SEEMA FEBRUARY 2021 ISSUE 2

FEBRUARY 2021

INSIDE THE LOVE PROJECT BEYOND ROMANCE

PLUS

41 Of Okra &

TRAVEL, MUSIC AND ART

WOMEN REFLECT

OPERA NO TIME FOR VALENTINE, YET A DREAM PAIR

Priya Ramani and Samar Halarnkar: Indian Love Story on Instagram page 6

Music - Jio Saavn Nikitha Gandhi page 46

Travel - Bosnia page 52

CONTENTS

4 CONTRIBUTORS

TECH

BOOKS

5 BEYOND LIMITS

40

56

PIONEERS

Leading Tech Teams Through Crisis

7 Books That Might Change Your Love Life

58

Horoscopes by Farzana Suri

10

Eggplants, Okra, Culture and Opera

30

Honoring the Over looked

FEATURES 6

India Love Project

14

Beyond Romance

WELLNESS 34

Sensual Aromatherapy

36

Best Dating Sites and Apps for South Asians

38

How to Overcome Loneliness

ART

44

SEEMA Recommends: Art

MUSIC 46

Jio Saavn Nikhita Gandhi

FOOD 48

Four Stunning Cocktails You Will Love

TRAVEL 52

SEEMA Recommends: Bosnia

ON THE COVER

Eggplants, Okra, Culture and Opera

10

MEET OUR

CONTRIBUTORS FOUNDER AND EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

SEEMA KUMAR CONTRIBUTING EDITOR

RUPA MANEK

SHARE/ LIKE/ TWEET/ US ON

CREATIVE DIRECTOR

SAJID MOINUDDIN DESIGN

HB DESIGN EDITORIAL COORDINATOR

ROHINI KAPUR EDITORIAL ASSOCIATE

NIRVANI WILLIAMS PHOTOGRAPHER

SHRAVYA KAG @seemanetwork

@seemanetworks

WRITERS

ANU BHAT JASWANT LALWANI CAMILLE BERRY MELANIE FOURIE RADHIKA IYENGAR JULIAN JACKSON DIANA ROHINI LAVIGNE FARZANA SURI PRATIKA YASHASWI BRAND PARTNERSHIPS, DEVELOPMENT AND STRATEGY

@seemanetwork

ANJALI MANIAM DIGITAL AND SOCIAL MEDIA

VRUTI PATEL

SEEMA™ ISSUE 002 | FEBRUARY 2021 EMPOWERING SOUTH ASIAN WOMEN GLOBALLY SEEMA KUMAR, FOUNDER

COPYRIGHT © 2021 SEEMA, JAYARAM, LLC | SEEMA.COM

ON THE COVER: BRYAN AND RAJ (PAGE10).

PHOTO CREDIT: BRYAN AND RAJ

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EDIT | SEEMA

GOING

BEYOND LIMITS It’s February and love is in the air.

As we get ready to celebrate Valentine’s Day, it’s time to put aside cynicism, open our hearts to Cupid’s arrow and throw ourselves headlong into that intoxicating feeling called love — even if it is for a day.

Remember the first time you fell in love? Your pulse quickening, your heart skipping a beat, butterflies in your stomach in anticipation to see the loved one? We may be socially distanced now, but Valentine’s Day is a reminder that the intimacy of the heart and emotional closeness to a loved one are alive and kicking.

St. Valentine was a Catholic priest in 3rd century Rome who secretly married Roman soldiers forbidden by Emperor Claudius II from marriage. Roman soldiers spent their life married to the army, devoting their lives to marching, training, and fighting wars, denied the joys of love. St. Valentine conducted secret Christian ceremonies to help soldiers marry and eventually was imprisoned for his crimes. In jail, he cared for other prisoners and cured the jailer's blind daughter, sending her a love letter before he was executed, signed ‘from your Valentine.' St. Valentine was executed on February 14, 270.

Parting (and love) is such sweet sorrow, to quote Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. And, in this phrase lies the essence of the feeling called love, which grows stronger when faced with obstacles, personal or societal. True love means overcoming those hurdles and standing up for oneself and one’s right to love. That feeling of sweetness, sorrow, struggle, and survival to find the joy is the quintessential feeling called love.

Then there is love that goes beyond romance. The kind

that is unconditional: one’s love for children, siblings, family and friends. We love and cherish them with just as much depth and feeling as we do those we love romantically. Of course you can’t love another with such depth of feeling unless you love yourself. Self-love is fundamental and just as important as love for another.

And, finally, love and romance that becomes stronger as you grow old and age together is perhaps the truest romantic love of all. As the lyrics from one of my favorite songs by Irish poet (singer, songwriter superstar) Ed Sheren goes….

“When your legs don't work like they used to before And I can't sweep you off your feet Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks And darling I will be loving you 'til we're 70 And baby my heart could still fall as hard at 23...” …

When my hair's all but gone and my memory fades And the crowds don't remember my name When my hands don't play the strings the same way, mm I know you will still love me the same 'Cause honey your soul can never grow old, it's evergreen Baby your smile's forever in my mind and memory Yes, love can be eternal. In this issue of SEEMA we focus on love of all kinds. From our cover story of Raj and Bryan, a gay couple who have a relationship that many heterosexual couples could only dream about, to the vignettes of 40 South Asian women who share beyond romantic love, to India’s Instagram Love Project, which documents the stories of inter-faith and inter-racial relationships that push the boundaries of caste and religion, we hope to bring you inspiring stories you will fall in love with. Plus, we cover books, cocktails, dating apps, your horoscope, and more.

I welcome you to sit back, flip through and send us your comments. Happy Valentine’s Day!

SEEMA KUMAR, FOUNDER FEBRUARY 2021 | SEEMA.COM | 5

SEEMA LOVE | SEEMA

PICTURES CREDIT: WWW.SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

Indian Love Stories, told on Instagram

6 | SEEMA.COM | FEBRUARY 2021

PRATIKA YASHASWI

I

n a Tanishq advertisement broadcast last October, a Muslim woman organizes a traditional Hindu-style baby shower for her Hindu daughterin-law. Misty-eyed, the pregnant woman says something along the lines of: “But..this isn’t a part of your family’s custom, is it?” To which her mother-in-law responds “Isn’t it customary to keep daughters happy everywhere?”

To see inter-religious relationships among Bollywood stars is one thing, but to see them portrayed positively on mainstream television is entirely another. It was star-crossed timing. The ad had aired on the heels of India’s notorious anti-interfaith marriage legislation in Uttar Pradesh (dubbed the ‘Love Jihad’ laws) which jailed 49 people in the first month alone. While many lauded the progressive, secular values reflected in the storyline, rampant Islamophobia ensured a backlash so severe that the jewellery brand was forced to take down the ad.

Even in an increasingly hostile sociopolitical climate, thousands

Priya Raman and Samar Halarnkar

of inter-faith unions continue to be solemnized under the Special Marriages Act every year and while they by no means make up the “norm”, such partnerships are only growing in number. Some of these marriages take place without family or community support, and sometimes under the threat of honor killing. Marriages crossing caste and religious boundaries are tremendous acts of courage, sacrifice and most of all, boundless love. And their stories are worth sharing and learning from.

As the drama unfolded, three friends Samar Halarnkar, Priya Ramani and Niloufer Venkatraman

Niloufer Venkatraman

decided it was high time to take an idea they’d been discussing off the backburner. India Love Project (ILP) would be an online journal of sorts, documenting the stories of relationships pushing the boundaries of caste and religion. On 28th October 2020, the Instagram page @indialoveproject began with its first post, telling the love story of Venkatraman’s Parsi mother and Hindu-Tamilian father, who were both ardent supporters of interfaith love and adoption.

It was a near-instant hit on Instagram. Every day, a new post peeks into the photo albums and memories of happy inter-faith, inter-caste couples in the country: all exemplary tales of love triumphing over great odds. Niloufer Venkatraman made valuable time to email with SEEMA about this lovely initiative.

What drove you to begin the India Love Project page? Was it something you’d always been thinking about?

The three of us co-founders had been discussing for about a year the idea building a comprehensive website with longer stories of interfaith love and relationships outside the boundaries and norms of mainstream society, and providing some legal support to those who need it. However, we FEBRUARY 2021 | SEEMA.COM | 7

SEEMA LOVE | SEEMA

of sourcing, editing, posting, replying to people, giving interviews.

Whenever any of us has a little time, we do what needs to be done to get a story out for the next day, respond to people who need help, and connect them with the right professionals, and keep the ball rolling.

never found the time or the money to do it. After the Tanishq incident, however, we thought it's best to start off immediately with a less ambitious version on Instagram. We literally launched without a plan or strategy.

What brought you three (Priya, Samar and Niloufer) together to work on this? What role do each of you play in ILP? Priya and I have been friends for 30 years. Samar and Priya have been married 21 years so we’ve all known each other for a very long time. As friends we were already talking about doing something like this. Why? Because all around us we’re seeing this unacceptable and disheartening increase in demonizing and hating on interfaith marriages and we wanted to spread the word that interfaith and any other non-mainstream relationships and marriages have been happening in India for decades and that they continue to take place. They are not some strange deviant behaviour.

All of us have day jobs and are extremely busy so we share the tasks 8 | SEEMA.COM | FEBRUARY 2021

How do you typically find stories? Do most of your stories come via your submission form? There are a few “as told to” stories: how do you go about sourcing these?

Yes, most of our stories do come via our submission form. People do DM us on social media and we direct them to submit the story via the form. We also actively solicit stories and approach people we know who have interesting stories to tell.

Sometimes readers or friends suggest stories of people who may not be on social media and we approach them.

What’s your vision for the page. Do you see it growing outside of social media, perhaps into a book, support group or a real physical archive?

We literally started off without any grand plan. Without any idea of how often we would post, where we would get stories from or anything very concrete. We just knew we wanted to tell these stories and we wanted to support

those who want to make such choices, if they’re not getting support from their environment. The response has been overwhelming and we’ve been able to post every day now from 28th October 2020.

We’ve also started supporting couples who seek help. When we’re approached for help we direct people to existing organizations that have professionals who can help them, or to some lawyers who’ve volunteered their time to help people with advice, and also to The Listener’s Collective when people need to talk to a mental health professional or counsellor.

We hope ILP becomes a community where those seeking love beyond society's traditional confines can find advice, support and inspiration. At some point we expect that we will expand and do other things with it and maybe even launch a full website (which was our original idea). Right now, it’s one week at a time, posting stories and connecting those who reach out to us to the right kind of professional who can help them.

Now that you’ve been collecting and curating these stories for a few months, what stands out in common among all the couples you see?

The common themes that you see in a lot of stories is that humanity trumps everything, that religion is not people’s defining identity and the acceptance of difference. That’s something that is heartening for all of us. Now if only we could spread that idea further in our society.

For Niloufer: Your parents were ardent supporters of inter-caste/ inter-religious marriages and being a child of one yourself, you’ve spoken about being called “mongrel” in school. How has that influenced you and your work today?

My parents were supporters of interfaith marriages and adoptions so I grew up thinking that was the norm.

I think it came as a bit of a surprise to me later that actually we were the exception. How has that influenced me? I guess it has made me want to support all forms of people’s personal choices especially when they are fighting against the conservative and rigid norms of their family and society. The way I live my life is to scorn and challenge repressive behaviour that I see around me whether on

matters of caste, religion, gender, skin colour, race etc. I certainly don’t spare people when I hear them being bigoted.

