Dec. 07, 2017 Print Edition

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Closing the Gender Gap in Academic Administration ... page 6

Milwaukee’s Charles Walker Band Brings the Funk ... page 36

Plus: New Advice Column ‘On the Couch’ ... page 39

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ASKTHEDENTIST:: SPONSORED CONTENT / BY DR. MURPHY

SUGAR PLUMS DREAMS, DENTAL NIGHTMARES Dear Dr. Murphy, I feel like the holidays are VERY bad for my teeth. Do you have any suggestions for keeping my mouth healthy this season?

-Yuletide Dilemma Dear Yuletide Dilemma, You are absolutely right; this season of sweets and treats and late nights can definitely result in dental challenges! Here are a couple of tips to keep your teeth looking and feeling their best: Try to keep up with your normal brushing and flossing schedule. With vacations, travel and changes in nightly routines, it’s easy to miss a night or morning. Do your best to make oral hygiene a priority even during this busy time.

Avoid biting ice and hard candy. You don’t need to chew SHEPHERD EXPRESS

up the ice in your cocktail or crunch on that candy cane!

This is hard on your teeth and can result in fractures or lost fillings.

Many of us consume extra wine or soda over the holidays. Eating a slice of cheese or rinsing your mouth with water can help neutralize the acidic pH in your mouth and help limit damage to your enamel.

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Submit your questions at drmurphy@stephaniemurphydds.com.

DECEMBER 7, 2017 | 5

::NEWS&VIEWS KOU VANG

KAT SCHLEICHER

COURTESY OF CARROLL UNIVERSITY

FEATURES | POLLS | TAKING LIBERTIES | ISSUE OF THE WEEK

Milwaukee’s Three Women Presidents

CLOSING THE GENDER GAP IN ACADEMIC ADMINISTRATION ::BY SELENA MILEWSKI AND LOUIS G. FORTIS

lthough teaching has long been a field associated with women, higher education and specifically higher education administration remain dominated by men. The numbers are slowly shifting. According to the American Council on Education’s “2017 American College President Study,” in 1986 just 9.5% of all U.S. college presidencies were held by women; by 2011, the number had jumped to 26.4%; and in 2016, it stood at 30.1%.

To learn more about this important progress toward gender parity, we interviewed three recently installed women college presidents from the greater Milwaukee area: Cindy Gnadinger of Carroll University, Sister Andrea Lee of Alverno College and Christine Pharr of Mount Mary University. What follows are profiles on each woman’s background, goals for her institution and, in the case of Lee and Pharr, the particular benefits and challenges of single-sex women’s education. All three, likewise, shared their perspective on women in academic leadership, where trends are heading and how best to support ongoing progress. (left to right) Cindy Gnadinger, Andrea Lee and Christine Pharr

6 | DECEMBER 7, 2017

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CINDY GNADINGER, CARROLL UNIVERSITY

Gnadinger was elected the 15th president of Carroll last July and is the first woman to hold this position. She hails from Louisville, Ky., where she previously served 17 nonconsecutive years in myriad capacities at Bellarmine University culminating in executive consulting within the office of the president. Gnadinger also briefly served as president and provost of St. Catherine College in St. Catherine, Ky., and as vice president for academic affairs at William Peace University in Raleigh, N.C. She brings to Carroll an unusually extensive background in accreditation and regulatory compliance.

She began her career as an elementary school teacher covering all content areas and earned her Masters of Education in teacher education, with a literacy specialization. She put the latter degree to use developing a graduate program for reading specialists as a faculty member and dean at Bellarmine. Asked about her trajectory from education to administration, she stated, “Aside from my last few positions, where I’ve applied, I was tapped unexpectedly every time.” These included her Bellarmine appointments to department chair, dean and assistant vice president. “What in my background helped me to be positioned for that? Obviously, elementary teachers need to be well organized. When it was time to handle accreditation in my school, we put a plan together, and it’s sort of like writing lesson plans when you’re an elementary school teacher. I certainly know those skills of planning, of execution, of assessing.”

Asked what drew her to Carroll, Gnadinger extolled the university’s offerings as both “traditional and historic” and “new and evolving,” noting that, while the university maintains its original strong focus on liberal arts, her predecessors also “had foresight in saying that health sciences were a growing area for our communities around the nation.” She likewise praised Carroll’s crosscultural component, which requires all undergraduates to complete a cross-cultural experience (through domestic or international study), thus “helping them to be more empathetic and to understand others within our global society.”

Moving into her first year as president, Gnadinger’s plans and goals are focused on developing a new strategic plan to guide the university for the next seven to 10 years. She and her staff are developing this plan through a series of 50 to 60 small roundtable discussions with various constituencies—including alumni, community members, faculty, staff and students. In addition to this egalitarian process, Gnadinger said she hopes to expand the School of Health Sciences and the School of Business because of their existing success and the high demand for graduates within these disciplines. Progress has already begun in the form of the construction of Michael and Mary Jaharis Science Laboratories, which will feature state-of-the-art exercise sci-

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

ence, physics, engineering and nursing facilities, as well as Waukesha’s first green roof.

Asked to name a specific program that fosters young women in leadership roles, she mentioned Carroll’s Executive-in-Residence Program, which brings a different local executive to campus each semester. This fall, Girl Scouts of Wisconsin Southeast Executive Director Christy Brown holds the position and will speak to the coeducational campus about her leadership in the business world.

ANDREA LEE, ALVERNO COLLEGE

Lee, a religious sister of the Servants of the Immaculate Heart of Mary (IHM), became Alverno’s eighth president at the beginning of the 2016 academic year. From 2012-’15 she sat on Alverno’s board of trustees. Well qualified for Alverno’s presidency, Lee served for 18 years as president of St. Catherine University in Minneapolis-St. Paul. Her undergraduate training focused on music, Italian and elementary education. IHM centers primarily on education, and Lee has been a member for 50 years. Between St. Catherine’s and previous administrative leadership roles at Marygrove College in Detroit (dean, chief financial officer, executive vice president and interim president), she now has nearly 40 years’ experience working in Catholic colleges. On a personal note, she is also the adoptive mother of a young man from Haiti and a grandmother; she summarized, “I often say I have the best of both worlds.”

Asked what drew her to Alverno, Lee shared that her religious congregation played a strong role in determining her career trajectory, as did her desire to work with underserved populations.

“I didn’t ever sit around saying, ‘When I grow up I want to be a college president’ … but when I had the opportunity, I chose to do so. I wanted to work in schools that served a large percentage of first-generation students—students who have a more restricted range of options for higher education than might be present at some of the larger, more prominent Catholic institutions. I was interested in the role of education in cities and what role higher education institutions can play in helping the city become its best self in terms of opportunities for its citizens.”

Alverno’s undergraduate population is a staggering 68% first-generation college students, with 60% being Pell Grant eligible. Eschewing the paternalistic attitudes often expressed toward female first-generation and minority student populations, Lee stated, “You have a plate of potential in your hands, and it’s sacred stuff trying to give women an opportunity to let that explode and flower,” Lee said.

Elaborating on Alverno’s unique programing, she highlighted the college’s decades-old weekend class program, which often serves women juggling higher education with work and family.

Women continued on next page >

DECEMBER 7, 2017 | 7

NEWS&VIEWS::FEATURE > Women continued from previous page

Under Lee’s leadership, this program will gain greater flexibility and open to male enrollees seeking to complete degrees as well. Other programs of which she’s particularly proud are Alverno’s mental health nurse practitioner (whose first graduating class doubled the number of professionals in this field in Wisconsin), music therapy (now transitioning to include a master’s program) and social work degrees.

During her first year at Alverno, Lee has developed and begun to implement a five-part strategic plan focused on health care education, K-12 education in urban settings, mental and behavioral health, academic excellence and women’s leadership, and the school of adult learning (Alverno’s revamped take on the weekend college).

Lee said that her focus on programmatic development stems from the fact that, unlike large universities like Notre Dame or Georgetown, students “come to places like Alverno because there’s a program that draws them, so those programs have to both address what students want and what’s needed in the workforce.”

Asked about the unique nature of single-sex education, Lee cited the overwhelmingly positive impact on young women who directly experience other women in leadership roles. She said there is also “the expectation that they’re going to succeed … the difference is those young women who come from women’s colleges don’t sit there like shy little persons when they get into classrooms that are dominated by men.” She cited various metrics for the success for women’s education—such as the high number of women’s college attendees in Congress and microeconomic studies that prove that fostering women’s education and literacy in developing countries significantly raises those countries’ overall economic stability.

Lee concluded, “The same way I look at women and girls in developing countries, I look at lower-income women of color in Milwaukee and what an education does to transform their lives. That’s why I’m doing this and why it will always be different than UW-Milwaukee or Marquette University—because it’s focused on activating that incredible potential that’s embedded in half the population.”

CHRISTINE PHARR, MOUNT MARY UNIVERSITY

Pharr began her tenure at Mount Mary University this past July and is the institution’s 12th president. She brings more than 20 years’ experience in higher education administration, with much of it drawn from her time at the College of St. Mary, a Catholic women’s institution of comparable size in Omaha, Neb. Her final position there was vice president for alumnae and donor relations. “Being on the leadership team at a small private women’s college, you really learn a lot about all the different aspects of managing a university,” she said. “You’re not just worried about your own area. You’re hearing about the finance, you’re hearing about the marketing, you’re hearing about the development aspects.”

In addition to experience with enrollment and academic leadership, she brings an extensive background in fundraising to Mount Mary.

Pharr began her academic career with degrees 8 | DECEMBER 7, 2017

in chemistry and biology. Asked about her transition to administration, she explained, “I was a faculty member and had no desire to do anything but that. I loved teaching and working with students, but there are opportunities in your life that come along where you realize you can make a bigger impact. My first opportunity was to become a division chair of natural sciences and mathematics at a small public institution … pretty soon that college decided that they needed an academic dean, and I was hired. Then, when you start to oversee all the disciplines at the university, your perspective becomes much broader, and I really enjoy a lot of things—I love the arts, I like music, I appreciate history and I love to travel.”

She drew connections between her initial areas of scientific study and administration: “I’ve always wanted to write this paper called ‘The Art and Science of Administration,’ because it really is … what I learned in science was to think logically, to problem-solve, but also to be creative. You have to think outside the box when things don’t work. I just translate that from working with chemicals to working with people and processes.”

to offer. So far, she’s found that the “Starving Artists’ Show” (a nearly half-century-old outdoor art exhibition) and the historic fashion department are best recognized, but says she aims to raise the visibility of the institution’s many other programs as well.

“People don’t understand that, for example, we have a very strong program in occupational therapy [currently one of only a dozen programs nationally offering the professional doctorate which practitioners will need starting in 2027], a strong program in dietetics, great programs in the social sciences and a great art therapy program including undergraduate, master’s and doctorate.” She’s also proud of Mount Mary’s reinvigorated nursing program, which partners with MATC. In the age of “brain drain,” she celebrates the fact that a remarkable 83% of Mount Mary graduates stay in the Milwaukee area, and that at least 40% of students are minorities.

Addressing the unique aspects of single-sex education, she stated, “There are students that can survive and be very successful in any kind of institution, but there are some students that really thrive at a place like Mount Mary.” She noted how many women, even today, defer to

“IT BEHOOVES US WHO ARE IN LEADERSHIP POSITIONS TO TAP SOMEONE AND SAY, ‘YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE A GREAT PRESIDENT SOMEDAY.’ What drew her to Mount Mary? It met her personal preference for a small Catholic university, which supports her existing background, and its location in the Midwest, which she shared is not only her home region, but suits her personality.

The school also impressed her for its “very interesting mix of programs. I’m used to health care, I’m used to business education, but programs in fashion and fashion merchandizing? That’s something new for me that’s exciting and fun.

And they also have a really great program in dietetics, and we’ve started a brand-new program in food science.” She also cited Mount Mary’s Women’s Leadership Institute as a prime example of programming with tangible effects for female students in the form of events, activities and resources. Last spring, the institute brought co-founder of the Malala Fund, Shiza Shahid, to campus to discuss her work funding girls’ education globally.

Pharr’s major goal as she begins her tenure is to meet with as many community members as possible to gain perspective on how Mount Mary is perceived and to promote all the university has

men in classroom and business settings, meaning that single-sex education has a unique power to help young women find their voices. Like Lee, she praised the potential women’s education has to provide positive female role models for young women.

“I think that’s one of the things that’s a great advantage; you can see and experience successful women; you can be in an environment where you can express yourself and where you can gain a tremendous amount of confidence. Then, when you go out into the bigger world where it’s coeducational again, you kind of forget that there was ever a time where you didn’t think that you could.”

FOSTERING WOMEN IN ACADEMIC LEADERSHIP

All three presidents were asked to share their perspectives on women in academic leadership.

The three hold several viewpoints in common, and at the heart of each response is mentoring.

Cindy Gnadinger noted, “Most of the students who earned graduate degrees in the last 30 years

have been women, and yet women don’t make up the number of people in that sector. Our [Carroll’s] student enrollment here is 35% men and 65% women. That mirrors the national average, so when you take a look at that, you see there are many more women out there who are educated and have been for years in comparison to men, and yet men still hold more of the leadership roles.” She believes that progress “will require that women leaders are successful. We have to prove ourselves worthy for our gender. Men never have to do that, but we do. We represent each other all the time.”

Despite these disheartening realities, she foresees the trend continuing toward more women in academic leadership. She called for more programs at the national association level to help prepare women for these responsibilities, but even more strongly extolled the idea that informal mentorship is key: “It behooves us who are in leadership positions to tap someone and say, ‘You know what? You’re going to make a great president someday.’ That’s what someone did to me, and I don’t know that I would have ever contemplated this position that I’m in right now if she hadn’t.”

She also raised the key idea that programs and universities fostering women leaders must work to educate men about this issue as well. “That’s why one of my first steps for programming was to make sure we’ve highlighted really strong women in leadership roles for our executive and leadership series—our men will be at that session, too,” she said.

Andrea Lee took an optimistic standpoint, pointing to recent presidential appointments of women at Ivy League institutions, including Harvard. She noted, “In my sector among the Catholic universities, there’s a higher percentage of women presidents than in any other sector in the country.” At her previous institution, St. Catherine, a billboard campaign ran slogans, including “A woman president? We’ve had 10 of them,” and “Putting women in the corner office for 100 years.”

Addressing the idea of mentorship, she praised efforts being made by subgroups of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops and the Counsel of Independent Colleges, but also championed “mentoring by people who are in the roles and know we’re not going to be here forever.”

Christine Pharr likewise called peer mentorship essential to success—not just for developing the top ranks of academic leaders but at all levels of academia and especially for women seeking their first promotions and tenure. She also contended that focusing on developing your strengths rather than trying to “fix” your weaknesses is a far more effective pathway to success.

“Having people help you find your strengths and then investing in you—sending you to conferences, letting you have opportunities—that’s what we have to do to help people really achieve their greatest potential.”

Gnadinger, Lee and Pharr demonstrate this potential—realized to its maximum effect. Through the lived examples of women like these, as well as conscientious programming and mentorship decisions, Wisconsin can look forward to greater gender parity in higher education in the years to come.

Comment at shepherdexpress.com. n SHEPHERD EXPRESS

NEWS&VIEWS::SAVINGOURDEMOCRACY ( DEC. 7- DEC. 13, 2017 )

T

he Shepherd Express serves as a clearinghouse for all activities in the greater Milwaukee area that peacefully push back against discriminatory, reactionary or authoritarian actions and policies of the Trump administration, as well as other activities by all those who seek to thwart social justice. We will publicize and promote actions, demonstrations, planning meetings, teach-ins, party-building meetings, drinking-discussion get-togethers and any other actions that are directed toward fighting back to preserve our liberal democratic system.

Thursday, Dec. 7

Meet Andy Gronik @ Ambassador Hotel (2308 W. Wisconsin Ave.), 5:30 p.m.

Democratic candidate for Wisconsin Governor Andy Gronik will make an appearance at the Ambassador Hotel. This is an opportunity to meet with Gronik and learn more about his vision for Wisconsin. There is a suggested donation of $50 to attend.

Racine Coalition for Peace and Justice Meeting @ John Bryant Community Center (601 21st St., Racine), 6:30 p.m.

The Racine Coalition for Peace and Justice will hold their monthly planning meeting to discuss the group’s mission, priorities, activities and logistical matters.

Food Not Bombs First Meeting and Potluck @ Resonance Collective (601 E. Wright St.), 6:45-9:45 p.m.

A new organization in Milwaukee, Food Not Bombs, will host their first meeting, which is also a potluck. Participants are encouraged to bring a vegan or vegetarian dish.

Resist and Flourish: An Evening with Carlos Montes @ UWM Union Fireside Lounge (2200 E. Kenwood Blvd.), 7-9 p.m.

The Young People’s Resistance Committee is presenting a night with organizer, activist and founding member of the Brown Berets, Carlos Montes. Montes will discuss similarities between L.A. and Milwaukee, uncovering some of the struggles both communities face.

Saturday, Dec. 9

Voter and Civic Engagement

Campaign @ AcciĂłn Ciudadana de Wisconsin (221 S. Second St.), 10 a.m.-1 p.m.

AcciĂłn Ciudadana de Wisconsin, Latino Voting Bloc of Wisconsin and Citizen Action of Wisconsin have organized a weekly Saturday campaign of knocking on doors and phone banking to get people thinking about the 2018 elections. Volunteers can go out and talk to voters about the issues that they care about and get them involved in different events happening in the community.

Annual Holiday Assembly: From Protest to Power @ SEIU Health Care Wisconsin Office (633 S. Hawley Road), 11 a.m.-2 p.m.

This event is Citizen Action of Wisconsin’s largest gathering of members and allies from across the state. You are encouraged to bring a dish to share for the potluck, and childcare is available on site.

Peace Action Wisconsin: Stand for Peace @ The corner of Highway 100 and North Ave., noon-1 p.m.

Every Saturday from noon-1 p.m., concerned citizens join with Peace Action Wisconsin to protest war and “Stand for Peace.� Signs will be provided for those who need them.

Protesters are encouraged to stick around for conversation and coffee afterward.

Monday, Dec. 11

Our Wisconsin Revolution -Milwaukee Meeting @ Wisconsin African American Women’s Center (3020 W. Vliet St.), 6-7:30 p.m.

This meeting will include special guest speaker Earl Ingram, host of “The Earl Ingram Show.� Doors open at 5:30 p.m., with the pro-

gram starting at 6. Childcare is available upon request.

Tuesday, Dec. 12

New Year, New Wisconsin @ City Lights Brewing Company (2200 W. Mt. Vernon Ave.), 5-7 p.m.

The Wisconsin Assembly Democrats are organizing a fundraiser, as the 2018 Election Day is less than a year away. Sponsorship levels from supporter ($150) to ADCC patron ($1,000) are available.

