Seen Too Magazine™ Volume 1, Issue 1

HEY DOC,

MYHEARTDIDN'T FREAKOUTBECAUSE "IWASSTANDING FORTOOLONG"

LEARN MORE AT OUR WEBSITE

FROM THE Editor

Pink-slipped by society

I recently received my pink slip from society:

“Thank you for dedicating your ovaries, your boobs, your overall physique, and your sanity for the sake of your marriage, your children, and vis-à-vis society

Thanks for working all day at a job and nurturing the kids, so they become productive members of society

Thanks for taking on much (if not all) of the household chores, food prep, errands, the school and church involvement, and for working countless hours a week on top of your day job.

Thanks for taking care of everyone when they were sick, even though you were usually sick at the same time

Thanks for being the best mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, and employee you could be (far from perfect, but within the scope of your particular capabilities).

But now your children are (or almost are) raised, productive, tax-paying members of society Your marriages have at least a 50% chance of being over thanks to infidelity, alcoholism, the passing of your spouse, technology, being an older woman in a young woman’s world, and/or social media

If you are still married, you are likely analyzing who you were, who you are becoming, and how that affects the future of your marriage

Now that your ovaries are farting dust, your hair is sewer-rat gray, your face is giving over to the Earth’s gravitational pull, you constantly need some form of corrective lens,

and the scale is forever waving a middle finger at you no matter what you do, consider this your pink slip

You will now be summarily ignored and diminished in the eyes of society, perhaps even your partner, and certainly the workforce

Thanks again – now, if you could just quietly go somewhere and tend to a garden until it’s time for YOUR dirt nap, that would be great.”

Paulina Porizkova feels invisible?

For a minute, I thought menopausal hormones fueled the above sentiment until I started visiting with my friends – who all said the same thing, “Here is what’s happening, and it’s f*cked up ” Even celebrities who have long been celebrated and adored by the masses feel this way. For example, Paulina Porizkova went on Dr. Phil to explain that she feels invisible at almost 58 years old. She looks like this in a swimsuit:

This sentiment of being invisible at menopause and midlife wasn’t just mine It wasn’t just my friends. It was a SUPER MODEL’s sentiment as well. So if Paulina Porizkova feels invisible, what the hell chance do the rest of us have?

What chance does the female population, aged 45 and over, have to be seen and heard and not turned out to pasture like some aging mule that everyone loves but no one has the heart to put down?

We have a chance to all stand in the same space, raise a hand and say, “Hi, yeah, me in the back I have something to say I’ve spent the first THREE F*CKING DECADES of my adult life giving my personal best to make society a better place, so NO, Society, you don’t get to avail yourself of our youthful efforts and then tell us to get lost. We are here to be SEEN TOO.”

Love letter to our daughters

ImageviaInstagram,paulinaporizkov

That’s why I started another publication at this age (52) This magazine is a love letter to our daughters. We’ll do our part to flip the script on midlife and menopause so when our daughters reach this age, they can stomp into the second half of their life with the confidence and recognition they have earned and deserve We want society to do the right

Thanks again – now, if you could just quietly go somewhere and tend to a garden until it’s time for YOUR dirt nap, that would be great.”

Um, I have a question...

thing after greedily availing itself of our best efforts for 30+ years – SEE US HEAR US In the immortal words of Dave Chappell, “It’s revolution up in this bitch ”

Here’s the excellent news fellowmenopausers, daughters, friends, and whatever brave men are curious or caring enough to learn more about this time in a woman’s life:

In so many ways, life is just starting –something we will cheerfully and continually unpack in this magazine So if you were

impressed by the first 30 years of our adult lives, LOOK OUT

Paulina’s admission forced me behind the wheel of a car that had been idling for way too long – I strapped in, opened the sunroof, dropped that f*cker in gear, and pushed the gas to the floor. Seen Too was born.

So welcome to the second half of your life, Scene Two, or in this case, Seen Too Join us as we explore all the unprecedented challenges and phenomenal benefits of being middle-aged, peri-menopausal, and

Disclaimers

post-menopausal Bring your sense of humor, your “Yeah, gurl” attitude, and join a group of women who are ready to redefine the prevailing ugly characterization of women at midlife and menopause

With all the love and light the world has to offer,

Kat

Founder, Editor, Contributor, and Publisher

This magazine is rated PG-13 It is, at times, going to be profane and inappropriate If that bothers you, please find another publication that is better at subscribing to feminine correctness. 1

We might occasionally have a recipe, a beauty tip, or a cleaning hint but rest assured our hacks will not heighten any sense of inadequacy or obligation you may typically feel after reading such content Our hacks will focus on half-assery and corner-cutting On our website (seentoomagazine com) we call this category "Half-Ass Master Class " 2

3

It’s daunting to put out any kind of media these days because, thanks to social media, being offended and virtue signaling has become like some warped form of social currency “I’m offended by this obscure-bullshit-nobody-cares tidbit – and you ’ re an ignorant piece of garbage because you didn’t pay enough attention to it to be offended.” Look, we ’ re socially aware, compassionate, and mostly PC – but we ’ re not going to mind-f*ck every sentence to death, trying to figure out how it may be misinterpreted We’re not here to be assholes, but we ’ re not here to tip-toe either So, this magazine has a warning label, and here it is:

WARNING: A SENSE OF HUMOR IS REQUIRED.

The content of this publication is conversational, relatable, and intended to build a community If you ’ re looking for some high-brow lit, please proceed back to the intersection and turn the opposite way. 4

Outside of the occasional passing reference, we will do our level best to steer away from all things political and COVID related There is plenty of divisive and inflammatory content available elsewhere We're here to BUILD a community, not break one 5

For a complete list of disclaimers, please visit our website at seentoomagazine com/disclaimers

Men.O.Pause.