I guess my background in some way motivates me to spread the word (through India Love Project) that interfaith and any other non-mainstream union is fine and normal.

That all kinds of relationships are possible and acceptable and do exist.

That this act of loving who you want to is not an anomaly. I feel like young people today who are only hearing divisive narratives, and being forced to follow rigid rules about their relationships, really need to hear these other voices – they need to hear that making choices outside the norm is also part of the real India.

learnings? Interesting events?

We have been surprised and overwhelmed with the response. We began with two stories, mine and another friend. Immediately, stories started coming in and we've been swamped, which shows that there are many more interfaith couples willing to share their stories than we realised, despite all this love-jihad nonsense gaining ground. We had hoped as a second stage to offer legal and mental health counselling for those in interfaith relationships, but we had to act earlier than we expected as there are many struggling to find their way.

I think what we’ve learnt is that this project that was needed, it’s a project whose time was perhaps overdue. We are a country bursting with love stories ripe for the telling.

We’ve learnt that people want to hear about love and not hate – that narrative really needs to change.

What is the biggest takeaway you’ve had from putting India Love Project together? Any surprising/unexpected FEBRUARY 2021 | SEEMA.COM | 9

PIONEERS | SEEMA

Eggplants,

PHOTO BY: BRYAN AND RAJ

Okra, Sculpture and Opera

From left: Bryan Register, an American tenor, and Raj Shahani, a sculptor based in between Mumbai and New York

They stay apart for long periods, aren’t married, and have no time for Valentine’s. And yet, Bryan Register and Raj Shahani have a relationship many heterosexual couples could only dream about PRATIKA YASHASWI

10 | SEEMA.COM | FEBRUARY 2021

H

e’s a globetrotting businessman turned sculptor.

He’s a world-famous tenor known for his tremendous flair with Wagnerian operas.

Together, they’ve shared a life with bases in numerous countries for 22 years — or was it 23? They can’t seem to agree upon the year their togetherness “formally” began, or even an anniversary date, but they are in agreement on one issue: Valentine’s Day (or for that matter, anniversaries), aren’t really their thing. Nor is marriage. Both have grown up in fairly conservative environments: Bryan at the edge of the Bible Belt in North Carolina, and Raj in India, where homosexuality was decriminalized just a few years ago. As two gay men in the arts, they have built selfhoods, identities and tremendous careers outside the circle of society’s approval. They have no use for limiting heteronormative constructs. But they do have use for celebrating love every day, with humor, immaculate standards of honesty and, of course, a life in the arts. On a beautiful, breezy day in Dubai where Bryan is celebrating his birthday month with Raj’s family, they tell us all about it over video call.

HOW DID YOU MEET? BRYAN: I was in New York, doing “Don Giovanni.” After the performance, I was in my dressing room taking off my makeup. My voice teacher knocked on my door, and said, “Bryan, are you expecting any guests today?” And I said, “No, I'm not.” She said, “Well, there's a very handsome Indian man standing outside with flowers, asking to meet you.”

RAJ: (laughing) The stress is on ‘very.’ And from then on, it began…

RAJ: And there again, we have different stories. I say he pursued me,

he says I pursued him…

BRYAN: …but it began nonetheless.

BRYAN, YOU GREW UP IN NORTH CAROLINA, AND RAJ, YOU WERE MOSTLY IN MUMBAI BEFORE YOUR WORK TOOK YOU TO THE MIDDLE EAST AND EUROPE. YOUR BACKGROUNDS ARE POLAR OPPOSITES. HOW DOES THIS PLAY INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP? BRYAN: The two unifying factors between both our backgrounds is bhindi (okra) and baingan (eggplant).

It bought the two worlds together. In the southern United States, eggplant and okra are a part of our staple diet, they’re very popular. But when I first met Raj, he didn’t even know about that part of American cuisine, and he was SHOCKED. DO YOU LIKE BHINDI AND BAINGAN? BRYAN: Love it.

RAJ: I don’t like bhindi and I don’t like baingan. But you know how Indian boys are? Whatever their mama likes [they do]. My mom likes bhindi and baingan, and she makes it for him, and they enjoy it together.

It warms my heart, and I’m like, fine, everything’s good with the world.

THE TWO OF YOU TRAVEL A LOT FOR WORK. DO YOU SPEND A LOT OF TIME APART? RAJ: We do travel a lot, but we don’t feel apart because we speak every 1520 minutes, and we know everything that’s happening with each other.

We’re happy together, sad together, we’re connected. And then at least once a month, wherever Bryan is, I make it a point to travel and spend a week with him.

BRYAN: For my jobs, I'm usually in

one place for two to three months at a time, so Raj will come to opening night, red carpet nights, parties, stuff like that, and continue on with his traveling. So, we do see each other a lot, but it's not like a normal live together, see each other everyday sort of thing. The only time that's happened in over 20 years has been 2020 because of Covid-19.

HOW DID THAT GO? RAJ: We didn’t kill each other.

BRYAN: No we didn’t, and we’re still here and nobody’s been to the hospital, so it’s pretty good. No, I’m kidding; actually, it was great.

SO, YOU WOULDN’T SAY ANY PART OF IT WAS CHALLENGING? BRYAN: The challenge was not interpersonal. It wasn't, you know, stress between me and Raj. It was just the stress of our lives being stuck on hold. All of my work was canceled, and for Raj, studio spaces were closed.

SO, DO YOU HAVE A BASE AT ALL? RAJ: New York is one of our bases, and we also have a base in London because so much of Bryan’s work happens in Europe. We have one in Myrtle Beach in South Carolina.

And then we have Dubai and India and Hong Kong. So we’re not in any one place for a long time.

WHAT ARE SOME THINGS YOU DO THAT HELP YOU SUPPORT THE RELATIONSHIP AND KEEP IT STRONG DESPITE THE DISTANCE? BRYAN: We talk a lot. We’re in constant communication over the phone and text.

RAJ: Literally every single emotion, everything we’re going through, FEBRUARY 2021 | SEEMA.COM | 11

PIONEERS | SEEMA we’re communicating. We’re always talking. We are not making an active effort. It’s not like ‘Oh, we’re working hard.’ I mean, of course we are, but the communication is a very organic process. It’s not forced.

BRYAN: But also I think the reason why it works is both of us as individuals value independence and personal, private space. We support each other in our individual lifestyles, and it works for the relationship. I know that some people would not be able to handle the fact that I travel so much. It would be a dealbreaker, and the same goes for Raj. In that way, I think, that's one of the reasons why it really works.

RAJ: Also, it helps that both our families love each other. My family loves Bryan to death and his family loves me to death, and it’s a huge support system. Right now, we’re celebrating Bryan’s birthday at my sister’s place, and it feels just like home.

WHAT ARE YOUR SECRETS TO LONGEVITY IN RELATIONSHIPS? RAJ: Honesty. Honesty in your emotions and feelings and all your dealings. When you're being truly honest, you know, like it's like baring your insides and being completely open. There's nothing to hide behind.

BRYAN: Know yourself. Be able to identify what your needs are and make that clear to your partner, and know what to ask for to make you happy. And your partner has to do the same thing.

DID YOU EVER FACE OPPOSITION OR STIGMA BECAUSE OF YOUR SEXUALITY? BRYAN: There was resistance and opposition to my being gay, but they never took that out on Raj or treated him badly. Before I met Raj, I had already come out to my parents and 12 | SEEMA.COM | FEBRUARY 2021

use the word organic a lot because it just feels like it's meant to be, and this is how the world is. So, we're not fighting anything. We're not trying to prove anything. I don't want to say I don't care what other people think, but really, it's a non-issue. I was brought up to be a strong, happy person and that’s how we live.

BRYAN: As an artist, I strive so much to be me and discover all the dimensions of what that means. And I'm so busy living life and being Bryan that I don't think about ‘How do I compare to other people?’ and ‘Am I normal?’ Cause I know I'm not normal. I just gave up on that years ago.

Raj Shahani... our families are a huge support system

WHEN YOU'RE BEING TRULY HONEST, YOU KNOW, LIKE IT'S LIKE BARING YOUR INSIDES AND BEING COMPLETELY OPEN. we’d dealt with a lot of those issues.

So, Raj didn't exactly walk into a firestorm.

RAJ: Bryan had to have a talk with his family and come out, but it wasn’t like that for me. There wasn’t opposition as such; the [acceptance] just grew naturally.

DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE YOU’RE BREAKING STEREOTYPES IN YOUR IDENTITIES? RAJ: If we are, we’re not aware of it because this is so organic. And I

BEFORE WE SIGN OFF, IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU’D LIKE TO ADD FOR THIS SPECIAL VALENTINE’S ISSUE? RAJ: Ok, so we should not be in a Valentine’s day issue. Because we don’t believe in Valentine’s and believe every day should be special.

Every day’s a celebration. We wake up, and we’re like, ‘This is great!’

BRYAN: We’re, like, post-Valentine’s. We don’t do Valentine’s or Christmas or birthdays or Diwali, where you’re expected to give a gift.

We give gifts randomly.

AND NO ANNIVERSARIES EITHER? BRYAN: That's, another thing. We don't have an exact day. We have a month, but we don't celebrate that.

We’ve never wished each other happy anniversary.

IS THAT WHY YOU HAVE DECIDED NOT TO GET MARRIED? RAJ: Well, I was married once, and I didn’t find anything interesting or enticing about it. If we do get married it would be for legal or financial reasons, so we can visit each other in hospitals and stuff, but marriage

doesn’t bring anything extra to the table.

BRYAN: Also, when we started dating, LGBTQ+ rights weren’t where they are now. Seeing each other … It wasn’t the popular thing to do, and marriage was not an option. I feel like I’ve forged my path and lived my life in spite of resistance from people and society and culture. And I think that now by doing the marriage thing, I would be selling out or giving in. I've had a very healthy and long-lasting relationship for all these years without society's permission and without society's blessing. I didn't need it then, and I don't need it now. I might consider it and I think it is very romantic, but I would do it for completely different reasons.

RAJ: I’d do it because it’d make for great photographs. And then we might not call it marriage. We’d call it something else. Actually, we don’t need to name it.

DOES THE TRAVEL AND UNCERTAINTY EVER GET UNSETTLING? BRYAN: Sometimes it feels unsettling, like I’m a gypsy living out of a suitcase, but that's just the nature of my work. I mean, if I'm going to do what I do as a career, I really have no other choice.

And the fact that we have multiple bases makes my life easier rather than more difficult. At least if I have four different homes, I have places that I can go to in different regions of the world that still feel like home instead of a hotel. I don't think we will ever be able to go back to being regular people with one base.

RAJ: Bryan sings all over the world and, before I retired I was always traveling for work. Now, with my family spread apart all over the world, I think the world is our home now. So it doesn’t really matter where we are.

RAJ, YOU TURNED TO SCULPTURE AFTER A CAREER IN BUSINESS. DID BRYAN HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT? RAJ: There wasn’t much support for the arts when I was growing up in India so I never let that side of me come through. But my son’s a musician and artist and Bryan’s an artist and living with them tugged at me

AT THE BEGINNING OF OUR RELATIONSHIP, WE DID SPEND A LOT MORE TIME TOGETHER, PHYSICALLY, WHICH LAID A FIRM FOUNDATION.