Holiday Reception for Andy Gronik @ Coquette CafĂŠ (316 N. Milwaukee St.), 5:30-7 p.m.

Learn how from industry pros. 5he popular Essentials of Voice Over course begins +BOVBSZ OE at a top commercial recording studio. Email findyourvoice@vomilwaukee.com to hold your spot in front of UIF NJD

Coquette CafĂŠ will host a fundraiser for Democratic candidate for Wisconsin Governor Andy Gronik. There is a suggested donation of $50 to attend, with sponsor and host level donation ranging anywhere from $100-$5,000.

Conversations on Race: Healing and Reconciliation @ Brown Deer United Methodist Church (5736 W. Brown Deer Road), 6:30-8 p.m.

Brown Deer United Methodist Church organizes monthly “Conversations on Race� discussions as a way “for people who are ready to discuss how we are approaching racial issues both personally and systemically. �This month will include a service on healing and reconciliation from the wounds of racism.

To submit to this column, please send a brief description of your action, including date and time, to: savingourdemocracy@shepex.com.

Together, we can fight to minimize the damage that the administration of Donald Trump and others of his kind have planned for our great country.

Comment at shepherdexpress.com. n

Struggling with depression‌

PUBLISHER’S NOTE

Bring Your Questions to the Couch I want to introduce you to a great new addition to the Shepherd. This week, the Shepherd Express is welcoming an advice column called “On the Couch� to both our paper and our website.

The name refers to the author’s profession; she is a professional therapist with advanced degrees, decades of experience and, much like the psychologists and psychiatrists seen in movies and on television, a couch in her office. She is well versed in addressing the problems and anxieties of her Milwaukee clients—people not unlike you, our readers. “On the Couch� will be published every other week and feature answers to questions from readers on subjects ranging from tangled relationships and sexual conundrums to this week’s topic: What to do at a potentially politically divisive holiday gettogether with the family? “On the Couch� will be entertaining and unpretentious as well as a source of wisdom and insight in an age of distraction and confusion.

Read it this week on page 39 and send your questions to: onthecouch@shepex.com  Louis G. Fortis

Publisher and Editor-in-Chief

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

Rogers Behavioral Health is currently recruiting individuals, ages 18 to 65, to participate in a clinical research study aimed at reducing the symptoms associated with Major Depressive Disorder. The study, delivered on a smart phone in a controlled setting, includes brief sessions twice per week for four weeks, and participants will receive compensation for time and travel.

To learn more, call 414-865-2600 or visit rogersbh.org/depression-research.

All inquiries are confidential.

This study is funded through private donations to the Rogers Memorial Hospital Foundation.

DECEMBER 7, 2017 | 9

NEWS&VIEWS::TAKINGLIBERTIES

The Next Shoe Kicks the Middle Class Even Harder ::BY JOEL MCNALLY

B

y now, most middle-class taxpayers have seen through those massive Republican tax cuts that just passed the U.S. Senate. Only 25% supported the tax bill in a recent poll. Most Americans realize billionaires, millionaires and wealthy corporations get enormous, permanent tax cuts, while working people get crumbs for a few years before their taxes start going up again.

What they may not know is Republicans are already making plans for the next shoe to drop, and it’s a really big boot that’s going to kick the middle class in the teeth even harder.

Florida Republican Sen. Marco Rubio gave the game away last week by revealing Republican plans to deal with the enormous increase of $1.5 trillion to the national debt, the largest in U.S. history, they created to give those tremendous tax cuts to the family of Donald Trump and their biggest political donors. “We have to do two things,” Rubio said. “We have to generate

economic growth . . . while reducing spending.

That will mean instituting structural changes to Social Security and Medicare for the future.”

Who Needs Social Security and Medicare?

“Structural changes to Social Security and Medicare” is Republican code for massive cuts to the two most popular government programs in U.S. history that provide middle-class Americans with economic security and health care after their working lives have ended. Just like that, Republicans are returning to those bygone days when Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan, before rising to House Speaker, was issuing dire warnings the country was facing total economic collapse unless it halted the growing national deficit under President Barack Obama.

When Ryan as budget chairman got the House to pass draconian budgets to start dismantling Social Security and Medicare, it didn’t go over real well for Republicans. Remember that infamous political commercial showing a clean-cut Ryan look-alike pushing Granny up a hill in a wheelchair to pitch her off a cliff? Even Donald Trump, the most cruel, insensitive politician in American history, blamed Ryan’s open attacks on Social Security and Medicare for the overwhelming defeat of the Mitt Romney-Paul Ryan ticket.

During his own campaign, Trump promised he would never cut those popular entitlements so many of his supporters depend upon, but then,

words coming out of Trump’s mouth have never meant anything. In the latest update by Washington Post fact checkers on Trump’s constant stream of presidential lies, his average has increased to 5.5 lies a day boosted by a breakneck average of telling an incredible nine lies a day over the past month.

As dangerous, ignorant and mentally unstable as Trump may be, Ryan’s cold-blooded, continued attempts to destroy the benefits of Social Security and Medicare for the middle class are just as frightening. Now, Sen. Rubio says Republicans will resume using soaring deficits as an excuse to renew their assault on Social Security and Medicare—even though it’s the Republicans who are poised to intentionally explode those deficits to give enormous tax cuts to the wealthy.

Blind Ideology, Cruel Results

My God, irresponsible politicians are putting the American economy on a completely unsustainable path to increase the national debt by $1.5 trillion over the next 10 years! Drastic measures must be taken! Republicans have opposed the popular Democratic programs of Social Security and Medicare from the very beginning— when President Franklin Roosevelt created Social Security in 1935, and when President Lyndon Johnson created Medicare and Medicaid in 1966. Their primary objections are ideological.

Right-wing Republicans denounce large government programs that benefit all Americans as socialism. They’re certainly not opposed to all

government programs, mind you. They strongly support massive tax cuts and corporate welfare for themselves. But they firmly believe government benefits should go primarily to the wealthiest, most successful people in America. If poor and middle-class people get something for nothing, they will be discouraged from working hard.

Republicans claim Social Security will go bankrupt in just a few years unless drastic cuts are made. They never mention how incredibly simple it would be to guarantee funding. The income cap on payroll taxes to fund Social Security is currently $127,200, increasing to $128,400 in 2018. What that means is most middle-class workers pay Social Security taxes on their entire income, but wealthy folks earning far more only pay those taxes on their first $127,200, a small fraction of their enormous incomes. All Republicans need to do is eliminate the income cap on Social Security taxes, treat all taxpayers the same, and the future of Social Security is secured.

All this political chicanery demonstrates no matter how incredibly bad Trump is he’s not the only Republican threatening the lives of most Americans. Trump didn’t introduce dishonesty or contempt for the working class to the Republican agenda. He’s just more obvious about it.

Ryan, Rubio and other Republicans some people foolishly expect to stand up to Trump one day have their own nasty, little agenda, and it’s just as bad as Trump’s.

Comment at shepherdexpress.com. n

NEWS&VIEWS::POLL

You Expected Ron Johnson to Bend on the Tax Bill Last week we asked if you thought Sen. Ron Johnson would maintain his opposition to the Republican tax plan. You said: n Yes: 10% n No: 90%

What Do You Say? Does former National Security Advisor Michael Flynn’s cooperation with Robert Mueller’s investigation mark the beginning of the end of Donald Trump’s presidency? n Yes n No Vote online at shepherdexpress.com. We’ll publish the results of this poll in next week’s issue.

10 | D E C E M B E R 7 , 2 0 1 7

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

NEWS&VIEWS

::OFFTHECUFF

::ISSUEOFTHEWEEK

Attorney General Schimel Declares: ‘I Am the State’

ANOTHER OUTRAGEOUS POWER GRAB

BY THE MADISON GOP::BY LESTER A. PINES

I

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

::BY EMILY PATTI

Is it a peer support program?

Peer support is a huge part of what happens at Sisters Program. It’s that building of a community for women who are largely isolated and stigmatized. We have a history of hiring women with lived experience for our street outreach program and we also have a Sisters leadership program. The voice of women in the program not only shapes the program, but also the advocacy we do.

Off the Cuff with Benedict Center’s Jeanne Geraci

D

esigned to help women in prostitution and/or sex trafficking lead healthier lives by providing them with support, counseling and connections to resources, the Benedict Center’s Sisters Program works with the Milwaukee Police Department (MPD) and prosecutors to divert women from possible jail time to the Sisters Program drop-in centers. “What we’re hearing from law enforcement more and more is that we can’t arrest our way out of this problem,” explains Benedict Center Executive Director Jeanne Geraci.

“We have had decades of using traditional law enforcement and arresting women, but that does very little to address the underlying reasons why they are there in the first place.” Off the Cuff spoke with Geraci about the Sisters Program and its challenges.

How does the Sisters Program work?

Currently we have a drop-in center on the near North Side and the near South Side located in neighborhoods that are most affected by street prostitution. We have a street outreach team that literally goes to where the women are to offer

DAVE ZYLSTRA

n perhaps the most outrageous Republican attempt to consolidate all political power in the hands of Gov. Scott Walker, Attorney General Brad Schimel, echoing French king Louis XIV, has effectively declared that he is the state (l’état, c’est moi). Schimel’s expression of absolute authority arose in the latest effort by Walker to gain control of the only other executive officer created by the Wisconsin Constitution who has vested executive power, the superintendent of public instruction.

Schimel’s announcement of his royal power came when the Wisconsin Institute for Law and Liberty (WILL), the de facto legal arm of the Bradley Foundation, asked the Wisconsin Supreme Court to hear an original action for a declaratory judgment that the superintendent had to submit a “scope statement” (the first step in creating administrative rules) to the secretary of the department of administration (DOA) for review, who then sends them on to the governor for his approval or disapproval. The petition claimed that this is required by the 2017 Regulations from the Executive in Need of Scrutiny (REINS) Act. The proposed defendant in the lawsuit is Tony Evers—in his official capacity as superintendent of public instruction.

To get the petition accepted, WILL has to overcome the decision in the 2016 case of Coyne v. Walker. The defendants in Coyne were the governor, DOA secretary and superintendent of public instruction. Attorney General Schimel represented the governor and DOA secretary. The superintendent was represented by his own staff lawyers. Schimel argued that making the superintendent subordinate to the governor was constitutional. The superintendent’s lawyers (and the lawyers for Coyne) argued that the superintendent’s authority to draft and submit administrative rules to the legislature could not be made subordinate to the governor. In a 4-to-3 decision, the superintendent won.

The REINS Act keeps the superintendent’s rulemaking power subordinate to the governor. WILL claims that Coyne is not a “controlling opinion” because there were two concurring opinions to the main decision, so the REINS Act must be enforced against the superintendent. That claim is wrong. Any fair reading of Coyne shows that four justices agreed that the governor cannot have veto authority over the superintendent’s rulemaking.

WILL’s motive is to get the Wisconsin Supreme Court to re-hear the issue decided in Coyne because Justice David Prosser retired and was replaced by Justice Daniel Kelly. WILL and the Wisconsin Manufacturers and Commerce (WMC)—which, in an amicus brief, supported WILL’s request—believe that Kelly is in their back pocket and that in a “do over” will vote in favor of the governor.

But here’s where the story gets interesting. WILL’s petition names only Superintendent of Public Instruction Evers as a defendant. Schimel, declaring that he alone represents the “State,” told Evers that the attorney general’s office would represent him. Schimel also told Evers that his representation would amount to this: As attorney general, he will concede that WILL is correct. In other words, after having participated in the Coyne v. Walker lawsuit, in which the attorney general’s office argued a position opposite of the superintendent and lost, Schimel now intends to argue the losing position on behalf of Evers. If ever there was a conflict of interest, this is it.

Apparently, Schimel does not believe that the Rules of Professional Responsibility for Lawyers apply to him. That is what allows him to define the interests of the state to align with those of the Bradley Foundation, WMC and the other puppet masters who control him and Gov. Walker.

Otherwise, he would do what he’s supposed to do: defend the Wisconsin Constitution.

Lester A. Pines is a Senior Partner with the Madison law firm, Pines Bach LLP. He and his colleagues have represented (and continue to represent) the plaintiffs in Coyne v. Walker.

Comment at shepherdexpress.com. n

SISTERS PROGRAM CHANGING LIVES

them assistance and to invite them to a drop-in center. At the drop-in center, we help women with their basic needs, crisis management and give them a safe ongoing source of support. And our hope is, using a harm reduction approach, to help them step by step to build a healthier and safer life. One of the really exciting developments is the formalization of our prostitution diversion program with the Milwaukee Police Department and we’re focusing on rolling out the protocol in District 2, which is on the near South Side. Police can refer women to our program rather than arresting them.

It’s a really big shift in how we, as a city, address the issue of street prostitution.

What are the biggest challenges of implementing the Sisters Program?

In terms of providing the direct services to the women—street outreach, the drop-in center, case management, crisis management—I would say the greatest challenge is the lack of resources available in the community. When women are ready to come off the streets the things that women need most are residential drug treatment and housing. And there is really a shortage of both of those in our community. And it’s heartbreaking when women finally have enough trust and enough hope that something could be different and we start calling out for resources only to find that it’s a two-month waiting list for the residential treatment or an indefinite wait list for housing.

On the diversion side, in terms of convincing the community that we can’t arrest ourselves out of this problem, that it makes more sense to connect women to support and treatment, the challenge there is just overcoming old ways of thinking and a lot of misconceptions about who the women are and why they’re there.

What has been the success of the program and how do you define success?

I think that the main measure of success is that the women engaged in street prostitution that we designed the program for, find value in the program that’s demonstrated by their engagement and staying engaged and bravely making progress in their lives. So, when we see women being able to take those steps towards safety, towards health, towards recovery—that, to us, is the greatest measure of success.

The Benedict Center is located at 1849 N. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Drive, Suite 101.To learn more about the Center’s Sisters Program, call 414-585-9994 (North Branch) or 414-346-4406 (South Branch) or visit benedictcenter.org.

Jeanne Geraci

D E C E M B E R 7 , 2 0 1 7 | 11

::DININGOUT

For more Dining, log onto shepherdexpress.com

COURTESY OF THE KING AND I

FEATURE | SHORT ORDER | EAT/DRINK

TOP-NOTCH THAI AT THE KING AND I

nated in a lime and chili pepper sauce with lettuce leaf, red onions and carrot.

We found the sauce so delectable that we saved it to pour over some of the rice from our entrées. Some of the other options available are Thai Spring Rolls (beef or vegetable; two for $3.25), Thai Beef Jerky ($8.95) and Thai-style Crab Rangoon (with real crab meat)—five for $6.95.

Soups (five to choose from, chicken, beef, pork, shrimp and vegetable) are available in single-serving cups, somewhat larger bowls and meal-sized hot pots. Noodle dishes include the Thai classic Pud Thai which can be had with chicken, pork, beef, shrimp or squid ($13.95-$15.95), but there are four others to choose from, including Siamese Jade with green noodles and green curry ($14.95).

The menu is diner-friendly in that it divides The King and I’s numerous main courses into respective categories; there are the general entrées (mainly currybased dishes, something of a Thai sampler (Bangkok Connections, $19.95) ::BY JOHN JAHN and a choice New York strip Bangkok Steak ($27.95) for the serious carnivores among your party. “From the Sea” brings a dozen seafood dishes together, infter working in several Thai restaurants, Anant and Amarawan cluding the Royal Grand Palace ($27.95), bringing rock lobster, cod, squid, scalPhoungphol became increasingly familiar with the intricacies of lops, mussels and crab together in a luscious sauté of herbs and spices. Finally, their native cuisine. Adding that acquired knowledge to their The King and I offers three duck dishes, three fried rice dishes and seven dishes mothers’ cooking, they decided it was time to open their own for vegetarians; as for the latter, Thai cuisine is an excellent choice given it’s establishment. “I would help my mother select produce from typically rather veggie-infused. the markets, prep the items and watch as she created the food My friend opted for Squid Pud Prig Sohd ($18.95), which can also be ordered I loved,” Anant once recalled. When The King and I opened with shrimp instead of squid. It consists of squid (or shrimp) sautéed with its doors in 1988, it was Downtown Milwaukee’s only Thai basil leaves in a rich and flavorful sauce over a bed of vegetables, including restaurant in an era when the city was far less ethnically onions, carrots and red and green bell peppers. Here the sauce makes the dish diverse—especially when it comes to eating establishshimmer; its consistency was almost gravy-like and nicely clung to the other ments—than it is today. “No one really knew about Thai ingredients. I chose the Volcano Duck ($22.95). Here, tender, sliced, boneless, food at the time,” says Amarawan, “it was a new frontier, crispy braised duck is laid atop a bed of sautéed vegetables and topped with especially here in the Midwest.” a sweet, sour and tangy volcano sauce. Indeed, “volcano” Nearly 30 years later, that the resitems should abound on any self-respecting Thai restautaurant remains a top-notch, go-to rant’s menu, and the King and I does not disappoint in this place for Thai dining. Prices are regard. Hence, if you don’t find duck all its quacked up to The King and I reasonable, portions are plentibe, opt for the vulcanized takes on shrimp ($23.95), chicken ful, ingredients fresh, flavors 830 N. Old World Third St. ($16.95) or tofu ($13.95). rich, service fast and attentive, In addition to the respectable menu, The King and I has 414-276-4181 | $$$ and ambiance, though getting a a full bar and its concomitant mixed drinks, wines and Thai kingandirestaurant.com tad dated, still lovely and inviting. Indeed, the main dining specialty drinks (the Thai iced tea is a terrific go-to drink room is quiet (no piped-in schmaltzy music) and perfect Handicapped Access: No to cool your palate after savoring Thailand’s spicy dishes). for conversation around the candlelit tables.

CC, RS, FB Should you somehow still have room for dessert after your My friend and I started with an appetizer (there are 14 generous dinner, four different dessert items—headlined by Hours: to choose from; opting for any one or more of these is Thai-style pumpkin custard ($3.75) and King and I Banana, Sa 5-11 p.m.; Su 4-9 p.m.; highly recommended). We chose Jumping Squid ($8.95), a crunchy banana slices over cocoanut ice cream ($4.25)—are delightful concoction of perfectly cooked squid rings mariM-F 11:30 a.m.-10 p.m. available.

12 | D E C E M B E R 7 , 2 0 1 7

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

PIZZERIA • CAFÉ transfermke.com

THE UNEXPECTED MAN A play by Yasmina Reza Translated by Christopher Hampton

Three Happy Hours, M-F, 3:30-6:30 $3 taps | $3 off apps $3 dock worker's vino speciale $3 Great Lakes cocktails

Sarah Day and Brian Mani, The Unexpected Man, 2017. Production originated at American Players Theatre. Photo: Liz Lauren.