May I Interest you in a glass of wine, and a HEART ATTACK? A festive pile of bricks

I was serving wine at an exclusive event for my main client, a luxury real estate brand I was all dressed up in my bedazzled, green mock-velvet dress and rocking a 45-minute messy bun -- meant to look like it only took me five minutes

I stood there, yammering on about how the wine had a “seductive and approachable expression” and “a hint of tobacco and a well-defined gravelly mineral finish,” like I knew what the f*ck I was talking about Guests nodded their heads and feigned interest when the look on their faces said, “Look, I don’t give a sh*t how it starts, finishes, or what it hints at It’s alcohol, it’s free, and I’m thirsty”

My youngest sister and I work together, so she excused herself to use the restroom The wine table had cleared out, so I decided to take a few sips of my favorite featured wine, which is “quite elegant on the nose.” Like my guests, I didn’t really care how the wine hit my nose – I was more concerned about how it would hit my mood

Then it happened – out of nowhere I got a hot, rushing flush that felt like it came right from the furnaces of hell, my field of vision started to narrow, my breathing became shallow, and I was about to face plant behind the wine table!

While I frantically willed myself not to pass out and fall over, my heart went berserk I wanted to walk across the room and sit down, but I didn’t dare. Any false move at this moment and I would have hit the ground like a ton of bricks – a festively bedecked ton of bricks – but a ton of bricks just the same

Welcome to the Bates Motel

My sister came back, I told her what happened, she prepared a plate of food for me, and assisted me to a chair.

Slightly concerned that I had experienced a “cardiac incident,” I called my son He didn’t want me to go to the closest hospital, as it has a bit of a Bates Motel reputation –people check in, but they don’t check out He picked me up and took me to the ER closest to his house, about a half hour away

I told my story to at least SIX different people at in-take – one of which was a female nurse, who was AT LEAST my age(52), if not older I gave a little back-

story – I had drank a bottle of wine with my friend the night before, I got busy and kind of forgot to eat that day, and I had taken just a couple of sips of wine that evening

Everyone at the ER was kind, caring, and informative –perhaps save the receptionist, but it was a Saturday night in the ER room, so we’ll give her some grace I was processed quickly, so my grievance is not with the service, the people, or the care I received

My irritation stems from a conversation I had with the ER doctor Like many menopausal

Out of nowhere. I got a hot, rushing flush that felt like it came right from the furnaces of hell...

women, my heart had been fluttering on occasion for months – nothing dramatic, nothing overly frequent – just like a new and exciting PMS symptom. I told the doctor this and asked (since I seldom go to the doctor), “Hey, since I’m here and this visit is going to cost a fortune, do you mind giving me a blood test to see where I am on the menopause scale?” I had a uterine ablation when I was 38, so I had no idea where I was from a monthly cycle standpoint

When I answered the doctor in the affirmative, he said, “Oh, well We only learn about obstetrics for a couple of weeks in medical school – we might only spend a couple of hours on menopause. I know how to deliver a baby in an emergency???”

Um, not helpful Doc, because I’m not pregnant!! If this was a $20 visit to a vet clinic in Tijuana, that would be an acceptable response, but this visit was costing almost $100/minute!

vascular issues caused by hormonal fluctuations during menopause

We're always told to seek immediate medical attention when it feels like we’ve had a heart attack, but I learned more from my Google search than from my ER doctor!

He didn’t miss a beat and said, “There’s a test for that?”

I was stunned I avoid the doctors' office, I don't read up on medicine, I'm not a doctor, and even I know that there's a blood test to detect menopause

I got an EKG and some blood work, and there was zero trace of a cardiac event In fact, my doctor said my blood work came back excellent and that I was perfectly healthy He further explained, “You know, I was in the military, and we had guys pass out all the time from standing too long. You’ve got to remember to bend your knees and move around when you are standing”

This ER medical professional thought my “incident” resulted from me pouring wine behind a table for 20 minutes?

The good news is, I’m fine. Healthy, in fact. The next morning at my son’s house, I Googled menopause and dizziness, and sure enough, not only is it a thing, but first on the list of causes is “blood sugar”remember, I hadn’t eaten much that day The second cause listed is hot flashes (I told six people in the ER I felt flush before nearly passing out). The third cause listed is cardio-

Scraped knees get more air time

I really liked my ER doctor – it was apparent he wanted to help I appreciate his service to our country It’s not his fault that in the ELEVEN years he went to school and completed his residency that menopause is given the same amount of air time as a scraped knee

If you think I’m exaggerating, consider this from Science Direct, the world's leading source for scientific, technical, and medical research:

“Although menopause education is a topic incorporated in Medical School and specialty training curricula and, although Menopause Societies worldwide provide educational modules, physicians' knowledge and competence remain inadequate According to a UKbased survey, menopause education was not incorporated into the mandatory curriculum in 41% of

If this was a $20 visit to a vet clinic in Tijuana, that would be an acceptable response, but this visit was costing almost $100/minute!

There's a test for that?

I'm not a pregnant goat!

the 32 medical schools [in the UK]” This report was published in August 2022

When you’ve absorbed that, consider this: Every single woman – HALF THE POPULATION – on the planet will experience menopause or HAS experienced menopause. Menopause can last anywhere from SEVEN to FOURTEEN years

Now, let’s pause and reflect on what would happen if this were a male issue. (Yes, we are 100% about to play the gender card)

Let’s say that somewhere in their late 30s to early 40s – and for the next seven to 14 years, men experienced unexplained weight gain, depression, severe mood swings, chronic insomnia, incontinence, hot flashes that made hell sound nice, hair loss, itchy skin, headaches and sometimes migraines, heart palpitations that feel like death is imminent, heavy blood flow or clots passed through their penises, painful sex, and ringing ears

These are just a few of the more pronounced symptoms of menopause, and they show up after women have been bleeding every month since they were anywhere from 10 to 14 years old

Inequitable treatments for midlife ailments

Can you imagine?