Bryan Register... for us every day is a celebration, not just one day

and made me want to be like them.

I’ve always looked up to artists and that played into what I wanted to do.

Plus seeing Bryan so on top of his game and the joy he gets from art, to be exposed to that kind of passion and effort everyday is inspiration in itself.

No base, no anniversaries, and no legal status. That’s an amazing amount of uncertainty to live with every day.

BRYAN: I think Raj has always been comfortable with it, but it took me a very long time to get here because I come from a very conservative family and area of the United States.

And my brain works in those conservative constructs. So it took me a long time to get to where I am and be comfortable.

In healthy, thriving relationships, people are together because they choose to be together. Not because they're forced to be together or they're bound by contract. Every day I wake up and I choose to be with Raj rather than, you know, ‘Oh, I made a binding contract with the state and before God and all that and I might hate his guts and not want to look at his face, but I have to stay in it because I made a formal commitment.’

WHAT ARE SOME THINGS YOU DO THAT HELP YOU KEEP THE RELATIONSHIP STRONG DESPITE THE DISTANCE? BRYAN:When we first met each other, I didn't have an international career. I wasn't traveling all over the world and Raj wasn’t traveling as much as he travels now. So at the beginning of our relationship, we did spend a lot more time together, physically, which laid a firm foundation. Now when the situation has changed, we're able to adjust.

FEBRUARY 2021 | SEEMA.COM | 13

PIONEERS | SEEMA

BEYOND

ROMANCE

Take a peek into the hearts of South Asian women around the U.S. February often conjures up the spirit of love and romance. It can also be a time of stress as a result of the pressure to take a relationship to the next level, to purchase the right gift for a loved one, and to keep the day’s activities in stealth mode till Valentine’s Day. While most people dwell on romantic love during this holiday celebration, many love expressions that are not romantic are also worthy of celebration.

Women from around the country offered their thoughts on what they cherish and value beyond romantic love.

While children and family are common themes, these South Asian women list other things they love, from traveling to a great cup of coffee, from Seva (service to the community) to their work. Their answers reveal how South Asian women are diverse, nurturing, fierce, determined, devoted, driven, loving, and a group to celebrate. Join us on a sneak peek into the hearts, minds, and souls of 41 fascinating women.

DIANA ROHINI LAVIGNE

DHAYA LAKSHMINARAYANAN

Nerd. Storyteller. Writer.

Professional funny person San Francisco, CA What I love most in this world is reliability and consistency – in friendships, family, business, or even yogurt. I like my loved ones to show up when they say they will, and you can depend on them. This also applies to food. Like yogurt consistency.

I like it firm and whenever I make it at home I use the same process for the same results.

14 | SEEMA.COM | FEBRUARY 2021

VANDANA MENON Journalist New York City, NY

My family is my biggest source of love, strength, and support. Besides them, the things I love most are warm sunshine on a cold day, a cup of coffee first thing in the morning, TV shows and books I can escape into, synchronicities, and listening to music that matches my mood exactly.

MAYA AJMERA

President and CEO, Society for Science Publisher, Science News Washington, DC I love my daughter, my family, and my friends.

I love to read great books by South Asian writers. I really love to relax by watching a great TV show or movie on the couch with my husband, with a small bag of SkinnyPop in one hand and a martini (Grey Goose vodka, straight up with two olives) in the other.

MONICA BHIDE Storyteller Dunn Loring, VA

I love the secret code words that I share with my two sons.

Only we know what the strange words mean and it binds us together as a powerful family unit and, yes, provides great opportunities for loads of laughter and pure joy!

FEBRUARY 2021 | SEEMA.COM | 15

PIONEERS | SEEMA

TINA SUGANDH

Founder/CEO of MomOnTopShop.com Los Angeles, CA What I love and truly cherish the most in life are the moments of laughter. Oh wait, I'm supposed to say my kids first, right? Can I change my answer? Ha ha.

Seriously though, I love laughing with my 3 little crazy monkeys, laughing with my employees at MomOnTopShop.com, and laughing with hubby even if it's just for a quick few minutes in between all the chaos of this crazy momlife and bizlife that I'm trying desperately to balance. I also really love being almost totally "Zero F's," as the kids say, as it took me a good five years to realize that very little is actually worth getting upset over, haters are just people that are unhappy in their own lives and I should not let the trolls bring me down, and that positivity is absolutely everything.

16 | SEEMA.COM | FEBRUARY 2021

NITHYA A. RUFF

Head, Open Source Program Office, Comcast, and board chair, Linux Foundation Raleigh, NC First and foremost, I love my daughters Alex and Tara. They are my inspirations I am most proud and grateful for. Second, for my extended family: my brothers and their families who are always there for me. Lastly, the different communities I am lucky to be a part of. They are my support system and why everyday can be a good day. Communities like Neythri, my lifelong friends, the open source community, my work community and team, and my local Raleigh community. I need these communities in my life.

ARTI SHARMA

VP of corporate strategy and Development, CCS Global Tech Seattle, WA

MOUSUMI SHAW

I love and cherish my beautifully diverse circle of friends. Genuinely kind and generous, they inspire me at so many levels!

Founder and CEO, Sikara & Co. Austin, TX and Munich, Germany I love my 3-year-old, Nico, as he sees the world in an innocent and beautiful way, bringing laughter and warm cuddles every day. I also love my mom for giving me the confidence to go out and make things happen and to be persistent if at first you see roadblocks. Other things that make life wonderful and put a smile on my face include adventures around the world with family and friends, my nephew and niece, snuggles with my American Eskimo, Texas sunsets, and Oreo ice cream.

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PIONEERS | SEEMA

NATASHA HAKSAR

Senior director, Globant Boston, MA I have discovered a love for kneading and baking bread; exhaustion from a long workout and the laughter of my niece on our zoom dates.

SARINA JAIN

Entrepreneur and founder, Masala Bhangra Queens, NY I love my children and motherhood has taught me so much.

I love my family very much, but this is expected. I LOVE to exercise, dance, have a good laugh and learn to say hello in different languages.

MYTHILI SANKARAN

Co-founder and managing partner, Neythri Futures Fund Saratoga, CA I love being mom-friend to my two adult girls, love the work I do, the people I meet at Neythri, my close knit group of girlfriends, my daily walks with my husband and daughters, which I look forward to every day.

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ANUSHA SHRIVASTAVA, PH. D.

Director, career development and alumni relations, Dept. of Statistics, Columbia University Aside from my family, I love the Graduate School of Journalism at Columbia University, where I got my second masters degree. I love traveling to new places and I love food that is presented in an artistic way.

NIRMALA GARIMELLA

Co-founder, Circle of Hope, American India Foundation Cambridge, MA I love to travel and spend time with locals wherever I go. I also love to cook a variety of chutneys and write new recipes and share with my friends and family. Lastly, I love to collect a variety of coasters.

SONYA DHAR, M.D.

Program director, Ophthalmology New York, NY I love the sound of laughter from my family and friends. I love the trust of my patients in their most vulnerable moments. And nothing beats a NYC bagel.

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PIONEERS | SEEMA

SEEMA GOVI PRAGATI GROVER

CEO, Cosmo City Media and TV Asia correspondent for Austin, Dallas, San Antonio, and a podcast host on Rukus Avenue Radio Austin, TX

I love my family and the time I get to spend with them. I also love travel and experiences I love baking. It gives me a chance to be creative and indulge in some ‘play’ time – something we adults could do with a lot more.

I love my son and daughter and love to spend time with them. My family and friends around the world are my inspiration and strength.

I love to explore the world, and meet new people with different perspectives and cultures. I enjoy reading, writing, cooking, hiking, working out, and learning new things. Working for a cause gets me going, too.

Operations and fundraising and manager, Team4Tech Saratoga, CA

ASHA C. BEH

Outreach specialist/digital strategist, U.S. Department of State McLean, VA In addition to loving my family and friends, I love food and fashion.

There are many foods that bring me joy, like chocolate chip cookies and mangoes, not to mention different cuisines, like Thai and Indian food. On the fashion front, it’s all about hair, makeup, and clothes – budget accordingly and hone in on the colors and styles that suit you. It might seem frivolous, but it’s kind of like putting on armor. Do it right and you’re ready to seize the day.

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MANISHA SHAHANE

Singer-songwriter, ManishaMusic.com Austin, TX Long walks, summer rain, and cooking experiments for friends and family make my heart sing. I also love doodling on napkins and using spreadsheets. Finally, a good cry — such as while enjoying a good book or movie or music — always sets me free.

GITA SRINIVASAN

WWIT acquisitions and divestitures, Johnson & Johnson Downingtown, PA

PHOTO BY: JEFF HOFMANN

I love the people who inspire me every day, not just my family and friends but the everyday people whose small acts of kindness I read about with no anticipation of reward. A Fedex driver who bought a basketball hoop for a kid who couldn’t afford it, a guy whose bike got stolen but reacted by setting up a way to provide free bikes, a child who provided firefighters with baby yoda to give them strength , the heroes and heroines who just take off to disaster areas to provide health services or set up kitchens.

SHALINI VADHERA

Founder and CEO, Ready Set Jet, and author of “Passport To Beauty” Los Angeles, CA I love my family and their incredible love and support. I also love traveling, discovering new places and cultures. Also, foods, scents, rituals and making new friends. I also really love my job. Finding ways to help women look good and feel good makes me happy.

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PIONEERS | SEEMA

HEMA LAKKARAJU

CEO, founder, Hayag Corp.

Fremont, CA I love my kids. They are my true inspiration to be creative, compassionate, and be brave to try something new. I absolutely love my first cup of cappuccino in the morning. I also love gardening, making canvas art, and hosting parties for my family and friends.

ROOPAL SHAH

VP, distribution enablement, Salesforce Fremont, CA Outside of my husband, it would of course be my immediate family, which includes my amazing boys, my dad, and our newest family member, our puppy Zoe. And, of course, vegan cooking and Mother Nature. In fact I love being in nature so much that we have now set a goal to go to as many national parks in the U.S. as possible as part of our bucket list. We're at 10 so far.

ARCHI SARKAR-GOYAL

Head of strategic programs, Confluent Santa Clara, CA I love making art with my 6-year-old daughter just as much as I love gardening with my 3-year-old boy. I love travel – the idea of adventure, of exploring something new and growing a little with that experience. On an off day, I love a good book with a hot cup of coffee.

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SHOBHA THAROOR SRINIVASAN Writer and voice-over talent Campbell, CA

I love the fullness in my heart from making a loved one happy. I love the gurgling laughter of my grandchildren. I love the satisfaction of completing a good book, or watching a powerful performance on stage or on the screen.

SEJAL THAKKAR

Chief civility officer, TrainXtra South San Francisco, CA I love my son and our kitty, Cherry. I also love hiking, nature and nurture. I am blessed to be able to combine my passion with my work. This is what I genuinely love.

RAGINI SRINIVASAN Homemaker Portola Valley, CA

I love Mother Nature. In the words of John Muir, in every walk with Mother Nature one receives far more than he seeks.

