LIFE CHANGING FEATURE
What Do You Say You Are? Janice Rankin At a recent gathering of friends and acquaintances, I witnessed a troubling occurrence. The evening was coming to an end and I was in the kitchen with someone else, when a woman entered. Initially I was not paying much attention, but my ears perked up and I became attuned when she boldly declared, “I am a heaux”! Caught off guard, I was immediately drawn into the conversation by what I viewed as a denigrating comment about self. I later learned there were other dynamics in play that night that precipitated the less than flattering selfproclamation. Yet, I still struggled with the incongruity that was at war in my heart and head. Coming from my perspective of self-esteem as a positive or negative attitude towards self, I had difficulty believing this woman held herself in such a state. I was utterly perplexed. I was more taken aback because in my eyes she is a dynamic, intelligent, creative, and respectable woman. Unexpectedly, I experienced feelings of hurt and sadness. Even if she did slightly feel
Sepia Prime Woman
this way, which I doubted, I questioned why she would say that? Why would she put that word out into her orbit? None the wiser, I called her out on it. She later explained it by saying it was a joke and I simply just missed it. Perhaps I did miss something, but the nagging feeling I had provoked my own exploration of what we say when we talk about ourselves, to ourselves, and the transformative and sustaining power behind those words. One of the messages from the old “sticks and stones may break my bones” idiom is that words are just that, and only have power if you allow them to. Paradoxically, this saying also suggests that words can hurt. One day, when I was in the fourth grade, I arrived home from school in tears because I had been teased about having skinny legs. After telling my loving protective mother the reason I was crying, she taught me this sticks and stones saying because she saw that the name calling wounded me and had attacked my young and tender self-esteem. With soothing words, she wrapped her arms around me and said, “You are more than just “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones But Words Can Never Hurt Me” March 2014