If you can’t, let’s illustrate the best example of an ailment men might experience in this time of life – impotence We’re not minimizing it – women experience their own version of it and understand how devastating and depressing it can be The difference is, modern medicine has answered the call with a blue pill that can be purchased discreetly on the internet for $3 each, with very few side effects

The medical community didn’t bother to develop a partner pill for Viagra. Heterosexual men get to enjoy a newfound enthusiasm for sex, but the women in their lives still have sexual issues courtesy of midlife, and no blue pill.

Of course, there are things that women can do to counteract menopause They include diet and exercise to decrease symptoms and hormone replacement therapy, the side effects of which may cause cancer and cardiovascular issues They can have all of their reproductive organs removed surgically. Alas, there is no $3 descreet, online cure for menopause symptoms

I recognize that impotence and menopause and their related treatments are not an applesto-apples comparison I’ve elaborated on them here to demonstrate the inequities in

understanding male vs. female issues at midlife and their treatments. This is also not intended to male bash – the ones in our lives who love us are not the reason menopause has been ignored for generations by medicine. The fact that women don’t have a lot of answers and treatments from the medical profession regarding menopause affects the men in our lives too -directly and indirectly.

Like tacos and cake

So what can we do about this? The first, most obvious, and most important is to talk about it. Let’s take the “cringe factor” out of the word “menopause”

one of the primary reasons I started Seen Too Magazine. We have to start saying this word out loud, and often, the same way we talk about other commonplace things in our life, like tacos and cake.

The medical community didn't bother to develop a partner pill for Viagra...

The Man Flu X 1000

You can become part of the Seen Too Magazine Group on Facebook, where women at midlife and beyond, in various stages of menopause, come together to discuss how menopause is affecting them, their health, their relationships, and life in general

We can also join advocacy groups like Let’s Talk Menopause, a “nonprofit invested in changing the conversation around menopause so women get the information they need and the healthcare they deserve.” The North American Menopause Society is “North America's leading nonprofit organization dedicated to promoting the health and quality of life of all women during midlife and beyond through an understanding of menopause and healthy aging”

$3 pills for our daughters

Let’s do this together so that when our daughters reach this age, they can talk about menopause as if they are talking about the weather, they can share their symptoms with their spouse and their medical practitioner without sideways glances, uncomfortable body language, and being summarily dismissed. If we commit ourselves to this, maybe when our daughters reach midlife, they can order a $3 pill online that has little to no side effects to help them through menopause.

RESOURCE GUIDE

Seen Too Magazine. Join our community of women, aged 40 and over, at various stages of menopause as we commiserate, celebrate, learn, laugh, and wash the cringe out of the word "menopause." Join our Facebook community, like our Facebook page, subscribe to our magazine, and tune into our podcast.

Podcasts on menopause. If podcasts are more your speed, follow the QR code to this article, 15 Best Menopause Podcasts.

North American Menopause Society, is a leading nonprofit organization dedicated to promoting the health and quality of life of all women during midlife and beyond through an understanding of menopause and healthy aging.

Let's Talk Menopause, a non-profit advocacy group that provides invaluable resources on symptoms, education, and research.

Kat Hobza

ARE YOU MENOPAUSAL? TAKE OUR QUIZ!

There are obvious signs that you are somewhere on the menopause spectrum –an unpredictable or absent period, the occasional hot flash, and mood swings However, some of the symptoms of menopause can mimic pronounced PMS symptoms that we’ve dealt with our whole lives You can talk to your healthcare provider and take a blood test, but we’ve got an easier way to tell Take this quiz

BIRDOBSESSION

Are you obsessed with birds? All of a sudden, are you dropping everything to pay attention to the mindless behavior of birds? Even though you have spent much of your youth openly mocking old ladies who bird-watch, have you purchased and hung bird feeders around your home? Are you suddenly obsessed with how cute and curious birds are?

PHOTOGRAPHY

Have you bought an expensive camera lately? Have you taken a recent and unexplained interest in photography? Is your cell phone – that you’ve been using for years to capture precious family moments and vacation memories – no longer adequate? Have ads for photography classes suddenly started to appear in your social media feeds?

HIBERNATINGLADYPARTS

Areyourladypartssnoring?Didyouwake uponemorningrealizingthatyouwould ratherscrubtheshowerorspendtheday vacuuming(twothingsyoualsoabhor) thanthrowdowninthebedroom?Have yourareascoveredbyaswimsuitgone intohibernation,tothepointthatthevery notionofgettingbusyisannoyingand exhausting?

PITYFORYOUNGWOMEN

Do you feel sorry for young, attractive women? Gone are the days that you feel competitive toward or threatened by younger women You actually feel sorry for them because you know what is in store for them for the next 15-20 years? You know that their give-a-f*ck will not completely disappear until midlife, when (and only when) absolute freedom is born.

PAINFULFIRSTSTEPS

Do your feet and ankles hurt first thing in the morning, leaving you to hobble to the bathroom like someone who’s been running triathlons their entire life (even though the most strenuous form of exercise you’ve ever engaged in is reluctant participation in a Jazzercise class)?

PROFOUNDHAIRLOSS

Haveyourecentlynoticedyourhairon everythingtothepointofdrivingyouto thebrinkofmadness?Yourhairisfalling outEVERYWHERE,andyouplucknoless than300hairsadayoffofyourperson, familymembers,pets,guests,employers, coworkers,neighbors,thecheck-out cashier,thebankteller,bedding,shoes, andsocks?

PREOCCUPATION WITHSLEEP

Has getting a good night’s sleep crept its way to the top five things that mean the most to you in life:

1) God 2) Kids 3) Spouse -- depending on the day 4) FOOD

5) Eight solid hours of f*cking sleep and God help the person, child, pet, or mobile device that DARES to interfere with a successful night’s sleep

BROKENBULLSHITMETER

Your tolerance for bullshit is non-existent, as in, you don’t have ANY. None. Zippo. Not one ounce of patience for other people’s bullshit, drama, or ridiculousness. For the last several years you may have SAID you have no tolerance for this stuff, but now your intolerance courses through your veins uncontrollably. The side effects of this condition are extreme eye-rolling, exaggerated sighs, and avoiding people altogether

NOTSOQUIETQUITTING

You’verecentlyquitajob,withzerof*cks given,tiredoftoxicCEOsandwork environments,and1000%confidentyou’ll figuresh*toutonyourownandmakemore moneydoingit.(Andyoudo!)