Directed by Laura Gordon Featuring Sarah Day and Brian Mani Production originated at American Players Theatre

Thurs. & Fri., Dec. 7 & 8, 14 & 15, 7:30 p.m.

Sat., Dec. 9 & 16, 2:00 p.m.

Reza’s artful play may persuade you that there is nothing of greater value in all the world than a brief encounter between strangers on a train.—NY Daily News Tickets: $29 ($25 member), age 14+ Additional programming support is provided by the Kohler Trust for Arts and Education, the Frank G. and Frieda K. Brotz Family Foundation, Wisconsin Arts Board, Sargento Foods Inc., Frederic Cornell Kohler Charitable Trust, and members of the John Michael Kohler Arts Center.

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DININGOUT::SHORTORDER AN EXCEPTIONAL EXPERIENCE

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HEARTY MEXICAN FAVORITES AT EL PATRÓN

::BY DAVID LUHRSSEN

Cesar Lopez, the son of Rodrigo Lopez from Cielito Lindo, one of Walker’s Point’s early success stories, opened a Mexican restaurant of his own. El Patrón (2423 S. Sixth St.) sits under the shadow of the Basilica of St. Josaphat, and calls out from its corner location with a sign ringed by blinking Las Vegas lights. The interior is vibrant with aquatic and avian murals, Mexican television on the big screen and music from a Mexican station.

The menu offers hearty, familiar dishes in generous portions along with a few specialties from Jalisco, the state where the Lopez family originated.

Among them are molcajete ($15.99 for one, $27.99 for two), which combines steak, chicken and shrimp with avocado, tomato, onion, pepper and melted cheese. Another El Patrón specialty, birria ($10.99), is a stew made from lamb and served Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Along with the expected Mexican beers and Margaritas is an extensive menu of specialty cocktails.

Too early for alcohol? Sit back with a glass of milky horchata.

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EVERY THIRD THURSDAY

This month we will be featuring wines perfect for celebrating holidays, ringing in the New Year or just drinking on a Thursday!

No reservations necessary. $12 entry fee.

Complimentary admission for Pastiche dining guests.

414-225-3270 • pastichebistro.com

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DININGOUT::EAT/DRINK

Entrepreneur Blesses Milwaukee with Milk & Honey ::BY SHEILA JULSON

A

ttorney-turned-entrepreneur Justin Lubin, creator of Milk & Honey cream liqueur, is quick to express that he’s privileged with the opportunity to bring his unique product to market and talk to people about his smooth, creamy drink which he boasts as the world’s first cream liqueur made with date honey.

Lubin discovered subtly sweet date honey while living in Israel, working for an aquaculture company. “While there, I really got into things that had to do with the land,” Lubin said. “What I discovered was that the honey from ‘the land of milk and honey’ did not come from bees. It was date honey, so I wondered what those would taste like together.”

Lubin was wowed by the flavor combination of date honey and milk. His five children drank it every day.

Things didn’t work out with the aquaculture company, so in 2014 Lubin moved his family back to their Sherman Park home in Milwaukee. He was a practicing attorney in California, and in Milwaukee he founded Step Ahead Tutors prior to working in aquaculture, but Lubin wasn’t sure what his next move would be.

In the meantime, he searched for date honey in natural food stores and couldn’t find it in America.

Seeing a void, he considered marketing an authentic, non-alcoholic milk and date honey beverage like he enjoyed in Israel, but he knew introducing Americans to an unknown gourmet dairy item was too risky of a business venture.

Then Lubin, inspired by his family’s legacy, came up with a twist—add alcohol. Lubin’s great-grandfather was Papa “Mo” Simms, a New England bootlegger who sold hooch to speakeasies in South Boston during Pro-

hibition. Once Prohibition ended, Simms turned his illicit venture into a legitimate liquor distributor. Today, Lubin’s cousins operate the company.

Lubin presented his idea for date honey cream liqueur to his East Coast cousins. “They wrote back saying that cream liquors are hot right now,” Lubin recalled. Encouraged, Lubin tested the first batch of Milk & Honey in January 2015. Extensive efforts went into designing the bottle’s elegant black-andwhite sleeve, and Lubin officially introduced Milk & Honey to Milwaukee June 1, 2017.

Naming the product came easily. Lubin is spiritual and said that “milk and honey” is code for “love and blessings.” It’s made with premium neutral grain spirits, cream from an upstate New York dairy, and date honey sourced near the Sea of Galilee.

A slow sip of Milk & Honey is silky with a hint of sweetness, with 30% less sugar than other cream liqueurs. Those that typically shy away from cream liqueurs because of that heavy sweetness will likely enjoy Milk & Honey.

Milk & Honey can be mixed in coffee or with good-quality spirits for a tasty assortment of cocktails. Recipes on the website suggests blending Milk & Honey with Jameson Irish whiskey for the Perfect Irish; with Jagermeister for The H-Bomb; or adding angostura bitters to make Devil’s Milk.

Milk & Honey is real cream liquor, so if it’s mixes with something acidic, it will curdle. “Milk & Honey makes a great spirit shine, so use good spirits,” Lubin advised.

Milk & Honey is served at bars such as Balzac, and it’s available retail at Otto’s, Discount Liquor, Ray’s, Sendik’s, Festival Foods and Woodman’s.

With the holidays approaching, Lubin wishes love and blessings to everyone, and he reminds us of the “Milk & Honey rule:” Enjoy it with people you love.

For more information, drink recipes and where to find, visit realmilkandhoney.com.

FOOD: A PARISIAN LOVE AFFAIR ::BY DAVID LUHRSSEN David Downie fell in love with Paris.

He was 18, it was the ’70s, and his first companion was a foot-long baguette with Dijon mustard. It was only day one of “the intersection of physical, historical, and cultural ingredients” that led to a career as food writer. In his book A Taste of Paris, he waxes eloquently about the bistros, bakeries, boucheries and fish markets that fill the city, and the unpretentiously life-loving culture that has sustained this moveable feast.

A Taste of Paris is also an idiosyncratic history of the city through the foods its inhabitants have enjoyed.

He finds the roots of Gallic cuisine in the banquets of ancient Roman colonists, who gobbled snails and frogs legs prepared with garlic, butter and parsley. Decrying “today’s fashionistas, wineistas, and other gastronomic hedonistas,” he maintains that simple is best and praises the return of local sourcing stateside. Downie reminds us that Paris never gave up on farm to table.

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NO TO-GO OR PHONE ORDERS. NO CHILDREN ALLOWED WITH OR WITHOUT PARENTS. D E C E M B E R 7 , 2 0 1 7 | 15

::SPORTS

George Winston

December 19 and 20

Tickets on sale now at the Marcus Center Box Office or at Ticketmaster.com

One More Hurdle Before the Playoffs Can the Packers really beat the Browns? ::BY PAUL NOONAN

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f Green Bay can pull off one more victory, there is a chance they will activate Aaron Rodgers in good position for a playoff run. On the surface, it appears that the Hundley-led Packers are primed to accomplish just that against the lowly Cleveland Browns, but unbeknownst to many, the Browns aren’t quite as lowly as they used to be, and believe it or not, present a very difficult matchup for the current Packers roster. Much like this week’s game against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, the Packers defense will likely have to chip in a score or two, because the offense is going to be in deep trouble.

The Lucky Win Tampa Bay is not a good team, and it’s nice that the Packers won, but consider just how lucky they were to win it. Defensive lineman Dean Lowry had a touchdown literally handed to him by Jameis Winston; Kyler Fackrell was untouched and blocked a punt; and the running game behind Jamaal Williams was simply incredible, as Brett Hundley played one of his worst games as a pro. The Packers needed every break and every successful running play, and Williams and Aaron Jones single-handedly marched down the field for the game-winning touchdown in overtime.

Hundley started the game fine, but near the end of the Packers’ first drive, he missed a wide-open Geronimo Allison for the easiest touchdown you would have ever seen; the team had to settle for a field goal. After that, Hundley got progressively worse, and in the second half and overtime he was just seven of 13 for 36 yards to go along with two sacks.

The Tampa Bay pass defense is awful (entering the game ranked 30th in the league), and Hundley’s lack of success against them is just another data point supporting the notion that he’s simply not an NFL quarterback.

The Browns are actually slightly better

against the pass (ranking 27th), but the big issue for the Packers is that Cleveland is excellent against the run (ranking second). Williams and Jones will be hard pressed to repeat their success against Tampa’s 20th-ranked unit, and if the Packers cannot run effectively it’s hard to imagine them scoring any points.

Since Myles Garrett has gotten healthy, the Cleveland pass rush has improved along with the already stout run defense, bolstering an impressive young line.

If the Packers are stymied on the ground, they may be tempted to let Hundley air it out, but that will likely result in plenty of sacks and picks. Cleveland is vulnerable to a competent passing offense, but the Packers passing offense will struggle. Fortunately, the Browns’ offense is nearly as hopeless as the Packers’ offense.

Let the Browns Beat the Browns Ha Ha Clinton-Dix has been awful for more than a season as this point. Clinton-Dix has regressed, but he also suffers due to his overly conservative role in the Dom Capers defense as the last line of defense. He often lines up so far off the line of scrimmage that he is not even visible on broadcast, and he is extremely tentative breaking on the ball, or hitting people. Clinton-Dix built a reputation as a bit of a ball hawk due to a five-interception effort last season, but almost all of those picks were what I call “center field picks.” He didn’t break on the ball or offer tight coverage; he merely camped under horribly overthrown balls. They are some of the easiest interceptions a player will ever have.

Normally this style of play makes ClintonDix a liability, however against the Browns and DeShone Kizer, it’s likely to get you a pick or two. Kizer has been awful as a passer, especially on deep balls, and if the Packers pass rush can contain him and apply some pressure, the defense will have a good chance to bail out the offense again. One x-factor is the recent addition of the extremely troubled Josh Gordon, who’s fresh off suspension.

Gordon was impressive in his first game back, and he is as talented as any player in the league. With some rust off, he could be a game-changer—as could Cleveland’s strong rushing attack led by Isaiah Crowell and Duke Johnson.

Cleveland is a 0-12 laughingstock, but they’re coming off one of their better games of the season, and they are no longer terrible in every phase of the game; in many areas they are superior to the Packers. Green Bay will likely be favored, but no one should be looking past this game. At this point, Hundley is capable of losing to anyone.

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::ASKTHEEXPERTS ISN’T IT EXPENSIVE TO GO VEGAN?

Actually, eating vegan can be less expensive and even more nutritious than meat eating. For example, just a pound of meat can cost up to $8, while a pound of beans only costs $1. Follow these tips to keep your grocery bill in check.

Tip #1: Shop in bulk. Buy as much or as little as you need! That’s the advantage of buying in bulk.

Tip #2: Avoid trendy packaged vegan items like vegan cheeses and ice creams.

They’re great for transitioning to veganism and a once-in-awhile indulgence, but pricey and not necessarily great for your waistline.

Tip #3: Cook more! By cooking your own food, you can save cash, including making your own vegan cheese!

If you’re still spending more, chances are you’re buying organic, fair-trade and whole foods―better for you and better for the environment, but a bit more expensive.

Try my Loaded Potato Nachos for a cheap and tasty meal. Enjoy!

NACHO INGREDIENTS: • 10 honey or Yukon gold potatoes, 1/8-inch slices • 3TBSP olive oil • Salt and pepper to taste and optional seasoning: paprika, garlic or onion powder, cumin or chili powder • Toppings: green onion, black beans, jalapeños, chives, cilantro, avocado or lime QUESO INGREDIENTS: • 3 cups peeled sweet potato, cubed • 3/4 cup unsweetened almond milk • 1/4 -1/2 cup nutritional yeast (for a more cheesy taste) • 2 TBSP chipotle in adobo sauce • 1 TBSP all purpose flour • 1 TBSP juice from pickled jalapeños (Opt.) • 1 tsp apple cider vinegar • 1 tsp salt

• 1/2 tsp onion powder • 1/2 tsp garlic powder • 1/2 tsp smoked paprika • A pinch of cayenne SOUR CREAM INGREDIENTS: • 1 cup blanched almonds • 1 green onion, whites included • 1/4 cup lemon juice • 1/2 cup filtered water • 1 TBSP apple cider vinegar • 1/2 tsp salt NACHO INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Preheat oven to 450°F. 2. In a large bowl, toss the sliced potatoes in the olive oil. Add salt, pepper and optional seasonings.

3. Bake potatoes until golden brown in a cast iron skillet or baking sheet, about 20-25 minutes, flipping halfway through.

4. Add nacho toppings while hot and enjoy!

QUESO INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Add sweet potatoes to large pot filled with water, bring to a boil over medium-high heat, then reduce heat and simmer until potatoes are tender. Drain water and set potatoes aside to cool.

2. Once cooled put sweet potatoes and remaining ingredients in a food processor and process until smooth.

3. Store leftovers covered in the refrigerator. Heat up over the stove top before reserving.

SOUR CREAM INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Soak the almonds in filtered water at room temperature for at least 6 hours.

2. In a food processor, add all of the ingredients and process until smooth. Stop to scrape down the sides as needed.

3. Let rest in refrigerator for at least 10 min.

4. Store leftovers covered in the refrigerator.

This information was brought to you by Bunny’s Bite. To find out more about them, go here: bunnysbite.com Send your questions to madeline@bunnysbite.com

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3815 N. Brookfield Rd. Brookfield 262-790-2340 www.cafemanna.com D E C E M B E R 7, 2 0 1 7 | 17

FEATURE | FILM | THEATRE | ART | BOOKS | CLASSICAL MUSIC | DANCE

Tune in at 8 a.m. every Wednesday for “Arts Express”

Wisconsin Area Day Trips PLACES TO SEE DURING THE WINTER SEASON ::BY MARY BERGIN

Daylight shrinks, temps plummet, you yearn to escape, and tropical jetsetting is not an option. Fear not, Dejected Wanderer. Close to home are beautiful options, including this quick Top 10.

APPLETON: The price of pampering at Spa BenMarNico’s Salon on College Avenue is affordable.

Think $93 for a 90-minute trio of treatments: facial, massage and hand or foot soak/polish. Factor in time at the whirlpool, too, and spend the night upstairs, at classy Copperleaf Boutique Hotel. Within one block are Vince Lombardi’s Steak House (which doubles as a museum about the legendary coach) and Cleo’s, a kitschy tavern whose specialty is the Dirty Snowball. foxcities.org CHICAGO THEATRE WEEK: Deep discounts to 120-some productions occur Feb. 8-18 in the Windy City, and these $15 and $30 tickets go on sale at 10 a.m. Tuesday, Jan. 9. Get on the mailing list and prepare to act fast. Adding an Amtrak ticket or— cheaper—Metra train ride from Kenosha turns this into a day trip. The end of the line, at Union Station, is just a 15-minute walk to most Loop theaters. chicagotheatreweek.com ILLINOIS BEACH RESORT, ZION: Just south of the border and inside Illinois Beach State Park are 6.5 miles of Lake Michigan shoreline and roomy lodging with floor-to-ceiling lakefront views and reasonable rates. Good food too. Pack a swimsuit for the pool, sauna and hot tub. Over 55? The “senior special” includes an overnight for two, $40 dinner and $15 breakfast vouchers, plus a gift bag—all for as little as $135. ilresorts.com JUSTIN TRAILS RESORT, SPARTA: Feel bad about leaving the dog home while gallivanting?

Well-behaved pooches are welcome on this 200-acre farm with everything from log cabins to farmhouse suites. Another option for animal lovers: Get acquainted with the resort’s critters, which include two llamas. Overnight rates, which begin at $139, include breakfast and access to disc golf and hiking trails. Pay an extra $30 per pet, per day. justintrails.com LAKE GENEVA SCHOOL OF COOKING, LAKE GENEVA: Let chef John Bogan do the cooking, and the teaching. Some small-group classes are handson (to make brunch, holiday cookies, multi-course meals). Others are demonstration tables (the chef teaches by doing as students watch, imbibe and graze). Cooking classes for kids, Dec. 28 and 29, give parents a guilt-free, loose leash for three hours. Prices start at $50. lakegenevacookingschool.com

18 | D E C E M B E R 7 , 2 0 1 7

MADISON HOTEL WEEK: Rates at the capital city’s finest hotels are no more than $125 from Feb. 9-19.

Players include The Edgewater, a historic hotel that faces Lake Mendota, and Graduate Hotel Madison, college-centric with woodsy décor within steps of popular Memorial Union, home to frequent music and movies on campus. Simply roam or add tickets to an Overture Center production or Badgers sports event. For green thumbs: Wisconsin Public Television’s annual Garden Expo is Feb. 9-11. visitmadison.com/ madison-hotel-week MECAN RIVER OUTFITTERS AND LODGE, PRINCETON: You want a good book and crackling fire. Your beloved wants to ski the day away. This woodsy destination suits you both because of 10 miles of cross-country ski trails that begin at a cozy log lodge with a 35-foot-tall fieldstone fireplace, bar and restaurant. Upstairs are five pleasant guest rooms with shared bath, $92 per night per couple. Bring your skis or rent them there. Sleigh rides happen too. mecanriveroutfitters.com

For more A&E, log onto shepherdexpress.com

SUNDARA INN AND SPA, WISCONSIN DELLS: Live rich for a night by rounding up friends and renting a 1,700-square-foot and two-bedroom Lifestyle Villa, which sleeps eight (if you share beds and the sofa sleeper). Add a three-way fireplace, gourmet kitchen, woodland views from walls of windows and plenty of room to sprawl. Pack ingredients for cocktail hour, dinner and get cooking. Rates start at $499, which includes access to the spa’s indoor bathhouse and outdoor infinity pool. sundaraspa.com TITLETOWN PARK, GREEN BAY: Inspect Lambeau from a new perspective, the top of a 45-foottall and 300-foot-long sledding hill. That’s a marquee feature at the new Titletown District, next to the football field. So now a Packers fan pilgrimage can involve tubing and ice skating, as well as a stadium tour and Packers Hall of Fame visit. Buy a round at Titletown Brewing’s Roof Tap bar, or savor a cigar outdoors at Lodge Kohler’s heated Taverne in the Sky. Both are Titletown anchors. greenbay.com WILMOT MOUNTAIN, WILMOT: For almost 80 years, families have brought their love of winter sports to this downhill destination. Now it has 120 acres for skiing and snowboarding, plus a 22-lane tubing area, and since 2016 is owned/operated by Vail Resorts. Souped-up snowmaking equipment creates what Mother Nature fails to provide. New lifts and warm-up lodge revamp are part of the area’s $13 million in improvements. wilmotmountain.com Madison freelance writer Mary Bergin (roadstraveled. com) is the author of Wisconsin Supper Club Cookbook.

