawna, PHOX and Doggpound duo DJs Chopper and Barker.

Beyond the SKYY Main Stage and Dance Pavilion, PrideFest 2024 offers a broad spectrum of social causes and health related events and programs. Based on popular demand, the Stonewall Stage and LGBTQ History Exhibit have expanded their hours. One special event celebrates the 10th anniversary of the American Civil Liberties Union’s (ACLU) successful challenge to Wisconsin’s ban on same-sex marriage.

The victory’s announcement took place on June 6, 2014, minutes before that year’s PrideFest opening ceremony where it was immediately shared by then-Pride president Scott Gunkel.

The five plaintiff couples involved in the ACLU lawsuit will be honored along with elected officials to memorialize that historic event. Additionally, the plaintiffs will talk about their experiences and lives after marriage equality as well as the current threats to it.

Abstract rainbow by yganko/Getty Images.

A popular favorite that began decades ago as an informal GAMMA sports event, the Milwaukee Gay Volleyball Association’s Grass Volleyball Tournament returns, taking place on Saturday.

The Health & Wellness Area again assembles dozens of area health, social, religious and athletic organizations and provides them with an outreach opportunity to the greater community. A digital directory of this extensive resource is provided through the PrideFest website (new organizations that serve the LGBTQ community are encouraged to register and be listed).

Sponsored by the Kroger Company, PrideFest’s traditional food drive in support of Vivent Health’s food pantry takes place on Thursday from gates open to 6:30 p.m. Kroger will once again match donations and Milwaukee Pride will match the match.

PrideFest also offers discounted tickets at $15 for seniors age 50 and up.

Admission for military Veterans is free upon presentation of a valid ID. PrideFest seeks volunteers for its production team and encourages anyone from high school students to seniors of any level of experience interested in joining the team to sign up to receive volunteer material and updates.

For additional PrideFest ticket information, schedule details and volunteer applications, visit pridefest.com and its social media pages.

Paul Masterson is an LGBTQ activist and writer and has served on the boards of the Milwaukee Gay Arts Center, Milwaukee Pride, GAMMA and other organizations.

Of course, there will be a broad array of vendors hawking their varied wares along with food from traditional festival favorites to more sophisticated fare.

MAY 2024 | 73

ART FOR ART'S SAKE

From The City That Always Sweeps

BY ART KUMBALEK

i

’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen, for crying out loud you must remember this, that it’s now the month of May belonging to the year 2024, the socalled “merry,” or perhaps “lusty” month as energetically sung whenever you go to sit through a musical production of the historically hodgepodge of a fock Camelot inside your local high school’s lunch room ’cause your kid has been cast for some unfathomable reason, or community theater effort performed in the danky basement of the local church where Sir Lancelot is your next-door dork neighbor whose ability to carry a tune in a bucket is ferkakta and it’s the bucket you borrowed him months ago that the fockstick has yet to return, what the fock.

C’est moi, the one to remind to flip your calendar page from April showers to May flowers, one of the three months we have that can be enunciated with one syllable, caveman style, you think?

History is cool.

OK, the May—the month with plenty to honor/celebrate, what with your International Workers’ Day, Cinco de Mayo, Memorial Day, Miles Davis’ birthday, Sir Arthur “No shit, Sherlock” Conan Doyle’s B-day, and Mother’s Day, which reminds me of gadfly-genius Irish Oscar Wilde who said: All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That’s his. O-Wilde, you be the man still to this day and forward through eternity, you betcha.

And so, some of you’s very long-time readers of this page evolving from a newspaper in your hand to an internet 74 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

screen and whatever, those of you’s who have managed to keep their feet planted upon, if not knee-deep, this mortal coil, like a regular Hamlet as you “perchance to dream,” may be awares that this month of May marks an anniversary year for me in that I’ve been somehow snookered into being part of this Shepherd Express media empire for 38 focking years now. Time for the crafts-man of run-on sentences to finally grab a raise in pay, you think?

1986-2024… “rest in peace,” a signpost ahead not yet visible.

And let me remind you’s about the 1986, the year that Microsoft had its first public offering of stock on March 13. I wonder what I had to do that was so goddamn important that day—besides attending a crappy day job with the intent to enjoy a nice cocktail or three in the evening—that I couldn’t pick up a couple, three shares at a buck two-eighty so’s to be a millionaire on Easy Street in today’s world, lo, these my waning days. Maybe it’s ’cause 1986 was the year the great songwriter Harold Arlen died. You betcha, he’s the guy, with Yip Harburg on lyrics, who wrote what really ought to be my theme song if I needed a theme song: “If I Only Had a Brain,” what the fock.

Yeah yeah, May 2024. Cripes, way back when I was a kid during the three-channel black & white TV Eisenhower 1950s years (when you needed a telescope to be able to sort out the action on your family’s bullshit-inch Philco screen), I dreamed, and assumed, that by a year like 1986, what

with the ballyhooed 75-76 year return of Halley’s Comet, the people of planet Earth would individually possess the convenient flying car and any existential threat from the inhabitants of Mars would have finally been kiboshed but good. Fock those green goons, ain’a?

Anyways, it is indeed 2024 for lord’s sake and we still got cancer, stupid-ass wars, stupid–ass politicians, but no flying cars. I’m starting to think the future is not all that it was cracked up to be.

But yet, it is indeed the merry/lusty month of another May, which reminds me that I would be remiss if I didn’t send out a Big Fat Happy Birthday to Plato, perhaps the Numero Uno of the old-timey ancient Greek philosophers (right next to Anonymous, ’natch), who, per my research, would be celebrating his 2,452 on Thursday, May 21. Hey, that’s a lot of candles, I don’t care who you are or were.

I wonder what Plato would say if I could badger him with a question like a regular Socrates, the question being, “Plato, if a man says something in the woods and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?” You know what I think Plato would say? I think he’d say something like this: “Oy, 2,452 years ago, me in a toga, and still with the questions? You got to be jerking my beefaroni. Haven’t you people of the future come up with any answers yet, you schmucks?”

No sir, we have not, ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.

Photo by Grape_vein/Getty Images.