CROCODILESKIN

Has the skin on the bottom of your feet become so hard, dry, and scratchy that it resembles something that is typically harvested for purses and boots? Does the sound of your feet rubbing up against your sheets wake you or your significant other out of a deep sleep?

PASSTHEPUDDING

You’ve had to systematically remove all things from your diet that you have previously loved – gluten, caffeine, alcohol, spicy food, and sometimes: SUGAR A few years ago, this would have sounded like a death sentence to you, but now you are more than happy to trade these things out if it improves your personal and physical comfort and if it helps you get a good night’s sleep.

SIDEEFFECTS

When watching the evening news, are you no longer horrified by the Ungodly side effects of prescription medicine? Does vomiting from your ears and a “potentially fatal infection in the skin of the perineum” seem like a reasonable trade-off for a toe-nail infection or restless leg syndrome?

DIDTHATJUSTHAPPEN? ANDFINALLY...

Haveyouheardyourselftalkingto yourfriendsabout“mouthtape”and“CPAP Machines”todealwithsnoring,sleep apnea,andteethgrinding?

Are you watching the evening news?

If you answered "yes" to three or more of these questions, you are DEFINITELY middle-aged, and more than likely menopausal. You're welcome.

NotAllThey'reCrackedUpTo Be ILLUMINATED MAKEUP MIRRORS,

Facing some uncomfortable facts

Where the f*ck did THAT come from, and HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN THERE?

This is a question I have asked myself almost on the daily since receiving an illuminated magnifying makeup mirror from my darling son-in-law for Christmas.

My sweet Javi (my son’s husband) and I were strolling the aisles at Costco during Christmas when one of these mythical mirrors caught my eye Since I only go to Costco about four times a year, I was like a little kid at Lego Land – marveling at everything I wheeled over to the coveted possession of every woman who has moved into the “reading glasses” crowd and wondered aloud, “Javi, do I need this?”

Ugh. I really wanted it, but it was somewhere around $30, and the economy being what it is, I was trying to focus on gifts for others and Christmas groceries. Reluctantly, I shrugged and sighed heavily and told myself I’d return after I had recuperated financially from the holidays

My adorable Javito shrugged HIS shoulders, put it in the cart, and said, “Santa’s listening”

I SWEAR, I was not pulling the passiveaggressive mother-in-law bit where I no-so-subtly hint that I want something so he would get it for me. So Javi’s gesture was precious beyond measure and true to “Santa’s” words, Javi wrapped up the illuminated magnifying mirror and put it under the Christmas tree for me.

From "meh" to flawless

I couldn’t wait to try my new mirror that would take my makeup game from “meh” to flawless That was the primary reason I wanted one so badly – I was after “flawless face,” or at least as close as I could get to that for a woman who has been giggling for 52 years and has the lines to prove it

Buy, lawd, what that reflection had in store for me.

I had no idea I was such a f*cking troll! I had BLACK STUBBLE around my upper lip that was otherwise indiscernible (at least to me because my 52-year-old eyes couldn’t see it).

I had not one but TWO, count them: TWO black nose hairs that looked like they had been growing since I was about three years old! They crisscrossed each other in a mocking fashion that

had me wondering, “How f*cking long have THOSE been there?” Seriously. Was it a few weeks? A few years? Those nose hairs meant business – they had to have been there a while! I started wearing reading glasses in my early 40s Had they been there since then, and I didn’t know it?

PLUCK it!

My only consolation in thinking these offending hairs hadn’t celebrated several birthdays was that my kids have NO problem pointing out any embarrassing ailments and blemishes I may have. My daughter went so far as to identify a nose hair when we were strolling around Farmers’ Market (read: in the presence of hundreds of people!!!) and started TO PLUCK IT for me, in front of God and everyone! I had to swat her away from my nose, grab her wrist, and walk her to the nearest restroom to remove it with some semblance of decorum (In case you are wondering, I raised my daughter with a volume of Emily Post on Etiquette in my hip pocket, but as an adult, she lives and works half the year in the woods. As a result, some of the tenets of polite society that I attempted to raise her with have fallen by the wayside – it’s a long and ongoing story.)

No f*cking wonder sweet Javi put that mirror in the cart with lightning speed! My adult kids have probably been exchanging concerns behind my back about the hobbit hairs that have surfaced on my face, of which I was blissfully unaware!

Ladies, don’t make the same mistake I did Don’t cling to some youthful fallacy that your face is in good shape because you can no longer see it up close. If you

need reading glasses, YOU NEED AN ILLUMINATED MAGNIFYING MIRROR.

If there is anything positive to be said about this – it’s this: there is something genius about getting to an age where you can no longer see all the gross telltale signs that come with aging Your looks kind of become everyone else’s problem – you can’t see it, so who cares, right?

My adaptation of that mindset is slow, but in the works. For now, I still have just enough pride left to never leave the house again without first consulting my illuminated mirror to avoid being the topic of my adult kids’ whispered concerns. I can hear them now: “So who’s gonna tell Mom she has two intersecting nose hairs, battling for supremacy OUTSIDE of her nostril?”

Abby: “Not me Look, I already fell on the grenade at Farmers’ Market While you f*ckers just pointed and snickered behind her back, I actually tried to be part of the solution.”

Javi: “I did my part – I bought her an illuminated magnifying mirror for Christmas.”

Austin: “F*ck.”

Kat Hobza

ARE YOU AND ALCOHOL fighting?

You wake up, begrudgingly, from a shitty night’s sleep After hitting the snooze button about three more times than you intended, you huff, puff, and put your feet on the floor. You’re in a heightened state of annoyance, and you haven’t even taken your first step of the day

Things don’t get much better throughout the day You vacillate between wanting to nap and telling everyone who dares to make eye contact with you to f*ck off You’re hungry about two hours earlier than normal and snack on things like Baconators and fries.