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PIONEERS | SEEMA

SUKANYA SEN

Director of communications, U.S.-India Strategic Partnership Forum Bethesda, MD I love being a working mother that brings the same passion and energy to her work as to her family. I love that I was raised by parents who valued education, free-thinking, and encouraged me to question and challenge the status quo. I love teaching those same ideals to my children. Beyond that, I love the energy I get when taking long walks, doing yoga, and traveling to new destinations.

SIMI RANAJEE, PHD

CEO of IMISCO, founder and chair at MN5 Lakewood Ranch, FL I love it when my daughter laughs and throws her hair back. I love when my son smiles with his sparkling eyes. I love when my parents are proud, my husband and I win in pickleball, and when I see my sister excel. I love seeing humanity in forms I could have never imagined and selflessness exhibited. I love when we are all one and how love connects us.

SUNITA PENDEKANTI

Linux release manager, Oracle, and founder-director, Kuchipudi Arts Center Pleasanton, CA I love performing, choreographing, and teaching classical dance. I love watching my young students blossom into beautiful dancers and to watch how some have taken what they learned from me to their universities to compete nationally and internationally. Also, I love traveling and learning about different cultures.

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SATYA CHHEDA

Director, career growth, Teal Brooklyn, NY I love my son, brother, mom, and my circle of friends. They have supported me through my most difficult times and celebrated my successes. I also love the ocean, my morning coffee routine, and a good book.

ARPITA SIKKA

President, San Jose Rotary East/ Evergreen, and retired teacher San Jose, CA

REVA SUBRA

I love that my world revolves around my amazing daughter and the beautiful home she has created with her wonderful husband and two adorable kittens! As a retired teacher, giving back is an inherent part of who I am and I now spend the majority of my days looking for service opportunities to give back to the communities around me.

I love that my Rotary Club has empowered me to do exactly that and enables my passions in both service and travel! I am lucky to be able to do what I love while surrounded by the ones I love.

Founder & CEO, UPforCause San Diego, CA I love the historic roll of Covid-19 vaccinations in the midst of this debilitating pandemic. I love spending time with my family, and always enthusiastic to initiate new programs, services to help these individuals with special needs and their families.

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PIONEERS | SEEMA

VAISHALI JAIN

TV host and change management consultant, Sarder TV / Entrepreneur's Organization New York, NY I love an outdoor walk, no matter how cold it is. The pandemic has taught me to refocus and appreciate the small things I normally took for granted – the splendor of a flower, an insect, or even a beautifully designed door or archway. Additionally, I love my favorite cup of coffee to begin my day.

SUSHIL CHEEMA

Life and performance coach, and editor, The Penny Hoarder Tampa, FL I love my parents – my mother with her humor, my father with his calm – for caring for me, and now allowing me to care for them. I love my Aunty Lynn for her wisdom, her steadfastness and her value of beautiful pursuits. And I love Badger, a miniature long-haired dachshund, for reminding me to be curious, to stay present, and to forgive.

NANDA MEHTA

Founder and managing director, Ahaana, and CEO, Creative Journeys San Diego, CA I love trekking & traveling, crafting and community service.

Besides that, no one best get between me and my first cup of coffee, which I love.

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SHRUTI AGGARWAL Photographer, Foto Stop Photography South Riding, VA

My love for my two amazing children surpasses everything.

They’re the light of my life and fill me with joy at every waking second. Along with them, I love cooking, art, and jewelry, as well as drinking a hot cup of tea while watching my favorite thrilling T.V. show.

RUPAL ASODARIA

Entrepreneur, inventor, and artist Fremont, CA I love my children and enjoy spending time with them every day. Painting is my childhood hobby, and I love to paint. Besides spending time in nature with my family, I love reading, writing poetry, creating art, and meditating.

MOLLY KUMAR

Owner, Easy Cooking with Molly San Jose, CA I love my freedom the most as it gives me a choice to love/like things further in life ... be it friends, family, hobbies, work, food, or other things.

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PIONEERS | SEEMA

SHIVANI JANI

Beauty industry executive North Brunswick, NJ

ANCHAL LEELA CHAND

I love indulging my friends and family with evenings of good food and wine, especially around the holidays.

I love skin care. It is sacred to me. My regimen that consists of quality products, a healthy diet, and lots of water to nourish from the inside fills me with self-love. I'm blessed that I have things that I love appear in my life every day – whether it's simply laughing over group texts to spending time with my family and friends, creating future memories.

VP at Rukus Avenue Music Group Chatsworth, CA I love this precious gift we call life. I love and adore my three children and am fortunate to learn something new about them each day. I love supporting the arts, independent musicians, and meaningful causes that uplift our communities. Mother Nature is my teacher whom I love and respect, She allows me to see the oneness that connects all living beings. I truly love that each day we have the opportunity to grow and evolve.

INDRANI PAL-CHAUDHURI

Director, photographer, a visiting lecturer at Princeton University, and executive director, Shakti Empowerment Education Foundation Princeton NJ I love my students at Princeton and at SEEschool.org, my family, creative collaborators, crew, cast, the subjects I shoot, and the viewers of my work, whom I seek to inspire to become their best selves.

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Diana Rohini LaVigne has been a communications executive and journalist for 25+ years. She is a California Master Naturalist and enjoys doing community service working with kids in the outdoors.

She lives in Northern California with her husband, Vikram, and two children, Rohana and Anoushka, and dog, Marshmello. Her social media handle is: @DianaRohini and her website is: www.DianaRohini.com.

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PIONEERS | SEEMA

Honoring the

overlooked New York Times obits editor Amy Padnani salutes the obscure, the forgotten and the ignored in the newspaper’s well-known series

PICTURE CREDIT: www.unsplash.com and www.pixels.com

RADHIKA IYENGAR

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I

n 2017, Amisha (Amy) Padnani, an editor at The New York Times’ obituaries desk, realized an oddity in the manner in which the newspaper had traditionally featured obituaries.

Since 1851, the Times had published tributes to noteworthy people who were predominantly male and white. Only a fraction of the obituaries registered the lives of women and people of color.

The paper’s archives were missing obituaries of legends like Charlotte Brontë (who authored “Jane Eyre”), Henrietta Lacks (who unwittingly transformed the landscape of medical research, thereby saving countless lives), Ida B. Wells (“the most famous black woman in the United States during her lifetime” who crusaded against lynching), Madhubala (the gorgeous Bollywood superstar of the '50s-'60s), and Karl Heinrich Ulrichs (who supported gay rights in the 19th century, long before the term ‘homosexuality’ was coined).

Padnani wondered if the paper could “look harder” and acknowledge the unsung lives of individuals who had positively altered society’s trajectory, yet had been marginalized by history due to their race, gender, sexual orientation and so on. As a result, in 2018, the Times introduced a series aptly titled Overlooked, which became a part of its obituaries section. It traced and honored the lives of extraordinary people who had receded into obscurity. The Times admitted on its Overlooked web page: “To look

back at the obituary archives can, therefore, be a stark lesson in how society valued various achievements and achievers.”

Across borders, readers have gravitated towards these compelling stories. The project has become a propellant in changing the narrative of whom we think is “important” in society. Padnani, the lead editor of Overlooked (which is going to be adapted as a web series for Netflix), tells SEEMA what went into making the series, the impact it has made thus far, and how those who were once sidelined by history are finally being brought to the forefront and celebrated.

occasionally get emails from readers asking, “Why don’t you have more women and people of color in your pages?” I asked my team how we usually respond.

They said, “Well, obituaries are a rear-view look at society, and the people who are dying today were of a generation when women and people of color weren’t invited to the table to make a difference.

Perhaps in a generation or two, we’ll see more of a balance.”

To begin, what inspired your interest in the Obituary section of The New York Times?

One of the reasons I’ve always been drawn to journalism is because I enjoy learning about life through people. Obituaries are a perfect example of this. There is a beautiful serendipity in picking up the day’s paper and reading about how a person helped shape the world as we know it. Obituaries are also an art form, especially at The Times. Our writers take the story of a person’s life and spin up beautiful narratives that go beyond just the basic facts of a person’s life. Take, for example, this wonderfully written piece about Frances Gabe, the inventor of the world’s only self-cleaning house. She was a visionary who achieved something many people have dreamed of.

While there is some truth to that line of thinking, I still felt unsatisfied. Couldn’t we look a bit harder? I began mulling over this issue and having conversations with colleagues around the newsroom and in the industry. Then one day while I was doing some research, I came across a website about the history of tennis.

It credited Mary Ewing Outerbridge with introducing tennis to America. Tennis is such a major sport, and yet I had never heard of her. I wondered if she received a New York Times obituary when she died. On a hunch, I checked our archives: she hadn’t. I wondered who else we missed, and I went on a deep dive through the archives. Before long I had a list of a couple of dozen names. I went back to my team and said, “What if we were to tell their stories now?” On March 8, 2018, International Women’s Day, we launched Overlooked with the stories of 15 remarkable women, and we have continued adding to the series ever since.

How did the fascinating Overlooked series come into being?

After I joined the Obits desk, in 2017, I noticed we would

As the creator and lead editor of Overlooked, how did you envision the series to bring about a paradigm shift?

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PIONEERS | SEEMA To be honest, I didn’t predict the impact of Overlooked. You see, at the time the Black Lives Matter movement was at a rolling boil and the #MeToo movement was just beginning. All of these people were coming out of the shadows to tell stories of injustices that they had faced and I could relate; as the daughter of Indian immigrants growing up in the United States, I, too, had faced discriminating encounters.

People were demanding change.

And meanwhile, in my new role I had identified an imbalance that I could address.

When Overlooked launched, I got hundreds of emails. People said they cried reading these obituaries because they felt seen for the first time. And all of a sudden, I realized how so many people like me had been walking around feeling invisible, and how this sort of work, of trying to rewrite history and correct the wrongs of the past, could help us think about what we need to be doing differently as a society going forward.

Which has been the most revelatory story that you’ve managed to pull out of the shadows?

Has that story left you inspired in any way?

There are so many! I’m delighted when I read about problem solvers, like Melitta Bentz, who invented the coffee filter after she became tired of getting grounds in her teeth. I’m humbled when I read about brave souls like Minnie Freeman, a teacher who rescued her schoolchildren when the building was being torn apart in a freak blizzard. I’m inspired when I hear about strong women who survive adversity to do something

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great, like Grandma Gatewood, who overcame 30 years of domestic violence at the hands of her husband, to become the first woman to complete the Appalachian Trail in its entirety alone, when she was 67.

I’m brought to tears when I read about women like Margaret Garner, a slave who, in one soul-chilling moment, killed her own daughter so that she would not have to experience the horrors of slavery. Reading these stories of vision and strength is revelatory — they teach us about our role in society, about what we can accomplish and who we should be as individuals going forward.

What is the process behind choosing who deserves to be featured? Is there is certain criteria they must meet?

As the lead editor of the project, I’ve gotten thousands of pitches from readers on who else we might have overlooked. The primary criteria is that the person has to have died after The New York Times began publishing, on Sept. 18, 1851. Other than that, the criteria is pretty similar to how we select contemporary figures. Generally speaking, the subject should have helped shape society or a way of thinking for a set of people in some way.

Once you decide whom to feature, what kind of research goes into excavating rich and crucial aspects of their life?

We try to contact surviving family members, if there are any, and read articles about the person from when they were alive. We also contact experts like biographers and scholars and dig deep into old records, letters the person may have written, for exam-

ple, or birth or death certificates.