DAVE ZYLSTRA

::A&E

SPONSORED BY

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

Holiday Gift Pages

Browse pages 19-23 for holiday gifts that will make the season bright!

To advertise on these pages, contact LISA at lkortebein@shepex.com or at 414-292-3813.

Listed here are just a few local businesses in the area to explore and enjoy. Plus, visit our Online Holiday Gift Guide under the Around Milwaukee tab at ShepherdExpress.com, then get shopping!

BETTY BRINN CHILDREN’S MUSEUM They’ll explore new worlds through hands-on play that’ll help them learn and grow. At Betty Brinn, you can open the door to a child’s imagination through activities that unleash their creative instinct in a fun setting.

Check out the Be a Maker events happening this December. With your regular admission, your child can experiment with technology, tinker with tools, build with unique materials and so much more. Plus, now through Dec. 31, you can receive $5-$15 off your yearlong membership fees. With winter opening its blustery doors, you’ll want to visit Betty Brinn for a day of laughs and learning.

BRADY STREET FUTONS Looking for versatile seating? Look no farther than Brady Street Futons—your source for durable and stylish futons with an efficient use of space. The multi-purpose bed, sofa and loveseat options are ideal for the holiday guests coming to stay. They’ll love to cozy up on funky to classic designs. This furniture is a great gift idea for the new homeowner or renter in your life or just for that guest room in need of some help.

BREW CITY BREW GEAR Family owned since 1986, they turned a “good idea into a crazy business.” This gear is downright playful and fun. It celebrates everything that makes Milwaukee iconic (you know, beer, old fashioneds, the lake, and beer). Shop their selection of items at the Milwaukee Public Market or one of their other locations, where you’ll find T-shirts, glassware, beer koozies, sweatshirts, socks and even beer-scented candles—all with a Milwaukee or Wisconsin theme. Stop in and find gifts for them or you. Perfect for the person who unthinkably moved away…let them wear, show off, display their Milwaukee pride!

Looking to represent all of Milwaukee’s neighborhoods, we offer a diverse and eclectic mixture of handmade creations.

This being our third year, we are proud to have our returning vendors, who have been with us since day one, and also new artists that are just being discovered. All together, we make up Cream City Creatives. Join us for this year’s craft fair on Saturday, Dec. 16 from 10 a.m.-3 p.m. at Turner Hall Ballroom in Milwaukee!

EMPEROR OF CHINA Consistently voted the best Chinese restaurant in Milwaukee, Emperor of China is renowned for its quality, flavor and service. They’re family owned and operated since 1986, and you can taste it in their dishes. You can’t go wrong with Peking Duck or Sesame Chicken. Looking for a bit more heat? You’ll want to try Kung Pao or Szechwan dishes. You can dine in, takeout, or have it delivered. Plus, if you’re looking for the perfect give for that Chinese food lover, a gift certificate from Emperor of China can’t miss.

(Located on Brady Street, your college student would love the treat!)

GREAT NORTHERN DISTILLING Crafted from the ingredients that grow in the fields around them. You’ll find lush gin, whiskey with notes of caramel, beautifully smooth vodka and, now, brandy―distilled from semi-sweet white wine made at the Sunset Point Winery in Stevens Point. Check out their catalogue of more than 100 cocktail recipes and make Great Northern Distilling part of your holiday celebrations!

KILWINS Chocolates, caramels, sundaes, fudge… my sweet tooth is beckoning. Kilwins has built a history of quality confections through their dedication to quality ingredients and the axiom of treating others as you wish to be treated. You can taste the difference. Have them create a box of treats or create your own to put your personal stamp on this sweet gift.

Or, schedule an outing with family or friends to make fudge—yes, fudge! You make fudge from scratch in their copper kettle, then, paddle and loaf it. Everyone takes home a slice of fudge. It’s a sweet destination on cold days and a pleasant diversion with holiday guests. Shop their Bayshore location. You won’t be disappointed.

KNUCKLEHEADS

MILWAUKEE FAIR TRADE Many Milwaukee businesses support the mission of fair trade: sweatshop free, eco-friendly, democratic, no child labor, and farmer and artisan living wages. Support their mission by supporting their businesses.

Shop at Four Corners of the World, Just Goods, Outpost Natural Foods and Riverwest Co-Op to find clothing, jewelry, toys, home goods, coffee, chocolate, tea and more, perfect for the socially conscious person in your life. Make a global impact for the better.

PENINSULA PLAYERS The 2018 season is almost here, and you don’t want to miss a show! The Peninsula Players are “America’s Oldest Professional Summer Theatre.” Located in Door County, the campus is stunning, and they stage shows so professional you won’t believe it’s not Broadway. Peninsula Players: “Where the sun sets, the curtain rises and the stars shine.” Single tickets go on sale March 1, 2018, or you can purchase gift certificates right now, 24 hours a day, so you can give the gift of theater in a beautiful setting. See our ad or visit us online at peninsulaplayers. com. Now, on with the show!

It’s a pleasure to shop at the Tool Shed.

The staff really knows their stuff, and they have a wide assortment of products―no matter what you need, from eggs and bullets to sexy lingerie (it’s all inclusive, too). You know someone in your life who just craves a gift from the Tool Shed. It’s more than toys, though. Their educated staff offers public workshops and, coming soon, individual consultations for those who need that one-onone time with a sexuality educator. They also offer classes and in-store toy parties―ideal for those sassy gatherings with the girls or boys. You’ll learn a lot, too!

URSA URSA is a lifestyle boutique featuring a carefully curated selection of unique home decor, jewelry, apparel and apothecary goods.

We strive to help you define your personal space by offering a wide variety of potted house plants, candles and home accents. Shop with us in the Bay View neighborhood at 2534 S. Kinnickinnic Ave.

LANDMARKS GALLERY

WISCONSIN STATE FAIR

Landmarks Gallery offers an array of paintings at reasonable prices by artists from around the world. With the largest selection in town of frames and mats, their custom framing service can add distinction to your artwork or family photos.

MARCUS CENTER FOR THE PERFORMING ARTS

Cream City Creatives Holiday Fair will showcase the creativity that is here in Milwaukee and the surrounding area.

When they open the gift of a Marcus Center gift card, they’re getting so much more than the usual gift. You’ll open their

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Love to vape or have a smoker (of any sort— you know who you are) or cigar lover in your life? This is the store for you! Give the gift they’ll actually savor with e-liquids, tobacco and papers, cigars, and the most beautiful blown-glass hookahs and pipes. Plus, the knowledgeable staff will help you with your purchase or to explore and taste some of their wares.

CREAM CITY CREATIVES

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

world to the arts. A gift card is their ticket to and glimpse inside the wonderful worlds of the Milwaukee Ballet, Florentine Opera, Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra, First Stage, Broadway or Off Broadway. The music, the dance, the drama, the laughter…watch their eyes light up! Gift cards are available in any amount from $10 and up. Give them a memory; give them the gift of the arts.

Don’t forget about the fair! In Wisconsin, the State Fair is the highlight of the summer and something to look forward to during the long winter months. It’s the perfect to get your tickets! Now through Dec. 31, buy your tickets and save 50%. Get individual tickets for $7 and Fair Bundles for $40 (includes four tickets, six cream puffs and a bargain book!). Buy online at wistatefair.com or at Milwaukee-area Bank Mutual offices.

Deck their halls and fill their gifts with tickets to the State Fair. We’ll see you there!

HOLIDAY ART SALE Great deals on world artists through Dec. 20

ARTWORK, FRAMING, AND RESTORATION

231 N. 76th St. 414-453-1620 landmarksgallery.com D E C E M B E R 7 , 2 0 1 7 | 19

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A sparkling and hilarious new comedy in which sparks fly, silverware is thrown and mad romance blossoms.

SEPTEMBER 5 to OCTOBER 14

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An intriguing drama by Joseph Zettelmaier that twists like a corkscrew. A mysterious woman enters a collectibles shop where the owner finds himself drawn into romance and much, much more.

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::THISWEEKINMILWAUKEE THURSDAY, DEC. 7 The Hip-Hop Nutcracker w/ Kurtis Blow @ The Riverside Theater, 8 p.m.

Pyotr Tchaikovsky’s Christmas classic, The Nutcracker, has been reinterpreted so many times that it shouldn’t surprise anybody there’s a touring hip-hop version of the piece. It features a remixed score, a live DJ, an electric violinist and a team of a dozen dancers blending classical and modern choreography. Perhaps most notable, though, is the appearance from one of hip-hop’s founding fathers, Kurtis Blow, who will perform a short opening set in addition to rapping the show’s introduction.

Big Bad Voodoo Daddy

THURSDAY, DEC. 7 Big Bad Voodoo Daddy @ South Milwaukee Performing Arts Center, 7:30 p.m.

The California big band Big Bad Voodoo Daddy can claim as much credit as anybody for popularizing the swing revival in the 1990s, thanks to their star-making appearance in Swingers, where they performed their signature songs “Go Daddy-O” and “You & Me & the Bottle Makes 3 Tonight (Baby).” While the masses lost interest in swing music once the novelty wore out, Big Bad Voodoo Daddy has carried on as a popular touring act, and like their fellow swing revivalists in the Brian Setzer Orchestra, they’ve shown a particular interest in Christmas. In 2013 they released their third album of holiday music, It Feels Like Christmas Time, and they’ll share some of those yuletide-minded songs at this show, which they’ve billed as their “Wild & Swingin’ Holiday Party.”

Radio Milwaukee Music Awards @ Radio Milwaukee Studios, 6:30 p.m.

For 10 years running, Radio Milwaukee (FM 88.9) has invited listeners to vote for their favorite Milwaukee band, album, song and music video of the year. Thursday night, the station will announce the winners of those categories and others— including Milwaukee Music Ambassador, Critics Choice and Rising Star—at its annual Radio Milwaukee Music Awards, which will feature performances from Milwaukee acts Rose of the West, Abby Jeanne, Zed Kenzo and B~Free, as well as DJ sets from Luxi.

Micah Olsan w/ The Belle Weather and Listening Party @ Anodyne Coffee, 8 p.m.

In the spirit of Nick Drake, Bob Dylan and so many figures from the ’60s and ’70s heyday of the singer-songwriter, Milwaukee’s Micah Olsan takes a no-gimmicks approach to songwriting. He’s accompanied by a few guest musicians on his latest EP, Open Space, but the main attractions are always Olsan’s soulful voice, elegant guitar and gentle, humane songs. He plays a release show behind the EP tonight, joined by a pair of folk-leaning Milwaukee bands, The Belle Weather and Listening Party.

24 | D E C E M B E R 7 , 2 0 1 7

Hip-Hop Nutcracker

FRIDAY, DEC. 8

Ice Fishing and Winter Sports Show @ Wisconsin State Fair Park

Not everybody is bummed out about this week’s major temperature drop. For outdoor types, the falling mercury signals the start of outdoor fishing season. To kick off the season, dozens of vendors will appear at the fourth annual Ice Fishing and Winter Sports Show at Wisconsin State Fair Park, showing off the latest rods, reeds, augers, digital fish finders and underwater cameras, as well as apparel and accessories. There will also be daily seminars on ice fishing and an appearance from Santa and Mrs. Claus on Saturday. (Through Sunday, Dec. 10.)

SATURDAY, DEC. 9

Zappafest @ Shank Hall, 8 p.m.

Few musicians have inspired a more devout following than form-breaking rocker Frank Zappa, who has inspired his share of disciples in the Milwaukee music scene.

Since 1999, some of those Zappa enthusiasts have come together for the annual Zappafest. At this year’s event, Gozortenplatt and Dr. Chow’s Love Medicine will cover some of their favorite Frank Zappa songs, while VV Sketchbook will perform a tribute to Captain Beefheart.

MSO Performs the Music of Led Zeppelin @ The Riverside Theater, 8 p.m.

In recent years the Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra has paid homage to plenty of rock institutions, including Pink Floyd, David Bowie and Queen, but in terms of sheer spectacle, it’s hard to top the sound of a roaring full orchestra performing the work of Led Zeppelin, a band that brought a grandiose, classical mindset to rock ’n’ roll. The orchestra will perform hits like “Black Dog,”“Kashmir” and “Stairway to Heaven,” accompanied by a rock band.

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

Read our daily events guide, Today in Milwaukee, on shepherdexpress.com

TUESDAY, DEC. 12 Jewel’s Handmade Holiday Tour @ Potawatomi Bingo Casino, 8 p.m.

In spring 1995, the young and mostly unknown folk-pop singer-songwriter Jewel released her debut, Pieces of You, which went on to become one of the best-selling debut albums of all time, earning the singer three Grammy nominations and three hit singles (“You Were Meant for Me,”“Who Will Save Your Soul” and “Foolish Games”). In the two decades since, Jewel has thrown mostly curveballs, releasing a 2003 dance-pop album, 0304; a pair of mainstream country records, 2007’s Perfectly Clear and 2010’s Sweet and Wild and even a pair of children’s albums issued through Fisher-Price, Lullaby and The Merry Goes ’Round. Last time she performed in Milwaukee she played a cheeky song she wrote about the city; with a little prompting from the audience she may be willing to play it again. Her latest album, 2015’s Picking Up the Pieces, contained some of her strongest songs in years, but expect this holiday show to be heavy on material from her two Christmas albums, including 2013’s Let It Snow: A Holiday Collection.

WEDNESDAY, DEC. 13 Logic w/ Dua Lipa @ The Rave, 7:30 p.m.

RYAN JAY

Like another white rapper in his general age group, Mac Miller, Maryland rapper Logic built his following on college campuses, paying tribute to ’90s greats like A Tribe Called Quest, Big L and Nas on a run of mixtapes and on his 2014 Def Jam debut, Under Pressure. And like Mac Miller, Logic has worked his way up from college campuses to pop radio, scoring his first number one album this year with Everybody, a solid hip-hop LP featuring cameos from Killer Mike, Black Thought, Chuck D, Juicy J and, memorably, Neil deGrasse Tyson. The record features the hit suicide-prevention song “1-800-273-8255.” Logic shares this 103.7 KISSmas Bash bill with Dua Lipa, a rising British pop singer who wowed critics on both sides of the ocean with her self-titled debut album. She may not be a big star in America yet, but that’s almost certain to change within the next year or two.

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D E C E M B E R 7 , 2 0 1 7 | 25

; Across Borders ; Across Time ;

::PERFORMINGARTSWEEK

The Boston Camerata — WITH —

SHARQ Arabic Music Ensemble A Mediterranean Christmas Dec 9

| 5:00pm & Dec 10 | 3:00pm St Joseph Chapel

…

“Like the holiday season itself, it gave listeners a balm for a world gone wrong.”

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THEATRE

MORE TO DO

The Skin of Our Teeth

Christmas in Bronzeville

When Thornton Wilder’s The Skin of Our Teeth debuted in the fall of 1942, it broke nearly every theatrical convention. In doing so, it could have been a long-forgotten flop, but instead, this highly heterodox comedic drama would go on to win the Pulitzer Prize for Drama and earn its Broadway star, Tallulah Bankhead, the Variety Award for Best Actress and the New York Drama Critics Award for Best Actress of the Year.

Joshua Pohja—First Stage Young Company’s director of this upcoming production—will stick to Wilder’s unorthodox approach to this story about how human beings came to survive through the eons…well, by the skins of their teeth. “Typical theatrical conventions will be tested as the fourth wall [between audience and performers] is broken. There will be dance, song and surprises,” he promises, in this play that, at base, is a celebration of “the indestructibility of the human spirit.” The play is suggested for adults and families with children ages 12 and up. (John Jahn) Dec. 8-17 at the Milwaukee Youth Arts Center, 325 W. Walnut St. For tickets, call 414-267-2961 or visit firststage.org.

Arsenic and Old Lace

Of American playwright Joseph Kesselring’s 12 plays, it is his Arsenic and Old Lace which has stood the test of time. It opened on Broadway in 1941 and ran there through mid-1944, having played 1,444 performances. The play, a farcical black comedy populated by insane homicidal maniacs, proved to be a timeless masterpiece, and it’s certainly a most apropos choice for the Off the Wall Theatre treatment. In lieu of their annual Holiday Punch, Arsenic is the troupe’s present to the theater-going community…err, maybe I should rephrase that?

“Don’t drink the wine. I repeat: Do not drink the elderberry wine!” warns director Dale Gutzman. “You know how Off the Wall gets at Christmas!” he says.

“It’s like the doctors have left the building and the lunatics run the asylum.” Gutzman not only directs the show but portrays Jonathan Brewster, a “mad criminal who looks like Boris Karloff.” Rounding out the central cast, there are Marilyn White and Michelle Waide who play the Brewster sisters; Mark Neufang (Mortimer, the drama critic); Robert Zimmerman as an alcoholic plastic surgeon; and Lawrence J. Lukasavage as a man who thinks he’s Teddy Roosevelt. The New Year’s Eve performance includes free food and drink…but don’t drink the elderberry wine! (John Jahn) Dec. 13-31 at Off the Wall Theatre, 127 E. Wells. St. For tickets, call 414-484-8874 or visit zivacat.com/ offthewalltheatre.

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Sheri Williams Pannel’s Christmas in Bronzeville involves a grandmother, her memory fading, visiting family in Milwaukee for the holiday season. This heartwarming play is the inaugural event of First Stage Foundry, described by the company as their “next phase of play development,” which, “through a series of four new play readings each season, will engage the community in conversations about the work and process of creation” as well as “provide training and performance opportunities for youth and adult actors.” Tuesday, Dec. 12 at the Milwaukee Youth Arts Center. Admission is free.

Beauty and the Beast Jr. and Our Favorite Things

Sunset Playhouse in Elm Grove brings two different shows to the stage.

The Children’s Theater Series offers Disney’s Beauty and the Beast Jr. with its timeless tale of love and gorgeous music by Alan Menken, Howard Ashman and Tim Rice. Sunset’s Cabaret Series brings Taryn Whipple to the stage for Our Favorite Things, a musical salute to the great vocalist and actress Julie Andrews. Dec. 10-11 (Beauty and the Beast Jr.) and Dec. 13-17 (Our Favorite Things). For tickets, call 262-782-4430 or visit sunsetplayhouse.com.

The Unexpected Man

“As we watch, we can’t help thinking about our own hope for connection, the regret of missed opportunities, the risk required to reach across the silence,” says Laura Gordon, director of this production of Yasmina Reza’s The Unexpected Man. This two-actor play, featuring Sara Day and Brian Mani, is quite literally about Strangers on a Train (to reference the Alfred Hitchcock classic) occupying the same compartment as they travel between Paris and Frankfurt, but sans murderous psychopath. Dec. 7-16 at the John Michael Kohler Arts Center, Sheboygan. For tickets, call 920-458-6144 or visit jmkac. org/unexpected.