Adding to your angst is waking up every morning thinking, “I’m not drinking tonight. I’m tired of feeling like shit” And you mean it Until people piss you off for 8 hours straight (courtesy of the advanced crankiness you woke up with), and that bottle of red wine above the refrigerator whispers in your ear that it’s 4:00 p.m. somewhere.

So it really isn’t much of a mystery how many of us get to this stage (middle 40s/early 50s) and question our relationship with alcohol. I know I have.

We have that inner dialogue, “Has alcohol become a problem? Am I a problem drinker?” We invariably tell ourselves that our jobs, relationships, and finances are in order. We can quickly point to someone who is more of a booze-fueled disaster than we are

I’ve been a moderate drinker for the last few years I was in a relationship with an alcoholic but didn’t know it until things took an ugly and dramatic turn. I thought we were just partying, getting to know each other, and celebrating meeting one another at midlife

You vacillate between wanting to nap and telling everyone who dares to make eye contact with you to f*ck off.

I was wrong. I was a moderate drinker whose shut-off valve still worked after 2 1/2 (admittedly very strong) drinks My partner’s shut-off valve was broken, but I honestly didn’t know the full scope of alcoholism until I was slogging along in toxic chaos.

So even though alcohol destroyed my relationship, killed a dear family friend, and was physically morphing me into someone I didn’t recognize, it wasn’t until I hit menopause that I decided to take a serious break. Alcohol and I are fighting.

I was tired of being tired I was tired of carrying around 20 extra pounds that I couldn’t lose I was tired of having a shitty attitude. I was tired of waking up at 2:00 a.m. and then tossing and turning for another hour or two, only to wake up a couple of hours later feeling like I had hardly slept at all

Alcohol had become like that bad boyfriend that you keep going back to – out of habit, even though you know they're going to make you feel like shit It was time to remove ALL the poison from my life

So when my friend asked me last October if I wanted to do Dry January with her, I was all in. I had already started to read Quit Like a Woman, the Radical Choice Not to Drink In a Culture Obsessed With Alcohol If you are considering taking a break from alcohol, I can’t recommend this book enough.

In the past, I would quit drinking for a month here and there I quit for 60 days a couple of years ago This feels different The risk/benefit analysis just doesn’t pencil out in favor of alcohol anymore

Now that I’m menopausal, my mind, body, and emotions are like a jazz band. Part of me is off playing the flute, part of me is playing the trombone, part of me is hammering away on a piano in desperate need of tuning, part of me is in the corner cranking out the soothing sounds of a beginner saxophone player, and part of me is playing the cymbals with the sarcastic enthusiasm of a sophomore girl. No one is playing together – everyone is just off doing their own thing, making a ton of f*cking noise. Do I really need to throw gas (alcohol) on this fire?

For me, the time has come I have other physical, mental, and emotional challenges –courtesy of a midlife hormonal cocktail – that doesn’t leave any room for alcohol. Being on this side of this decision, with a world full of things to learn and do makes me feel like a superhero.

Kat Hobza

TAKING A BREAK FROM

Booze

SHARON, RETIRED ENGINEER

"I realized that it’s easier for me to decide not to have [alcohol] at all rather than having to decide over and over whether to drink in each situation. This freed up some margin in my brain to focus on other things."

VALERIE BERTINELLI, ACTRESS

"So, here's a nice little side effect of Dry January These jeans that I'm wearing were so tight a few months ago that I couldn't comfortably button them. Now, they're so loose it's time for me to go down a size "

MELISSA, VETERINARIAN

It was definitely time for me to be more thoughtful about my drinking. With the help of an app I planned each week and decided ahead of time if there would be a day I would have a drink Not waiting for the “feeling” to drink and also knowing some other women in a similar journey helped me start to get back to a more intentional relationship with alcohol

BONNY, CANCER SURVIVOR

"Life is hard It's harder when you are drunk I was coming to the end of my dependency on alcohol. While I was very high functioning, I'd be lying if I didn't admit I was making sure by 3 in the afternoon there was enough wine in the house to make sure I could "relax" starting at 5. When my oncologist told me in 2020 that I had stage 4 cancer, I quit and never looked back "

Since

I sleep so much better, which means I immediately feel better in the morning.

I’m not as grumpy and irritable in the morning

…I can cruise through my ongoing intermittent fasting routine with ease

…My skin looks much better – no more dark circles, and the splotchy skin has subsided dramatically.

…I dropped a few pounds – which at this age is the equivalent of about 20 pounds on someone younger.

I have the ambition to do things I’ve been wanting to do for years – read the bible, take Spanish lessons, meditate, and start this magazine!

...I saved hundreds of dollars in just the first month.

…I feel more whole, more love, more compassionate, and more protective of myself. My energy has shifted from a gray place where I was constantly annoyed, to a place of healing, light, and happiness

I GAVE UP ALCOHOL... Kat Hobza

DoIt?

I got out of a toxic relationship

It’s incredibly hard to stop drinking when your partner is an alcoholic and/or is being emotionally and verbally abusive Sadly, alcohol becomes an incredibly false but easy friend under these conditions

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I started reading Quit Like a Woman, the Radical Choice Not To Drink In a Culture Obsessed With Alcohol, by Holly Whitaker I had read this once before when I broke up with my fiance and quit drinking for two months We got back together, and I started drinking again But this book is POWERFUL Please see page 19-20 for highlights I started re-reading this about two months before taking a break from alcohol

I quit in the winter which makes it either easier or harder depending on how you look at it. Montana winters are long, and if you are not a downhill skier, which I’m not, there isn’t much to do. Many people frequent the bars to get out of the house and visit with people. I chose to spend the winter healing. Drinking moderately for several years had really dumbed me down. I turned my living room into a classroom. I took this time to catch up on intellectual and therapeutic pursuits. There is never a shortage of things to do, and all of them are far more interesting than drinking.