Often we find inconsistencies that we have to work around.

Sometimes certain facts are completely lost to history and we can only get so far.

Could you give an example of how you tackle inconsistencies?

In one particular instance, a reporter ran into some trouble while researching the life of Bessie Stringfield, a Black woman who was known as “the motorcycle queen of Miami” after unabashedly roaring through the Jim Crow South doing tricks on her bike. The reporter called me with a concern — Bessie had lied about her upbringing, about who her parents were, about her nationality and her birthplace. I asked how she knew this, and she said she obtained birth and death records that contradicted other reports. When the reporter spoke with Bessie’s best friend about the inconsistencies, the friend became angry. “This is how Bessie wanted to be known,” she said. I found it fascinating that Bessie, for whatever reason, felt she needed to alter perceptions about her to get through life. In the end, I encouraged the reporter to write that thread into her story and it ended up being a much more powerful piece.

During your research, have any peculiar adjectives or phrases sprung out that describe the people you plan to feature? For example, Emily Roebling who supervised the construction of the Brooklyn Bridge when its chief engineer (her husband) fell ill, was described as a woman with an “almost masculine intellect.”

There are many instances of disparaging language used in

How has the series evolved over the last few years and how do you see it developing in the future?

While Overlooked began with the stories of 15 women, it has grown to include many other underrepresented groups of people. One year, for Black History Month, we told the stories of about a dozen Black men and women. Many of them had been slaves or were a generation removed from slavery. A lot of them lied about their backgrounds.

Some, despite their achievements, died poor and were buried in paupers’ graves. All of them, however, had to fight just to survive.

One example was Major Taylor, a bicyclist who broke world records

even as people threw garbage at him during races because of the color of his skin. Overlooked has also told the stories of LGBTQ figures like Alan Turing, who, despite being a computer programming genius who helped end World War II, was criminalized for his sexuality. Most recently, we have been adding the stories of people who were central to the disability rights movement, like Roland Johnson, who suffered 13 years of neglect and abuse in an institution as a youth, but as an adult became a leading advocate in the fight to shut such places down.

In 2020, death took on a new meaning. As an Obits editor, what has been your most challenging experience during the pandemic?

As journalists, we try to maintain a certain emotional distance from our subjects to ensure impartiality and accuracy. It’s harder when

you’re living it. We started a series called Those We’ve Lost, which puts faces and names to the numbers as we grapple with the human toll of the pandemic.

More than once, while editing these stories, I’ve had to take breaks. One that had me getting up more than once for a tissue was the tragic story of Brandy Houser, a hospice care consultant who looked out for everyone in her life and who shared a beautiful relationship with her husband, Kris, before she was claimed by the coronavirus at age 41.

What crucial advice would you give to young South Asian women in the United States who are aspiring journalists and editors?

My work is still continuing.

While it’s been meaningful to highlight voices from the past, I’m still working to balance our coverage of obituaries going forward. But I haven’t given up, and I would say the same to you. Be persistent.

If you have an inkling of an idea in your mind, don’t let it go.

Keep fanning that flame. Talk to as many people as you can. Find supporters and advocates. Your perspective is important and others will see value in it, too — just as they did with me.

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PICTURE CREDIT: Historic Collection / Alamy Stock Photo

the past to describe subjects in Overlooked, but we choose not to repeat the language. One interesting practice, however, that spurred another project I worked on, called “The Mrs. Files,” was that of referring to a woman by her husband’s name.

The famous artist Frida Kahlo, for instance, was at times referred to as Mrs. Diego Rivera. This practice sometimes made it more difficult to uncover information about our female subjects. “The Mrs. Files” explores the honorific Mrs. and what it means to women and their identity.

WELLNESS | SEEMA

SENSUAL AROMATHERAPY

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JULIAN JACKSON

S

cents have been the language of love and sensuality from the time of Cleopatra. Our sense of smell keys into the area of the brain that holds memory and emotion. Scents produce strong, emotional reactions and are a great way to enhance your love life. Aromatherapy has been

used in erotic practices and rituals by many different cultures over history.

Scents were used to attract lovers, restore a relationship, and ensure sensual pleasure.

Cleopatra is reputed to have used a special blend of cardamom, cinnamon and rose oil to bewitch Mark Anthony. Young Italian women used basil to seduce potential conquests and ancient Arabic manuals refer to black pepper as having erotic properties.

OILS AND HERBS FOR SENSUALITY

Lovers can use oils and herbs in many ways to enhance their sensuality.

Essential oils in diffusers, burners, candles, incense, scent rings, scented potpourri, or added to bathwater or massage oils can create an exciting atmosphere and ensure a fulfilling experience.

One way to use these oils is to create an ideal aromatic bath – perhaps with one, or maybe two or three scents that you particularly like, to build the right atmosphere for an erotic encounter. Or you could use them for a warm massage. Or even the bath could lead to the massage.

One note of caution: many aromatherapy oils are powerful and should not be used undiluted on the skin.

It is customary to mix them with a massage oil base. Any seed or nut kernel oil will do, but popular ones are safflower, sunflower, sweet almond, or grapeseed oil. Avoid olive oil as it is too pungent and will overwhelm the delicate scent of the essential oils.

Basil, both the herb and its oil, is known as a sensual scent, with a sweet, spicy aroma. It has many associations with love and fertility. It can awaken the senses and ease mental, emotional and physical fatigue.

Bergamot is a balmy oil that can uplift the mood of lovers. With a lemon and floral aroma it will lift a special person's spirits and can relieve tension and stress.

Black pepper is a sensual scent which can add intrigue and vitality to a sensual moment. It has warming and penetrating properties that can rekindle old passions.

Cedarwood is a lovely oil that reveals emotional depth and draws lovers into a blissful and sensual ambience. Ginger is a pungent and spicy erotic scent. It will boost the libido and inflame passion and desire.

Jasmine, both herb and oil, is heady and exotic. Use it to capture, sustain or rekindle the passions of a lover.

Use lime to uplift the senses and increase desire and passion in a relationship. Neroli Absolute is an aphrodisiac scent which can seduce and satisfy a loved one.

Patchouli is an earthy aroma with a deep, musky fragrance associated with sensuality and primeval feelings.

Sandalwood is a special scent with a sweet and woody aroma. It has been used from ancient times in erotic rituals celebrating the divine nature of sexual ecstasy.

THE POWER OF SCENT

By mingling scents as part of the erotic experience, through seduction, foreplay and massage, in either a new relationship, or perhaps an existing one that has become a little bit stale and ordinary, lovers can build or renew the bonds that come from deep down inside ourselves. Scents stimulate our olfactory system, generating the powerful emotions that emerge from the ancient part of our brain and its links to the core of our personality and experiences.

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WELLNESS | SEEMA

The Best Dating Sites and Apps for South Asians The safest ways of discovering love in the digital age MELANIE FOURIE

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F

inding that perfect match amidst a flurry of dating apps and sites can be a tad tricky for the South Asian woman.

According to Sukhmeet Toor and KJ Dhaliwal, the founders of South Asian dating app Dil Mil, apps like Tinder are not necessarily addressing the South Asian’s “desire to preserve their cultural and religious heritage.”

However, finding love in a digital age is certainly possible when you know where to look. Here are some of the most successful digital platforms for your dating arsenal, plus some hacks on how to navigate them safely.

DIL MIL

This South Asian dating app has reported one successful relationship per hour and one marriage per day. The platform also comprises a website, dilmil.co that notes a monumental 20 million matches, and 2 million registered users spanning the globe.

According to Forbes magazine, the dating app was founded in 2014 and “offers a middle ground for South Asians who aren’t looking for either hook-ups or arranged marriages.” Dil Mil places an emphasis on “modern dating methods without downplaying religious and cultural identities.”

Forbes also likens the app’s role to that of a “virtual’ aunt, as traditionally aunts were the matchmakers in South Asia.

ASIAND8.COM

This is currently the largest South Asian dating site, sporting 10,000’s of registered users and tons of heart warming success stories. They cater to South Asians looking for Christian, Hindu, Bengali, Gujarati, Jain partners, and more. The platform has also taken Covid-19 into consideration. It is hosting virtual speed dating, among other things, for Hindus, Sikhs, and for Tamil and Punjabi speakers.

This respected dating site was also featured in BBC, the Huffington

Post, and The Asian Today. They also host age-specific virtual events for those over 30, 35, and 45. You can download their app via the Google Play store or the Apple App store.

BUMBLE

Launched in December 2014 by Whitney Wolfe Herd, this platform helps women set the tone for dating. According to Business Insider, Herd's objective was to create a “comfortable and empowering online dating space for women.” You can also expand your social circle by forging new friendships via Bumble BFF, or network via Bumble Bizz.

The platform requires women to shake outdated dating and gender norms, by encouraging them to make the initial move if someone piques their interest!

Bumble notes that this helps shift “old-fashioned power dynamics,” and spurs equality from the onset.

The platform stands firmly on their pillars of respect, kindness, and confidence. You can join the 'beehive' via their website or by downloading their mobile app.

NAVIGATING TOWARD YOUR IDEAL MATCH SAFELY

According to a Safewise source, there’s a notable difference between

being “cyber savvy” and "cyber secure." You should therefore always keep your contact details confidential. Any potential would probably do an online search on you. It’s therefore wise to limit your public contact details on digital platforms such as Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn. You should also be vigilant about potentially fake profiles. Safewise advises that some surefire ways to ascertain whether a profile picture is fake is to run it through a Google images search. Google verifies the photo source via “facial recognition, photo binary data, and landmark identification.”

Also, if you think you’ve found a suitable match and would like to meet in person, you should practice the utmost caution and adhere to the necessary Covid-19 guidelines.

Safewise also advises to make your first date a virtual one, or tell someone where you are going when venturing out. You could also arrange for them to give you a call to ensure your safety. And never hesitate to report any suspicious activity to your dating platform.

That being said, when you practice caution and engage via the correct platforms, your online dating experience could be a positive one!

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WELLNESS | SEEMA

PICTURE CREDIT: HTTP://WWW.PIXABAY.COM

How to Cope With and Overcome Loneliness Ascertain whether you are hankering for company and address the problem MELANIE FOURIE

F

ebruary heralds the month of love for those who are dating or committed. For many, this spells sweet Valentine’s Day surprises, heart-shaped candies, oodles of affection, and togetherness. However, the deluge of ecstatic couples is also a painful reminder of an unfulfilled love life for singles.

A recent study revealed that 82% of Americans preferred to spend Valentine’s Day with someone. It is therefore no surprise that many singles feel a heightened sense of loneliness on that day. If this is you, it is best to ascertain whether you are indeed lonely, or just succumbing to

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the hype surrounding Valentine’s.

If it turns out you feel unloved and isolated, don’t fret, as there are steps you can take to fill the void. Here’s how to do this.

SIGNS THAT YOU ARE CHRONICALLY LONELY

You may not always be aware that you’re lonely, as the signs may be subtle. However, according to Healthline, these are some of the symptoms of loneliness: • Listlessness or decreased energy levels • A lack of appetite • A compromised immune system, resulting in consistent illnesses

• Insomnia and sleeping disorders • A need to binge-watch movies • Substance abuse • An overwhelming need for ‘retail therapy.’