“A Mediterranean Christmas”

Early Music Now, Milwaukee’s finest presenter of Medieval, Renaissance and early Baroque music, hosts a concert of holiday seasoninspired music spanning some seven centuries as performed by the internationally known Boston Camerata and the SHARQ Arabic Music Ensemble. Dec. 9-10 at St. Joseph Center Chapel. For tickets, call 414225-3113 or visit earlymusicnow.org.

Pipe Organ Concert with Dance

Catey Ott Dance Collective, which has performed more than 100 works at various venues in both New York City and Milwaukee, will dance to the minimalist music of legendary American composer Philip Glass as played by organist Mark Konewko. This concert-with-dance event takes place as part of Gesu Church’s ongoing organ concert series, which usually take place on the second Sunday of every month; this being no exception. Tuesday, Dec. 12 at Church of the Gesu. Free and open to the public, though free-will offerings are gladly accepted.

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A&E::INREVIEW

MUSIC

Film Music the Focus of Frankly Music Concert ::BY RICK WALTERS

M

usic and movies have a relationship going back to the silent era. There has been a strong tradition of film music written by classical composers, and three of the greatest of these were the focus of the Frankly Music concert last week at St. Paul’s Episcopal Church.

The program was of concert works by composers associated with film, rather than their actual cinematic scores, with one exception.

Violinist Frank Almond and pianist Marika Bournaki gave a poetic rendition of the soulful Theme from Schindler’s List. I’ve heard Almond in this music before. This time around, the phrase was stretched a bit more; the color of the violin tone richly bloomed. The haunting piece appropriately felt like a profound lament.

Bernard Herrmann was famous for his Alfred Hitchcock scores. Composed in 1966, his Echoes string quartet conjures the same moodiness as his movie music. Sparse lines create tension, as if anxious dread, then moving into animated nervousness. The title seems to refer to both musical imitation between the instruments and also some kind of unsettled nostalgia.

Before Austrian-born Erich Wolfgang Korngold immigrated to the U.S. in 1934 to write scores for Hollywood films, he composed incidental music for plays, including for Much Ado About Nothing. Almond and Bournaki played three pieces from the set, the most memorable being a surreal, ironic “March of the Guard,” reminiscent of Sergei Prokofiev. I was blown away by Korngold’s Piano Quintet in E, Op. 15, composed at age 23. With the lushness of Richard Strauss or Sergei Rachmaninoff, and the stylized excesses of the Jugendstil movement, the constant emotion relentlessly spills forth. This performance was thrillingly spontaneous. The second movement Adagio was a prolonged verge-of-tears mood.

The only noticeable flaw was a balance issue with the piano, which was too subdued at times, though wonderfully played by Bournaki.

Almond has a long record of engaging only top-flight artists for these concerts. Cellist Julian Schwartz’s deep tone shoots straight to the heart of a listener. Violinist Ilana Setapen and violist Nicholas Cords play with elegance that is an excellent match to Almond’s evolved playing.

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THEATRE

In Tandem’s Hilarious Spoof of ‘A Christmas Carol’

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::BY HARRY CHERKINIAN

hat happens when 20 members of a Victorian music hall theater troupe come down with food poisoning right before a show? The remaining three members must play all the roles in Scrooge in Rouge, a farcical, hilarious send-up of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. And how lucky for the audiences. In Tandem Theatre has revived its holiday favorite for those who like nonstop laughs, over-the-top cross-dressing and nanosecond costume changes that don’t always quite work. And that’s the sheer joy of this bawdy, irreverent show within a show.

Written by Ricky Graham and Jefferson Turner with additional material by Jeff Roberson and Yvette Harris, Scrooge in Rouge moves at a dizzying pace as three actors play all the Carol characters plus some side bits as well. In Tandem Managing Director Jane Flieller serves the production well with minimal sets and maximum talent with the trio at hand, and what fun they all have!

Nathan Marinan as female impersonator Lottie (and some male roles as well) is a constant delight to watch with his-or-her overthe-top moves and overly dramatic pronunciations. Marinan’s Oscar Wilde-ish Ghost of Christmas Present is as funny as it is clever with its tongue-in-cheek humor.

Elyse Edelman as male impersonator Vesta gets in her comic turns as Scrooge, and Chris Flieller as MC Charlie plays just about everyone else in the cast in a whirlwind of movement and hilarity—be it a foppish nephew Fred or a way-too-nice Bob Cratchit. There are many funny musical numbers in this Scrooge, but “So Much Love” featuring an amorous Bob chasing an exhausted and very pregnant Mrs. Cratchit (Marinan) with “child” in hand, has to be seen for its full comic effect. With In Tandem’s Scrooge in Rouge, we get something comically naughty and nice to fill our Christmas stockings this holiday season. Who could ask for anything more?

Through Jan. 7 at Tenth Street Theatre, 628 N. 10th St. For tickets, call 414-271-1371 or visit intandemtheatre.org/events/ scrooge-in-rouge.

Divining ‘The Depths’ of Reality with Quasimondo ::BY SELENA MILEWSKI

L

ongtime Quasimondo Milwaukee Physical Theatre ensemble member Andrew Parchman makes his writing-directing debut with The Depths, a triumph of physical performance, existential questioning and stunning stage magic. The latter comes as little surprise, given Parchman’s impressive list of puppet building and puppeteering credits. Here, he brings the mysterious, otherworldly and sometimes terrifying creatures of the Marianas Trench’s abyssal plain to vivid life.

The storyline follows aquanaut Lilith Hooper (Hesper Juhnke) who’s nearing the end of a one-month mission to survey the deepest part of the ocean assisted by the remote voices of her crew, a hightech diving suit and an experimental drug called “Ink,” which keeps her awake 24/7. When a technical malfunction forestalls her ability to maintain contact and resurface, things take a turn for the dark and disembodied. The great strength of Parchman’s storytelling lies in its understated ability to build suspense and make us question whether the visceral horrors unfolding for Lilith are real or the product of her mind.

Juhnke is marvelously compelling as Lilith, and her recurring confrontations with a menacing humanoid creature (Paul Fojut) are particularly impressive. These, like many moments, may or may not have a basis in literal reality, and the low-gravity altercations between the two are only the more riveting for their ambiguity. Juhnke’s physical simulation of swimming is likewise mind-blowing: It’s a little bit moon walk, it’s a little bit lifts by other performers, and it’s incredibly graceful. Susie Duecker, voicing the indomitably peppy administrator of “sanctioned cognitive tests,” brings the piece a lib-

Quasimondo’s ‘The Depths’ PHOITO BY ANDY WALSH

eral dose of dark comedy. The other ensemble members—Alex Roy, Willie Hughes and Ben Yela—are excellent as the various voices in Lilith’s ear and flawless in their manipulation of puppets ranging from behemoths of the deep to tiny schools of bioluminescent fish.

Lighting design by Yela and Brian Rott and sound design by Parchman tie everything together into a seamless, oceanic whole.

Through incredibly clever use of a semi-transparent projection screen, LEDS and carefully directed washes, the lighting achieves a rapport with chiaroscuro, the dramatic interplay of light and shadow.

Parchman’s score is awash in references to other works that bear on the subject matter; tracks from Jaws II and Ghost in the Shell are Easter eggs for audience members who know the works and perfectly appropriate scoring for those who don’t.

An all-around provocative piece of movement and puppet theatre, The Depths is a worthy addition to the Quasimondo oeuvre and a resounding success for Parchman and company. It will make you question reality itself.

Through Dec. 10 at Danceworks, 1661 N. Water St. For tickets, visit quasimondo.org.

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

A&E::INREVIEW

Best of Milwaukee 2015

THEATRE

WINNER

The Rep’s ‘Christmas Carol’ a Contemporary Crowd Pleaser

T

::BY STEVE SPICE

he Milwaukee Repertory Theater holiday favorite, A Christmas Carol, demonstrates that long-term experience with a project can produce gratifying results.

The Rep’s production provides stunning sets expressing the spirit of 19th-century Charles Dickens’ London with eye-popping special effects. This is no demure production but has the verve and vivacity, the zest and hilarity, for a 21st-century audience. If something of the original seems buried in a plethora of high liveliness, the overall effect combined with a stunning music ensemble and inventively costumed creatures popping out of the woodwork provides an emotionally satisfying and enriching experience. It’s a crowdpleaser from start to finish, yet in a contemporary idiom.

The seasoned cast includes familiar faces at the Rep, starting with Jonathan Wainwright’s winning performance as Scrooge, which sets the drama in motion. He manages to convey the simple sincerity of Scrooge’s transformation into a caring human being; no small feat in this complex production. Milwaukee favorite Angela Iannone plays multiple lesser roles, but shines as Mrs. Fezziwig. No less compelling is Jonathan Smoots, whose stunning, dramatic entrance jumping out of a wall reminds Scrooge of his sullied past. The charming Deborah Staples looks lovely as the Ghost of Christmas Past and brings her own poignant sense of glamour to the role.

Reese Madigan (Bob Cratchit) and Rana Roman (Mrs. Cratchit) provide necessary warmth— setting the second act in motion. Todd Denning’s glamorous entrance as the Ghost of Christmas Present may seem a little over-decked in robes more befitting the court of Henry VIII, but he adds a joyful, celebratory note to the proceedings in contrast to the ghostly demeanor of Brade Bradshaw as the Ghost of Christmas Future.

Those who may have worried that this spiffy, almost-overproduced production strays too far from the simple sincerity of Dickens’s story were won over by the joyous energy of the production and left with smiles on their faces. This is A Christmas Carol for the future.

Radiant Beauty, Gentler Beast at Sunset Playhouse

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::BY RUSS BICKERSTAFF

n Sunset Playhouse’s staging of Alan Menken’s beloved musical Beauty and the Beast, the 1991 animated film comes to life courtesy of a heartfelt production helmed by the talented Karl Miller. Set and costuming make the best of a relatively modest stage, amplifying the dramatic humanity of the story.

Stephanie Staszak is radiantly compassionate in the role of Belle. As the center of the ensemble, Staszak brilliantly renders the heart of the drama. Her emotions seem heartbreakingly real. She is aided by Tom Marks as her father the inventor and Marcee Dohetry-Elst as the maternal, enchanted tea kettle who looks after her while incarcerated by the beast.

The two competing men in Belle’s life aren’t nearly so powerful. Tall, thin Keith Smith lacks the ferocity and menace usually given to the gruff Beast. He comes across as fragile and vulnerable. His cursed servants don’t seem to fear their master so much as they fear for his emotional well-being.

Would-be suitor Gaston is played by a less-than-bombastic Tim Albrechtson. The character’s lyrics and dialogue are as surreally self-centered and egotistical as ever, but Albrechtson seems to almost consciously eschew pompous vanity in favor of quiet confidence. That confidence allows for a palpable level of implicit uncertainty, which serves to deliver incongruous vulnerability to the character. Whether intended or not, the increased vulnerability of both Gaston and the Beast adds dramatic depth to a familiar story staged with great care.

Through Dec. 23 at Furlan Auditorium, 800 Elm Grove Road. For ticket, call 262782-4430 or visit sunsetplayhouse.com.

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A&E::FILM

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ildred (Frances McDor- admirable as a resolute woman standing up mand) is understandably against complacency. But nothing is simple angry in Three Billboards in director Martin McDonagh’s brutal disOutside Ebbing, Missouri. section of America’s heartland at its worst.

Her daughter was raped Mildred’s relations with her late daughter had and murdered; the case has gone cold; and been fraught; she has reason to blame herwhile it’s true that the local police number self for the girl’s fate and wears victimhood like a breastplate and a martyr’s racists and despicables in their shroud. ranks, she seems convinced The casting for Three Billthat they should perform magic boards is impeccable, starting without the benefit of DNA eviThree with McDormand, whose Mildence or witnesses. Her situation Billboards dred is curdled by anger and is sympathetic but she is less resentment, and Harrelson as a so in her unsmilingly singleOutside gruff yet often gentle man conminded, dishonest, even violent Ebbing, fronted by impossible choices. crusade for justice. In most movMissouri Sam Rockwell plays Dixon, the ies, the police chief, Willoughby Frances worst of Willoughby’s officers, (Woody Harrelson), would norMcDormand as a brutally dumb cracker who mally be the smirking face of undergoes the greatest character might-as-well-be Southern law Woody development. enforcement. However, he atHarrelson “Anger begets greater anger,” tains sympathy, not only because Directed says the girlfriend, 19 and none he’s dying of cancer but because by Martin too bright, of Mildred’s ex-hushe seems fully human, flawed McDonagh band. She’s parroting something yet doing his job according to his Rated R she once read on a bookmark, lights. and her pearl of wisdom can be The movie’s awkward moniheard ironically. After all, unker results from the trio of billfunny as it mostly is, Three Billboards on the outskirts of the fictional town. Mildred rents them and plas- boards is billed as a dark comedy. And yet, ters them with calls for justice and denuncia- in another twist of the tricky plot, her remark tions of Willoughby. The townsfolk are united might stand as the moral of a story flecked by against her, demanding she remove the offen- moments of hope whose ending has no consive placards, which only makes her appear clusion.

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

A&E::FILMCLIPS

CELEBRATE THE SEASON Studio Saturday with Santa: Saturday, December 9 | 11:00–2:00 Coffee and Music: Tuesday, December 12 | 10:30–11:30 Winter Break Activities: December 26–30 | 10:00–5:00

Complete film coverage online at shepherdexpress.com

The Cameraman Not Rated Released in 1928, late in the silent era, The Cameraman starred deadpan Buster Keaton as a photographer bent on impressing a girl. The quest leads him to become a newsreel cameraman on dangerous assignments. Silent movies were seldom shown in silence; the films were usually accompanied by live musicians—often a pianist improvising on familiar tunes in time to the scenes on the screen. The historic Towne Cinema is the setting for a one-night showing of The Cameraman and a pair of Keaton short subjects—all to the accompaniment of pianist David Drazin. Following The Cameraman, Drazin will take questions from the audience. (David Luhrssen) 6 p.m., Thursday, Dec. 7, Towne Cinema, 308 E. Main St., Watertown.

The Disaster Artist R Brothers James and Dave Franco fully inhabit this hilarious, true account of the making of the much ridiculed 2003 cult film, The Room. Hollywood screenwriter-reject Tommy Wiseau (James Franco) intended The Room as his breakout vehicle with the help of director Sandy (Seth Rogen). Wiseau stars, finances and produces the project, featuring Tommy’s best friend, Greg Sestero (Dave Franco). The story of unintended comedy, adapted from Greg Sestero’s book, has been compared to Tim Burton’s Ed Wood. (Lisa Miller)

[HOME MOVIES/OUT ON DIGITAL] n “CSI: The Complete Series”

A jackpot at the casino pays off in murder when the winner’s body is found on the pavement below his hotel suite. The CSI investigator speaks as if communicating with the corpse. “How do you talk to a dead body?” asks a homicide cop. “I let him talk to me, actually” he replies.

The six-time Emmy winning series, “CSI” (2000-2015) has been issued on a 93-DVD (!) set with all episodes and the requisite bonus material.

“CSI” concerns the Las Vegas Crime Scene Investigation unit and probably helped popularize the notion that DNA solves all puzzles. Driven by a rock-guitar soundtrack, the show zips across the world’s gaudiest city as scientist-cops combine old-school police work with newly minted technology. A capable cast including William Petersen, Marg Helgenberger, Laurence Fishburne and Elisabeth Shue, enact the terse screenplay. “CSI” spin-off, “CSI: Miami,” is out in a relatively modest 65-DVD set.

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n I’ll Be Seeing You

Joseph Cotten gives an introverted performance as a soldier on leave hiding his PTSD. He meets Ginger Rogers on a train—and she’s keeping secrets too, resulting from sexual harassment on the job. Out now on Bluray, this 1944 holiday favorite continues to be relevant for veterans and workplace issues as well as the gap between perception and reality in wartime. Cotten plays his role with realistic awkwardness in this William Dieterle-directed paean to human decency.

n The Settlers

Most of the settlers interviewed by Israeli director Shimon Dotan don’t like being called settlers. The word implies that they are on someone else’s land. The truth hurts. More than 200 settlements have been built on Palestinian land since 1967 by Jews convinced that they are rebuilding the biblical Kingdom of Israel. Aware of international law, the Israeli government didn’t encourage them until Menachem Begin became prime minister (1977). The voices of settlers and Palestinians are heard.

—David Luhrssen

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A&E::VISUALART

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‘30 Flirty + Thriving’ at After Gallery

S

::BY TYLER FRIEDMAN

ome of us spend the month before our 30th birthday brooding on the inexorable march of time and the irretrievability of our youth. With “30 Flirty + Thriving,” Chicago-based visual artist Caroline Liu has channeled the angst of aging to more productive ends by pairing with 30 different artists to create as many collaborations in the month preceding her 30th birthday. The collaborating artists span the states and range in media from music to street art to tattoos and beyond. While Liu’s vivid colors, repeating patterns and exceptional gift for realistic representation are in evidence, she leaves ample room for her collaborators’ unique visions.

Memorializing life’s junctures is an especially important practice for Liu, who, in 2012, suffered irreparable short-term memory loss after a solid wood door fell directly on her head. Her artistic practice thus became more than a means for selfexpression, it became a form of therapy geared towards holding onto memories that she would otherwise lose.

“30 Flirty + Thriving” opens at Riverwest’s After Gallery with a reception 7-11 p.m., Friday, Dec. 8. The exhibition is on display through Feb. 8.

Tiny Art Exhibition at Art*Bar

VISUALART|REVIEW

Art*Bar’s Tiny Art for the Holidays ::BY KAT KNEEVERS

A

nnual traditions abound at this time of year, including one show that features hundreds of pieces in a visual grab bag of art.

Art*Bar’s “Mini: Tiny Art at Tiny Prices” exhibition is one where diminutive works line the walls of this Riverwest tavern-galleryperformance venue. The overall scale of the show is part of the charm, as is its changing nature. When works are sold they are replaced by new pieces so there is a constant influx of varied art. Stipulations govern the size of the pieces, as well as the price. Nothing is more than $100, and many are priced at far less than $50, making this a very economical way 32 | D E C E M B E R 7 , 2 0 1 7

to find creative works for holiday gifts.

Every year, viewers find an array of styles ranging from picturesque landscapes and still lifes of solitary fruits, to abstractions, illustration and others that eschew traditional subjects. Overall, there is a high degree of quality of two-dimensional work, though seemingly fewer sculptures and three-dimensional pieces than in the past. For those interested in utilitarian objects, there is an array of ceramic pieces such as teacups. Interestingly, this year’s “Mini” exhibition seems to have a touch more of an edge and angst than in years past with a greater number of political and socially focused pieces.