I had an accountability partner The friend that asked me if I wanted to do Dry January set up an anonymous Facebook group where we could share challenges and progress

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I became a mixologist I still have my evening drinks, but now they don’t have alcohol in them As long as my drinks have bubbles in them, I feel like I’m still closing out the day with an adult beverage I didn’t want to replace alcohol with diet sodas (I had quit those years ago) and I don’t love the blandness of sparkling waters I started experimenting with La Croix sparkling waters My favorite “mixers” are Limon Cello and Key Lime I pour one of these over ice in a fancy glass and add either fresh lime juice, a splash of orange juice, or an ounce or two of Crystal Light lemonade This got me through the first month I've added Kombucha* (a drink I had previously mocked for its hipster doofus following) to the rotation Luckily, the popularity of being "sober curious" has resulted in an increased selection of non-alcoholic beverages I haven’t done this yet, but there are online and subscription box options for alcohol-free drinks as well

*When I told my accountability partner that I was enjoying Komucha, she said, "You know that has alcohol in it, right?" I was horrified! After scanning the label, I learned my favorite Kombucha was .5% alcohol from the fermentation process -- anything under 1.2% is considered non-alcoholic. If you are a recovering alcoholic, you may want to steer away from Kombucha.

I was sober for a couple of weeks before I went out to a bar with friends One of my drinking/fishing buddies had a birthday, and mutual friends invited me to our favorite watering hole By this time, my mind was so set against alcohol that there were no triggers and no desire to join my friends in drinking alcohol I ordered my buddy drinks and drank soda water and lime I had a fantastic time, there was no social awkwardness or shortage of laughter The only thing I learned is when your friends are drinking, and you are not, it’s time to head home after a couple of hours Once the booze starts to kick in, people start slurring their words and saying things they wouldn’t ordinarily say, which is not a big deal – I used to be one of them – they are having fun I have just learned when it’s time to exit stage left from the folks who are drinking

Kat Hobza

"QUIT LIKE A WOMAN"

Highlights

This book spoke to me as few other books have in recent history, regardless of the topic. I came across it in the oddest of ways – model Chrissy Teigen was taking a break from alcohol and said this book helped her. I’m typically not super influenced by what celebrities or models have to say, but for some reason, I was intrigued by this, looked it up, and purchased it.

This book is funny, intellectual, and REAL – three things I love – with undeniable logic that sticks with you I don’t have room for all of the pearls from this book that completely changed my mindset about alcohol, but I will share a few random things I underlined in the book…

(Editor's note: The following is cherry-picked from just the first 47 pages of the book, so if any of this resonates with you, imagine what the whole book will do. Even if you’re not interested in quitting drinking, this is a fascinating take on the alcohol industry and its relationship with women )

“Here is a time in history where masses of women fill the streets to protest against external oppression, then celebrate or cope or come down from it all with a glass of self-administered oppression.”

“There is the life that most of us live, and then there is the life we have buried deep inside us, the life we know we’re supposed to be living ”

“...We’re conditioned not to blame the precious alcohol, or to even worry about whether drinking it might be a bad idea, until we’re certifiable f*ckups ”

“Oh my God, it’s actually poison We’re all drinking poison (ethanol) You can’t drink the same thing we fuel our cars with and expect a much different outcome "

"In other words, we drink – for fun – the same thing we use to make rocket fuel, house paint, antiseptics, solvents, perfumes, and solvents.”

“We hold every single system accountable for the ways they steal from us and keep us out of our power – except for the alcohol industry ”

“If we thought about alcohol as something that undermines our collective momentum and personal agency and vitality and self-worth – what would that mean for us? What if we all rejected the poison – then what? I’ll tell you what: world domination, bitches ”

“ We were taught not to question Because very smart people with assloads of money and power and access, benefit from our complicity, from our believing that drinking is an act of empowerment for women, instead of what it truly is: a drug designed to keep us down, no matter how much we drink ”

“[Alcohol] is a $1 5 trillion industry, made up almost entirely of 16 companies (all run by men) It kills over three million people a year globally, treats women, children, and citizens of nations with developing economies as “emerging markets,” and escapes mass critical judgment (and criminal prosecution) because we are all too happy to point out that alcohol is a ritualistic superfood that predates Jesus; because we defend its pervasiveness and innocuity.”

“We read labels We shun gluten, dairy, processed foods, and refined sugars We buy organic We use natural sunscreens and beauty products We worry about fluoride in our water, smog in our air, hydrogenated oils in our food, and we debate whether plastic bottles are safe to drink from We replace toxic cleaning products with Mrs Meyer’s and homemade vinegar concoctions We do yoga, we run, we SoulCycle and Fitbit, we go paleo and keto, we juice, we cleanse. We do coffee enemas and steam our yonis and drink clay and charcoal and shoot up vitamins and sit in infrared foil boxes and hire naturopaths and shamans and functional doctors and we take nootropics, and we stress about our telomeres (these are real words) We are hypervigilant about everything we put into our body, everything we do to our body. And we are proud of this. We Instagram how proud we are of this and follow Goop and Well + Good and drop forty bucks on an exercise class because there are healing crystals on the floor The global wellness economy is estimated to be worth four trillion dollars. Four trillion dollars. We are on an endless and expensive quest for wellness and vitality and youth

And we drink f*cking rocket fuel.”

Kat Hobza

Excuse Meme?

We see several memes a day on social media. Many are chuckle-worthy, but there are a few that are so relatable, so funny, so "I feel that in my bones," that they deserve an honorary mention Each quarter we will share a few of our favorite, frame-worthy memes and why they are winning this prestigious recognition.

This meme wins for "Best Usage of Shakespearean Language Alongside the Word 'Fucks.'"

We are calling out this meme for it's hilarious use of the phrase, "lack of social norms."

Rarely have the complexities of infidelity been articulated so eloquently.

This meme is winning because we can't tell if this is Nicole Richie or Paris Hilton, and because it is SPOT ON.

We feel this Every. Single. Day. The sentiment, coupled with the top hats, make this meme an absolute treasure.

