The Gentlewoman initial publication

the gentlewoman Fabulous women’s magazine, issue n”7 Spring and Summer 2020

Mary Temple UK £5.00

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A Survivor

USA $10.95

There’s something about Mary

It is ok to feel afraid, but to survive we have to face the fear and overcome it. If you knew you could handle anything that came your way, what would you possibly have to fear? Nothing.

Mary Temple is a mother, a grandmother, a great grandmother and a great great grandmother, who often refers to herself as the queen of the family- which in my opinion fits her very well.

At the age of 58, Mary temple was diagnosed with breast cancer. As you can imagine, this was extremely difficult for Mary and affected her life in many ways. From this life changing experience, she has learnt more about herself than she ever would and wants to pass her knowledge onto other within this sensitive topic; with the help of her great grandchild, her story can now be seen online from the blog she created- https:// s h a n n a e m b e r y 4 .w i x s i t e . com/throughthelens.

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Within that blog, she speaks about her time as a breast cancer patient and survivorincluding the brutally honest experiences and challenges she endured, which aren’t usually spoken about. Mary wants to include the harsh truth about breast cancer to further influence people, especially the younger generation, and encourage them to look out for the signs and regularly check your breasts. Although, The Gentlewoman publication focuses on and commemorate various women throughout, this specific issue is soley based off the inspirational breast cancer story of Mary Beatrice Temple.

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Mary Temple

The interview When were you diagnosed with breast cancer and how did you find it?

I was diagnosed in 1997, I was 58 and I discovered it by accident. I had a quick bath and had wrapped the towel around me to go into the bedroom and then the towel slipped, and I saw that I had an inverted nipple and that wasn’t usual for me. So, I felt my breast and then I could feel a little lump behind my nipple; I thought I’d better make an appointment to see the doctor. I did that on the Monday and the doctor examined me and he said straight away you need to go to the cancer clinic at the hospital- which was quite scary as I didn’t think it was that serious. I got an appointment within a week and that was just before Christmas and I remember that we hadn’t got a Christmas present for one of the children and I had to go to the Colchester, near where I lived, and run around the town to find a present for this grandchild.

We made the most of a very good Christmas, all of us putting a brave face on it and everybody was here at my house (I still cooked the bloody dinner). and we’re all enjoying ourselves, but I think that everybody was quite concerned. Two days after I

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got a phone call, they said that I would have to go in.

The consultant felt round my breasts and said that she thought there was something, but I needed to have test to find exactly what it was. The first test was where they stuck a needle into my nipple, I then went to have a mammogram where they squeezed my breast, so the nipple hurt even more and then I came back, and I had to have a blood test.

My oldest daughter was just with me at the time, we went into the room and there was a consultant, a breast nurse and another nurse all standing there and actually I still didn’t realise that I’d got cancer.

Then she just went, ‘there’s no easy way to tell you but you have cancer’ and I said ‘oh, thank you’… I’m not sure why I said that- I think it’s because I was in pure shock. She said, ‘no don’t thank me, we now have to do what we can do for you’.

There were four things that they could do: surgery, radiotherapy, chemotherapy and tamoxifen- which is a drug they used. Once they told me these options I asked, ‘oh which one have I got to have’ and she said, ‘all four’. So, with that I didn’t cry, I could see my daughter was trying not to and when we told my husband he just went white. I had to put a

Mary Temple

brave face on it for everybody, so nobody was as worried. I just knew if I showed how worried I was, the rest of the family would be even more, so I held it together.

Originally, they said I’ve gotta go in January to have the surgery and then I got a phone call to say that I’ve got to go in on the 29th of September instead and then I was quite worried because that was really quick. I went to the hospital I was in the ward of 6, all with breast cancer and each of us had various tests but I was the only one that to have a bone scan, a liver scan and lung X-ray because I now know that she thought I’d got it elsewhere but luckily, I hadn’t. But I did have in my lymph nodes, so they had to remove my breasts and my lymph nodes in my left side.

What was the treatment like?