There are noted artists who continue their presence in the exhibition, such as Mike Kasun and his singular paintings of birds. Fred Bell, with quiet still lifes, and Ari Rosenthal with photographic abstractions, are other established names in this field of work.

Some artists work on unconventional materials such as Jenny Anderson’s surrealistic sketching on the green-lined paper of a restaurant bill. These sorts of things seem ripe with stories of the imagination, but largely do not seem like personal statements of the artists. The works in this exhibition are generally intended to connect with the viewer, appealing to their sense of aesthetics or reflecting a common memory or idea. This is a show of art that indeed wants to come home with you for the holidays.

Through Dec. 31 at Art*Bar, 722 E. Burleigh St.

Caroline Liu & Nick Fisher, A Comfortable Place to Wait, mural installation, 2017

“Jaime Hayon: Technicolor”

Milwaukee Art Museum | 700 N. Art Museum Drive

Spanish artist and designer Jaime Hayon studied industrial design in Madrid and Paris and, since dedicating himself to his own projects in 2003, has won renown as, in the words of a few effusive magazines, “el gurú del interiorismo” and “le conquistador du design.” In “Jaime Hayon: Technicolor,” Dec. 8 through March 25, 2018 at the Milwaukee Art Museum, visitors will experience the vibrant visions, at once modern and classic, of Hayon’s sculptures, ceramics, textiles and playground equipment.

“Watercolor Wisconsin 2017” Charles A. Wustum Museum of Fine Arts 2519 Northwestern Ave., Racine

Since 1966, devotees of aqueous media have made an annual pilgrimage to the Racine Art Museum’s Charles A. Wustum Museum of Fine Arts for “Watercolor Wisconsin.” Now celebrating its 51st anniversary, “Watercolor Wisconsin” remains the premier exhibition of Wisconsin watercolor works.

This year’s jury is comprised of Christina Haglid (Senior Paper Conservator and Manager for the Art Conservation Department at Joel Oppenheimer Gallery, Chicago, Illinois) and Tom Herzberg (freelance illustrator and longtime member of the U.S. Air Force Art Program), who jointly considered 261 works by 148 artists before narrowing the show to 104 works by 75 Wisconsin artists. The Opening Reception and Awards Ceremony for “Watercolor Wisconsin 2017” takes place 2-4 p.m., Sunday, Dec. 10.

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

A&E::BOOKS HANG OUT WITH THE BEST OF THE BEST!

BOOK |REVIEW

WHO WAS THE KING OF COMICS? Two books on the rise of superheroes and villains ::BY DAVID LUHRSSEN

J

ack Kirby didn’t invent comic book heroes, but he conceived many that are familiar today, including the X-Men, Captain America and the Fantastic Four. By the time of his death in 1994, he was an inspiration to the comic-book subculture that has, since then, only become more prevalent through a succession of blockbuster movies. Originally published in 2008, the new Anniversary Edition of Mark Evanier’s Kirby: King of Comics (Abrams Books) traces the artist’s life from hardscrabble origins on Manhattan’s Lower East Side, where he spent his time immersed in movies and comic strips—when he wasn’t working to help his family make ends meet.

His tireless work ethic continued after becoming a leading figure in the comic book industry. His images exploded the panel borders—Captain American seemed to reach through the frame to punch Hitler in the nose.

Although usually working on commission, assembly lines or deadlines, Kirby believed there was meaning beyond the surface of his luridly inked images. As quoted in King of Comics, he answered why his work wasn’t more realistic: “When you mirror reality, you see it all backward. When you start transcending it, that’s when you have a real good shot at figuring out what’s going on.”

Once marginal, comic books are now one of the strongest currents in the cultural mainstream. Meaning: The conflict between the two corporations that have dominated the field is of more than casual interest. “I’ve got no dog in the Marvel vs. DC fight,” claims Reed Tucker. He belies that assertion at every opportunity in Slugfest: Inside the Epic, 50-year Battle Between Marvel and DC (Da Capo) by favoring the more unbuttoned culture of Marvel over the business-as-usual DC. Of course, he has a good point to make: While DC set the original template for superheroes by launching Superman and Batman, Marvel rewrote the rules in the 1960s by introducing the Fantastic Four, X-Men and Spider-Man. The difference was that the Marvel superheroes were closer to living, breathing people while DC’s were embodiments of virtue. However, in recent years, DC has made strides with fully fleshed-out renditions of Batman and Wonder Woman. Superman is still a bit stiff but then, he’s from Krypton. “Can’t we just celebrate the extraordinary achievements of both companies?” Tucker finally concludes. The larger problem nowadays, as he says, is that both firms could end as faceless nodes in some real-life supervillain corporate behemoth.

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

BOOK |PREVIEW

Author Recalls Machine Age Milwaukee ::BY DAVID LUHRSSEN

I

n The Magnificent Machines of Milwaukee and the Engineers Who Created Them, local historian Thomas H. Fehring makes a tall claim, comparing the Cream City of a century ago to the Silicon Valley of nowadays. Back then Milwaukee was known as “the Machine Shop of the World.” It was the site of heavy industry that kept America’s pistons pumping; its big companies conducted research that spurred innovation in the Industrial Age. Maybe the claim isn’t entirely farfetched?

Fehring arranges his book in a manner appealing to longtime Milwaukeeans: by neighborhoods first and then by the factories they contained. The Magnificent Machines of Milwaukee covers roughly 1860 through 1960 and offers detailed chronicles of the city’s manufacturing companies, the products they produced and the (mostly) men that ran them.

Familiar names abound, including Allen-Bradley, Briggs & Stratton, Johnson Controls, alongside lesser-known enterprises. Who knew that Milwaukee’s Joseph Zimmerman developed the first telephone answering machine, an 80-pound behemoth, in the late 1940s?

Fehring will be part of an author event dubbed “History for the Holidays,” 10 a.m.noon on Saturday, Dec. 9, at Milwaukee County Historical Society, 910 N. Old World Third St.

Winners will be revealed on Tuesday, January 16 B E S T O F

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Dec. 8: Lesbian Alliance Game Night at Milwaukee LGBT Community Center (1110 N. Market St.): Grab your favorite board game and a dish to pass, and you’ll be all set for this 6-9 p.m. get-together. Meet new and friendly faces, reconnect with old friends and share a bit of holiday cheer during this free and casual event that puts the focus on fun. Shoot an email to help@ mkelgbt.org with questions.

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Dec. 8-10: Leather 64Ten Sale at Harbor Room (117 E. Greenfield Ave.): Were you naughty this year? Maybe you need some fetish or fantasy gear to set you on the not-so-straight and narrow. If you’ve been nice, then reward yourself with some new leather. One of the nation’s leading leather vendors hits Harbor Room with a three-day sale. Grab your credit card and check out the deals from 6-10 p.m. And don’t miss the Harbor Room Union Suit Christmas Party on Dec. 10!

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Ho-Hum Holidays?

Hell, No! Dear Ruthie,

After living together for four years, my boyfriend and I (no, we’re not married yet, but I’ll save that for another time) are fighting about Christmas decorations. Yes. Decorations.

I know it sounds petty, but he wants to go nuts with our usual deck-the-halls craziness of seven trees, two Christmas villages, numerous wreaths, knick-knacks galore and things. I, on the other hand, want a quiet, calm and stress-free holiday with no decorations to haul out, put up and clean up. I’m pissed he won’t even consider this request, particularly since I put up with all the work and hassle of turning our home into a Christmas Wonderland year after year.

You tell me, Ruthie. Don’t I get a voice in this?

Thanks, Harried Harold

P.S. Love your bingos at Hamburger Mary’s, btw.

Dear Harry,

I want a friggin’ Christmas Wonderland! Bring all the crap to my place, and I’ll enjoy it, honey! I get what you’re saying, sugar, but you might just miss the joy a pretty house brings during the holiday if you go from a yuletide Xanadu to a bare, basic and boring.

That said, I’d suggest the two of you settle on fewer decorations and see how you both feel after the holiday. Agree to put up two trees, maybe a wreath on the door and one Christmas village.

Quit bickering and enjoy the season. In fact, cutting the housework gives you more time to take in some holiday cheer. See my social calendar, then get out and make merry this season!

Dec. 9: Brew City Sisters Toys for Tots Drive at Club Icon (6305 120th Ave., Kenosha): Bring a new, unwrapped toy to this Christmas bash, and bypass the cover charge. The 9 p.m. party includes a drag show, raffles and all the fun Santa can stuff in his sack, sugar! Can’t make it down to Kenosha? Take a tag from the Brew City Sisters’ giving tree at Hamburger Mary’s (730 S. Fifth St.) and do some holiday good this year!

Dec. 9-10: City of Festivals Men’s Chorus ‘Grown Up Christmas Wish List’ Concert at Plymouth Church (2717 E. Hampshire Ave.): It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, particularly when the crew of this popular chorus warms up their pipes, dons their holiday best and offers a heartwarming selection of songs.

Tickets are $20 at the door, but visit cityoffestivalsmenschorus. org for a $5 discount as well as show times.

Dec. 10: Krampuslauf at Kruz (354 E. National Ave.): Spice up your holiday with a Krampuslauf (aka Krampus Run)! The Castaways Levi-Leather social group host a 3-7 p.m. Sunday funday with raffles, prizes, a beer bust and more. Dress like Krampus and get a free raffle ticket!

Dec. 10: Beer Barons Rugby Club’s ‘Miss Scrum Pageant’ at Hamburger Mary’s (730 S. Fifth St.): Wanna see hot guys with big thighs? Need some manly men to heat up your week?

The boys of the Milwaukee Beer Barons Rugby Club ditch their dirty duds…and strap on some heels to hit the stage for their first tongue-in-cheek drag pageant. Hosted by yours truly, the hunky and hairy boys are sure to deliver laughs during the 7 p.m. competition. Bring your dollars, because the money raised goes to the rugby club.

Dec. 12: Walker’s Pint Holiday Party at Walker’s Pint (818 S. Second St.): Food, music, booze and hot women…who could ask for anything more? It’s Christmas at Walker’s Pint! Join the fun during this yearly yuletide bash that runs 5-11 p.m. Be sure to have your wish list ready. There’s a rumor that a jolly elf in red might make an appearance.

Want to share an event with Ruthie? Need her advice on a situation? Email DearRuthie@Shepex.com.

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

::MYLGBTQPoint of View

Grabbing for it While Rome Burns EXPOSING STRAIGHT MEN AS LESS THAN PARAGONS OF VIRTUE ::BY PAUL MASTERSON

O

nce upon a time, straight men were perceived as paragons of virtue, perfectly content to settle into wholesome, monogamous marriages. Gay guys got the rap for being sexually hyperactive, going through partners like potato chips, unable to eat just one, as the old ad used to say. Even lesbians joined the chorus, blaming the snail’s pace towards LGBTQ equality on unbridled gay male promiscuity. When, in 2005, the MPD Vice Squad shuttered a Gay Arts Center production of the international hit musical Naked Boys Singing, a local lesbian writer penned a bitter editorial chastising those horrible horny gays for besmirching the community’s reputation. Nevermind the closure had more to do with selective (in this case, illegal) law enforcement to harass LGBTQs than any real concern for moral standards.

Speaking of selective enforcement and harassment, a local former sheriff once publically identified gays busted in sex stings. Even the Marquette Law School Faculty Blog decried this obvious exploitation based on animus towards gays. In 2013 when I interviewed the LGBT Community Center’s executive direc-

tor, Colleen Carpenter, she insisted the sheriff was mistaken to think he could advance his career on the backs of LGBTQ people. The problem was, he already had. The arrests and public shaming essentially checked off the “tough on fags” box and helped establish his conservative credentials. This is the same lawman who, to assert his political potency, accused his boss of “penis envy” and trotted about on a horse in a display of symbolic equine virility. Then, decrying marriage equality, the flustered sheriff famously uttered “any freakish lifestyle … is now considered part of the norm, and they’re shoving it down our throats,” coining a popular metaphor that, given the context, went blushingly beyond the visual of a goose being overfed for foie gras.

way, it seems for Republicans, flaunting one’s stuff in the public’s face is trump.

Ironically, everyone’s now gushing with self-righteous indignation over the sexual harassment of women. Still, how we can possibly find sexual harassment surprising, much less offensive? In our highly sexualized society everything—TV sitcoms, pop music lyrics, blonde bombshell news anchors and a nudie model as first lady—overtly encourages misogyny for its own sake. It’s puzzling, given our cultural embrace of the Alpha male, that acting on that empowerment should be such a scandal.

We’ve also learned fallen media icons Matt Lauer and Mark Halperin may be at least in part to blame for the current regime’s ascen-

ADMITTEDLY, I FEEL A CERTAIN SCHADENFREUDE WHEN CALAMITY BEFALLS THE DEMAGOGUES OF STRAIGHT MALE PRIVILEGE It was no surprise, then, when during the last presidential campaign, candidate Marco Rubio groped for the low-hanging fruit and suggested a rival’s endowment was inadequate. In a tit for tat, the target insisted it was.

Speaking of penis envy, one might wonder why the dotard with petite hands is so obsessed with undoing the performance of his predecessor, our first black president. Any-

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dance. Their sexist misogyny toward Hillary Clinton apparently contributed as much to her defeat as Russian meddling.

Admittedly, I feel a certain schadenfreude when calamity befalls the demagogues of straight male privilege. But, really, there’s little joy in the fact the nation as a whole has suffered at the hands they couldn’t keep to themselves.

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FEATURE | ALBUM REVIEWS | CONCERT REVIEWS | LOCAL MUSIC

Milwaukee’s Charles Walker Band Brings the Funk

::BY JAMIE LEE RAKE

or a bandleader so determined in his pursuit of the big time, it’s ironic that one of the takeaways from Charles Walker’s pursuit of funk is the value of compromise.

A former English teacher and the current keyboardist-leader of The Charles Walker Band, the North Central Wisconsin native says that he wanted to move to Chicago in order to make it in music full time, but his wife at the time nixed the idea of going to that big of a city from their small town environs. So, he says, “We kind of compromised on Milwaukee. It wasn’t so big that she was uncomfortable.”

And though Walker’s marriage didn’t last, Milwaukee has become a comfortable base for him to nurture his three-piece band into a unit regularly touring the U.S. Midwest, South and East Coast. When asked why his adopted hometown would be a hospitable environment to cultivate his trio’s generously energetic, respectively appropriative approach to funk, it produces a rare instance of speechlessness. “I don’t have a good answer to that,” he says.

That’s fine, though, as The Charles Walker Band’s artistry is plenty articulate. Although funk may be most thought of as an R&B variant most associated with the mid-1960s through the early ’80s, Walker’s approach to it is free of retro fetishism on his latest album, Reckless n Young. So, what attracted him to what some may think of as an antiquated genre? “You have to play what speaks to you and what you love,” Walker explains. “Funk is, at its roots, happy music.”

36 | D E C E M B E R 7 , 2 0 1 7

Plus there are signs that funk might be taking root again on the commercial airwaves, Walker says, pointing at one diminutive pop star in particular. “Bruno Mars has adrenalized it,” Walker says. “He’s taken it all the way down the field.” A desire to ascend to Mars’ heights is where Walker’s determination especially comes into play; his goal, he says, is “for the Charles Walker Band to become a household name,” and the fact that he assigned the fulfillment of his directive a date—July 22, 2020, if you’d like to hold him to it— gives the goal some urgency.

He’s fond of saying that those who go to a Charles Walker Band show for their first time may come in as an audience member but leave as family. Along with his vocalist-bassist Porsche Carmon (his partner both on and off stage) and drummer Paris Howard, Walker has put sweat equity into that relationship. As they embark on their stage show that has received kudos

from music business trade magazine Billboard and other national publications, Walker says, “The first thing is, literally, we ask them ‘Are we family or not?’”

Establishing that relationship from the get-go allows him to follow up by saying, “Since we’re family...,” allowing the band to better be naturally themselves with their newfound kin.

“A big part of what we do is [for] people to feel connected,” Walker says. Citing The one of his funky forebears Charles in Sly And The Family Stone, Walker Walker adds that one misBand sion of his act is “for people to see that we’re all basically Saturday, the same.” Before Carmon’s Dec. 9, 7 p.m. addition to the group several Red Dot years ago, Walker specialized in another music that embraces the emotional commonality of humankind: blues. Even as the band has taken a poppier direction, those blues influences remain. “I don’t think that element will ever leave,” Walker affirms. “No matter how much else I write, there’s still going to be that element that’s always there.”

The Charles Walker Band performs Saturday, Dec. 9 at Red Dot, 6715 W. North Ave., at 9 p.m.

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

MUSIC::LOCAL

Paramore Was Right at Home at FM 102.1’s Big Snow Show ::BY EVAN RYTLEWSKI

P

aramore’s Hayley Williams has spent the last decade in the odd position of being too big for her own band. Since the group released its breakthrough album, Riot!, a decade ago at the height of emo’s foothold on alternative radio, critics have tried to frame the band as a glorified solo project for its ebullient singer—a suggestion she’s had to push back against so many times that “Paramore is a band” became a kind of unofficial slogan for the group.

Still, as members have come and gone over the years—usually accompanied by bitter recriminations and, in the case of bassist Jeremy Davis’ departure in 2015, a lawsuit—it’s sometimes been hard not to wonder why Williams even bothered with the band anymore, especially since her own solo star was ascending (she’d been featured on a couple of big pop singles and appeared in a Taylor Swift video). Paramore’s fantastic 2013 self-titled album had shown that they had ambition beyond alternative radio, landing them a pair of giddy crossover Top-40 singles, “Ain’t It Fun” and “Still Into You,” and their latest record, After Laughter, runs even further in that direction, eradicating nearly every last trace of punk from their sound, instead going all in on the kind of modernized ’80s pop sounds that are all over the radio right now. The album seemed like a concerted effort to cement Paramore’s place on Top-40 radio. So far it hasn’t worked out that way.

If After Laughter’s surprisingly poor performance on the charts has made the band reconsider whether there’s a place for them in the pop landscape, Paramore’s performance Friday at Milwaukee alternative radio station FM 102.1’s annual Big Snow Show concert at the Rave revealed that they’ll always have a loyal following among rock fans. The sold-out crowd responded most rapturously to the guitar-heavy throwbacks from Riot! and 2009’s Brand New Eyes, but they also danced eagerly to After Laughter’s polyrhythmic jams and swayed along to a pair of consecutive slow ballads (“Hate to See Your Heartbreak” and “26”), as well as a cover of a lesser Fleetwood Mac single, “Everywhere.”

Williams was in a chatty mood. Paramore shared the bill with Dashboard Confessional—whose hour-long set banked far too much on unreleased material from an upcoming album—and Williams remarked about how surreal it was having a band that she grew up with open for her group. She also commented on Riot!’s 10th anniversary, reminiscing about 2007, the days of tight pants and wild bangs. And for the encore, she gave each member of her band an extensive introduction—including several guys who have never been in any of the band’s press photos or videos—insisting that, collectively, they are Paramore.