HAVING A DAY? Watch these videos

It's easy to forget the importance of humor when we are having a shit day. Grab a few minutes of quality YouTube time with a throwback to the comedic genius of David Spade Click on the pic or the QR code to enjoy

1. LOST AND FOUND

Your shit mood doesn't stand a chance against David Spade singing a Neil Diamond song There are so many things to love about this video -Spade's attempt at sex appeal, a legendary song, flying old ladies. This vid has it all!

2. total bastard airlines

If the people at work (or in your home) are driving you nuts, live vicariously through the not-so-friendly folks of Total Bastard Airlines. Feel free to spend the remainder of the day answering all requests with, "Buy-bye."

3. Geez Cindy

Tasteless jokes about Michael Jackson notwithstanding, this SNL skit featuring David Spade, Adam Sandler, and our dearly departed Chris Farley, is a true classic. If you're not already recycling the line, "LAY OFF ME, I'M STARVING" on at least a daily basis, it's time to fix that

What are your favorite mood-boosting vids?

email us at seentoomag@gmail.com

WHAT WE ARE BINGE WATCHING

andwhy

It seems the more streaming options we have, the more exhausting it is trying to find something worth watching. I pulled my gurls together and asked them what they are binge-watching and why. Here is a hilariously diverse list of ideas to inspire you...

House of Cards

“I’m late to the game for sure, but it’s a classic, treacherous drama that I can’t get enough of!” Jenny C

*Stream on Netflix

Love Island

“I love listening to the accents Was I ever that stupid and impulsive at that age? I wish I could take my whole summer to lounge by a pool and chat with my friends without a care in the world!” Deedee G

*Stream on Hulu

Married at First Sight

“Surprisingly, as someone who has been climbing out of the quagmire of a bad breakup for several months, I love this show You think I’d be making fun of the participants and the process, muttering, 'YEAH, we’ll see how long that lasts,' but I’m not. I find myself grinning from ear to ear through the entire show, and I’m also soaking up all the experts' advice in the event I ever decide to give relationships another try.” Kat H

*Stream on Discovery Plus

Catastrophe

“It’s all in the title, it reminds me of my life – f*cking hilarious.” Julie W

*Stream on Amazon Prime Video

Billy the Kid

“Don’t always believe the folklore! He was a pretty decent kid who got his ass handed to him” Bonny M

*Stream on Amazon Prime Video

The Witcher

"This isn’t a recent show, but I LOVE The Witcher on Netflix. Henry Cavill plays the main character, and he’s just the right amount of tough but secretly sensitive, and not-at-all secretly hot as hell!!" Eve S

*Stream on Amazon Prime Video

GETTING STARTED WITH Podcasts

It seems like anyone with anything to say these days has a podcast. The great thing about this is the diversity of topics and genres available when it comes to finding enjoyable podcasts. The not-so-great thing is that it is so easy and affordable to start a podcast, there is an abundance of content without much concern for quality in many instances This often leads to frustration and being overwhelmed when trying to wade into the vast ocean of options available Here are a few suggestions to get into the podcast world without feeling like you're getting sucked into a black hole

GENRE SELECTION

Pick one or two genres you would like to explore (e g true crime, self-help, storytelling, current events) and ask friends for a few suggestions in those categories. Podcasts are like social media...once you find one you like it will point you to others that you may also like as well.

BE PATIENT

It might take one or two episodes to get into a particular podcast, so don't be too quick to bail. Also, don't be afraid to fast-forward past the annoying ads if they are distracting

PERMISSION TO BAIL

Having said that, reasons to immediately bail include a host with an annoying voice or language that is offensive or uncomfortable for you.

CONTENT CONSUMPTION

Podcast participation is like any other leisure activity, we each have our preferences around how we like to consume the content I personally listen to most things at 1 4x or 1 5x speed, 'cuz I got things to do and places to be! I also rarely listen to every single episode put out by a particular host because I would rather listen to a variety of topics and people. However, if I'm listening to a particular story or series, I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for that next episode to drop! Experiment and see what makes you happy

WALK-OUTS ARE ALLOWED

When it comes to podcasts, sometimes you are following a particular person or people, and sometimes you are following a storyline Don't be afraid to quit or take a break from either if you're not enjoying it! I have yet to hear of a podcaster tracking someone down and personally demanding to know why someone stopped listening to their content!

HAVE FUN!

If you find yourself overwhelmed or dreading the process, just stop Regardless of what that one friend is telling you, podcasts are not a requirement for a happy, healthy life

It's just one more option in the infinity-scape of digital offerings...you are free to choose how much or how little you participate.

Sharon Evans

PODCASTS THAT ARE WORTH

Your Time

The Lazy Genius

Part systems expert, part permission giver, Kendra Adachi, The Lazy Genius, is here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't

The Next Right Thing

For the second-guessers, the chronically hesitant, or anyone who suffers from decision fatigue, bestselling author and host Emily P. Freeman helps create a little space for your soul to breathe so you can discern your next right thing in love. (Emily has the most soothing, best podcast voice I have ever heard!!)

Stop Over-Drinking and Start Living

For the high achieving, goal-oriented, rebel woman to learn how to live a vibrant and fulfilling life without requiring alcohol to get through it. Certified Life Coach Angela Mascenik teaches selfcoaching techniques to stop over-drinking, change your life, and propel you to your dreams.

Sharon Evans

IS IT JUST ME, OR HAVE PEOPLE GOTTEN KIND OFhorrible?

I’ve been on this planet for over 50 years, and I’m struggling to remember a time when people were so shitty to each other.

People are a mess

Personally, I blame it on Smartphones and social media I recognize that countless things are at play right now – a crap economy, COVID fatigue, political discourse, war, etc. But if you think about it, our country has gotten through tough times before – arguably worse than now

In my lifetime, people banded together during difficult times, instead of turning on one another like rabid dogs

Research shows that social media platforms are addictive and can lead to anxiety and depression There is an unmistakable correlation between social media and historically high rates of mental illness and suicide, particularly among teenagers. Unless you live under a rock, you are likely already well aware of these things, as they are painfully obvious, even to the casual observer

So mental illness is rampant, exacerbated by lockdowns and isolation. People are a mess.