The radiotherapy was very tiring because every day for a month I had to go and have the radiotherapy treatment and, in those days, unfortunately the machines broke down quite a bit so some days you could have it and some days you couldn’t. It burned my chest, and it was quite painful because when I received the treatment, it wasn’t long after I had the operation; the scar was still tender. At the same time I had chemotherapy every three weeks and in between the three weeks of injection I had to have chemotherapy tablets, which I had to wear gloves to put on to put in my mouth because you couldn’t touch them!

They were so toxic and obviously they were killing all the cells in my body and for that reason I had to be really careful not to be in contact with anybody with a cold or any sort of illness because my white cells were destroyed by the treatment.

I went for my last chemotherapy of six months I will I couldn’t have it that bad day because my myself were too low so had to wait another week and then I had my last course had big chemotherapy and then I had him therapy

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tablets which I’ve already said and also I had to when it was finished I had to take tamoxifen which isn’t hormone drug for five years so from the time I had surgery I had to go to the hospital every six months or check-ups to make sure everything was okay in the meantime.

I had another operation on my scar because the scar itself was so bad that it was just so painful that they decided to operate again, so they cut it open again and took out the radiated flesh.

Unfortunately, I had many trips to the hospital because of the condition of my scar; after the MANY operations I caught an infection which made the doctors find a blood clot. Eventually I had to go and have a bit of my bit of my back twisted round under my arm and put into my where the scar was.

The aftercare was really good, the breast nurse was always available and they got another consultant and she was fantastic! She even took photographs of the before and after the op to show what they could do with a reconstruction. I received so much support from a charity called ‘Coping with breast cancer’ and we used to meet once a month with all the girls that had breast cancer the same time and

Spring and Summer 2020

we used to just talk about it.

It was really helpful because everybody was suffering to some extent with something, and it was nice talking to people who knew what I was going through and feeling. After five years, I went for my last check up and I was told I was free of cancer and was in remission and hopefully nothing else would happen.

Checking your breasts

Did you know that 47% of women in the UK do not check their breasts regularly for potential signs of breast cancer. But the question is, is that really shocking if you think about it? Do you check your breasts regularly?

Breast cancer is the most common type of cancer in the UK. Most women diagnosed with breast cancer are over the age of 50, but younger women can also get breast cancer. It is easy to say something and then not do it, but when it comes to breast cancer it is crucial you look after your mind and body. Checking your breasts once a month can potentially save your life; about 1 in 8 women are diagnosed with breast cancer during their lifetime and there is a good chance of recovery if it’s detected at an early stage. Get yourself into a habit of feeling your breasts when you’re in the shower.

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There are several different types of breast cancer, which develop in different parts of the breast. It’s possible for breast cancer to spread to other parts of the body, usually through the blood or the axillary lymph nodes. These are small lymphatic glands that filter bacteria and cells from the mammary gland. If this happens, it’s known as secondary, or metastatic, breast cancer.

Breast cancer can have several symptoms, but the first noticeable symptom is usually a lump or area of thickened breast tissue.

- a change in the size or shape of one or both breasts.

- discharge from either of your nipples, which may be streaked with blood.

- a lump or swelling in either of your armpits.

-dimpling on the skin of your breasts.

- a rash on or around your nipple.

- a change in the appearance of your nipple, such as becoming sunken into your breast.

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M We asked Mary if there was one thing you want others to know about breast cancer and her answer was really interesting and could definitely influence and educate the younger generation.

The main thing is to not be how I was, I’d never checked myself before, because I was frightened to find something. It was only through an accident that I was actually diagnosed so my big thing about that would be to check yourself every month and that you know your breasts and if you find anything that isn’t there at the time before a lump or anything then go to see the doctor because if you catch breast cancer early enough it can be cured.

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T There are a lot more people live now than die.

The treatments have got so much better since I had breast cancer and I was lucky because I was in stage three and there is only stage 4 which is terminal.

So yeah, I was extremely lucky that I survived.

The treatment is not nice, the chemotherapy makes you feel ill, and it can make you really sick. I was lucky, I was only sick onceand I think that’s because I ate some fruit cake in the evening- but they gave us a sickness drug in with the chemotherapy that made you stop being sick. I had ulcers in my mouth all the time and it also made me lose a lot of my hair, which wasn’t really very nice.