• An increased need for all things cozy, like warm beverages or blankets

THE DETRIMENTAL EFFECTS OF LONELINESS

According to The Hindu, Dr. Venkatesh Babu, a psychiatrist at Fortis Hospital in Bengaluru says loneliness can be a cause and consequence of mental health issues. He said that people “tend to engage in different kinds of behavior, due to

loneliness. Some may over indulge in social platforms, others may use substances.” He added that others could succumb to risky behavior like speeding. On a more positive note, he noted that, “loneliness may result in lifestyle modifications such as joining fitness classes, and seeking outdoor adventure.”

Research conducted by the National Institutes of Health (NIH) also reported that loneliness could result in hypertension, obesity, a weakened immune system, death, cognitive decline, Alzheimer’s, depression, and anxiety.

PICTURE CREDIT: HTTP://WWW.PIXABAY.COM

OVERCOMING LONELINESS

These coping mechanisms could help combat loneliness.

CONNECTING WITH YOUR HIGHER POWER Connecting with your higher power has always helped people re-align with their life’s purpose. Doing so can also divert your mind from your situation. Religious groups also feel less lonely when doing so. For instance, many Christians attest that spending time in God’s presence gives them the re-assurance that they are not alone, and that God is just a prayer away.

AGAPE LOVE, SELF-KINDNESS AND SELF-CARE Practicing agape love; a charitable, unconditional, and selfless love which Hindu’s call karuna, can also divert your attention from loneliness.

So reach out with an act of kindness toward others to feel better.

You should also practice self-care and take time out for yourself. Take a walk in nature. It’s almost impossible to feel alone when in nature, as everything is connected and holds the blueprint of a common maker.

Or indulge in some pampering by booking a spa day for yourself and a friend. Loneliness promotes illness, so do eat healthy meals, and engage in an exercise form that you enjoy to boost your immunity.

Also practice kindness toward yourself. Be sure to avoid discouraging self-talk. Remember that the last thing you should be doing is beating yourself up about why you are single. Note that everyone’s life journey is unique, so you should not compare yourself to others.

REACHING OUT IN PERSON, SAFELY Try to connect more in real life, as opposed to connecting on social media via messaging or video call.

Reason being is that the lack of physical connection can make you feel even lonelier. If you must con-

nect online, try connecting where you engage with others like an online chat or game.

Remember face-to-face interaction with people helps boosts your mood, so do engage in sports and fun activities, via Covid-19 compliance of course. Also, the maxim goes that one should not talk to strangers, but just saying "hello" to someone can make you feel more connected.

While these suggestions may not replace having a significant other, they can surely help divert your attention from being single. Also, helping others and practicing self-kindness will make you feel better.

FEBRUARY 2021 | SEEMA.COM | 39

TECH | SEEMA

Leading High Performance Tech Teams Through Crisis A top executive discusses ways to motivate staff and influence people SEEMA STAFF

Charisma Glassman is a technology executive at an International Fortune 500 financial institution, having led product technology departments for internal and external customers.

With more than 14 years of experience in promoting hundreds of products, from small to multi-million-dollar technology offerings, she has learned the best ways to develop and motivate high performing teams.

40 | SEEMA.COM | FEBRUARY 2021

How do you create high performing teams?

I always strived to learn and grow as an individual. I have a deep held belief that everyone from the clerk to the most talented programmers, everyone wants to be part of something bigger and grow as individuals. The underpinnings of my success at developing high performing teams revolves around six key leadership points.

What would be a key leadership point from your view?

Point 1 would be to drive action by having every actor in the organization state clearly their business outcomes and objectives. I believe people like clarity with their goals. So, my first point is to have leadership from manager to executive to clearly state business outcomes and objectives.

Over the span of my career, I have led teams with managing, developing and integrating complex system designs and digital products that bring and save millions for the organizations.

As a leader, I try to align outcomes and deliveries with the skills on my teams and pair talent with complementary skills so that there is not only business continuity but also an understanding that all of us can learn something from each other. There is also high value in clearly explaining the “why” as to why it is important to the business and the value it will bring to the organization. If the team is talented the tactical roadmaps, features and delivery execution is much smoother if you continue to form the right culture as a leader.

So, where do you take it from there?

That would take naturally us to Point 2: Take time to clarify business outcomes and gain consensus to those goals from everyone on those products from small ones to large corpo-

POINT 1, DRIVE ACTION BY HAVING EVERY ACTOR IN THE ORGANIZATION STATE CLEARLY THEIR BUSINESS OUTCOMES AND OBJECTIVES. rate initiatives.

There is always resistance to getting people to commit to a certain corporate objective because, as humans, we don’t like change. Consequently, I always push my product leaders to clarify business outcomes by answering several rounds of questions from their teams, and then getting oral commitments from team members over joint conference calls. At virtual meetings, it can make it harder to see facial expressions and collaborate the way one can in person, so it is important to slow down the pace of these meetings to allow for clarification. Funny thing is, when people agree to something there is a switch in their brains that goes off making them more motivated to meet those goals. Some psychologists call this a “need for consistency.” Another thing is that when others hear their colleagues committing and get an overall consensus it makes it easier to get a buy in.

What would be the next step from here?

Point 3: Empower teams and keep them accountable to agreed outcomes. In this modern day we have

so many tools to keep organized – schedules, Gannett charts, roadmaps and so on. At the end of the day I feel that holding people accountable helps drive organization and execution more than any tool. Understanding responsibility and keeping accountability in mind drives teams to perform and select the appropriate tools to drive execution.

What would be your role after things get rolling?

Corporations have their own defined incentive methods but one thing that is often overlooked is delivery of feedback mechanisms. The tough guy attitude of the industrial revolution is over and done with. The current generation likes to be motivated, coached and given constant feedback that makes them feel like they are part of a team.I always coach and mentor my teams to drive and improve results as with the right direction one can really form high performing teams and organizations. That would also be point 4: complimenting teams when they achieve milestones, coach them about ways to improvise constantly, and doing retrospectives as required.

This is vital to driving learning across the organization.

How do you spur idea-generation in your organization?

“Ideas” and “openness to ideas” are key in high-performing teams.

That’s Point 5: Drive innovation across the organization by training managers to listen first to ideas, reserve judgment, and promote the contribution of ideas across all teams. Technology companies need a constant stream of ideas to drive projects. If you shut down people when they suggest new ideas, you are effectively saying that you do not value their contributions.

Being open to new ideas requires

FEBRUARY 2021 | SEEMA.COM | 41

TECH | SEEMA

patience. You need to let people talk, and then to listen as a leader. Some organizations also have think-tanks and incubators to enhance innovation.

Would Point 6 be about being more agile in changing times?

I am constantly monitoring the performance of my teams and motivating them to achieve higher goals. Point 6 says that all actors in the organization, from VPs to line managers, must be trained to distribute responsibilities. Limiting decision-making power to single points create rigidity and stagnation. The military command-and-control system that corporations inherited does not really work. Flat organizations are a start, but you need to give managers and leadership the ability to empower team members with responsibility, the ability to make changes, motivate others and so on. We have to empower team members to distribute responsibilities lower in their organization, and then hold them accountable.

42 | SEEMA.COM | FEBRUARY 2021

FLAT ORGANIZATIONS ARE A START, BUT YOU NEED TO GIVE MANAGERS AND LEADERSHIP THE ABILITY TO EMPOWER TEAM MEMBERS WITH RESPONSIBILITY, TO MAKE CHANGES, TO MOTIVATE OTHERS

So, which of these is the most important lesson for you?

Organizational culture is a result of layers of behaviors and processes.

My model is similar to a pyramid.

When you build a pyramid you have levels, each supporting the next. For me the foundation of the pyramid is the talent in the corporation. Here, management skills complement the team’s abilities to make a talent pool that can drive action. The next level is to clearly empower the teams. So we need clear outcomes and objectives, getting consensus on goals, empowering the teams, engaging in constant improvement, and allowing for a distribution of responsibilities.

Finally, the top level of the pyramid is accountability, rewarding high performance. The world today is changing at a rapid pace. For example, Covid compressed changes that normally would occur in a decade into a single year. Thus, core corporate behaviors can help drive massive changes in record time, and in a sustainable way.

Charisma Glassman, more info on www.CharismaGlassman.com

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ART | SEEMA

UNITED

by Art ANU BHAT

“We are the artists of our lives.

Creativity isn’t restricted to canvas.

It’s how we choose to walk through life, exploring and expressing ourselves in all that we do, and our surroundings” – George Bernard Shaw

I

live by this quote, surrounding myself with artifacts from around the world. Similarly, adding art to a beautiful home has a way of elevating it.

It gives you a feel for the place of its origin.

I have found that a statement painting is a great way to take design risks. What you place in your surroundings affects how you feel on a daily basis and influences your overall quality of life. Dress up that wall to reflect your interior style, aesthetic or mood.

When I entered the world of art, I found myself drawn to singular colors. Monochromatic tones helped me focus on the image as a whole. I was able to pay attention to texture and contrast, rather than being drawn only to certain colors.

My own journey with black and white art began with photographs. I loved the highlights and shadows and the secrets they held or revealed.

‘Strength’ by artist Nyoman Danta from Bali, conveys a message of power and movement through his bold brush strokes. He uses a minimal palette with thick brush strokes to highlight line and form, using monochromatic and tonal values. With a single color, he paints an almost cinematic sense of movement, portraying bulls rushing through the water, splashing

44 | SEEMA.COM | FEBRUARY 2021

Anu Bhat

droplets, displaying the energy and drive, the painting signifies.

Art from Southeast Asia reflects a culture and way of life. It reflects a story about its origins, which the artist narrates through his brush strokes.

Many patrons have shared with me how they connected with a certain work of art and why they were drawn to it. Or felt that a painting was reaching out to them. I truly believe energies are at play and each work of art eventually finds its special home.

The artisans who create this art, need our support to be able to pursue their passion and creativity. By encouraging artworks to transcend borders, and allowing a part of a different culture into our environment, I believe we are doing our part in bringing the world closer.

FEBRUARY 2021 | SEEMA.COM | 45

PICTURE COURTESY: The Rural Painter aka theruralpainter.com

MUSIC | SEEMA

HEART, HEAD, AND A LARK! PICTURE COURTESY: JioSaavn

Singer, composer, songwriter...

Indian classical to Alternative R&B, catch Nikhita Gandhi's range of music on the JioSaavn App or JioSaavn.com

46 | SEEMA.COM | FEBRUARY 2021

N

ikhita Gandhi is an Indian playback singer, composer and songwriter. She launched her career with the chartbuster ‘Ladio’ from A. R. Rahman’s “I”, she has gone on to sing various songs from Rahman’s eclectic discography.

She found her footing by singing in languages from Tamil, Telugu, Kannada to Bengali and Hindi. Nikhita made her way to Bollywood with the title track ‘Raabta’ from the movie “Raabta” in 2017. It caught the attention of the industry and the country, making her one of the most promising voices in India. In the last four years, Nikhita Gandhi has sung in various styles from Bollywood dance music to folk fusion to jazz, blues, R&B, and even hip-hop and rap. She is the voice behind some classic Bollywood chart-toppers like “Naach Meri Rani”, “Burj Khalifa”, “Qafirana”, “Ullu Ka Pattha”, “Aao Kabhi Haveli Pe”, etc.

