SMJ MAGAZINE
By Akua Hinds, Shelley Jarrett and Andrew Terry Pasieka
Introducing AFF At a networking event this past year, we met someone who struck a responsive chord with us. We found out she runs an inter-racial dating site, and since we are an inter-racial couple, we became intrigued. However, when we found out she is also responsible for Christian and rich singles dating sites, our interest was piqued. We visualized a regular feature in SMJ Magazine that would capture the interest of you, our valued readers and followers. The January 1st, 2016 edition of the Toronto Star carried a story about the love of a spouse being most responsible for happiness, confirmation that we are on the right track with Affairs of the Heart. In this issue we have a three-way discussion with the feature’s writer, Akua Hinds. We begin with the start of any affair of the heart: the meeting. (The Editor-in-Chief)
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You do not have to be looking for a relationship but you have to be open to have one find you. AH: When you want something you need to prepare yourself to be aware. Someone you interact with could lead you to someone else. That’s why we need to be more approachable.
ATP: There are jokes about servicemen…(Laughter) SJ: As fate would have it, I met this guy in a line up at a local bank. ATP: Actually, I saw her first in the parking lot, but what selfrespecting man approaches a strange woman in a parking lot on a busy Friday afternoon? AH: You said you had a list of qualities you wanted in a man… When you met Andrew, did you immediately think to yourself that he was the one? Lots of times you are just drawn into the relationship and you don’t know why. SJ: Yes, that’s the way it was for me. I think it was about a month into the relationship that I realized, yes, this is what I want. I wrote him a letter, and told him he met all the qualities I wanted in a man.
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Start the way you want to finish: don’t say anything about yourself in a profile, a phone call, or a first meeting that you will later regret. AH: There have been many articles written about the way one should write profiles, or conduct a first conversation. One thing you shouldn’t do is tell your whole life story, and especially all the negative relationships…that scares people off…Anyone who talks about their exs is a sign to me that they’re just not ready. SJ: Uh, oh, what did you do? (laughter)
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SJ: That is so true. I am an example of this statement. When I met Andrew, I was not looking for anyone. I always had it in the back of my mind that I would like to find someone…You know, some of us make a list of qualities that we want in a spouse…I had this list in my mind but I didn’t do anything more than that because I didn’t know where to start looking.
ATP: At our first meeting, I told Shelley my life history, and at our second meeting, she told me hers. For the most part though, we left our exs out of it.
AH: Yes, it could come from anywhere, it could be someone who comes to fix your sink…
AH: On the surface, I am not against ‘clubbing,’ because you never know where the right person is going to be found…
HOLIDAY/WINTER 2016
SJ: He still doesn’t know anything about my ex-husband.
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Be wary of the pitfalls of blind dating or ‘clubbing’.