Mary Temple

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Spring and Summer 2020

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proud is an understatement

Lord, I’m weary. My energy is sagging, and my motivation is lagging. And I am so in need of you. I need your strength and your fresh touch to get back on track again. Your Word says the joy of the Lord is my strength. If that’s true, then I need your joy to replace all the bone-tired parts of my mind, body, and soul.

The pressures of life sometimes push me into a corner, rendering me helpless to move forward. A hundred voices call my name, and I feel paralyzed at times to answer, not knowing where to turn. Lord, help me not to quit, to keep running the race faithfully, and to find strength in that safe, secret place of yours, under the shadow of the Almighty.

I need your strength to say no when I’m tempted to surrender to harmful things, or when selfishness clings to my clothes and won’t let go. I need your strength to say yes, when cowardice and fear nudge me to deny the convictions of my heart. I need your strength to reach out in love to those both close to me and all around me. When don’t I need your strength, God? You are my rock, and I run to you today, believing that you will lift up my heavy arms, that you will fuel me for the tasks you’ve given me, and that your joy will completely consume the weakness of my life and make me strong again.

I don’t want to stay grounded, crippled by limitations and failed attempts. I’m tired of feeble efforts. Lord, I want to mount up with wings like an eagle and not just fly. I want to soar.

Renew my strength, Lord. Fill me with your supernatural power to overcome each obstacle in my path. With my eyes on you, Lord, with you walking beside me, working through me, I can make it. Thank you, Lord!

In Jesus name, Amen.

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Has breast cancer affected your identity?

This is a difficult question to answer because there is a lot of things that affected my identity when I had cancer and even after.

It does change your identity because you feel less of a woman, you don’t feel like yourself for a long time you know. Even down to looking at myself in the mirror it’s a big shock because all I have is just got a scarf, where I used to have breasts.

It was hard. Obviously, my scar effected my identity, especially as my scar was so terrible, to be honest it was like a bit of meat that had been sewn up. I remember when I went for lunch with the ‘Coping with breast cancer’ girls, I was saying how painful my scar was and they were saying well why has a blood don’t know. They all said, ‘well come on then, we’ll have a look’, so we all went into loo and we all had to look at everybody’s scar.

Everyone’s was just a little line whereas mine wasn’t.

They couldn’t believe it.

They asked ‘god, how did you get a scar like that’ and it was because I had a different surgeon, obviously the only one. I later found out I was the only one that had this particular surgeon out of our group, so obviously he didn’t do a good job.

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That resulted in me having a gave me the identity result may being out of hospital for two years yeah, the same situation where the breast was gone but I was still having to have other things done to that side of the scar from it being in such a state and then having to have a piece of my back and the problem yeah just made me have scars at the back as well as the front yeah which again like it all did mean that I used to love wearing little tops and things like that but now I would wear long sleeved tops and also nothing low. The other thing is result of the treatment, because my lymph nodes were gone, I couldn’t sit in the sun anymore which surprisingly affected my identity quite a bit because I loved the sun; being able to play with the children down the beach hut, now I just have to stay out of it which is not me.

It was hard with my husband because I was trying to find a way of showing him it without him looking horrified. I asked him to wash my back so that he could see my scar in the mirror, and I saw him looking and asked, ‘so what do you think about it?’

Mary Temple

He said, ‘it doesn’t change you, you’re still the same person you know’ and that made me feel a lot better. He was, you know, really reassuring but yeah it had a big effect on my life actually, physically, mentally and identity wise.

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Spring and Summer 2020

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the gentlewoman Mary Temple

The Gentlewoman celebrates modern women of style and purpose. Its fabulous biannual magazine offers a fresh and intelligent perspective on fashion that’s focused on personal style – the way women actually look, think and dress. Featuring ambitious journalism and photography of the highest quality, it showcases inspirational women through its distinctive combination of glamour, personality and warmth. These qualities are also at the heart of its website, thegentlewoman. com, a virtual place where real women, real events and real things are enjoyed.

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For this specific spring and summer issue, all profits will be donated to various charities and organisations which support breast cancer and aftercare for patients and survivors. We encourage you to regularly check your breasts and talk to people with any concerns you have.