Nikhita has found her niche as an independent singer.

She has written, sung and composed most of her compositions. Her music is a fusion of Western and Alternative R&B elements with a traditional Indian classical base. Nikhita is a student of Hindustani classical and

can effortlessly switch between traditional Indian music and western pop.

Her independent discography includes ‘Jhalle Kalle’ released with JioSaavn AO, which created ripples with its fresh music; MTV Beats Love Duets “Khud Ko Hi Paake” composed and aimed at the LGBTQ community; “Humshakal” with Apple Music; and “Recreational Love”, among many others.

Nikhita Gandhi also turned to music composition for Netflix Original series “Mismatched”. Her song ‘Tabdeeli’ has been a fan favorite, ever since it was released in 2020.

Nikhita has also collaborated with singers like Rajiv Dhall for his song ‘Insecure’ in 2020, and started the year on a high note by collaborating with international R&B and soul singer Pink Sweat$ for the remix ‘At My Worst.’

Nikhita is from India and an active advocate of animal welfare, LGBTQ and womens’ rights. She has a medical background and aspires to work towards a planet filled with positivity and good living.

Listen to her work on JioSaavn.com or JioSaavn App.

FEBRUARY 2021 | SEEMA.COM | 47

FOOD | SEEMA

4 STUNNING COCKTAILS FOR VALENTINE’S

48 | SEEMA.COM | FEBRUARY 2021

These swoon-worthy cocktails are perfect for a Valentine's Day dinner par deux CAMILLE BERRY

L

ooking to impress this February 14th? From a fizzy toast to lux nightcaps, these beautiful Valentine's Day cocktail recipes are wonderfully flavorful and easy to make.

Whether you're planning on stepping out on the town or cooking a gourmet meal for two at home, break out your mixology skills with these stunning Valentine's Day cocktail recipes.

With delicious options to take you from your starter course to the denouement of your meal, these carefully crafted libations are sure to put a smile on your date's face. So without further ado, here's our round-up of Valentine's Day cocktails, laced with delectable aphrodisiacs to help set the mood.

FEBRUARY 2021 | SEEMA.COM | 49

FOOD | SEEMA

GINGER SAFFRON FIZZ When it comes to raising a glass in celebration on Valentine's Day, there's nothing quite like a glass of bubbly. Why not try something a little different and mix up a delicious ginger saffron fizz? These two gorgeously fragrant spices are both purported aphrodisiacs you may already have in your cupboard. Save your high-end Champagne for this recipe – a good quality sparkling wine (think Cava or Cremant) will do the trick.

INGREDIENTS • 2 oz ginger liqueur • 10 saffron threads, lightly toasted • Sparkling wine • Orange twist to garnish Pour an ounce of ginger liqueur into each flute.

Add 5 threads of toasted saffron to each glass, then top with sparkling wine, and garnish with an orange twist.

Serves 2

HONEYMOON Fresh and crisp, balanced out by a tender kiss of sweetness, the Honeymoon is an outstanding classic cocktail whose name and luscious profile make it a must for Valentine's Day. This lovely little sipper can be enjoyed before sitting down to dinner or enjoyed through the course of your meal. For newly-weds, it's tailor-made for toasting your nuptials.

INGREDIENTS • 4 oz Calvados or apple brandy • 1 oz triple sec • 1 oz Benedictine • 1 oz lemon juice Add ice to a cocktail shaker. Pour in the ingredients, and shake vigorously. Strain evenly into two cocktail glasses.

Serves 2 50 | SEEMA.COM | FEBRUARY 2021

STRAWBERRY PASSION FRUIT MOJITO Another delicious palate-cleanser to enjoy with dinner (especially dishes with a little heat to them), the strawberry passion fruit mojito is sure to please. If you're new to home bartending, this one may seem a little complex, but don't be deterred. It's easy to make and the results will definitely impress your date.

INGREDIENTS • 3 oz white rum • 4 bar spoons sugar • juice of half a lime • ½ oz freshly squeezed lime juice • ¾ oz strawberry puree • ¾ oz passion fruit puree • 20 mint leaves • Soda water Add sugar to a mixing glass. Pour in rum, lime juice, strawberry and passion fruit purees, then stir until the sugar dissolves. Add mint leaves and muddle gently.

Place ice into two fresh highball glasses. Pour the cocktail into the glasses, top with soda water, and garnish with mint leaves or fresh passion fruit.

Serves 2.

CHOCOLATE CHILI MARTINI Some like it hot and if you and your partner enjoy a little sugar and spice, look no further than the chocolate chili martini. All that decadent sweetness is balanced out beautifully by a hint of spice from a fresh red chili. We recommend enjoying this cocktail at the end of your meal as a nightcap.

INGREDIENTS • 1 ½ oz vodka • 1 ½ oz chocolate liqueur • 1 red chili • 1/2 bar spoon of brown sugar Muddle the chili and sugar in a cocktail shaker. Add ice, vodka, and chocolate liqueur. Shake well, then strain into two glasses. Garnish with chocolate powder, if desired.

Serves 2 FEBRUARY 2021 | SEEMA.COM | 51

TRAVEL | SEEMA

In Search of Lost Time in

Bosnia-Herzegovina JASWANT LALWANI

The Mostar Bridge over the Neretva River.

52 | SEEMA.COM | FEBRUARY 2021

PHOTOGRAPHS BY JASWANT LALWANI

M

y interest in the erstwhile Yugoslavia was first stoked at a very young age through Rebecca West's “Black Lamb and Grey Falcon,” the first definitive travel book on the Balkans. Years later, this interest was rekindled by the breakup of Tito's Yugoslavia into six independent countries (Serbia, Croatia, Slovenia, North Macedonia, Montenegro and Bosnia-Herzegovina).

Soon followed the 1990-1999 Balkan wars, the most harrowing events being the siege of Sarajevo, the capital of Bosnia-Herzegovina, and the destruction of the Mostar bridge in Mostar.

Suddenly, I felt an imperative need to see Bosnia-Herzegovina (BiH), the least visited of the Balkan countries. I took the trip in 2019 with a Serbian guide driving throughout this small but historically relevant country. I was surprised at the warmth and friendliness of members of all three groups, the Serbs, the Bosniaks (Muslims) and the Catholics, that had fought the brutal civil war.

Sarajevo is called the Jerusalem of Europe because it is one of the few European cities to have a Mosque, a Catholic Church and a Synagogue in close proximity.

It is considered the cultural, political and social capital of the country. The siege of Sarajevo that lasted from 1992 to 1996 has been aptly compared to that of Stalingrad as reflected in the indomitable spirit of the fighters involved, but it lasted four times as long.

Mostar, the old 16th century Ottoman bridge, locally called Stari Mostar (old bridge), was destroyed in 1993, and with it went the values of peace and understanding it had embodied. It was restored stone-by-stone in 2004, paving the way for a new UNESCO World Heritage Site.

But Sarajevo’s main claim to fame still is the site of the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand of Austria, an event that sparked WW1.

Though my principal interest was Sarajevo and Mostar, one of the most unexpected sights were those of Lukomir, the oldest continuously inhabited village FEBRUARY 2021 | SEEMA.COM | 53

TRAVEL | SEEMA in southern Europe. It was a long climb after the road ended but we walked through the Illyrian tombs (the original inhabitants, decimated by the Romans in the 11th century) to the village. Only two inhabitants remained, though. Finding out that the rest had being massacred during the civil war was an unforgettably harrowing experience.

Another was Blagaj, home to the mystical 16th-century Turkish Dervish monastery, built into the high cliffs alongside the source of the Buna river.

Every trip provides indelible moments that forever sear your consciousness. One such moment occurred in the Trappist monastery outside Banja Luka. I had heard that most of the monks had been either killed or hounded out of BiH during the civil war and that there were only a couple of monks left. We reached on a day when the monastery was closed.

The 16th Century Dervish Home in Blagaj.

Sheep farming in Lukomir with typical huts in the background.

54 | SEEMA.COM | FEBRUARY 2021

The 6th Century Serbian Orthodox Church in Sarajevo.

After cajoling the solitary monk to open the gates, I entered the chapel for blessings and to bid farewell to a lost way of life.

BiH is one of the few countries, other than Romania, where the past rushes up to embrace you at every corner you turn. If you are fortunate enough to possess a sense of history, religion and politics, together with a heightened awareness of the ephemerality of time, then only pleasant surprises await you on your journey.

Jaswant Lalwani - Global Real Estate Advisor & Lifestyle consultant New York City & Greater Miami Area. He is also an avid writer & globetrotter.

More reads: jlalwani.com

Author Jaswant with the last Trappist monk in Bosnia.

All the rest were massacred during the Civil War.

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HOROSCOPE | SEEMA

FORECAST WITH FARZANA Dec 22 - Jan 19

What burdens have been getting in your way lately? Lay them down or seek help before they weaken you, emotionally and physically. You know you don’t have to do it all by yourself. Delegate, collaborate and get things moving. You’re at the last mile, so don’t you give up! Take charge and show up, courageously. The possibility of a movement – a house or job – is high. Relationships may require handling with kid gloves. Use your wisdom and intuition to navigate the month with grace. It is a good time to practice the art of saying ‘no’ for your own peace of mind.

Jan 20 – Feb 20

You may experience a semblance of material security. However, the temptation to hold on to the status quo may obscure new avenues of income. Release the tight clasp of control and allow yourself and your relationships to breathe. Focus on creative pursuits, heart-to-heart conversations and self-care. Accept sudden changes gracefully, for come they will.

What you need most is to skillfully 56 | SEEMA.COM | FEBRUARY 2021

manage the pressure of decisions and duty with sound judgment.

Feb 21 – Mar 20

The world is your oyster! With the amazing talent and skills, you possess; begin implementing your plans and goals with optimism. If there was a time to manifest and create magic, it is now. Seize new beginnings coming your way at work through new roles, ventures, assignments or a move. A new perspective in an existing relationship will help.

If you are searching for love, don’t allow the grass to grow under your feet. Be proactive!

Your creativity can yield positive outcomes.

Visualize, your victory.

Mar 21 Apr 19

You may feel snowed under on the work front. Look for the silver lining.

Perhaps using a skill in a way you haven’t in the past may help you get to the next level of mastery. The financial assistance that you are hoping for could be just around the corner.

In love, make sure, your work isn’t driving a wedge in your relationship. Your partner may need you to step up, doing your part of the chores or expressing your affection. Keep the

flames of love alive with spontaneous drives or a surprise dinner.

Apr 20 May 20

Put on your party shoes for it’s a busy social month with blasts from the past. Enjoy the beauty life has to offer. Whatever you do, don’t overdo it, else it’ll reflect on the weighing scale. The winds of change are coming, so expect new opportunities, a surge of creative ideas or the birth of something new in the workplace.

Your calm emotions, positive outlook, and goodness will support your professional growth. Bask in a romantic interlude, if single. Those in a committed relationship, get ready to move to the next level.

May 21 Jun 20

Can you really have too much of a good thing?

You may seem a trifle bored or dissatisfied with thoughts of things you don’t have, or experiences that you are missing. Take a pause. If you adjust the viewfinder, you’ll see that you are more fortunate than you give yourself credit for. Kick off the feeling of apathy and examine opportunities headed towards you.

Or take time off, to get back your mojo.