Mostly, though, she demonstrated how much she still enjoys fronting a band. The night’s most memorable moment came when Williams stopped the band’s biggest hit, “Misery Business,” mid-song and selected somebody from the audience to finish it for her—a very game, very excited fan named Mallory—who absolutely crushed it. It’s an uncommonly generous gesture, a singer essentially outsourcing the concert’s big payoff to a fan, but Williams has already spent a decade living out her own rock star fantasies. For a few minutes, she was able to let somebody else experience that high.

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

New Wave Outlawz Consider Altered States on ‘Psychedelic Melancholia’ ::BY EVAN RYTLEWSKI

M

ost Milwaukee rap acts tend to fall into certain categories. There’s the club camp, of course, and the trap camp, as well as the alternative and avant-garde camps. But for as much as the local scene tends to cluster around particular sounds, there are also plenty of outliers who aren’t so easily categorized. New Wave Outlawz are one of those acts, a psychedelic hop-hop trio that pushes familiar styles to eccentric extremes.

The trio features two rappers, Deth the Chef and Spaidez—both former members of the ascendant local alternative hip-hop collective Hii Tribe—and Hot Science, a producer best known for his work in the local electronic music scene. Before he was creating funky, elastic electro jams under his current moniker, Hot Science ran the Milwaukee rap label ShutEmDown, which specialized in below-the-radar club rap, and he’s followed the local rap scene closely in the years since.

When he stumbled upon some of Deth’s solo material online, he was transfixed.

“I didn’t know him at all, but I was scrolling through his Instagram feed, and he had a little video clip for one of his songs called ‘Reflections,’ and the whole visual style of the video was super cool, all tripped out with neon colors,” Hot Science recalls. “I thought, ‘Whoa, this guy is fresh,’ so I commented on the video, ‘Let’s collab,’ and he messaged me back like, ‘Let’s do this.’

“He’s a producer too, and he made all his own beats for his last album, but I said I know you make your own beats, but I’d love to work with you,” Hot Science continues. “So I sent him a whole bunch of real left-field stuff, probably 20-some beats, and he loved them all. I think that he had some specific stuff in mind. He’s really into trip-hop and creates music with more of a psychedelic feeling—very dense, with lots of words. I really dug that about his style. We were on the same page of wanting to do something that was out of left field and a little different from everything going on. He just kept choosing some of my weirder, less mainstream hip-hop stuff.”

At the same time Deth began collaborating with Hot Science, he was also working on new material with Spaidez. As the three began to work together as New Wave Outlawz, the vision for their debut album, Psychedelic Melancholia, came into focus: an upbeat but offbeat record about altered states.

“The whole concept is, if you’re finding yourself in problems or situations or in a melancholic state, there’s always a way out,” Deth says. “There’s always something else out there for you if you’re open to advancement.”

Despite its experimental edge, Psychedelic Melancholia is poppy and immediate enough that you could play it at parties. “We wanted to make it relatable across the board, so anybody can sing and feel comfortable rapping around with it,” says Spaidez. And although the two rappers admit that listeners might New Wave take away more from the record if they listen to it under Outlawz the influence, they say an Saturday, altered state of mind isn’t a Dec. 9, 10 p.m. prerequisite for enjoying it.

Landmark “You know that group Lanes Lost Boys?” Deth asks.

“They had this concept of legal drug dealing. Instead of dealing drugs, they were dealing music. They were pushing music to help out the culture. That’s what we’re doing.” “Exactly,” Spaidez adds. “We’re trapping out this music.”

New Wave Outlawz play an album release show Saturday, Dec. 9, at Landmark Lanes’ Moon Room at 10 p.m. as part of a bill featuring Blax, Bandhead Amg, Sparkus, Josh Jenkins, Mayyh3m, Blackk Lamb and Spacecrime.

VRTHVUSBVNDO

MUSIC::CONCERTREVIEW

New Wave Outlawz

D E C E M B E R 7 , 2 0 1 7 | 37

MUSIC::LISTINGS THURSDAY, DECEMBER 7

Amelia's, Jackson Dordel Jazz Quintet (4pm) American Legion Post #449 (Brookfield), Bobby Way Solo (5pm) Angelo's Piano Lounge, Acoustic Guitar Night Anodyne Coffee , Micah Olsan 'Open Space' EP release w/The Belle Weather Cactus Club, Milo w/Scallops Hotel, S.Al, Blax & CRASHprez Cafe Carpe (Fort Atkinson), Lamplighter: Peter Mulvey, Johnsmith, Ben Bedford & Mark Dvorak County Clare Irish Inn & Pub, Acoustic Irish Folk w/Barry Dodd Jazz Estate, Juli Wood Quartet Linneman's Riverwest Inn, Lak 'Ech Fundraiser: John Stano w/Annalise Curtin Mason Street Grill, Mark Thierfelder Jazz Trio (5:30pm) McAuliffe's Pub (Racine), Hammel On Trial w/Billy Orphan O'Donoghues Irish Pub (Elm Grove), The All-Star SUPERband (6pm) Potawatomi Hotel & Casino, In Bar 360: Naked 80's (8pm), In the Fire Pit: John King w/Geoff Landon (8:30pm) Puddler's Hall, Jonny T-Bird & the MPs Rave / Eagles Club, 21 Savage w/YoungBoy Never Broke Again (all-ages, 8pm) Revere's Wells Street Tavern (Delafield), The B Side Band Riverside Theater, Hip Hop Nutcracker w/Kurtis Blow Shaker's Cigar Bar, Prof. Pinkerton & the Magnificents Shank Hall, Milhali (of Twiddle) w/Mark Waldoch The Bay Restaurant, Pat McCurdy The Landing Food & Spirits, Larry Lynne Solo (5:30pm) The Packing House Restaurant, Barbara Stephan & Peter Mac (6pm) Transfer Pizzeria Cafe, Swing Chevron Up & Under Pub, A No Vacancy Comedy Open Mic

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 8

Alley Cat Lounge (Five O'Clock Steakhouse), Milwaukee's Finest American Legion Post #449 (Brookfield), Bobby Way & Chick Young (6:30pm) American Legion of Okauchee #399, The Ricochettes Angelo's Piano Lounge, Piano Night Anodyne Coffee (Walker's Point), The Moth StorySlam: Rejection Bavarian Bierhaus, Steve Meisner Band (6pm) Cactus Club, Dustin Thomas w/Earth to Clark & Spare Change Trio Cafe Carpe (Fort Atkinson), Lamplighter: Peter Mulvey, Simon Balto, Humbird & Cris Plata Circle-A Cafe, Alive at Eight: The Retakes (8pm); DJ: era & The Nile (10pm) Club Garibaldi, King Eye & the Squirts record release w/Fatty Acids, Six Wives of Richard, and Saebra & Carlyle Colectivo Coffee (On Prospect), The Black Lillies ComedySportz Milwaukee, ComedySportz Milwaukee!

Company Brewing, Voodoohoney Presents: A Night of Anime & Immortal Girlfriend

County Clare Irish Inn & Pub, Traditional Irish Ceilidh Session Frank's Power Plant, Camel Toe TruckLP release show w/Size 5’s, Alpha Dogma & Matty G Harry's Bar & Grill, Kyle Feerick (6pm) Harry's Bar & Grill, 5 Card Studs Iron Mike's (Franklin), Jam Session w/Steve Nitros & Friends Jazz Estate, Robin Pluer Festive Night w/Juli Wood, Connie Grauer & Kim Zick (8pm), Late Night Session: Mitch Shiner Trio (11:30pm) Jokerz Comedy Club, Alex Ortiz Kelly's Bleachers (Wind Lake), Road Crew Kim's Lakeside, Burgundy Ties Kochanski's Concertina Beer Hall, Tigernite Lakefront Brewery Beer Hall, Brewhaus Polka Kings (5:30pm) Linneman's Riverwest Inn, Steve Beguhn w/Alyce Hart & Jackie Brown Band Los Mariachis Mexican Restaurant, Larry Lynne Band Mamie's, Nastasja Bates Mason Street Grill, Phil Seed Trio (6pm) McAuliffe's Pub (Racine), Blank Fest Night 1: Shameless Place, NewVices, Annalise Curtain & Sandee Jean Milwaukee Ale House, Cold Sweat And The Brew City Horns Pam's Fine Wines (Mukwonago), Jonny T-Bird (6pm) Potawatomi Hotel & Casino, In Bar 360: Christopher’s Project (9pm), In the Fire Pit: John King w/Geoff Landon (9:30pm) Potbelly Sandwich Shop (East Side), Texas Dave (noon) Riverside Theater, Shopkins Live!

Route 20 Outhouse (Sturtevant), Yesterday's Children Shank Hall, Members of Men Among Thieves w/The Mis/ing Letters Site 1A, Shiba San w/Brekless, N!co & Walter Smitty's On The Edge (Mequon), Matt MF Tyner Spring City Wine House (Waukesha), Andrew Gelles The Bay Restaurant, Larry Moore Trio The Packing House Restaurant, The Barbara Stephan Group (6:30pm) The Tap Room (South Milwaukee), The Todd Bryant Band Turner Hall Ballroom, Damien Escobar Up & Under Pub, Trash Boat

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 9

American Legion Post #449 (Brookfield), Boomer Nation Angelo's Piano Lounge, Piano Night Art*Bar, Andy Cook & Savannah Smith Bavarian Bierhaus, Steve Meisner Band (6pm) Cafe Carpe (Fort Atkinson), Lamplighter: Peter Mulvey, Brianna Lane, John Louis & Nate Kilen Circle-A Cafe, Alive at Eight: Nineteen Thirteen (8pm); DJ: Mil-DewJays (10pm) Colectivo Coffee (On Prospect), Kris Delmhorst & Jeffrey Foucault ComedySportz Milwaukee, ComedySportz Milwaukee!

Company Brewing, The R&B Soul & Trap Show w/Bizzon, DRiPSweat & Nustylez Crush Wine Bar (Waukesha), CP & Stoll w/Chris Peppas & Jeff Stoll

Cue Club of Wisconsin (Waukesha), Built On a Sin Delafield Brewhaus, Dave Miller Band w/Andrew Wilson, Bill Martin & Pat Love Dugout 54, The Carpetbaggers Five O'Clock Steakhouse, Rafael Mendez Frank's Power Plant, Cavernlight w/VileCreature, Lost Tribes of The Moon & Winterbournee George's Tavern (Racine), Heartsfield Havana Lounge & Cigar, Barrelhouse Hilton Milwaukee City Center, Vocals & Keys Jazz Estate, Michael Brecker Tribute w/Rodrigo Villanueva Quartet (8pm), Late Night Session: Sweet Sheiks (11:30pm) Jokerz Comedy Club, Alex Ortiz Kelly's Bleachers (Wind Lake), Bella Cain Kochanski's Concertina Beer Hall, The Retak Linneman's Riverwest Inn, Cullah & The Comrades w/Frugal Stu & The Coupons, and Soul Symmetry Manning's Irish Pub (Sheboygan), Vinyl Groove Mason Street Grill, Jonathan Wade Trio (6pm) Milwaukee Ale House, Left On Sunset Miramar Theatre, Boogie T Night 1: RCKT PWR, Koma Kitty, Qurli & Trillney (ages 17-plus, 9pm) Potawatomi Hotel & Casino, In Bar 360: Eric Barbieri Acoustic Duo (9pm), In the Fire Pit: John King (10:30pm) Rave / Eagles Club, Sixteen Candles (all-ages, 8pm) Riverside Theater, MSO Performs the Music of Led Zeppelin Route 20 Outhouse (Sturtevant), Electric Revolution w/ Veilside & Thrasher Shank Hall, Zappafest w/Gozortenplatt, Dr. Chow’s Love Medicine & VV Sketchbook Silver Spring House, Rick Holmes Jam Smith Bros. Coffee House (Port Washington), Raven Mrozek The Bay Restaurant, Steve Beguhn The Cheel (Thiensville), The Blues Disciples The Coffee House, Earth To Clark w/August Battles The Packing House Restaurant, Joe Jordan & The Soul Trio (6:30pm) Trinity Three Irish Pubs, Dan Harvey Turner Hall Ballroom, The Minimalits Up & Under Pub, King Solomon

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 10

Angelo's Piano Lounge, Live Karaoke w/ Julie Brandenburg Art*Bar, Liz DeYoe album release show Cafe Carpe (Fort Atkinson), Lamplighter: Peter Mulvey, Kaia Fowler, Sista Strings & Bill Camplin Circle-A Cafe, Alive at Eight: A Very Theremin Christmas w/ Cannabinol Synapse (8pm); DJ: Sheppy (10pm) Dugout 54, Dugout 54 Sunday Open Jam Iron Mike's (Franklin), Jammin' Jimmy Open Jam (3pm) McAuliffe's Pub (Racine), Blank Fest w/The Tartan Terrors Miramar Theatre, Boogie T Night 2: Siphonic, Choppedubz & ChromaDubz (ages 17-plus, 9pm) Rave / Eagles Club, Steel Panther w/Diamante (all-ages, 8pm) Rounding Third Bar and Grill, The Dangerously Strong Comedy Open Mic

The Coffee House, Living Activism Series: Matt MF Tyner, Dean Richard & Julie Lovely Thompson

MONDAY, DECEMBER 11

Jazz Estate, Mark Davis Trio Linneman's Riverwest Inn, Poet's Monday w/host Timothy Kloss & featured reader Ellen C. Warren (7:30-10:30pm) Mason Street Grill, Joel Burt Duo (5:30pm) Paulie's Pub and Eatery, Open Jam w/Christopher John Saz's State House, Saz's Annual Customer Appreciation Holiday Party w/Eric Barbieri and Friends Up & Under Pub, Open Mic w/Marshall McGhee and the Wanderers

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 12

C Notes Upscale Sports Lounge, Another Night-Another Mic Open Mic w/host The Original Darryl Hill Frank's Power Plant, Duck and Cover Comedy Open Mic Mamie's, Open Blues Jam w/Stokes Mason Street Grill, Jamie Breiwick Group (5:30pm) Miramar Theatre, Tuesday Open Mic w/host Sandy Weisto (sign-up 7:30pm) Parkside 23, Andrew Gelles (6pm) Silver Spring House, Rick Holmes Jam The Jazz Gallery Center for the Arts, Jazz Jam Session Transfer Pizzeria Cafe, Transfer House Band w/Adekola Adedapo

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 13

Cafe Carpe (Fort Atkinson), Lamplighter: Peter Mulvey, Paul Cebar, and Nickel and Rose Conway's Smokin' Bar & Grill, Open Jam w/Big Wisconsin Johnson Jazz Estate, The Anne Davis Jazz Trio Kochanski's Concertina Beer Hall, Polka Open Jam Likkle Jamayka, Wine and Dine w/Marcya Daneille & Theo Merriweather Linneman's Riverwest Inn, Acoustic Open Stage w/feature Sandy Stehling & Peter Erving (sign-up 8:30pm, start 9pm) Mason Street Grill, Jamie Breiwick Group (5:30pm) Nomad World Pub, 88.9 Presents "Locals Only" w/Alison Helf and The Spare Change Trio Paulie's Field Trip, Humpday Jam w/Dave Wacker & Mitch Cooper Potbelly Sandwich Shop (East Side), Texas Dave (noon) Rave / Eagles Club, Logic w/Dua Lipa (all-ages, 7:30pm) Route 20 Outhouse (Sturtevant), Wednesday Acoustic: Judson Brown (5:30pm) Tally's Tap & Eatery (Waukesha), Tomm Lehnigk The Packing House Restaurant, Carmen Nickerson & Kostia Efimov (6pm)

SUNDAY, December 10, 2017 | 10 AM - 4 PM

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SHEPHERD EXPRESS

::ONTHECOUCH

Something bugging you? Find out what the Shrink thinks

Home for the Holidays or Hell for the Holidays?

H

elp! The holidays are here, and I’m dreading the obligatory visit with my extended family. Don’t get me wrong, I like them for the most part, but last year the conversations revolved around the election, and many of them voted differently than I did.

I had to over-indulge to keep myself from telling them all to go to hell. As if the hangover the next morning wasn’t bad enough, I stayed pissed and hurt about it for weeks. Any tips on how to survive?

So Over It Dear So Over It,

For some folks “home for the holidays” is more like a trip to the seventh circle of hell, even in the best of times. These days, however, the ordinary stresses of the annual get together with people you don’t spend a lot of time with otherwise can quickly go nuclear (no pun intended, but if the shoe fits…) if the discussion veers into current events.

Somehow when people share the label of “family” they feel it gives them license to say whatever, whenever—without regard for how it might make others feel; after all, “We’re family,” and as such are in each other’s world ’til death do us part, right? It’s one thing to engage in a spirited debate about political or cultural differences with people who are good listeners and attempt to see the world from your eyes and vice versa. Unfortunately, that’s become the exception rather than the norm.

You may need a “Holiday Survival Tool Kit.” So, here you go: Try to make it a “politics-free zone” If anyone else had issues with last year’s vibe, they might be feeling the same way and be willing to set the tone. Failing that (or if you are really the lone liberal in a sea of conservatives, or vice versa), you can decide for your own sweet

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

self that you won’t take the bait and get into a sparring match with your blowhard uncle who seems bent on convincing you that you’re wrong and just haven’t seen the error of your ways.

(This is probably where that next glass of wine entered last year.)

So, how do you do that? First of all, rehearse ahead of time. You probably know who the worst offenders are, so try to minimize your contact with them. Have a standard line ready to go and repeat it as often as necessary to shift the conversation, such as, “Let’s not go there, ok?” or “Yep, I know that’s what you think, thanks for reminding me,” or “Well, you know I don’t agree with you on that but, hey, it’s Christmas, I’m taking a day off from that sort of thing. Can I get you another eggnog?” Whatever you do, don’t engage; it’s not worth it.

Find a buffer If you are with a partner or pal, make a plan to not stray too far from each other. Or hang around the other “black sheep” at the party; there’s safety in numbers.

When in doubt, take a break There’s always the bathroom. A splash of cold water on your face and a few deep breaths can work wonders. Same with a quick walk outside.

“Hey, Rover looks like he needs to go potty; I’ll take him.” And while you’re out there, text a friend with a few scream emojis. It’ll make you feel better.

Imbibe There’s the old liquid fallback, but remember last year’s hangover? The last thing you need is the 2 a.m. wine sweats, so be judicious in your consumption.

Focus on the Positives If you want to be really spiritually evolved about it, decide to focus on one thing you like about each person in the room, one by one. You can do this quietly, in your own mind, while all of the ruckus is ensuing around you. It’s easy to focus on the things that drive you crazy about somebody because the negative stuff is so loud and showy. Switch your mental channel to the things you feel grateful for—even the fact that you have this motley, imperfect bunch of characters to call your own.