It’s become a challenge for me, at midlife and going through menopause, to maintain my fun-loving, people-loving disposition I’ve worked hard to keep my family relationships intact through the election and COVID I’m nowhere near ready to give up on humanity.

Here are a couple things to remember...

People are still basically good!

Social media and 24-hour news channels can leave us with a sense that all people suck. Sometimes just driving in traffic can make us feel like all of humanity is a pile of garbage.

Social media is not an accurate representation of humanity Companies hire click farms to set up fake accounts, comment on things in defense of a company or an ideal, and to help manipulate algorithms. It’s estimated that HALF of Facebook accounts are fake (As a content marketing manager, I’ve actually done my own research and landed on the same figure – 50%.)

When reading contentious, inflammatory comments, remember that there’s at least a 50% chance that hateful comments are from fake accounts!

Many of us have developed this voyeuristic habit of reading comments as much or more than we read the original posted content So when reading contentious, inflammatory comments, remember that there’s at least a 50% chance that hateful comments are from fake accounts!

News channels are no better Drama and fear –alongside gloom and doom – all draw attention – views draw advertising dollars. Twenty-four-hour-a-day news channels are the worst. Half-hour news programs are just as guilty of spreading bad news, but at least they have the decency to patronize us with some 20-second feel-good piece at the end

Faith in humanity, RESTORED

If you want your faith in humanity restored, pay attention at the grocery store, where people are eager to converse with each other Instead of obsessing over the a-hole who cut you off in traffic, focus on the person who stopped to let others in. Good people are still out there, doing really good things, and you honestly don’t have to work that hard to find them

If you are stuck with social media like I am (as a business owner and marketing professional, I HAVE to be on social media), you can do a few things The most obvious thing to do right away is to limit your time In my line of work, this has become a necessity If I go on social media to check on my accounts at 8:39 a.m., I tell myself that I’ll hop back off at 8:45 a.m. Establish comfortable time gaps for staying off of social media For me, it’s in the evening when I’m watching TV I don’t need to be engaged in TWO passive forms of entertainment, so I do my best to stay off my phone in the evening. This helps me to be present with those around me.

Since social media likes to manipulate algorithms, do your best to seek out, like, and engage with funny, inspiring, and interesting content These platforms are designed to serve more of the information you engage with (which is what makes them addictive)

Let’s all take a deep breath and take a personal inventory of what is pissing us off, making us feel anxious, or creating/fueling depression. Since you are reading Seen Too, there is a good chance you are in midlife and dealing with hormonal spikes and dips In my case, this sometimes leads to feelings of angst and impatience Being aware is half the battle!

Small gestures build great things

The old adage is true! Doing something good for someone is an instant mood booster. These can be simple things – you don’t have to fly to Africa and filter water for indigenous people to make a difference in people’s lives (although that would be super cool if you did!)

Small gestures build great things Engage with social media responsibly. Smile and spread sunshine. Focus on the good in humanity –replace those things in your life that focus on the bad. The benefits are two-fold – you are making the world a better place, and you are improving your own mental and physical health while doing it

Kat Hobza

20 NOTES TO SELF FOR LOVING people

This excerpt is from Marc and Angel Hack Life, and the inspiration behind my writing, “Is It Just Me, or Have People Gotten Kind of Horrible?” Marc and Angel Chernoff are New York Times bestselling authors, professional coaches, full-time students of life, admirers of the human spirit, and have been recognized by Forbes as having “one of the most popular personal development blogs.”

Sometimes it is better to be kind than to be right

It’s practically impossible to love our neighbors if we don’t know them, and yet that’s oftentimes the case. We live in such a hyper-connected world with such limited or nonexistent connection Remember this Relationships matter Stories matter

In human relationships, distance is not measured in miles but in affection Two people can be right next to each other, yet miles apart.

The most beautiful thing is to see a person nearby smiling And even more beautiful is knowing that you went out of your way to be the reason behind it 2

If you have the power to make someone happier today, do it It’s worth it The world needs more of that right now 3

Some people build lots of walls in their lives and not enough bridges. There’s no good reason to be one of them Open yourself up Take small chances on people 4

Never stop doing little things for those around you Sometimes those little things occupy the biggest part of their hearts. 5

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of love, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

When this article showed up in my email, I knew I had to try to commit these things to memory Please see this article in its entirety here 6

Be present Be thoughtful Compliment people. Magnify their strengths, not their weaknesses This is how to make a real and lasting difference in your relationships, new and old. 7

We don’t always need advice Sometimes all we need is a hand to hold, an ear to listen, and a heart to understand. 8

Today, just be 100% present with those around you BE ALL THERE That is enough 9

There’s no such thing as “self-made ” Someone else believed in you Someone else encouraged you. Someone else invested in you. Someone else prayed for you. Someone else spoke life over you Be that someone for others, too

Stay in touch with those who truly matter to you Not because it’s convenient, but because they’re worth the extra effort.

The single greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. Too often, we don’t listen to understand we listen to reply Bring awareness to this And listen for what’s truly behind the words.

Set an example Treat everyone with respect, even those who are rude to you not because they are always nice, but because YOU are. (And do your best to be thankful for the rude and difficult people too; they serve as great reminders of how not to be.)

People are much kinder when they’re happier, which says a lot about those who aren’t very kind to you Sad, but true

The real test always comes when you don’t get what you expect from people. Will you react in anger? Or will calmness be your superpower?

The way we treat people we don’t understand is a report card on what we’ve learned about love, compassion and kindness.

Be kinder than necessary What goes around comes around No one has ever made themselves strong by showing how small someone else is

The best relationships are not just about the good times you share; they’re also about the obstacles you go through together, and the fact that you still say “I love you” or “I’m here” in the end.