Vegging it out to scroll timelines, is not the solution. If your existing relationship is

losing its shine then a heart-to-heart is the right antidote to get back the mojo. It would be wise to go slow in case you’re single.

Jun 21 Jul 22

Hey, stop beating your brains out and worrying about the results. Step back, get some perspective, keep your eye on the ball, and finish what you started. Otherwise, evaluate whether it is worth putting more energy into the work, or if you should let go and move on. Don’t let delays stop you from believing in your dreams. Yes, it may get frustrating and your patience may wear thin. Focus on the bigger picture, especially regarding financial status, property, career or health. Keep your spirits up and continue to create. If things move a tad slowly in your relationship, now is not the time to rush things.

Jul 23 Aug 22

Now is the time to make vintage cool! No need to defy the status quo to resolve any pressing issues. Look to the past for inspiration, and familiar practices to gain victory in business. While the world may wax eloquent about innovation in leadership, following the herd is for the greater good. The past year has taught you the power of collective consciousness and the will to take each other along, hasn’t it? Do what is morally acceptable in matters of love and money.

Seek the help of a mentor, or be a guiding light for someone in need. A change, is likely at work, or in your outlook towards a relationship.

Aug 23 Sept 22

The month brings in all that you imagined and more.

This infectious positivity extends to everyone in your circle of love; old friends, your parents, siblings and children. In case you’ve been separated from a loved one, expect a reunion soon. You may be surprised that your partner may just be the true love and soulmate you’ve been waiting for. Your hard work, loyalty and dedication are likely to earn you rewards from a professional perspective. If finance has been a struggle in the past few months, times are expected to change for the better.

Sept 23 Oct 22

Pull inspiration from your inner child to harness your creativity and decision-making skills. The weeks ahead may come bearing fun and make your heart burst with joy. There are surprises in store – some exciting news, a new friendship perhaps, and new business and career opportunities. If you’re thinking of a change at work, now is a good time to consider it seriously. In the money area, set emotions aside. Exercise caution and invest your dollar based on facts.

Love may require dollops of compassion and many meaningful and mindful conversations.

Display your romantic side. It’s the season of love.

Oct 23 Nov 21

Things may seem a bit exacting at the moment however it’s a passing

phase. Pay attention to the synchronicities around you. And, if there is anything that can debilitate your efforts, it is your lack of resourcefulness. Be cautious, and yet smart, with your investments. There is no place for quick-rich schemes. Stay away from petty politics and ego wars. Reach out for support and open yourself to receiving the good waiting for you. If you feel unloved in a relationship, it’s time for straight talk to get to the root of the problem. True love will conquer, all.

Nov 22 Dec 21

With two paths to choose from, life can be about faith or fear. Faith drives your victories. Indulge your dreams and make the future fall in love with them at first sight.

Explore new avenues and opportunities of growth with possible partnerships or collaborations. You may be pleasantly surprised with news from abroad or a possible global opportunity. In the love area, it’s time to make the first move for the singles. To those in an existing relationship, go on date nights, revive those courtship days and rekindle the spark of love.

Disclaimer: This is Disclaimer: This is a broad analysis. On a personal level, your experiences may differ based on numerological numbers influencing your personal chart.

Farzana Suri is a Victory Coach who coaches people through their life's challenges to take the leap to victory using the science of numerology.

For a personalized forecast, you may contact Farzana at surifarzana@gmail.com or visit her website www.farzanasuri.com FEBRUARY 2021 | SEEMA.COM | 57

SEEMA BOOK CLUB | SEEMA

7 Books That Might Change Your Love Life “Love and marriage go together like horse and carriage,” sang Sinatra in the 50s, but today’s millennials and Gen Z would scoff at the notion. Families come in all colors, shapes and sizes, and so does love.

After a year of lockdowns, being put through — still being put through? — what has been an incredibly testing time for people in love living under the same roof, we might find ourselves in need of a little guidance or inspiration or even support.

There’s no manual for the modern marriage, long-term relationship, or even hookup, which means women are figuring most of this stuff out on our own. But there are always books. Books to commiserate, to teach, to give us company in our challenges. We’ve put together a little list.

Vietnamese Zen master, activist and Nobel Peace Prize nominee Thich Nhat Hanh’s lifelong effort has been to make Buddhist teachings relevant to life and actionable in nature. In “Fidelity” he shows us how to apply Buddhist principles such as loving-kindness, deep listening and mindfulness to make our relationships a nourishing home for our hearts and solve conflicts. Although filled with plenty of insight and immediately practical advice, the book can also serve as an interesting entry into mindfulness and Buddhist philosophy.

Compassionate and accessible, this is not a read for a quick-fix, but it is a refreshing new framework with which we can look at ourselves in relation to our significant others and the world.

58 | SEEMA.COM | FEBRUARY 2021

Alain de Botton is a British philosopher whose claim to fame is drawing answers to life’s big questions from the worlds of philosophy and psychoanalysis. He’s also the founder of The School of Life, which runs classes on things like “How to Identify Your Career Potential” and “How to Make Love Last.” “The Course of Love” is commiseration in a book. It narrates the life of a British couple Rabih and Kirsten as they date, fall in love, and marry. It follows them around as they buy dinnerware, have children and even go to marriage counselling. At every step, de Botton offers you a view into why things happen as they do. While it may not solve your marriage or relationship issues, the novel can change the way you look at love and togetherness and help you better understand the tribulations of monogamy.

THE MISSING PIECE MEETS THE BIG O:

BY SHEL SILVERSTEIN

THE COURSE OF LOVE:

BY ALAIN DE BOTTON

FIDELITY:

BY THICH NHAT HAN

PRATIKA YASHASWI

Who among us have not hoped to fix a “broken” partner? Who hasn’t sought to complete themselves through their better halves? It tells the story of a lovable character named The Missing Piece who is out looking for “someone to come and take it somewhere”. Its journey is an allegory for our own search for love: first we try to find ourselves in other people, and then we realize the futility of it. First published in 1976, “The Missing Piece Meets the Big O” is a deceptively quickand-easy read, but one that offers a lasting lesson: seek first to be whole by yourself.

Arranged marriage is still a thing — and it is still a life-choice many Indian women make. But it isn’t easy. Indian arranged marriages have their own quirks and drama, and while going through the uncertainty of having a partner chosen for you; the trials of wedding planning; running a house and managing a career, sometimes all you need is just a friend. That friend is “Hitched: The Modern Woman and Arranged Marriage,” a collection of anecdotes and advice (for instance, on how to get your spouse to throw you a surprise party) from Indian women of different religions who are living, surviving and thriving in arranged marriages with Indian men. Humorous and authentic, the voices in this collection are sure to be a blast — especially if you’ve been through it.

MATING IN CAPTIVITY: ESTHER PEREL

HITCHED: THE MODERN WOMAN AND ARRANGED MARRIAGE: BY NANDINI KRISHNAN

RILKE ON LOVE: EDITED AND TRANSLATED BY ULRICH BAER COME AS YOU ARE: THE SURPRISING NEW SCIENCE THAT WILL TRANSFORM YOUR SEX LIFE

BY EMILY NAGOSKI

Rainer Maria Rilke had many loves and a failed marriage. However his insights on love and relationships was canny and eye-opening, making this collection of poems and other writings a companion through love, loneliness and heartbreak alike.

When young people fell in love, he felt, they must not forget that they are “…apprentices in love — they must learn love and that requires quiet, patience, and concentration!”

Although he viewed love as a tough thing, he also urges his readers to strive for a deeper, soulful and passionate love — through realizing and guarding one’s own wholeness.

Though he lived in the 19th and 20th century, the wisdom of Rilke’s work on love has been ahead of his time.

It is worthwhile to have a collection of his writings on love by your bedside as you go on your own journey through love.

Sex is complex. For some, the riotous desire of premarital times ends on the first night. For others, it changes character, or fades completely over the years.

Many people see monogamy as the problem, avoiding commitment or just seeing a dull bedroom life as the inevitable trade-off for a stable, permanent relationship. This problem is the crux of the discussion of “Mating in Captivity,” an exciting exploration of domestic lovemaking. “A sense of physical and emotional safety is basic to healthy pleasure and connection,” writes Perel. “Yet without an element of uncertainty there is no longing, no anticipation, no frisson.”

How do we introduce this uncertainty?

There are no easy answers, just several anecdotes. A word of caution: Perel’s solutions can be quite unconventional. In one case she recounts, she advised the woman in the relationship to have erotic correspondence with men other than her adulterous husband.

Sexual wellness and the health of a relationship are closely intertwined. Unfortunately, an uninspiring sex life isn’t a problem you can pin down and “solve,” and neither can it be wished away with scented candles and staycations in fancy hotels. “Come as You Are” puts the steering wheel back in your hands (although you will learn, sex is not actually a drive). It’s the book you’ll wish you read before you got into your first sexual relationship. Filled with backto-basics discussions of anatomy, statistics, to semantic analyses of words like “desire” and “arousal,” Emily Nagoski’s book is essential reading for any woman who hasn’t had the benefit of having open sexual discussions with her parents, or even her partner. It’s a starting point to understanding our bodies through the compassionate voice of a sex educator who’s been studying sexuality for decades.

FEBRUARY 2021 | SEEMA.COM | 59

SEEMA LOVE | SEEMA

Andaleeb Wajid:

THE ROMANCE OF WORDS

Andaleeb Wajid on the romance of being an independent writer a woman, and a woman writer

A

ndaleeb Wajid is, in her own words, a romance writer “without a romantic bone in [her] body.” Over a Zoom video call from her apartment in Bengaluru, India, she says with a laugh: “I’m actually a very cynical person in real life!”

Dressed in a yellow salwar-kameez with a white dupatta draped in a clean V, there is something to be said about the frankness with which Wajid speaks: she is forthright without being forceful. Her dark hair is parted down the middle and tied. She wears a nose ring, and a smile as she leans towards the camera as she confesses, “I hate mushy stories– I hate the kinds of things that make normal people go, ‘Awwww!’ I hate that!”

Wajid’s work is extensive and eclectic. It spans everything from horror to young adult and children’s fiction.

But the romance element, she agrees, is prominent across most of her work, and what she is most well-known for.

“I enjoy reading romance,” says Wajid, “it’s fun to read; it’s nice to lose yourself in a world where you’re [guaranteed] a so-called ‘happily ever after.’”

Wajid is an astutely self-aware writer.

The reason, she says, romance finds its way into all her narratives is because of its universality. “Like it or not, [love] is such a universal concept […] what I like to write is about this attraction between two people; the dynamics of how they 60 | SEEMA.COM | FEBRUARY 2021

AKANKSHA SINGH

get together, or don’t get together, and what happens next.”

Yet, 26 novels later, regardless of what she writes or which faith her characters follow, Wajid is often lazily pigeonholed as a “Muslim writer,” rather than a writer who is Muslim. Wajid’s words offer her readers comfort and connection because of how rooted they are in truth. As one reader of “More Than Just Biryani” put it, “The book gets to you slowly and steadily as would a good biryani.” It is perhaps just the icing on the cake (or the golden onions on the biryani) that Wajid was named after the Urdu novel “Andleeb” by Pakistani writer Salma Kanwal.

Andaleeb Wajid’s upcoming book All Drama, No Queen is out in April, published by Penguin Random House India.

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