Problems? Questions? Send them to onthecouch@shepex.com.

On the Couch is written by a licensed mental health professional.

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D E C E M B E R 7 , 2 0 1 7 | 39

FOR STARTERS

By James Barrick

THEME CROSSWORD

PSYCHO SUDOKU! “Sum Sudoku”

Put one digit from 1-9 in each square of this Sudoku so that the following three conditions are met: 1) each row, column, and 3x3 box (as marked off by heavy lines in the grid) contains the digits 1-9 exactly one time; 2) no digit is repeated within any of the areas marked off by dotted lines; and 3) the sums of the numbers in each area marked off by dotted lines total the little number given in each of those areas. Now do what I tell you—solve!! psychosudoku@gmail.com 16 7

18 10

19

3

16

12 13 18

ACROSS 1. Wing or flipper, e.g.

5. Run off 9. Flaubert’s Bovary 13. Burn 17. Cyma reversa 18. Asian starling 19. Thwarts 21. Medal recipient 22. Something lost 24. Early musical instrument 26. Foot pedals 27. — citato 29. Brassard 30. Consists 31. Songbirds 32. — gin fizz 33. Carbines 36. Word on a signpost 37. Represent: 2 wds.

41. Succulent plants 42. Snug, in a way 44. Some person 45. “Show Boat” composer 46. Nichols and Wallace 47. Suggestion 48. Cheshire Cat feature 49. Newt 50. Sold in a carton 51. Fetch 53. Spartan serf 54. English king 56. Hoodwink 57. Bodies of norms 58. Nicene — 59. Model T starter 60. Generous one 61. Puts a groove in 63. Healthy 64. Mythical founder of Troy 67. Brought to heel 68. Brandished 69. Vocal sounds

70. Pt. on a dial 71. — Diana Rigg 72. Cabbage variety 73. Back country 74. — -carotene 75. Attained 76. Every two weeks 79. Plant gum 80. Constituent parts 82. Brads 83. Lets 84. Use a stylus 85. Severe 86. Tete-a-tete 87. Accepted practice 90. Stand, or stomach 91. Well-mannered 95. Not roundabout 97. Woodland disaster: 2 wds.

99. The Buckeye State 100. Western lake 101. Verdi’s Miller 102. “Casablanca” role 103. Go up 104. Old ointment 105. Barks 106. Aqua DOWN 1. Throw in a high arc 2. — Fyodorovich Stravinsky 3. Pond 4. Happened to 5. Octets, computingwise 6. Blame 7. — gibbon 8. Propositions 9. Old Turkish title 10. Anchors 11. Morass 12. Elevation: Abbr.

13. Made a musical sound 14. Mend

15. “A-Hunting We Will Go” composer 16. Origin 18. Distances 20. Caulking 23. Adams and Sedgwick 25. Projecting part 28. Moolah 31. Tense 32. Confidence game 33. Plum brandy: Var. 34. “— — my heart...”

35. Soon to arrive 36. Coupled 37. Big fuss 38. Cheerless condition 39. Kind of dome 40. Landlords’ dues 42. Unmoving 43. Viscous 46. Social conventions 48. Place in Liguria 50. Hemorrhage 51. Mark with a hot iron 52. Peel 53. Farm workers 55. Went wrong 56. Not ersatz 57. Centers 59. Wiccan gathering 60. Coxcomb

61. Cooks in water 62. Dugout 63. Rock, sea, and table 64. Kid stuff 65. Release 66. Pens and cobs 68. Merit 69. Championship 72. Carnegie Hall event 73. Plant pest 74. Blissful 76. Command for a pooch 77. Stirred up 78. Showy trinket 79. Respond 81. Offer guidance to 83. Sacred city 85. Dislike 86. Salad plant 87. “X-Files” concern 88. London area 89. Opera highlight 90. — Khan 91. Traveling bag 92. Unctuous 93. Sky bear 94. Form of “John” 96. Another form of “John” 98. Cousin to si and ja

Solution to last week’s puzzle

B T O R S H I P A W U I Z Z A Z Z E R Z N A T A L E R E E D O M X R E P R A W N O N T T R O K E T

15 6

15

12

32

10

6

9 13

18

9

12

18

8

3

9

14

12 15

19

11/30 Solution

WORD FIND This is a theme puzzle with the subject stated below. Find the listed words in the grid. (They may run in any direction but always in a straight line. Some letters are used more than once.) Ring each word as you find it and when you have completed the puzzle, there will be 26 letters left over. They spell out the alternative theme of the puzzle.

Trouble on Wheels Solution: 26 Letters

© 2017 Australian Word Games Dist. by Creators Syndicate Inc.

© 2017 United Feature Syndicate, Dist. by Andrews McMeel Syndication

G G O V E R N P L I C P O M E G A R T P N Q U A L I F Y U F E J E C T M R A R I M P O U N D L A E N G R O U N D S Y T

18

Accelerator Air Amps Bush Cable Cap Chassis Choke Collision Column Core Differential Disc Fuel Gas

Gears Green slip Hub Inconvenient Jet Joints Kits Lift Light Lock Mechanic Motor Oil Paintwork

Pedal Pinion Piston Plug Roof Shaft Shock Smash Sump Tank Throttle Tyre Valve Wheel

11/30 Solution: Brave and heroic men and women

40 | D E C E M B E R 7 , 2 0 1 7

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

Solution: They are a bottomless money pit

Creators Syndicate

737 3rd Street • Hermosa Beach, CA 90254 310-337-7003 • info@creators.com

Date: 12/7/17

::NEWS OF THE WEIRD

::FREEWILLASTROLOGY ::BY ROB BREZSNY SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): As far back as ancient Egypt, Rome and Greece, people staged ceremonies to mark the embarkation of a new ship. The intention was to bestow a blessing for the maiden voyage and ever thereafter.

Good luck! Safe travels! Beginning in 18th-century Britain and America, such rituals often featured the smashing of a wine bottle on the ship’s bow. Later, a glass container of champagne became standard. In accordance with the current astrological indicators, I suggest that you come up with your own version of this celebratory gesture. It will soon be time for your launch.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You may feel quite sure that you’ve gotten as tall as you’re ever going to be. But that may not be true.

If you were ever going to add another half-inch or more to your height, the near future would be the time for it. You are in the midst of what we in the consciousness industry call a “growth spurt.” The blooming and ripening could occur in other ways, as well.

Your hair and fingernails may become longer faster than usual, and even your breasts or penis might undergo spontaneous augmentation. There’s no doubt that new brain cells will propagate at a higher rate, and so will the white blood cells that guard your physical health. Four weeks from now, I bet you’ll be noticeably smarter, wiser and more robust.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You come into a delicatessen where you have to take a numbered ticket in order to get waited on. Oops. You draw 37 and the counter clerk has just called out number 17. That means 20 more people will have their turns before you. Damn! You settle in for a tedious vigil, putting down your bag and crossing your arms across your chest. But then what’s this?

Two minutes later, the clerk calls out 37. That’s you!

You go up to the counter and hand in your number, and amazingly enough, the clerk writes down your order. A few minutes later, you’ve got your food. Maybe it was a mistake, but who cares? All that matters is that your opportunity came earlier than you thought it would. Now apply this vignette as a metaphor for your life in the coming days.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): It’s one of those bizarre times when what feels really good is in close alignment with what’s really good for you, and when taking the course of action that benefits you personally is probably what’s best for everyone else, too. I realize the onslaught of this strange grace may be difficult to believe. But it’s real and true, so don’t waste time questioning it. Relish and indulge in the freedom it offers you. Use it to shush the meddling voice in your head that informs you about what you supposedly SHOULD be doing instead of what you’re actually doing.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): You may get richer quicker in 2018, Aries—especially if you refuse to sell out. You may accumulate more clout—especially if you treat everyone as your equal and always wield your power responsibly. I bet you will also experience deeper, richer emotions -- especially if you avoid people who have low levels of emotional intelligence. Finally, I predict you will get the best sex of your life in the next 12 months—especially if you cultivate the kind of peace of mind in which you’ll feel fine about yourself if you don’t get any sex at all. P.S.: You’d be wise to start working on these projects immediately.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The members of the fungus family, like mushrooms and molds, lack chlorophyll, so they can’t make food from sunlight, water and carbon dioxide. To get the energy they need, they “eat” plants. That’s lucky for us. The fungi keep the earth fresh. Without them to decompose fallen leaves, piles of compost would continue to accumulate forever. Some forests would be so choked with dead matter that they couldn’t thrive. I invite you to take your inspiration from the heroic fungi, Taurus. Expedite the decay and dissolution of the worn-out and obsolete parts of your life.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): I’m guessing you have been hungrier than usual. At times you may have felt voracious, even insatiable.

What’s going on? I don’t think this intense yearning is simply about food, although it’s possible your body is trying to compensate for a nutritional deficiency. At

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

the very least, you’re also experiencing a heightened desire to be understood and appreciated. You may be aching for a particular quality of love that you haven’t been able to give or get. Here’s my theory: Your soul is famished for experiences that your ego doesn’t sufficiently value or seek out. If I’m correct, you should meditate on what your soul craves but isn’t getting enough of.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): The brightly colored birds known as bee-eaters are especially fond of eating bees and wasps.

How do they avoid getting stung? They snatch their prey in mid-air and then knock them repeatedly against a tree branch until the stinger falls off and the venom is flushed out. In the coming weeks, Cancerian, you could perhaps draw inspiration from the bee-eaters’ determination to get what they want.

How might you be able to draw nourishment from sources that aren’t entirely benign? How could you extract value from influences that you have be careful with?

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): The coming months will be a ripe time to revise and rework your past—to reconfigure the consequences that emerged from what happened once upon a time. I’ll trust you to make the ultimate decisions about the best ways to do that, but here are some suggestions. 1. Revisit a memory that has haunted you, and do a ritual that resolves it and brings you peace. 2. Go back and finally do a crucial duty you left unfinished. 3. Return to a dream you wandered away from prematurely, and either re-commit yourself to it, or else put it to rest for good.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): The astrological omens suggest that now is a favorable time to deepen your roots and bolster your foundations and revitalize traditions that have nourished you. Oddly enough, the current planetary rhythms are also conducive to you and your family and friends playing soccer in the living room with a ball made from rolled-up socks, pretending to be fortune-telling psychics and giving each other past-life readings, and gathering around the kitchen table to formulate a conspiracy to achieve world domination.

And no, the two sets of advice I just gave you are not contradictory.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In accordance with the long-term astrological omens, I invite you to make five long-term promises to yourself. They were formulated by the teacher Shannen Davis. Say them aloud a few times to get a feel for them. 1. “I will make myself eminently teachable through the cultivation of openness and humility.” 2.

“I won’t wait around hoping that people will give me what I can give myself.” 3. “I’ll be a good sport about the consequences of my actions, whether they’re good, bad, or misunderstood.” 4. “As I walk out of a room where there are many people who know me, I won’t worry about what anyone will say about me.”

5. “I will only pray for the things I’m willing to be the answer to.”

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): To discuss a problem is not the same as doing something practical to correct it. Many people don’t seem to realize this. They devote a great deal of energy to describing and analyzing their difficulties, and may even imagine possible solutions, but then neglect to follow through. And so nothing changes.

The sad or bad situation persists. Of all the signs in the zodiac, you Scorpios are among the least prone to this disability. You specialize in taking action to fulfill your proposed fixes. Just this once, however, I urge you to engage in more inquiry and conversation than usual. Just talking about the problem could cure it.

Homework: In your imagination, visit the person you’ll be in four years. What key messages do you have to convey? Freewillastrology.com Go to RealAstrology.com to check out Rob Brezsny’s Expanded Weekly Audio Horoscopes and Daily Text Message Horoscopes. The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700.

::BY THE EDITORS OF ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION

Shaving Gone Weird

C

hengdu, China, street barber Xiong Gaowu offers a most unusual service at his roadside location in Szechwan Province. For $12, Gaowu will scrape the inside of his customers’ eyelids using a straight razor, according to Reuters. Gaowu suggests being “gentle, very, very gentle,” when performing eyelid shaving, or “blade wash eyes,” as the technique is known in Mandarin. A Chengdu ophthalmologist, Qu Chao, says shaving may unblock moisturizing sebaceous glands along the rim of the eyelid, leading to a more comfortable and refreshed feeling. “If he can properly sterilize the tools that he uses, I can see there is still a space for this technique to survive,” Chao added.

Heavy Metal A 35-year-old Indian man employed a unique method for dealing with his depression: swallowing metal. Maksud Khan was rushed to surgery at Sanjay Gandhi Hospital in Satna, Madhya Pradesh, India, after developing severe abdominal pains, according to Metro News. An endoscopy showed that Khan had “coins, nails and nut-bolts in his stomach,” said Dr. Priyank Sharma, who led the surgical team. In late November, surgeons removed 263 coins, 100 nails and other metal items—including razor blades and dog chains—from Khan’s stomach. His family had no idea he had been ingesting metal, and Khan promised doctors he would never eat metal again.

Unclear on the Concept In Iowa, autumn is breeding season for deer, when the animals can get a little wacky and are frequently seen crossing roadways.

It’s also the time of year when the Iowa Department of Transportation (IDOT) begins fielding questions from Iowa drivers—many calling or writing to ask why deer crossing signs aren’t erected at safer spots for deer to cross. “Deer crossing signs aren’t intended to

tell the deer where it is safe to cross,” the Iowa DOT helpfully posted on its Facebook page on Oct. 24, according to the Des Moines Register. “It’s for drivers to be alert that deer have been in this area in the past.” Incidentally, according to State Farm Insurance, Iowa drivers have the fourth-highest likelihood in the U.S. of hitting a deer.

Rocky, an enterprising 7-month-old border collie in Devon, England, took the command “bring the sheep home” a little too literally in early November when he herded nine sheep into his owner’s kitchen. “I was in the kitchen and heard a noise,” Rocky’s owner, Rosalyn Edwards, told the BBC. “I turned around and the sheep were just standing there.

It was funny at the time, but then there was quite a lot of wee, poo and mud everywhere.”

The sheep stood around for a few minutes, then allowed themselves to be shown out the front door.

Oh, the Irony!

As elder members of the First United Methodist Church in Tellico Plains, Tenn., gathered on Nov. 16 to discuss the recent church shooting in Sutherland Springs, Texas, one of those present asked if anyone had brought a gun to church. One man spoke up and said he carries a gun everywhere, reported WATE-TV and produced the weapon—emptying it of its bullets before passing the weapon around for all to see.

When the owner got the gun back, he reloaded it and recharged the chamber—accidentally squeezing the trigger and shooting himself in the hand and his wife in the abdomen.

Head-ed Home for the Holidays Stacy Scott of Anchorage, Ala., arrived home on Nov. 24 to find thousands of dollars’ worth of clothing and jewelry missing, along with a signature item—“George,” her mounted zebra head. The thief was bold enough to call a taxi to use as the getaway car and loaded all the loot, including George the zebra head, into its trunk. Eventually, Anchorage police tracked down and arrested Desiree Fuller, 38, for felony burglary and theft, and recovered most of Scott’s items, but George remained at large. That is, until the cab driver saw a story on KTVA-TV and contacted them: He had been holding the zebra head hostage because Fuller had neglected to pay her cab fare. In the spirit of the season, we happily report that George is back home for the holidays. © 2017 ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION D E C E M B E R 7 , 2 0 1 7 | 41

THEBACK::ARTFORART’SSAKE

Done and Donne ::BY ART KUMBALEK

I

’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? Listen, I got a confession to make. Let me tell you, when I started to see Christmas kaboodle in some stores before Columbus Day for crying out loud, I got to admit that I started to look a little forward to the holidays, what the fock. But now with the holiday season heating up big-time but good, I must confess that I’m sitting here with not a thing to celebrate but my own failure to deliver the goods I had on my list this week for you’s. Here’s why.

I thought for sure by now at this late date in the season, I’d have this holiday song I’ve been working on for years ready for your preview, ’cause if you hear what I hear this time of year every year, you know damn well that the creaky seasonal canon needs new ammunition. Yes sir, I believed that “Every Day’s Just Another Focking Holiday” not only would hit the charts Numero Uno with a big ol’ bullet but it would be the first holiday tune in human history that could be played each and every day of the year. And then some hotshot impresario would turn it into a Broadway musical and I’d be a millionaire, I kid you not.

But I’m having troubles working out the bridge to the tune, such that I feel like jumping off a bridge like a regular George Bailey, and it definitely is not

42 | D E C E M B E R 7 , 2 0 1 7

a wonderful life. Not when you’re flirting with the iron maiden of deep, dark despair on account of another failure—that being my inability once again to get the Art Kumbalek Mistletoe Belt Buckle to the holiday market. This really blows.

And I tell you, based on the number of queries I field throughout the year as to the availability of this fine gift idea, the Art Kumbalek Mistletoe Belt Buckle is also a million-dollar moneymaker waiting to happen. You may recall that the AKMBB is conceptualized to be so much more than just a focking stocking-stuffer gag gift, in that the belt buckle is designed to be compatible with the Art Kumbalek Big Boy Belt. Modeled on Batman’s ultra-handy utility belt, the snazzy Big Boy Belt—to be available with the Mistletoe Belt Buckle for only an additional buck two-eighty—would sport all kind of clips, loops and high-tech doo-dads so as to hold practical items like a can of beer, Bowie knife, Chapstick, flask, carton of Pall Malls, an extra pair of socks; so that you could cart this stuff around the town and maintain accessible convenience.

But alas, again with the production problems in that this Santa can’t locate a decent sweatshop.

I found that a lot of these Fourth World elves are looking to make 14 cents an hour and I simply can’t do business if I have to focking fork out blue-chip Third World wages like that. Hey, who could? You tell me.

It just occurred to me that some of you’s right now may also be feeling failure and disappointment this time of year even as I write and you read, and the least I could do is give you a handy tip since I got experience in this area. You know what I do when I get disappointed cum out of whack? Nothing, not a goddamn thing that’s what, ’cause why bother? Just suck it up and steady yourself for the

next load of dashed desire due down the pike any second. And never ever forget that your crap casserole might not be some other knucklehead’s filet mig-focking-non; so what makes you think you’re so hoity-toity special you can’t have some disappointment once in a while? You tell me.

And then I’ll tell you to remember this: “No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if Clod bee washed away by Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of

thy friends or of thine owne were; any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankinde; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee.”

I got to tell you, those old farts who wrote stuff a couple hundred years before TV couldn’t spell for crap. I had to read the above a couple, three focking times until I understood that the important thing not to forget is that every time a bell tolls, an angel gets its wings ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.

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